IN the Year 1548, when the glorious Sun of the Gos­pel was but newly risen in Europe, in the days of the reign of Edward the Sixth of that name King of England: In the territory, and under the jurisdiction of the city of Venice, being the very border of Italy, in the town of Citadella, lived one Francis Spira, a civil lawyer, an advocate of great rank and esteem, being of known learning, and eloquence; of great experience; of carriage circumspect and severe; his speech grave and composed, his countenance sharp austere; every way befitting that authority whereunto he was advanced, endowed with outward blessings, of wife and eleven children, and wealth in abundance: what his worst parts were, I have no other warrant, than his own words, which (if not tainted over­much with the bitterness of a desperate mind, and bearing the countenance rather of passion, than of sober confession) may seem to add a period to all further commendations.

I was (said he) excessively covetous of money, and accord­ingly I applyed my self to get by injustice, corrupting justice by deceit, inventing tricks to elude justice: good causes I ei­ther defended deceitfully or sold them to the adversary perfidi­ously; ill causes I maintained with all my might; I witting­ly opposed the known truth; and the first committed unto me, I either betrayed or perverted. Thus having worn out forty four years, or there abouts, and the news of the new, or rather newly revived opinions of Luther coming unto those parts, represented an object of novelty unto him; who being as desirous to know as he was famous for knowledge; suffered not these wandering opinions to pass unexamined, [Page 8] but searching into the scriptures, and into all books of controversy that he could get, both old and new, and finding more than fame or opinion, he began to taste their nature so well as that he entertains, loves and owns them at length; and with such zeal, as he became a professor; yea a teacher of them, first to his wife, children, and fa­mily, and after to his friends, and familiar acquaintance; and in comparison, seemed to neglect all other affairs; intending ever to press this main point, that We must wholly, and only depend on the free, and unchangeable love of God in the death of Christ, as the only sure way to salva­tion: And this was the sum of all his discourse, and this continued for the space of six years, or there-abouts; even so long that this fire could not keep itself within private walls, but at length it brake forth unto public meetings; so that the whole province of Padua dawned with the lustre thereof. The clergy finding the trade of their pardons to decay; and their purgatory to wax cold, began to stir themselves: glosing their actions first with calumnious as­persions upon the whole profession, then more plainly striking at Spira with grievous accusations: And to effect their purpose, some promise labour, others favour, some advice, others maintenance; all join to divide, either his soul from his body, or both from God.

Now as John Casa the Pope's legate resident at Venice, by birth a Florentine; and one that wanted neither malice against those of this way, nor craftines to effect his mali­cious purposes: To him these men repair with outcries against Spira; that he was the man that condemned the received rights of the Church, eluded the Ecclesiastical power, and scandalized the policy thereof; one of no mean rank; being a man of account and authority, and there­unto, learned in the scriptures, elegant in speech; and in one word, a dangerous Lutheran; having also many dis­ciples, and therefore not to be despised.

At this began the legate to cast his eye on the terrible alteration that lately had happened in Germany; where, [Page 9] by the means of only one Luther, the Romish religion had suffered such a blow, as that it could neither be cured by dissimulation, nor defended by power; but the clergy must either mend their manners, or lose their dignities: on the other side, when he saw how propense the common peo­ple inhabiting in the bordering countries of Italy were to entertain those new opinions, he now thought it no time to dispute, or perswade, but with speed repairs to the se­nate, and procures authority from them to send for Spira.

Spira by this time had considered with himself of the nature of his carriage, how evident and notorious it was and therefore subject to be envied by such as neither liked his person nor religion, he perceived that his opinions were neither retired nor speculative, but such as aimed at the overthrow of the Romish fiction, and a change of policy, (wherein at the best he could expect but a bloody victory,) and that his enemies wanted neither power nor occasion to call him to account in public, when he must either apostatize, and shamefully give his former life, yea his own conscience the lye, or endure the utmost malice of his deadly enemies, or forsake his wife, children, friends, goods, authority, yea, his dear country, and betake him­self to a foreign people, there to endure a thousand miseries, that do continually wait upon a voluntary exile. Being thus distracted, and tossed in the restless waves of doubt without guide to trust to, or haven to fly to for succour; on a sudden, God's Spirit assisting, he felt a calm, and began to discourse with himself in this manner:

Why wonderest thou thus in uncertainties, unhappy man; cast away fear, put on thy shield, the shield of faith: Where is thy wonted courage, thy goodness, thy constancy? remember that Christ's glory lies at the stake, suffer thou without fear, and he will defend thee, he will tell thee what thou shalt an­swer; he can beat down all danger, bring thee out of prison, raise thee from the dead: consider Peter in the dungeon, the martyrs in the fire, if thou makest a good confession, thou mayst indeed go to prison, or death, but an eternal reward in [Page 10] heaven remains for thee; what hast thou in this world com­parable to eternal life, to everlasting happiness? if thou dost otherwise think of the scandal; (common people live by ex­ample, thinking whatever is done, is well done) fear the loss of peace and joy, fear hell, death, and eternal wrath; or if thy flesh be so strong, as to cause thee to doubt of the issue, fly thy country; get thee away, though never so far, rather than deny the Lord of Life.

