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AN ESSAY ON MARRIAGE, OR, The lawfulness of DIVORCE, IN CERTAIN CASES, CONSIDERED.

ADDRESSED TO THE FEELINGS OF MANKIND.

PHILADELPHIA: PRINTED BY ZACHARIAH POULSON, JUNIOR, ON THE WEST SIDE OF FOURTH-STREET, BETWEEN MARKET AND ARCH-STREETS. MDCCLXXXVIII.

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PREFACE.

THE writing of the following pages was occasioned by see­ing a paragraph in a news paper, relative to a woman in the city who had destroyed herself on account of some in­felicity in marriage. The author reflecting how many there might probably be, who were completely wretched, and who, notwithstand­ing, did not plunge themselves into another world to avoid the mise­ries of this, thought it might be a subject worthy the consideration of every humane person; and therefore has, in the subsequent pages, set forth the misery of marriage in those who are unsuitably united together, and endeavoured to show the causes of such infelicity, and the lawfulness and necessity of divorce, in other cases beside those at present admitted. And although no essay on this subject has yet ap­peared in this country, that he has seen, yet this does not prove it unnecessary; and, whatsoever may be the merits of the work, if it opens a way for abler discussion of the subject, the writer will not think his labour entirely lost.

ALL that he can say of his performance, is, that he was in­duced to undertake it from a strong sympathetic feeling for the weak­ness and distresses of human nature; and has endeavoured to execute it in a manner most likely to communicate the same to his Readers. He has chiefly aimed at brevity and perspicuity, and if he has ad­vanced any thing new, it is in the way of opinion only, and there­fore requests the attention of his Readers to the matter, and not to the manner, of his remarks. But if any should think any thing in the former worthy of making objections to, the writer has more to say, but in regard to the latter, he only requests of the Public a fa­vourable reception.

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AN ESSAY ON MARRIAGE; OR, The lawfulness of DIVORCE, IN CERTAIN CASES, CONSIDERED.

CHAPTER I.

AMERICA has been famous for her love of liber­ty, and hatred of tyranny of every kind; she has not only by arms expelled her foreign foes, but generously extended her liberality, in a great mea­sure, even unto the African slaves. Therefore, it is hoped, the same spirit of indulgence will extend still further—to those unhappy individuals, mixed among every class of mankind, who are frequently united together in the worst of bondage to each other; occasioned by circumstances not in their pow­er to foresee, or prevent, at the time of their union; which should entitle them to relief from humane legislators and the rest of mankind. We believe it will be readily admitted, that there is no circumstance in life, on which our happiness so much depends, as being suitably united together in marri­age; and that no foresight that people are capable of, at that time, is sufficient to foresee, or prevent, the many causes that are likely to destroy the felicity of that union; and that it is equally certain, that various causes do destroy it, and [Page 4]render them completely miserable; from hence arises the ne­cessity of divorce in such situations, under such restrictions as may be deemed necessary.

The large portion of moral essays generally taken up in lectures on the subject of marriage, shows of what consequence that single, important action of our lives is esteemed to be to mankind; which could not be of so much importance if we were allowed to rectify past errors by future experience. But the whole of our instruction, on that head, generally amounts to little more than if such instruction as this should be given to a traveller in a strange country: that in the midst of the highway, that he must unavoidably pass, there is a deep and dreadful pit, curiously covered from view, into which, if he falls, he can never extricate himself therefrom, but must in­evitably die a miserable death. And truly such is the mar­riage lot at present to many, and to more than can easily be conceived, because the greatest sufferers thereby, for the most part, conceal their situation, to keep themselves from being despised by the rest.

We shall recite, in the first place, the probable causes of such infelicity; in the next place, the miserable prospect of an unhappy couple, and the evil they are the occasion of, not only to themselves but others; and lastly, of the lawfulness and necessity of divorce. The cases we shall briefly state, by way of example, will be taken from the middling class of man­kind, as the nearest representation of the others. And we shall only mention the leading and principal dispositions, and leave the judicious reader, from observations and reflections in his own mind, to pursue the description more minutely.

In the first place, the unsuitableness arising from circum­stances: as when a gentleman from the country, or farmer's son, marries a young woman educated in the city, perhaps of smaller fortune, but of genteel family, he takes her home; after the first formality of visiting being over, the appear­ances of every thing around displeases her; she cannot help, after a while, making remarks; sometimes, perhaps, such as these: of his want of nearness in his dress, of the furniture of his house, of the requisites that are wanting on his table, of the indecency of his servants and domesties, of the rusticity of his neighbours and acquaintance. He thinks himself jus­tified in retaliating, in some degree, in remarks on the need­less formality, appearances, dress and address, of the citi­zens; for the present it passes off, but the scene is again of­ten renewed with more dislike than before on each part: from remarks they go to dispute, after a while to jest, ridi­cule and contempt, and these, by imperceptible degrees, from [Page 5]time to time, as occasion occurs. The servants, neighbours and relatives of the husband, mock and sneer at all the wife says or does; she has the dairy, poultry and housewisery to manage and conduct in a manner she never saw in her life, and is un­able to perform; her husband complaining of her doing needless things and leaving the necessary undone, which equally displeases him. They disagree in their humours about dress, table, recreations, servants and every thing. From the repetition of disputes (which are the effect of their different feelings only) passions are exited in each, which were before unknown to either. They then mutually torment, thwart, plague, revile, and hate one another; and this, per­haps, takes place in no long time after marriage. I need not add more. It is easy to conceive a great many different de­grees of unsuitableness, arising from the same cause, that is, in the manner of their education, that sooner or later has the same effect. But if they are well-bred people they conceal their situation from the world as much as possible.

If a gentleman of good rank and education marries a wo­man of mean birth, but superior fortune, the case is no better: she despises him for his notions of dignity and elegance that she cannot comprehend; and he reproaches her for her mean, low conceptions and appearances, in every thing; she cen­sures him for his want of wealth, and he retorts upon her for the want of every thing else.

