THE IMPORTANCE OF RIGHT VIEWS IN MATRIMONY, SET FORTH IN A SERMON, Delivered March 19, 1800, at Pittsfield Meeting House, Rockingham County, State of Newhampshire, at the Celebration of MARRIAGE between SAMUEL G. BISHOP, Preacher of the GOSPEL, Son of BILLS BISHOP of Connecticut, deceased, and ABIGAIL TUCK, the youngest Daughter of the late Reverend JOHN TUCK, of Epsom. deceased.
By the Reverend JOSIAH CARPENTER, A. M. Pastor of the Congregational Church in Chichester.
"Marriage is honorable in all."
AFTER THE SERMON FOLLOWS The MARRIAGE COVENANT, together with Important Directions to Youth for Living and Dying.
Printed at GILMANTON, 1800.
HEBREWS xiii. Chap. 4 ver. Marriage is honorable in all.
THE great business of human life, is to gain the mastery of corrupt desires, and bring our hearts to the constant exercise of pure and holy ones: and this is the most honorable attainment any can expect to arrive to. Honor and happiness mankind universally thirst for; but the true idea of [...] honor and happiness are, is not always conceived of; nor is the right way to obtain it, universally adopted True honor and happiness consist in loving GOD and universal being, as themselves.— Man's temper is naturally morose; and hatred is the spontaneous product; there are passionate feelings in men, which produce a kind of exercise called love; but it is a very different kind from what is required; it is often productive of disgrace rather than honor, and pain rather than happiness. GOD has in mercy wisely appointed means to soften and change men's tempers, and fit their hearts for tender and good affections; in order to lessen the burdens of life and sweeten its bitter ingredients, the institution of MARRIAGE. which GOD has appointed, often has its beneficial effects upon the feelings and hearts of men; as well as in civil society in general—and it is pronounced honorable for all persons to attend to it—"It is not good for man to be alone—two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
AND in all ages of the world, down to the present day, the greater part, yea almost all regular, well disposed people, have made use of the institution of Marriage; and the ostensible reason of GOD'S appointing it, was to preserve purity of life and manners, render each sex a comfort, blessing and joy to one another, by their mutual aid and friendship—continue a succession of lives upon the earth, and increase in numbers till time shall be no more.
[Page]MARRIAGE is honorable (undoubtedly) in its institution among all people: but to have people become an honor to it, and honored by it, depends upon their views in it, and right improvement of it. And now, that we may have a right understanding and proper views of the institution of Marriage, and improve the present occasion aright, the first object will be to shew what marriage is, second, point out why marriage is honorable, and what views people ought to have in it; thirdly, attend to a few inferences and addresses from the subject.
[...] we are to shew what Marriage is—MARRIAGE is a m [...] contract, in which the parties give themselves to each other; manifesting their regard, affection and love. Marriage has been called by many a Civil Contract, in which a man and woman unite together for life. But I am rather inclined to think it ought to be called a Religious Contract from the comment CHRIST gave upon MOSES'S giving bills of divorce. — But, whatever people cast it, civil or religious, it is an important and interesting connection: and for this cause, GOD made them male and female and they leave father and mother, and covenant together, and of twain become one. Covenants are of little [...]se for the safety and happiness of the parties, unless they feel what they profess, and practise what they covenant. What makes covenants valid or beneficial to the parties, is having a real affection of heart one for the other, and the same views in each mind to act up to the spirit of the contract, and being united or one in their minds. The blessed Redeemer prayed that his disciples and followers might be one with him, as he was one with the Father. There was a covenant between the Father and Son, in the work of Redemption: And Christ prayed for a oneness in his followers with him, knowing that if the same mind was in them which he p [...]ssessed, his yoke would be easy upon them, and his burden light, i. e. they would go on to fulfil all duty towards one another, with cheerfulness and love; hence persons, really married in a proper sense, not only [Page 5] make promises by word of mouth, and pass the visible ceremony, but there is a real union of bea [...], a strong affection for each other, like that which subsisted between David and Jonathan. I do not see how important, graceless persons are to be depended upon in marriage: for having no higher principle than that of selfishness, are liable to be turned or alienated by adverse providences—yet I doubt not it is so ordered that many times natural affection (the basis of which is [...]shness) makes life tolerably comfortable in this world; like the old heathen philosophers' religion, or modern [...]ee will [...]; or in other words, Ar [...]nism. But I leave this enquiry with the following observation, every peni [...], humble, enlightened soul, must desire to have an humble, penitent, enlightened partner, and whoever has not we pray they may have. To return—
MARRIAGE is a covenant union between a man and woman, which GOD makes use of to represent his union and connection between himself and church.— It represents the covenant of mercy, wh [...] in he graciously promises to be the God of his people, and t [...] [...]rgive and sanctify them through the merits of Jesus Christ, by the influences of his Spirit, and so make them a willing people to himself: I will [...] [...] fulness and in living kin [...]s, and in [...]ies, and [...] shalt know the Land—Hosea 2.19—Again. Jeremiah 3, 14. T [...], [...]ding [...] L [...], for [...] mar [...] [...] yo [...].
