THE GOODNESS OF GOD IN THE CONVERSION OF YOUTH.
THE GOODNESS OF GOD IN THE CONVERSION OF YOUTH: A SERMON ON THE DEATH OF CHARLES I. S. HAZZARD, Son of the late Alderman Hazzard, who died of the late Epidemic, aged 18 Years.
In which are introduced, An Account of his very early Enjoyment of the Grace of GOD, and the Exercise of his Mind to the Period of his Death.
Transcribed from the Diary written with his own Hand.
By JOHN STANFORD, M. A.
NEW-YORK: Printed by T. & J. SWORDS, No. 99 Pearl-street.
—1799.—
TO THE Bereaved Mother of the late CHARLES I. S. HAZZARD, AND To the Church with whom he was a Member, The following Discourse Is affectionately addressed By their Friend and Servant in the Gospel,
THE GOODNESS OF GOD, &c.
I HAVE chosen these words, as they are analogous to the last accents of our departed young brother, C. HAZZARD, and as they equally assist me with a desirable subject for my present discourse.
Good is a term applied, in our text, to convey to us some idea of the underived, self-existent excellence of JEHOVAH; constituting his infinite blessedness, and forming the never-failing spring of happiness to all in heaven, and to all on earth. Who can estimate the providential goodness of our GOD to men?—The whole earth is full of his goodness. Psm. xxxiii. 5.—Like the rays of the meridian sun, it diffuses natural light and [Page 8] blessedness to every part of humanity. The air we breathe, the food we eat, the raiment we wear; every personal and social enjoyment flows from the hand of our beneficent Creator! "Thou crownest the year with thy goodness; and thy paths drop fatness. They drop upon the pastures of the wilderness; and the little hills rejoice on every side. The pastures are clothed with flocks; the vallies also are covered over with corn: they shout for joy, they also sing." Psm. lxv. But how great are "the riches of God's goodness" in the REDEMPTION of fallen, wretched man, through the inestimably precious PERSON, RIGHTEOUSNESS, ATONEMENT, and INTERCESSION of JESUS CHRIST, who, in his DIVINITY, is co-equal, in essential and underived goodness, with the FATHER;— in his HUMANITY, is the excellence of our human nature as first formed in Paradise, and pronounced very good,—and is also the MESSIAH, the CHANNEL through which all spiritual goodness, grace, mercy, and glory flow to perishing man!—Goodness, which covers all our crimes; regenerates our depraved nature; supplies us in all the exigencies of our life, and shall make us victorious in the territories of death;—it shall turn a final period to all our evils, and crown [Page 9] us with felicity, as eternal and unchangeable as its own nature. O that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! Psm. cvii.
From these general reflections on the goodness of our God, as we are now met to pay our last tribute of respect to the memory of the youngest brother in our church, I shall attempt to address you—
I. On the goodness of God in the conversion of youth.
II. Name those who are bound to give thanks unto the Lord for such expressions of his favour.
III. Illustrate the subject, by reciting to you some memoirs of the conversion and experience of the youth whom God hath removed from us by death. May my present effort be accompanied with such a communication of God's special goodness, that vain youth may remember their Creator; and, each advanced to mature age, may praise the Lord for those instances of Divine beneficence, which, in close succession, have followed us through all our fleeting days!
I. By the conversion of youth I do not mean that moral reformation which is frequently produced by a religious education; by cultivation [Page 10] from pursuing the round of arts; or, from the example of the best of men; although each of these is valuable, and highly to be esteemed: Neither do I believe conversion to be effected by the application of any external religious rite whatever; not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but OF GOD. John i. 13. Mere civilized nature, is unregenerated nature still. The conversion of a sinner is founded upon the regeneration of the soul by the God of all grace; a work which is perfect in its nature, and never fails to turn the sinner out of himself, from all vain and selfrighteous confidence, to the knowledge and sensible enjoyment of God through the cross of Jesus, issuing in the glory of its Almighty Author. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to his abundant mercy, hath begotten us again unto a lively hope, by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Pet. i. 3. The necessity of conversion arises from the carnal mind being enmity against God; the soul, dead in sin, having no hope, and without God in the world, and, of course, incompetent to enjoy an holy God in blissful eternity. Therefore our Lord hath said, except a man be born again he cannot [Page 11] see the kingdom of God. John iii. 3. The youth who is the subject of God's converting goodness, is quickened in his soul; turns from darkness to light, from the power of satan to the living God: he feels, hears, sees, tastes, loves objects, the very reverse with which he was conversant before; and thus he differs from his former self, in his approach before God, and as he is in his temper and conduct before mankind. It is necessary for me to say, that this work of conversion is not the mending or repairing of old corrupt nature, but is the free gift of a new heart, (Ezek. xxxvi. 26.) called the new man, (Col. iii. 10.) the hidden man of the heart, (1 Peter iii. 4.) and which lives in constant opposition to the corrupt body of sin, the flesh lusting against the spirit; and this incessant conflict forms the christian warfare till death shall forever close the scene. No man can lay claim to vital christianity without knowing something of this experience; and those who really do so unanimously confess, We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Eph. ii. 10. And although this workmanship of grace may be opposed or obscured by sin, by devils, or by men; yet, we may say, I [Page 12] know that whatsoever God doeth it shall be forever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doth it that men should fear before him, (Ecc. iii. 14.) else it would not be a good work of a good God! The Lord giveth grace and glory, (Psm. lxxxiv. 11.) and whom he justifieth, them he also glorifieth. Rom. viii. 30. Happy youth, in whose breast God hath begun this good work! Whenever our eyes behold such, we may, with rapture, exclaim, in the spirit of our text—Praise ye the Lord. O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever!
