FRIENDSHIP is a natural and moral virtue; desirable in every situation; and one of the nearest and most endearing relations subsisting a­mong mankind. It is the union and sympathy of souls; and "the medicine of lise." But, like ev­ery other good, it is often abused: Hence, scarce any thing is more common than the profession; or more rare, than the reality of genuine friendship. "Every friend saith, I am his friend also: but there is a friend who is only a friend in name."

Friendship, like most other virtues, is pressed in­to the service of all the fashionable vices; and too often, is a cover for the vilest actions. Such abuse is, indeed, reprobated by all honest men: yet, however, the bare profession of friendship passes current with most men. "Sir, I am your friend," is given and received, as a polite compliment, where there is no idea of obligation on the one hand; or of dependence on the other. This nominal decep­tion keeps vice in countenance, by rendering it fa­miliar.

Very similar to this, is that friendship, extolled by many, which consists in not taking pleasure in [Page 4]the misfortune of a neighbour; or, perhaps, in contentment with his prosperity, wherein it does not interfere with their own: that is, they are not disposed to injure him; or to rejoice in his misfor­tune any further than it may subserve their own in­terest. This, doubtless, will be received for friend­ship, when bare humanity shall deserve that title.

The profession of friendship may serve for many vile purposes. The wise son of Sirach says, "There is a companion who rejoiceth in the prosperity of a friend: he is a companion of the table: but, in the time of trouble, will be against him. Again, Some man is a friend for his own occasion, and will not abide in the day of thy trouble." Thus, many "bless their friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning." They have some purposes to ef­fect, perhaps, good and laudable in themselves; yet, by no means for the interest of their neighbor to be engaged in. They, therefore, conceal their ends and designs from him; and by artful address and friendly professions, engage his friendship and assistance: but, their purposes being effected, the poor man finds himself gulled, and the tool of a masked villain! To call such professions, friendship, is a prostitution of the term, and burlesquing with a witness. Let me then engage your attention for a few minutes, to the subject of real and genuine Friendship.

I shall in the first place endeavor, briefly, to characterize a friend—Secondly, I shall make some observations on the advantages of having friends— and lastly, mention some things, as necessary to the obtaining and preserving them.

The character of a friend will in the first place claim our attention.—The leading trait in such a character is, Love—an esteem and respect for a­nother on a principle of real affection, arising from some real, or supposed worth. Friendship, is more than bare civility—a speaking well to, or of a per­son. One who is most indifferent, or even an ene­my, [Page 5]may, out of self-interest, or in concurrence with general opinion, say and do many kind things to, and for a person, whom they would rejoice to neglect, and even ruin, could they turn it equally to their own advantage. This is the mask of friendship, to hide baseness of heart. A friend has a similarity of mental taste and feeling—a sympa­thy of soul, which produces the exercises of ten­der affections and high esteem. And, as esteem implies merit in the object, so the affection and es­teem will be as lasting as the apparent merit, and no longer; for the moment we cease to perceive merit, we shall cease to esteem—the fountain being dried up, the streams will necessarily stop flowing.

This love of friendship, does not suppose a com­placency in all the conduct of our friend. We may be displeased with many things, yet feel truly be­nevolent towards him: and such love will also cover amultitude of faults, and excite us to many friendly actions concerning, both, his faults and virtues.

This leads me to observe, that "a friend loveth at all times"—he has a fixed principle of benevo­lence in his heart. Trifles will not move him; nor will he forsake us, until we forsake virtue; and even then, his hand will hold us, and his heart bleed for our return. He will not neglect us, nor be our enemy, though he find us imperfect and liable to many errors: He, also, has his faults, and expects our forbearance with them, and kind con­struction of them. Notwithstanding some natural, or even moral defects, he will be friendly while he finds that worth and merit which first engaged his esteem. He loveth at all times. He loveth in health and in sickness; in prosperity and in adversity; in our virtues and in our faults; in good and in bad repute. Such a friend, is a friend indeed. But that person who loves in prosperity, and forsakes in adversity—who loves while he can make us his in­struments of gain, reputation, or pleasure; and [Page 6]then abuses or neglects us, is a vile wretch and bane of friendship.

