SHE was born, June 28th, 1767, in the town of West-Stockbridge, (Massachusetts,) of reputa­ble parents. Her father, Mr. LAMBERT BURG­HARDT, was of Dutch extract, and an early settler in the town. ELIZABETH was his fourth child, and the eldest of five daughters, being the first person born in the place. The country being new, she had few or no advantages of educa­tion. This disadvantage was, however, in a great measure remedied by her diligent application, after she came to years of understanding. When about nine years of age, she was deprived of her mother, after which she payed constant attention to her younger sisters.—Her father, however, marrying again, after awhile, she was in a great measure re­lieved from this burthen. At a suitable age, she went as an apprentice to the Tayloring business, in which she made a very decent proficiency. Her occupation calling her abroad, she thereby formed a more general acquaintance with the world, which, joined with a frank and generous disposition, ren­dered her an agreeable member of society. She was remarked likewise for industry, prudence and economy. Naturally agreeable in her person, she [Page 4]was equally modest in her deportment and reserved in her behavior.

IT will not be improper here, to say something of her moral character.—Her natural temper was hasty and violent, but she had so far cultivated it as to appear almost uniformly of a mild and easy disposition. She had a heart to feel for the dis­tresses of others, though ready to resent any injury offered her. She was a strict observer of the sab­bath and its sacred institutions; and on these out­ward moral duties, she rested her hopes of future happiness, tho' at times she appeared not fully sat­isfied with her situation. She, at times reflected on eternal things, and in conversation, with a sis­ter of mine, was heard to say that she wished she was a Christian, as she believed they enjoyed them­selves better than any other people.

IN the year 1791, she became my companion. She remained this year, in an easy, unconcerned state, during which, we had a child bestowed on us, which she considered as a very great blessing.

SOME time in Autumn, 1792, Mr. OLIVER AYER, then a candidate in the ministry, was em­ployed to preach among us on probation. He tarried through the winter, in the course of which he made us several visits. Discoursing frequently with my wife, he endeavored to convince her of the importance of true religion, and of being pre­pared for death. He further observed, that it would be indeed desirable, if she and her sisters should so live in this world, as hereafter to meet, and be happy together in Heaven.^† She was [Page 5]deeply affected with his discourse, and began to view her situation as truly dangerous. The re­peated and weighty arguments which he brought to enforce the duty of repentance, had thoroughly smitten her heart. Her conviction at length, however, turned to a spirit of opposition and envy. She was greatly opposed to the way of salvation as it is pointed out in the Gospel. Her heart rose against the doctrine of total depravity. She could not endure the idea that the creature can do noth­ing meritorious. In the heighth of her opposition, she was even led to regard revelation, itself, as a mere human invention.

SHE thus continued her opposition till the latter end of May 1793, when Mr. AYER was ordained to the pastoral charge of the Church and congrega­tion in this place. He soon after came to board with us, by which means he had opportunity of frequently conversing with her on the important doctrines of salvation. He labored assiduously to convince her of the propriety of the Gospel-plan of redemption by a mediator, and of the divine sov­ereignty.—He told her that unless she was brought to view things in a very different light, she would most certainly be damned. She passionately re­plied, she did not care if she was. He then told her, that he feared those very words would seal her destruction. She appeared greatly agitated—burst into tears, rose up, and left the room. Struck with her rash and daring reply, he avoided saying any thing further to her on the subject. But, she find­ing he had given her over, began to sear that God would do likewise—She would frequently open a [Page 6]door for conversation, by asking him some ques­tions—but he cautiously avoided giving her any direct answer. This gave her still greater uneasi­ness.

OUR Rev. Pastor being occasionally visited by the neighboring ministers, they would frequently direct their discourse to her, proposing some im­portant question. She would immediately attack them on the doctrine of divine sovereignty, and hold up the inconsistency of their preaching "that the creature can do nothing of himself, and that he would nevertheless be damned, if he should neg­lect his salvation." The Rev. Mr. C—was one with whom she contended, with the greatest engagedness. He pointed out the danger of her present situation, and shewed her that while she continued to oppose God's law and government, she was at enmity with him, and consequently He was an enemy to her. He told her that God had threatened to pour out his wrath upon his enemies and to execute his vengeance on them that know Him not. She, however, disregarded all these pi­ous admonitions, and her heart continued to swell with the most violent and increasing opposition. She remained in this frame of mind until towards the close of the year, when her health began to de­cline, and a settled melancholy gradually succeeded. That state of mind was followed by its natural consequences: she would frequently observe, that she had not long to continue in this world; that she was strongly persuaded death would soon enter her family, and that in all probability she was to be the victim. Having realized the loss of a kind pa­rent [Page 7]in her tender years, she expressed great con­cern and anxiety for her little daughter, who, she imagined was about to be bereaved of her mother. Although she kept about her daily business, yet she declined fast; her mind was still gloomy, her nights were restless, and her sleep was disturbed with dismal and terrific apprehensions. I endeav­ored to expel the cloud that hung over her mind, by telling her that her apprehensions were all to be attributed to her indisposition of body, and a too great depression of spirits, but I argued in vain; she persisted in the belief that her end was ap­proaching, and her fears were fully confirmed by an instance of mortality which happened in our neighborhood. About the first of January, 1794, Mrs. R— a distant relation of hers, died. She attended the funeral of the deceased, was greatly affected, considered it as a special warning, and ap­peared to realize more sensibly than ever the ter­rors of the last enemy. Her repose was now dis­turbed with still more awful apprehensions. She would frequently relate to me her dreams, and never failed to draw from them, some ominous and unfavorable conclusion. The peculiar circum­stances that attended her, had probably no small influence on her mind, as she frequently observed, that she should not survive her approaching sick­ness. On the 26th of the same month (January) however, she was brought to bed, and survived. During the few first days she was comfortable; but was soon after seized with violent and distressing pains, which kept her very weak and low for about a fortnight; after which, she began again to recov­er, [Page 8]and in a short time became able to walk about the house. Her melancholy, notwithstanding, still continued. She could not persuade herself but that some great and awful event awaited her. Not long after, she perceived a weakness to affect the two fore-fingers of her right hand, which, however trifling at first, soon rendered her hand wholly useless. This alarmed her and increased her fears. One day at the dusk of evening as she lay on the bed immersed in gloomy apprehensions, she appeared to have lively views of God's wrath. She thought he was then preparing his thunder to destroy her—she rose hastily, came rushing forward to the fire where we were sitting, and sat down with us, as if to avoid the impending stroke. But He, from whose presence none can fly; still pursued her, and struck her into a fit. She shrieked out and fainted. We called a physician, who at first view, intimated that he thought her dying—he, however, gave a medicine which had the desired effect.—She in a short time revived and expressed herself thus; "Oh! must I die, and go to hell? how can I bear the torments of hell? how can I en­dure eternal burnings." And with such like ex­pressions she continued through the night, without one moments sleep, tho' as she afterwards told us, she felt disposed for it, but feared, if she slept, she should wake in hell. This shock removed the disorder as far up as her shoulder, and left her arm entirely useless. She remained in a bewildered state, the whole of the succeeding day, and com­plained that her mind was much confused. Night came on, and she, being weary and nearly exhaust­ed, [Page 9](having a high burning fever,) fell asleep and well until morning and felt herself greatly refreshed.

