Whosoever is born of GOD overcometh the World. 1 John v. 4.
Set your Affections on Things above, and not on Things on Earth. For ye are dead, and your Life is hid with CHRIST in GOD. Col. iii. 2, 3.


[Page iii]


THE ensuing Account, it is hoped, may animate those who are in the Morning of Life, to a due Improvement of their Time, in remem­bering their CREATOR in the Days of their Youth; so that they may offer him the first Fruits of those precious Moments, in which they are Probationers for an awful Eternity: And which when past, whether they have been employed in the important Task or [...], are irrecoverably gone.

IF it has this happy Effect, the desired End will be fully answered, which is, that GOD'S Grace, and saving Power, may be manifested, in additional Instances, both of living and dying Witnesses.

Miss MARY GILBERT, was the eldest Daughter of Nathaniel Gilbert, of the Island of Antigua, Esq by his Wife Elizabeth, both Persons of good Families, and eminent Piety; whose chief Study it was to train up their Children in the Knowledge of GOD and his Ways, according to the established Religion of the Church of England.

SHE was born in the same Island, on the 28th of Fe­bruary, 1751, under the happy Circumstance of having Parents, who as they were wanting in no Act of Care and Tenderness to their Offspring, so took care in parti­cular to make them, like young Timothy, acquainted from [Page iv] their Infancy with the Holy Scriptures. In the earliest Dawn of Reason she discovered an extraordinary Capa­city, and uncommon Understanding; a great Willingness to learn, and a Desire of being instructed, which often occasioned her to ask the most pertinent Questions. Such a Genius was observed by her Parents with much Gratitude to Him, who is the Author and Dispenser of every good and perfect Gift. Her natural Disposition was a Mixture of Good and Evil. She was a strict Ob­server of Truth, which appeared to arise from a Noble­ness of Mind, which made her incapable of those Mean­nesses from whence the Vice of Falshood springs. But as every Flower in Nature's Garden, however blooming, needs improving, so did this Principle in her: For as it was productive of some Virtues, so it no less occasioned the greatest Blemishes in her Temper; such as High­spiritedness, Pride and Self-will; which notwithstanding the shining Example of her Parents, and their Care to restrain, would, while she was very young, often gain an Ascendency.

IN the Year 1757, her Father and Mother made a Voyage to England (bringing this Daughter and their other Children with them) entirely upon a religious Ac­count, and in order to enjoy the Company of some who were esteemed Persons of remarkable Piety, and extensive Usefulness, and with them to partake of those sacred Privileges, with which their native Island was not yet favoured. During their Residence in England, she shew­ed the greatest Delight in reading religious Books, and in receiving the Instruction of serious Christians, who were frequently entertained at her Father's House. So that what was recorded of the ROYAL PSALMIST, might be asserted of her; All her Delight was in the Saints upon Earth. Her Father's Affairs calling him back to Antigua, he, with his Family, left England in the Beginning of the Year 1759, taking with them a Person whose Sentiments and Abilities they approved of, to whose Care they com­mitted the Education of their Children, for whom their Daughter MARY soon contracted a very tender Affection; far from shunning the Company of one that was to cor­rect [Page v] her Faults, and whose Presence must restrain the lit­tle Levities of Childhood. She, for these very Reasons, delighted in being constantly confined with her, even in those Hours which she might have spent at Play with her Sisters. These Seasons she employed in improving her Mind; and having the Liberty of retiring into a Closet within her GOVERNESS'S Chamber, she would continue in it for a long Time every Day reading, praying, and meditating, and her Remarks upon what she read, were often just and instructive.

AS soon as she had learned to write, she seldom failed nothing down whatever appeared useful in any Author she read; and having a very retentive Memory, she stored it with SCRIPTURE TRUTHS, so that many of her Re­latives and others, were greatly surprised at her Readi­ness in repeating, and finding out almost any Text in those sacred Pages. She likewise wrote several Books of well collected Texts, in Proof of some of the Fun­damental Doctrines of the CHURCH OF ENGLAND, such as, The fallen State of Man, the Necessity of Repentance, and the new Birth, and of Holiness. Before she was twelve Years of Age, she corresponded with some Per­sons in England, and her Letters were much admired; though, as she grew older, her Stile greatly improved, so that she had acquired both an easy and elegant Manner of addressing different Persons, and upon various Oc­casions, though Religion was her constant and favourite Theme; herein, as in other Instances, endeavouring to redeem as much as possible the golden Moments of her contracted Span.

THUS she gently and profitably passed five Years of her Pilgrimage, without Variation, and exempt from Vicissitudes under her Parent's Roof; till in the Year 1764, they thought it most for her Advantage to send her to England, to finish her Education. Here she ar­rived the 28th of May that Year; from that Time board­ing with an Aunt, and being under the Care of the same Tutoress, who had before gone with her to Antigua. This Separation from the best of Parents, could not but prove an afflictive Circumstance to one of her great Sen­sibility, [Page vi] and who was a most dutiful and affectionate Child; but this was alleviated by the pleasing Hopes they gave her, that they themselves would soon come and reside in England; a Thought which as it enabled her chearfully to bear their Absence, so it animated her to a more than ordinary Improvement of Time, in or­der to render them the utmost Satisfaction, when she should have the Happiness of being restored to them; a Period, which she often mentioned with the greatest De­light; but which the infinitely wise Disposer of Events saw right never to indulge her with. It was with great Pleasure that we observed, as her Years increased, her good Understanding, and the Power of Religion, entirely prevailed over those Tempers, which have before been mentioned, so that she became every Day more amiable, and was more endeared to all that knew her. On the first of January, 1765, she began to keep a Diary, chief­ly consisting of the LORD'S Dealings with her Soul. This will give a juster Conception of her Understanding in the Way of Godliness, of her improvement of Time, and the Propriety of her Sentiments on many Occasions, than any Thing that could be said upon the Subject. She was one of those happy Few, who are not afraid of be­ing singularly Pious, and was deeply convinced that the Service of GOD is no Impediment to, but the greatest Augmentation of true Happiness, in every Period and Circumstance of Life. She had learned to disdain the Follies of the World, always chusing Plainness and Neat­ness in Dress, rather than Gaiety and Extravagance, and prefering an Hour's Solitude, spent in communing with her own Heart, or in searching the Word of GOD, be­fore all those trifling Amusements, which so much engross the Attention, and waste the Time of the Generality of Persons of all Ages.

THUS, tho' young in Years, she contemplated her latter End, and applied her Heart unto true Wisdom, and is now reaping the vast Advantage in a blest Eter­nity. She was so exercised in the needful Duty of Self­inspection, as to discern the Imperfection of her best Performances, and utterly to disclaim every other Hope of [Page vii] obtaining the Divine Favour, than that built on the sure Foundation, JESUS CHRIST, and Him crucified. An Interest in his atoning Blood, was what she sincerely sought after; being truly sensible of the Necessity of being born again, before we can enter into the King­dom of Heaven. She thought the Time long ere she was admitted into the glorious Liberty of the Children of GOD; and would greatly deplore her own Instability, Levity, and want of Earnestness, to which she attri­buted her LORD'S Delay; but these Things, tho' felt by her tender and enlightened Conscience, did not ap­pear to others; and the LORD was not slack concerning his Promise, as her following Experience proved, when He came suddenly to the Temple of her Heart, never to leave her more. Some Weeks before her last Sick­ness, she told a Friend, that she had been greatly led out in the Meditation of Death; that she formerly con­sidered it as very dreadful, but had of late seen it in a different View: So that if it would please GOD to finish his Work in her Soul, she could be content, young as she was, to give up all that were dear below, in Hope of receiving them again in that eternal Day. A few Days before her Disorder seized her, being asked by a Friend, concerning the State of her Soul, she said, ‘She had a Confidence that GOD would not long with­hold the Blessing, that she soon should know his par­doning Love, and that she was patiently waiting up­on Him.’ As soon as she was taken ill (which was on the 10th of January,1768) she was asked how she found her Mind? She replied, ‘Quite composed, that she believed the LORD had visited her in Love, and that whether it terminated in Life or Death, it would be greatly to her Advantage.’ During the whole Time of her Illness, not a Doubt seemed to disturb her, nor did she ever lose her stedfast Hope, that if she was ta­ken, the LORD would perfect his Work in her Soul. She was also endued with a constant Spirit of Prayer, and to all around behaved with the utmost Patience and Meekness. She seldom complained, and declared she had not a murmuring Thought, though she appeared to [Page viii] suffer exquisitely; her Disorder being a putrid Fever, with a sore Throat, which mortified some Days before her Dissolution: It was likewise attended with a Deaf­ness, that encreased gradually, till at last there was no conversing with her. She was also deprived very early of Speech, which, as she retained her Senses, rendered her Situation very trying, as well as deprived her Friends of that Profit and Satisfaction, which might otherwise have been expected. But on Thursday, the 14th (before the Disease had made so great a Progress, though even then her Speech was thick, and her Hear­ing dull) she desired the whole Family would come and pray with her, and to some of her Friends made this good Confession: That she had found CHRIST, that she loved GOD, knowing that He had first loved her; that she was now neither afraid nor unwilling to die; and that she experienced unspeakable, and, till now, unknown Happiness. From this Time she spoke but little, except about two Days afterwards, when she said to one who desired her to speak to her, that she was perfectly resigned to the Divine Will; this she uttered with Difficulty, and could add no more; but though her Lips were thus closed to all below, it was evident her Heart was open to GOD in Prayer, which was dis­cernible from the frequent lifting up of her Hands and Eyes with great Devotion: In this Posture she sweetly yielded up her Spirit on the 21st Instant, at the Age of near 17 Years.

[Page 1]


TUESDAY, January 1, 1765. When I awoke in the Morning, I found my Heart raised in Thankfulness to GOD for his Mer­cies, in bringing me to the Beginning of another Year; and found my Soul much in the same Frame all the Day. O! may this Year be spent more to the Glory of my Almighty Maker and Preserver, than the last has been; and may every Thought, Word and Work, tend to this glorious End.

Wednesday 2. I found a Blessing while dressing, but lost it by giving way to Levity; yet the merciful LORD restored it to me in the Evening: Blessed be his Name.

Thursday 3. I found my Soul in a dead, dull Frame, with a great Disinclination to Duty, which I did not yield to; and tho' I found no immediate Blessing, yet I doubt not, but the LORD was pleased with my Endea­vours to wait upon him.

Friday 4. I awoke with some Degree of Comfort, and had my Thoughts stayed on the Things of GOD. I found a Desire, while I heard the Book of Martyrs read, of being like them; but could not submit to die for the [Page 2] Truth as they did; it seemed too great a Trial to Flesh and Blood: Yet I trust, was the LORD to call me to it, He would give me Strength to bear it.

Saturday 5. I spent the Morning in writing Letters to my dear Friends in ANTIGUA, for whom I find the most tender Affection. O! that we may all at length meet around the Throne, and stand at the last Day among the Sheep at his right Hand!

Sunday 6. In the Morning my Thoughts were very wandering, and my Mind much discomposed. When I came up, I read and writ my Journal, and spent the rest of the Morning comfortably. In the Afternoon I read the Experience of ELIZABETH WEST. May I like the Bee suck Honey out of every Flower, gather Profit out of every Book I read, every Sermon I hear, and every Occurrence in Life, let it seem ever so trifling. The Evening Text was Isaiah Iviii. 1. Cry aloud, and spare not, &c. The Preacher shewed our Transgressions in the most glaring Colours, and my own Conscience convicted me that I had done all which he had mention­ed, and more too; so that was I to be tried by Works, I could not be saved.

Monday 7. I found my Heart raised in Thankfulness for the Mercies of the Night past. O for a Continuance of it! Surely had I always a deep Sense of the innumer­able Obligations I owe to my Almighty Benefactor, it would keep me from falling into many of those Things, which are so prevalent over me. LORD, give me a thankful Heart.

Tuesday 8. I awoke in a serious Frame, but it did not continue long; for I yielded too much to wandering Thoughts, which robbed me of that Blessing. LORD make me more watchful for the future! In the Even­ing my Uncle preached a Funeral Sermon on, It is ap­pointed unto Men once to die, &c. Heb. ix. 27. My Soul was very much blessed, and stirred up to seek the LORD, but O! how soon do my good Resolutions die away! They are like the Morning Cloud, and the early Dew which passeth away. LORD, strengthen and confirm them!

[Page 3] Wednesday 9. I found my Soul in a very dead Frame, and continued so all the Day. I may truly say,

" My drowsy Powers, why sleep ye so?
" Awake my sluggish Soul!
" Nothing has half thy Work to do,
" Yet Nothing's half so dull."

Thou GOD of Love; quicken my drooping Powers! Stir up and waken my insensible Soul, and give me to seek thy Face with my whole Heart! And O be thou found of me!

Thursday 10. I was very cold and dead all the Day, and found neither Power, nor Inclination, to pray or read, which I yielded to; and passed the Day without performing either of these Duties. O my God! pardon my Sins of Omission, as well as those of Commission! They are both as innumerable as the Hairs of my Head, but thy Mercies are still more.

Friday 11. I was very busy this Day with setting my Things in Order, which were come from London, and being in a Hurry, my Mind was not stayed as I could have wished. O my GOD! gather in my scattered Thoughts, and let my Mind be fixed entire on Thee!

Saturday 12. I was enabled, blessed be the LORD, to be serious and watchful. In the Evening, Mr. R—a preached. His Text was Mark, xii. 24. Thou art not far from the Kingdom of GOD. He shewed 1 st, What the Kingdom of GOD is. 2dly, That by Nature we are all at a great Distance from it. 3dly, He described the Person, who is not far from the Kingdom of GOD! And, 4thly, Made Application of the whole. I was much blessed under this Sermon, and my Mind was stayed on what was delivered,

Sunday 13. In the Evening, My Uncle preached on Isa. xxx. 21. This is the Way, walk ye in it. I found my Thoughts much composed, but being in great Pain, I could not attend, as much as I found myself inclined to do. O how many Hindrances have we while below! Sometimes from the World, sometimes from the Infir­mities of the Body; and very often from a corrupt Heart! LORD, do thou arm me with thy Spirit's Might, [Page 4] and enable me to combat, and overcome, all the Ene­mies of my Salvation.

Monday 14. Our Class met at Ten as usual; but my Soul was in a very wandering dead Frame, and after­wards I was as light and rifling; this is the natural Consequence of the other, if not strove against.

Tuesday 15. I was in a very cold indifferent Frame all the Day. In the Evening my Uncle catechised us; such a Spirit of Laughter came upon us, that we could hardly speak. LORD, deliver us from a light, trifling Spirit, as also from an unloving, disputing Spirit.

" Mutual Love the Token be,
" LORD, that we belong to thee."

In the Evening my Uncle preached on Hos. xiv. 1, 2. My Soul was blest especially in singing the last Hymn, in which are these sweet Words,

" He'll never quench the smoaking Flax,
" But raise it to a Flame:
" The bruised Reed he never breaks,
" Nor scorns the meanest Name."

Wednesday 16. I arose this Morning with some Degree of Recollection and Stayedness upon my Spirit. It partly continued all the Day; but in the Evening, yielding to Levity, I lost it. LORD, give me Power over a trifling Spirit! Give me a continual Sense of thy Presence! Then I shall not easily yield to this or any o­ther Temptation. I retired and read the third Chapter of Matthew, went to Prayer, and found Enlargement in it.

Thursday 17. All this Day I was in a very disagreea­ble Frame, which I cannot well describe. I retired, read the Psalms, and the Fourth of Matthew. O! may I like our blessed LORD when tempted, answer the Tempter with the Word of God! The Text this Evening was Isa. xiv. 22. Look unto me, and be saved, &c. My Thoughts were very wandering all the Time. O when will my Mind be constantly fixed on, and looking to that glorious Object of our Faith and Love.