That we may be more sensibly impressed with the goodness of God in the conversion of youth, let us—
1. Bring more fully to our recollection the condition of man in his fallen state, as accurately drawn by the pencil of truth in the sacred scriptures. The imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth. Gen. viii. 21. He goeth astray from the womb, speaking lies. Psm. lviii. 3. And a very little acquaintance with human nature will convince us, that childhood and youth are vanity. Ecc. xi. 10. The breast of youth is replete with the seeds of corruption; their passions too often form fit fuel for the fire of temptation, [Page 13] seldom failing to produce extreme sorrows in old age. Suffer me to say, my young friends, the case, more or less, is your own;— these scriptures form your picture, drawn by your Creator's hand, whether you perceive your likeness or not. O that God may be gracious to you this day; open your understanding to know yourselves, that you may seek for happiness alone in his pardoning goodness! Perhaps there never was a period when youths were more dissipated than the present. Look around our city! How many young persons, instead of pursuing the paths of virtue, roll in luxury, and rush into every avenue to vice▪ Though dwarfs in general knowledge, they not only turn their backs with cool indifference upon the public worship of God,* but grow somewhat [Page 14] like champions in the cause of infidelity. In such a state how many live! and in such a state, alas! how many have been cut down by the late pestilence, as Job expresses it, while their bones were full of the sins of their youth! Job xx. 11. That God should stop such thoughtless youths in their career of sin; pluck them as brands from the burning; save them from going down to the pit of destruction, and crown them with his smiles, is certainly an high expression of the riches of his goodness, (Rom. ii. 4.) and fails not to make the most delightful impression upon every pious mind! O how highly honored are some, who are converted to God's glory and service in the morning of youth, when the Sun of Righteousness arises upon so very few, whose grey hairs bend them to the tomb. Some such instance of God's converting youth are left on record in the BIBLE, to perpetuate the memorial of God's goodness, and [Page 15] to encourage the tender breast who pants for the Saviour's love. JOSIAH, born of king Amon, who was a wicked prince, did evil in the sight of the Lord, established idolatry in Israel, and whose court could by no means be thought favourable to cultivate piety in youth; yet, out of this black sink of corruption God's goodness draws young Josiah. While in the eighth year of his age, while he was yet young, Josiah began to seek God; and, in his twelfth year, he so encountered the vile idolatry of his nation, that he broke down their altars, burned their groves, demolished their images, and established the worship of that gracious God, who had so distinguished him by his goodness in early life. 2 Kings xviii. SAUL of TARSUS, a tent maker, yet of a liberal education, received at the feet of Gamaliel, when a young man, was exceedingly mad with rage against Christ and his followers; and, to feast his eyes on dying Stephen, he took charge of the murderer's clothes, while they perpetrated the horrid deed. Acts vii. 58. Yet this young man was not too far off for grace to bring nigh; and of him was formed one of the most noble champions in the cause of God; esteeming all things but dung and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus his [Page 16] Lord. Such astonishing changes doth God's converting goodness produce in the soul of man, whether young or old.
2. By penetrating the breast of the pious youth, we shall find that rich assemblage of spiritual excellence which ennobles the soul, and far her magnifies the exceeding riches of God's goodness in his conversion. In conversion God leaves not the youth as he found him. The goodness of the Lord is communicative; my people shall be satisfied with my goodness, saith the Lord. Jer. xxxi. 14. The youthful breast, once the seat of reigning corruption, unbelief, lust, pride, malice, and every abomination which is offensive to God, injurious to society, and calculated to drown the soul in perdition, is now, by the regenerating grace of God, full of goodness. Rom. xv. 14. Faith, truth, hope, love, meekness, joy, peace, benevolence—every sacred fruit he derives from Christ, worthy of God, beneficial to society, and most admirably gratifying to his own soul! every spiritual blessing, in its nature and tendency, forming an absolute contrast to his native depravity! His pleasures are rational, spiritual, divine, ennobling the soul, and raising it from its sinful, fallen state. A consciousness of the divine presence, as his FATHER; his union [Page 17] with CHRIST, in the grandeur of his person, in the completeness of his salvation, and in the treasures of his grace: these form the solid basis on which his happiness is founded, arising still higher and sublime, as he advances to the verge of an endless state. The possession of this goodness prompts his soul in secret and in public communion with God, in the meditation of his heart, and in the exercises of his lips. To behold the prosperity of ZION creates rapture in his breast; and to spend one day in her courts, is to him infinitely better than a thousand elsewhere. The LAW of his Saviour is more precious to him than an abundance of gold and silver; regulating his thoughts and actions in every department of life. In his pursuit after KNOWLEDGE, grace ennobles the subjects of SCIENCE; incessantly enriching his mind with the most exalted ideas of the majesty of God in his works of providence and redemption. Thus, his studies being after Christ, instead of the student being spoiled through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, and after the rudiments of the world, he is rendered more virtuous in himself, and more beneficial to mankind. Col. ii. 8. If the sentiment of Ovid be just, that ‘to have learned the liberal arts [Page 18] thoroughly, softens the manners, and operates as an excellent corrector of ill-nature, envy, and anger,’ we may certainly say this, and infinitely more, of the converted youth, who, through the goodness of God, hallows science at the foot of the cross! Such, with inconceivable pleasure, may exclaim with Milton—
3. The magnanimity of the converted youth to combat the ILLS of life, on principles of virtue and honor, is a farther proof of God's goodness towards him. According to his years, his juvenile experience may not be very extensive; yet, he learns something of human nature from the plague of his own heart, (1. Kings viii. 38.)—more from observations on the calamities of those around him—greater still from the BIBLE, which not only informs him that man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward, (Job v. 7) but presents him with a general history of affliction in its variety of sources, process and periods, as incident to the righteous and to [Page 19] the wicked. This knowledge assists the youth to realize the path he may be designed to tread; and while too many others, arising into public life, place their expectations for success on the merit of their parents, the promises of their friends, or on their own acquirement, he learns, It is better to trust in the Lord, then to put any confidence in man. Psm. cxviii. 8. That Saviour who hath delivered his soul from death, he firmly believes will preserve his feet from falling, that he may walk before God in the light of the living. Psm. lvi. 13. And he farther concludes, that as God hath graciously converted his soul unto himself, and hath promised an eternal weight of glory beyond the vale of death, so he will certainly take charge of him through time, supply his wants out of the treasures of his goodness, and make every ill subservient to his real advantage. Rom. viii. 28. From this rational, spiritual estimate, he sets off on the arduous journey of life. Happy youth! O that our eyes beheld many such in this day of vanity! Come, ye youths, fond of trusting in uncertain riches, and whose confidence is placed upon your bosom friends, learn the uncertainty of each, and taste and see that the Lord is gracious! Your possessions may [Page 20] fail, your friends may forsake you, your life may fade as sudden as Hazzard's, at the very morning of your day. Seek substantial happiness alone in that Saviour who is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother; and who, for your encouragement, hath said, those that seek me early shall find me. Prov. viii. 17.