THIS day (being the Sabbath, Feb. 16th) was a day of rest to her troubled soul. A day in which God was pleased, wonderfully to display his power and mercy in recovering to himself one of his sinful, despairing creatures. When she awoke her mind appeared calm and composed, but her fears soon returned with renewed weight. Her convictions were very powerful; she appeared to have lively views of God's righteous indignation, directed against her. She presented a truly affecting spec­tacle, exclaiming that "God had turned his face from her, and would not hear her prayers."— On being asked if our minister should intercede for her, publicly, at the throne of grace; she replied, "it will be all in vain, it will do no good;" but did not object. When the divine service of the day was ended, a considerable number of people croud­ed in to see her, as her singular case had excited universal attention. It was told her, that an ex­traordinary petition had been put up for her, she said, "it would avail nothing, for God would not have mercy on so vile a wretch as she was, and al­tho' her heart was violently opposed to his sover­eignty, yet she was ready to acknowledge his justice in condemning her." She was in great agony thro' most of the day, writhing her body, and discover­ing the most sensible emotions of anguish. We could say nothing that would alleviate or comfort her. The scripture promises, which we repeated to her, served only to heighten the sense of her [Page 10]guilt and increase her terror. On this occasion we called a new physician to counsel and advise with our former one. But neither of them could ad­minister any thing to her relief. Her disorder lay beyond their reach. Our new physician, being a serious and candid man, endeavored to comfort her. He held up to her the justice and mercy of God, and the infinite merits of the divine Media­tor. He prudently warned her against giving way to the suggestions of a disordered imagination, the effects of which, he observed, might prove fatal, by turowing her into a delirium. On being told there was yet a prospect of her recovery, the rephed, she did not wish to be restored to health with the same wicked disposition which she then possessed, lest she should ruin her family, enhance her guilt, and aggravate her condemnation.

ONE of her sisters, (a professor of religion, before mentioned) being present, she cried out "dear Sis­ter do pray for me for God will not hear my pray­ers." She remained in this condition till towards night. I had occasion for being absent a short time, and when I returned I sound a very sensible alteration in her. She was cheerful; a tranquil joy appeared in her countenance. On my coming to the bed-side, she addressed me thus—"Are you willing to part with me? I am now willing to part with you and my dear children and all the enjoy­ments of this world, for Christ's sake, who, I hope, has redeemed my soul." The peace and joy which she felt, she was unable to express. At the same time rather doubting the reality of what she experienced, as being from God; "Oh," said she, [Page 11]"how is it possible that such a vile wretch as I should become a subject of God's grace and favor!" A great change, she found, had been wrought in her mind, tho' she knew not how it was effected; it appeared as something wonderful, of which she could give no account. She said, she had been seeking her own destruction, as she had been actu­ated wholly by selfish motives; but that God had joyfully disappointed her. She expressed herself most feelingly of the divine mercy and condescen­sion of God, in interposing with his Almighty power to rescue her sinking mind from despair, and her soul from eternal ruin. And indeed, it was a most astonishing display of divine mercy. She ex­pressed her wonder that God had not withdrawn his mercy and utterly cast her off. Her heart and voice were constantly in the most lively exercises of gratitude, which she continued thro' the day and evening, until she was nearly exhausted. Her countenance which had been so lately distorted with pain and anguish, had become serene and placid. Her tempestuous mind was now calm and cheerful, and it was with difficulty that we prevailed on her to take a little repose, which she so much needed. During the remainder of the night, she rested comfortably, and spent the next day in the most lively and joyful exercises.

SHE now began to reflect with sorrow and deep contrition on her past life, and acknowledged in presence of Mr. AYER and others, her folly in so rashly and wickedly opposing the doctrine of God's sovereignty and the depravity of his creatures. She wondered that God had not taken her at her [Page 12]word and sent her immediately to destruction. She desired that her confession might be drawn up and sent to the Rev. Mr. C—to express her grief and contrition for her former rash discourse to him; to ask his forgiveness and prayers.

(TUESDAY morning, Feb. 18th) I awoke and found her awake also. I asked her if she had rest­ed comfortably? She answered, "I have not—for the Devil has been lurking about me all night to disturb my peace—but I despise him for his mean­ness. I wonder that any one will have any thing to do with so mean a fellow." She now found she had to resist the attacks of the Arch enemy; but through Divine aid, she was enabled to withstand his power.