Friday 18. My Soul was in a cold dead Frame, and so it continued all the Day, yea all the Week. For tho' I cannot accuse myself of the Omission of any known [Page 5] Duty, yet such a total Indifferency I have not felt for some Time. O that GOD would give me to see the fa­tal Cause, the accursed Thing, that keeps my Heart from Him!

Saturday 19. I was much in the same State, and felt not the least Life in any Duty till Evening: Then the LORD enabled me to pour out my Complaints into his compassionate Bosom, with great Enlargement. When Mrs. L—met me. I told her my State, she advised me not to let my Deadness discourage me, but still to hold on in the Ways of the LORD, who perhaps might be proving and trying me, to see if I would do so or not. This gave me some Comfort, and left me Hopes, that He would at length come, and visit my Soul with his Salvation.

Sunday 20. My Uncle's Text this Evening was Luke xiii. 3. I tell you nay, but except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. The Word came with Power to my Heart. O GOD, give me Grace, that I may not prove a forgetful Hearer, but a Doer of the Word, that so I may be blessed in my Deed!

Monday 21. I found a Desire when I awoke to spend the Day to the Glory of GOD, and I made it my earnest Prayer to Him, that He would enable me to do it. I bless GOD that thro' his Grace I was serious, and found my Mind stayed on Him in some Measure. O that I may always have a recollected Spirit! Thou, LORD, hast pro­mised to keep him in perfect Peace, whose Mind is stayed on Thee.

Tuesday 22. My Mind was in some Measure serious, but not so much as the Day before.

Wednesday 23. My Soul seemed like a barren Wilder­ness, where nothing but Weeds and Thorns grow; no­thing but Evil did I find in my Heart. O my GOD, give me thyself; then shall this Wilderness become like a watered Garden, which thou hast planted.

Thursday 24. I found my Mind kept in a serious Frame all the Day, blessed be GOD.

Friday 25. I continued in a serious Frame, which I bless GOD lasted all the Day. O how much sweeter is [Page 6] it to be in such a State, than to enjoy all that the World calls Pleasure! But indeed it is only they who term it so. The People of GOD see there is no Pleasure in these fool­ish Things; for surely nothing can satisfy an immortal Soul created for the Enjoyment of GOD, but GOD Himself!

Saturday 26. I have Reason to praise the LORD, that I found my Soul still serious; this I account a great Blessing, especially to me, who am naturally of such a trifling Spirit.

Monday 28. When I awoke my Thoughts were still stayed, and I bless GOD I was in a serious Frame all the Day. O my Soul! if thou hadst always an awful Sense of the Divine Presence, thou wouldst be always serious and recollected. For it is impossible that a Soul, which considers GOD is present, should dare to behave in a tri­fling Manner before his awful Majesty.

Thursday 31. The Evening Text was Matt. xi. 28. Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden, &c. My Mind was taken up with observing a Gentleman and Lady, who were laughing and talking together all the Sermon Time. LORD, forgive my Sin, and lay it not to my Charge!

Friday, Feb. 1. My Mind was much stayed on the Things of GOD when I awoke, and it continued so all the Day.

Saturday 2. My Soul was much alive this Day, and I was given to see more clearly than ever, the Mystery of Iniquity which is in my Heart. O thou who searchest and triest the Reigns of the Children of Men! Give me to see more and more of the Sinfulness of it, and do thou wash and cleanse it in the Blood of JESUS!

Monday 4. This Morning we experienced GOD'S pro­vidential Care over us, for the Chimney of the little Parlour took Fire, and might have done great Mischief, had it not been discovered in Time. Thus the LORD took Care of us when we knew of no Danger, and could not take Care of ourselves.

Thursday 7. This Day my Uncle, and Miss H—e, set out hastily for Bristol, where my Aunt B—ly was [Page 7] in great Distress; Mr. B—ly having died suddenly, and left her among Strangers, with whom she was quite unacquainted till within three or four Weeks. O how many unforeseen Troubles are we liable to, which are all so many Calls to us, to lay up our Heart and Treasure above!

Sunday 10. Mr. R—a preached on Matt. iii. 10. The Discourse, blessed be GOD, came with Power to my Soul. O LORD! give me the hearing Ear, the seeing Eye, and the understanding Heart!

Monday 11. This Morning being to be taken Measure of for Mourning, we were obliged to go out, which dis­sipated my Thoughts very much. O what a little serves to draw our Minds from GOD! But alas! they are not so easily drawn off other things; such Enemies are we to ourselves!

Tuesday 12. My Thoughts were pretty much stayed this Day, and I was enabled to resist a Temptation not to go to Prayer, because the Weather was cold, and I was unwilling to leave the Fire.

Wednesday 13. In the Evening I read Miss COOPER'S Life and Letters: Then we all joined in Prayer. My Soul was blest and enlarged in that Duty. When I was in Bed, I took a Review of my past Life, and found Rea­son to humble myself before GOD, for my Unfaithful­ness in not making a better Use of his many Mercies to me. But O! may I now begin, and serve and love him all my Days!

Monday 18, Tuesday 19. My Soul was in a serious, and yet dead Frame these Days. O may I improve every State I am in! and make the very Temptations of the Enemy, serve as Weapons to fight against him with! Thus shall I, by throwing his Darts back upon his own Head, force him to fly from me.

Thursday 21. I was in a comfortable Frame of Spirit this Day. In the Evening, whilst I was conversing with my Sisters and Cousins upon Religion, I found my Soul greatly blest; and I was much enlarged afterwards in praying with them; blessed be GOD.

Sunday 24. I finished writing the Life of that excellent [Page 8] Man, Mr. Blackerby; O may I live his Life, die his Death, and be in the Place where doubtless he now is! There I shall be free from all Impurity, all Sorrow, all Sin, and be eternally out of the reach of Death.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I was in a serious, tho' dead Frame. LORD! quicken, strengthen and com­fort me by thy Word, and Spirit!

Thursday 28. Was my Birthday. I found a Desire, and Resolution, to be more devoted to GOD the en­suing Year, than I was the foregoing. O may the LORD enable me to perform my Resolutions! I also found se­rious Reflections on the Shortness of Life, and a Thank­fulness for sparing me to see fourteen Years. O may I let these Reflections have their due Weight, and In­fluence, on all my Conduct for the Time to come! And always consider that

" My Life is a Dream,
" My Time as a Stream,
" Glides swiftly away:
" And the fugitive Moments for no one will stay."

LORD! do thou give me, So to number my Days, that I may apply my Heart unto Wisdom!

Saturday, March 2. My Uncle returned Home, and with him my Aunt B—ly, whom I was much rejoiced to see.

Saturday 9. This Evening poor Mrs. L—was ta­ken extremely ill. It brought many serious Reflections to my Mind. Well may we say in the Midst of Life we are in Death. O may I always consider this, and never yield to Levity, or any Thing which is displeasing to a GOD of the strictest Purity, who may strike me dead in a Moment; and since I may die this Day, let me spend this and every other as tho' it were my last!

Sunday 17. At Night as I sat by the Fire, I found my Soul blest, and many serious Reflections brought to my Mind, which continued till I went to Bed.

Monday 18. I awoke in much the same State, and con­tinued so all the Day, blessed be GOD.

Tuesday 19. The Text this Evening was John v, 8. [Page 9] Wilt thou be made whole? My Heart seemed to reply, Yea, LORD, I will, if thou wilt, and of this I need not doubt, for thou art always more ready to give, than I am to receive. O! that thou wouldest ever

Make we willing to receive
All thy Goodness waits to give!"

Saturday 23. My Soul was much blest, and my Heart raised in Thankfulness, for the many Mercies I have re­ceived at the Hands of my merciful GOD: At the same Time I was humbled under a Sense of the ungrateful Re­turns I have made Him.

" When all the Mercies of my GOD
" My rising Soul surveys,
" Why, my cold Heart, art thou not lost,
" In Wonder, Love, and Praise?

Sunday 24. Mr. M—preached from Numbers xxiii. 10. Let me die the Death of the Righteous, &c. O! may I not only die his Death, but also live his Life, for in­deed it is impossible to do the former, unless we first do the latter.

Saturday 30. Mr. F—l in the Evening preached on John xx. 19. Peace be unto you. Tho' I was much tempt­ed with Drowsiness under the Word, yet some Parts of it were greatly blest to me. He afterwards met the So­ciety, and told them, that in several Places, both in this Round, and others, Numbers were convinced, and brought to CHRIST. O may I be one!

Into that happy Number, LORD,
A weary Sinner take,
Jesus fulfil thy gracious Word,
For thy own Mercy's Sake."

Sunday 31. I spent the Morning in reading the eight last Chapters of Romans. Indeed I think they are a most beautiful Part of the Scripture. O! that they, and every other Part of that Holy Book, may be written up­on my Heart!

Sunday, April 7. Was Easter-Day: I was prevented from hearing the Sermon by a violent Tooth-ach. O! how many Pains are we subject to, while in this mortal Life! But when this Mortal shall put on Immortality, [Page 10] what a glorious Change shall we undergo! Lord, let this Change pass upon me; and to that End, let me now rise from a Death of Sin, unto a Life of Righteousness.

" Thy Resurrection's Power impart,
" And rise triumphant in my Heart."

Sunday 14. I found my Mind much oppressed with perplexing Thoughts concerning my dear Parents. But why, O my Soul! dost thou suffer these anxious Cares to oppress thy troubled Breast? Is not the GOD who gave me these tender Parents at Liberty to take them from me? And is he not able to raise me up Friends in their Room? Besides, this is caring for the Morrow: Is it not time e­nough to make myself uneasy when the Trial comes, without anticipating what may never be? Then, O my Soul, trust thou in GOD; for he will be the Help of my Countenance, and my GOD!

Saturday 20. I was all this Day in a fretful Frame, which I too much yielded to. O God! give me Power over this, and every other easily besetting Sin!

Sunday 21. I read a Letter of Miss B—t's to Mr. W—y, concerning the Manner of her bringing up the poor Children that she has taken; in which I could not help observing the Power of Faith. How has she surmount­ed every Difficulty that stood in her Way! O may I, like her, live by Faith, till I shall go to live,

Where Faith is sweetly lost in Sight,
And Hope in full supreme Delight,
And everlasting Love!"

Monday 22. Expecting our Friends home from Liver­pool, Miss H—e and I sat up to receive them; about Twelve at Night they came, very much fatigued. They informed us of a narrow Escape they had met with; the Coach they were in was overturned with six People in it, and some on the Outside; yet not one was hurt: Surely the Providence of GOD was over them for good. I soon got to Bed sleepy enough, and when asleep, I dream a very particular Dream: I thought Mrs. L—bid my Cousin A—and me look out at a Window, and we should see an ANGEL, who would tell us comfortable News. We did, and after some Time we saw a bright [Page 11] Star, which grew brighter and brighter, till an ANGEL appeared, exceedingly beautiful and majestic. As he came nearer, I was quite overwhelmed at his Presence, and could scarce look at him, his Lustre so dazzled my Eyes. When he approached me, I thought I faintly ut­tered these Words. "Speak, LORD, thy Servant hear­eth." At this he said, ‘The LORD hath sent me to tell you, that all your Sins are forgiven, and will never be remembered against you any more, unless you fall again into Sin. He has blotted out your Trans­gressions, and cast them behind his Back.’ I imme­diately said, how can these Things be? Can I, who am so great a Sinner, and have never truly repented, be for­given? He answered, ‘With GOD nothing is impossible. Continue waiting upon GOD in his appointed Way, and you will soon find the Truth of these Promises.’ He spoke much to me concerning my Unbelief, and then suddenly disappeared, leaving me quite overwhelm­ed, but much comforted. O that my Dream may be shortly fulfilled!

Saturday 27. I was in a very cold dead Frame all the Day, and when I retired to Prayer in the Evening, I found no Life: But still I had the Blessing of waiting up­on GOD, and an earnest Desire and Panting in my Soul for Faith, tho' I could not utter a Word. LORD, let me never rest till I get this Pearl of great Price into my Pos­session! then shall I be truly happy, and not till then.

Sunday, May 5. My Uncle met the SOCIETY, and informed them of his being to leave them soon. The Sorrow that sat on every Countenance, would have drawn Tears from any one's Eyes, who could in the least sym­pathize with another's Grief. O LORD, what is Man! How various, how unforeseen and often, are the Chan­ges of this short Life! LORD, prepare me for whatever thou hast in thy Wisdom prepared for me.

Monday 6. We were in a great Hurry in packing up all the Day, and at Night sat up till Twelve o'Clock. Having a violent Cold, I was quite disordered all the next Day, so as not to be able to read, or pray, or do any Thing else, as I would. O! how does this corruptible [Page 12] Body press down the Soul! But when it shall escape from this Prison of Clay, and wing its Way to the Mansions of eternal Joy, how will it exult in the glorious Change, and rejoice in being delivered from this Dungeon, which has so long clogged it with its manifold Infirmities!

Tuesday 9. In the Afternoon we went with Mr. and Mrs. W—h to the old Castle, on the Top of the Hill, where it seems Lady Catherine Parr, last Wise to King Henry the VIII. was born. Indeed it is a venerable Ru­in, and strongly shews what all worldly Grandeur must come to. O! that I, and all that are near and dear to me, may never desire such fading transitory Enjoyments! But may we seek for, and obtain a House not made with Hands, eternal in the Heavens:

Jerusalem, the Saint's Abode,
Whose Founder is the living GOD."

Monday 13. I bless GOD, I found my Soul in a very serious Frame this Day, having a Measure of the Spirit of Prayer. O! may it always continue! In the After­noon we took a Walk to the Mount, which was thrown up to batter down the old Castle on the Top of the Hill. It was delightfully pleasant to see all the green Fields, and the little lonely Houses that stand there. I could have liked to stay there all the Afternoon, the Weather was so calm and serene, and all Nature seemed so lively and sprightly. O! was my Soul but illuminated by the Sun of Righteousness as this Earth is by the material Sun! how happy, how unspeakably happy, would it be in the Possession of such a Blessing!

" If this Felicity were mine,
" I ev'ry other would resign,
" With just and holy Scorn:
" Chearful and blithe my Way pursue,
" And with the promis'd Land in View,
" Singing to GOD return."

Tuesday 14. I found my Soul in a serious Frame all the Day long, blessed be GOD, who kept me so.

Thursday 16. I found my Soul alive. My Uncle's Text was, GOD is Love. 1 John xvi. 4.

Friday 17. I still continued in some Measure blest. LORD! increase the Spark, and let it grow into a Flame!

[Page 13] Saturday 18. I was much tempted to Levity, which I gave Way to. But while Mr. C—k was preaching in the Evening from these Words, O Israel, thou hast de­stroyed thyself: But in me is thine help, Hos. xiii. 9. my Soul was much refreshed. Afterwards I was enabled to watch against every Thing that might deprive me of it, so that I lay down, and rose with it again the next Morn­ing. All Thanks be ascribed to GOD; for had I been left to myself, I should undoubtedly have lost it im­mediately.

Sunday 19. I awoke in the same watchful Spirit, and an eager Desire for Faith, which I was enabled to pray for with great Earnestness.

Monday 20. I yielded so much to Levity, that it was with Difficulty I forced myself to Duty; and when I did, I was quite cold and dead, and my Thoughts were wandering on some foolish Thing or other. O GOD! deliver me from a trifling Spirit!

