[Page]
[Page]

A DISH OF ALL SORTS, OR THE NOVELIST's COMPANION. BEING A COLLECTION of PIECES that are witty, funny, curious, useful and droll.

Compiled from the works of CURIOUS MEN, by the Hon. SECRETARY of the Company of Flying Booksellers.

Printed in the year 1797, for the perusal of the good, bad, small, and great.

[Page]

THE AFFECTING HISTORY, of the Dreadful Distresses of Fred­eric Manheim's family, who was taken prisoners by the Indians, in 1779.

FREDERIC Manheim, an industrious German, with his family, consisting of his wife, Catharine, a daughter of eighteen years of age, and Maria and Christina, his youngest children (twins,) about sixteen, resided near the river Mohawk, eight miles writ of Johnston. On the 19th of October, 1779, the father being at work at some distance from his habitation, and the mother and eldest daughter on a visit at a neigh­bour's, two hostile Canasadaga Indians rushed in, and captured the twin sisters.

The party to which those savages belonged, consisted of fifty warriors, who after securing twenty-three of the inhabitants of that neighbourhood, (among whom was the unfortunate Frederic Manheim) and firing their houses, retired for four days with the utmost pre­cipitancy, till they were quite sa [...]e from pursuit. The place where they halted on the evening of the day of rest, was a [...]hick pine swamp, which rendered the dark­ness of an uncommonly [...]omy night, still more dread­ful, The Indians kind [...] fire, which they had not done before, and ordered their prisoners, whom they keep together, to refresh themselves with such provi­sions as they had. The Indians ate by themselves. In­stead of retiring to rest after supping▪ the appalled cap­tives observed their enemies busi [...]d in operations which b [...]ded nothing good. Two saplings were pruned clear of branches up to the very top, and all the brush clear­e [...] away for several rods around them. While this was doing, others were splitting pitch pine billers into small splinters about five in [...]hes in length, and as small as one's little finger, sharpening one end, and dipping the other in melted [...]urp [...]n [...].

At length, with countenances distorted by infernal fury, and with hideous yells, the two savages who had captured the hapless Maria and Christina, leaped into the midst of their circle, and dragged those ill-fated maidens, shrieking, from the embraces of their com­panions. [Page] These warriors had disagreed about whose property the girls should be, as they had jointly seized them; and, to terminate the dispute, agreeably to the abominable usage of the savages, it was determined by the chiefs of the party, that the prisoners, who gave [...]ise to the contention, should be destroyed; and that their captors should be the principle agents in the exe­ [...]rable business. These [...]uries ass [...]d by their comrades, stripped the forlera girls, already con [...]ulsed with ap­prehensions, and tied each to a sapling, with their hands as high extended above their hands as possible; and then pitched them from their knees to their shoul­ders, with upwards of six hundred of the sharpened splinters above described, which, at every puncture, were attended with screams of distress, that echoed and re [...]echoed through the wilderness. And then to com­plete the infernal tragedy, the splinters, all standing erect on the bleeding victims, were every one set on fire, and exhibited a scene of monstrous misery, beyond the power of speech to describe, or even the imagination to conceive. It was not until near three hours had elap­sed from the commencement of their torments, and that they had lost almost every resemblance of the hu­man form, that these helpless virgins sunk down in the arms of their deliverer, Death.

REMARKABLE encounter of a white man with two Indians. In a letter to a gentleman of Philadelphia.

Westmoreland, April 26, 1779.
DEAR SIR,

I WROTE you a note a few days ago, in which I promised you the particulars of an affair between a white man of this county, and two Indians: now I mean to relate the whole story, and it is as follows:

The white man is upwards [...] sixty years of age; his name is David Morgan; he had, through fear of the Indians, fled to a tort about twenty miles above the province line, and near the east side of Mon [...]nga [...]ela river. From thence he sent some of his younger chil­dren [Page] to his plantation, which was about a mile distant, there to do some business in the field He afterwards thought fit to follow, and see how they [...]ared. Get­ting to his field▪ and seating himself upon the sence, within view of his children, where they were at work, he esp [...]ed two Indians making towards them; on which he called to his children to make their escape. The Indians immediately bent their course towards him. He made the best haste to escape away, that his age and consequent infirmity would permit; but soon found he would be overtaken, which made him think of defence. Being-armed with a good rifle, he faced about, and found himself under the necessity of running four or five perches towards the Indians, in order to obtain shelter behind a tree of sufficient size.

