An account of the life of the late Reverend Mr. David Brainerd, Minister of the Gospel, missionary to the Indians, from the Honourable Society in Scotland, for the Propagation of Christian Knowledge, and Pastor of a church of Christian Indians in New-Jersey. Who died at Northampton in New-England, Octob. 9th 1747. in the 30th year of his age: / chiefly taken from his own diary, and other private writings, written for his own use; ; and now published, by Jonathan Edwards, A.M. Minister of the Gospel at Northampton. Brainerd, David, 1718-1747. Approx. 903 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 353 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI : 2004-12. N05034 N05034 Evans 6311 APW4142 6311 99010110

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 Early American Imprints, 1639-1800 ; no. 6311. (Evans-TCP ; no. N05034) Transcribed from: (Readex Archive of Americana ; Early American Imprints, series I ; image set 6311) Images scanned from Readex microprint and microform: (Early American imprints. First series ; no. 6311) An account of the life of the late Reverend Mr. David Brainerd, Minister of the Gospel, missionary to the Indians, from the Honourable Society in Scotland, for the Propagation of Christian Knowledge, and Pastor of a church of Christian Indians in New-Jersey. Who died at Northampton in New-England, Octob. 9th 1747. in the 30th year of his age: / chiefly taken from his own diary, and other private writings, written for his own use; ; and now published, by Jonathan Edwards, A.M. Minister of the Gospel at Northampton. Brainerd, David, 1718-1747. Edwards, Jonathan, 1703-1758, ed. [2], xii, [18], 316 [i.e., 318], [2] p. ; 21 cm. (8vo) Printed for and sold by D. Henchman, in Cornhill., Boston: N.E. : 1749. Error in paging: page numbers 87-88 repeated. List of subscribers, p. [xiii-xxx]. Errata notes, p. xii and 216. Publisher's advertisement, p. [319-320].

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 eng Brainerd, David, 1718-1747. Indians of North America -- Missions. Subscribers' lists. Publishers' catalogues -- Massachusetts -- Boston. 2004-04 Assigned for keying and markup 2004-05 Keyed and coded from Readex/Newsbank page images 2004-07 Sampled and proofread 2004-07 Text and markup reviewed and edited 2004-10 Batch review (QC) and XML conversion

ACCOUNT of the LIFE Of the late Reverend Mr. David Brainerd, Minister of the Gospel,

Missionary to the INDIANS, from the honourable Society in Scotland, for the Propagation of Christian Knowledge, and Pastor of a Church of Christian INDIANS in New-Jersey.

Who died at Northampton in NEW-ENGLAND, Octob. 9th 1747. in the 30th Year of his Age:

Chiefly taken from his own Diary, and other private Writings, written for his own Use; and now published,

By JONATHAN EDWARDS, A. M. Minister of the Gospel at Northampton.

BOSTON: N. E. Printed for and Sold by D. HENCHMAN, in Cornhill. 1749.

The PREFACE.

THERE are two Ways of representing and recommending true Religion and Virtue to the World, which GOD hath made Use of: The one is by Doctrine and Precept; the other is by Instance and Example: Both are abundantly used in the holy Scriptures. Not only are the Grounds, Nature, Design and Importance of Religion clearly exhibited in the Doctrines of Scripture, and it's Exercise and Practice plainly delineated and abundantly enjoin'd and enforc'd in it's Commands and Counsels: But there we have many excellent Examples of Religion, in it's Power and Practice, set before us, in the Histories both of the Old Testament and New — JESUS CHRIST, the great Prophet of God, when he came into the World to be the Light of the World, to teach and enforce true Religion, in a greater Degree than ever had been before, he made Use of both these Methods: In his Doctrine he declared the Mind and Will of God, and the Nature and Properties of that Vertue which becomes Creatures of our Make and in our Circumstances, more clearly and fully than ever it had been before, and more powerfully enforced it by what he declared of the Obligations and Inducements to Holiness; and he also in his own Practice gave a most perfect Example of the Vertue he taught. He exhibited to the World such an illustrious Pattern of Humility, divine Love, discreet Zeal, Self-denial, Obedience, Patience, Resignation, Fortitude, Meekness, Forgiveness, Compassion, Benevolence, and universal Holiness, as neither Men nor Angels ever saw before. God also in his Providence has been wont to make Use of both these Methods to hold forth Light to Mankind, and Inducement to their Duty, in all Ages: He has from Time to Time raised up eminent Teachers, to exhibit and bear Testimony to the Truth in their Doctrine, and oppose the Errors, Darkness and Wickedness of the World; and also has, from Age to Age, raised up some eminent Persons that have set bright Examples of that Religion that is taught and prescribed in the Word of God; whose Examples have in divine Providence been set forth to publick View. These have a great Tendency to engage the Attention of Men to the Doctrines and Rules that are taught, and greatly to confirm and enforce them; and especially when these bright Examples have been exhibited in the same Persons that have been eminent Teachers, so that the World has had Opportunity to see such a Confirmation of the Truth, Efficacy, and Amiableness of the Religion taught, in the Practice of the same Persons that have most clearly and forceably taught it; and above all, when these bright Examples have been set by eminent Teachers in a variety of unusual Circumstances of remarkable Trial; and God has withal remarkably distinguish'd them with wonderful Success of their Instructions and Labours, consisting in glorious Events that have been in many Respects new and strange.

Such an Instance we have in the excellent Person, whose Life is published in the following Pages. His Example is attended with a great Variety of Circumstances, tending to engage the Attention of religious People, especially in these Parts of the World: He was one of distinguish'd natural Abilities; as all are sensible, that had Acquaintance with him: He was a Minister of the Gospel, and one who was called to unusual Services in that Work, whose Ministry was attended with very remarkable and unusual Events, an Account of which has already been given to the Publick; one whose Course of Religion began before the late Times of extraordinary religious Commotion, but yet one that lived in those Times, and went through them, and was very much in the Way of the various extraordinary Effects and unusual Appearances of that Day, and was not an idle Spectator, but had a near Concern in many Things that pass'd at that Time; one that had a very extensive Acquaintance with those that have been the Subjects of the late religious Operations, in many of these British Colonies, in Places far distant one from another, in People of many different Nations, of different Educations, Manners and Customs; one who had peculiar Opportunity of Acquaintance with the false Appearances and Counterfeits of Religion: One who himself was the Instrument of a most remarkable Awakening, and an exceeding wonderful and abiding Alteration and moral Transformation of such Subjects as do peculiarly render the Change rare and astonishing.

In the following Account, the Reader will have Opportunity to see, not only what were the external Circumstances and remarkable Incidents of the Life of this Person, and how he spent his Time from Day to Day, as to his external Behaviour; but also what pass'd in his own Heart, the wonderful Change that he experienced in his Mind and Disposition, the Manner in which that Change was bro't to pass, how it continued, what were it's Consequences in his inward Frames, Thoughts, Affections and secret Exercises, through many Vicissitudes and Trials, from thenceforth for more than eight Years, 'till his Death; and also to see how all ended at last, in his Sentiments, Frame and Behaviour, during a long Season of the gradual and sensible Approach of Death, under a lingring Illness, and what were the Effects of his Religion in dying Circumstances, or in the last Stages of his dying Illness. The Account being written, the Reader may have Opportunity at his Leisure to compare the various Parts of the Story, and deliberately to view and weigh the whole, and consider how far what is related is agreeable to the Dictates of right Reason and the holy Word of God.

I am far from supposing, that Mr. Brainerd's inward Exercises and Experiences, or his external Conduct, were free from all Imperfection: The Example of Jesus Christ is the only Example that ever was set in the human Nature, that was altogether perfect; which therefore is a Rule, to try all other Examples by; and the Dispositions, Frames, and Practices of others must be commended and followed no further, than they were Followers of Christ.

There is one Thing in Mr. Brainerd, easily discernable by the following Account of his Life, that may be called an Imperfection in him, which tho' not properly an Imperfection of a moral Nature, yet may possibly be made an Objection against the extraordinary Appearances of Religion and Devotion in him, by such as seek for Objections against every Thing that can be produced in Favour of true vital Religion; and that is, that he was one who by his Constitution and natural Temper was so prone to Melancholy and Dejection of Spirit. There are some who think that all serious strict Religion is a melancholy Thing, and that what is called Christian Experience, is little else besides melancholy Vapours disturbing the Brain, and exciting enthusiastical Imaginations. But that Mr. Brainerd's Temper or Constitution inclined him to Despondency, is no just Ground to suspect his extraordinary Devotion, as being only the Fruit of a warm Imagination. I doubt not but that all who have well observed Mankind, will readily grant this, that it is not all those who by their natural Constitution or Temper are most disposed to Dejection, that are the Persons who are the most susceptive of lively and strong Impressions on their Imagination, or the most subject to those vehement impetuous Affections, which are the Fruits of such Impressions; but that many who are of a very gay and sanguine natural Temper are vastly more so, and if their Affections are turned into a religious Channel, are much more exposed to Enthusiasm, than many of the former. And as to Mr. Brainerd in particular, notwithstanding his Inclination to Despondency, he was evidently one of that Sort of Persons who usually are the furthest from a teeming Imagination; being one of a penetrating Genius, of clear Thought, of close Reasoning, and a very exact Judgment; as all know, that knew him. As he had a great Insight into human Nature, and was very discerning and judicious in Things in general, so he excell'd in his Judgment and Knowledge of Things in Divinity, but especially in Things appertaining to inward experimental Religion; most accurately distinguishing between real solid Piety and Enthusiasm, between those Affections that are rational and scriptural, having their Foundation in Light and Judgment, and those that are founded in whimsical Conceits, strong Impressions on the Imagination, and those vehement Emotions of the animal Spirits that arise from them. He was exceeding sensible of Men's Exposedness to these Things, how much they had prevailed, and what Multitudes had been deceived by them, of the pernicious Consequences of them, and the fearful Mischief they had done in the Christian World. He greatly abhor'd such a Sort of Religion, and was abundant in bearing Testimony against it, living and dying; and was quick to discern when any Thing of that Nature arose, tho' in it's first Buddings, and appearing under the most fair and plausible Disguises; and had that Talent at describing the various Workings of this imaginary Enthusiastical Religion, evincing the Falseness and Vanity of it, and demonstrating the great Difference between this and true spiritual Devotion, which I scarcely ever knew equalled in any other Person. — And his Judiciousness did not only appear in distinguishing among the Experiences of others, but also among the various Exercises of his own Mind; and particularly in discerning what within himself was to be laid to the Score of Melancholy; in which he exceeded all melancholy Persons that ever I was acquainted with (tho' I have been in the Way of Acquaintance with very many;) which was doubtless owing to a peculiar Strength in his Judgment: 'Tis a rare Thing indeed, that melancholy People are well sensible of their own Disease, and fully convinced that such and such Things are to be ascribed to it, as are indeed it's genuine Operations and Fruits.— Mr. Brainerd did not obtain that Degree of Skill, which he had in this Matter, at once, but gain'd it gradually; as the Reader may discern by the following Account of his Life. In the former Part of his religious Course, he imputed much of that Kind of Gloominess of Mind and those dark Thoughts, to spiritual Desertion, which in the latter Part of his Life, he was abundantly sensible, were owing to the Disease of Melancholy; accordingly he often expresly speaks of them in his Diary as arising from this Cause; and he was often in Conversation speaking of the Difference between Melancholy and godly Sorrow, true Humiliation and spiritual Desertion, and the great Danger of mistaking the one for the other, and the very hurtful Nature of Melancholy, discoursing with great Judgment upon it, and doubtless much more judiciously for what he knew by his own Experience.

But besides what may be argued from Mr Brainerd's Strength of Judgment, 'tis apparent in Fa • t, that he was not a Person of a warm Imagination. His inward Experiences, either in his Convictions or his Conversion, and his religious Views and Impressions thro' the Course of his Life to his Death (of which he has left a very particular Account) none of them consisted in, or were excited by, strong and lively Images formed in his Imagination; there is nothing at all appears of it in his Diary, from Beginning to End: Yes, he told me on his Death Bed, that, altho' once when he was very young in Years and in Experience, he was deceived into a high Opinion of such Things, looking on them as superiour Attainments in Religion, beyond what he had ever arrived to, and was ambitious of them and earnestly sought them, yet he never could obtain them; and that he never in his Life had a strong Impression on his Imagination, of any V • sage, outward Form, external Glory, or any other Thing of that Nature; which Kind of Impressions abound among the wild enthusiastic People of the late and present Day.

As Mr. Brainerd's Religious Impressions, Views and Affections in their Nature were vastly different from Enthusiasm, so were then Effects in him as contrary as possible to the ordinary Effects of that. Nothing so puffs Men up, as Enthusiasm, with a high Conceit of their own Wisdom, Holiness, Eminency and Sufficiency, and makes 'em so bold, forward, assuming, and arrogant: But the Reader will see, that Mr. Brainerd's Religion constantly disposed him to a most mean Tho't of himself, an abasing Sense of his own exceeding Sinfulness, Deficiency, Unprofitableness, and Ignorance; looking on himself as worse than others; disposing him to universal Benevolence, Meekness, and in Honour to prefer others, and to treat all with Kindness and Respect. And when Melancholy prevailed, tho' the Effects of it were very prejudicial to him, yet it had not those Effects of Enthusiasm; but operated by dark and discouraging Thoughts of himself, as ignorant, wicked and wholly unfit for the Work of the Ministry, or even to be seen among Mankind, &c. — Indeed at the Time forementioned, when he had not learn'd well to distinguish between Enthusiasm & solid Religion, he joining and keeping Company with some that were tinged with no small Degree of the former, for a Season partook with them in a Degr • e of their D • spositions and Behaviours; tho' as was observed before, he could not obtain those Things wherein their Enthusiasm it self consisted, and so could not become like 'em in that Respect, however he erroneously desired and sought it. But certainly it is not at all to be wondered at, that a Youth and a young Convert, one that had his Heart so swallowed up in Religion, and so earnestly desired the flourishing of it, but had had so little Opportunity for Reading, Observation and Experience, should for a while be dazzled and deceived with the glaring Appearances of that mistaken Devotion and Zeal; especially considering what the extraordinary Circumstances of that Day were. He told me on his Death-Bed, that while he was in these Circumstances he was out of his Element, and did Violence to himself, while complying, in his Conduct, with Persons of a fierce and imprudent Zeal, from his great Veneration of some that he looked upon much better than himself. So that it would be very unreasonable, that his Error at that Time should nevertheless be esteemed a just Ground of Prejudice against the whole of his Religion, and his Character in general; especially considering, how greatly his Mind was soon changed, and how exceedingly he afterwards lamented his Error, and abhor'd himself for his imprudent Zeal and Misconduct at that Time, even to the breaking of his Heart, and almost to the overbearing and breaking the Strength of his Nature; and how much of a Christian Spirit he shewed, in his condemning himself for that Misconduct, as the Reader will see.

What has been now mentioned of Mr. Brainerd, is so far from being just Ground of Prejudice against what is related in the following Account of his Life, that, if duly considered, it will render the History the more Serviceable. For by his thus joining for a Season with Enthusiasts, he had a more full & intimate Acquaintance with what belonged to that Sort of Religion, and so was under better Advantages to judge of the Difference between that, and the other, which he finally approved and strove to his utmost to promote, in Opposition to it: And hereby the Reader has the more to demonstrate to him, that Mr. Brainerd in his Testimony against it and the Spirit and Behaviour of those that are influenced by it, speaks from impartial Conviction, and not from Prejudice; because therein he openly condemns his own former Opinion and Conduct, on Account of which he had greatly suffered from his Opposers, and for which some continued to Reproach him as long as he lived.

Another Imperfection in Mr. Brainerd, which may be observed in the following Account of his Life, was his being excessive in his Labours; not taking due Care to Proportion his Fatigues to his Strength. Indeed the Case was very often so, and such the seeming Calls of Providence, that it was extremely difficult for him to avoid doing more than his Strength would well admit of; yea, his Circumstances, and the Business of his Mission among the Indians, were such, that great Fatigues and Hardships were altogether inevitable. However, he was finally convinced, that he had err'd in this Matter, and that he ought to have taken more thoro' Care, and been more resolute to withstand Temptations to such Degrees of Labour as injur'd his Health; and accordingly warned his Brother, who succeeds him in his Mission, to be careful to avoid this Error.

Besides the Imperfections already mentioned, it is readily allowed, that there were some Imperfections that ran through his whole Life, and were mixed with all his religious Affections and Exercises, some Mixture of what was natural with that which was spiritual; as it evermore is in the best Saints in this World. Doubtless there was some Influence that natural Temper had in the religious Exercises and Experiences of Mr. Brainerd, as there most apparently was in the Exercises of devout David, and the Apostles Peter, John and Paul: There was undoubtedly very often some Influence of his natural Disposition to Dejection in his religious Mourning, some Mixture of Melancholy with truly godly Sorrow and real Christian Humility, and some Mixture of the natural Fire of Youth with his holy Zeal for God, and some Influence of natural Principles mix'd with Grace in various other Respects, as it ever was and ever will be with the Saints while on this Side Heaven. Perhaps none were more sensible of Mr. Brainerd's Imperfections than he himself; or could distinguish more accurately, than he, between what was natural and what was spiritual. 'Tis easy for the judicious Reader to observe, that his Graces ripen'd, and the religious Exercises of his Heart became more and more pure, and he more and more distinguishing in his Judgment, the longer he liv'd: He had much to teach and purify him, and he failed not to make his Advantage thereby.

But notwithstanding all these Imperfections, I am perswaded, every pious and judicious Reader will acknowledge, that what is here set before him is indeed a remarkable Instance of true and eminent Christian Piety in Heart and Practice; tending greatly to confirm the Reality of vital Religion and the Power of Godliness, most worthy of Imitation, and many Ways tending to the spiritual Benefit of the careful Observer.

'Tis fit, the Reader should be aware, that what Mr. Brainerd wrote in his Diary, out of which the following Account of his Life is chiefly taken, was written only for his own private Use, and not to get Honour and Applause in the World, nor with any Design that the World should ever see it, either while he lived or after his Death, excepting some few Things that he wrote in a dying State, after he had been perswaded (with Difficulty) not entirely to suppress all his private Writings. He shewed himself almost invincibly averse to the Publishing of any Part of his Diary after his Death; and when he was thought to be dying at Boston, gave the most strict peremptory Orders to the Contrary: but being by some of his Friends there prevailed upon to withdraw so strict and absolute a Prohibition, he was pleased finally to yield so far as that his Papers should be left in my Hands, that I might dispose of them as I thought would be most for God's Glory and the Interest of Religion.—But a few Days before his Death, he ordered some Part of his Diary to be destroyed (as will afterwards be observed) which renders the Account of his Life the less compleat. And there are some Parts of his Diary are here left out for Brevity's Sake, that would (I am sensible) have been a great Advantage to the History, if they had been inserted; particularly the Account of his wonderful Successes among the Indians; which for Substance is the same in his private Diary with that which has already been made publick, in the Journal he kept by order of the Society in Scotland, for their Information. That Account, I am of Opinion, would be more entertaining and more profitable, if it were published as it is written in his Diary, in Connection with his secret Religion and the inward Exercises of his Mind, and also with the preceeding and following Parts of the Story of his Life. But because that Account has been Published already, and because the adding it here would make the Book much more bulky and more costly, which might tend to discourage the Purchase and Perusal of it, and so render it less extensively useful, I have therefore omitted that Part. However, this Defect may in a great Measure be made up to the Reader, by his purchasing his publick Journal, and reading it in its Place, with this History of his Life; which undoubtedly would be well worth the while for every Reader, and would richly recompense the additional cost of the Purchase. I hope therefore, that those of my Readers who are not furnished with that Book, will, for their own Profit and Entertainment, and that they may have the Story of this excellent Person more compleat, procure one of those Books; without which he must have a very imperfect View of the most important Part of his Life, and (on some Accounts) of the most remarkable and wonderful Things in it.—I should also observe, that besides that Book, and antecedent to it, there is a Narrative relating to the Indian Affairs, annexed to Mr. Pemberton's Sermon at Mr. Brainerd's Ordination; which likewise may the more profitably be read in Conjunction with his Diary previous to Nov. 5. 1744.

But it is Time to end this Preface, that the Reader may be no longer detain'd from the History it self.

N. B. Those Parts of the following History, that are included between Brackets thus [] are the Words of the Publisher, for the most Part, summarily representing (for Brevity's Sake) the substance or chief Things contained in Mr. Brainerd's Diary, for such a certain Space of Time as is there specified: The rest is the Account that he gives of himself in his private Writings, in his own Words.

I presume, scarce any Reader needs to be told, that [A. Aet.] on the top of the Page, signifies The Year of his Age, and [A. D.] The Year of our Lord.

Besides the Errata a • the End of the Life, the Reader is desir'd to correct the following.

Page 69. l. 36. r. cries. p. 77. l. 35. r. wring out. p. 122. l. 31. r. have more. p. 124. l. 24, 25. r. and often feel. p. 128. l. 12. • . Blessed be God. p. 154. l. 16. r. Neshaminy. p. 177. l. 22. r. any Spirit. p 311. l. 14. r. to assist. p. 315▪ l. 29. r. taken from.

The Names of Subscribers to the Rev. Mr. Brainerd's Life.
Province of the Massachusetts-Bay. His Excellency JONATHAN BELCHER, Esq late Governour of the Massachusetts, now Governour of New Jersey. The Hon. Sir WILLIAM PEPPERRELL, Baronet.
A HOn. John Alford, Esq Daniel Appleton, Esq Rev. Nath. Appleton Rev. Hull Abbot Rev. Joseph Ashley Joseph Appleton Samuel Adams, A. M. Capt. William Avres Capt. J • cob Abbot A • ton Austin Elisha Allis Joseph Allen Samuel Adams Samuel Adams, jun. Da • id Adams J •• n Applen Capt. Noah Ashley Ric • ard A • well Ma • y Austin Samuel Allen J • hn Adams Peter Adams Is •• el Ashley John Ashley Benjamin Austin Sa • ah Allen
B HOn. Tho. Berry Esq Hon. Sylv. Bourn Esq Rev. John Barnard Andrew Burley, Esq Rev. Daniel Bliss Rev. Thomas Balch Rev. Simon Bradstreet Edward Bromfield J • hn Barret Jeremiah Belknap Joseph Belknap Jer. Belknap jun. Thomas B • xter Mary Bennet Thomas Bromfield Epharim Brown John Beatton John Barnard Jonathan Burt Fellows Billings Reuben Belding Joseph Billings Joseph Bacon Preserved Bartlet Joseph Baldwin Elkanah Burt Samuel Brett Capt. — Brown Samuel Bancroft jun. Abigail Beck Moses Bradstreet Spencer Bennet William Brown jun. Samuel Bass John Ballentine Cotton Bradbury Joseph B • agdon jun. Tabitha Bragdon Samuel Bragdon Jeremiah Bragdon Mary Bulman Israel Butler Joseph Bishop Joseph Bucklin William Brown Jacob • urgis Jacob Barney Edward • l • ke Grinfill • lake James Brigs William Brettur John Brigs James B • ake Benjamin Blaney David Blood William Bartlet John Bulkley Joshua Barton Robert Blake Samuel Bliss Stephen Badger Benjamin Belknap Samuel Bascumb David Blair Daniel Bucknam Noah Brooks Jonathan B • ker Jonathan B • ker
C HOn. John Chandler, Esq Hon. Ez. Cheever Esq Joshua Cheever, Esq Rev. Ames Cheever Rev. Peter Clark John Choate, Esq Roland Cotton, Esq Jonas Clark, Esq Rev. Sam. Checkley Benj. Crocker M. A. Rev. Aaron Cleveland Rev. Samuel Cooper Rev. S. Checkley, jun Rev. James Chandler Rev. John Chandler Rev. Josiah Crocker Rev. Sylvanus Conan Benj. Church, M. A. t Capt. John Codman Nathan Cheever William Cooper Thomas Cushing John Call Ralph Cross Richard Cary Bejanmin Chapin John Chamberlain Capt. Moses Curtiss John Clement Eleazer Clark Elisha Cook Noah Cook, jun. David Clark Charles Clap Selah Clark Ithamar Clark Eliphalet Clap J • siah Clark, jun. Moses Clark Daniel Clark Aaron Cook Josiah Chauncey • apt. Jonathan Clark Eliakim Clark Josiah Clark John Clap Joseph Clark Isaac Child Samuel Colburn Abraham Cumings Joseph Capron Samuel Cushman Capt. Elea. Carpenter Benjamin Crabtree John Crabtree James Coding Nathaniel Carver Samuel Caswell Capt. Thomas Cobb Ebenezer Crane Josiah Connant Israel Cheever John Croxford Stephen Crawfoot Lamberton Cooper Zacheus Crocker Ebenezer Child Jonathan Church Moses Coffin.
D HOn. Sam. Danforth, Esq Hon. Jos. Dwight Esq Timothy Dwight Esq William Downe, Esq Rev. Joseph Davis Stephen Dean Samuel Deming John Deming Nathaniel Davis Capt. Eliphalet Day Col. Thomas Dunnell Hannah Dyer Simeon Dwight John Deman Christopher Dyer William Dunning Isaac Dodge Ezekiel Dodge Samuel Dwight Obadiah Dickinson John Dickinson Thomas Dickinson Jonathan Dickinson Azariah Dickinson Samuel Dakin Benjamin Day Samuel Day Ephraim Dean David Dean Elijah Dean Ebenezer Dean John Dexter.
E REv. Jos Emerson Rev. Andr. Eliot Rev. Joshua Eaton Rev Jos. Emerson, jun. Andrew Eliot Brown Emerson Jacob Emmons • oseph Edwards Benjamin Edwards John Eli Samuel Edwards Josiah Edson Jonathan Everet.
F HOn. Francis Foxcro • t. Esq▪ Hon. Wm Fo • e, Esq John Fairweather Esq Rev. John Fox Rev. Tho. Foxcroft John Foster, Esq William Fenwick William Fairfield Andrew Friswel James Foster Samuel Frothingham Ebenezer Fisher James Fosdick Philip Freeman Joseph Foster Ralph Farnam Matthew Farnam Joseph Farnam Grafton Feveryear Benjamin Foster Elisha Fish Eli Forbush Obadiah Frary Jacob French John Field Gershom Fletcher Isaac Farnsworth Timothy Fuller Edward Foster Jonathan Freeman Stephen Fuller Jonathan Fox Jabez Fisher Ebenezer Freese.
G HOn. John Greenleafe, Esq Rev. Dan. Greenleafe David Gorham Esq Rev. Ebenezer Gay Rev. Ellis Gray Rev. John Graham John Greenleafe Joseph Green Samuel Grant Benjamin Greenleafe James Green Samuel Green Ezekiel Goldthwait Thomas Greenough Benjamin Goldthwait Abiel Goodwin Daniel Grove Robert Gordon Jabez Gay William George Joseph Gillson Benjamin Gott James Grey Edward Goodwin Samuel Gayford John Gunn Ebenezer Guild Robert Grey Chauncey Graham Robert Grey Ichabod Goodin.
H HOn. Ed. Hutchinson, Esq Edw. Holyoke, Presi. of Harvard-College Robert Hale, Esq Thomas Hubbard Esq Thomas Hancock Esq John Hill, Esq Edw. Hayward, Esq Rev. Nath Henchman Rev. William Hobby Rev. Ivory Hovey Rev. Samuel Hopkins Rev. Abraham Hill Rev. Phi. Hemingway Rev. Elias Haven Abiah Holbrook John H • l • er Capt. John Harmon Capt. Dan. Hayward Reuben Hermon Daniel Hubbard Aaron Hichcock Enoch Holcomb Simon Hunt John Hammond Lawrence Hart Nehemiah Hall David Hall Stephen Hoskins William Hodges Joseph Hall Abigail Hall Joseph Hall, jun. William Hack John Hall Shad. Hathway M. A. Jacob Hayward Thomas Hayward Nehemiah Hobart Joseph Hews Nath Healy Aaron Haws Capt. Elisha Hedge Jonathan Hale John Hacks Stephen Hall Elisha Hill Henry Hayward Samuel Haven Moses Hale Benjamin Holt Nehemiah Harrend •• Joseph Holt Caleb Hopkins John Harburt William Homes Joseph Hidden Ephraim Hayward John Hart John Hay Nicholas Hopping John Hancock Benjamin Hurd, jun. Aaron Hutchinson.
I HOn. John Jeffries, Esq Thomas Jenner, Esq Rev. Jedidiah Jawet Rev. Samuel Jefferds Rev. Isaac Jones Rev. Jonathan Judd Thomas Judd Samuel Jones Jonathan Ingram Benjamin Ingott Daniel Johnson Eli Ingraham John Johnson Samuel Johnson Edward Ingraham.
K SAmuel Kent, Esq Rev. Sam Kendall John Knight John Kneeland John Kneeland, jun. Jonathan Kettle William Kettle Dudley Kent Samuel Kinsley David Kennedy Benjamin King Ebenezer Kendall John Kendall Nathaniel Kimball Richard Kimball Caleb Kimball.
L HOn. Ezekiel Lewis Esq Hon. Geo Leonard Esq Joseph Lemmon Esq Samuel Leonard, Esq Rev. Dudley Leavit Thoma • Lambert Esq Maj. Zeph. Leonard Caleb Lyman Noah Lyman Gad Lyman Elias Lyman Caleb Lampson Samuel Lord John Langdon Ebenezer Little Edward Langdon jun. Joseph Lyman Isaac Lyman William Lyman Nathaniel Lewis Robert Luscomb Jabez Lothrop James Leonard Jonathan Lincoln Jonathan Lilley James Leland Jeremiah Lawrence John Longley, jun. Peleg Lawrence Ebenezer Lane Capt. Eliph. Leonard John Littlefield John Littlefield, jun. Daniel Little Joseph Low William Lamson Joseph Lord Robert Lawtridge Ebenezer Luce.
M HOn. Jer. Moulton Esq Hon. James Mino • Esq Rev. Hen. Messenger Daniel Moulton, Esq Capt. Jer. Moulton Rev. John Moorhead Rev. Thad. Maccarty Tim. Minot M. A. Daniel Marsh Buriah Man Capt. Eleazer Melvin Capt. Sam Mountagu James Mears Moses Marsh Richard Millberry Samuel M • rsh Ebenezer Marsh jun. Daniel Marsh John Mountagu Jonathan Moody Edward Mackard John Mitchel Michael Metcalf John Mountgomery Benjamin Mors Moody Mors John Mudge Sarah Martyn Richard Martyn Gershom Makepeice Nathaniel Metcalf Cutting Moody Samuel Millberry Joseph Main Robert Martyn Michael Metcalf Samuel M • riam Edward Martindale.
N FRancis Nichelsen As • Noble Thomas Norton Daniel No • ce Jonathan Nichols John Nichols John Noyce
O HOn. John Osborn, Esq Hon. Andr. Oliver Esq William Owen Jonathan Oakes.
P HOn. Jos. Pynchon Esq Timothy Prout, Esq Rev. Thomas Prince Charles Peirce, Esq John Phillips, Esq Oliver Partridge, Esq Samuel Pool, Esq Thomas Pain, M. A. Rev. Samuel Phillips Rev. Jona. Parsons Rev. Tho. Prentice Rev. Solo. Prentice Rev. John Porter Rev. Eben. Parkman Rev. John Parker Rev. Moses Parsons Rev. Samuel Porter Charles Phelps Martin Phelps Elisha Pomroy William Phillips Sam Phillips jun. M. A. Moses Peck Elisha Pomroy John Perry Benjamin Parker William Prescot James Pullen William Pullen Abiel Packard Lydia Packard James Packard Isaac Packard Ebenezer Pitts Peter Pratt John Pickens Zechariah Padeford Cornelius Putnam Jacob Parker Eleazar Pearce John Parker Jerathmeel Pierce Joseph Phipps Elijah Phipps Lemuel Powers Edward Putnam Stephen Prentice John Pearson John Powers Josiah Putnam Nathan Peabody Timothy Prat Joseph Parker Jacob Porter Thomas Payne John Procter Daniel Pomroy Isaac Parsons Josiah Parsons Jacob Parker William Patten.
Q HOn. John Quincy, Esq
R HOn. Daniel Russel Esq Sylv. Richmond, Esq Rev. Nath. Rogers Isaac Royal, Esq Rev. Solomon Reed Capt. Obadiah Reed Capt. William Reed Joseph Roberts M. A. Joseph Robey, M. A. James Rankin John Robbins Noah Robinson Daniel Reed Benjamin Rockwood Isaac Rand Nathaniel Rand George Robinson Thomas Rich Jacob Reed James Reed John Robbins Simeon Root.
S REv Jos. Sewall D.D Rev. Nath. Stone Samuel Sewall, Esq John Storer, Esq Joseph Sawyer, Esq John Steel, Esq Nathaniel Stone, Esq Rev. John Shaw Rev. Nathan Stone Capt. Ebenezer Storer Joseph Sherburn Malachi Salter John Symmes John Scollay Capt. Edward Sheaf Samuel Phil. Savage Thomas Symmes Zechariah Symmes Abigail Stevens Capt. Jonath. Sheldon Jonathan Sheldon jun. Elijah Sheldon Obadiah Smith Thomas Smith Samuel Smith Ichabod Strong Noah Strong Caleb Strong Elisha Searl Caleb Sheldon Elizabeth Strong John Strickland Samuel Smith Daniel Smith Aaron Smith Constant Southworth Zechariah Snell Mathew Smith Simon Slocomb Benjamin Slack Ru •• Slack Noah Sabin Samuel Shackley Capt. John Stevens John Shed Jeremiah Shuttack John Swallow John Spafford John Scott Thomas Strowbridge Samuel Sumner Nathaniel Snell M.A. Capt. John Stockwell John Stockwell jun. William Shepard Francis Stratten Richard Stratten Stephen Sewall, M.A. Michael Shute Abraham Smith Isaac Smith Benjamin Smith John Smith Isaac Smith jun. Samuel Sargent Daniel Shaw Joseph Swain James Sayward Samuel Sewall Samuel Sewall, jun. Samuel Sewall, Ter. Benjamin Stone Jonathan Sayward Joseph Simpson, jun. Benjamin Slack Ruth Slack Thomas Stanley Luke Stebbins E • hanan Spear Joseph Swain.
T OXenbridge Thatcher, Esq Rev. Samuel Tobe • Rev. Rowl. Thacher Rev. Peter Thacher William Thomson Maj. Nath. Thwing Joseph Torry Richard Thompson Stephen Titcomb Samuel Treadwell William Thomas Henry True Peter Thayer Gershom Tinney Archibald Thomas Israel Tisdale Joh • Tisdale Bartholemew Town John Town Solomon Townsend David Trail David Taylor Richard Tappen Timothy Tappen Samuel Ti • comb Capt. Samuel Tyler Capt. Samuel Tingley James Tillson John Titus William Fenill Wigglesworth Tapen Moses Tuttle Eldad Taylor.
U HUgh Vans Jabez Upham Richard Upham Nathaniel Upham.
W HOn. Josiah Willard, Esq Hon. Jacob Wendell, Esq Hon. Sam. Welles Esq Hon. Sam. Watts Esq Rev. Edward Wigglesworth, D. D. Rev. Nehe. Walter Edward Winsl • w, Esq Rev Jeremiah Wise Rev. Wm. Williams Joshua Winslow, Esq Rev. 〈◊〉 Wigglesworth, Nahum Ward, Esq Rev. John Webb Rev. Abijah Weld Rev. John Wales Rev. John Walley Rev Chester Williams Peleg Wiswall A.M. Isaac Walker Jonathan Wills Thomas Wait John Winslow John West Daniel Wair Capt. David Wyet David Wood Thomas Wood Bezaliel Wilder Joseph Whitney Jonathan Wells Thomas Wyer Stephen Wright Oliver Warner Joshua Wells Nathaniel Wells Icabod Ward Artemas Ward Benjamin White Jeremiah Whipple Nathaniel Whitney Benjamin Wheeler Francis Wheeler Nath. Whittemore Hezekiah Ward Obadiah Walker Sarah Williams Simeon Williams James Walker Peter Walker Isaac Whitney Nath. Williams Abiel Williams Josiah Waters William Whitwell J • nathan White John Woods Isaac Woods Obadiah Wright James Wilson Jonathan Wheelock Oliver Watson Ebenezer Warren John Watson, jun, Jotham Walton Jabez Weaze John Whiting Jonathan Whiting Joshua Winter Ephraim Wessen.
Y BEnajah Young.
COLONY OF CONNECTICUTT.
A CHristopher Avory, Esq Capt. John Avered Abraham Avery John Allen Joshua Avered Joseph Allen Jason Allen Richard Andrews Joseph Arnold Enoch Arnold Samuel Andrews John Abbie Phillip Abbot Samuel Ashley, jun.
B THeophilus Baldwin▪ Esq▪ Col. Aaron Brownson William Buel, Esq John Biggs▪ Esq Samuel Basset, Esq Rev. Wm. Burnham Rev. Joseph Bellamy Rev. Geo. Beckwith Rev. Nehem. Barker Joseph Bird, Esq Rev Dan Buckingham Capt. Jonathan Baker Capt. John Bebee Timothy Brownson Richard Brownson Matthew Bellamy Matthew Bellamy jun. Samuel Bellamy Abel Bains Jonathan Benedick Thomas Benedick Thomas Betts Isaac Brownson Josiah Brownson Thomas Brownson James Baldwin Josiah Bumb James Bradford Hezekiah Bissel Daniel Butt Ebenezer Balch Capt. Samuel Bebee Enoch Bayer Benjamin Baldwin Theophilus Baldwin Benjamin Blackman Ichabod Brown Jonathan Brownson Theop. Baldwin jun. Jonathan Billings Jonathan Bradford Pelatiah Bliss William Bennet Capt. Samuel Bishop Samuel Butt Ebenezer Baldwin Nathaniel Brown Moses Barret Elijah Belcher Jonathan Brewste • Samuel Branch Benjamin Blogget Tho. Benedick, jun. James Baldwin Abraham Bennet Caleb Baldwin Jonathan Botsford Jacob Bunee James Bebee Abel Beech Jonathan Burr Noah Baldwin Joel Baldwin Nathaniel Brownson Charles Brownson William Bebe • Daniel Brainerd Azar Beech Jonathan Badger Jonathan Bingham Joseph Bingham Malichi Butler Solomon Bill Oliver Brewster.
C COl.—Conant Esq Maj Samuel Coit Joseph Clark, Esq Rev Thomas Canfield John Crery, Esq Capt. Eleazer Carey Josiah Conant Joseph Clark Hezekiah Camp Charles Chopen Nathaniel Compalk James Clap John Comstock Zebadiah Comstock Samuel Comstock Gideon Comstock John Copp Nathaniel Cushman Deindatus Curtiss Jonathan Cass Nathaniel Cone Joseph Cone John Church Capt. Samuel Cowles Matthew Cole George Clark, A.M. Matthew Cadwell Capt. Tho. Curtiss Ebenezer Coe Azariah Curtiss Joseph Clark Eleazer Clark Daniel Curtiss Obadiah Cook Jonathan Clark, jun. Seth Cutler John Clark Benjamin Chaplin Benjamin Chaplin jun. Samuel Coburn.
D ELiphalet Dyer, Esq Rev. Moses Dickinson Samuel Dorrance George Dorrance Robert Denison Avery Denison Capt. John Douglass Seth Dean, A. M. William Denison Adam Denison Jonathan Dean Ebenezer Dains Jedidiah Dana Abi Dammon Daniel Dudley John Down Eleazer Dickinson Asa Douglass Josiah Dean Jonathan Devereux Nathaniel Dean William Dean Benjamin Denton Benjamin Duning Ebenezer Downe Ebenezer Dains Silas Doan Jedidiah Dana.
E SAmuel Emmons Ebenezer Everit John English
F JOseph Fowler, Esq Rev. Joseph Fish Capt. Benjamin Fenn Amos Fuller Nathaniel Fish John Flower Ephraim Fellows Nathaniel Ford William Farnam Ezekiel Fox Thomas Fargo Stephen Fuller Zebediah Farnam Phineas Ford Elisha Fitch Pelati • h Fitch Ruth Fobes Simon Fobes Daniel Fitch Josiah Finney John Finney Abigail Falmon Ebenezer Fuller Samuel Fielding James Flint Matthias Fuller Thomas Fitch, jun.
G REv. John Graham Math. Griswold Esq Capt. Nathan Giddens Rev. Jacob Green Obadiah Gore Joseph Gennings Henry Gibbs Thomas Goodwin John Gourdon John Groman John Gillet Francis Guiteau Timothy Goodwin Ebenezer Grant Benjamin Graves Lemuel Griffin Jedidiah Graves Samuel Gillet Isaac Grisworth A • exander Gordon Daniel Gates.
H HOn Hezek. Huntington, Esq J • b • z Huntington Esq Rev D • n. Humphry Noah H • nman, Esq Capt. Ele Hutchinson J • hn Hutchinson J • mes Han • s, jun. Samuel Hare Barnabas Hall Nathanie • Hall William Holt Robert Holt J • siah Hammon N • thaniel Hovey N •• haniel Hovey jun. Z • bediah Holt John House Stephen Hutchinson Samuel House Lebu • t Harris Isaac Higley Isa • c H • fford J •• eph Hinsdell J • siah Hurlburt Daniel H • ff • rd J • si • h Hooker Capt. Moses Hawkins Benjam • n Hicock Ele • zer H •• m • n Stephen H • cock Andrew Hinman Justus Hicock John Hovey James Hurlburt M.D. Joshua Holt Pau • Holt John Hibbard Henry Hewit Daniel Holt Nehem. Huntington Richard Hide Obadiah Heath David How Robert Hebard James Mc'Hillhouse Abel Holbrook John Hall Nathaniel Hide Jonathan Hinckley Thomas Harvey Joseph Huntington Joshua Hendie Christo. Huntington Reuben Hubbard William Hambleton Isaac Hill, jun. James Hooker Hez • k. Hooker, jun. William Hooker Hugh Hanna Ahira Hill.
I REv. David Jewit Rev David Judson Jacob Johnson, A.M. James Ingalls William Johnson J • seph Jacobs, jun. Nathaniel Jewit James Jud Abel Judson Ebenezer Jones Caleb Johnson.
K JOnathan Kelsey R • bert Kennedy Dennison Kingsberry Jonathan Kingsberry Thomas Kenny Azariah K • nny Timothy K • mball Josiah Ki •• sley James K • sson Samuel Knowles Eldad King John Kasen Benjamin Kellogg Samuel Kellogg.
L HOn. Samuel Lynde Esq Rev. Henry Lord Rev. Jonathan Lee Rev. Mark Leavenworth Sam. Lockwood A▪ M. James Lockwood Joseph Lee Joseph Lee, jun. Simeon Lyman J • hn Landon Ebenezer Leach Nathaniel Loomis Jacob Lyman David Lyman Isaac Lawrence Joseph Lockwood Peter Lockwood Nehemiah Lewis Hezekiah Lee John Ledyard Ebenezer Lyman Josiah Lyman Benoni Loomis J • seph Loomis Benjamin Lothrop Thomas Lyman Nathaniel Loomis Thomas L •• mis Samuel Lee Isaac Lawrence Benjamin Lord.
M SImeon Minor, Esq Rev. Gideon Mills Rev Evander Morrison Capt Richard Monson Daniel Meeks Samuel More Jonathan Mearitt Hezekiah May Samuel Miner John Meigs John Meigs, jun. Samuel Marshall James Morris Jonathan Munger Ephraim Minor Clement Minor Matthew Minor Matthew Mitchel Simon Mitchel Jonathan Martin Sarah Millard David Miller Thomas Millard Jonathan Mal • tby Josiah Mack William Morgan Daniel Morgan Joseph Morgan Thomas Marshal Rev. Samuel Mosely Nathaniel Mosely George Martin George Martin, jun. Ebenezer Martin.
N JOhn Newcomb Obadiah Newcom Nathaniel Newell Ruth Newell Hezekiah Newcomb Isaac Norton, jun. James Norton J • nathan North Ebenezer North
O CApt. Samuel Olmstead John Owen Joseph Otis William Osgood Daniel Osgood James Occom.
P SAmuel Prentice Esq Joseph Pitkin, Esq Joseph Perkins, A. M. John Porter Experience Porter Benjamin Paine Joseph Preston John Potwine John Paine William Peabody Samuel Plumb Jonathan Prentice Peter Powers Thomas Phelps Nathaniel Porter Richard Peet Nathaniel Porter jun. Isaac Peck Henry Peck Mic • jah Pride David Palmer John Palmer Rufus Price John Phelps Ezekiel Peirce James Pinnes Mary Pierce Capt. Edward Phelps John Peir • o Theodore Preston Timothy Pearl Capt. Isaac Parish Edward Paine Joseph Porter Abraham Peirson Gershom Palmer Benjamin Pomroy Timothy Porter William Porter John Peck Jacob Preston William Preston.
R REv. Dav. Rowland Rev. Nath Roberts Rev. Asher Rositer John Robinson Ichabod Robinson Elisha Rockwell Nathan Randall Joshua Raymond Josiah Rose Rufus Rude George Richards Ebenezer Richardson David Ripley Azariah Rood Joseph Richards Samuel Raymond Jonathan Russell Samuel Robbins Eliakim Raymond Joseph Rofts Samuel Rindle.
S THomas Storrs Esq Rev Rich. Salter Benjamin Stiles A. M. J • seph Spencer William Steward James Steward Peter Spencer Joseph Skiff Nathaniel Shattock Joseph Sullard Israel Shaw Eliakim Smith Daniel St. John Thomas Seymour William Sumner Samuel Steel Asa Strong Nathaniel Skinner Elisha Sheldon Azar Smith Capt. John Sprague Huchens Storrs Capt. Samuel Storrs Capt. Jos. Sweetland Recompence Smith Jos. Sweetland, jun. Thomas Shaw Jacob Stebbins Jonathan Smith John Steel Samuel Strong John Sherman Giles Slaughter Isaac Scudder Joseph St. John Daniel St. John Samuel Sanford John Sanford Andrew Sanford David Sanford Ephraim Strong A. M. Joseph Safford Solomon Safford Ezekiel Story Joseph Sanford Ephraim Smith Jacob Strong John Shepard Zebulon Seymour Samuel Smedley Capt. Elisha Stoddard Josiah Strong James Stoddard David Stowell Ebenezer Stowell David Smith Ann Seldin Samuel Spencer Benjamin Smalley El • jah Sprague Elizabeth Swift.
T CApt. James Tyler Moses Tyler Stephen Tucker Jedidiah Tracy Hopestil Tayler Nathaniel Tracy Daniel Tracey Joel Thrall Samuel Tracey Elisha Tracey Philip Turner Nathaniel Tracey Joseph Tracey Eliakim Tupper Edmond Tompkins Nathaniel Thornton Samuel Tonsly Capt. Josiah Thatcher James Tompson William Trumball Jonathan Twiss Ebenezer Tompson Ebenezer Taylor John Tweedy James Tuttle.
U CApt. James Utley.
W COl Elish. Williams Jos. Wilcockson, Esq Roger Wolcott, Esq David Whitney, E • q Rev. Solom Williams Ebenezer Wales, Esq Nathaniel Wales, Esq Rev. Stephen White Rev. Jabez Wright Rev. Eben. Wheelock Warham Williams Tut. Yale Col. Peletiah Webster Elisha Warien Benoni Wright William Williams Ebenezer Williams John Watson Caleb Wheeler William Wadsworth Benjamin Wheat Joseph Williams William Whitter Eleazer Wright Nathaniel Wales Joseph Warner Katharine Webster Samuel Woodward Israel Woodward Preserved Wright Ichabod Warner Benjamin Winchol Charles Woodruff Benjamin Woodruff Elnathan Whitman Joshua Whitney, jun. Daniel Williams Samuel Warner Sibylla Whitehead▪
Province of NEW YORK.
A WIlliam Adams, A. M.
B ISaac Barnes, Esq Elias Bailey, Esq Rev. David Bostwick Rev. Isaac Brown Rev. Samuel Buel Jona. Barber, A. M. Capt. William Bryant Samuel Brown Benjamin Bailey Nathaniel Bailey Elias Bailey, jun. Elizabeth Breeze John Bailey Jacob Bergen Benjamin Bruster.
C HOn. Tho. Chatfield, Esq Joseph Conklin Joseph Conklin Ter. Samuel Cox Thomas Cooper John Cook David Corwith Nehemiah Carpenter Joseph Carpenter Jacob Carle Ann Carle.
D SAmuel Denton Joseph Davis Margaret Du Bois Daniel Da • ton.
E EZekiel Everet N • cholas Everet J • hn Everet 〈…〉
F STephen Foster
G MAj. Abra. Garner William Glean Thomas Goldsmith Daniel Goldsmith Jasper Griffin.
H ELisha Hutchinson, Esq Rob. Hempsted, Esq Josiah Howell, Esq Rev. Azar. Horton Jon. Hunting, A. M. William Hedges Joseph Hicks Samuel Hazard Jonathan Hazard, jun. Nathaniel Hazard John Hunting Ezekiel Hedges John Hedges Benjamin Hutchinson Abigail Hull Constant Havens Samuel Howell Samuel Hunting Capt. Theo. Howell Elisha Howell Israel Halsey Capt. Eleaz. Hawkins Eleazer Hawkins, jun. Charles Howell Abraham Howell Ezekiel Howell Benjamin Hinchman Samuel Higbee, jun.
I JOhn Jennings Thomas 〈◊〉 Nathan Jagg •• .
L SAmuel London Esq Willi. Lawrence Benjamin Lawrence Capt. Benj Lhomedieu PVB Levingston A. M James Lopor.
M HOn. E. Miller Esq Andrew Miller Samuel Mulford Daniel Miller Thomas Mulford Lemuel Mulford Israel More Thomas More John Mackie Capt. — Mersey Daniel More John Mitchell John Marston Zebulon Mills Isaac Mills William Miller Hannah Menish.
N GEorge Norton
P REv. Ebenez. Pemberton
R JOhn R • e
S WIlliam Smith, Esq Capt. Wm▪ Smith William P Smith A. M. 〈◊〉 Smith Elizabeth Stitwell ••• bert Smith Richard Smith Job Smith Benjamin Strong Selah Strong Benajah Strong Thomas Strong.
T REv. Wm. Throop John Thurston Jonathan Tompson.
U IOseph Valentine.
W JOseph▪ Wickam, Esq Rev. Sylvanus White Elnathan White Richard Wiggins Benjamin Wright Richard Woodhull Rich. Woodhull, jun. Obadiah Wells.
PROVINCE OF NEW-Jersey.
A REv. Tho. Ahthur John Ayres, Es • William Allen John Anderson Janet Aikman Hannah Anderson Moses Ayres William Axtell Jonathan Arrison Henry Axtell Thomas Applegate James Ashton William Aline.
B REv. Aa. Burr Presi. of N. Jersey Col. Rev Eliab Byram Robert Barkley Henerica Bennom Samuel Brown Daniel Bayles, jun. Caleb Baldwin Isaac Babbet Ebenezer Byram, jun. William Boyd Samuel Bealy Solomon Brown Frederick Buchelow John Buckelow Samuel Barren Timothy Ball John Black Francis Brewster Robert Breden Peter Booth Robert B • air.
C REv. Jam Campbell James Crumnoe Mary Craig Thomas Commy Barnabas Curtiss Jonathan Comes John Carr, jun. William Collwell Elizabeth Crawford William Cruckshank Jean Cathcart John Chambers William Covenhaven Alexandria Craig Ezra Cary John Cary Daniel Cary Jacob Coazocart Thomas Cock Samuel Clark.
D REv. James Davenport Nathaniel Dotey Henry Disbroy Lucus Dwedt William Davison William Davison, jun Samuel Dalyhigh Duncan Dove.
E MAskell Ervin David English James English Noah Eley.
F JAmes Fullerton Jeremiah Field Michael Field Katharine Frazier Charles Ford Jonathan Fraze • William Ford Sarah Francis Nathaniel▪ Foster John Finley.
G WIlliam Gaston David Grozett Ellenor Gilliland Joseph Gaston Hendrick Gulock Jocham Gulock.
H JOnath. Holmes, Esq Rev. Andr. Hunter Thomas Hamblin Jonas Hoey Adam Hall Moses Hemb Mary He • d Francis Hall James Hamilton Simon Horn William Horn Hannah Horn William H • gan John Henderson John Hill Michael Henary William Henary Daniel Henary John Hoey.
I SAmuel Johnson, Esq Richard Jewell William Jones Stephen Jesup.
K JOhn King John Kelly Alexander Killp • trick William Ker Samuel Ker Joseph Ker.
L REv. Joseph Lamb Rev. Tho. Lewis Ephraim Lockheart Peter Leconte, M.D. Katharine Llord Bryan Li • esly James Lyan Levi Lewis James Lesley Roger Lawson Eliphalet Lewis Mary Leffers Abraham La Ru • Thomas Lak • Samuel Lowden.
M Rev. Charles Ma • knigh • Samuel Mac'Conkey Mary Millikin Elizabeth Millikin James Moore Robert Mc'Fee Mary Mattison Aaron Mattison John Mac • erran Peter Mac'Dowel David Mac'Cowin Matthias Mount Anne Mount John Morehead Thomas Mershon Joseph Monow John Macombs Mary Macombs Samuel Macomaly Andrew Mackmakin James Magee Sarah Macalaster James Martin John Mac'Gillird George Mills Isaac Mills Benja. Mackfarling George Mac'Kisk • n Jacob Mattison Hugh Martin James Martin Francis Mac'Konnie
N WIlliam No •• ross Rob. Newell Samuel Neilson Thomas Newman.
O JOhn Olivant • Stephen Ogden.
P REv John Peirson Tho. Paget, Esq Joseph Peck, Esq John Peirson jun. M.D Tobias Polemus Ephraim Phillips Peter Parine Howell Powell Herbert Peck James Pitney John Porter.
R HOn. John Reading Esq Martin Rverson, Esq Robert Rolfe James Ross Sarah Read Brice Rihy John Roy Nath. Fitz Randolph Matthew Rue Samuel Rolfe Robert Roe Abraham Reeves John Rosbrugh John Rancy Robert Renolds.
S RAlph Smith, Esq Rev. Tim Symmes Rev. Elihu Spences Michael Sweetman Derick Sutvan Jacob S •• phen John John Stockton John Sodon Derick Sutvan Alburt Shank William Suobey Luke Scank Henry S • oan James Stout Henry Scaly.
T REv. Wm Tennent John Tomson Ruth Toweshend Aaron Tomson Josiah Throope.
U THomas Vandike Art Vankirk Koart Van Voorhaas Henrick Voorhas Thomas U • mstone Tobias Van-Norden.
W REv Eleazer Wales J. Wetherill, Esq Agnis Watson James Wales.
PENNSYLVANIA.
A WIlliam Adams Arch. Anderson Thomas Armstrong David Allen.
B REv. Char. Bea • ty Rev. Samuel Blair Rev. John Blair Thomas Brown Hugh Bartley John Bowrlen Stephen Bower Isaac Billion Nathaniel Britten Robert Breden George Bradley John Blakly Edmond Beach William Biddle E. Boudinot Thomas Bourne Joseph Biddome Andrew Blackburn Joseph Browne John Boyd.
C WM. Craig, Esq Tho. Craig Esq Rev. Alex. Cumming Alexander Colbreth Matthew Clarkson Thomas Clark John Carsen James Craig Katharine Culley David Chambers Jacob Cooper Samuel Cheeseman John Campbel Mary Campbel William Clingan George Clingan Moses Crawford James Cumings James Craven Daniel Craig John Crawford.
D RObert Downey Thomas Davis Tristram Davis John Davis Jonathan Drewrel Mary Dobin.
E DAvid Edmiston John Edward Robert Eastburn William Edmiston.
F REv. Sam. Finley Magnus Falconar John Finley Hugh Farguson John Fullerlawn Thomas Francis John Fisher Robert Finley Manasseh Finley William Falconar John Freeman Joseph Fox Samuel Fisher John Frazier.
G CApt. Wm. Grant John Grey Hugh Gunning.
H ALex. Hunter, Esq Capt Jam. Huston Samuel Hazard Joseph Hair Benjamin Hair Hugh Hamilton Robert Henry Alexander Hannah William Hodge Andrew Hodge Hugh Hodge Kathrine Harrison Joseph Hall Mary Heron Penn Hoale James Horner Thomas Hutchinson Thomas Herren William Heslet
I CApt. Rob. Jamison Samuel Johnson Henry Jamison Henry Jotenston.
K THomas Kid Mary King Henry Kelsey James Kelly J •• n Kirkpatrick 〈◊〉 Ker 〈◊〉 Ker.
L REv Dan Lawrence Thomas Logan Thomas Lewis Francis Linsil Archibald Leard Robert Lyle Charles Lyons Joseph Leech.
M CApt. Nath Magee Alexander Moore John Mc'Ferren Robert Mc'Cracken John Mc'Cullock John Mitchell Isabel Mc'Donnel Matthew Mc'Min Thomas Miller John Man Joshua Maddox John Mc'Call Sarah Moore Collen Mac'Sweny Abel Marple John Mac'Coombs Alexander Magee Hugh Mc'Cullough James Mc'Cullough Anthony Morris John Mc'Nair James Martin Thomas Mc'Cracken Alexander Miller John Miller Tho. Mountgomery James Mc'Kee Alex. Mc'Clintock John Mushet John Mackmath.
N SAmuel Neilson James Neilson Thomas Nesmith.
O HAnnah Owen.
P THomas Poe John Poak John Potter James Pethoren Jeremiah Peck Sarah Prichard John Peet.
R REv. John Roan William Rankin Francis Richley Evan Rawland John Riddle Thomas Ruddy Elizabeth Roberdeau S. Robertson James Ralston William Rush Sarah Reynolds.
S SAm. Smith, Esq Samuel Smith William Shippen Joseph Shippen John Smith James Simpson Abraham Scott Benjamin Snodgrass▪ Thomas Smith Robert Stewart Anthony Scout Adnari Scout George Spafford Mary Stevens Thomas Sloan.
T REv. Gilb. Tennent Rev. Rich. Treat Moses Thompson Tunis Titus Joshua Thomas Hugh Torrence.
U HEnry Vernor Henry VanDyke Isaiah Vansandt.
W CApt. Rich. Walker Cornel. Wynkoop Nicholas Wynkoop John Wigton James Wyer William Walker Robert Wyer Moses White Hugh Wilson John Walker Edward Warner Rachal Wallace Thomas Welsh.
Y WIlliam Youg.
Province of NEW-HAMPSHIRE.
A JOseph Adams.
B EZra Barker Ebenezer Barker Moses Boynton Samuel Brown Josiah Brown Benj. Blanchard, jun. Joshua Boynton.
C REv. Ward Cotton Wm. Cummings James Cate Nathaniel Clement Josiah Conant.
D ZEdekiah Drury.
E REv. Dan. Emerson John Eliot.
G PEter Gilman, Esq Col. Sam. Gilman Capt. Daniel Gilman Josiah Gilman M.D. John Gilman Samuel Goodhue — Griffis.
I BEnjamin Jewit.
L MOses Leavitt, Esq Mat. Livermore, Esq Jonathan Low.
M REv. David Mc' Gregore for himself & 30 of his Parish William Moore Daniel Mason John Mead.
N THomas Neivins Joshua Neal.
P John Phillips, A.M. Capt. Peter Powers Thomas Patch William Pottle John Purmet Josiah Pyper James Pike.
R REv. Dan. Rogues.
S HEnry Sherburne, jun. Job Strong, B.A. Theophilus Smith Elias Smith Jacob Smith.
T BEnjamin Thing Jonathan Taylor Edward Taylor.
W COl. And. Wiggins Simon Wiggins Thomas Wiggins Andr. Wiggins, jun. Francis Worcester.
Colony of RHODE-ISLAND.
A COl. Job Almy.
B HErmione Banister Joseph Bayley Constant Bayley Timothy Balch Alexander Bradford.
C REv. O • h Campbell Thomas Crandell Nathaniel Coggeshall Thomas Coggeshall Martha Church Henry Coggeshall James Cahoon.
D DAniel Donham J • cob Dehane.
F EBenezer Fisher Peter Franklin.
G EBbenezer Grey Nath. Greenhill.
H WM. Hall, Esq J • s. Howland.
K EBenezer Knight.
M DAvid Moore John Morris.
P BEnjamin Peabodie Simeon Price.
R WIlliam Richmond, Esq Ichabod Richmond Samuel Rhodes Jeremiah Ross.
S NAth. Searles, Esq: John Sawyer.
T HEnry Tisdale James Tanner.
U REv. William Vinal.
W JOseph Wood, Esq Benjamin Wyat John Willson Benjamin Willson Abigail Wanton.
Y SAmuel Yeats.
The Names of the following Subscribers, not being received in Season, we have tho't it proper to insert them here. DAvid Burt Dr. Jonathan Bliss Nathaniel Burt Alexander Bolckum Simon Colton Obadiah Carpenter William Carpenter Thomas Co • per Nathaniel Ely Amos Dennison Thomas H • bbert B.A. Dr. Charles Pynchon Rev. John Sergeant Capt. Berj Savage S • . Carolina. William Stebb • n • Robert Sanderson Henry Sweet John Sweet Thomas Sweet Moses Stebbins Rev. Peter Thacher Rev. Benj. Tappen John Tyler Henry Tolm • n Rev. Steph. Williams R • chard Woolworth Josiah Welman.

The Names of many others who have subscrib'd, are not yet c • me to Hand. And in the foregoing Lists, where any Gent • emen are mention'd without their proper Addition or Title, or out of their proper Place, the Publisher rely's on their Candour to excuse it.
An ACCOUNT Of the LIFE of The Reverend Mr. David Brainerd.
PART I. From his Birth, to the Time when he began to devote himself to the Study of Divinity, in order to his being fitted for the Work of the Ministry.

[MR. David Brainerd was born April 20. 1718▪ at Haddam, a Town belonging to the County of Hartford, in the Colony of Connecticut, NEW-ENGLAND. His Father, who died when this his Son was about nine Years of Age, was the Worshipful Hezekiah Brainerd Esq an Assistant, or one of his Majesty's Council for that Colony, and the Son of Daniel Brainerd Esq a Justice of the Peace, and a Deacon of the Church of Ch • ist in Haddam. His Mother was Mrs. Dorothy Hobart, Daughter to the Rev. Mr. Jeremiah Hobart, who preach'd a while at Top • field, and then removed to Hempstead on Long-Island, and afterwards removed from Hempstead (by Reason of Numbers turning Quakers, and many others being so Irreligious, that they would do nothing towards the Support of the Ministry) and came and settled in the Work of the Ministry at Haddam: Where he died in the 85th Year of his Age: Of whom it is remarkable, that he went to the publick Worship in the Forenoon, and died in his Chair between Meetings. And this Rev. Gentleman was Son of the Rev. Mr. Peter Hobart, who was, first, Minister of the Gospel at Hingham, in the County of Norfolk in England, and by Reason of the Persecution of the Puritans, removed with his Family to New-England, and was settled in the Ministry at Hingham, in the Massachusetts. He had five Sons, viz. Joshua, Jeremiah, Gersh • m, Japheth, and Nehemiah. His Son Joshua was Minister at Southold on Long-Island; — Jeremiah was Mr. David Brainerd's Grandfather, Minister at Haddam, &c. as was before observed: Gershom was Minister of Groton in Connecticut: Japheth was a Physician, and went in the Quality of a Doctor of a Ship to England, (before the Time for the taking his second Degree at College) and designed to go from thence to the East-Indies, and never was heard of more: Nehemiah was sometime Fellow of Harvard College, and afterwards Minister at Newton in the Massachusetts. The Mother of Mrs. Dorothy Hobart (who was afterwards Brainerd) was Daughter to the Rev. Mr. Samuel Whiting, Minister of the Gospel, first at Boston in Lincolnshire, and afterwards at Lynn in the Massachusetts, New-England: He had three Sons that were Ministers of the Gospel.

Mr. David Brainerd was the third Son of his Parents. They had five Sons and four Daughters: Their eldest Son is Hezekiah Brainerd Esq a Justice of the Peace, and for several Years past a Representative of the Town of Haddam, in the General Assembly of Connecticut Colony: The second was the Rev. Mr. Nehemiah Brainerd, a worthy Minister at Eastbury in Connecticut, who died of a Consumption Nov. 10. 1742. The fourth is Mr. John Brainerd, who succeeds his Brother David, as Missionary to the Indians, and Pastor of the same Church of Christian In • ians in New-Jersey: And the fifth was Israel, lately Student at Yale-College in New-Haven, and died since his Brother David.— Mrs. Dorothy Brainerd having lived several Years a Widow, died, when her Son, whose Life I am about to give an Account of, was about fourteen Years of Age: So that in his Youth he was left both Fatherless and Motherless.— What Account he has given of Himself, and his own Life, may be seen in what follows.]

I Was, I think, from my Youth, something sober, and inclined rather to Melancholy, than the contrary Extreme; but don't remember any Thing of Conviction of Sin, worthy of Remark, 'till I was, I believe, about seven or eight Years of Age; when I became something concern'd for my Soul, and terrified at the Thoughts of Death, and was driven to the Performance of Duties: But it appeared a melancholy Business, and destroyed my Eagerness for Play. And alas! This religious Concern was but short-lived. However, I sometimes attended secret Prayer; and thus lived at Ease in Zion, without God in the World, and wi • hout much Concern, as I remember, 'till I was above thirteen Years of Age. But sometime in the Winter 1732, I was something roused out of carnal Security, by I scarce know what Means at first; but was much excited by the prevailing of a mortal Sickness in Haddam: I was frequent, constant and something fervent in Duties, and took Delight in reading, especially Mr. Janeway's Token for Children; I felt sometimes much melted in Duties, and took great Delight in the Performance of 'em: And I sometimes hoped, that I was converted, or at least in a good and hopeful Way for Heaven and Happiness, not knowing what Conversion was. The Spirit of God at this Time proceeded far with me; I was remarkably dead to the World, and my Thoughts were almost wholly employed about my Soul's Concerns; and I may indeed say, almost I was perswaded to be a Christian. I was also exceedingly distressed and melancholy at the Death of my Mother, in March 1732. But afterwards my religious Concern began to decline, and I by Degrees fell back into a considerable Degree of Security; tho' I still attended secret Prayer frequently.

About the 15th of April 1733, I removed from my Father's House to East-Haddam, where I spent four Years, but still without God in the World; tho' for the most Part I went a Round of secret Duty. I was not exceedingly addicted to young Company, or Frolicking (as it is called) But this I know, that when I did go into Company, I never returned from a Frolick in my Life, with so good a Conscience as I went with; It always added new Guilt to me, and made me afraid to come to the Throne of Grace, and spoiled those good Frames, I was wont sometimes to please my self with. But alas! all my good Frames were but Self-Righteousness, not bottomed on a Desire for the Glory of God.

About the latter End of April 1737, being full 19 Years of Age, I removed to Durham, and began to work on my Farm, and so continued the Year out, or near, 'till I was 20 Years old; frequently longing, from a natural Inclination, after a liberal Education. When I was about twenty Years of Age, I applied my self to Study; and sometime before, was more than ordinarily excited to and in Duty: But now engaged more than ever in the Duties of Religion. I became very strict, and watchful over my Thoughts, Words, and Actions; and thought I must be sober indeed, because I designed to devote my self to the Ministry; and imagined I did dedicate my self to the Lord.

Some Time in April 1738, I went to Mr. Fiske's, and lived with him, during his Life. Mr. Fiske was the Pastor of the Church in Haddam. And I remember, He advised me wholly to abandon young Company, and associate myself with grave elderly People: which Counsel I followed; and my Manner of Life was now exceeding regular, and full of Religion, such as it was: For I read my Bible more than twice through in less than a Year, I spent much Time every Day in secret Prayer, and other secret Duties; I gave great Attention to the Word preached, and endeavoured to my utmost to retain it: So much concerned was I about Religion, that I agreed with some young Persons to meet privately on Sabbath-Evenings for religious Exercises, and thought my self sincere in these Duties; and after our Meeting was ended, I used to repeat the Discourses of the Day to my self, and recollect what I could, tho' sometimes it was very late in the Night. Again, on Monday-Mornings, I used sometimes to recollect the same Sermons. And I had sometimes considerable Movings of Affections in Duties, and much Pleasure, and had many Thoughts of joining to the Church. In short, I had a very good outside, and rested entirely on my Duties, tho' I was not sensible of it.

After Mr. Fiske's Death, I proceeded in my Learning with my Brother; and was still very constant in religious Duties, and often wondered at the Levity of Professors; 'twas a Trouble to me, that they were so careless in religious Matters.— Thus I proceeded a considerable Length on a self-righteous Foundation; and should have been entirely lost and undone, had not the meer Mercy of God prevented.

Some Time in the Beginning of Winter, Anno 1738, it pleased God, on one Sabbath-day Morning, as I was walking out for some secret Duties (as I remember) to give me on a Sudden such a Sense of my Danger and the Wrath of God, that I stood amazed, and my former good Frames, that I had pleased myself with, all presently vanished; and from the View, that I had of my Sin and Vileness, I was much distressed all that Day, fearing the Vengeance of God would soon overtake me; I was much dejected, and kept much alone, and sometimes begrutched the Birds and Beasts their Happiness, because they were not exposed to eternal Misery, as I evidently saw I was. And thus I lived from Day to Day, being frequently in great Distress: Sometimes there appeared Mountains before me to obstruct my Hopes of Mercy; and the Work of Conversion appeared so great, I thought I should never be the Subject of it: But used, however, to pray and cry to God, and perform other Duties with great Earnestness, and hoped by some Means to make the Case better. And tho' I Hundreds of 〈◊〉 renounced all Pretences of any Worth in my Duties (as I thought) even in the Season of the Performance of them, and often confessed to God that I deserved nothing for the very best of them, but eternal Condemnation: Yet still I had a secret latent Hope of recommending my self to God by my religious Duties; and when I prayed affectionately, and my Heart seemed in some Measure to melt, I hoped God would be thereby moved to pity me, my Prayers then look'd with some Appearance of Goodness in 'em, & I seemed to mourn for Sin: and then I could in some Measure venture on the Mercy of God in Christ (as I tho't;) Tho' the preponderating Thought and Foundation of my Hope was some Imagination of Goodness in my Heart Meltings, and Flowing of Affections in Duty, and (sometimes) extraordinary Enlargements therein, &c. Tho' at some Times the Gate appeared so very strait, that it look'd next to impossible to enter, yet at other Times I flattered my self that it was not so very difficult, and hoped I should by Diligence and Watchfulness soon gain the Point. Sometimes after Enlargement in Duty and considerable Affection, I hoped I had made a good Step towards Heaven, and imagined that GOD was affected as I was, and that he would hear such sincere Cries (as I called them) and so sometimes when I withdrew for secret Duties in great Distress, I returned something comfortable; and thus heal'd my self with my Duties.

Some Time in February 1738, 9. I set apart a Day for secret Fasting and Prayer, and spent the Day in almost incessant Cries to God for Mercy, that he would open my Eyes to see the Evil of Sin, and the Way of Life by Jesus Christ. And God was pleased that Day to make considerable Discoveries of my Heart to me: But still I trusted in all the Duties I performed; tho' there was no Manner of Goodness in the Duties I then performed, there being no Manner of Respect to the Glory of GOD in them, nor any such Principle in my Heart: yet God was pleased to make my Endeavours that Day, a Means to shew me my Helplessness in some Measure.

Sometimes I was greatly encouraged, and imagin'd that God loved me and was pleased with me, and thought I should soon be fully reconciled to God; while the Whole was founded on meer Presumption, arising from Enlargement in Duty, or Flowing of Affections, or some good Resolutions, and the like. And when, at Times, great Distress began to arise, on a Sight of my Vileness and Nakedness, and Inability to deliver my self from a sovereign God, I used to put off the Discovery, as what I could not bear. Once, I remember, a terrible Pang of Distress seized me, and the Thoughts of renouncing my Self, and standing naked before GOD, stripped of all Goodness, were so dreadful to me, that I was ready to say to 'em as Felix to Paul, Go thy Way for this Time. Thus, tho' I daily long'd for greater Conviction of Sin, supposing that I must see more of my dreadful State in order to a Remedy, yet when the Discoveries of my vile hellish Heart were made to me, the Sight was so dreadful, and shewed me so plainly my Exposedness to Damnation, that I could not endure it.— I constantly strove after whatever Qualifications, I imagined others obtained before the Reception of Christ, in order to recommend me to his Favour. Sometimes I felt the Power of an hard Heart, and supposed it must be soften'd before Christ would accept of me; and when I felt any Meltings of Heart, I hoped now the Work was almost done: And hence, when my Distress still remain'd, I was wont to murmur at God's Dealings with me; and thought, when others felt their Hearts softened, God shewed them Mercy: But my Distress remained still.

Sometimes I grew remiss and sluggish, without any great Convictions of Sin, for a considerable Time together; but after such a Season, Convictions sometimes seized me more violently. One Night I remember in particular, when I was walking solitarily Abroad, I had open'd to me such a View of my Sin, that I feared the Ground would cleave asunder under my Feet, and become my Grave, and send my Soul quick into Hell, before I could get Home. And tho' I was forced to go to Bed, left my Distress should be discovered by others, which I much feared; yet I scarce durst Sleep at all, for I thought it would be a great Wonder if I should be out of Hell in the Morning. And tho' my Distress was sometimes thus great, yet I greatly dreaded the loss of Convictions, and returning back to a State of carnal Security, and to my former Insensibility of impending Wrath; which made me exceeding exact in my Behaviour, lest I should stifle the Motions of God's Spirit. When at any Time I took a View of my Convictions of my own Sinfulness, and thought the Degree of 'em to be considerable, I was wont to trust in my Convictions: But this Confidence, and the Hopes that arose in me from it, of soon making some notable Advances towards Deliverance, would ease my Mind, and I soon became more senseless and remiss: But then again, when I discerned my Convictions to grow languid, and I tho't them about to leave me, this immediately alarmed and distressed me. Sometimes I expected to take a large Step, and get very far towards Conversion, by some particular Opportunity or Means I had in View.

The many Disappointments, and great Distresses and Perplexity I met with, put me into a most horrible Frame of contesting with the ALMIGHTY; with an inward Vehemence and Virulence, finding Fault with his Ways of Dealing with Mankind. I found great Fault with the Imputation of Adam's Sin to his Posterity: And my wicked Heart often wished for some other Way of Salvation, than by Jesus Christ: And being like the troubled Sea, and my Thoughts confused, I used to contrive to escape the Wrath of God by some other Means, and had strange Projections, full of Atheism, contriving to disappoint God's Designs and Decrees concerning me, or to escape God's Notice, and hide myself from him: But when, upon Reflection, I saw these Projections were vain, and would not serve me, and that I could contrive nothing for my own Relief, this would throw my Mind into the most horrid Frame, to wish there was no God, or to wish there were some other God that could controul him, &c. These Thoughts and Desires were the secret Inclinations of my Heart, that were frequently acting before I was aware; but alas, they were mine! Altho' I was affrighted with them, when I came to reflect on them: When I considered of it, it distressed me, to think, that my Heart was so full of Enmity against God; and it made me tremble, left God's Vengeance should suddenly fall upon me. I used before, to imagine my Heart was not so bad, as the Scriptures and some other Books represented. Sometimes I used to take much Pains to work it up into a good Frame, a humble submissive Disposition; and hoped there was then some Goodness in me: But it may be on a sudden, the Thoughts of the Strictness of the Law, or the Sovereignty of God, would so irritate the Corruption of my Heart, that I had so watched over, and hoped I had brought to a good Frame, that it would break over all Bounds, and burst forth on all Sides, like Floods of Waters, when they break down their Damm. But being sensible of the Necessity of a deep Humiliation in order to a saving Close with Christ, I used to set my self to work in my own Heart those Convictions, that were requisite in such an Humiliation: As, a Conviction, that God would be just, if he cast me off for ever: And that if ever God should bestow Mercy on me, it would be meer Grace, tho' I should be in Distress 〈◊〉 Y •• rs first, and be never so much engaged in Duty; that God 〈◊〉 not in the least obliged to pity me the more for all past Duties, Cries, and Tears, &c. These Things I strove to my utmost to bring my self to a firm belief of, and hearty assent to; and hoped that now I was brought off from my self, and truly humbled and bowed to the divine Sovereignty; and was wont to tell God in my Prayers, that now I had those very Dispositions of Soul that he required, and on which he shewed Mercy to others, and thereupon to beg and plead for Mercy to me: But when I found no Relief, and was still oppressed with Guilt and Fears of Wrath, my Soul was in a Tumult, and my Heart rose against God, as dealing hardly with me. Yet then my Conscience flew in my Face, putting me in Mind of my late Confession to God of his Justice in my Condemnation, &c. And this, giving me a Sight of the Badness of my Heart, threw me again into Distress, and I wished I had watched my Heart more narrowly, to keep it from breaking out against God's Dealings with me, and I even wished I had not pleaded for Mercy on Account of my Humiliation, because thereby I had lost all my seeming Goodness.

Thus, Scores of Times, I vainly imagined my self humbled and prepared for saving Mercy.

While I was in this distressed, bewilder'd, and tumultuous State of Mind, the Corruption of my Heart was especially irritated with these Things following:

1. The strictness of the divine Law. For I found it was impossible for me (after my utmost Pains) to answer the Demands of it. I often made new Resolutions, and as often broke them. I imputed the whole to Carelesness, and the Want of being more Watchful, and used to call my self a Fool for my Negligence: But when, upon a stronger Resolution, and greater Endeavours; and close Application of my self to Fasting and Prayer, I found all Attempts fail, then I quarrelled with the Law of God, as unreasonably rigid. I thought, if it extended only to my outward Actions and Behaviours, I could bear with it: But I found it condemned me for my evil Thoughts, and Sins of my Heart, which I could not possibly prevent. I was extreamly loth to give out, and own my utter Helplesness in this Matter: But after repeated Disappointments, thought that, rather than perish, I could do a little more still, especially if such and such Circumstances might but attend my Endeavours and Strivings; I hoped, that I should strive more earnestly than ever, if the Matter came to Extremity (tho' I never could find the Time to do my utmost, in the Manner I intended:) And this Hope of future more favourable Circumstances, and of doing something great hereafter, kept me from utter Despair in my self, and from seeing my self fallen into the Hands of a sovereign God, and dependent on nothing but free and boundless Grace.

2. Another Thing was, that Faith alone was the Condition of Salvation; and that God would not come down to lower Terms, that he would not promise Life and Salvation upon my sincere and hearty Prayers and Endeavours. That Word, Mark xvi.16. He that believeth not, shall be damned, cut off all Hope there: And I found, Faith was the sovereign Gift of God; that I could not get it as of my self, and could not oblige God to bestow it upon me, by any of my Performances. (Eph. ii.1, & 8.) This, I was ready to say, is a hard Saying; who can hear it? I could not bear, that all I had done should stand for meer nothing, who had been very Consciencious in Duty, and had been exceeding religious a great while, and had (as I thought) done much more than many others that had obtained Mercy. I confess'd indeed the Vileness of my Duties; but then, what made 'em at that Time seem vile, was my wandring Thoughts in them; not because I was all over defiled like a Devil, and the Principle corrupt from ••• nce they flowed, so that I could not possibly do any Thing that was Good. And therefore I called what I did, by the Name of honest faithful Endeavours; and 〈◊〉 not bear it, that God had made no Promises of Salvation to 〈◊〉 .

3. Another Thing was, that I could not find out what Faith was; or what it was to believe, and come to Christ. I read the Calls of Christ, made to the weary and heavy laden; but could find no Way, that he directed them to come in. I thought, I would gladly come, if I knew how, tho' the Path of Duty directed to were never so difficult. I read Mr. Stoddard's Guide to Christ (which I trust was, in the Hand of God, the happy Means of my Conversion) And my Heart rose against the Author; for tho' he told me my very Heart all along under Convictions, and seem'd to be very beneficial to me in his Directions; yet here he fail'd, He did not tell me any Thing I could do, that would bring me to Christ, but left me as it were with a great Gulf between me and Christ, without any Direction to get through▪ For I was not yet effectually and experimentally taught, that there could be no Way prescribed, whereby a natural Man could, of his own Strength, obtain that which is supernatural, and which the highest Angel cannot give.