Tuesday 21. I found myself thoughtful and serious in the Morning, but in the Afternoon I was overcome by Levity. O how soon am I drawn off what is good! But how difficult do I find it to prevail with myself to forsake the evil! For often when the LORD shews me the Error of my Ways, tho' for the present I feel Sorrow and Re­gret, yet the next Temptation that offers, finds me rea­dy to comply with it; and this doubtless I should always do, did not GOD in that Moment, step in and hinder me by his restraining Grace; such a Propensity have I to do that which grieves my GOD, and wounds my own Conscience.

Saturday 25. In the Evening I retired, and entering into a strict Self-examination, I found I must own with the ROYAL PSALMIST, My inward Parts are very Wick­edness. I saw clearly that I had broken every Com­mandment, therefore were I to be tried by the Law of Works, I must eternally perish. I must come with the Publican, crying, GOD! be merciful to me a Sinner! How truly might I say,

No good Word, or Work, or Thought,
Have I to buy thy Grace,
[Page 14] Mercy I accept unbought,
Thy Proffer I embrace.

Sunday 26. In the Afternoon we went to Mrs. C—r, to see the Corpse of her Daughter. I was not at all shocked at the Sight, but it brought many serious Re­flections to my Mind. How is she who, not many Months ago, was in all the Bloom and Vigour of Youth, cut down like a Flower! So, just so, thought I, must shortly be: I must die, be stretched in a Coffin, and laid in the silent Grave, and shortly it will be for­got, that there was such a Person. O! may this awful Thought never be absent from my Mind! How will it lessen my Esteem for all these perishing Enjoyments! How will it make me spend every precious Moment, in Preparation for a never ending Eternity! May the LORD grant that when Death comes, he may not appear as a King of Terrors; but like a welcome Messenger, sent to carry me to my Father's House!

Sunday, June 2. In the Evening my Uncle preached his farewel Sermon on Acts xx. 27. I have not shunned to declare unto you the whole Counsel of GOD. He repeat­ed briefly the Doctrine which he had taught them, and exhorted them to take Heed, lest the Word should rise up in Judgment against them in the last Day. O may it not against me! For alas! as yet I have been a barren Fig-tree. Well may I say,

Long have I sat beneath the Sound
Of thy Salvation, LORD,
But still how weak my Faith is found,
And Knowledge of thy Word."

LORD! let it be no longer so with me, but may I now bear Fruit to thy Glory!

Tuesday 4. We were called up at half an Hour after One, and at a quarter past Two, set out on our Journey to Chester. When we came near Lancaster, our Coach­man had like twice to have overturned us. At Seven, we breakfasted there, at One, dined at Preston, and at Nine in the Evening, reached Mr. A—'s House in Warrington. We soon got to Bed truly fatigued, and I [Page 15] slept till Six in the Morning, without ever waking. About Eight, on Wednesday Morning, we set out again, and had a delightful Journey the rest of the Way to Chester, where we arrived about Noon. In the After­noon we took a Walk round the Walls. You have here an extensive Prospect of a fine open Country, far unlike the barren Kendal Mountains. We then walked to the Dock, and from thence to the Preaching-House. Mr. G—d preached on Matt. ix. 22. Daughter, be of good Comfort, &c. I found my Soul humbled under a Sense of my own Vileness, and fixed a Resolution to set out afresh in the narrow Way of Holiness, if the LORD will give me Strength, for without he does, all my Re­solutions will be in vain.

Sunday 9. Mr. G—d preached, met the Society, and spoke to the Children. I found my Soul blest. O may it be a lasting Blessing, and not like a Guest which tar­rieth but a Day!

Monday 10. In the Afternoon we went to see the In­firmary; every Thing is neat and clean about it. I found a Thankfulness to GOD, that He had kept me from all those Disorder that others have. O may my Life be singularly good, as he has been so singularly merciful to me! I experience Mercies that very few others have; which it would be almost impossible to enu­merate. How few have such Parents, who, from my ear­liest Days, have instructed me how to fear and love GOD! How many are tortured with broken Limbs, and deprived of their Sight, whilst I am preserved from all these, and kept in Health, Strength, and the full Exer­cise of my Reason! Many more Mercies I am indebted to my gracious Benefactor for; how truly may I say,

Not more than others I deserve,
Yet GOD hath giv'n me more,
For I have Food whilst others starve,
Or beg from Door to Door!"

Thursday 13. In the Afternoon I set out with my Un­cle, Aunt, Mrs. L—, and some other Friends, to go to a little Village called Crislington, about two Miles out of the Town, where my Uncle was to preach. We had [Page 16] a very pleasant Walk, and went to see the delightfulest, tho' oddest contrived Garden, that I ever saw. The Owner of it is the Rector of that Place; but one would think, by the Manner of his laying it out, that he had very little else to think of. Some Part of it represents a Field of Battle, a General's Tent, with Cannons all round it, a Mount, a Tower, a Draw-bridge, and eve­ry Thing to resemble a Camp of Soldiers. The other Parts of the Garden are laid out in the same peculiar Taste.

Tuesday 18. At private Prayers in the Morning, I had Power to pray particularly against my besetting Sins, and blessed be GOD, I do in some Measure overcome them. Indeed He is a GOD, both hearing and answer­ing Prayer.

Friday 21. In the Evening I went to the Chapel, there was no Preaching, but a private Meeting. Hav­ing been much refreshed, especially in the singing that HYMN Wrestling Jacob, I had no Reason to repent go­ing. My Desires were much enlarged after GOD, with a Hatred to Sin. O! that I may indeed forsake it, and hate it as deadly Poison!

Monday 24, and Tuesday 25. I spent most Part of these Days in Retirement, my Mind was much composed, and my Thoughts stayed on the Things of GOD.

Wednesday 26. This Afternoon we came to our own House. I spent the Evening in a little Room by myself, found Enlargement in Prayer, and my Soul much blest.

Thursday 27. When I retired in the Morning to pri­vate Prayer, I experienced great Power and Sweetness in the Duty. My Mind was kept in a serious Frame, till I went out of my Chamber, when I gave Way to Fretting. O! how many Temptations are we liable to! And while we endeavour to shun one, we often fall into another. When I avoid Levity, I too often fall into Fretting. We have Need to have the Wisdom of the Serpent, with the Harmlessness of the Dove.

Friday 28, and Saturday 29. Were spent comfortably. I had great Sweetness in Prayer, and much of the Spi­rit of it.

[Page 17] Sunday 30. I tasted the good Word of GOD, in reading the Eleventh Chapter of the Hebrews. O! how much did those excellent Ones of the Earth endure for their blessed Master, while I, who have every Means of En­couragement I can desire (and far more than I deserve) am careless and supine in working out my own Salva­tion! But since Thou hast convinced me of my Error, O LORD! do Thou help me to amend it, and let me now turn to Thee with all my Heart and Soul!

Tuesday, July 2, and Wednesday 3. Both these Days I was ill, and in violent Pain; all Tuesday Morning I en­deavoured to look to GOD, and was relieved. O! how good is He to me, the unworthiest of his Creatures! LORD, give me a thankful Heart. I was hindered going to Preaching all this Week, by Reason of a violent Cold; but if that was sanctified, I have Need to be thankful, and to bless GOD for afflicting me.

Saturday 20. Tho' I was very busy all the Morning, my Mind was kept in a serious praying Frame. LORD! make me truly thankful for this Mercy!

Sunday 21. We went to St. John's Church. I found my Soul blest at the SACRAMENT, and felt an earnest Desire for Faith. O! may it always continue! "LORD, give me Faith," be all my Cry; and He that gives me the Desire, will fulfil it.

Wednesday 24. In the Evening we went down to my Aunt B—'s, where we parted with my dear Friend Miss H—; I was much concerned at taking Leave, but I comforted myself with the Hope of seeing her soon again: If we should not meet again in this Vale of Tears, may we meet where Crying, and Pain, and Death are over.

Tuesday 30. I was in a lukewarm Frame all the Day; but in the Evening, as my Uncle and others were speak­ing their States to one another. I could scarce help shed­ding Tears, to think I had made so little Use of all the Means I enjoy. When I came up to Bed, I found a great Earnestness for Faith, which I prayed for with something of a Confidence that I should receive, till Unbelief stept in: Then I thought I had not repented [Page 18] enough, had not forsaken my Sins long enough; and at last I yielded, rose from my Knees, and lost the Blessing which I might have received, had I held on. May I learn more Wisdom for the future, and when I get such a precious Moment, improve it, and not so shamefully yield to the Enemy of my Soul!

Sunday, August 4. I went to Church, and was much blest, particularly at the SACRAMENT.

Sunday 18. In the Morning Mr. W—y preached on Mark ix. 23. My Soul was exceedingly blest. He seemed to speak as exactly to my State as if I had men­tioned it to him. He answered every Objection that has oftentimes occurred to my Mind against believing, and then gave me Encouragement to come to CHRIST, and believe in him; but when I came Home, my Mind was much hurried, so that I lost the Blessing I had received. O how unfaithful have I hitherto been to the manifold Favours GOD has bestowed on me! LORD, pardon the past, and make me more faithful for the future!

Monday 19. I was much disordered with a violent Cold in my Head, and so I continued all Tuesday and Wednesday, that I scarce could read, or pray, or do any Thing else, as I would have done; but, praised be GOD, my Mind was kept in a sweet composed Frame, and I had much of the Spirit of Prayer. O the Good­ness of GOD to me, the most unworthy of his Crea­tures! Me, who have so often sinned against Him! LORD, write the Law of Gratitude on my Heart! On Wednes­day our Class met for the first Time, altho' it was some­thing of a Cross, I experienced the Goodness of GOD.

Wednesday 28. In the Evening our Class met again: Thanks be to GOD, I was in a composed Frame, and had my Mind stayed on Him; as indeed it had been all the Day, and all the Week.

Thursday 29. In the Afternoon we went with Mr. and Mrs. B—t to Eaton by Water, to see Lord Grosvenor's Seat. We had a Parcel of obstinate Men in the Boat, who knew nothing of the Sea, and yet would have their own Way, which rendered what might have been other­wise pleasant, very disagreeable. The Gardens are ex­tremely [Page 19] pleasant, and far surpass any Thing I have ever seen. My Mind was fixed on GOD, while I was in the Boat, and I had such a Confidence in Him, that I don't know I felt Fear arise once the whole Time.

Sunday, September 1. At Church I felt great Earnest­ness for the Blessing.

" Author of Faith, to Thee I lift
" My weary longing Eyes,
" O let me now receive that Gift,
" My Soul without it dies."

Wednesday 4. In the Evening I was very cold and dead. O my GOD! let me never give Way to a lukewarm Spi­rit, for this, of all Things, I find hurtful to my Soul, and it too often brings on Levity, which to me is slow Poison. It does not appear heinous as some other Sins do, but steals upon me unawares. And when I am once down, it is not an easy Matter to rise again. Therefore let me be

Always standing on my Guard,
And watching unto Prayer."

Sunday 8. In the Morning we went to Church. I was not much blest there; but I was greatly quickened by Mr. M—'s Conversation at Dinner, for which I have Reason to praise the LORD.

Wednesday 11. At Night while I was meeting in Class, my Soul was much refreshed, and I thought I would not give up that Spark, small as it was, for all the World's Riches. And if the Foretaste be so sweet, O! what must the full Enjoyment be! LORD, as Thou hast given me this Desire, O fulfil it! Let me never rest till I am made a joyful Partaker of the Inheritance of the Saints in Light!

Thursday 12. Blessed be GOD, my Soul was much a­live this Day also, and I was much quickened under my Uncle's preaching in the Evening.

Sunday 15. This Morning Mr. M—r made an ex­ceeding fine Discourse upon Phil. iii. 7. But what Things were Gain to me, those I counted loss for CHRIST. My Soul was much comforted and encouraged, while he was inviting Sinners to come and taste the Sweetness that [Page 20] is in CHRIST, and to forsake all those Things which before we counted Gain, in order to partake of those hidden Treasures.

Monday 17. I was overcome by a trifling Spirit, and also gave Way to wandering Thoughts; for which the LORD in Mercy gave me to feel much Remorse. While I was at Preaching in the Evening, He also gave me a fervent Desire to look to that JESUS whom his Servant was pointing out to us from John iii. 14, 15. O! that I may ever look to Him to heal the Wound which Sin has made!

" Stung by the Scorpion Sin;
" My poor expiring Soul."

O that I could add!

" The balmy [...]ound drank in,
" And was at once made whole."

I staid the Bands as I could not go Home by myself, my Aunt chusing to stay, and I experienced that it was good for me to be there, for my Soul was exceedingly blest. LORD! make me truly thankful for this, and all thy other Mercies daily conferred upon me, the chief of Sinners!

Tuesday, October 1. In the Evening I found my Soul quickened under religious Conversation, and continued so all Wednesday and Thursday, having great Enlargement in Prayer, and free Access to the Throne; blessed be GOD!

Monday 14. My Mind was in a serious Frame most Part of this Day. In the Evening we had a comfortable Lo [...] feast, at which my Soul was much comforted, and found a great Wrestling and Agonizing for the Blessing.

Saturday 19. I was rather cold all Day; but Glory be to GOD! I had great Enlargement in Prayer, especially in the Evening.

Sunday 20. Mr. M—r preached on Mat. v. 22, 26. Agree with thine Adversary quickly, &c. He earnestly exhorted and intreated every one to agree with GOD, by forsaking their Sins, and turning to Him, lest he should swear in his Wrath, they should not enter into his Rest. The Word came with Power to my Soul, and I felt a Re­solution [Page 21] never to rest, till I had made my Peace with GOD. O! may the LORD confirm it, or it will be like the Morning Cloud!

Monday 21. I arose this Morning with an earnest De­sire, and a Determination, by the Grace of GOD, to give myself up to Him. O! may I never, never rest, till I fully rest in Him!

Tuesday 22. My Soul was in a serious Frame; but in the Evening I gave so much way to an inordinate Desire after a foolish Thing, that my Mind was quite drawn off from GOD. When I went to Bed, I was greatly humbled, and ashamed on Account of it, and I trust I shall never so yield again to the Enemy of my Soul.

Wednesday 30. I was in a very indifferent State all the Day; but in the Evening, in Class-meeting, I was much quickened, and stirred up by a young Person's giving an Account, how she found Peace the Day before in pri­vate Prayer. I was, and am still determined, by the Grace of GOD, never to rest till I also find him whom my Soul desires to love. My Soul continued much blest all the Evening, and I dropt asleep with earnest Desires to be brought into that glorious Liberty of the Sons of GOD. Dearest JESUS! how long will it be before Thou wilt manifest Thyself to me, as Thou dost not unto the World! O come and take up thine Abode in my longing Heart, and live and reign in me without a Rival!

Thursday 31. My Soul was greatly blest all this Day, and my Heart much drawn out after GOD. I also found Enlargement in praying for Faith. O thou Son of GOD, do Thou now impart to me this great and inestimable Blessing, and make me truly happy in thy Love! Do Thou now arise upon my poor Soul, with Healing in thy Wings, and keep me continually!

Friday, November 1. I still continued in a comfortable Frame, finding a great Hunger and Thirst for Faith. I could truly say from Heart-felt Experience.

" Thou hast pronounc'd the Mourner blest,
" And lo! for Thee I ever mourn:
" I cannot, no, I will not rest,
" Till Thou my only Rest return:
[Page 22] " Till Thou, the Prince of Peace, appear,
" And I receive the Comforter."

Saturday 2. I found my Soul in a very watchful Frame, from a great Concern I felt upon my Conscience for Sin, and the Fear I had of falling into a careless lukewarm Spirit again. LORD! do thou always let me retain

A Spirit still prepar'd,
And arm'd with jealous Fear,
For ever standing on its Guard,
And watching unto Pray'r!"