SHE now gave an account of the exercises of her mind, previous to her being struck into a fit, as before related, which was as follows: "Whilst on the bed, in the dusk of the evening I saw, to appearance, the Almighty God directly over where I lay, clothed in majesty and a flaming counte­nance. He seemed to be very angry at me, and ready to thunder out a mixture of his wrath and fiery indignation upon me; and I, being startled, with surprise and horror at the awful appearance, instantly rose and fled to the fire, and fat with the family to avoid the danger. But imagining my­self pursued, and finding no way of escape, my spirits sunk within me and my nature seemed to die." After thus minutely relating the above, she gave some account of the last struggles of her mind before she received comfort, which was as follows; "when," said she, "I had exercised myself in every [Page 13]way I could devise to make God take some notice of, and show me mercy, but finding all my efforts vain, and to no purpose, I thought that sentence was already passed on me, and no reprieve was to be had, but that I must go to immediate destruc­tion. My heart then rose to a spirit of malice against God and his authority, and since hell was to be my portion I was determined to go with a stout heart. I therefore set about fortifying my­self with resolution, I thought I could bear the torments of hell as well as others, and expected soon to join the hellish crew. I also felt great bit­terness against those who were reputed Christians, and even the presence of my sister C—(who professed religion) was highly offensive to me.

IN the midst of these exercises, when I thought myself prepared to go to destruction, a thought struck me that I could not endure the presence of God; me-thought I could abide the presence of all the damn­ed race, could I but fly the face of Him, I had so highly offended. The shame I thought I must feel in reflecting that God would be knowing to my frailties and weakness, operated so upon my proud heart, as at once to frustrate all my purposes.

WEARY and sunk almost in despair, I resolved to make one more struggle to obtain Heaven, as if by violence, though in direct opposition to God, when He was pleased to interpose and bow my stubborn will. I became nothing, and less than nothing, and He was pleased to pour the light of His countenance into my benighted soul. Oh! who would not take shame and reproach to them­selves, and lie low in the dust, and set up God as [Page 14]the supreme object of love and adoration in their hearts." Thus she finished her relation. Her physicians again met in counsel, and spoke favora­bly of her disorder. They ordered strict attention to be paid to her hand and arm, which appeared in danger of perishing. But she seemed to have little concern about her natural body; she said that her lame hand would do her turn as well as the other in a short time, and added she chose rather her right hand should forget its cunning workmanship than she should forget her God and Redeemer. Her mind was now filled both night and day with the most lively exercises. She con­templated with great pleasure the wonders of re­deeming love, and the marvellous condescension of a Saviour, in coming into the world to rescue per­ishing sinners from destruction. Instead of being disturbed in her sleep as formerly, her mind was filled with the most pleasant and agreeable pros­pects. These exercises, which she frequently rela­ted, exhibited a surprising contrast with her form­er gloomy and desponding state.

ONE morning after resting quietly she awoke with joy in her countenance, and immediately re­lated what had passed in her mind, when asleep. She said she had had an interview with her deceased neighbor Mrs. R— (who has been before men­tioned, in this relation) that she appeared to her in a ghostly form, in a beautiful carriage, all glittering with gold, and said she had come for her; that she Mrs. R—took her by the hand and aided her into the carriage, which appeared to be drawn by an invisible hand: that they slew with the [Page 15]greatest swiftness thro' the fields of Ether, fur round­ed with celestial brightness, and entertained with melodious musick and the most ravishing conver­sation from her friend, respecting the glories and beauties of the country to which they were going; and while they were thus flying, as she thought to the regions of felicity, her companion suddenly dis­appeared, leaving her alone, and a stranger to the way, at which she suddenly awoke. The interpre­tation which she gave of this dream, was, that she should not long continue in this world; such an event, however, she observed, was what she had ev­ery reason to expect, from the disorder that attend­ed her. She now appeared to decline rapidly, and for the most part was confined to the bed. The thoughts of death were constantly in her mind, and she scarcely spoke of herself, but she mention­ed something of the solemn and interesting scene of dying, which, as it respected her, she viewed to be near.

ABOUT this time she desired that a letter might be written in her name, to my mother in Connecti­cut, and dictated the two following sentences; "When I go hence I shall leave behind an affec­tionate companion, your son, and my two dear lit­tle infants, whom I commend to the care of a kind Providence, who is able to do more for them than I, or all the world beside. I wish you to have a watchful eye over my dear children, while you re­main in this troublesome, transitory world, and see that they are brought up in the fear of God, their Creator."

PROVIDENCE never more permitted her to see [Page 16]my aged mother, though she lived for some time after. Her disorder appeared to be of the chronic­al kind, slow, but sure and decisive in its effects: she would sometimes appear to be in a recovering state, but no sooner did we begin to take encour­agement, than a sudden relapse would blast our ri­sing hopes. The effect which this produced on mind may be worth remarking. When her health at any time, appeared to be on the decay, she seemed not only cheerful, but animated with the prospect of her approaching dissolution, to which she appeared to look forward with ardent expectation. On the other hand, when any flatteding hopes of her recovery appeared, her spirits sunk, and all her cheerfulness was buried in sorrow and deep melancholy. Soon after this, she was struck with a paralytic fit, which we feared, would put an end to her life, and indeed we thought her really dying. This was very afflictive and distres­sing and gave her the most ghastly appearance. This struck the disorder almost thro' her right side; soon after the had another of the same kind which lest one hall of her feeble frame entirely useless. Under all these trials, she appeared submissive and re­rigned, rejoicing in God in the midst of her afflictions.

APPREHENSIVE that her end was night, she im­parted to me such advice as she thought most suit­able, respecting myself and our children, and after presenting some tristing articles of her clothing to her sisters, as tokens of her affection, "now," said she, "I have set my house in order, and now, by the assistance of God, I shall be ready to go when called for."—She observed that she had been hur­rying [Page 17]her business forward as fast as possible, for some time, previous to her sickness, but that she had misjudged in laying out more than she was able to accomplish, and acknowledged her folly and madness, in being more concerned about the affairs of this world than of her soul.