Now was Spira in reasonable quiet, being resolved to yield to these weighty reasons; yet holding it wisdom to examine all things, he consults also with flesh and blood; thus the battle doth renew, and the flesh begins in this manner:

‘Be well advised, fond man, consider reasons on both sides, and then judge; how canst thou thus overween thine own sufficiency, as thou neither regardest the ex­amples of thy progenitors; nor the judgments of the whole Church; dost thou not consider what misery this thy rashness will bring thee unto? thou shall lose all thy substance, gotten with so much care and travel, thou shalt undergo the most exquisite torments that ma­lice itself can devise, thou shalt be counted an heretick of all: and to close up all thou shalt die shamefully. What thinkest thou of the loathsome stinking dungeon, of the bloody ax, the burning fagot, are they delight­ful? Be wise at length, and keep thy life and honour; thou mayst live to do much good to good men, as God commands thee, thou mayst be an ornament to thy country: and put the case thy country's loss will be of small esteem with the, Wilt thou bring thy friends also into danger? thou hast begotten children, will thou now cut their throats, and inhumanly butcher them, which may in time bring honour to their country, glory to God, help and furtherance to his Church? go to the legate, weak man, freely confess thy fault and help all these miseries.’ Thus did the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choak the good seed that was [Page 11] was formerly sown; so as fearing, he faints, and yields to the allurements of this present world, and being thus blinded he goes to the legate at Venice, and salutes him with this news.

‘Having for these divers years entertained an opinion concerning some articles of faith, contrary to the or­thodox and received judgment of the church; and ut­tered many things against the authority of the Church of Rome, and the universal Bishop, I humbly acknow­ledge my fault, and error, and my folly in misleading others: I therefore yield myself in all obedience to the supream bishop, into the bosom of the church of Rome; never to depart again from the traditions and decrees of the holy See; I am heartily sorry for what is past; and I humbly beg pardon for so great an offence.’

The legate perceiving Spira to faint, he pursues him to the utmost; he causeth a recitation of all his errors to be drawn in writing, together with the confession annexed to it, and commands Spira to subscribe his name there, which accordingly he did; then the legate commands him to return to his own town; and there to declare this con­fession of his, and to acknowledge the whole doctrine of the Church of Rome to be holy, and true; and to abjure the opinions of Luther, and other such teachers, as false and heretical: Man knows the beginning of sin, but who bounds the issues thereof? Spira having once lost footing, goes down amain, he cannot stay, nor gain-say the legate; but promiseth to accomplish his whole will and pleasure; he soon addresseth himself for his journey, and being on­ward in the way, bethinks himself of large spoils he had brought away from the conflict with the legate; what glorious testimony he had given of his great faith, and constancy in Christ's cause: and to be plain, how impi­ously he had denied Christ, and his gospel at Venice; and what he promised to do further in his own country; and thus partly with fear, and partly with shame, being con­founded; he thought he heard a voice speaking unto him in this manner:

[Page 12] ‘Spira, What dost thou here? whither goest thou? hast thou unhappy man, given thy hand-writing to the legate at Venice; yet see thou dost not seal it in thine own country: dost thou indeed think eternal life so mean, as that thou preferrest this present life before it? dost thou well in preferring wife and children before Christ? is the windy applause of the people, better in­deed than the glory of God: and the possession of this world's good more dear to thee, than the salvation of thine own soul? is the small use of a moment of time more desirable, than eternal wrath is dreadful? Think with thyself what Christ endured for thy sake; is it not equal that thou shouldest suffer somewhat for him? Re­member, man, that the sufferings of this present life, are not comparable to the glory that shall be revealed: if thou sufferest with him, thou shalt also reign with him: thou canst not answer for what thou hast already done; nevertheless, the gate of mercy is not quite shut, take heed that thou heapest not sin upon sin, least thou repent when it will be too late.’

Now was Spira in a wilderness of doubts, not knowing which way to turn him, nor what to do, yet being arrived in his own country, and amongst his friends, with shame enough he relates what he had done, and what he had further promised to do; and now the terrors of God on the one side, and the terrors of this world on the other side, did continually rack him; and therefore he desired of them advice in this so doubtful a case; his friends up­on small deliberation answered; that it was requisite he should take heed that he did not in any wise betray his wife and children, and all his friends into danger, seeing that by so small a matter as the reciting of a little schedule, which might be done in less space than half an hour, he might both free himself from present danger, and preserve many that depended upon him; adding moreover, that he could get no credit in relenting from that which he had already in greatest part performed before the legate at Ve­nice, [Page 13] and that in the perfect accomplishing thereof, little or no discredit could arise more than what by the former action already he had sustained: on the other side, if he did not perform his promise made to the legate, he could neither discharge himself of the shame which he had alrea­dy incurred; nor avoid far more heavy and insupportable injuries, than probably he should have endured, if he had persisted obstinately in his former opinions.

This was the last blow of the battle, and Spira utterly overcome, goes to the Praetor, and proffers to perform his 'foresaid promise made to the legate, who in the mean time had taken order to have all things ready, and had sent the instrument of abjuration signed by Spira, to the Praetor, by the hands of a certain priest. All that night the miserable man wears out with restless cares, without any minute of rest; the next morning being come, he gets up, and being ready, he desperately enters into the public congregation, where mass being finished, in the presence of friends and enemies, and of the whole assem­bly; being by estimation near two thousand people; yea, and of heaven itself, he recites that infamous abjuration, word for word, as it was written: it being done, he was fined at thirty pieces of gold, which he presently paid: five whereof were given to the priest that brought the abjuration, the other twenty-five were employed towards the making of a shrine to put the eucharist in; then was he sent home restored to his dignities; goods, wife and children: No sooner was he departed, but he thought he heard a direful voice, saying to him; Thou wicked wretch, thou hast denied me, thou hast renounced the Covenant of thy Obedience, thou hast broken thy vow; hence Apostate bear with thee the sentence of thy eternal damnation: he trem­bling and quaking in body and mind, fell down in a swoon; relief was at hand for the body, but from that time for­wards [Page 14] he never found any peace or ease of his mind; but continuing in incessant torments, he professed that he was captivated under the revenging hand of the great God: that he heard continually that fearful sentence of Christ, that just Judge: that he knew he was utterly undone: that he could neither hope for grace, nor Christ's inter­cession with God the Father in his behalf, thus was his fault ever heavy in his heart, and ever his judgment before his eyes.