Monday 4. I was overcome in some Measure by Levity; but the Gracious GOD gave me to feel much Remorse for it, and also encouraged me to trust that He who had shewed me the Evil of this, and all other Sins, would pardon them.

Saturday 9. My Soul was not so lively To-day, as it was some Days ago. When I retired to Prayer, I felt a great Backwardness to it, which was heightened by a Consideration of my own Unfaithfulness to GOD. But the Thought was immediately checked by this; if I am unfaithful, will my keeping from Him make me more faithful? No surely: It is the LORD alone that can im­part the Blessing of a faithful Heart; then I will wait up­on Him for it, and he has promised, Those that ask shall receive.

Monday 18. I was in a serious praying Frame. In the Evening Mr. M—preached on John ix. 25. My Soul was exceedingly blest, and I seemed just ready to lay hold on the Blessing. How I lost it, I am not sensible.

Sunday 24. Mr. M—e preached in the Morning on, Do all to the Glory of GOD. 1 Cor. x. 38. When I came home and retired, I found some Liberty in Prayer. O how good is God to me, and how undeserving, how unfaithful a Creature am I! LORD, pardon the past, and give me Strength for the Time to come!

Tuesday, December 3, and Wednesday 4. I was rather in a cold Frame. O that the LORD would deliver me from a lukewarm Spirit! For I find that an Inlet to all wrong Tempers, and therefore it must be hurtful to me, and displeasing to GOD.

[Page 23] Saturday 7. I was much cast down on Account of hav­ing yielded to many wrong Tempers the Day before. In the Evening I went to Preaching without the least Expecta­tion of a Blessing; however, as I was under the Word, be­moaning my helpless Condition, the LORD in a Measure comforted and encouraged me to trust in Him. Indeed I am often pained that my Pain is over so soon, and griev­ed that I can grieve no more.

Sunday 8. In the Morning Mr. M—preached on Rom. i. 17. For the just shall live by Faith. My Thoughts were wandering under the Word, and when I came Home and retired, I found no Life nor Liberty in Prayer. O! when shall I be enabled to come with Bold­ness to the Throne of Grace, thro' JESUS the Mediator of the new Covenant, and to call Him, my LORD and my GOD.

Thursday 12. My Uncle's Text was Prov. xxiii. 23. During the first Part, my Mind was pretty much stayed, but towards the latter End it was much drawn off by a Thing which probably may never happen. O! for a stayed, and composed Mind in waiting upon GOD! Sure­ly it is a great Sin to have the Mind wandering upon foolish Things, when so immediately in the Presence of GOD.

Saturday 14. This Day, as well as the Day before, my Body was much disordered. In the Evening, when I retired; I was neither humbled under a Sense or past Mercies received, nor of mine own Unfaithfulness to GOD. Sometimes I am all alive, I am so in earnest, so diligent in the Means, and take such Delight in them; then one Thing or another steps in, is yielded to, and deprives me of all my Life and Earnestness. And tho' I do not neglect the Means, yet how are they hurried over, and how slightly performed! And indeed I am often glad when they are finished. LORD, what is Man! what am I! What a poor unstable Creature! LORD! quicken me! Make me more alive, more in earnest! LORD! make me, and keep me, what I ought, what I want to be!

Saturday 21. All this Week I have experienced a [Page 24] Stayedness of Mind, and a Degree of Recollection, for which I desire to be thankful. But alas! I do not find that Earnestness, that Hungering and Thirsting which I did. LORD, what is the Cause! O remove it, whatever it be! Remove the accursed Thing, which separates be­tween Thee and my Soul! On Saturday Night, the LORD was pleased to shew me the Thing which had quenched that Earnestness, and I am not sensible that I have this Week yielded to it. O! what a good GOD is ours! He shewed me my Sin: He gave me to feel Re­morse for it, and then imparted Power to subdue it. LORD give me a thankful Heart!

Sunday 22. This Morning I was much affected in reading the Fifteenth Verse of the Fourth Chapter of the Hebrews. For we have not an high Priest who can­not be touched with the Feeling of our Infirmities: For He was in all Points tempted like as we are, yet without Sin. O what comfortable Words! especially when the Enemy is pouring in Floods of Temptation upon us! at such a Time, how sweet is the Meditation upon such Words! How comfortable the Reflection that our GOD knows, and not only knows, but sympathies with us in all our Afflictions, Distresses, and Temptations; and will as­suredly deliver us out of them! O may this Scripture be ever present with my Mind, and may it prove a Comfort to me in Trials, while it also hinders me from yielding to my spiritual Enemy, by assuring me that JESUS is ever able and willing to help me.

Wednesday 25. I was impressed with a Sense of Grati­tude to GOD, for sending his Son into the World, to be born of a pure Virgin, and in a mean Manger, and all to rescue me from endless Woe. O that my Heart may never for one Moment, lose the Sense of this great and inestimable Blessing!

Thursday 26. I continued in a serious Frame, and found a Degree of Liberty in Prayer.

Sunday 29. I was not very well, and stayed at Home with my Friend Miss H—, who was in great Affliction for the Loss of poor, or rather happy little Ned H—, he died of a Scarlet-fever a Week ago. O that I was as [Page 25] safely landed on the happy Shore! But alas! I am still in an evil World, and liable to Crosses and Tempta­tions: Yet liable to fall from Grace when I get it, and perhaps to be lost for ever. LORD preserve me, and when I die, O let me die unto Thee!

Tuesday 31. The Watch Night was to last till half past Twelve: But we came Home between Ten and Ele­ven. I would not go to Bed till near Twelve, spending the Time in Prayer and Meditation. LORD make me truly thankful for thy Mercy in bringing me to the Conclusion of another Year, and grant that I may spend the ensuing Year, to the Glory of thy blessed Name, thro' JESUS CHRIST.

Wednesday, January 1. I awoke in a lukewarm State; and tho' I endeavoured to pray, yet it was not with that Life and Fervency I desired. O how many have been cut off in the last Year, and I am yet upon praying Ground! LORD, spare me yet another Year; and O let it be spent so, as will shew my Gratitude to Thee, for this undeserved Mercy!

Thursday 2. I was to my great Concern overcome by a trifling Spirit. O how is it, that I am so soon off my Watch, that the Enemy so frequently gets the better! O GOD give me, I beseech Thee, for Thy Son's Sake, a recollected, serious, praying Spirit!

Friday 3. My Soul was in a more recollected Frame than the foregoing Day. LORD, make me thankful e­ven for this Mercy!

Saturday 4. I continued much in the same State as the Day before. In the Evening Mr. R—s preached on Lam. iii. 22, It is of the LORD' s Mercies that we are not consumed, because His Compassions fail not. Had it not been for this, LORD, where should I, and all the rebel­lious Sons of Adam, have been at this Day!

Monday 6. I found my Mind in a serious Frame, but it is seldom that it continues. O that GOD would make me more stable, that I may not be like the Sea continu­ally fluctuating, and driven about with every Wind of Temptation; but, like the Sun, which constantly rises and sets at the appointed Times, and never fails to bring [Page 26] a regular Succession of Day and Night, according to the Command of that GOD who made him, when He sent him forth with a Commission to rule the Day, and to be for Signs, and for Seasons, for Days, and for Years!

Tuesday 7. This Day I found great Enlargement in Prayer, which made me perform that Duty with much Pleasure; but when my Soul is [...] it is a most bur­thensome Task.

Thursday 9. I went to Chapel. Mr. R—s preached on Psalm xxxiv. 14, Seek Peace, and ensue it. The Ser­mon was tedious, and I so cold, that I was quite tired under it, and found myself growing impatient. O how soon am I tired of what is good! The World are not so soon weary at the Play-House, or in the Ball-Room, as I am in GOD's House, and under His Word. Truly the Children of this World are wiser in their Generation, than the Children of Light.

Friday 10. I was oppressed all this Day, with that tor­menting Passion, the Fear of Death, insomuch that I had not Comfort in any Thing. I was overwhelmed in an Instant with such Horror and Dread, as plainly told me I was unfit to die; unfit to appear before the awful Judge of Quick and Dead. O my GOD, do Thou give me the Pardon of my Sins, and remove this Bondage (the Fear of Death) from my Conscience! LORD, pre­pare me, make me meet to see thy Face!

Saturday 11. At Night Mr. M—s made an excel­lent Discourse upon the barren Fig-Tree, Luke xiii. 6, 9. I fear this Character belongs to me. Alas! O may I at last bear Fruit!

Tuesday 14. This, as well as the three following Days, my Soul seemed to be much in earnest, and pressing for­ward after the Blessing; and altho' I was much tempted on Friday to Anger, yet I found Power to resist it, and also great Enlargement in praying for Faith. O how gracious is GOD! LORD, make me truly thankful for thy numberless Mercies bestowed on me, the unwor­thiest Worm thy Hands have made! My Uncle preach­ed on Isa. 19. If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the Good of the Land. He said many People were willing [Page 27] enough to be saved, but few were willing to be saved in GOD's Way, which was to confess and forsake Sin, and turn to GOD, by using all the Means which He has appointed; but I think GOD has brought me so far, as to make me truly willing to be saved in his own Way; and were it possible to be saved in Sin, I had rather be saved from it, for Heaven would be no Heaven to me while Pride, Anger, and Self-will, have Possession of my Breast; wherefore, LORD, deliver me from the Guilt and Power of these Things now, and finally deliver me from the In-being of them!

Saturday 18. I still found my Desires after GOD very earnest, and was much enlarged in wrestling for the Blessing, both in private Prayer, and under the Word. In the Evening while Mr. M—e was discoursing on these Words, Let him that nameth the Name of CHRIST depart from Iniquity, 2 Tim. ii. 19. I found much En­largement in private Prayer. In the Afternoon I was admitted to meet in Band, which I found blest to me, and trust to find it so constantly; as I shall, if it is not my own Fault.

Monday 20. I did not find my Soul so much alive this Day, as I did all last Week. O what a changeable Creature am I! Never, never, at one Stay, LORD, strengthen, settle, and stablish me!

Tuesday 21. Blessed be GOD! He sought me even when I was straying from Him, and did not suffer me long to continue in a lukewarm State. This Day He gave me back that wrestling Spirit, which I had lost the Day before. I can say my Soul is athirst for GOD, even for the living GOD. I am willing, yea, LORD, I am desirous to forsake all my Sins, and to return unto Thee. O my GOD, make me in earnest, and take me for thy Child! Keep me! Keep me, gracious LORD, and never let me go!

Wednesday 22. I still found earnest Desires, and my Soul to be all on a Stretch for GOD. LORD continue this Blessing, till thou impart to me that which my Soul desireth, even thy blessed Self; then shall I be possessed of all that is desirable in Earth or Heaven.

[Page 28] Friday 24. Upon a strict Self-examination, I trust I may say, I have made some Progress in the Heavenly Journey, within these last three Months; for I find more Power over Sin; even my besetting Sins have not Do­minion over me. And if thro' Unwatchfulness I yield to them, my Heart is broken on Account thereof, and I endeavour to be more watchful for the future. I find more Delight in the Ordinances of GOD, and a more stayed, composed Mind in waiting upon Him; and when wandering Thoughts assault me, I find Power to resist them. I have more Power to plead the Promises in Prayer; my Desires are more earnest, and I have a more watchful Spirit during the Day: If I deceive myself, the LORD knoweth it is not willingly. I sincerely de­sire to be tried, and to know the worst of my State. LORD, search well if there be any Way of Wickedness in me, and lead me in the Way Everlasting!

Thursday 30. I was rather cold and dead this Day. O what is the Cause of this Instability! LORD, shew it to me for JESUS'S Sake, tho' not for mine, and make me earnest! I found my Soul something quickened at Night, while my Uncle was preaching on these Words, Only believe, Mark v. 36.

Friday 31. I was much tempted to Fretfulness this Morning; but thro' Mercy was restrained from letting it break out into Words or Actions: Thanks be to GOD for this, as also that I found a Degree of Liberty in Prayer.

Monday, February 3. When I awoke this Morning, I found an earnest Desire to spend the Day to the Glory of GOD. I soon found myself stripped of all my Strength, and a trifling Spirit prevailed over me. LORD, I bring this besetting Sin to Thee: Thou knowest it is my Grief, my Burden! LORD, give me Power over it!

Saturday 8. All this Week I have been hindered go­ing to Chapel, by Reason of a bad Cold. And as to the State of my Soul, I know not what to say. Some­times I have been groaning under my Unbelief, some­times cold and dead; yet I find a Hope left, that I, e­ven I, shall yet rejoice in the GOD of my Salvation. [Page 29] Yet I shall find his Favour, and taste an Earnest of eter­nal Bliss; Amen, LORD JESUS! BUT LORD, make me in earnest, make me alive to Thee! I cannot bear this Instability, this halting between two Opinions. LORD, I am convinced Thou art GOD! O then let me serve Thee!

Sunday 9. This Morning being hindered attending the public Means, I spent some Time in private, and found the LORD was willing to hear and answer Prayer; for He enlarged my Heart in that Duty, and enabled me to pray with Life and Fervency; blessed by his Name!

Sunday 16. This Day I found much Sweetness and Enlargement in private Duty, and my Mind was in some Measure stayed on GOD. O for an Heart to praise and love Him for this, and all his Mercies! The rest of the Week, I found my Soul blest at different Times, with a Desire to wait upon GOD in private: It was profitable to me; which indeed I need never doubt, seeing he has promised, that they that wait upon him shall renew their Strength.

Friday 28. When I awoke this Morning, I felt a Thankfulness to GOD for safely bringing me to see the End of my Fifteenth Year, and an earnest Desire to spend the Remainder of a short Life to His Glory. How Time flies! It was but the other Day since I was but a little Infant, utterly unable to help myself: In this ten­der State, the LORD provided me good Parents, and kind Friends, whose constant Care it has been, to train me up for Heaven, and to dedicate me to Him betimes. Now I am come to Years of Reason, should it not be my one Endeavour, my constant Aim to glorify GOD in my Body, and in my Spirit, which are His by Creation and Redemption, as also by the early Dedication which my dear Parents made of me to Him? Should I not from my Heart ratify, and confirm by my own Act and Deed, that which they promised on my Behalf? LORD, I am willing, I am truly willing so to do! JESUS LORD, lend me thine Aid, and I will devote myself to Thee, Body, Soul and Spirit, a living Sacrifice! Lend me thine Aid, and I will take Thee for my Prophet to teach me; my [Page 30] Priest to atone for my Sins; and my King to reign over me! Come, dear LORD, and take me for thine own! Thine in Time, and thine to Eternity?

Monday, March 3. This Week I have been confined by a severe Cold; however I have not been remiss in private Duties, tho' I have found little Life in them. A Sort of Stupidity has overspread my Mind, which has made me unfit for any Duty. This I can account for no other Way than by my Disorder, which always throws me into this dull Frame. O how this vile Body weighs down the Soul! How happy are those who are delivered from it!

Sunday 16. This Week, as well as the former, I have found my Heart as cold, dead, and hard as it was pos­sible; nor even has it been broke or softened while wait­ing upon the LORD either in private Prayer, or under the Word. On Friday Evening at the Watch-night, I found my Mind very wandering; but towards the latter End, it was more composed, and I really believe the LORD waited to be gracious to me, but my unbelieving Heart put the Blessing away, by thinking I was not wor­thy: O my GOD, when shall I be worthy!