This unexpected in manceuvre obliged the Indians, who were close by, to st [...]p where they had but small tim­ber to shelter behind, which gave Mr. Morgan an op­portunity of shooting one of them dead upon the spot. The other, taking the advantage of Morgan's empty gun, advanced upon him, and [...]ut him to flight a se­cond time, and being lighter of foot than the old man, soon came up within a few paces, when he fired at him, but fortunately missed him. On this Mr. Morgan [...]aced about again, to try his fortune, and clubbed his fire­lock. The Indian, by this time, had got his tomahawk in order for a throw, at which they are very dextrous. Morgan made the blow, and the Indian the throw, al­most at the same instant, by which the little finger was cut off Morgan's left hand, and the one next to it al­most off, and his gun broke off by the lock. Now they came to close grips. Morgan put the Indian down; but soon found himself overturned, and the Indian up­on him, feeling for his knife, and yelling most hideous­ly, as their manner is, when they look upon victory to be certain. However, a woman's apron, which the In­dian had plundered out of a house in the neighbourhood, and tied on him, above his knife, was now in his way, and so hindered him getting at it quickly, that Morgan got one of his fingers fast in his mouth, and deprived him of the use of that hand, by holding it; and discon­certed him considerably by chewing it; all the while observing how he would come on with his knife▪ [Page] length the Indian had got hold of his knife, but so far towards the blade, that Morgan got a small hold of the hinder end; and as the Indian pulled it out of the scab­bard, Morgan giving his finger a severe screw with his teeth, twitched it out through his hand, cutting it most grievously. By this time they were both got partly on their feet, and the Indian was endeavouring to disen­gage himself; but Morgan held fast by the finger, and quickly applied the point of the knife to the side of its savage owner; a bone happening in the way prevent­ed its penetrating any great depth, but a second blow directed more towards the belly, found free passage into his bowels. The old man turned the point upward [...], made a large wound, burying the knife therein, and so took his departure instantly to the fort, with the news of his adventure.

On the report of Mr. Morgan, a party went out from the fort, and found the first Indian where he had fallen; the second they found not yet dead▪ at one hundred yards distance from the scene of action, hid in the top of a fallen tree, where he had picked the knife out of his body, after which had come out parched corn, &c. and had bound up his wound with the apron aforemen­tioned; and on first sight he saluted them with, How do do, broder, how do do, broder? but alas! poor savage, their brotherhood to him extended only to tomahawking, scalping, and, to gratify some peculiar feelings of their own, they skinned them both.

TABLE of the Remarkable Occurrences in America, from the year 1492, to 1794.