Secondly, those who marry of different professions in reli­gion, although they may not be so zealous themselves as to differ about it much at first; yet, when the warmth of their passion has abated, they will each of them feel their former prejudices, and their respective relatives, on each side, in all their separate conversations with them, will imperceptibly, without design, inspire each of them by degrees, with dis­approbation, dislike, and contempt of the manners, customs, appearances and principles of each other; and each of them will be more and more inclined to vindicate their own. All the errors, faults, and misfortunes will be magnified and misrepresented, and charged upon each other by the friends of each party; which will, by degrees, create reflections; sour­ness, dislike and contempt will encrease, especially if there is any harshness of temper in either party, and falshood, for the most part, will not be wanting on one side or other to keep up a ferment, until a steady hatred ensues.*

Thirdly, if a young couple marry without consent of pa­rents on each side, the consequence is nearly the same as the [Page 6]last; the animosity of the friends of each party is greater; they refuse to assist their children in a settlement in the world, but reflect on each other, and foment uneasiness and sourness in their children, which encreases with their strait circum­stances in the world; each of them become weary of their situ­ation; their company grows painful with each other, for the same reason as in the last case; they conceive an aversion to each other they know not why, and their tempers are soured towards others they know not for what; this creates enemies; poverty, contempt and aversion follows.

Thus it is with the passions of the human soul, as with the strings of a musical instrument: one being disordered, spoils the musick of the whole, and produces nothing but dishar­mony.

Fourthly, when a couple, with mutual assection, and na­turally good dispositions, agree to unite in marriage; but, through warmth of passion, or affection, that would not perhaps wait until a settlement, or means of a living, could be provided; they misconduct, or make what is called a mis­step: they are then without remedy not only disowned, but exposed to the world; and now they are not only looked upon as children of sin and disobedience, but as malcontents and enemies to the society in which they were educated. In this situation, deprived of the confidence of their fellow ci­tizens, they are left to provide for themselves;—their pa­rents* choose rather to give or trust their property in the hands of children who have conducted better; a coldness and shyness takes place among all their acquaintance; they seem as if they belonged to nobody, and nobody to them; they must associate with inferiors, or none at all. Visits are made into the neighbourhood, and enquiries into every part of their conduct, and how they behave, and if they are like to make out in the world. And those visitors being fully prepossessed with the above opinion, they operate as sieves, [Page 7]or skimmers; they take away all the dross, and leave the good behind; their characters are too respectable to be ques­tioned; they sow their tares as they go, the opinion of the world is soon formed in regard to their worthlessness, and they are accordingly treated with contempt.

The unthinking couple cannot help murmuring at those from whom they receive unmerited affronts; this never fails of creating a number of real enemies, who constantly mag­nify their faults, and misrepresent all they say or do; they find themselves not only deserted by their acquaintance, but their nearest and dearest friends are hostily armed to do them every injury.

In this situation, unconscious of any fault, they reflect on each other as the cause of their misfortune, by some indiscre­tion or other. They tire each other with complaints they cannot relieve, and in this state of sourness and discontent, every tale of calumny and falshood, makes deep impression on them; and lowness of spirits, and inactivity of body ensues, when the contrary is most requisite for their support; then poverty and ill-humour, and all the train of evils and calamities that can befal human creatures in distress, attend them to the end of their days.* For the honour of human nature we could wish the above representation was entirely groundless; yet we believe this will not be found an ima­ginary description by those who will be at the pains to exa­mine what becomes of many of those who are thus disowned.

And here we cannot help making a reflection, though not immediately relating to the subject.

O ye pastors of flocks and heads of societies, what sentence do you expect to receive at the last day, for making these numerous sacrifices of your most innocent lambs? The powers of nature are strong in the most perfect parts of the creation; youth may plead ignorance of the consequence, but age cannot; you know well, by experience, what you are about and what will be the consequence of your doings; nei­ther does it deter from these offences, because they know not their punishment until it arrives, nor even then from whence it springs. Their crime certainly hurts not you; but it is not the ruin and destruction of their perishable beings and livings here alone you seek or effect; but perhaps of their precious, immortal souls for ever hereafter, at least as far as you are capable of effecting it.

How differently did the Saviour and Judge of mankind sentence the woman taken in adultery: "Neither do I con­demn [Page 8]thee, go and sin no more," was all his reproof to her, when she told him no man had condemned her. Not so his sentence when he pronounced condemnation, and so many woes, on the teachers of that day, that bound grievous bur­dens on other men's shoulders that themselves would not move with one of their fingers; think to yourselves if this be not a parallel case, and how you will answer for it; think where the rich man lifted up his eyes in torment, and how you will abide a like situation, if the scene should be changed for you. But if you are more innocent than these victims, heaven will regard you, and this reflection will not hurt you.

But to return from this digression: the observations we shall make next, are, upon unsuitableness of temper. If a man of a subtil, proud, unforgiving temper, marries a woman of a passionate, provoking, unreserved disposition, he acci­dently affronts her; she immediately, in the most unreserved manner, affronts him in return; he conceals his resentment, but will frequently afterwards sting her with his witty sneers, in a manner she cannot guard against nor easily bear; her anger is over; she bears it for a while; but at last she affronts him still worse where he can least bear it: he now never omits any opportunity of exercising his malicious wit upon her; they soon grow intolerably weary and hateful to each other.

There are many other bad tempers and dispositions that would tend to make any unhappy if indulged to extreme: such as incessant scolding, abusive and indecent language, cru­elty to children, excessive fretfulness and impatience about things unavoidable; many of these qualities would become mo­derated on a change of companions, so as to become agreea­ble accomplishments: as when a compassionate man of for­tune marries a tender and weakly woman that is ever com­plaining; he affectionately sympathizes with her in all her complaints, and exercises a very sensible and peculiar plea­sure of his own, in giving her those constant proofs of his affection, in the attention he shows to her wants; and receiv­ing hers in return, which he could not do in a woman other­wise constituted. Also a very good-natured man married to a passionate, severe-tongued, though otherwise good wife; when she is suddenly provoked, he is remarkably pleased with those sudden sallies of her wit and eloquence, although it should be directed against himself; he looks upon them as marks of her wit and spirit, and attention to her business.