Feb. 22d. At her request, a letter was written to a brother and sister of mine in Connecticut, expres­sive of the tenderest concern for their eternal in­terest. Being unable to take care of her child, she sent it away to be nursed. The thought of parting, perhaps never to see it more, brought floods of tears from her eyes. The idea of leaving her chil­dren was a great trial to her. She observed that, formerly she should have rejoiced to take them along with her, but that she was now sensible of her great wickedness; that she hoped they would live, should it be God's will, be subjects of grace and blessings to society. Her daughter's name she altered from CHARLOTTE to ELIZABETH, to bear up her own name, and for the same reason, proposed to have her son called after my name, with the addition of BURGHART, which was done at their baptism, previous to her death.

Lords day, Feb. 30.] SHE appeared very gloomy and desponding, tho' she contented that I should attend meeting. When I returned I found her in tears, the cause of which she related. The many doubts, fears and temptations, which perplexed her mind, had almost overcome her. I then re­peated to her the words which had been the subject of our forenoon's discourse, Heb. 12.2. "Look­ing unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, [Page 18]who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."—This proved a seasonable cordial to her wounded spirit; it reminded her that the was to look to Christ as her Redeemer, support and comfort, under all her afflictions.

SHE continued in a weak and distressed situation till towards the end of March, having frequent re­turns of fits, tho' they grew lighter; she gradually regained strength, so far as to be able to walk out, and in a measure recovered the use of speech.

ONE Sabbath day, as she observed the people re­turning from meeting, she says, "O, what a blessed opportunity have those who are in health, to go and hear the word of God, but I fear that many of them improve it to as little advantage, and make as light of it as I did while in health."

SHE now set apart a day for private fasting, hu­miliation and prayer, and could not be persuaded to taste any thing from evening to evening, except medicine; but said, she had reason to fast and mourn for her past sins, and for every moment which she did not spend with a view to God's glory.

WE now began to be considerably encouraged, she continued gaining strength, but she still de­clared that she should not recover. When a pros­pect of health appears, the influence of religion is apt to abate; but it was not so with her; the im­pressions made on her mind, when weak, languish­ing and distressed, appeared rather to acquire strength with the body, than to lose their force.—She would constantly inculcate on all around her, [Page 19]the importance of religion, the necessity of repen­tance, and the folly and madness of putting off a work of such infinite moment to a sick bed. The severest trials which she had at parting with this world, was the idea of leaving her tender offspring without a mother, exposed to all the ensnaring temptations of the world. Hard, indeed, it was for her to become reconciled to the thought that she must part with them forever; fain would she have lived, had it been God's will, for their sakes. Her attachment to her sisters was too great not to make the idea of a separation from them particu­larly interesting and painful. To the ordinary ties of nature in such a near relation, were added the endearments of a most friendly and intimate ac­quaintance from their earliest infancy, as being the eldest, to her had been committed, in a great meas­ure, their education, which in an eminent degree, appeared to have mutually inspired maternal ten­derness, on the one hand, and filial love and respect on the other: considerations which, perhaps, of all others, render the subjects of them the most pe­culiarly endearing. She counseled them to assist each other in their journey through life, and walk as real sisters in the paths of virtue.

ABOUT the middle of April she became able to ride out in a carriage, which she did frequently, and by the last of the month, she had recovered her strength, so far as to be able to walk to her fa­ther's house, about a quarter of a mile. The pros­pect of her recovery now appeared so favorable, that I slattered myself that she was still to be con­tinued, a comfort, and a blessing to her family; [Page 20]and observed to her that I thought she was likely to be disappointed, and that I hoped all her por­tentous signs would fail. She replied, that she should not certainly be disappointed, and caution­ed me against flattering myself with the prospect of her recovery, as my disappointment and trial, at our separation would be the greater.

ONE day as I carried her abroad, we passed with­in view of the burying place, "there," said she, "I shall shortly be laid." Nothing could be more strong than the impression on her mind that she was soon to leave this world; she appeared to enjoy herself best, when meditating on death, and was unwilling to have her mind diverted from the mel­ancholy pleasing subject. Having so far recovered as to be able to read, the perused the scriptures with great attention and delight. She observed that, when in an unrenewed state, the word of God appeared dull and uninteresting, but that now she found it a delightsome and profitable book, full of the most consoling, and animating truths. Her attachment to reading, became at length, so great, that we found it was detrimental to her health, and were obliged for a while, to prohibit her entirely the use of books. About this time she expressed a desire to become a member of Christ's visible Church, she was accordingly propounded. This, altho' she was convinced it was her duty, was nev­ertheless, a great trial. She expressed some fear, lest, from a want of self-knowledge, she might be left to dishonor that cause in which she was about publicly to engage. She manifested a very feeling sense of the unmerited goodness and mercy of God [Page 21]and appeared to view herself as an humble depen­dent creature, and even unworthy to be numbered with the family of Christ.

May 3.] THIS was a day of peculiar trial, her fits returned, accompanied with the most agoni­zing distress and fainting. We were almost ready to despair of her life. A new physician was called, who prescribed some powerful means, which had the desired effect. She revived a little, and ap­peared cheerful. Altho' her pain was excessive, yet she manifested patience and resignation; the hand of the Lord was heavy, yet not a complaint escaped her lips. She said that she ought cheer­fully to accept of all that was laid upon her, as be­ing God's pleasure, and justly due to her for her disobedience.

SHE remained in a low and distressed situation, till about the 15th of May, when she was able to ride out again. I carried her to her fathers'; we had not been long there, when it began to rain. She was very desirous of returning, but by my en­treaties, and those of the family, she was at length prevailed on to stay. She then observed that she had come to her fathers' house to die. The weath­er was rainy for several days, during which time she decayed very considerably.