1492.AMERICA discovered by Columbus, October 11, so named by Americus Vespucius, 1497; not known to the French till 1504; had negro slaves first car­ried to it, 1508.
1606.The first permanent settlement in Virginia.
1620.New England planted by a colony of English Puritans.
1625.Connecticut began to be settled by emigrants from Massachusetts.
[Page]1635.Rhode Island began to be settled.
1667.The New Netherlands, now New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania, confirmed to Britain by the Dutch and Swedes.
1725.Vermont first began to be settled.
1740.Paper Money first used in America; revived in '88.
1762.American Philosophical Society established.
1764.American Stamp Act passed in the Parliament of England; repealed, March, 1766.
1768.Troops ordered to Boston.
1770.Soldiers at Boston f [...]e on the inhabitants.
1773.Tea destroyed at Boston by the inhabitants.
1774.The Massachusetts people prepare to defend their rights by arms.
 The first Congress met at Philadelphia Sept. 10,
1775.Skirmishes at C [...]ncord and Lexington.
 The first settlement in Kentucky.
 Crown Point taken by the Americans, May, 4.
 The 2d Congress met at Philadelphia May 10.
 Ticonderoga taken by the Americans, May 13.
 Gen. Washington elected commander in chief of the American forces, June 15.
 Action at Bunkers Hill, June 17.
 Charleston (Mass) bu [...] [...] by the British, June 17.
 Montreal taken by the Americans, Nov. 12, and retaken by the British, June 15, 1776.
 Gen. Gage seized the powder at Charleston (Mass) September 1.
  [...]a [...]mouth (N.C.) destroyed by the British, Oct. 18.
 Col. Warner defeats Sir Guy Carleton at Lon­ [...]eil, October 31.
 Quebec besieged by the Americans, Dec. 6.
 An assault, which miscarried, made on Quebec by the Americans, Dec. 31.
1776.Nor [...]o [...]lk (Virginia) burnt by the British, Jan. 1 [...]
 Gen. Schuyler disarms the inhabitants of Tryon county, New York, Jan.
 Po [...]smouth (Virg) destroyed by the Eng. Jan. 1.
 Boston evacuated by the British▪ March 17th.
 The British ship Hope, with 1500 barrels of powder, and a variety of other military imple­ments taken, in Boston B [...]y, May 17.
 Battle at Three Rivers, June.
[Page]1776.Gen. Thomson, defeated and taken prisoner at the Three Rivers, June 10.
 America declared an Independent State by Con­gress, July 4.
 The British made an unsuccessful attempt against Charleston (S.C.) June 21.
 Battle of Long Island, Aug. 27.
 Newyork surrendered to the British, Sept. 15.
 Sea fight on Lake Champlain, Oct. 11, where Arnold was defeated.
 Battle of White Plains October 28.
 Fort Washington taken by the British, Nov. 16.
 Rhode Island taken by the British Dec. 6.
 Gen. Lee taken prisoner by the British, Dec. 13.
 The Hessia [...]s surprised and taken at Trenton by Gen. Washington, Dec. 26.
1777.Can [...]onade at Trenton, Jan. 2.
 Action at Princeton, Jan. 3.
 Ticoederoga evacuated by the Americans, July 6.
 The American armed vessels taken and destroyed by the British near Skenesborough Falls, July 8.
 Gen. Presect taken prisoner by Col. Borton, July, action re [...]t Bermington (Ver.) August 16.
 Battle of B [...]andywine, Sept. 11.
 Action above Stillwater, on the borders of Hud­son river, Sept. 1 [...].
 Philadelphia taken by the British, Sept. 26.
 Battle of Germantown, Oct. 4.
 Action tear Saratoga, Oct. 7.
 E [...]p [...] bornt by the British, Oct. 16.
 Burgayne and his whole army taken prisoners near Saratoga, Oct. 17.
1778.Treaty with France, Jan. 6.
 Concilitary terms offered by G. Britain to Ame­rica, and rejected, April 13.
 Philadelphia evacuated by the British, June 18.
 Battle of Monmouth, June 28.
 Bedford burnt and great property destroyed by the British, Sep. 5.
 Col. Bayla [...]'s regiment of light dragoons, after they had begged for quarters, massacred by the British, near Tapan, (N. J.) Sept. 27.
1779.Action at Bria [...] Creck (Georgia) May 3d.
[Page]1779Action at Stone Ferry (S.C.) June 20.
 Stoney Poi [...]t taken by the Americans July 15.
 The British ga [...]is a surprised and taken prison­ers at Powles Hook, by Major Lee, July 19.
 Sea sight off Penobscot (N.C.) July 30.
 Assault on Savannah, by the Americans and French, October.
1780.Charleston (S. C.) surrendered to the British, May 13.
 Battle of Camden, Aug. 16.
 Arnold deserts to the English, Sept. 24.
 Major Andre taken by three Newyork militia, Sept. 27, and executed as a Spy, October 2.
 Defeat of the British at King's Mountain, near the confi [...]es of N. and S. Carolina, Oct. 7.
 Col. T [...]rleton attacked a p [...]rry of 300 Americans at the Wechaws (N.C.) and notwithstanding their entreaties for quarters, killed most of them.
1781.British invaded Virginia, Jan. 3.
 Richmond plundered and great proper [...]y des­troyed by the British, Jan. 7.
 Battle of the Cowpens (S.C.) where the British were defeated, Jan. 17.
 Battle near Guilford, (N.C.) March 15.
 Fort Watson (S.C.) surrendered to the Ameri­cans, April 23.
 Second battle of Camden, April 25.
 M [...]nchester plundered, and great property des­troyed by the British, April 30.
 British evacuate Camden, May 9.
 The British port of Orangeburgh, surrendered to the Americans, May 11.
 Fort Granby (S.C.) surrendered to the Ameri­cans, May 15.
 George Town evacuated by the British troops May 16.
 Fort Cornwallis at Augusta, surrendered to the Americans, June 15.
 Ninety Six abandoned by the British, July.
 De Gras [...]'s fleet arrived Aug. 26.
 Engagement off the cap [...]s of Virginia between the English and French fleets, Sept. 6.
 Battle of Eutaw springs (S. C.) Sept. 8.
[Page]1781.New London [...]rn [...] by Arnold, Sep. 13.
 Lord Cornwallis surrendered his whole army and the ports of York and Gloucester, to the Americans, Oct. 19.
1782.Holland acknowledged the American Indepen­dence in April.
 Battle near Sava [...]n [...].
 Charleston (S C.) evacuated by the British Dec. 14.
1783.The Independence of America acknowledged by Sweden.
 Denmark, in February.
 Spain, in March.
 Russia, in July.
 Great Britain, in the definitive treaty, Sep 3.
1783.Newyork evacuated by the British, Nov. 25.
 American army discharged, Dec.
17 [...]6.Two settlements made in the Western territory.
1789.The government of the United States organized according to the New Constitution.
1790.Gen. Harmer was defeated by the Miami In­dians, Sept. 30
1791.Gen. St. Clair defeated by the Indians, Nov. 4.
1794Gen. Wayne defeated the Indians, August 20.