THE union between the husband and wife, strikingly represents the connection between Christian [...]e church, as Ephesians 3.32.3 [...]. [...] I [...] we [...] [...]y, and of his [...] a ma [...] [...] his wife, and they [...]—T [...] a great mystery; but I speak [...]— Hence Marriage supposes union together in the visible form of outward ceremony, and drawn into union [...] compact by the inward affection and love of soul glowing [Page 6] in their hearts one for the other; and this makes Marriage delightful, and the connection sweet, and lays a good foundation for comfort, while life shall last. But to know the heart and feel what we profess, is an important matter in all we transact, and stamps dignity upon what is done. But this leads me to the 2d head, viz. to shew why Marriage is honorable, and what views people ought to have in it—
1st. MARRIAGE is honorable, in that it is beneficial and for the happiness of individuals; but more especially for the general good and use of the world; and as it is lawful in itself, both by civil and divine statutes, it must be reputable and highly commendable for people to celebrate the ordinance. Having a benevolent, strong inclination to do good; and a resolute, active mind to pursue it; and going on to do whatsoever our hands find to do, in our day and generation, by the will of GOD, is the great thing which really does, or ever ought to raise men's reputation, and make them honorable in the earth.
2dly. MARRIAGE is honorable, because GOD hath appointed it. Any thing which is appointed as the effect of perfect wisdom and goodness, must be an honorable appointment; and from what CHRIST relates in the 19th of Matthew, from the 4th to the 10th verse, and the 10th of Mark, from the 6th to the 10th verse—the words in both books are nearly the same—containing an answer to the cavilling Scribes—I will repeat the words in Mark; From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh; so then they are no more twain but one flesh— What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. And the inspired Apostle in our text, says plainly, Marriage is honorable in all; and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers GOD will judge. I think it is plain GOD instituted Marriage from the creation, and ever meant it should be practised; and it is honorable for all persons to practise it; but irregular [Page] connections, or unlawful, disorderly unions between the sexes, GOD will judge, and punish all who do not keep up to the strict rules of decency and order. Order and decency are ever to be regarded in what people transact; passionate feelings and irregular desires, are not to have the reigns of government; GOD is a GOD of order; and for people to do right in marrying, they should enter into the Marriage covenant, with humble, thankful, believing hearts, rejoicing in the Divine Goodness, intending to serve GOD better, and be more extensively useful in their day and generation—And hence, whenever the probable appearance of usefulness and duty is greater by union, than to live single, people ought to marry, and not otherwise. This was Paul [...]s way of reasoning upon the subject. Have I not a right to lead about a wife, or sister, as other Apostles? It was lawful, but not expedient—for the then distressed state of the Church, it was not best to marry—But marriage always was honorable in its institution; and for the good of society in general; but at some times it may not be expedient.
3dly. WE now proceed to shew more particularly what views people ought to have in marrying. "Whatsoever we do, eat or drink, or whatsoever, we are commanded to do all to the glory of GOD." Then it will follow, whether we marry or not, we must do all to the glory of GOD; live, not to ourselves, but to him who died for us and rose again. It is evident all thoughts, words and actions have a near connection with future happiness or misery—according to the words of our Blessed Saviour, For every idle word shall man give account thereof in the day of judgment. To be able to answer for our conduct hereafter, and act honorably in what we do, the thing we perform must be lawful, or right in its nature, and our intentions good in doing of it—To have right intentions in what we perform, the greatest good must be aimed at. To please our own fancies, or gratify a selfish design is inconsistent with the character of an accountable creature; to use the ordinance of marriage right, therefore, [Page] it is as essentially necessary, that our design be to glorify GOD, and not act with a view to please ourselves, as in using any other ordinance. Whoever then would enter into the covenant of Marriage, and hope for a divine blessing in it, receive honor by it, and be an honor to it, must weigh well his circumstances, whether it be lawful and expedient; if found to be, then are my views right in doing it; can I change my state with a real design and intention to serve and honor my Creator; and be more extensively useful in the world? If I can do thus, understandingly, then Marriage, is honorable to a person, and the Divine design is complied with in it.