Lord's day, May 20.] SHE was taken with a cough attended with raising blood, which was followed by a continual discharge of ulcerated matter from her lungs. By this she was deprived of the use of speech for about a week. We now agreed with her in the opinion that she would not recover. This relieved her from those anxieties which her [Page 22]physicians and friends had raised in her mind re­specting her recovery. Altho' she cheerfully sub­mitted to the direction of her physicians, yet she uniformly declared, that she did it not from any hope of its being beneficial, but from a sense of duty. We now discontinued the use of medicine altogether. She continued discharging a nauseous and ulcerated matter, which was attended with such violent convulsions of body that we frequent­ly thought her dying. In those turns, she would sometimes observe, "O, how offensive and loath­some is this body, in which, I once so much de­lighted. It has become offensive even to my friends, and is rotting and wasting while I am yet alive, and robbing the worms of their food."

HER grave cloaths were prepared at her request, and brought into her presence. She was not in the least affected at the fight, but said she delighted in them more then in any dress she had ever worm and lamented that she had spent so many of her youthful days in ornamenting her body, which was but a fleeting shadow, in comparison with the im­mortal part. Thus she continued, a constant prey to her disease, expecting every day and hour to be introduced to the "untried scenes" of anoth­er world. Being asked one day, by a minister who came to see and pray with her, what petition he should put up in her behalf; she replied, "pray to God for sinners, and that my patience sail not."

Lords day, June 1st.] IN the morning she ap­peared almost exhausted, having stept but poorly through the night. She observed that it was with her in a measure, as with the Rev. David Brainard, [Page 23]and she could say as he did, that ther natural birth was on the Sabbath, the Sabbath was also the day of her new birth if she had ever experienced any; and she hoped, if it was God's will, that this Sab­bath might be the day of her death. She often expressed great anxiety to depart and be with Christ. The day and night following were passed by her, in the greatest distress.

Monday, June 2d.] Towards night, I had occa­sion to leave the room a while, and when I returned I found her in tears; I enquired the cause; she said that she had heard the people in the other room, say that she was likely to continue two or three weeks yet, that if this should be the case, she feared her patience would fail. I asked her if she had ever been impatient or uneasy with her situa­tion: She answered, that she hoped she bad not been guilty of that particular sin, tho' she feared she was not so well reconciled to her trials as she ought, and prayed fervently that God would sup­port and strengthen her, and give her patience to wait her appointed time. And altho' she lingered during six weeks, for the most part in great distress, yet she was never heard to complain, or repine at the dealings of God, but on the contrary, often spoke of his goodness and long-suffering with the most sensible emotions of gratitude. In all her distress, she was seldom heard to groan, but now and then a deep sigh forced its way from her heav­ing breast, which was enough to pierce, even a heart of stone.

HER anxiety for her children, as has been be­fore observed was great, she frequently had them [Page 24]brought into her presence and would embrace them with the most tender affection, commend them to the mercy of God, and express the extatic joy she should feel, if hereafter, she might meet them in Heaven. Previous to her conversion, she was very desirous of having our first child given up in baptism according to the ritual of the Church of England, (she having been baptized, herself in the same way, when in infancy) but I remonstrated strongly against it, and kept her from her purpose. She expressed her gratitude, that she had been pre­vented from taking what, she now considered, as a very erroneous measure.

IN this weak and declining state she remained until June 18. During which, her distress contin­ued with very little intermission to prey upon her, and it could be perceived that she grew weaker. She frequently discharged large quantities of putrid matter from her vitals. Her mind was variously exercised; sometimes she appeared full of joy and animation, at others, almost overwhelmed with a sense of her vileness. Scarcely could she persuade herself, that where there was so much sin and re­maining corruption in the heart, there could be any saving grace. She was many times almost ready to despond and think that God would cast her off forever. So great was her sense of the infi­nite purity and justice of God, and of her own un­worthiness, that she feared, He would pour out his wrath upon her, as the vilest of his enemies. She would frequently exclaim, "O! how is it possible that such a vile wretch as I, should think of going to Heaven, to live with holy beings, and join that [Page 25]blessed company of Saints and Angels, who surround the throne of God."

SHE was exceedingly fond of company, especial­ly that of Christians. She delighted much in dis­coursing on Heavenly and divine things, and tho' naturally reserved in her deportment, (particularly before strangers) yet she now appeared to throw off all reserve, and to use the utmost freedom in con­versation, and seemed to exert her whole strength in the service of the Redeemer, endeavoring to convince those around her, of the reality and im­portance of eternal things. It seemed as if she re­alized that she had much to do and but little time in which to do it, and would frequently observe, that it appeared to her as though she made no progress in religion, but grew worse and worse.

ONE day as a Christian friend, an elderly and experienced gentleman came to see her, she says to him, "Come tell me some Christian feelings, that I may know how Christians feel." After some conversation had passed between them, he observed to her, "you will have the advantage of us if you die now, as you will begin an eternity of happiness before us." After a short pause, she replied "If it should be God's will that I should land safely, I would not return for a thousand such worlds as this."

SHE was anxiously concerned respecting her feelings at the last trying scene, lest the Adversary should throw in her way some troublesome tempt­ations, and cause her to doubt, and dishonor the cause of religion. "Oh! said she, that God would send his guardian Angels to defend me from Satan, [Page 26]and conduct me safely to the mansions of his Heav­enly rest."

A DEEP sense of her dependence appeared ever to lie with weight on her mind. Resting her troubled soul on the merits of the Redeemer, she gave over all hopes of obtaining eternal life, by any other way than through his mediation. But, (as has been before observed) her feelings were not at all times the same. Clouds would often gather and disturb her peace. Doubts and fears would spring up and threaten her hope. She sometimes seemed ready to despond under these trials, and even wish for the faith of assurance, that God would re­veal to her the secret counsels of his will. Yet, on reflection, she would retract her rash desire, and acknowledge that her immortal state was wisely hidden from her. She confessed she had never done any thing to merit salvation, but if ever she was saved it must be by free and sovereign grace. Whenever she meditated on the doctrines of the gospel, and the efficacy of the atonement, her heart found rest. She expressed an universal regard for her fellow creatures, more especially for those that belong to the family of Christ, who, she said, seem­ed dearer to her than her natural relatives. Noth­ing was so agreeable to her as Christian society, she delighted much in the company and conversation of Christians with which she was often favored.