Now began his friends some of them to repent too late of his rash counsel; others not looking so high as the judgment of God, laid all the blame upon his melancho­lic constitution; that overshadowed his judgment, wrought in him a kind of madness: every one censured as his fan­cy led him, yet for remedy all agreed in this, to use both the wholesome help of physicians, and the pious advice of divines, and therefore thought it meet to convey him to Padua, an university of note, where plenty of all manner of means was to be had: this they accordingly did, both with his wife, children, and whole family; others also of his friends accompanied him: and being arrived at the house of one James Ardin, in St. Leonard's parish, they sent for three physicians of most note, who upon due ob­servation of the effects, and of other symptoms of his dis­ease, and some private conference one with another, among themselves, returned their verdict in this manner, viz. That they could not discern that his body was afflict­ed with any danger or distemper originally from itself, by reason of the over-ruling of any humour; but that this malady of his did arise from some grief, or passion of his mind, which being overburdened, did so oppress the spi­rits, as they wanting free passage, stirred up many ill hu­mours whereof the body of man is full; and these ascend­ing up into the brain, troubled the fancy, shadowed the [Page 15] seat of the judgment, and so corrupted it: this was the state of his disease, and that outward part that was visible to the eye of nature, this they endeavoured to reform by purgation, either to consume, or at least to divert the course of these humours from the brain; but all their skill effect­ed nothing, upon which Spira said: ‘Alas poor men how far wide are you; do you think that this disease is to be cured by potions? believe me there must be another manner of medicine, it is neither potions, plaisters, nor druggs, that can help a fainting soul cast down with sense of sin and the wrath of God; it is only Christ that must be the physician, and the Gospel the sole antidote.’

The physicians easily believed him after they had un­derstood the whole truth of the matter, and therefore they wished him to seek some spiritual comfort. By this time the fame of this man was spread over all Padua, and the neighbouring country, partly for that he was a man of es­teem, partly because as the disease, so the occasion was especially remarkable; for this was not done in a corner: so as daily there came multitudes of all sorts to see him: some out of curiosity only to see and discourse; some out of a pious desire to try all means that might reduce him to comfort again; or at least to benefit themselves by such a spectacle of misery, and of the justice of God. Amongst these Paulus Vergerius, bishop of Justinopolis, and Mat­theus Gribauldus deserve especially to be named as the most principal labourers for this man's comfort. They find him now about fifty years of age, neither affected with the dotage of old age, nor with the unconstant head-strong passion of youth, but in the strength of his experience and judgment; in a burning heat, calling excessively for drink; yet his understanding active, quick of apprehension, witty in discourse, above his ordinary manner, and judiciously [Page 16] opposite; his friends laboured him by all fair means to receive some nourishment, which he obstinately gain-say­ing, they forcibly infused some liquid sustenance into his mouth, most of which he spit out again; exceedingly chaf­fing, and in this fretting mood of his; As it is true, ‘that all things work for the best to those that love God,’ so to the wicked all are contrary; ‘for whereas a plentiful off-spring is the blessing of God, and his reward being a stay to the weak estate of their aged parents, to me they are a cause of bitterness and vexation; they do strive to make me tire out this misery: I would fain be at an end, I deserve not this dealing at their hands; Oh! that I were gone from hence, that some-body would let out this weary soul.’

His friends saluted him, and asked him, what he con­ceived to be the cause of his disease; forthwith he brake out into a lamentable discourse of the passages formerly related, and that with such passionate elocution, that he caused many to weep, and most to tremble. They con­trarily to comfort him propounded many of God's pro­mises recorded in the scripture, and many examples of God's mercy: My sin (said he) is greater than the mercy of God. Nay, answered they, the mercy of God is above all sin: God would have all men to be saved: ‘It is true (quoth he) he would have all that he hath elected to be saved; he would not have damned reprobates to be saved: I am one of that number; I know it, for I willingly and against my knowledge denied Christ, and I feel that He hardens, and will not suffer me to hope.’

After some silence, one asked him whether he did not believe that doctrine to be true, for which he was accused before the legate? he answered; ‘I did believe it when I denied it, but now I neither believe that, nor the doctrine of the Romish Church; I believe nothing, I [Page 17] have no faith, no trust, no hope: I am a reprobate like Cain or Judas who casting away all hope of mercy fell into despair, and my friends do me great wrong, that they suffer me not to go to the place of unbelievers, as I justly deserve.’

Here they began sharply to rebuke him; requiring, and charging him that in any ways he did not violate the mer­cy of God, to which he answered; ‘The mercy of God is exceeding large, and extends to all the elect, but not to me, or any like to me, who are [...]ea [...]ed up to wrath, I tell you I deserve it, my own conscience condemns me: what needeth any other judge?’ Christ came (said they) to take away sin, Rom. ii. 14. and calling for a book, they read unto him the passion of Christ, and coming to his nailing to the Cross, Spira said, ‘This in­deed is comfortable to such as are elected, but as for me wretch, they are nothing but grief and torment be­cause I contemned them.’ Thus roaring for grief, and tossing himself up and down upon the bed as he lay, he entreated them to read no more. As Gribauldus was coming to see him, Vergerius said to Spira, dear Sir, here is doctor Gribauldus, a godly and faithful friend of yours, come to see you: ‘He is welcome, said he, but he shall find me ill:’ Gribauldus replied, Sir, this is but an il­lusion of the devil, who doth what he can to vex you; but turn you to God with your whole heart and he is ready to show you mercy: The Lord you know is full of mer­cy, it is he that hath said, that as often as a sinner repents of his sin, He will remember his sins no more. Consider this in the example of Peter, that was Christ's familiar, and an apostle, and yet denied him thrice with an oath, and yet God was merciful unto him: Consider the thief, that spent his whole life in wickedness, and for all that did not God graciously respect him in the last minute of his [Page 18] life? Is the Lord's hand now shortened, that it cannot save? To this Spira answered: ‘If Peter grieved and repented, it was because Christ beheld him with a merciful eye, and in that he was pardoned, it was not because he wept, but because God was gracious to him; but God respects not me, and therefore I am a reprobate: I feel no comfort can enter into my heart, there is no place there but only for torments and vexings of spirit: I tell you my case is properly my own, no man was ever in the like plight and therefore my estate is fearful.’