4. The last instance I shall name in which the goodness of God appears in the conversion of youth, is a capacity and an opportunity to GLORIFY GOD, which is seldom possessed by decrepid age. In early life the memory is retentive, the imagination lively, and the animal spirits more vigorous, and less clogged with cares, than at advanced age; and when these powers are employed on celestial objects, they appear in their true lustre, and issue in the manifestation of the glory of the Lord! The TRUTH, as it is in Christ, being deeply laid in the young man's conscience, by the s [...]t of truth, sanctifies the mental powers, and forms a [...] foundation, on which stands the fabric of profession, uniformity and usefulness, and bids defiance to the blasts of error and temptation, through successive periods, to old age. This observation, confirmed in the experience of thousands, is admirably expressed by David: O God, thou hast [Page 21] [...]aught me from my youth; and hitherto have I declared thy wonderous works. Now also, when I am old and grey-headed, O God, forsake me not, until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come. Psm. lxxi. 17, 18. Timothy's knowledge of God and the scriptures, from his youth, enabled him to shine as a star among the Churches of Christ. 2. Tim. iii. 15. Paul, the converted youth, lived to be Paul the aged; (Philem. ix.) and the services of his life show the goodness of God towards him, the opportunities he had of glorifying God, and of being useful to thousands. Indulging reflections on the dangers of God's goodness in the conversion of youth, I have frequently thought they were, probably, to ripen the soul for immediate transmission to glory; which has been the case with an infinite number of converted youth, besides our young brother Hazzard—Or, a determination to show the all sufficiency of grace, in supporting the soul under a long life of suffering, as those in the parable of the labourers called at the third hour, bore the heat and burden of the day, and honored their master by a succession of services—Or, that the person converted in early life should, from the fountain of his own [Page 22] experience, be rendered particularly useful to the rising generation; which has been the employ of many whom God hath early called to the delightful work of the ministry.
Thus, whether we reflect on the conversion of youth from the corrupt mass of nature—the sublime treasures of grace communicated to his soul—his boldness to combat the ills of life—or his opportunity to honor God and promote the welfare of his fellow creatures,—in each, in all of them, THE GOODNESS OF GOD shines with admirable lustre, and demands our most exalted praise!
II. To name those PERSONS who are more immediately bound to give thanks for the conversion of youth, was to form the next part of my discourse.
Of these, you will undoubtedly expect me to name their PARENTS. For parents, as the fruit of their own bodies, to deliver a child into the world, whether for good or ill, prosperity or adversity, honor or dishonor, heaven or hell, is of infinitely greater moment than is generally considered. Sensible parents, however, look with the most tender compassion upon their children, believing them to be subjects of depravity and guilt, shapen in iniquity, and conceived in [Page 23] sin; consequently they need pardoning and converting grace from the Author of their being, without which their final end cannot be peace: for the Lord, therefore, to meet the children of such parents, to mark them as his own, and enrich them with his smiles, must afford them infinitely higher pleasures than an ability to bestow upon them the wealth of nations, and calls forth their grateful praise to God, for the greatness of his goodness. A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bear him; but whose loveth wisdom, rejoiceth his father. Prov. xvii. 25. xxix. 3. Such pleasures, the widow of the late Alderman HAZZARD enjoyed, when the Lord converted the soul of her son unto himself, and enabled him to choose the path of truth. This mitigated the sorrows of her widowhood, and aided her aged steps down the hill of life; and, probably, she had anticipated her Charles's gentle hand should wipe away her last cold tear in death! But, alas! her sky is overcast; the prop on which she leaned is now removed; her son, in the zenith of his bloom, is arrested by the putrid hand of pestilence, and now moulders in the dust! Weep, ye fond parents! weep for her who, having sat many a dark year forlorn, now mourns like Nain's widow, [Page 24] the loss of her only son! Luke vii. 13. Yet, she sorrows not as those that have no hope; though parental tears bedew the turfed grave, her heart, with secret joy, adores the Lord, who gave and had a right to take away. Enough, her son sleeps in Jesus and though removed from her presence to expire at a distant village,* her sinking nature is relieved by the gladsome news—
YOUTHS, who are the happy subjects of God's converting goodness, are alive to the expressions of the same grace they behold conferred upon others, and need little invitation to praise the Lord. Connections formed in early life are generally lasting, and frequently yield inexpressible benefits; but when such union is founded upon a mutual enjoyment of the love of Christ, it yields additional sweets. The pious youth rejoices to see any enriched with converting grace; but when this favour is bestowed upon those with whom he walked the paths of education, or to whom he stands related by ties of nature, these give an higher relish to christian fellowship, [Page 25] and bind their souls in heavenly chains, which neither time, sorrow, distance, nor death can possibly destroy. Like SAUL and JONATHAN, who were present in their lives, and in their death were not divided. 2 Sam. i. 23. These observations are sensibly felt by many of us, who are in meridian of life, and they bring to our remembrance the kindness of our youth, and the love of our espousals unto Christ: the connection we then enjoyed with pious youth gave us those delightful, spiritual pleasures which are charming, even in reflection! Probably there are some young persons present who were in christian intimacy with our departed young brother, and with whom you received your early education. You rejoiced at his conversion;—his public surrender of himself to God is yet in your remembrance;—his regular attendance on the worship of God was your example and your pleasure; and the very solemn manner in which he sat in tears at the table of his Lord, has left an abiding impression upon your souls. To part with him so early; for him to be carried away by the putrid stream of pestilence, at the very period when he was arising into usefulness; must create painful sensations in your breast. Let us, however, learn submission. He is removed [Page 26] far away from those sins and snares to which you are left exposed; and now he rests secure beneath his Saviour's smiles, and drinks large draughts of bliss from the fountain head! You, too, may soon pass the vale of death. Improve the departure of your young companion, as a stimulus to urge your way in the paths of God; maintain your profession with honor, seek more earnestly a Saviour's precious love, guard more firmly against youthful follies, and keep your heaven in view!