4. Another Thing that I found a great inward Opposition to, was the Sovereignty of GOD. I could not bear, that it should be wholly at God's Pleasure, to save or damn me, just as he would. That Passage, Rom. ix.11, — 23. was a constant Vexation to me, especially Verse 21. The reading or meditating on this always destroyed my seeming good Frames: When I thought I was almost humbled, and almost resigned to God's Sovereignty, the reading or thinking on this Passage would make my Enmity against the Sovereignty of God appear. And when I came to reflect on my inward Enmity and Blasphemy, that arose on this Occasion, I was the more afraid of God, and driven further from any Hopes of Reconciliation with him; and it gave me such a dreadful View of my self, that I dreaded more than ever to see myself in God's Hands, and at his sovereign Disposal, and it made me more opposite than ever to submit to his Sovereignty; for I thought God designed my Damnation.—

All this Time the Spirit of God was powerfully at work with me; and I was inwardly pressed to relinquish all Self-Confidence, all Hopes of ever helping my self by any Means whatsoever: And the Conviction of my lost Estate was sometimes so clear and manifest before my Eyes, that it was as if it had been declared to me in so many Words, "'Tis done, 'tis done, 'tis forever impossible to deliver your self." For about three or four Days, my Soul was thus distressed, especially at some Turns, when for a few Moments I seemed to my self lost and undone; but then would shrink back immediately from the Sight, because I dared not venture my self into the Hands of God, as wholly helpless, and at the Disposal of his sovereign Pleasure. I dared not see that important Truth concerning my self, That I was dead in Trespasses and Sins. But when I had as it were thrust away these Views of my self at any Time, I felt distressed to have the same Discoveries of my self again; for I greatly feared being given over of God to final Stupidity. When I thought of putting it off to a more convenient Season, the Conviction was so close and powerful with Regard to the present Time, that it was the best Time, and probably the only Time, that I dared not put it off. It was the Sight of Truth concerning my self, Truth respecting my State, as a Creature fallen and alienated from God, and that consequently could make no Demands on God for Mercy, but must subscribe to the absolute Sovereignty of the divine Being; the Sight of the Truth, I say, my Soul shrank away from, and trembled to think of beholding. Thus, he that doth Evil (as all unregenerate Men continually do) hates the Light of Truth, neither cares to come to it, because it will reprove his Deeds, and shew him his just Deserts. (Joh. iii.20.) And tho', some Time before, I had taken much Pains (as I thought) to submit to the Sovereignty of God, yet I mistook the Thing; and did not once imagine, that seeing and being made experimentally sensible of this Truth, which my Soul now so much dreaded and trembled at a Sense of, was the Frame of Soul that I had been so earnest in pursuit of heretofore: For I had ever hoped, that when I had attained to that Humiliation, which I supposed necessary to go before Faith, then it would not be fair for God to cast me off; but now I saw it was so far from any Goodness in me, to own my self spiritually dead, and destitute of all Goodness, that, on the contrary, my Mouth would be forever stop'd by it; and it look'd as dreadful to me, to see my self, and the Relation I stood in to God, as a Sinner and a Criminal, and he a great Judge and Sovereign, as it would be to a poor trembling Creature, to venture off some high Precipice. And hence I put it off for a Minute or two, and tried for better Circumstances to do it in; either I must read a Passage or two, or pray first, or something of the like Nature; or else put off my Submission to God's Sovereignty, with an Objection, that I did not know how to submit: But the Truth was, I could see no Safety in owning my self in the Hands of a Sovereign God, and that I could lay no Claim to any Thing better than Damnation.

But after a considerable Time spent in such like Exercises and Distresses, one Morning, while I was walking in a solitary Place as usual, I at once saw that all my Contrivances and Projections to effect or procure Deliverance and Salvation for my self, were utterly in vain: I was brought quite to a stand, as finding my self totally lost. I had thought many Times before, that the Difficulties in my Way were very great: But now I saw, in another and very different Light, that it was forever impossible for me to do any Thing towards helping or delivering my self. I then thought of blaming my self, that I had not done more, and been more engaged, while I had Opportunity (for it seemed now as if the Season of doing was forever over and gone) But I instantly saw, that let me have done what I would, it would no more have tended to my helping myself; than what I had done; that I had made all the Pleas, I ever could have made to all Eternity; and that all my Pleas were vain. The Tumult that had been before in my Mind, was now quieted; and I was something eased of that Distress, which I felt, while struggling against a Sight of my self, and of the divine Sovereignty. I had the greatest Certainty, that my State was forever miserable, for all that I could do; and wondered, and was almost astonished, that I had never been sensible of it before.

In the Time while I remain'd in this State, my Notions respecting my Duties, were quite different from what I had ever entertained in Times past. Before this, the more I did in Duty, the more I thought God was obliged to me; or at least the more hard I thought it would be for God to cast me off; 'tho at the same Time I confessed, and thought I saw, that there was no Goodness or Merit in my Duties: But now the more I did in Prayer or any other Duty, the more I saw I was indebted to God for allowing me to ask for Mercy; For I saw, it was Self-Interest had led me to pray, and that I had never once prayed from any Respect to the Glory of God. Now I saw, there was no necessary Connection between my Prayers and the Bestowment of divine Mercy; that they laid not the least Obligation upon God to bestow his Grace upon me; and that there was no more Vertue or Goodness in them, than there would be in my paddling with my Hand in the Water (which was the Comparison I had then in my Mind) and this because they were not performed from any Love or Regard to God. I saw, that I had been heaping up my Devotions before God, Fasting, Praying &c. pretending, and indeed really thinking, at some Times, that I was aiming at the Glory of God; whereas I never once truly intended it, but only my own Happiness. I saw, that, as I had never done any Thing for God, I had no Claim to lay to any Thing from him, but Perdition, on Account of my Hypocrisy and Mockery. Oh how different did my Duties now appear from what they used to do! I used to charge them with Sin and Imperfection; But this was only on Account of the Wandrings and vain Thoughts attending them, and not because I had no Regard to God in them; for this I thought I had: But when I saw evidently that I had Regard to nothing but Self-Interest, then they appeared vile Mockery of God, Self-Worship, and a continual Course of Lies; so that I saw now, there was something worse had attended my Duties, than barely a few Wandrings &c. For the whole was nothing but Self-Worship and an horrid Abuse of God.

I continued, as I remember, in this State of Mind, from Friday-Morning 'till the Sabbath-Evening following, July 12. 1739. when I was walking again in the same solitary Place where I was brought to see my self lost and helpless (as was before mention'd) and here, in a mournful melancholy State, was attempting to pray; but found no Heart to engage in that, or any other Duty; my former Concern and Exercise and religious Affections were now gone. I thought, the Spirit of God had quite left me; but still was not distressed: Yet disconsolate, as if there was nothing in Heaven or Earth could make me happy. And having been thus endeavouring to pray (tho' being, as I thought, very stupid and senseless) for near half an Hour, (and by this Time the Sun was about half-an-hour-high, as I remember) then, as I was walking in a dark thick Grove, unspeakable Glory seemed to open to the View and Apprehension of my Soul: I don't mean any external Brightness, for I saw no such Thing, nor do I intend any Imagination of a Body of Light, some where away in the third Heavens, or any Thing of that Nature; but it was a new inward Apprehension or View that I had of GOD, such as I never had before, nor any Thing which had the least Resemblance of it. I stood still, and wonder'd and admired! I knew that I never had seen before any Thing comparable to it for Excellency and Beauty: It was widely different from all the Conceptions▪ that ever I had had of God, or Things divine. I had no particular Apprehension of any one Person in the Trinity, either the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghost; but it appeared to be divine Glory, that I then beheld: And my Soul rejoyced with Joy unspeakable, to see such a GOD, such a glorious divine Being; and I was inwardly pleased and satisfied, that he should be God over all forever and ever. My Soul was so captivated and delighted with the Excellency, Loveliness, Greatness, and other Perfections of GOD, that I was even swallowed up in Him; at least to that Degree, that I had no Thought (as I remember) at first, about my own Salvation, and scarce reflected there was such a Creature as my self.

Thus God, I trust, brought me to a hearty Disposition to exalt him, and set him on the Throne, and principally and ultimately to aim at his Honour and Glory, as King of the Universe.

I continued in this State of inward Joy and Peace, yet Astonishment, 'till near Dark, without any sensible Abatement; and then began to think and examine what I had seen; and felt sweetly composed in my Mind all the Evening following: I felt myself in a new World, and every Thing about me appeared with a different Aspect from what it was wont to do.

At this Time, the Way of Salvation opened to me with such infinite Wisdom, Suitableness and Excellency, that I wondered I should ever think of any other Way of Salvation; was amazed, that I had not drop'd my own Contrivances, and complied with this lovely blessed and excellent Way before. If I could have been saved by my own Duties, or any other Way that I had formerly contrived, my whole Soul would now have refused. I wonder'd, that all the World did not see and comply with this Way of Salvation, intirely by the Righteousness of Christ.

The sweet Relish of what I then felt, continued with me for several Days, almost constantly, in a greater or less Degree: I could not but sweetly rejoyce in God, lying down and rising up. The next Lords-Da • I felt something of the same Kind; tho' not so powerful as before. But, not long after, was again involved in thick Darkness, and under great Distress: yet not of the same Kind with my Distress under Convictions. I was guilty, afraid and ashamed to come before God, was exceedingly press'd with a Sense of Guilt: But it was not long before I felt (I trust) true Repentance and Joy in God.

About the latter End of August, I again 〈◊〉 under great Darkness; It seem'd as if the Presence of God • as clean gone forever. Tho' I was not so much d • stressed about my •• iritual State, as I was at my being shut out from God's 〈…〉 I then sensibly was. But it pleased the Lord 〈…〉 g • aciously to me, not long after.

In the Beginning of September I went to College Yale College in New-Haven. , and entred there: But with some Degree of Reluctancy, fearing lest I should not be able to lead a Life of strict Religion, in the midst of so many Temptations.— After this, in the Vacancy, before I went to tarry at College, it pleased God to visit my Soul with clearer Manifestations of himself and his Grace. I was spending some Time in Prayer, & Self-Examination; and the Lord by his Grace so shined into my Heart, that I enjoyed full Assurance of his Favour, for that Time; and my Soul was unspeakably refreshed with divine and heavenly Enjoyments. At this Time especially, as well as some others, sundry Passages of God's Word open'd to my Soul with divine Clearness, Power and Sweetness, so as to appear exceeding precious, and with clear and certain Evidence of it's being the Word of God. I enjoy'd considerable Sweetness in Religion all the Winter following.

In Jan. 1739, 40. The Measles spread much in College; and I having taken the Distemper, went home to Haddam: But some Days before I was taken Sick, I seem'd to be greatly deserted, and my Soul mourned the Absence of the Comforter exceedingly: It seem'd to me, all Comfort was forever gone; I pray'd and cried to God for Help, yet found no present Comfort or Relief. But thro' divine Goodness, a Night or two before I was taken Ill, while I was walking alone in a very retired Place, and engaged in Meditation and Prayer, I enjoyed a sweet refreshing Visit, as I trust, from above, so that my Soul was raised far above the Fears of Death; indeed I rather longed for Death, than feared it. O how much more refreshing this one Season was, than all the Pleasures and Delights that Earth can afford! After a Day or two I was taken with the Measles, and was very Ill indeed, so that I almost despaired of Life: But had no distressing Fears of Death at all. However thro' divine Goodness I soon recovered: Yet, by Reason of hard and close Studies, and being much exposed on Account of my Freshman-ship, I had but little Time for spiritual Duties; my Soul often mourned for Want of more Time and Opportunity to be alone with God. In the Spring and Summer following I had better Advantages for Retirement, and enjoyed more Comfort in Religion: Tho' indeed my Ambition in my Studies greatly wronged the Activity and Vigour of my spiritual Life: Yet this was usually the Case with me, that in the Multitude of my Thoughts within me, God's Comforts principally delighted my Soul: These were my greatest Consolations Day by Day.

One Day I remember in particular (I think it was in Jun • 1740.) I walked to a considerable Distance from the College, in the Fields alone at Noon, and in Prayer found such unspeakable Sweetness and Delight in God, that I thought, if I must continue still in this evil World, I wanted always to be there, to behold God's Glory: My Soul dearly loved all Mankind, and longed exceedingly that they should enjoy what I enjoyed.— It seem'd to be a little Resemblance of Heaven.

On Lord's-Day, July 6. being Sacrament-Day, I found some divine Life and spiritual Refreshment in that holy Ordinance. When I came from the Lord's Table, I wondered how my Fellow-Students could live as I was sensible most did. — Next Lord's-Day July 13. I had some special Sweetness in Religion.— Again Lord's-Day July 20. my Soul was in a sweet and precious Frame.

Sometime in August following, I became so weakly and disordered, by too close Application to my Studies, that I was advised by my Tutor to go Home, and disengage my Mind from Study, as much as I could; for I was grown so Weak, that I began to spit Blood. I took his Advice, and endeavoured to lay aside my Studies. But being brought very low, I look'd Death in the Face more stedfastly; and the Lord was pleased to give me renewedly a sweet Sense and Relish of divine Things; and particularly in October 13, I found divine Help and Consolation in the precious Duties of secret Prayer and Self Examination, and my Soul took Delight in the blessed God:—so likewise on the 17th of October.

Saturday October 18. in my Morning-Devotions, my Soul was exceedingly melted for and bitterly mourned over my exceeding Sinfulness and Vileness. I never before had felt so pungent and deep a Sense of the odious Nature of Sin, as at this Time. My Soul was then unusually carry'd forth in Love to God, and had a lively Sense of God's Love to me. And this Love and Hope, at that Time, cast out Fear. Both Morning and Evening I spent some Time in Self-Examination, to find the Truth of Grace, as also my Fitness to approach to God at his Table the next Day; and through infinite Grace, found the holy Spirit influencing my Soul with Love to God, as a Witness within my self.

Lord's-Day October 19. In the Morning, I felt my Soul hungring and thirsting after Righteousness. In the Fore-Noon, while I was looking on the Sacramental Elements, and thinking that Jesus Christ would soon be set forth crucified before me, my Soul was fill'd with Light and Love, so that I was almost in an Extasy; my Body was so weak, I could scarcely stand. I felt at the same Time an exceeding Tenderness and most fervent Love towards all Mankind; so that my Soul and all the Powers of it seemed, as it were, to melt into Softness and Sweetness. But in the Season of the Communion there was some Abatement of this sweet Life and Fervour. This Love and Joy cast out Fear; and my Soul longed for perfect Grace and Glory. This swe •• Frame continued 'till the Evening, when my Soul was sweetly spiritual in secret Duties.

Monday, October 20. I again found the sweet Assistance of the holy Spirit in secret Duties, both Morning and Evening, and Life and Comfort in Religion through the whole Day.

Tuesday, October 21. I had likewise Experience of the Goodness of God in shedding abroad his Love in my Heart, and giving me Delight and Consolation in religious Duties. And all the remaining Part of the Week, my Soul seemed to be taken up with divine Things. I now so longed after God, and to be freed from Sin, that when I felt myself recovering, and thought I must return to College again, which had proved so hurtful to my spiritual Interest the Year past, I could not but be grieved, and I thought I had much rather have died; for it distress'd me, to think of getting away from God. But before I went, I enjoyed several other sweet and precious Seasons of Communion with God (particularly October 30. and Nov. 4.) wherein my Soul enjoyed unspeakable Comfort.

I returned to College about November 6. and through the Goodness of God felt the Power of Religion almost daily, for the Space of six Weeks.

November 28. In my Evening-Devotion, I enjoyed precious Discoveries of God, and was unspeakably refreshed with that Passage Heb. xii.22, 23, 24. That my Soul longed to wing away for the Paradise of God; I longed to be conformed to God in all Things.— A Day or two after, I enjoyed much of the Light of God's Countenance, most of the Day; and my Soul rested in God.

Tuesday, December 9. I was in a comfortable Frame of Soul most of the Day; but especially in Evening-Devotions, when God was pleased wonderfully to assist and strengthen me; so that I thought nothing should ever move me from the Love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord.—O! one Hour with God infinitely exceeds all the Pleasures and Delights of this lower World.

Sometime towards the latter End of January 1740, 41. I grew more cold and dull in Matters of Religion, by Means of my old Temptation, viz. Ambition in my Studies.— But thro' divine Goodness, a great and general Awakening spread it self over the College, about the latter End of February, in which I was much quickned, and more abundantly engaged in Religion.

[This Awakening here spoken of, was at the Beginning of that extraordinary religious Commotion through the Land, which is fresh in every one's Memory. This Awakening was for a Time very great and general at New-Haven; and the College had no small Share in it: That Society was greatly reformed, the Students in general became serious, and many of them remarkably so, and much engaged in the Concerns of their eternal Salvation. And however undesirable the Issue of the Awakenings of that Day have appear'd in many others, there have been manifestly happy and abiding Effects of the Impressions then made on the Minds of many of the Members of that College. And by all that I can learn concerning Mr. Brainerd, there can be no Reason to doubt but that he had much of God's gracious Presence, and of the lively Actings of true Grace, at that Time: But yet he was afterwards abundantly sensible, that his religious Experiences and Affections at that Time were not free from a corrupt Mixture, nor his Conduct to be acquitted from many Things that were imprudent and blameable; which he greatly lamented himself, and was willing that others should forget, that none might make an ill Improvement of such an Example. And therefore altho' in the Time of it, he kept a constant Diary, containing a very particular Account of what pass'd from Day to Day, for the next thirteen Months, from the latter End of January, 1740, 41. foremention'd, in two small Books, which he called the two first Volumes of his Diary, next following the Account before given of his Convictions, Conversion, and consequent Comforts; yet, when he lay on his Death-Bed, he gave Order (unknown to me, 'till after his Death) that these two Volumes should be destroyed, and in the Beginning of the third Book of his Diary, he wrote thus, (by the Hand of another, he not being able to write himself) The two preceeding Volumes, immediately following the Account of the Author's Conversion, are lost. If any are desirous to know how the Author lived, in general, during that Space of Time, let them read the first thirty Pages of this Volume; where they will find something of a Specimen of his ordinary Manner of living, through that whole Space of Time, which was about 13 Months; excepting that here he was more refined from some Imprudencies and indecent Heats, than there; but the Spirit of Devotion running through the whole, was the same.

It could not be otherwise than that One whose Heart had been so prepared and drawn to God, as Mr. Brainerd's had been, should be mightily enlarged, animated and engaged, at the Sight of such an Alteration made in the College, the Town and Land, and so great an Appearance of Men's reforming their Lives, and turning from their Profaneness and Immorality, to Seriousness and Concern for their Salvation, and of Religion's reviving and f • ourishing almost every where. But as an intemperate imprudent Zeal, and a Degree of Enthusiasm soon crept in, and mingled it self with that Revival of Religion; and so great and general an Awakening being quite a new Thing in the Land, at least as to all the living Inhabitants of it; neither People nor Ministers had learn'd thoroughly to distinguish between solid Religion and its delusive Counterfeits; even many Ministers of the Gospel, of long standing and the best Reputation, were for a Time overpowered with the glaring Appearances of the latter: And therefore surely it was not to be wondered at, that young Brainerd, but a Sophimore at College, should be so; who was not only young in Years, but very young in Religion and Experience, and had had but little Opportunity for the Study of Divinity, and still less for Observation of the Circumstances and Events of such an extraordinary State of Things: A Man must divest himself of all Reason, to make strange of it. In these disadvantagious Circumstances, Brainerd had the Unhappiness to have a Tincture of that intemperate indiscreet Zeal, which was at that Time too prevalent; and was led, from his high Opinion of others that he looked upon better than himself, into such Errors as were really contrary to the habitual Temper of his Mind. One Instance of his Misconduct at that Time, gave great Offence to the Rulers of the College, even to that Degree that they expell'd him the Society; which it is necessary should here be particularly related, with it's Circumstances.

In the Time of the Awakening at College, there were several religious Students that associated themselves one with another for mutual Conversation and Assistance in spiritual Things, who were wont freely to open themselves one to another, as special and intimate Friends: Brainerd was one of this Company. And it once happened, that he and two or three more of these his intimate Friends were in the Hall together, after Mr. Whittelsey, one of the Tutors, had been to Prayer there with the Scholars; no other Person now remaining in the Hall, but Brainerd and these his Companions. Mr. Whittelsey having been unusually pathetical in his Prayer, one of Brainerd's Friends on this Occasion asked him what he thought of Mr. Whittelsey; He made Answer, He has no more Grace than this Chair. One of the Freshmen happening at that Time to be near the Hall (tho' not in the Room) over-heard those Words of his; tho' he heard no Name mention'd, and knew not who the Person was, which was thus censured: He informed a certain Woman that belonged to the Town, withal telling her his own Suspicion, viz. that he believ'd Brainerd said this of some one or other of the Rulers of the College. Whereupon she went & informed the Rector, who sent for this Freshman and examined him; and he told the Rector the Words that he heard Brainerd utter, and informed him who were in the Room with him at that Time. Upon which the Rector sent for them: They were very backward to inform against their Friend, of that which they look'd upon as private Conversation, and especially as none but they had heard or knew of whom he had uttered those Words; yet the Rector compell'd them to declare what he said, and of whom he said it.— Brainerd look'd on himself greatly abused in the Management of this Affair; and thought, that what he said in private, was injuriously extorted from his Friends, and that then it was injuriously required of him (as it was wont to be of such as had been guilty of some open notorious Crime) to make a publick Confession, and to humble himself before the whole College in the Hall, for what he had said only in private Conversation.— He not complying with this Demand, and having gone once to the separate Meeting at New-Haven, when forbidden by the Rector, and also having been accused by one Person of saying concerning the Rector, that he wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for fining the Scholars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, tho' there was no Proof of it (and Mr. Brainerd ever profess'd that he did not remember his saying any Thing to that Purpose) for these Things he was expell'd the College.

Now, how far the Circumstances and Exigences of that Day might justify such great Severity in the Governors of the College, I will not undertake to determine; it being my Aim, not to bring Reproach on the Authority of the College, but only to do Justice to the Memory of a Person who I think to be eminently one of those whose Memory is blessed. — The Reader will see, in the Sequel of the Story of Mr. Brainerd's Life, Particularly under the Date, Wednesday, Sept. 14. 1743. what his own Thoughts afterwards were of his Behaviour in these Things, and in how Christian a Manner he conducted himself, with Respect to this Affair; tho' he ever, as long as he lived, supposed himself much abused, in the Management of it, and in what he suffer'd in it.

His Expulsion was in the Winter Anno 1741, 2. while he was in his third Year in College.]

PART II. From about the Time that he first began to devote himself more especially to the Study of Divinity, 'till he was examined and licensed to preach, by the Association of Ministers belonging to the Eastern District of the County of Fairfield in Connecticut.

[MR. Brainerd, the Spring after his Expulsion, went to live with the Rev. Mr. Mills of Ripton, to follow his Studies with him, in order to his being fitted for the Work of the Ministry; where he spent the greater Part of the Time 'till the Association licensed him to preach; but frequently rode to visit the neighbouring Ministers, particularly Mr. Cooke of Stratfield, Mr. Graham of Southbury, and Mr. Bellamy of Bethlehem.

Here (at Mr. Mills's) he began the third Book of his Diary▪ in which the Account he wrote of himself, is as follows.]

Thursday, April 1. 1742. I seem to be declining with Respect to my Life & Warmth in divine Things: Had not so free Access to God in Prayer, as usual of late. O that God would humble me deeply in the Dust before him. I deserve Hell every Day, for not loving my Lord more, who has (I trust) loved me and given himself for me; and every Time I am enabled to exercise any Grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the God of all Grace for special Assistance. Where then is Boasting? Surely it is excluded, when we think how we are dependent on God for the Being and every Act of Grace. Oh, if ever I get to Heaven, it will be because God will, and nothing else; for I never did any thing of my self, but get away from God! My Soul will be astonished at the unsearchable Riches of divine Grace, when I arrive at the Mansions, which the blessed Saviour is gone before to prepare.

Friday, April 2. In the Afternoon I felt something sweetly in secret Prayer, much resigned, calm and serene. What are all the Storms of this lower World, if Jesus by his Spirit does but come walking on the Seas! —Some Time past, I had much Pleasure in the Prospect of the Heathens being brought home to Christ, and desired that the Lord would improve me in that Work:—But now my Soul more frequently desires to die, to be with Christ. O that my Soul were wrapt up in divine Love, and my longing Desires after God increased.— In the Evening, was refresh'd in Prayer, with the Hopes of the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom in the World.

Saturday, April 3. Was very muc • • miss this Morning, and had an ill Night last Night. I thought, if God would take me to himself now, my Soul would exceedingly rejoyce. O that I may be always humble and resign'd to God, and that God would cause my Soul to be more fix'd on himself, that I may be more fitted both for doing and suffering.

Lords-Day, April 4. My Heart was wandring and lifeless.— In the Evening God gave me Faith in Prayer, and made my Soul melt in some Measure, and gave me to taste a divine Sweetness.— O my blessed God! Let me climb up near to him, and love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and reach, and stretch after him, and for Deliverance from the Body of Sin and Death.— Alas, my Soul mourn'd to think I should ever lose Sight of it's Beloved again! O come, Lord JESUS! Amen.

[On the Evening of the next Day, he complains that he seem'd to be void of all Relish of divine Things, felt much of the Prevalence of Corruption, and saw in himself a Disposition to all Manner of Sin; which brought a very great Gloom on his Mind, and cast him down into the Depths of Melancholy; so that he speaks of himself, as astonished, amazed, having no Comfort, being filled with Horror, seeing no Comfort in Heaven or Earth.

Tuesday, April 6. I walked out this Morning to the same Place where I was last Night, and felt something as I did then; But was something relieved by reading some Passages in my Diary, and seem'd to feel as if I might pray to the great God again with Freedom; but was suddenly struck with a Damp, from the Sense I had of my own Vileness.— Then I cry'd to God to wash my Soul and cleanse me from my exceeding Filthiness, to give me Repentance and Pardon; and it began to be something sweet, to pray:— And I could think of undergoing the greatest Sufferings in the Cause of Christ, with Pleasure; and found my self willing (if God should so order it) to suffer Banishment from my native Land, among the Heathen, that I might do something for their Souls Salvation, in Distresses and Deaths of any Kind.— Then God gave me to wrestle earnestly for others, for the Kingdom of Christ in the World, and for dear Christian Friends.— I felt wean'd from the World and from my own Reputation amongst Men, willing to be despised, and to be a gazing Stock for the World to behold.— 'Tis impossible for me to express how I then felt: I had not much Joy, but some Sense of the Majesty of God, which made me as it were tremble: I saw my self mean and vile, which made me more willing that God should do what he would with me; it was all infinitely reasonable.

Wednesday, April 7. I had not so much Fervency, but felt something as I did Yesterday-Morning, in Prayer:— At Noon I spent some Time in secret, with some Fervency, but scarce any Sweetness: And felt very dull in the Evening.

Thursday, April 8.— Had raised Hopes to Day respecting the Heathen. O that God would bring in great Numbers of 'em to Jesus Christ. I can't but hope I shall see that glorious Day.— Every Thing in this World seems exceeding vile and little to me: I look so to my self.—I had some little Dawn of Comfort to Day in Prayer: But especially to Night I think I had some Faith and Power of Intercession with God, was enabled to plead with God for the Growth of Grace in my self; and many of the dear Children of God then lay with Weight upon my Soul. Blessed be the Lord. 'Tis good to wrestle for divine Blessings.

Friday, April 9. Most of my Time in Morning-Devotion was spent without sensible Sweetness; yet I had one delightful Prospect of arriving at the heavenly World. I am more amaz'd than ever at such Thoughts; for I see my self infinitely vile and unworthy. I feel very heartless and dull; and tho' I long for the Presence of God, and seem constantly to reach towards God in Desires, yet I can't feel that divine and heavenly Sweetness that I used to enjoy.—No poor Creature stands in Need of divine Grace more than I, and none abuse it more than I have done, and still do.

Saturday, April 10. Spent much Time in secret Prayer this Morning, and not without some Comfort in divine Things, and I hope had some Faith in Exercise: But am so low, and feel so little of the sensible Presence of God, that I hardly know what to call Faith, and am made to possess the Sins of my Youth, and the dreadful Sin of my Nature, and am all Sin; I can't think, nor act, but every Motion is Sin. — I feel some faint Hopes, that God will, of his infinite Mercy, return again with Showers of converting Grace to poor Gospel-abusing Sinners; and my Hopes of being improved in the Cause of God, which of late have been almost extinct, seem now a little revived. O that all my late Distresses and awful Apprehensions might prove but Christ's School, to make me fit for greater Service, by learning me the great Lesson of Humility.

Lord's-Day, April 11. In the Morning, felt but little Life, excepting that my Heart was something drawn out in Thankfulness to God for his amazing Grace and Condescension to me in past Influences and Assistances of his Spirit. — Afterwards had some Sweetness in the Thoughts of arriving at the heavenly World. O for the happy Day!— After publick Worship God gave me special Assistance in Prayer; I wrestled with my dear Lord, with much Sweetness; and Intercession was made a sweet and delightful Employment to me.—In the Evening, as I was viewing the Light in the North, was delighted in Contemplation on the glorious Morning of the Resurrection.

Monday, April 12. This Morning the Lord was pleas'd to lift up the Light of his Countenance upon me in secret Prayer, and made the Season very precious to my Soul. And tho' I have been so depress'd of late, respecting my Hopes of future Serviceableness in the Cause of God; yet now I had much Encouragement respecting that Matter. I was specially assisted to interceed and plead for poor Souls, and for the Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom in the World, and for special Grace for my self, to fit me for special Services. I felt exceeding calm, and quite resign'd to God, respecting my future Improvement, when and where he pleased: My Faith lifted me above the World, and removed all those Mountains, that I could not look over of late: I thought I wanted not the Favour of Man to lean upon; for I knew Christ's Favour was infinitely better, and that it was no Matter when, nor where, nor how Christ should send me, nor what Trials he should still exercise me with, if I might be prepared for his Work & Will. I now found sweetly revived in my Mind the wonderful Discovery, of infinite Wisdom in all the Dispensations of God towards me, which I had a little before I met with my great Trial at College: every Thing appear'd full of the Wisdom of God.

Tuesday, April 13. Saw my self to be very mean and vile; wondered at those that shewed me Respect. Afterwards was something comforted in secret Retirement, and was assisted to wrestle with God, with some Power, Spirituality and Sweetness. Blessed be the Lord, he is never unmindful of me, but always sends me needed Supplies, and from Time to Time, when I am like one dead, raises me to Life. O that I may never distrust infinite Goodness.

Wednesday, April 14. My Soul longed for Communion with Christ, and for the Mortification of indwelling Corruption, especially spiritual Pride. O there is a sweet Day coming, wherein the weary will be at Rest. My Soul has enjoyed much Sweetness this Day in the Hopes of its speedy arrival.

Thursday, April 15. My Desires apparently center'd i • GOD, and I found a sensible Attraction of Soul after him, sundry Times to Day: I know I long for GOD, and a Conformity to his Will, in inward Purity and Holiness, ten Thousand Times more than for any Thing here below.

Friday & Saturday, April 16, 17. Seldom prayed without some sensible Sweetness and Joy in the Lord. Sometimes I longed much to be dissolved and to be with Christ. O that God would enable me to grow in Grace every Day. Alas, my Barrenness is such, that God might well say, Cut it down.—I am afraid of a dead Heart on the Sabbath now begun: O that God would quicken me by his Grace.

Lord's-Day April 18. Retir'd early this Morning into the Woods for Prayer; had the Assistance of God's Spirit, and Faith in Exercise, and was enabled to plead with Fervency for the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom in the World, and to interceed for dear absent Friends.— At Noon, God enabled me to wrestle with him, and to feel (as I trust) the Power of divine Love in Prayer.— At Night, saw my self infinitely indebted to God, and had a View of my Short-comings: It seem'd to me, that I had done as it were nothing for God, and that I never had lived to him but a few Hours of my Life.

Monday, April 19. I set apart this Day for Fast •• g & Prayer to God for his Grace, especially to prepare me for 〈◊〉 Work of the Ministry, to give me divine Aid and Direction in my Preparations for that great Work, and in his own Time to send me into his Harvest. Accordingly, in the Morning, endeavoured to plead for the divine Presence for the Day, and not without some Life. In the Forenoon, I felt a Power of Intercession for precious immortal Souls, for the Advancement of the Kingdom of my dear Lord and Saviour in the World; and withal, a most sweet Resignation, and even Consolation and Joy in the Tho'ts of suffering Hardships, Distresses, and even Death it self, in the Promotion of it; and had special Enlargement in pleading for the Enlightning and Conversion of the poor Heathen. In the Afternoon, GOD was with me of a Truth. O 'twas blessed Company indeed! God enabled me so to agonize in Prayer, that I was quite wet with Sweat, tho' in the Shade, and the Wind cool. My Soul was drawn out very much for the World; I grasp'd for Multitudes of Souls. I think, I had more Enlargement for Sinners, than for the Children of God; tho' I felt as if I could spend my Life in Cries for both. I enjoyed great Sweetness in Communion with my dear Saviour. I think, I never in my Life felt such an intire Weanedness from this World, and so much resign'd to God in every Thing.—O that I may always live to and upon my blessed God. Amen, Amen.

Tuesday, April 20. This Day I am twenty-four Years of Age. O how much Mercy have I received the Year past!— How often has God caused his Goodness to pass before me! And how poorly have I answered the Vows I made this Time twelve-month, to be wholly the Lord's, to be forever devoted to his Service! The Lord help me to live more to his Glory for Time to come.— This has been a sweet, a happy Day to me: Blessed be God. I think, my Soul was never so drawn out in Intercession for others, as it has been this Night. Had a most fervent Wrestle with the Lord to Night for my Enemies; and I hardly ever so longed to live to God, and to be altogether devoted to him; I wanted to wear out my Life in his Service and for his Glory.

Wednesday, April 21. Felt much Calmness and Resignation, and God again enabled me to wrestle for Numbers of Souls, and had much Fervency in the sweet Duty of Intercession.— I enjoy of late more Sweetness in Intercession for others, than in any other Part of Prayer. My blessed Lord really let me come near to him, and plead with him.

[The Frame of Mind, and Exercises of Soul, that he expresses the three Days next following, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, are much of the same Kind with those express'd the two Days past.]

Lord's-Day April 25. This Morning spent about two Hours in secret Duties, and was enabled more than ordinarily to agonize for immortal Souls; tho' it was early in the Morning, and the Sun scarcely shined at all, yet my Body was quite wet with Sweat. Felt much press'd now, as frequently of late, to plead for the Meekness and Calmness of the Lamb of God in my Soul: Thro' divine Goodness felt much of it this Morning. O 'tis a sweet Disposition, heartily to forgive all Injuries done us; to wish our greatest Enemies as well as we do our own Souls! Blessed Jesus, may I daily be more and more conformed to Thee. At Night was exceedingly melted with divine Love, and had some feeling Sense of the Blessedness of the upper World. Those Words hung upon me, with much divine Sweetness, Psal. lxxxiv.7. They go from Strength to Strength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before God. O the near Access, that God sometimes gives us in our Addresses to him! This may well be termed appearing before God: 'Tis so indeed, in the true spiritual Sense, and in the sweetest Sense.—I think I have not had such Power of Intercession, these many Months, both for God's Children, and for dead Sinners, as I have had this Evening. I wished and longed for the Coming of my dear Lord: I long'd to join the Angelick Hosts in Praises, wholly free from Imperfection. O the blessed Moment hastens! All I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. O for Sanctification! My very Soul pants for the compleat Restoration of the blessed Image of my sweet Saviour; that I may be fit for the blessed Enjoyments and Employments of the heavenly World.

Farewell, vain World; my Soul can bid Adieu: My SAVIOUR's taught me to abandon you. Your Charms may gratify a sensual Mind; Not please a Soul wholly for GOD design'd. Forbear t'entice, cease then my Soul to call: 'Tis fix'd, through Grace; my GOD shall be my All. While he thus lets me heavenly Glories view, Your Beauties fade, my Heart's no Room for you.

The Lord refreshed my Soul with many sweet Passages of his Word. O the New Jerusalem! My Soul longed for it. O the Song of Moses and the Lamb! And that blessed Song, that no Man can learn, but they that are redeemed from the Earth! And the glorious white Robes, that were given to the Souls under the Altar!

Lord, I'm a Stranger here alone; Earth no true Comforts can afford: Yet, absent from my dearest One, My Soul delights to cry, My Lord! JESUS, my Lord, my only Love, Possess my Soul, nor thence depart: Grant me kind Visits, heavenly Dove; My God shall then have all my Heart.

Monday, April 26. Continued in a sweet Frame of Mind; but in the Afternoon felt something of spiritual Pride stirring. God was pleased to make it a humbling Season at first; tho' afterwards he gave me Sweetness. O my Soul exceedingly longs for that blessed State of Perfection of Deliverance from all Sin!—At Night, God enabled me to give my Soul up to him, to cast my self upon him, to be ordered and disposed of according to his sovereign Pleasure; and I enjoyed great Peace and Consolation in so doing. My Soul took sweet Delight in God to Night: My Thoughts freely and sweetly centred in him. O that I could spend every Moment of my Life to his Glory.

Tuesday, April 27. Retir'd pretty early so secret Devotions; and in Prayer God was pleased to pour such ineffable Comforts into my Soul, that I could do nothing for some Time but say over and over, O my sweet Saviour! O my sweet Saviour! Whom have I in Heaven, but Thee? and there is none upon Earth, that I desire beside Thee. If I had had a Thousand Lives, my Soul would gladly have laid 'em all down at once to have been with CHRIST. My Soul never enjoyed so much of Heaven before; 'twas the most refined and most spiritual Season of Communion with God I ever yet felt: I never felt so great a Degree of Resignation in my Life: I felt very sweetly all the Forenoon.— In the Afternoon I withdrew to meet with my God, but found my self much declined, and God made it a humbling Season to my Soul: I mourned over the Body of Death, that is in me: it grieved me exceedingly, that I could not pray to and praise God with my Heart full of divine heavenly Love.— O that my Soul might never offer any dead cold Services to my God.— In the Evening had not so much sweet divine Love, as in the Morning; but had a sweet Season of fervent Intercession.

Wednesday, April 28. Withdrew to my usual Place of Retirement in great Peace and Tranquillity, and spent about two Hours in secret Duties. I felt much as I did Yesterday-Morning, only weaker and more overcome. I seemed to hang and depend wholly on my dear Lord; wholly wean'd from all other Dependances. I knew not what to say to my God, but only lean on his Bosom, as it were, & breathe out my Desires after a perfect Conformity to him in all Things. Thirsting Desires & insatiable Longings possessed my Soul, after perfect Holiness: God was so precious to my Soul, that the World with all its Enjoyments was infinitely vile: I had no more Value for the Favour of Men, than for Pebbles: The LORD was my ALL; and He over-ruled all; which greatly delighted me. I think, my Faith and Dependance on God scarce ever rose so high. I saw Him such a Fountain of Goodness, that it seem'd impossible I should distrust him again, or be any Way anxious about any Thing that should happen to me. I now enjoyed great Sweetness in praying for absent Friends, and for the Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom in the World.—Much of the Power of these divine Enjoyments remained with me thro' the Day.—In the Evening my Heart seem'd sweetly to melt, & I trust, was really humbled for indwelling Corruption, and I mourned like a Dove. I felt that all my Unhappiness arose from my being a Sinner; for with Resignation I could bid Welcome all other Trials; but Sin hung heavy upon me; for God discovered to me the Corruption of my Heart: so that I went to Bed with a heavy Heart, because I was a Sinner; tho' I did not in the least doubt of God's Love. O that God would purge away my Dr • ss, and take away my Tin, and make me seven Times refined.

Thursday, April 29. Was kept off at a Distance from God;— but had some Inlargement in Intercession for precious Souls.

Friday, April 30. Was something dejected in Spirit: Nothing grieves me so much, as that I cannot live constantly to God's Glory. I could bear any Desertion or spiritual Conflicts, if I could but have my Heart all the while burning within me with Love to God and Desires of his Glory: But this is impossible; for when I feel these, I can't be dejected in my Soul, but only rejoyce in my Saviour, who has delivered me from the reigning Power, and will shortly deliver me from the Indwelling of Sin.

Saturday, May 1. Was enabled to cry to God with Fervency for ministerial Qualifications, and that God would appear for the Advancement of his own Kingdom, and that he would bring in the Heathen World, &c. Had much Assistance in my Studies.—This has been a profitable Week to me; I have enjoyed many Communications of the blessed Spirit in my Soul.

Lord's-Day, May 2. God was pleased this Morning to give me such a Sight of my self, as made me appear very vile in my own Eyes: I felt Corruption stirring in my Heart, which I could by no Means suppress: felt more and more deserted: was exceeding weak, and almost sick with my inward Trials.

Monday, May 3. Had a Sense of vile Ingratitude. In the Morning I withdrew to my usual Place of Retirement, and mourned for my Abuse of my dear Lord: spent the Day in Fasting and Prayer: God gave me much Power of wrestling for his Cause and Kingdom: And it was a happy Day to my Soul. God was with me all the Day, and I was more above the World, than ever in my Life.

[Through the remaining Part of this Week, he complains almost every Day of Desertion and inward Trials and Conflicts, attended with dejection of Spirit; but yet speaks of Times of Relief and Sweetness, and daily refreshing Visits of the divine Spirit, affording special Assistance and Comfort, and enabling, at some Times, to much Fervency and Enlargement in religious Duties.]

Lord's-Day, May 9. I think, I never felt so much of the cursed Pride of my Heart, as well as the Stubbornness of my Will before. Oh dreadful! what a vile Wretch I am! I could not submit to be nothing, and to lie down in the Dust! Oh that God would humble me in the Dust. I felt my self such a Sinner, all Day, that I had scarce any Comfort. Oh, when shall I be delivered from the Body of this Death! I greatly fear'd, lest thro' Stupidity and Carelesness I should lose the Benefit of these Trials. O that they might be sanctified to my Soul. Nothing seemed to touch me but only this, that I was a Sinner. — Had Fervency and Refreshment in social Prayer in the Evening.

Monday, May 10. Rode to New-Haven; saw some Christian Friends there; had Comfort in joining in Prayer with them, and hearing of the Goodness of God to them since I last saw them.

Tuesday, May 11. Rode from New-Haven to Weathersfield; was very dull most of the Day; had little Spirituality in this Journey, tho' I often longed to be alone with God; was much perplex'd with vile Thoughts; was sometimes afraid of every Thing: But GOD was my Helper.— Catch'd a little Time for Retirement in the Evening, to my Comfort and Rejoycing. Alas, I can't live in the midst of a Tumult! I long to enjoy God alone.

Wednesday, May 12. Had a distressing View of the Pride and Enmity and Vileness of my Heart.— Afterwards had sweet Refreshment in conversing, & worshipping God, with Christian Friends.

Thursday, May 13. Saw so much of the Wickedness of my Heart, that I longed to get away from my self. I never before thought, there was so much spiritual Pride in my Soul: I felt almost press'd to Death with my own Vileness. Oh, what a Body of Death is there in me! Lord, deliver my Soul. I could not find any convenient Place for Retirement, and was greatly exercised.—Rod • to Hartford in the Afternoon: had some Refreshment and Comfort in religious Exercises with Christian Friends; but longed for more Retirement. O the closest Walk with God is the sweetest Heaven, that can be enjoy'd on Earth!

Friday, May 14. Waited on a Council of Ministers convened at Hartford, and spread before them the Treatment I had met with from the Rector and Tutors of Yale-College; who thought it adviseable to interceed for me with the Rector and Trustees, and to intreat them to restore me to my former Privileges in College. The Application which was then made on his Behalf, had not the desired Success. — After this, spent some Time in religious Exercises with Christian Friends.

Saturday, May 15. Rode from Hartford to Hebron; was something dejected on the Road; appeared exceeding vile in my own Eyes, saw much Pride and Stubbornness in my Heart. Indeed I never saw such a Week before, as this; for I have been almost ready to die with the View of the Wickedness of my Heart. I could not have thought I had such a Body of Death in me. Oh that God would deliver my Soul.

[The three next Days (which he spent at Hebron, Lebanon, and Norwich) he complains still of Dulness and Desertion, and expresses a Sense of his Vileness, and longing to hide himself in some Cave or Den of the Earth: But yet speaks of some Intervals of Comfort and Soul-Refreshment each Day.]

Wednesday, May 19. [At Millington] I was so amazingly deserted this Morning, that I seem'd to feel a Sort of Horror in my Soul. Alas, when God withdraws, what is there that can afford any Comfort to the Soul!

[Through the eight Days next following, he expresses more Calmness and Comfort, and considerable Life, Fervency and Sweetness in Religion.]

Friday, May 28. [At New-Haven] I think, I scarce ever felt so calm in my Life; I rejoyced in Resignation, and giving my self up to God, to be wholly and intirely devoted to him forever.

[On the three following Days, there was, by the Account he gives, a Continuance of the same excellent Frame of Mind, last expressed: But it seems not to be altogether to so great a Degree.]

Tuesday, June 1. Had much of the Presence of God in Family-Prayer, and had some Comfort in Secret. I was greatly refreshed from the Word of God, this Morning, which appear'd exceeding sweet to me: some Things that appear'd mysterious, were opened to me. O that the Kingdom of the dear Saviour might come with Power, and the healing Waters of the Sanctuary spread far and wide for the Healing of the Nations.—Came to Ripton; but was very weak: However, being visited by a Number of young People in the Evening, I pray'd with them.

[The remaining Part of this Week, he speaks of being much diverted and hindered in the Business of Religion, by great Weakness of Body, and necessary Affairs, that he had to attend, and complains of having but little Power in Religion; But signifies, that God hereby shewed him, He was like a helpless Infant cast out in the open Field.]

Lord's-Day, June 6.— I feel much deserted: But all this teaches me my Nothingness and Vileness more than ever.

Monday, June 7. Felt still powerless in secret Prayer.— Afterwards I pray'd, and conversed, with some little Life. God feeds me with Crumbs: Blessed be his Name fo • any Thing. I felt a great Desire, that all God's People might know how mean and little and vile I am; that they might see I am nothing, that so they may pray for me aright, and not have the least Dependance upon me.

Tuesday, June 8. I enjoyed one sweet and precious Season this Day: I never felt it so sweet to be nothing, and less than nothing, and to be accounted nothing.

[The three next Days he complains of Desertion, and Want of fervency in Religion; but yet his Diary shews that every Day his Heart was engaged in Religion, as his great and as it were only Business.]

Saturday, June 12. Spent much Time in Prayer, this Morning, and enjoyed much Sweetness: — Felt insatiable Longings after God, much of the Day: I wonder'd how poor Souls do to live, that have no God.— The World, with all its Enjoyments, quite vanished. I see my self very helpless: but I have a blessed GOD, to go to. I long'd exceedingly to be dissolved, and to be with Christ, to behold his Glory. Oh, my weak weary Soul longs to arrive at my Father's House!

Lord's-Day, June 13. Felt something calm and resigned in the publick Worship: At the Sacrament saw my self very vile and worthless. O that I may always lie low in the Dust. My Soul seemed steadily to go forth after GOD, in longing Desires to live upon him.

Monday, June 14. Felt something of the Sweetness of Communion with God, and the constraining Force of his Love: How admirably it captivates the Soul, and makes all the Desires and Affections to center in GOD!—I set apart this Day for secret Fasting and Prayer, to intreat God to direct and bless me with Regard to the great Work I have in View, of Preaching the Gospel; and that the Lord would return to me and shew me the Light of his Countenance. Had little Life and Power in the Forenoon: Near the middle of the Afternoon, God enabled me to wrestle ardently in Intercession for absent Friends:—But just at Night, the Lord visited me marvellously in Prayer; I think, my Soul never was in such an Agony before: I felt no Restraint; for the Treasures of divine Grace were opened to me: I wrestled for absent Friends, for the Ingathering of Souls, for Multitudes of poor Souls, and for many that I thought were the Children of God, personally, in many distant Places. I was in such an Agony, from Sun half an Hour high, 'till near Dark, that I was all over wet with Sweat; but yet it seem'd to me that I had wasted away the Day, and had done nothing. Oh, my dear JESUS did sweat Blood for poor Souls! I long for more Compassion towards them.— Felt still in a sweet Frame, under a Sense of divine Love and Grace; and went to Bed in • uch a Frame, with my Heart set on GOD.

Tuesday, June 15. Had the most ardent Longings after GOD, that ever I felt in my Life: At Noon, in my secret Retirement, I could do nothing but tell my dear Lord, in a sweet Calm, that he knew I longed for nothing but Himself, nothing but Holiness; That He had given me these De •• res, and He only could give me the Thing desired. I never seem'd to be so unhinged from my self, and to be so wholly devoted to God. My Heart was swallowed up in GOD, most of the Day. In the Evening I had such a View of the Soul's being as it were enlarged, to contain more Holiness, that my Soul seem'd ready to separate from my Body, and stretch to obtain it. I then wrestled in an Agony for divine Blessings; had my Heart drawn out in Prayer for some Christian Friends, beyond what I ever had before.—I feel differently now from what ever I did under any sweet Enjoyments before, more engaged to live to GOD for ever, and less pleased with my own Frames: I am not satisfied with my Frames, nor feel at all more easy after such sweet Strugglings than before; for it seems far too little, if I could always be so. Oh, how short do I fall of my Duty in my sweetest Moments!

[In his Diary for the two next Days, he expresses something of the same Frame, but in a fat less Degree. Here end the 30 first Pages of the third Volume of his Diary, which he speaks of in the Beginning of this Volume (as was observed before) as containing a Specimen of his ordinary Manner of living, thro' the whole Space of Time, from the Beginning of those two Volumes that were destroy'd.]

Friday, June 18. Considering my great Unfitness for the Work of the Ministry, my present Deadness, and total Inability to do any Thing for the Glory of God that Way, feeling my self very helpless, and at a great Loss what the Lord would have me to do, I set apart this Day for Prayer to God, and spent most of the Day in that Duty; but amazingly deserted, most of the Day: yet I found God graciously near, once in particular, while I was pleading for more Compassion for immortal Souls, my Heart seem'd to be open'd at once, and I was enabled to cry with great Ardency, for a few Minutes.—Oh, I was distress'd, to think, that I should offer such dead cold Services to the living God! My Soul seem'd to breathe after Holiness, a Life of constant Devotedness to God. But I am almost lost sometimes in the pursuit of this Blessedness, and ready to sink, because I continually fall short and miss of my Desire. O that the Lord would help me to hold out, yet a little while, 'till the happy Hour of Deliverance comes.

Saturday, June 19. Felt much disordered; my Spirits were very low: but yet enjoyed some Freedom and Sweetness in the Duties of Religion. Blessed be God.

Lord's-Day, June 20. Spent much Time alone.—My Soul longed to be holy, and reach'd after GOD; but seem'd not to obtain my Desire: I hungred and thirsted; but was not sweetly refresh'd and satisfied. My Soul hung on GOD, as my only Portion. O that I could grew in Grace more abundantly every Day.

[The next Day he speaks of his having Assistance in his Studies, and Power, Fervency and Comfort in Prayer.]

Tuesday, June 22. In the Morning, spent about two 〈◊〉 in Prayer and Meditation, with considerable Delight. Toward • Night, felt my Soul go out in longing Desires after God, in secret Retirement. In the Evening, was sweetly composed and resigned to God's Will; was enabled to leave my self and all my Concerns with Him, and to have my whole Dependance upon Him: my secret Retirement was very refreshing to my Soul: It appeared such a Happiness to have God for my Portion, that I had rather be any other Creature in this lower Creation, than not come to the Enjoyment of God: I had rather be a Beast, than a Man, without God, if I were to live here to Eternity, Lord, endear thy self more to me.

[In his Diary for the next seven Days, he expresses a variety of Exercises of Mind: He speaks of great Longings after God and Holiness, and earnest Desires for the Conversion of others, of Fervency in Prayer, and Power to wrestle with God, and of Composure, Comfort and Sweetness, from Time to Time; but expresses a Sense of the vile Abomination of his Heart, and bitterly complains of his Barrenness, and the pressing Body of Death; and says, he saw clearly, that whatever he enjoyed, better than Hell, was free Grace: Complains of his being exceeding low, much below the Character of a Child of God▪ and is sometimes very disconsolate and dejected.]

Wednesday, June 30. Spent this Day alone in the Woods, in Fasting and Prayer; underwent the most dreadful Conflicts in my Soul, that ever I felt, in some Respects: I saw my self so vile, that I was ready to say, I shall now perish by the Hand of Saul..—I thought, and almost concluded, I had no Power to stand for the Cause of God, but was almost afraid of the shaking of a Leaf. Spent almost the whole Day in Prayer, incessantly. I could not bear to think of Christians shewing me any Respect. I almost despaired of doing any Service in the World: I could not feel any Hope or Comfort, respecting the Heathen, which used to afford me some Refreshment in the darkest Hours of this Nature. I spent away the Day in the Bitterness of my Soul. Near Night, I felt a little better; and afterwards enjoyed some Sweetness in secret Prayer.

Thursday, July 1. Had some Sweetness in Prayer, this Morning.—Felt exceeding sweetly in secret Prayer to Night, & desired nothing so ardently as that God should do with me just as he pleased.

Friday, July 2. Felt composed in secret Prayer▪ in the Morning.— My Desires sweetly ascended to God this Day, as I was travelling: and was comfortable in the Evening. Blessed be God for all my Consolations.

Saturday, July 3. My Heart seemed again to sink. The Disgrace I was laid under at College, seemed to damp me, as it opens the Mouths of Opposers. I had no Refuge but in GOD only. Blessed be his Name, that I may go to Him at all Times, and find him a present Help.

Lord's-Day, July 4. Had considerable Assistance. In the Evening, I withdrew and enjoyed a happy Season in secret Prayer: God was pleased to give me the Exercise of Faith, and thereby brought the invisible and eternal World near to my Soul; which appear'd sweetly to me. I hoped, that my weary Pilgrimage in the World would be short, and that it would not be long before I was brought to my heavenly Home and Father's House: I wa • sweetly resigned to God's Will, to tarry his Time, to do 〈◊〉 Work, and suffer his Pleasure. I felt Thankfulness to God for all my pressing Desertions of late; for I am perswaded, they have been made a Means of making me more humble, and much more resign'd. I felt pleased, to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in the Dust. I enjoy'd Life and sweet Consolation in pleading for the dear Children of God, and the Kingdom of Christ in the World: and my Soul earnestly breathed after Holiness and the Enjoyment of God. O come Lord JESUS! Come quickly. Amen.

[By his Diary for the remaining Days of this Week, it appears that he enjoyed considerable Composure and Tranquillity, and had Sweetness and Fervency of Spirit in Prayer, from Day to Day.]

Lords-Day, July 11. Was deserted and exceeding dejected in the Morning.— In the Afternoon, had some Life and Assistance, and felt resigned: I saw my self exceeding vile.

[On the two next Days he expresses inward Comfort, Resignation, and Strength in GOD.]

Wednesday, July 14. Felt a Kind of humble resigned Sweetness: Spent a considerable Time in Secret, giving my self up wholly to the Lord.— Heard Mr. Bellamy preach, towards Night: felt very Sweetly, part of the Time: Longed for nearer access to GOD.

[The four next Days, he expresses considerable Comfort and Fervency of Spirit in Christian Conversation and Religious Exercises.]

Monday, July 19. My Desires seem especially to be carried out after Weanedness from the World, perfect Deadness to it, and to be even crucified to all its Allurements. My Soul longs to fe • l it self more of a Pilgrim and Stranger here below; that nothing may divert me from pressing through the lonely Desart, 'till I arrive at my Father's House.

Tuesday, July 20. It was sweet, to give away my self to GOD, to be disposed of▪ at his Pleasure; and had some feeling Sense of the Sweetness of being a Pilgrim on Earth.

[The next Day, he expresses himself as determined to be wholly devoted to God; and it appears by his Diary, that he spent the whole Day in a most diligent Exercise of Religion, and exceeding comfortably.]

Thursday, July 22. Journeying from Southbury to Ripton, called at a House by the Way, where being very kindly entertain'd and refresh'd, I was fill'd with Amazement and Shame, that God should stir up the Hearts of any to shew so much Kindness to such a dead Dog as I; was made sensible, in some Measure, how exceeding vile it is, not to be wholly devoted to God. I wonder'd, that God would suffer any of his Creatures to feed and sustain me, from Time to Time.

[In his Diary for the six next Days, are expressed various Exercises and Experiences, such as sweet Composure and Fervency of Spirit in Meditation and Prayer, Weanedness from the World, being sensibly a Pilgrim and Stranger on the Earth, Engagedness of Mind to spend every Inch of Time for God, &c.]

Thursday, July, 29. Was examined by the Association met at Danbury, as to my Learning, and also my Experiences in Religion, and received a Licence from them to preach the Gospel of Christ.— Afterwards felt much devoted to God; join'd in Prayer with one of the Ministers, my peculiar Friend, in a convenient Place; went to Bed resolving to live devoted to God all my Days.

PART III. From the Time of his being licensed to preach, by the Association, 'till he was examined in New-York, by the Correspondents or Commissioners of the SOCIETY in Scotland for propagating Christian Knowledge, and approved and appointed as their Missionary to the INDIANS.

FRiday, July 30. 1742. Rode from Danbury to Southbury; Preach'd there from 1 Pet. iv.8. Had much of the comfortable Presence of God in the Exercise: I seem'd to have Power with God in Prayer, and Power to get hold of the Hearts of the People in Preaching.

Saturday, July 31. Exceeding calm and composed, and was greatly refreshed and encouraged.

[It appears by his Diary, that he continued in this Sweetness and Tranquillity, almost through the whole of the next Week.]

Lord's-Day, Aug. 8. In the Morning felt comfortably in secret Prayer; my Soul was refresh'd with the Hopes of the Heathens coming home to Christ; was much resigned to GOD, I thought it was no Matter what became of me. — Preach'd both Parts of the Day at Bethlehem, from Job xiv.14. It was sweet to me to meditate on Death. In the Evening, felt very comfortably, and cried to God fervently, in secret Prayer.

[It appears by his Diary, that he continued thro' the three next Days, engaged with all his Might in the Business of Religion, and in almost a constant Enjoyment of the Comforts of it.]

Thursday, August 12. This Morning and last Night was exercised with sore inward Trials: I had no Power to pray; but seemed shut out from God. I had in a great Measure lost my Hopes of God's sending me among the Heathen afar off, and of seeing them flock home to Christ. I saw so much of my hellish Vileness, that I appear'd worse to my self, than any Devil: I wonder'd, that God would let me live, and wondered that People did not stone me, much more, that they would ever hear me preach! It seem'd as tho' I never could nor should preach any more, yet about 9 or 10 o'Clock, the People came over, and I was forced to preach: And blessed be God, he gave me his Presence and Spirit in Prayer and Preaching: So that I was much assisted, and spake with Power from Job xiv.14. Some Indians cry'd out in great Distress, It was in a Place near Kent, in the Western Borders of Connecticut, where there is a Number of Indians. and all appear'd greatly concerned. After we had pray'd and exhorted them to seek the Lord with Constancy, and hired an English Woman to keep a Kind of School among them, we came away about one o'Clock, and came to Judea, about 15 or 16 Miles. There God was pleased to visit my Soul with much Comfort. Blessed be the Lord for all Things I meet with.

[It appears, that the two next Days he had much Comfort, and had his Heart much engaged in Religion.]

Lords-Day, August 13. Felt much Comfort and Devotedness to God this Day. At Night, it was refreshing, to get alone with GOD and pour out my Soul. O, who can conceive of the Sweetness of Communion with the blessed God, but those that have Experience of it! Glory to God forever, that I may taste Heaven below.

Monday, August 16. Had some Comfort in secret Prayer, in the Morning:— Felt sweetly sundry Times in Prayer this Day: But was much perplexed in the Evening with vain Conversation.

Tuesday, August 17. Exceedingly depress'd in Spirit. It cuts and wounds my Heart, to think how much Self-Exaltation, Spiritual Pride, & Warmth of Temper, I have formerly had intermingled with my Endeavours to promote God's Work: And sometimes I long to lie down at the Feet of Opposers, and confess what a poor imperfect Creature I have been and still am.— Oh, the Lord forgive me, and make me for the future wise as a Serpent and harmless as a Dove.—Afterwards enjoy'd considerable Comfort and Delight of Soul.

Wednesday, August 18. Spent most of thi • Day in Prayer and Reading.— I see so much of my own extream Vileness, that I feel ashamed and guilty before God and Man: I look, to my self, like the vilest Fellow in the Land: I wonder, that God stirs up his People to be so kind to me.

Thursday, August 19. This Day, being about to go from Mr. Bellamy's at Bethlehem, where I had resided some Time, pray'd with him, and two or three other Christian Friends, and gave our selves to God with all our Hearts, to be his for ever▪ Eternity look'd very near to me, while I was praying. If I never should see these Christians again in this World, it seem'd but a few Moments before I should meet 'em in another World.— Parted with them sweetly.

Friday, August 20. I appeared so vile to my self, that I hardly dared to think of being seen, especially on Account of spiritual Pride. However, to Night, I enjoyed a sweet Hour alone with God [at Ripton] I was lifted above the Frowns and Flatteries of this lower World, had a sweet Relish of heavenly Joys, and my Soul did as it were get into the eternal World, and really taste of Heaven. I had a sweet Season of Intercession for dear Friends in Christ; and God helped me to cry fervently for Zion. Blessed be God for this Season.

Saturday, August 21. Was much perplex'd, in the Morning.— Towards Noon enjoyed more of God in secret, was enabled to see that it was best to throw my self into the Hands of God, to be disposed of according to his Pleasure, and rejoyced in such Thoughts. In the Afternoon, rode to New-Haven; was much confused all the Way.— Just at Night, underwent such a dreadful Conflict, as I have scarce ever felt. I saw my self exceeding vile and unworthy; so that I was guilty, and ashamed, that any Body should bestow any Favour on me, or shew me any Respect.

Lord's-Day, August 22. In the Morning, continued still in Perplexity.— In the Evening, enjoyed that Comfort that seem'd to me sufficient to over-ballance all my late Distresses. I saw, that God is the only Soul-satisfying Portion, and I really found Satisfaction in him: My Soul was much enlarged in sweet Intercession for my Fellow-Men every where, and for many Christian Friends, in particular, in distant Places.

Monday, August 23. Had a sweet Season in secret Prayer: The Lord drew near to my Soul, and filled me with Peace and divine Consolation. O, my Soul tasted the Sweetness of the upper World; and was sweetly drawn out in Prayer for the World, that it might come home to Christ! Had much Comfort in the Thoughts and Hopes of the Ingathering of the Heathen; was greatly assisted in Intercession for Christian Friends.

[He continued still in the same Frame of Mind the next Day, but in a lesser Degree.]

Wednesday, August 25. In Family-Prayer, God helped me to climb up near Him, so that I scarce ever got nearer.

[The four next Days, he appears to have been the Subject of Desertion, and of Comfort and Fervency in Religion, interchangeably, together with a Sense of Vileness and Unprofitableness.]

Monday, August 30. Felt something comfortably in the Morning; conversed sweetly with some Friends; was in a serious composed Frame; pray'd at a certain House with some Degree of Sweetness. Afterwards, at another House, pray'd privately with a dear Christian Friend or two; and I think, I scarce ever launch'd so far into the eternal World, as then; I got so far out on the broad Ocean, that my Soul with Joy triumphed over all the Evils on the Shores of Mortality. I think, Time and all its gay Amusements and cruel Disappointments, never appeared so inconsiderable to me before: I was in a sweet Frame; I saw my self nothing, and my Soul reach'd after GOD with intense Desire. O! I saw what I owed to God, in such a Manner, as I scarce ever did: I knew, I had never lived a Moment to him, as I should do: Indeed it appeared to me, I had never done any Thing in Christianity: My Soul longed with a vehement Desire to live to GOD.—In the Evening, sung and pray'd with a Number of Christians: Felt the Powers of the World to come ▪ in my Soul, in Prayer. Afterwards pray'd again privately; with a dear Christian or two, and found the Presence of God; was something humbled in my secret Retirement; felt my Ingratitude, because I was not wholly swallowed up in GOD.

[He was in a sweet Frame great Part of the next Day.]

Wednesday, Septemb. 1. — Went to Judea, to the Ordination of Mr. Judd. Dear Mr. Bellamy preach'd from Matth. xxiv.46. Blessed is that Servant &c. I felt very solemn, and very sweetly, most of the Time; had my Thoughts much on that Time when our Lord will come; that Time refreshed my Soul much; only I was afraid, I should not be found faithful, because I have so vile a Heart. My Thoughts were much in Eternity, where I love to dwell. Blessed be God for this solemn Season.— Rode home to Night with Mr. Bellamy; felt something sweetly on the Road; conversed with some Friends 'till it was very late, and then retired to Rest in a comfortable Frame.

Thursday, September 2. About two in the Afternoon, I preach'd from John vi.67. And God assisted me in some comfortable Degree; but more especially in my first Prayer; my Soul seemed then to launch quite into the eternal World, and to be as it were separated from this lower World.— Afterwards preach'd again from Isaiah v.4. God gave me some Assistance; But I saw my self a poor Worm.

[On Friday, September 3. He complains of having but little Life in the Things of God, the former Part of the Day, but afterwards speaks of Sweetness and Enlargement.]

Saturday, September 4. Much out of Health, and exceedingly depress'd in my Soul, and was at an awful Distance from God.— Towards Night, spent some Time in profitable Thoughts on Rom. viii.2.— Near Night, had a very sweet Season in Prayer; God enabled me to wrestle ardently for the Advancement of the Redeemer's Kingdom; pleaded earnestly for my own dear Brother John, that God would make him more of a Pilgrim and Stranger on the Earth, and fit him for singular Serviceableness in the World; and my Heart sweetly exulted in the Lord, in the Thoughts of any Distresses that might alight on him or me, in the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom. — 'Twas a sweet and comfortable Hour unto my Soul, while I was indulged Freedom to plead, not only for my self, but for many other Souls.

Lord's-Day, September 5. Preach'd all Day: was something strengthen'd & assisted in the Afternoon; more especially in the Evening: had a Sense of my unspeakable Short-comings in all my Duties. I found, alas! that I had never lived to GOD in my Life.

Monday, Septemb. 6. Was informed, that they only waited for an Opportunity to apprehend me for Preaching at New-Haven lately, that so they might imprison me: This made me more solemn and serious, and to quit all Hopes of the World's Friendship: It brought me to a further Sense of my Vileness, and just Desert of this, and much more, from the Hand of God, tho' not from the Hand of Man: Retired into a convenient Place in the Woods, and spread the Matter before God.

Tuesday, Septemb. 7. Had some Relish of divine Things in the Morning. Afterwards felt more barren and melancholy. Rode to New-Haven, to a Friend's House at a Distance from the Town; that I remain undiscovered, and yet have Opportunity to do Business privately with Friends, which come to Commencement.

Wednesday, Septemb. 8. Felt very sweetly, when I first rose in the Morning. In Family-Prayer, had some Enlargement, but not much Spirituality, 'till Eternity came up before me and look'd near; I found some Sweetness in the Thoughts of bidding a dying Farewell to this tiresom World: Tho' sometime ago I reckon'd upon seeing my dear Friends at Commencement, yet being now denied the Opportunity, for fear of Imprisonment I felt totally resign'd, and as contented to spend this Day alone ... the Woods, as I could have done, if I had been allowed to go to Town. Felt exceedingly wean'd from the World to Day.— In the Afternoon discoursed something on some divine Things with a dear Christian Friend, whereby we were both refreshed. Then I pray'd, with a sweet Sense of the Blessedness of Communion with GOD: I think, I scarce ever enjoyed more of GOD in any one Prayer. O it was a blessed Season indeed to my Soul! I knew not that ever I saw so much of my own Nothingness in my Life; never wondered so, that God allowed me to preach his Word; never was so astonished as now.—This has been a sweet and comfortable Day to my Soul: Blessed be God.— Pray'd again with my dear Friend, with something of the divine Presence.— I long to be wholly conformed to God, and transformed into his Image.

Thursday, Septemb. 9. Spent much of the Day alone: Enjoyed the Presence of God in some comfortable Degree: was visited by some dear Friends, and pray'd with them: Wrote sundry Letters to Friends; felt Religion in my Soul while writing: Enjoyed some sweet Meditations on some Scriptures.— In the Evening, went very privately into Town, from the Place of my Residence at the Farms, and conversed with some dear Friends; • elt sweetly in singing Hymns with them; and made my Escape to the Farms again, without being discovered by any Enemies, as I knew of. Thus the Lord preserves me continually.

Friday, September 10. Longed with intense Desire after GOD: my whole Soul seem'd impatient to be Conformed to him, and to become Holy, as he is Holy.— In the Afternoon, pray'd with a dear Friend privately, and had the Presence of God with us; our Souls united together to reach after a blessed Immortality, to be unclothed of the Body of Sin and Death, and to enter the blessed World, where no unclean Thing enters. O, with what intense Desire did our Souls long for that blessed Day, that we might be freed from Sin, and forever live to and in our GOD!— In the Evening, took leave of that House; But first kneel'd down and prayed; The Lord was of a Truth in the midst of us; 'twas a sweet parting Season; felt in my self much Sweetness and Affection in the Things of God. Blessed be God for every such divine Gale of his Spirit, to speed me on in my Way to the New-Jerusalem!— Felt some Sweetness afterwards, and spent the Evening in Conversation with Friends, and pray'd with some Life, and retired to Rest very late.

[The five next Days, he appears to have been in an exceeding comfortable, sweet Frame of Mind, for the most Part, and to have been the Subject of the like heavenly Exercises as are often expressed in preceeding Passages of his Diary; such as having his Heart much engaged for God, wrestling with God in Prayer with Power and Ardency, enjoying at Times, sweet Calmness and Composure of Mind, giving himself up to God to be his forever, with great Complacence of Mind, being wholly resigned to the Will of God, that God might do with him what he pleased, longing well to improve Time, having the eternal World as it were brought nigh, longing after God and Holiness, earnestly desiring a compleat Conformity to him, and wondring how poor Souls do to exist without God.]

Thursday, September 16. At Night, felt exceeding sweetly▪ Enjoyed much of God in secret Prayer: Felt an uncommon Resignation, to be and do what God pleased. Some Days past, I felt great Perplexity on Account of my past Conduct: My Bitternes • , and Want of Christian Kindness and Love, has been very distressing to my Soul: The Lord forgive me my unchristian Warmth, and want of a Spirit of Meekness.

[The next Day, He speaks of much Resignation, Calmness and Peace of Mind, and near Views of the eternal World.]

Saturday, Septemb. 18. Felt some Compassion for Souls, and mourn'd I had no more. I feel much more Kindness, Meekness, Gentleness and Love towards all Mankind, than ever. I long to be at the Feet of my Enemies and Persecutors. Enjoyed some Sweetness, in feeling my Soul conform'd to Christ Jesus, and given away to him forever, in Prayer to Day.

[The next Day, he speaks of much Dejection and Discouragement, from an Apprehension of his own Unfitness ever to do any Good in Preaching; But blesses God for all Dispensations of Providence and Grace; finding that by all God wean'd him more from the World, and made him more resign'd.

The next ten Days, he appears to have been for the most Part under great Degrees of Melancholy, exceedingly dejected and discouraged; speaks of his being ready to give up all for gone respecting the Cause of Christ, and exceedingly longing to die: Yet had some sweet Seasons and Intervals of Comfort, and special Assistance and Enlargement in the Duties of Religion, and in performing publick Services, and considerable Success in them.]

Thursday, September 30. Still very low in Spirits, and did not know how to engage in any Work or Business, especially to correct some Disorders among Christians; felt as tho' I had no Power to be faithful in that Regard. However towards Noon, preach'd from Deut. viii.2. And was enabled with Freedom to reprove some Things in Christians Conduct, that I thought very unsuitable and irregular; insisted near two Hours on this Subject.

[Through this, and the two following Weeks, he passed through a Variety of Exercises: He was frequently dejected, and felt inward Distresses; and sometimes sunk into the Depths of Melancholy: At which Turns, he was not exercised about the State of his Soul, with Regard to the Favour of God and his Interest in Christ, but about his own sinful Infirmities, and unfitness for God's Service. His Mind appears sometimes extremely depress'd and sunk with a Sense of inexpressible Vileness. But in the mean Time, he speaks of many Seasons of Comfort and spiritual Refreshment, wherein his Heart was encouraged and strengthned in God, and sweetly resigned to his Will, and of some Seasons of very high Degrees of spiritual Consolation, and of his great Longings after Holiness and Conformity to God, of his great Fear of offending God, of his Heart's being sweetly melted in religious Duties, of his longing for the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom, and of his having at some Times much Assistance in Preaching, and of remarkable Effects on the Auditory.]

Lords-Day, Octob. 17. Had a considerable Sense of my Helplesness and Inability; saw that I must be dependent on GOD for all I want; and especially when I went to the Place of publick Worship: I found I could not speak a Word for God without his special Help and Assistance: I went into the Assembly trembling, as I frequently do, under a Sense of my Insufficiency to do any Thing in the Cause of God, as I ought to do.— But it pleased God to afford me much Assistance, and there seem'd to be a considerable Effect on the Hearers.— In the Evening, I felt a Disposition to praise God for his Goodness to me, in special, that he had enabled me in some Measure to be faithful; and my Soul rejoyced to think, that I had thus performed the Work of one Day more, and was one Day nearer my eternal, and (I trust) my heavenly Home. O that I might be faithful to the Death, fulfilling as an Hireling my Day, 'till the Shades of the Evening of Life shall free my Soul from the Toils of the Day! This Evening, in secret Prayer, I felt exceeding • olemn, and such longing Desires after Deliverance from Sin, and after Conformity to God, as melted my Heart. Oh, I longed to be delivered from this Body of Death! I felt inward pleasing Pain, that I could not be conformed to God entirely, fully and forever.— I scarce ever preach without being first visited with inward Conflicts and sore Trials.— Blessed be the Lord for these Trials and Distresses, as they are bless'd for my humbling.

Monday, Octob. 18. In the Morning, felt some Sweetness, but still press'd thro' some Trials of Soul. My Life is a constant Mixture of Consolations and Conflicts, and will be so 'till arrive at the World of Spirits.

Tuesday, October 19. This Morning and last Night, felt a sweet Longing in my Soul after Holiness: My Soul seem'd so to reach and stretch towards the Mark of perfect Sanctity, that it was ready to break with Longings.

Wednesday, October 20. Exceeding infirm in Body, exercised with much Pain, and very lifeless in divine Things.— Felt a little Sweetness in the Evening.

Thursday, October 21. Had a very deep Sense of the Vanity of the World, most of the Day; had little more Regard to it, than if I had been to go into Eternity the next Hour. Thro' divine Goodness, I felt very serious and solemn. O, I love to live on the Brink of Eternity, in my Views and Meditations! This gives me a sweet, awful and reverential Sense and Apprehension of God and divine Things, when I see my self as it were standing before the Judgment-Seat of Christ.

Friday, October 22. Uncommonly weaned from the World to Day: My Soul delighted to be a Stranger and Pilgrim on the Earth: I felt a Disposition in me never to have any Thing to do with this World: The Character given of some of the ancient People of God, in Heb. xi.13, was very pleasing to me, They confessed that they were Pilgrims & Strangers on the Earth, by their daily Practice; and O that I could always do so! — Spent some considerable Time, in a pleasant Grove, in Prayer and Meditation. O it is sweet, to be thus wean'd from Friends, and from my self, and dead to the present World, that so I may live wholly to and upon the blessed GOD! Saw my self little, low, and vile, in my self.—In the Afternoon, preach'd at Bethlehem, from Deut. viii.2. and felt sweetly both in Prayer and Preaching: God helped me to speak to the Hearts of dear Christians. Blessed be the Lord for this Season: I trust, they and I shall rejoyce on this Account to all Eternity.— Dear Mr. Bellamy came in, while I was making the first Prayer (being returned Home from a Journey) and after Meeting, we walked away together, and spent the Evening in sweetly conversing on divine Things, and praying together, with sweet and tender Love to each other, and return'd to Rest with our Hearts in a serious spiritual Frame.

Saturday, Octob. 23. Something perplexed and confused. Rode this Day from Bethlehem to Sinsbury.

Lord's-Day, Octob. 24. Felt so vile and unworthy, that I scarce knew how to converse with human Creatures.

Monday, October 25. [At Turkey-Hills ▪] In the Evening enjoyed the divine Presence in secret Prayer: It was a sweet and comfortable Season to me: My Soul longed for God, for the living God: Enjoyed a sweet Solemnity of Spirit, and longing Desire after the Recovery of the divine Image in my Soul: Thou shall I be satisfied▪ when I shall awake in GOD's Likeness, and never before.

Tuesday, October 26. [At W • st Suffield,] Underwent the most dreadful D • stress •• , under a Sense of my own Unworthiness▪ It seem'd to me, I deserved rather to be driven out of the Place, than to have any Body treat me with any Kindness, or come to hear me preach. And verily my Spirits were so depress'd at this Time, as well as at many others, that it was impossible I should treat immortal Souls with Faithfulness: I could not deal closely & faithfully with them, I felt so infinitely vile in myself. Oh, what Dust and Ashes I am, to think of preaching the Gospel to others! Indeed, I never can be faithful for one Moment, but shall certainly d •• b with untempered Mortar, if God don't grant me special Help.—In the Evening, I went to the Meeting-House, and it look'd to me near as easy for one to rise out of the Grave and preach, as for me. However, God afforded me some Life and Power, both in Prayer and Sermon: God was pleased to lift me up, and shew me that he could enable me to preach. O the wonderful Goodness of God to so vile a Sinner!— Returned to my Quarters; and enjoy'd some Sweetness in Prayer alone, and mourn'd that I could not live more to GOD.

Wednesday, October 27. Spent the Forenoon in Prayer and Meditation: Was not a little concern'd about Preaching in the Afternoon: Felt exceedingly without Strength, and very helpless indeed: Went into the Meeting-House, ashamed to see any come to hear such an unspeakably worthless Wretch. However, God enabled me to speak with Clearness, Power, & Pungency, But there was some Noise and Tumult in the Assembly, that I did not well like, and endeavoured to bear publick Testimony against, with Moderation and Mildness, through the Current of my Discourse.—In the Evening, was enabled to be in some Measure thankful and devoted to God.

[The Frames and Exercises of his Mind, during the four next Days, were mostly very Similar to those of the two Days past; excepting Intervals of considerable Degrees of divine Peace and Consolation.

The Things express'd within the Space of the three following Days are such as these; some Seasons of Dejection, mourning for being so destitute of the Exercises of Grace, longing to be delivered from Sin, pressing after more of God, Seasons of sweet Consolation, precious and intimate Converse with God in secret Prayer, Sweetness of Christian Conversation &c.— Within this Time he rode from Suffield to Eastbury, Hebron, and Lebanon.]

Thursday, Novemb. 4. [At Lebanon.] Saw much of my Nothingness, most of this Day; but felt concerned that I had no more Sense of my Insufficiency & Unworthiness. O 'tis swe • t lying in the Dust! But 'tis distressing, to feel in my Soul that Hell of Corruption, which still remains in me.—In the Afternoon, had a Sense of the Sweetness of a strict close & constant Devotedness 〈◊〉 God, & my Soul was comforted with the Consolations of God; my Soul felt a pleasing, yet painful Concern, left I should spend some Moments without God. O may I always live to God. — In the Evening, was visited by some Friends, and spent the Time in Prayer and such Conversation as tended to our Edification. It was a comfortable Season to my Soul: I felt an intense Desire to spend every Moment for GOD.— GOD is unspeakably gracious to me continually: In Times past, he has given me ine • pressible Sweetness in the Performance of Duty: Frequently my Soul has enjoyed much of GOD; but has been ready to say, Lord, 'tis good to be • ere; and so to indulge Sloth, while I have lived on the Sweetness of my Feelings. But of late, God 〈◊〉 been pleased to keep my Soul hungry, almost continually; so that I have been fill'd with a Kind of a pleasing Pain: When I really enjoy GOD, I feel my Desires of him the more insatiable, and my Thirstings after Holiness the more unquenchable; and the Lord will not allow me to feel as tho' I were fully supplied and satisfied, but keeps me still reaching forward; and I feel barren and empty, as tho' I could not live, without more of GOD 〈◊〉 me; I feel ashamed and guilty before GOD. Oh, I see, the Law is spiritual, but I am carnal! I don't, I can't live to GOD. Oh for Holiness! Oh for more of God in my Soul! Oh this pleasing Pain! It makes my Soul press after GOD; the Language of it is, Then shall I be satisfied, when I awake in GOD' • Likeness (Psal. xvii. ult.) but never, never before: and consequently I am engaged to press toward the Mark, Day by Day. O that I may feel this continual Hunger, and not be retarded, but rather animated by every Cluster from Canaan, to reach forward in the narrow Way, for the full Enjoyment and Possession of the heavenly Inheritance. O that I may never loiter in my heavenly Journey.

[These insatiable Desires after God and Holiness continue • the two next Days, with a great Sense of his own exceeding Unworthiness, and the Nothingness of the Things of this World.]

Lord's-Day, Novemb. 7. [At Millington ▪] It seem'd as if such an unholy Wretch as I never could arrive at that Blessedness, to be holy, as God is holy. At Noon, I longed for Sanctification, and Conformity to God. Oh, That is THE ALL, THE ALL! The Lord help me to press after GOD for ever.

Monday, Novemb. 8. Towards Night, enjoyed much Sweetness in secret Prayer, so that my Soul longed for an Arrival in the heavenly Country, the blessed Paradise of God. Thro' divine Goodness, I have scarce seen the Day, for two Months, but Death has look'd so pleasant to me at one Time or other of the Day, that I could have rejoyced the present should be my last, notwithstanding my pressing inward Trials and Conflicts: And I trust, the Lord will finally make me a Conqueror, and more than so; that I shall be able to use that triumphant Language, O Death, where is thy Sting! And O Grave, where is thy Victo •• !

[Within the next ten Days, the following Things are express'd: Longing and wrestling to be holy and to live to God; a Desire that every single Thought might be for God; feeling guilty, that his Thoughts were no more swallowed up in GOD; sweet Solemnity and Calmness of Mind, Submission and Resignation to God, great Weanedness from the World, Abasement in the Dust, Grief at some vain Conversation that was observed, Sweetness▪ from Time to Time in secret Prayer and in conversing and praying with Christian Friends. And every Day he appears to have been greatly engaged in the great Business of Religion and living to God, without Interruption.]

Friday, Novemb. 19. [At New- •• ven] Receiv'd a Letter from the Rev. Mr. Pemberton of New-York, desiring me speedily to go down thither, and consult about the Indian Affairs in those Parts, and to meet certain Gentlemen there, that were intrusted with those Affairs: My Mind was instantly seiz'd with Concern; so I retired with two or three Christian Friends, and prayed; and indeed it was a sweet Time with me; I was enabled to leave my self and all my Concerns with God; and taking Leave of Friends, I rode to Ripton, and was comforted in an Opportunity to see and converse with dear Mr. Mills.

[In the four next following Days, he was sometimes oppress'd with the Weight of that great Affair, about which Mr. Pemberton had written to him; but was enabled from Time to Time to cast his Burden on the Lord, and to commit himself and all his Concerns to him: And he continued still in a Sense of the Excellency of Holiness, and Longings after it, and earnest 〈◊〉 of the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom in the World; and had from Time to Time sweet Comfort in Meditation and Prayer.]