MOSES, we read, for the hardness of men's hearts gave bills of divorce; but from the beginning it was not so. Persons ought to act understandingly, and then live together in love; being married in the Lord, and never think of parting till death dissolves the connection, and so sanctify the ordinance, and it will be an honor to be married. But to do as some have done, form a passionate, inconsiderate connection; and afterwards live in contention; such dishonor themselves and the ordinance, and they had better not marry, than be guilty of such an abuse. Many ordinances, which are good in themselves and appointed for the happiness and benefit of people, are greatly dishonored and abused, by the rash, unruly desires of those, who rush into them without a right preparation of heart.
IMPROVEMENT.
1st. WE learn from our subject, that it is the duty of people, to have special and particular reference to the Divine Honor, in all their pursuits and actions of life; there is not any object which accountable creatures may pursue and please GOD, unless the ultimate end of the pursuit be the divine glory. This is evidently the case, in the use of all ordinances civil and religious. The improvement of time, all favors, privileges, and mercies, must be received with gratitude; giving glory to GOD; and realizing our constant dependance for every blessing, [Page 9] and hence all inconsiderate, rash, unmeaning conduct is highly reprovable in all persons. We ought to look well to the end of things in the beginning; see if possible what will be the following consequences. But in an especial manner, see to it that our motives are good, and our minds not blinded by selfish, corrupt desires.— This is the way to have the eye single, and the body full of light—And the way to be blessings in the world, and do good in our day and generation; perform that which is well pleasing in the sight of GOD, and lay up a good treasure against the time to come.
2dly. IS the divine glory and happiness of man, the great object of pursuit, as has been shown, at which we all ought to aim? Let this subject call up our attention to a thorough examination of ourselves; and upon a strict review of our intentions and conduct; we may easily learn, whether we are serving the great Creator, who is GOD over all, blessed forever; or the creature, which is idolatry. And this is an important matter, for us to know; for upon the acquisition of this knowledge, happiness or misery will surely be the result. They who know they love GOD, go on with a cheerful heart to give glory to his name, and feel interested in the good of mankind; have a firm foundation laid, for comfort and increasing felicity; because there are no changes in the object of their hopes, the overflowing fountain of all goodness ever supplys them: and their hearts are established, trusting in the Lord; being warmed, strengthened and comforted in their minds; are happy in the good service of the Most High. While creature disciples, or selfish idolaters, are pursuing after that which they never will find, and in chase of something which does not exist, in the way they hope to overtake it. Misery then must be the portion of all who trust in earthly enjoyments. For earthly things were not made to satisfy immortal souls, or fill the place of spiritual enjoyments. But before I dismiss this subject, permit me an address upon the [Page 10] present agreeable, important occasion: the Celebration of Marriage.
AND first, observe the scenes we are now acting are swiftly passing away. Marriage is a temporal blessing; but soon we shall be beyond such scenes as this. The greatest of instructors has told us, that in the future state there is neither marriage, nor giving in marriage; but regenerated souls, shall be as Angels of God in heaven, i. e. nothing of this temporary bodily marriage we now use; but an holy union of soul with Christ; and all holy beings, and all such as love and serve GOD here, shall sit down at the Marriage Supper there. And now may it not be highly proper, to query with ourselves▪ who have been and are about to pass the scene of temporary Marriage—are we spiritually married to Christ? and do we all love, and endeavor to live upon, and act up to, the Covenant of Grace, as required of us in the Bible? or do we live in the world together like heirs of the grace of life? It is truly important, to fulfil the Law of Love, and seek to promote each others happiness; and especially to encourage one another in the duties of Christianity. To have the privilege of living together, in the world, in the mutual exercise of love and friendship; bearing one another's burden, assisting and comforting in all the cares and trials of life; is not a small favour. But to dwell together in the other world, as Angels of Light, is an infinitely grater favour; and if we love not our wives, husbands, and brethren, and dwell not together with them in love, whom we have seen; how can we expect we love GOD, whom we have not seen? or that we shall dwell together in the eternal world, and be happy? O then let us all try to do right; and wherever there are any wrong feelings of heart, suppress them; or a want of love, let it spring up and grow; as expressed, Colossans 3.18. Husbands love your wives, and be not bitter against them; and ye wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as is fit in the Lord.