Thursday 27. As we were going to Chapel this Even­ing, a Parcel of genteel well dressed Boys set upon us, throwing Dirt in such a Manner as almost blinded us, and hollowing and hooting after us. O what Enmity is in the Heart of Man against every Thing that is good, even when Children! O how gracious has GOD been to me, that I never have been taught to despise and treat any Person ill, either on Account of any natural Infir­mities, or of the Religion they profess! but from my earliest Infancy have I been trained up in the Nurture and Admonition of the LORD: O how will this enhance my Condemnation, if I make not a right Use of these Privileges!

Friday 28. Being Good-Friday, I spent more Time than usual in Reading and Prayer, in which Duty I found my Soul very much blest and enlarged.

Saturday, April 5. I set apart this Day, in order to seek the LORD by Prayer and Meditation; and altho' I [Page 31] did not find Him, so as to enable me to rejoice in Him, as a pardoning GOD; yet I found Him enlarging my Heart in Prayer, enabling me to plead his Promises, and to cry to Him for Mercy, without which I clearly see I am undone for ever.

" I give up every Plea beside,
" LORD, I am damn'd—but CHRIST has died!"

LORD, Thou hast said, I came not to call the Righteous, but Sinners to Repentance. I am then one Thou camest to save. O save me for thy Mercy's Sake!

" No Need of Thee the Righteous have,
" Thou com'st the Lost to seek and save."

Sunday 13. I arose pretty early, and went to the Preaching. I afterwards found great Sweetness in me­ditating on the Love of GOD to Sinners, and His Wil­lingness to receive them upon their Sincere Repentance, as also in private Prayer.

Monday 14. At Night Mr. B—gave me an Invi­tation to meet in his Class, which I accepted, and found it was good to wait upon the LORD, for I was much comforted and refreshed there.

Wednesday 16. All this Day, I was very melancholy, which was chiefly occasioned by recollecting the sorrow­ful Scene I saw that Day two Years, when I had the last Sight of those whom I love as my own Soul. O how many unforeseen Events have happened in that Time! Some of them have been very trying to me, and made me repent leaving my native Land: Yet now I see they were all working together for my Good, and I trust I have no Cause to repent, seeing my Soul has much pro­spered since I have been at this Place; whereas I did not gain, but rather lost Ground, while I was in London and Kendall. How wisely does GOD order all Things for the Benefit of His poor undeserving Creatures, and how ungrateful are we, not to render Him the Tribute of an Heart and Life, devoted to His Service!

Friday 18. Mr. M—kept a Watch-night, and preached on these alarming Words, At Midnight there was Cry made; Behold the Bridegroom cometh, go ye out to meet Him, Matt. xxv. 6. I found my Soul much blest [Page 32] under one of his Prayers. O may I have Oil in my Lamp, when the Bridegroom comes, that I may not be shut out with the foolish Virgins, but enter with the wise into the Joy of my LORD.

Saturday 20. This Morning Mr. R—preached on those comfortable Words of our blessed LORD, Him that cometh unto me, I will in no wise cast out, John vi. 37. I found myself much comforted and encouraged by it to come to the LORD, especially when he was inviting the Young to come, and close in with JESUS.

Tuesday 22. This Day I found great Backwardness to private Duty, but was enabled to break thro', and found the LORD was as good as His Word. They that wait upon Him shall renew their Strength.

Wednesday 23. I found much Sweetness and Enlarge­ment in private Duty this Day, and was in a Measure blest, while meeting my Class in the Evenning. O how good is it to draw nigh to GOD, and yet how backward am I so to do!

Friday 25. I found myself much grieved upon Ac­count of having given way to Levity. O how prone am I to this Evil! LORD, help me against it, or I fear it will sink me lower than the Grave! I spent my Even­ing comfortably, and I trust profitably, in reading the BOOK OF MARTYRS. O what did they go thro' for the Sake of their LORD! While I cannot take up the least Cross without murmuring.

Saturday 26. This Day I found great Enlargement in praying for my Friends and Relations, as also for the whole World, and for my own poor Soul. LORD, help me ever to continue so to do herein!

" Help me to believe, obey,
" Help me to repent and love;
" Help me to take the Blessing given,
" Help me quite from Hell to Heaven."

Sunday 27. Mr. M—s preached on Matt. xi. 29, 30. Take my Yoke upon you, &c. O what would I not give to be enabled so to do: But alas as yet I am like a Bullock unaccustomed to the Yoke! O LORD, help me this Day to take Thy sweet Yoke upon me, and learn of Thee, for I am truly convinced, that till then I shall never find Rest to [Page 33] my poor Soul. I have no Objections to make, take me as I am, and let me be Thine for ever!

" Take my Body, Spirit, Soul,
" Only Thou posses the whole."

Tuesday 29. I went to Five o'Clock Preaching. As I went my Heart was raised to GOD, that He would please to bless His Word to my Soul; and indeed Mr. M—gave a very profitable Discourse on Eph. vi. 10. LORD, help me so to put on the whole Armour of GOD, that I may be able to withstand in the evil Day, and having done all, to stand!

Wednesday 30. I found my Heart much broken on Ac­count of Sin this Evening in meeting my Class. LORD, give me a broken and contrite Heart, for such Thou wilt not despise!

Thursday, May 1. Going a little earlier than usual to Preaching, I took out my little Bible, and found a pe­culiar Sweetness in reading the Fifty-fifth Chapter of Isaiah.

Friday 2. I found great Sweetness in Reading and Prayer. O for a watchful Spirit to keep it!

Saturday 3. I had a great Seriousness and Solemnity upon my Mind this Morning, which continued all Day. Blessed be GOD.

Sunday 4. I was much cast down by hearing that my poor Father was in a bad State of Health; but was com­forted by this Consideration, that if I made GOD my Father and my Friend, nothing but my own Unfaithful­ness could ever separate me from Him.

Monday 5. I rose this Morning with a Desire to spend the Day to His Glory, and blessed be His Name, He did enable me to keep a recollected Spirit, and also to seek Him in His appointed Ways, in doing which I found great Sweetness.

Tuesday 6. I was this Day much overcome by Levity, and unprofitable Conversation. Lord, give me Power over this easy besetting Sin.

Wednesday 7. I was disappointed going to Preaching, which was a Cross to me at first; but I was to blest while meeting my Class, that the Loss was abundantly made [Page 34] up; my heart was softened and melted for my past Of­fences, and at the same Time a comfortable Hope sprung up, that the LORD would have mercy even upon me.

Friday 9, and Saturday 10. I can't say, that I found my Soul so much blest those two Days, as it had been those two preceding. What is the Cause I know not; but whatever it is, I trust the LORD will discover it to me, and remove it. On Saturday Evening I was greatly shocked at the melancholy Account of the Death of two of my Uncles; and Satan strongly suggested that my dear Father would soon follow: This hindered me from sleeping great Part of the Night. Every such alarming Providence should loudly found in our Ears, Be ye also ready, for at such an Hour as ye think not, the Son of Man cometh.

Sunday 11. I broke the Matter to my Cousin by De­grees, thinking it would shock her to tell it to her at once. But O how her Cries and Lamentations pierced my Heart! I endeavoured to comfort her, but all in vain, all her Cry was, if she did but know his Soul was happy, then she should be easy. At last she seemed to take some Comfort in the Consideration, that he had religious Friends about him in his Illness. Surely it is a grievous Thing to lose a tender Parent. O may I not by my Sins, provoke GOD to lay the same Affliction upon me. Alas! it would be a heavy Stroke! I know not how I should bear it; I fear I should murmur against the Hand that inflicted it, unless preserved therefrom by the restraining Grace of GOD. My Mind was now far from the com­fortable Frame it was in the last Week; it was so con­fused, that I could not for one quarter of an Hour keep it stayed on GOD. But notwithstanding this, I took up my Cross, and used private Prayer constantly. Indeed I was often tempted to think, I had better let it alone, for I was only mocking GOD by drawing near to Him with my Lips, while my Heart was far from Him. If this was the Case, it was not with my Desire or Approba­tion, the LORD knoweth I would have prayed better if I could. I would fain have my Lips, and Heart, and Life go together in his Service; and therefore since He [Page 35] has put this Desire into my Heart, He will graciously pardon what has been amiss, and enable me to do bet­ter for the future.

Thursday 22. This Morning I went to my Aunt B—'s, where I spent the Day very agreeably. In the Evening I was much blest, while my Uncle was preaching on John i. 11, 12, He came unto His own, but His own re­ceived Him not: But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the Sons of GOD, &c. O would He now Himself impart, that I may become a Child of GOD!

Thursday 29. This Day I was much beset by wandering Thoughts, and to my Grief and Shame, yielded but too much to them. How long shall vain Thoughts, which are often the Forerunner of vain Words, lodge within me! O for Power to resist and overcome!

Saturday 31. I found great Power this Day over that Evil, with which I have been so much beset, blessed be GOD.

Sunday, June 1. This morning my Soul was in a Mea­sure blest while Mr. R—s was shewing how we had destroyed ourselves, from Hosea xiii. 9. He had not Time to shew us where our Help lay: But blessed be GOD, he has shewed this to me, may I seek for it where only it can be found. In the Evening I was stirred up to ask the Blessing, and I trust with some Importunity.

Monday 2. This Morning my Soul was exceedingly blest while Mrs. L—was speaking to me, encourag­ing me to come, and lay hold of the Blessing, assuring me, that even now the LORD was willing to impart it. My Desires were also very strong in the Afternoon; al­tho' I was in Company, and the Conversation not very edifying (so gracious was the LORD to me.)

Tuesday 3. I found my Soul exceedingly blest this Day, especially in the Evening: Such Hope and Confidence I had that the LORD would reveal himself, that had no Doubt of it, and such a sweet Calm was upon my Spirit till I went to Bed, as I never experienced before. I was also greatly encouraged by accidentally opening the Bi­ble upon these Words, Then shall we know, if we follow [Page 36] on to know the LORD. Amen, let it be according to thy Word, LORD JESUS!

Wednesday 4. I experienced a Measure of the same Confidence as the Night before. LORD, continue it, and also increase it, so that I may never doubt more!

Thursday 5. I was not altogether in such a sweet Frame as the two preceding Days; nevertheless my Mind was stayed on GOD, and my Desires earnest for the Blessing, while my Uncle was discoursing upon these Words, Ex­cept ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish, Luke xiii. 5.

Friday 6. My Mind was distracted with wandering Thoughts, but the gracious LORD soon gathered them in again, and I experienced a sweet Calm upon my Spirit, and Liberty in Prayer.

Sunday 8. I went to Church, expecting the Sacrament, but there being none, we had a Sermon on Gal. vi. 9. It was a very pretty Discourse, shewing what Well-doing was; but nothing of a Change of Heart was mentioned. O Thought I, how many may go thus far, and perish at last! LORD, let me not be one of this Number!

Monday. 9. This Afternoon we set out for Eaton to see Lord Grosvenor's Gardens; they are the most elegant and pleasant I ever saw. I do not find the Sight of such Things to draw my Mind from GOD; but am rather led to meditate on the Vanity of all worldly Enjoyments, and to desire to have substantial Pleasures, even those which are at GOD'S Right-hand. The rest of the Week, my Mind was in much Confusion, by Reason of removing; but still I have found Power to be constant in private Duty, and to resist all Temptations to the con­trary. By thus doing, I was enabled to keep a greater Watch over my Words, and Thoughts, and to avoid my besetting Evil, Levity. O LORD, make me truly thankful!

Monday 16. I was much cast down, by receiving a Let­ter from my dear Mother, containing a melancholy Ac­count of the Situation of my dear Father's Health: But in the Midst of my Anxiety, I found a great Confidence in GOD: So that most of my Uneasiness was upon his Account. LORD, strengthen, comfort, and bless him [Page 37] for JESUS Sake! The two following Days my Mind was much hurried by the Confusion the House has been in; nevertheless I have been constant in private Duty, and have generally found it good to draw nigh to GOD. O what a GOD have we to deal with, and yet I cannot find a Heart to love Him! LORD, soften this obdurate Heart, and give me an Heart to love Thee; for this Thou know­est is all my Desire!

Tuesday 24. All this Week I have been in a very dis­agreeable Frame, being neither in earnest for my Soul, nor quite forgetful of it. I have been constant in pri­vate Duties, tho' I am often fearful that I am only draw­ing nigh to GOD with my Lips; but on Saturday, my Soul was much blest under Mr. R—'s Preaching: His Text was in Rom. vi. 17, 18, And if Children, then Heirs, &c. My Desires were exceedingly earnest to be made a Partaker of those glorious Privileges of the Sons of GOD. O LORD, when shall I be one of Thy Children!

Sunday 29. In the Morning Mr. R—'s Text was in Rom. viii. 32, He that spared not his own Son, &c. O these encouraging, these Heart reviving Words! Why, O my Soul, art thou so backward to believe the Promises of GOD! Surely he is not a Man, that can deceive Thee. O then believe the Record true! Then, and not till then, shall thou experience real Happiness.

Monday, July 7. All this Week my Soul has been cold and dead, and I (to my Shame and Grief) have been too negligent in private Duties. How truly may it be said, the Way of Sin is down Hill. I was hindered from Prayer one Day at my usual Hour, and almost every Day afterwards, something happened just at that Time to keep me from that Duty. I observe, that if I neglect it one Day, I am sure to do the same for several Days run­ning. LORD, help me to be watchful, seeing my subtle Adversary is ever watching to betray me into Sin either of Omission or Commission!

Sunday 13. I found a small Degree of Life in private Prayer, which was the only Duty I was quickened in this Day. LORD, help me out of this stupid State! On Thursday Evening my Uncle preached on Matt. xiii. 46, [Page 38] Who when he had found one Pearl of great Price, &c. O that the LORD would enable me instantly to part with all, and purchase this Pearl! All this Week my Soul has been in the same lukewarm State, and yet generally quickened in private Prayer, especially one Evening I had such a Discovery of the Love of GOD to Sinners, that I was almost enabled to believe he died for me.

Sunday 20. This Morning Mr. M—gave us a sweet Discourse on 2 Pet. i. 4, Whereby are given unto us ex­ceeding great Promises, &c. I found my Soul blest under it, and afterwards at the Sacrament in St. John's Church, blessed be GOD. He likewise met me in the Evening while Mr. M—was discoursing on Rom. iv. 5.

Monday 21. I was too neglectful of private Duty this Day, and therefore 'tis no Wonder if my Soul was dry and barren in other Duties. While we were at Preach­ing in the Evening, my dear Friend Miss D—arrived from Ireland. I was much rejoiced to see her, and she seemed to be so at seeing me. May we all at last meet round our Father's Throne!

Tuesday 22. My Soul was much shut up in Prayer. When shall I find free Access to the Throne, and be enabled to call JESUS mine, my LORD, and my GOD!

Friday 25. In the Afternoon we walked to Crislington, and went to see the Rector's Garden, who is for ever altering it; after being at great Expence to have it done to his Mind, still it does not please him. O how restless is the Mind of Man! Ever seeking after Rest, he cannot find it nigh, nor ever will, till he finds it in JESUS.

Friday, August 1. The State of my Soul this Week has been much as usual. O that the LORD would stir me up! That he would make me in earnest, and then I should soon attain the Prize. I shall one Day perish by the Hand of Sin, unless a Miracle of Mercy inter­pose. LORD, save, or I perish! Save, or I must inevita­bly fall a Prey to the Evil that lies in this rebellious Heart!

Sunday 3. I found myself much encouraged while Mr. G—k was describing the Rest that remained to those who were Seekers after GOD: O that I might include [Page 39] myself in that Number! but I sometimes fear even, this Appellation does not belong to me. LORD, suffer me not to deceive myself, for Thy Mercy's Sake!