I observe again; a friend is confidential—One, in whom we can cheerfully place explicit and impli­cit faith. Confidence, is the very soul of friend­ly —that, without which, every other friendly qualification will be marred and of little conse­quence. And for this confidence, our friend must have good sense, prudence, upright intentions, truth and punctuality: without these qualifications, we can have no justifiable confidence in him. Un­less he has sense to see the fitness and relation of things, and prudence, honesty, and good faith to arrange and conduct them; our confidence in him, will be as a broken tooth, or a foot out of joint.

It is utterly impossible for a fool or a knave to be a faithful friend. Nor can we put confidence in a person given to folly, falsehood, deceit, equivoca­tion and a masked conduct. In such cases there can be no safety.—Among friends there must be plain, undisguised dealing, and a mutual confi­dence, or else a rupture. A friend, therefore, is one who casts off disguise, discovers a plain, honest heart; and approves himself to be what he professes.

He must not only be confidential in matters of special privacy, but maintain a uniform probity and sincerity through the whole course of friendly con­nexion. Such a friend will partake of our joys, our sorrows and griefs: his advice, rejoicing, con­solation and reproof will be the expressions of af­fection. Into the bosom of such a friend, we can pour our whole heart: it increases our joys and al­leviates our sorrows.

Such was the friendship between David and Jon­athan; they opened their hearts to each other, and took sweet counsel together and we read, that Jonathan loved David, as he loved his own soul. Their mutual affection and confidence were strong, sincere and fervent. Hence David's lamentation [Page 7]over his departed friend—"I am distressed for thee my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women."

I observe, once more; a friend has a sincere re­gard for our interest in estate and reputation. He is not, like many, a mere friend of the table—full of professions, that he may raise a reputation, or get a living at our expense. This is pure selfishness. A friend seeks our good as his own—he loves us as himself—he does as he would be done by.

He is not contented with mere professions and useless wishes: He approves himself a friend by his deeds. He does not say, "Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled;" but does, and gives what is needful. He feels an interest in our prosperity, health and good name; and endeavors to preserve and promote them.—He is always ready to assist us by his counsels, consolations and charity, as oc­casion may require.

He will, also, encourage others to do us good; and constantly oppose our enemies as his own: thus, he divides with us our gain and loss—our pleasures and our sorrows.

And, so far as he is influenced by divine wisdom and heavenly philanthropy, he will seek to promote our spiritual and eternal happiness.

This is a friend indeed, the most precious of all worldly acquisitions. With such a friend, adversi­ty would be tolerable, and prosperity happy. But no worldly good can compensate the loss of him. Riches, pleasures and honors are insipid without the participation of a friend. I come now,

Secondly, To make some observations on the comforts and advantages of having friends.— "Thine own friend and thy father's friend forsake not—Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." As rational and social beings, we wish for friends and are pleased [Page 8]with them: and truly, without them, social life would be dreadful and intolerable! In our friend­ship, we imitate the Divine Author of our holy re­ligion, who went about doing good, was a friend to all, and gave his life for the life of the world. And it is his express command, that we love one another, as he hath loved us. The friendship of this world is never enmity to God, unless, when pre­serred to him, and opposed to a lise of godliness. But when formed by nature's law, Christ's exam­ple and precept, it is the will of heaven, and the benefit and comfort of every man. It is meet and suitable to his state, in every circumstance of life.

No person in the world can be comfortable with­out a friend. The high, the low, the rich, the poor, all, have frequent occasion for a friend.— Some, for labor—some, for counsel—some, for rejoicing and amusement—some, for condolence— and all of us need one for sociability and the vari­ous comforts of life. Indeed, the condition of a beggar on a dunghill, with a friend, is preferable to that of a king on a throne, without one.