Wednesday, Novemb. 24. Came to New-York; felt still much concerned about the Importance of my Business; put up many earnest Requests to God for his Help and Direction; was confused with the Noise and Tumult of the City; enjoyed but little Time alone with God; but my Soul longed after Him.

Thursday, Novemb. 25. Spent much Time in Prayer and Supplication: Was examined by some Gentlemen, of my Christian Experiences, and my Acquaintance with Divinity, and some other Studies, in order to my Improvement in that important Affair of Gospellizing the Heathen:These Gentlemen that examined Mr. Brainerd, were the Correspondents, in New-York, New-Jersey and Pennsilvania, of the honourable Society in Scotland for propagating Christian Knowledge; to whom was committed the Management of their Affairs in those Parts, and who were now met at New-York. Was made sensible of my great Ignorance and Unfitness for publick Service: I had the most abasing Thoughts of my self, I think, that ever I had; I thought my self the worst Wretch that ever lived: it hurt me & pained my very Heart, that any Body should shew me any Respect: Alas! methought, how sadly they are deceived in me; how miserably would they be disappointed, if they knew my Inside! Oh my Heart! — And in this depress'd Condition, I was forced to go and preach to a considerable Assembly, before some grave and learned Ministers; but felt such a Pressure from a Sense of my Vileness, Ignorance & Unfitness to appear in Publick, that I was almost overcome with it; my Soul was grieved for the Congregation, that they should sit there to hear such a dead Dog as I preach; I thought my self infinitely indebted to the People, and longed that God would reward them with the Rewards of his Grace.—I spent much of the Evening alone.

PART IV. From the Time of his Examination by the Correspondents of the Society for propagating Christian Knowledge, and being appointed their Missionary, to his first Entrance on the Business of his Mission among the Indians at Kaunaumeek.

FRiday, Novemb. 26. Had still a Sense of my great Vileness, and endeavoured as much as I could to keep alone. Oh, what a Nothing, what Dust and Ashes am I!—Enjoy'd some Peace and Comfort in spreading my Complaints before the God of all Grace.

Saturday, Novemb. 27. Committed my Soul to God with some Degree of Comfort; left New-York about nine in the Morning; came away with a distressing Sense still of my unspeakable Unworthiness. Surely I may well love all my Brethren; for none of them all is so vile as I; whatever they do outwardly, yet it seems to me none is conscious of so much Guilt before God. Oh my Leanness, my Barrenness, my Carnality, and past Bitterness, & Want of a Gospel-Temper! These Things oppress my Soul.—Rode from New-York, thirty Miles, to White Plains, and most of the Way continued lifting up my Heart to God for Mercy and purifying Grace; and spent the Evening much dejected in Spirit.

[The three next Days, he continued in this Frame, in a great Sense of his own Vileness, with an evident Mixture of Melancholy, in no small Degree; but had some Intervals of Comfort and God's sensible Presence with him.]

Wednesday, Decemb. 1. My Soul breath'd after God, in sweet spiritual and longing Destres of Conformity to him; my Soul was brought to rest it self and all on his rich Grace, and felt Strength and Encouragement to do or suffer any Thing that divine Providence should allot me.—Rode about twenty Miles, from Stratfield to Newtown.

[Within the Space of the next nine Days, he went a Journey from Newton to Haddam, his Native Town; and after staying there some Days, returned again into the Western Part of Connecticut, & came to Southbury. In his Account of the Frames and Exercises of his Mind, during this Space of Time, are such Things as these; Frequent Turns of Dejection, a Sense of his Vileness, Emptiness, and an unfathomable Abyss of desperate Wickedness in his Heart, attended with a Conviction that he had never seen but little of it; bitterly mourning over his Barrenness, being greatly grieved that he could not live to God, to whom he owed his all ten Thousand Times; crying out, My L •• nness, my L •• nness! A Sense of the Meetness and Suitableness of his lying in the Dust beneath God's Feet, Fervency and Ardour in Prayer, longing to live to God, a being afflicted with some impertinent trifling Conversation that he heard; but enjo • ing Sweetness in Christian Conversation.]

Saturday, Decemb. 11. Conversed with a dear Friend, to whom I had Thought of giving a liberal Education, and being at the whole Charge of it, that he might be fitted for the Gospel-Ministry. Mr. Brainerd having now undertaken the Business of a Missionary to the Indians, and expecting in a little Time to leave his native Country, to go among the Savages, into the Wilderness, far distant, and spend the Remainder of his Life among them, and having some Estate left him by his Father, and thinking he should have no Occasion for it among them, (tho' afterwards, as he told me, he found himself mistaken) he set himself to think which Way he might spend it most to th • Glory of God; & no Way presenting to his Thoughts, wherein he could do more Good with it, than by being at the Charge of educating some young Person for the Ministry, that appear'd to be of good Abilities and well disposed, he pitched upon this Person here spoken of, to this End: who accordingly was soon put to Learning; and Mr. Brainerd continued to be at the Charge of his Education from Year to Year, so long as he (Mr. Brainerd) lived, which was 'till this young Man was carried through his third Year in College. I acquainted him with my Thoughts in that Matter, and so left him to consider of it, 'till I should see him again. Then I rode to Bethlehem, and so came to Mr. Bellamy's Lodgings; spent the Evening with him in sweet Conversation and Prayer: We recommended the important Concern before mentioned (of sending my Friend to College) unto the God of all Grace. Blessed be the Lord for this Evening's Opportunity together.

Lord's-Day, Decemb. 12. I felt, in the Morning, as if I had little or no Power either to pray or preach, and felt a distressing Need of divine Help: I went to Meeting trembling: But it pleased God to assist me in Prayer & Sermon: I think, my Soul scarce ever penetrated so far into the immaterial World, in any one Prayer that ever I made, nor were my Devotions ever so much refined, and free from gross Conceptions, & Imaginations framed from beholding material Objects. I preach'd with some Sweetness, from Math. vi.33. But seek ye first &c. And in the Afternoon from Rom. xv.30. And now I beseech you, Brethren, &c. There was much Affection in the Assembly. This has been a sweet Sabbath to me; and blessed be God, I have Reason to think, that my Religion is become more refined and spiritual, by Means of my late inward Conflicts. Amen! May I always be willing that God should use his own Methods with me.

Monday, Decemb. 13. Join'd in Prayer with Mr. Bellamy; and found Sweetness and Composure in parting with him, who went a Journey. Enjoy'd some Sweetness through the Day, and just at Night rode down to Woodbury.

Tuesday, Decemb. 14. Some Perplexity hung on my Mind: was distress'd, last Night and this Morning, for the Interest of Zion, especially on Account of the false Appearances of Reli • ion, that do but rather breed Confusion, especially in some Places. I cried to God for Help, to enable me to bear Testimony against those Things, which instead of promoting, do but hinder the Progress of vital Piety. In the Afternoon, rode down to Southbur • , and conversed again with my Friend about the important Affai • of his following the Work of the Ministry; and he appear'd much inclined to devote himself to that Work, if God should succeed his Attempts to qualify himself for so great a Work. In the Evening, I preach'd from 1 Thes. iv.8. And endeavoured, tho' with Tenderness, to undermine false Religion. The Lord gave me some Assistance; but however, I seem'd so vile▪ I was ashamed to be seen when I came out of the Meeting-House.

Wednesday, Decemb. 15. Enjoyed something of God to Day, both in secret and social Prayer; but was sensible of much Barrenness, and Defect in Duty, as well as my Inability to help my self for the Time to come, or to perform the Work and Business I have to do. Afterwards, felt much of the Sweetness of Religion, and the Tenderness of the Gospel-Temper: was far from Bitterness, and found a dear Love to all Mankind, and was afraid of scarcely any Thing so much as left some Motion of Anger or Resentment should some Time or other creep into my Heart. Had some comforting Soul-Refreshing Discourse with some dear Friends, just as we took our Leave of each other, and supposed it might be likely we should not meet again 'till we came to the eternal World. It had been determined by the Commissioners, who employed Mr. Brainerd as a Missionary, that he should go as soon as might be conveniently, to the Indians living near the Forks of Delaware River in Pensylvania and the Indians on Susquehanneh River; which being far off, where he would be exposed to many Hardships and Dangers▪ This was the Occasion of his taking Leave of his Friends in this Manner. But I doubt not, thro' Grac •• but that some of us shall have a happy Meeting there, and bless God for this Season, as well as many others. Amen.

Thursday, Decemb. 16. Rode down to Darby; had some sweet Thoughts, on the Road: My Thoughts were very clear, especially on the Essence of our Salvation by Christ, from those Words, Thou shalt call his Name Jesus, &c.

Friday, Decemb. 17. Spent much Time in sweet Conversation on spiritual Things with dear Mr. Humphreys. Rode to Ripton; spent some Time in Prayer with dear Christian Friends.

Saturday, Decemb. 18. Spent much Time in Prayer in the Wood • ▪ seem'd raised above the Things of the World: my Soul was strong in the Lord of Hosts: But was sensible of great Barrenness.

Lord's-Day, Decemb. 19. At the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, seem'd strong in the Lord; and the World with all its Frowns & Flatteries in a great Measure disappear'd, so that my Soul had nothing to do with them; and I felt a Disposition to be wh •• ly and forever the Lord's.— In the Evening, enjoyed something of the divine Presence▪ Had a humbling Sense of my Vileness, Barrenness, and Sinfulness. Oh, it wounded me, to think of the Misimprovement of Time! God be merciful to me a Sinner.

Monday, Decemb. 20. Spent this Day in Prayer, Reading, and Writing; and enjoyed some Assistance, especially in correcting some Thoughts on a certain Subject; but had a mournful Sense of my Barrenness.

Tuesday, Decemb. 21. Had a Sense of my Insufficiency for any publick Work and Business, as well as to live to God. I rode over to Derby, and preach'd there: It pleased God to give me very sweet Assistance and Enlargement, and to enable me to speak with a soft and tender Power and Energy.— We had afterwards a comfortable Evening in Singing and Prayer: God enabled me to pray with as much Spirituality and Sweetness as I have done for some Time: My Mind seem'd to be uncloathed of Sense and Imagination, and was in a Measure let into the immaterial World of Spirits. This Day and Evening was, I trust, thro' infinite Goodness made very profitable to a Number of us, to advance our Souls in Holiness and Conformity to God: The Glory be to Him forever: Amen. How blessed 'tis to grow more and more like God!

Wednesday, Decemb. 22. Enjoyed some Assistance in Preaching at Ripton; but my Soul mourned within me for my Barrenness.

Thursday, Decemb. 23. Enjoy'd, I trust, something of God this Morning in Secret. Oh how divinely sweet is it to come into the Secret of his Presence, & abide in his Pavilion!—Took an affectionate Leave of Friends, not expecting to see Them again for a very considerable Time, if ever in this World. Rode with Mr. Humphreys to his House at Derby; spent the Time in sweet Conversation; my Soul was rferesh'd and sweetly melted with divine Things. Oh that I was always consecrated to God. Near Night, I rode to New-Haven, and there enjoyed some Sweetness in Prayer and Conversation, with some dear Christian Friends: My Mind was sweetly serious and composed: But alas, I too much lost the Sense of divine Things!

[He continued much in the same Frame of Mind, and in like Exercises, the two following Days.]

Lord's-Day, Decemb. 26. Felt much Sweetness and Tenderness in Prayer, especially my whole Soul seem'd to love my worst Enemies, and was enabled to pray for those that are Strangers and Enemies to God with a great Degree of Softness and pathetick Fervour. In the Evening, rode from New-Haven to Branford, after I had kneel'd down and pray'd with a Number of dear Christian Friends in a very retired Place in the Woods, and so parted.

Monday, Decemb. 27. Enjoyed a precious Season indeed; had a sweet melting Sense of divine Things, of the pure Spirituality of the Religion of Christ Jesus. In the Evening, I preach'd from Matth. vi.33. with much Freedom, and sweet Power and Pungency: The Presence of God attended our Meeting. O the Sweetness, the Tenderness I felt in my Soul! If ever I felt the Temper of Christ, I had some Sense of it now. Blessed be my God, I have seldom enjoy'd a more comfortable and profitable Day than this. O that I could spend all my Time for God.

Tuesday, Decemb. 28. Rode from Branford to Haddam. In the Morning, my Clearness and Sweetness in divine Things continued; but afterwards my spiritual Life sensibly declined.

[The next twelve Days, he was for the most Part extreamly dejected, discouraged and distressed, and was evidently very much under the Power of Melancholy; and there are from Day to Day most bitter Complaints of exceeding Vileness, Ignorance, Corruption, an amazing Load of Guilt, Unworthiness to creep on God's Earth, everlasting Uselesness, Fitness for Nothing, &c. and sometimes Expressions even of Horror at the Thoughts of ever Preaching again. But yet in this Time of great Dejection, he speaks of several Intervals of divine Help and Comfort.

[The three next Days, which were spent at Hebron and the Crank (a Parish in Lebanon) he had Relief, and enjoyed considerable Comfort.]

Friday, Jan. 14. 1742, 3. My spiritual Conflicts to Day were unspeakably dreadful, heavier than the Mountains and overflowing Floods: I seem'd inclosed, as it were, in Hell it self! I was deprived of all Sense of God, even of the Being of a God; and that was my Misery! I had no awful Apprehensions of God as angry. This was Distress, the nearest a-kin to the Damned's Torments, that I ever endured; Their Torment, I am sure, will consist much in a Privation of God, and consequently of all Good. This taught me the absolute Dependance of a Creature upon God the Creator, for every Crumb of Happiness it enjoys. Oh! I feel that if there is no God, tho' I might live for ever here, and enjoy not only this, but all other Worlds, I should be ten Thousand Times more miserable than a Toad! My Soul was in such Anguish I could not eat, but felt as I supposed a poo • Wretch would that is just going to the Place of Execution. I was almost swallowed up with Anguish, when I saw People gathe • ing to 〈◊〉 to hear me preach. However, I went in that 〈◊〉 to the House of God, and • ound not 〈◊〉 Relief in the first Prayer; It seem'd as if God would let loose the People upon me to destroy me, nor were the Tho'ts of Death distressing to me, like my own Vileness. But afterwards, in my Discourse from Deut. viii.2. God was pleased to give me some Freedom and Enlargement, some Power and Spirituality; and I spent the Evening something comfortably.

[The two next Days, his Comfort continues, and he seems to enjoy an almost continual Sweetness of Soul in the Duties and Exercises of Religion and Christian Conversation. On Monday was a Return of the Gloom he had been under the Friday before. He rode to Coventry this Day, and the latter Part of the Day had more Freedom. On Tuesday he rode to Canterbury, and continued more comfortable.]

Wednesday, Jan. 19. [At Canterbury.] In the Afternoon preach'd the Lecture at the Meeting-House: Felt some Tenderness, and something of the Gospel-Temper: exhorted the People to love one another, and not to set up their own Frames as a Standard to try all their Brethren by. But was much press'd, most of the Day, with a Sense of my own Badness, inward Impurity, and unspeakable Corruption. Spent the Evening in loving Christian Conversation.

Thursday, Jan. 20. Rode to my Brother's House between Norwich and Lebanon; and preach'd in the Evening to a Number of People: enjoy'd neither Freedom nor Spirituality; but saw my self exceeding unworthy.

Friday, Jan. 21. Had great inward Conflicts; enjoy'd but little Comfort. Went to see Mr. Williams of Lebanon, and spent several Hours with him; and was greatly delighted with his serious, deliberate and impartial Way of Discourse about Religion.

[The next Day, he was much dejected.]

Lord's-Day, Jan. 23. Scarce ever felt my self so unfit to exist, as now: I saw, I was not worthy of a Place among the Indians, where I am going, if God permit: I thought, I should be ashamed to look them in the Face, and much more to have any Respect shewn me there. Indeed I felt my self banished from the Earth, as if all Places were too good for such a Wretch as I: I thought I should be ashamed to go among the very Savages of Africa; I appeared to my self a Creature fit for Nothing, neither Heaven nor Earth.— None knows, but those that feel it, what the Soul endures that is sensibly shut out from the Presence of God: Alas, 'tis more bitter than Death!

[On Monday, he rode to Stoningtown, Mr. Fish's Parish.— On Tuesday he expresses considerable Degrees of spiritual Comfort and Refreshment.]

Wednesday, Jan. 26. Preach'd to a pretty large Assembly at Mr. Fish's Meeting House: Insisted on Humility, & Stedfastness in keeping God's Commands, and that thro' Humility we should prefer one another in Love, and not make our own Frames the Rule by which we judge others. I felt sweetly calm and, full of brotherly Love; and never more free from Party-Spirit. I hope, some Good will follow, that Christians will be freed from false Joy, and Party-Zeal, and censuring one another.

[On Thursday, after considerable Time spent in Prayer and Christian Conversation, he rode to New-London]

Friday, Jan. 28. Here I found some fallen into some Extravagances, too much carried away with a false Zeal and Bitterness. Oh, the Want of a Gospel-Temper is greatly to be lamented. Spent the Evening in conversing with some about some Points of Conduct in both Ministers and private Christians; but did not agree with them; God had not taught them with Bri • rs and Thorns to be of a kind Disposition toward Mankind.

[On Saturday, he rode to East-Haddam, and spent the three following Days there; and in that Space of Time he speaks of his feeling Weanedness from the World, a Sense of the Nearness of Eternity, special Assistance in praying for the Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom, Times of spiritual Comfort &c.]

Wednesday, Feb. 2. Preach'd my Farewell-Sermon, last Night, at the House of an aged Man, who had been unable to attend on the publick Worship for some Time; and this Morning, spent the Time in Prayer, almost wherever I went; and having taken Leave of Friends, I set out on my Journey towards the Indians; tho' by the Way I was to spend some Time at East-Hampton on Long-Island, by the Leave of the Commissioners who employed me in the Indian Affair; The Reason why the Commissioners or Correspondents did not order Mr. Brainerd to go immediately to the Indians, and enter on his Business as a Missionary to them, was that the Winter was not judged to be a convenient Season for him first to go out into the Wilderness, and enter on the Difficulties and Hardships he must there be exposed to. and being accompanied by a Messenger from East-Hampton, we travelled to Lyme. On the Road I felt an uncommon Pressure of Mind: I seem'd to struggle hard for some Pleasure in something here below, and seem'd loth to give up all for gone; but then saw my self evidently throwing my self into all Hardships and Distresses in my present Undertaking; I thought it would be less difficult to lie down in the Grave: But yet I chose to go, rather than stay.— Came to Lyme that Night.

[He waited the two next Days for a Passage over the Sound, and spent much of the Time in inward Conflicts and Dejection, but had some Comfort.

On Saturday, he cross'd the Sound, landed at Oyster-Ponds on Long-Island, and travelled from thence to East-Hampton. And the seven following Days he spent there, for the most Part, under extream Dejection and Gloominess of Mind, with great Complaints of Darkness, Ignorance &c. Yet his Heart appears to have been constantly engaged in the great Business of Religion, much concerned for the Interest of Religion in East-Hampton, and praying and labouring much for it:]

Saturday, Feb. 12. Enjoyed a little more Comfort, was enabled to meditate with some Composure of Mind; and especially in the Evening, found my Soul more refresh'd in Prayer, than at any Time of late; my Soul seem'd to take h • ld of God's Strength, & was comforted with his Consolations. O how sweet are some Glimpses of divine Glory! How strengthening and quickening.

Lord's-Day, Feb. 13. At Noon, under a great Degree of Discouragement; knew not how it was possible for me to preach in the Afternoon, was ready to give up all for gone; but God was pleased to assist me in some Measure. In the Evening, my Heart was sweetly drawn out after God, and devoted to him.

[The next Day, he had Comfort and Dejection intermingled.]

Tuesday, Feb. 15. Early in the Day I felt some Comfort, afterwards I walked into a neighbouring Grove, and felt more as a Stranger on Earth, I think, than ever before; Dead to any of the Enjoyments of the World as if I had been dead in a natural Sense.—In the Evening, had divine Sweetness in secret Duty: God was then my Portion, and my Soul rose above those deep Waters, into which I have sunk so low of late:—My Soul then cried for Zion, and had Sweetness in so doing.

[This sweet Frame continued the next Morning; but afterwards his inward Distress returned.]

Thursday, Feb. 17. In the Morning, found my self something comfortable, and rested on God in some Measure.—Preach'd this Day at a little Village belonging to East-Hampton; and God was pleased to give me his gracious Presence and Assistance, so that I spake with Freedom, Boldness and some Power. In the Evening, spent some Time with a dear Christian Friend; felt sweetly serious, as on the Brink of Eternity; my Soul enjoyed Sweetness in lively Apprehensions of standing before the glorious God: prayed with my dear Friend with Sweetness, and discoursed with utmost Solemnity. And truly it was a little Emblem of Heaven it self.—I find my Soul is more refined and weaned from a Dependance on my Frames and spiritual Feelings.

Friday, Feb. 18. Felt something sweetly most of the Day, and found access to the Throne of Grace. Blessed be the Lord for any Intervals of heavenly Delight and Composure, while I am engaged in the Field of Battle. O that I might be serious, solemn and always vigilant, while in an evil World. Had some Opportunity alone to Day, and found some Freedom in Study. O, I long to live to GOD.

Saturday, Feb. 19. Was exceeding infirm to Day, greatly troubled with Pain in my Head and Dizziness, scarce able to sit up. However, enjoyed something of God in Prayer, and performed some necessary Studies. I exceedingly long to die, and yet through divine Goodness have felt very willing to live, for two or three Days past.

Lord's-Day, Feb. 20. Was something perplexed on Account of my Carelesness; I thought I could not be suitably concerned about the important Work of the Day, and so was restless with my Easiness.— Was exceeding infirm again to Day; but the Lord strengthened me, both in the outward and inward Man, so that I preach'd with some Life and Spirituality, especially in the Afternoon, wherein I was enabled to speak closely against selfish Religion, that loves Christ for his Benefits, but not for himself.

[During the next Fortnight, it appears that he for the most Part enjoyed much spiritual Peace and Comfort. In his Diary for this Space of Time, are expressed such Things as these▪ Mourning over indwelling Sin and Unprofitableness; Deadness to the World, Longing after God and to live to his Glory, Heart-melting Desires after his eternal Home, fix'd Reliance on God for his Help, Experience of much divine Assistance both in the private and publick Exercises of Religion; inward Strength and Courage in the Service of God, very frequent Refreshment, Consolation and divine Sweetness in Meditation, Prayer, Preaching, and Christian Conversation. And it appears by his Account, that this Space of Time was filled up with great Diligence and Earnestness in serving God, in Study, Prayer, Meditation, Preaching, and private Instructing and Counselling.]

Monday, March 7. This Morning when I arose, I found my Heart go forth after God in longing Desires of Conformity to him, and in secret Prayer found my self sweetly quicken'd and drawn out in Praises to God for all he had done to and for me, and for all my inward Trials and Distresses of late; my Heart ascribed Glory, Glory, Glory to the blessed God! And bid Welcome all inward Distress again, if God saw meet to exercise me with it; Time appeared but an Inch long, and Eternity at Hand; and I thought I could with Patience and Chearfulness bear any Thing for the Cause of God:—For I saw that a Moment would • ring me to a World of Peace and Blessedness; and my Soul, by the Strength of the Lord, rose far above this lower World, and all the vain Amusements and frightful Disappointments of it. Afterwards, was visited by some Friends, but lost some Sweetness by the Means. After that, had some sweet Meditation on Gen. v.24. And Enoch walked with God &c. — This was a comfortable Day to my Soul.

[The next Day, he seems to have continued in a considerable Degree of Sweetness and Fervency in Religion.]

Wednesday, March 9. Endeavoured to commit my self and all my Concerns to God. Rode 16 Miles to Mantauk ▪ Mantauk is the Eastern Cape or End of Long-Island, inhabited chiefly by Indians. and had some inward Sweetness on the Road▪ but something of Flatness & Deadness after I came there and had seen the Indians: I withdrew, and endeavoured to pray, but found my self awfully deserted and left, and had an afflicting Sense of my Vileness and Meanness. However, I went and preach'd from Isai. liii.10. Had some Assistance; and, I trust, something of the divine Presence was among us. In the Evening, again I pray'd and exhorted among them, after having had a Season alone, wherein I was so press'd with the Blackness of my Nature, that I thought it was not fit for me to speak so much as to Indians.

[The next Day, he returned to East-Hampton; was exceeding infirm in Body through the remaining Part of this Week; but speaks of Assistance and Enlargement in Study and religious Exercises, and of inward Sweetness and breathing after God.]

Lord's-Day, March 13. At Noon, I thought it impossible for me to preach, by Reason of bodily Weakness and inward Deadness; and in the first Prayer, was so weak that I could hardly stand; but in Sermon, God strenthgned me, so that I spake near an Hour and half with sweet Freedom, Clearness, and some tender Power, from Gen. v.24. And Enoch walked with God. I was sweetly assisted to insist on a close Walk with God, and to leave This as my parting Advice to God's People here▪ that they should walk with God. May the God of all Grace succeed my poor Labours in this Place!

Monday, March 14. In the Morning, was very busy in Preparation for my Journey, and was almost continually engaged in ejaculatory Prayer. About ten, took Leave of the dear People of East-Hampton. My Heart grieved & mourned, and rejoyced at the same Time, rode near fifty Miles to a Part of Brook-Have • , and lodged there, and had refreshing Conversation with a Christian Friend.

[In two Days more he reached New-York; but complains of much Desertion and Deadness on the Road. He stay'd one Day in New-York, and on Friday went to Mr. Dickinson's at Elisabeth-Town. His Complaints are the same as on the two preceeding Days.]

Saturday, March 19. Was bitterly distressed under a Sense of my Ignorance, Darkness and Unworthiness; got alone, and poured out my Complaint to God in the Bitterness of my Soul.— In the Afternoon, rode to Newark, and had some Sweetness in Conversation with Mr. Burr, and in Praying together. O! blessed be God forever and ever, for any enlivening and quickening.

Lord's-Day, March 20. Preach'd in the Fo • enoon: God gave me some Assistance and Sweetness, and enabled me to speak with real Tenderness, Love and Impartiality. In the Evening, preach'd again; and of a Truth God was pleased to assist a poor Worm. Blessed be God, I was enabled to speak with Life, Power, and passionate Desire of the Edification of God's People, and with some Power to Sinners. In the Evening, I felt something spiritual and watchful, lest my Heart should by any Means be drawn away from God. Oh, when shall I come to that blessed World, where every Power of my Soul will be ince ••• ntly and eternally wound up, in heavenly Employments and Enjoyments, to the highest Degree.

[On Monday he went to Woodbridge, where he speaks of his being with a Number of Ministers; These Ministers were the Correspondents, who now met at Woodbridge, and gave Mr. Brainerd new Directions, and instead of sending him to the Indians at the Forks of Delaware, as before intended; they ordered him to go to a Number of Indians, at Kaunaumeek, a Place in the Province of New-York, in the Woods between Stockbridge and Albany. This Alteration was occasioned by two Things, viz. 1. Information that the Correspondents had received, of some Contention now subsisting between the white Peopl • and the Indians at Delaware, concerning their Lands, which they supposed would be a Hindrance at present to their Entertainment of a Missionary, and to his Success among them. And 2. Some Intimations they had received from Mr Sergeant, Missionary to the Indians at Stockbridge, concerning the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and the hopeful Prospect of Success that a Missionary might have among them. and the Day following of his travelling part of the Way towards New-York, and lodging at a Tavern: On Wednesday, • e c • me to New-York: On Thursday, he rode near 50 Miles, from New-York to North-Castle: On Friday, went to D • nb • ry: On Saturday, to New-Milford: On the Sabbath, he rode 5 or 6 Miles to a Place near Kent in Connecticut, called Sc • ti • o •• , where dwell a Number of Indians, These were the same Indians that Mr. Brainerd mentions in his Diary, on Aug. 12. the preceeding Year. and preached to them: On Monday, being detain'd by the Rain, he tarried at Kent: On Tuesday, he rode from Kent to Salsbury; Wednesday, he went to Sheffield: Thursday, March 31. he went to Mr. Sergeant's at Stockbridge. He was dejected and very disconsolate, thro' the main of this Journey from New-Jersey to Stockbridge; and especially on the last Day his Mind was overwhelmed with an exceeding Gloominess and Melancholy.]

PART V. From his first Beginning to instruct the Indians at Kaunaumeek, to his ORDINATION.

FRiday, April 1. 1743. I rode to Kaunaumeek, near twenty Miles from Stockbridge, where the Indians live, with whom I am concerned, and there lodg'd on a little Heap of Straw: was greatly exercised with inward Trials and Distresses all Day; and in the Evening, my Heart was sunk, and I seemed to have no God to go to. O that God would help me!

[The next five Days, he was for the most Part in a dejected depress'd State of Mind, and sometimes extreamly so. He speaks of God's Waves and Billows rolling over his Soul; and of his being ready sometimes to say, Surely his Mercy is clean gone for ever, and he will be favourable no more; and says, The Anguish he endured, was nameless and inconceivable: But at the same Time speaks thus concerning his Distresses, What God designs by all my Distresses I know not; but this I know, I deserve them all, and Thousands more.— He gives an Account of the Indians kindly receiving him, and being seriously attentive to his Instructions.]

Friday, April 7. Appeared to my self exceeding ignorant, weak, helpless, and unworthy, and altogether unequal to my Work. It seem'd to me, I should never do any Service, or have any Success among the Indians. My Soul was weary of my Life: I longed for Death, beyond Measure. When I thought of any godly Soul departed, my Soul was ready to envy him his Privilege, thinking, Oh, when will my Turn come! Must it be Years first!— But I know, those ardent Desires, at this and other Times, rose partly for Want of Resignation to God under all Miseries; and so were but Impatience. Towards Night, I had (I think) the Exercise of Faith in Prayer, and some Assistance in Writing. O that God would keep me near him!

Friday, April 8. Was exceedingly press'd under a Sense of my Pride, Selfishness, Bitterness, and Party-Spirit, in Times past, while I attempted to promote the Cause of God: It's vile Nature and dreadful Consequences appeared in such odious Colours to me, that my very Heart was pained: I saw how poor Souls stumbled over it into everlasting Destruction, that I was constrained to make that Prayer in the Bitterness of my Soul, O Lord, deliver me from Blood-Guiltiness. I saw my Desert of Hell on this Account. My Soul was full of inward Anguish and Shame before God, that I had spent so much Time in Conversation tending only to promote a Party-Spirit. Oh, I saw I had not suitably prized Mortification, Self-denial, Resignation under all Adversities, Meekness, Love, Candour, and Holiness of Heart and Life: And this Day was almost wholly spent in such bitter and Soul-afflicting Reflections on my past Frames and Conduct.— Of late, I have thought much of having the Kingdom of Christ advanced in the World; 〈◊〉 now I saw I had enough to do within my self. The 〈…〉 merciful to me a Sinner, and wash my Soul.

Saturday, April 9. Remained much in the same State as Yesterday; excepting that the Sense of my Vileness was not so quick and acute.

Lord's-Day, April 10. Rose early in the Morning, and walked out, and spent considerable Time in the Woods, in Prayer and Meditation. Preach'd to the Indians, both Forenoon and Afternoon. They behaved soberly in general: two or three in particular appeared under some religious Concern; with whom I discoursed privately; and one told me, her Heart had cried, ever since she heard me preach first.

[The next Day, he complains of much Desertion.]

Tuesday, April 12. Was greatly oppress'd with Grief and Shame, reflecting on my past Conduct, my Bitternes • & Party-Zeal: I was ashamed, to think that such a Wretch as I had ever preach'd! — Longed to be excused from that Work. And when my Soul was not in Anguish and keen Distress, I felt Senseless a • a Beast before God, and felt a Kind of guilty Amusement with the least Trifles; which still maintain'd a Kind of stifled Horror of Conscience, so that I could not rest any more than a condemned Malefactor.

Wednesday, April 13. My Heart was overwhelmed within me: I verily thought I was the meanest, vilest, most helpless, guilty, ignorant, benightned Creature living. And yet I knew what God had done for my Soul, at the same Time: Tho' sometimes I was assaulted with damping Doubts and Fears, whether it was possible for such a Wretch as I to be in a State of Grace.

Thursday, April 14. Remain'd much in the same State as Yesterday.

Friday, April 15. In the Forenoon, very disconsolate. In the Afternoon, preach'd to my People, and was a little encouraged in some Hopes God might bestow Mercy on their Souls.— Felt something resigned to God under all Dispensations of his Providence.

Saturday, April 16. Still in the Depths of Distress.— In the Afternoon, preach'd to my People; but was more discouraged with them than before; fear'd that nothing would ever be done for them to any happy Effect. I retired and poured out my Soul to God for Mercy; but without any sensible Relief. Soon after, came an Irish-man and a Dutch-m • n, with a Design, as they said, to hear me preach the next Day; but none can tell how I felt, to hear their profane Talk. Oh, I longed that some dear Christian knew my Distress. I got into a Kind of Hovel, and there groan'd out my Complaint to God; and withal felt more sensible Gratitude and Thankfulness to God, that he had made me to differ from these Men, as I knew thro' Grace he had.

Lord's-Day, April 17. In the Morning was again distressed as soon as I waked, hearing much Talk about the World and the Things of it: Tho' I perceived the Men were in some Measure afraid of me; and I discoursed something about sanctifying the Sabbath, if possible, to solemnize their Minds: But when they were at a little Distance, they again talked freely about secular Affairs. Oh, I thought what a Hell it would be, to live with such Men to Eternity! The Lord gave me some Assistance in Preaching, all Day, and some Resignation, and a small Degree of Comfort in Prayer at Night.

[He continued in this disconsolate Frame the next Day.]

Tuesday, April 19. In the Morning, enjoyed some sweet Repose and Rest in God; felt some Strength and Confidence in God; and my Soul was in some Measure refresh'd and comforted. Spent most of the Day in Writing, and had some Exercise of Grace sensible and comfortable; my Soul seem'd lifted above the deep Waters, wherein it has been so long almost drowned; felt some spiritual Longings and Breathings of Soul after God; found my self engaged for the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom in my own Soul, more than in others, more than in the Heathen World.

Wednesday, April 20. Set apart this Day for Fasting and Prayer, to bow my Soul before God for the Bestowment of divine Grace; especially that all my spiritual Afflictions and inward Distresses might be sanctified to my Soul. And endeavoured also to remember the Goodness of God to me in the Year past, this Day being my Birth-Day. Having obtained Help of God, I have hitherto lived, and am now arrived at the Age of 25 Years. My Soul was pained, to think of my Barrenness and Deadness; that I have lived so little to the Glory of the eternal God. I spent the Day in the Woods alone, and there poured out my Complaint to God. O that God would enable me to live to his Glory for the future.

Thursday, April 21. Spent the Forenoon in Reading and Prayer, and found my self something engaged; but still much depress'd in Spirit under a Sense of my Vileness and Unfitness for any publick Service. In the Afternoon, I visited my People, and prayed and conversed with some about their Souls Concerns: and afterwards found some Ardour of Soul in secret Prayer. O that I might grow up into the Likeness of God.

Friday, April 22. Spent the Day in Study, Reading and Prayer; and felt a little relieved of my Burden, that has been so heavy of late. But still in some Measure oppress'd: had a Sense of Barrenness. Oh, my Leanness testifies against me! My very Soul abhor • it self for it's Unlikeness to God, it's Inactivity and Sluggishness. When I have done all, alas, what an unprofitable Servant am I! My Soul groans, to see the Hours of the Day roll away, because I don't fill them, in Spirituality and Heavenly-Mindedness. And yet I long they should speed their Pace, to hasten me to my eternal Home, where I may fill up all my Moments, thro' Eternity, for God and his Glory.

[On Saturday and Lord's-Day, his Melancholy again prevailed: He cried out of his Ignorance, Stupidity, and Senselesness; while yet he seems to have spent the Time with utmost Diligence, in Study, in Prayer, and in Instructing and Counselling the Indians. On Monday, he sunk into the deepest Melancholy; so that he supposed he never spent a Day in such Distress in his Life; not in Fears of Hell, (which, he says, he had no pressing Fear of) but a distressing Sense of his own Vileness &c. On Tuesday, he expresses some Relief. Wednesday he kept as a Day of Fasting and Prayer, but in great Distress. The three Days next following, his Melancholy continued, but in a lesser Degree, and with Intervals of Comfort. On the last of these Days he wrote the first Letter added at the End of this History.]

Lord's-Day, May 1. Was at Stockbridge to Day. In the Forenoon had some Relief and Assistance; tho' not so much as usual. In the Afternoon, felt poorly in Body and Soul; while I was preaching, seemed to be rehearsing idle Tales, without the least Life, Fervour, Sense, or Comfort: and especially afterwards, at the Sacrament, my Soul was filled with Confusion, and the utmost Anguish that ever I endured, under the Feeling of my inexpressible Vileness and Meanness: It was a most bitter and distressing Season to me, by Reason of the View I had of my own Heart, and the secret Abominations that lurk there: I tho't the Eyes of all in the House were upon me, and I dared not look any One in the Face; for it verily seem'd as if they saw the Vileness of my Heart, and all the Sins I had ever been guilty of. And if I had been banished from the Presence of all Mankind▪ never to be seen any more, or so much as thought of, still I should have been distressed with Shame; and I should have been ashamed to see the most barbarous People on Earth, because I was viler, and seemingly more brutishly ignorant than they.— I am made to possess the Sins of my Youth.

[The remaining Days of this Week were spent, for the most Part, in inward Distress and Gloominess. The next Sabbath, he had Encouragement, Assistance and Comfort; but on Monday • unk again.]

Tuesday, May 10. Was in the same State, as to my Mind, that I have been in for some Time, extremely press'd with a Sense of Guilt, Pollution, Blindness: The Iniquity of my Heels have compassed me about; the Sins of my Youth have been set in order before me; they have gone over my Head, as an heavy Burden, too heavy for me to bear, Almost all the Actions of my Life past seem to be cover'd over with Sin and Guilt; and those of them that I performed in the most conscientious Manner, now fill me with Shame & Confusion, that I cannot hold up my Face. Oh! the Pride, Selfishness, Hypocrisy, Ignorance, Bitterness, Party-Zeal, & the Want of Love, Candour, Meekness and Gentleness, that have attended my Attempts to promote Religion and Vertue; and this when I have Reason to hope I had real Assistance from above, and some sweet Intercourse with Heaven! But alas, what corrupt Mixtures attended my best Duties!

[The next seven Days, his Gloom and Distress continued, for the most Part: but he had some Turns of Relief and spiritual Comfort. He gives an Account of his spending Part of this Time in hard Labour, to build himself a little Cottage to live in amongst the Indians, in which he might be by himself; having (it seems) hitherto lived with a poor Scotch-Man, as he observes in the Letter just now refer'd to in the Margin; and afterwards, before his own House was habitable, lived in a Wigwam among the Indians.]

Wednesday, May 18. My Circumstances are such that I have no Comfort, of any Kind, but what I have in God. I live in the most lonesom Wilderness; have but one single Person to Converse with, that can speak English: This Person was Mr. Brainerd's Interpreter; who was an ingenious young Indian belonging to Stockbridge, whose Name was John Wauwaumpequunnaunt, who had been instructed in the Christian Religion by Mr. Sergeant; and had lived with the Rev. Mr. Williams of Long-Meadow, and had been further instructed by him, at the Charge of Mr. Hollis of London; and understood both English and Indian very well, and wrote a good Hand. Most of the Talk I hear, is either Highland-Scotch or Indian. I have no Fellow-Christian to whom I might unbosom my self, and lay open my spiritual Sorrows, and with whom I might take sweet Counsel in Conversation about heavenly Things, and join in social Prayer. I live poorly with Regard to the Comforts of Life: most of my Diet consists of boil'd Corn, Hasty-Pudding, &c. I lodge on a Bundle of Straw, and my Labour is hard and extreamly difficult; and I have little Appearance of Success, to comfort me. The Indians Affairs are very difficult; having no Land to live on, but what the Dutch People lay Claim to, and threaten to drive them off from; they have no Regard to the Souls of the poor Indians; and, by what I can learn, they hate me, because I come to preach to 'em.— But that which makes all my Difficulties grievous to be born, is, that God hides his Face from me.

Thursday, May 19. Spent most of this Day in close Studies: But was sometimes so distress'd, that I could think of nothing but my spiritual Blindness, Ignorance, Pride, and Misery. Oh, I have Reason to make that Prayer, Lord, forgive my Sins of Youth, and former Trespasses!

Friday, May 20. Was much perplexed, some Part of the Day; but towards Night, had some comfortable Meditations on Isai. xl.1. And enjoyed some Sweetness in Prayer. Afterwards my Soul rose so far above the deep Waters, that I dared to rejoyce in God: I saw, there was sufficient Matter of Consolation in the blessed God.

[The next nine Days, his Burdens were for the most 〈◊〉 alleviated; but with Variety: at some Times having considerable Consolation, and at other Times more depressed. The next Day, Monday, May 30. He set out on a Journey to New-Jersey, to consult the Commissioners that employed him about the Affairs of his Mission: His Business with the Commissioners now was, to obtain Orders from them to set up a School among the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and that his Interpreter might be appointed the School-Master: Which was accordingly done. performed his Journey thither in four Days; and arrived at Mr. Burr's in Newark on Thursday. I • great Part of his Journey, he was in the Depths of Melancholy, under like Distresses with those already mentioned. On Friday, he rode to Elisabeth-Town; and on Saturday to New-York; and from thence on his way Homewards as far as White-Plains; where he spent the Sabbath, and had considerable Degrees of divine Consolation and Assistance in publick Services. On Monday, he rode about 60 Miles to New-Haven. There he attempted a Reconciliation with the Authority of the College; and spent this Week in visiting his Friends in those Parts, and in his Journey Homewards, 'till Saturday, in a pretty comfortable Frame of Mind. On Saturday, in his Way from Stockbridge to K •• naumeek, he was lost in the Woods, and lay all Night in the open Air; but happily found his Way in the Morning, and came to his Indians on Lord's-Day, June 12. And had greater Assistance in Preaching among them than ever before, since his first coming among them.]

[From this Time forward he was the Subject of various Frames and Exercises of Mind: But it seems, in the general, to have been with him much after the same Manner as it had been hitherto from his first coming to Kaunaumeek, 'till he got into his own House (a little Hut, that he made chiefly with his own Hands, with long and hard Labour) which was near seven Weeks from this Time. Great Part of this Space of Time, he was dejected and depressed with Melancholy, and sometimes very extreamly: his Melancholy operating in like Manner as has been related of Times past. How it was with him in those dark Seasons, he himself further describes in his Diary for July 2. in the following Manner. My Soul is, and has for a long Time been in a piteous Condition, wading thro' a Series of Sorrows, of various Kinds. I have been so crush'd down sometimes with a Sense of my Meanness and infinite Unworthiness, that I have been ashamed that any even the meanest of my Fellow-Creatures should so much as spend a Thought about me, & have wish'd sometimes while I have travelled among the thick Brokes, as one of them, to drop into everlasting Oblivion. In this Case, sometimes, I have almost resolved never again to see any of my Acquaintance; and really thought, I could not do it and bold up my Face; and have longed for the remotest Region, for a Retreat from all my Friends, that I might not be seen or heard of any more.—Sometimes the Consideration of my Ignorance has been a Means of my great Distress and Anxiety. And especially my Soul has been in Anguish with Fear, Shame, and Guilt, that ever I had preach'd, or had any Thought that Way.— Sometimes my Soul has been in Distress on feeling some particular Corruptions rise and swell like a mighty Torrent, with present Violence; having at the same Time, ten Thousand former Sins and Follie • presented to View, in all their Blackness and Aggravations.— And these attended with such external Circumstances as mine at present are; destitute of most of the Conveniences of Life, and I may say, of all the Pleasures of it; without a Friend to communicate any of my Sorrows to, and sometimes without any Place of Retirement, where I may unburden my Soul before God, which has greatly contributed to my Distress.— Of late, more especially, my great Difficulty has been a Sort of Carelesness, a Kind of regardless Temper of Mind, whence I have been disposed to Indolence and Trifling: And this Temper of Mind has constantly been attended with Guilt and Shame; so that sometimes I have been in a Kind of Horror, to find my self so unlike the blessed God; and have thought I grew worse under all my Trials; and nothing has cut and wounded my Soul more than This. Oh, if I am one of God's chosen, as I trust thro' infinite Grace I am, I find of a Truth, that the righteous are scarcely saved!

'Tis apparen • , that one main Occasion of that distressing Gloominess of Mind which he was so much exercised with at Kaunaumeek, was Reflection on his past Errors and misguided Zeal at College, in the Beginning of the late religious Commotions in the Land. And therefore he repeated his Endeavours this Year for Reconciliation with the Governours of the College, whom he had in that Time offended. Altho' he had been at New-Haven in June, this Year, and had attempted a Reconciliation, as has been mentioned already, yet in the Beginning of July, • e made another Journey thither, and renewed his Attempt, but still in vain.

Altho' he was much dejected, great Part of that Space of Time that I am now speaking of, yet there were many Intermissions of his Melancholy, and some Seasons of Comfort, sweet Tranquillity and Resignation of Mind, and frequent special Assistance in publick Services, that he speaks of in his Diary. The Manner of his Relief from his Sorrow, once in particular, is worthy to be mention'd in his own Words, in his Diary for July 25, which are as follows: Had little or no Resolution for a Life of Holiness; was ready almost to renounce my Hopes of living to God. And Oh how dark it look'd, to think of being unholy for ever! This I could not endure. The Cry of my Soul was that, Psal. lxv.3. Iniquities prevail against me. But was in some Measure relieved by a comfortable Meditation on God's Eternity, That he never had a Beginning, &c. Whence I was le • to admire his Greatness and Power &c. in such a Manner, that I stood still & prais'd the Lord for his own Glories and Perfections; tho' I was (and if I should forever be) an unholy Creature, my Soul was comforted to apprehend an eternal, infinite, powerful, Holy GOD.]

Saturday, July 30. Just at Night, moved into my own House, and lodged there that Night; found it much better spending the Time alone in my own House, than in the Wigwam where I was before.

Lord's-Day, July 31. Felt more comfortably than some Days past.— Blessed be the Lord, that has now given me a Place of Retirement.— O that I might find God in it, and that he would dwell with me for ever.

Monday, Aug. 1. Was still busy in further Labours on my House.—Felt a little of the Sweetness of Religion, and thought it was worth the while to follow after God thro' a Thousand Snares, Desarts, and Death it self. O that I might always follow after Holiness, that I may be fully conformed to God. Had some Degree of Sweetness, in secret Prayer, tho' I had much Sorrow.

Tuesday, Aug. 2. Was still labouring to make my self more comfortable with Regard to my House and Lodging. Labour'd under spiritual Anxiety; It seem'd to me, I deserved to be kick'd out of the World; yet found some Comfort in committing my Cause to God. 'Tis good for me to be afflicted, that I may die wholly to this World and all that is in it.

Wednesday, Aug. 3. Spent most of the Day in Writing. Enjoyed some Sense of Religion. Thro' divine Goodness I am now uninterruptedly alone; and find my Retirement comfortable. I have enjoyed more Sense of divine Things within a few Days last past, than for some Time before. I longed after Holiness, Humility & Meekness: O that God would enable me to pass the Time of my sojourning here in his Fear, and always live to him.

Thursday, Aug. 4. Was enabled to pray much, thro' the whole Day; and thro' divine Goodness found some Intenseness of Soul in the Duty, as I used to do, and some Ability to persevere in my Supplications: Had some Apprehensions of divine Things, that were engaging, and that gave me some Courage and Resolution. 'Tis good, I find, to persevere in Attempts to pray, if I can't pray with Perseverance, i. e. continue long in my Addresses to the divine Being. I have generally found, that the more I do in secret Prayer, the more I have delighted to do, and have enjoyed more of a Spirit of Prayer: and frequently have found the contrary, when with Journeying or otherwise, I have been much deprived of Retirement. A seasonable steady Performance of secret Duties in their proper Hours, & a careful Improvement of all Time, filling up every Hour with some profitable Labour, either of Heart, Head, or Hands, are excellent Means of spiritual Peace and Boldness before God. Christ indeed is our Peace, and by him we have Boldness of Access to God; but a good Conscience, void of Offence, is an excellent Preparation for an Approach into the divine Presence. There is Difference between Self-Confidence and a Self-righteous pleasing ourselves (with our own Duties, Attainments, and spiritual Enjoyments) which godly Souls sometimes are guilty of, and that holy Confidence arising from the Testimony of a good Conscience, which good Hezekiah had when he says, Remember, O Lord, I beseech Thee, how I have walked before thee in Truth and with a perfect Heart. Then (says the holy Psalmist) shall I not be ashamed, when I have Respect to all thy Commandments. Filling up our Time with and for GOD is the Way to rise up and lie down in Peace.

[The next eight Days, he continued for the most Part in a very comfortable Frame, having his Mind fixed and sweetly engaged in Religion; and more than once blesses God, that he had given him a little Cottage, where he might live alone, and enjoy a happy Retirement, free from Noise and Disturbance, and could at any Hour of the Day lay aside all Studies, and spend Time in lifting up his Soul to God for spiritual Blessings.]

Saturday, Aug. 13. Was enabled in secret Prayer to raise my Soul to God, with Desire and Delight. It was indeed a blessed Season to my Soul: I found the Comfort of being a Christian: I counted the Sufferings of the present Life not worthy to be compared with the Glory of divine Enjoyments, even in th • World. All my past Sorrows seemed kindly to disappear, and I remembred no more the Sorrow, for Joy — O, how kindly▪ and with what a filial Tenderness, the Soul hangs on, and confides in the Rock of Ages, at such a Season, that he will never 〈◊〉 it nor forsake it, that he will cause all Things to work together for its Good, &c! I longed, that others should know how good a God the Lord is. My Soul was full of Tenderness and Love, even to the most inveterate of my Enemies: I long'd they should share in the same Mercy. I loved and longed that God should do just as he pleased, with me and every Thing else. I felt exceeding serious, calm and peaceful, and encouraged to press after Holiness as long as I live, whatever Difficulties and Trials may be in my Way. May the Lord always help me so to do: Amen, and Amen!

Lord's-Day, Aug. 14. I had much more Freedom in publick, than in private. God enabled me to speak with some feeling Sense of divine Things; but perceived no considerable Effect.

Monday, Aug. 15. Spent most of the Day in Labour to procure something to keep my Horse on in the Winter.—Enjoyed not much Sweetness in the Morning: Was very weak in Body, through the Day, and tho't this frail Body would soon drop into the Dust: Had some very realizing Apprehensions of a speedy Entrance into another World. And in this weak State of Body, was not a little distressed for want of suitable Food. Had no Bread, nor could I get any. I am forced to go or send ten or fifteen Miles for all the Bread I eat; and sometimes 'tis mouldy and soure, before I eat it, if I get any considerable Quantity: And then again I have none for some Days together, for want of an Opportunity to send for it, and can't find my Horse in the Woods to go my self; and this was my Case now: But thro' divine Goodness I had some Indian Meal, of which I made little Cakes, and fried them. Yet felt contented with my Circumstances, and sweetly resigned to God. In Prayer I enjoyed great Freedom; and bless'd God as much for my present Circumstances, as if I had been a King; and thought, I found a Disposition to be contented in any Circumstances: Blessed be God!

[The rest of this Week, he was exceeding weak in Body, and much exercised with Pain; and yet obliged from Day to Day to labour hard, to procure Fodder for his Horse; excepting some Part of the Time he was so very ill, that he was neither able to work nor study: But speaks of Longings after Holiness and perfect Conformity to God; complains of enjoying but little of God; yet says, That little was better to him, than all the World besides. In his Diary for Saturday, he says, He was something Melancholy and sorrowful in Mind; and adds, I never feel comfortably, but when I find my Soul going forth after God: If I can't be holy, I must necessarily be miserable for ever.]

Lord's-Day, Aug. 21. Was much straiten'd in the Forenoon-Exercise: my Thoughts seem'd to be all scatter'd to the Ends of the Earth. At Noon, I fell • down before the Lord, and groan'd under my Vileness, Barrenness, Deadness, and felt as if I was guilty of Soul-Murther, in speaking to immortal Souls in such a Manner as I had then done.— In the Afternoon, God was pleas'd to give me some Assistance, and I was enabled to set before my Hearers the Nature and Necessity of true Repentance, &c. Afterwards had some small Degree of Thankfulness. Was very ill and full of Pain in the Evening; and my Soul mourned that I had spent so much Time to so little Profit.

Monday, Aug. 22. Spent most of the Day in Study; and found my bodily Strength in a Measure restored. Had some intense and passionate Breathings of Soul after Holiness, and very clear Manifestations of my utter Inability to procure, or work it in my self; 'tis wholly owing to the Power of God. O, with what Tenderness the Love and Desire of Holiness fills the Soul! I wanted to wing out of my self, to GOD; or rather to get a Conformi •• to Him: But alas, I can't add to my Stature in Grace one Cubit. However, my Soul can never leave striving for it; or at least groaning, that it can't strive for it, and obtain more Purity of Heart. — At Night, I spent some Time in instructing my poor People: Oh, that God would pity their Souls.

Tuesday, Aug. 23. Studied in the Forenoon, and enjoy'd some Freedom. In the Afternoon, laboured Abroad: Endeavoured to pray much; but found not much Sweetness or Intenseness of Mind. Towards Night, was very weary, & tir'd of this World of Sorrow: The Thoughts of Death & Immortality appeared very desirable, and even refresh'd my Soul. Those Lines turned in my Mind with Pleasure,

Come, Death, shake Hands; I'll kiss thy Bands: 'Tis Happiness for me to die. What! Dost thou think, that I will shrink? I'll go to Immortality.

In Evening-Prayer, God was pleased to draw near my Soul, tho' very sinful and unworthy: Was enabled to wrestle with God, and to persevere in my Requests for Grace: I poured out my Soul for all the World, Friends and Enemies. My Soul was concerned, not so much for Souls as such, but rather for Christ's Kingdom, that it might appear in the World, that God might be known to be God, in the whole Earth. And Oh, my Soul abhor'd the very Thought of a Party in Religion! Let the Truth of God appear, wherever it is; and God have the Glory for ever, Amen. This was indeed a comfortable Season: I tho't I had some small Taste of, and real Relish for the Enjoyments and Employments of the upper World. O that my Soul was more attemper'd to it.

Wednesday, Aug. 24. Spent some Time, in the Morning, in Study and Prayer. Afterwards, was engaged in some necessary Business Abroad. Towards Night, found a little Time for some particular Studies. I thought, if God should say, Cease making any Provision for this Life, for you shall in a few Days go out of Time into Eternity, my Soul would leap for Joy. O that I may both desire to be dissolved to be with Christ, and likewise wait patiently all the Days of my appointed Time 'till my Change come.—But alas, I am very unfit for the Business & Blessedness of Heaven.— O for more Holiness.

Thursday, Aug. 25. Part of the Day, engaged in Studies; and part, in Labour Abroad. I find, 'tis impossible to enjoy Peace and Tranquillity of Mind without a careful Improvement of Time. This is really an Imitation of God and Christ Jesus: My Father worketh hitherto, and I work, says our Lord. But still, if we would be like God, we must see that we fill up our Time for him.— I daily long to dwell in perfect Light & Love. In the mean Time my Soul mourns, that I make so little Progress in Grace and Preparation for the World of Blessedness: I see and know that I am a very barren Tree in God's Vineyard, and that he might justly say, Cut it down &c. O that God would make me more lively and vigorous in Grace, for his own Glory! Amen.

[The two next Days, he was much engaged in some necessary Labours, in which he extreamly spent himself. He seems, these Days to have had a great Sense of the Vanity of the World; and continued Longings after Holiness, and more Fervency of Spirit in the Service of God.]

Lord's-Day, Aug. 28. Was much perplex'd with some irrel • gious Dutch-men. All their Discourse turned upon the Things of the World: which was no small Exercise to my Mind. Oh, what a Hell it would be to spend an Eternity with such Men! Well might David say, I beheld the Transgressors, & was grieved.— But, adored be God, Heaven is a Place, into which no unclean Thing enters. Oh, I long for the Holiness of that World! Lord, prepare me therefor.

[The next Day, he set out on a Journey to New-York. Was something dejected, the two first Days of his Journey; but yet seems to have enjoyed some Degrees of the sensible Presence of God.]

Wednesday, Aug. 31. Rode down to Bethlehem: Was in a sweet, serious, and, I hope, Christian Frame, 〈◊〉 I came there; Eternal Things engross'd all my Thoughts; and I long'd to be in the World of Spirits. O how happy is it, to have all our Thoughts swallowed up in that World; to feel one's self a serious considerate Stranger in this World, diligently seeking a Road thro' it, the best, the sure Road to the heavenly Jerusalem!

Thursday, Septemb. 1. Rode to Danbury. Was more dull and dejected in Spirit, than Yesterday. Indeed, I always feel comfortably, when God realizes Death and the Things of another World to my Mind: Whenever my Mind is taken off from the Things of this World, and set on GOD, my Soul is then at Rest.

[He went forward on his Journey, and came to New-York on the next Monday. And after tarrying there two or three Days, set out from the City towards New-Haven, intending to be there at the Commencement; and on Friday came to Horse-N • ck. In the mean Time, he complains much of Dulness, and Want of Fervour in Religion: But yet from Time to Time, speaks of his enjoying spiritual Warmth and Sweetness in Conversation with Christian Friends, Assistance in publick Services, &c.]

Saturday, Sept. 10. Rode six Miles to Stanwich, and preach'd to a considerable Assembly of People. Had some Assistance and Freedom, especially towards the Close. Endeavoured much afterwards, in private Conversation, to establish Holiness, Humility, Meekness &c. as the Essence of true Religion; and to moderate some noisy Sort of Persons, that appeared to me to be acted by unseen spiritual Pride. Alas, what Extreams Men incline to run into!—Returned to Horse-Neck, and felt some Seriousne •• and sweet Solemnity in the Evening.

Lord's-Day, Sept. 11. In the Afternoon, preach'd from Titus iii.8. I think, God never helped me more in painting out true Religion, and in detecting clearly, and tenderly discountenancing false Appearances of Religion, Wild-fire Party-Zeal, spiritual Pride, &c. as well as a confident dogmatical Spirit, and it's Spring, viz. Ignorance of the Heart.— In the Evening, took much Pains in private Conversation to suppress some Confusions, that I perceived were amongst that People.

Monday, Sept. 12. Rode to Mr. Mills's at Ripton. Had some perplexing Hours; but was some Part of the Day very comfortable. 'Tis through great Trials, I see, that we must enter the Gates of Paradise. If my Soul could but be Holy, that God might not be dishonoured, methinks, I could bear Sorrows.

Tuesday, Sept. 13. Rode to New-Haven. Was sometimes dejected; not in the sweetest Frame. Lodged at ****. Had some profitable Christian Conversation, &c.—I find, tho' my inward Trials are great, and a Life of Soli • ude gives 'em greater Advantage to settle and penetrat • to the very inmost Recesses of the Soul; yet 'tis better to be alone, than incumber'd with Noise and Tumult. I find it very difficult maintaining any Sense of divine Things, while removing from Place to Place, diverted with new Objects, and fill'd with Care and Business. A settled steady Business is best adapted to a Life of Strict Religion.

Wednesday, Sept. 14. This Day I ought to have taken my Degree; This being Commencement Day. but God sees fit to deny it me. And tho' I was greatly afraid of being overwhelmed with Perplexity and Confusion, when I should see my Class-Mates take theirs; 〈◊〉 in the very Season of it, God enabled me with Calmness and Resignation to say, The Will of the Lord be done. Indeed, thro' divine Goodness, I have scarcely felt my Mind so calm, sedate, and comfortable for some Time. I have long fear'd this Season, and expected my Humility, Meekness, Patience and Resignation would be much tried His Trial was the greater, in that, had it not been for the Displeasure of the Governours of the College, he would not only on that Day have shared with his Class-Mates in the publick Honours which they then received, but would on that Occasion have appeared at the Head of that Class▪ which, if he had been with them, would have been the most numerous of any that ever had been graduated at that College.: But found much more Pleasure and divine Comfort, than I expected.— Felt spiritually Serious, tender and Affectionate in private Prayer with a dear Christian Friend to Day.

Thursday, Sept. 15. Had some Satisfaction in hearing the Ministers discourse &c. 'Tis always a Comfort to me, to hear religious and spiritual Discourse. O that Ministers and People were more spiritual and devoted to God.— Towards Night, with the Advice of Christian Friends, I offered the following Reflections in Writing, to the Rector and Trustees of the College (which are for Substance the same that I had freely offered to the Rector before, and intreated him to accept) and this I did that if possible I might cut off all Occasion of Stumbling and Offence, from those that seek Occasion. What I offered, is as follows.

Whereas I have said before several Persons, concerning Mr. Whittelsey, one of the Tutors of Yale College, that I did not believe he had any more Grace, than the Chair I then •• an'd upon; I humbly confess, that herein I have sin'd against God, and acted contrary to the Rules of his Word, and have injured Mr. Whittelsey. I had no Right to make thus free with his Character; and had no just Reason to say as I did concerning him. My Fault herein was the more Aggravated, in that I said this concerning One that was so much my Superiour, and one that I was obliged to treat with special Respect and Honour, by Reason of the Relation I stood in to him in the College. Such a Manner of Behaviour, I confess, did not become a Christian; it was taking too much upon me, and did not savour of that humble Respect, that I ought to have express'd towards Mr. Whittesey. I have long since been convinced of the Falseness of those Apprehensions, by which I then justified such a Conduct. I have often reflected on this Act with Grief; I hope, on Account of the Sin of it: And am willing to lie low, and be abased before God and Man for it. And humbly ask the Forgiveness of the Governours of the College, and of the whole Society; but of Mr. Whittelsey in particular. And whereas I have been accused by one Person of saying concerning the Rev. Rector of Yale-College, that I wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for fin •• g the Scholars that followed Mr. Tennent to Milford; I seriously profess, that I don't remember my saying any Thing to this Purpose. But if I did, which I am not certain I did not, I utterly condemn it, and detest all such Kind of Behaviour; and especially in an Undergraduate towards the Rector. And I now appear, to judge and condemn my self for going once to the separate Meeting in New-Haven, a little before I was expell'd, tho' the Rector had refused to give me Leave. For this I humbly ask the Rector's Forgiveness. And whether the Governours of the College shall ever see Cause to remove the Academical Censure I lie under, or no, or to admit me to the Priviledges I desire; yet I am willing to appear, if they think fit, openly to own, and to humble my self for those Things I have herein confess'd.

God has made me willing to do any Thing, that I can do, consistent with Truth, for the Sake of Peace, and that I might not be a Stumbling-block and Offence to others. For this Reason I can cheerfully forego, and give up what I verily believe, after the most mature and impartial Search, is my Right, in some Instances. God has given me that Disposition, that if this were the Case, that a Man has done me an hundred Injuries, and I (tho' ever so much provoked to it) have done Him one, I feel disposed, and heartily willing humbly to confess my Fault to him, and on my Knees to ask Forgiveness of him; tho' at the same Time he should justify himself in all the Injuries he has done me, and should only make Use of my humble Confession to blacken my Character the more, and represent me as the only Person guilty, &c. Yea, tho' he should as it were insult me, and say He knew all this before, and that I was making work for Repentance, &c. Tho' what I said concerning Mr. Whittelsey was only spoken in private, to a Friend or two; and being partly overheard, was related to the Rector, and by him extorted from my Friends; yet, seeing it was divulged and made publick, I was willing to confess my Fault therein publickly.—But I trust, God will plead my 〈◊〉 ▪ I was witness to the very Christian Spirit Mr. Brainerd shew'd at that Time, being then at New-Haven, and being One that he saw fit to consult on that Occasion. (This was the first Time that ever I had Opportunity of personal Acquaintance with him.) There truly appear'd in him a great Degree of Calmness and Humility; without the least Appearance of Rising of Spirit for any ill Treatment he supposed he had suffered, or the least Backwardness to abase himself before Them who he thought had wrong'd him. What he did was without any Objection or Appearance of Reluctance, even in private to his Friends, that he freely open'd himself to. Earnest Application was made on his Behalf to the Authority of the College, that he might have his Degree then given him; and particularly by the Rev. Mr. Burr, of Newark, one of the Correspondents of the Hon. Society in Scotland; He being sent from New-Jersey to New-Haven, by the rest of the Commissioners, for that End; and many Arguments were used; but without Success. Indeed the Governours of the College were so far satisfied with the Reflections Mr. Brainerd had made on himself, that they appeared willing to admit him again into College; but not to give him his Degree, 'till he should have remain'd there, at least a Twelve-Month, which being contrary to what the Correspondents, to whom he was now engaged, had declared to be their Mind, he did not consent to it. He desired his Degree, as he thought it would tend to his being more extensively useful; but still when he was deny'd it, he manifested no Disappointment or Resentment.

[The next Day he went to Derby; then to Southbury, where he spent the Sabbath: and speaks of some spiritual Comfort; but complains much of Unfixedness, and Wandrings of Mind in Religion.]

Monday, Sept. 19. In the Afternoon, rode to Bethlehem, and there preach'd. Had some Measure of Assistance, both in Prayer and Preaching. I felt serious, kind and tender towards all Mankind, and longed that Holiness might flourish more on Earth.

Tuesday, Sept. 20. Had Thoughts of going forward on my Journey to my Indians; but towards Night was taken with a hard Pain in my Teeth, and shivering Cold, and could not possibly recover a comfortable Degree of Warmth the whole Night following. I continued very full of Pain all Night; and in the Morning had a very hard Fever, and Pains almost all over my whole Body. I had a Sense of the divine Goodness in appointing this to be the Place of my Sickness, viz. among my Friends that were very Kind to me. I should probably have perished, if I had first got Home to my own House in the Wilderness, where I have none to converse with but the poor rude ignorant Indians. Here I saw was Mercy in the midst of Affliction. I continued thus, mostly confined to my Bed, 'till Friday-Night; very full of Pain most of the Time; but thro' divine Goodness not afraid of Death. Then the extream Folly of those appear'd to me, who put off their turning to God 'till a Sick-Bed. Surely this is not a Time proper to prepare for Eternity▪— On Friday-Evening my Pains went off something suddenly; and I was exceeding weak, and almost fainted; but was very comfortable the Night following. Those Words Psal. cxviii.17. I frequently revolved in my Mind; and thought we were to prize the Continuation of Life only on this Account, that we may shew forth God's Goodness and Works of Grace.

[From this Time, he gradually recover'd: And on the next Tuesday was so well as to be able to go forward on his Journey Homewards: But was 'till the Tuesday following before he reach'd Kaunaumeek. And seems, great Part of this Time, to have had a very deep and lively Sense of the Vanity and Emptiness of all Things here below, and of the Reality, Nearness and vast Importance of eternal Things.]

Tuesday, October 4. This Day rode Home to my own House and People. The poor Indians appear'd very glad of my Return. Found my House and all Things in Safety. I presently fell on my Knees and blessed God for my safe Return, after a long and tedious Journey, and a Season of Sickness in several Places where I had been, and after I had been sick my self. God has renewed his Kindness to me, in preserving me one Journey more. I have taken many considerable Journeys since this Time last Year, and yet God has never suffered one of my Bones to be broken, or any distressing Calamity to befall me, excepting the ill Turn I had in my last Journey; Tho' I have been often exposed to Cold and Hunger in the Wilderness, where the Comforts of Life were not to be had; have frequently been lost in the Woods; and sometimes oblig'd to ride much of the Night; and once lay out in the Woods all Night. Blessed be God that has preserved me.

[In his Diary for the next eleven Days, are great Complaints of Distance from God, spiritual Pride, Corruption, and exceeding Vileness. He once says, his Heart was so press'd with a Sense of his Pollution, that he could scarcely have the Face and Impudence (as it then appeared to him) to desire that God should not damn him forever. And at another Time, he says, He had so little Sense of God, or Apprehension and Relish of his Glory and Excellency, that it made him more disposed to Kindness and Tenderness towards those who are blind and ignorant of God and Things divine and heavenly.]

Lord's-Day, Octob. 16. In the Evening, God was pleased to give me a feeling Sense of my own Unworthiness; but thro' divine Goodness such as tended to draw, rather than drive me from God: It fill'd me with Solemnity. I retired alone (having at this Time a Friend with me) and poured out my Soul to God, with much Freedom; and yet in Anguish, to find my self so unspeakably sinful and unworthy before a holy God. Was now much resigned under God's Dispensations towards me, tho' my Trials had been very great. But thought whether I could be resign'd, if God should let the French Indians come upon me, and deprive me of my Life, or carry me away Captive (tho' I knew of no special Reason then to propose this Trial to myself, more than any other) and my Soul seem'd so far to rest and acquiesce in God, that the Sting and Terror of these Things seem'd in a great Measure gone. Presently after I came to the Indians, whom I was teaching to sing Psalm-Tunes that Evening, I received the following Letter from Stockbridge, by a Messenger sent on the Sabbath on Purpose, which made it appear of greater Importance.

Sir, Just now we received Advices from Col. Stoddard, that there is the utmost Danger of a Rupture with France. He has received the same from his Excellency our Governour, ordering him to give Notice to all the exposed Places, that they may secure themselves the best they can against any sudden Invasion. We thought best to send directly to Kaunaumeek, that you may take the prudentest Measures for your Safety that dwell there. I am, Sir, &c.

I thought, upon reading the Contents, it came in a good Season; for my Heart seem'd something fix'd on God, and therefore I was not much surprized: But this News only made me more serious, and taught me that I must not please my self with any of the Comforts of Life which I had been preparing for my Support. Blessed be God, that gave me any Intenseness and Fervency this Evening.

Monday, Octob. 17. Had some rising Hopes sometimes, that God would arise and have Mercy on Zion speedily. My Heart is indeed refreshed, when I have any prevailing Hopes of Zion's Prosperity. O that I may see the glorious Day, when Zion shall become the Joy of the whole Earth! Truly there is n • thin • that I greatly value in this lower World.

[On Tuesday, he rode to Stockbridge; complains of being much diverted, and having but little Life. On Wednesday, he expresses some solemn Sense of divine Things, and a longing to be always doing for God with a godly Frame of Spirit.]

Thursday, Octob. 20. Had but little Sense of divine Thing • this Day. Alas, that so much of my precious Time is spent with so little of God! Those are tedious Days, wherein I have no Spirituality.

Friday, Octob. 21. Returned home to Kaunaumeek: Was glad to get alone in my little Cottage, and to cry to that God who seeth in secret and is present in a Wilderness.

Saturday, Octob. 22. Had but little sensible Communion with God. This World is a dark Cloudy Mansion. Oh, when will the Sun of Righteousness shine on my Soul without Cessation or Intermission.

Lords-Day, Octob. 23. In the Morning, had a little Dawn of Comfort arising from Hopes of seeing glorious Days in the Church of God: Was enabled to pray for such a glorious Day with some Courage and Strength of Hope. In the Forenoon, treated on the Glories of Heaven, &c.— In the Afternoon, on the Miseries of Hell, and the Danger of going there. Had some Freedom and Warmth, both Parts of the Day. And my People were very Attentive. In the Evening, two or three came to me under Concern for their Souls; to whom I was enabled to discourse closely, and with some Earnestness and Desire. O that God would be merciful to their poor Souls.

[He seems, through the whole of this Week, to have been greatly engaged to fill up every Inch of Time in the Service of God, and to have been most deligently employed in Study, Prayer and instructing the Indians; and from Time to Time expresses Longings of Soul after God, and the Advancement of his Kingdom, and spiritual Comfort and Refreshment.]

Lords-Day, Octob. 30. In the Morning, enjoyed some Fixedness of Soul in Prayer, which was indeed sweet and desirable: Was enabled to leave my self with God, and to acquiesce in him. At Noon, my Soul was refresh'd with reading Rev. iii. more especially the 11th and 12th Verses. O my Soul longed for that blessed Day, when I should dwell in the Temple of God, and go no more out of his immediate Presence!

Monday, Octob. 31. Rode to Kinderhook, about 15 Miles from my Place. While riding, I felt some divine Sweetness in the Thoughts of being a Pillar in the Temple of God in the upper World, and being no more deprived of his blessed Presence and the Sense of his Favour, which is better than Life. My Soul was so lifted up to God, that I could pour out my Desires to him, for more Grace and further Degrees of Sanctification, with abundant Freedom. Oh, I longed to be more abundantly prepared for that Blessedness, with which I was then in some Measure refresh'd!— Return'd Home in the Evening; but took an extreamly bad Cold by riding in the Night.

Tuesday, Novemb. 1. Was very much disordered in Body, and sometimes full of Pain in my Face and Teeth: Was not able to study much, and had not much spiritual Comfort. Alas, when God is withdrawn, all is gone!—Had some sweet Tho' • s, which I could not but write down, on the Design, Nature, and End of Christianity.

Wednesday, Novemb. 2. Was still more indisposed in Body, and in much Pain, most of the Day: Had not much Comfort; was scarcely able to study at all; and still intirely alone in the Wilderness. But blessed be the Lord, I ben't exposed in the open Air: I have a House, and many of the Comforts of Life, to support me. I have learn'd, in a Measure, that all good Things, relating both to Time and Eternity, come from God.— In the Evening, had some Degree of quickening in Prayer: I think, God gave me some Sense of his Presence.

Thursday, Novemb. 3. Spent this Day in secret Fasting and Prayer, from Morning 'till Night. Early in the Morning, had (I think) some small Degree of Assistance in Prayer. Afterwards, read the Story of Elijah the Prophet, 1 Kings, xvii, xviii, and xix Chapters, and also 2 Kings ii. and iv. Chapters. My Soul was much moved, observing the Faith, Zeal and Power of that holy Man; how he wrestled with God in Prayer, &c. My Soul then cried with Elisha, Where is the Lord God of Elijah! Oh, I longed for more Faith! My Soul breathed after God, and pleaded with him, that a double Portion of that Spirit, which was given to Elijah, might rest on me. And that which was divinely refreshing and strengthning to my Soul, was, I saw that GOD is the same that he was in the Days of Elijah. — Was enabled to wrestle with God by Prayer, in a more affectionate, fervent, humble, intense, and importunate Manner, than I have for many Months past. Nothing seem'd too hard for God to perform; nothing too great for me to hope for from Him.— I had for many Months intirely lost all Hopes of being made instrumental of doing any special Service for God in the World: It has appeared intirely impossible, that one so black and vile should be thus improved for God! But at this Time God was pleased to revive this Hope.—Afterwards read the iiid Chap. of Exod. and on to the xxth, and saw more of the Glory & Majesty of GOD discovered in those Chapters, than ever I had seen before; frequently in the mean Time falling on my Knees and crying to God for the Faith of Moses, and for a Manifestation of the divine Glory. Especially the iiid & ivth, and Part of the xivth & xvth Chapters, were unspeakably sweet to my Soul: My Soul blessed God, that he had shewn himself so gracious to his Servants of old. The xvth Chapter seem'd to be the very Language which my Soul utter'd to God in the Season of my first spiritual Comfort, when I had just got thro' the Red Sea, by a Way that I had no Expectation of. O how my Soul then rejoyced in God! And now those Things came fresh and lively to my Mind; now my Soul bless'd God afresh, that he had open'd that unthought of Way to deliver me from the Fear of the Egyptians, when I almost despair'd of Life.—Afterwards read the Story of Abraham's Pilgrimage in the Land of Canaan: My Soul was melted, in observing his Faith, how he lean'd on God; how he communed with GOD, and what a Stranger he was here in the World. After that, read the Story of Joseph's Sufferings, and God's Goodness to him: Blessed God for these Examples of Faith and Patience. My Soul was ardent in Prayer, was enabled to wrestle ardently for my self, for Christian Friends, and for the Church of God. And felt more Desire to see the Power of God in the Conversi • n o • Souls, than I have done for a long Season. Blessed be God for this Season of Fasting and Prayer. May his Goodness always abide with me, & draw my Soul to Him.

Thursday, Novemb. 4. Rode to Kinderhook; went quite to Hu • son's-River, about 20 Miles from my House; performed some Business; and returned Home in the Evening to my own House. I had rather ride hard, and fatigue my self, to get Home, than to spend the Evening and Night amongst those that have no Regard for God.

[The two next Days, he was very ill and full of Pain, probably through his riding in the Night, after a fatiguing Day's Journey on Thursday: But yet seems to have been diligent in Business.]

Monday, Novemb. 7. This Morning, the Lord afforded me some special Assistance in Prayer: My Mind was solemn, fix'd, affectionate, and ardent in Desires after Holiness; and felt full of Tenderness and Love; and my Affections seemed to be dissolved into Kindness and Softness.—In the Evening, enjoyed the same comfortable Assistance in Prayer, as in the Morning: My Soul longed after God, and cried to him with a filial Freedom, Reverence and Boldness. O that I might be intirely consecrated and devoted to God.

[The two next Days, he complains of bodily Illness & Pain; but much more of spiritual Barrenness and Unprofitableness.]

Thursday, Nov. 10. Spent this Day in Fasting and Prayer alone. In the Morning, was very dull and lifeless; was something melancholy and discouraged. But after some Time, reading 2 Kings xix Chap. my Soul was moved and affected; especially reading Verse 1 • . and onward. I saw there was no other Way for the afflicted Children of God to take, but to go to GOD with all their Sorrows. Hezekiah, in his great Distress, went and spread his Complaint before the Lord. I was then enabled to see the mighty Power of God, and my extream Need of that Power: Was enabled to cry to God affectionately & ardently for his divine Power and Grace to be exercised towards me.—Afterwards, read the Story of David's Trials, and observed the Course he took under them, how he strengthned his Hands in GOD; whereby my Soul was carried out after GOD, enabled to cry to Him and rely upon Him, and felt strong in the Lord. Was afterwards refresh'd, observing the blessed Temper that was wrought in David by his Trials: All Bitterness and Desire of Revenge seemed wholly taken away; so that he mourned for the Death of his Enemies; 2 Sam. i.17. & iv.9. ad Fin.— Was enabled to bless God, that he had given me something of this divine Temper, that my Soul freely forgives, and heartily loves my Enemies.

[It appears by his Diary for the remaining Part of this Week, and for the two following Weeks, that great Part of the Time he was very ill and full of Pain; and yet obliged through his Circumstances, in this ill State of Body, to be at great Fatigues, in Labour, and travelling Day and Night, and to expose himself, in stormy and severe Seasons. He from Time to Time, within this Space, speaks of out-goings of Soul after God; his Heart strengthned in God; Seasons of divine Sweetness and Comfort; his Heart affected with Gratitude for Mercies, &c. And yet there are many Complaints of Lifelesness, Weakness of Grace, Distance from God, and great Unprofitableness. But still there appears a constant Care, from Day to Day, not to lose Time, but to improve it all for God.]

Lord's-Day, Novemb. 27. In the Evening, was greatly affected in reading an Account of the very joyful Death of a pious Gentleman; which seem'd to invigorate my Soul in God's Ways: I felt courageously engaged to pursue a Life of Holiness and Self-denial as long as I live; and poured out my Soul to God for his Help and Assistance in order thereto. Eternity then seem'd near, and my Soul rejoyced, and longed to meet it. O, I trust, that will be a blessed Day, that finishes my Toil here!

Monday, Novemb. 28. In the Evening, was obliged to spend Time in Company and Conversation that was unprofitable.— Nothing lies heavier upon me, than the Misimprovement of Time.

Tuesday, Novemb. 29. Began to study the Indian Tongue, with Mr. Sargeant at Stockbridge The Commissioners that employed him, had directed him to spend much Time this Win • er with Mr. Sargeant, to learn the Language of the Indians; which necessitated him very often to ride▪ backwards and forwards, 20 Miles through the uninhabited Woods between Stockbridge and Kau • aume • k; which many Times expo • ed him to extream Hardship in the severe Seasons of the Winter..— Was perplexed for want of more Retirement.— I love to live alone in my own little Cottage, where I can spend much Time in Prayer, &c.

Wednesday, Novemb. 30. Pursued my Study of Indian: But was very weak and disordered in Body, and was troubled in Mind at the Barrenness of the Day, that I had done so little for God. I had some Enlargement in Prayer at Night. Oh, a Barn, or Stable, Hedge, or any other Place, is truly desirable, if God is there! Sometimes, of late, my Hopes of Zion's Prosperity are more raised, than they were in the Summer past. My Soul seems to confide in God, that he will yet shew forth his Salvation to his People, and make Zion the Joy of the whole Earth. O how excellent is the Loving-kindness of the Lord! My Soul sometimes inwardly exults at the lively Thoughts of what God has already done for his Church, and what mine Eyes have seen of the Salvation of God. 'Tis sweet, to hear nothing but spiritual Discourse from God's Children; and Sinners enquiring the Way to Zion, saying, What shall we do, &c. O that I may see more of this blessed Work.

Thursday, Decemb. 1. Both Morning and Evening, I enjoyed some Intenseness of Soul in Prayer, and longed for the Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom in the World. My Soul seems, of late, to wait on GOD for his Blessing on Zion. O that Religion might powerfully revive.

Friday, Decemb. 2. Enjoy'd not so much Health of Body, or Fervour of Mind, as Yesterday. If the Chariot-Wheels move with Ease and Speed at any Time, for a short Space; yet by and by they drive heavily again. O that I had the Wings of a Dove, that I might fly away from Sin & Corruption, and be at Rest in GOD.

Saturday, Decemb. 3. Rode Home, to my House and People. Suffered much with the extreme Cold.— I trust, I shall, 'ere long, arrive safe to my Journey's End, where my Toils shall cease.

Lord's-Day, Decemb. 4. Had but little Sense of divine and heavenly Things. My Soul mourns over my Barrenness. Oh how sad is spiritual Deadness!

Monday, Decemb. 5. Rode to Stockbridge. Was almost out done with the extream Cold. Had some refreshing Meditations by the Way; but was barren, wandring, and Lifeless, much of the Day. Thus my Days roll away, with but little done for God; and this is my Burden.