A CURIOUS LAW CASE.

AN indictment was lately preferred at Colchester (Eng­land) against a person for assault. It appeared in evidence, that the plaintiff attempted to hang h [...]mself, and that the defendant finding him in that situation, cut him down, twe [...]ked him by the nose, and str [...]ck h [...]m several hard blows on his back, for the purpose of reviving sus­pended animation. The jury very properly c [...]nsi [...]e [...]ing that there was no MALICE in the case, found a verdict for the defendant.

MAXIMS.

THE friend of order has made half his way to virtue.

Modest is the temperament to pride, as humility is the corrective to self love.

Wealth is [...]o [...] so much the cause as the effect of exertion.

[Page]

Difference of High-Water at several places from New London.

AT New York, Tarpauli [...]-Cove and Say-Bro [...]k Bo [...], the same as New London; at Rhode-Island and Ambe [...], 40 minutes sooner; at Providence, 25 minutes sooner; at Sandy-Hook 2 hours and 40 minutes sooner; at Albany, 3 hours and 10 minutes sooner; at Boston, 2 hours and 20 minutes later; at Guilford and New Have [...], [...] hours and 50 minutes later; at Philadelphia 5 hours and [...]0 minutes later; at Norwich Landing, 45 minutes later; at Southold harbour and Sagg harbour 2 hours and 10 minues later.

USEFUL and GENUINE RECEIPTS.

A certain Cure for the MEASLES in SWINE.

IT frequently happens that swine are killed when disor­dered by the measles, which is easily discovered, by the mea [...] or flesh containing small globu [...]a [...] red or white pus­ [...]le [...], of different sizes, varying according to the different degrees of the disease; which originate from their being fed with musty damaged corn, or some unwholsome food; or from its being b [...]iled in lead or copper vessels in which it hath lain too long; or from their being kept in a wet or dirty pen; either of which causes tends to obstruct the f [...]e circulation of the fluids; hence arise those globular postules, which are the juices rendered viscid and co [...]gu­lated.—About once a week, mix two spoonfuls of madder in their food, which p [...]events obstructions, acting as a d [...] ­cretie, and is at the same time an astringent. And, on some other day in the week, give a spoonful or two of an equal quantity of flour-of-sulphur and salt-petre▪ well p [...]n [...]e [...] and mixed, which purifies and cools the blood. Al these different article [...], added to each pail of food in the morning on separate days, prevent the measles, keep the swine healthy, and fatten them more expeditiously.

For different diseases in HORSES.

HIDE BOUND.

To cure this, it will be necessary to put your horse on a pretty liberal diet; also every day a ma [...]h of bran or bo [...] ­ed [Page] rye should be given him; and twice a week give him half an ounce of brimstone in his br [...]n.

SCRATCHES.

Cut the hair off close, and with the legs with strong soap suds or urine; put on a [...]ur [...]ip po [...]l [...]ice a few da [...], mixed with hog's fat and li [...]seed [...]i [...]; it will soon effect the cure.

HOOF BOUND.

Take a phlegm lancet, and open the hous at the edg [...] of the hair, to give it liberty of spreading. Then gre [...]se it daily with woodchuck, sku [...]k or dog's grease, that it may grow.

SCOURING.

Give your horse two quarts of the liquor, wherein gar­den rhubard, fl [...]x i [...]ed and mallows, have been boiled; or boil white o [...]k bark, and white pine together; give him one quart of this morning and evening til. well.

Of diseases in CATTLE.

For the SCAS or SCURF.