Then roaring out in the bitterness of his spirit, said, ‘It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God:’ the violence of his passion and action suitable, did amaze many of the beholders; insomuch as some of them said with a whispering voice, that he was possessed; he over-hearing it, said, ‘Do ye doubt it? I have a whole legion of devils that take up their dwelling within me and possess me as their own, and justly too, for I have denied Christ.’ We would ask whether you did that willingly or not? (said they) ‘That's nothing to the purpose (said Spira) Christ saith, Whosoever de­nies me before men, him will I deny before my Father which is in heaven. Christ will not be denied, no, not in a word, and therefore it is enough tho' in heart I never denied him.’

They observing his distemper to arise from the sense and horror of the pains of hell, asked whether he thought there were worse pain than what he endured for the pre­sent, he said, ‘that he knew there were far worse pains than those that he then suffered, for the wicked shall rise to their judgment, but they shall not stand in judg­ment; Psal. i. This I tremble to think of, yet do I desire nothing more than that I might come to that peace where I may be sure to feel the worst, and to be freed from the fear of worse to come.’

[Page 19]Aye, but you are to consider (said one) that those opi­nions for which you are accused before the legate, were impious, and therefore you are not to think you denied Christ, but rather that you confessed him, acknowledging the infallible truth of the Catholic Church. "Truly (said he) when I did deny those opinions, I did think them to be true, and yet I did deny them.

Go to (said others) now then, believe that they are true. ‘Now I cannot (said he) God will not suffer me to believe them, nor trust in his mercy. What would you have me do? I would fain attain to this power but cannot, though I should presently burn for it.’ But why do you, (said the other) esteem this so grievous a sin, when as the learned legate constrained you to it, which you surely would not have done if your former opinions had not been erroneous; no good Francis, the devil besets thee, let not therefore the grievousness of thy sin (if any such be) amaze thee. ‘You say right, re­plied he, the devil hath possest me, and God hath left me to his power, for I find I can neither believe the Gospel nor trust in God's mercy. I have sinned against the holy Ghost, and God by his immutable decree hath bound me over to perpetual punishment, without any hope of pardon. It is true that the greatness of sins, or the multitude of them, cannot bind God's mercy, all those sins that in the former part of my life I have committed, then did not so much trouble me, for I trusted God would not lay them to my charge. Now having sinned against the holy Ghost, God hath taken away from me all power of repentance, and brings all my sins to remembrance, and guilty of one, guilty of all. And therefore it is no matter whether my sins be great or small, few or many: They be such as that nei­ther Christ's blood, nor God's mercy belongs to me. [Page 20] God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy; and whom he will he hardeneth: This is it that gnaws my heart, he hath hardned me, and I find that he daily more and more doth harden me, and therefore I am out of hope: I feel it, therefore cannot but despair. I tell you there never was such a monster as I am, never was any man alive a spectacle of exceeding misery. I knew that justification is to be expected by Christ, and I denied and abjured it, to the end I might keep this frail life from adversity, and my children from poverty; and now behold how bitter this life is to me, and God only knows what shall become of this my family; but sure no good is likely to betide it, but worse and worse: and such a ruin at length as one stone shall not be left up­on another.’ But why should you said Gribauldus con­ceit so deeply of your sin, seeing you cannot but know that many have denyed Christ, yet never fell into despair: ‘Well said he, I can see no ground of comfort for such, neither can I warrant them from Gods revenging hand in wrath; though it pleaseth God yet to suffer such to be in peace; and besides, there will a time of danger come, and then they shall be throughly tryed, and if it were not so, yet God is just in making me an example to others: And I cannot justly complain, there is no punishment so great but I have deserved it, for this so heinous offence: I as­sure you it is no small matter to deny Christ, and yet it is more ordinary then commonly men do conceive of; it is not a denial made before a Magistrate, as it is with me, for as often as a Christian doth dissemble the known truth; as often as he approves of false worship by pre­senting himself at it, so often as he hath not things wor­thy of his calling, or such things as are unworthy of his calling, so often he denies Christ; thus did I, and there­fore am justly punished for it.’ Your estate (quoth [Page 21] Gribauldus) is not so strange as you make it. Job was so far gone that he complained God hath set him as a mark against him, and David that was a man after Gods own heart, complained often that God had forsaken him, and was become his enemy, yet both received comfort again. Comfort yourself therefore, God will come at length tho' he now seem far off.

‘O Brother (answered Spira I believe all this; the de­vils believe and tremble; but David was ever elected and dearly beloved of God; and though he fell, yet God took not utterly away his holy Spirit: and there­fore was heard when he prayed, Lord take not thy holy Spirit from me: but I am in another case, being ever accursed from the presence of God: neither can I pray as he did, because his holy spirit is quite gone, and can­not be recalled; and therefore I know I shall live in continual hardness so long as I live: O that I might feel but the least sense of the love of God to me though but for one small moment, as I now feel his heavy wrath that burns like the torments of hell within me and afflicts my conscience with pangs unutterable; verily desperation is hell itself.’