A very passionate couple that sometimes vent their full rage at each other on certain occasions, having fully satisfied their resentment, their assection returns again to each other, [Page 9]like a tide, with more fondness than before, and rather en­creases than abates affection.

Cruelty to children is so unnatural, one would be tempt­ed to think it could not exist, did not experience evince it: it must proceed from affections wholly misplaced on objects quite distinct from the human being, and themselves tor­mented with some kind of passions or desires unlawful, un­satisfactory, or impossible to be enjoyed; or what will be found to be the same thing, when kind and natural affection on companions to each othr is lost, and bitterness and cruel­ty succeed.

A liberal and a mercenary, a polite and an impolite, a can­did and a deceitful disposition, are unhappy united together; but happy if their qualities are alike. But more unsuitable still are those of religious and irreligious principles when they are united together.

A couple kept low in the world by the hand of Providence only, go through a series of trials, hardships and difficulties together in raising a family; their affections and attachments encrease, like two cast away seamen, or unfortunate soldiers, that have been companions, and shared the same toils, tra­vels, dangers, and distresses together, and mutually assisted each other for a long series of time, have a greater attach­ment to each other than they can possibly have to any else whatever.

Moreover there are incidental circumstances that will en­tirely destroy the happy marriage-union; lying, that father and mother of all wickedness, because it screens and protects it, is yet unrestrained and unpunished by any law, civil or religious; and hateful as it is to God and man, doubtless prevails among some of those esteemed the best, as well as the worst of mankind: I say lying is in full practice among us, and one judicious, well framed tale, by a malicious person, will excite such secret jealousy, uneasiness, and doubts of each other, and open the way for so many more of the same kind, of whatever kind they may be; they sel­dom or never are got over, but foment, by degrees, to the greatest hatred and rancour.

Some are compelled to marry through the force, fraud, deception, or artifice of their friends or others, and con­ceive the greatest aversion immediately. We do not say these will not ever be reconciled to each other, but that much smaller matters of disturbance, such as we have described, will render them thoroughly irreconcilable.

[Page 10] The last instance we shall mention, is, a violent, unchang­able affection for some other person besides those unto whom they are married. William Penn, somewhere says, marry a woman thou lovest, or thou wilt love a woman thou never married; this may be equally true when we cease to love those unto whom we are married.

It may be thought needless, perhaps, to mention those inci­dents that so seldom happen, but we believe it very often happens, sometimes to our certain knowledge, perhaps much oftener than can easily be conceived; and when that is the case very great disturbance must ensue; in public places they are likely to happen most frequently, but it is not likely they should often come to any ones knowledge, much less to the public: more especially when we consider the powerful effect of shame, and the propensity it has to conceal what is thought to be a disgraceful passion. Read the accounts physicians sometimes give of modest women, of otherwise unblemished character, actually expiring in child-birth, in the most excru­ciating tortures, rather than own their situation, although camestly urged to it with promises of secrecy, and this is be­cause they were unmarried, and thought it would be a dis­grace they could never survive.

Plutarch relates an anecdote of the Milesian virgins, which merits the attention of the philosopher: "Multitudes fell by their own hands, doubtless in that trying age when nature, giving birth to restless and turbulent desires, inflames the imagination, and when the heart, astonished at new wants which virtue forbids to gratify, feels pining melancholy suc­ceed to the sportful tranquillity of child-hood. Nothing could stop the contagion; a law was made condemning the first who should be guilty of self-murder, to be brought naked and exposed in the market place; those young women were not afraid of death, but they were afraid of shame even af­ter death. Not one of them, henceforth, made an attempt on her life."

It had more became the wisdom and goodness of the le­gislature to have prevented, if possible, the temptation, than to have inflicted a punishment worse than death, on a crime that proceeded from the powerful effect of nature only, and that in its most innocent state and stage of life.

We have had accounts lately of the Reverend Mr. Hack­man, falling violently in love with a Miss Ray; a lady who lived sixteen years in the family of lord Sandwich by whom she had nine children; he grew so insupportable to himself, that he meditated the destruction of both her and himself; he loaded two pistols, and as she was entering a coach he [Page 11]discharged one at her and shot her dead, and the other at himself, without effect; then delivered himself up to justice and was executed. This appears to have been the case by his confession, in the pathetic speech he made at his trial.

And here we might fill a chapter with quotations, but as they generally mislead the Reader, we will omit them. But to what other account can we so reasonably attribute the strange disturbance of mind we see people undergo, without knowing the cause: the many disorders besides melancholy, dejection of spirits, distraction and suicide, physicians tell us, proceed from a disturbance of mind. All our passions en­crease with age though more concealed; this, as well as others; and we believe the most gentle, mild and friendly dispositions, are the most likely to be liable thereto.

Thus we have recited a great many causes;* any one of them may be sufficient to destroy the felicity of marriage, and render perfectly miserable that union, that should, of all things in this world, yield us the most perfect enjoyment; or, at least, sweeten the bitter potion that so frequently falls to the lot of human nature.

But it often happens that many of these causes do unite and join in one and the same effect, and proportionably en­crease the mischief they tend to create; and when that is the case, who can conceive the disturbance they may probably give, or a remedy equal to the disease, other than a separa­tion.

And now we are come to the second part of our observa­tions.

CHAP. II. Of the miserable Prospects of an unhappy Couple.

BUT it may not be improper, in the first place, to set forth the blessings and advantages of an happy union in mar­riage, in order that the different consequences may appear more distinctly in the comparison.

When each party with sincere, mutual affection, and good dispositions, nearly equal in fortune, and with the approbation of parents and friends, the same in education and way of life and religion; are fortunately joined together in marriage, all things seem then to strengthen the union and not destroy it; such appear to every one as if actuated by one soul, a most [Page 12]consummate pleasure, joy, and satisfaction appear in the coun­tenance of each; their presence, and all their behaviour to each other, seem to inspire a kind of inexpressible pleasure to the beholder, like the joys of the blessed; for good, as well as evil, is communicative by sympathy or example, and such being perfectly happy themselves, it gives full and free exer­cise for all the gentle, kind and friendly dispositions of the human soul toward themselves and others, even of their ene­mies, if they have any; but as their friendliness appears on all occasions, there is none but those perfectly overcome with evil dispositions themselves, have any inclination to injure them, but on the contrary, a kind of zeal to do them good. Their relatives by marriage, on each side, instead of detract­ing from, are commending them to each other, and assisting them in the world; and the bulk of mankind appear to them as the most upright and friendly beings in nature. And as their passions and desires are moderate, they see things nearly as they are, and plan their conduct more wise accordingly; and as they feel their spirits lively, they are active in business, and if their circumstance is but middling in the world, their gains are sure and constant, and in a few years are encreased beyond expectation.