If parents, and pious youth, are bound to celebrate the divine goodness for early conversion, the MINISTERS and CHURCHES of Christ are [Page 27] infinitely more so; for they are, or ought to be, more immediately concerned for the salvation of men, and for the growing empire of the King of Grace. It is confessed, that the hopes of a nation, in a very considerable degree, are built upon the rising generation; and, in proportion to their virtues and acquisitions, its prosperity is preserved and increased. Infinitely more so, the visible church of Christ look to converted youth for a succession of members; nor can they possess greater evidence of the Lord being in the midst of them, than by the effusions of his Spirit upon their sons and their daughters. These converted youths are hoped to bear the ark of the cause of God, and to spread the banner of his truth, when our heads recline upon the lap of earth. It was for this that David so pathetically addressed Solomon his son; and Paul so importunately wrote to his beloved Timothy. And for this it is that Zion pleads the fulfilment of that most inestimable promise: Instead of thy fathers shall be thy children, whom thou mayest make princes in all the earth; therefore shall the people praise thee for ever and ever. Psm. xlv. 16, 17. These lambs, mingled with the flock, adorn the field of Zion, and fill our hearts with more delight than nature's [Page 28] pastoral scenes! As a people, the variety of our ages, and the diversity of our gifts and grace, prompt us to unite with the ancient church.—At our gates are all manner of pleasant fruit, new and old, which I have laid up for thee, O my beloved. Sol. Song vii. 13.
If Ministers and Churches unite in praising God for his goodness in the conversion of youth, why should we think ANGELS to be silent on such memorable occasions? The pages of inspiration inform us, that angels desire to look into the wonders of man's redemption, (1 Pet. i. 12.) that they are all ministering spirits sent forth to minister to them who shall be heirs of salvation, (Heb. i. 14.) and that there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth. Luke xv. 10. I therefore presume to believe, that as often as divine goodness converts a sinner, young or old, the pleasing event is immediately known in the courts above. Thus, all in heaven, as well as all the redeemed on earth, unite to praise the Lord for his goodness in the conversion of youth! O that this occasion may be the happy mean, by which God may grant a fresh display of his mercy, in converting unweary youth, and teach their hearts and lips to bear a part in praising redeeming love
[Page 29]III. Agreeable to my design, I now proceed to illustrate the subject of my discourse, by reciting to you some Memoirs of CHARLES I. S. HAZZARD, as transcribed from the papers written with his own hand, and by his mother communicated to me for publication.
MEMORIAL OF GOD's GOODNESS TO CHARLES I. S. HAZZARD.
MEMORIAL, &c.
I THINK it my duty to write the dealings of God with my soul ever since I can remember, but not to be published while I live. I hope, by God's grace, to keep a Journal, that it may encourage me the more to look to him as my Lord and my God; and that I may see the many dangers I have been in, and the Lord's hand in conducting me through this wide wilderness.
The first that I can remember of any thing, was at the death of my father; being, at that time, seven years old. I then often thought how could there be a God! I used to hear the minister say, "All men were sinners, and God would punish them for their sins." Still I thought that there was no God; that I should not die, because I was but a little child, and should live to be a man; all children are good, and I am no sinner. These thoughts, common to many children, attended me from month to month. As I grew older, I was more conscious; I shall never [Page 34] forget the convictions I had at times when I went to bed, on reflecting what I had done the day past, that I would not be so wicked, and that I would do better on the morrow; for I now began to think there was a God, and I knew I did offend him. My mother often told me there was a God, and the necessity of his grace; but no sooner was I out with boys, than all was forgotten; and, by the help of the wicked one, I was rushing head-long to destruction as fast as time could carry me. At school, when twelve years old, I would feel the weight of sin, and have those serious reflections, which produced tears from my eyes; and when the boys asked me the cause of my weeping, I would say, I was sick. My tutor frequently closed the business of the school, on a Saturday, with a moral lecture from the scriptures, which, I must own, was of great use to me, particularly on the character of Josiah;* and when he would tell us of the consequence of swearing, gaming, lying, disobedience to parents, Sabbath-breaking, &c. &c. it often cut me to the very heart; however, [Page 35] these impressions soon wore away. By certain dreams, and by the report of a comet having appeared, my convictions were increased, and I began most earnestly to seek the Lord. I told my mind to one of my school-fellows, and we both gave ourselves up to prayer and good conversation, and our outward conduct was not as before, in roving and in breaking the Sabbath. If any two could have merited any thing of God by our works, surely we should have done it; and we went on in this pharisaic way for some months. But the more I prayed and heard, the worse I grew; and I told my friend, that I could not tell what was the matter, nor what to do; 'till, at last, Providence was pleased to direct my way to my tutor for advice; and, after several visits, I was enabled to lay my mind open to him, and thus, by inquiring of Zion's watchman, I have been directed to the gates of Zion with my face thitherward
SECOND PAPER. Written in his 14th Year.