Here Gribauldus said, I do verily believe, Spira, that God having so severely chastised you in this life, correcteth you in mercy here, that he may spare you there, after that he hath mercies sealed up for you in time to come.

‘Nay (said Spira) hence do I know that I am a re­probate, because he afflicteth me with hardness of heart Oh that my body had suffered all my life long, so that he would be pleased to release my Soul, and ease my con­science, this burdened conscience.’

Gribauldus being desirous to ease his mind from the con­tinual meditation of his sin; as also to sound how for the present he stood affected to the Romish Church; asked him [Page 22] what he thought become of the Souls of men so soon as they departed out of the body, to which he answered.

‘Although this be not so fully revealed in Scripture; yet I verily believe that the souls of the elect go presently to the Kingdom of Glory; and not that they sleep with the body as some do imagine.’

Very well; said one of the Spectators, why do the Scrip­tures then say that God brings down to hell, and raiseth up? 1 Sam. 2.6. seeing it cannot be meant of the estate of the Soul after death, which as thou sayest, either goeth to hea­ven without change or to hell without redemption: it must be understood of the estate of the soul in this life; like that wherein thou art at this present: and oftentimes we see that God suffers men to fall into the jaws of despair, and yet raiseth them up again, and therefore despair not, but hope it shall be even thus with thee in his good time.

This is the work (quoth Spira) this is the labour; for ‘I tell you when I at Venice did first abjure my profession and so, as it were drew an indenture, the spirit of God often admonish'd me and when at Citadella, I did, as it were, set to my seal; the Spirit of God often sugges­ted to me, Do not write Spira, do not seal; yet I resis­ted the holy Ghost, and did both; and at that very present I did evidently feel a wound inflicted in my very will, so although I can say, I would believe; yet can I not say I will believe; God hath denyed me the power of will; and it befalls me in this my miserable estate, as with one that is fast in irons, and his friends coming to see him, do pity his estate, and do persuade him to shake off his fetters, and to come out of his bonds which, God knows, he would fain do, but cannot: this is my very case, you persuade me to believe, how fain would I do it but cannot.’ Then violently grasping his hands together, and raising himself up, ‘Behold (said he) [Page 23] I am strong, yet by little and little I decay and consume, and my servants would fain preserve this weary life, but at length the will of God must be done, and I shall perish miserably, as I deserve. Rejoice ye Righteous in the Lord; blessed are you whose hearts the Lord hath molified.’

Then after some pause; ‘It is wonderful, I earnestly desire to pray to God with my heart, yet I cannot; I see my damnation, and I know my remedy is only in Christ, yet I cannot set myself to hold on it; such are the punishments of the damned; they confess what I con­fess, they repent of their loss of Heaven; and cannot mend their ways.’

As he was thus speaking, he observed divers Flies that came about him, and some lighted on him: ‘Behold, said he, now also Beelzebub comes to his banquet; you shall shortly see my end, and in me an example to many of the justice and judgment of God.’

About this time came in two Bishops, with divers Schol­lars of the University, one of them being Paulus Vergerius, having observed Spira more than any other, being continu­ally conversant with him: told him his estate was such as rather stood in need of prayer then advice, and therefore desired him to pray with him in the Lords prayer: Spira consented, and he began.

(Our Father which art in Heaven) then breaking forth into tears he stooped, but they said it is well, your grief is a good sign. "I bewail (said he) my misery, for I perceive I am forsaken of God and cannot call to him from my heart as I was wont to do; yet let us go on, said Vergerius.

(Thy Kingdom come) O Lord (said Spira) bring me also in this kingdom; I beseech thee shut me not out. Then coming to those words (Give us this day our daily bread) he added, ‘O Lord I have enough and abundance to feed [Page 24] this carcass of mine; but there is another bread I hum­bly beg the bread of thy grace, without which I know I am but a dead man.’

‘(Lead us not into temptation) seeing Lord that I am brought into temptation, help me Lord that I may escape; the enemy hath overcome, help me I beseech thee to over­come this cruel tyrant.’

These things he spake with a mournful voice, the tears trickling down abundantly; and expressing such affections and passion, as turned the bowels of those there present, with grief and compunction: they then turning to Spira, said, You know that none can call Christ Jesus the Lord but by the holy Ghost: you must therefore think of your­self, according to that soft affection which you express in your prayers, inferring thereby that God hath not wholly cast you off, or bereaved you of this Spirit utterly.

‘I perceive, said Spira, that I call on him to my eter­nal damnation, for I tell you again, it is a new and un­heard of example that you find in me:’ If Judas (said they) had but out-lived his days, which by nature he might have done, he might have repented, and Christ would have received him to mercy; and yet he sinned most grievously against his Master which did so esteem of him, as to honour him with the dignity of an Apostle, and did maintain and feed him: He answered, ‘Christ did al­so feed and honour me, neither yet is my fault one jot less than that of his, because it is no more honour to be personally present with Christ in the flesh, then to be in his presence now by illumination of his holy Spirit: And besides, I deny that ever Judas could have repented, how long soever he had lived; for grace was quite taken from him, as it is taken from me.’

O Spira (said they) you know you are in a spiritual desertion; you must therefore not believe what Satan sug­gests; [Page 25] he was ever a lyar from the beginning, and a meer imposture, and will cast a thousand lying fancies into your mind, to beguile you withal, you must rather believe those whom you judge to be in a good estate and more able to discern of you than yourself; believe us, and we tell you, that God will be merciful unto you.

O here is the knot (said Spira) I would I could believe, but I cannot.

Then he began to reckon up what fearful dreams and visions, he was continually troubled withal; that he saw the devils come flocking to his chamber and about his bed, terrifying him with strange noises; that these were not fancies, but that he saw them as realy as the standers by; and that besides these outward terrors he felt continual butch­ery of his conscience, being the very proper pangs of the damn'd wights in hell.