Much may be said upon the advantages and com­forts of friendship, as manifested by the absence and presence of friends; but in such cases, our expressions will not do justice to our feelings. Let it suffice to say, that nature points out the neces­sity and pleasures of friendship. Thus we observe children, from two or three years old and upward, form their little attachments and friendly connec­tions: and the sorrow they feel at parting from such friends; or at the dissolution of their attachments, very forcibly describe the pleasure they felt in them. But as we grow into riper years, our friendship is connected with other passions and other interests; and, in many instances, becomes very advantageous and exceedingly affecting.—Our feelings, upon the loss of such dear friends, teach us the worth of them beyond all possibility of speech.

[Page 9] And most certain it is, no connexion in this life, whether family, civil or religious, can be happy without friendship. Thus, if we look into family life, where the husband and wife are very dissimilar in their mental taste, views of interest, reputation and family government, we shall find confusion in most of their affairs, and discord in their hearts.— The children catch the infection, oppose and quar­rel with each other; and when reproved by one parent, fly to the other for protection—hard words, perhaps blows, end the fray. I will not call this life hell on earth: let those who have tried it, give it a name.

But let us now look into a family of friends, where the husband and wife are connected by a sim­ilarity of mental taste; a union of hearts; a union of interest; a union of family government—Their designs, are one—their joys, one—and their sorrows, one—harmony, smiles in all their affairs.—The children, as branches of the same stock, receive the same spirit of union; live in love and friendship among themselves, and in obedience to their pa­rents. To this description, let me add, vital piety, and the picture is complete: if Heaven dwells on earth, it is in such a family! Agreably to which, King David sings, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is, for brethren to dwell together in uni­ty! It is like the precious ointment upon the hend, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard; that went down to the skirts of his garments; as the dew of Herman, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the Lord com­manded the blessing, even life for evermore."— These examples need no comment; the advanta­ges and comforts of friendship are apparent.

And should we turn our thoughts to civil, or re­ligious society, similar observations will apply, in a certain, and interesting point of light.—Where [Page 10]the heads and rulers of a people are in union with the body, all their public affairs are readily trans­acted—peace smiles on the whole—prosperity and increase crown their friendly endeavours—God com­mands his blessing; and they are blessed indeed.

But very different is the state of that society, which is destitute of friendship: there, is no charity, and little, or no considence. The door is open for division, and every evil work; every man has an interest, and design, diverse from his neighbour: Measures are disconcerted—ill will arises—society is broken up—and they are cursed in their very blessings!

We must also notice the benesits of friendship, with relation to our several stages of life.—Youth, have great occasion for faithful friends, to provide for them—to protect, instruct, encourage, caution and admonish them, while entering into the busy scenes of life.

Middle age, is a time of life, full of cares, trou­bles, and vexations. At this stage, most persons have many, and some, peculiar occasions for a friend, both in health, and in sickness; in public, family and personal concerns.

Old age, commences a second child-hood, and stands in need of its friends, to attend upon, and provide for it—to sooth and comfort it, under the burdens of declining years, and the approaches of death.

Different characters, also, have occasion for friends. The good man, receives great comfort and benefit in the society of pious friends: it makes him wiser and better; and ripens him for the enjoyments of the heavenly world.—And the wicked man, may find infinite advantage in having a true friend: it may save him from great shame and evil in this life; and, perhaps, from eternal shame and misery in the world to come.—The advantages and comforts of [Page 11]friendship, being so immensely great, naturally lead us to enquire,

Thirdly, what is necessary to be done, for ob­taining and preserving friends.

The first thing I shall insist upon is, the import­ance of forming just estimates, and right opinions of ourselves, and others. This remark, though read­ily assented to in theory; is seldom sufficiently re­spected in practice. We are too apt to think higher and better of ourselves; and lower of others, than we ought to think. This casts an insuperable bar in the way of genuine and pure friendship—others can­not, or will not approach us in the character we as­sume; nor will they acknowledge that, which, we allot them. Thus a silly pride restrains our friend­ship, in proper character, towards them; and at the same time, refuses theirs; or, at least, so embarras­ses the expressions of it, that it is of little, or no real value to either of us.