Tuesday 5. My poor Heart still continued dead; no Life, no Power in drawing near to GOD. Still my Soul is as a barren Wilderness. LORD, water me with the Dew of thy Grace! then the Wilderness will become a fruit­ful Land, and the Desart, Springs of water.

Wednesday 6. My Heart was in a small Degree melted this Day in meeting my Band. LORD, soften it more and more!

Sunday 10. In Retirement, both before and after Preaching, I found my Soul greatly led out to pray for Faith, for myself, and my dear Parents, and a Measure of Confidence, that GOD would hear my Prayer: But alas for me! in the Afternoon, Levity again prevailed, and I lost both the Confidence, and Power to pray for it.

Wednesday 20. In the Evening Mr. M—r gave us a sweet Discourse, on Col. iii. 11, But CHRIST is all, and in all. My Concern at parting with him, stole away all the Benefit I might have reaped from the Sermon. Alas! that I should be so foolish as to look more to the Servant than to his LORD, and think, because he is going away, I shall never more be blest under Preaching; as if GOD could not bless me, as well by one as another. LORD, I beseech Thee, to forgive this Sin!

Thursday 21. This Morning I arose to hear Mr.M—'s last Discourse, which was very affecting, and drew Tears from many Eyes. I found much Cause for Lamentation, that I had not profited more by Him, and a determined Resolution to set out afresh in the Strength of Divine Grace, that I may not have the same Com­plaint to make, when we part with the next. LORD, strengthen this Resolution!

Sunday 24. I was some Part of this Day employed in reading Mr.Morgan's Crucified JESUS. O that I could copy after my afflicted, self-denying Master! He never sought to please himself; but, alas for me! how seldom is it I seek to please any other! LORD, forgive me! Let me learn to deny myself; take up my Cross, and follow Thee!

[Page 40] Sunday 31. This morning Mr. G—d preached from Hosea vi. 1, Come let us return to the LORD, &c. He spoke exactly to the State I seemed to be in, and I was determined to set this Day apart, to examine myself, and to seek the LORD in good Earnest. But as soon as I came Home, Satan prepared something to draw my Mind off, and render me unfit for any Duty, whether Reading, Praying, or any Thing else. LORD, make me more careful for the Time to come, that I may not so easily let slip the Things which I have received!

Tuesday, September 2. My Soul was in a Measure blest in meeting Class, and I found a Resolution to set out afresh. LORD, let it not prove abortive as all others have done, but do thou bring it to good Effect, for thy Mercy's Sake!

Wednesday 3. I think this Day I found more Solidity, and not so much Levity of Spirit as I did the Day before. I also found my Soul in a Measure quickened both in private Prayer, and in meeting Band; for which un­deserved Mercies, LORD make me truly thankful, and let me shew my Gratitude by endeavouring to retain, and improve them, that so I may have more!

Sunday 7. I have found no Life this Day in any Duty. In short, such an Inactivity of Soul has crept upon me, as I cannot account for; LORD quicken me!

Friday 12. In the Evening at Preaching, I found my Soul in a small Degree quickened, LORD, continue even this Spark, and blow it into a Flame!

Sunday 21. I went to the Sacrament at St. John's Church; but all the Time I was there, I was so beset with a particular Temptation, that I had hard Work to keep from yielding to it. In the Evening Mr. J—n preached, and met the Society; but I sadly missed Mr. M—'s close and sweet Applications and Exhortations, which under GOD were exceeding profitable to me. This Week my poor unstable Mind has been much tossed with vain and wandering Thoughts. O when shall my Heart and Treasure be laid up in Heaven! Then, and not till then, will my Mind also be fixed, stedfastly fixed in that thrice happy Place. I have also been dry and [Page 41] dead under every Means, which indeed is no Wonder, when foolish Thoughts are given Way to; they necessari­ly damp the Work of GOD in the Soul. LORD make me more watchful!

Sunday 28. I spent the Day comfortably, and found a Degree of Sweetness in Prayer. O for a thankful Heart!

Thursday, October 10. This Day being the Quarterly Meeting, we had a Number of strange Preachers in Town; and in the Evening one Mr. S—t preached. He is not a very connected Preacher, but one of the most lively and powerful, that I ever heard. I was more stir­red up and quickened under this Sermon, than I have been for Months before. There seemed to be an awful Solemnity resting upon the whole Congregation.

Monday 26. In the Evening it rained much; but I ventured out, and was well paid for so doing, by Mr. M—'s Discourse upon 1 Cor. vi. 11, But ye are ju­stified in the Name of the LORD JESUS, &c.

Sunday, November 2. I went to the Sacrament at Tri­nity Church, but found no particular Blessing in that Or­dinance, or indeed any other; my Mind being much exercised, as it had been great Part of the last Week, in which nothing seemed sweet or profitable to me, but private Prayer.

Sunday 9. All this Week my Mind has been much di­verted from GOD, by a Circumstance which befel me, not very pleasing to Flesh and Blood. LORD, give me Wisdom, Grace, and Prudence to guide me thro' the Trials I am liable to meet with here! And O at last re­ceive my poor Soul to the peaceful Haven of everlasting Rest; where all the Storms of this tumultuous Life are over, and all is Quietness and Assurance for ever!

On Thursday Evening my Uncle preached upon Matt. xx. 32, What will ye that I shall do unto you? My Soul was more blest under this Discourse, than under any since Mr. S—t preached. In the Application, he desired each to ask their own Soul, What is my most pre­vailing Desire? Riches, Honour, or Pleasure? But my Heart rejected all these, and replied,

[Page 42] None but CHRIST to me be given,
None but CHRIST in Earth or Heaven.

Sunday 23. I found my Soul much quickened in pri­vate Duty to Day. O how good is it to draw nigh to GOD, and yet how loath am I to do it!

Sunday 30. In reading the Scripture, and one of the Volumes of the Library, I found a Degree of Enlarge­ment, and also in private Prayer, tho' I had felt a great Backwardness to it.

Tuesday, December 2. After I was in Bed, my Mind was much employed in meditating on Death, and the Vanity of all earthly Things, occasioned by hearing that poor Miss L—y was extremely ill, whom I had seen in perfect Health the last Friday. O may I spend every Mo­ment of Life in preparing for a never ending Eternity!

Sunday 7. In none of the Duties of the Day did I find any Life; my Soul was as a barren Wilderness unwatered with the Dew of Heaven. LORD, how long! When shall I taste and see that the LORD is gracious, by His giving even to me the Knowledge of Salvation by the Remission of my Sins! Monday Evening Mr. J—n preached on Matt. ix. 12, They that be whole need not a Physician, but they that are sick. LORD, I am sick, sick of Sin, and truly sick of Self. LORD, heal me; be Thou my Physician, and I shall need no other!

Sunday 14. Mr J—n preached this Morning upon Isa. lv. 1, Ho, every one that thirsteth, &c. LORD, I do in some Measure thirst. O give me to drink of this liv­ing Water! I was so affected when I came Home at hear­ing that poor Miss L—y was not likely to recover, that I could not read or pray as I desired; but I found many serious, and I trust profitable Reflections. O may this Providence be productive of Good to my Soul, and to the Souls of all her Friends and Relations, to whom it will certainly be an afflicting Stroke, if it please GOD to re­quire her Soul at this Time! On Monday Evening, at four o'Clock, it pleased GOD to take to himself the Soul of my dear Miss L—y Although I found the Affection I had for her in her Life-time, as strong as ever, I could not shed a Tear, when I first heard of her Departure; I [Page 43] had such a Sight of her in Glory, that instead of wishing her back, I almost rejoiced at her happy Change, and longed for the Hour to come, wherein I also shall be re­leased and carried by Angels into Abraham's Bosom, where I shall be eternally happy in the Enjoyment of his Love who lived and died for me, a poor miserable Sin­ner. But afterwards I found Nature recoil, and had the Cruelty to think, that could a Wish restore her to her aged Parents, particularly her poor distracted Mother, I should be tempted to do it. But O blessed be GOD! nothing, nothing can recal us, when once we are landed on the happy Shore. LORD, grant that whenever Death calls me hence, I may be prepared to meet it! Let this King of Terrors be changed into the Prince of Peace! let the Sting of Death be drawn; and O give me a Victory over the now terrible and victorious Grave!

Thursday 18. The Day I with my Aunt, Mrs. L—, and Miss H—, were invited to the Funeral of Miss L—y: The two former declined going, but Miss H—and I accepted the Invitation; and with four other young Women were her Bearers. O What an Impression did this solemn Scene make on my now thoughtful Mind, to see her, whom not three Weeks ago, I had seen in all the Bloom and Vigour of Youth, now cut down, and her sweet agreeable Tabernacle consigned to the silent Grave! LORD, thought I, how soon may this be my Case; how soon may I also be cut down in the Morning of my Life, and my Parents also be lamenting my untimely End! And am I ready? Can I say with an assured Con­fidence, O Death, where is thy Sting; O Grave where is thy Victory? Alas, Alas! it is not so with me! The Ap­proach of this formidable Foe makes me tremble! O suf­fer me not to rest in this State, but enable even me to look with Triumph on the mouldering Tomb!

Sunday 21. I did not go out in the Morning, but I spent the Day very comfortably, finding great Sweetness in Prayer, and much Seriousness and Solidity upon my Mind all the Day. The two following Days also my Mind was much busied about the Things of Eternity, and my own latter End.

[Page 44] Thursday 25. (Being Christmas Day) In the Evening my Uncle preached with much Life and Power, on Luke ii. 10, Behold I bring you good Tidings of great Joy. The Enemy stirred up the Mob to make a Disturbance while we were singing the last HYMN! But in Spite of them, we concluded Singing, and after waiting some Minutes they were dispersed, and we returned Home in Peace.

Friday 26. This Day, and the next, my Soul was not in so sweet a Frame as a few Days before; it might be occasioned partly from a violent Cold, which weighed down my Body very much. O happy Day! when the Soul shall be released from its Prison, and freed from its bodily Chain; when the disembodied Spirit shall be received with Shouts of Joy, into the Paradise of GOD!

Sunday 28. This Morning the Family went to the House of GOD, but a violent Cold confined me at Home; however, the LORD was present there also, for my Soul was greatly refreshed in private Duty. Indeed all the Day I found great Sweetness and Comfort in my Soul, tho' my Cold unfitted me for any set Waiting upon GOD.

Monday 29. My Soul still continued in a serious Frame.

Wednesday 31. This Night I determined to sit up till I had begun the New-Year, which I accordingly did, spending the Time in Reading, Meditation and Prayer, and I found it comfortable and profitable to wait upon GOD in the Stillness of the Night. O may the Resolu­tions which I this Night made, be brought to good Effect!

Saturday, January 10. Mr. R—s preached upon Isa. xliii. 25, 26. I, even I, am He, that blotteth out thy Transgressions for mine own Sake. My Soul was in a wait­ing, expecting Frame. LORD, how long shall it be ere Thou satisfy my longing Heart with thy Love, the Thing I desire above all others! I can truly say,

Of all Thou hast in Earth, or Heaven,
Let Love alone be mine.

Sunday 11. We went to Church, but being disap­pointed of the Sacrament, we had a Sermon on Eccl. ix. 10. It was an exceeding pretty Discourse, but not a [Page 45] Word of CHRIST in it. The Minister exhorted us to improve our Time in Works of Piety, Charity, and the Duty of our respective Callings, but never told us how we were to be enabled to do all these Things, presuming, I suppose, that his Auditory needed no such Information. Towards the latter End he allowed us a little innocent Diversion; and concluded with saying, that by a diligent Improvement of our Time, in all the Duties he had re­cited, we should recommend ourselves to GOD, and be accounted worthy to be admitted into Heaven. I found much Thankfulness that I was better instructed. I was at Preaching in the following Fortnight but twice: All this Time I was sometimes in earnest, then too careless. LORD, pardon what is past, and O let me for the fu­ture give all Diligence to make my Calling and Election sure!

Sunday 25. I did not go out in the Morning, but I spent the Time very comfortably, in reading the blessed Word of GOD; and in the Afternoon, I read Mr. Her­vey's Meditations, which are also exceeding sweet and profitable.

Sunday, February 1. I went to the Sacrament this Day at Trinity Church. This being the Place where the Remains of my dear Miss L—y were deposited, it brought many serious Reflections, but they did not draw me off the Duty, in which I was more immediately en­gaged. For this Week past, I have at Times found a Measure of Seriousness and Enlargement in private Du­ty. I scarcely know what State my Soul has been in this Fortnight past, not having had Time to write. I fear I am falling into the former Laodicean Spirit. LORD JESUS, quicken me, O save me for thy Mercy's Sake!

Saturday 28. This being my Birth-day, I would have spent in Retirement, but was prevented; however I spent two Hours herein exceeding comfortably. O may I spend each Day and Moment in the Service of Him, who has so graciously preserved me to this Time! Sure­ly it is of the LORD's Mercies that I have not long since been consumed, because his tender Compassions fail not.

[Page 46] Sunday, March 8. My Heart was much drawn towards GOD this Morning, both before and at Church.

Sunday 15. I spent the Morning very comfortably in reading the Scripture with Mr. Wesley's Notes; in the Afternoon Mr. Hervey's sweet Meditations on the STAR­RY HEAVENS. I found my Soul in a serious thoughtful Frame, till I was discomposed by a trifling Incident.

Sunday 22. I spent Part of the Morning in writing out an Account of Miss H—'s Death, which quick­ened my Desire to live her Life, that I might die her Death.

Sunday 29. I found my Soul much led out in Prayer, even while I was reading, as I did during the latter End of the last Week; blessed be GOD for it.

Sunday, April 5. I was greatly distressed at Church, and afterwards, upon Account of my Sins, and at Times was even ready to believe that the LORD would cast me off for ever. All I could say, was

Guilty I stand before Thy Face,
I feel on me Thy Wrath abide,
'Tis just the Sentence should take Place,
'Tis just but O Thy Son hath died!"

In the Evening we had a profitable and lively Love­Feast, at which my poor Soul found some Refreshment. O may it be daily fed with the Bread of Life!

" This Manna to my Soul be given,
" Sent from the Tree of Life in Heaven."

Friday 17. This Day being Good-Friday, we went to the Sacrament at the Cathedral; but in no Means whe­ther public or private, was my Soul blest, tho' I found great Attention to the Sermon preached by Mr. G—d in the Evening, upon the Words with which our once dying; tho' now ever living SAVIOUR closed his suffering, pain­ful Life! It is finished, John xix. 30. Amazing Truth!

" 'Twere bold to think it true,
" If not far bolder still to disbelieve."

That the Author and Possessor of Life-eternal, should himself become a Prey to Death! And for whom! For Angels! No, when they left their first and blest Estate, it was irretrievably lost. For His Friends! No, but for [Page 47] Enemies, for Rebels, for vile Apostates, for ungrateful Sinners! Well might the Apostle cry out, "O the Length and Breadth, the Depth and Heighth of this stu­pendous Love! This Day was the sad Anniversary on which I parted from the tenderest, best of Parents, and took a long, if not the last Farewel of my native Land; whether I shall ever see that, or my dearest Parents more, the LORD knoweth.

" But O may we all meet on that peaceful Shore,
" Where Pain, and Death, and Parting are no more."

Sunday, May 3. For this Fortnight my Soul has been in general in a lifeless inactive Frame; and I have found little Blessing in any Means, except Morning private Prayer; in this I have been frequently quickened and refreshed.

Sunday 24. Blessed be GOD, I found my Soul refresh­ed in private Prayer this Day, but I had hard Work in the Evening to keep my Mind stayed on GOD, and at­tentive to the Sermon.