ONE day, addressing Mr. AYER, she said "little did I think when I first saw you, that you would so soon be called on to preach my fune­ral sermon as it now appears you will."

SHE was again seized with another of that kind [Page 27]of fits to which she had been subject, her feeble frame was affected with the most violent convul­sions. This made her look forward with terrifying anxiety to the time when she might be deprived of her reason. Her fit lasted about an hour, but the cramp succeeded, which threw her body into the most violent contortions. No position in which she could be placed, afforded her any relief. We were obliged to use the severest means to prevent her injuring herself. She would frequently cry out for help, and four persons were employed to attend her. This distressing scene continued for about twenty-four hours.

NEXT morning being Sabbath, a brother of mine came into the room, when she observed to him, that she had become an object of disgust, as her countenance was distorted by recent distress. "O!" said she, "I long to have the time come, when I shall be relieved from all these distressing feelings and go home to my Heavenly Father." In the course of the day, she asked me how I thought I should feel, were I sensible that I was about to die, and appear in the world of spirits. I told her that she could best answer. She replied, "it is a greater thing to die than is generally thought;" and turning towards me with an anx­ious look, said, "Oh! what dreadful feelings I find within my breast, how justly is death stiled the King of Terrors! the fear and distress, which I feel at the thought of death, I cannot describe." Towards the close of the day I found she grew more restless. I asked her if I should read a chap­ter in the Bible for her consolation? she said she [Page 28]did not feel sit to hear reading. I then asked her if I should invite the singers in after meeting to amuse her with singing? she replied that she felt unfit to hear singing, or any thing that was good; that she looked upon herself as the worst being in existence, and that God would do her justice to send her instantly to destruction. I then asked her, if she doubted the sufficiency of Christ? "Oh, no;" said she, "Christ is all-sufficient, ready and willing to save, but this wicked heart of mine what a sink of filth and iniquity it is! I however endeav­ored to comfort her by reading a passage in St. Paul's Epistle to the Hebrews, and remarked that he found cause to mourn on account of the remains of indwelling corruption, notwithstanding, he was so eminent a Christian. This seemed, for awhile, to ease her mind.

A MINISTER from a neighboring town officia­ted with us this day, and meeting being out, he came to inquire after her health. I asked her if she would have him come in and pray with her; she answered, that she would. I then covered her face lest his appearance, being a stranger, should frighten her. After he came in she desired to see him, but she was so affected with the interview, that her cramp returned, and threw her into such violent agitation, that he thought best to with­draw; but when he was about to leave the room, she, in broken accents desired him to stop and pray with her. He then asked her if she had any par­ticular request for him to make at the throne of grace? She replied, "yes, pray that the clouds of darkness may be dispelled from my mind, and [Page 29]that my patience may be continued to the end." As he began, she fixed her eyes attentively on him, and before he had finished his prayer, the cramp had entirely left her, and her countenance became composed. He then conversed with her and spake a few words for her consolation. At her request he told her the feelings and exercises of a Christian, and recited to her that passage of St. Paul's Epistle to the Romans, Chap. 7. verse 24th. "O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death!" He observed to her that the Apostle's wretchedness consisted in the sinful exer­cises of his heart, and the in-dwelling sin that still remained, as in this life we are sanctified only in part. When he had ended his conversation, he retired; and her grief was then turned into joy. "O, said she, how does my heart rejoice! How I feel the love of God slow through my whole frame, which warms my very soul. O Jesus how lovely art thou in my sight!"

BUT her cramp soon returned, and her tongue was so benumbed, that it was with much difficulty that she spoke. She could only utter a few broken accents, saying, "peace, peace, O what peace I enjoy, O that I could spend the sew remaining mo­ments I have to stay in this world, in this peaceful and happy frame."

SHE remained in this situation for several days, and many times we thought her dying, and often called in the neighbors to see her expire. Once, in particular, her breath appeared nearly gone, and her aged Grandmother standing by, endeavored to close her eyes but she revived a little, and spoke [Page 30]in a low faltering voice, saying "Pray, Madam, do not close my eyes until I have done breathing." Thus she continued, expecting soon to be introdu­ced to an endless state of being, and expressing her­self thus, "I am going soon to try my faith; I shall soon appear before my Judge, there to hear my sentence, I shall soon know whether I am a servant of Jesus Christ or of Satan. Oh, said she how it shocks me, to think that my naked soul must appear before God, there to render an account of all my conduct in life; how can I stand before such a holy being? But I hope that Christ will appear for me and plead my cause.

June 25th.] THIS day she was much affected with the cramp and fainting turns, together with a continual discharging of matter from her lungs. It appeared as if nature had almost done struggling with her disorder, and that her end could not be far distant. Yet under all these afflictions, she ap­peared to have the exercises of humility and resig­nation. "O," said she, "what reason have I to be thankful and adore the sovereign mercy and goodness of God, that he has made me so greatly to differ from many of my fellow creatures, who are as good by nature as myself, and yet have no pros­pect of any thing but to plunge into endless rain as soon as their breath shall cease." In this manner she passed three days and nights with very little rest and scarcely tasting any food. I being alone in the room with her was about to call the family. as I thought her dying. She said to me, "pray do not call them in, I wish not to be disturbed by company, I hope you are not afraid to have me die alone with you."