So long as we think higher of ourselves and low­er of others than a proper estimate will justify, we cannot meet on the ground of mutual and confiden­tial friendship; for, however desirable a lasting friendship may be, yet, our self-conceit exalts us above their reach; and a too mean opinion of them, depresses them below ours. Consequently, what­ever forms of friendship may take place between us, they will be governed by self-interested motives, not by mutual esteem, and similarity of taste: And such motives ceasing, or being discovered by the other par­ty, friendship will also cease, or, at least, degenerate into mere formality.

But friendship, formed between persons of simi­lar mental tastes, and on proper estimates of each other, will be permanent: it is established on a just and equitable estimation: And nothing can dissolve such friendship, short of the real, or supposed loss of the ground of that estimation. Would we, therefore, obtain, or keep friends, we must careful­ly [Page 12]form proper estimates of ourselves, and of them and act undisguisedly in our estimated characters.

This, suggests the importance of being, and feeling friendly to all men. A fair outside may pass for a season; but will soon wear out, or be discovered: like the way of sinners, it is a hard way. Would we do any thing to purpose, we must have the reality of friendship: Love, begets love:— Friendship, begets friendship.—It is not sufficient, however, that we merely love them that love us— it is pure selfishness. Our holy religion requires, that we have the fountain of love in our own hearts; and that we love and do good to all men, especially, to the household of faith, who, if they act in char­acter, are the best of friends; and as such, demand the first expressions of friendship in us.

It is observable, notwithstanding, that Christian benevolence looks directly to the object itself; and not to the quality—the fitness and suitableness of it. Complacency in an object, is no way necessary, to our wishing and doing well: we can, and ought to love our enemies, and pray for them who despite­fully use us. Although we cannot be friends to such, in the full extent of complacency, intima­cy, and confidence; yet, we may be real friends— respect their persons and characters—do them good to the promotion of their health, honor, and estate.

Thus we can act the friendly part towards all men; and ought to be, and feel, what we profess to be. Hereby, we invite them to be our friends, yea, more, we challenge it, for "He that hath friends, must shew himself friendly." But are we selfish, insincere, equivocal, and disguised; merely aiming to love them who love us, and to do good to them who do good to us, we shall soon find our­selves destitute of intimate and faithful friends. Would we, therefore, have good and faithful friends, we must maintain a principle of benevolence in our own breasts; and exercise it towards all men, in [Page 13]their several characters, stations, and relations in life.

Nor may we forget, that pity and compassion for others in their distress and afflictions, are neces­sary for those who wish for friends.—This world is a world of sorrow: "Man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upward." We have always oc­casion to pity and commiserate our fellow creatures: and it is great comfort to a social being, that his neighbours call on him, and sympathize with him, in the days of his calamity. In many cases, it takes off half the burden; and gives renewed strength to support the remaining load.

But it must be remembered, we often have occa­sion not only for an affectionate heart, but also for an open hand. A very trifle to us, may be a great deal to a neighbour in distress. it may save his life; at least, it may save him many pounds of interest, and days of sorrow. Such a commiseration of our neighbour's calamity, will give us a peacesul mind —open his heart to friendship—excite esteem in others—and call down the divine benedictions; for to the merciful, the father of mercies will show himself merciful!

And we may notice further, that as compassion for the afflicted; so respect for the good name of others, will have great influence in obtaining and keeping frends.—We should always speak well of others, when and wherein, we justly can; and nev­er evil, unnecessarily, of any one. I said, unneces­sarily, because the honor of God, and good of so­ciety may, on some occasions, call for our testimony against their vices: but we should be silent, and ig­norant of their faults, when we can with propriety.

We all have faults, and are unwilling to have them blazoned abroad. Let us do as we would be done by: this, is the golden rule and the royal law. By keeping the good name of others, we make to [Page 14]ourselves friends; it is their interest to be so: and a good name may be more than life. Our care to maintain it for our neighbour, will tend to engage his heart in the bonds of genuine friendship: And, indeed, will do much to mollify the obdurate heart of an enemy, humanize his stubborn soul, and teach him to love and admire our virtue.