Their good example not only spreads a kind of lustre round them, and communicates its likeness every where, but operates as an impenetrable guard to their character; if ma­lice or ill-will should raise a tale of calumny against them, it dies where it begins, and its author is detested. Their children partake of the good qualities of the parents, both by nature and example. Thus it will appear, if the above case is truly stated, that happiness causes virtue and not vir­tue happiness, as is generally supposed; and whoever will be sufficiently attentive to what passes in his own breast, will be satisfied of the truth of the observation.

But now let us reverse the scene: a man and a woman of good dispositions naturally, but who unfortunately marry un­der one, or all, of the before-mentioned disadvantages, have all the evils resulting from them; their little comforts leave them one, by one, and peace and tranquility become strangers to their breasts; and sinding themselves miserable at home, they must and will seek enjoyment somewhere; we have men­tioned the danger of an unchangeable affection where it can­not be indulged, and surely we need not mention the many wandering imaginations and desires of every kind; the many pastimes, amusements, and, perhaps, vices that must and will ensue; the continual increase and exercise of all the vicious. [Page 13]irritating passions and pleasures; we need not be particular, the bad example they set to others, and the many innocent people they draw into their practices; the loss of time, ne­glect of oeconomy, disregard of their worldly interests; or, if restrained from these by religion, the fear of loosing their reputation, or of excommunication; then melancholy, extreme avarice, or passionate desires after worldly possessions and honours alone, as their only enjoyment, frequently take place: here they have the men of the world to contend with and oppose; interest against interest, and honour against honour; a thousand crosses and disappointments, unavoida­bly intersere and irritate them; every affront makes an in­curable wound; every virtuous feeling is sacrificed for the smallest gain; the greatest severity is used in their families to gain an estate, and the greatest oppression and dishonesty abroad; in either case their vices are so conspicuous that the vir­tuous part of mankind become their enemies; their enjoyments are precarious, unnatural and unsatisfactory, and their souls still wandering in search of what they cannot find, and being extremely wretched themselves, they cannot help striving to make others so by detraction, from envy, selfishness and views of competition: all mankind are interested in oppos­ing them in their own kind, and do it accordingly; which makes the whole mass appear to them as a race of devils, and the unhappy wretch is viewed in the same light by others. Their children are mis-used and mis-taught, both by precept and example; and all the evil they intend others is generally returned back on themselves tensold. As old age advan­ces and naturally draws them toward their latter end, their pleasures of sense are abated; they can only exercise reflec­tion on what is past and what is to come; weakness and di­seases encrease, and give them warning the awful period is not far off, when their being and existence here must cease, and they must give way to another generation. Alas, on what can they reflect but on a long life past of extreme wretch­edness and pain, amidst surrounding felicity? On the many ways and means they have used to afflict others, and others them, more especially those who should have been the dear companion of their lives? and also of the manifold sins and transgressions they have committed, in consequence thereof? And lastly, on what is to come? How shall we describe it, seems it not like a dark and hedious monster stretching forth her dreadful jaws to close upon the trembling wretch forever? And this is the final end and final hope of him, or her, who but a sew years before thought, that binding themselves in the [Page 14]bands of wedlock, was leaping into the lap of Paradise, and entering in the sure road to heaven and happiness, and the joy of angels. And yet, unwelcome as this prospect of final dissolution appears, it seems it is more welcome, oftentimes, than a being in this world under the before-mentioned disa­greeable circumstances. But nevertheless, we do not pretend to say, that all this is the certain consequence of infelicity in marriage; but only that it most frequently is so. Notwith­standing constant private devotion, frequent conversation with sincere friends, or engagement in some very pleasing study or employment, will in a good degree supply the deficiency of marriage bliss, and prevent, in a measure, the evil consequen­ces. But are we to expect every one wise, or fortunate enough to obtain them? if they are not, their misfortunes are without remedy. And here the scene is changed; misfortunes produce vice, instead of vice producing misfortunes, as is mostly supposed; or rather that they go hand in hand, and promote each other.

Thus, if the foregoing observations are just, there appears to have been one general mistake, that teachers in religion, moralists, and mankind in general have adopted; that is, that reason doth, or ought, to preside over our affections, when the fact in reality is otherwise; our reason, commonly so cal­led, neither can, doth, nor ought to govern our affections, but only regulate them, and govern our actions and contrive and contribute means to indulge them; if our affections did not rule, neither man nor woman would ever marry, or pro­pagate their kind, labour for posterity, or hazard their lives in defence of their friends without reward, or do any thing through pity, compassion, or disinterested regard to their kind; or, in other words, be good or virtuous; but exceed beasts in savageness and yet be less wise. And our affections, if strong, will be found, in reality, rather to encrease, in pro­portion to the endeavours we use to suppress them; because it causeth us to meditate on the object of our affection or aversion, and by constant meditation to fix our love or hatred more durable than before: neither can we easily expel from our thoughts, the object of our attention, if a lively sensation of the good or evil we have received from them be often pre­sent. And it is the duty of rulers and instructors, to lead and direct our good affections, and to indulge them in good and worthy objects, and not to force them, otherwise they will be found to exert themselves like forced waters and break the strongest bounds; or secretly undermine the works of the workman, to their great damage and hurt. For our evil af­fections [Page 15]are frequently no other than our good affections forc­ed, or misled from their proper objects; and this indulgence of our good affections is the only sure way of preventing our evil ones, otherwise one mischief begets another, and we punish misfortune instead of vice; it is like an unskilful surgeon that cuts off a limb he can not cure, to hide his ignorance and save his credit.