Tuesday, Decemb. 6. Was perplexed to see the Vanity and Levity of professed Christians. Spent the Evening with a Christian Friend, that was able in some Measure to sympathize with me in my spiritual Conflicts. Was a little refresh'd to find one with whom I could converse of inward Trials, &c.

Wednesday, Decemb. 7. Spent the Evening in Perplexity, with a Kind of guilty Indolence. When I have no Heart or Resolution for God and the Duties incumbent on me, I feel guilty of Negligence and Misimprovement of Time. Certainly I ought to be engaged in my Work and Business, to the utmost Extent of my Strength and Ability.

Thursday, Decemb. 8. My Mind was much distracted with different Affections. Seem'd to be at an amazing Distance from God: and looking round in the World, to see if there was not some Happiness to be derived from it, GOD, and some certain Objects in the World, seem'd each to invite my Heart and Affections; and my Soul seem'd to be distracted between them. I have not been so much beset with the World for a long Time; and that with Relation to some particular Objects which I thought my self most dead to. But even while I was desiring to please my self with any Thing below, Guilt, Sorrow and Perplexity attended the first Motions of Desire. Indeed I can't see the Appearance of Pleasure and Happiness in the World, as I used to do: And blessed be God for any Habitual Deadness to the World.— I found no Peace, or Deliverance from this Distraction and Perplexity of Mind, 'till I found Access to the Throne of Grace: And as soon as I had any Sense of God and Things divine, the Allurements of the World vanish'd, and my Heart was determined for God. But my Soul mourned over my Folly, that I should desire any Pleasure, but only in God. God forgive my spiritual Idolatry.

[The next thirteen Days, he appears to have been continually in deep Concern about the Improvement of precious Time; and there are many Expressions of Grief, that he improved Time no better; such as, Oh, what Misery do I feel, when my Thought 〈◊〉 after Vanity! I should be happy if always engaged for God! O wretched Man that I am, &c! Speaks of his being pained with a Sense of his Barrenness, perplexed with his Wandrings, longing for Deliverance from the Being of Sin, mourning that Time past away, and so little was done for God, &c.— On Tuesday, Decemb. 20. He speaks of his being visited at Kaunaumeek by some under spiritual Concern.]

Thursday, Decemb. 22. Spent this Day alone in Fasting and Prayer, and Reading in God's Word the Exercises and Deliverances of God's Children. Had, I trust, some Exercise of Faith and realizing Apprehension of divine Power, Grace and Holiness; and also of the Unchangeableness of God, that he is the same as he was when he delivered his Saints of old out of great Tribulation. My Soul was sundry Times in Prayer enlarged for God's Church and People. O that Zion might become the Joy of the Whole Earth. 'Tis better to wait upon God with Patience, than to put Confidence in any Thing in this lower World. My Soul, wait Thou on the Lord; for from him comes thy Salvation.

Friday, Decemb. 23. Felt a little more Courage and Resolution in Religion, than at some other Times.

Saturday, Decemb. 24. Had some Assistance, and longing Desires after Sanctification, in Prayer this Day; especially in the Evening: Was sensible of my own Weakness and spiritual Impotency: Saw plainly, I should fall into Sin, if God of his abundant Mercy did not uphold my Soul, and withold me from Evil. O that God would uphold me by his free Spirit, and save me from the Hour of Temptation.

Lord's-Day, Decemb. 25. Pray'd much, in the Morning, with a feeling Sense of my own spiritual Weakness and Insufficiency for any Duty. God gave me some Assistance in Preaching to the Indians; and especially in the Afternoon, when I was enabled to speak with uncommon Plainness, Freedom, and Earnestness. Blessed be God for any Assistance granted to one so unworthy. Afterwards felt some Thankfulness; but still sensible of Barrenness.— Spent some Time in the Evening, with one or two Persons under spiritual Concern, and exhorting others to their Duty, &c.

Monday, Decemb. 26. Rode down to Stockbridge. Was very much fatigued with my Journey, wherein I underwent great Hardship: Was much exposed and very wet by falling into a River. Spent the Day and Evening without much Sense of divine and heavenly Things; But felt guilty, griev'd, and perplex'd with wandring careless Thoughts.

Tuesday, Decemb. 27. Had a small Degree of Warmth in secret Prayer, in the Evening: but, alas, had but little spiritual Life, and consequently but little Comfort! Oh, the Pressure of a Body of Death! This Day he wrote the 2d Letter added at the End of this History.

Wednesday, Decemb. 28. Rode about six Miles to the Ordination of Mr. Hopkins. In the Season of the Solemnity was somewhat affected with a Sense of the Greatness and Importance of the Work of a Minister of Christ. Afterwards was grieved to see the Vanity of the Multitude. In the Evening, spent a little Time with some Christian Friends, with some Degree of Satisfaction; but most of the Time had rather have been alo •• .

Thursday, Decemb. 29. Spent the Day mainly in conversing with Friends; yet enjoyed little Satisfaction, because I could find but few disposed to Converse of divine and h ••• enly Things. Alas, what are Things of this World, to afford Satisfaction to the Soul!— Near Night, returned to Stockbridge; in secret bless'd God for Retirement, and that I ben't 〈◊〉 exposed to the Company and Conversation of the World. O 〈◊〉 I could live in the secret of God's Presence.

Friday, Decemb. 30. Was in a solemn devout Frame in the Evening. Wonder'd that Earth, with all its Charms, should ever allure me in the least Degree. O that I could always reali •• the Being and Holiness of God.

Saturday, Decemb. 31. Rode from Stockbridge home to my House: The Air was clear and Calm, but as Cold as ever I felt it in the World, or near. I was in great Danger of perishing by the Extremity of the Season.— Was enabled to Meditate much on the Road.

Lord's-Day, January 1. 1743, 4. In the Morning, had some small Degree of Assistance in Prayer. Saw my self so vile and unworthy, that I could not look my People in the Face, when I came to Preach. Oh, my Meanness, Folly, Ignorance, and inward Pollution!— In the Evening, had a little Assistance in Prayer, so that the Duty was delightsome, rather then burdenso • . Reflected on the Goodness of God to me in the past Year, &c. Of a Truth God has been kind and gracious to me, tho' he has caused me to pass thro' many Sorrows; he has provided for me bountifully, so that I have been enabled, in about 15 Months past, to bestow to charitable Uses about an Hundred Pounds New-England Money, that I can now remember. Which was, I suppose, to the value of about one Hundred and eighty five Pounds in our Bills of the old Tenour, as they now pass.— By this, as well as many other Things, it is manifest, that his frequent Melancho • y did not arise from the Consideration of any Disadvantage he was laid under to get a Living in the World, by his Expulsion from the College. Blessed be the Lord, that has so far used me as his Steward, to distribute a Portion of his Goods. May I always remember, that all I have comes from God. Blessed be the Lord, that has carried me thro' all the Toils, Fatigues, and Hardships of the Year past, as well as the spiritual Sorrows and Conflicts that have attended it. O that I could begin this Year with God, and spend the whole of it to his Glory, either in Life or Death.

Monday, Jan. 2. Had some affecting Sense of my own Impotency and spiritual Weakness.— 'Tis nothing but the Power of God that keeps me from all Manner of Wickedness. I see, I am nothing, and can do nothing without Help from above. Oh, for divine Grace! In the Evening, had some Ardour of Soul in Prayer, and longing Desires to have God for my Guide and Safe-guard at all Times. This Day he wrote the 3d Letter, published at the End of this Acc • un • of his Life.

Tuesday, Jan. 3. Was employed much of the Day in Writing; and spent some Time in other necessary Employment. But my Time passes away so swiftly, that I am astonished when I reflect on it, and see how little I do in it. My State of Solitude does not make the Hours hang heavy upon my Hands. O what Reason of Thankfulness have I, on account of this Retirement! I find, that I don't, and it seems I can't, lead a Christian Life, when I am abroad, and can't spend Time in Devotion, Christian Conversation, and Serious Meditation, as I should do. Those Weeks that I am obliged now to be from home, in order to learn the Indian Tongue, are mostly spent in Perplexity & Barrenness, without much sweet Relish of divine Things; and I feel my self a Stranger at the Throne of Grace, for want of more frequent and continued Retirement. When I return Home, and give my self to Meditation, Prayer, and Fasting, a new Scene opens to my Mind, and my Soul longs for Mortification, Self-denial, Humility, and Divorcement from all the Things of the World. This Evening, my Heart was somewhat warm and fervent in Prayer and Meditation, so that I was loth to indulge Sleep. Continued in those Duties 'till about Midnight.

Wednesday, Jan. 4. Was in a resigned and mortified Temper of Mind, much of the Day. Time appeared a Moment, Life a Vapour, and all its Enjoyments as empty Bubbles, and fleeting Blasts of Wind.

Thursday, Jan 5. Had a humbling and pressing Sense of 〈◊〉 Unworthiness. My Sense of the Badness of my own Heart fill'd my Soul with Bitterness and Anguish; which was ready to 〈◊〉 as under the Weight of a heavy Burden. And thus spent 〈◊〉 Evening, 'till late.—Was some what intense and ardent in Pray •• ▪

Friday, Jan. 6. Feeling and considering my extream We •• ness, and Want of Grace, the Pollution of my Soul, and Dang •• of Temptations on every side, I set apart this Day for Fa •• ing and Prayer, neither eating nor drinking from Evening to Evenin • beseeching God to have Mercy on me. And 〈◊〉 Soul intensely long'd, that the dreadful Spots and Stains of Sin might be wash'd away from it. Saw something of the Power and Alsufficiency of God. My Soul seem'd to rest on his Power and Grace; longed for Resignation to his Will, and Mortification to all Things 〈◊〉 below. My Mind was greatly fix'd on divine Things: My Resolutions for a Life of Mortification, continual Watchfulness, Self-denial, Seriousness, and Devotion to God, were strong and fix'd; my Desires ardent and Intense; my Conscience tender, and afraid of every Appearance of Evil. My Soul grieved with the Reflection on past Levity, and Want of Resolution for God. I solemnly renewed my Dedication of my self to God, and longed for Grace to enable me always to keep Coven •• t with him. Time appeared very short, Eternity near; and • great Name, either in or after Life, together with all earthly Pleasures and Profits, but an empty Bubble, a deluding Drea •• .

Saturday, Jan. 7. Spent this Day in Seriousness, with stedfast Resolutions for God and a Life of Mortification. Studied closely, 'till I felt my bodily Strength fail. Felt some Degree of Resignation to God, with an Acquiescence in his Dispensation • . Was grieved, that I could do so little for God before my bodily Strength fail'd.— In the Evening, tho' tired, yet was enabled to continue instant in Prayer for some Time. Spent the Time in Reading, Meditation, and Prayer, 'till the Evening was 〈◊〉 spent: Was grieved, to think that I could not watch unto Pray •• the whole Night.— But blessed be God, Heaven is a Place of continual and incessant Devotion, tho' Earth is dull.

[The six Days following, he continued in the same happy Frame of Mind; enjoyed the same Composure, Calmness, Resignation, ardent Desire and sweet Fervency of Spirit, in a high Degree, every Day, not one excepted. Thursday, this Week, he kept as a Day of secret Fasting and Prayer.]

Saturday, Jan. 14. This Morning, enjoyed a most solemn Season in Prayer· My Soul seem'd enlarged and assisted to pour out it self to God for Grace, and for every Blessing I wanted, for my self, my dear Christian Friends, and for the Church of God; and was so enabled to see him who is invisible, that my Soul rested upon him for the Performance of every Thing I asked agreable to his Will. It was then my Happiness, to continue instant in Prayer, and was enabled to continue in it for near an Hour. My Soul was then strong in the Lord and in the Power of his Might: Long'd exceedingly for angelick Holiness and Purity, and to have all my Thoughts, at all Times, employed in divine and heavenly Things. O how blessed is an heavenly Temper! O how unspeakably blessed it is, to feel a Measure of that Rectitude, in which we were at first created!— Felt the same divine Assistance in Prayer sundry Times in the Day. My Soul confided in God for m • self, and for his Zion; trusted in divine Power and Grace, that he would do glorious Things in his Church, on Earth, for his own Glory.

[The next Day he speaks of some Glimpses he had of the divine Glories, and of his being enabled to maintain his Resolutions in some Measure; but complains, that he could not draw near to God: Seems to be fill'd with trembling Fears lest he should return to a Life of Vanity, to please himself with some of the Enjoyments of this lower World; and speaks of his being much troubled, and feeling guilty, that he should address immortal Souls with no more Ardency and Desire of their Salvation.— On Monday, he rod • down to Stockbridge, was distress'd with the extream Cold: But notwithstanding, his Mind was in a devout and solemn Frame in his Journey. The four next Days, he was very ill, probably by his suffering from the Cold in his Journey; yet he says he spent the Time in a more solemn Manner than he fear'd. On Friday-Evening, he rode down and visited Mr. Hopkins; and on Saturday, rode 18 Miles to Solsbury, where he kept Sabbath, and enjoyed considerable Degrees of God's gracious Presence, Assistance in Duty, and divine Comfort and Refreshment, longing to give himself wholly to God, to be his forever.]

Monday, Jan. 23. I think I never felt more resigned to God, nor so much dead to the World, in every Respect, as now: Was dead to all Desire of Reputation and Greatness, either in Life or after Death: All I longed for, was to be holy, humble, crucified to the World &c.

Tuesday, Jan. 24. Near Noon, rode over to Canaan. In the Evening, was unexpectedly visited by a considerable Number of People, with whom I was enabled to converse profitably of divine Things: Took Pains to describe the Difference between • regular and irregular Self-love: The one consisting with a Supream Love to God, but the other not; The former uniting God's Glory and the Soul's Happiness, that they become one common Interest, but the latter disjoyning and separating God's Glory and the Man's Happiness, seeking the latter with a Neglect of the former. Illustrated this by that genuine Love that is found between the Sexes; which is diverse from that which is wrought up towards a Person only by rational Arguments, or Hope of Self-Interest. Love is a pleasing Passion, it affords Pleasure to the Mind where it is; but yet true genuine Love is not nor can be placed upon any Object with that Design of pleasing itself with the feeling of it in a Man's own Breast.

[On Wednesday, he rode to Sheffield; the next Day, to Stockbridge: And on Saturday, home to Kaunaumeek, tho' the Season was Cold and Stormy: Which Journey was followed with Illness and Pain. It appears by his Diary, that he spe • t the Time, while riding, in profitable Meditations, and in lifting up his Heart to God; and he speaks of Assistance, Comfort, and Refreshment; but still complains of Barrenness, &c. His Diary for the five next Days is full of the most heavy bitter Complaints; and he expresses himself as full of Shame and Self-loathing for his lifeless Temper of Mind and Sluggishness of Spirit, and as being in Perplexity and Extremity, and appearing to himself unspeakably vile and guilty before God on Account of some inward workings of Corruption he found in his Heart, &c.]

Thursday, Feb. 2. Spent this Day in Fasting and Prayer, seeking the Presence and Assistance of God, that he would enable me to overcome all my Corruptions and spiritual Enemies.

Friday, Feb. 3. Enjoy'd more Freedom and Comfort than of late; was intensely engaged in Meditation upon the different Whispers of the various Powers and Affections of a pious Mind, exercised with a great variety of Dispensations: And could not but write as well as meditate on so entertaining a Subject. I find what he wrote on this Head among his Papers, that were left in my Hand, and it is here published at the End of this Account of his Li • e. I hope, the Lord gave me some true Sense of divine Things this Day: But alas, how great and pressing are the Remains of indwelling Corruption! I am now more sensible than ever, that God alone is the Author and Finisher of our Faith; i. e. that the whole and every Part of Sanctification, and every good Word, Work, or Thought, that is found in me, is the Effect of his Power and Grace; that without him I can do Nothing, in the strictest Sense; and that he works in us to will and to do of his own good Pleasure, and from no other Motive. Oh, how amazing it is that People can talk so much about Men's Power and Goodness; when, if God did not hold us back every Moment, we should be Devils incarnate! This my bitter Experience, for several Days last past, has abundantly taught me concerning my self.

Saturday, Feb. 4. Enjoy'd some Degree of Freedom and spiritual Refreshment; was enabled to pray with some Fervency, and longing Desires of Zion's Prosperity; and my Faith and Hope seems to take hold of God, for the Performance of what I was enabled to plead for. Sanctification in my self, and the Ingathering of God's Elect, was all my Desire; and the Hope of its Accomplishment, all my Joy.

Lords-Day, Feb. 5. Was enabled in some Measure to rest and confide in God, and to prize his Presence and some Glimpses of the Light of his Countenance, above my necessary Food. Thought my self, after the Sea • on of Weakness, Temptation, and Desertion I endured the last Week, to be somewhat like Samson when his Locks began to grow again. Was enabled to preach to my People with more Life and Warmth, than I have for some Weeks past.

Monday, Feb. 6. This Morning, my Soul again was strengthned in God, and found some sweet Repose in him in Prayer: Longing especially for the compleat Mortification of Sensuality and Pride, and for Resignation to God's Dispensa • ions, at all Times, as thro' Grace I felt it at this Time. I did not desire Deliverance from any Difficulty, that attends my Circumstances, unless God was willing. O how comfortable is this Temper!— Spent most of the Day in reading God's Word, in Writing, and Prayer. Enjoyed repeated and frequent Comfort, and Intenseness of Soul in Prayer thro' the Day. In the Evening, spent some Hours in private Conversation with my People: And afterwards, felt some Warmth in secret Prayer.

Tuesday, Feb. 7. Was much engaged in some sweet Meditations on the Powers and Affections of the godly Soul in their Pursuit of their beloved Object: Wrote something of the native Language of spiritual Sensation, in its soft and tender Whispers; declaring, that it now feels and tastes that the Lord is gracious; that he is the Supreme Good, the only Soul-satisfying Happiness; that he is a Compleat, Sufficient, and Almighty Portion: saying,

Whom have I in Heaven but Thee? And there is none upon Forth that I desire, besides this blessed Portion. O, I feel 'tis Heaven to please him, and to be just what he would have me to be! O that my Soul were Holy, as he is Holy! O that it were pure even as Christ is pure; and perfect, as my Father in Heaven is perfect! These, I feel, are the sweetest Commands in God's Book, comprising all others. And shall I break them! Must I break 'em! Am I under a Necessity of it as long as I live in the Wo • ld! O my Soul, Wo, Wo is me that I am a Sinner, because I now necessarily grieve and offend this blessed God, who is infinite in Goodness and Grace! Oh, methinks, i • he would punish me for my Sins, it would not wound my Heart so deep to offend him: But tho' I sin continually, yet he continually repeats his Kindness to me! Oh, Methinks I could bear any suffering; but how can I bear to grieve and dishonour this blessed God! How shall I yield ten Thousand Times more Honour to him? What shall I do to glorify & worship this best of Beings? O that I could consecrate my self, Soul and Body, to his Service forever. O that I could give up my self to him so as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any Will or Affections that are not perfectly conformed to him. But, alas, alas, I find I can't be thus entirely devoted to God: I can't live and not sin. O ye Angels, do ye glorify him incessantly; and if possible, prostrate yourselves lower before the blessed King of Heaven. I long to bear a Part with you; and, if it were possible, to help you. Oh, when we have done all that we can, to all Eternity, we shall not be able to offer the ten Thousandth Part of the Homage that the glorious God deserves!

Felt something spiritual, devout, resigned, and mortified to the World, much of the Day; and especially towards and in the Evening. Blessed be God, that he enables me to love him for himself.

Wednesday, Feb. 8. Was in a comfortable Frame of Soul, most of the Day; tho' sensible of and restless under spiritual Barrenness. I find that both Mind and Body are quickly tired with Intenseness and Fervour in the Things of God. O that I could be as incessant as Angels in Devotion and spiritual Fervour.

Thursday, Feb. 9. Observed this Day as a Day of Fasting and Prayer, intreating of God to bestow upon me his Blessing and Grace; especially to enable me to live a Life of Mortification to the World, as well as of Resignation and Patience. Enjoy'd some realizing Sense of divine Power and Goodness in Prayer, several Times; and was enabled to roll the Burden of my self and Friends, and of Zion, upon the Goodness and Grace of God: But, in the general, was more dry and barren than I have usually been of late upon such Occasions.

Friday, Feb. 10. Was exceedingly oppress'd, most of the Day, with Shame, Grief and Fear, under a Sense of my past Folly, as well as present Barrenness and Coldness. When God sets before me my past Misconduct, especially any Instances of misguided Zeal, it sinks my Soul into Shame and Confusion, makes me afraid of a shaking Leaf. My Fear is such as the Prophet Jeremy complains of, Jer. xx.10.— I have no Confidence to hold up my Face, even before my Fellow-Worms; but only when my Soul confides in God, and I find the sweet Temper of Christ, the Spirit of Humility, Solemnity, and Mortification, and Resignation, alive in my Soul.— But, in the Evening, was unexpectedly refresh'd in pouring out my Complaint to God: My Shame and Fear was turned into a sweet Composure and Acquiescence in God.

Saturday, Feb. 11. Felt much as Yesterday: enjoyed but little sensible Communion with God.

Lords-Day, Feb. 12. My Soul seem'd to confide in God, and to repose itself on him; and had out-goings of Soul after God in Prayer. Enjoyed some divine Assistance, in the Forenoon, in Preaching; but in the Afternoon, was more perplex'd with Shame &c. Afterwards, found some Relief in Prayer: Lov'd, as a feeble afflicted despised Creature, to cast myself on a God of infinite Grace and Goodness, hoping for no Happiness but from him.

Monday, Feb. 13. Was Calm and Sedate in Morning-Devotions; and my Soul seem'd to rely on God.— Rode to Stockbridge, and enjoy'd some comfortable Meditations by the Way: Had a more refreshing Taste and Relish of heavenly Blessedness, than I have enjoy'd for many Months past. I have many Times, of late, felt as ardent Desires of Holiness as ever: But not so much Sense of the Sweetness and unspeakable Pleasure of the Enjoyments and Employments of Heaven. My Soul longed to leave Earth, and bear a Part with Angels in their celestial Employments. My Soul said, Lord, it is good to be here; and it appeared to me better to die, than to lose the Relish of these heavenly Delights.

[A Sense of divine Things seem'd to continue with him, in a lesser Degree, thro' the next Day. On Wednesday he was, by some Discourse that he heard, cast into a melancholy Gloom, that operated much in the same Manner as his Melancholy had formerly done, when he came first to Kaunaumeek; The Effects of which seem'd to continue in some Degree the six following Days.]

Wednesday, Feb. 22. In the Morning, had as clear a Sense of the exceeding Pollution of my Nature, as ever I remember to have had in my Life. I then appear'd to my self inexpressibly loathsom, & defiled: Sins of Childhood, of early Youth, and such Follies as I had not thought of for Years together, (as I remember) came now fresh to my View, as if committed but Yesterday, and appeared in the most odious Colours: They appeared more in Number than the Hairs of my Head: Yea, they w • nt • ver my Head as an heavy Burden.— In the Evening, the Hand of Faith seem'd to be strengthen'd in God: My Soul seemed to rest and acquiesce in him: Was supported under my Burdens, reading the cxxv. Psalm: Found that it was sweet and comfortable to lean on God.

Thursday, Feb. 23. Was frequent in Prayer, and enjoyed some Assistance.— There is a God in Heaven, that over-rules all Things for the best; and this is the Comfort of my Soul: I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the Goodness of God in the Land of the Living, notwithstanding present Sorrows.— In the Evening, enjoyed some Freedom in Prayer, for my self, Friends, and the Church of God.

Friday, Feb. 24. Was exceeding restless and perplex'd under a Sense of the Misimprovement of Time; Mourn'd to see Time pass away; Felt in the greatest Hurry; seem'd to have every Thing to do: Yet could do Nothing, but only grieve and groan under my Ignorance, Unprofitableness, Meanness, the Foolishness of my Actions and Thoughts, the Pride and Bitterness of my past Frames (at some Times, at least) all which at this Time appear'd to me in lively Colours, and fill'd me with Shame I could not compose my Mind to any profitable Studies, by Reason of this Pressure. And the Reason, I judge, why I am not allowed to Study, a great Part of my Time, is, because I am endeavouring to lay in such a Stock of Knowledge, as shall be a Self-Sufficiency.— I know it to be my indispensable Duty to Study, and qualify my self in the best Manner I can for publick Service: But this is my Misery, I naturally Study and prepare, that I may consume it upon my Lusts of Pride and Self-Confidence.

[He continued in much the same Frame of Uneasiness at the Misimprovement of Time, and Pressure of Spirit under a Sense of Vileness, Unprofitableness &c. for the six next following Days; excepting some Intervals of Calmness and Composure, in Resignation to and Confidence in God.]

Friday, March 2. Was most of the Day employed in Writing on a divine Subject. Was frequent in Prayer, and enjoy'd some small Degree of Assistance. But in the Evening, God was pleased to grant me a divine Sweetness in Prayer; especially in the Duty of Intercession. I think, I never felt so much Kindness and Love to those who I have Reason to think are my Enemies (tho' at that Time I found such a Disposition to think the best of all, that I scarce knew how to think that any such Thing as Enmity and Hatred lodg'd in any Soul; it seem'd as if all the World must needs be Friends) and never pray'd with more Freedom and Delight, for my self, or dearest Friend, than I did now for my Enemies.

Saturday, March 3. In the Morning, 〈◊〉 (I believe) an Hour in Prayer, with great Intenseness and Freedom, and with the most soft and tender Affection towards Mankind. I longed that those who I have Reason to think owe me Ill-Will, might be eternally happy: It seem'd refreshing, to think of meeting them in Heaven, how much soever they had injured me on Earth: Had no Disposition to insist upon any Confession from them, in order to Reconciliation & the Exercise of Love & Kindness to them. O 'tis an Emblem of Heaven it self, to love all the World with a Love of Kindness, Forgiveness, and Benevolence; To feel our Souls sedate, mild and meek; to be void of all evil Surmisings and Suspicions, and scarce able to think Evil of any Man upon any Occasion; To find our Hearts simple, open, and free, to those that look upon us with a different Eye!— Prayer was so sweet an Exercise to me, that I knew not how to cease, lest I should lose the Spirit of Prayer. Felt no Disposition to eat or drink, for the sake of the Pleasure of it, but only to support my Nature, and fit me for divine Service. Could not be content without a very particular mention of a great Number of dear Friends at the Throne of Grace; as also the particular Circumstances of many, so far as they were known.

Lords-Day, Nov. 4. In the Morning, enjoyed the same Intenseness in Prayer as Yesterday-Morning; tho' not in so great a Degree: Felt the same Spirit of Love, universal Benevolence, Forgiveness, Humility, Resignation, Mortification to the World, and Composure of M • nd, as then. My Soul rested in GOD; and I found, I wanted no other Refuge or Friend. While my Soul thus trusts in God, all Things seem to be at Peace with me, even the Stones of the Earth: But when I can't apprehend and confide in God, all Things appear with a different Aspect.

[Through the four next Days, he complains of Barrenness, want of holy Confidence in God, Stupidity, Wandrings of Mind, &c. and speaks of Oppression of Mind under a Sense of exceeding Meanness, past Follies, as well as present Workings of Corruption.— On Friday, he seems to have been restored to a considerable Degree of the same excellent Frame that he enjoyed the Saturday before.]

Saturday, March 10. In the Morning, felt exceeding dead to the World and all its Enjoyments: I thought, I was ready and willing to give up Life and all its Comforts, as soon as called to it: And yet then had as much Comfort of Life as almost ever I had. Life itself now appeared but an empty Bubble: The Riches, Honours, and common Enjoyments of Life appear'd extremely tastless. I longed to be perpetually and entirely crucified to all Things here below, by the Cross of Christ. My Soul was sweetly resigned to God's Disposal of me, in every Regard; and I saw, there had nothing happen'd to me but what was best for me. I confided in God, that he would never leave me, tho' I should walk thro' the Valley of the Shadow of Death. It was then my Meat and Drink to be holy, to live to the Lord, and die to the Lord: And I thought, that I then enjoyed such a Heaven, as far exceeded the most sublime Conceptions of anunregenerate Soul; and even unspeakably beyond what I my self could conceive of at another Time. I did not wonder, that Peter said, Lord, it is good to be here, when thus refresh'd with divine Glories. My Soul was full of Love and Tenderness in the Duty of Intercession; especially felt a most sweet Affection to some precious godly Ministers, of my Acquaintance. Pray'd earnestly for dear Christians, and for those I have Reason to fear are my Enemies: And could not have spoken a Word of Bitterness, or entertained a bitter Thought, against the vilest Man living. Had a Sense of my own great Unworthiness. My Soul seem'd to breath forth Love and Praise to God afresh, when I thought he would let his Children love and receive me as one of their Brethren and Fellow-Citizens: And when I thought of their treating me in that Manner, I longed to lie at their Feet; and could think of no Way to express the Sincerity & Simplicity of my Love and Esteem of them, as being much better than my self.— Towards Night, was very sorrowful: Seem'd to my self the worst Creature living; and could not pray, nor meditate, nor think of holding up my Face before the World.—Was a little relieved in Prayer, in the Evening; but longed to get on my Knees, and ask Forgiveness of every Body that ever had seen any Thing amiss in my past Conduct, especially in my religious Zeal.— Was afterwards much perplex'd, so that I could not Sleep quietly.

Lords-Day, March 11. My Soul was in some Measure strengthen'd in GOD, in Morning-Devotion; so that I was releas'd from trembling Fear and Distress.— Preached to my People from the Parable of the Sower, Matth. xiii. And enjoyed some Assistance, both Parts of the Day: Had some Freedom, Affection, and Fervency in addressing my poor People; long'd that God should take hold of their Hearts, and make them spiritually alive. And indeed I had so much to say to them, that I knew not how to leave off speaking. This was the last Sabbath that ever he performed publick Service at Kaunaumeek, and these the last Sermons that ever he preached there. It appears by his Diary, that while he continued with these Indians, • e took great Pains with them, and did it with much Discretion; But the particular Manner, how, has been omitted for Brevity's Sake.

Monday, March 12. In the Morning, was in a devout, tender, and loving Frame of Mind; and was enabled to cry to God, I hope, with a Child-like Spirit, with Importunity, and Resignation, and Composure of Mind▪ My Spirit was full of Quietness, and Love to Mankind; and longed that Peace should reign on the Earth: Was grieved at the very Thoughts of a fiery, angry and intemperate Zeal in Religion; mourn'd over past Follies in that Regard; and my Soul confided in God for Strength and Grace sufficient for my future Work and Trials.— Spent the Day mainly in hard Labour, making Preparation for my intended Journey.

Tuesday, March 13. Felt my Soul going forth after God sometimes; but not with such Ardency as I longed for. In the Evening, was enabled to continue instant in Prayer, for some considerable Time together; and especially had respect to the Journey I designed to enter upon, with the Leave of divine Providence, on the Morrow. Enjoyed some Freedom and Fervency, intreating that the divine Presence might attend me in every Place where my Business might lead me; and had a particular Reference to the Trials and Temptations that I apprehended I might be more eminently exposed to in particular Places. Was strengthen'd and comforted; altho' I was before very weary. Truly the Joy of the Lord is Strength and Life.

Wednesday, March 14. Enjoy'd some Intenseness of Soul in Prayer, repeating my Petitions for God's Presence in every Place where I expected to be in my Journey. Besought the Lord that I might not be too much pleased and amused with dear Friends and Acquaintance, in one Place and another.— Near 〈◊〉 set out on my Journey, and near Night came to Stockbridge.

Thursday, March 15. Rode down to Sheffield. Here I met a Messenger from East-Hampton on Long-Island; who, by the unanimous Vote of that large Town, was sent to invite me thither, in order to settle with that People, where I had been before frequently invited. Seem'd more at a Loss what was my Duty, than before; when I heard of the great Difficulties of that Place, I was much concerned and grieved, and felt some Desires to comply with their Request; but knew not what to do: Endeavoured to commit the Case to God.

[The two next Days, he went no further than Salisbury, being much hinder'd by the Rain. When he came there, he was much indisposed.— He speaks of comfortable and profitable Conversation with Christian Friends, on these Days.]

Lord's-Day, March 18. [At Salisbury,] Was exceeding weak and faint, so that I could scarce walk: But God was pleased to afford me much Freedom, Clearness and Fervency in Preaching: I have not had the like Assistance in Preaching to Sinners for many Months past. — Here another Messenger met me, and informed me of the Vote of another Congregation, to give me an Invitation to come among them upon Probation for Settlement. This Congregation was that at Millington, near Ha • dam. They were very earnestly d • sirous of his coming among them▪ Was something exercised in Mind with a Weight and Burden of Care. O that God would send forth faithful Labourers into his Harvest.

[After this, he went forward on his Journey towards New-York and New-Jersey: In which he proceeded slowly; performing his Journey under great Degrees of bodily Indisposition. However, he preach'd several Times by the Way, being urged by Friends; in which he had considerable Assistance. He speaks of Comfort in Conversation with Christian Friends, from Time to Time, and of various Things in the Exercises and Frames of his Heart, that shew much of a divine Influence on his Mind in this Journey: But yet complains of the Thing that he fear'd, viz. a Decline of his spiritual Life, or Vivacity in Religion, by Means of his constant Removal from Place to Place, and want of Retirement; and complains bitterly of his Unworthiness, Deadness, &c.— He came to New-York on Wednesday, March 28. And to Elizabeth-Town on the Saturday following, where it seems he waited 'till the Commissioners came together.]

Thursday, April 5. Was again much exercised with Weakness, and with Pain in my Head. Attended on the Commissioners in their Meeting. The Indians at Kaunaumeek being but few in Number, and Mr. Brainerd having now been labouring among them about a Year, and having prevailed upon them to be willing to leave Kaunaumeek, and remove to Stockbridge, to live constantly under Mr. Sargeant's Ministry; he thought he might now do more Service for Christ among the Indians elsewhere: And therefore went this Journey to New-Jersey to lay the Matter before the Commissioners; who met at Elizabeth-Town, on this Occasion, and determined that he should forthwith leave Kaunaumeek, and go to the Delaware Indians. Resolved to go on still with the Indian Affair, if divine Providence permitted; altho' I had before felt some Inclination to go to East-Hampton, where I was solicited to go. By the Invitations Mr. Brainerd had la •• ly received, it appears, that it was not from Necessity, or for want of Opportunities to settle in the Ministry amongst the English, notwithstanding the Disgrace he had been laid under at College, that he was determined to forsake all • he outward Comforts to be enjoyed in the English Settlements, to go and spend his Life among the brutish Savages, and endure the Difficulties and Self-denials of an Indian Mission. He had, just as he was leaving Kaunaumeek, had an earnest Invitation to a Settlement at East-Hampton on Long-Island, the fairest pleasantest Town on the whole Island▪ and one of its largest and most wealthy Parishes. The People there were unanimous in their Desires to have him for their Pastor, and for a long Time continued in an earnest Pursuit of what they desired, and were hardly brought to relinquish their Endeavours and give up their Hopes of obtaining him. Besides the Invitation he had to Millington; which was near his native Town, and in the midst of his Friends. Nor did Mr. Brainerd chuse the Business of a Missionary to the Indians, rather than accept of those Invitations, because he was unacquainted with the Difficulties and Sufferings which attended such a Service: for he had had Experience of these Difficulties in Summer and Winter; having spent about a Twelve-Month in a lonely Desert among these Savages, where he had gone through extream Hardships, and been the Subject of a Train of outward and inward Sorrows, which were now fresh in his Mind. Notwithstanding all these Things, he chose still to go on with this Business; and that altho' the Place he was now going to, was at a still much greater Distance from most of his Friends, Acquaintance, and native Land.

[After this, he continued two or three Days in the Jerseys, very Ill; and then returned to New-York; and from thence into New-England; and went to his native Town of Haddam ▪ where he arrived on Saturday, April 14.— And he continues still his bitter Complaints of want of Retirement. While he was in New-York, he says thus, Oh, 'tis not the Pleasures of the World can Comfort me! If GOD deny his Presence, what are the Pleasures of the City to me? One Hour of sweet Retirement where GOD is, is better than the whole World. And he continues to cry out of his Ignorance, Meanness, and Unworthiness. However, he speaks of some Seasons of special Assistance and divine Sweetness.— He spent some Days among his Friends at East-Hampton and Millington.]

Tuesday▪ April 17. Rode to Millington again; and felt perplex'd when I set out; Was feeble in Body, and weak in Faith. I was going to preach a Lecture; and fear'd I should never have Assistance enough to get thro'. But contriving to ride alone, at a Distance from the Company that was going, I spent the Time in lifting up my Heart to God: Had not go •• far before my Soul was abundantly strengthen'd with those Words, If God be for us, who can be against us? I went on, confiding in God; and fearing nothing so much as Self-Confidence. In this Frame I went to the House of God, and enjoyed some Assistance. Afterwards felt the Spirit of Love and Meekness in Conversation with some Friends. Then rode H • me to my Brother's: And in the Evening, singing Hymns with Friends, my Soul seem'd to melt: And in Prayer afterwards, enjoyed the Exercise of Faith, and was enabled to be fervent in Spirit: Found more of God's Presence, than I have done any Time in my late wearisom Journey. Eternity appear'd very near: My Nature was very weak, and seem'd ready to be dissolved: The Sun declining, and the Shadows of the Evening drawing on apace. O I long'd to fill up the remaining Moments all for God! Tho' my Body was so feeble, and wearied with Preaching, and much private Conversation, yet I wanted to sit up all Night to do something for God. To God, the Giver of these Refreshments, be Glory forever and ever; Amen.

Wednesday, April 18. Was very weak, and enjoyed but little spiritual Comfort. Was exercised with One cavilling against Original Sin. May the Lord open his Eyes to see the Fountain of Sin in himself.

[After this, he visited several Ministers in Connecticut; and then travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sargeant's at Stockbridge, Thursday, April 26. He performed this Journey in a very weak State of Body. The Things he speaks of in the mean Time, appertaining to the Frames and Exercises of his Mind, are at some Times Deadness and a being void of spiritual Comfort, at other Times resting in God, spiritual Sweetness in Conversation, Engagedness in Meditation, on the Road, Assistance in Preaching, Rejoycing to think that so much more of his Work was done, and he so much nearer to the eternal World. And he once and again speaks of a Sense of great Ignorance, spiritual Pollution &c.]

Friday and Saturday, April 27, and 28. Spent some Time in visiting Friends, and discoursing with my People (who were now moved down from their own Place to Mr. Sargeant's) and found them very glad to see me returned. Was Exercis'd in my Mind with a Sense of my own Unworthiness.

Lord's-Day, April 29. Preach'd for Mr. Sargeant, both Parts of the Day, from Rev. xiv.4. Enjoyed some Freedom in Preaching, tho' not much Spirituality. In the Evening, my Heart was in some Measure lifted up in Thankfulness to God for any Assistance.

Monday, April 30. Rode to Kaunaumeek, but was extreamly Ill: Did not enjoy the Comfort I hoped for in my own House.

Tuesday, May 1. Having received new Orders to go to a Number of Indians on Delaware River in Pensylvania, and my People here being mostly removed to Mr. Sargeant's, I this Day took all my Cloaths, Books, &c. and disposed of them, and set out for Delaware River: But made it my Way to return to Mr. Sargeant's: Which I did this Day, just at Night. Rode several Hours in the Rain thro' the howling Wilderness, altho' I was so disordered in Body, that little or nothing but Blood came from me.

[He continued at Stockbridge, the next Day; and on Thursday rode a little Way, to Sheffield, under a great Degree of Illness; but with Encouragement and Chearfulness of Mind under his Fatigues. On Friday, he rode to Salisbury, and continued there 'till after the Sabbath. He speaks of his Soul's being▪ some Part of this Time, refresh'd in Conversation with some Christian Friends, about their heavenly Home and their Journey thither. At other Times, he speaks of himself as exceedingly perplexed with Barrenness and Deadness, and has this Exclamation, Oh, that Time should pass with so little done for God!—On Monday, he rode to Sharon; and speaks of himself as distress'd at the Consideration of the Misimprovement of Time.]

Tuesday, May 8. Set out from Sharon in Connecticut, and travelled about 45 Miles to a Place called the Fish-Kil, A Place so called in New-York Government, near Hudson's River, on the West side of the River. and lodg'd there. Spent much of my Time, while riding, in Prayer, that God would go with me to Delaware. My Heart sometimes was ready to sink with the Thoughts of my Work, and going alone in the Wilderness, I knew not where: But still it was comfortable, to think, that others of God's Children had wandered about in Caves and D • ns of the Earth; and Abraham, when he was called to go forth, went out not knowing whither he went. O that I might follow after God.

[The next Day, he went forward on his Journey; cross'd Hudson's River, and went to Gosh • n in the Highlands; and so travelled a-cross the Woods, from Hudson's River to Delaware, about an 100 Miles, through a desolate and hideous Country, above New-Jersey; where were very few Settlements: In which Journey he suffered much Fatigue and Hardship. He visited some Indians in the Way, See Mr. Brainerd's Narrative in a Letter to Mr. P • mberton, at the the End of his Ordination-Sermon,— Page 32, 33. and discoursed with them concerning Christianity. Was considerably Melancholy and Disconsolate, being alone in a strange Wilderness. On Saturday, he came to a Settlement of Irish and Dutch People, about 12 Miles above the Forks of Delaware.]

Lord's-Day, May 13. Rose early: Felt very poorly after my long Journey, and after being wet and fatigued. Was very Melancholy; have scarce ever seen such a gloomy Morning in my Life; there appeared to be no Sabbath; the Children were all at Play; I a Stranger in the Wilderness, and knew not where to go; and all Circumstances seem'd to conspire to render my Affairs dark and discouraging. Was disappointed respecting an Interpreter, and heard that the Indians were much scatter'd, &c. Oh, I mourned after the Presence of God, and seem'd like a Creature banish'd from his Sight! Yet he was pleased to support my sinking Soul, amidst all my Sorrows; so that I never entertained any Thought of quitting my Business among the poor Indians; but was comforted, to think, that Death would 'ere long s • t me free from these Distresses.— Rode about 3 or 4 Miles to the Irish People, where I found some that appeared Sober and concerned about Religion. My Heart then began to be a little encouraged: Went and preach'd, first to the Irish, and then to the Indians: And in the Evening, was a little comforted; my Soul seem'd to rest on God, and take Courage. O that the Lord would be my Support and Comforter in an Evil World.

Monday, May 14. Was very busy in some necessary Studies. Felt my self very loose from all the World: All appeared Vanity and Vexation of Spirit. Seem'd something lonesom and disconsolate, as if I was banish'd from all Mankind, and bereaved of all that is called pleasurable in the World: But appeared to my self so vile and unworthy, it seem'd fitter for me to be here than any where.

Tuesday, May 15. Still much engaged in my Studies; and enjoyed more Health, than I have for some Time past: But was something dejected in Spirit with a Sense of my Meanness▪ seem'd as if I could never do any Thing at all to any good Purpose by Reason of Ignorance and Folly. O that a Sense of these Things might work more habitual Humility in my Soul.

[He continued much in the same Frame the next Day.]

Thursday, May 17. Was this Day greatly distress'd with a Sense of my Vileness: Appeared to my self too bad to walk on God's Earth, or to be treated with Kindness by any of his Creatures. God was pleased to let me see my inward Pollution and Corruption, to such a Degree, that I almost despair'd of being made holy: Oh! wretched Man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the Body of this Death? In the Afternoon, met with the Indians according to Appointment, and preach'd to them. And while riding to them, my Soul seem'd to confide in God▪ and afterwards had some Relief; and Enlargement of Soul 〈◊〉 Prayer, and some Assistance in the Duty of Intercession: Vital Piety and Holiness appear'd sweet to me, and I longed for the Perfection of it.

Friday, May 18. Felt again something of the sweet Spirit of Religion; and my Soul seem'd to confide in God, that he would never leave me.— But oftentimes saw my self so mean a Creature, that I knew not how to think of Preaching. O that I could always live to and upon GOD.

Saturday, May 19. Was, some Part of the Time, greatly oppress'd with the Weight and Burden of my Work: It seem'd impossible for me ever to go thro' with the Business I had undertaken.—Towards Night, was very calm and comfortable; And I think, my Soul trusted in God for Help.

Lord's-Day, May 20. Preach'd twice to the poor Indians, and enjoyed some Freedom in speaking, while I attempted to remove their Prejudices against Christianity. My Soul longed for Assistance from above, all the while; for I saw I had no Strength sufficient for that Work. Afterwards, preach'd to the Irish People: Was much assisted in the first Prayer, and something in Sermon. Several Persons seem'd much concerned for their Souls, with whom I discoursed afterwards with much Freedom and some Power. Blessed be God for any Assistance afforded to a • unworthy Worm. O that I could live to him!

[Thro' the rest of this Week, He was sometimes ready to sink with a Sense of his unworthiness and 〈◊〉 for the Work of the Ministry; and sometimes encouraged 〈…〉 above his Fears and Sorrows, and was enabled 〈…〉 on God; and especially on Saturday, t • w • rds Nig •• , • e enjoyed Calmness and Composure, and Assistance in Prayer to God. He rejoyced (as he says) That God r •• ains unchangeably powerful and faithful, a sure and sufficie • t Portion, and the Dwelling-Place of his Children in all Generations]

Lord's-Day, May 27. Visited my Indians, in the Morning, and attended upon a Funeral among them: Was affected to see their heathenish Practices. O that they might be turned from Darkness to Light. Afterwards, got a considerable Number of them together, and preach'd to them; and observed them very attentive. After this, preach'd to the White People from H • b. ii.3. Was enabled to speak with some Freedom and Power: Several People seem'd much concerned for their Souls; especially one who had been educated a Roman Catholick. Blessed be the Lord for any Help.

Monday, May 28. Set out from the Indians above the Forks of Delaware, on a Journey towards Newark in New-Jersey, according to my Orders. Rode thro' the Wilderness; was much fatigued with the Heat; lodged at a Place called Black-River; was exceedingly tired and worn out.

[On Tuesday, he came to Newark: The next Day, went to Elisabeth-Town: On Thursday, he went to New-York; and on Friday returned to Elisabeth-Town. These Days w • re spent in some Perplexity of Mind. He continued at Elisabeth-Town 'till Friday in the Week following. Was enliven'd, refresh'd and strengthen'd on the Sabbath at the Lord's Table. The ensuing Days of the Week were spent chiefly in Studies preparatory to his Ordination; and on some of them he seemed to have much of God's gracious Presence, and of the sweet Influences of his Spirit; but was in a very weak State of Body. On Saturday, he rode to Newark.]

Lord's-Day, June 10. [at Newark] In the Morning, was much concerned how I should perform the Work of the Day; and trembled at the Thoughts of being left to my self. — Enjoyed very considerable Assistance in all Parts of the publick Service. Had an Opportunity again to attend on the Ordinance of the Lord's-Supper, and thro' divine Goodness was refresh'd in it: My Soul was full of Love and Tenderness towards the Children of God, and towards all Men: Felt a certain Sweetness of Disposition towards every Creature. At Night, I enjoyed more Spirituality, and sweet Desire of Holiness, than I have felt for some Time: Was afraid of every Thought and every Motion, left thereby my Heart should be drawn away from God. O that I might never leave the blessed God. Lord, in thy Presence is Fulness of Joy. O the Blessedness of living • o God!

Monday, June 11. This Day the Presbytery met together at Newark, in order to my Ordination. Was very weak and disorder'd in Body; yet endeavoured to repose my Confiden •• in God. Spent most of the Day alone; especially the Forenoon. At three in the Afternoon preach'd my Probation-Sermon, from Act. xxvi.17, 18. being a Text given me for that End. Felt not well, either in Body or Mind; however, God carried me thro' comfortably. Afterwards, pass'd an Examination before the Presbytery. Was much tired, and my Mind burden'd with the Greatness of that Charge, I was in the most solemn Manner about to take upon me: My Mind was so press'd with the Weight of the W •• k incumbent upon me, that I could not sleep this Night, tho' very weary and in great need of Rest.

Tuesday, June 12. Was this Morning further examined, respecting my Experimental Acquaintance with Christianity. Mr. Pemberton, in a Letter to the Honourable Society in Scotland that employed Mr. Brainerd, which he wrote concerning him, (published in Scotland, in the Christian monthly History) writes thus, We can with Pleasure say, that Mr. Brainerd pass'd thro' his Ordination-Trials, to the universal Approbation of the Presbytery, and appeared uncommonly qualified for the Work of the Ministry. He seems to be armed with a great deal of Self-denial, and animated with a noble Zeal to propagate the Gospel among those barbarous Nations, who have long 〈◊〉 in the Darkness of Heathenism. At ten o'Clock my Ordination was attended: The Sermon preach'd by the Rev. Mr. Pemberton. At this Time I was affected with a Sense of the important Trust committed to me; yet was Composed, and solemn, without Distraction: And I hope, I then (as many Times before) gave my self up to God, to be for him, and not for another. O that I might always be engaged in the Service of God, and duly remember the sole •• Charge I have received, in the Presence of God, Angels and Men; Amen: May I be assisted of God for this Purpose. — Towards Night, rode to Elisabeth-Town.

PART VI. From his Ordination, 'till he first began to preach to the Indians at Crosweeksung, among whom he had his most remarkable Success.

WEdnesday, June 13. Spent some considerable Time in writing an Account of the Indian Affairs to go to Scotland; spent some Time in Conversation with Friends; But enjoy'd not much Sweetness and Satisfaction.

Thursday, June 14. Received some particular Kindness from Friends; and wondered, that God should open the Hearts of any to treat me with Kindness: Saw my self to be unworthy of any Favour, from God, or any of my Fellow-Men. Was much exercised with Pain in my Head; however determined to set out on my Journey towards Delaware in the Afternoon: But in the Afternoon my Pain increased exceedingly; so that I was obliged to betake my self to the Bed; and the Night following, was greatly distress'd with Pain and Sickness: Was sometimes almost bereaved of the Exercise of Reason by the Extremity of Pain. Continued much Distress'd 'till Saturday; when I was something reliev'd by an Emetick: But was unable to walk abroad 'till the Monday following, in the Afternoon; and still remain'd very feeble. I often admired the Goodness of God, that he did not suffer me to proceed on my Journey from this Place where I was so tenderly used, and to be Sick by the Way among Strangers.— God is very gracious to me, both in Health and Sickness, and intermingles much Mercy with all my Afflictions and Toils. Enjoyed some Sweetness in Things divine, in the midst of my Pain and Weakness. Oh, that I could praise the Lord.

[On Tuesday, June 19. He set out on his Journey Ho •• ▪ and in three Days reached his Place, near the Forks of Delaware. Performed the Journey under much Weakness of Body; but had Comfort in his Soul, from Day to Day: And both 〈◊〉 Weakness of Body, and Consolation of Mind continued through the Week.]

Lord's-Day, June 24. Extreamly Feeble; scarce able to walk: However, visited my Indians, and took much 〈◊〉 to instruct them: Laboured with some that were much dis •• fected to Christianity. My Mind was much burden'd with the Weight and Difficulty of my Work. My whole Dependance and Hope of Success seem'd to be on God; who alone I 〈◊〉 could make them willing to receive Instruction. My Heart was much engaged in Prayer, sending up silent Requests to God, even while I was speaking to them. O that I could always go in the Strength of the Lord.

Monday, June 25. Was something better in Health 〈◊〉 of late: Was able to spend a considerable Part of the Day 〈◊〉 Prayer and close Studies. Had more Freedom and Fervency in Prayer than usual of late: Especially long'd for the Presence of God in my Work, and that the poor Heathen might be converted. And in Evening-Prayer my Faith and Hope in God were much raised. To an Eye of Reason every Thing that respects the Conversion of the Heathen is as dark as Midnight; and yet I can't but hope in God for the Accomplishment of something glorious among them. My Soul longed much for the Advancement of the Redeemer's Kingdom on Earth. Was very fearful lest I should admit some vain Thought, and so lose the Sense I then had of divine Things. O for an abiding heavenly Temper!

Tuesday, June 26. In the Morning, my Desires seem'd to rise, and ascend up freely to God. Was busy most of the Day is translating Prayers into the Language of the Delaware-Indians: Met with great Difficulty by Reason that my Interpreter was altogether unacquainted with the Business. But tho' I was much discouraged with the extream Difficulty of that Work, yet God supported me; and especially in the Evening, gave me sweet Refreshment: In Prayer my Soul was enlarged, and my Faith drawn into sensible Exercise; was enabled to cry to God for my poor Indians; and tho' the Work of their Conversion appeared impossible with Man, yet with God I saw all Things were possible. My Faith was much strengthen'd, by observing the wonderful Assistance God afforded his Servants Nehemiah and Ezra, in reforming his People, and re-establishing his antient Church. I was much assisted in Prayer for dear Christian Friends, and for others that I apprehended to be Christless; but was more especially concerned for the poor Heathen, and those of my own Charge: Was enabled to be instant in Prayer for them; and hoped that God would bow the Heavens and come down for their Salvation. It seem'd to me, there could be no Impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious Work, seeing the living God, as I strongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in a solemn Frame, lifting up my Heart to God for Assistance, and Grace, that I might be more mortified to this present World, that my whole Soul might be taken up continually in Concern for the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom: Longed that God would purge me more, that I might be as a chosen Vessel to bear his Name among the Heathens. Continued in this Frame 'till I drop'd asleep.

Wednesday, June 27. Felt something of the same solemn Concern, and Spirit of Prayer, that I enjoy'd last Night, soon after I rose in the Morning.— In the Afternoon, rode several Miles to see if I could procure any Lands for the poor Indians, that they might live together, and be under better Advantages for Instruction. While I was riding, had a deep Sense of the Greatness and Difficulty of my Work; and my Soul seemed to rely wholly upon God for Success, in the diligent and faithful use of Means. Saw, with greatest Certainty, that the Arm of the Lord must be revealed, for the Help of these poor Heathen, if ever they were delivered from the Bondage of the Powers of Darkness. Spent most of the Time, while riding, in lifting up my Heart for Grace and Assistance.

Thursday, June 28. Spent the Morning, in reading several Parts of the Holy Scripture, and in fervent Prayer for my Indians, that God would set up his Kingdom among them, and bring them into his Church.— About nine, I withdrew to my usual Place of Retirement in the Woods; and there again enjoyed some Assistance in Prayer. My great Concern was for the Conversion of the Heathen to God; and the Lord helped me to plead with him for it. Towards Noon, rode up to the Indians, in order to preach to 'em; and while going, my Heart went up to God in Prayer for 'em; could freely tell God, He knew that the Cause was not mine, which I was engaged in; but it was his own Cause, and it would be for his own Glory to convert the poor Indians: And blessed be God, I felt no Desire of their Conversion, that I might receive Honour from the World, as being the Instrument of it. Had some Freedom in speaking to the Indians.

[The next Day, he speaks of some serious Concern for the Kingdom of the blessed Redeemer; but complains much of Barrenness, Wandrings, Inactivity, &c.]

Saturday, June 30. My Soul was much Solemnized in reading God's Word; especially the ninth Chapter of Daniel. I saw how God had called out his Servants to Prayer, and made them wrestle with him, when he designed to bestow any great Mercy on his Church. And alas, I was ashamed of my self, to think of my Dulness and Inactivity, when there seemed to be so much to do for the upbuilding of Zion. Oh, how does Zion lie waste! I longed, that the Church of God might be enlarged: Was enabled to pray, I think, in Faith: My Soul seem'd sensibly to confide in God, and was enabled to wrestle with him. Afterwards, walk'd Abroad to a Place of sweet Retirement, and enjoyed some Assistance in Prayer again: Had a Sense of my great need of divine Help, and felt my Soul sensibly depend on God. Blessed be God, this has been a comfortable Week to me.

Lord's-Day July 1. In the Morning, was perplex'd with wandring vain Thoughts: Was much grieved, judged and condemned my self before God. And Oh, how miserable did I feel, because I could not live to God! At ten, rode away with a heavy Heart, to preach to my Indians. Upon the Road, I attempted to lift up my Heaat to God; but was infested with an unsettled wandring Frame of Mind; and was exceeding restless and perplex'd, and fill'd with Shame and Confusion before God. I seem'd to my self to be more brutish than any Man; and thought, none deserved to be cast out of God' • . Presence so much as I. If I attempted to lift up my Heart to God, as I frequently did by the Way, on a sudden, before I was aware, my Thoughts were wandring to the Ends of the Earth: And my Soul was fill'd with Surprize and Anxiety, to find it thus. Thus also after I came to the Indians, my Mind was confused; and I felt nothing sensibly of that sweet Reliance on God, that my Soul has been comforted with in Days past. Spent the Forenoon in this Posture of Mind, and preach'd to the Indians without any Heart. In the Afternoon, I felt still barren, when I began to preach; and after about half an Hour, I seem'd to my self to know nothing, and to have nothing to say to the Indians; but soon after, I found in my self a Spirit of Love, and Warmth, and Power to address the poor Indians; and God helped me to plead with them to turn from all the Vanities of the Heathen, to the living God: And I am perswaded, the Lord touch'd their Consciences; for I never saw such Attention raised in them before. And when I came away from them, I spent the whole Time while I was riding to my Lodgings, three Miles distant, in Prayer and Praise to God. And after I had rode more than two Miles, it came into my Mind to dedicate my self to God again; which I did with great Solemnity, and unspeakable Satisfaction; especially gave up my self to him renewedly in the Work of the Ministry. And this I did by divine Grace, I hope, without any Exception or Reserve; not in the least shrinking back from any Difficulties, that might attend this great and blessed Work. I seem'd to be most free, chearful, and full in this Dedication of my self. My whole Soul cried, Lord, to thee I dedicate my self: O accept of me, and let me be thine forever. Lord, I desire nothing • lse; I desire nothing more. O come, come, Lord, accept a poor Worm. Whom have I in Heaven, but thee; and there is none upon Earth, that I desire besides thee. After this, was enabled to praise God with my whole Soul, that he had enabled me to devote and consecrate all my Powers to him in this solemn Manner. My Heart rejoyced in my particular Work as a Missionary; rejoyced in my Necessity of Self-denial in many Respects; and still continued to give up my self to God, and implore Mercy of him; praying incessantly, every Moment, with sweet Fervency. My Nature being very weak of late, and much spent, was now considerably overcome: My Fingers grew very feeble, and somewhat numb; so that I could scarcely stretch them out streight: And when I lighted from my Horse, could hardly walk: My Joints seem'd all to be loosed. But I felt abundant Stre • gth in the inner Man. Preach'd to the White People: God helped me much, especially in Prayer. Sundry of my poor Indians were so moved as to come to Meeting also; and one appeared much concerned.

Monday, July 2. Had some Relish of the divine Comforts of Yesterday; but could not get that Warmth and Exercise of Faith, that I desired. Had sometimes a distressing Sense of my past Follies, and present Ignorance and Barrenness: And especially in the Afternoon, was sunk down under a L • ad of Sin and Guilt, in that I had lived so little to God, after his abundant Goodness to me Yesterday. In the Evening, tho' very weak, was enabled to pray with Fervency, and to continue in • stant in Prayer, near an Hour. My Soul mourned over the Power of its Corruption, and longed exceedingly to be wash'd and purged as with Hyssop. Was enabled to pray for my dear absent Friends, Christ's Ministers, and his Church; and enjoyed much Freedom and Fervency, but not so much Comfort, by Reason of Guilt and Shame before God.— Judged and condemned my self for the Follies of the Day.

Tuesday, July 3. Was still very weak. This Morning, was enabled to pray under a feeling Sense of my need of Help from God, and, I trust, had some Faith in Exercise; and, blessed be God, was enabled to plead with God a considerable Time. Truly God is good to me. But my Soul mourned and was grieved at my Sinfulness and Barrenness, and long'd to be more engaged for God. Near nine, withdrew again for Prayer; and thro' divine Goodness, had the blessed Spirit of Prayer; my Soul loved the Duty, and longed for God in it. O it is sweet to be the Lord's, to be sensibly devoted to him! What a blessed Portion is God! How glorious, how lovely in himself! O my Soul long'd to improve Time wholly for God!— Spent most of the Day in translating Prayers into Indian.— In the Evening, was enabled again to wrestle with God in Prayer with Fervency. Was enabled to maintain a Self-diffident and watchful Frame of Spirit, in the Evening, and was jealous and afraid lest I should admit Carelesness and Self-Confidence.

[The next Day, he seems to have had special Assistance and Fervency most of the Day, but in a less Degree than the preceeding Day. Thursday was spent in great bodily Weakness; yet seems to have been spent in continual and exceeding Painfulness in Religion; but in great Bitterness of Spirit by Reason of his Vileness and Corruption; he says thus, I thought there was not one Creature living so vile as I. Oh, my inward Pollution! Oh, my Guilt and Shame before God!— I know not what to do. Oh, I long'd ardently to be cleansed and washed from the Stains of inward Pollution! Oh, to be made like God, or rather to be made fit for God to own.]

Friday, July 6. Awoke this Morning in the Fear of God: Soon called to Mind my Sadness in the Evening past; and spent my first waking Minutes in Prayer for Sanctification, that my Soul might be wash'd from its exceeding Pollution and Defilement. After I arose, • spent some Time in reading God's Word and Prayer: I cried to God under a Sense of my great Indigency.— I am, of late, most of all concerned for Ministerial Qualifications, and the Conversion of the Heathen: Last Year, I longed to be prepared for a World of Glory, and speedily to depart out of this World; but of late all my Concern almost is for the Conversion of the Heathen; and for that End, I long to live. But blessed be God, I have less desire to live for any of the Pleasures of the World, than ever I had: I long and love to be a Pilgrim; and want Grace to imitate the Life, Labours and Sufferings of St. Paul among the Heathen. And when I long for Holiness now, it is not so much for my self as formerly; but rather that thereby I may become an able Minister of the New-Testament, especially to the Heathen. Spent about two Hours this Morning in Reading and Prayer by Turns; and was in a watchful tender Frame, afraid of every Thing that might cool my Affections, and draw away my Heart from God. Was something strengthen'd in my Studies; but near Night was very weak and weary.

Saturday, July 7. Was very much disordered this Morning, and my Vigour all spent and exhausted: But was affected and refresh'd in reading the sweet Story of Elijah's Translation, and enjoyed some Affection and Fervency in Prayer; longed much for Ministerial Gifts and Graces, that I might do something in the Cause of God. Afterwards was refresh'd and invigorated, while reading Mr. Joseph Alleine's first Case of Conscience, &c. and enabled then to pray with some Ardour of Soul, and was afraid of Carelesness and Self-Confidence, and longed for Holiness.

Lord's-Day, July 8. Was ill last Night, not able to rest quietly. Had some small Degree of Assistance in preaching to the Indians; and afterwards was enabled to preach to the White People with some Power, especially in the Close of my Discourse from Jer. iii.23. The Lord also assisted me in some Measure in the first Prayer: Blessed be his Name. Near Night, tho' very weary, was enabled to read God's Word with some sweet Relish of it, and to pray with Affection, Fervency, and (I trust) Faith: My Soul was more sensibly dependent on God, than usual. Was watchful, tender, and jealous of my own Heart, lest I should admit C •• elesness and vain Thoughts, and grieve the blessed Spirit, so that he should withdraw his sweet, kind, and tender Influences. Long'd to depart and be with Christ, more than at any Time of late. My Soul was exceedingly united to the Saints of antient Times, as well as those now living; especially my Soul melted for the Society of Elijah and Elisha. Was enabled to cry to God with a Child-like Spirit, and 〈◊〉 continue instant in Prayer for some Time. Was much enlarged in the sweet Duty of Intercession: Was enabled to remember great Numbers of dear Friends, and precious Souls, as well as Christ's Ministers. Continued in this Frame, afraid of every idle Thought, 'till I drop'd asleep.

Monday, July 9. Was under much illness of Body most of the Day, and notable to sit up the whole Day. Towards Night, felt a little better. Then spent some Time in reading God's Word and Prayer: Enjoy'd some Degree of Fervency and Affection: Was enabled to plead with God for his Cause and Kingdom: And, thro' divine Goodness, It was apparent to me that it was his Cause I pleaded for, and not my own: And was enabled to make this an Argument with God to answer my Requests.

Tuesday, July 10. Was very ill and full of Pain, and very dull and spiritless.— In the Evening, had an affecting Sense of my Ignorance, &c. and of my need of God at all Times, to do every Thing for me; and my Soul was humbled before God.

Wednesday, July 11. Was still exercised with Illness and Pain. Had some Degree of Affection and Warmth in Prayer and reading God's Word: Long'd for Abraham's Faith and Fellowship with God; and felt some Resolution to spend all my Time for God, and to exert my self with more Fervency in his Service; but found my Body weak and feeble. In the Afternoon, tho' very ill, was enabled to spend some considerable Time in Prayer; spent indeed most of the Day in that Exercise; and my Soul was diffident, watchful and tender, lest I should offend my blessed Friend, in Thought or Behaviour. I am perswaded my Soul confided in, and lean'd upon the blessed God. Oh, what need did I see my self to stand in of God at all Times, to assist me and lead me!—Found a great want of Strength and Vigour, both in the outward and inner Man.

[The Exercises and Experiences, that he speaks of in the next nine Days, are very Similar to those of the preceeding Days, of this and the foregoing Week; a Sense of his own Weakness, Ignorance, Unprofitableness, and Vileness; loathing and abhorring himself; Self-diffidence; Sense of the Greatness of his Work, and his great need of divine Help, and the extream Danger of Self-Confidence; longing for Holiness and Humility, and • o be fitted for his Work; and to live to God; and longing for the Conversion of the Indians; and these Things to a very great Degree.]

Saturday, July 21. This Morning, was greatly oppressed with Guilt and Shame, from a Sense of inward Vileness and Pollution. About nine, withdrew to the Woods for Prayer; but had not much Comfort; I appeared to my self the vilest meanest Creature upon Earth, and could scarcely live with my self; so mean and vile I appeared, that I thought I should never be able to hold up my Face in Heaven, if God of his infinite Grace should bring me thither. Towards Night my Burden respecting my Work among the Indians began to increase much; and was aggravated by hearing sundry Things that look'd very discouraging, in particular that they intended to meet together the next Day for an idolatrous Feast and Dance. Then I began to be in Anguish: I thought I must in Conscience go and endeavour to break them up; and knew not how to attempt such a Thing. However I withdrew for Prayer, hoping for Strength from above. And in Prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my Soul was as much drawn out as ever I remember it to have been in my Life, or near. I was in such Anguish, and pleaded with so much Earnestness and Importunity, that when I rose from my Knees I felt extreamly weak and overcome, I could scarcely walk strait, my Joints were loosed, the sweat ran down my Face and Body, & Nature seem'd as if it would dissolve. So far as I could judge, I was wholly free from selfish Ends in my fervent Supplications for the poor Indians. I knew, they were met together to worship Devils, and not GOD; and this made me cry earnestly, that God would now appear, and help me in my Attempts to break up this idolatrous Meeting. My Soul pleaded long; and I thought, God would hear, and would go with me to vindicate his own Cause: I seem'd to confide in God for his Presence and Assistance. And thus I spent the Evening, praying incessantly for divine Assistance, and that I might not be Self-dependent, but still have my whole Dependance upon God. What I pass'd thro' was remarkable, and indeed inexpressible. All Things here below vanish'd; and there appear'd to be nothing of any considerable Importance to me, but Holiness of Heart and Life, and the Conversion of the Heathen to God. All my Cares, Fears and Desires, which might be said to be of a worldly Nature, disappeared; and were, in my Esteem, of little more Importance than a Puff of Wind. I exceedingly long'd, that God would get to himself a Name among the Heathen: And I appeal'd to him with the greatest Freedom, that he knew I perfer'd HIM above my chief Joy. Indeed, I had no Notion of Joy from this World: I cared not where or how I lived, or what Hardships I went thro'; so that I could but gain Souls to CHRIST. I continued in this Frame all the Evening and Night. While I was asleep, I dream'd of these Things; and when I waked (as I frequently did) the first Thing I thought of was this great Work of pleading for GOD against Satan.

Lord's-Day, July 22. When I waked, my Soul was burden'd with what seemed to be before me: I cried to God, before I could get out of my Bed: And as soon as I was dress'd, I withdrew into the Woods, to pour out my burden'd Soul to God, especially for Assistance in • y great Work; for I could scarcely think of any Thing else: And enjoyed the same Freedom and Fervency as the last Evening; and did with unspeakable Freedom give up my self afresh to God, for Life or Death, for all Hardships he should call me to among the Heathen; and felt as if nothing could discourage me from this blessed Work. I had a strong Hope, that God would bow the Heavens and come down, and do some marvellous Work among the Heathen. And when I was riding to the Indians, three Miles, my Heart was continually going up to God for his Presence and Assistance; and hoping, and almost expecting, that God would make this the Day of his Power and Grace amongst the poor Indians. When I came to them, I found them engaged in their Frolick; but thro' divine Goodness I got them to break up, and attend to my Preaching: Yet still there appeared nothing of the special Power of God among them. Preach'd again to them in the Afternoon; and observed, the Indians were more sober than before: But still saw nothing special among them; from whence Satan took occasion to tempt and buffet me with these cursed Suggestions, There i • no God, or if there be, he is not able to convert the Indians, before they had more Knowledge, &c. I was very weak and weary, and my Soul born down with Perplexity: But was mortified to all the World, and was determined still to wait upon God for the Conversion of the Heathen, tho' the Devil tempted me to the contrary.

Monday, July 23. Retain'd still a deep and pressing Sense of what lay with so much Weight upon me Yesterday: But was more calm and quiet; enjoyed Freedom and Composure, after the Temptations of the last Evening: Had sweet Resignation to the divine Will; and desired nothing so much as the Conversion of the Heathen to God, and that his Kingdom might come in my own Heart, and the Hearts of others. Rode to a Settlement of Irish People, about 15 Miles South-Westward; spent my Time in Prayer and Meditation by the Way. Near Night, preach'd from Math. v.3.— God was pleas'd to afford me some Degree of Freedom and Fervency. Blessed be God for any Measure of Assistance.

Tuesday, July 24. Rode about 17 Miles Westward, over a hideous Mountain, to a Number of Indians. Got together near 30 of 'em: Preach'd to 'em in the Evening, and lodg'd among them See Mr. Brain • rd's Narrative at the End of his Ordination Sermon, Page 34..— Was weak, and felt something disconsolate: Yet could have no Freedom in the Thought of any other Circumstances or Business in Life: All my Desire was the Conversion of the Heathen, and all my Hope was in God: God does not suffer me to please or comfort my self with Hopes of seeing Friends, returning to my dear Acquaintance, and enjoying worldly Comforts.

[The next Day, he preach'd to these Indians again; and then returned to the Irish Settlement, and there preach'd to a numerous Congregation: There was a considerable Appearance of Awakening in the Congregation. Thursday, he returned home, exceedingly fatigued and spent; still in the same Frame of Mortification to the World, and solicitous for the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom: And on this Day he says thus, I have felt, this Week, more of the Spirit of a Pilgrim on Earth, than perhaps ever before; And yet so desirous to see Zion's Prosperity, that I was not so willing to leave this Scene of Sorrow as I used to be. — The two remaining Days of the Week, he was very ill, and cries out of Wandrings, Dulness, and want of spiritual Fervency and Sweetness. On the Sabbath, He was confined by Illness, not able to go out to preach. After this, his Illness increased upon him, and he continued very ill all the Week; This Week, on Tuesday, he wrote the 4th Letter added at the End of this Account. and says, that he thought he never before endured such a Season of distressing Weakness; and that his Nature was so spent, that he could neither stand, sit, nor lie with any Quiet; and that he was exercised with extream Faintness and Sickness at his Stomach; and that his Mind was as much disorder'd as his Body, seeming to be stupid, and without all kind of Affections towards all Objects; and yet perplex'd, to think, that he lived for nothing, that precious Time roll'd away, and he could do nothing but trifle: And speaks of it as a Season wherein Satan buffeted him with some peculiar Temptations. — Concerning the next five Days he writes thus, On Lord's-Day Aug. 5. Was still very poor. But, tho' very weak, I visited and preach'd to the poor Indians twice, and was strengthen'd vastly beyond my Expectations. And indeed, the Lord gave me some Freedom and Fervency in addressing them; tho' I had not Strength enough to stand, but was obliged to sit down the whole Time; Towards Night, was extreamly weak, faint, sick and full of Pain. And thus I have continued much in the same State that I was in last Week, through the most of this (it being now Friday;) unable to engage in any Business; frequently unable to pray in the Family. I am obliged to let all my Thoughts and Concerns run at Random; for I have neither Strength to read, meditate, or pray: And this naturally perplexes my Mind. I seem to my self like a Man that has all his Estate embarqued in one small Boat, unhappily going adrift, down a swift Torrent. The poor Owner stands on the Shore, and looks, and laments his Loss.— But alas, tho' my all seems to be adrift, and I stand and see it, I dare not lament; for this sinks my Spirits more, and aggravates my bodil. Disorders! I am forced therefore to divert my self with Trifles; altho' at the same Time I am afraid, and after feel as if I was guilty of the Misimprovement of Time. And oftentimes my Conscience is so exercised▪ with this miserable Way of spending Time, that I have no Peace; tho' I have no Strength of Mind or Body to improve it to better Purpose. O that God would pity my distressed State.

The next three Weeks after this, his Illness was not so extreme: He was in some Degree capable of Business, both publick and private; (altho he had some Turns wherein his Indisposition prevailed to a great Degree:) He also in this Space had, for the most Part, much more inward Assistance, and Strength of Mind: He often expresses great Longings for the Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom; especially by the Conversion of the Heathen to God: He speaks of his Hope of this as all his Delight and Joy. He continues still to express his usual Longings after Holiness and living to God, and his Sense of his own Unworthiness: He several Times speaks of his appearing to himself the vilest Creature on Earth; and once says, that he verily tho't there were none of God's Children who fell so far short of that Holiness, and Perfection in their Obedience, which God requires, as he. He speaks of his feeling more dead than • ver to the Enjoyments of the World. He sometimes mentions special Assistance that he had in this Space of Time, in preaching to the Indians, and of Appearances of religious Concern among them. He speaks also of Assistance in Prayer for absent Friends, and especially Ministers and Candidates for the Ministry; and of much Comfort he enjoy'd in the Company of some Ministers that came to visit him.]

Saturday, Sept. 1. Was so far strengthen'd, after a Season of great Weakness, that I was able to spend two or three Hours in writing on a divine Subject. Enjoy'd some Comfort and Sweetness in Things divine and sacred: And as my bodily Strength was in some Measure restored, so my Soul seem'd to be somewhat vigorous, and engaged in the Things of God.

Lords-Day, Sept. 2. Was enabled to speak to my poor Indians with much Concern and Fervency; and I am perswaded, God enabled me to exercise Faith in him, while I was speaking to them. I perceived, that some of them were afraid to hearken to, and embrace Christianity, lest they should be inchanted and poison'd by some of the Powows: But I was enabled to plead with them not to fear these; and confiding in God for Safety and Deliverance, I bid a Challenge to all these Powers of Darkness, to do their worst upon me first: I told my People, I was a Christian, and ask'd them why the Powows did not Bewitch and Poison me. I scarcely ever felt more sensible of my own Unworthiness, than in this Action: I saw, that the Honour of God was concerned in the Affair; and I desired to be preserved, not from selfish Views, but for a Testimony of the divine Power and Goodness, and of the Truth of Christianity, and that God might be glorified. Afterwards, I found my Soul rejoice in God for his assisting Grace.

[After this, he went a Journey into New-England, and was absent from the Place of his Abode, at the Forks of Delaware, about three Weeks. He was in a feeble State the greater Part of the Time. But in the latter Part of the Journey, he found he gained much in Health and Strength. And as to the State of his Mind, and his religious and spiritual Exercises, it was much with him as had been before usual in Journeys; excepting that the Frame of his Mind seemed more generally to be comfortable. But yet there are Complaints of some uncomfortable Seasons, want of Fervency, and want of Retirements, and Time alone with God. In this Journey, he did not forget the Indians; but once and again speaks of his longing for their Conversion.]

Wednesday, Sept. 26. Rode Home, to the Forks of Delaware. What Reason have I to bless God, who has preserved me in riding more than 420 Miles, and has kept all my Bones, that not 〈◊〉 of them has been broken! My Health likewise is greatly recover'd. O that I could dedicate my all to God: This is all the Return I can make to him.

Thursday, Sept. 27. Was something melancholy: Had not much Freedom and Comfort in Prayer: My Soul is disconsolate, when God is withdrawn.

Friday, Sept. 28. Spent the Day in Prayer, Reading, and Writing. Felt some small Degree of warmth in Prayer, and some Desires of the Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom by the Conversion of the Heathen, and that God would make me a chos •• Vessel, to bear his Name before them: Longed for Grace to enable me to be faithful.

[The next Day, he speaks of the same Longings for the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom, and the Conversion of the Indians; but complains greatly of the ill Effects of the Diversions of his late Journey, as unfixing his Mind from that Degree of Engagedness, Fervency, Watchfulness, &c. which he enjoyed before. And the like Complaints are continued the next Day.]

Monday, Octob. 1. Was engaged this Day in making Preparation for my intended Journey to Susquahannah: Withdrew s • veral Times to the Woods for secret Duties, and endeavoured to plead for the divine Presence to go with me to the poor Pag ••• , to whom I was going to preach the Gospel. Towards Night, rode about four Miles, and met Brother Byr • m; Minister at a Place called Rockciticus, about 40 Miles from Mr. Brainerd's Lodgings. who was come, at my Desire, to be my Companion in Travel to the Indians. I rejoiced to see him; and, I trust, God made his Conversation profitable to me: I saw him, as I thought, more dead to the World, it's anxious Cares, and alluring Objects, than I was: and this made me look within my self, and gave me a greater Sense of my Guilt, Ingratitude, and Misery.

Tuesday, Octob. 2. Set out on my Journey, in Company with dear Brother Byram, and my Interpreter, and two chief Indians from the Forks of Delaware. Travelled about 25 Mil •• and lodged in one of the last Houses on our Road; after which there was nothing but a hideous and howling Wilderness.

Wednesday, Octob. 3. We went on our Way into the Wilderness, and found the most difficult and dangerous travelling, by far, that ever any of us had seen; we had scarce any Thing else but lofty Mountains, deep Valleys, and hideous Rocks, to make our Way thro'. However, I felt some Sweetness in divine Things, part of the Day, and had my Mind intensely engaged in Meditation on a divine Subject. Near Night, my Beast that I rode upon, hung one of her Legs in the Rocks, and fell down under me; But thro' divine Goodness, I was not hurt. However, she broke her Leg; and being in such a hideous Place, and near 30 Miles from any House, I saw nothing that could be done to preserve her Life, and so was obliged to kill her, and to prosecute my Journey on Foot. This Accident made me admire the divine Goodness to me, that my Bones were not broken, and the Multitude of 'em fill'd with strong Pain. Just at Dark, we kindled a Fire, cut up a few Bushes, and made a Shelter over our Heads, to save us from the Frost, which was very hard that Night; and committing our selves to God by Prayer, we lay down on the Ground, and slept quietly.

[The next Day, they went forward on their Journey, and at Night took up their Lodging in the Woods in like Manner.]

Friday, Octob. 5. We arrived at Susquahannah River, at a Place called Opeholhaupung See his Narrative at the End of his Ord. Sermon Pag. 35, 36.: Found there 12 Indian Houses: After I had saluted the King in a friendly Manner, I told him my Business, and that my Desire was to teach them Christianity. After some Consultation, the Indians gathered, and I preach'd to 'em. And when I had done, I asked, if they would hear me again. They reply'd, that they would consider of it; and soon after sent me Word, that they would immediately attend, if I would preach: Which I did, with Freedom, both Times. When I asked 'em again, whether they would hear me further, they reply'd, they would the next Day. I was exceeding sensible of the Impossibility of doing any Thing for the poor Heathen without special Assistance from above: And my Soul seem'd to rest on God, and leave it to him to do as he pleased in that which I saw was his own Cause: And indeed, thro' divine Goodness, I had felt something of this Frame most of the Time while I was travelling thither; and in some Measure before I set out.

Saturday, Octob. 6. Rose early, and besought the Lord for Help in my great Work. Near Noon, preach'd again to the Indians: And in the Afternoon, visited them from House to House, and invited them to come and hear me again the next Day, and put off their hunting Design, which they were just entring upon, 'till Monday. This Night, I trust, the Lord stood by me to encourage and strengthen my Soul: I spent more than an Hour in secret Retirement; was enabled to pour out my Heart before God, for the Increase of Grace in my Soul, for Ministerial Endowments, for Success among the poor Indians, for God's Ministers and People, and for dear Friends vastly distant, &c. Blessed me God.

[The next Day, he complains of great want of Fixedness and Intenseness in Religion, so that he could not keep any spiritual Thought one Minute without Distraction; which occasion'd Anguish of Spirit. He felt (he says) amazingly Guilty, and extremely Miserable; and cries out, Oh my Soul, what Death it is, to have the Affections unable to center in God, by Reason of Darkness, and consequently roving after that Satisfaction elsewhere, that is only to be found here! However, he preach'd twice to the Indians with some Freedom and Power: But was afterwards damp'd by the Objections they made against Christianity. In the Evening, in a Sense of his great Defects in Preaching, he intreated God not to impute to him Blood-Guiltiness; but yet was at the same Time enabled to rejoyce in God.]

Monday, Octob. 8. Visited the Indians with a Design to take my Leave of them, supposing they would this Morning go out to Hunting early; but beyond my Expectation and Hope, they desired to hear me preach again. I gladly complied with their Request, and afterwards endeavoured to answer their Objections against Christianity. Then they went away; and we spent the rest of the Afternoon in Reading and Prayer, intending to go Home-ward very early the next Day. My Soul was in some Measure ••• resh'd in secret Prayer and Meditation. Blessed be the Lord for all his Goodness.