Cast off these fancies (said Gribauldus) these are but il­lusions, humble yourself in the presence of God and praise him. ‘The dead praise not the Lord (answered he) nor they that go down into the pit: we that are drowned in despair, are dead and are already gone down into the pit: what hell can there be worse then desperation; or what greater punishment? the gnawing worm, unquench­able fire, horror confusion and (which is worse than all) desparation itself continually tortures me, and now I count my present estate worse than if my soul (separated from my body) were with Judas and the rest of the damn'd. And therefore, I now desire rather to be there than thus to live in the body.’

One being present, repeated certain words out of the Psalms 89.30. If thy children forsake my law and walk not in my judgments I will visit their transgressions with rods, and their iniquity with stripes; nevertheless my lov­ing kindness will I not utterly take from them, nor suffer [Page 26] my faithfulness to fail: mark this, O Spira, my Covenant I will not break.

‘These promises (said Spira) belong only to the elect, which if tempted, may fall into sin, but are again lifted up and recovered out: as the prophet saith, Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord uphold­eth him: therefore Peter could rise for he was elected; but the reprobates when they fall cannot rise again, as appears in Cain, Saul, and Judas: God deals one way with the elect, and another with reprobates.’

The next day he prayed with them in the Latin tongue, and that with excellent affection, as outwardly appeared. Blessed be God, said Vergerius, these are no signs of eter­nal reprobation; you must not, O Spira, seek out the se­cret counsels of Gods election and reprobation; for no man can know, so long as he lives, whether by his good or bad deeds, he be worthy of Gods love or anger: Do ye not know that the Prophet David complained, that God had cast off his Soul?

‘I know all this, quoth Spira, I know the mercies of God are infinite, and do surpass the sins of the whole world, and that they are effectual to all that believe, but this faith, and this hope, is the gift of God: O that he would give it me! But it is as impossible as to drink up the Sea at a draught. As for that of Solomon, if he had ever tryed that which I feel by woful experience, he would never have spoken as he did: But the truth is, never had mortal man such an evident experience, of Gods anger and hatred against him as I have. You that are in a good estate, think repentance and faith to be a work of great facility: and therefore you think it an easy matter to perswade a man to believe. The whole need not the Physician, and he that is well can soon give counsel to such as are ill: But this is the hell to me, [Page 27] my heart is hardned, I cannot believe: Many are cal­led, but few are chosen.’

Upon what ground, said they, do ye conceive so ill an opinion of your self

‘I once did know God to be my Father, not only by creation, but by regeneration; I knew him by his be­loved Son, the Author and finisher of our salvation; I could pray to him and hope for pardon of sins from him: I had a taste of his sweetness, peace and comfort; now contrarily, I know God not as a Father, but as an ene­my: What more? my heart hates God, and seeks to get above him, I have nothing else to fly to but ter­ror and despair.’

It's like you think, said they, that those who have the earnest and first fruits of God's Spirit may notwithstanding fall away?

‘The judgments of God are a deep abyss, (said he,) we are soon drowned if we enter into them; he that thinks he standeth, let him take heed lest he fall: As for myself, I know I am fallen back, and that I once did know the truth, though it may not be so throughly: I know not what to say, but that I am one of that number which God hath threatned to tear in pieces.’

Say not so, answered they, for God may come though at the last hour; keep hold therefore at the least by hope.

‘This (quoth he) is my case. I tell you I cannot God hath deprived me of hope; this brings terror to my mind, and pines this body which is so weak, as it can­not perform the several Offices thereof: for as the Elect have the Spirit testifying that they are the sons of God, the reprobates even while they live, do often feel a worm in their conscience, whereby they are condemned already: and therefore as soon as I perceived this wound inflicted on my mind and will, I knew that I wanted the gifts [Page 28] of saving grace, and that I was utterly undone; God chastneth his children with temperate afflictions, that they may come as gold out of the fire; but punisheth the wicked with blindness in their understandings and hardness of heart, and woe be to such, from whom God, takes his holy Spirit:’

Here one rebuked him, and told him, he gave two much credit to sense, that he was not to believe himself but rather him that was in a good estate, and I testify to you (said he) that God will be merciful to you.

Nay (answered he) for because I am in this ill estate; there­fore can I believe nothing but what is contrary to my salva­tion and comfort; but you that are so confident of your good estate, look that it be true, for it is no such small matter to be assured of sincerity: a man had need be exceeding strongly grounded in the truth, before he can be able to affirm such a matter as you now do; it is not the performance of a few out­ward duties, but a mighty constant labour, with all intenti­on of heart and affection with full desire and endeavour, con­tinually to set forth God's glory; there must be neither Fear of Legates, Inquisitors, prisons nor any death whatsoever; many think themselves happy that are not; it is not every one that saith, Lord, Lord, that shall go to heaven.

They came another day and found him with his eyes shut, as if he had been drouzy, and very loath to discourse; at which time there came in also a grave man from Cittadella; who demanded of Spira, if he knew him, or not; he lifting up his eye lids and not suddenly remem­bring him, the man said to him; I am presbyter Antonie Fontania; I was with you at Venice, about eight weeks since: 'O cursed day! (said Spira) O cursed day! O that I had never gone thither! Would God I had then dyed!'

Afterwards came in a Priest, called Bernardinus Sar­donius, [Page 29] bringing with him a book of Exorcisms to con­jure this devil, whom when Spira saw, shaking his head, he said, ‘I am verily perswaded, indeed, that God hath left me to the power of the devil; but such they are, as are not to be found in your Littany; neither will they be cast out by spells.’ The Priest proceeding in his in­tended purpose, with a strange uncouth gesture, and a loud voice, abjured the spirit to come into Spira's tongue, and to answer: Spira deriding his fruitless labour, with a sigh, turned from him. A Bishop there present said to Spira, Brother, God hath put virtue into the Word and Sacraments, and we have used the one means, and find not that effect which we desire; shall we try the efficacy of the Sacraments, Surely, if you take it as a true Christian ought to receive, the body and blood of Christ, it will prove a so­vereign medicine for your sick soul.