[Page 31] AN elderly Christian friend before mentioned, who had frequently visited her in the course of her confinement, coming in, observed to her in a fa­miliar manner, "why then you are yet alive; It appears you cannot die when you would." She replied "Yes, I am still alive, God is able to sup­port me, to endure all that he is pleased to lay upon me, and will lay no more on me than I de­serve." She now set about self-examination. She found she said, such a sink of sin and corruption, in her vile heart, that she was almost ready to con­clude that she was not a child of God. She was afraid that her heart, would, after all deceive her, but rejoiced that God knew her heart, better than she, and relied wholly on his sovereign mercy. She was often observed to weep, because she could not live more to God's glory. "O," said she, "how beautiful and lovely does Christ appear! In­finitely worthy of the highest affection and adora­tion of all his creatures." She was fearful that she should lose her senses and be wholly deprived of reason, as her nervous complaints appeared chiefly to affect her head; but said, she was sensible, she ought to give herself no anxiety about that, for God had a right to do with her as he pleased, and desired that he would treat her in such a manner as would be most for his own glory.

June 28th.] IN the morning she appeared great­ly distressed having had no rest the preceding night, she had turns of fainting and the most ago­nizing pain. "This" said she, "is the day of my birth, this day I am twenty-seven years of age. I am an old sinner. God has permitted me to live, [Page 32]and commit a great deal of sin, but i hope it is his will that I should this day be with Christ in glory. She however revived a little, and her speech appear­ed more easy. She esteemed it as an indispensa­ble duty, at all times to admonish all, with whom she had opportunity of conversing. As she had herself experienced the danger of delay with regard to religion, she exhorted all to secure an interest in the Saviour. She enforced the importance of ear­ly piety, and of relying wholly on the merits of the Redeemer. Even Christians met with her ad­monitions and reproofs. She exhorted them to walk orderly before the world, that sinners might not stumble over them into destruction. She warned them not to let their hearts deceive them. To beware of building on a sandy foundation. Her relations and friends were repeatedly and most feelingly exhorted by her, to become acquainted with the beauties of religion. The cause of reli­gion at large, seemed to lie near her heart. She prayed earnestly for the success and prosperity of the Church.

IN the more favorable intervals, when most free from pain, she was frequently questioned re­specting the affairs of her family. She said she submitted all those things to the judgment and care of her sister E—(who had lived with us from the time of our first keeping house) and that she was determined to know nothing amongst us, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.

June 29th.] Her distress still continued. To her ordinary pains, was added a most violent coughing and discharge of matter from her lungs, [Page 33]as had been the case some time before.) One of her sisters standing by, while thus exercised with extreme pain she addressed her as follows: "Dear Sister, we have formerly expressed a wish that when­ever we should be called to leave this world, we might die with the consumption, it being a linger­ing disorder; and we should consequently have op­portunity to prepare for death. I have my wish, you now see me agonizing in extreme pain; but rely on it, a sick bed is a miserable place to do this important work."

THE cramp in her jaws increased, and affected her with pain almost insupportable. Her mind appeared to be in a confused state. She was borne down with the complicated distress, both of body and mind. She said, she had a craving desire for spiritual food, and hungering and thirsting after holiness. Her Sister C—, last mentioned, came again into the room, and after conversing with her a short time on the important subject of reli­gion, she desired her to desist, and not interrupt her; and after lying in a silent, musing posture for some time, she broke forth into the most lively strains of joy, "O," said she, "where am I! how happy do I feel, what a ravishing prospect have I of Jesus." She appeared to be carried away with the prospect of Heavenly bliss, and her soul was again filled with the rich bounties of a Heavenly feast. Not unfrequently, when almost overcome with dis­tress, she would be revived by religious conversa­tion, and would converse with the greatest cheer­fulness and animation, on the doctrines of divine grace.

[Page 34] SHE began now to have a craving appetite for food, especially for fruits which were brought her by her friends, and she made the most thankful acknowledgments for every favor; spoke much of the kindness of her neighbors, and observed that she did not think it possible for any one, in her situation, to have greater attention paid them than she had experienced during her sickness. She longed to haste away and be at rest, and would of­ten enquire what were the last symptoms of the consumption. On being told, she would compare them with her own feelings. Not being fully ac­quainted with the disorder, I had still a secret hope of her recovery. I applied again to the physician who formerly attended her. He came, left some cordial medicine and gave directions what to do. But she was surprized that we should attempt to do any thing more for her, and said, "it appears as if you are fighting against God, for while he is deter­mined to take me out of the world you seem de­termined he shall not."

MANY times, when Ministers and Christian friends came to see and pray with her, she would express an unwillingness that they should pray for her continuance in this world. She observed it was painful to her as it appeared to be contrary to God's will.

MY hopes, however were soon blasted. She had a relapse which it was not expected she would survive. Her children were brought once more, for her to see, as we thought for the last time. This was an affecting scene to behold. A kind mother bidding an affectionate adieu to her belov­ed [Page 35]offspring—about to leave them in a young and helpless condition, in a world of sin and temptation, exposed to every danger—not knowing whether she should ever meet them in a happier. To her, this scene was severe and trying. She em­braced them with the utmost affection, and observ­ed that she was about to leave them in the same condition in which she herself was left, tho' in a still more helpless state. She said that she hoped God would take them under his protection, fit them for his service, and dispose of them to his glory." She exhorted me to bring them up in the fear of the Lord, and impress on them the infinite importance of religion, and whenever their understanding would permit, to remind them of the tender con­cern which their dear mother expressed for them in her last moments.

SHE, however revived a little, and appeared comfortable. A sister of mine, mentioned in the former part of this relation, came from a distance to see her. They had a joyful and happy inter­view. They anticipated, with the most pleasing rapture, their future meeting in Heaven, of which each had good reason to hope. My sister being in a weak and declining state concluded she should not survive her long, which proved to be the case, for she died of a child-bed sickness a few months after my companion.

BUT to resume my narrative; her cramp abated considerably, and she conversed with more ease. She observed that nine persons of her acquaintance, had been called out of time in the course of her fickness, "How much longer, said she, I have to [Page 36]continue here, God only knows." Having been at her fathers, ever since the middle of May, it was proposed to carry her home, on account of its being more retired, and she being a little revived, cheer­fully consented to it. Her removal was according­ly effected without much difficulty. She appeared pleased that she had once more got back to the place where her trials commenced. Her appetite now grew stronger, and we began again to enter­tain some hopes of her recovery. Her mind seem­ed quite composed, and she appeared to enjoy her­self well. Our family was small, Mr. AYER being one of the number. She expessed great regard for him as he had shewn so much concern for her spir­itual welfare. She enjoined it strongly on him to have an eye to her children in case of my death.