Tuesday, Octob. 9. We rose about 4 in the Morning, and commending our selves to God by Prayer, and asking his special Protection, we let out on our Journey h • mewards about 5. and travelled with great steadiness 'till past • at Night. And then made us a Fire, and a Shelter or Bark • , and so rested. I had some clear and comfortable 〈…〉 Subject, by the Way, towards Night.— In the Night, the Wolves howl'd around us; but God preserved us.

[The next Day, they rose early, and set forward, and travelled that Day, 'till they came to an Irish Settlement, where Mr. Brainerd was acquainted, and lodged there. He speaks of some Sweetness in divine Things, and Thankfulness to God for his Goodness to him in this Journey, that he felt in his Heart in the Evening, tho' attended with Shame for his Barrenness. On Thursday, he continued in the same Place; and he and Mr. Byram preached there to the People.]

Friday, Octob. 12. Rode Home to my Lodging; where I poured out my Soul to God in secret Prayer, and endeavoured to bless him for his abundant Goodness to me in my late Journey. I scarce ever enjoyed more Health; at least, of later Years; And God marvellously, and almost miraculously, supported me under the Fatigues of the Way, and Travelling on Foot. Blessed be the Lord, that continually preserves me in all my Ways.

[On Saturday, he went again to the Irish Settlement, to spend the Sabbath there, his Indians being gone.]

Lord's-Day, Octob. 14. Was much confused and perplexed in my Thoughts; could not pray; and was almost discouraged, thinking I should never be able to preach any more. But afterwards, God was pleased to give me some Relief from these Confusions: But still I was afraid, and even trembled before God. I went to the Place of publick Worship, lifting up my Heart to God for Assistance and Grace, in my great Work: And God was gracious to me, and helped me to plead with him for Holiness, and to use the strongest Arguments with him, drawn from the Incarnation and Sufferings of Christ for this very End, that Men might be made holy. Afterwards, I was much assisted in preaching. I know not that ever God helped me to preach in a more close and distinguishing Manner for the Trial of Men's State. Thro' the infinite Goodness of God, I felt what I spake; and God enabled me to treat on divine Truth with uncommon Clearness: And yet I was so sensible of my Defects in Preaching, that I could not be proud of my Performance, as at some Times; And blessed be the Lord for this Mercy. In the Evening, I long'd to be entirely alone, to bless God for Help in a Time of Extremity; and longed for great Degrees of Holiness, that I might shew my Gratitude to God.

[The next Morning, he spent some Time before Sun-rise in Prayer, in the same sweet and grateful Frame of Mind, that he had been in the Evening before: And afterwards went to his Indians, and spent some Time in teaching and exhorting them.]

Tuesday, Octob. 16. Felt a Spirit of Solemnity and Watchfulness; was afraid I should not live to and upon GOD: Longed for more Intenseness and Spirituality. Spent the Day in Writing; frequently lifting up my Heart to God for more Heavenly-mindedness. In the Evening, enjoyed sweet Assistance in Prayer, and thirsted and pleaded to be as holy as the blessed Angels: Longed for Ministerial Gifts and Graces, and Success in my Work: Was sweetly assisted in the Duty of Intercession, and enabled to remember and plead for Numbers of dear Friends, and Christ's Ministers.

[He seemed to have much of the same Frame of Mind, the two next Days.]

Friday, Octob. 19. Felt an abasing Sense of my own Impurity and Unholiness; and felt my Soul melt and mourn, that I had abused and grieved a very gracious God, who was still kind to me, notwithstanding all my Unworthiness. My Soul enjoyed a sweet Season of bitter Repentance and Sorrow, that I had wronged that blessed God, who (I was perswaded) was reconciled to me in his dear Son. My Soul was now tender, devout, and solemn. And I was afraid of nothing, but Sin; and afraid of that in every Action and Thought.

[The four next Days, were manifestly spent in a most constant Tenderness, Watchfulness, Diligence and Self-Diffidence. But he complains of Wandrings of Mind, Languor of Affections &c.]

Wednesday, Octob. 24. Near Noon, rode to my People; spent some Time, and pray'd with them: Felt the Frame of a Pilgrim on Earth; longed much to leave this gloomy Mansion; but yet found the Exercise of Patience and Resignation. And as I returned home from the Indians, spent the whole Time in lifting up my Heart to God. In the Evening, enjoy'd a blessed Season alone in Prayer; was enabled to cry to God with a Childlike Spirit, for the Space of near an Hour: Enjoyed a sweet Freedom in supplicating for my self, for dear Friends, Ministers, and some who are preparing for that Work, and for the Church of God; and longed to be as lively my self in God's Service as the Angels.

Thursday, Octob. 25. Was busy in Writing. Was very sensible of my absolute Dependance on God in all Respects; saw that I could do nothing in those Affairs, that I have sufficient natural Faculties for, unless God should smile upon my Attempt. Not that we are sufficient of our selves, to think any Thing, a • of ourselves, was a sacred Text that I saw the Truth of.

Friday, Octob. 26. In the Morning, my Soul was melted with a Sense of divine Goodness and Mercy to such a vile unworthy Worm as I: Delighted to lean upon God, and place my whole Trust in him: My Soul was exceedingly grieved for Sin, and prized and longed after Holiness; it wounded my Heart deeply, yet sweetly, to think how I had abused a kind God. I longed to be perfectly Holy, that I might not grieve a gracious God; who will continue to love, notwithstanding his Love is abused: I longed for Holiness more for this End, than I did for my own Happiness sake: And yet this was my greatest Happiness, never more to dishonour, but always to glorify the blessed God. Afterwards, rode up to the Indians, in the Afternoon, &c.

[The four next Days, he was exercised with much Disorder and Pain of Body, with a Degree of Melancholy and Gloominess of Mind, bitterly complaining of Deadness and Unprofitableness, yet mourning and longing after God.]

Wednesday, Octob. 31. Was sensible of my Barrenness, and Decays, 〈◊〉 the Things of God: My Soul fail'd, when I remember'd the Fervency I had enjoyed at the Throne of Grace. Oh (I thought) If I could but be spiritual, warm, heavenly-minded, and affectionately breathing after God, this would be better than Life to me! My Soul longed exceedingly for Death, to be loosed from this Dullness and Barrenness, and made forever active in the Service of God. I seemed to 〈◊〉 for nothing, and to do no Good: And Oh, the Burden of such a Life! Oh, Death, Death, my kind Friend, hasten and deliver me from dull Mortality, and make me spiritual and vigorous to Eternity.

Thursday, November 1. Had but little Sweetness in divine Things. But afterwards, in the Evening, felt some Life, and Longings after God; I longed to be always solemn, devout, and heavenly-minded; & was afraid to leave off praying, lest I should again lose a Sense of the sweet Things of God.

Friday, Nov. 2. Was fill'd with Sorrow and Confusion, in the Morning, and could enjoy no sweet Sense of divine Things, nor get any Relief in Prayer. Saw I deserved, that every one of God's Creatures should be let loose upon me to be the Executioners of his Wrath against me: And yet therein I saw I deserved what I did not fear as my Portion. About Noon, rode up to the Indians; and while going, could feel no Desires for them, and even dreaded to say any Thing to 'em; but God was pleased to give me some Freedom and Enlargement, and made the Season comfortable to me. In the Evening, had Enlargement in Prayer. But alas, what Comforts and Enlargements I have felt for these many Weeks past, have been only transient & short; and the greater Part of my Time has been fill'd up with Deadness, or Struggles with Deadness, and bitter Conflicts with Corruption. I have found my self exercised sorely with some particular Things that I thought my self most of all freed from. And thus I have ever found it, when I have tho't the Battle was over, and the Conquest gained, and so let down my Watch, the Enemy has risen up and done me the greatest Injury.

Saturday, Nov. 3. I read the Life and Trials of a godly Man, and was much warm'd by it: I wondered at my past Deadness; and was more convinced of it, than ever. Was enabled to confess and bewail my Sin before God, with Self-abhorrence.

Lord's-Day, Nov. 4. Had, I think, some Exercise of Faith in Prayer, in the Morning: Long'd to be Spiritual. Had considerable Help in preaching to my poor Indians: Was encouraged with them, and hoped that God designed Mercy for them.

[The next Day, On this Day he concluded his Narrative, that is at the End of his Ordination Sermon. He set out on a Journey to New-York, to the Meeting of the Presbytery there; and was gone from Home more than a Fortnight. He seem'd to enter on this Journey with great Reluctance; fearing, that the Diversions of it would prove a Means of cooling his religious Affections, as he had found in other Journeys. But yet, in this Journey he had some special Seasons wherein he enjoyed extraordinary Evidences and Fruits of God's gracious Presence. He was greatly fatigued and exposed in this Journey by Cold and Storms: And when he returned from New-York to New-Jersey, on Friday, was taken very ill, and was detained by his Illness some Time.]

Wednesday, Nov. 21. Rode from Newark to Rockciticus in the Cold, and was almost overcome with it. Enjoyed some Sweetness in Conversation with dear Mr. Jones, while I dined with him: My Soul loves the People of God, and especially the Ministers of Jesus Christ, who feel the same Trials that I do.

Thursday, Nov. 22. Came on my Way from Rockciticus to Delaware River. Was very much disordered with a Cold and Pain in my Head. About 6 at Night, I lost my Way in the Wilderness, and wandered over Rocks and Mountains, down hideous Steeps, th • Swamps, and most dreadful and dangerous Places: And the Night being dark, so that few Stars could be seen, I was greatly exposed: Was much pinch'd with Cold, and distress'd with an extream Pain in my Head, attended with Sickness at my Stomach; so that every Step I took was distressing to me. I had little Hope for several Hours together, but that I must lie out in the Woods all Night, in this distressed Case. But about 9 o'Clock, I found a House, thro' the abundant Goodness of God, and was kindly entertain'd. Thus I have frequently been exposed, & sometimes lain out the whole Night: but God has hitherto preserved me; and blessed be his Name. Such Fatigues and Hardships as these serve to wean me more from the Earth; and, I trust, will make Heaven the sweeter. Formerly, when I was thus exposed to Cold, Rain, &c. I was ready to please my self with the Thoughts of enjoying a comfortable House, a warm Fire, and other outward Comforts; but now these have less Place in my Heart (thro' the Grace of God) and my Eye is more to God for Comfort. In this World I expect Tribulation; and it does not now, as formerly, appear strange to me; I don't in such Seasons of Difficulty flatter my self that it will be better hereafter; but rather think, how much worse it might be; how much greater Trials others of God's Children have endured; and how much greater are yet perhaps reserved for me. Blessed be God, that he makes the Thoughts of my Journey's End and of my Dissolution a great Comfort to me, under my sharpest Trials; & scarce ever lets these Thoughts be attended with Terror or Melancholy; but they are attended frequently with great Joy.

Friday, Nov. 23. Visited a sick Man; discoursed and pray'd with him. Then visited another House, where was one dead and laid out; look'd on the Corps, and longed that my Time might come to depart, that I might be with Christ. Then went home to my Lodgings, about one o'Clock. Felt poorly; but was able to read, most of the Afternoon.

[Within the Space of the next twelve Days, he passed under many Changes in the Frames and Exercises of his Mind. He had many Seasons of the special Influences of God's Spirit, animating, invigorating, and comforting him in the Ways of God and Duties of Religion; but had some Turns of great Dejection and Melancholy. He spent much Time, within this Space, in hard Labour, with others, to make for himself a little Cottage or Hut, to live in by himself thro' the Winter. Yet he frequently preached to the Indians, & speaks of special A •••• tance he had from Time to Time, in addressing himself to them; And of his sometimes having considerable Encouragement, from the Attention they gave. But on Tuesday Decemb. 4. he was sunk into great Discouragement, to see 'em (most of 'em) going in Company to an idolatrous Feast and Dance, after he had taken abundant Pain with them to disswade 'em from these Things.]

Thursday, Decemb. 6. Having now a happy Opportunity of being retired in a House of my own, which I have lately procured and moved into, and considering that it is now a long Time since I have been able, either on Account of bodily Weakness, or for want of Retirement, or some other Difficulty, to spend any Time in secret Fasting and Prayer; considering also the greatness of my Work, and the extream Difficulties that attend it: And that my poor Indians are now worshipping Devils, notwithstanding all the Pains I have taken with them, which almost overwhelms my Spirit: Moreover, considering my extreme Barrenness, spiritual Deadness and Dejection, of late; as also the Power of some particular Corruptions; I sat apart this Day for secret Prayer and Fasting, to implore the Blessing of God on my self, on my poor People, on my Friends, and on the Church of God. At first, I felt a great Backwardness to the Duties of the Day, on Account of the seeming Impossibility of performing them: But the Lord helped me to break thro' this Difficulty. God was pleased, by the Use of Means, to give me some clear Conviction of my Sinfulness, and a Discovery of the Plague of my own Heart, more affecting than what I have of late had. And especially I saw my Sinfulness in this, that when God had withdrawn himself, then, instead of living and dying in Pursuit of him, I have been disposed to one of these two Things; either (first) to yield an unbecoming Respect to some earthly Objects, as if Happiness were to be derived from them; or (2dly) to be secretly froward and impatient, and unsuitably desirous of Death, so that I have sometimes tho't I could not bear to think my Life must be lengthen'd out. And that which often drove me to this impatient Desire of Death, was a Despair of doing any Good in Life; and I chose Death, rather than a Life spent for Nothing. But now God made me sensible of my Sin in these Things, and enabled me to cry to him for Forgiveness. Yet this was not all I wanted; for my Soul appeared exceedingly polluted, my Heart seem'd like a Nest of Vipers, or a Cage of unclean and hateful Birds: And therefore I wanted to be purified by the Blood of Sprinkling, that cleanseth from all Sin. And this, I hope, I was enabled to pray for in Faith. I enjoyed much more Intenseness, Fervency, and Spirituality, than I expected; God was better to me than my Fears. And towards Night, I felt my Soul rejoyce, that God is unchangeably happy and glorious; that he will be glorified, whatever becomes of his Creatures. I was enabled to persevere in Prayer 'till some Time in the Evening: At which Time I saw so much Need of divine Help, in every Respect, that I knew not how to leave off, and 〈◊〉 forgot that I needed Food. This Evening, I was much assisted in meditating on Isai. lii.3. Blessed be the Lord for any Help in the past Day.

Friday, Decemb. 7. Spent some Time in Prayer, in the Morning; enjoyed some Freedom and Affection in the Duty, and had longing Desires of being made faithful to the Death. Sp • nt a little Time in writing on a divine Subject: Then visited the Indians, and preach'd to 'em. But under inexpressible Dejection: I had no Heart to speak to them, and could not do it, but as I forced my self: I knew, they must hate to hear me, as having but just got Home from their idolatrous Feast and Devil-Worship.—In the Evening, had some Freedom in Prayer and Meditation.

Saturday, Decem. 8. Have been uncommonly free this Day from Dejection, and from that distressing Apprehension, that I could do nothing: Was enabled to pray and study with some Comfort; and especially was assisted in writing on a divine Subject. In the Evening, my Soul rejoyced in God; and I bless'd his Name for shining on my Soul. O the sweet and blessed Change I then felt, when God brought me out of Darkness into his marvellous Light!

Lord's-Day, Decem. 9. Preach'd, both Parts of the Day, at a Place call'd Greenwich, in New-Jersey, about 10 Miles from my own House. In the first Discourse I had scarce any Warmth or affectionate Longing for Souls. In the Intermission-Season I got alone among the Bushes, and cried to God for Pardon of my Deadness; and was in Anguish and Bitterness, that I could not address Souls with more Compassion and tender Affection: Judged and condemned my self for want of this divine Temper: Tho' I saw I could not get it as of my self, any more than I could make a World. In the latter Exercise, blessed be the Lord, I had some Fervency, both in Prayer and Preaching; and especially in the Application of my Discourse was enabled to address precious Souls with Affection, Concern, Tenderness and Importunity. The Spirit of God, I think, was there; as the Effects were apparent, Tears running down many Cheeks.

Monday, Decem. 10. Near Noon, I preach'd again: God gave me some Assistance, and enabled me to be in some Degree faithful; so that I had Peace in my own Soul, and a very comfortable Composure, altho' Israel should not be gathered. Came away from Greenwich, and rode Home; arrived just in the Evening. By the Way, my Soul bless'd God for his Goodness; and I rejoyced, that so much of my Work was done, and I so much nearer my blessed Reward. Blessed be God for Grace to be faithful.

Tuesday, Decem. 11. Felt very poorly in Body, being much tired and worn out the last Night. Was assisted in some Measure in writing on a divine Subject: But was so feeble and sore in my Breast, that I had not much Resolution in my Work. Oh, how I long for that World where the weary are at Rest! And yet thro' the Goodness of God I don't now feel impatient.

Wednesday, Decem. 12. Was again very weak; but somewhat assisted in secret Prayer, and enabled with Pleasure and Sweetness to cry, Come, Lord Jesus! Come, Lord Jesus; come quickly. My Soul longed for God, for the living God. O how delightful it is, to pray under such sweet Influences! Oh how much better is this, than one's necessary Food! I had at this Time no Disposition to eat (tho' late in the Morning;) for earthly Food appear'd wholly Tastless. O how much better is thy Love than Wine, than the sweetest Wine!— I visited and preached to the Indians, in the Afternoon; but under much Dejection. Found my Interpreter under some Concern for his Soul • ; which was some Comfort to me; and yet fill'd me with new Care. I longed greatly for his Conversion; lifted up my Heart to God for it, while I was talking to him: Came Home, and poured out my Soul to God for him: Enjoyed some Freedom in Prayer, and was enabled, I think, to leave all with God.

Thursday, Decem. 13. Endeavoured to spend the Day in Fasting and Prayer, to implore the divine Blessing, more especially on my poor People; and in particular, I sought for converting Grace for my Interpreter, and three or four more under some Concern for their Souls. I was much disordered in the 〈◊〉 when I arose; but having determined to spend the Day in 〈◊〉 Manner, I attempted it. Some Freedom I had in pleading for these poor concerned Souls, several Times; and when interceeding for them, I enjoyed greater Freedom from wandring and distracting Thoughts, than in any Part of my Supplications: But, in the general, was greatly exercised with Wandrings; so that in the Evening it seemed as if I had need to pray for nothing so much as for the Pardon of Sins committed in the Day past, and the Vileness I then found in my self. The Sins I had most Sense of, were Pride, and wandring Thoughts, whereby I mocked God. The former of these cursed Iniquities excited me to think of writing, or preaching, or converting Heathen, or performing some other great Work, that my Name might live when I should be dead. My Soul was in Anguish, and ready to drop into Despair, to find so much of that cursed Temper. With this, and the other Evil I laboured under, viz. wandring Thoughts, I was almost overwhelmed, and even ready to give over striving after a Spirit of Devotion; and oftentimes sunk into a considerable Degree of Despondency, and thought I was more brutish than any Man. Yet after all my Sorrows, I trust thro' Grace, this Day and the Exercises of it have been for my Good, and taught me more of my Corruption, and Weakness without Christ, than I knew before.

Friday, Decem. 14. Near Noon, went to the Indians; but knew not what to say to them, and was ashamed to look them in the Face: I felt I had no Power to address their Consciences, and therefore had no Boldness to say any Thing. Was, much of the Day, in a great Degree of Despair about ever doing or seeing any Good in the Land of the Living.

[He continued under the same Dejection the next Day.]

Lord's-Day, Decem. 16. Was so overwhelmed with Dejection, that I knew not how to live: I long'd for Death exceedingly: My Soul was sunk into deep Waters, and the Floods were ready to drown me: I was so much oppress'd, that my Soul was in a kind of Horrour: I could not keep my Thoughts fixed in Prayer, for the Space of one Minute, without Fluttering and Distraction: I was exceedingly ashamed, that I did not live to God: I had no distressing Doubt about my own State; but would have cheerfully ventured (as far as I could possibly know) into Eternity. While I was going to preach to the Indians, my Soul was in Anguish; I was so overborn with Discouragement; that I despair'd of doing any Good, and was driven to my Wits End; I knew nothing what to say, nor what Course to take. But at last I insisted on the Evidence we have of the Truth of Christianity from the Miracles of Christ; many of which I set before them: And God helped me to make a close Application to those that refused to believe the Truth of what I taught them: And indeed I was enabled to speak to the Consciences of all, in some Measure. I was something encouraged, to find, that God enabled me to be faithful once more. Then came and preached to another Company of them; but was very weary and faint. In the Evening, I was something refresh'd, and was enabled to pray and praise God with Composure and Affection: Had some Enlargement and Courage with Respect to my Work: Was willing to live, and longed to do more for God, than my weak state of Body would admit of. I can do all Things through Christ that strengthens me; and by his Grace, I am willing to spend and be spent in his Service, when I am not thus sunk in Dejection and a kind of Despair.

Monday, Decem. 17. Was something comfortable in Mind, most of the Day; and was enabled to pray with some Freedom, Cheerfulness, Composure, and Devotion; had also some Assistance in writing on a divine Subject.

Tuesday, Decemb. 18. Went to the Indians, and discoursed to them, near an Hour, without any Power to come close to their Hearts. But at last, I felt some Fervency, and God help'd me to speak with Warmth. My Interpreter also was amazingly assisted; and I doubt not but the Spirit of God was upon him (tho' I had no Reason to think he had any true and saving Grace, but was only under Conviction of his lost State;) and presently upon this most of the grown Persons were much affected, and the Tears ran down their Cheeks; and one old Man (I suppose, an hundred Years old) was so affected, that he wept, and seem'd convinced of the Importance of what I taught them. I staid with them a considerable Time, exhorting and directing them; and came away, lifting up my Heart to God in Prayer and Praise, • nd encouraged and exhorted my Interpreter to strive to enter in 〈◊〉 the strait Gale. Came home, and spent most of the Evening 〈◊〉 Prayer and Thanksgiving; and found my self much enlarged • nd quicken'd. Was greatly concerned, that the Lord's Work which seem'd to be begun, might be carried on with Power, to the Conversion of poor Souls, and the Glory of divine Grace.

Wednesday, Decemb. 19. Spent a great Part of the Day in Prayer to God for the Out-pouring of his Spirit on my poor People; as also to bless his Name for awakning my Interpreter, and some others, and giving us some Tokens of his Presence Yesterday. And blessed be God, I had much Freedom, five or six Times in the Day, in Prayer and Praise, and felt a weighty Concern upon my Spirit for the Salvation of those precious Souls, and the Enlargement of the Redeemer's Kingdom among them. My Soul hoped in God for some Success in my Ministry: And blessed be his Name for so much Hope.

Thursday, Decemb. 20. Was enabled to visit the Throne of Grace frequently, this Day; and thro' divine Goodness enjoyed much Freedom and Fervency, sundry Times: Was much assisted in crying for Mercy for my poor People, and felt Chearfulness and Hope in my Requests for them. I spent much of the Day in Writing; but was enabled to intermix Prayer with my Studies.

Friday, Decemb. 21. Was enabled again to pray with Freedom, Chearfulness, and Hope. God was pleased to make the Duty comfortable and pleasant to me; so that I delighted to persevere, and repeatedly to engage in it. Towards Noon, visited my People, and spent the whole Time in the Way to them in Prayer, longing to see the Power of God among them, as there appear'd something of it the last Tuesday; and I found it sweet to rest and hope in God. Preach'd to them twice, and at two distinct Places: Had considerable Freedom, each Time, and so had my Interpreter. Several of 'em followed me from one Place to the other: And I thought, there was some divine Influence discernable amongst them. In the Evening, was assisted in Prayer again. Blessed, blessed be the Lord.

[Very much the same Things are expressed concerning his inward Frame, Exercises, and Assistances on Saturday, as on the preceeding Days. He observes, that this was a comfortable Week to him. But then concludes, Oh! That I had no Reason to complain of much Barrenness. Oh that there were no vain Tho'ts and evil Affections lodging within me. The Lord knows how I long for that World, where they rest not Day nor Night, saying, Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty, &c. On the following Sabbath, he speaks of Assistance and Freedom in his publick Work, but as having less of the sensible Presence of God, than frequently in the Week past: But yet says, his Soul was kept from sinking in Discouragement. On Monday, again he seem'd to enjoy very much the same Liberty and Fervency, thro' the Day, that he enjoyed thro' the greater Part of the preceeding Week. This Day he wrote the fifth Letter added at the End of this History.]

Tuesday, Decemb. 25. Enjoy'd very little quiet Sleep last Night, by Reason of bodily Weakness, and the closeness of my Studies Yesterday: Yet my Heart was somewhat lively in Prayer & Praise: I was delighted with the divine Glory and Happiness, and rejoyced that God was God, & that he was unchangeably possess'd of Glory and Blessedness. Tho' God hold my Eyes waking, yet he helped me to improve my Time profitably amidst my Pain and Weakness, in continued Meditations on Luke xiii.7. Behold these three Years I come se •• ing Fruit, &c. My Meditations were sweet; and I wanted to set before Sinners their Sin and Danger.

[He continued in a very low State, as to his bodily 〈◊〉 , for some Days: Which seems to have been a great Hindrance to him in his religious Exercises and Pursuits. But yet he expresses some Degree of divine Assistance, from Day to Day, thro' the remaining Part of this Week. He preach'd several Times this Week to his Indians; and there appeared still 〈◊〉 Concern amongst them for their Souls. On Saturday, he rode to the Irish Settlement, about 15 Miles from his Lodgings, in order to spend the Sabbath there.]

Lord's-Day, Decemb. 30. Discoursed, both Parts of the Day, from Mark viii.34. Whosoever will come after me, &c. God gave me very great Freedom and Clearness, and (in the Afternoon especially) considerable Warmth and Fervency. In the Evening also, had very great Clearness while conversing with Friends on divine Things: I don't remember ever to have had more clear Apprehensions of Religion in my Life: But found a Struggle, in the Evening, with spiritual Pride.

[On Monday, he preach'd again in the same Place with Freedom and Fervency; and rode home to his Lodging; and arrived in the Evening, under a considerable Degree of bodily Illness, which continued the two next Days. And he complains much of spiritual Emptiness and Barrenness on those Days.]

Thursday, January 3.1744, 5. Being sensible of the great want of divine Influences, and the out-pouring of God's Spirit, I spent this Day in Fasting and Prayer, to seek so great a Mercy for my self, and my poor People in particular, and for the Church of God in general. In the Morning, was very Lifeless in Prayer, and could get scarce any Sense of God. Near Noon, enjoyed some sweet Freedom to pray that the Will of God might in ever • Respect become mine: And I am perswaded, it was so at that Time in some good Degree. In the Afternoon, I was exceeding work, and could not enjoy much Fervency in Prayer; but felt a great Degree of Dejection; which, I believe, was very much • wing to my bodily Weakness and Disorder.

Friday, Jan. 4. Rode up to the Indians, near Noon; spent some Time there under great Disorder: My Soul was sunk down into deep Waters, and I was almost overwhelmed with Melancholy.

Saturday, Jan. 5. Was able to do something at Writing; but was much disordered with Pain in my Head. At Night, was distress'd with a Sense of my spiritual Pollution, and ten Thousand youthful, yea, and childish Follies, that no Body but my self had any Thought about; all which appeared to me now 〈◊〉 , and in a lively View, as if committed Yesterday, and made 〈◊〉 Soul ashamed before God, and caused me to hate my self.

Lord's-Day, Jan. 6. Was still distress'd with vapoury Disorders. Preached to my poor Indians; but had little Heart or Life. Towards Night, my Soul was press'd under a Sense of my Unfaithfulness. O the Joy & Peace that arises from a Sense of having obtain'd Mercy of God to be faithful! And Oh, the Misery and Anguish that spring from an Apprehension of the contrary!

[His Dejection continued the two next Days; but not to so great a Degree on Tuesday, when he enjoyed some Freedom and Fervency in preaching to the Indians.]

Wednesday, Jan. 9. In the Morning, God was pleas'd to remove that Gloom which has of late oppress'd my Mind, and gave me Freedom and Sweetness in Prayer. I was encouraged and strengthe'd, and enabled to plead for Grace for my sel • and Mercy for my poor Indians; and was sweetly assisted in my Intercessions with God for others. Blessed be his holy Name forever and ever; Amen, and Amen. Those Things that of late have appear'd most difficult and almost impossible, now appeared not only possible, but easy. My Soul so much delighted to continue instant in Prayer, at this blessed Season, that I had no Desire for my necessary Food: even dreaded leaving off praying at all, lest I should lose this Spirituality, and this blessed Thankfulness to God which I then felt. I felt now quite willing to live, and undergo all Trials that might remain for me in a World • f Sorrow; but still longed for Heaven, that I might glorify God in a perfect Manner. O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Spent the Day in Reading a little; and in some Diversions, which I was necessitated to take by Reason of much Weakness and Disorder. In the Evening, enjoyed some Freedom and Intenseness in Prayer.

[The three remaining Days of the Week, he was very 〈◊〉 and feeble in Body; but nevertheless continued constantly in 〈◊〉 same comfortable sweet Frame of Mind, as is expressed on Wednesday. On the Sabbath, this Sweetness and spiritual Alacrity began to abate: But still he enjoyed some Degree of 〈◊〉 , and had Assistance in preaching to the Indians.]

Monday, Jan. 14. Spent this Day under a great Degree of bodily Weakness and Disorder; and had very little Freedom, either in my Studies or Devotions: And in the Evening, I was much dejected and melancholy. It pains and distresses 〈◊〉 , that I live so much of my Time for nothing. I long to do much in a little Time, and if it might be the Lord's will, to finish my Work speedily in this tiresom World. I'm sure, I don't 〈◊〉 to live for any Thing in this World; and thro' Grace I am not afraid to look the King of Terrors in the Face: I know, I shall be afraid, if God leaves me; and therefore I think it always Duty to lay in for that solemn Hour. But for a very considerable Time past, my Soul has rejoyced to think of Death in its nearest Approaches; and even when I have been very weak, and seem'd nearest Eternity. Not unto me, not unto me, but to God be the Glory. I feel that which convinces me, that if God don't enable me to maintain a holy Dependance upon him, Death will easily be a Terrour to me; but at present, I must say, I long to depart and to be with Christ, which is best of all. When I am in a sweet resigned Frame of Soul, I am willing to tarry a while in a World of Sorrow, I am willing to be from Home as long as God sees fit it should be so: But when I want the Influence of this Temper, I am then apt to be impatient to be gone.—Oh when will the Day appear, that I shall be perfect in Holiness, and in the Enjoyment of God!

[The next Day was spent under a great Degree of Dejection and Melancholy; which (as he himself says, he was perswaded) was owing partly to bodily Weakness, and vapoury Disorders.]

Wednesday, & Thursday, Jan. 16 & 17. I spent most of the Time in writing on a sweet divine Subject, and enjoyed some Freedom and Assistance. Was likewise enabled to pray more frequently and fervently than usual: and my Soul, I think, rejoyced in God; especially on the Evening of the last of these Days: Praise then seem'd comely, and I delighted to bless the Lord. O what Reason have I to be thankful, that God ever helps me to Labour and Study for him! He does but receive his own, when I am enabled in any Measure to praise him, labour for him, and live to him. Oh, how comfortable and sweet it is, to feel the Assistance of divine Grace in the Performance of the Duties God has enjoined us! Bless the Lord, O my Soul.

[The same Enlargement of Heart and joyful Frame of Soul continued thro' the next Day. But on the Day following it began to decline; which Decay seems to have continued the whole of the next Week: Yet he enjoyed some Seasons of special and sweet Assistance.]

Lord's-Day, Jan. 27. Had the greatest Degree of inward Anguish, that almost ever I endured: I was perfectly overwhelmed, and so confused, that after I began to discourse to the Indians, before I could finish a Sentence, sometimes I forgot enti • ely what I was aiming at; or if, with much difficulty, I had recollected what I had before designed, still it appeared strange, and like something I had long forgotten, and had now but an imperfect Remembrance of. I know, it was a Degree of Distraction, occasion'd by vapoury Disorders, Melancholy, spiritual Desertion, and some other Things that particularly press'd upon me, this Morning, with an uncommon Weight, the principal of which respected my Indians. This distressing Gloom never went off the whole Day; but was so far removed, that I was enabled to speak with some Freedom and Concern to the Indians, at two of their Settlements; and I think, there was some Appearance of the Presence of God with us, some Seriousness, and seeming Concern among the Indians, at least a few of them. In the Evening, this Gloom continued still, 'till Family-Prayer, Tho' Mr. Brainerd now dwelt by himself in the foremention'd little Cottage, which he had built for his own Use, yet that was near to a Family of white People with whom he had lived before, and with whom he still attended Family-Prayer. about nine o'Clock, and almost thro' this, until I came near the Close, when I was praying (as I usually do) for the Illumination and Conversion of my poor People; and then the Cloud was scatter'd, so that I enjoy'd Sweetness and Freedom, and conceived Hopes, that God designed Mercy for some of them. The same I enjoyed afterwards in secret Prayer; in which precious Duty I had for a considerable Time Sweetness and Freedom, and (I hope) Faith, in praying for my self, my poor Indians, and dear Friends and Acquaintance in New-England and elsewhere, and for the dear Interest of Zion in general. Bless the Lord, O my Soul, and forget not all his Benefits.

[He spent the rest of this Week, or at least the most of it, under Dejection and Melancholy: Which on Friday rose to an extream Height; he being then, as he himself observes, much exercised with vapoury Disorders. This exceeding Gloominess continued on Saturday, 'till the Evening, when he was again relieved in Family-Prayer; and after it, was refresh'd in secret, and felt willing to live, and endure Hardships in the Cause of God; and found his Hopes of the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom, as also his Hopes to see the Power of God among the poor Indians, considerably raised.]

Lord's-Day, Feb. • . In the Morning, I was somewhat relieved of that Gloom and Confusion, that my Mind has of 〈◊〉 been greatly exercised with: Was enabled to pray with some Composure, and Comfort. But however, went to my Indians trembling; for my Soul remembred the Wormwood and the God (I might almost say the Hell) of Friday last; and I was greatly afraid I should be obliged again to drink of that Cup of Trembling, which was inconceivably more bitter than Death, and made me long for the Grave more, unspeakably more, than for hid Treasures, yea, inconceivably more than the Men of this World long for such Treasures. But God was pleased to hear my Cries, and to afford me great Assistance; so that I felt Peace in my own Soul; and was satisfied that if not one of the Indians should be profited by my Preaching, but should all be damned, yet I should be accepted and rewarded as faithful; for I am perswaded, God enabled me to be so.— Had some good Degree of Help afterwards, at another Place; and much longed for the Conversion of the poor Indians. Was somewhat refreshed, and comfortable, towards Night, and in the Evening. O that my Soul might praise the Lord for his Goodness.— Enjoyed some Freedom, in the Evening, in Meditation on Luke xiii.24.

[In the three next Days, he was the Subject of much Dejection: But the three remaining Days of the Week seem to have been spent with much Composure and Comfort. On the next Sabbath, he preach'd at Greenwich in New-Jersey. In the Evening, he rode eight Miles to visit a sick Man at the Point of Death, and sound him Speechless and Senseless.]

Monday, Feb. 11. About Break-of-Day, the sick Man died. I was affected at the Sight: Spent the Morning with the Mourners; and after Prayer, and some Discourse with them, I returned to Greenwich, and preached again from Psal. lxxxix 15. And the Lord gave me Assistance: I felt a sweet Love to Souls, and to the Kingdom of Christ; and longed that poor Sinners might know the joyful Sound. Several Persons were much affected. And after Meeting, I was enabled to discourse, 〈◊〉 Freedom and Concern, to some Persons that applied to me under spiritual Trouble. Left the Place, sweetly composed, and rode home to my House about 8 Miles distant. Discoursed to Friends, and inculcated divine Truths upon some. In the Evening, was in the most solemn Frame that almost ever I remember to have experienced: I know not that ever Death appeared more real to me, or that ever I saw my self in the Condition of a dead Corpse, laid out, and dress'd for a Lodging in the silent Grave, so evidently as at this Time. And yet I felt exceeding comfortably: My Mind was composed and calm, and Death appeared without a Sting. I think, I never felt such an universal Mortification to all created Objects as now. Oh, how great and solemn a Thing it appeared to die! Oh, how it lays the greatest Honour in the Dust! And Oh, how vain and trifling did the Riches, Honours, and Pleasures of the World appear! I could not, I dare not, so much as think of any of them: for Death, Death, solemn (tho' not frightful) Death appeared at the Door. Oh, I could see my self dead, and laid out, and inclosed in my Coffin, and put down into the cold Grave, with greatest Solemnity, but without Terror! I spent most of the Evening, in conversing with a dear Christian Friend: And, blessed be God, it was a comfortable Evening to us both.— What are Friends? What are Comforts? What are Sorrows? What are Distresses?— The Time is short: It remains, that they which weep, be as tho' they wept not; and they which rejoyce, as tho' they rejoyced not: for the Fashion of this World passeth away. O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly; Amen.— Blessed be God for the Comforts of the past Day.

Tuesday, Feb. 12. Was exceeding weak; but in a sweet resigned, composed Frame, most of the Day: Felt my Heart freely go forth after God in Prayer.

Wednesday, Feb. 13. Was much exercised with vapoury Disorders; but still enabled to maintain Solemnity, and I think, Spirituality.

Thursday, Feb. 14. Spent the Day in writing on a divine Subject: Enjoy'd Health, and Freedom in my Work: Had a solemn Sense of Death; as I have indeed had every Day this Week, in some Measure: What I felt on Monday last, has been abiding, in some considerable Degree, ever since.

Friday, Feb. 15. Was engaged in writing again almost the whole Day. In the Evening, was much assisted in meditating on that precious Text, John vii.37. Jesus stood and cried &c. I had then a sweet Sense of the free Grace of the Gospel: My Soul was encouraged, warm'd and quicken'd, and my Desires drawn out after God in Prayer: My Soul was watchful, and afraid of losing so sweet a Guest as I then entertain'd. I continued long in Prayer and Meditation, intermixing one with the other; and was unwilling to be diverted by any Thing at all from so sweet an Exercise. I longed to proclaim the Grace I then meditated upon, to the World of Sinners.— O how quick and powerful is the Word of the blessed God!

[The next Day, he complains of great Conflicts with Corruption, and much Discomposure of Mind.]

Lord's-Day, Feb. 17. Preach'd to the white People (my Interpreter being absent) in the Wilderness upon the sunny side of a Hill: Had a cosinderable Assembly, consisting of People that lived (at least many of them) not less than 30 Miles asunder; some of them came near 20 Miles. I discoursed to 'em, all Day, from John vii.37. Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any Man thirst, &c. In the Afternoon, it pleased God to grant me great Freedom and Fervency in my Discourse; and I was enabled to imitate the Example of Christ in the Text, who stood and cried.— I think, I was scarce ever enabled to offer the free Grace of God to perishing Sinners with more Freedom and Plainness in my Life. And afterwards, I was enabled earnestly to invite the Children of God to come renewedly, and drink of this Fountain of Water of Life, from whence they have heretofore derived unspeakable Satisfaction. It was a very comfortable Time to me: There were many Tears in the Assembly; and I doubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor Sinners of their need of Christ.— In the Evening, I felt composed, and comfortable, tho' much tired: I had some sweet Sense of the Excellency and Glory of God; and my Soul re ••• ced, that he was God over all, blessed forever; but was too much 〈◊〉 with Company and Conversation, and longed to be more alone with God. Oh that I could forever bless God for the Mercy of this Day, who answered me in the Joy of my Heart.

[The rest of this Week seems to have been spent under a Decay of this Life and Joy, and in distressing Conflicts with Corruption; but not without some Seasons of Refreshment and Comfort.]

Lord's-Day, Feb. 24. In the Morning, was much perplex'd: My Interpreter being absent, I knew not how to perform my Work among the Indians. However, I rode to the Indians, got a Dutch-Man to Interpret for me, tho' he was but poorly qualified for the Business. Afterwards, I came and preach'd to a few white People from John vi.67. Here the Lord seemed to unburden me in some Measure; especially towards the close of my Discourse: I felt Freedom to open the Love of Christ to his own dear Disciples: When the rest of the World forsakes him, and are forsaken by him, that he calls them no more, he then turns to his own, and says, Will ye also go away! I had a Sense of the free Grace of Christ to his own People, in such Seasons of general Apostacy, and when they themselves in some Measure backslide with the World. O the free Grace of Christ, that he seasonably minds his People of their Danger of Backsliding, and invites them to persevere in their Adherence to himself! I saw that backsliding Souls, who seem'd to be about to go away with the World, might return, and welcome • o him immediately; without any Thing to recommend th •• notwithstanding all their former Backslidings. And thus my Discourse was suited to my own Soul's Case: For, of late, I have found a great want of this Sense and Apprehension of divine Grace; and have often been greatly distress'd in my own Soul, because I did not suitably apprehend this Fountain open'd to purge away Sin; and so have been too much labouring for spiritual Life, Peace of Conscience, and progressive Holiness, in my own Strength: But now God shewed me, in some Measure, the Arm of all Strength, and the Fountain of all Grace.— In the Evening, I felt solemn, devout, and sweet, resting on free Grace for Assistance, Acceptance, and Peace of Conscience.

[Within the Space of the next nine Days, he had frequent refreshing, invigorating Influences of God's Spirit; attended with Complaint of Dulness, and with Longings after spiritual Life and holy Fervency.]

Wednesday, March 6. Spent most of the Day in preparing for a Journey to New-England. Spent some Time in Prayer, with a special Reference to my intended Journey. Was afraid I should forsake the Fountain of living Waters, & attempt to derive Satisfaction from broken Cisterns, my dear Friends & Acquaintance, with whom I might meet in my Journey. I look'd to God to keep me from this Vanity in special, as well as others. Towards Night, and in the Evening, was visited by some Friends, some of whom, I trust, were real Christians; who discovered an affectiona •• Regard to me, and seem'd grieved that I was about to leave them; especially seeing I did not expect to make any considerable Stay among them, if I should live to return from New-England. It seems, he had a Design, by what afterwards appears, to remove and live among the Indians at Susquahannah-River. O how kind has God been to me! How has he raised up Friends in every Place, where his Providence has called me! Friends are a great Comfort; and 'tis GOD that gives them; 'tis he makes them friendly to me. Bless the Lord, O my Soul, and forget not all his Benefits.

[The next Day, he set out on his Journey: And it was about five Weeks before he returned.— The special Design of this Journey, he himself declares afterwards, in his Diary for March 21. Where, speaking of his conversing with a certain Minister in New-England, he says thus, Contrived with him how to raise some Money among Christian Friends, in order to support a Colleague with me in the Wilderness, (I having now spent two Years in a very solitary Manner) that we might be together; as Christ sent out his Disciples, two and two: And as this was the principal Concern I had in View, in taking this Journey, so I took Pains in it, and hope God will succeed it, if for his Glory. He first went into various Parts of New-Jersey, and visited several Ministers there: And then went to New-York; and from thence into New-England, going to various Parts of Connecticut: And then returned into New-Jersey: He met a Number of Ministers at Woodbridge, who (he says) met there to consult about the Affairs of Christ's Kingdom, in some important Articles. He seems, for the most Part, to have been free from Melancholy in this Journey; and many Times to have had extraordinary Assistance in publick Ministrations, and his preaching sometimes attended with very hopeful Appearances of a good Effect on the Auditory. He also had many Seasons of special Comfort and spiritual Refreshment, in Conversation with Ministers and other Christian Friends, and also in Meditation and Prayer by himself alone.]

Saturday, April 13. Rode Home to my own House at the Forks of Delaware: Was enabled to remember the Goodness of the Lord, who has now preserved me while riding full 600 Miles in this Journey; has kept me that none of my Bones have been broken. Blessed be the Lord, who has preserved me in this tedious Journey, and returned me in Safety to my own House. Verily 'tis God that has upheld me, and guarded my Goings.

Lord's-Day, April 14. Was disordered in Body with the Fatigues of my late Journey; but was enabled however to preach to a considerable Assembly of white People, gathered from all Parts round about, with some Freedom, from Eze • . xxxiii.11. As I live, saith the Lord God, &c. had much more Assistance than I expected.

[This Week, he went a Journey to Philadelphia, in order to engage the Governour there to use his Interest with the Chief Man of the Six Nations, (with whom he maintained a strict Friendship) that he would give him Leave to live at Susquahannah, and instruct the Indians that are within their Territories. The Indians at Susquahannah are a mix'd Company of many Nations, speaking various Languages, and few of 'em properly of the Six Nations. But yet the Country having formerly been conquered by the Six Nations, they claim the Land; and the Susquahannah-Indians are a kind of Vassals to them. In his Way to and from thence, he lodged with Mr. Beaty, a young Presbyterian Minister. He speaks of Seasons of sweet spiritual Refreshment, that he enjoyed at his Lodgings.]

Saturday, April 20. Rode with Mr. Beaty to Abington, to attend Mr. Treat's Administration of the Sacrament, according to the Method of the Church of Scotland. When we arrived, we found Mr. Treat preaching: Afterwards I preach'd a Sermon from Matth. v.3. Blessed are the Poor in Spirit, &c. God was pleased to give me great Freedom and Tenderness, both in Prayer and Sermon: The Assembly was sweetly melted, and Scores were all in Tears. It was, as I then hoped and was afterwards abundantly satisfied by conversing with them, a Word spoken i • Season to many weary Souls. I was extremely tired, and my Spirits much exhausted, so that I could scarcely speak loud; yet I could not help rejoicing in God.

Lords-Day, April 21. In the Morning, was calm and composed, and had some out-goings of Soul after God in secret Duties, and longing Desires of his Presence in the Sanctuary and at his Table; that his Presence might be in the Assembly; and that his Children might be entertain'd with a Feast of fat Things.— In the Forenoon, Mr. Treat preach'd. I felt some Affection and Tenderness in the Season of the Administration of the Ordinance. Mr. Beaty preached to the Multitude abroad, who could not half have crouded into the Meeting-House. In the Season of the Communion, I had comfortable and sweet Apprehensions of the blissful Communion of God's People, when they shall meet at their Father's Table in his Kingdom, in a State of Perfection.— In the Afternoon, I preach'd abroad to the whole Assembly, from Rev. xiv.4. These are they that follow the Lamb, &c. God was pleased again to give me very great Freedom and Clearness, but not so much Warmth as before. However, there was a most amazing Attention in the whole Assembly; and, as I was informed afterwards, this was a sweet Season to many.

Monday, Apr. 22. I enjoy'd some Sweetness in Retirement, in the Morning. At eleven o'Clock, Mr. Beaty preach'd, with Freedom and Life. Then I preach'd from Joh. vii.37. and concluded the Solemnity. Had some Freedom; but not equal to what I had enjoyed before: Yet in the Prayer, the Lord enabled me to cry (I hope) with a Child-like Temper, with Tenderness and Brokenness of Heart.— Came Home with Mr. Beaty 〈…〉 Lodgings; and spent the Time, while riding, and afterwards, very agreably on divine Things.

Tuesday, April 23. Left Mr. Beaty's, and returned Home to the Forks of Delaware: Enjoyed some sweet Meditations, on the Road, and was enabled to lift up my Heart to God in Prayer and Praise.

[The two next Days, he speaks of much bodily Disorder, but of some Degrees of spiritual Assistance and Freedom.]

Friday, April 26. Conversed with a Christian Friend with some Warmth; and felt a Spirit of Mortification to the World, in a very great Degree. Afterwards, was enabled to pray fervently, and to rely on God sweetly, for all Things pertaining to Life and Godliness. Just in the Evening, was visited by a dear Christian Friend, with whom I spent an Hour or two in Conversation, on the very Soul of Religion. There are many with whom I can talk about Religion: But alas, I find few with whom I can talk Religion it self: But, blessed be the Lord, there are some that love to feed on the Kernel, rather than the Shell.

[The next Day, he went to the Irish Settlement, often before mentioned, about 15 Miles distant; where he spent the Sabbath, and preached with some considerable Assistance. On Monday, he returned, in a very weak State, to his own Lodgings.]

Tuesday, April 30. Was scarce able to walk about, and was obliged to betake my self to the Bed, much of the Day; and spent away the Time in a very solitary Manner; being neither able to read, meditate, nor pray, and had none to converse with in that Wilderness. Oh, how heavily does Time pass away, when I can do nothing to any good Purpose; but seem obliged to trifle away precious Time! But of late, I have seen it my Duty to divert my self by all lawful Means, that I may be fit, at least some small Part of my Time, to labour for God. And here is the Difference between my present Diversions, and those I once pursued, when in a natural State. Then I made a god of Diversions, delighted in them with a Neglect of GOD, and drew my highest Satisfaction from them: Now I use them as Means to help me in living to God; fixedly delighting in Him, and not in them, drawing my highest Satisfaction from Him. Then they were my All; now they are only Means leading to my All. And those Things that are the greatest Diversion, when pursued with this View, don't tend to hinder, but promote my Spirituality; and I see now, more than ever, that they are absolutely necessary.

Wednesday, May 1. Was not able to sit up more than half the Day; and yet had such Recruits of Strength sometimes, that I was able to write a little on a divine Subject. Was grieved that I could no more live to God. In the Evening, had some Sweetness and Intenseness in secret Prayer.

Thursday, May 2. In the Evening, being a little better in Health, I walk'd into the Woods, and enjoyed a sweet Season of Meditation and Prayer. My Thoughts run upon Psal. xvii.15. I shall be satisfied, when I awake with thy Likeness. And it was indeed a precious Text to me. I long'd to preach to the whole World: And it seem'd to me, they must needs all be 〈◊〉 in hearing such precious divine Truths, as I had then a View and Relish of. My Thoughts were exceeding clear, and my Soul was refreshed. —Blessed be the Lord, that in my late & present Weakness, now for many Days together, my Mind is not gloomy, as at some other Times.

Friday, May 3. Felt a little Vigour of Body and Mind, in the Morning▪ Had some Freedom, Strength, and Sweetness in Prayer. Rode to and spent some Time with my Indians. In the Evening, again retiring into the Woods, I enjoyed some sweet Meditations on Isaiah liii.1. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him, &c.

[The three next Days were spent in much weakness of Body: But yet he enjoyed some Assistance in publick and private Duties: and seems to have remain'd free from Melancholy.]

Tuesday, May 7. Spent the Day mainly in making Preparation for a Journey into the Wilderness. Was still weak, and concerned how I should perform so difficult a Journey. Spent some Time in Prayer for the divine Blessing, Direction and Protection in my intended Journey; but wanted bodily Strength to spend the Day in Fasting and Prayer.

[The next Day, he set out on his Journey to Susquahannah, with his Interpreter. He endured great Hardships & Fatigues in his Way thither thro' a hideous Wilderness; where, after having lodg'd one Night in the open Woods, he was overtaken with a North-Easterly Storm, in which he was almost ready to perish. Having no Manner of Shelter, and not being able to make a Fire in so great a Rain, he could have no Comfort if he stopt; therefore determin'd to go forward, in Hopes of meeting with some Shelter, without which he tho't it impossible he should live the Night thro': But their Horses hap'ning to have eat Poison (for want of other Food) at a Place where they lodged the Night before, were so sick that they could neither ride nor lead 'em, but were obliged to drive 'em before them, and travel on Foot; until thro' the Mercy of God (just at Dusk) they came to a Bark-Hutt, where they lodged that Night. After he came to Susquahannah, he travelled about the Length of an 100 Miles on the River, & visited many Towns & Settlements of the Indians; saw some of 7 or 8 distinct Tribes; and preached to different Nations, by different Interpreters. He was sometimes much discouraged, and sunk in his Spirits, thro' the Opposition that appeared in the Indians 〈◊〉 Christianity. At other Times, he was encouraged by the Disposition that some of these People manifested to hear, and Willingness to be instructed. He here met with some that had formerly been his Hearers at Kaun • umeek, and had removed hither; who saw and heard him again with great Joy. He spent a Fortnight among the Indians on this River; and pass'd thro' considerable Labours and Hardships, frequently lodging on the Ground, and sometimes in the open Air; And at length he fell extremely Ill, as he was Riding in the Wilderness, being seized with an Ague, followed with a burning Fever, and extreme Pains in his Head and Bowels, attended with a great Evacuation of Blood; so that he tho't he must have perished in the Wilderness: But at last coming to an Indian Trader's Hutt, he got Leave to stay there; and tho' without Physick or Food proper for him, it pleased God, after about a Week's Distress, to relieve him so far that he was able to ride. He returned homewards from 〈◊〉 , an Island far down the River▪ where was a considerable Number of Indians, who appeared more free from Prejudices against Christianity, than most of the other Indians. He arrived at the Forks of Delaware on Thursday May 30, after having rode in 〈◊〉 Journey about 340 Miles. This is the Journey which he occasionally mentions in his printed Journal, Pag. 53,—56. He came Home in a very weak State, & under Dejection of Mind; which was a great Hindrance to him in religious Exercises. However, on the Sabbath, after having preach'd to the Indians, he preach'd to the white People, with some Success, from Isai. liii.10. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him, &c. some being awakened by his preaching. The next Day, he was much exercised for want of spiritual Life and Fervency.]

Tuesday, June 4. Towards Evening, was in Distress for God's Presence and a Sense of divine Things: Withdrew my self to the Woods, and spent near an Hour in Prayer and Meditation; and I think, the Lord had Compassion on me, and gave me some Sense of divine Things; which was indeed refreshing & quick'ning to me: My Soul enjoyed Intenseness and Freedom in Prayer, so that it griev'd me to leave the Place.

Wednesday, June 5. Felt thirsting Desires after God, in the Morning. In the Evening, enjoyed a precious Season of Retirement: Was favoured with some clear and sweet Meditations upon a sacred Text: Divine Things open'd with Clearness and Certainty, and had a divine Stamp upon them: My Soul was also enlarged and refresh'd in Prayer; and I delighted to continue in the Duty; and was sweetly assisted in praying for Fellow-Christians, and my dear Brethren in the Ministry. Blessed be the dear Lord for such Enjoyments. O how sweet & precious it is, to have a clear Apprehension & tender Sense of the Mystery of Godliness, of true Holiness, & Likeness to the best of Beings! O what a Blessedness it is, to be as much like God, as 'tis possible for a Creature to be like his great Creator! Lord, give me more of thy Likeness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake with it.

Thursday, June 6. Was engaged, a considerable Part of 〈◊〉 Day, in Meditation and Study on divine Subjects. Enjoyed some special Freedom, Clearness, and Sweetness in Meditation. O how refreshing it is, to be enabled to improve Time well!

[The next Day, he went a Journey of near fifty Miles to Noshaming, to assist at a Sacramental Occasion, to be attended at Mr. Beaty's Meeting-House; being invited thither by him and his People.]

Saturday, June 8. Was exceeding weak and fatigued with Riding in the Heat Yesterday: But being desired, I preached in the Afternoon, to a crouded Audience, from Isai. xl.1. Comfort ye, Comfort ye my People, saith your God. God was pleased to give me great Freedom, in opening the Sorrows of God's People, and in setting before them comforting Considerations. And, blessed be the Lord, it was a sweet melting Season in the Assembly.

Lord's-Day, June 9. Felt some longing Desires of the Presence of God to be with his People on the solemn Occasion of the Day. In the Forenoon, Br. Beaty preached; and there appeared some Warmth in the Assembly. Afterwards, I assisted in the Administration of the Lord's Supper: And towards the close of it, I discoursed to the Multitude extempore, with some Reference to that sacred Passage Isai. liii.10. Yet it pleased the Lord to br • is • Him. Here God gave me great Assistance in addressing Sinners: And the Word was attended with amazing Power; many Scores, if not Hundreds, in that great Assembly, consisting of three or four Thousand, were much affected; so that there was a very great Mourning, like the Mourning of Hadadrimmon.— In the Evening, I could hardly look any Body in the Face, because of the Imperfections I saw in my Performances in the Day past.

Monday, June 10. Preach'd with a good Degree of Clearness and some sweet Warmth, from Psal. xvii.15. I shall be satisfied, when I awake with thy Likeness. And blessed be God, there was a great Solemnity, and Attention in the Assembly, and sweet Refreshment among God's People; as was evident then, and afterwards.

Tuesday, June 11. Spent the Day mainly in Conversation with dear Christian Friends; and enjoyed some sweet Sense of divine Things. O how desirable it is, to keep Company with God's dear Children! These are the excellent Ones of the Earth, is whom, I can truly say, is all my Delight. O what Delight will it afford, to meet them all in a State of Perfection! Lord, prepare me for that State.

[The next Day, he left Mr. Beaty's, and went to Maidenhead in New Jersey; and spent the next seven Days in a comfortable State of Mind, visiting several Ministers in those Parts.]

Tuesday, June 18. Set out from New-Brunswick with a Design to visit some Indians at a Place called Crosweeksung in New-Jersey, towards the Sea. Mr. Brainerd having, when at Boston, wrote and left with a Friend a brief Relation of Facts touching his Labours with the Indians and Reception among them, during the Space of Time between Nov. 5. 1744, and June 19. 1745. (with a View to connect his Narrative, at the End of Mr. Pemberton's Ordination-Sermon, and his Journal, in Case they should ever be reprinted) concludes the same with this Passage: As my Body was very feeble, so my Mind was scarce ever so much damp'd and discourag'd about the Conversion of the Indians, as at this Time. And in this State of Body and Mind I made my first Visit to the Indians in New-Jersey, where God was pleas'd to display his Power & Grace in the remarkable Manner that I have represented in my printed Journal. In the Afternoon, came to a Place called Cr • nberry, and meeting with a serious Minister, Mr. Mc Night, I lodged there with him. Had some Enlargement and Freedom in Prayer with a Number of People.

PART VII. From his first Beginning to preach to the Indians at Crosweeksung, 'till he return'd from his last Journey to Susquahannah ill with the Consumption, whereof he died.

[WE are now come to that Part of Mr. Brainerd's Life, wherein he had his greatest Success, in his Labours for the good of Souls, and in his particular Business as a Missionary to the Indians. An Account of which, if here publish'd, would doubtless be very entertaining to the Reader, after he has seen by the preceeding Parts of this Account of his Life, how great and long-continued his Desires for the spiritual Good of this Sort of People were, how he prayed, laboured, & wrestled, and how much he denied himself and suffered, to this End. After all Mr. Brainerd's agonizing in Prayer, and travailing in Birth, for the Conversion of Indians, and all the Interchanges of his raised Hopes and Expectations, and then Disappointments and Discouragements; and after waiting in a Way of persevering Prayer, Labour and Suffering, as it were through a long Night; at length the Day dawns: Weeping continues for a Night, but Joy comes in the Morning. He went forth weeping, bearing precious Seed, and now he comes with Rejoycing, bringing his Sh •• v • s with him. The desired Event is bro't to pass at last; but at a Time, in a Place, and upon Subjects, that scarce ever enter'd into his Heart. An Account of this would undoubtedly now much gratify the Christian Reader: And it should have been here inserted, as it stands in his Diary, had it not been, that a particular Account of this glorious and wonderful Success was drawn up b • Mr. Brainerd himself, pursuant to the Order of the honourable Society in Scotland, and publish'd by him in his Lifetime; which Account many have in their Hands; and the inserting it here would too much swell this Book, as was said before in the Preface. However, I look upon the want of this Account here, as a real Defect in this History of Mr. Brainerd's Life; which, I would hope, those of my Readers, who are not already possess'd of his publick Journal, will supply, by procuring one of those Books, that they mayn't be without that which in some Respects is the most remarkable, and to a Christian Mind would be the most pleasant Part of the whole Story. That the Reader who is furnish'd with one of those Books, may know the Place where the Defects of this History are to be supplied from thence, I shall either expressly observe it as I go along, or else make a dash or stroke thus—Which when the Reader finds in this 7th Part of this History, he is to understand by it, that in that Place something in Mr. Brainerd's Diary, worth observing, is l • ft out, because the same for Substance was published before in his printed Journal.]

Wednesday June 19. 1745. Rode to the Indians at Crosweeksung: Found few at Home: Discoursed to them however; and observed them very serious and attentive. At Night I was extreamly worn out, and scarce able to walk or sit up. Oh, how tiresome is Earth! How dull the Body!

Thursday, June 20. Towards Night, preach'd to the Indians again; and had more Hearers than before. In the Evening, enjoy'd some Peace and Serenity of Mind, some Composure and Comfort in Prayer alone; and was enabled to lift up my Head with some Degree of Joy, under an Apprehension that my Redemption draws nigh. Oh, blessed be God, that there remains a Rest to his poor weary People!

Friday, June 21. Rode to Freehold, to see Mr. William Tennent; and spent the Day comfortably with him. My sinking Spirits were a little raised and encouraged; and I felt my Soul breathing after God, in the midst of Christian Conversation. And in the Evening, was refresh'd in secret Prayer: Saw my self a poor worthless Creature, without Wisdom to direct, or Strength to help my self. Oh, blessed be God, that lays me under a happy, a blessed Necessity of living upon himself!

Saturday, June 22. About Noon, rode to the Indians again; and near Night, preach'd to 'em. Found my Body much strengthen'd, and was enabled to speak with abundant Plainness & Warmth. And the Power of God evidently attended the Word; so that sundry Persons were brought under great Concern for their Souls, and made to shed many Tears, and to wish for Christ to save them. My Soul was much refresh'd, and quicken'd in my Work▪ and I could not but spend much Time with them, in order 〈◊〉 open both their Misery and Remedy. This was indeed a sweet Afternoon to me. While riding, before I came to the Indians, my Spirits were refresh'd, and my Soul enabled to cry to God almost incessantly, for many Miles together. In the Evening also I found the Consolations of God were not small: I was then willing to live, and in some Respects desirous of it, that I might do something for the dear Kingdom of Christ; and yet Death appeared pleasant: So that I was in some Measure in a Strait between two, having a desire to depart. I am often weary of this World, and want to leave it on that Account: But ' 〈◊〉 desirable to be drawn, rather than driven out of it.

[In the four next Days is nothing remarkable in his Diary▪ but what is in his publick Journal.]

Thursday, June 27.—My Soul rejoiced, to find, that God ••• bled me to be faithful, and that he was pleased to awaken these poor Indians by my Means. O how Heart-reviving, and Soul-refreshing is it to me to see the Fruit of my Labours!

Friday, June 28.—In the Evening, my Soul was revived, and my Heart lifted up to God in Prayer, for my poor Indians, my Self and Friends, and the dear Church of God. And O how refreshing, how sweet was this! Bless the Lord, O my Soul, and forget not his Goodness and tender Mercy.

Saturday, June 29. Preach'd twice to the Indians; and could not but wonder at their Seriousness, and the Strictness of their Attention.— Blessed be God, that has inclined their Hear •• to hear. And O how refreshing it is to me, to see them attend with such uncommon Diligence and Affection, with Tears in their Eyes, and Concern in their Hearts! In the Evening, could not but lift up my 〈◊〉 to God in Prayer, while riding to my Lodgings: And blessed be his Name, had Assistance and Freedom. O how much better than Life is the Presence of God!

[His Diary gives an Account of nothing remarkable on the two next Days, besides what is in his publick Journal; excepting his Heart's being lifted up with Thankfulness, rejoicing in God, &c.]

Tuesday, July 2. Rode from the Indians to Brunswick, near 40 Miles, and lodged there. Felt my Heart drawn out after God in Prayer, almost all the Forenoon; especially while riding. And in the Evening, could not help crying to God for those poor Indians; and after I went to Bed, my Heart continued to go out to God for them, 'till I drop'd asleep. O blessed be God that I may pray!

[He was so beat out by constant preaching to these Indians, yielding to their earnest and importunate Desires, that he found it necessary to give himself some Relaxation. He spent therefore about a Week in New-Jersey, after he left these Indians, visiting several Ministers, and performing some necessary Business, before he went to the Forks of Delaware. And tho' he was very weak i • Body, yet he seems to have been strong in Spirit. On Friday, July 12. he arrived at his own House in the Forks of Delaware; continuing still free from Melancholy; from Day to Day, enjoying Freedom, Assistance and Refreshment in the inner Man. • ut on Wednesday, the next Week, he seems to have had some melancholy Thoughts about his doing so little for God; being so much hindered by weakness of Body.]

Thursday, July 18. Longed to spend the little Inch of Time I have in the World more for God. Felt a Spirit of Seriousness, Tenderness, Sweetness, and Devotion, and wish'd to spend the whole Night in Prayer and Communion with God.

Friday, July 19. In the Evening, walked abroad for Prayer and Meditation, and enjoyed Composure and Freedom in these sweet Exercises; especially in Meditation on Rev. iii.12. Him that overcometh, will I make a Pillar in the Temple of my God &c. This was then a delightful Theme to me, and it refreshed my Soul to dwell upon it. Oh, when shall I go no more out from the Service and Enjoyment of the dear Lord? Lord, hasten the Blessed Day.

[Within the Space of the next six Days, he speaks of much inward Refreshment and Enlargement, from Time to Time.]

Friday, July 26. In the Evening, God was pleased to help me in Prayer, beyond what I have experienced for some Time; especially my Soul was drawn out for the Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom, and for the Conversion of my poor People: and my Soul relied on God for the Accomplishment of that great Work. Oh, how sweet were the Thoughts of Death to me at this Time! Oh, how I longed to be with Christ, to be imployed in the glorious Work of Angels, and with an Angel's Freedom, Vigour and Delight! And yet how willing was I to stay a while on Earth, that I might do something, if the Lord pleased, for his Interest in the World! My Soul, my very Soul, longed for the Ingathering of the poor Heathen; and I cried to God for them most willingly and heartily; and yet because I could not but cry. This was a sweet Season; for I had some lively Taste of Heaven, and a Temper of Mind suited in some Measure to the Employments and Entertainments of it. My Soul was grieved to leave the Place; but my Body was weak and worn out, and it was near nine o'Clock. Oh, I longed that the remaining Part of my Life might be fill'd up with more Fervency and Activity in the Things of God! Oh the inward Peace, Composure, and God-like Serenity of such a Frame! Heaven must needs differ from this only in Degree, and not in Kind. Lord, ever give me this Bread of Life.

[Much of this Frame seem'd to continue the next Day.]

Lord's-Day, July 28. In the Evening, my Soul was melted, and my Heart broken, with a Sense of past Barrenness and Deadness: And Oh, how I then longed to live to God, and bring forth much Fruit to his Glory!

Monday, July 29. Was much exercised with a Sense of Vileness, with Guilt and Shame before God.

[For other Things remarkable, while he was this Time at the Forks of Delaware, the Reader must be refer'd to his publick Journal. As particularly for his Labours and Success there among the Indians.

On Wednesday, July 31. He set out on his Return to Crosweeksung, and arrived there the next Day. In his Way thither, he had longing Desires that he might come to the Indians there, in the fulness of the Blessing of the Gospel of Christ; attended with a 〈◊〉 of his own great Weakness, Dependance and Worthlesness.]

Friday, August 2. In the Evening, I retired, and my Soul was drawn out in Prayer to God; especially for my poor People, to whom I had sent Word that they might gather together, that I might preach to 'em the next Day. I was much enlarged in Praying for their saving Conversion; and scarce ever found my Desires of any Thing of this Nature so sensibly and clearly (to my own Satisfaction) disinterested, and free from selfish Views. It seem'd to me, I had no Care, or hardly any Desire to be the Instrument of so glorious a Work, as I wish'd and pray'd for among the Indians: If the blessed Work might be accomplished to the Honour of God, and • he Enlargement of the dear Redeemer's Kingdom, this was all my Desire and Care; and for this Mercy I hoped, but with Trembling; for I felt what Job expresses, Chapter ix.16. My rising Hopes, respecting the Conversion of the Indians, have been so often dashed, that my Spirit is as it were broken, and Courage wasted, and I hardly dare hope.

[Concerning his Labours and marvellous Success amongst the Indians, for the following 16 Days, let the Reader see his publick Journal. The Things worthy of Note in his Diary, not there published, are his earnest and importunate Prayers for the Indians, and the Travail of his Soul for them from Day to Day; and his great Refreshment and Joy in beholding the wonderful Mercy of God, and the glorious Manifestations of his Power and Grace in his Work among them; and his ardent Thanksgivings to God; his Heart's rejoycing in Christ, as King of his Church, and King of his Soul; in particular, at the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, at Mr. McNight's Meeting-House; a Sense of his own exceeding Unworthiness; which sometimes was attended with Dejection and Melancholy.]

Monday, Aug. 19.—Near Noon, I rode to Freehold, and preach'd to a considerable Assembly, from Matth. v.3. It pleased God to leave me to be very dry and barren; so that I don't remember to have been so straiten'd for a whole twelve Month past. God is just, and he has made my Soul acquiesce in his Will in this Regard. 'Tis contrary to Flesh and Blood to be cut off from all Freedom, in a large Auditory, where their Expectations are much raised; but so it was with me: And God helped me to say Amen to it; Good is the Will of the Lord. In the Evening, I felt quiet and composed, and had Freedom and Comfort in secret Prayer.

Tuesday, Aug. 20. Was composed and comfortable, still in a resigned Frame. Travelled from Mr. Tennent's in Freehold to Elisabeth-Town. Was refresh'd to see Friends, and relate to them what God had done, and was still doing among my poor People.

Wednesday, Aug. 21. Spent the Forenoon in Conversation with Mr. Dickinson, contriving something for the Settlement of the Indians together in a Body, that they might be under better Advantages for Instruction. In the Afternoon, spent Time agreably with other Friends; wrote to my Brother at College: But was grieved that Time slid away, while I did so little for God.

Friday, Aug. 23. In the Morning, was very weak; but favoured with some Freedom and Sweetness in Prayer: Was composed and comfortable in Mind. After Noon, rode to Crosweeksung to my poor People. —

Saturday, Aug. 24.—Had Composure & Peace, while riding from the Indians to my Lodgings: Was enabled to pour out my Soul to God for dear Friends in New-England. Felt a sweet tender Frame of Spirit: My Soul was composed and refreshed in God. Had likewise Freedom and Earnestness in praying for my dear People: Blessed be God. O the Peace of God that passeth all Understanding! 'Tis impossible to describe the sweet Peace of Conscience, and Tenderness of Soul, I then enjoyed. O the blessed Foretastes of Heaven!

Lord's-Day, Aug. 25.—I rode to my Lodgings in the Evening, blessing the Lord for his gracious Visitation of the Indians, and the Soul-refreshing Things I had seen the Day past amongst them, and praying that God would still carry on his divine Work among them.

Monday, Aug. 26.—I went from the Indians to my Lodgings, rejoycing for the Goodness of God to my poor People; and enjoyed Freedom of Soul in Prayer, and other Duties, in the Evening. Bless the Lord, O my Soul.

[The next Day, he set out on a Journey towards the Forks of Delaware, designing to go from thence to Susquahannah, before he returned to Crosweeksung. It was five Days from his Departure from Crosweeksung, before he reach'd the Forks, going round by the Way of Philadelphia, and waiting on the Governour of Pensylvania, to get a Recommendation from him to the Chiefs of the Indians; which he obtain'd. He speaks of much Comfort and spiritual Refreshment in this Journey; and also a Sense of his exceeding Unworthiness, thinking himself the meanest Creature that ever lived.]

Lord's-Day, September 1. [At the Forks of Delaware]— God gave me the Spirit of Prayer, and it was a blessed Season in that Respect. My Soul cried to God for Mercy, in an affectionate Manner. In the Evening also my Soul rejoyced in God.

[His private Diary has nothing remarkable, for the two next Days, but what is in his publick Journal.]

Wednesday, Sept. 4. Rode 15 Miles to an Irish Settlement, and preach'd there from Luke xiv 22.— And yet there is Room. God was pleased to afford me some Tenderness and Enlargement in the first Prayer, and much Freedom, as well as Warmth, in Sermon. There were many Tears in the Assembly: The People of God seemed to melt, and others to be in some Measure awaken'd. Blessed be the Lord, that lets me see his Work going on in one Place and another.

[The Account for Thursday is the same for Substance as in his publick Journal.]

Friday, Sept. 6. Enjoyed some Freedom and Intenseness of Mind in Prayer alone; and longed to have my Soul more warm'd with divine and heavenly Things. Was somewhat melancholy, towards Night, and longed to die and quit a Scene of Sin and Darkness; but was a little supported in Prayer.

[This Melancholy continued the next Day.]

Lord's-Day, Sept. 8.—In the Evening, God was pleased to enlarge me in Prayer, and give me Freedom at the Throne of Grace: I cried to God for the Enlargement of his Kingdom in the World, and in particular among my dear People; was also enabled to pray for many dear Ministers of my Acquaintance, both in these Parts, and in New-England; and also for other dear Friends in New-England. And my Soul was so engaged and enlarged in that sweet Exercise, that I spent near an Hour in it, and knew not how to leave the Mercy-Seat. Oh, how I delighted to pray and cry to God? I saw, God was both able and willing to do all that I desired, for my self and Friends, and his Church in general. I was likewise much enlarged and assisted in Family-Prayer. And afterwards, when I was just going to Bed, God helped me to renew my Petitions with Ardency and Freedom. Oh, 'twas to me a blessed Evening of Prayer! Bless the Lord, O my Soul.

[The next Day, he set out from the Forks of Delaware to go to Susquahannah. And on the fifth Day of his Journey, he arrived at Shaumoking, a large Indian Town on Susquahannah-River. He perform'd the Journey under a considerable Degree of Melancholy, occasion'd at first by his hearing that the M • ravians were gone before him to the Susquahannah-Indians.]

Saturday, Sept. 14. [At Shaumoking]—In the Evening, my Soul was enlarged and sweetly engaged in Prayer; especially, that GOD would set up his Kingdom in this Place, where the Devil now reigns in the most eminent Manner. And I was enabled to ask this for God, for his Glory, and because I longed for the Enlargement of his Kingdom, to the Honour of his dear Name. I could appeal to God with the greatest Freedom, that he knew it was his dear Cause, and not my own, that engaged my Heart: And my Soul cried, Lord, set up thy Kingdom, for thine own Glory. Glorify thyself; and I shall rejoyce. Get Honour to thy blessed Name: And this is all I desire. Do with me just what thou wilt. Blessed be thy Name forever, that thou art God, and that thou wil • glorify thy self. O that the whole World might glorify thee. O let th • se poor People be brought to know thee, and love thee, for the Glory of thy dear ever-blessed Name. I could not but hope, that God would bring in these miserable, wicked Indians: Tho' there appeared little human Probability of it; for they were then dancing and revelling, as if possessed by the Devil. But yet I hoped, tho' against Hope, that God would be glorified, that God's Name would be glorified by these poor Indians. I continued long in Prayer and Praise to God; and had great Freedom, Enlargement and Sweetness, remembring dear Friends in New-England, as well as the People of my Charge. Was entirely free from that Dejection of Spirit, with which I am frequently exercised: Blessed be God.

[His Diary from this Time to Sept. 22. (the last Day of his Continuance among the Indians at Susquahannah) is not legible, by Reason of the Badness of the Ink. It was probably written with the Juice of some Berries found in the Woods, having no othe • Ink in that Wilderness. So that for this Space of Time the Reader must be wholly refer'd to his publick Journal.

On Monday, Sept. 23. He left the Indians, in order to his Return to the Forks of Delaware, in a very weak State of Body, and under Dejection of Mind, which continued the two first Days of his Journey.]

Wednesday, Sept. 25. Rode still homeward. In the Forenoon, enjoy'd Freedom and Intenseness of Mind in Meditation on Job xlii.5, 6. I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the Ear; but now mine Eye seeth thee: Wherefore I abhor my self, and repent in Dust and Ashes. The Lord gave me Clearness to penetrate into the sweet Truths contain'd in that Text. It was a comfortable and sweet Season to me.

Thursday, Sept. 26. Was still much disorder'd in Body, and able to ride but slowly. Continued my Journey however. Near Night, arrived at the Irish Settlement, about 15 Miles from mine own House. This Day, while riding, I was much exercised with a Sense of my Barrenness; and verily thought, there was no Creature that had any true Grace, but what was more spiritual and fruitful than I; I could not think that any of God's Children made so poor a Hand of living to God as I.

Friday, Sept. 27. Spent considerable Time, in the Morning, in Prayer and Praise to God. My Mind was somewhat intense in the Duty, and my Heart in some Degree warm'd with a Sense of divine Things: My Soul was melted, to think, that God had accounted me faithful, putting me into the Ministry, notwithstanding all my Barrenness and Deadness. My Soul was also in some Measure enlarged in Prayer for the dear People of my Charge, as well as for other dear Friends. In the Afternoon, visited some Christian Friends, and spent the Time, I think, profitably: My Heart was warm'd, and more engaged in the Things of God. In the Evening, I enjoyed Enlargement, Warmth, and Comfort in Prayer: My Soul relied on God for Assistance and Grace to enable me to do something in his Cause: My Heart was drawn out in Thankfulness to God for what he had done for his own Glory among my poor People of late: And I felt encouraged to proceed in his Work, being perswaded of his Power, and hoping his Arm might be further revealed, for the Enlargement of his dear Kingdom: And my Soul rejoyced in hope of the Glory of God, in Hope of the Advancement of his declarative Glory in the World, as well as of enjoying him in a World of Glory. Oh, blessed be God, the living God, forever!

[He continued in this comfortable, sweet Frame of Mind, the two next Days. On the Day following, he went to his own House, in the Forks of Delaware, and continued still in the same Frame. The next Day, which was Tuesday, he visited his Indians.—Wednesday he spent mostly in writing the Meditations he had had in his late Journey to Susquahannah. On Thursday, he left the Forks of Delaware, and travelled towards Crosweeksung, where he arrived on Saturday (Octob. 5.) and continued from Day to Day in a comfortable State of Mind. There is nothing material in his Diary for this Day and the next, but what is in his printed Journal.]

Monday, Octob. 7. Being called by the Church and People of Easthampton on Long-Island, as a Member of a Council, to assist and advise in Affairs of Difficulty in that Church, I set out on my Journey this Morning, before it was well Light, and travelled to Elisabeth-Town, and there lodged. Enjoyed some Comfort on the Road, in Conversation with Mr. William Tennent, who was sent for on the same Business.

[He prosecuted his Journey with the other Ministers that were sent for; and did not return till Octob. 24. While he was at East-Hampton, the Importance of the Business that the Council were come upon, lay with such Weight on his Mind, and he was so concerned for the Interest of Religion in that Place, that he slept but little for several Nights successively. In his Way to and from East-Hampton, he had several Seasons of sweet Refreshment, wherein his Soul was enlarged and comforted with divine Consolations, in secret Retirement; and he had special Assistance in publick ministerial Performances in the House of God; and yet, at the same Time, a Sense of extreme Vileness and Unprofitableness. He from Time to Time speaks of Soul-refreshment and Comfort in Conversation with the Ministers that travelled with him; and seems to have little or nothing of Melancholy, 'till he came to the West-End of Long-Island, in his Return. After that, he was oppressed with Dejection and Gloc •• ness of Mind, for several Days together.— For an Account of the four first Days after his return from his Journey, I refer • he Reader to his publick Journal.

Monday, Octob. 28.—Had an Evening of sweet Refreshing; my Thoughts were raised to a blessed Eternity; my Soul was melted with Desires of perfect Holiness, and perfectly glorifying God.

Tuesday, Octob. 29. About Noon, rode and view'd the Indian Lands at Cranberry: Was much dejected, and greatly perplexed in Mind: Knew not how to see any Body again, my Soul was so sunk within me. Oh that these Trials might make me more humble and holy. Oh that God would keep me from giving Way to sinful Dejection, which may hinder my Usefulness.

Wednesday, Octob. 30. My Soul was refreshed with a View of the Continuance of God's blessed Work among the Indians.

Thursday, Octob. 31. Spent most of the Day in Writing: Enjoyed not much spiritual Comfort; but was not so much 〈◊〉 with Melancholy as at some other Times.

Friday, Nov. 1. [See the publick Journal.]

Saturday, Nov. 2. Spent the Day with the Indians, and wrote some Things of Importance; and long'd to do more for God, than I did, or could do in this present feeble and imperfect State.

[Nov. 3. & 4. [See the publick Journal.]

Tuesday, Nov. 5. He left the Indians, and spent the remaining Part of this Week in travelling to various Parts of New-Jersey, in order to get a Collection for the Use of the Indians, and to obtain a School-Master to instruct them. And in the mean Time, he speaks of very sweet Refreshment and Entertainment with Christian Friends, and of his being sweetly employed, while riding, in Meditation on divine Subjects; his Heart's being enlarged, his Mind clear, his Spirit refreshed with divine Truths, and his Heart's burning within him, while he went by the Way, and the Lord open'd to him the Scriptures.]

Lord's-Day, Nov. 10. [At Elizabeth-Town.] Was comfortable in the Morning, both in Body and Mind; preach'd in the Forenoon from 2 Cor. v.20. God was pleased to give me Freedom and Fervency in my Discourse; and the Presence of God seem'd to be in the Assembly: Numbers were affected, and there were many Tears among them. In the Afternoon, preach'd from Luk. xiv.22. And yet there is Room. Was favour'd with divine Assistance in the first Prayer, and poured out my Soul to God with a filial Temper of Mind; the living God also assisted me in Sermon.

[The next Day, he went to New-Town on Long-Island, to a Meeting of the Presbytery. He speaks of some sweet Meditations he had while there, on Christ's delivering up the Kingdom to the Father, and of his Soul's being much refresh'd and warm'd with the Consideration of that blissful Day.]

Friday, Nov. 15. Could not cross the Ferry by Reason of the Violence of the Wind; nor could I enjoy any Place of Retirement at the Ferry-House: So that I was in Perplexity. Yet God gave me some Satisfaction and Sweetness in Meditation, and lifting up my Heart to God in the midst of Company. And altho' some were drinking and talking profanely▪ which was indeed a Grief to me, yet my Mind was calm and composed. And I could not but bless God, that I was not like to spend an Eternity in such Company. In the Evening, I sat down and wrote with Composure and Freedom; and can say (through pure Grace) it was a comfortable Evening to my Soul, an Evening I was enabled to spend in the Service of God.