‘This I cannot do, answered he, for they that have no right to the promises, have no right to the seals. The Eucharist was appointed only for Believers, if we have not faith, we eat and drink judgment to ourselves: I received it about a month since, but I did not well in so doing, for I took it by constraint, and so I took it to my deeper condemnation.’

Here Vergerius began to importune him earnestly to be­ware that he did not wilfully resist grace, and put himself out of Heaven, charging him vehemently, by all the love that was between them, by the love which he bare to his Children; yea, to his own soul, that he would set himself seriously, to return to that faith and hope, which once he had in the death of Christ: With many such like words, Spira having heard much of the like matter formerly, and being somewhat moved, said, You do but repeat, Verge­rius, Why should I hope? why should I believe? God hath taken Faith from me; shew me then whither I shall [Page 30] go, shew me a Haven whereto I shall retire. You tell me of Christs intercession, I have denyed him; you command me to believe, I say I cannot; you bring me no comfort; your command is as impossible for me to obey, as to keep the Moral Law. If you should perswade one to love God with all his heart, soul and strength, and God gives him not power, can he perform your desire? Do not the Church teach us to sing, direct us, O Lord, to love thy command­ments? Hypocrites say that they love God with all their heart, but they lie; for my part, I will not lie, but tell you plainly, such is my case, that though you should ne­ver so much importune me to hope or believe, though I desire, yet I cannot, for God as a punishment of my wick­edness hath taken away from me all his saving graces, faith hope, and all; I am not the man therefore that you take me for; its like you think I delight in this estate, if I could conceive but the least spark of hope of a better estate here­after, I would not refuse to endure the heavy weight of the wrath of that great God: yea, for twenty thousand years, so that I might at length attain to the end of that misery, which I now know will be eternal: But I tell you my will is wounded, who longs more to believe than I do? but all the ground-work of hope is gone, for if the testimonies of holy Scriptures be true (as they are certainly true) is not this true, Whosoever denies me before men, him, saith Christ, will I deny before my Father which is in hea­ven? is not this justly my case as if it had been intended against this very person of mine? And I pray you, what shall become of such as Christ denyeth, seeing there is no other Name under Heaven whereby you look to be saved; What said St. Paul to the Hebrews? It is impossible for those who were once enlightned, and have tasted of the heaven­ly gift, and were partakers of the holy Ghost, if they fall a­way, to be renewed to repentance. What can be more plain [Page 31] against me? Is not that Scripture also: If we sin wilfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth there re­maineth no more sacrifice for sins, but a certain looking for of judgment? the Scriptures speaks of me, St. Paul means me, St. Peter tells me, It had been better I had never known the way of righteousness than after I have known, to return from the holy commandments, it had been better I had not known, and yet then my condemnation had been most certain. Do you not see evidently, that I have denyed the known truth; I may justly expect not only damnation, but worse if worse be imagined. God would have me undergo the just punishment of my sin, and make me an example of his wrath for your sake.

The company present, admired his discourse, so grievous­ly accusing himself of his fore past life; so gravely and wisely relating, concerning the judgments of God that they then were convinced, that it was not frenzy or madness, that had possessed him: and being as it were, in admira­tion of his estate, Spira proceeded again in this manner. Take heed to yourselves, it is no light or easy matter to be a Christian; it is not Baptism, or reading of the Scrip­tures, or boasting of faith in Christ (though even these are good) that can prove one to be an absolute Christian: you know what I said before; there must be a conformity in life, a Christian must be strong unconquerable, not car­rying an obscure profession, but resolutely expressing the Image of Christ and holding out against all oppositions to the last breath: he must give all diligence by righteous­ness, and holiness, to make his calling and election sure: many there are that snatch at the promises in the Gospel, as if they undoubtedly did belong to them, and yet they remain sluggish, and fearless, and being flattered by the things of this present world, they pass in their course with quietness and security, as if they were only happy men; [Page 32] whom nevertheless the Lord in his providence hath or­dained to eternal wrath; as you may see in S. Luke's rich man: thus it was with me, therefore take heed.

Then came one of his nephews and offered him some sustenance, which he disdainfully refusing, so moved the young man's choler, that he charged him with hypocrisy and dissimulation, or frenzy; to whom Spira gravely answering said, ‘You may interpret the matter as you will; but I am sure, I am not only the actor, but the argument, and matter of the tragedy I would it was frenzy either fained or true, for if it were fained or true I could puff it off at pleasure, if it were a real frenzy yet there was some hope left of God's mercy, whereas there is none, for I know that God hath pronounced me an enemy, and guilty of high treason against his majesty; I am cast away, a vessel of wrath, yet dare you call it dis­sembling and frenzy; and can mock at the formida­ble example of the wrath of God that should teach you fear and terror: but it is natural to the flesh, either out of malice or ignorance, to speak perversely of the works of God. The natural man discerneth not of the things that are of God, because they are spiritually discerned.’

How can this be, said Gribauldus, that you can thus excellently discourse of the judgments of God, and of the graces of his Holy Spirit, that you find the want of them, and earnestly desire them, and yet you think you are ut­terly depriv'd of them.