3dly. AN address to the unmarried, and I shall end. I trust you have been attentively treasuring up what has been said upon the present subject, and soon will be spectators of the short ceremony of Marriage. Knowing something of the vanity of childhood, and the heedless, inconsiderate state of mind, common in youth; and especially, considering the wild, passionate, intoxicated feelings, common in all of every age, when thinking, talking and contracting about matrimony; and though a matter of very great importance, for our happiness in this life, and as nearly connected with future felicity, as any other temporary matter—I would endeavor to call up your attention to think m [...]re seriously and act more wisely, upon the subject, than some who have lived before you have done. [...]n every thing, we ought to act so as to be able to answer it, at the judgment seat of Christ. And for this end, to keep your minds within the bounds of decency. David's words are well adapted in the 16 Ps. 8 ver. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Persons who view themselves in the presence of GOD, though they may, and ought to attend to Matrimony, or any other lawful, honorable pursuit, as circumstances require; yet they will act with great deference, and constant respect to his honor in whose presence they view themselves; and it will be a constant check to all light, vain, foolish [Page 12] conduct, and would save young persons many sorrowful hours, and painful reflections, which are often suffered from the loss of virtue and honor. O! then pay a particular attention to your conduct and characters; and watch against every snare and sin, which do most easily beset you—And remember the words of the great instructor of Israel. For every idle word shall men give account thereof in the day of judgment. It will surely be for your honor, happiness, and best intere [...]t, both in this and the future world, to live in the fear of GOD, and cease from all vain conduct and frothy conversation, and seek first the kingdom of GOD, and his righteousness.— Purity of heart and innocency of mind afford great comfort and peace—Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see GOD—But be not deceived, (my young friends) neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind—nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of GOD—1st Corinthians, 6th chap. 9.10.
YOU are now looking forward (no doubt) many of you with raised expectations and your friends high hopes with you—But do not let your exalted imaginations expose you to the rude winds and waves of an ensnaring world—take heed to your ways, and remember your Creator in the days of your youth—think more of another world than of this; of being married to Christ in an everlasting covenant; of an interest in heaven; than of temporal covenants and worldly enjoyments—We were made for eternity; this world is not our home; the deeds now doing must soon be answered for—It becomes us then, young people, to watch and be sober, make conscience of what we do; consider of our way and be wise, and go in the path of understanding—The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom—a good understanding have all they who keep his commandments—take advice then, beloved, and cleanse your ways by taking heed according to the word of God—and follow the example of [Page 13] the blessed Redeemer, who as he grow in years and stature, grew in favor both with God and man—Go then, and do likewise, and walk in wisdom's ways, which are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths peace—And may the blessing of the Most High rest on you all, and all your enjoyments. AMEN.
THE MARRIAGE COVENANT.
Mr. Groom, please to take Mrs. Bride by the hand—Before God, Angels, and these witnesses, you take the woman you have by the hand to be your lawful weded wife; and do promise to live with her, to provide for her in sickness and in health; and to forsake all others, and cleave unto her only; and to be a kind, tender, faithful and loving husband to her until death shall part you; taking the word of God for your rule—this you promise—Please to lose your hands—Mrs. Bride, please to take Mr. Groom by the hand—before God, Angels, and these witnesses, you take the man you have by the hand to be your lawful weded husband; and do promise to live with him, to do for him, in sickness and in health, and to forsake all others and cleave unto him only, and to be a kind, tender, faithful obedient and loving wife unto him, until death shall part you, taking the word of God for your rule—this you promise—I do then, by the authority committed to me, pronounce you to be lawful husband and wife, and what God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Important Directions to Youth for Living and Dying.