Saturday, Nov. 16. Cross'd the Ferry about ten o'Clock; arrived at Elizabeth-Town near Night. Was in a calm composed Frame of Mind, and felt an entire Resignation with Respect to a Loss I had lately sustain'd, in having my Horse stollen from me the last Wednesday Night, at New-Town. Had some Longings of Soul for the dear People of Elizabeth-Town, that God would pour out his Spirit upon them, and revive his Work amongst them.

[He spent the four next Days at Elizabeth-Town; for the most Part, in a Free and Comfortable State of Mind, intensely engaged in the Service of God, and enjoying, at some Times, the special Assistances of his Spirit. On Thursday, this Week, he rode to Freehold, and spent the Day under considerable Dejection.]

Friday, Nov. 22. Rode to Mr.Tennent's, and from thence to Crosweeksung. Had little Freedom in Meditation, while riding; which was a Grief and Burden to my Soul. Oh that I could fill up all my Time, whether in the House or by the Way, for God! I was enabled, I think, this Day to give up my Soul to God, and put over all my Concerns into his Hands; and found some real Consolation in the Thought of being entirely at the divine Disposal, and having no Will or Interest of my own. I have received my all from God; Oh that I could return my all to God. Surely God is worthy of my highest Affection, and most devout Adoration: He is infinitely worthy, that I should make him my last End, and live forever to him: Oh that I might never more, in any one Instance, live to my self.

Saturday, Nov. 23. Visited my People; spent the Day with them: Wrote some Things of Importance. But was pretty much dejected, most of the Day.

[There is nothing very material in his Diary for the four next Days, but what is also in his publick Journal.]

Thursday, Nov. 28.— I enjoyed some divine Comfort, and Fervency in the publick Exercise, and afterwards. And while riding to my Lodgings, was favour'd with some sweet Meditations on Luk. ix.31. Who appeared in Glory, and spa •• of his Decease, which he should accomp • ish at Jerusalem. My Tho'ts ran with Freedom, and I saw and felt what a glorious Subject the Death of CHRIST is for glorified Souls to dwell upon in their Conversation. Oh, the Death of CHRIST! How infinitely precious!

[For the three next Days, see the publick Journal.]

Monday▪ Decemb. 2. Was much affected with Grief, that I had not lived 〈◊〉 to God; and felt strong Resolutions to 〈…〉 Master's Service.

[After this, he went to a Meeting of the Presbytery, at a Place in New-Jersey, called Connecticut-Farms; which occasion'd his Absence from his People the rest of this Week. He speaks of some Seasons of Sweetness, Solemnity and spiritual Affection in his Absence.

Lord's-Day, Decemb. 8. See his publick Journal.]

Monday, Decem. 9. Spent most of the Day in procuring Provisions, in Order to my setting up House-keeping among the Indians. Enjoyed little Satisfaction thro' the Day, being very much out of my Element.

Tuesday, Decemb. 1 • . Was engaged in the same Business as Yesterday. Towards • ight, got into my own House.This is the third House that he built to dwell in by himself among the Indians: The first at Kaunaume • k in the County of Albany; the second at the Forks of Delaware in Pensylvania: And now this at Crosweeksung in New-Jersey.

Wednesday, Decem. 11. Spent the Forenoon in necessary Labour about my House. In the Afternoon, rode out upon Business, and spent the Evening with some Satisfaction among Friends in Conversation on a serious and profitable Subject.

[Thursday, Decem. 12. See his publick Journal.]

Friday, Decem. 13. Spent the Day mainly in Labour about my House. In the Evening, spent some Time in writing; but was very weary, and much out-done with the Labour of the Day.

Saturday, Decem. 14. Rose early, and wrote by Candle-Light some considerable Time; spent most of the Day in writing: But was somewhat dejected. In the Evening, was exercised with a Pain in my Head.

[For the two next Days, see his publick Journal. The remainder of this Week he spent chiefly in writing: Some part of the Time under a Degree of Melancholy; but some Part of it with a sweet Ardency in Religion.]

Saturday, Decem. 21.— After my Labours with the Indians, I spent some Time in writing some Things divine and solemn; and was much wearied with the Labours of the Day; found that my Spirits were extremely spent, and that I could do no more. I am conscious to my self that my Labours are as great and constant as my Nature will bear, and that ordinarily I go to the Extent of my Strength; So that I do all I can: But the Misery is, I don't labour with that heavenly Temper, that single Eye to the Glory of GOD, that I long for.

[Lord's-Day, Decem. 22. See the publick Journal.]

Monday, and Tuesday, Decem. 23 & 24. Spent these Days in Writing, with the utmost Diligence. Felt in the main a sweet Mortification to the World, and a Desire to live and labour only for God; but wanted more Warmth and Spirituality, a more sensible and affectionate Regard to the Glory of God.

[Wednesday, Dec. 25. See the publick Journal.]

Thursday, and Friday, Decem. 26, & 27 Laboured in my Studies, to the utmost of my Strength: And tho' I felt a steady Disposition of Mind to live to God, and that I had nothing in this World to live for; yet I did not find that sensible Affection in the Service of God, that I wanted to have; my Heart seem'd barren, tho' my Head and Hands were full of Labour.

[For the four nex • Days, see his publick Journal. On the first of these Days he wrote the 6th Letter here publish'd at the End.]

Wednesday, January 1 1745, 6.—I am this Day beginning a New Year; and God has carried me thro' numerous Trials and Labours in the past. He has amazingly supported m • feeble Frame; for having obtained Help of GOD, I conti ••• to this Day O that I might live nearer to God, this Year, than I did the last. The Business I have been called to, and enabled to go through, I know, has been as great as Nature could bear up under, and what would have sunk and overcome me quite, without special Support. But Alas, Alas! Tho' I have done the Labours, and endured the Trials, with what Spirit have I done the one, and b • rn the other? How cold has been the Frame of my Heart oftentimes! And how little have I sensibly eyed the Glory of God, in all my Doings and Sufferings! I have found, that I could have no P • ace without filling up all my Time with Labours; and thus Necessity has been laid upon me; yea, in that Respect, I have loved to labour: But the Misery is, I could not sensibly labour for God, as I would have done. May I for the future be enabled more sensibly to make the Glory of God my all.

[For the Space from this Time 'till the next Monday, see the publick Journal.]

Monday, Jan. 6 Being very weak in Body, I rode for my Health. While riding, my Thoughts were sweetly engaged, for a Time, upon the Stone cut out of the Mountain without Hands, which brake in Pieces all before it, and waxed great, and became a great Mountain, and filled the whole Earth: And I longed that JESUS should take to himself his great Power, and reign to the Ends of the Earth. And Oh, how sweet were the Moments, wherein I felt my Soul warm with Hopes of the Enlargement of the Redeemer's Kingdom! I wanted nothing else but that CHRIST should reign, to the Glory of his blessed Name.

[The next Day he complains of want of Fervency.]

Wednesday, Jan. 8. In the Evening, my Heart was drawn out after God in secret: My Soul was refresh'd and quicken'd; and I trust, Faith was in Exercise. I had great Hopes of the • ngathering of precious Souls to Christ; not only among my own People, but others also. I was sweetly resigned and composed under my bodily Weakness; and was willing to live or die, and desirous to labour for God to the utmost of my strength.

Thursday, Jan. 9. Was still very weak, and much exercised with vapoury Disorders. In the Evening, enjoyed some Enlargement and Spirituality in Prayer. Oh that I could always spend my Time profitably, both in Health and Weakness.

Friday, Jan. 10. My Soul was in a sweet, calm, composed Frame, and my Heart fill'd with Love to all the World; and Christian Simplicity and Tenderness seemed then to prevail and reign within me. Near Night, visited a serious Baptist-Minister, and had some agreable Conversation with him; and found that I could taste God in Friends.

[For the four next Days, see the publick Journal.]

Wednesday, Jan. 15. My Spirits were very low and flat, and I could not but think I was a Burden to God's Earth; and could scarcely look any Body in the Face, thro' Shame and Sense of Barrenness. God pity a poor unprofitable Creature.

[The two next Days, he had some Comfort and Refreshment. For the two following Days, see the publick Journal.

The next Day, he set out on a Journey to Elisabeth-Town, to confer with the Correspondents at their Meeting there; and enjoyed much spiritual Refreshment from Day to Day, through this Week. The Things expressed in this Space of Time, are such as these; Serenity, Composure, Sweetness and Tenderness of Soul, Thanksgiving to God for his Success among the Indians, Delight in Prayer and Praise, sweet and profitable Meditations on various divine Subjects, Longing for more Love, for more Vigour to live to God, for a Life more intirely devoted to God, that he might spend all his Time profitably for God, and in his Cause; conversing on spiritual Subjects with Affection; and Lamentation for unprofitableness.

Lord's-Day, Jan. 26 [At Connecticut-Farms.] Was calm and composed. Was made sensible of my utter Inability to preach, without divine Help; and was in some good Measure willing to leave it with God, to give or with-hold Assistance, as he saw would be most for his own Glory. Was favoured with a considerable Degree of Assistance in my publick Work. After publick Worship, I was in a sweet and solemn Frame of Mind, thankful to God that he had made me in some Measure faithful in addressing precious Souls, but grieved that I had been no more fervent in my Work; and was tenderly affected towards all the World, longing that every Sinner might be saved; and could not have entertain'd any Bitterness towards the worst Enemy living. In the Evening, rode to Elisabeth-Town: while riding, was almost constantly engaged in lifting up my Heart to God, lest I should lose that sweet heavenly Solemnity and Composure of Soul I then enjoyed. Afterwards, was pleased, to think, that GOD reigneth; and thought, I could never be uneasy with any of his Dispensations; but must be entirely Satisfied, what ever Trials he should cause me or his Church to encounter. Never felt more Sedateness, divine Serenity and Composure of Mind: Could freely have left the dearest earthly Friend, for the Society of Angels and Spirits of just Men made perfect: My Affections soar'd aloft to the blessed Author of every dear Enjoyment: I view'd the Emptiness and Unsatisfactory Nature of the most desirable earthly Objects, any further than GOD is seen in them: and longed for a Life of Spirituality and inward Purity; without which, I saw, there could be no true Pleasure.

[He retained a great Degree of this excellent Frame of Mind, the four next Days. As to his publick Services for and among the Indians, and his Success in this Time, see the publick Journal.]

Saturday, Feb. 1. Towards Night, enjoyed some of the clearest Thoughts on a divine Subject (viz. that treated of 1 Cor. xv.13,—16.) that ever I remember to have had upon any Subject whatsoever; and spent two or three Hours in writing them. I was refresh'd with this Intenseness: My Mind was so engaged in these Meditations, I could scarcely turn it to any Thing else; and indeed I could not be willing to part with so sweet an Entertainment. —

Lord's-Day, Feb. 2.— After publick Worship, my bodily Strength being much spent, my Spirits sunk amazingly; and especially on hearing that I was so generally taken to be a Roman Catholick, sent by the Papists to draw the Indians into an Insurrection against the English, that some were in Fear of me, and others were for having me taken up by Authority and punish'd. Alas, what will not the Devil do to bring a Slur and Disgrace on the Work of God! Oh, how holy and circumspect had I need to be! Thro' divine Goodness, I have been enabled to mind my own Business, in these Parts, as well as elsewhere; and to let all Men and all Denominations of Men alone, as to their Party-Notions; and only preach'd the plain and necessary Truths of Christianity, neither inviting to nor excluding from my meeting Any, of any Sort or Perswasion whatsoever. Towards Night, the Lord gave me Freedom at the Throne of Grace, in my first Prayer before my Catechetical Lecture: And in opening the xlvi. Psalm to my People, my Soul confided in God, altho' the wicked World should slander and persecute me, or even condemn and execute me as a Traitor to my King and Country. Truly GOD is a present Help in Time of Trouble. In the Evening, my Soul was in some Measure comforted, having some Hope that one poor Soul was brought Home to God this Day; tho' the Case did by no Means appear clear. Oh that I could fill up every Moment of Time, during my Abode here below, in the Service of my God and King.

Monday, Feb. 3. My Spirits were still much sunk with what I heard the Day before, of my being suspected to be engaged in the Pretender's Interest: It griev'd me, that after there had been so much Evidence of a glorious Work of Grace among these poor Indians, as that the most carnal Men could not but take Notice of the great Change made among them, so many poor Souls should still suspect the whole to be only a Popish Plot, and so cast an awful Reproach on this blessed Work of the divine SPIRIT; and at the same Time wholly exclude themselves from receiving any Benefit by this divine Influence. This put me upon searching whether I had ever drop'd any Thing inadvertently, that might give Occasion to any to suspect that I was stirring up the Indians against the English: And could think of Nothing, unless it was my attempting sometimes to vindicate the Rights of the Indians, and complaining of the horrid Practice of making the Indians drunk, and then cheating them out of their Lands and other Properties: And once, I remembred, I had done this with too much Warmth of Spirit. And this much distress'd me; thinking that this might possibly prejudice them against this Work of Grace, to their everlasting Destruction. God, I believe, did me good by this Trial; which served to humble me, and shew me the Necessity of Watchfulness, and of being wise as a Serpent, as well as harmless as a Dove. This Exercise led me often to the Throne of Grace; and there I found some Support: Tho' I could not get the Burden wholly removed. Was assisted in Prayer, especially in the Evening.

[He remained still under a Degree of Exercise of Mind about this Affair; which continued to have the same Effect upon him, to cause him to reflect upon, and humble himself, and frequent the Throne of Grace: But soon found himself much more relieved and supported. He was, this Week, in an extremely weak State, and obliged (as he expresses it) to consume considerable Time in Diversion • for his Health.

For Saturday, Feb. 7. And the Sabbath following, see his publick Journal.

The Monday after, he set out on a Journey to the Forks of Delaware, to visit the Indians there. He performed the Journey under great Weakness, and sometimes was exercised with much Pain; but says nothing of Dejection and Melancholy. He arrived at his own House at the Forks, on Friday. The Things appertaining to his inward Frames and Exercises, express'd within this Week, are sweet Composure of Mind, Thankfulness to God for his Mercies to him and others, Resignation to the divine Will, Comfort in Prayer and religious Conversation, his Heart drawn out after God, and affected with a Sense of his own Barrenness, as well as the Fulness and Freeness of divine Grace.]

Lord's-Day, Feb. 16.— In the Evening, was in a sweet composed Frame of Mind. It was exceeding refreshing and comfortable, to think, that God had been with me, affording me some good Measure of Assistance. I then found Freedom and Sweetness in Prayer and Thanksgiving to God; and found my Soul sweetly engaged and enlarged in Prayer for dear Friends and Acquaintance. Blessed be the Name of the Lord, that ever I am enabled to do any Thing for his dear Interest and Kingdom. Blessed be God who enables me to be faithful. Enjoyed more Resolution and Courage for God, and more Refreshment of Spirit, than I have been favoured with for many Weeks past.

Monday, Feb. 17.—I was refreshed and encouraged: Found a Spirit of Prayer, in the Evening, and earnest Longings for the Illumination and Conversion of these poor Indians.

[Tuesday Feb. 18. See the publick Journal.]

Wednesday, Feb. 19.—My Heart was comforted and refresh'd, and my Soul fill'd with Longings for the Conversion of the Indians here.

Thursday, Feb. 20.— God was pleased to support and refresh my Spirits, by affording me Assistance, this Day, and so hopeful a Prospect of Success; and I returned home rejoycing, and blessing the Name of the Lord; and found Freedom and Sweetness afterwards in secret Prayer, and had my Soul drawn out for dear Friends. Oh, how blessed a Thing is it, to labour for God faithfully, and with Encouragement of Success! Blessed be the Lord forever and ever, for the Assistance and Comfort granted this Day.

Friday, Feb. 21.—My Soul was refresh'd and comforted, and I could not but bless God, who had enabled me in some good Measure to be faithful in the Day past. Oh, how sweet it is to be spent and worn out for God!

Saturday, Feb. 22.— My Spirits were much supported, tho' my bodily Strength was much wasted. Oh that God would be gracious to the Souls of these poor Indians.

God has been very gracious to me this Week: He has enabled me to preach every Day; and has given me some Assistance, and encouraging Prospect of Success, in almost every Sermon. Blessed be his Name. Divers of the white People have been awaken'd this Week, and sundry of the Indians much cured of their Prejudices and Jealousies they had conceived against Christianity, and some seem to be really awaken'd.

[Lord's-Day, Feb. 23. See the publick Journal.

The next Day, he left the Forks of Delaware, to return to Crosweeksung; and spent tho whole Week 'till Saturday, before he arrived there; but preach'd by the Way every Day, excepting one; and was several Times greatly assisted; and had much inward Comfort, and earnest Longings to fill up all his Time with the Service of God. He utters such Expressions as these, after Preacing: Oh that I may be enabled to plead the Cause of God faithfully, to my dying Moment. Oh how sweet it would be to spend my self wholly for God, and in his Cause, and to be freed from selfish Motives in my Labours!

[For Saturday and Lord's-Day, March 1 & 2. See the publick Journal. The four next Days were spent in great bodily Weakness; but he speaks of some Seasons of considerable inward Comfort.]

Thursday, March 6. I walked alone in the Evening, and enjoyed Sweetness and Comfort in Prayer, beyond what I have of late enjoyed: My Soul rejoyced in my Pilgrimage-State, and I was delighted with the Thoughts of labouring and enduring Hardness for GOD: Felt some longing Desires to preach the Gospel to dear immortal Souls; and con • ided in GOD, that HE would be with me in my Work, and that he never would leave nor forsake me, to the End of my Race. Oh, may I obtain Mercy of God to be faithful, to my dying Moment.

Friday, March 7. In the Afternoon, went on in my Work with Freedom and Chearfulness, God assisting me; and enjoyed Comfort in the Evening.

[For the two next Days, see the publick Journal.]

Monday, March 10.— My Soul was refresh'd with Freedom and Enlargement, and (I hope) the lively Exercise of Faith, in secret Prayer, this Night: My Will was sweetly resigned to the divine Will, and my Hopes respecting the Enlargement of the dea • Kingdom of Christ somewhat raised, and could commit Zion's Cause to God as his own.

[On Tuesday he speaks of some Sweetness and Spirituality in Christian Conversation. On Wednesday, complains that he enjoyed not much Comfort and Satisfaction, thro' the Day, because he did but little for God. On Thursday, spent considerable Time in Company, on a special Occasion; but in Perplexity, because without • avory religious Conversation. For Friday, Saturday and Lord's-Day, see the publick Journal.

In the former Part of the Week following he was very ill; and also under great Dejection; being, as he apprehended, render'd unserviceable by his Illness, and fearing that he should never be Serviceable any more; and therefore exceedingly longed for Death. But afterwards was more encouraged, and Life appeared more desirable; because (as he says) he had a little D • wn of Hope, that he might be useful in the World. In the latter Part of the Week, he was in some Measure relieved of his Illness, in the Use of Means prescribed by a Physician.

For Saturday, and Lord's-Day, March 22, and 23. See his publick Journal.]

Monday, March 24.— After the Indians were gone to their Work, to clear their Lands, I got alone and poured out my Soul to God, that he would smile upon these feeble Beginnings, and that he would settle an Indian Town, that might be a Mount • i • of Holiness; and found my Soul much refresh'd in these Petitions, and much enlarged for Zion's Interest, and for Numbers of dear Friends in particular. My sinking Spirits were revived and raised, and I felt animated in the Service God has called me to. This was the dearest Hour I have enjoyed for many Days, if not Weeks. I found an encouraging Hope, that something would be done for God, and that God would use and help me in his Work. And Oh, how sweet were the Thoughts of labouring for God, when I felt any Spirit & Courage, and had any Hope that ever I should be succeeded!

[The next Day, his School-Master was taken Sick with a Pleurisy; and he spent great Part of the Remainder of this Week in tending him: which in his weak State was almost an overbearing Burden to him; he being obliged constantly to wait upon him, all Day, from Day to Day, and to lie on the Floor at Night. His Spirits sunk in a considerable Degree, with his bodily Strength, under this Burden.

For Saturday, and Lord's-Day, March 29, & 30. See the publick Journal.]

Monday, March 31. Towards Night, enjoyed some sweet Meditations on those Word▪ It is good for me to draw near to God. My Soul, I think, had some sweet Sense of what is intended in those Words.

[The next Day, he was extremely busy in tending the School-Master, and in some other necessary Affairs, that greatly diverted him from what he looked upon as his proper Business: But yet speaks of Comfort and Refreshment, at some Times of the Day.]

Wednesday, April 2. Was somewhat exercised with a spiritless Frame of Mind. Was a little relieved and refresh'd in the Evening, with Meditation alone in the Woods. But alas, my Days pass away as the Chaff! 'Tis but little I do, or can do, that turns to any Account; and 'tis my constant Misery and Burden, that I am so Fruitless in the Vineyard of the Lord. Oh that I were Spirit, that I might be active for GOD. This (I think) more than any Thing else, makes me long, that this corruptible might put on Incorruption, and this mortal put on Immortality. God deliver me from Clogs, Fetters, and a Body of Death, that impede my Service for him.

[The next Day, he complains bitterly of some Exercises by Corruption he found in his own Heart.]

Friday, April 4. Spent most of the Day in writing on Rev. xxii.17. And whosoever will, &c. Enjoyed some Freedom and Encouragement in my Work; and found some Comfort and Composure in Prayer.

Saturday, April 5.— After publick Worship, a Number of my dear Christian India • s come to my House; with wh •• I felt a sweet Union of Soul: My Heart was knit to them; and I can't say, I have felt such a sweet and fervent Love to the Brethren, for some Time past: And I saw in them Appearances of the same Love. This gave me something of a View of the heavenly State; and particularly that Part of the Happiness of Heaven, which consists in the Communion of Saints: and this was aff • cting to me.

[For the two next Days, see the publick Journal.

On Tuesday, he went to a Meeting of the Presbytery appointed at Elisabeth-Town. In his Way thither, he enjoyed some sweet Meditations: But after he came there, he was (as he expresse • it) very • apoury and melancholy, and under an awful Gloom, that oppressed his Mind. And this continued 'till Saturday-Evening, when he began to have some Relief and Encouragement. He spent the Sabbath at Staten-Island; where he preach'd to an Assembly of Dutch and English, and enjoyed considerable Refreshment and Comfort, both in publick and private. In the Evening he returned to Elisabeth-Town.]

Monday, April 14. My Spirits this Day were raised and refresh'd▪ and my Mind composed, so that I was in a comfortable Frame of Soul, most of the Day. In the Evening my Head was clear, my Mind serene; I enjoyed Sweetness in secret Prayer, and Meditation on Psal. lxxiii.28. Oh, how free, how comfortable, cheerful, and yet solemn do I feel when I am in a good Measure freed from those Damps and melancholy Glooms, that I often labour under! And blessed be the Lord, I find my self relieved in this Respect.

Tuesday, April 15. My Soul longed for more Spirituality; and it was my Burden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my Barrenness is my daily Affliction and heavy Load! Oh, how precious is Time: and how it pains me, to see it slide away, while I do so very little to any good Purpose! Oh that God would make me more fruitful and spiritual.

[The next Day, he speaks of his being almost overwhelmed with vapoury Disorders; but yet not so as wholly to destroy the Composure of his Mind.]

Thursday, April 17. Enjoyed some Comfort in Prayer, some Freedom in Meditation, and Composure in my Studies. Spent some Time in writing, in the Forenoon. In the Afternoon, spent some Time in Conversation with several dear Ministers. In the Evening, preach'd from Psal. lxxiii. 28. But it is good for me to draw near to God. God helped me to feel the Truth of my Text, both in the first Prayer and in Sermon. I was enabled to pour out my Soul to God, with great Freedom, Fervency, and Affection: And, blessed be the Lord, it was a comfortable Season to me. I was enabled to speak with Tenderness, and yet with Faithfulness: And divine Truths seemed to fall with Weight and Influence upon the Hearers. My Heart was melted for the dear Assembly, and I loved every Body in it; and scarce ever felt more Love to immortal Souls in my Life; my Soul cried, Oh that the dear Creatures might be saved! O that God would have Mercy on them!

[He seems to have been in a very comfortable Frame of Mind the two next Days.]

Lord's-Day, April 20. This Day he enter'd into the 29th Year of his Age. Enjoyed some Freedom, and, I hope, Exercise of Faith in Prayer, in the Morning; especially when I came to pray for Zion. I was free from that gloomy Discouragement, that so often oppresses my Mind; and my Soul rejoyced in the Hopes of Zion's Prosperity, and the Enlargement of the dear Kingdom of the great Redeemer. O that his Kingdom might come.—

Monday, April 21. Was composed and comfortable in Mind, most of the Day: Was mercifully freed from those gloomy Damps that I am frequently exercised with: Had Freedom and Comfort in Prayer, several Times; especially had some rising Hopes of Zion's Enlargement and Prosperity. And Oh, how refreshing were these Hopes to my Soul! Oh that the Kingdom of the dear Lord might come. Oh that the poor Indians might quickly be gathered in, in great Numbers.

Tuesday, April 22. My Mind was remarkably free, this Day, from melancholy Damps and Glooms, and animated in my Work. I found such fresh Vigour and Resolution in the Service of God, that the Mountains seem'd to become a Plain before me. Oh, blessed be God for an Interval of Refreshment, and fervent Resolution in my Lord's Work! In the Evening, my Soul was refresh'd in secret Prayer, and my Heart drawn out for divine Blessings; especially for the Church of God, and his Interest among my own People, and for dear Friends in remote Places. Oh that Zion might prosper, and precious Souls be brought home to God!

[In this comfortable fervent Frame of Mind he remain'd the two next Days.

For the four Days next following, viz. Friday, Saturday, Lord's-Day, and Monday, see his publick Journal.— On Tuesday he went to Elisabeth-Town, to attend the meeting of the Presbytery there: And seem'd to spend the Time, while absent from his People on this Occasion, in a free and comfortable State of Mind.]

Saturday, May 3. Rode from Elisabeth-Town home to my People, at or near Cranberry; whither they are now removed, and where, I hope, God will settle them as a Christian Congregation. Was refresh'd in lifting up my Heart to God, while riding; and enjoyed a thankful Frame of Spirit, for divine Favours receiv'd the Week past. Was somewhat uneasy and dejected, in the Evening; having no House of my own to go into in this Place: But God was my Support.

[For Lord's-Day and Monday, See the publick Journal.]

Tuesday, May 6. Enjoy'd some Spirit and Courage in my Work; was in a good Measure free from Melancholy: Blessed be God for Freedom from this Death.

Wednesday, May 7. Spent most of the Day in writing, as usual. Enjoyed some Freedom in my Work. Was favoured with some comfortable Meditations, this Day. In the Evening, was in a sweet composed Frame of Mind: Was pleased and delighted to leave all with God, respecting my self, for Time and Eternity, and respecting the People of my Charge, and dear Friends: Had no Doubt but that God would take Care of me, and of his own Interest among my People: And was enabled to use Freedom in Prayer, as a Child with a tender Father. Oh, how sweet in such a Frame.

Thursday, May 8. In the Evening, was somewhat refresh'd with divine Things, and enjoyed a tender melting Frame in secret Prayer, wherein my Soul was drawn out for the Interest of Zion, and comforted with the lively Hope of the appearing of the Kingdom of the great Redeemer. These were sweet Moments: I felt almost loth to go to Bed, and grieved that Sleep was necessary. However, I lay down with a tender reverential Fear of God, sensible that his Favour is Life, and his Smiles better than all that Earth can boast of, infinitely better than Life it self.

[Friday May 9. See the publick Journal.]

Saturday, May 10. Rode to Allen's-Town, to assist in the Administration of the Lord's-Supper. In the Afternoon, preach'd from Tit. ii.14. Who gave himself for us, &c. God was pleased to carry me thro' with some Competency of Freedom; and yet to deny me that Enlargement and Power I long'd for. In the Evening, my Soul mourn'd, and could not but mourn, that I had treated so excellent a Subject in so defective a Manner, that I had born so broken a Testimony for so worthy and glorious a Redeemer. And if my Discourse had met with the utmost Applause from all the World (as I accidentally heard it applauded by some Persons of Judgment) it would not have given me any Satisfaction: Oh, it grieved me, to think, that I had had no more holy Warmth and Fervency, that I had been no more melted in discoursing of Christ's Death, and the End and Design of it! Afterwards, enjoyed some Freedom and Fervency in secret and Family-Prayer, and longed much for the Presence of God to attend his Word and Ordinances the next Day.

Lord's-Day, May 11. Assisted in the Administration of the Lord's-Supper; but enjoyed little Enlargement: Was grieved and sunk with some Things I thought undesirable, &c. In the Afternoon, went to the House of God weak and sick in Soul, as well as feeble in Body: And longed, that the People might be entertain'd and edified with divine Truths, and that an honest fervent Testimony might be born for God; but knew not how it was possible for me to do any Thing of that Kind, to any good Purpose. Yet God, who is rich in Mercy, was pleased to give me Assistance, both in Prayer and preaching: God helped me to wrestle for his Presence, in Prayer▪ and to tell him, that he had promised, Where two or three are met together in his Name, there he would be in the midst of them; and that we were, at least some of us, so met; and pleaded, that for his Truth's sake he would be with us. And blessed be God, it was sweet to my Soul, thus to plead, and rely on God's Promises. Discoursed upon Luke ix.30, 31. And behold there talked with him two Men, which were Moses and Elias; who appeared in Glory, and spake of his Decease, which he should accomplish at Jerusalem. Enjoyed special Freedom, from the Beginning to the End of my Discourse, without interruption. Things pertinent to the Subject were abundantly presented to my View, and such a Fulness of Matter, that I scarce knew how to dismiss the various Heads and Particulars I had Occasion to touch upon. And, blessed be the Lord, I was favoured with some Fervency and Power, as well as Freedom; so that the Word of God seem'd to awaken the Attention of a stupid Audience, to a considerab • e Degree. I was inwardly refresh'd with the Consolations of God; and could with my whole Heart say, Tho' there be no Fruit in the Vine, &c. yet will I rejoyce in the Lord. After publick Service, was refresh'd with the sweet Conversation of some Christian Friends.

[The four next Days seem to have been mostly spent with spiritual Comfort and Profit.]

Friday, May 16. Near Night, enjoyed some agreeable and sweet Conversation with a dear Minister, which, I trust, was bless'd to my Soul: My Heart was warmed, and my Soul engaged to live to God; so that I longed to exert my self with more Vigour, than ever I had done, in his Cause: And those Words were quickning to me, Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bring forth much Fruit. Oh, my Soul longed, and wish'd, and pray'd, to be enabled to live to God with utmost Constancy and Ardour! In the Evening, God was pleased to shine upon me in secret Prayer, and draw out my Soul after himself; and I had Freedom in Supplication for my self, but much more in Intercession for others▪ So that I wa • sweetly constrain'd to say, Lord, use me as thou wilt; do as thou wilt with me: But Oh, promote thine own Cause. Zion is thine; Oh visit thine Heritage; Oh let thy Kingdom come; Oh let thy blessed Interest be advanced in the World. When I attempted to look to God, respecting my worldly Circumstances, and his providential Dealings with me, in Regard of my settling down in my Congregation, which seems to be necessary, and • et very • ifficult, and contrary to my fix'd Intention for Years past, as well as my Disposition, which has been, and still is, at Times especially, to go forth, and spend my Life in preaching the Gospel from Place to Place, and gathering Souls afar off to JESUS the great Redeemer; when I attempted to look to God with Regard to these Things, and his Designs concerning me, I could only say, The Will of the Lord be done: 'Tis no Matter for me. The same Frame of Mind I felt with Respect to another important Affair I have lately had some serious Tho'ts of: I could say, with utmost Calmness and Composure, Lord, if it be most for thy Glory, let me proceed in it; but if thou seest that it will in any wise hinder my Usefulness in thy Cause, Oh prevent my proceeding: For all I want, respecting this World, is such Circumstances as may best capacitate me to do Service for God in the Worl • . But blessed be God, I enjoyed Liberty in Prayer for my dear Flock, and was enabled to pour out my Soul into the Bosom of a tender Father: My Heart within me was melted, when I came to plead for my dear People, and for the Kingdom of Christ in general. Oh, how sweet was this Evening to my Soul! I knew not how to go to Bed; and when got to Bed, longed for some Way to improve Time for God, to some excellent Purpose. Bless the Lord, O my Soul.

Saturday, May 17. Walk'd out in the Morning, and felt much of the same Frame I enjoyed the Evening before: Had my Heart enlarged in praying for the Advancement of the Kingdom of Christ, and found utmost Freedom in leaving all my Concerns with God.

I find Discouragement to be an exceeding Hindrance to my spiritual Fervency and Affection: But when God enables me sensibly to find that I have done something for him, this refreshes and animates me, so that I could break thro' all Hardships, undergo any Labours, and nothing seems too much either to do or to suffer. But Oh, what a Death it is, to strive, and strive; to be always in a Hurry, and yet do Nothing, or at least nothing for GOD! Alas, Alas, that Times 〈◊〉 away, and I do so little for God!

Lord's-Day, May 18. I felt my own utter Insufficiency for my Work: God made me to see, that I was a Child; yea, that I was a Fool. I discoursed, both Parts of the Day, from Rev. iii.20. Behold, I stand at the Door, and knock. God gave me Freedom and Power in the latter Part of my (Forenoon's) Discourse; altho', in the former Part of it, I felt peevish and provoked with the unmannerly Behaviour of the white People, who crouded in between my People and me; which proved a great Temptation to me. But blessed be God, I got these Shackles off before the middle of my Discourse, and was favoured with a sweet Frame of Spirit in the latter Part of the Exercise; was full of Love, Warmth, and Tenderness, in addressing my dear People. — In the Intermission-Season, could not but discourse to my People on the Kindness and Patience of Christ in standing and knocking at the Door, &c. — In the Evening, I was grieved, that I had done so little for God. Oh that I could be a Flame of Fire in the Service of my God.

[Mondoy, May 19. See the publick Journal.

On Tuesday he complains of Want of Freedom and Comfort; but had some Return of these on Wednesday.]

Thursday, May 22. In the Evening, was in a Frame somewhat remarkable: Had apprehended for several Days before, that it was the Design of Providence I should settle among my People here; and had in my own Mind begun to make Provision for it, and to contrive Means to hasten it; and found my Heart something engaged in it, hoping I might then enjoy more agreeable Circumstances of Life, in several Respects: And yet was never fully determined, never quite pleased with the Thoughts of being settled and confin'd to one Place. Nevertheless I seem'd to have some Freedom in that Respect, because the Congregation I thought of settling with, was one that God had enabled me to gather from amongst Pagans. For I never since I began to preach, could feel any Freedom to enter into other Men' • Labours, and settle down in the Ministry where the Gospel was preache • before; I never could make that appear to be my Providence: When I felt any Disposition to consult my E • se and worldly Comfort, God has never given me any Liberty in that Respect, either since, or for some Years before I began to preach. But God having succeeded my Labours, and made me instrumental of gathering a Church for him among these Indians, I was ready to think, it might be his Design to give me a quiet Settlement and a stated Home of my own. And this, considering the late frequent sinking and Failure of my Spirits, and the Need I stood in of some agreable Society, and my great Desire of enjoying Conveniencies and Opportunities for profitable Studies, was not altogether disagreeable to me: Altho' I still wanted to go about far and wide, in order to spread the blessed Gospel among benighted Souls, far remote; yet I never had been so willing to settle in any one Place, for more than five Years past, as I was in the foregoing Part of this Week. But now these Thoughts seem'd to be wholly dash'd to Pieces; not by Necessity, but of Choice: For it appear'd to me, that God's Dealings towards me had fitted me for a Life of Solitariness and Hardship; it appeared to me I had nothing to lose, nothing to do with Earth, and consequently nothing to lose by a total Renunciation of it: And it appear'd just right, that I should be destitute of House and Home, and many Comforts of Life, which I rejoyced to see others of God's People enjoy. And at the same Time, I saw so much of the Excellency of Christ's Kingdom, and the infinite Desirableness of it's Advancement in the World, that it swallowed up all my other Thoughts; and made me willing, yea, even rejoyce, to be made a Pilgrim or Hermet in the Wilderness, to my dying Moment, if I might thereby promote the blessed Interest of the great Redeemer. And if ever my Soul presented it self to God for his Service, without any Reserve of any Kind, it did so now. The Language of my Thoughts and Disposition (altho' I spake no Words) now were, Here I am, LORD, send me; send me to the Ends of the Earth; send me to the rough, the savage Pagans of the Wilderness; send me from all that is called Comfort in Earth, or earthly Comfort; send me even to Death it self, if it be but in thy Service, and to promote thy Kingdom. And at the same Time I had as quick and lively a Sense of the Value of worldly Comforts, as ever I had; but only saw them infinitely overmatch'd by the Worth of Christ's Kingdom, and the Propagation of his blessed Gospel. The quiet Settlement, the certain Place of Abode, the tender Friendship, which I thought I might be likely to enjoy in Consequence of such Circumstances, appeared as valuable to me, consider'd absolutely and in themselves, as ever before; but consider'd comparatively, they appeared nothing: Compared with the Value and Preciousness of an Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom, they vanish'd like the Stars before the rising Sun. And sure I am, that altho' the comfortable Accommodations of Life appeared valuable and dear to me, yet I did surrender and resign my self, Soul and Body, to the Service of God, and Promotion of Christ's Kingdom; tho' it should be in the Loss of them all. And I could not do any other, because I could not will or chuse any other. I was constrained, and yet chose, to say, Farewell, Friends and earthly Comforts, the dearest of them all, the very dearest, if the Lord calls for it; Adieu, Adieu; I'll spend my Life, to my latest Moments, in Caves and Dens of the Earth, if the Kingdom of Christ may thereby be advanced. I found extraordinary Freedom at this Time in pouring out my Soul to God, for his Cause; and especially that his Kingdom might be extended among the Indians, far remote; and I had a great and strong Hope, that God would do it. I continued wrestling with God in Prayer for my dear little Flock here; and more especially for the Indians elsewhere; as well as for dear Friends in one Place and another; 'till it was Bed-Time, and I fear'd I should hinder the Family, &c. But Oh, with what Reluctancy did I find my self obliged to consume Time in Sleep! I longed to be as a Flame of Fire, continually glowing in the divine Service, preaching and building up Christ's Kingdom, to my latest, my dying Moment.

Friday, May 23. In the Morning, was in the same Frame of Mind, as in the Evening before. The Glory of Christ's Kingdom so much out-shone the Pleasure of earthly Accommodations and Enjoyments, that they appeared comparatively Nothing, tho' in themselves good and desirable. My Soul was melted in secret Meditation and Prayer, and I found my self divorced from any Part in this World; so that in those Affairs that seem'd of the greatest Importance to me, in respect of the present Life, and those wherein the tender Powers of the Mind are most sensibly touch'd, I could only say, The Will of the Lord be done. But just the same Things that I felt the Evening before. I felt now; and found the same Freedom in Prayer for the People of my Charge, for the Propagation of the Gospel among the Indians, and for the Enlargement and spiritual Welfare of Zion in general, and my dear Friends in particular, now, as I did then; and longed to burn out in one continued Flame for God. Retain'd much of the same Frame through the Day. In the Evening, was visited by my Brother John Brainerd: The first Visit I have ever received from any near Relative, since I have been a Missionary. Felt the same Frame of Spirit in the Even ••• as in the Morning; and found that it was good for me to 〈…〉 God, and leave all my Concerns and Burdens with him. Was enlarged and refresh'd in pouring out my Soul for the Propagation of the Gospel of the Redeemer among the distant Tribes of Indians. Blessed be God. If ever I fill'd up a Day with Studies and Devotion. I was enabled so to fill up this Day.

Saturday, May 24.— Enjoyed this Day something of the same Frame of Mind as I felt the Day before.

[Lord's-Day, May 25. See the publick Journal.

This Week, at least the former Part of it, he was in a very weak State: but yet seems to have been free from Melancholy, which often had attended the failing of his bodily Strength. He from Time to Time speaks of Comfort and inward Refreshment, this Week.

Lord's-Day, June 1. See the publick Journal.]

Monday, June 2. In the Evening, enjoy'd some Freedom in secret Prayer and Meditation.

Tuesday, June 3. My Soul rejoyced, early in the Morning, to think, that all Things were at God's Disposal. Oh, it pleased me to leave 'em there! Felt afterwards much as I did, on Thursday Evening, May 22. last; and continued in this Frame for several Hours. Walked out into the Wilderness, and enjoyed Freedom, Fervency, and Comfort, in Prayer: And again •• joyed the same in the Evening.

Wednesday, June 4. Spent the Day in Writing, and enjoyed some Comfort, Satisfaction, and Freedom in my Work. In the Evening, I was favoured with a sweet refreshing Frame of Soul in secret Prayer and Meditation. Prayer was now wholly turned into Praise, and I could do little else but try to adore and bless the living God: The Wonders of his Grace display'd in gathering to himself a Church among the poor Indians here, were the Subject-Matter of my Meditation, and the Occasion of exciting my Soul to praise and bless his Name. My Soul was scarce ever more disposed to inquire, What I should render to God for all his Benefits, than at this Time. Oh, I was brought into a Strait, a sweet and happy Strait, to know what to do! I longed to make some Returns to God; but found I had nothing to return: I could only rejoyce, that GOD had done the Work himself; and that none in Heaven or Earth might pretend to share the Honour of it with him; I could only be glad, that God's declarative Glory was advanced by the Conversion of these Souls, and that it was to the Enlargement of his Kingdom in the World: But saw I was so poor, that I had nothing to offer to him. My Soul and Body, thro' Grace, I could chearfully surrender to him: But it appear'd to me, this was rather a Cumber▪ than a Gift: And nothing could I do to glorify his dear and blessed Name. Yet I was glad at Heart, that he was unchangeably possessed of Glory and Blessedness. Oh that he might be adored and praised by all his intelligent Creatures, to the utmost of their Power and Capacities. My Soul would have rejoyced to see others praise him, tho' I could do nothing towards it my self.

[The next Day, he speaks of his being subject to some Degree of Melancholy; but of being something relieved in the Evening.

Friday, June 6. See the publick Journal.]

Saturday, June 7.— Rode to Freehold to assist Mr. Tennent in the Administration of the Lord's Supper. In the Afternoon, preach'd from Psal. lxxiii. 28. God gave me some Freedom and Warmth in my Discourse; and I trust, his Presence was in the Assembly. Was comfortably composed, and enjoyed a thankful Frame of Spirit; and my Soul was grieved that I could not render something to God for his Benefits bestowed. Oh that I could be swallowed up in his Praise!

Lord's Day, June 8. Spent much Time, in the Morning, in secret Duties; but between Hope and Fear, respecting the Enjoyment of God in the Business of the Day then before us. Was agreeably entertain'd, in the Forenoon, by a Discourse from Mr. Tennent, and felt somewhat melted and refresh'd. In the Season of Communion, enjoyed some Comfort; and especially in serving one of the Tables. Blessed be the Lord, it was a Time of Refreshing to me, and I trust, to many others. A Number of my dear People sat down by themselves at the last Table; at which Time God seem'd to be in the midst of them.— A • d the Thoughts of what God had done among them were refreshing & melting to me. In the Afternoon▪ God enabled me to preach with uncommon Freedom, from 2 Cor. v.20. Thro' the great Goodness of God, I was favoured with a constant Flow of pertinent Matter, and proper Expressions, from the Beginning to the End of my Discourse. In the Evening, I could not but rejoice in God, and bless him for the Manifestations of Grace in the Day past. Oh, it was a sweet and solemn Day and Evening! A Season of Comfort to the Godly, and of Awakening to some Souls. Oh that I could praise the Lord.

Monday, June 9. Enjoyed some Sweetness in secret Duties.— Preach'd the concluding Sermon from Gen. v.24. And Enoch walked with God, &c. God gave me Enlargement and Fervency in my Discourse; so that I was enabled to speak with Plainness and Power; and God's Presence seem'd to be in the Assembly. Praised be the Lord, it was a sweet Meeting, a desirable Assembly. I found my Strength renewed, and lengthen'd out, even to a Wonder; so that I felt much stronger at the Conclusion, than in the Beginning of this Sacramental Solemnity. I have great Reason to bless God for this Solemnity, wherein I have found Assistance in addressing others, and Sweetness in my own Soul.

[On Tuesday, he found himself spent, and his Spirits exhausted by his late Labours; and on Wednesday, complains of vapoury Disorders, and Dejection of Spirit, and of enjoying but little Comfort or Spirituality.]

Thursday, June 12. In the Evening, enjoyed Freedom of Mind, and some Sweetness in secret Prayer: It was a desirable Season to me; my Soul was enlarged in Prayer for my own dear People, and for the Enlargement of Christ's Kingdom, and especially for the Propagation of the Gospel among the Indians, back in the Wilderness. Was refresh'd in Prayer for dear Friends in New-England, and elsewhere: I found it sweet to pray at this Time; and could with all my Heart say, It is good for me to draw near to God.

Friday, June 13.—I came away from the Meeting of the Indians, this Day, rejoycing and blessing God for his Grace manifested at this Season.

Saturday, June 14. Rode to Kingston, to assist the Rev. Mr. Wales in the Administration of the Lord's-Supper. In the Afternoon, preach'd; but almost fainted in the Pulpit: Yet God strengthen'd me when I was just gone, and enabled me to speak his Word with Freedom, Fervency and Application to the Conscience. And praised be the Lord; Out of weakness I was made strong. I enjoyed some Sweetness, in and after publick Worship; but was extreamly tired. Oh, how many are the Mercies of the Lord! To them that have no Might, he increaseth Strength.

Lord's-Day, June 15. Was in a dejected spiritless Frame, that I could not hold up my Head, nor look any Body in the Face. Administred the Lord's-Supper at Mr. Wales's De • ir • ▪ And found my self in a good Measure unburden'd and reliev • d of my pressing Load, when I came to ask a Blessing on the Elements; Here God gave me Enlargement, and a tender affectionate Sense of spiritual Things; so that it was a Season of Comfort, in some Measure, to me, and I trust, more so to others. In the Afternoon, preach'd to a vast Multitude, from Rev. xxii.17. And whosoever will, &c. God h •• ped me to offer a Testimony for himself, and to leave Sinners • excuseable in neglecting his Grace. I was enabled to speak with such Freedom, Flu • ncy, and Clearness, as commanded the A •• ention of the Great▪ Was extreamly tired, in the Evening, but enjoyed Composure and Sweetness.

Monday, June 16. Preach'd again; and God helped me amazingly, so that this was a sweet refreshing Season to my Soul and others. Oh, forever blessed be God for Help afforded at this Time, when my Body was so weak, and while there was so large an Assembly to hear. Spent the Afternoon in a comfortable agreable Manner.

[The next Day was spent comfortably.

On Wednesday, he went to a meeting of Ministers at Hopewell.

Thursday, June 19. See his publick Journal. The publick Journal that has been so often refer'd to, concludes with the Account of this Day.

On Friday and Saturday, he was very much amiss; but yet preach'd to his People on Saturday. His Illness continued on the Sabbath; but he preach'd, notwithstanding, to his People, both Parts of the Day: And after the publick Worship was ended, he endeavoured to apply divine Truths to the Consciences of some, and address'd them personally for that End: Several were in Tears, and some appeared much affected. But he was extremely wearied with the Services of the Day, and was so ill at Night, that he could have no bodily Rest; but remarks, that God was his Support, and that he was not left destitute of Comfort in him. On Monday, he continued very Ill; but speaks of his Mind's being calm and composed, resigned to the divine Dispensations, and content with his feeble State. And by the Account he gives of himself, the remaining Part of this Week, he continued very feeble, and for • he most Part dejected in Mind, and enjoy'd no great Freedom nor Sweetness in spiritual Things; excepting that for some very short Spaces of Time he had Refreshment and Encouragement, which engaged his Heart on divine Things; and sometimes his Heart was melted with spiritual Affection.]

Lord's-Day, June 29. Preach'd, both Parts of the Day, from Jo • . xiv.19. Yet a little while, and the World seeth me no more, &c. God was pleased to assist me, to afford me both Freedom and Power; especially towards the close of my Discourses, both Forenoon, and Afternoon. God's Power appear'd in the Assembly, in both Exercises. Numbers of God's People were refresh'd and melted with divine Things; one or two comforted, who had been long under Distress: Convictions, in divers Instances, powerfully revived; and one Man in Years much awaken'd, who had not long frequented our Meeting, and appear'd before as stupid as a Stock. God amazingly renewed and lengthen'd out my Strength. I was so spent at Noon, that I could scarce walk, and all my Joints trembled; so that I could not fit, nor so much as hold my Hand still: And yet God strengthened me to preach with Power in the Afternoon; altho' I had given out Word to my People, that I did not expect to be able to do it. Spent some Time afterwards in conversing, particularly, with several Persons, about their spiritual State; and had some Satisfaction concerning one or two. Pray'd afterwards with a sick Child, and gave a Word of Exhortation. Was assisted in all my Work. Blessed be God. Returned home with more Health, than I went out with; altho' my Linnen was wringing wet upon me, from a little after ten in the Morning, 'till past five in the Afternoon. My Spirits also were considerably refresh'd; and my Soul rejoyced in Hope, that I had through Grace done something for God. In the Evening, walked out, and enjoyed a sweet Season in secret Prayer and Praise. But Oh, I found the Truth of the Psalmist's Words, My Goodness extendeth not to Thee! I could not make any Returns to God: I longed to live only to Him, and to be in Tune for his Praise and Service for ever. Oh, for Spirituality and holy Fervency, that I might spend and be spent for God, to my latest Moment!

Monday, June 30. Spent the Day in writing; but under much Weakness and Disorder. Felt the Labours of the preceeding Day; altho' my Spirits were so refresh'd the Evening before, that I was not then sensible of my being spent.

Tuesday, July 1. In the Afternoon, visited, and preach'd to my People, from Heb. ix.27. on Occasion of some Persons lying at the Point of Death, in my Congregation. God gave me some Assistance; and his Word made some Impressions on the Audience, in general. This was an agreeable and comfortable Evening to my oul: My Spirits were somewhat refresh'd, with a small Degree of Freedom and Help enjoyed in my Work.

[On Wednesday, he went to Newark, to a Meeting of the Presbytery ▪ Complains of lowness of Spirits; and greatly laments his spending his Time so unfruitfully. The remaining Part of the Week he spent there, and at Elisabeth-Town; and speaks of Comfort and divine Assistance, from Day to Day: But yet greatly 〈◊〉 for want of more Spirituality.]

Lord's-Day, July 6. [At Elisabeth-Town] Enjoyed some Composure and Serenity of Mind, in the Morning: Heard Mr. Dickinson preach, in the Forenoon, and was refresh'd with his Discourse; was in a melting Frame, some Part of the Time of Sermon: Partook of the Lord's-Supper, and enjoyed some Sense of divine Things in that Ordinance. In the Afternoon, I preach'd from Ezek. xxxiii.11. As I live, saith the Lord God, &c. God favour'd me with Freedom and Fervency; and helped me to plead his Cause, beyond my own Power.

Monday, July 7. My Spirits were considerably refresh'd and raised, in the Morning. There is no Comfort, I find, in any Enjoyment, without enjoying GOD and being engaged in his Service. In the Evening, had the most agreeable Conversation that ever I remember in all my Life, upon GOD's being all in all, and all Enjoyments being just that to us which GOD makes them, and no more. 'Tis good to begin and end with GOD. Oh, how does a sweet Solemnity lay a Foundation for true Pleasure and Happiness!

Tuesday, July 8. Rode home, and enjoyed some agreeable Meditations by the Way.

Wednesday, July 9. Spent the Day in writing▪ enjoyed some Comfort and Refreshment of Spirit in my Evening-Retirement.

Thursday, July 10. Spent most of the Day in writing. Towards Night, rode to Mr. Tennent's; enjoyed some agreeable Conversation: Went home, in the Evening, in a solemn sweet Frame of Mind; was refresh'd in secret Duties, longed to live wholly and only for GOD, and saw plainly, there was nothing in the World worthy of my Affection; so that my Heart was dead to all below; yet not thro' Dejection, as at some Times, but from Views of a better Inheritance.

Friday, July 11. Was in a calm composed Frame, in the Morning, especially in the Season of my secret Retirement: I think, I was well pleased with the Will of God, whatever it was, or should be, in all Respects I had then any Thought o • . Intending to administer the Lord's-Supper the next Lord's Day, I look'd to God for his Presence and Assistance upon that Occasion; but felt a Disposition to say, The Will of the Lord be done, whether it be to give me Assistance, or not. Spent some little Time in writing: Visited the Indians, and spent some Time in serious Conversation with them; thinking it not best to preach, by Reason that many of them were absent.

Saturday, July 12. This Day was spent in Fasting and Prayer by my Congregation, as preparatory to the Sacrament. I discoursed, both Parts of the Day, from Rom. iv.25. Who was delivered for our Offences, &c. God gave me some Assistance in my Discourses, and something of divine Power attended the Word; so that this was an agreeable Season. Afterwards led them to a solemn Renewal of their Covenant, and fresh Dedication of themselves to God. This was a Season both of Solemnity and Sweetness, and GOD seem'd to be in the midst of us. Returned to my Lodgings, in the Evening, in a comfortable Frame of Mind.

Lord's-Day, July 13. In the Forenoon, discoursed on the Bread of Life, from Joh. vi.35. God gave me some Assistance, in Part of my Discourse especially; and there appear'd some tender Affection in the Assembly under divine Truths; my Soul also was somewhat refresh'd. Administred the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper to thirty-one Persons of the Indians. God seem'd to be present in this Ordinance; the Communicants were sweetly melted and refresh'd, most of them. Oh, how they melted, even when the Elements were first uncovered! There was scarcely a dry Eye among them, when I took off the Linnen, and shewed them the Symbols of CHRIST's broken Body.— Having rested a little, after the Administration of the Sacrament, I visited the Communicants, and found them generally in a sweet loving Frame; not unlike what appear'd among them on the former Sacramental Occasion, on April 27. In the Afternoon, discoursed upon coming to CHRIST, and the Satisfaction of those who do so, from the same Verse I insisted on in the Forenoon. This was likewise an agreeable Season, a Season of much Tenderness, Affection and Enlargement in divine Service: And God, I am perswaded, crown'd our Assembly with his divine Presence. I returned home much spent, yet rejoicing in the Goodness of God.

Monday, July 14. Went to my People, and discoursed to them from Psal. cxix.106. I have sworn, and I will perform it, &c. Observed, 1. That all God's Judgments or Commandments are righteous. 2. That God's People have sworn to keep them; and this they do especially at the Lord's Table. There appear'd to be a powerful divine Influence on the Assembly, and considerable melting under the Word. Afterwards, I led them to a Renewal of their Covenant before God (that they would watch over themselves and one another, lest they should fall into Sin and dishonour the Name of Christ) just as I did on Monday April 28. This Transaction was attended with great Solemnity: And God seem'd to own it by exciting in them a Fear and Jealousy of themselves, lest they should Sin against God; so that the Presence of God seem'd to be amongst us in this Conclusion of the Sacramental Solemnity.

[The next Day, he set out on a Journey towards Philadelphia; from whence he did not return 'till Saturday. He went this Journey, and spent the Week, under a great Degree of Illness of Body, and Dejection of Mind.]

Lord's-Day, July 20. Preach'd twice to my People, from Joh. xvii.24. Father, I will that they also whom thou hast given me, be with me▪ where I am, that they may behold my Glory, which thou hast given me. Was helped to discourse with great Clearness and Plainness in the Forenoon. In the Afternoon, enjoyed some Tenderness, and spake with some Influence. Divers were in Tears; and some, to Appearance, in Distress.

Monday, July 21. Preach'd to the Indians, chiefly for the sake of some Strangers. Then proposed my Design of taking a Journey speedily to Sasquahannah: Exhorted my People to pray for me, that God would be with me in that Journey, &c. Then chose divers Persons of the Congregation to travel with me. Afterwards, spent Time in discoursing to the Strangers, and was somewhat encouraged with them. Took Care of my People's secular Business, and was not a little exercised with it. Had some Degree of Composure and Comfort in secret Retirement.

Tuesday, July 22. Was in a dejected Frame, most of the Day: Wanted to wear out Life, and have it at an End; but had some Desires of living to GOD, and wearing out Life for him. Oh that I could indeed do so!

[The next Day, he went to Elisabeth-Town, to a Meeting of the Presbytery; and spent this, and Thursday, and the former Part of Friday, under a very great Degree of Melancholy, and exceeding Gloominess of Mind; not through any Fear of future Punishment, but as being distressed with a Senselesness of all Good, so that the whole World appear'd empty and gloomy to him. But, in the latter Part of Friday, he was greatly reliev'd and comforted.]

Saturday, July 26. Was comfortable in the Morning; my Countenance and Heart were not sad, as in Days past; enjoy'd some Sweetness in lifting up my Heart to God. Rode Home to my People, and was in a comfortable pleasant Frame by the Way; my Spirits were much relieved of their Burden, and I felt free to go through all Difficulties and Labours in my Master's Service.

Lord's-Day, July 27. Discoursed to my People, in the Forenoon, from Luk. xii.37. on the Duty and Benefit of watching: God helped me in the latter Part of my Discourse, and the Power of God appear'd in the Assembly. In the Afternoon, discoursed from Luk. xiii.25. Here also I enjoyed some Assistance, and the Spirit of God seem'd to attend what was spoken, so that there was a gr •• t Solemnity, and some Tears among Indians and others.

Monday, July 28. Was very weak, and scarce able to perform any Business at all; but enjoyed Sweetness and Comfort in Prayer, both Morning and Evening; and was composed and comfortably thro' the Day: My Mind was intense, and my Heart fervent, at least in some Degree, in secret Duties; and I longed to spend and be spent for GOD.

Tuesday, July 29. My Mind was chearful, and free from those melancholy Damps, that I am often exercised with: Had Freedom in looking up to God, at sundry Times in the Day. In the Evening, I enjoyed a comfortable Season in secret Prayer; was help'd to plead with God for my own dear People, that he would carry on his own blessed Work among them; was assisted also in praying for the divine Presence to attend me in my intended Journey to Susquahannah; was also helped to remember dear Brethren and Friends in New-England: scarce knew how to leave the Throne of Grace, and it grieved me that I was obliged to go to Bed; I longed to do something for God, but knew not how. Blessed be God for th •• Freedom from Deject • on.

Wednesday, July 30. Was uncommonly comfortable, both in Body and Mind; in the Forenoon especially: My Mind was solemn, I was assisted in my Work, and God seem'd to be nea • to me; so that the Day was as comfortable as most I have enjoyed for some Time. In the Evening, was favoured with Assistance in secret Prayer, and felt much as I did the Evening before. Blessed be God for that Freedom I then enjoyed at the Throne of Grace, for my self, my People and my dear Friends, It is good for me to draw near to God.

[He seems to have continued very much in the same free, comfortable State of Mind the next Day.]

Friday, August 1. In the Evening, enjoyed a sweet Season in secret Prayer; Clouds of Darkness and perplexing Care were sweetly scatter'd, and nothing anxious remain'd. Oh▪ how serene was my Mind at this Season! How free from that distracting Concern I have often felt! Thy Will be done, was a Petition sweet to my Soul; and if God had bidden me chuse for my self in any Affair; I should have chosen rather to have refer'd the Choice to him; for I saw he was infinitely wise, and could not do any Thing amiss, as I was in Danger of doing. Was assisted in Prayer, for my dear Flock, that God would promote his own Work among them, and that God would go with me in my intended Journey to Sasquahannah; was helped to remember dear Friends in New-England, and my dear Brethren in the Ministry. I found enough in the sweet Duty of Prayer to have engaged me to continue in it the whole Night, would my bodily State have admitted of it. Oh, how sweet it is, to be enabled heartily to say, Lord, not my Will, but thine be done!

Saturday, Aug. 2. Near Night, preach'd from Matth. xi.29. Was considerably helped; and the Presence of God seem'd to be somewhat remarkably in the Assembly; divine Truths made powerful Impressions, both upon Saints and Sinners. Blessed be God for such a Revival among us. In the Evening, was very weary, but found my Spirits supported and refresh'd.

Lord's-Day, Aug. 3. Discoursed to my People, in the Forenoon, from Colos. iii.4. Observed, that Christ is the Believer's Life. God helped me, and gave me his Presence in this Discourse; and it was a Season of considerable Power in the Assembly. In the Afternoon, preach'd from Luke xix.41, 42. I enjoyed some Assistance; tho' not so much as in the Forenoon. In the Evening, I enjoyed Freedom and Sweetness in secret Prayer; God enlarged my Heart, freed me from melancholy Damps, and gave me Satisfaction in drawing near to himself. Oh that my Soul could magnify the Lord, for these Seasons of Composure and Resignation to his Will.

Monday, Aug. 4. Spent the Day in writing; enjoyed much Freedom and Assistance in my Work: Was in a composed and comfortable Frame, most of the Day; and in the Evening enjoyed some Sweetness in Prayer. Blessed be God, my Spirits were yet up, and I was free from sinking Damps; as I have been in general ever since I came from Elisabeth-Town last. Oh what a Mercy is this!

Friday, Aug. 5. Towards Night, preach'd at the Funeral of one of my Christians, from Isai. lvii.2. Was oppressed with the nervous Head-Ach, and considerably dejected: However, had a little Freedom, some art of the Time I was discoursing. Was extreamly weary in the Evening; but notwithstanding enjoyed some Liberty and Chearfulness of Mind in Prayer; and found the Dejection that I feared, much removed, and my Spirits considerable refresh'd.

[He continued in a very comfortable chearful Frame of Mind the next Day, with his Heart enlarged in the Service of God.]

Thursday, Aug. 7. Rode to my House, where I spent the last Winter, in order to bring some Things I needed for my Susquahannah Journey: Was refresh'd to see that Place, which God so marvellously visited with the Showers of his Grace. Oh how amazingly did the Power of GOD often appear there! Bless the Lord, O my Soul, and forget not all his Benefits.

[The next Day, he speaks of Liberty, Enlargement, and Sweetness of Mind, in Prayer and religious Conversation.]

Saturday, Aug. 9. In the Afternoon, visited my People; set their Affairs in Order, as much as possible, and contrived for them the Management of their worldly Business: Discoursed to them in a solemn Manner, and concluded with Prayer. Was composed, and comfortable in the Evening, and somewhat fervent in secret Prayer: Had some Sense and View o • the eternal World, and found a Serenity of Mind. Oh that I could magnify the Lord for any Freedom he affords me in Prayer.

Lord's-Day, Aug. 10. Discoursed to my People, both Parts of the Day, from Acts iii.19. In discoursing of Repentance, in the Forenoon, God helped me, so that my Discourse was searching, some were in Tears, both of the Indians and white People; and the Word of God was attended with some Power. In the Intermission-Season, I was engaged in discoursing to some in order to their Baptism; as well as with One who had then lately met with some Comfort, after spiritual Trouble and Distress. In the Afternoon, was somewhat assisted again, tho' weak and weary. Afterwards baptized 6 Persons; 3 Adults, and 3 Children. Was in a comfortable Frame in the Evening, and enjoyed some Satisfaction in secret Prayer. I scarce ever in my Life felt my self so full of Tenderness, as this Day.

Monday, Aug. 11. Being about to set out on a Journey to Susquahannah the next Day, with Leave of Providence, I spent some Time this Day in Prayer with my People, that God would bless and succeed my intended Journey, that he would send forth his blessed Spirit with his Word, and set up his Kingdom among the poor Indians in the Wilderness. While I was opening and applying Part of the cxth & iid Psalms, the Power of God seem'd to defend on the Assembly in some Measure; and while I was making the first Prayer, Numbers were melted, and I found some affectionate Enlargement of Soul my self. Preach'd from Acts iv.31. God helped me, and my Interpreter also: There was a shaking and melting among us; and divers, I doubt not were in some Measure filled with the Holy Ghost. Afterwards, Mr. Mc Knight pray'd: I then open'd the two last Stanza's of the lxxiid Psalm; at which Time God was present with us; especially while I insisted upon the Promise of all Nations blessing the great REDEEMER: My Soul was refresh'd, to think, that this Day, this blessed glorious Season, should surely come; and I trust, Numbers of my dear People were also refresh'd. Afterwards pray'd; had some Freedom, but was almost Spent: Then walk'd out, and le • t my People to carry on religious Exercises among themselves: They pray'd repeatedly, and sung, while I rested and refresh'd my self. Afterwards, went to the Meeting; pray'd with, and dismiss'd the Assembly. Blessed be God, this has been a Day of Grace. There were many Tears and affectionate Sobs among us this Day. In the Evening, my Soul was refresh'd in Prayer: Enjoyed Liberty at the Throne of Grace, in praying for my People and Friends and the Church of God in general. Bless the Lord, O my Soul.

[The next Day, he set out on his Journey towards Susquahannah, and six of his Christian Indians with him, whom he had chosen out of his Congregation, as those that he judged most fit to assist him in the Business he was going upon. He took his Way through Philadelphia; intending to go to Susquahannah-River, far down along, where it is settled by the white People▪ below the Country inhabited by the Indians; and so to travel up the River to the Indian Habitations: For altho' this was much further about, yet hereby he avoided the huge Mountains, and hideous Wilderness, that must be cross'd in the nearer Way; which in Time past he had found to be extremely difficult and fatiguing. He rode this Week as far as Charlestown, a Place of that Name about 30 Miles Westward of Philadelphia; where he arrived on Friday: And in his Way hither, was for the most Part in a composed comfortable State of Mind.]

Saturday, Aug. 16. [At Charlestown] It being a Day kept by the People of the Place 〈◊〉 I now was, as preparatory to the Celebration of the Lord's Supper, I tarried; heard Mr. Treat preach; and then preach'd my self. God gave me some good Degree of Freedom, and helped me to discourse with Warmth, and Application, to the Conscience. Afterwards, I was refresh'd in Spirit, tho' much tired; and spent the Evening agreeably, having some Freedom in Prayer, as well as Christian Conversation.

Lord's-Day, Aug. 17. Enjoyed Liberty, Composure, and Satisfaction, in the secret Duties of the Morning: Had my Heart somewhat enlarged in Prayer for dear Friends, as well as for my self. In the Forenoon, attended Mr. Treat's Preaching, partook of the Lord's-Supper, five of my People also communicating in this holy Ordinance: I enjoyed some Enlargement and Out-going of Soul in this Season. In the Afternoon, preach'd from Ezek. xxxiii.11. Enjoyed not so much sensible Assistance as the Day before; however, was helped to some Fervency in addressing immortal Souls. Was somewhat confounded in the Evening, because I thought I had done little or nothing for God; yet enjoyed some Refreshment of Spirit in Christian Conversation and Prayer. Spent the Evening, 'till near midnight, in religious Exercises; and found my bodily Strength, which was much spent when I came from the publick Worship, something renewed before I went to Bed.

Monday, Aug. 18. Rode on my Way towards Paxton, upon Susquahannah-River. Felt my Spirits sink, towards Night, so that I had little Comfort.

Tuesday, Aug. 19. Rode forward still; and at Night lodged by the Side of Susquahannah. Was weak and disorder'd both this and the preceeding Day, and found my Spirits considerably damp'd, meeting with none that I tho't godly People.

Wednesday, Aug. 20. Having lain in a cold Sweat all Night, I cough'd much bloody Matter this Morning, and was under great Disorder of Body, and not a little Melancholy; but what gave me some Encouragement, was, I had a secret Hope that I might speedily get a Dismission from Earth and all it's Toils and Sorrows. Rode this Day to one Chambers's, upon Susquahannah, and there lodged. Was much afflicted, in the Evening, with an ungodly Crew, drinking, swearing, &c. Oh, what a Hell would it be, to be numbred with the Ungodly! Enjoyed some agreeable Conversation with a Traveller, who seem'd to have some Relish of true Religion.

Thursday, Aug. 21. Rode up the River about 15 Miles, and there lodg'd, in a Family that appear'd quite destitute of GOD. Laboured to discourse with the Man about the Life of Religion, but found him very artful in evading such Conversation. Oh, what a Death it is to some, to hear of the Things of GOD! Was out of my Element; but was not so dejected as at some Times.

Friday, Aug. 22. Continued my Course up the River; my People now being with me, who before were parted from me: Travelled above all the English Settlements; at Night, lodged in the open Woods; and slept with more Comfort, than while among an ungodly Company of white People. Enjoyed some Liberty in secret Prayer, this Evening; and was helped to remember dear Friends, as well as my dear Flock, and the Church of God in general.

Saturday, Aug. 23. Arrived at the Indian Town, called Shaumoking, near Night. Was not so dejected as formerly; but yet somewhat exercised. Felt somewhat composed in the Evening; enjoyed some Freedom in leaving my All with GOD: Thro' the great Goodness of God, I enjoyed some Liberty of Mind; was not distress'd with a Despondency, as frequently heretofore.

Lord's-Day, August 24. Towards Noon, visited some of the Delawares, and discoursed with them about Christianity. In the Afternoon, discoursed to the King, and others, upon divine Things▪ who seem'd disposed to hear. Spent most of the Day in these Exercises. In the Evening, enjoyed some Comfort and Satisfaction; and especially had some Sweetness in secret Prayer: This Duty was made so agreeable to me, that I loved to walk abroad and repeatedly engage in it. Oh, how comfortable is a little Glimpse of God!

Monday, Aug. 25. Spent most of the Day in writing. Sent out my People that were with me, to talk with the Indians, and contract a Friendship and Familiarity with them, that I might have a better Opportunity of treating with them about Christianity. Some Good seem'd to be done by their Visits this Day, divers appear'd willing to hearken to Christianity. My Spirits were a little refresh'd, this Evening; and I found some Liberty and Satisfaction, in Prayer.

Tuesday, Aug. 26. About Noon, discoursed to a considerable Number of Indians: God helped me, I am perswaded; I was enabled to speak with much Plainness, and some Warmth and Power. The Discourse had Impression upon some, and made them appear very serious. I thought▪ Things now appear'd as encouraging, as they did at Crosweeks. At the Time of my first Visit to those Indians, I was a little encouraged: I pressed Things with all my Might; and call'd out my People, who were then present, to give in their Testimony for God; which they did. Towards Night, was refresh'd; felt a Heart to pray for the setting up of God's Kingdom here; as well as for my dear Congregation below, and my dear Friends elsewhere.

Wednesday, Aug. 27. There having been a thick Smoak, in the House where I lodged, all Night before, whereby I was almost chocked, I was this Morming distress'd with Pains in my Head and Neck, and could have no Rest. In the Morning, the Smoak was still the same; and a cold easterly Storm gathering, I could neither live within Doors nor without any long Time together; I was pierced with the Rawness of the Air abroad, in the House distress'd with the Smoak. I was this Day very vapoury, and lived in great Distress, and had not Health enough to do any Thing to any Purpose.

Thursday, Aug. 28. In the Forenoon, was under great Concern of Mind about my Work. Was visited by some who desired to hear me preach; discoursed to 'em, in the Afternoon, with some Fervency, and laboured to perswade 'em to turn to God. Was full of Concern for the Kingdom of Christ, and found some Enlargement of Soul in Prayer, both in secret and in my Family. Scarce ever saw more clearly, than this Day, that 'tis GOD's Work to convert Souls, and especially poor Heathens: I knew, I could not touch them▪ I saw, I could only speak to dry Bones, but could give them no Sense of what I said. My Eyes were up to GOD for Help: I could say, the Work was his; and if done, the Glory would be his.

Friday, Aug. 29. Felt the same Concern of Mind, as the Day before. Enjoyed some Freedom in Prayer, and a Satisfaction to leave all with God. Travelled to the Delawares, found few a • home: Felt poorly, but was able to spend some Time alone in reading God's Word & in Prayer, & enjoyed some Sweetness in these Exercises. In the Evening, was assisted repeatedly in Prayer, and found some Comfort in coming to the Throne of Grace.

Saturday, Aug. 30. Spent the Forenoon in visiting a Trader, that came down the River sick; who appeared as ignorant as any Indian. In the Afternoon, spent some Time in Writing, Reading and Prayer.

Lord's-Day, Aug. 31. Spent much Time, in the Morning, in secret Duties: Found a Weight upon my Spirits, and could not but cry to God with Concern and Engagement of Soul. Spent some Time also in reading and expounding God's Word to my dear Family, that was with me, as well as in Singing and Prayer with them. Afterwards, spake the Word of God, to some few of the Susquahannah-Indians. In the Afternoon, felt very weak and feeble. Near Night, was something refresh'd in Mind, with some Views of Things relating to my great Work. Oh, how heavy is my Work, when Faith can't take hold of an Almighty Arm, for the Performance of it: Many Times have I been ready to sink in this Case. Blessed be God, that I may repair to a full Fountain.

Monday, September 1. Set out on a Journey towards a Place called The great Island, about 50 Miles distant from Shaum • king, in the North-western Branch of Susquahannah. Travelled some Part of the Way, and at Night lodg'd in the Woods. Was exceeding feeble, this Day, and • weat much the Night following.

Tuesday, Sept. 2. Rode forward; but no faster than my People went on Foot. Was very weak, on this as well as the preceeding Days: Was so feeble and faint, that I • ear' • it would kill me to 〈◊〉 out in the open Air; and some of our Company being parted from us, so that we had now no Ax with us, I had no Way but to climb into a young Pine-Tree▪ and with my Knife to lop the Branches, and so made a Shelter from the Dew. But the Evening being cloudy and very likely for Rain, I was still under Fears of being extremely exposed: Sweat much in the Night▪ so that my 〈◊〉 was alm • st wrin •• ng wet all Night. I scarce ever was more weak and weary, than this Evening, when I was able to sit up at all. This was a melancholy Situation I was in; but I endeavoured to quiet my self with Considerations of the Possibility of my being in much worse Circumstances, amongst Enemies, &c.

Wednesday, Sept. 3. Rode to the Delaware-Town; found divers drinking and drunken. Discoursed with some of the Indians about Christianity; observed my Interpreter much engaged and assisted in his Work: Some few Persons seem'd to hear with great Earnestness and Engagement of Soul. About Noon, rode to a small Town of Shauwaunoes, about 8 Miles distant; spent an Hour or two there, and returned to the Delaware-Town, and lo • ged there. Was scarce ever more confounded with a Sense of my own Unfruitfulness and Unfitness for my Work, than now. Oh, what a dead, heartless, barren, unprofitable Wretch did I now see my self to be! My Spirits were so low, and my bodily Strength so wasted, that I could do nothing at all. At Length, being much overdone, lay down on a Buffalo-Skin; but sweat much, the whole Night.

Thursday, Sept. 4. Discoursed with the Indians, in the Morning, about Christianity; my Interpreter, afterwards, carrying on the Discourse, to a considerable Length: Some few appeared well-disposed, and somewhat affected. Left this Place, and returned towards Shaumocking; and at Night lodged in the Place where I lodged the Monday-Night before: Was in very uncomfortable Circumstances in the Evening▪ my People being belated, and not coming to me 'till past 10 at Night; so that I had no Fire to dress any Victuals, or to keep me Warm, or keep off wild Beasts; and I was scarce ever more weak and worn out in all my Life. However, I lay down and slept before my People came up, expecting Nothing else but to spend the whole Night alone and without Fire.

Friday, Sept. 5. Was exceeding weak, so that I could scarcely ride; it seem'd sometimes as if I must fall off from my Horse, and lie in the open Woods: However, got to Shaumocking, towards Night: Felt something of a Spirit of Thankfulness, that God had so far return'd me: Was refresh'd, to see one of my Christians, whom I left here in my late Excursion.

Saturday, Sept. 6. Spent the Day in a very weak State; Coughing and spitting Blood, and having little Appetite to any Food I had with me: Was able to do very little, except discourse a while of divine Things to my own People, and to some • ew I met with. Had, by this Time, very little Life or Heart to speak for God, thro' Feebleness of Body, and Flatness of Spirits. Was scarcely ever more ashamed and confounded in my self, than now. I was sensible, that there were Numbers of God's People, who knew I was then out upon a Design (or at least the Pretence) of doing something for God, and in his Cause, among the poor Indians; and they were ready to suppose, that I was fervent in Spirit: But Oh, the heartless Frame of Mind that I felt, fill'd we with Confusion! Oh (methought) if God's People knew me, as God knows, they would not think so highly of my Zeal and Resolution for God, as perhaps now they do! I could not but desire they shou • d see how heartless and irresolute I was, that they might be undeceived, and not think of me above what they ought to think. And yet I thought, if they saw the utmost of my Flatness and Unfaithfulness, the Smallness of my Courage and Resolution for God, they would be ready to shut me out of their Doors, as unworthy of the Company or Friendship of Christians.

Lord's-Day, Sept. 7. Was much in the same weak State of Body, and afflicted Frame of Mind, as in the preceeding Day: My Soul was grieved, and mourn'd that I could do nothing for God. Read and expounded some Part of God's Word to my own dear Family, and spent some Time in Prayer with them; discoursed also a little to the Pagans: But spent the Sabbath with a little Comfort.

Monday, Sept. 8. Spent the Forenoon among the Indians; in the Afternoon, left Shaumoking, and returned down the River, a few Miles. Had proposed to have tarried a considerable Time longer among the Indians upon Susquahannah; but was hindred from pursuing my Purpose by the Sickness that prevailed there, the weakly Circumstances of my own People that were with me, & especially my own extraordinary Weakness, having been exercised with great nocturnal Sweats, and a coughing up of Blood, in almost the whole of the Journey; and was a great Part of the Time so feeble and faint, that it seem'd as tho' I never should be able to reach home; and at the same Time very destitute of the Comforts & even Necessaries of Life; at least, what was necessary for one in so weak a State. In this Journey I sometimes was enabled to speak the Word of God with some Power, and divine Truths made some Impressions on divers that heard me; so that several, both Men and Women, old and young, seem'd to cleave to us, and be well disposed towards Christianity; but others mocked and shouted, which damp'd those who before seem'd friendly, at least some of them▪ Yet God, at Times, was evidently present, assisting me, my Interpreter, and other dear Friends who were with me: God gave, sometimes, a good Degree of Freedom in Prayer for the ingathering of Souls there; and I could not but entertain a strong Hope, that the Journey should not be wholly fruitless. Whether the Issue of it would be the setting up Christ's Kingdom there, or only the drawing of some few Persons down to my Congregation in New-Jersey; or whether they were now only preparing for some further Attempts, that might be made among them, I did not determine: But I was perswaded, the Journey would not be lost. Blessed be God, that I had any Encouragement and Hope.

Tuesday, Sept. 9. Rode down the River, near 30 Miles. Was extreme weak, much fatigued, and wet with a Thunder-Storm. Discoursed with some Warmth and Closeness to some poor ignorant Souls, on the Life and Power of Religion; what were and what were not the Evidences of it. They seem'd much astonish'd, when they saw my Indians ask a Blessing and give Thanks at Dinner; concluding that a very high Evidence of Grace in them: But were astonished, when I insisted, that neither that, nor yet secret Prayer, was any sure Evidence of Grace. Oh the Ignorance of the World! How are some empty outward Forms, that may all be intirely selfish, mistaken for true Religion, infallible Evidences of it! The Lord pity a deluded World.

Wednesday, Sept. 10. Rode near twenty Miles homeward. Was much solicited to preach, but was utterly unable, thro' bodily Weakness. Was extremely overdone with the Heat and Showers this Day, and coughed up considerable Blood.

Thursday, Sept. 11. Rode homeward; but was very weak, and sometimes scarce able to ride. Had a very importunate Invitation to preach at a Meeting • House I came by, the People being then gathering; but could not, by Reason of Weakness. Was res •• ned and composed under my Weakness; but was much exercised with Concern for my Companions in Travel, whom I had left with much Regret, some lame, and some sick.

Friday, Sept. 12. Rode about fifty Miles; and came just at Night to a Christian Friend's House, about 25 Miles Westward from Philadelphia. Was courteously received, and kindly entertain'd, and found my self much refresh'd in the midst of my Weakness and Fatigues.

Saturday, Sept. 13. Was still agreeably entertain'd with Christian Friendship, and all Things necessary for my weak Circumstances; In the Afternoon, heard Mr. Treat preach; and was refresh'd in Conversation with him, in the Evening.

Lord's-Day, Sept. 14. At the Desire of Mr. Treat and the People, I preach'd both Parts of the Day (but short) from Luk. xiv.23. God gave me some Freedom and Warmth in my Discourse; and I trust, helped me in some Measure to labour in singleness of Heart. Was much tired in the Evening, but was comforted with the most tender Treatment I ever met with in my Life. My Mind, thro' the whole of this Day, was exceeding calm; and I could ask for nothing in Prayer, with any Encouragement of Soul, but that the Will of God might be done.

Monday, Sept. 15. Spent the whole Day, in Concert with Mr. Treat, in Endeavours to compose a Difference, subsisting between certain Persons in the Congregation where we now were: There seem'd to be a Blessing on our Endeavours. In the Evening, baptized a Child: Was in a calm composed Frame, and enjoyed (I trust) a spiritual Sense of divine Things, while administring the Ordinance. Afterwards, spent the Time in religious Conversation, 'till late in the Night. This was indeed a pleasant agreeable Evening.

Tuesday, Sept. 16. Continued still at my Friend's House, about 25 Miles Westward of Philadelphia. Was very weak, unable to perform any Business, and scarcely able to sit up.

Wednesday, Sept. 17. Rode into Philadelphia. Still very weak, and my Cough and spitting of Blood continued. Enjoyed some a •• eeable Conversation with Friends, but wanted more Spirituality.

Thursday, Sept. 18. Went from Philadelphia to Mr. Treat's: Was agreeably entertain'd on the Road; and was in a sweet composed Frame, in the Evening.

Friday, Sept. 19. Rode from Mr. Treat's to Mr. Stockston's at Prince-Town: Was extream weak, but kindly received and entertain'd. Spent the Evening with some Degree of Satisfaction.