WHEN the Lord was first pleased to illuminate my mind, I went under great distress, whether the Lord would hear my cries and supplications; for I thought that the Lord had kept me as the apple of his eye so many years, while I had been provoking his most holy Majesty, who, in justice to me a sinner, might have consigned me to everlasting misery. If he had, it would have been just; for I felt myself condemned by his law. My mind was so distressed, that I was afraid to approach the throne of grace. I recollected many precious promises which I had heard and read; such as, I love them that love me, and those that seek me early shall find me. Prov. xviii. 7. He that cometh unto me, I will in no wise cost out John vi. 37. By these promises I was led to prayer, and all my heart's desire was, none but Christ! none but Christ! He was all I wanted, [Page 37] that he might clothe me with the wedding garment of his righteousness, for I felt I was naked, and could do nothing of myself without Christ. After this, the Lord enabled me to say, I have found him whom my soul loveth. Sol. Song ii. 4. This was he for whom I was seeking, and he was to me the pearl of great price!
I once was much distressed, whether I was in the right way of life or no; and it entered my mind, that I had heard people say, that some only fancied religion, and professed to be christians, when they knew no more of its goodness than a dumb beast. I thought I also was only making a profession; but, how should I know it? I went to prayer, self-examination, and reading the scriptures. By these I found I was in the right way. When I came to consider a little, I found that it never could be fancy that gave me such a sense of my guilty conscience, nor in the power of man to make me feel what I did; the Lord it was, and glory be to his name▪
By reading the scriptures, I found many precious promises for poor guilty wretches to come to Christ, and to cast their burdens at the cross; for he said, Matt. xi. 28 and 30. Come unto me, all ye that labour, and are heavy laden, [Page 38] and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Isaiah i. 18, 19. gave me great encouragement to press forward: Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. Precious promise this! It made me rejoice to think, that Christ gave such an invitation to sinners; and although my sins were of a crimson dye, I was led to see, that the Lord was able to pardon them, set me free, and give me to enjoy him for ever! One text which gave me encouragement to fly to Christ for refuge was, Rev. xxii. 17. The spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is a thirst, Come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely. This promise was to me valuable; for I think that I had such a desire for enjoying Christ, that nothing else in this world would have satisfied me.
Some time after these enjoyments, I was brought very low on a bed of sickness; a most [Page 39] painful disorder; but all the pain to me was nothing, for I felt the privilege of a father to go to. I often said, the physician can do me no good—none but Christ! I could say with David, Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Psm. xxiii. 4. I was much exercised in prayer; I felt happy in having a Christ to pray to; I enjoyed such a nearness to him, that I often wished to be with him; but I said, not my will, but thine be done. Favoured with a visit from my tutor in this sickness, he recommended me to read the 12th of Isaiah, and second verse. Behold God is my salvation, I will trust, and not be afraid, for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song, he also is become my salvation. These very words were the desire of my heart, and were my meditation day and night. I trusted in him, and he was my strength and my song. By this sickness, I was led to see that the Lord could call me when he pleased. There was one thing which made me to rejoice; it was, that I had fought the Lord when he called—not as Felix said, "Go thy way; when I have a more convenient season, I will call for thee." Acts xxiv. 25. If I had [Page 40] said as Felix, I think I should have been miserable forever: but the Lord was pleased that it should not be so; he hath brought me thus far, and I can say with Abraham, Hitherto the Lord hath helped me. I have had many doubts and fears, whether I was the Lord's or no; but now I have an humble hope, through the blood of Jesus, that I have an interest in him; not for any worthiness in me, but through his blood, which he shed for sinners upon the cross; and thus I think, that the Lord has made a happy change in my soul through his grace. I hope, that while I live in this world of affliction, I may fulfil all his will which he hath revealed for his redeemed.
Feb. 11, 1795.
P. S. I hope if these lines should fall into any person's hand, that Christ may bless them to the good of his soul. Amen.
I thought it my duty to make confession of my faith in Christ, in order to obey him in baptism. On the 19th I was publicly baptised, enjoying much happiness in my dear Redeemer.
On May 31st was admitted a member in the Constitution of the Baptist Church in Fair-street, and had that sweet communion at the Lord's table never to be forgotten.
EXTRACTS FROM THE DIARY OF C. I. S. HAZZARD.
LORD's-DAY: arose in the morning with the presence of the Lord, and was very happy in prayer, earnestly desiring a blessing upon the day. I found the morning much mixed with the world, and a tempting devil striving to interrupt me. Had some particular crosses in the world; and my mind was perplexed until afternoon, when the Lord was pleased to give me a sight of himself, as my Saviour, and that he was as able to keep me as he had kept good king Josiah, who was only twelve years old when the Lord enriched his soul with grace, and made his heart tender and noble in his cause; trampling under [Page 42] foot all places of idolatry, and building up the house of the Lord. 2 Kings xviii. Hearing of these wonders of the Lord, made me to rejoice and say—why me! why me! Because thou hast redeemed me, O Lord, my God! I felt nothing in me but what was contrary to him who loved me, and gave himself for me; but, of a truth, I desired to be gathered to my grave in peace. At the supper of the Lord I found much nearness to him, and could rejoice and bless him for the rich provision he hath provided for his guest! O that I might live more honorably to my profession, and stand more stedfast in the truth, that I may show I am not of the world!