Take soft soap and [...]ar an [...]int the place, and it will soon cure it.

To kill WORMS.

Take savine, cut it fi [...]e and make it into balls, with fresh butter, to be put down the creature's throat. Or give half an ounce of powdered aloas in a quart of savine tea.

For loss of the CUD.

The quickest and best method is to [...]ake half the cud from another creature, and put in warm into the mouth of that which hath lost it; this remedy is infallible.

METHOD to destroy WEAZLES.

Take Crude Mercury, Sal Armonick, and Wheat flour; make them up in a paste with honey, and strew it in little piles where their haunts are, and by greedily de­vouring they will die.

To kill RATS and MICE.

Mix u [...]slak'd Lime and Oatmeal together, or Wheat flour, and lay on bits of chips where they come.

A sure Method to destroy the CANKER WORMS, [proved by long experience.]

Take a strip of paper about 6 inches wide and tie or [Page] pa [...]te round each apple tree, about a foot below the low­ed branches, then get some of the thinest Tar you can, and with a brush cover the paper well with it. Examine the trees every evening, and as often as you find the Tar growing dr [...], pay it on again. If your Tar is too thick, you may warm it by the fire. By using the paper, less Tar will answer, and very probable that the hot nature of the Tar on the bark may injure the tree.

Curious and Entertaining ANECDOTES.

A CERTAIN Paddy, newly transported into this country, passed by where a farmer was gathering pumpkins. By my [...]oul and what do you call them, saye Paddy—Mares eggs, says the farmer. And by St. Patrick, and w [...]n't you sell me one of them? for I wish to get in a way of raising my own horses, for my poor old father straightened the hemp for nothing but for taking one without liberty—Yes, yes, for a quarter of a dollar you may take one. So Paddy takes it and on he goes—and in descending a kill he by chance let the pumpkin fall, and it took a direction down the hill towards a bunch of bushes, and Mr. Paddy in full speed after it The Pumpkin struck a stump and split open —a rabit which lay under the bushes asleep, started, al­most frightened to death, and Paddy after it, yelling—stop that Cault! stop that Cault! stop that Cault!

2. A FARMER who had married a rich wife, after promising another of meaner circumstances, endeavour­ed to palliate his conduct, to a clergyman, who told him, it was so wrong that he did not know any thing like it.—If you do not, I do, says Modge, it is similar to your leaving a poor parish for a rich one.

3. SIR John Barber had a son, who demanded per­mission to travel. Go, said the old knight, and see the wor [...]d, provided it does not see you

4. AS a minister and a lawyer were riding together, says the minister to the lawyer, sir, do you ever make any mistakes in pleading? I do, said the lawyer. And what do you do with mistakes? said the minister. Why, si [...], i [...] large ones, I me [...]d them: If small ones, I let them go, said the lawyer. And pray, sir, continu­ed [Page] he, do you ever make any mistakes in preaching [...] Yes, sir, said the minister, I do. And what do you do with mistakes? said the lawyer. Why, sir, I dispens [...] with them much in the same way you just observed: [...] rectify large ones, and neglect small ones. Not long since, continued he, as I was preaching, I went to ob­serve that the devil was the father of liars, but mistook and said lawyers, and the mistake was so small I let it go.

5. JEMMY Johnson being asked what wine he chief­ly chose for his own drinking, answered, that of other people's.

6. A FRENCH Constitutional Priest, who had usu­ally a very small audience, was one day preaching a [...] the Church in his village, when the doors being open a gander and several geese came stalking up the middle aisle The preacher availing himself of the circum­stance, observed, "He could no longer find fault with his district for non attendance, because, though they did not come themselves, they had sent their representatives!"

7. KNAVERY is almost always its own punishment as virtue is its own reward. A woman who had brough [...] some light pounds of butter to market, had the goo [...] luck to sell them all but one before the clerk of the market came about: when she perceived the officer of justice, she began to dread the fa [...]e of her last roll; however, iniquity is fertile in expedients she thought it di [...] not want more than two ounces to make it a pound, an [...] therefore, as the clerk approached, she squeezed tw [...] dollars into the roll, to make it the right weight: th [...] clerk c [...]me, weighed the butter it was still to light; h [...] threw it into his basket, dollars and all, and st [...]ppe [...] away to inspect the butter of another woman, who, t [...] avoid the possibility of censure or loss, had put it u [...] half an ounce above the standard weight.