Saturday, Sept. 20. Arrived among my own People, just at Night: Found 'em praying together: Went in, and gave them some Account of God's Dealings with me and my Companions in the Journey; which seem'd affecting to them. I then pray'd with them, and thought the divine Presence was amongst us; divers were melted into Tears, and seem'd to have a Sense of divine Things. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to repair to my Lodgings, and felt much worn out, in the Evening. Thus God has carried me thro' the Fatigues and Perils of another Journey to Sasquahannah, and returned me again in Safety, tho' under a great Degree of bodily Indisposition. Oh that my Soul were truly thankful for renewed Instances of Mercy! Many Hardships and Distresses I endured in this Journey: But the Lord supported me under them all.

Part VIII. After his Return from his last Journey to Susquahannah, until his Death.

[N. B. HITHERTO Mr. Brainerd had kept a constant Diary, given an Account of what pass'd from Day to Day, with very little Interruption: But henceforward his Diary is very much interrupted by his Illness; under which he was often brought so low, as either not to be capable of writing, or not well able to bear the Burden of a Care so constant, as was requisite, to recollect, every Evening, what had passed in the Day, and digest it, and set down an orderly Account of it in Writing. However, his Diary was not wholly neglected; but he took Care, from Time to Time, to take some Notice in it of the most material Things concerning himself and the State of his Mind, even till within a few Days of his Death; as the Reader will see afterwards. Mr. Shepard, in his Select Cases resolved, under the first Case says as follows. I have lately known one very able, wise, and godly, put upon the Rack, by him that envying God's People's Peace, knows how to change himself into an Angel of Light: For it being his usual Course in the Time of his Health to make a Diary of his hourly Life, and finding much Benefit by it, he was in Conscience press'd, by the Power and Delusion of Satan, to make and take the same daily Survey of his Life in the Time of his Sickness: By Means of which he spent his enfeebled Spirits, cast on Fuel 〈◊〉 fire his Sickness. Had not a Friend of his convinced 〈◊〉 of his erroneous Conscience misleading him at that Ti • e, he had murder'd his Body, out of Conscience to save his 〈◊〉 and to preserve his Grace. And do you think th • se 〈◊〉 the Motions of God's Spirit, which like th • se 〈…〉 , 10. Had Faces like M • n, but had 〈…〉 , and Stings in their Tails? ]

Lord's-Day, Sept. 21. 1746. I was so weak I could not preach, nor pretend to ride over to my People in the Forenoon. In the Afternoon, rode out; sat in my Chair, and discoursed to my People from Rom. xiv.7, 8. I was strengthen'd and helped in my Discourse: And there appear'd something agreable in the Assembly. I returned to my Lodgings extremely tired; but thankful, that I had been enabled to speak a Word to my poor People I had been so long absent from. Was able to sleep very little this Night, thro' Weariness and Pain. Oh, how blessed should I be, if the little I do were all done with right Views! Oh that whether I live, I might live to the Lord, &c.

Saturday, Sept. 27. Spent this Day, as well as the whole Week past, under a great Degree of bodily Weakness, exercised with a violent Cough, and a considerable Fever; had no Appetite to any Kind of Food; and frequently brought up what I eat, as soon as it was down; and oftentimes had little Rest in my Bed, by Reason of Pains in my Breast and Back: Was able, however, to ride over to my People, about two Miles, every Day, and take some Care of those who were then at Work upon a small House for me to reside in amongst the Indians. This was the fourth House • e built for his Residence among the Indians. Besides that at Ka • na • meek, and that at the Forks of Del • ware, and another at Crosweeksung, he built one now at Cranberry. I was sometimes scarce able to walk, and never able to fit up the whole Day, thro' the Week. Was calm and composed, and but little exercised with melancholy Damps, as in former Seasons of Weakness: Whether I should ever recover, or no, seem'd very doubtful; but this was many times a Comfort to me, that Life and Death did not depend upon my Choice, I was pleased, to think, that he who is infinitely wise, had the Determination of this Matter; and that I had no Trouble, to consider and weigh Things upon all Sides, in order to make the Choice, whether I would live or die. Thus my Time was consumed; I had little Strength to pray, none to write or read, and scarce any to meditate: But thro' divine Goodness, I could with great Composure look Death in the Face, and frequently with sensible Joy. Oh, how blessed it is, to be habitually prepared for Death. The Lord grant, that I may be actually ready • lso.

Lord's-Day, Sept. 28. Rode to my People; and tho' under much Weakness, attempted to preach, from 2 Cor. xiii.5. Discoursed about half an Hour; at which Season divine Power seem'd to attend the Word: But being extreme weak, I was obliged to desist; and after a Turn of Faintness, with much Difficulty, rode to my Lodgings; where betaking my self to my Bed, I lay in a burning Fever, and almost delirious, for several Hours; 'till towards Morning, my Fever went off with a violent Sweat. I have often been feverish, and unable to rest quietly after Preaching; but this was the most severe distressing Turn, that ever Preaching brought upon me. Yet I felt perfectly at Rest in my own Mind, because I had made my utmost Attempts to speak for God, and knew I could do no more.

Tuesday, Sept. 30. Yesterday, and to Day, was in the same weak State, or rather weaker than in Days past; was scarce able to sit up half the Day. Was in a composed Frame of Mind, remarkably free from Dejection and melancholy Damps; as God has been pleased, in great Measure, to deliver me from these unhappy Glooms, in the general Course of my present weakness hitherto, and also from a peevish froward Spirit: And Oh, how great a Mercy is this! Oh that I might always be perfectly quiet in Seasons of greatest Weakness, altho' Nature should sink and fail. Oh that I may always be able with utmost Sincerity to say, LORD, not my Will, but thine be done! This, thro' Grace, I can say at present, with Regard to Life or Death: The Lord do with me as seems good in his Sight; that whether I live or die, I may glorify him, who is worthy to receive Blessing, and Honour, and Dominion for ever. Amen.

Saturday, Octob. 4. Spent the former Part of this Week under a great Degree of Infirmity and Disorder, as I had done several Weeks before: Was able however to ride a little every Day, altho' unable to sit up half the Day, 'till Thursday. Took some Care daily of some Persons at work upon my House. On Friday, after Noon found my self wonderfully revived and strengthen'd; and having some Time before given Notice to my People, and those of 'em at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I designed with Leave of Providence, to administer the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper upon the first Sabbath in October, the Sabbath now approaching, on Friday-Afternoon I preach'd, preparatory to the Sacrament, from 2 Cor. xiii.5. Finishing what I had proposed to offer upon the Subject the Sabbath before. The Sermon was bless'd of God to the stirring up religious Affection, and a Spirit of Devotion, in the People of God; and to the greatly affecting one who had backslidden from God, which caused him to judge and condemn himself. I was surprizingly strengthned in my Work, while I was speaking: But was obliged immediately after to repair to Bed, being now removed into my own House among the Indians; which gave me such speedy Relief and Refreshment, as I could not well have liv'd without. Spent some Time on Friday-Night in conversing with my People about divine Things, as I lay upon my Bed; and found my Soul refresh'd, tho' my Body was weak. This being Saturday, I discoursed particularly with divers of the Communicants; and this Afternoon preach'd from Zech. xii.10. There seem'd to be a tender Melting, and hearty mourning for Sin, in Numbers in the Congregation. My Soul was in a comfortable Frame, and I enjoy'd Freedom and Assistance in publick Service: Was my self, as well as most of the Congregation, much affected with the humble Confession, and apparent Broken-heartedness of the formentioned Backslider; and could not but rejoyce, that God had given him such a Sense of his Sin and Unworthiness. Was extremely tired in the Evening; but lay on my Bed, and discoursed to my People.

Lord's-Day, Octob. 5. Was still very weak; and in the Morning, considerably afraid I should not be able to go thro' the Work of the Day; having much to do, both in private and publick. Discoursed before the Administration of the Sacrament, from Joh. i.29. Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the Sin of the World. Where I considered▪ I. In what Respects Christ is called the Lamb of God; and observed that he is so called, (1) From the Purity and Innocency of his Nature. (2) From his Meekness and Patience under Sufferings. (3) From his being that Atonement, which was pointed out in the Sacrifice of Lambs, and in particular by the paschal Lamb. II. Considered how and in what Sense he takes away the Sin of the World: And observed, that the Means and Manner, in and by which he takes away the Sins of Men, was his giving himself for them, doing and suffering in their Room and Stead, &c. And he is said to take away the Sin of the World, not because all the World shall actually be redeemed from Sin by him, but because, (1) He has done and suffered sufficient to answer for the Sins of the World, and so to redeem all Mankind; (2) He actually does take away the Sins of the elect World. And III. Considered how we are to behold him, in order to have our Sins taken away. (1) Not with our bodily Eyes: Nor (2) By imagining him on the Cross, &c. But by a spiritual View of his Glory and Goodness, engaging the Soul to rely on him, &c.—The divine Presence attended this Discourse; and the Assembly was considerably melted with divine Truths. After Sermon baptized two Persons. Then administred the Lord's Supper to near 40 Communicants, of the Indians, besides divers dear Christians of the white People. It seem'd to be a Season of divine Power and Grace; and Numbers seem'd to rejoyce in God. Oh, the sweet Union and Harmony then appearing among the religious People! My Soul was refresh'd, and my religious Friends, of the white People, with me. After the Sacrament, could scarcely get home, tho' it was not more than 20 Rods; but was supported and led by my Friends, and laid on my Bed; where I lay in Pain 'till some Time in the Evening; and then was able to fit up and discourse with Friends. Oh, how was this Day spent in Prayers and Praises among my dear People! One might hear them, all the Morning, before publick Worship, and in the Evening, 'till near Midnight, praying and singing Praises to God, in one or other of their Houses. My Soul was refresh'd, tho' my Body was weak.

[This Week, he went (in a very low State) in two Days, to Elisabeth-Town, to attend the Meeting of the Synod there: But was disappointed by it's Removal to New-York. He continued in a very composed comfortable Frame of Mind.]

Saturday, Octob. 11. Towards Night was seized with an Ague, which was followed with a hard Fever, and considerable Pain: Was treated with great Kindness, and was ashamed to see so much Concern about so unworthy a Creature, as I knew my self to be. Was in a comfortable Frame of Mind, wholly submissive, with Regard to Life or Death. It was indeed a peculiar Satisfaction to me, to think, that it was not my Concern or Business to determine whether I should live or die. I likewise felt peculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon Degree of Disorder; being now fully convinced of my being really weak, and unable to perform my Work; whereas at other Times my Mind was perplex'd with Fears, that I was a Misimprover of Time, by conceiting I was sick, when I was not in Reality so. Oh, how precious is Time! And how guilty it makes me feel, when I think I have trifled away and misimproved it, or neglected to fill up each Part of it with Duty, to the utmost of my Ability and Capacity!

Lord's-Day, Octob. 12. Was scarce able to sit up, in the Forenoon: In the Afternoon, attended publick Worship, and was in a composed comfortable Frame.

Lord's-Day, Octob. 19. Was scarcely able to do any Thing at all in the Week past, except that on Thursday I rode out about four Miles; at which Time I took Cold. As I was able to do little or nothing, so I enjoyed not much Spirituality, or lively religious Affection; tho' at some Times I longed much to be more fruitful and full of heavenly Affection; and was grieved to see the Hours slide away, while I could do nothing for God.— Was able, this Week to attend publick Worship. Was composed and comfortable, willing either to die or live; but found it hard to be reconciled to the Tho'ts of living Useless. Oh that I might never live to be a Burden to God's Creation; but that I might be allowed to repair Home, when my sojourning Work is done.

[This Week, he went back to his Indians at Cranberry, to take some Care of their spiritual and temporal Concerns: And was much spent with riding; tho' he rode but a little Way in a Day.]

Thursday, Octob. 23. Went to my own House, and set Things in Order. Was very weak, and somewhat melancholy: Laboured to do something, but had no Strength; and was forced to lie down on my Bed, very solitary.

Friday, Octob. 24. Spent the Day in overseeing and directing my People, about mending their Fence, and securing their Wheat. Found, that all their Concerns of a secular Nature depended upon me.— Was somewhat refresh'd in the Evening, having been able to do something valuable in the Day-Time. Oh, how it pains me, to see Time pass away, when I can do nothing to any Purpose!

Saturday, Octob. 25. Visited some of my People; spent some Time in writing▪ and felt much better in Body, than usual: When it was near Night, I felt so well, that I had Tho'ts of expounding: But in the Evening was much disordered again, and spent the Night in Coughing, and spitting of Blood.

Lord's-Day, Octob. 26. In the Morning, was exceeding weak: Spent the Day, 'till near Night, in Pain to see my poor People, wandring as Sheep not having a Shepherd, waiting and hoping to see me able to preach to them before Night: It could not but distress me, to see 'em in this Case, and to find myself unable to attempt any Thing for their spiritual Benefit. • ut towards Night, finding my self a little better, I call'd them together to my House, and sat down and read and expounded Matth. v.1,—16. This Discourse, tho' delivered in much Weakness, was attended with Power to many of the Hearers; especially what was spoken upon the last of those Verses; where I insisted on the infinite Wrong done to Religion, by having our Light become Darkness, instead of shining before Men. As many in the Congregation were now deeply affected with a Sense of their Deficiency, in Regard of a spiritual Conversation, that might recommend Religion to others, and a Spirit of Concern and Watchfulness seem'd to be excited in them; so there was one, in particular, that had fallen into the Sin of Drunkenness, some Time before, who was now deeply convinced of his Sin, and the great Dishonour done to Religion by his Misconduct, and discovered a great Degree of Grief and Concern on that Account. My Soul was refresh'd, to see this. And tho' I had no Strength to speak so much as I would have done, but was obliged to lie down on the Bed: Yet I rejoyced to see such an humble Melting in the Congregation; and that divine Truths, tho' faintly delivered, were attended with so much Efficacy upon the Auditory.

Monday, Octob. 27. Spent the Day in overseeing and directing the Indians, about mending the Fence round their Wheat: Was able to walk with them, and contrive their Business, all the Forenoon. In the Afternoon, was visited by two dear Friends, and spent some Time in Conversation with them; towards Night, was able to walk out, and take Care of the Indians again. In the Evening, enjoyed a very peaceful Frame.

Tuesday, Octob. 28. Rode to Prince-Town, in a very weak State: Had such a violent Fever, by the Way, that I was forced to alight at a Friends's House; and lie down for some Time. 〈◊〉 Night, was visited by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty, and his Wife, and another Friend: My Spirits were refresh •• , to see them; but I was surprized, and even ashamed, that they had taken so much Pains as to ride 30 or 40 Miles to see me! Was able to sit up most of the Evening; and spent the Time in a very comfortable Manner with my Friends.

Wednesday, Octob. 29. Rode about 10 Miles, with my Friends that came Yesterday to see me; and then parted with them, all but one, who stay'd on Purpose to keep me Company, and cheer my Spirits. Was extreme weak, and very feverish, especially towards Night; but enjoyed Comfort and Satisfaction.

Thursday, Octob. 30. Rode 3 or 4 Miles, to visit Mr. Wales: Spent some Time, in an agreable Manner, in Conversation; and tho' extreme weak, enjoyed a comfortable composed Frame of Mind.

Friday, Octob. 31. Spent the Day among Friends, in a comfortable Frame of Mind, tho' exceeding weak, and under a considerable Fever.

Saturday, November 1. Took Leave of Friends, after having spent the Forenoon with them, and returned Home to my own House. Was much disordered in the Evening, and oppress'd with my Cough; which has now been constant for, a long Time, with a hard Pain in my Breast, and Fever.

Lord's-Day, Nov. 2. Was unable to preach, and scarcely able to sit up, the whole Day. Was grieved, and almost sunk, to see my poor People destitute of the Means of Grace; especially considering they could not read, and so were under great Disadvantages for spending the Sabbath comfortably. Oh, methought, I could be contented to be sick, if my poor Flock had a faithful Pastor to feed them with spiritual Knowledge! A View of their Want of this was more afflictive to me, than all my bodily Illness.

Monday, Nov. 3. Being now in so weak and low a State, that I was utterly uncapable of performing my Work, and having little Hope of Recovery, unless, by much Riding, I thought it my Duty to take a lengthy Journey into New-England, and to divert my self among my Friends, whom I had not now seen for a long Time. And accordingly took Leave of my Congregation this Day.— Before I left my People, I visited them all in their respective Houses, and discoursed to each one, as I thought most proper and suitable for their Circumstances, and found great Freedom and Assistance in so doing: I scarcely left one House but some were in Tears; and many were not only affected with my being about to leave them, but with the solemn Addresses I made them upon divine Things; for I was helped to be fervent in Spirit, while I discoursed to them. When I had thus gone through my Congregation (which took me most of the Day) and had taken Leave of them, and of the School, I left Home, and rode about two Miles, to the House where I lived in the Summer past, and there lodg'd. Was refresh'd, this Evening, in that I had left my Congregation so well disposed and affected, and that I had been so much assisted in making my Farewel Addresses to them.

Tuesday, Nov. 4. Rode to Woodbridge, and lodg'd with Mr. Pierson; continuing still in a very weak State.

Wednesday, Nov. 5. Rode to Elisabeth-Town; intending, as soon as possible, to prosecute my Journey into New-England. But was, in an Hour or two after my Arrival, taken much worse.

After this, for near a Week, was confined to my Chamber, and most of the Time to my Bed: And then so far revived as to be able to walk about the House; but was still confined within Doors.

In the Beginning of this extraordinary Turn of Disorder, after my coming to Elisabeth-Town, I was enabled thro' Mercy to maintain a calm composed and patient Spirit, as I had been before from the Beginning of my Weakness. After I had been in Elisabeth-Town about a Fortnight, and had so far recovered that I was able to walk about House, upon a Day of Thanksgiving kept in this Place, I was enabled to recall and recount over the Mercies of God, in such a Manner as greatly affected me, and fill'd me (I think) with Thankfulness and Praise to God: Especially my Soul prais'd him for his Work of Grace among the Indians, and the Enlargement of his dear Kingdom: My Soul bless'd God for what he is in himself, and adored him, that he ever would display himself to Creatures: I rejoyced, that he was God, and longed that all should know it, and feel it, and rejoyce in it. Lord, glorify thy self, was the Desire and Cry of my Soul. Oh that all People might love and praise the blessed God: That he might have all possible Honour and Glory from the intelligent World. About this Time he wrote the 7th Letter, published at the End of this Account of his Life.

After this comfortable Thanksgiving-Season, I frequently enjoyed Freedom and Enlargement and Engagedness of Soul in Prayer, and was enabled to intercede with God for my dear Congregation, very often for very Family, and every Person, in particular; and it was often a great Comfort to me, that I could pray heartily to God for those, to whom I could not speak, and whom I was not allowed to see. But at other Times, my Spirits were so flat and low, and my bodily Vigour so much wasted, that I had scarce any Affections at all.

In December, I had revived so far as to be able to walk abroad, and visit Friends, and seem'd to be on the gaining Hand with Regard to my Health, in the main, untill Lord's-Day Decemb. 21. At which Time I went to the publick Worship; and it being Sacrament-Day, I laboured much, at the Lord's-Table, to bring forth a certain Corruption, and have it slain, as being an Enemy to God and my own Soul; and could not but hope, that I had gain'd some Strength against this, as well as other Corruptions; and felt some Brokenness of Heart for my Sin.

After this, having perhaps taken some Cold, I began to decline as to bodily Health; and continued to do so, 'till the latter End of January, 1746, 7. And having a violent Cough, a considerable Fever, and asthmatick Disorder, and no Appetire for any Manner of Food, nor any Power of Digestion, I was reduced to so low a State, that my Friends (I believe) generally despaired of my Life; and some of them, for some Time together, thought I could scarce live a Day to an End. In this Time, I could think of nothing with any Application of Mind, and seemed to be in a great Measure void of all Affection, and was exercised with great Temptations; but yet was not, ordinarily, afraid of Death.

On Lord's-Day, Feb. 1. Tho' in a very weak and low State, I enjoyed a considerable deal of Comfort and Sweetness in divine Things; and was enabled to plead and use Arguments with God in Prayer, I think, with a Child-like Spirit. That Passage of Scripture occur'd to my Mind, and gave me great Assistance, If ye, being Evil, know how to give good Gifts to your Children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the holy Spirit to them that ask him? This Text I was helped to plead, and insist upon; and saw the divine Faithfulness engaged for dealing with me better than any earthly Parent can do with his Child. This Season so refresh'd my Soul, that my Body seem'd also to be a Gainer by it. And from this Time, I began gradually to amend. And as I recovered some Strength, Vigour and Spirit, I found at Times some Freedom and Life in the Exercises of Devotion, and s • me Longing▪ after Spirituality and a Life of Usefulness to the Interests of the great Redeemer: Altho' at other Times, I was awfully barren and lifeless, and out of Frame for the Things of God; so that I was ready often to cry out, Oh that it were with me as in Months past! Oh that God had taken me away in the midst of my Usefulness, with a sudden Stroke, • hat I might not have been under a necessity of trifling away Time in Diversions! Oh that I had never lived to spend so much precious Time, in so poor a Manner, and to so little Purpose! Thus I often reflected, was grieved, ashamed, and even confounded, sunk and discouraged.

On Tuesday, Feb. 24. I was able to ride as far as Newark, (having been confined within Elisabeth-Town almost four Months) and the next Day returned to Elisabeth-Town. My Spirits were somewhat refresh'd with the Ride, tho' my Body was weary.

On Saturday, Feb. 28. Was visited by an Indian of my own Congregation; who brought me Letters, and good News of the sober and good Behaviour of my People, in general: This refresh'd my Soul; I could not but soon retire, and bless God for his Goodness; and sound, I trust, a truly thankful Frame of Spirit, that God seem'd to be building up that Congregation for himself.

On Wednesday, March 4. I met with Reproof from a Friend, which, altho' I thought I did not deserve it from him, yet was (I trust) bless'd of God to make me more tenderly afraid of Sin, more jealous over my self, and more concerned to keep both Heart and Life pure and unblameable: It likewise caused me to reflect on my past Deadness, and want of Spirituality, and to abhor my self, and look on my self most unworthy. This Frame of Mind continued the next Day; and for several Days after, I grieved, to think, that in my necessary Diversions I had not maintain'd more Seriousness, Solemnity, heavenly Affection and Conversation. And thus my Spirits were often depress'd and • unk, and yet, I trust, that Reproof was made to be beneficial • o me.

Wednesday, March 11. Being kept in Elisabeth-Town as a Day of Fasting and Prayer, I was able to attend publick Worship; which was the first Time I was able so to do after Dec. 21. 〈◊〉 , how much Weakness and Distress did God carry me thro' in this Space of Time! But having obtain'd Help from him, I yet live: Oh that I could live more to his Glory.

Lord's-Day, March 15. Was able again to attend the publick Worship, and felt some earnest Desires of being restored to the Ministerial Work: Felt, I think, some Spirit and Life, to speak for God.

Wednesday, March 18. Rode out with a Design to visit my People: And the next Day arrived among them: Was under great Dejection in my Journey.

On Friday-Morning, I rose early, walk'd about among my People, and inquired into their State and Concerns; and found an additional Weight and Burden on my Spirits, upon hearing some Things disagreeable. I endeavour'd to go to God with my Distresses, and made some kind of lamentable Complaint; and in a broken Manner spread my Difficulties before God; but notwithstanding, my Mind continued very gloomy. About ten o'Clock, I call'd my People together, and after having explain'd and sung a Psalm, I pray'd with them: There was a considerable deal of Affection among them; I doubt not, in some Instances, that which was more than meerly natural.

[This was the last Interview, that he ever had with his People. About 11 o'Clock the same Day, he left 'em; and the next Day, came to Elisabeth-Town; his Melancholy remaining still: And he continued for a considerable Time under a great Degree of Dejection thro' vapoury Disorders.]

Saturday, March 28. Was taken this Morning with violent griping Pains. These Pains were extreme, and constant, for several Hours; so that it seem'd impossible for me, without a Miracle, to live 24 Hours in such Distress. I lay confined to my Bed, the whole Day, and in distressing Pain, all the former Part of it: But it pleased God to bless Means for the abatement of my Distress. Was exceedingly weaken'd by this Pain, and continued so for several Days following; being exercised with a Fever, Cough, and nocturnal Sweats. In this distressed Case so long as my Head was free of vapoury Confusions, Death appeared agreeable to me; I look'd on it as the End of Toils, and an Entrance into a Place where the weary are at rest; and, I think, I had some Relish of the Entertainments of the heavenly State; so that by these I was allured and drawn, as well as driven by the Fatigues of Life. Oh, how happy it is, to be drawn by Desires of a State of perfect Holiness!

Saturday, April 4. Was sunk and dejected, very restless and uneasy, by Reason of the Misimprovement of Time; and yet knew not what to do: I longed to spend Time in Fasting and Prayer, that I might be delivered from Indolence and Coldness in the Things of God; but alas, I had not bodily Strength for these Exercises! Oh, how blessed a Thing is it, to enjoy Peace of Conscience! But how dreadful is a Want of inward Peace and Composure of Soul! 'Tis impossible, I find, to enjoy this Happiness without redeeming Time, and maintaining a spiritual Frame of Mind.

Lord's-Day, April 5. It grieved me, to find my self so inconceivably barren. My Soul thirsted for Grace: But alas, how far was I from obtaining what I saw so exceeding excellent! I was ready to despair of ever being a holy Creature; and yet my Soul was desirous of following hard after GOD; but never did I see my self so far from having apprehended, or being already perfect, as at this Time. The Lord's Supper being this Day administred, I attended the Ordinance: And tho' I saw in my self a dreadful Emptiness, and want of Grace, and saw my self as it were at an infinite Distance from that Purity, which is becoming the Gospel; yet in the Season of Communion, especially in the Time of the Distribution of the Bread, I enjoyed some Warmth of Affection, and felt a tender Love to the Brethr • n; and, I think, to the glorious Redeemer, the First-born among them. I endeavoured then to bring forth mine and his Enemies, and slay them before him; and found great Freedom in begging Deliverance from this spiritual Death, as well as in asking divine Favours for my Friends, and Congregation, and the Church of Christ in general.

Tuesay, April 7. In the Afternoon, rode to Newark, in order to marry the Rev. Mr. Dickinson The late learned and very excellent Mr. JONATHAN DICKINSON, Pastor of a Church in Elisabeth-Town, President of the College of New-Jersey, and one of the Correspondents of the honourable Society in Scotland for propagating Christian Knowledge: Who had a great Esteem for Mr. Brainerd, and had kindly entertain'd him in his House during his Sickness in the Winter past; and who, after a short Illness, died in the next ensuing October, two Days before Mr. Brainerd. ; and in the Evening, performed that Work. Afterwards, rode home to Elisabeth-Town, in a pleasant Frame, full of Composure and Sweetness.

Thursday, April 9. Attended the Ordination of Mr. Tucker A worthy pious young Gentleman; who liv'd in the Ministry but a very short Time: He died at Stratfield in Connecticut, the December following his Ordination, being a little while after Mr. Brainerd's Death at Northampton. He was taken ill on a Journey, returning from a Visit to his Friends at Milton (in the Massachusetts) which, as I take it, was his native Place, and Harvard-College the Place of his Education. and aftewards the Examination of Mr. Smith: Was in a comfortable Frame of Mind this Day, and felt my Heart, I think, sometimes in a spiritual Frame.

Friday, April 10. Spent the Forenoon in Presbyterial Business: In the Afternoon, rode to Elisabeth-Town; found my Brother John there; This Brother of his had been sent for by the Correspondents, to take Care of, and instruct Mr. Brainerd's Congregation of Indians; he being obliged by his Illness to be absent from them. And he continued to take Care of them 'till Mr. Brainerd's Death: and since his Death, has been ord • ined his Successor in his Mission, and to the Charge of his Congregation; which continues much to flourish under 〈…〉 Care. Spent some Time in Conversation with him; but was extreme weak and out-done, my Spirits considerably sunk, and my Mind dejected.

Monday, April 13. Assisted in examining my Brother. In the Evening, was in a solemn devout Frame; but was much overdone and oppress'd with a violent Head-ach.

Tuesday, April 14. Was able to do little or nothing: Spent some Time with Mr. Byram and other Friends. This Day my Brother went to my People.

Wednesday, April 15. Found some Freedom at the Thro •• of Grace, several Times this Day. In the Afternoon, was very weak, and spent the Time to very little Purpose; and yet in the Evening, had (I thought) some religious Warmth and spiritual Desires in Prayer: My Soul seem'd to go forth after God, and take Complacence in his divine Perfections. But alas, afterwards awfully let down my Watch, and grew careless and secure.

Thursday, April 16. Was in bitter Anguish of Soul, in the Morning, such as I have scarce ever felt, with a Sense of Sin and Guilt. I continued in Distress the whole Day, attempting to pray where-ever I went; and indeed could not help so doing▪ but look'd upon my self so vile, I dared not look any Body in the Face; and was even grieved, that any Body should show 〈◊〉 any Respect, or at least, that they should be so deceived as 〈◊〉 think I deserved it.

Friday, April 17. In the Evening, could not but think, that God helped me to draw near to the Throne of Grace, tho' most unworthy, and gave me a Sense of his Favour; which gave me inexpressible Support and Encouragement; tho' I scarcely dared to hope the Mercy was real, it appear'd so great: Yet could not but rejoyce, that ever God should discover his reconciled Face to such a vile Sinner. Shame and Confusion, at Times, cover'd me; and then Hope and Joy and Admiration of divine Goodness gain'd the Ascendant. Sometimes I could not but admire the divine Goodness, that the Lord had not let me fall into all the grossest vilest Acts of Sins and open Scandal, that could be thought of; and felt my self so necessitated to praise God, that this was ready for a little while to swallow up my Shame and Pressure of Spirit on Account of my Sins.

[After this, his Dejection and Pressure of Spirit returned; and he remained under it the two next Days.]

Monday, April 20. Was in a very disordered State, and kept my Bed most of the Day. I enjoyed a little more Comfort, than in several of the preceeding Days. This Day I arrived at the Age of 29 Years.

Tuesday, April 21. I set out on my Journey for New-England, in order (if it might be the Will of God) to recover my Health by riding: Tavelled to New-York, and there lodged.

[This proved his final Departure from New-Jersey.— He travelled slowly, and arrived among his Friends at East-Haddam, about the beginning of May. There is very little Account in his Diary, of the Time that pass'd from his setting out on this Journey to May 10. He speaks of his sometimes finding his Heart rejoicing in the glorious Perfections of God, and longing to live to him; but complains of the Unfixedness of his Tho'ts, and their being easily diverted from divine Subjects, and cries out of his Leanness, as testifying against him, in the loudest Manner. And concerning those Diversions he was obliged to use for his Health, he says, that he sometimes found he could use Diversions with singleness of Heart, aiming at the Glory of God; but that he also found there was a necessity of great Care and Watchfulness, lest he should lose that spiritual Temper of Mind in his Diversion • , and lest they should degenerate into wha • was meerly selfish, without any supreme Aim at the Glory of God in them.

Lord's-Day, May 10. (At Had-Lime) I could not but feel some Measure of Gratitude to God at this Time (wherein I was much exercised) that he had always disposed me, in my Ministry, • o insist on the great Doctrines of Regeneration, the New-Creature▪ Faith in Christ, progressive Sanctification, supreme Love to God, living inti • ely to the Glory of God, being not our own, and the like: God has helped me to see, in the surest Mann • r, from Time to Time, that these, and the like Doctrines, necessarily connected with them, are the only Foundation of Safety and Salvation for perishing Sinners; and that those divine Dispositions, which are consonant hereto, are that Holiness, without which no Man shall see the Lord: The Exercise of these God-like Tempers, wherein the Soul acts in a kind of Concert with God, and would be and do every Thing that is pleasing to God; This, I saw, would stand by the Soul in a dying Hour; For God must, I think, deny Himself, if he cast away his own Image, even the Soul that is one in Desires with himself.

Lord's Day, May 17. (At Millington) Spent the Forenoon at Home, being unable to attend the publick Worship. At this Time, God gave me some affecting Sense of my own Vileness, and the exceeding Sinfulness of my Heart; that there seem'd to be Nothing but Sin and Corruption within me. Innumerable Evils compass'd me about; my want of Spirituality and holy living, my neglect of God, and living to my self— All the Abominations of my Heart and Life seem'd to be open to my View; and I had nothing to say, but, GOD be merciful to me a Sinner.—Towards Noon, I saw, that the Grace of God in Christ is infinitely free towards Sinners, and such Sinners as I was; I also saw, that God is the supream Good, that in his Presence is Life; and I began to long to die, that I might be with him, in a State of Freedom from all Sin. Oh, how a small Glimpse of his Excellency refresh'd my Soul! Oh, how worthy i • the blessed God to be loved, adored, and delighted in, for himself, for his own divine Excellencies.

Tho' I felt much Dulness, and want of a Spirit of Prayer, this Week: Yet I had some Glimpses of the Excellency of divine Things; and especially one Morning, in secret Meditation and Prayer, the Excellency and Beauty of Holiness, as a Likeness to the glorious God, was so discovered to me, that I began to long earnestly to be in that World where Holiness dwells in Perfection: And I seem'd to long for this perfect Holiness, not so much for the sake of my own Happiness (altho' I saw clearly that this was the greatest, yea, the only Happiness of the Soul) as that I might please God, live intirely to him, and glorify him to the utmost Stretch of my rational Powers and Capacities.

Lord's-Day, May 24. (At Long-Meadow in Springfield) Could not but think, as I have often remark'd to others, that much more of true Religion consists in deep Humility, Brokenness of Heart, and an abasing Sense of Barrenness and want of Grace and Holiness, than most who are called Christians, imagine; especially those who have been esteemed the Converts of the late Day; many of whom seem to know of no other Religion but elevated Joys and Affections, arising only from some Flights of Imagination, or some Suggestion made to their Mind, of Christ's being their's, God's loving them, and the like.

[On Thursday, May 28. He came from Long-Meadow to Northampton; appearing vastly better than, by his Account, he had been in the Winter; indeed so well, that he was able to ride 25 Miles in a Day, and to walk half a Mile; and appeared chearful, and free from Melancholy: But yet undoubtedly, at that Time, in a confirmed, incurable Consumption.

I had had much Opportunity, before this, of particular Information concerning him, from many that were well acquainted with him; and had my self once an Opportunity of considerable Conversation and some Acquaintance with him, at New-Haven, near four Years before, in the Time of the Commencement when he offered that Confession to the Rector of the College, that has been already mention'd in this History; I being one he was pleased then several Times to consult on that Affair: But now I had Opportunity for a more full Acquaintance with him. I found him remarkably sociable, pleasant, and entertaining in his Conversation; yet solid, savoury, spiritual, and very profitable; appearing me • k, modest, and humble, far from any Stiffness, Moroseness, superstitious Demureness, or affected Singularity in Speech or Behaviour, and seeming to nauseate all such Things. We enjoyed not only the Benefit of his Conversation, but had the Comfort and Advantage of hearing him pray in the Family, from Time to Time. His Manner of praying was very agreable; most becoming a Worm of the Dust, and a Disciple of Christ, addressing to an infinitely great and holy God, and Father of Mercies; not with florid Expressions, or a study'd Eloquence; not with any intemperate Vehemence, or indecent Boldness; at the greatest Distance from any Appearance of Ostentation, and from every Thing that might look as tho' be meant to recommend himself to those that were about him, or set himself off to their Acceptance; free too from vain Repetitions, without impertinent Excursions, or needless multiplying of Words. He expressed himself with the strictest Propriety, with Weight, and Pungency; and yet what his Lips uttered seem'd to flow from the fulness of his Heart, as deeply impressed with a gr •• t and solemn Sense of our Necessities, Unworthiness, and Dependance, and of God's infinite Greatness▪ Excellency and Sufficiency, rather than meerly from a warm and fruitful Brain, pouring out good Expressions. And I know not, that ever I heard him so much as ask a Blessing or return Thanks at Table, but there was something remarkable, to be observed both in the Matter and Manner of the Performance. In his Prayers, he insisted much on the Prosperity of Zion, the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom in the World, and the Flourishing and Propagation of Religion among the Indians. And he generally made it one Petition in his Prayer, that we might not out-live our Usefulness.]

Lord's-Day, May 31. [At Northampton,] I had little inward Sweetness in Religion, most of the Week past; not realising and beholding spiritually the Glory of God, and the blessed Redeemer; from whence always arise my Comforts and Joys in Religion, if I have any at all: And if I can't so behold the Excellencies and Perfections of God, as to cause me to rejoyce in him for what he is in himself, I have no solid Foundation for Joy. To rejoyce, only because I apprehend I have an Interest in Christ, and shall be finally saved, is a poor mean Business indeed.

[This Week, he consulted Dr. Mather, at my House, concerning his Illness; who plainly told him, that there were great Evidences of his being in a confirmed Consumption, and that he could give him no Encouragement, that he should ever recover. But it seemed not to occasion the least Discomposure in him, nor to make any Manner of Alteration as to the Chearfulness and Serenity of his Mind, or the Freedom or Pleasantness of his Conversation.]

Lord's-Day, June 7. My Attention was greatly engaged, and my Soul so drawn forth, this Day, by what I heard of the exceeding Preciousness of the saving Grace of God's Spirit, that it almost overcame my Body, in my weak State: I saw, that true Grace is exceeding precious indeed; that it is very rare; and that there is but a very small Degree of it, even where the Reality of it is to be found; at least, I saw this to be my Case.

In the preceeding Week, I enjoyed some comfortable Seasons of Meditation. One Morning, the Cause of God appear'd exceeding precious to me: The Redeemer's Kingdom is all that is valuable in the Earth, and I could not but long for the Promotion of it in the World: I • aw also, that this Cause is God's, that he has an infinitely greater Regard and Conc • rn for it, than I could possibly have; that if I have any true Love to this blessed Interest, it is only a Drop derived from that Ocean. Hence, I was ready to lift up my Head with Joy; and conclude, Well, if God's Cause be so dear and precious to him, he will pr ••• nts it. And thus I did as it were rest on God, that surely he would promote that which was so agreable to his own Will; tho' the Time, when, must still be left to his sovereign Pleasure.

[He was advised by Physicians still to continue Riding, as what would tend, above any other Means, to prolong his Life. He was at a Loss, for some Time, which Way to bend his Course next; but finally determined to ride from hence to Boston; we having concluded that One of this Family should go with him, and be helpful to him in his weak and low State.]

Tuesday, June 9. I set out on a Journey from Northampton to Boston: Travelled slowly, and got some Acquaintance with divers Ministers on the Road.

I having now continued to ride for some considerable Time together, felt my self much better than I had formerly done; and I found, that in Proportion to the Prospect I had of being restored to a State of Usefulness, so I desired the Continuance of Life: But Death appear'd inconceivably more desirable to me, than a useless Life; yet blessed be God, I found my Heart, at Times, fully resigned and reconciled to this greatest of Afflictions, if God saw fit thus to deal with me.

Friday, July 12. I arrived in Boston this Day, somewhat fatigued with my Journey. Observed, that there is no Rest, but in GOD: Fatigues of Body, and Anxieties of Mind attend us, both in Town and Country; no Place is exempted.

Lord's-Day, June 14. I enjoyed some Enlargement & Sweetness in Family-Prayer, as well as in secret Exercises; God appear'd excellent, his Ways full of Pleasure and Peace, and all I wanted was a Spirit of holy Fervency, to live to him.

Wednesday, June 17. This, and the two preceeding Days, I spent mainly in visiting the Ministers of the Town, and was treated with great Respect by them.

On Thursday, June 18. I was taking exceeding ill, and bro't to the Gates of Death, by the breaking of small Ulcers in my Lungs, as my Physician supposed. In this extreme weak State I continued for several Weeks, and was frequently reduced so low, as to be utterly Speechless, and not able so much as to whisper a Word; and even after I had so far revived, as to walk about House, and to step out of Doors, I was exercised every Day with a faint Turn, which continued usually four or five Hours; at which Times, tho' I was not utterly Speechless, so but that I could say Yes or No, yet I could not converse at all, nor speak one Sentence without making Stops for Breath; and diverse Times in this Season, my Friends gathered round my Bed, to see me breathe my last, which they look'd for every Moment, as I my self also did.

How I was, the first Day or two of my illness, with Regard to the Exercise of Reason, I scarcely know; but I believe I was something shatter'd with the Violence of the Fever, at Times: But the third Day of my Illness, and constantly afterwards, for four or five Weeks together, I enjoyed as much Serenity of Mind, and Clearness of Thought, as perhaps I ever did in my Life; and I think, my Mind never penetrated with so much Ease and Freedom into divine Things, as at this Time; and I never fel • so capable of demonstrating the Truth of many important Doctrines of the Gospel as now. And as I saw clearly the Truth of those great Doctrines, which are justly stiled the DOCTRINES of GRACE; so I saw with no less Clearness, that the Essence of Religion consisted in the Soul's Conformity to GOD, and acting above all selfish Views, for his Glory, longing to be for him, to live to him, and please and honour him in all Things; and this from a clear View of his infinite Excellency and Worthiness in himself, to be loved, adored, worshipped, and served by all intelligent Creatures. Thus I saw, that when a Soul loves God with a supreme Love, he therein acts like the blessed God himself, who most Justly loves himself in that Manner: So when God's Interest and his are become one, and he longs that God should be glorified, and rejoyces to think that he is unchangeably possess'd of the highest Glory and Blessedness, herein also he acts in Conformity to God: In like Manner, when the Soul is fully resigned to, and rests satisfied and contented with the divine Will, here it is also conformed to God.

I saw further, that as this divine Temper, whereby the Soul exalts God, and treads Self in the Dust, is wrought in the Soul by God's discovering his own glorious Perfections in the Face of Jesus Christ to it, by the special Influences of the holy Spirit, so he cannot but have Regard to it, as his own Work; and as it is his Image in the Soul, he cannot but take Delight in it. Then I saw again, that if God should slight and reject his own moral Image, he must needs deny himself; which he cannot do. And thus I saw the Stability and Infallibility of this Religion, and that those who are truly possess'd of it, have the most compleat and satisfying Evidence of their being interested in all the Benefits of Christ's Redemption, having their Hearts conformed to him; and that these and these only are qualified for the Employments and Entertainments of God's Kingdom of Glory; as none but these have any Relish for the Business of Heaven, which is to ascribe Glory to God, and not to themselves; and that God (tho' I would speak it with great Reverence of his Name and Perfections) cannot, without denying himself, finally cast such away.

The next Thing I had then to do, was to enquire, whether this was my Religion: And here God was pleased to help me to the most easy Remembrance and critical Review of what had pass'd in Course, of a religious Nature, thro' several of the latter Years of my Life: And altho' I could discover much Corruption attending my best Duties, many selfish Views and carnal Ends, much spiritual Pride and Self-Exaltation▪ and innumerable other Evils which compass'd me about; I say, altho' I now discerned the Sins of my holy Things, as well as other Actions, yet God was pleased, as I was reviewing, quickly to put this Question out of Doubt, by shewing me, that I had, from Time to Time, acted above the utmost Influence of meer Self-Love; that I had longed to please and glorify him, as my highest Happiness, &c. And this Review was thro' Grace attended with a present Feeling of the same divine Temper of Mind; I felt now pleased, to think of the Glory of God, and longed for Heaven, as a State wherein I might glorify God perfectly, rather than a Place of Happiness for my self: And this Feeling of the Love of God in my Heart, which I trust the Spirit of God excited in me afresh, was sufficient to give me full Satisfaction, and make me long, as I had many Times before done, to be with Christ: I did not now want any of the sudden Suggestions, which many are so pleased with, That Christ and his Benefits are MINE, That God loves ME, &c. in order to give me Satisfaction about my State: No, my Soul now abhor'd those Delusions of Satan, which are thought to be the immediate Witness of the Spirit, while there is nothing but an empty Suggestion of a certain Fact, without any gracious Discovery of the divine Glory, or of the Spirit's Work in their own Hearts: I saw the awful Delusion of this Kind of Confidences, as well as of the whole of that Religion, which they usually spring from, or at least are the Attendants of; the false Religion of the late Day (tho' a Day of wondrous Grace) the Imaginations, and Impressions made only on the animal Affections, together with the sudden Suggestions, made to the Mind by Satan, transformed into an Angel of Light, of certain Facts not revealed in Scripture: These, and many like Things, I fear, have made up the greater Part of the religious Appearance in many Places.

These Things I saw with great Clearness, when I was tho't to be dying. And God gave me great Concern for his Church and Interest in the World, at this Time: Not so much because the late remarkable Influence upon the Minds of People was abated, and almost wholly gone, as because that false Religion, those Heats of Imagination, and wild and selfish Commotions of the animal Affections, which attended the Work of Grace, had prevailed so far. This was that which my Mind dwelt upon, almost Day and Night: And this, to me, was the darkest Appearance, respecting Religion, in the Land; for 'twas this chiefly, that had prejudiced the World against inward Religion. And I saw, the great Misery of all was, that so few saw any Manner of Difference between those Exercises that were spiritual and holy, and those which have Self-Love only for their Beginning, Center, and End.

As God was pleased to afford me Clearness of Thought, and Composure of Mind, almost continually, for several Weeks together, under my great Weakness; so he enabled me, in some Measure, to improve my Time (as I hope) to valuable Purposes. I was enabled to write a Number of important Letters, to Friends in remote Places Among these are the eighth, ninth, and tenth Letters, at the End of this History.: And sometimes I wrote when I was Speechless; i. e. unable to maintain Conversation with any Body; tho' perhaps I was able to speak a Word or two so as to be heard.— At this Season also, while I was confined at Boston, I read with Care and Attention some Papers of old Mr. Shepard's, lately come to Light, and designed for the Press: And as I was desired, and greatly urged, made some Corrections, where the Sense was left dark, for want of a Word or two.— Besides this, I had many Visitants; with whom, when I was able to speak, I always conversed of the Things of Religion; and was peculiarly disposed and assisted in distinguishing between the true and false Religion of the Times: There was scarce any Subject, that has been Matter of Debate in the late Day, but what I was at one Time or other brought to a Sort of Necessity to discourse upon, and shew my Opinion in; and that frequently before Numbers of People; and especially, I discoursed repeatedly on the Nature and Necessity of that Humiliation, Self-Emptiness, or full Conviction of a Person's being utterly undone in himself, which is necessary in order to a saving Faith, and the extreme Difficulty of being brought to this, and the great Danger there is of Persons taking up with some Self-righteous Appearances of it: The Danger of this I especially dwelt upon, being perswaded that Multitudes perish in this hidden Way; and because so little is said from most Pulpits to discover any Danger here: So that Persons being never effectually brought to die in themselves▪ are never truly united to Christ, and so perish. I also discoursed much on what I take to be the Essence of true Religion, endeavouring plainly to describe that God-like Temper and Disposition of Soul, and that holy Conversation and Behaviour, that may justly claim the Honour of having God for its Original and Patron. And I have Reason to hope God blessed my Way of discoursing and distinguishing, to some, both Ministers and People; so that my Time was not wholly lost.

[He was much visited, while in Boston, by many Persons of considerable Note and Figure, and of the best Character, and by some of the first Rank: Who shewed him uncommon Respect, and appeared highly pleased and entertained with his Conversation. And besides his being honoured with the Company and Respect of Ministers of the Town, he was visited by several Ministers from various Parts of the Country. And as he took all Opportunities to discourse of the peculiar Nature, and distinguishing Characters of true spiritual and vital Re • igion, a • d to bear his Testimony against the various false 〈…〉 consisting in, or arising from Impressions on the Imagination, and sudden and supposed immediate Suggestions of Truths, not contained in the Scripture, and that Faith which consists primarily in a Person's believing that Christ died for him in particular, &c. So what he said was for the most Part heard with uncommon Attention and Regard; and his Discourses and Reasonings appeared manifestly to have great Weight and Influence, with many that he conversed with, both Ministers and others.I have had Advantage for the more full Information of his Conduct and Conversation, the Entertainment he met with, and what pass'd relating to him while in Boston; as he was constantly attended, during his Continuance there, by one of my Children, in order to his Assistance in his Illness.

Also the honourable Commissioners in Boston, of the incorporated Society in London for propagating the Gospel in New-England and Parts adjacent, having newly had committed to 'em a Legacy of the late Rev. and famous Dr. Daniel Williams of London, for the Suport of two Missionaries to the Heathen, were pleased, while he was in Boston, to consult him about a Mission to those Indians called the Six Nations, particularly about the Qualifications requisite in a Missionary to those Indians; and were so satisfied with his Sentiments on this Head, and had that Confidence in his Faithfulness and his Judgment and Discretion in Things of this Nature, that they destred him to undertake to find and recommend a couple of Persons fit to be employed in this Business; and very much left the Matter with him.

Likewise certain pious and generously disposed Gentlemen in Boston, being moved by the wonderful Narrative of his Labours and Success among the Indians, in New-Jersey, and more especially by their Conversation with him on the same Subject, took Opportunity to enquire more particularly into the State and Necessities of his Congregation, and the School among the Indians, with a charitable Intention of contributing something of their Substance to promote the excellent Design of the Advancement of the Interests of Christianity among the Indians; and understanding that there was a want of Bibles for the School, three Dozen of Bibles were immediately procured, and 14 £. in Bills (of the old Tenor) given over and above, besides more large Benefactions made afterwards, which I shall have Occasion to mention in their proper Place.

Mr. Brainerd's Restoration from his extreamly low State in Boston, so as to go abroad again and to travel, was very unexpected • o him and his Friends. My Daughter who was with hi • ▪ writes thus concerning him, in a Letter dated June 23. — On Thursday, he was very ill with a violent Fever, & extreme Pain in his Head and Breast, and, at Turns, delirious. So he remained 'till Saturday Evening, when he seem'd to be in the Agonies of Death: The Family was up with him 'till one or two o'Clock, expecting every Hour would be his last. On Sabbath Day he was a little revived, his Head was better, but very full of Pain, and exceeding sore at his Brea •• , much put to it for Breath &c. Yesterday he was better upon all Accounts. Last Night he slept but little. This Morning he is much worse.—Doctor Pynchon says, he has no Hopes of his Life; nor does he think it likely he will ever come out of the Chamber; tho' he says, he may be able to come to Northampton.—

In another Letter dated June 29. She says as follows. Mr. Brainerd has not so much Pain nor Fever, since I last wrote, as before: Yet he is extremely weak and low, and very faint, expecting every Day will be his last. He says, 'tis impossible for him to live, for want of Life. He has hardly Vigour enough to draw his Breath. I went this Morning into Town, and when I came Home, Mr. Bromfield said, he never expected I should see him alive; for he lay two Hours, as they thou • ht, dying; One could scarcely tell, whether he was alive, or not; he was not able to speak, for some Time: But now is much as he was before. The Doctor thinks, he wi • l drop away in such a Turn. Mr. Brainerd says, he never felt any Thing so much like Dissolution, as what he felt to Day; and says▪ he never had any Conception of its being possible for any Creature to be alive, and yet so weak as he is from Day to Day▪—Doctor Pynchon says, he should not be surprized, if he should so recover as to live half a Year; nor would it surprize him, if he should die in half a Day. Since I began to write, he is not so well; having had a faint Turn again: Yet patient and resigned, having no distressing Fears, but the contrary.

His Physician, the honourable Joseph • ynchon, Esq when he visited him in his extream Illness in Boston, attributed his si • king so suddenly into a State so extremely low, and high unto Death, to the breaking of Ulcers, that had been long gathering in his Lungs (as Mr. Brainerd himself in •• mate • in a foremention'd Passage in his Diary) and there discharging and diffusing their purulent Matter; which, while Nature was labouring and struggling to thro' off (that could be done no otherwise, than by a gradual straining of it thro' the small Vessels of those vital Parts) This occasion'd an high Fever, and violent Coughing, and threw the whole Frame of Nature into the utmost Disorder, and brought it near to a Dissolution. But supposed, if the Strength of Nature held 'till the Lungs had this Way gradually cleared themselves of this putid Matter, he might revive, and continue better, 'till new Ulcers gathered and broke; but then would surely sink again; and that there was no Hope of his Recovery; but (as he expressed himself to one of my Neighbours, who at that Time saw him in Boston) he was as certainly a dead Man, as if he was shot through the Heart.

But so it was ordered in divine Providence, that the Strength of Nature held out through this great Conflict, so as just to escape the Grave at that Turn; and then he revived, to the Astonishment of all that knew his Case.

After he began to revive, he was visited by his youngest Brother, Mr. Israel Brainerd, a Student at Yale-College; who having heard of his extreme Illness, went from thence to Boston, in order to see him, if he might find him alive, which he but little expected.

This Visit was attended with a mixture of Joy and Sorrow to Mr. Brainerd. He greatly rejoyced to see his Brother, especially because he had desired an Opportunity of some religious Conversation with him before he died. But this Meeting was attended with Sorrow, as his Brother brought to him the sorrowful Tidings of his Sister Spencer's Death at Haddam; a Sister, between whom and him had long subsisted a peculiarly dear Affection, and much Intimacy in spiritual Matters, and whose House he used to make his Home, when he went to Haddam, his native Place. He had heard nothing of her Sickness 'till this Report of her Death. But he had these Comforts, together with the Tidings, viz. a Confidence of her being gone to Heaven, and an Expectation of his soon meeting her there.—His Brother continued with him 'till he left the Town, and came with him from thence to Northampton.

Concerning the last Sabbath Mr. Brainerd spent in Boston, he writes in his Diary as follows.]

Lord's-Day, July 19. I was just able to attend publick Worship, being carried to the House of God in a Chaise. Heard Dr. Sewall preach, in the Forenoon: Partook of the Lord's-Supper at this Time. In this Sacrament, I saw astonishing divine Wisdom display'd; such Wisdom as I saw required the Tongues of Angels and glorified Saints to celebrate: It seem'd to me, I never should do any Thing at adoring the infinite Wisdom of God discovered in the Contrivance of Man's Redemption, until I arrived at a World of Perfection; yet I could not help striving to call upon my Soul and all within me to bless the Name of God.— In the Afternoon, heard Mr. Prince preach.—I saw more of God in the Wisdom discovered in the Plan of Man's Redemption, than I saw of any other of his Perfections, through the whole Day.

[He left Boston the next Day. But before he came away, he had Occasion to bear a very full plain and open Testimony against that Opinion, that the Essence of saving Faith lies in believing that Christ died for me in particular, and that this is the first Act of Faith in a true Believer's closing with Christ. He did it in a long Conference he had with a Gentleman, that has very publickly and strenuously appear'd to defend that Tenet. He had this Discourse with him in the Presence of a Number of considerable Persons, who came to visit Mr. Brainerd before he left the Town, and to take their Leave of him. In which Debate, he made this plain Declaration (at the same Time confirming what he said, by many Arguments) That the Essence of saving Faith was wholly left out of that Definition of saving Faith which that Gentleman has published; and that the Faith which he had defined, had nothing of GOD in it, nothing above Nature, nor indeed above the Power of the Devils; and that all such as had this Faith, and had no better, tho' they might have this to never so high a Degree, would surely perish. And he declar'd also, that he never had greater Assurance of the Falseness of the Principles of those that maintained such a Faith, and of their dangerous and destructive Tendency, or a more affecting Sense of the great Delusion and Misery of those that depended on getting to Heaven by such a Faith (while they had no better) than he lately had when he was supposed to be at the Point to die, and expected every Minute to pass into Eternity.—Mr. Brainerd's Discourse at this Time, and the forceable Reasonings, by which he confirmed what he asserted, appear'd to be greatly to the Satisfaction of those present; as several of them took Occasion expresly to manifest to him, before they took Leave of him.

When this Conversation was ended, having bid an affectionate Farewel to his Friends, he set out in the Cool of the Afternoon, on his Journey to Northampton, attended by his Brother, and my Daughter that went with him to Boston; and would have been accompanied out of the Town by a Number of Gentlemen, besides that honourable Person who gave him his Company for some Miles on that Occasion, as a Testimony of their Esteem and Respect, had not his Aversion to any Thing of Pomp and Shew prevented it.]

Saturday July 25. I arrived here at Northampton; having set out from Boston on Monday, about 4 o'Clock P. M. In this Journey, I rode about 16 Miles a Day, one Day with another. Was sometimes extremely tired and faint on the Road, so that it seem'd impossible for me to proceed any further: At other Times I was considerably better, and felt some Freedom both of Body and Mind.

Lord's-Day, July 26. This Day, I saw clearly, that I should never be happy; yea, that God himself could not make me happy unless I could be in a Capacity to please and glorify him for ever: Take away this, and admit me into all the fine Heavens that can be conceived of by Men or Angels, and I should still be miserable forever.

[Tho' he had so far revived, as to be able to travel thus far, yet he manifested no Expectation of Recovery: He supposed, as his Physician did, that his being brought so near to Death at Boston, was owing to the breaking of Ulcers in his Lungs: He told me, that he had had several such ill Turns before, only not to so high a Degree, but as he supposed, owing to the same Cause, viz. the breaking of Ulcers; and that he was brought lower and lower every Time; and it appeared to him, that in his last Sickness (in Boston) he was brought as low as it was possible and yet live; and that he had not the least Expectation of surviving the next Return of this breaking of Ulcers: But still appeared perfectly calm in the Prospect of Death.

On Wednesday-Morning, the Week after he came to Northampton, he took Leave of his Brother Israel, and never expecting to see him again in this World▪ he now setting out from hence on his Journey to New-Haven.

When Mr. Brainerd came hither, he had so much Strength as to be able, from Day to Day, to ride out two or three Miles, and to return▪ and sometimes to pray in the Family; but from this Time he gradually, but sensibly, decayed, & became weaker and weak ••

While he was here, his Conversation from first to last was much on the same Subjects as it had been when in Boston: He was much in speaking of the Nature of true Religion of Heart and Practice, as distinguished from it's various Counterfeits; expressing his great Concern, that the latter did so much prevail in many Places. He often manifested his great Abhorrence of all such Doctrines and Principles in Religion, as in any wise favoured of, and had any (tho' but a remote) Tendency to Autinomianism; of all such Notions, as seem'd to diminish the Necessity of Holiness of Life, or to abate Men's Regard to the Commands of God, and a strict diligent and universal Practice of Vertue and Piety, under a Pretence of depreciating our Works, and magnifying God's free Grace. He spake often, with much Detestation, of such Experiences and pretended Discoveries and Joys, as have nothing of the Nature of Sanctification in them, and don't tend to Strictness, Tenderness, and Diligence in Religion, and Meekness and Benevolence towards Mankind, and an humble Behaviour: And he also declared, that he looked on such pretended Humility as worthy of no Regard, that was not manifested by Modesty of Conduct and Conversation. He spake often, with Abhorrence, of the Spirit and Practice that appears among the greater Part of Separatists at this Day in the Land, particularly, those in the eastern Parts of Connecticut; in their condemning & separating from the standing Ministry & Churches, their crying down Learning and a Learned Ministry, their Notion of an immediate Call to the Work of the Ministry, and the Forwardness of Lay men to set up themselves as publick Teachers. He had been much conversant in the Eastern Part of Connecticut (his native Place being near to it) when the same Principles, Notion and Spirit began to operate, which have since prevailed to a greater Height; and had Acquaintance with some of those Persons who are become Heads and Leaders of the Separatists; he had also been conversant with Persons of the same Way elsewhere: And I heeard him say, once and again, he knew by his Acquaintance with this Sort of People, that what was chiefly and most generally in Repute among them as the Power of Godliness, was an intirely different Thing from that true vital Piety recommended in the Scriptures, and had nothing in it of that Nature. He manifested a great Dislike of a Disposition in Persons to much Noise and Show in Religion, and affecting to be abundant in proclaiming and publishing their own Experience • : Tho' at the same Time he did not condemn, but approved of Christians speaking of their own Experiences on some Occasions, and to some sons, with due Modesty and Discretion. He himself sometimes, while at my House, spake of his own Experiences: But it was always with apparent Reserve, and in the Exercise of Care and Judgment with Respect to Occasions, Persons, and Circumstances. He mention'd some remarkable Things of his own religious Experience to two young Gentlemen, Candidates for the Ministry, who watched with him (each at a different Time) when he was very low and not far from his End; But he desired both of them not to speak of what he had told them 'till after his Death.

The Things which were the Subject of that Debate I mentioned before, that he had with a certain Gentleman▪ the Day he left Boston, seem'd to lie with much Weight on his Mind after he came hither; and he began to write a Letter to that Gentleman; expressing his Sentiments concerning the dangerous Tendency of some of the Tenets he had expressed in Conversation, and in the Writings he had published; with the Considerations by which the exceeding hurtful Nature of those Notions is evident; but he had not Strength to finish his Letter.

After he came hither, as long as he lived, he was much in speaking of that future Prosperity of Zion that is so often foretold and promised in the Scripture: It was a Theme he delighted to dwell upon; and his Mind seem'd to be carried forth with earnest Concern about it, and intense Desires, that Religion might speedily and abundantly revive and flourish; tho' he had not the least Expectation of Recovery; yea, the n •• rer Death advanced, and the more the Symptoms of it's Approach increased, still the more did his Mind seem to be taken up with this Subject. He told me, when near his End, that he never in all his Life had his Mind so led forth in Desires and earnest Prayers for the flourishing of CHRIST'S Kingdom on Earth, as since he was brought so exceeding low at Boston. He seem'd much to wonder, that there appear'd no more of a Disposition in Ministers and People to pray for the flourishing of Religion thro' the World; that so little a Part of their Prayers was generally taken up about it, in their Families, and elsewhere; and particularly, he several Times expressed his Wonder, that there appear'd no more Forwardness to comply with the Proposal lately made, in a Memoral from a Number of Ministers in Scotland, and sent over into America, for united extraordinary Prayer, among Christ's Ministers and People, for the 〈…〉 ▪ And he sent it as his dying Advice to his own Congregation, that they should practise agreably to that Proposal.His Congregation, since this, have with great Chearfulness and Unanimity fallen in with this Advice, and have practised agreably to the Proposal from Scotland; and have at Times appeared with uncommon Engagedness and Fervency of Spirit in their Meetings and united Devotions, pursuant to that Proposal: Also the Presbyteries of New-York, and New-Brunswick, since this, have with one Consent, fallen in with the Proposal, as likewise some others of God's People in those Parts.

Tho' he was constantly exceeding weak, yet there appear'd in him a continual Care well to improve Time, and fill it up with something that might be profitable, and in some Respect for the Glory of God or the Good of Men; either profitable Conversation, or writing Letters to absent Friends, or noting something in his Diary, or looking over his former Writings, correcting them, and preparing them to be left in the Hands of others at his Death, or giving some Directions concerning a future Conducting and Management of his People, or Employment in secret Devotions. He seem'd never to be easy, however Ill, if he was not doing something for God, or in his Service.

After he came hither, he wrote a Preface to a Diary of the famous Mr. Shepard's (in those Papers before-mention'd, lately found) having been much urged to it by those Gentlemen in Boston who had the Care of the Publication: Which Diary, with his Preface, has since been published.A Part of this Preface is inserted in the Appendix to this History.

In his Diary for Lord's-Day, August 9. He speaks of longing Desires after Death, thro' a Sense of the Excellency of a State of Perfection.

In his Diary for Lord's-Day Aug. 16. He speaks of his having so much Refreshment of Soul in the House of God, that it seem'd also to refresh his Body. And this is not only noted in his Diary, but was very observable to others; it was very apparent, not only, that his Mind was exhilerated with inward Consolation, but also that his animal Spirits and bodily Strength seemed to be remarkably restored, as tho' he had forgot his Illness. — But this was the last Time that ever he attended publick Worship on the Sabbath.

On Tuesday-Morning that Week (I being absent on a Journey) he prayed with my Family; but not without much Difficulty, for want of bodily Strength: And this was the last Family-Prayer that ever he made.

He had been wont, 'till now, frequently to ride out, two or three Miles; But this Week, on Thursday, was the last Time he ever did so]

Lord's-Day, Aug. 23. This Morning, I was considerably refresh'd with the Thought, yea, the Hope and Expectation of the Enlargement of CHRIST'S Kingdom; and I could not but hope, the Time was at Hand, when Babylon the great would fall, and rise no more: This led me to some spiritual Meditations, that were very refreshing to me. I was unable to attend publick Worship, either Part of the Day; but God was pleased to afford me Fixedness and Satisfaction in divine Thoughts. Nothing so refreshes my Soul, as when I can go to GOD, yea, to GOD my exceeding Joy. When he is so, sensibly, to my Soul, Oh, how unspeakably delightful is this!

In the Week past, I had divers Turns of inward Refreshing; tho' my Body was inexpressibly weak, followed con ••• ually with Agues and Fevers. Sometimes my Soul center'd in GOD, as my only Portion; and I felt that I should be forever unhappy, if he did not reign: I saw the Sweetness and Happiness of being his Subject, at his Disposal: This made all my Difficulties quickly vanish.

From this Lord's Day, vix. Aug. 23. I was troubled very much with vapoury Disorders, and could neither write nor read, and could scarcely live; altho' thro' Mercy, was not so much oppress'd with heavy Melancholy and Gloominess, as at many other Times.

['Till this Week he had been wont to lodge in a Room above Stairs; but he now grew so weak, that he was no longer able to go up Stairs and down; Friday Aug. 28. was the last Time he ever went above Stairs, henceforward be betook himself to a lower Room.

On Wednesday, September 2. Being the Day of our publick Lecture, he seem'd to be refresh'd with seeing the Neighbouring Ministers that came hither to the Lecture, and express'd a great Desire once more to go to the House of God on that Day: And accordingly rode to the Meeting▪ and attended divine Service, 〈…〉 Rev. M. Woodbridge of Hatfield preach'd. He signified that he supposed it to be the last Time that ever he should attend the publick Worship; as it proved. And indeed it was the last Time that ever he went out at our Gate alive.

On the Saturday-Evening next following, he was unexpectedly visited by his Brother Mr. John Brainerd, who came to see him from New-Jersey. He was much refresh'd by this unexpected Visit, this Brother being peculiarly dear to him; and he seem'd to rejoyce in a devout and solemn Manner, to see him, and to hear the comfortable Tidings he brought concerning the State of his dear Congregation of Christian Indians: And a Circumstance of this Visit, that he was exceeding glad of, was, that his Brother brought him some of his private Writings from New-Jersey, and particularly his Diary that he had kept for many Years past.]

Lord's-Day, Sept. 6. I began to read some of my private Writings, which my Brother brought me; and was considerably refresh'd, with what I met with in them.

Monday, Sept. 7. I proceeded further in reading my old private Writings, and found they had the same Effect upon me as before: I could not but rejoyce and bless God for what passed long ago, which without Writing had been entirely lost.

This Evening, when I was in great Distress of Body, my Soul long'd that God should be glorified: I saw there was no Heaven but this. I could not but speak to the By-standers then of the only Happiness, viz. Pleasing GOD. Oh that I could for ever live to God! The Day, I trust, is at Hand, the perfect Day: Oh, the Day of Deliverance from all Sin!

Lord's-Day, Sept. 13. I was much refresh'd and engaged in Meditation and Writing, and found a Heart to act for God. My Spirits were refreshed, and my Soul delighted to do something for God.

[On the Evening following that Lord's Day, his Feet began to appear sensibly swell'd; which thenceforward swell'd more and more. A Symptom of his Dissolution coming on.

The next Day, his Brother John left him, being obliged to return to New-Jersey on some Business of great Importance and Necessity; intending to return again with all possible Speed, hoping to see his Brrother yet once more in the Land of the Living.

Mr Brainerd having now with much Deliberation considered of the important Affair fore-mentioned, left with him by the honourable Commissioners in Boston, of the Corporation in London for the Propagation of the Gospel in New-England and Parts adjacent, viz. the fixing upon and recommending two Persons proper to be improved as Missionaries to the Six Nations, he about this Time wrote a Letter, recommending two young Gentlemen of his Acquaintance to those Commissioners, viz. Mr. Elihu Spencer of East-Haddam, and Mr. Job Strong of Northampton. The Commissioners on the Receipt of this Letter, cheerfully & unanimously agreed to accept of and employ the Persons he had recommended: Who accordingly have since waited on the Commissioners to receive their Instructions; and pursuant to their Instructions, have applied themselves to a Preparation for the Business of their Mission, in the Manner to which they directed them; and one of them, viz. Mr. Spencer, has been solemnly ordained to that Work, by several of the Ministers of Boston, in the Presence of an Ecclesiastical Council convened for that Purpose; and is now gone forth to the Nation of the Oncid •• s, about 170 Miles beyond Albany.

He also this Week, viz. on Wednesday, Septemb. 16. wrote a Letter to a particular Gentleman in Boston (one of those charitable Persons foremention'd, who appear'd so forward to contribute of their Substance for the promoting Christianity among the Indians) relating to the Growth of the Indian School, and the Need of another School-Master or some Person to 〈◊〉 the School-Master in instructing the Indian Children. These Gentlemen, on the Receipt of this Letter, had a Meeting, and agreed with great Chearfulness to give 200 Pounds (in Bills, of the old Tenor) for the Support of another School-Master; and desired the Rev. Mr. Pemberton of New-York (who was then at Boston, and was also, at their Desire, present at their Meeting) as soon as possible to procure a suitable Person for that Service; and also agreed to allow 75 Pounds to defrey some special Charges, that were requisite to encourage the Mission to the Six Nations (besides the Salary allowed by the Commissioners) which was also done on some Intimations given by Mr. Brainerd.

Mr. Brainerd spent himself much in writing those Letters, being exceeding weak: But it seem'd to be much to his Satisfaction, that he had been enabled to do it; hoping that it was something done for GOD, and which might be for the advancement of CHRIST'S Kingdom and Glory. In writing the last of these Letters, he was obliged to use the Hand of another, not being able to write himself.

On the Thursday of this Week (Septemb. 17.) was the last Time that ever he went out of his Lodging Room. That Day, he was again visited by his Brother Israel, who continued with him thence-forward 'till his Death On that Evening, he was taken with something of a Diarrhea; which he look'd upon as another Sign of his approaching Death: Whereupon he express'd himself thus; Oh, the glorious Time is now coming! I have longed to serve God perfectly: Now God will gratify those Desires! And from Time to Time, at the several Steps and new Symptoms of the sensible Approach of his Dissolution, he was so far from being sunk or damp'd, that he seem'd to be animated, and made more chearful; as being glad at the Appearances of Death's Approach. He often used the Epithet, glorious, when speaking of the Day of his Death, calling it that glorious Day. And as he saw his Dissolution gradually approaching, he was much in talking about it, with perfect Calmness speaking of a future State; and also settling all his Affairs, very particularly and minutely giving Directions concerning what he would have done in one Respect and another after he was dead. And the nearer Death approached, the more desirous he seem'd to be of it. He several Times spake of the different Kinds of Willingness to die; and spoke of it as an ignoble mean Kind of Willingness to die, to be willing to leave the Body, only to get rid of Pain; or to go to Heaven, only to get Honour and Advancement there.]

Saturday, Sept. 19. Near Night, while I attempted to walk a little, my Thot's turned thus; How infinitely sweet it is, to love God, and be all for him! Upon which it was suggested to me, You are not an Angel, not lively and active. To which my whole Soul immediately replied, I as sincerely desire to love and glorify God, as any Angel in Heaven. Upon which it was suggested again, But you are filthy, not fit for Heaven. Hereupon instantly appear'd the blessed Robes of CHRIST'S Righteousness, which I could not but exult and triumph in; and I view'd the infinite Excellency of God, and my Soul even broke with Longings, that God should be glorified. I thought of Dignity in Heaven; but instantly the Tho't returned, I don't go to Heaven to get Honour, but to give all possible Glory and Praise. Oh, how I longed, that God should be glorified on Earth also! Oh, I was made, for Eternity, if God might be glorified! Bodily Pains I cared not for: Tho' I was then in Extremity, I never felt easier; I felt willing to glorify God in that State of bodily Distress, as long as he pleased I should continue in it. The Grave appeared really sweet, and I longed to lodge my weary Bones in it: But Oh, that God might be glorified! this was the Burden of all my Cry. Oh, I knew, I should be active as an Angel, in Heaven; and that I should be strip'd of my filthy Garments! So that there was no Objection.—But Oh, to love and praise God more, to please him for ever! This my Soul panted after, and even now pants for while I write. Oh, that God might be glorified in the whole Earth. Lord, let thy Kingdom come. I longed for a Spirit of Preaching to descend and rest on Ministers, that they might address the Consciences of Men with Closeness and Power. I saw, God had the residue of the Spirit; and my Soul longed it should be poured from on high. I could not but plead with God for my dear Congregation, that he would preserve it, and not suffer his great Name to lose it's Glory in that Work; My Soul still longing, that God might be glorified.

[The extraordinary Frame, that he was in, that Evening, could not be hid; his Mouth spake out of the Abundance of his Heart, expressing in a very affecting Manner much the sa •• Things as are written in his Diary: And among very many other extraordinary Expressions, which he then utter'd, were such as these; My Heaven is to please GOD, and glorify him, and to give all to him, and to be wholly devoted to his Glory; that is the Heaven I long for; that is my Religion, and that is my Happiness; and always was ever since I suppose I had any true Religion; and all those that are of that Religion shall meet me in Heaven.— I don't go to Heaven to be advanced, but to give Honour to God. 'Tis no Matter where I shall be station'd in Heaven, whether I have a high or low Seat there; but to love and please and glorify God is all: Had I a Thousand Souls, if they were worth any Thing, I would give 'em all to God; but I have nothing to give, when all is done.—It is impossible for any rational Creature to be happy without acting all for God: God himself could not make him happy any other Way— I long to be in Heaven, praising and glorifying GOD with the holy Angels: All my Desire is to glorify God.— My Heart goes out to the Burying Place; it seems to me a desirable Place: but Oh to glorify GOD; that is it; that is above all.—'Tis a great Comfort to me, to think, that I have done a little for GOD in the World: Oh! 'tis but a very small Matter; yet I have done a little; and I lament it, that I have not done more for him.— There is nothing in the World worth living for, but doing Good, and finishing God's Work, doing the Work that Christ did. I see nothing else in the World, that can yield any Satisfaction, besides living to GOD, pleasing him, and doing his whole Will.— My greatest Joy and Comfort has been, to do something for promoting the Interest of Religion, and the Souls of particular Persons: And now, in my Illness, while I am full of Pain and Distress, from Day to Day, all the Comfort I have, is in being able to do some little Char • [or sma • l Piece of Work for GOD; either by something that I say, or by writing, or some other Way.

He intermingled with these and other like Expressions, many pathetical Counsels to those that were about him; particularly to my Children and Servants. He applied himself to some of my younger Children at this Time; calling them to him, and speaking to 'em one by one; setting before them, in a very plain Manner, the Nature and Essence of true Piety, and its great Importance and Necessity; earnestly warning them not to rest in any Thing short of that true and thorough Change of Heart, and a Life devoted to God; counselling them not to be • lack in the great Business of Religion, nor in the least to delay it; enforcing his Counsels with this, that his Words were the Words of a dying Man: Said he, I shall die here, and here I shall be buried, and here you will see my Grave, and do you remember what I have said to you. I am going into Eternity: And 'tis sweet to me to think of Eternity; the Endlesness of it makes it sweet: But Oh, what shall I say to the Eternity of the Wicked! I can't mention it, nor think of it: The Thought is too dreadful. When you see my Grave, then remember what I said to you while I was alive: then think with your self, how that Man, that lies in that Grave, counsell'd and warned me to prepare for Death.

His Body seemed to be marvellously strengthen'd, through the inward Vigour and Refreshment of his Mind; so that, altho' before he was so weak that he could hardly utter a Sentence, yet now he continued his most affecting & profitable Discourse to us for more than an Hour, with scarce any Intermission; and said of it, when he had done, it was the last Sermon that ever he should preach.

This extraordinary Frame of Mind continued the next Day; of which he says in his Diary as follow • .]

Lord's-Day Sept. 20. Was still in a sweet and comfortable Frame▪ and was again melte • with Desires that GOD might be glorified, and with Longings to love and live to him. Longed for the Influences of the divine Spirit to descend on Ministers, in a special Manner. And Oh, I longed to be with GOD, to behold his Glory, and to bow in his Presence!

[It appears by what is noted in his Diary, both of this Day, and the Evening preceding, that his Mind at this Time was much impress'd with a Sense of the Importance of the Work of the Ministry, and the Need of the Grace of God, and his special spiritual Assistance in this Work: And it also appear'd in what he expressed in Conversation; particularly in his Discourse to his Brother Israel, who was then a Member of Yale-College at New-Haven, and had been prosecuting his Studies, and academical Exercises there, to that End, that he might be fitted for the Work of the Ministry, and was now with him.This young Gentlemen was an ingenious, serious, studious and hopefully truly pious Person: There appeared in him many Qualities giving Hope of his being a great Blessing in his Day. But it has pleased God, since the Death of his Brother, to take him away also. He died that Winter, at New-Haven, on Jan. 6. 1747, 8. of a nervous Fever, after about a Fornigh't • Illness. He now, and from Time to Time, in this his dying State, recommended to his Brother, a Life of Self-denial, of Weanedness from the World, and Devotedness to God, and an earnest Endeavour to obtain much of the Grace of God's Spirit, and God's gracious Influences on his Heart; representing the great Need which Ministers stand in of them, and the unspeakable Benefit of them from his own Experience. Among many other Expressions, he said thus; When Ministers feel these special gracious Influences on their Hearts, it wonderfully assists them to come at the Consciences of Men, and as it were to handle them with Hands; whereas, without them, whatever Reason and Oratory we make use of, we do but make use of Stamps, instead of Hands.

Monday, Sept. 21. I began to correct a little Volume of my private Writings: GOD, I believe, remarkably helped me in it; my Strength was surprizingly lengthen'd out, and my Thoughts quick and lively, and my Soul refresh'd, hoping it might be a Work for GOD. Oh, how good, how sweet it is, to labour for GOD!

Tuesday, Sept. 22. Was again employed in reading and correcting, and had the same Success, as the Day before. I was exceeding weak; but it seem'd to refresh my Soul, thus to spend Time.

Wednesday, Sept. 23. I finish'd my Corrections of the little Piece formention'd, and felt uncommonly peaceful: It seem'd as if I had now done all my Work in this World, and stood ready for my Call to a better. As long as I see any Thing to be done for GOD, Life is worth having: But Oh, how vain and unworthy 'tis, to live for any lower End!—This Day, I indited a Letter, I think, of great Importance, to the Rev. Mr. Byram in New-Jersey: Oh that God would bless and succeed that Letter, which was written for the Benefit of his Church!It was concerning the Qualifications of Ministers, and the Examination and Licensing of Candidates for the Work of the Ministry. Oh that God would purify the Sons of Levi, that his Glory may be advanced!—This Night, I endured a dreadful Turn, wherein my Life was expected scarce an Hour or Minute together. But blessed be God, I have enjoyed considerable Sweetness in divine Things, this Week, both by Night and Day.

Thursday, Sept. 24. My Strength began to fail exceedingly; which look'd further as if I had done all my Work: However I had Strength to fold and superscribe my Letter. About two I went to Bed, being weak and 〈…〉 , and lay in a burning Fever 'till Night, without any proper Rest. In the Evening, I got up, having lain down in some of my Cloaths; but was in the greatest Distress, that ever I endured, having an uncommon Kind of Hiccough; which either strangled me, or threw me into a Straining to vomit; and at the same Time was distress'd with griping Pains. Oh, the Distress of this Evening! I had little Expectation of my living the Night through, nor indeed had any about me: and I longed for the finishing Moment!— I was obliged to repair to Bed by 6 o'Clock; and thro' Mercy enjoyed some Rest; but was grievously distress'd at Turns with the Hiccough.— My Soul breath'd after GOD, while the Watcher was with me: — When shall I come to God, even to God, my exceeding Joy? Oh for his blessed Likeness!

Friday, Sept. 25. This Day, I was unspeakably weak, and little better than Speechless all the Day: However, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortably in some Part of the Day. Oh, it refreshed my Soul, to think of former Things, of Desires to glorify God, of the Pleasures of living to him! Oh my dear God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope! Hasten the Day▪ O Lord, if it be thy blessed Will: Oh come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen. This was the last that ever he wrote in his Diary with his own Hand: Tho' it is continued a little farther, in a broken Manner; written by his Brother Israel, but indited by his Mouth in this his weak and dying State.

Saturday, Sept. 26. I felt the Sweetness of divine Things, this Forenoon; and had the Consolation of a Consciousness that I was doing something for God.

Lord's-Day, Sept. 27. This was a very comfortable Day to my Soul; I think, I aw • ke with God. I was enabled to lift up my Soul to God, early this Morning; and while I had little bodily Strength, I found Freedom to lift up my Heart to God for my self and others. Afterwards, was pleased with the Thoughts of speedily entring into the unseen World.

[Early this Morning, as one of the Family came into the Room, he express'd himself thus: I have had more Pleasure this Morning, than all the Drunkards in the World enjoy, if it were all extracted!— So much did he esteem the Joy of Faith above the Pleasures of Sin.

He felt, that Morning, an unusual Appetite to Food; with which his Mind seem'd to be exhilarated, as looking on it a Sign of the very near Approach of Death; and said upon it, I was born on a Sabbath-Day; and I have Reason to think I was newborn on a Sabbath-Day; & I hope I shall die on this Sabbath-Day: I shall look upon it as a Favour, if it may be the Will of God that it should be so: I long for the Time. Oh, why is his Chariot so long in coming? Why tarry the Wheels of his Chariots? I am very willing to part with all: I am willing to part with my dear Brother John, and never to see him again, to go to be forever with the Lord. He had, before this, express'd a Desire, if it might be the Will of God, to live 'till his Brother returned from New-Jersey: Who, when he went away, intended, if possible, to perform his Journey and return in a Fortnight; hoping once more to meet his Brother in the Land of the Living. The Fortnight was now near expired, it ended the next Day. Oh, when I go there, how will God's dear Church on Earth be upon my Mind!