SHE being thirsty, called to a young sister of mine to bring her the glass, meaning the one which contained her drink, but through misunderstand­ing the looking-glass was brought. She took it, and with a smile she says, "You have made a mis­take, but I will see how differently I appear from what I did while in health. Previous to her sick­ness she was a very fleshy person and of a healthy countenance, but was now reduced to a mere skel­eton. She was not in the least surprized at her un­favorable appearance, and signified that she was fit only for worms.

July 8th] BEING four days previous to her death; the Church convened at my house, and re­ceived her as a member of their body. This filled her with joy and gratitude to God, that He had continued her life and reason and enabled her pub­licly [Page 37]to consecrate herself to his service before she left the world.

July 9th.] THIS day she had another fit, which though severe, as usual, did not last long, and left her tolerably comfortable. As some of our neigh­bors came in to see her, she appeared cheerful and conversed with case. Her youngest child, which she had never again expected to behold, was bro't home. She seemed highly gratified to see him once more, and paid great attention to him. She observed that he was an agreeable child; "But," said she, "by giving him life I shall be deprived of my own."

Thursday, July 10th.] IN the morning she ap­peared cheeful, and observed that she had rested comfortably; and said further, that she did not know but she should still recover—that if it were God's will, she believed she could be reconciled to it as her friends appeared so much to desire it.

DOMESTIC concerns for awhile occupied her attention. She gave some advice respecting our family, and interested herself so much in the affairs of life that she appeared as one restored from the dead. It was not long however, before she ob­served that she should continue but a short time in this world, and felt, she said, that she had done wrong in slattering herself with the hope of re­covering. A burying place was by her appointed where she chose to be laid,^* and all that she now de­sired respecting herself, was, that God would give [Page 38]her an easy passage and be with her through the dark valley of death, which she had so long dread­ed. But she possessed, in an eminent degree, that hope which is the soul's sure anchor, which disease cannot impair, nor death destroy.

ON being asked whether she had not a remain­ing wish to recover, she replied, "let God's will be done; I wish not to choose for myself, but that he would choose for me." She passed the day comfortably, tho' she complained of wanderings of heart, which she imputed to the unguarded hope, she expressed in the morning that she might re­cover, and added, "The Lord has been pleased to try me both with mercies and judgments; He is merciful, in that he has been pleased to relieve me in a measure from bodily pain, before I go hence to be here no more. But Oh, how ready is my heart to wander from God and cleave to the vani­ties of time." At night she observed, she had not passed so comfortable a day, as to her health, for five months past; and we could not but be flattered with the prospect; but how soon were our hopes blasted. Her appetite appeared to be good and she ate heartily. But, in the course of the evening, she complained of a pain in her head; it was of the nervous kind, affecting the back part of her neck and the upper part of her head. The pain became extreme. We did every thing in our power for her relief, but to no purpose. Soon af­ter she was seized with puking, which so affected her vitals, that to appearance, she ceased breathing. But after remaining in this state, for a short time, Mr. AYER, who was standing by, examining her, [Page 39]discovered appearance of life, while her friends stood round weeping and waiting with anxiety for her returning breath. We applied to her mouth some powerful drops, when she, by degrees revived, and her senses being probably blunted by the loss of her reason, the appeared to be in a measure uncon­scious of her extreme anguish. She continued in a kind of delirious state through the night.

July 11th] THIS day she lay in a bewildered state, her eyes, for the most part closed, tho' she would frequently open and fix them attentively on those around her; but seldom speaking or an­swering if spoken to. Death, the fatal messenger of Heaven, appeared to be at no great distance, and she seemed quietly to wait his approach. Oh, said she, I hope I shall soon go where there is no more sighing, nor sorrow nor weeping. Where nothing can disturb my felicity."

The following questions and answers which passed between us, it may not be improper to insert; she spoke with much difficulty and with a weak and faltering voice.

HAS your reason been continued?

FOR the most of the time it has.

WHY have you not answered when spoken to?

ON account of weakness and cramp in my jaws.

HAVE you yet clear views of things respecting the other world?

I HAVE, and my mind is in free exercise.

Do you still feel the need of a Saviour?

O, YES; if any one in this world ever did, I do.

I then observed to her, what unspeakable joy and con­solation she must have, as God had promised to be a friend and father to the needy, and nigh unto those who put their trust in him. "Well, said she, I am needy, and added in the words of the Poet,

[Page 40] I TOLD her I hoped she had his presence with her. She then cast a wishful look upwards with joy painted on her countenance, and extended her withered arms as though she would embrace her desired object, and cried with an elevated voice, "O, come Lord Jesus, come quickly, come" She then closed her eyes and lay to appearance, composed. This was the last conversation I had with her; though it is evident her reason was con­tinued, as she knew her father and others who came into the room, which she discovered by signs. In this mute and passive state, she continued thro' the day, having a high burning fever, and her jaws se­verely affected with a hard cramp.

July 12th] IN the morning she was exercised with the same protracted pain, having had no rest the preceding night. In the afternoon her fever rose very high; and she began to cough; being [...] up as usual, she was so weak as to be unable to discharge the matter that affected her vitals. She was immediately seized with strangling, and gave forth the most piercing sighs, which admon­ished us that her end was hastening. These unre­ [...]ng struggles soon overcame her feeble nature, and about half past 4 o'clock (Saturday, July 12, 9 [...]) she drew her last breath, and with an expiring groan, bade this world adieu..

ON the Monday following, her funeral was at­tended by a large concourse of people, when a Ser­mon suitable to the occasion was delivered by the Rev. OLIVER AYER, from Job. VII.I. Is there not an appointed time to man upon earth? are not [...] days also like the days of an hireling?