And now we are come to the last part of our essay.

CHAP. III. Of the lawfulness and necessity of Divorce, and the Benefits deriving therefrom.

THE reflections that naturally and unavoidably arise from the above recited facts and considerations, are: doth God require this sacrifice of our happiness, or in other words, ac­complishment of our destruction? or, would not this supposi­tion be more applicable to the enemy of mankind, who, they say, goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour? If our Creator seeketh or rejoiceth in our infelicity, for what purpose did he pour forth in the creation such a profusion of ornaments and delights? delightful objects for sensation and reflection; such multitudes of fruits and and flowers, meats and drinks, pleasing objects for the eyes, and sounds for the ears, and grateful smells for the nostrils, and ten thousand pleasing subjects of contemplation for the understanding; and herbs for food and for medicine, and remedies for almost every disease, so various and numerous, that it is impossible to enumerate them in every part of the creation.

The pangs of child-birth are to give life and joy to the child and parent; the pains of sickness and wounds to con­fine the patient to his bed until he is healed, and to warn him to take especial care of that tender frame his Maker hath been pleased to give him, and his sensations of pain and plea­sure are his motives to action and means of happiness. But for what end was unhappy matrimony instituted or compelled to be born, when there is an easy remedy always at hand, and not denied to the meanest slave, that of changing his or her master?

And as slave-keeping is justly becoming detestable in this country, it may not be improper, in this place, to make a com­parison between a slave and an unhappy, married free person: so that a relief may appear as necessary to the one as to the other, if the married person, as such, may be esteemed equally worthy of our attention and regard.

[Page 16] Slaves,* almost always, by complaint or remonstrance to their master or others, may change their master, until they have found out the most moderate. And although always at call to come and go, yet their common portion of labour is seldom equal to that of a free person; they mostly eat the same kind of food with their master, their cloaths are suffici­ent to keep them from suffering; they are relieved from the care and concern of providing for themselves and samilies: bodily correction they can mostly avoid by submission and fair promises, and this they often regard no longer than it smarts. which is soon over; they are not confined to their master's apartment, to be always tormented and abused; they have frequent holidays of sport, recreation, and pastime, at which they contrive to crib for a feast, and revel the whole night in merriment; where the most unrestrained liberty and joy abounds; they are under no restraint from religion, mo­rality or fear of losing their reputation, or of excummuni­cation; their love is all delight; they feel no dread from fu­ture consequences; they marry with whom, and for as long as they please, and no longer.

They are all of one sentiment in morality and religion; they are always esteemed by their masters and others, if they perform their service faithfully, and when age comes on they are sure of subsistance for life, as good and much easi­er than when young.

But where is there any relief to the miserable, hen-pecked husband, or the abused, and insulted, despised wife? We for­bear to recite the many ways and means they take to afflict and torment one another. They are not only confined like a criminal to their punishment, but their confinement must last till death.

But perhaps it may be said, that if mankind were at liberty to separate and marry again, the matrimonial tie would become less binding; one separation would make way for another, and men and women would change from one to another like beasts and their families and kindred would be unknown and unprovided for, and their names and destinctions lost.

[Page 17] We should not propose to set men and women wholly at liberty to separate and marry at pleasure; but only on com­plaint of each or either party, and the cause inquired into, and their children, if any, provided for out of their estate equally, and liberty given to marry again and their estate di­vided between them; but not at liberty to repeat the like often. This much might serve for a trial. But we do not suppose an inclination to part would often happen, or any inconvenience arise, if they were left wholly at liberty in this respect.

For we see, in the order of the creation, those creatures who bring forth their young quite helpless into the world, where the female alone is unable to defend and provide for them, nature has impelled them, by secret and powerful instinct, to pair together in couples for their mutual defence, and sup­port, without which it would be impossible for them to exist; as we see remarkably in birds and some beasts, that are helpless when young; it is not so in cattle that are able to shift and provide for themselves immediately.

And mankind, in a state of nature, all of one religion, custom, and manners, never incline to separate, although not com­pelled to remain together; there appears to have been no in­citement thereto, as has arisen through the various stages and changes of our civilized state, without a change of custom, as was necessary in this respect; civilization having, in a man­ner, changed our natures, by introducing new kinds of sensa­tions, as described in the foregoing part of this essay.

And as there is no creature nearly so helpless as the hu­man species in infancy, so neither is their any nearly so vio­lently attached to each other; not in the way of sudden passi­on, but unchangable affection. Providence having wisely proportioned their affections, in such a degree as the necessity of their nature and situation requires, in order to go through and bear a series of trials, troubles, anxieties, and cares, needful to raise and support their otherwise helpless offspring.

And when the human species are confined, in their choice, to those of the same way of life, manners, religion, or edu­cation, and unite through mutual affection, they are direct­ed by secret instinct to those whose tempers, qualities and dispositions are most suitable to their own. Or if it does not, it is mostly owing to some separate views, such as the prospect of an estate or other circumstances, or perhaps, when too much confined in their choice, as is the case with some young people restrained by their parents, (to use my former similie) like confined waters breaking bounds, too sudden a flow of [Page 18]passion ensues toward those objects whom chance presents to their view and acquaintance, and overcomes and preci­pitates them into a union, before they have time to ex­amine their own breasts; or, in other words, passion overcomes their judgment, when both should unite together in forming the happy connection.

Living together as man and wife, is, doubtless, as old as the creation; but many ages passed away before any form of marri­age was instituted, and the man took the woman with the parents' consent, and lived with her, and she became his wife.

Thus we read of Abraham sending his servant to take a wife for his son Isaac; he did according to his instructions and brought her home with the consent of her parents, and Isaac received and took her into his Mother's tent, and he loved her and she became his wife; and this was all the ceremony; the whole of the transaction is very particularly related by the historian, and so material a circumstance as marriage would not have been lest out. It was nearly the same with Jacob; he agreed to serve Laban seven years for his daughter Rachel, and they seemed to him but a sew days for the love he had to her, and at the end of the time he said, give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled.