Dec. 18. The morning began with prayer, and ended so, yet with much coldness. O that I had spent my time better! I would rather be in the uttermost parts of the earth, than to live so always. I might have heard the word of God; but no, says satan; no, says my wicked heart, there is hearing enough—the weather is cold— better stay at home. O my soul! where art thou? Going back into the world? Art thou slighting the worship and the promises of thy God? God forbid! And may the God of all grace and glory grant, that I may not be left to [Page 43] myself, to go where others go, and find no comfort there! Thou who knowest my heart, and triest my reins, grant that I may enjoy thee more sensibly, and experience thy love more upon my heart, that, in this luke-warm state of christians, I may shine forth thy glory. Forbid, gracious God, that this year should drop its curtain without a blessing for me; sooner let me cease to be, than to live without thy presence and blessing upon me, and the church to which I belong!
Feb. 4, 1797. Enjoyed more of the presence of God the past week than I have done for many weeks past. How happy is it for a christian to feel sensibly the all-sufficiency of Christ, who has cancelled all his guilt! O what a good Saviour is he! He hateth putting away; he loves his people with an everlasting love; my Saviour, my portion! He is just such a Saviour as I need; filthy as I am, he loveth me! Why? Because he hath redeemed me. I felt most sensibly, at his table, how unworthy I was to eat of his bread, and to drink of his wine; but it was my privilege so to do. Keep me Lord, and I shall be kept.
28th. Enjoyed but little comfort in Christ. I seem to have gone astray; but still desire to [Page 44] find the path that leads to everlasting happiness. O may the love of God be shed abroad in my heart by faith! On attending Mr. Warner's society, I enjoyed much satisfaction; it seemed as if the Lord was there indeed: may he grant that it may be the birth-place of many souls, and their numbers greatly increase!
March 12. Enjoyed more comfort in hearing the word of God explained than for some time before; and I bless God that I can say, that I have not deceived myself, for the foundation is sure, it is stronger than a rock. O how good is it, now and then, for the christian to come at meal-time, like Ruth! Ruth ii. 14. Christ is solid food for the soul. May God grant that I may come often at meal-time! I have found it to be better than gold; it satisfieth the soul, and maketh it fat and flourishing. O that I could always be in the happy enjoyment of this! it is what my soul delighteth.
May 1st. The past week I have experienced the severest trials I ever underwent, inward and outward. Well might Job say, Why persecuteth thou me, seeing the root of the matter is found in me. Job. xix. 28. A sermon on these words from our minister suited my case well. I bless God for the affliction, for its issue [Page 45] was good; it led me to prayer every time I had a spare moment to go and pour out my complaint before him and pray, that the affliction may be always rather than not enjoy the divine presence; and I desire to give God the glory, that it made my communion with Jesus the sweeter. This Sabbath did not appear in vain; for I felt the love of God shed abroad in my heart. O that I might be always kept in such an humble state!
May 7th. Where am I? Yet out of hell! a spared monument of mercy. Where hast thou been wandering? Call to mind the past week. How has my time been employed? Have I entirely forgot the Lord, who loveth at all times! to forget him who never forgot me, even on the cross, when it would have been thought his pains were too great to think on me? Me! How then is it possible I should forget my Jesus! O, no! I would now come unto thee; I do feel the wickedness of my heart in departing from thee. Now, blessed Jesus, make me nigh by thy blood! I determined not to enter the house of the Lord until he had manifested his love to me. I was going out; I entered my closet again, and there wrestled with God for a blessing, and that I might experience more hope and love in Christ's death; and before I got off [Page 46] my knees, I felt my mind more composed, and I thought, that "praying breath shall not be spent in vain." In the evening service, I felt much comfort indeed, and I think it is truly said, and the king came in to see his guest. Matt. xxii. 11. I saw him whom my soul loveth; and I was very much affected in the administration of the Lord's supper, to think he had done so much for me, and I love him so little, and deny him so often: I trust it was a time of love. Here, Lord, take my heart just as it is; wash it in thy precious blood, and it shall be clean; and so let me walk in the world that I may prove thy young disciple.
July 23. How happy is my soul after having taken its repose in the bosom of Jesus; how happy, no tongue can express! Glory to God, that he hath called me by his grace! O how pleasant is it to walk in his ways, and to be kept as the apple of his eye! I feel sensibly for poor sinners. O that I might, if it be God's will, be the means, through grace, of persuading men of the terrors of the Lord! I have felt a necessity for setting apart as much time as possible for study, that if the Lord should be pleased to call me to the ministry, that I may be a useful servant of Jesus Christ; that I might only preach Jesus Christ, and him crucified.
[Page 47] March 18, 1798. On review of the week past, I must say that I have enjoyed much prayer, nor have I been so near to my God for two months part. O how good is it to be found in the Lord's ways! This afternoon, how sweet the discourse! and may God grant that it may be the means of bringing some soul to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness! Glory be to thee, O God, that thou hast taught me in any measure to seek thy face, and may many more seek thee in their youth!
31st. I felt myself very happy last week, in attending Mr. Warner's society for prayer; and may God grant that all such meetings may be blessed for the establishing many in the way! Many youths attend; the Lord bliss them, and grant them many spiritual blessings! This morning, O how was my heart drawn out in prayer to Jesus for a blessing upon my soul, my minister, and the church! In approaching the table of the Lord, I realized the comfort and love there is in living near to God. Grant me grace to keep the vows I have made to testify my love to thee, by walking in thy ways, for thou Lord art my only hope and joy!