8. Old Frederick king of Prussia, had a great opinion of the utility of experience. A very young office presented a petition, requesting his majesty would appoint him a supreme general. The king wrote unde [...] his petition—'Turn to your bible, and in the tent [...] chapter, the fifth verse, of the second book of Samuel you will find it thus written.—Tarry in Jericho, unti [...] [Page] thy [...]eard is grown, and then come again.'

9. A WIT being once very low in pocket, and meet­ing with a lord who was walking in the court, thought to weedle him out of a broad piece, and coming up to him, said, my lord, I had a strange dream last night, and now half of it is out; for I dreamed that I met you here, and that you gave me a broad piece. Well, says his lordship, then I will make out the other part, and so gave it him. But stay, now I think on it, give me that again, it is a piece my mistress gave me to keep for herself. Scroggin readily returned it, in hopes of a better gratuity. Now, said my lord, I'll tell you my dream, that it may be out likewise. I dreamt that I gave a fool money, and he had not the wit to keep it; and so passed on, leaving Scroggin to scratch his ears, and fretting to be so outwitted.

10. TWO Negroes having spent an evening at a tavern, where the Mug went briskly round on return­ing home, one of them happened to strike his foot a­gainst the remains of an old post that once stood in the way, but was now almost worn to the ground, which brought him flat on his face in the mud, on his rising and rubbing himself▪ he said to his comrade in a pet, "I wonder why de Debble de Sun can't shine disse dark night, and not keep shining all day time, when no need on him"

11. ONE day the famous Mr. Whiston dined with sir Joseph Tekyll, master of the rolls. Lacy Tekyll who was one of the sisters of Lord Somers, thought that she must know more than any other woman, and was often puzzling herself and others with curious questions Af­ter dinner she said,—Mr Whiston,—a difficulty occurs to me▪ in the Mosaic account of the creation, which perhaps you can resolve me in, and it is this.—Since it pleased God to create the woman out of the man, why did he form her out of the rib, rather than any other part?" Whiston scratched his head and answered,—"Indeed, madam, I do not know: unless it be that the rib is the most cr [...]cked part of the body." There said the husband, you have got it now, I hope you are sat­isfied.

12. A YOUNG woman being to take her oath, be­fore a justice of the peace, as a witness in some cause, [Page] the examiner asked her by what title he should set her down, whether maid, wife, or widow? "O certainly a maid!" said she, for I never was married," He seeing her a handsome, agreeable girl, asked her how old she was—she answered 24. "How," said he, "24! have a care, my girl, what you say; remember you are now on your oath—may I safely set you down a maid at these years? the girl, struck with the question, and considering a while with herself, said "I pray you, sir, to avoid all mistakes, write me down Young Woman."

13. A CLERGY MAN seeing his son about to drink a glass of Brandy, says, "Son, don't drink that filthy stuff, ardent spirits is the worst enemy you have." I know that, father, replied the son, but you know we are commanded to love our enemies—so, here it goes."

14. A POOR man and his wife were travelling; they sa [...] down by the road exceedingly fatigued. The wife signed, "I wish I was in Heaven"—the husband repli­ed, "I wish I was at the tavern." "On, you old rogue, says the wife you always want to get the best place."

15. A SLOVENLY fellow enquired of a friend, how he could go to a billiard table in disguise—"Put on a clean shirt Sir."

16. ON the banks of a rivulet in the North of Ireland is a stone with this inscription, "Take notice, that when this stone is out of sight, it is not safe to ford the river."

SELECT POETRY.

THE TWO TAILORS.

THROUGH Pancaras church yard, as two Tailor [...] were walking,
Of princes and p [...]ities earnestly talking;
Says Robert to Richard (by way of digression)
"'Tis a monstrous fi [...]e morning beyond all expression:
If this weather goes on, added he, looking round,
'T will bring everything charmingly out of the ground."
"God forbid, reply'd Richard [...]ler [...]ly, for here
I bury'd two wives without dropping a tear."
[Page]

EPITAPH, wrote on a grave stone, dated 1016.

HERE lies a man that was not born,
His father lived not before him,
He did not live, and did not die,
Yet underneath this stone d [...]th lie, Aged 64.

The SEAMAN's Home.