And as the good name, so the worldly interest of men, is dear to them: we must, therefore, main­tain their interest to obtain their friendship. Very few persons will forgive, even, an attempt to de­fraud them of their just due. They will not easily make friendship with one, who has designedly hurt, or attempted to hurt their interest. By whatever means their interest is attacked, whether by false information—by oppression—by negligence in busi­ness —by taking advantage of innocence or igno­rance —by false reckoning, weights or measures, it will be noted down against that person; and will ever lie a heavy bar in the way of pure friend­ship. We must maintain the just interest of our neighbour—give him his just due—and support his just cause; or we shall neither obtain, nor keep friends.

These observations may be extended and applied to the spiritual and eternal interest of mankind; especially, among those who believe in a future state, and seek after the heavenly inheritance. Among such, our care and concern to promote their spirit­ual interest, will have great influence in making warm and lasting friendships. Such were the friend­ships of the Galatians toward St. Paul: He bears them record, that if it had been possible, they would have plucked out their own eyes, and have given them to him. Such friendships are of the purest kind: they tend through creature comforts, to the supreme good. May they abound more and more in our land!

[Page 15] I only observe further, that if we wish for friends we must consult the ease, comfort and happiness of our fellow-men.—When people perceive we feel no interest in their happiness, and take no pains to please them; or avoid giving them trouble they in return will not concern themselves about us nor seek or esteem our connexion. But when they find us friendly.—willing and ready to assist and oblige, as far as our circumstances will admit: when they find us willing to do, as we would be done by; then, their hearts will be affected, and their love and esteem will flow out towards us. They will make us the kind returns of friendship, and thus we shall pass on, mutually assisting and mutually re­joicing, through the thorny paths of life: and he who drops first, will receive on his grave, the friendly tear of heart-felt sorrow.

Upon what has been said, it will be very obvi­ous to remark, that those who neglect and disregard friendship, are guilty of great folly and inconsis­tency. —Is friendship such as above deseribed, very miserable must be the condition of those, who are destitute of friends. Mankind, by nature, are ex­ceedingly wicked. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, and the pride of life, blind our minds, and hurry us into practices cruel, unjust, and inhu­man! —Natural and moral evils surround us.—Temp­tations, from without, and from within, assail us— and innumerable infirmities of body, and of mind, constantly attend us.

How very miserable then is the condition of the friendless man! He is liable to pain, sickness and sorrow—he stands alone in the midst of dangers; and has no confidence in those about him—he is ex­posed to envy, malice and revenge; and has none to defend him; nor, to give him timely informa­tion, that he may defend himself. Mankind by na­ture are selfish; and care not how, or what he suf­fers [Page 16]—many will rejoice in his misfortune, and take all the advantage which an unprotected law will give them; I say, unprotected, because, few will enforce the law in favor of the friendless man.

Is he destitute of christian benevolence in his own breast, his case is still worse—there is no source of comfort left. To God, he will not; and to man, he cannot go. He has no alternative, but either, to sink into despair and insensibility; or, to bid de­fiance to the world, shame and censure; and run with violence and speed the thorny path of vice, to the goal of infamy and death.

Indeed, such is the state of this world, that we could not live in it for any time, unless we had friends; and the short space we might continue, would be a scene of vexation and torment.—Such is the condition of the friendless man! And the condition of any man varies from it, but in propor­tion to the number, faithfulness and influence of his friends. Very absurd, therefore, are those who disregard friendship, and neglect to make to themselves friends when they can. And when we further consider the comforts and advantages of having friends; and the very easy, reasonable and equitable ground on which they may be obtained; we must say, they will die as the fool dieth—with a glorious prize in their hands, and no heart to im­prove it!

And doubtless, should we carry our views no further than this life, it will be most comfortable and useful to have friends; and be friendly. This is evident, from the miserable condition of the friend­less man, just described: and also, from the com­forts and advantages of friendship, with regard to stations, relations, ages and characters, as above.

The wise preacher of Israel has beautifully touch­ed on both these considerations, in his observations on a solitary life.—"Two are better than one; be­cause they have a reward for their labor: for if [Page 17]they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe, to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie to­gether, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him: and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Mutual friendship, is highly useful and comfortable, in every station and rela­tion —it is the cordial of social life—it sweetens ev­ery joy, and moderates every grief.