‘Take this for certain, saith he, I want the main grace of all and that which is absolutely necessary, and God doth many times extort most true and strange tes­timonies of his majesty justice and mercy; yea, out of the mouths of very reprobates, for even Judas, after he had betrayed his master, was constrained to confess his sin, and to justify the innocency of Christ; and therefore if I do the like, it is no new or strange mat­ter. [Page 33] God hath taken faith from me, and left me other common gifts, for my deeper condemnation: by how much the more I remember what I had, and hear others discourse of what they have, by so much the more is my torment, in that I know what I want, and that there is no way to be relieved.’ Thus spake he, the tears all the while trickling down; professing that his pangs were such, as that the damned wights in hell endure not the like misery: that his estate was worse, than that of Cain or Judas, and therefore he desired to die. Yet be­hold, said he, the scriptures are accomplished in me, They shall desire to die, and death shall fly from them. And verily, he seemed exceedingly to fear, lest his life should be drawn out to a longer thread; and finding no ease or relief, ever and anon cried out, O miserable wretch, O miserable wretch! then turning to the company, he be­sought them in this manner. ‘O brethren! take a di­ligent heed to your life, make more account of the gifts of God's Spirit than I have done; learn to beware by my misery; think not you are assured Christians, be­cause you understand something of the Gospel: take heed you grow not secure on that ground, be constant and immoveable in the maintenance of your profession: Confess even until death, if you be called thereto: He that loveth father, mother, brother, sister, sons, daugh­ters, kindred, houses, lands, more than Christ, is not worthy of him.’ These words, said they, do not sound like the words of a wicked reprobate. ‘I do but here imitate, said Spira, the rich glutton in the Gospel, who though in hell, yet was careful that his brethren should not come to that place of torment: And I say to you brethren, take heed of this miserable estate wherein I am.’ Then turning himself to certain young men that were present, he desired them to conceive him aright. ‘I [Page 34] do not speak this to derogate from the certainty of saving faith and the promises of the Gospel, for they are more sure; but take heed of relying on that faith that works not a holy and unblameable life worthy of a believer: credit me, it will fail, I have tried it, I presumed I had gotten the right faith, I preached it to others, I had all places of scripture in memory that might support it: I thought myself sure, and in the mean time lived impi­ously and carelesly: behold now the judgments of God have overtaken me, not to correction, but to condem­nation: And now you will have me to believe, but it will not be; for I feel too late that good things belongs only to such as are good, whose sins are cover'd with Christ's death and blood as with a veil, and guarded with his righteous merits from the flood of God's wrath, even as with a mighty wall, lest miserable mortals should be swallowed up with the greatness of their sin: but as for me, I have as it were, wilfully with my hands pulled down this Rampire, behind which I might have rested in safety; and now are the swelling waters come even to my soul, and I am cast away.’ One of his familiar friends chanced to say, that certainly he was overcome with melancholly, which being overheard, Spira answered:

‘Well, be it so, seeing you will needs have it so; thus also is Gods wrath manifested against me, in that he hath taken from me the use of mine understanding and reason, so as I can neither rightly esteem and judge of my distemper, nor hope of remedy. You see brethren what a dangerous thing it is, to stop or stay in things that concern Gods glory; especially to dissemble upon any terms. What a fearful thing is it to be near, and almost a Christian? Never was the like example to this of mine; and therefore if you be wise, you will serious­ly [Page 35] consider thereof. Oh that God would let loose his hand for me, that it were with me now as in times past, I would scorn the threats of the most cruel tyrant, bear torments with invincible resolution, and glory in the outward professions of Christ till I were choaked in the flame, and my body consumed to ashes.’

You say you are desperate, O Spira, (said they) why then do you not strive with some weapon or other violently to make an end of your life, as desperate men use to do? Let me have a sword (said Spira) why what would you do with it? (quoth they.) ‘I cannot tell you (said he) what this mind would move me to upon occasion; nor what I would do.’

They perceiving small effect of all this their labour; but rather that he grew worse; for the avoiding of con­course of people (for every day seldom fewer than 20 con­tinued with him) and to stop the course of fame which was continually blown abroad of him, they consult to car­ry him back again into his own country: and those his friends that came to comfort him, began to take their leaves of him: Vergerius among the rest required that at their parting they might pray together with him: Spira hardly consented, and as unwillingly performed: for he said, ‘My heart is estranged from God, I cannot call him Father, from my heart; all good motions are now quite gone, my heart is full of malediction, hatred, and blasphemy against God; I find I grow more and more hardened in heart, and cannot stoop and help myself; your prayers for me shall turn to your own benefit, they can do me no good.’

Vergerius came to take his leave of him, whom Spira embracing, said, ‘Although I know that nothing can bring any benefit to me a reprobate, but that every thing shall tend to my deeper condemnation; yet I give you [Page 36] most hearty thanks for your kind office of love and good will; and the Lord return it to you with a plentiful increase to all good.’

The next day being brought down to his intended jour­ney, by the way looking round about him with a ghastly look, he saw a knife lying on a table, to which he running hastily snatched hold of, as intending to mischief himself, but his friends laying hold of him, stopped him in his pur­pose: whereupon with indignation he said, ‘I would I were above God, for I know he will have no mercy on me!’

Thus went he homewards, often saying, that he envi­ed the condition of Cain and Judas. He lay about eight weeks in this case in a continual burning, neither desiring nor receiving any thing but by force, and that without di­gestion, was so spent that he appear'd a perfect anatomy, expressing to view nothing but sinews and bones; vehe­mently raged for drink; ever pining, yet fearful to live long; dreaded hell, yet coveting death in a continual tor­ment, yet his own tormentor: and thus consuming him­self with grief and horror, impatience and despair, like a living man in hell; he represented an extraordinary ex­ample of the justice and power of God: and thus (as far as appeareth) within a few days after his arrival at his own home, he departed this present life. Yet an occa­sion to make us remember that secret things belong unto the Lord our God; but charity to man, to teach him to hope all things.