Tuesday 26. My Soul was very cold and dead all Day, but at the Class-meeting, I found my Desires greatly quickened; especially during the last Prayer. This lasted all the Evening; O may it still continue! LORD, let not my foolish Heart rob me of the Blessing!

Sunday, June 7. I went to the Sacrament this Morn­ing at the Cathedral, but found no particular Blessing, tho' my Heart was afterwards refreshed, while waiting upon GOD in private Duties.

Sunday 14. My Soul was much blest in private Pray­er this Morning, but the rest of the Day I was so weigh­ed down with Drowsiness, that I could scarce read or pray with any Satisfaction; however, my Mind was in a serious Frame most of the Day.

Sunday 21. I went to the Sacrament at Werburg's Church, and found my Heart affected with a lively Sense of GOD's LOVE to my Soul in sending His Son to die for me. O that this His Love might stir me up to love Him again; for altho' He is in Himself altogether love­ly, yet nothing but a deep Heart-felt Conviction that JE­SUS [Page 48] loved me, and gave Himself for me, can induce us to love Him again. But ah! I cannot, cannot love.

" This is my Shame, my Grief, my Hell,
" I do not love the bleeding Lamb;
" The Lamb that lov'd my Soul so well,
" This is my Grief, my Hell, my Shame."

Sunday 28. In private Prayer this Morning my Soul was greatly blest, and I found sweet Enlargement in praying for the Blessing, both for myself, and for my dearest Parents; likewise I found Liberty to pray for all my Relations and Friends, for the Church, and for all the World. Blessed be the LORD for this undeserved Mercy! In the Evening I was stirred up by Mr. G—'s Discourse from Heb. ii. 3, How shall we escape, if we neglect so great Salvation? LORD, how shall I escape! Only by flying to the Wounds of JESUS; that is the only City of Refuge. O may I escape thither, as Lot did to Zoar, ere the Storm of Divine Vengeance be poured on this guilty Head.

Monday, July 6. My Mind was much distressed this Day by that Fear, which Love alone casts out (the Fear of Death.) What particularly brought me to reflect upon it at this Time, was a Dream which Mrs. L—r had had concerning me; at first I prayed earnestly that the LORD would spare my Life, being excessively fright­ened at the Thought of dying; but afterwards I began to consider, what if my Request should be granted in Wrath, as the Israelites prayed for Meat! What would become of me then! Perhaps the LORD sees, if I live I shall dishonour Him; be a Scandal to my Profession; a Reproach to the People among whom I am; and a Grief to my Parents. Now, if the LORD should take me from the Evil to come, should prevent me from doing, as well as suffering Evil, by taking me to Himself, what Cause of Complaint should I have? Surely none; nay, it would be Matter of rejoicing to all Eternity: Besides, should none of these Things happen, but were I sure of gliding thro' this World easily and pleasantly, would it not be better to reach the destined Haven, without put­ting to Sea at all; or at least with a very short, and as [Page 49] yet a pleasant Passage! Did any ever think it was too soon to go to Heaven? Surely no. No such Complaints were ever made by one Soul that got thither at all. But alas! I am unwilling to part with Life, because I know not where I shall go. O!

" Who can tell me whether this Strife,
" In Heaven or Hell shall end?"

LORD, shall my Soul be carried by Angels into Abra­ham's Bosom, or hurried by Fiends into endless Tor­ments! LORD, 'tis true, I am a great Sinner; but JE­SUS is an Almighty SAVIOUR! I entirely renounce all Dependance upon myself.

" This all my Hope, and all my Plea,
" For me the SAVIOUR died."

Yes, my dearest JESUS, Thou didst die for me; then I may be saved. LORD, I believe; help Thou mine Un­belief.

Thursday, August 6. Hearing this Day of a very me­lancholy Affair, concerning a Person whom I knew on­ly by Sight; I was exceedingly stirred up to Thankful­ness, for being so situated, that it was almost impossible the like should befal me: I am surrounded with tender and careful Friends, who continually watch over me in Love: I am blest with Parents, who by Words when present with them, and by Letters now absent,

Warn me to shun the World's delusive Snares,
Teach by their Lives, and guard me by their Pray'rs."

And He has inclined my Heart to listen to the Instruc­tions and Advice, I daily receive from one or another. I went to our private Meeting on Friday, and found my Soul blest, and heartily joined in Mr. B—'s Prayer for the poor unhappy Creature to suffer the ensuing Day, Also, I was greatly stirred up to pray for her, when in private at Night.

Saturday 15. About One o'Clock my Aunt B—r and little Cousins, arrived in Chester; I was extremely glad to see them. O when will my dear Parents come! LORD, Thy Time is best, only let me be resigned to Thy Will!

[Page 50]
" Since none can doubt Thy equal Love,
" Unmeasurably kind;
" To Thy unerring, gracious Will,
" Be ev'ry Wish resign'd.

Sunday 16. The ensuing Week I was much indisposed, and did not go out till the next Saturday se'nnight: During this Time, my Soul was kept in a calm Reli­ance upon GOD, tho' at Times I found Deadness; which I partly imputed to my Disorder (a severe Cold.)

Saturday, September 13. Mr. P—n going to Ireland, gave a very profitable Discourse upon John xvi. 31, Do ye now believe? Indeed this was a very comfortable Day to my poor Soul; which, blessed be the LORD, was much refreshed in all the Means of Grace, both at Sa­crament, private Prayer, and the Preaching. This Evening Mr. T—r arrived in Chester. O may his coming amongst us be productive of much Good to this People, and to my poor Soul!

Friday 18. This was a Fast-day, kept to intreat the LORD to revive his Work in this Land. Mr. T—r, and my Uncle prayed alternately, and with much Pow­er. O that it may be such a Fast as the LORD approves of, and an acceptable Day to Him! On Saturday Even­ing, Mr. T—r preached from John xii. 22, Sir, we would see JESUS. LORD, I would see Him too! O may it be now!

Monday 21. Mr. H—n, who had accompanied Lady M—to Town, with her and her Brother dined with us. She is the most affable Lady I have ever seen, and dresses almost as plain as we do.

Sunday, October 4. In the Evening my Soul was quickened while Mr. T—r was preaching on the Pa­rable of the Dry-Bones.

Tuesday, November 17. On this Day were united, my Uncle F—, and my truly dear and respected Friend Mrs. M—L—: With unspeakable Pleasure I embraced her as a most dear loved Relative. With the same Satis­faction she was received by those of my Aunts, who re­side in this Place, as their Sister; and I doubt not will be by those who are now absent, when they hear the sur­prizing [Page 51] Tidings. My Heart's Desire and Prayer to GOD for them is, that they may be long blest with each other; that this Union may be a Means of uniting them more closely to the blessed Bridegroom of the Church; and that finally, they and we may be received into the Fa­mily of Heaven, with a Well-done good and faithful Ser­vants, enter ye into the Joy of your LORD.

Thursday 19. The committing a known Sin, threw me into exquisite Distress, so that I hardly dared to go to Prayer, and Satan making the best of his Opportunity sorely wounded me; yea, had slain me, had not the Sinner's Friend stept in to rescue me, and gave me Hope. This Hope was confirmed in meeting my Class on Tues­day. Blessed be His Name for this. But still this can't suffice, unless he give me his dear Self, which my Soul truly longeth for.

Sunday 29. I spent the Day profitably, and comfort­ably, Thanks be to GOD. My Mind was much taken up all the Evening, and the following Day, with the Thoughts of Death; which occasioned many serious Re­flections. I think if the LORD would make me meet for Glory, I could (Young as I am) quit the World, and not leave a Wish behind; but the LORD's Will be done.

Thursday, Dec. 10. My Uncle gave an exceeding com­fortable and profitable Discourse from Isa. xl. 1, Comfort ye, Comfort ye my People, faith your GOD. My Soul was much refreshed; herein GOD fulfilled that Promise, Be­fore they call, I will answer; for I went without the least Expectation of a Blessing, and scarcely dared to pray for one, knowing my great Unworthiness. However, the LORD met me, and gave me fresh Hopes and Desires, for which may I bless his Name, while I have Breath!

Sunday 13. In the Evening Mr. C—k preached a Sermon on these awful Words, Rev. vi. 17, For the great Day of his Wrath is come, and who shall be able to stand? Who indeed, but those who have washed their Robes, and made them white in the Blood of the Lamb; who have made the Judge their Friend! These, and these only shall stand with Boldness in that Day. LORD, shall I be one of that Number!

[Page 52] Friday 25. I found a Blessing at the LORD's Table, where I solemnly dedicated myself to Him, who gave himself for me. O may it be unreservedly and irrevoca­bly! LORD, here is my Heart; O take and seal it, seal it for thy Courts above! In the Evening my Uncle preached on 1 Tim. i. 5. This is a faithful Saying, and worthy of all Acceptation, that CHRIST JESUS came into the World to save Sinners.

Saturday we did not go out.

Sunday 27. Our House being in such Confusion, as it has been for some Days past, by Reason of the Sickness which has been in it, my Mind has not been in that com­posed sweet Frame as I could wish, but one Blessing I have experienced, which is, I have been enabled to ex­ercise Patience, so as not to murmur and fret, tho' every Thing has gone cross with me. Nay, thro' the Mercy of GOD, I have rejoiced in it; and been thankful for having an Opportunity of chearfully bearing the Cross; for all which I desire to praise my GOD.

Monday, Dec. 28. In the Evening Mr. T—r made an useful Discourse on Lam. iii. 22, It is of the LORD's Mercies that we are not consumed, because his Compassions fail not. He shewed the many Ways whereby we might have been consumed; and the many Mercies we have received from GOD. When I first went into the Chapel, my Mind was exceedingly disturbed by many evil Tem­pers. But in singing this Verse,

" From Anger set our Spirits free,
" It worketh not thy Righteousness;
" In Patience let us wait on Thee,
" And quietly our Souls possess."

The Thought cross'd my Mind: Shall I thus mock GOD? Pray to Him to compose my Mind, while I am yielding to these Tempers? I resolved to strive against them: Thro' His Strength I overcame them, and found a Blessing, tho' entirely unexpected.

Tuesday 29. I was confined to my Bed, being much in­disposed. O what a short Transition from Time to Eter­nity! I thought much of Dying, but felt no fear: Not because I was now ready, but I firmly believed the LORD [Page 53] would cut short His Work in Righteousness if he call­ed me.

THIS Illness, after a Day or two, much increased, and appeared to be a putrid Fever: But her Mind con­tinued Stayed upon GOD. About a Fortnight, after she was taken, she expressed a full Confidence in Him, being wholly delivered from the Fear of Death. A few Days after, her Speech and Hearing were taken away, by the Violence of her Distemper. But it was easy to discern, that her Understanding remained, tho' she could con­verse with none but GOD. Her Eyes and Hands almost continually lifted up, shewed that her Heart was still with Him. In her greatest Agonies of Pain, there was not the least Mark of Impatience: Till on January 21, 1768, about Four o'Clock in the Afternoon, she quietly resigned her Spirit to GOD.

[Page 54]

VIRTUE, when abstractedly considered, often makes but a saint Impression on the human Mind; but when the Lives of those are set before us, who have adorned the ordinary Stations of Life by a steady and uniform Pursuit of Vir­tue, and a chearful and resolute Discharge of the Duties in­cumbent upon them, there is scarce any Thing that can have a more happy Influence upon our Minds, or more ef­fectually induce us to seek for Divine Help, to rouse us from that Lethargy and inactive State into which the Generality of Mankind are sunk: Even the Vicious, and those who are enslaved to Corruption, from a feeling View of the happy Effects of a virtuous Life, are ready, with one of old, to cry out, Let me die the Death of the Righteous, and let my last End be like his, Numbers xxiii. 10.

IN the Life of the Lady ELIZABETH HASTINGS, we meet with an extraordinary Instance of the hap­py Effect, which Christianity has upon those who, by joining with the Calls of Grace, become willing to give up their whole Hearts to follow its Dictates. This pi­ous Lady's first Principle appears to have been the Glory of GOD, and the Purity of her own Heart; next to this, a continual Solicitude and Labour to hold all her Ca­pacities, all her Power, and all her Fortunes, continu­ally upon Stretch for the Good of all Men, weeping with those that wept; rejoicing with those that rejoiced; gi­ven to Hospitality; distributing to the Necessities of the Saints, and to those that were less so, having Joy at the Conversion of a Sinner, or the least Appearance of it; but the Care of all her Cares was the Stranger; the Fa­therless and the Window; the Needy, and he that hath no Helper; the Lame, the Halt and the Blind. And in this Place, says the Author of her Life, what shall I say! or how can I expect to be beleived! The Bent of her Spirit ever lay towards these: She had a Share in all their Suffer­ings; [Page 55] she would often converse with them, and enquire into their History with as much Poverty of Spirit, as they were in of outward Condition; she would study their particular Cases, and put them in the Way of better Welfare; some of these were ever in her House, and frequently in great Numbers; and it was no Neglect of her's, if any one went away unrelieved with Meat, Phy­sic, Raiment or Money; many of these that lived re­mote, had yearly Allowances, and large Sums frequently issued out into distant Parts of the Kingdom. Her still larger Applications were fixed Pensions upon reduced Fa­milies, the Maintenance of her own Charity-School, Contributions to others,&c. &c. She was a great Mis­tress of all Parts of OEconomy with Respect to what she laid out upon herself; her Body, she knew, was the Temple of the Holy Ghost, which the Believer must pos­sess in Sanctification and Honour, wherefore her Sup­port of it in Meat, Drink and Sleep, was ever bounded by Necessity; for they that walk in the Spirit, as this pious Lady did, die progressively to every Vanity, and dare not indulge the hurtful Gratifications of the Flesh, but labour to keep it under, as knowing it to be the Seat and Repository of their most dangerous and deadly Ene­my. Nevertheless she sought not her Salvation by the Force of her Alms, highly affluent as they were; for these, though necessary Duties, yet, she well knew, were not the Charity of the Gospel; not that Charity which the Apostle Paul so divinely describes at I Cor. xiii, 3. She was sensible, that JESUS CHRIST must be revealed in the Heart, before we can have any just Claim to Discipleship, and that it is his ruling and bringing all Things there in Subjection to his Spirit, that was the great and only Principle of Christian Charity. She knew, that the great Scene of Religion lay within, in the right Government of the Heart; accordingly her Eye was ever upon her Heart, to see that all its Principles were cleansed from evil Mixtures, had no Taint from Self­love, were not sullied with Vain-glory; her Care was to observe the Tendency of all its Motions, how its Strug­gles weakened in sinful Desires, endeavouring continually [Page 56] to nourish it by Acts of Faith in the Blood of her REDEEMER. She had well learnt to overcome Evil with Good, to suffer long, and be kind, to bear all Things, and if ever by Speech, Carriage or otherwise, she sus­pected that she had disturbed the Spirit of any, she had no Peace with herself, till she had taken Care for the Recovery of theirs.