And let me add: it puts us into circumstances for doing and receiving more good. This will have great influence on the benevolent heart, and increase his pleasures.—However friendly ourselves, yet the want of friends would leave us little oppor­tunity for doing good. It would seldom happen, we could do a kindness in an acceptable manner: the want of friendship would bar the kindness, or charge it to sinister views; and thus turn our good will into evil. But mutual friends, have always op­portunities of doing good; and that which is more, of doing it an agreeable manner. It is kindly re­ceived and kindly returned. Our friends will speak well of us—frequently call upon us—and use their influence to put us in a way to be useful to ourselves and others. Thus, we shall find an en­larged circle of receiving and of doing good.

In this view, friendship is not merely a social vir­tue, but assumes a higher character; it is a Chris­tian duty, looking forward to the day of account, and to the recompence of reward. It is the bond of union among the sons of God. It excites to diligence in every path of duty: and is acceptable to the Supreme Judge. It gives a peaceful con­science, and claims alliance to divinity.

This reminds me, that friendship, in this high sense, resembles Christ, who is the friend of all men. He was always pleased in doing good: it [Page 18]was his meat and drink. He sought opportunities to show his friendship, and never avoided any, who were willing to receive it. He was a friend to sin­ners —a friend to his enemies, and gave his life for them. He has left his examples on record, that we should follow his steps—do good to all men— and if occasion so require, lay down our life for the brethren.

Thus our friendship will resemble the Divine Ex­ample, and obey that injunction, which he has laid on all his followers, to manifest their love for him, by loving one another, as he hath loved them. Friendship, in this sense, is the distinguishing char­acteristic of all Christ's followers. In vain we talk of our religion without it. Little can be expected from our professions, unless we have a principle of divine love in our hearts.

There is, indeed, a friendship as above, arising from similarity of mental taste, and various secular motives—highly useful in its kind, and altogether necessary for a tolerable life in the present state of things. But it is not that friendship which delights in doing good, for goodness sake: It is at best, but an external and faint resemblance of that friend­ship, which was eminently in Christ Jesus; and which it is our duty and glory to imitate in heart and life.—Friendship, in this high sense, expresses our love and obedience to him, who is eminently stiled LOVE. It is the badge of our Christian pro­fession, and a very material evidence of our title to eternal life.—May God grant that the same mind of friendship shall live and abide in us, which was also in Christ Jesus!

Finally, may the consideration that friendship re­sembles heaven, excite all of us to a friendly con­versation. That world is a world of love: All is peace and harmony. God is love. Christ is love. Saints and angels dwell in love: And all their wor­ship and employments, are expressions of love. [Page 19]No evil passions disturb their minds: No cross in­terests —no envy—no discord can ever enter into that world of peace. All are friends to God— friends to Christ—and friends to one another.

This is the happiness, we profess to hope for. This is the heaven, we are professedly met to seek after. Let us seek with an heavenly temper—love to God and man. We must be friendly here, or depend upon it, my hearers, we shall never meet friendly there.

How shocking to the benevolent soul, is the too frequent practice of mankind, in this respect! How do they profess a hope of a friendly meeting in heaven, and yet, go wrangling all the way there! How many express an expectation of joining before the throne of God, in eternal hallelujahs; yet, when they meet here, accost each other in the most uncivil, profane and opprobious language!—De­pend upon it, such tempers can never enter the peaceful mansions of the God of love.

Let us be wise for ourselves and put on friendship —drop all divisions, animosities and wrangling; and live in peace and love. Would we go to heav­en, we must put on the heavenly temper, while here; and love one another as Christ hath loved us. Thus shall we grow up into a meetness for that kingdom of peace—No bitter reflections will har­row up our souls at death.—We shall depart in favor with God and man.—Shall exchange a state of imperfect friendship, for a state of perfect love. —And shall join the friendly society of heaven, to celebrate in eternal praises, the friendship of our Divine Friend, who hath loved us with an everlast­ing love—a love, stronger than death! AMEN.