April 16th. This morning I was more earnest [Page 48] in prayer than for the week past, and I trust it was in faith, believing the Lord would send a blessing to my soul, and give me strength to persevere in his ways. The past week has not been spent in so much meditation as I now could wish; yet, it is my mercy, my Lord is the same; and may I never be ashamed to stand bold for the cause of my Lord and Master! Lord bless the youth that come among us. Hast thou no heart to call? Why didst thou teach me? Even because thou wouldest; then Lord do thou call some dear youth to thyself, and all the glory shall be thine!
May 12. Found much satisfaction in hearing the truth preached this day. O that I had an heart of gratitude to thee, O God, who art the only portion of my soul! Let me see my title clear to mansions in the sky! I am a prisoner of hope, and thou hast taken me from the terrible pit and miry clay. Glory to thee for this rich grace towards me! This day was a good day to me, in writing the first part of my life. O God, I would wish thee to chuse my life—the path—the situation in life—the death— trusting only in my Saviour's righteousness for acceptance before thee.
[Page 49] July 29th. What must I say? am I cold, or warm, or hot in religion? Have I lived the past week as a christian? Does not this day tell me I am out of the road or not? My soul, hast thou not often been engaged in private prayer on the Lord's-day, and felt thy dependance on God? Glory to God! there is one day in seven, which, by the aid of thy Spirit, I can bring to mind the past week.
August 5th. Sensibly I feel a craving desire for the welfare of Zion, and to do her all the good I can. Lost some of the privileges the past week, otherwise my mind has been much composed and happy in the enjoyment of my Lord. I could not forget that I was to meet him at his own table on the evening, Lord's-day; and now I have commemorated his dying love to me! Remember me! Remember me! This is my duty; and so far as I have been enabled, by his Spirit, I have remembered his dying words. O my soul! Realize what the Saviour hath done! Consider the aggravations of thy sins, which caused thy Saviour's sorrow: his tears, his groans, and his burden! I felt happy at the table in having such a Christ to go to.
☞ This was his last communion season on earth.
[Page 50]On Friday, September 14th, when the pestilence raged in this city, CHARLES HAZZARD made a visit to his pious aunt at York-town, near Peek's-kill. On the Saturday evening he was remarkably cheerful, and told his aunt, that he proposed to spend the next day, being Sabbath, in private, for meditation and prayer; but, before the morning light, he was violently seized by the fever, and desired to have little said to him, but to enjoy his meditations. His aunt, anxious to know the state of his soul, asked him certain questions; to which he replied, "I am composed and resigned, and the Lord is too good to me!" His disorder grew so violently malignant, and created that intense stupor, that he was unable to say any thing more, or give any token of his state of mind, and shortly put a period to his mortal life, aged eighteen years and six months.
CONCLUSION.
FROM the papers of CHARLES HAZZARD, now read, you who are acquainted with the scriptures, and with the power of God in the conversion of man, are to form your own judgment on the reality of his personal religion, and the hope of his now possessing eternal bliss. It is not my province, neither is it my wish, "to canonize the dead;" yet, from my personal knowledge of the youth, I presume, in christian charity, to believe there was hope in his end. It sensibly impresses my breast, that God should have preserved my life, as a shattered tree in the garden of the church so many years, and amidst so many severe storms of affliction, while many youths of grace within the circle of my connections, whose branches were covered with [...]ssoms, and whose fruit, in all probability, might have proved a rich benefit to society, should be cut down by death before my eyes! It is the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good.
[Page 52]I feel a secret joy, that such of my young friends were preserved, by the arm of my God, from falling into the strong tide of corruption and error, making shipwreck of faith, and of a good conscience, as thousands of others have done; but were blessed with an abundant enterance into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
From the satisfaction derived from perusing the diary of CHARLES HAZZARD, you must be convinced of the propriety of those who fear God, keeping memorials of his goodness to them in the several vicissitudes of their journey through life. This is one way, by which, in the ages to come, God shews the exceeding riches of his grace, in his kindness towards them through Christ Jesus. Eph. ii. 7. The advantages of this practice are great to ourselves and to others. As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man. Prov. xxvii. 19. And, in a diary, reading such a diversity of thoughts, temptations, sufferings, hopes, fears, pleasures, pains, expressed by those whom we believe to be the subjects of redeeming mercy, we are led to examine ourselves, derive comfort from a similarity of case, and thus, though faint, [Page 53] yet pursuing. Should your lives be prolonged to old age, you will find that such a Journal will form a volume, in your own estimation, next in value to the Bible; and the perusal of it will enable you, with Moses, to remember all the way in which the Lord your God led you in this wilderness, to prove you. Deut. viii. 2. I cannot, therefore, too much urge you, who are subjects of God's goodness in early life, to copy after your departed young friend, in writing the daily or weekly exercise of your hearts in your walk with God. The usual pleas against it are, a barrenness of mind, great depravity of heart, many miscarriages in life, little communion with God; and, were you to write, it would distress your own mind to read it; and should it fall into other hands, they must needs judge unfavourably of you: but let me tell you, if your hearts are right with God, if you desire to perfect holiness in his fear, and to walk humbly and happily with him, your recording these evils will tend to humble you in the dust, serve as beacons, or way-marks, to your future conduct, and lead you to admire the exceeding riches of God's sparing, pardoning goodness towards you. If you wait until you are free from [Page 54] irregular thoughts, rising corruptions, fiery temptations, and enjoy only the sweet uninterrupted vision of the Lamb, your diary would be intirely different to any I have hitherto seen or heard of; and, in my opinion, such perfect blessedness is the portion of those only who have dropt their mortal clay, are free from sin, out of the reach of Satan's fiery darts, and landed safe in immortal bliss! Still, as it is the christian's privilege to walk in the light of God's countenance, Psm. lxxxix. 15. and, now and then, to set under the shadow of the tree of life, shake its branches by faith, and find its fruit sweet unto their taste, Sol. Song ii. 3. such seasons of mercy are worth recording; and, when set in opposition to the black ground of our own unworthiness, they may be esteemed as precious jewels, shining with infinite brilliancy! Such seasons, likewise, never fail to stimulate our souls in [...]ervent prayer for a repetition of them; and, to conclude—