Much more might be said of the Endowments and Virtues of this true Disciple of JESUS CHRIST, more especially of her Patience under Sufferings, and Resig­nation to Divine Will; under the painful Dispensation she passed through, during the last eighteen Months of her Life, occasioned by a Cancer in her Breast, which, notwithstanding she suffered it to be separated from her Body, yet in the End occasioned her Death. This painful Operation she not only bore with Patience, but even rejoiced, that she was counted worthy to suf­fer, knowing her SAVIOUR had suffered in his Flesh, and that as Sufferings was the Way to his Perfection, it must also be the Way to ours, this being the declared. Condition of our being glorified with Him, the truest Marks of Adoption, and the most sovereign Medicine sent from Heaven for our Cure. These Truths this truly pious Lady was so well acquainted with, that she declared, She would not wish to be out of her present Situ­ation, nor exchange it for any other at any Price. Thus with great Meekness and Tranquility, with Chear­fulness scarce to be believed, in perfect Serenity and Freedom, she continued her usual Life, till the Time appointed for the Operation. When that Time of deep Trial came, she shewed no Reluctance or Struggle, but endured all even without Complaint; only towards the End she drew such a Sigh, as the compassionate Reader who reads this, may do. Hence it appears, how those that follow the Lamb with Sincerity, are endowed with Virtue and Power resulting from the true Spirit of His Religion, which others are unacquainted with. The Night following the Operation was not indeed a Night of much Sleep, but of truly celestial Rest; a Night of Thanksgiving to her GOD, for the visible Demonstration [Page 57] of his Power in her, and about her, for his stretched-out Arm in her great Deliverance, for the bountiful Provi­sion He had made for her Body and Soul, holding all the Powers of her Spirit exercised in Acts of Love, Gratitude and Adoration. She sooner than was expect­ed got upon her Feet, and with every Improvement that could be made, into the same Way of Life, that she had been in before, wholly intent upon the Glory of GOD, and the Good of her Fellow-creatures. But the Di­stemper only repressed for a Time, rose up with new Malignity, to the much greater Affliction of Numbers in the World, than of her that bore it; for she had now been, for some Time, in the School of Affliction, exer­cised with its sharp Discipline, and found its salutary Effects. Under these Sentiments her Hope was full of Immortality, and the eternal Weight of Glory, now in full View, made all her Afflictions light. In this near and certain Approach of Death, her cherishing Warmth, like that of the Sun, tho' it might be most felt by those nearest, yet also reached those at greater Distance; wit­ness the great Number of Letters she writ, and dictated to others, when she became unable to write, full of sweet Counsel, having for their Argument the Blessedness of Piety; pressing Home the Necessity of it, and setting forth its true Nature; witness also the Number of Per­sons of all Conditions, who resorted at her House, to behold the living Power of Religion in her, and to be benefited by her Wisdom. With some of these she con­tinued in heavenly Conferences as long as she had Strength. Her Life was near drawing to its last Stage, but her Lamp and her Life must be extinguished together, and she must occupy till her LORD comes. Accordingly she convened her Houshold, to strengthen and enforce every Thing that she had done or shewn them before, by her dying Counsels; and would have extended this Care to the whole Village, but was restrained by the Physician. The Path of the Just is as a shining Light, which Shineth more and more unto the perfect Day. ‘The truly religi­ous, whose Evidences for Heaven are clear, rational, and well grounded, have a Tide of Joy springing up [Page 58] in their Minds beyond Expression; something more moving and satisfactory than any one can imagine, but they that perceive it. When they are just enter­ing upon the promised Land, the Splendor of the e­ternal Day dawns upon them, and shines as through the Breaches of their shattered Bodies, and raises in the inward Man such Earnest of Happiness, such Foretastes of Joy, as enables them to pass thro' the Valley of Death in Peace and Triumph.’ As Death drew near, she was in Transport, quite melted down with the Impression of Glory, broke out with a raised Accent into these Words: Bless me, LORD! What is it that I see!—Oh! the Greatness of the Glory that is re­vealed in me,—that is before me. And some Time after she had so said, she fell asleep.

And now, Reader, let me ask, What Mistakes or De­lusions did this Lady live under; or what wrong Judg­ment did she make of the Nature and Obligation of our common Christianity? Common I call it, for it is one and the same to every Man, and to every Woman, where­ever it is known, and to the Practice of the essential and Life-giving Part of it, is every Man and every Woman tied down at their utmost Peril. And if it be asked, what these are? The Answer is, That they cannot here indeed be well drawn out in Particulars; but two prin­cipal ones, to which the rest are reducible, are, A firm Faith in, and Dependance upon, CHRIST—And under the Help and Power of His Spirit, a mighty Labour to perfect that Holiness which He hath taught us.

All indeed have not this Lady's Possibilities, and can­not give in Alms sevenfold more than they expend upon themselves; but there is scarce one, but may give a Cup of cold Water, and great Things are promised even to that, if it is done in a right Manner, and with a devout Spirit. Again, all have not near the same Disengage­ments and Leisure that she had, nor have in common with her, the same Command of their Time, and there­fore cannot maintain so close an Attendance upon spiri­tual Exercises; yet nevertheless almost all may, at all Times, and in all Places, preserve some Sort of heavenly­mindedness, [Page 59] may strive against Sin, and use their best Endeavours to keep themselves unspotted from the World, and by locking up their Senses against Tempta­tion, in good Measure quench the fiery Darts of the Enemy. And if of themselves they are not (as most certainly they are not) sufficient for these Things, yet the Grace of GOD is, if they turn to it, seek it earnestly, follow its holy Motions, and put themselves under its Government. And that all may obtain the Grace of GOD, is certain; for it is common to all. Our graci­ous and merciful SAVIOUR, the sure and faithful Friend of those who are helpless and heavy laden, repeatedly declares it to be so, and the whole Tenor of the Gospel contains a gracious Offer of Salvation to every Soul, who in Sincerity prays to GOD for it.

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To the foregoing Testimonies of the Happiness of a Life spent in the Service of GOD, may be added that of a faithful Servant of CHRIST from amongst ourselves, to wit, DAVID BRAINARD, who spent the Flow­er of his Age in a faithful Labour, thro' Divine Aid, for the Conversion of a Number of Indians of this and the neighbouring Province. In the Course of this Labour, it pleased GOD to visit him with Sickness, it is thought, brought on thro' the Hardship he endured in that Ser­vice. His Disorder proved a Consumption, which put a Period to his Life in the Year 1747, being the 30th of his Age. The following Extracts of some Letters he wrote to his Friends, mostly during his Sickness, will ful­ly evince the truly Christian Disposition of Mind of this sincere Follower of CHRIST. May they be blessed to the well disposed Reader.

My dear BROTHER,

THERE is but one Thing, that deserves our highest Care, and most ardent Desires; and that is, that we may answer the great End for which we were made, viz. to glorify that GOD, who has given us our Beings, and all our Comforts, and to do all the Good, we possibly can, to our Fellow Men, while we live in the World: And verily Life is not worth the having, if it be not im­proved for this noble End and Purpose. Yet, alas, how little is this thought of among Mankind; most Men seem to live to themselves, without much Regard to the Glory of GOD, or the Good of their Fellow Creatures; they earnestly desire, and eagerly pursue after the Riches, the Honours, and the Pleasures of Life, as if they really suppo­sed that Wealth, or Greatness, or Merriment, could make their immortal Souls happy. But, alas, what false and delusive Dreams are these, and how miserable will those [Page 61] ere long be, who are not awal out of them, to see, that all their Happiness consists in living to GOD, and becoming holy, as He is holy! Oh! may you never fall into the Tempers and Vanities, the Sensuality and Fol­ly of the present World. You are, by Divine Providence, left as it were alone in a wide World, to act for yourself: Be sure then to remember, it is a World of Temptation. You have no earthly Parents to be the Means of forming your Youth to Piety and Virtue, by their pious Exam­ples, and seasonable Counsels; let this then excite you, with greater Diligence and Fervency, to look up to the Father of Mercies, for Grace and Assistance against all the Vanities of the World. And if you would glorify GOD, answer his just Expectations from you, and make your own Soul happy in this and the coming World, observe these few Directions; tho' not from a Father, yet from a Brother, who is touched with a tender Concern for your present and future Happiness.

Daily endeavour to practise a Life of Seriousness and strict Sobriety. The wise Man will tell you the great Advantage of such a Life, Eccles. vii. 3. Think of the Life of CHRIST; and when you can find that he was pleased with Jesting and vain Merriment, then you may indulge it in yourselves.

Again: Be careful to make a good Improvement of precious Time. When you cease from Labour, fill up your Time in Reading, Meditation, and Prayer: And while your Hands are labouring, let your Heart be em­ployed, as much as possible, in Divine Thoughts.

Further: Take heed that you faithfully perform the Business you have to do in the World, from a Regard to the Commands of GOD; and not from an ambitious De­sire of being esteemed better than others. We should always look upon ourselves as GOD's Servants, placed in GOD's World, to do his Work; and accordingly labour faithfully for him; not with a Design to grow rich and great, but to glorify GOD, and do all the good we pos­sibly can.

Again: Never expect any Satisfaction or Happiness from the World. If you hope for Happiness in the [Page 62] World, hope for it from GOD, and not from the World. Don't think you shall be more happy, if you live to such or such a State of Life, if you live to be for yourself, to be settled in the World, or if you should gain an Estate in it; but look upon it that you shall then be happy, when you can be constantly em­ployed for GOD, and not for yourself; and desire to live in this World, only to do and suffer what GOD allots you. When you can be of the Spirit and Temper of Angels, who are willing to come down into this lower World, to perform what GOD commands them, tho' their Desires are heavenly, and not in the least set on earthly Things, then you will be of that Temper that you ought to have, Col. iii. 2.

Once more: Never think you can live to GOD, by your own Power or Strength; but always look to, and rely on him for Assistance, yea, for all Strength and Grace. There is no greater Truth than this. That we cannot do any Thing of ourselves. Yet nothing but our own Experience can effectually teach it to us. Indeed, we are a long Time in learning, that all our Strength and Salvation is in GOD. This is a Life, that I think no unconverted Man can possibly live; and yet it is a Life, that every godly Soul is pressing after in some good Measure. Let it then be your great Concern, thus to devote yourself, and your all to GOD.

I long to see you, that I may say much more to you than I now can, for your Benefit and Welfare; but I desire to commit you to, and leave you with, the Father of Mercies, and GOD of all Graces; praying that you may be directed safely thro' an evil World, to GOD's heavenly Kingdom, and am your affectionate Brother,

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CERTAINLY the greatest, the noblest Pleasure of intelligent Creatures, must result from their Ac­quaintance with the blessed GOD, and with their own rational and immortal Souls. And Oh, how divinely sweet and entertaining is it, to look into our own Souls, when we can find all our Powers and Passions united and engaged in Pursuit after GOD, our whole Souls longing, and passionately breathing for a Conformity to him, and the full Enjoyment of him. Verily, there are no Hours pass away with so much Divine Pleasure, as those that are spent in communing with GOD and our own Heart. Oh, how sweet is a Spirit of Devotion, a Spirit of Se­riousness and Divine Solemnity, a Spirit of Gospel Sim­plicity, Love and Tenderness! Oh, how desirable, and how profitable to the Christian Life, is a Spirit of holy Watchfulness and godly Jealousy over ourselves; when our Souls are afraid of nothing so much as that we shall grieve and offend the blessed GOD, whom at such Time we apprehend, or at least hope, to be a Father and Friend; whom we then love, and long to please, rather than to be happy ourselves, or at least we delight to derive our Happiness from pleasing and glorifying him! Surely this is a pious Temper, worthy of the high­est Ambition, and closest Pursuit of intelligent Crea­tures, and holy Christians. Oh, how vastly superior is the Pleasure, Peace and Satisfaction derived from these Divine Frames, to that which we (alas) sometimes pur­sue in Things impertinent and trifling! Our own bitter Experience teaches us, that in the Midst of such Laugh­ter the Heart is sorrowful, and there is no true Satis­faction but in GOD. But, alas! How shall we obtain and retain this sweet Spirit of Religion and Devotion. Let us follow the Apostle's Direction, Phil. ii. 12, and labour upon the Encouragement he there mentions, Verse 13. For it is GOD only can afford us this Favour; and he will be sought to, and it is fit we should wait up­on [Page 64] on him for so rich a Mercy. Oh, may the GOD of all Graces afford us the Grace and Influences of his Divine Spirit; and help us, that we may from our Hearts esteem it our greatest Liberty and Happiness, that whether we live, we may live to the LORD, or whether we die, we may die to the LORD; that in Life and Death, we may be his, &c. &c.



I HAD determined to make you and my other Friends in New-England a Visit this Fall; partly from an earnest Desire I had to see you and them, and partly with a View to the Recovery of my Health; which has, for more than three Months past, been much impaired. My Disorder has been attended with several Symptoms of a Consumption; and I have been at Times apprehen­sive, that my great Change was at hand: Yet blessed be GOD, I have never been affrighted; but on the contra­ry, at some Time much delighted with a View of its Approach. Oh, the Blessedness of being delivered from the Clogs of Flesh and Sense, from a Body of Sin, and spiritual Death! Oh, the unspeakable Sweetness of be­ing translated into a State of Compleat Purity and Per­fection: Believe me, my Brother, a lively View and Hope of these Things, will make the King of Terrors himself appear agreeable.—Dear Brother, let me intreat you to keep Eternity in your View, and behave your­self, as becomes one that must shortly give an Account of all Things done in the Body. That GOD may be your GOD, and prepare you for His Service here, and His Kingdom of Glory hereafter, is the Desire, and dai­ly Prayers of your affectionate loving Brother.

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HOW amazing is it that the Living, who know they must die, should, notwithstanding, put far away the evil Day, in a Season of Health and Prosperity; and live at such an awful Distance from a Familiarity with the Grave, and the great Concerns beyond it. And especially, it may justly fill us with Surprize, that any whose Minds have been divinely enlightened to be­hold the important Things of Eternity as they are, I say, that such should live in this Manner. And yet, how rare are the Instances of those, who live and act from Day to Day, as on the Verge of Eternity, striving to fill up all their remaining Moments in the Service, and to the Honour of their great Master. We insensibly trifle away Time, while we seem to have enough of it; and are so strangely amused, as in a great Measure to lose a Sense of the Holiness and blessed Qualifications necessa­ry to prepare us to be Inhabitants of the heavenly Para­dise. But oh, dear Sir, a dying Bed, if we enjoy our Reason clearly, will give another View of Things, &c. &c. &c.

To his BROTHER at College; written in the Time of his extreme Illness in Bo­ston, a few Months before his Death.


IT is from the Sides of Eternity I now address you. I am heartily sorry, that I have so little Strength to write what I long so much to communicate to you. But let me tell you, my Brother, Eternity is another Thing than we ordinarily take it to be in a healthful State. Oh, how vast and boundless! Oh, how fix'd and un­alterable. Oh, of what infinite Importance is it, that we be prepared for Eternity! I have been just a dying [Page 66] now for more than a Week; and all. around me have thought me so: But in this Time I have had clear Views of Eternity; have seen the Blessedness of the Godly, in some Measure, and have longed to share their happy State; as well as been comfortably satisfied, that thro' Grace I shall do so! But oh, what Anguish is raised in my Mind, to think of an Eternity for those who are Christless, for those who are mistaken, and who bring their false Hopes to the Grave with them: The Sight was so dreadful, I could by no Means bear it. My Thoughts recoiled, and I said (but under a more affect­ing Sense than ever before) Who can dwell with ever­lasting Burnings! Oh, methought, that I could now see my Friends, that I might warn them to see to it, they lay their Foundation for Eternity sure. And you, my dear Brother, I have been particularly concerned for; and have wondered, I so much neglected conversing with you about your spiritual State at our last Meeting. Oh, my Brother, let me then beseech you now to examine, whether you are indeed a new Creature? Whether you have ever acted above Self? Whether the Glory of GOD has ever been the sweetest, highest Concern with you? Whether you have ever been reconciled to all the Per­fections of GOD? In a Word, Whether GOD has been your Portion, and a holy Conformity to Him, your chief Delight? If you can't answer positively, consider seri­ously the frequent Breathings of your Soul: But don't however, put yourself off with a slight Answer. If you have Reason to think you are graceless, oh give your­self and the Throne of Grace no Rest, till GOD arise and save. But if the Case should be otherwise, bless GOD for His Grace, and press after Holiness.


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