OH you, whose lives on land are pass'd,
And keep from dang'rous seas a osf;
Who careless listen to the bl [...]st,
Or beating rains upon the roof;
You [...]l tr [...]e need how seamen fare,
Condemn'd the angry storm to bear.
Sometimes▪ while breakers vex the tide,
He takes his station on the deck;
And now lash'd o'er the vessel's side,
He clears away the cumbering wreck:
Yet while the b [...]ows a'er him soam,
The Ocean is his only home.
Still fresher bl [...]ws the midnight gale!
"All hands reef top sails" are the cries;
And while the clouds the Heavens veil,
Aloft to reef the sail he flie [...]!
In storms so rending, doom'd to roam,
The Ocean is the Seaman's home.

EPIGRAMS.

By a gentleman who lived upon ill terms with his wife.

YE Gods, ye gave to me a Wife,
Out of your wanted favor,
To be the comfort of my life;
And I was glad to have her.
But if your Providence divine,
For greater bliss design her,
T' obey your will at any time,
I'm ready to resign her.
[Page]

On a false MISTRESS.

MY heart still hov'ring round about you,
I thought I could not live without you:
Now we have been two months asunder,
How I liv'd with you—is the wonder.

ON WOMAN.

WOMAN, charming, lovely creature,
Gentle, modest, glittering thing;
Most ref [...]ed work of nature,
Fairer than the flow'ry spring.
Queen of every gentle passion,
Tender sympathy and love;
Perfect work of heavenly fashion,
Miniature of charms above.
Love and grace in rich profusion,
Soft'ning man's ferocious soul;
All creation's fair conclusion.
Form'd to beautify the whole.

THE LADIES NEW CATECHISM.

Q. FOR what end did you come into the world?

A. To get a husband.

Q. Which is the way to get a husband.

A. To dress, dance, chat, play and go to all man­ner of public places, except church, for fear of being called a fanatic.

Q What is the duty of a husband.

A. To please his wife.

Q. What is the duty of a wife.

A. To please herself.

Q Are there no more duties incumbent on you as a fine Lady.

A. Yes, I must be deaf, dumb and blind, as occasion requires; deaf to the voices of d [...]ns, and all such poor re [...]ions as most easily beset me; dumb when my hus­band remonstrates; and blind to the whole race of city a [...]quaintance and to country cousins.

The most acceptable homage which can be paid to the Deity is being virtu [...].

[Page]

A SURE METHOD To know whether it will be a long Winter, and what weather it will be.

THERE are some things proper to be known by the husbandman, that will be of great use to him, & s [...]ve for a good precau [...]ion against the rig [...]s of the winter; and he may take this for a certain presage of a very severe winter, when there is a great plenty of a [...]ns.

A shepherd should take care to observe whether the ewes, after they have taken ram, seek after them again; and by that they may guess that the next winter will be a hard one.

Take notice of the 24th of Nov. and as that day is, so the winter is like to prove; and as you find the [...]5th of the same month, so will the month of January be.

Y [...] may easily know what sort of a winter it will be, by observing the last days of the moon between Novem­ber and December; for as they prove, so will the win­ter.

And to know what sort of a summer you will have, th [...]se who are nice observers of the seasons say, that the three last days of the moon between April and May, are infallible presages how it is like to prove.

A REMARKABLE INSTANCE OF THE EFFECTS OF SURPRISE.

AN attorney being grievously afflicted with the gout, which had confined him several weeks to his h [...]mber, launched out into all those extravagances of [...]ssion which generally attend that exc [...]u [...]iat [...]g e [...]s [...]r­ [...]er. His pain was so excessive that, though a [...] o [...]her times he was not addicted t [...] pro [...]an [...]ness of speech, he upon this occasion exercised his tongue in the m [...]t bit­ [...]er invectives, cursing his leg, and wishing the d—l [...]ight rid him of it, rather that suffer h [...]m to undergo [...]uch torture and pain. A chimn [...]y sweeper had been [...]irected to come that day to sweep the kitchen c [...]m­ [...]ey▪ he sent his boy before him with a message that he [Page] would immediately follow: the boy, in order to pre­pare for his m [...]ster's coming, g [...]t up the chimney to ob­serve the state of it, but in coming down he misto [...]k his c [...]u [...]e, and came down the chimney of the chamber where the attorney was sitting cursing his gouty leg. To account for the boy's mistake, it m [...]st observed, that both the kitchen and chamber chimneys had the same funnel to convey out the smoke. The boy, seeing the attorney, made his ob [...]sance in his way, and said, "Your servant, Sir; my master is coming immediate­ly." The attorney, forg [...]tting, or probably being un­acq [...]inted with the circumstance of the chimney being to be swept▪ thought that the imprecations he had ut­tered had really called forth the d—l: he was there­fore so agitated with the idea, that, forgetful of the disorder he laboured under, he jumped out his chair, and, to the astonishment of all the family, went down into the kitchen as though the gout had never v [...]si [...]d him: but, what was more extraordinary, he has never since been in the least troubled with it.