[Page 55]The AGED of this assembly have, no doubt, listened with some attention to what has been said concerning the youth of eighteen, lately transmitted from us, by death, to immortality. You, my aged sires, in the mean time, have exercised some serious thoughts on yourselves; reflected in what manner your youthful days were spent; and, notwithstanding, God hath lengthened your lives to fifty,—to three score years and ten; whether you have experienced the blessedness of God's converting goodness, and possess an hope full of immortality and glory. Were a discourse to be pronounced on your future death, according to your present state of sensibility, do you think there would be just grounds to say an hundredth part in favour of your salvation, as hath been justly said of our departed youth? or, may the 22d chapter of Jeremiah and 21st verse be directed as a keen arrow to your breast? I spake unto thee in thy prosperity, but thou saidst, I will not hear: this hath been thy manner from thy youth, and thou obeyedst not my voice, saith the Lord. If so; if the favors of providence have been bestowed upon you in vain; if the dictates of your conscience have been crushed; if the declaration of God's [Page 56] word, the death of friends, and your own repeated calamities, have left no salutary impressions upon you; painful must be the reflection! To have stood all your long day, idle, Matt. xx. yet a busy man—a man of business; but one step between you and death, and not one step nearer to the paradise of bliss! May conscious reflection, aided by the death of our young friend, be the means, under God, of conveying those impressions to your mind, unfelt by you before; and though passed on to your eleventh hour, may you partake of those virtues which flow from the cross, and leave a lasting testimony of your enjoyment of a complete salvation!
What can I advance to those youth, who were in intimacy with their departed young friend, and who are far from treading the same religious path; or, are sure of so peaceful an end? Were it possible for him, though high in the climes of bliss, to direct his voice to you in this assembly, would not similar to these be the accents of his lips:—
DEAREST YOUTH!
With whom I once partook of nature's clay, and mingled with the mortal throng below, [Page 57] Then I often wept, while tears could flow, and poured forth my ardent prayer for you; yes, for you, whose eager steps pursued vain pleasure's hopes and aims, turning your giddy eyes and hearts away from a Saviour's charms, contemning all the glories of the heavenly world! Thus employed, when arrows, dipt in pestilential poison, from death's well-strung bow, flew around, and smote both young and old: I felt the smart, and, by the mandate of my God, dropt my mortal flesh, and fled away to know the powers of the world immortal. Now know I the pangs of death! I felt that tremendous stroke, which instant severs the immortal soul from its kindred clay: The gulph of death,— the judgment seat,—the horror of guilty souls beneath the pain of punishment,—the bliss of heaven!—At these, I often saw the libertine to laugh, and you, with cool indifference, to turn away. These are no fictitious scenes▪ no airy phantoms here; all are real, vast, and as solemn as a disembodied soul can penetrate, or a holy, righteous God has power to display! Tremble then, O my still loved youth, whom I left behind, exposed to every snare, and unprepared for your final change! Soon must you follow me; [Page 58] and, sudden as the lightning flash, plunge into the abyss of death, from whence there is no return. The land of darkness, and the shadow of death; a land of darkness, as darkness itself; and of the shadow of death, without any order, and where the light is as darkness. Job viii. 21, 2 [...]. To pass this vale, without the pardoning blood of Christ, every pang that conscience can receive, every dart which Satan can discharge, every terror which offended justice can command, must cease upon your vitals, and attend you down the deeper pit of black despair! I escaped alone by that lovely SAVIOUR's arm, which you disdain. While with you, on the earthly ball, JESUS became my SHEPHERD and my FRIEND; he gathered me from my evil course; he bore me on his breast amidst my greatest foes, and taught me to believe, that when the doors of death should wide unfold for me, no evil should I fear; calm and composed I should walk along the vale of death; his rod and staff should be my stay, and his delightful smiles possess my soul. Psm. xxiii. 4. I proved his word more firm than adamantine rock; his presence was my stay; the terrors of ghastly death vanished, and that common foe became my friendly [Page 59] convoy to my SAVIOUR's arms! Now I see HIM as he is; my soul is absorbed beneath his smiles;—I love—I praise—I adore! Angels assist my lays. Patriarchs, prophets, apostles, martyrs; the innumerable multitude of redeemed souls of every nation, language, kindred and tongue, unite in glorious vision, and in endless praise to GOD, and the once slaughtered Lamb, now in the midst of his august throne, and who makes his glories all their own! May some attending angel on the church below, wing his way, and bear to me the happy news of your conversion, to the Lord of life! Stand still— think of me saved from the depths of hell—think of ghastly death, of heaven, and of endless woe! Then learn IMMANUEL's power to save; incline your ear to his celestial voice, which, when it calls in mercy, speaks an heaven of solid bliss into a youthful soul. Then, O then, I'll wait the happy time, when death shall cut your cord of life, and let you fly, to embrace my Saviour and my God; clasp you again to this my glowing breast, to join in pleasure, and in praise, and to part no more!