I PRESUME you desire to be happy here and hereafter; and my present design is to direct you how to attain it—1. Never trust to your own understanding in the things of this world, when you can have the advice of a wise and faithful friend; nor dare venture the all-important concerns of your souls, and your eternal welfare in the world to come, upon the dim light of nature, [Page 14] and the dictates of your own reason—since the word of GOD, and the advice of Heaven is in your hands—vain and thoughtless indeed are those children of pride, who choose to turn heathens and infidels, in the midst of enlightened America; who live upon the mere religion of nature and their own stock, when they have been trained up among all the superior advantages of Christianity and Divine Revelation.—2. Whatever your circumstances may be in this world, yet value your Bible as your best treasure; and whatever may be your employment here, yet look upon Religion as your best business: For your Bible contains eternal life in it, and all the riches of the upper world, and by possessing true Religion is the only way to become a possessor of them —3. To direct your carriage toward God, read attentively and repeatedly the book of Psalms; David was a man of sincere and eminent devotion—to behave aright among men, become acquainted with the whole writings of Solomon, for he was a man of great experience and eminent wisdom—and to perfect your directions in both, peruse thoroughly the gospels and epistles, and in short the whole of the Bible, for you will find the best of rules and choicest of examples there, and such as are particularly suited to the christian life.—4. As a man, maintain strict temperance and sobriety, by a wise government of your appetites and passions; as a neighbor, influence all around you to be your friends by a temper and carriage made up of prudence and goodness; and let the poor have a share in all your yearly profi [...]s; as a trader, keep that golden sentence of our Saviour ever before you, "whatsoever you would that men should do unto you, do ye also unto them.—5. Make the precepts of scripture your constant rule of duty; and heaven and a crown of unfading glory is promised to the faithful and obedient.—6. In every affair of life begin with GOD, first consult him in every thing that you do; view him as the author of all your blessings, seek him as your best friend and your eter [...]al portion; trust in him; daily surrender yourself to him, [Page 15] love him with your whole heart; serve him with sincerity and delight, and learn that you cannot live a day without GOD in the world.—7. Learn that you be an indigent, need [...] creature, a sinner; but you be, or ought to be, a Christian, a disciple of the lovely Jesus; but never think you know Christ or yourself, as you ought, until you find a daily need of him, for righteousness and strength, for pardon and sanctification, and let him be your constant in [...]ducer to the Great God, and realize that no man can come to the Father but by him.—8. Make prayer a pleasure and not a task; esteem that day, hour, or minute lost, or wasted, that by worldly cares you save out of the public worship of GOD, and the devotional duties of the closer, or any necessary services of GOD and godliness —9. See that you watch and labour, as well as pray, for the hand of the diligent and the blessing of GOD united, that maketh rich in time and eternity; set a double guard wherever you feel or suspect an enemy at hand; the world without and the heart within, have so much flattery and deceit in them, that we must keep a sharp eye upon both, left you are led into mischief and deceived by them.—Honor, profit and pleasure have sometimes been called the world's trin [...]ty, they are its three chief idols, each of them is sufficient to draw a soul off from GOD, and ruin it forever; remember that the honor that comes from GOD, and the approbation of heaven and your own conscience, are infini [...]ely more valuable than all the esteem and applause of men; dare not venture one step out of the road of heaven, for fear of being laughed at for walking strictly in it; it is a poor religion indeed that cannot stand against a just; what shall it profit you to gain the whole world, and lose your soul? He that loveth pleasure, shall be a poor man; he that loveth wine and oil, shall not be rich; it is a character of a most degenerate age, given by St. Paul, when men become lovers of pleasure more than lovers of GOD, and that fleshly lusts war against the soul, is St. Peter's [Page 16] caveat or warning to the Christians of his time.—11. Preserve your conscience soft and sensible; take heed that under any scruple, doubt or temptation, whatsoever, you never let any reasonings satisfy your conscience, which will not be a sufficient apology to the great Judge at the last day —12. Ever realize that this is a vain and deceitful world, therefore prepare to meet disappointment, and in every ruffling storm without, possess your soul in patience, and let all be calm and serene within; clouds and tempests are only found in the lower skies; the heavens above are ever b [...]ght and clear; let your heart and hopes dwell much in these serene regions, live as a stranger on earth, but as a citizen of heaven, if you will maintain a soul at ease.—13. Remember that in the highest exercise of faith and love to God, there is still a lack or want, which is sin, therefore let repentance toward God, and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, be your daily work. 14. Ever realize the utter uncertainty of every thing in this life, and of life itself; and put nothing off till tomorrow which you can conveniently do to day; d [...]ato [...]y persons are frequently exposed to surprize and hu [...]y, [...]et the concerns of your soul, your shops, your farms, and your trade, and your religion, be always in such order as far as possible, that death at a short warning may be no occasion of a disquieting tumult in your spirit, have peace [...]n life, in death, and happiness beyond.—15 Read these directions once a day, or at least once a week until they are wrought in your very soul and temper; walk by [...]hese rules, and trust will be placed in you; copy out [...]hese counsels in your life, and you will make your friends easy and comfortable, and render yourself truly beneficial, worthy and happy.