Moses allowed a man to put away his wife at pleasure, yet we do not find that it was often practised; but on the con­trary, they had the greatest difficulty to separate those who mar­ried into strange nations in the time of the Jewish captivity, as may be seen in Ezra, chapters ix. and x. and we read in Nehemiah, on the same occasion, in the xiiith. chap. and 25th. verse, that he contended with them; and cursed them, and smote certain of them, and plucked off their hair, and caus­ed them to swear by God, saying, you shall not give your daughters unto their sons, nor take their daughters unto your sons, or for yourselves. So sensible were the Jews of the impropriety of strange marriages; yet we do not read that a separation was really essected. These instances show how little danger there is of separations becoming too fre­quent.

But it is probable they will become more necessary, and frequent as our manners shall become changed and varied from those of the primitive ages: but never, in no age or nation, was marriage esteemed any other than a civil contract, or any thing so divine, holy, or sacred in it that it might not be dissolved by the parties contracting, until Christianity took place, which leads us naturally to consider of Christ's command in this respect: if there was any thing in the [Page 19]Christian doctrine that would tend to destroy the peace and happiness of mankind, we should be apt to reject it entire­ly, as something that had got in by mistake. But perhaps it may appear otherwise.

The Pharisees came unto him, tempting him; saying, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wise for every cause? The question is doubtful in every sense, for they came to him, tempt­ing him. It is impossible, without hearing the words spoken, to determine the full meaning of the question, for if the em­phasis of the speaker should be placed on the words lawful; the question would then be, not concerning who might put her away, or for what cause, but if a separation at all was lawful. If the emphasis of the speaker should be placed on the word man, the question would then be, not concerning the lawfulness of the separation, or for what cause, but if the husband alone, without consent of his wife or any other person, might put her away.

But if the emphasis should be placed on the word cause, the question would then be, not concerning who might put her away, or the lawfulness of the separation, but whether she might be put away for every cause, or only some causes, and as the question is doubtful, so is the answer. He tells them, in the beginning God created male and female, for which cause a man should leave father and mother, cleave unto his wife, and they twain should be one flesh; what therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder. That Moses indulged them in putting away their wives on account of their hard hearts; that it was not so in the beginning, that whosoever put away his wife, except for fornication, and married again, committed adultery.

In the fore part of his discourse he undoubtedly referred to that secret and powerful instinct, or strong mutual affec­tion, that joined men and women together as at the begin­ning, in a state of nature; such as we before observed unit­ed Jacob unto Rachel when seven years seemed but as a few days, for the love he had unto her, and these he calls those whom God hath joined together; and such let not man put asunder, he could not mean the priest, the magistrate, or themselves, for they are not God.

In the next place, he sorbids the cruel custom of the hus­band alone putting away his wife for every cause; without regarding her seeling or situation, and declares, such as do and marry again, commit adultery.

The whole of the discourse amounts to this, that such as are joined together by strong, mutual affection, let none cause [Page 20]their separation, and let the husband alone put away his wife for no cause but fornication.

Neither of which declarations affects our argument in the least, that men and women may not part by mutual consent, or laws of the land, or when mutual hatred has taken place, and marry again when God shall join them together as at the beginning. But it seems as if this passage had been the occasion of all those scruples, concerning the separation of man and wife, in the early ages of Christianity, and handed down to us until this day.

And so it should seem from the three succeeding verses of of the same chapter, Matthew xix. from verse the 10th. to the 13th. compared with Matthew, chapter v. from the 27th. to the 31st. verse, as if emasculation was advised; and as such, some of the first fathers of the church believed it, and received it; but surely such doctrines need not a serious re­futation.

And here we submit to the judicious Reader, what merit is due to those (the greater part of mankind) who implicitly sollow guides; and what to those who reject them, in many ca­ses, in favour of common sense and their own understandings.

If our Creator, as we before observed, seeketh or requireth our infelicity, he hath then no longer the attribute of a God, but of a devil. But if our good affections are misled by our instructors, they are converted into evil affections, and drawn from their proper objects, while we ourselves have eyes to see and hearts to understand, then is our Creator guiltless. For if we, having eyes and understanding, freely give them to our guides and walk without, then are our selves on­ly accountable for our stumbling and the pains and bruises we feel in consequence thereof.

It will be next said, what has been the universal custom for so many ages, must have had some great advantage or benefit arising therefrom; sound out by the experience of past ages that we cannot immediately apprehend, but upon a trial, otherwise would be found extremely injurous to soci­ety. This obliges us, as far as we know, to relate the customs of other countries.

The Indians of America and Negroes of Africa, and sa­vage nations of various kinds, live according to nature, that is, they unite or part, as pleases them, without compulsion; generally unite and live as man and wife, and are faithful to each other as long as they live agreeably to natural instinct.

In France and Italy every man has but one wife, but eve­ry wife has, if she pleases, a lover that constantly visits and attends her, with her husband, to all public places, and [Page 21]the husband looks upon him as his friend, and esteems his wife in proportion to the rank and quality of her lover; this gives him no uneasiness, because he act in the same capacity to another lady, if he pleases.

In England, it is said, the nobility marry to add to their rank and estates, but indulge separate pleasures afterwards, at plays, balls, masquerades, dancing matches, and other diversions, without offence taken on either side.

In Turkey a man may have four wives and as many con­cubines as he pleases, but if a complaint comes to a magis­trate that he doth not perform the duty of an husband once a week, he is obliged to put some of them away. In Persia a man takes as many wives as he pleases, and for what time they agree.

In India the women are compelled, by the custom of the country, to burn themselves alive with their diseased hus­band, in honour to their memory.* This is fulfilling the text literally, what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder; and shows the impropriety of adhering too strictly to the letter, in matters of great importance to our welfare.

Here are two extremes, and it is most probable, that there are different degrees of practice between them. And if we may judge reasonably here, as in most other cases, the best mark to stop at is the middle way, for the powers of nature in all animate, as well as inanimate bodies, gravitate to a middle line, like the vibrations of a pendulum, whose center of gravity is equidistant from the extremes of [...] motion, and our present practice is but one degree distant from the last mentioned worst extreme.