Instance of the Sagacity of the AMERICAN INDIANS.

THE American Indians are not so stupid as the proud European fancies them to be. A Spaniard, on a jour­ney had [...]et with an Indian in the mi [...]st of a desart. They were both an horseback; the Spaniard's horse being very bad, he asked the Indian, whose h [...]se was [...] and vigorous, to make an exchange with him. [...], as he should do. The Spaniard sought a cause of quarrel with him. They came to blows; but the Spaniard, w [...]ll armed, seized easily the horse he wanted, and continued his journey. The American p [...]sues him into the next town, and makes his com­plaint to the judge. The Spaniard is obliged to appear, and take along with him the horse, he treats the Indian as a cheat, affi [...]ms the horse belongs to him, and that he had reared it from a fo [...]. There were no proofs of the contrary, and the Judge, perplexed, was going to send the pleaders out of the Court, and to dismiss the process; when the Indian cried out—"The horse is mine, and I'll prove it." He immediately strips off his [Page] clock, and co [...]ers with it the animal's head. "That man being so confident that he had reared this horse, command him," said he addressing himself to the Judge, "to tell which of the two eyes is blind." The Spaniard, in order not to seem to [...] in the least, answered immediately. "The right eye." The Indian uncov­ers the ho [...]se's head: [...] is neither blind," said he, "of the right, nor of the left eye," The Judge, so convinced by so ingenious and strong a proof, adjudged him the horse; and the affair was decided.

A way to tell good spirits from bad,

TO [...]y spirits, put half a point into a tumbler, take s [...]l [...]t [...]e clean cotton▪ [...]ay it as [...]ight [...]y as possible on the l [...]g [...]o [...]. [...]f the spirits are of good proof, the cotton will s [...]k immediately to the bottom; add a little water to it, and the cotton will rise.

A speci [...] of Russian Barbarity, or, Cruelty unexe [...] ­plafied.

MADAM Lapouchin, the great ornament of [...] c [...]ur [...] of Petersburgh, during the reign of that [...]mpress E [...]z [...]beth, having contracted an intimacy with a foreign ambassador, was brought under suspecion [...]f plotting with him against the government, and was ac­cordingly c [...]n [...] to undergo the punishment of the kn [...]. And replace of [...] in [...] she appeared in a g [...] ­ [...]e [...], which heightened her beauty.—Of whatever i [...] [...] [...]ight have been guilty, and [...] [...]e [...]ce, and her composure, but [...] in the sp [...]tators the s [...]ghte [...] suspicion of [...], l [...]r youth also, her beauty, her life and spirit pleaded [...]. But all in [...]: [...]he was deserted by all an [...] a [...]nd [...]ned [...]o su [...]ly executioners, whom she be [...]eld with [...] doubt wh [...] [...] such prepara­ti [...] were intended for her. The cloak that [...]. One of the [...] [Page] to the waist, seized her by both hands, and threw her on his back, raising her some inches from the ground. The other executioner laying hold of her delicate limbs with his rough fists, put her in a posture for receiving the punishment. Then laying hold of the [...]nout, a sort of a whip made of a leather strap, he retreated a few steps, and with a single stroke tore off a slip of skin from the neck downward, repeating his strokes till all the skin of her back was cut off in small slips. The ex­ecutioner finished his talk by cutting out her tongue; after which she was banished to Siberia.

MAXIMS.

Great affairs may be entrusted, and still greater ac­tions expected, of him who, by a single ready medium, knows how to unite & to attain many harmonious ends.

Modesty is the temperament to pride, as humility is the corrective to self love.

Be certain that he who has betrayed you once, will betray you again.

Who has no confidence in himself has no faith in oth­ers, and none in God.

JOHN TRUMBULL, [...] at his PRINTING [...] A [...] BOO [...] and STATION [...]; A particular attention will be paid to have a supply of the most valuable SCHOOL-BOOKS, which will be sold as CHEAP as can be purchased in Connecticut.

Also, for sale [...]s above, Most all kinds of BLANKS that are used in this State.

CASH will be paid for Clean Cotton or Linen RAGS, at said Office.

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal. The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.