From the above-mentioned instances it doth appear, the sentiments of mankind in general are very different from those of our present practice, and that there are no inconve­niences arising to the public from one custom more than ano­ther, except the happiness the parties may receive themselves, and thereby communicate to others; which surely themselves ought to be the best judges of.

Then the question will finally terminate here, are they, or are they not, judges of their own happiness? If they are, why [Page 22]are they restrained by law and religion from exercising it? if they are not, why are they allowed the liberty of exercising it in other things? why are they not compelled to follow the same calling, live on the same land, and possess the same property they have received by gift or purchase during their lives, or the [...] of said property? are not the rea­sons for the one as strong as for the other?

We would not, by any means, be understood, by proposing divorce, that we desire to lessen the solemnity of marriage, or weaken the sacredness of the marriage promise in any re­spect, during their union; but only, that a sincere union of hearts do accompany a union of hands, from which alone, all our other enjoyments, as from a secret source, are derived: as streams flowing from a sweet, clear, and pure fountain, without which every thing is lifeless, insiped and disagreeable; and that in proportion to the disharmony that subsists here, or on the contrary, all is pleasing.

And here we beg leave to communicate our sentiments on marriage in the lines of that elegant and sublime poet, who is said once to have employed his pen in vindicating the same cause we do now.

"Hail wedded Love, misterious law, true source
Of human offspring, sole propriety
In Paradise of all things common else.
By thee adult'rous lust was driv'n from men
Among the bestial herds to range; by thee
Founded in reason, loyal, just, and pure,
Relations dear, and all the charities
Of father, son, and brother first were known.
Far be it, that I should write thee sin or blame,
Or think the unbefitting holiest place,
Perpetual fountain of domestic sweets,
Whose bed is undefil'd and chaste pronounc'd,
Present, or past, as saints and patriarchs us'd.
Here love his golden shafts employs, here lights
His constant lamp, and waves his purple wings,
Reigns here and revels; not in the bought smile
Of harlots, loveless, joyless unindear'd,
Casual fruition; nor in court amours,
Mix'd dance, or wanton mask, or midnight ball,
Or serenate, which the starv'd lover sings
To his proud fair, best quited with disdain."

But all the arguments hitherto used in favour of divorce to procure matrimonial bliss, will doubtless militate greatly against us with a great number of devout persons, who be­lieve [Page 23]that the rewards they will receive in another life, will be in proportion to the voluntary punishment they shall re­ceive in this. To such we must freely own that all our wits are exhausted, and arguments are at an end; we can only leave them to enjoy what they take to be their greatest good, and assure them, they will not be envied or molested in their so doing, if they do not molest others in the enjoyment of what they take to be their good.

We beg the Reader's pardon for making one more quota­tion, from that solemn and much admired poem, Young's Night Thoughts.

"Pleasure's the mistress of the etherial powers,
For her contend the rival Gods above:
Pleasure's the mistress of the world below;
And well it is for man, that pleasure charms;
How would all stagnate, but for pleasure's ray!
How would the frozen stream of action cease!
What is the pulse of this so busy world?
The love of pleasure: that through every vein,
Throws motion, warmth; and shuts out death from life,
Is nought but virtue to be prais'd, as good?
Why then is health prefer'd before disease?
What nature loves is good, without our leave,
And where no future drawback cries, "beware"
Pleasure, tho' not from virtue, should prevail.
'Tis balm to life and gratitude to heaven;
How cold our thanks for bounties unenjoyed!
The love of pleasure is man's elder born,
Born in his cradle, living to his tomb;
Wisdom, her younger sister, tho' more grave,
Was meant to minister, and not to marr,
Imperial pleasure, queen of human hearts.
Pleasure came from heaven,
In aid to reason was the Goddess sent;
To call up all its strength by such a charm.
Pleasure, first succours virtue, in return,
Virtue gives pleasure an eternal reign.
What but the pleasure of food, friendship, faith,
Supports life; natural, civil and divine?
'Tis from the pleasure of repast we live;
'Tis from the pleasure of applause we please;
'Tis from the pleasure of belief we pray.
All prayer would cease if unbeliev'd the prize.
It serves ourselves, our species, and our God;
And to serve more, is past the sphere of man.
[Page 24] Glide, then, forever, pleasure's sacred stream!
Thro' Eden as Euphrates ran it runs,
And fosters ev'ry growth of happy life;
Makes a new Eden where it flows."

The above must be understood to mean virtuous pleasure, in common occurrences and occasions of life, as well as those of religion; and if such are its salutary effects, what must be the effect of the contrary, I leave the Reader to judge, by attending to his own feelings in some unhappy moments he may have experienced.

We believe it will be readily admitted, that there is no portion of the lives of mankind so extremely pleasant; as when about to take possession of a lovely and agreeable com­panion: except the enjoyment they may receive after­ward, in finding their expectations fully satisfied: until some untoward circumstance, incident, or misfortune puts an end to their felicity. And yet this blessing, according to our pre­sent practice, can never be enjoyed by one of the parties, but once in a life-time. And if their joys should chance to be short, all the rest is little better than distraction. In vain will they strive to find them again in wealth, honours, or promotion; they may kindle the fires of hell, and ransack nations, or destroy neighbours, according to their respective situations and capacities in life, yet they will still meet with nothing but dis­appointment in their enjoyments. Or if there is any thing in this world, that would excite virtuous and amiable dispositi­ons in men and women, it is the thought and ambition of recommending themselves to virtuous and amiable compani­ons; more especially when in distress with one that is otherwise. The expectation of such good fortune if it should never hap­pen, would make them incline more to good, virtuous, and worthy actions than otherwise they would do.

If divorce was declared not only lawful by the legislature, but honourable by the ministers and elders of religious bodies, (without which, the law would not have its full effect) it would probably remove one of the most melancholy misfortunes of the human being—suicide.* For certainly it is a most odious re­proach [Page 25]to the rulers of any people, to see their subjects go distracted and destroy themselves on account of their mis-go­vernment, or misfortunes that might easily be removed.

Cruel men and women would then be afraid to misuse and abuse their good, worthy partners, whom they know to be better than themselves; but would be induced to act the lover instead of acting the tyrant.

It would probably prevent fraud and deception in court­ship. It would tend greatly to industry, as men and women would exert themselves much more to support those they loved, than those they did not; this is plain in the change we often see in young people, for the better or worse after mar­riage.

Parents might not then forever lament the loss of an only son, or an only daughter, by an imprudent, precipitate mar­riage. Many bachelors might not then remain so long un­married, and disgrace religion and mankind with their vices. Many young women would then become virtuous wives and mothers; comfortable to their friends, useful and ornamental to society, who, as circumstances are at present, do fre­quently bring disgrace upon themselves and their sex, and a burden on others. And we believe the like of these would not so often be forsaken by those who have deceived them, if the ideas of perpetual bondage did not intimidate them. Every plea whatever for unlawful commerce between the sexes would then be taken away. If reasonable liberty of parting was given, the desire of it would be frequently re­moved. Continual enmity and ill-will between the relatives of the respective parties disagreeing in marriage would cease. It would inculcate more friendly and beneficent ideas of the wisdom and goodness of Divine Providence in the disposition of human affairs, and dispose mankind more sincerely to re­verence and adore the great Author of their being.

[Page 26] If the number of objects that wish for a change are but few, their liberty can do no harm; if many, they ought to be the more regarded, and attention paid to their situations.

The offspring of happy matches would be, by nature as well as by education and example, less viciously inclined. For we believe the qualities and dispositions that are contracted by habit, are propagated afterwards by generation, as is vi­sible in the wildness and tameness of young animals from their respective parents: also in the ferocity and docility of those persons descended from free or enslaved nations: like­wise the uncivilized nature of young savages, longing to live the same sort of life of their parents, although otherwise edu­cated.

Perhaps it might be a step towards restoring the golden age so much desired, for certainly those countries approach the nearest to it where there are no wars, but where agriculture and population are in their highest perfection, as in China, where their customs are very different from ours in this re­spect.

Perhaps none would oppose this alteration but those who were conscious of having companions better than themselves, and who might be apprehensive such would become dissatisfi­ed with their situation.

No distinction of preference in favour of either sex ought to be made when nature has made none.

Thus, free citizens of America, we have briefly and with­out any ornament of stile, represented to you such of the many truths, relative to our situation in respect to marriage, as must strike the apprehension of the most indifferent ob­server. It would be doing injustice to your humanity and feelings, as men and as Christians, to suppose you will not take the subject under your serious consideration, and com­municate your sentiments to each other; and finally propose such alterations and amendments in the laws and customs of our country, as will tend to the benefit of those unhappy in­dividuals who have never wilfully, in this respect, transgressed the laws of God or man; or, done any thing to incur your resentment or displeasure, and whose infelicity calls yet louder for relief than their failings call for censure; and that you will not let other matters so much engross your care and attention, that you cannot sympathize with, and feel for, the afflictions and distresses of such of your worthy fellow-citizens, who are united to you by the strongest ties of affinity and affection, and also as neighbours, friends, and members of the same community with yourselves; neither suffer them to remain under that contempt and disregard that ever is the [Page 27]lot of the unfortunate; nor let ignorance, blgotry and su­perstition, any longer govern your understanding, by suffer­ing one doubtful text of scripture (which is evidently mis­understood) a means of destroying the happiness of multi­tudes, without a prospect of redress, for endless generations; therefore, we trust, that you will generously show an exam­ple of liberality and wisdom to the rest of the Christian na­tions, by immediately setting at liberty all those who suffer under the severe restrictions of cruel, tormenting partners; which would make them valuable and worthy members of society; a comfort to themselves and their friends, and an ornament to human nature; and by so doing you will doubt­less receive the grateful thanks of such, and the honour and approbation of all good men.

We shall now conclude, with addressing a few words to those on whose behalf we have been writing this essay.

O ye unhappy people, unto whom the bands of wedlock has entailed wretchedness instead of joy! Perhaps your situations may be without remedy; it is so, doubtless, without you seek it, which it is your duty to do both for yourselves and for posterity. But it is not without hope if you exert yourselves according to your ability; be not ashamed of your situation; it is your misfortune and not your fault; either of you might have been completely blest and happy with ano­ther partner, had it been your good fortune to have united with one suitable to your disposition and circumstances: but it is never too late to try to be revenged on fortune. Let your situation in life be what it may, your circumstances high or low, if you can but be thoroughly reconciled to those who where once your fond choice, and renew the days of courtship and felicity you once felt, not only by avoiding every thing that is found to be disagreeable to your spouses, but also exerting yourselves in every thing that is servicable, generous, kind and freindly; you will then be revenged on fortune, and heaven will have blessings yet in store. But if this is not practicable, as is most commonly the case, apply decently to the legislature for redress, to pass such laws for your relief, and others in the like situation, as they shall think necessary and proper; they certainly cannot refuse so reason­able a requisition who have granted relief to a less respecta­ble class of mankind, without request, in a less painful situa­tion. But nevertheless, as sudden innovations from customs long established in any country, are not easily obtained, more especially where it is a part of the established religion of the people. Those of some rank and character in the world, who shall have virtue and resolution enough, to set some exam­ples [Page 28]of separating and marrying again, great part of man­kind would be more indebted to them for their liberty and happiness, than unto those who delivered this country from British oppression. For their virtuous courage, resolution and magnanimity, would break the way for others to follow; and a law would at last be obtained in their favour. Thus we see the first advocate for the liberty of slaves in America, Benjamin Lay,* a worthy and good man, gave away great part of his substance, when in Jamaica, to relieve them; and wrote and testified, in all places, violently against the practice of slave-keeping; and, when in America, would sometimes enter meeting-houses, and sprinkle blood upon the people, and tell them the blood of the slaves was in like manner up­on their heads, if they did not repent and free their slaves.

It was by such remarkable exertions as these, that almost every sect in religion has been established, without which the attention of mankind are not roused or excited, but every thing goes on in its former course, and glides down the stream of time unnoticed; and the misfortunes of a few are unregarded and unrelieved; or, according to the expression of a poet, on another occasion,

"Unrespited, unpitied, unreprieved ages of hopeless end."
FINIS.

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