Afterwards, the same Morning, being asked, how he did, he answered, I am almost in Eternity: I long to be there. My Work, is done: I have done with all my Friends: All the World is nothing to me. I long to be in Heaven, praising and glorifying GOD with the holy Angels: All my Desire is to glorify God.

During the whole of these last two Weeks of his Life, he seem'd to continue in this Frame of Heart, loose from all the World, as having done his Work, and done with all Things here below, having nothing to do but to die, and abiding in an earnest Desire and Expectation of the happy Moment, when his Soul should take it's Flight, and go to a State of Perfection of Holiness and perfect glorifying and enjoying God, manifested in a variety of Expressions. He said, That the Consideration of the Day of Death, and the Day of Judgment, had a long Time been peculiarly sweet to him. He from Time to Time spake of his being willing to leave the Body and the World immediately, that Day, that Night, and that Moment, if it was the Will of God. He also was much in expressing his Longings that the Church of Christ on Earth might flourish, and Christ's Kingdom here might be advanced, notwithstanding he was about to leave the Earth, and should not with his Eyes behold the desirable Event, nor be instrumental in promoting it. He said to me, one Morning, as I came into the Room, My Thoughts have been employed 〈◊〉 the old dear Theme, The Prosperity of God's Church on Earth. As I waked out of Sleep, I was led to cry for the pouring out of God's Spirit, and the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom, which the dear Redeemer did and suffered so much for. 'Tis that especially makes me long for it.— He expressed much Hope that a glorious Advancement of Christ's Kingdom, was near at Hand.

He once told me, that he had formerly longed for the Outpouring of the Spirit of God, and the glorious Times of the Church, and hoped they were coming; and should have been willing to have lived to promote Religion at that Time, if that had been the Will of God; But (says he) I am willing it should be as it is; I would not have the Choice to make for my self, for ten Thousand Worlds. He expressed on his Death-Bed a full Perswasion, that he should in Heaven see the Prosperity of the Church on Earth, and should rejoyce with Christ therein; And the Consideration of it seem'd to be highly pleasing and satisfying to his Mind.

He also still dwelt much on the great Importance of the Work of Ministers of the Gospel; and express'd his Longings, that they might be fill'd with the Spirit of God; and manifested much Desire to see some of the Ne • ghbouring Minist • rs, whom he had some Acquaintance with, and whose sincere Friendship he was confident of, that he might converse freely with them on that Subject, before he died. And it so happened, that he had Opportunity with some of them, according to his Desire.

Another Thing that lay much on his Heart, and that he spake of, from Time to Time, in these near Approaches of Death, was the spiritual Prosperity of his own Congregation of Christian Indians in New-Jersey: and when he spake of them, it was with peculiar Tenderness; so that his Speech would be presently • nterrupted and drowned with Tears.

He also expressed much Satisfaction in the Disposals of Providence, with Regard to the Circumstance of his Death; particularly that God had before his Death given him the Opportunity he had had in Boston, with so many considerable Persons, Ministers and others, to give in his Testimony for God, and against false Religion, and many Mistakes that lead to it, and promote it; and there to lay before pious and charitable Gentlemen, the State of the Indians, and their Necessities, to so good Effect; and that God had since given him Opportunity to write to them further concerning these Affairs; and to write other Letters of Importance, that he hoped might be of good Influence with Regard to the State of Religion among the Indians, and elsewhere, after his Death. He express'd great Thankfulness to God for his Mercy in these Things. He also mentioned it as what he accounted a merciful Circumstances of his Death, that he should die here The Editor takes Leave to make the Remark, that when Mr. Brainerd was at Boston, sick nigh unto Death, it was with Reluctance he thought of dying in a Place where Funerals are often attended with a Pomp & 〈◊〉 , which (especially on Occasion of his own) he was very averse to any Appearance of: And tho' it was with some Difficulty he got his Mind reconciled to the Prospect then before him, yet at last he was bro't to acquiesce in the Divine Will, with Respect to this Circumstance of his Departure. However, it pleased God to order the Event so as to gratify his Desire, which he had express'd, of getting back to Northampton, with a View particularly to a more silent and private Burial. . And speaking of these Things, he said, God had granted him all his Desire; and signified, that now he could with the greater Alacrity leave the World.]

Monday, Sept. 28. I was able to read, and make some few Corrections in my private Writings; but found I could not write, as I had done; I found my self sensibly declined in all Respects. It has been only from a little while before Noon, 'till about one or two o'Clock, that I have been able to do any Thing for some Time past: yet this refresh'd my Heart, that I could do any Thing, either publick or private, that I hoped was for GOD.

[This Evening, he was suppos'd to be dying: He tho't so himself, and was tho't so by those who were about him. He seem'd glad at the Appearance of the near Approach of Death. He was almost Speechless, but his Lips appear'd to move; and One that sat very near him, heard him utter such Expressions as these, Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly.— Oh, why is his Chariot so long in coming! — After he revived, he blamed himself for having been too eager to be gone. And in expressing what he found in the Frame of his Mind at that Time, he said, he then found an inexpressibly sweet Love to those that he looked upon as belonging to Christ, beyond almost all that ever he felt before; so that it seem'd (to use his own Words) like a little Piece of Heaven to have one of them near him. And being asked, whether he heard the Prayer that was (at his Desire) made with him; he said, Yes, he heard every Word, and had an uncommon Sense of the Things that were uttered in that Prayer, and that every Word reach'd his Heart.

On the Evening of the next next, viz. Tuesday, Septemb▪ 29. As he lay in his Bed, he seem'd to be in an extraordinary Frame; his Mind greatly engaged in sweet Meditations concerning the Prosperity of Zion: There being present here at that Time two young Gentlemen of his Acquaintance, that were Candidates for the Ministry, he desired us all to unite in singing a Psalm on that Subject, even Zion's Prosperity. And on his Desire we sung a Part of the CII Psalm. This seem'd much to refresh and revive him, and gave him new Strength; so that, tho' before he could scarcely speak at all, now he proceeded, with some Freedom of Speech, to give his dying Counsels to those two young Gentlemen forementioned, relating to their Preparation for, and Prosecution of that great Work of the Ministry they were designed for; and in particular, earnestly recommended to 'em frequent secret Fasting and Prayer: And enforced his Counsel with Regard to this, from his own Experience of the great Comfort and Benefit of it▪ which (said he) I should not mention, were it not that I am a dying Person. And after he had finished his Counsel, he made a Prayer, in the Audience of us all; wherein, besides praying for this Family, for his Brethren, and those Candidates for the Ministry, and for his own Congregation, he earnestly prayed for the reviving and flourishing of Religion in the World.

'Till now, he had every Day set up Part of the Day; but after this he never rose from his Bed.]

Wednesday, Sept. 30. I was obliged to keep my Bed the whole Day, thro' Weakness. However, redeem'd a little Time, and with the Help of my Brother, read and corrected about a Dozen Pages in my M.S. giving an Account of my Conversion.

Thursday, Octob. 1. I endeavoured again to do something by Way of writing, but soon found my Powers of Body and Mind utterly fail. Felt not so sweetly, as when I was able to do something that I hoped would do some Good. In the Evening, was discomposed and wholly delirious; but it was not long before God was pleased to give me some Sleep, and fully composed my Mind. From this Time forward, he had the free Use of his Reason 'till the Day before his Death; excepting that at some times he appear'd a little lost for a Moment, at first waking out of Sleep. Oh, blessed be God for his great Goodness to me, since I was so low at Mr. Bromfield's, on Thursday June 18 last past. He has, except those few Minutes, given me the cle • r Exercise of my Reason, and enabled me to labour much for him, in Things both of a publick and private Nature; and perhaps to do more Good, than I should have done if I had been well; besides the comfortable Influences of his blessed Spirit, with which he has been pleased to refresh my Soul. May his Name have all the Glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Friday, Octob. 2. My Soul was this Day, at Turns, sweetly set on GOD: I longed to be with him, that I might behold his Glory: I felt sweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest Friends, my dearest Flock, and my absent Brother, and all my Concerns for Time and Eternity. Oh that his Kingdom might come in the World; that they might all love and glorify him, for what he is in himself; and that the blessed Redeemer might se • of the Travail of his Soul, and be satisfied. Oh, come, Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen.Here ends his Diary: These are the last Words, that are written in it, ei • her by his own Hand, or by any other from his Mouth.

[The next Evening, we very much expected his Brother John from New-Jersey; it being about a Week after the Time that he proposed for his Return, when he went away. And tho' our Expectations were still disappointed; yet Mr. Brainerd seem'd to continue unmoved, in the same calm and peaceful Frame, that he had before manifested; as having resigned all to God, and having done with his Friends, and with all Things here below.

On the Morning of the next Day, being Lord's-Day, Oct. 4. as my Daughter Jerusha (who chiefly tended him) came into the Room, he look'd on her very pleasantly and said, Dear Jerusha, are you willing to part with me?— I am quite willing to part with you: I am willing to part with all my Friends: I 〈◊〉 willing to part with my dear Brother John; altho' I love him the best of any Creature living: I have committed him and all my Friends to God, and can leave them with God. Tho', if I thought I should not see you, and be happy with you in another World, I could not bear to part with you. But we shall spend an happy Eternity together! Since this, it has pleased a holy and sovereign God to take away this my dear Child by Death, on the 14 of February, next following; after a short Illness of five Days; in the eighteenth Year of her Age. She was a Person of much the same Spirit with Mr. Brainerd. She had constantly taken Care of, and attended him in his Sickness, for 19 Weeks before his Death; devoting herself to it with great Delight, because she look'd on him as an eminent Servant of Jesus Christ. In this Time, he had much Conversation with her on Things of Religion; and in his dying State, often express'd to us, her Parents, his great Satisfaction concerning her true Piety, and his Confidence that he should meet her in Heaven; and his high Opinion of her, not only as a true Christian, but a very eminent Saint; One whose Soul was uncommonly sed and entertain'd with Things that appertain to the most spiritual experimental and distinguishing Parts of Religion; and one who by the Temper of her Mind was fitted to deny her self for God, and to do Good, beyond any young Women whatsoever that he knew of. She had manifested a Heart uncommonly devoted to God, in the Course of her Life, many Years before her Death; and said on her Death-Bed, that she had not seen one Minute for several Years, wherein she desired to live one Minute longer, for the sake of any other Good in Life, but doing Good, living to God, and doing what might be for his Glory. In the Evening, as one came into Room with a Bible in her Hand, he express'd himself thus; Oh, that dear Book! that lovely Book! I shall s •• n 〈◊〉 it open'd! The Mysteries that are in it, and the Mysteries of God's Providence, will be all unfolded!

His Distemper now very apparently prey'd on his Vitals in an extraordinary Manner: Not by a sudden breaking of Ulcers in his Lungs, as at Boston, but by a constant Discharge of purulent Matter, in great Quantities: So that what he bro't up by Expectoration, seem'd to be as it were Mout •• u • s of almost clear Pus; which was attended with very great inward Pain and Distress.

On Thursday, Octob. 6. He lay, for a considerable Time, as if he were dying. At which Time, he was heard to utter, in broken Whispers, such Expressions as these; He will come, he will not tarry.— I shall s •• n be in Glory.— I shall s •• n glorify God with the Angels.— But after some Time he revived.

The next Day, viz. Wednesday, Octob. 7. His Brother John arrived, being returned from New-Jersey; where he had been detained much longer than he intended, by a mortal Sickness prevailing among the Christian Indians, and by some other Things in their Circumstances that made his Stay with them necessary. Mr. Brainerd was • ffected and refresh'd with seeing him, and appeared fully satisfied with the Reasons of his Delay; seeing the Interest of Religion and of the Souls of his People required it.

The next Day, Thursday, Octob. 8. He was in great Distress and Agonies of Body; and for the bigger Part of the Day, was much disordered as to the Exercise of his Reason. In the Evening, he was more composed, and had the Use of his Reason well; but the Pain of his Body continued and increased. He told me, it was impossible for any to concei • e of the Distress he felt in his Breast. He manifested much Concern left he should dishonour God by Impatience, under his extreme Agony; which was such, that he said, the Thought of enduring it one Minute longer was almost insupportable. He desired, that others would be much in lifting up their Hearts continually to God for him, that God would support him, and give him Patience. He signified, that he expected to die that Night; but seem'd to fear a longer Delay: and the Disposition of his Mind with Regard to Death appeared still the same that it had been all along. And notwithstanding his bodily Agonies, yet the Interest of Zion lay still with great Weight on his Mind; as appeared by some considerable Discourse he had that Evening with the Rev. Mr. Bi •• ing, one of the neighbouring Ministers (who was then present) concerning the great Importance of the Work of the Ministry, &c. And afterwards, when it was very late in the Night, he had much very proper and profitable Discourse with his Brother John, concerning his Congregation in New-Jersey, and the Interest of Religion among the Indians. In the latter Part of the Night, his bodily Distress seemed to rise to a greater Height than ever; and he said to those then about him, that it was another Thing to die, than People imagined; explaining himself to mean that they were not aware what bodily Pain and Anguish is undergone before Death. Towards Day, his Eyes fix'd; and he continued lying immoveable, 'till about 6 o'Clock in the Morning, and then expired, on Friday, Octob. 9. 1747. when his Soul, as we may well conclude, was received by his dear Lord and Matter, as an eminently faithful Servant, into that State of Perfection of Holiness, and Fruition of God, which he had so often and so ardently longed for; and was welcom'd by the glorious Assembly in the upper World, as one peculiarly fitted to join them in their blessed Employments and Enjoyments.

Much Respect was shewn to his Memory at his Funeral; which was on the Monday following, after a Sermon preach'd the same Day, on that solemn Occasion. His Funeral was attended by eight of the neighbouring Ministers, and seventeen other Gentlemen of liberal Education, and a great Concourse of People.

Some further REMAINS of the Rev. Mr. DAVID BRAINERD.
[I] A SCHEME of a Dialogue between the various Powers and Affections of the Mind, as they are found alternately whispering in the godly Soul. [Mention'd in his Diary, Feb. 3. 1744.]

1. THE Understanding introduced, (1) As discovering it's own Excellency, and Capacity of enjoying the most sublime Pleasure and Happiness. (2) As observing it's Desire equal to it's Capacity, and incapable of being satisfied with any Thing that will not fill it in the utmost Extent of it's Exercise. (3) As finding it self a dependant Thing, not Self-sufficient; and consequently unable to spin Happiness (as the Spider spins it's Web) out of it's own Bowels. This Self-sufficiency observed to be the Property and Prerogative of GOD alone, and not belonging to any created Being. (4) As in vain seeking sublime Pleasure, Satisfaction, and Happiness adequate to it's Nature, amongst created Beings. The Search and Knowledge of the Truth in the natural World allowed indeed to be refreshing to the Mind; but still failing to afford compleat Happiness. (5) As discovering the Excellency and Glory of GOD, that he is the Fountain of Goodness, and Well-Spring of Happiness, and every Way fit to answer the enlarged Desires and Cravings of our immortal Souls.

2. The Will introduced, as necessarily, yet freely chusing this GOD for it's supreme Happiness and only Portion, fully complying with the Understanding's Dictates, acquiescing in GOD as the best Good, his Will as the best Rule for intelligent Creatures, and rejoicing that GOD is in every Respect just what he is; and withal chusing and delighting to be a dependent Creature, always subject to this GOD, not aspiring after Self-suffic • ency and Supremacy, but acquiescing in the contrary.

3. Ardent Love or Desire introduced, as passionately longing to please and glorify the Divine Being, to be in every Respect conformed to him, and in that Way to enjoy him. This Love or Desire represented as most genuine; not induced by mean and mercenary Views; not primarily springing from selfish Hopes of Salvation, whereby the divine Glories would be Sacrificed to the Idol Self; not arising from a slavish Fear of Divine Anger in Case of Neglect, nor yet from Hopes of feeling the Sweetness of that tender and pleasant Passion of Love in one's own Breast; but from a just Esteem of the beauteous Object beloved. This Love further represented, as attended with vehement Longings after the Enjoyment of it's Object, but unable to find by what Means.

4. The Understanding again introduced, as informing (1.) How God might have been enjoyed, yea, how he must necessarily have been enjoyed, had not Man sin'd against him; that as there was Knowledge, Likeness, and Love, so there must needs be Enjoyment, while there was no Impediment. (2.) How he may be enjoyed in some Measure now, viz. by the same Knowledge begetting Likeness and Love, which will be answer'd with Returns of Love, and the Smiles of God's Countenance, which are better than Life. (3.) How Go'd may be perfectly enjoyed, viz. by the Soul's perfect Freedom from Sin. This perfect Freedom never obtain'd 'till Death; and then not by any unaccountable Means, or in any unheard-of Manner; but the same by which it has obtain'd some Likeness to and Fruition of God in this World, viz. a clear Manifestation of him.

5. Holy Desire appears, and enquires why the Soul may not be perfectly holy; and so perfect in the Enjoyment of God here; and expresses most insatiable Thirstings after such a Temper, and such Fruition, and most consummate Blessedness.

6. Understanding again appears, and informs, that God designs that those whom he sanctifies in Part here, and intends for immortal Glory, shall tarry a while in this present evil World, that their own Experience of Temptations &c. may teach 'em how great the Deliverance is, which God has wrought for 'em, that they may be swallowed up in Thankfulness and Admiration to Eternity; as also that they may be instrumental of doing Good to their Fellow-Men. Now if they were perfectly holy &c. a World of Sin would not be a fit Habitation for them: and further, such Manifestations of God as are necessary compleatly to sanctify the Soul, would be insupportable to the Body, so that we can't see God and live.

7. Holy Impatience is next introduced, complaining of the Sins and Sorrows of Life, and almost repining at the Distance of a State of Perfection, uneasy to see and feel the Hours hang so dull and heavy, and almost concluding that the Temptations, Hardships, Disappointments, Imperfections, and tedious Employments of Life will never come to a happy Period.

8. Tender Conscience comes in, and meekly reproves the Complaints of Impatience; urging how careful and watchful we ought to be, left we should offend the divine Being with Complaints; alledging also the Fitness of our waiting patiently upon God for all we want, and that in a Way of doing and suffering; and at the same Time mentioning the Barrenness of the Soul, how much precious Time is misimproved, and how little it has enjoyed of God, compared with what it might have done; as also suggesting how frequently impatient Complaints spring from nothing better than Self-love, want of Resignation, and a greater Reverence of the Divine Being.

9. Judgment or sound Mind next appears, and duly weigh • the Complaints of Impatience, and the gentle Admonitions of tender Conscience, and impartially determines between 'em. On the one hand, it concludes, that we may always be impatient with Sin; and supposes, that we may also with such Sorrow, Pain, and Discouragement, as hinder our Pursuit of Holiness, tho' they arise from the weakness of Nature. It allows us to be impatient of the Distance at which we stand from a State of Perfection and Blessedness. It further indulges Impatience at the Delay of Time, when we desire the Period of it for no other End than that we may with Angels be employed in the most lively spiritual Acts of Devotion, and in giving all possible Glory to him that lives forever. Temptations and sinful Imperfections, it thinks we may justly be uneasy with; and Disappointments, at least those that relate to our Hopes of Communion with God, and growing Conformity to him. And as to the tedious Employments and Hardships of Life, it supposes some Longing for the End of 'em not inconsistent with a Spirit of Faithfulness, and a chearful Disposition to perform the one and endure the other: It supposes, that a faithful Servant, who fully designs to do all he possibly can, may still justly long for the Evening; and that no rational Man would blame his kind and tender Spouse, if he perceived her longing to be with him, while yet Faithfulness & Duty to him might still induce her to yield, for the present, to remain at a painful Distance from him. — On the other Hand, it approves of the Caution, Care and Watchfulness of tender Conscience, left the Divine Being should be offended with impatient Complaints: It acknowledges the Fitness of our waiting upon God, in a Way of patient doing and suffering; But supposes this very consistent with ardent Desires to depart and to be with Christ. It owns it fit that we should always remember our own Barrenness, and thinks also that we should be impatient of it, and consequently long for a State of Freedom from it; and this, not so much that we may feel the Happiness of it, but that God may have the Glory. It grants, that impatient Complains often spring from Self-love, and Want of Resignation and Humility. Such as these it disapproves; and determines, we should be impatient only of Absence from God, & Distance from that State and Temper wherein we may most glorify him.

10. Godly Sorrow introduced, as making her said Moan, not so much that she is kept from the free Possession and full Enjoyment of Happiness, but that God must be dishonoured; the Soul being still in a World of Sin, and itself imperfect. She here, with Grief, counts over past Faults, present Temptations, and Fears for the future.

11. Hope or holy Confidence appears, and seems perswaded that nothing shall ever separate the Soul from the Love of God in Christ Jesus. It expects divine Assistance and Grace sufficient for all the doing and suffering-Work of Time, and that Death will ere long put a happy Period to all Sin and Sorrow; and so takes Occasion to rejoyce.

12. Godly Fear, or holy Jealousy here steps in, and suggests some timorous Apprehensions of the Danger of Deception; mentions the Deceitfulness of the Heart, the great Influence of irregular Self-Love in a fallen Creature; enquires whether it self is not likely to have fallen in with Delusion, since the Mind is so dark, and so little of GOD appears to the Soul; and queries whether all it's Hopes of persevering Grace mayn't be Presumption, and whether it's confident Expectations of meeting Death as a Friend, mayn't issue in Disappointment.

13. Hereupon, Reflection appears, and minds the Person of his past Experiences; as to the preparatory Work of Conviction and Humiliation; The View he then had of the Impossibility of Salvation, from himself, or any created Arm: The Manifestation he has likewise had of the Glory of GOD in Jesus Christ: How he then admired that Glory, and chose that GOD for his only Portion, because of the Excellency and Amiableness he discovered in him; not from slavish Fear of being damned, if he did not, nor from base and mercenary Hopes of saving himself; but from a just Esteem of that beauteous and glorious Object: As also how he had from Time to Time rejoyced and acquiesced in GOD, for what he is in himself; being delighted, that he is infinite in Holiness, Justice, Power, Sovereignty, as well as in Mercy, Goodness and Love: How he has likewise, Scores of Times, felt his Soul mourn for Sin, for this very Reason, because it is contrary and grievous to GOD; yes, how he has mourned over one vain and impertinent Thought, when he has been so far from Fear of the divine vindictive Wrath for it, that on the contrary he has enjoyed the highest Assurance of the divine everlasting Love: How he has, from Time to Time, delighted in the Commands of God, for their own Purity and Perfection, and longed exceedingly to be conformed to 'em, and even to be holy as GOD is holy; and counted it present Heaven, to be of a heavenly Temper: How he has frequently rejoyced, to think of being for ever subject to, and dependent on GOD; accounting it infinitely greater Happiness to glorify GOD in a State of Subjection to, and Dependance on him, than to be a god himself; and how Heaven it self would be no Heaven to him, if he could not there be every Thing that GOD would have him be.

14. Upon this, Spiritual Sensation being awaked, comes in, and declares that She now feels & tastes that the Lord is gracious; that he is the only supreme Good, the only Soul-satisfying Happiness; that he is a compleat, self-sufficient, and almighty Portion. She whispers, Whom have I in Heaven but this GOD, this dear and blessed Portion; and there is none upon Earth I desire besides him. Oh, 'tis Heaven, to please him and to be just what he would have me be! O that my Soul were holy, as God is holy: O that it was pure, as Christ is pure; and perfect as my Father in Heaven is perfect. These are the sweetest Commands in God's Book, comprizing all others; and shall I break 'em? Must I break 'em? Am I under a fatal necessity of it, as long as I live in this World? Oh my Soul! Wo, Wo is me, that I am a Sinner! Because I now necessarily grieve and offend this blessed GOD, who is infinite in Goodness and Grace. Oh, methinks, should he punish me for my Sins, it would not wound my Heart so deep to offend him; But, tho' I sin continually, he continually repeats his Kindness towards me! Oh, methinks I could bear any Suffering; but how can I bear to grieve and dishonour this blessed God! How shall I give ten Thousand Times more Honour to him? What shall I do, to glorify and worship this best of Beings? O that I could consecrate my self, Soul and Body, to his Service for ever. O that I could give up my self to him, so as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any Will or Affections that are not perfectly conformed to his. But Oh, Alas, Alas! I can't, I feel I can't, be thus entirely devoted to GOD: I can't live and sin not. O ye Angels, do ye glorify him incessantly: If possible, exert your selves still more, in more lively and ardent Devotion: If possible, prostrate your selves still lower before the Throne of the blessed King of Heaven: I long to bear a Part with you, and if it were possible, to help you. Yet when we have done, we shall not be able to offer the ten Thousandth Part of the Homage he is worthy of. While spiritual Sensation whispered these Things, Fear and Jealousy were greatly overcome; and the Soul replied, Now I know, and am assured, &c. and again it welcom'd Death as a Friend, saying, O Death where is thy Sting, &c.

15. Finally, Holy Resolution concludes the Discourse, fixedly determining to follow hard after GOD, and continually to pursue a Life of Conformity to him. And the better to pursue this, enjoining it on the Soul always to remember, that GOD is the only source of Happiness, that his Will is the only Rule of Rectitude to an intelligent Creature, that Earth has nothing in it desirable for it self, or any further than GOD is seen in it; and that the Knowledge of God in Christ, begetting and maintaining Love, and mortifying sensual and fleshly Appetites, is the Way to be holy on Earth, and so to be attempered to the compleat Holiness of the heavenly World.

[II] Some gloomy and desponding Thoughts of a Soul under Convictions of Sin, and Concern for it's eternal Salvation.

1. I Believe, my Case is singular, that none ever had so many strange and different Thoughts and Feelings as I.

2. I have been concern'd much longer than many others, that I have known or read of, who have been savingly converted, and yet I am left.

3. I have withstood the Power of Convictions a long Time, and therefore I fear, I shall be finally left of GOD.

4. I never shall be converted, without stronger Convictions, and greater Terrors of Conscience.

5. I don't aim at the Glory of GOD in any Thing I do, and therefore I can't hope for Mercy.

6. I don't see the Evil Nature of Sin, nor the Sin of my Nature; and therefore I am discouraged.

7. The more I strive, the more blind and hard my Heart is, and the worse I grow continually.

8. I fear, GOD never shew'd Mercy to one so vile as I.

9. I fear, I am not elected, and therefore must perish.

10. I fear, the Day of Grace is past with me.

11. I fear, I have committed the unpardonable Sin.

12. I am an old Sinner; and if God had designed Mercy for me, he would have called me Home to himself before now.

[III] Some Signs of Godliness.

The distinguishing Marks of a true Christian, taken from one of my old Manuscripts; where I wrote as I felt and experienced, and not from any considerable Degree of doctrinal Knowledge, or Acquaintance with the Sentiments of others in this Point.

1. HE has a true Knowledge of the Glory and Excellency of GOD, that he is most worthy to be loved and praised for his own divine Perfections. Psal. CXLV.3.

2. GOD is his Portion. Psal. LXXIII.25. And GOD'S Glory, his great Concern. Matth. VI.22.

3. Holiness is his Delight; nothing he so much longs for, as to be holy, as God is holy. Phil. III.9, — 12.

4. Sin is his greatest Enemy. This he hates, for it's own Nature, for what it is in it self, being contrary to a holy GOD. Jer. II.1. And consequently he hates all Sin. Rom. VII.24. 1 Jo • . III.9.

5. The Laws of GOD also are his Delight. Psal. CXIX.97. Rom. VII.22. These he observes, not out of Constraint, from a servile Fear of Hell; but they are his Choice. Psal. CXIX.30. The strict Observance of them is not his Bondage, but his greatest Liberty. ver. 45.

[IV.] LETTERS, written by Mr. Brainerd to his Friends. ADVERTISEMENT.

MR. Brainerd had a large Acquaintance and Correspondence, especially in the latter Part of his Life, and he did much at writing Letters to his absent Friends; but the most of his Acquaintance living at a great Distance from me, I have not been able to obtain Copies of many that he wrote: However, the greater Part of those which I have seen, are such as appear to me of profitable Tendency, and worthy of the publick View: I have therefore here added a few of his Letters.

N. B. Several of these which follow, are not published at large, because some Parts of them were concerning particular Affairs of a private Nature.

No. 1. To his Brother John, than a Student at Yale-College in New-Haven.

Kaunaumeek, April 30. 1743. Dear Brother,

I Should tell you, I long to see you, but that my own Experience has taught me, there is no Happiness, & plenary Satisfaction to be enjoyed, in earthly Friends, tho' ever so near and dear, or in any other Enjoyment, that is not GOD himself. Therefore, if the God of all Grace would be pleased graciously to afford us •• ch his Presence and Grace, that me may perform the Work, and endure the Trials he calls us to, in a most distressing tiresome Wilderness, 'till we arrive at our Journey's End; the local Distance, at which we are held from each other at the present, is a Matter of no great Moment or Importance to either of us. But Alas! The Presence of GOD is what I want.— I live in the most lonely melancholy Desert, about 18 Miles from Albany (for it was not thought best that I should go to Delaware-River, as I believe I hinted to you in a Letter from New-York.) I board with a poor Scotch-Man: His Wife can talk scarce any English. My Diet consists mostly of Hasty-Pudding, boil'd Corn, and Bread baked in the Ashes, and sometimes a little Meat and Butter. My Lodging is a little Heap of Straw, laid upon some Boards, a little Way from the Ground▪ 〈…〉 Log-Room, without any Floor, that I lodge in. My Work is exceeding hard and difficult: I travel on Foot a Mile and half, the worst of Way, almost daily, and back again; for I live so far from my Indians.—I have not seen an English Person this Month.— These and many other Circumstances, as uncomfortable, attend me; and yet my spiritual Conflicts and Distresses so far exceed all these, that I scarce think of them, or hardly mind but that I am entertain'd in the most sumptuous Manner. The Lord grant that I may learn to endure Hardness, as a good Soldier of JESUS CHRIST. As to my Success here, I can't say much as yet: The Indians seem generally kind, and well disposed towards me, and are mostly very attentive to my Instructions, and seem willing to be taught further: Two or three, I hope, are under some Convictions; But there seems to be little of the special workings of the divine Spirit among them yet; which gives me many a Heart-sinking Hour. Sometimes I hope, God has abundant Blessings in Store for them and me; but at other Times I am so over-whelmed with Distress, that I can't see how his Dealings with me are consistent with Covenant Love and Faithfulness, and I say, Surely his tender Mercies are clean gone for ever.—But however, I see, I needed all this Chastisement already: 'Tis good for me, that I have endured these Trials, and have hitherto little or no apparent Success. Don't be discouraged by my Distresses: I was under great Distress, at Mr. Pomr • y's, when I saw you last; but God has been with me of a Truth, since that: He helped me sometimes sweetly at Long-Island, and elsewhere. But let us always remember, that we must through much Tribulation enter into God's eternal Kingdom of Rest and Peace. The Righteous are scarcely saved: 'Tis an infinite Wonder, that we have well-grounded Hopes of being saved at all. For my Part, I feel the most vile of any Creature living; and I am sure sometimes, there is not such another existing on this Side Hell.— Now all you can do for me, is, to pray incessantly, that God would make me humble, holy, resigned and heavenly-minded, by all my Trials.— Be strong in the Lord and in the Power of his Might. Let us run, wrestle and fight, that we may win the Prize, and obtain that compleat Happiness, to be Holy as God is Holy. So, wishing and praying that you may advance in Learning and Grace, and be fit for special Service for God, I remain

Your affectionate Brother. D. Brainerd.

No. 2. To his Brother John, at Yale-College in New-Haven.

Kaunaumeek, December 27. 1743. Dear Brother,

I Long to see you, and know how you fare in your Journey thro' a World of inexpressible Sorrow, where we are compass'd about with Vanity, Confusion and Vexation of Spirit. I am more weary of Life, I think, than ever I was. The whole World appears to me like a huge Vacuum, a vast empty space, whence nothing desirable, or at least satisfactory, can possibly be derived; and I long, daily to die more and more to it; even tho' I obtain not that Comfort from spiritual Things, which I earnestly desire. Worldly Pleasures, such as flow from Greatness, Riches, Honours, and sensual Gratifications, are infinitey worse than none. May the Lord deliver us more and more from these Vanities. I have spent most of the Fall and Winter hitherto in a very weak State of Body; and sometimes under pressing inward Trials and spiritual Conflic •• : but having obtain'd Help from GOD, I 〈◊〉 to this Day; and am now something better in Health, than I was sometime ago. I find nothing more conducive to a Life of Christinity, than a diligent, ind • strious and faithful Improvement of precious Time. Let us then faithfully perform that Business, which is allotted to us by divine Providence, to the utmost of our bodily Strength, and mental Vigour, Why should we sink, and grow discouraged, with any particular Trials, and Perplexities, we are called to encounter in the World? Death and Eternity are just before us; a few tossing • illow • more will wast us into the World of Spirits, and w • hope (thro' infinite Grace) into endless Pleasures, and uninterrupted Rest and Peace. Let us then run with Patience the Race set before us. Heb. xii.1, 2. And O • that we could depend more upon the living GOD, and less upon our own Wisdom and Strength.— Dear Brother, may the GOD of all Grace comfort your Heart, and succeed your Studies, and make you an Instrument of Good to his People in your Day. This is the constant Prayer of

Yo • r affectionate Brother: David Brainerd.

No. 3. To his Brother Israel, at Haddam.

Kaunaumeek, • an. 21. 1743, 4. My Dear Brother,

—THere is • ut one Thing, that deserves our highest Ca • e and most ardent Desires; and that is, that we may answer the great End, 〈◊〉 which we were made; viz. to glorify that GOD, who has given us our 〈◊〉 and all our Comforts, and do all the Good, we possibly can, to or Fellow-Men, while we live in the World. And verily Life is not worth the having, if it be not improved for this noble End and Purpose▪ Yet, alas, how little is this thought of among Mankind! Most Men seem to dive to themselves, without much Regard to the Glory of God, or the Good of their Fellow-Creatures: they earnestly desire, and eagerly pursue after the 〈◊〉 , the Honours, and the Pleasures of Life, as if they really supposed, that Wealth, or Greatness, or 〈◊〉 , could make their immortal Soul • happy. But, alas, what 〈◊〉 and delusive Dreams are th • se! And how Miserable will these ere long be, who are not 〈◊〉 out of them, to see, that all their Happiness 〈◊〉 in living to GOD, and becoming holy as he is holy! Oh, may you never fall 〈◊〉 the Tempers and Vanities, the 〈◊〉 and Folly of the present 〈◊〉 . You are, by divine Providence, 〈◊〉 as it were 〈◊〉 in a wide World, to act for your self: Be usre than to remember, 'tis a World of Temptation. You have no 〈…〉 to be the 〈…〉 your Youth to 〈◊〉 and Vertue, by their pious 〈◊〉 , and seasonable Counsels; Let this then excite you with greater Diligence and Fervency to look up to the Father of Mercies for Grace and Assist • nce against all the Vanities of the World. And if you would glorify God, answer his just Expectations from you, and make your own Soul happy in 〈◊〉 and the coming World, observe these few Directions; tho' not from a Father, yet from a Brother who is touch'd with a tender Concern for your present and future Happiness. And,

First, Resolve upon, and daily endeavour to practise a Life of Seriousness and strict Sobriety. The wise Man will tell you the great Advantage of such a Life, Eccles. vii.3. Think of the Life of CHRIST; and when you can find that 〈◊〉 was pleas'd with Jesting and vain Merriment, then you may indulge it in your self.

Again, Be careful to make a good Improvement of precious Time. When you cease from Labour, fill up your Time in Reading, Meditation, and Prayer: And while your Hands are labouring, let your Heart be employed, as much as possible, in divine Thoughts.

Further, Take Heed that you faithfully perform the Business you have to do in the World, from a Regard to the Commands of GOD; and not from an ambitious desire of being esteemed better than others. We should always look upon our selves as 〈1 page〉 And Oh, how divinely sweet and entertaining is it, to look into our own Souls, when we can find all our Powers and Passions united and engaged in Pursuit after GOD, our whole Souls longing and passionately breathing after a Conformity to him, and the full Enjoyment of him! Verily there are no Hours pass away with so much divine Pleasure, as those that are spent in Communing with GOD and our own Hearts. Oh, how sweet is a Spirit of Devotion, a Spirit of Seriousness and divine Solemnity, a Spirit of Gospel-Simplicity, Love, Tenderness! Oh, how desirable, and how profitable to the Christian Life, is a Spirit of holy Watchfulness, & godly Jealousy over our selves; when our Souls are afraid of nothing so much as that we shall grieve and offend the blessed GOD, whom at such Times we apprehend, or at least hope, to be a Father and Friend; whom we then love and long to please, rather than to be happy our selves, or at least we delight to derive our Happiness 〈◊〉 pleasing and glorifying him! Surely this is • pious Temper, worthy of the highest Ambition and closest Pursuit of intelligent Creatures and holy Christians. Oh, how vastly superiour is the Pleasure, Peace, and Satisfaction derived from these divine Frames, to that which we (alas) sometimes pursue in Things imper • ment and trifling! Our own bitter Experience ••• ches us; that in the midst of such Laughter the Heart is sorrowful, and there is no true Satisfaction but in GOD. But, alas! How shall we obtain and retain this sweet Spirit of Religion and Devotion? Let us follow the Apostle's Direction, Phil. ii 12. and labour upon the Encouragement he there mentions ver. 13. For 'tis GOD only can afford us this Favour; and he will be sought to, and 'tis fit we should wait upon him for so rich a Mercy. Oh, may the GOD of all Grace afford us the Grace and Influences of his divine Spirit; and help us that we may from our Hearts esteem it our greatest Liberty and Happiness, that whether we live, we may live to the LORD, or whether we die, we may die to the LORD; that in Life and Death, we may be his.

I am in a very poor State of Health; I think, scarce ever poorer: But, thro' divine Goodness; I am not discontented under my Weakness, and Confinement to this Wilderness: I bless GOD for this Retirement: I never was more thankful for any Thing, than I have been of late for the Necessity I am under of Self-denial in many Respects: I love to be a Pilgrim and Stranger in this Wilderness: It seems most fit for such a poor ignorant, worthless, despised Creature as I. I would not change my present Mission for any other Business in the whole World. I may tell you freely, without Vanity and Ostentation, GOD has of late give • me great Freedom and Fervency in Prayer, when I have been so weak and feeble, my Nature seem'd as if it would speedily dissolve. I feel as if my all was lost, and I was undone for this World, if the poor Heathen mayn't be converted. I feel, in general, different from what I did, when I saw you last, at least more crucified to all the Enjoyments of Life. It would be very refreshing to me, to see you here in this Desart; especially in my weak disconsolate Hours: But, I think, I could be content never • o 〈◊〉 you, or any of my Friends again in this World, if GOD would bless my Labours he • e to the Conversion of the poor Indians.

I have much that I could willingly communicate to you, which I must omit, 'till Providence gives us Leave to see each other. In the mean Time, I rest

You • obliged Friend and Servant, David Brainerd.

No. 5. To a special Friend, a Minister of the Gospel in New-Jersey.

The Forks of Deleware, Decemb. 24. 1744· Rev. and dear Brother,

—I Have little to say to you, about spiritual Joys, and those blessed Refreshments, and divine Consolations, with which I have been much favour'd in Times past: But this I can tell you, that if I gain Experience in no other Point, yet I am sure I do in this; viz. That the present World has nothing in it to satisfy an immortal Soul; and hence, that it is not to be desired for it self, but only because GOD may be seen & served in it: And I wish I could be more patient & willing to live in it for this End, than I can usually find my self to be. 'Tis no Vertue, I know, to desire Death, only to be freed from the Miseries of Life: But I want that divine HOPE, which you observed, when I saw you last, was the very Sinews of vital Religion. Earth can do us no Good, and if there be no HOPE of our doing Good on Earth, how can we desire to live in it? And yet we ought to desire, or at least to be resign'd, to tarry in it; because 'tis the Will of our alwise Sovereign. But perhaps these Thoughts will appear melancholy and gloomy, and consequently will be very undesirable to you; and therefore I forbear to add. I wish, you mayn't read them in the same Circumstances in which I write them. I have a little more to do and suffer in a dark disconsolate World; and then I hope to be as happy as you are. —I should ask you to pray for me, were I worth your Concern. May the Lord enable us both to endure Hardness as good Soldiers of JESUS CHRIST; and may we obtain Mercy of God to be faithful, to the Death, in the Discharge of our respective Trusts.

I am your very unworthy Brother, and humble Servant, D • v. Brainerd.

No. 6. To his Brother John, at College.

Crosweeksung, in New-Jersey, Decemb. 28. 1745. Very dear Brother,

—I Am in one continued, perpetual, and uninterrupted Hurry; and divine Providence throw • so much upon me, that I don't see it will ever be otherwise. May I obtain Mercy of GOD to be faithful to the Death. I can't say, I am weary of my Hurry; I only want Strength and Grace to do more for GOD, than I have ever yet done.

My dear Brother; The LORD of Heaven, that has carried me thro' many Trials, bless you; bless you for Time, and Eternity; and fit you to do Service for him in his Church below, and to enjoy his blissful Presence in his Church triumphant. My Brother, the Time is short: Oh let us fill it up for God: Let us count the Sufferings of this present Time as nothing, if we can but run our Race, and finish our Course with Joy. Oh, let us strive to live to GOD. I bless the Lord, I have nothing to do with Earth, but only to labour honestly in it for God, 'till I shall • ccomplish as an Hireling my Day. I think, I don't desire to live one Minute for any Thing that Earth can afford. Oh, that I could live for none but GOD, 'till my dying Moment.

I am your affectionate Brother, D. Brainerd.

No. 7. To his Brother Israel, then a Student at Yal • -College in New-Haven.

Elisabeth-Town, New-Jersey, Nov. 24. 1746. Dear Brother,

I Had determined to make you and my other Friends in New-England a Visit, this Fall; partly from an earnest Desire I had to see you and them, and partly with a View to the Recovery of my Health; which has, for more than three Months past, been much impair'd. And in order to prosecute this Design, I set out from my own People about three Weeks ago, and came as far as to this Place; where, my Disorder greatly increasing, I have been obliged to keep House ever since, until the Day before Yesterday; at which Time, I was able to ride about half a Mile, but found my self much tired with the Journey. I have now no Hopes of prosecuting my Journey into N. England this Winter, supposing, my present State of Health will by no Means admit of it: Altho' I am thro' divine Goodness much better than I was some Days ago, yet I han't Strength now to ride more than ten Miles a Day, if the Season were warm, & fit for me to travel in. My Disorder has been attended with several Symptoms of a Consumption; and I have been at Times apprehensive, that my great Change was at Hand: Yet blessed be GOD, I have never been affrighted; but on the contrary, at some Times much delighted with a View of it's Approach. Oh, the Blessedness of being delivered from the Clogs of Flesh and Sense, from a Body of Sin and spiritual Death! Oh, the unspeakable Sweetness of being translated into a State of compleat Purity and Perfection! Believe me, my Brother, a lively View and Hope of these Things, will make the King of Serrors himself appear agreeable.— Dear Brother, let me intreat you, to keep Eternity in your View, and behave your self as becomes one that must shortly give an Account of all Things done in the Body. That GOD may be your GOD, and prepare you for his Service here, and his Kingdom of Glory hereafter, is the Desire and daily Prayer of

Your affectionate loving Brother, D. Brainerd.

No. 8. To his Brother Israel, at College; written in the Time of his extreme Illness in Boston, a few Months before his Death.

Boston, June 30. 1747. My dear Brother,

IT is from the Sides of Eternity I now address you. I am heartily sorry, that I have so little Strength to write what I long so much to communicate to you. But let me tell you, my Brother, Eternity is another Thing than we ordinarily take it to be in a healthful State. Oh, how vast and boundless! Oh, how fix'd and unalterable! Oh, of what infinite Importance is it, that we be prepared for Eternity! I have been just a dying, now for more than a Week; and all around me have thought me so: But in this Time I have had clear Views of Eternity; have seen the Blessedness of the Godly, in some Measure; and have long'd to share their happy State; as well as been comfortably satisfied, that through Grace, I shall do so: But Oh, what Anguish is raised in my Mind, to think of an Eternity for those who are Christless, for those who are mistaken, and who bring their false Hopes to the Grave with them! The Sight was so dreadful, I could by no Means bear it: My Thoughts recoiled, and I said (but under a more affecting Sense than ever before) Who can dwell with everlasting Burnings! Oh, methought, that I could now see my Friends▪ that I might warn them, to see to it, they lay their Foundation for Eternity sure. And you, my dear Brother, I have been particularly concerned for▪ and have wondered, I so much neglected conversing with you about your spiritual State at our last Meeting. Oh▪ my Brother, let me then beseech you now to examine, whether you are indeed a new Creature? Whether you have ever acted above Self? Whether the Glory of GOD has ever been the sweetest highest Concern with you? Whether you have ever been reconciled to all the Perfections of GOD; in a Word, whether God has been you • Portion ▪ and a holy Conformity to him your chief Delight 〈…〉 can't answer positively, consider seriously the frequent 〈◊〉 of your Soul: But don't however put your self off with a sl • ght Answer. If you slave Reason to think you are G • aceless, Oh give your self and the Throne of Grace no Rest, • ull GOD arise and save. But if the Case should be otherwise, bless GOD for his Grace, and press after Holiness. Mr. Brainerd afterwards had greater Satisfaction concerning the State of his Brother's Soul, by much Opportunity 〈…〉 with him before his Death.

My Soul longs▪ that you should be fitted for, and in due Time go into the Work of the Ministry. I can't bear to think of your going into any other Business in Life. Don't be discouraged, because you see your elder Brothers in the Ministry die early, one after another: I declare, now I am dying, I would not have spent my Li • e otherwise for the whole World. But I must leave this with GO • .

If this Line should come to your Hands soon after the Date, • should be almost desirous you should set out on a Journey to me: • t may be you may see me alive; which I should much • ejoyce in. But if you can't come, I must commit you to the Grace of GOD, where you are. May he be your Guide and Councellor, your Sanctifier and eternal Portion.

Oh, my dear Brother, flee fleshly Lusts, and the inchanting Amasements, as well as corrupt Doctrines of the present Day; and strive to live to GOD.

Take this as the last Line from

Your affectionate dying Brother, D. Brainerd.

No. 9. To a young Gentleman, a Candidate for the Work of the Ministry, for whom he had a special Friendship; also written at the same Time of his great Illness and nearness to Death in Boston.

Very dear Sir,

HOw amazing 'tis, that the Living, who know they must die, should notwithstanding put far away the evil Day, in a Season of Health and Prosperity; and live at such an awful Distance from a Familiarity with the Grave, and the great Concerns beyond it! And especially it may justly fill us with Surprize, that any whose Minds have been divinely enlightned, to behold the important Things of Eternity as they are, I say, that such should live in this Manner. And yet Sir, how frequently is this the Case! How rare are the Instances of those who live and act, from Day to Day, as on the Verge of Eternity ▪ striving to fill up all their remaining Moments, in the Service, and to the Honour of their great Master? We insensibly trifle▪ away Time, while we seem to have enough of it; and are so strangely amused, as in a great Measure to lose a Sense of the Holiness and blessed Qualifications necessary to prepare us to be Inhabitants of the heavenly Paradise. But Oh, dear Sir, a dying Bed, if we enjoy our Reason clearly, will give another View of Things. I have now, for more than three Weeks, lain under the greatest Degree of Weakness; the greater Part of the Time, expecting daily and hourly to enter into the eternal World: sometimes have been so far gone, as to be wholly Speechless, for some Hours together. And Oh, of what vast Importance has a holy spiritual Life appear'd to me to be in this Season! I have longed to call upon all my Friends, to make it their Business to live to GOD; and especially all that are designed for, or engaged in the Service of the Sanctuary. O dear Sir, don't think it enough, to live at the Rate of common Christians. Alas, to how little Purpose do they often converse, when they meet together! The Visits, even of those who are called Christians indeed, are frequently extreme barren: And Conscience can't but condemn us for the Misimprovement of Time, while we have been conversant with them. But the Way to enjoy the divine Presence, and be fitted for distinguishing Service for GOD, is to live a Life of great Devotion & constant Self-Dedication to him; observing the Motions and Dispositions of our own Hearts, whence we may learn the Corruptions that lodge there, and our constant Need of Help from GOD for the Performance of the least Duty. And Oh, dear Sir, let me beseech you frequently to attend the great and precious Duties of secret Fasting and Prayer.

I have a secret Thought, from some Things I have observed, that GOD may perhaps design you for some singular Service in the World. Oh then labour to be prepared and qualified to do much for GOD. Read Mr. Edwards's Piece on the Affections, again and again; and labour to distinguish clearly upon Experiences & Affections in Religion, that you may make a Difference between the Gold & the shining Dress; I say, labour here, as ever you would be an useful Minister of Christ: For nothing has put such a Stop to the Work of God in the late Day as the false Religion, the wild Affections that attend it. Suffer me therefore, finally, to intreat you earnestly to give your self to Prayer, to Reading and Meditation on divine Truths: Strive to penetrate to the Bottom of them, and never be content with a superficial Knowledge. By this Means, your Thoughts will gradually grow weighty and judicious; and you hereby will be possessed of a valuable Treasure, out of which you may produce Things new and old, to the Glory of GOD.

And now, I commend you to the Grace of GOD; earnestly desiring, that a plentiful Portion of the divine Spirit may rest upon you; that you may live to GOD in every Capacity of Life, and do abundant Service for him in a publick, if it be his Will; and that you may be richly qualified for the Inheritance of the Saints in Light.

I scarce expect to see your Face any more in the Body; and therefore intreat you to accept this as the last Token of Love, from

Your sincerely affectionate dying Friend, David Brainerd.

P. S. I am now, at the dating of this Letter, considerably recovered from what I was when I wrote it; it having lain by me some Time, for want of an Opportunity of Conveyance; it was written in Boston— I am now able to ride a little, and so am removed into the Country: But I have no more Expectation of recovering, than when I wrote, tho' I am a little better for the present; and therefore I still subscribe my self,

Your dying Friend, &c. D. B.

No. 10. To his Brother John, at Bethel, the Town of Christian India • s in New-Jersey; written likewise at Boston, when he was there on the Brink of the Grave, in the Summer before his Death.

Dear Brother,

I Am now just on the Verge of Eternity, expecting very speedily to appear in the unseen World. I feel my self no more an Inhabitant of Earth, and sometimes earnestly long to depart and be with Christ. I bless God, he has for some Years given me an abiding Conviction, that it is impossible for any rational Creature to enjoy true Happiness without being entirely devoted to Him. Under the Influence of this Conviction I have in some Measure acted: Oh that I had done more so! I saw both the Excellency & Necessity of Holiness in Life; but never in such a Manner a • now, when I am just brought to the Sides of the Grave. Oh, my Brother, pursue after Holiness; press towards this blessed Mark; and let your thirsty Soul continuually say, I shall never be Satisfied 'till I awake in • y Likeness. Altho' there has been a great deal of Selfishness in any Views; of which I am ashamed, and for which my Soul is humbled at every View: Yet blessed be God, I find I have really had, for the most part, such a Concern for his Glory, and the Advancement of his Kingdom in the World, that it is a Satisfaction to me to reflect upon these Years.

And now, my dear Brother, as I must press you to pursue after personal Holiness, to be as much in Fasting and Prayer as your Health will allow, and to live above the Rate of common Christians; so I must intreat you solemnly to attend to your publick Work: Labour to distinguish between true and false Religion: And to that End, watch the Motions of God's Spirit upon your own Heart; look to him for Help; and impartially compare your Experiences with his Word. Read Mr. Edwards on the Affections, where the Essence and Soul of Religion is clearly distinguish'd from false Affections. I had at first fully intended, in publishing this and the foregoing Letters, to have suppress'd those Passages wherein my Name is mention'd, and my Discourse on religious Affections recommended: And am sensible, that by my doing otherwise, I shall bring upon me the Reproach of some. But how much soever I may be pleased with the Commendation of any Performance of mine (and I confess, I esteem the Judgment and Approbation of such a Person as Mr. Brainerd, worthy to be valued, and look on my self at highly honoured by it) Yet I can truly say, the Things that governed me in altering my foremention'd Determination, with Respect to these Passages, were these two. (1.) What M • Brainerd here says of that Discourse, shews very fully and particularly what his Notions were of experimental Religion, and the Nature of true Piety, and now far he was from placing it in Impressions on the Imagination, or any enthusiastical Impulses, and how essential in Religion he esteem'd holy Practice, &c. &c. For all that have read that Discourse, know what Sentiments are there express'd concerning these Things, (2.) I judged, that the Approbation of so apparent and eminent a Friend and Example of inward vital Religion, and evangelical Piety in the Height of it, would probably tend to make that Book more Serviceable; especially among some Kinds of zealous Persons, whose Benefit was especially aim'd at in the Book; some of which are prejudiced against it, as written in too legal a Strain, and opposing some Things wherein the Height of Christian Experience consists, and tending to build Men up on their own Works. Value religious Joys according to the Subject-Matter of them: There are many that rejoyce in their supposed Justification; but what do these Joys argue, but only that they love themselves? Whereas, in true spiritual Joys, the Soul rejoyces in GOD for what he is in himself; blesses God for his Holiness, Sovereignty, Power, Faithfulness, and all his Perfections; adores God, that he is what he is, that he is unchangeably possess'd of Infinite Glory and Happiness. Now, when Men thus rejoyce in the Perfections of God, and in the infinite Excellency of the Way of Salvation by Christ, and in the holy Commands of God, which are a Transcript of his holy Nature, these Joys are divine and spiritual. Our Joys will stand by us at the Hour of Death, if we can be then satisfied, that we have thus acted above self, and in a disinterested Manner (if I may so express it) rejoyced •• the Glory of the blessed GOD.— I fear, you are not sufficiently aware how much false Religion there is in the World: Many serious Christians and valuable Ministers are too easily imposed upon by this false Blaz •• . I likewise f • ar, you are not sensible of the 〈◊〉 Effects & Consequences o • this false Religion. Let me tell you, 'tis the Devil transformed into an Angel of Light; 'tis a Brat of Hell, that always springs up with every Revival of Religion, and stabs and murders the Cause of God, while it passes Current with Multitudes of well-meaning People for the Height of Religion. Set yourselves, my Brother, to crush all Appearances of this Nature, among the Indians, and never encourage any Degrees of Heat without Light. Charge my People in the Name of their dying Minister, yea, in the Name of Him who was dead and is alive, to live and walk as becom •• the Gospel. Tell them, how great the Expectations of God and his People are from them, and how awfully they will wound God's Cause, if they fall into Vice; as well as fatally prejudice other poor Indians. Always insist, that their Experiences are rotten, that their Joys are delusive, altho' they may have been rapt up into the third Heavens in their own Conceit by them, unless the main Tenour of their Lives be spiritual, watchful, and holy. In pressing these Things, Thou shalt both save thy self, and those that hear thee?—

GOD knows, I was heartily willing to have served him longer in the Work of the Ministry, altho' it had still been attended with all the Labours and Hardships of past Years, if he had seen fit that it should be so: but as his Will now appears otherwise, I am fully content, and can with utmost Freedom say, The Will of the Lord be done. It affects me, to think of leaving you in a World of Sin: My Heart pities you, that those Storms and Tempests are yet before you, which I trust, through Grace I am almost delivered from. But God lives, and blessed be my Rock: He is the same almighty Friend; and will, I trust, be your Guide and Helper, as he has been mine.

And now, my dea • Brother, I commend you to GOD and to the Word of HIS Grace, which is able to build you up, and give you Inheritance among all them that are sanctified May you enjoy the divine Presence, both in private and publick; and may the Arms of your Hands be made strong, by the right Hand of the mighty God of Jacob. Which are the passionate Desires and Prayers of

Your affectionate, dying Brother, David Brainerd.
AN APPENDIX. Containing some REFLECTIONS and OBSERVATIONS on the preceeding Memoirs of Mr. BRAINERD.

1. WE have here Opportunity, as I apprehended, in a very lively Instance, to see the Nature of true Religion; and the Manner of it's Operation when exemplified in a high Degree and powerful Exercise. Particularly it may be worthy to be observed:

1. How greatly Mr. Brainerd's Religion differed from that of some Pretenders to the Experience of a clear Work of saving Conversion wro't on their Hearts; who depending and living on that, settle in a cold, careless & carnal Frame of Mind, and in a Neglect of thorough, earnest Religion, in the stated Practice of it. Altho' his Convictions and Conversion were in all Respects exceeding clear, and very remarkable; yet how far was he from acting as tho' he thought he had got through his Work, when once he had obtained Comfort, and Satisfaction of his Interest in Christ, and Title to Heaven. On the contrary, that Work on his Heart, by which he was brought to this, was with him evidently but the Beginning of his Work, his first entring on the great Business of Religion and the Service of GOD, his first setting out in his Race. His obtaining Rest of Soul in Christ, after earnest striving to enter in at the strait Gate, and being violent to take the Kingdom of Heaven, he did not look upon as putting an End to any further Occasion for striving and Violence in Religion; but these were continued still, and maintained constantly, through all Changes, to the very End of Life. His Work was not finished, nor his Race ended, 'till Life was ended; agreeable to frequent Scripture Representations of the Christian Life. He continued pressing forward in a constant Manner, forgetting the Things that were behind, and teaching forth towards the Things that were before. His Pains and Earnestnes • in the Business of Religion were rather increased, than diminished, after he had received Comfort and Satisfaction concerning the safety of his State. Those divine Principles, which after this he was actuated by, of Love to GOD, and Longings and Thirstings after Holiness, seem to be more effectual to engage him to Pains and Activity in Religion, than Fear of Hell had been before.

And as his Conversion was not the End of his Work, or of the Course of his Diligence and Strivings in Religion; so neither was it the End of the Work of the Spirit of GOD on his Heart: But on the contrary, the Beginning of that Work; the Beginning of his spiritual Discoveries, and holy Views; the first Dawning of the Light, which thenceforward increased more and more; the Beginning of his holy Affections, his Sorrow for Sin, his Love to GOD, his Rejoycing in Christ Jesus, his Longings after Holiness. And the powerful Operations of the Spirit of God in these Things, were carried on, from the Day of his Conversion, in a continued Course, to his dying Day. His religious Experiences, his Admiration, his Joy, and Praise, and flowing Affections, did not only hold up to a considerable Height for a few Days, Weeks or Months, at first, while Hope and Comfort were new Things with him; and then gradually dwindle and die away, 'till they came to almost nothing, and so leave him without any sensible or remarkable Experience of spiritual Discoveries, or holy and divine Affections, for Months together; as it is with many, who after the Newness of Things is over, soon come to that pass, that it is again with 'em very much as it is used to be before their supposed Conversion, with Respect to any present Views of GOD's Glory, of Christ's Excellency, or of the Beauty of divine Things; and with Respect to any present Thirstings for GOD, or ardent Out-goings of their Souls after divine Objects: But only now and then they have a comfortable Reflection on Things they have met with in Times past, and are something affected with them; and so rest easy, thinking all Things are well; they have had a good clear Work, and their State is safe, and they doubt not but they shall go to Heaven when they die. How far otherwise was it with Mr. Brainerd, than it is with such Persons▪ His Experiences, instead of dying away, were evidently of an increasing Nature. His first Love and other holy Affection • , even at the Beginning were very great; but after Months and Yea •• ▪ became mu • h greater, and more remarkable; and the Spiritual Exercises 〈◊〉 his Mind continued exceeding great (tho' not equally so at all Times, yet usually so) without indu • ged 〈…〉 habitual dwindling & dying away, even 'till his Decease. They began in a Time of general Deadness all over the Land, and were greatly increased in a Time of general Reviving of Religion. And when Religion decayed again, and a general Deadness returned, his Experiences were still kept up in their Height, and his holy Exercises maintained in their Life and Vigour; and so continued to be, in a general Course, wherever he was, and whatever his Circumstances were, among English and Indians, in Company and alone, in Towns and Cities, and in the howling Wilderness, in Sickness and in Health, living and dying. This is agreeable to Scripture-Descriptions of true and right Religion, and of the Christian Life. The Change, that was wrought in him at his Conversion, was agreeable to Scripture-Representations of that Change which is wrought in true Conversion; a great Change and an abiding Change, rendring him a new Man, a new Creature: Not only a Change as to Hope and Comfort, and an Apprehension of his own good Estate; and a transient Change, consisting in high Flights, of passing Affections; but a Change of Nature, a Change of the abiding Habit and Temper of his Mind. Nor a partial Change, meerly in Poin • of Opinion, or outward Reformation; much less a Change from one Error to another, or from one Sin to another: but an univer • al Change, both internal and external; as from corrupt and dangerous Principles in Religion, unto the Belief of the Truth, so from both the Habits and Ways of Sin, unto universal Holiness of Heart and Practice; from the Power and Service of Satan unto GOD.

2. His Religion did apparently and greatly differ from that of many high Pretenders to Religion, who are frequently actuated by vehement Emotions of Mind, and are carried on in a Course of sudden and strong Impressions, and supposed high Illuminations and immediate Discoveries, and at the same Time are Persons of a virulent Zeal, not according to Knowledge.

His Convictions, proceeding his Conversion, did not arise from any frightful Impressions on his Imagination, or any external Images and Ideas of Fire and Brimstone, a Sword of Vengeance drawn, a dark Pit open, Devils in terrible Shapes, &c. strongly fix'd in his Mind. His Sight of his own Sinfulness did not consist in any Imagination of a heap of loathsom material Filthines • within him▪ nor did his Sense of the Hardness of his Heart consist in any bodily feeling in his Breast something hard and heavy like a Stone, nor in any Imaginations whatever of such a Nature.

His first Discovery of God or Christ, at his Conversion, was not any strong Idea of any external Glory or Brightness, or Majesty and Beauty of Countenance, or pleasant Voice; nor was it any supposed immediate Manifestation of God's Love to him in particular; nor any Imagination of Christ's smiling Face, Arms open, or Words immediately spoken to him, as by Name, revealing Christ's Love to him; either Words of Scripture, or any other: But a Manifestation of God's Glory, and the Beauty of his Nature, as supremely excellent in it self; powerfully drawing▪ and sweetly captivating his Heart; bringing him to a hearty Desire to exalt God, set him on the Throne, and give him supreme Honour and Glory, as the King and Sovereign of the Universe; and also a new Sense of the infinite Wisdom, Suitableness and Excellency of the Way of Salvation by Christ; powerfully engaging his whole Soul to embrace this Way of Salvation, and to delight in it. His first Faith did not consist in believing that Christ loved him, and died for him, in particular. His first Comfort was not from any secret Suggestion of God's Eternal Love to him, or that God was reconciled to him or intended great Mercy for him; by any such Texts as those, Son, be of good Chear, thy Sins are forgiven thee▪ Fear not, I am thy God, &c. or in any such Way. On the contrary, when GOD's Glory was first discovered to him, it was without any Thought of Salvation as his own. His first Experience of the sanctifying & comforting Power of GOD's Spirit did not begin in some bodily Sensation, any pleasant warm Feeling in his Breast, that he (as some others) called the Feeling the Love of Christ in him, and being full of the Spirit. How exceeding far were his Experiences at his first Conversion from Things of such a Nature!

And if we look thro' the whole Series of his Experiences, from his Conversion to his Death, we shall find none of this Kind. I have had Occasion to read his Diary over and over, and very particularly and critically to review every Passage in it; and I find no one Instance of a strong Impression on his Imagination, through his whole Life: No Instance of a strongly impress'd Idea of any external Glory and Brightness, of any bodily Form or Shape, any beautiful Majestick Countenance: No imaginary Sight of Christ hanging on the Cross, with his Blood streaming from his Wounds; or seated in Heaven on a bright Throne, with Angels and Saints bowing before him; or with a Countenance smiling on him; or Arms open to embrace him: No Sight of Heaven, in his Imagination, with Gates of Pearl, and Golden Streets, and vast Multitudes of glorious Inhabitants, with shining Garments; No Sight of the Book of Life opened, with his Name written in it: No hearing of the sweet Musick made by the Songs of heavenly Hosts; No hearing God or Christ immediately speaking to him; nor any sudden Suggestions of Words or Sentences, either Words of Scripture, or any other, as then immediately spoken or sent to him: No new objective Revelations, no sudden strong Suggestions of secret Facts. Nor do I find any one Instance in all the Records he has left of his own Life, from Beginning to End, of Joy excited from a supposed immediate Witness of the Spirit; or inward immediate Suggestion, that his State was surely good, that God loved him with an everlasting Love, that Christ died for him in particular, and that Heaven was his; either with or without a Text of Scripture: No Instance of Comfort by a sudden bearing in upon his Mind, as tho' at that very Time directed by God to him in particular, any such kind of Texts as those; Fear not, I am with thee; — It is your Father's good Pleasure to give you the Kingdom; — You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you; — I have called thee by thy Name, thou art mine; — Before thou wast formed in the Belly, I knew thee, &c. No supposed Communion & Conversation with GOD carried on in this Way; no such supposed Tasting of the Love of Christ. But the Way • e was satisfied of his own good Estate, even to the entire abolishing of Fear, was by Feeling within himself the lively actings of a holy Temper and heavenly Disposition, the vigorous Exercises of that divine Love, which casts out Fear: This was the Way he had full Satisfaction soon after his Conversion (see his Diary on Octob. 18 & 19. 1740.) And we find no other Way of Satisfaction through his whole Life afterwards: And this he abundantly declared to be the Way, the only Way, that he had complete Satisfaction, when he looked Death in the Face, in it's near Approaches.

Some of the Pretenders to an immediate Witness by Suggestion, and Defenders of it, with an assuming Confidence, would bear us in Hand, that there is no full Assurance without it; and that the Way of being satisfied by Signs, and arguing an Inter • st in Christ from Sanctification, if it will keep Men quiet in Life and Health, yet will never do when they come to die: Then (they say) Men must have immediate Witness, or else be in a dreadful Uncertainty. But Mr. Brainerd's Experience is a Confutation of this; for in him we have an Instance of one that possess'd as constant and unshaken an Assurance, thro' the Course of his Life, after Conversion, as perhaps can be produced in this Age; which yet he obtain'd and enjoy'd without any such Sort of Testimony, and without all Manner of Appearance of it, or Pretence to it; yea, while utterly disclaiming any such Thing, and declaring against it: And one whose Assurance, we need not scruple to affirm, has as fair a Claim, and as just a Pretension to Truth and Genuineness, as any that the Pretenders to immediate Witness can produce: And not only an Instance of one that had such Assurance in Life, but had it in a constant Manner in his last Illness; and particularly in the latter Stages of it, through those last Months of his Life, wherein Death was more sensibly approaching, without the least Hope of Life: And had it too in it's Fulness, and in the Height of it' • Exercise, under those repeated Trials, that he had in this Space of Time; when brought from Time to Time to the very Brink of the Grave, expecting in a few Minutes to be in Eternity. He had the full Assurance of Hope, unto the End. When on the Verge of Eternity, he then declares his Assurance to be such as perfectly secluded all Fear; and not only so, but it manifestly fill'd his Soul with exceeding Joy: He declaring at the same Time, that this his Consolation and good Hope thro' Grace arose wholly from the Evidence he had of his good Estate, by what he found of his Sanctification, or the Exercise of a holy heavenly Temper of Mind, supreme Love to God, &c. and not in the least from any immediate Witness by Suggestion: Yea, he declares that at these very Times he saw the awful Delusion of that Confidence which is built on such a Foundation, as well as of the whole of that Religion which it usually springs from, or at least is the Attendant of; and that his Soul abhor'd those Delusions: And he continued in this Mind, often expressing it with much Solemnity, even 'till Death.

Mr. Brainerd's Religion was not selfish and mercenary: His Love to God was primarily and principally for the supreme Excellency of his own Nature, and not built on a preconceived Notion that God loved him, had received him into Favour, and had done great Things for him, or promised great Things to him: So his Joy was Joy in God, and not in himself. We see by his Diary how, from Time to Time, through the Course of his Life, his Soul was fill'd with ineffable Sweetness and Comfort. But what was the Spring of this strong and abiding Consolation? Not so much the Consideration of the sure Grounds he had to think that his State was good, that God had delivered him from Hell, and that Heaven was his; or any Thoughts concerning his own distinguished happy and exalted Circumstances, as a high Favourite of Heaven: But the sweet Meditations and entertaining Views he had of divine Things without himself; the affecting Considerations and lively Ideas of God's infinite Glory, his unchangeable Blessedness, his Sovereignty and universal Dominion; together with the sweet Exercises of Love to GOD, giving himself up to him, abasing himself before him, denying himself for him, depending upon him, acting for his Glory, diligently serving him; and the pleasing Prospects or Hopes he had of a future Advancement of the Kingdom of Christ, &c.

It appears plainly and abundantly all along, from his Conversion to his Death, that that Beauty, that Sort of Good, which was the great Object of the new Sense of his Mind, the new Relish and Appetite given him in Conversion, and thenceforward maintained and increased in his Heart, was HOLINESS, Conform • ty to God, living to God, and glorifying Him. This was what drew his Heart; this was the Center of his Soul; this was the Ocean to which all the Streams of his religious Affections tended: This was the Object that engaged his eager thirsting Desires and earnest Pursuits: He knew no true Excellency or Happiness, but this: This was what he longed for most vehemently and constantly on Earth; and this was with him the Beauty and Blessedness of Heaven; which made him so much and so often to long for that World of Glory; it was to be perfectly holy, and perfectly exercised in the holy Employments of Heaven; thus to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

His religious Illuminations, Affections and Comfort seem'd, to a great Degree, to be attended with Evangelical Humiliation; consisting in a Sense of his own utter Insufficiency, Despicableness and Odiousness; with an answerable Disposition and Frame of Heart. How deeply affected was he almost continually with his great Defects in Religion; with his vast Distance from that Spirituality and holy Frame of Mind that became him; with his Ignorance, Pride, Deadness, Unsteadiness, Barrenness? He was not only affected with the Remembrance of his former Sinfulness, before his Conversion, but with the Sense of his pres •• t Vilenes and Po • lution. He was not only disposed to think meanly of himself as before God, and in Comparison of him; but amongst Men, and as compared with them: He was 〈◊〉 to think other Saints better than he; yea, to look on himself as the meanest and cast of Saints; yea, very often, as the vilest and worst of Mankind. And notwithstanding his great Attainments in spiritual Knowledge, yet we find there is scarce any Thing that he is more frequently affected and abased with a Sense of, than his Ignorance.

How eminently did he appear to be of a meek and quiet Spirit, resembling the Lamb-like, Dove-like Spirit of Jesus Christ! How full of Love, Meekness, Quietness, Forgiveness and Mercy! His Love was not meerly a Fondness and Zeal for a Party, but an universal Benevolence; very often exercised in the most sensible and ardent Love to his greatest Opposers and Enemies. His Love and Meekness were not a meer Pretence, and outward Profession and Shew; but they were effectual Things, manifested in expensive and painful Deeds of Love and Kindness; and in a meek Behaviour; readily confessing Faults under the greatest Trials, and humbling himself even at the Feet of those from whom he supposed he had suffered most; and from Time to Time, very frequently praying for his Enemies, abhorring the Thoughts of Bitterness or Resentment towards them. I scarcely know where to look for any parallel Instance of Self-denial, in these Respects, in the present Age. He was a Person of great Zeal; but how did he abhor a bitter Zeal, and lament it where he saw it! And tho' he was once drawn into some Degrees of it, by the Force of prevailing Example, as it were in his Childhood; yet how did he go about with a Heart bruised and broken in Pieces for it all his Life after!

Of how soft and tender a Spirit was he! How far were his Experiences, Hopes, and Joys from a Tendency finally to stupify and harden him, to lessen Convictions and Tenderness of Conscience, to cause him to be less affected with present and past Sins, and less conscientious with Respect to future Sins, more easy in the Neglect of Duties that are troublesome and inconvenient, more slow and partial in complying with difficult Commands, less apt to be alarmed at the Appearance of his own Defects and Transgressions, more easily induced to a Compliance with carnal Appetites! On the contrary, how tender was his Conscience! How apt was his Heart to smite him! How easily and greatly was he alarmed at the Appearance of moral Evil! How great and constant was his Jealousy over his own 〈◊〉 ! How strict his Care and Watchfulness against Sin! How deep and sensible were the Wounds that Sin made in his Conscience! Those Evils that are generally accounted small, were almost an insupportable Burden to him; such as his inward Deficiencies, his having no more Love to GOD, finding within himself any slackness or dulness in Religion, any Unsteadiness, or wandring Frame of Mind, &c. How did the Consideration of such Things as these oppress and abase him, and fill him with inward Shame and Confusion! His Love and Hope, tho' they were such as cast out a servile Fear of Hell, yet they were such as were attended with, and abundantly cherish'd and promoted a reverential filial Fear of GOD, a Dread of Sin and of God's holy Displeasure. His Joy seem'd truly to be a rejoicing with Trembling. His Assurance and Comfort differed greatly from a false enthusiastick Confidence and Joy, in that it promoted and maintained Mourning for Sin: holy mourning, with him, was not only the Work of an Hour or a Day, at his first Conversion; but Sorrow for Sin was like a Wound constantly running: He was a Mourner for Sin all his Days. He did not, after he received Comfort and full Satisfaction of the Forgiveness of all his Sins, and the Safety of his State, forget his past Sins, the Sins of his Youth, that were committed before his Conversion; but the Remembrance of them, from Time to Time, reviv'd in his Heart, with renewed Grief. That in Ezek xvi.63. was evidently fulfil'd in him, That thou mayst remember, and be confounded, and never open thy Mouth any more, because of thy Shame; when I am pacified toward thee for all that thou hast done. And how lastingly did the Sins that he committed after his Conversion, affect and break his Heart! If he did any Thing whereby he thought he had in any Respect dishonoured GOD, and wounded the Interest of Religion, he had never done with calling it to Mind with Sorrow and Bitterness: Tho' he was assured that GOD had forgiven it, yet he never forgave himself: His past Sorrows and Fears made no Satisfaction, with him; but still the Wound renews and bleeds afresh, again and again. And his present Sins, that he daily found in himself, were an Occasion of daily sensible and deep Sorrow of Heart.

His Religion did not consist in una • countable Flights and vehement Pangs; suddenly rising, and suddenly falling; at some Turns exalted almost to the third Heavens, and then at other Turns negligent, vain, carnal, and swallowed up with the World; for Days and Weeks, if not Months together. His Religion was not like a blazing Meteor, or like a flaming Comet, (or a wandring Star, as the Apostle Jude calls it, ver. 13.) flying thro' the Firmament with a bright Train; & then quickly going out in perfect Darkness: But more like the steady Lights of Heaven; that are constant Principles of Light, tho' sometimes hid with Clouds. Nor like a Land-Flood, which flows far and wide, with a rapid Stream, bearing down all afore it, and then dried up; but more like a Stream fed by living Springs; which tho' sometimes increased by Showers, and at other Times diminished by Drought, yet is a constant Stream.

His religious Affections and Joys were not like those of some, who have Rapture and mighty Emotions from Time to Time in Company; but have very little Affection in Retirement and secret Places. Tho' he was of a very sociable Temper, and loved the Company of Saints, and delighted very much in religious Conversation and in social Worship; yet his warmest Affections and their greatest Effects on animal Nature, and his sweetest Joys, were in his Closet-Devotions, and solitary Transactions between GOD and his own Soul; as is very observable thro' his whole Course, from his Conversion to his Death. He delighted greatly in sacred Retirements; and loved to get quite away from all the World, to converse with GOD alone, in secret Duties.

Mr. Brainerd's Experiences and Comforts were very far from being like those of some Persons, which are attended with a spiritual Satiety, and put an End to their religious Desires and Longings, at least to the 〈◊〉 and Ardency of them; resting sati • fied in their own Attainments and Comforts, as having obtained their chief End, which is to extinguish their Fears of Hell, and give 'em Confidence of the Favour of GOD. How far were his religious Aff • ctions, Refreshments, & Satisfactions, from such an Operation and Influence as this! On the contrary, how were they always attended with Longings and Thirstings after greater Degrees of Conformity to GOD! And the greater and sweeter his Comforts were, the more vehement were his Desires after Holiness. For 'tis to be observed, that his Longings were not so much after joyful Discoveries of God's Love and clear Views of his Title to future Advancement and eternal Honours in Heaven; as after more of present Holiness, greater Spirituality, an Heart more engaged for GOD, to love and exalt and depend on him, an Ability better to serve him, to do more for his Glory, and to do all that he did with more of a Regard to Christ as his Righteousness and Strength; and after the Enlargement and Advancement of Christ's Kingdom in the Earth. And his Desires were not idle wishings and wouldings, but such as were powerful and effectual, to animate him to the earnest, eager pursuit of these Things, with utmost Diligence and unfainting Labour and Self-denial. His Comforts never put an End to his seeking after GOD, and striving to obtain his Grace; but on the contrary, greatly engaged and enlarged him therein.

His Religion did not consist only in Experience, without Practice. All his inward Illuminations, Affections and Comforts seem'd to have a direct Tendency to Practice, and to issue in it: And this, not meerly a Practice negatively good, free from gross Acts of Irreligion and Immorality: But a Practice positively Holy and Christian, in a serious, devout, humble, meek, merciful, charitable, and beneficent Conversation; making the Service of GOD, and our Lord Jesus Christ, the great Business of Life, which he was devoted to, and pursued with the greatest Earnestness and Diligence to the End of his Days, thro' all Trials. In him was to be seen the right Way of being lively in Religion: His Liveliness in Religion did not consist meerly or mainly in his being lively with the Tongue, but in Deed; not in being forward in Profession and outward Shew, and abundant in declaring his own Experiences; but chiefly in being active and abundant in the Labours & Duties of Religion; not slothful in Business, but fervent in Spirit, serving the Lord, and serving his Generation, according to the Will of God.

By these Things, many high Pretenders to Religion, and Professors of extraordinary spiritual Experience, may be sensible, that Mr. Brainerd did greatly condemn their kind of Religion; and that not only in Word, but by Example, both living and dying; as the whole Series of his Christian Experience and Practice, from his Conversion to his Death, appears a constant Condemnation of it.

It can't be objected, that the Reason why he so much disliked the Religion of these Pretenders, and why his own so much differed from it, was, that his Experiences were not clear. There is no Room to say, they were otherwise, in any Respect, in which Clearness of Experience has been wont to be insisted on; whether it be the Clearness of their Nature, or of their Order, and the Method his Soul was at first brought to Rest and Comfort in his Conversion. I am far from thinking (and so was he) that Clearness of the Order of Experience is, in any Measure, of equal Importance with the Clearness of their Nature: I have sufficiently declared in my Discourse on Religious Affections (which he expresly approved of and recommended) that I don't suppose, a sensible Distinctness of the Steps of the Spirit's Operation and Method of successive Convictions and Illuminations, is a necessary Requisite to Persons being received in full Charity, as true Saints; provided the Nature of the Things they profess, be right, and their Practice agreeable. Nevertheless, 'tis observable, (which cuts off all Objection from such as would be most unreasonably disposed to object and • avil in the present Case) So it was, that Mr. Brainerd's Experiences were not only clear in the latter Respect, but remarkably so in the former: So that there is not perhaps one Instance in five Hundred true Converts, that on this Account can be parallel'd with him.

It can't be pretended, that the Reason why he so much abhor'd and condemned the Notions and Experiences of those whose first Faith consists in believing that Christ is theirs, and that Christ died for them; without any previous Experience of Union of Heart to him, for his Excellency, as he is in himself, and not for his supposed Love to them; and who judge of their Interest in Christ, their Justification, and GOD's Love to them, not by their Sanctification and the Exercises and Fruits of Grace, but by a supposed immediate Witness of the Spirit, by inward Suggestion; I say, it can't be pretended, that the Reason why he so much detested and condemned such Opinions and Experiences, was, that he was of a too legal Spirit; either that he never was dead to the Law, never experienced a thoro' Work of Conviction, was never fully brought off from his own Righteousness, and wean'd from the old Covenant, by a thorough legal Humiliation; or that afterwards, he had no great Degree of evangelical Humiliation, not living in a deep Sense of his own Emptiness, Wretchedness, Poverty, and absolute Dependance on the meer Grace of GOD through Christ. For his Convictions of Sin, preceeding his first Consolations in Christ, were exceeding deep and thorough; his Trouble and Exercise of Mind, by a Sense of Sin and Misery, very great and long continued; & the Light let into his Mind at his Conversion and in progressive Sanctification, appears to have had its genuine humbling Influence upon him, to have kept him low in his own Eyes, not confiding in himself, but in Christ, living by the Faith of the Son of GOD, and looking for the Mercy of the Lord Jesus to eternal Life.

Nor can it be pretended, that the Reason why he condemned those, and other Things, which this Sort of People call the very Height of vital Religion and the Power of Godliness, was, that he was a dead Christian, and lived in the Dark (as they express themselves) that his Experiences, tho' they might be true, were not great; that he did not live near to GOD, had but a small Acquaintance with him, and had but a dim Sight of spiritual Things. If any, after they have read the preceeding Account of Mr. Brainerd's Life, will venture to pretend thus, they will only shew that they themselves are in the Dark, and do indeed put Darkness for Light, and Light for Darkness.

'Tis common with this Sort of People, if there is any one whom they can't deny to exhibit good Evidences of true Godliness, who yet appears to dislike their Notions, & condemn those Things wherein they place the Height of Religion, to insinuate, that they are afraid of the Cross, and have a Mind to curry Favour with the World, and the like. But I presume, this will not be pretended concerning Mr. Brainerd, by any one Person that has read the preceeding Account of his Life. It must needs appear a Thing notorious to such, that he was an extraordinary, and almost unparallel'd Instance (in these Times and these Parts of the World) of the contrary Disposition: and th •• , whether we consider what he has recorded of his inward Experience, from Time to Time; or his Practice, how he in Fact took up and embraced the Cross, and bore it constantly, in his great Self-Denials, Labours, and Sufferings for the Name of Jesus, and went on without fainting, without repenting, or repining, to his dying Illness: How he did not only, from Time to Time, relinquish and renounce the World secretly, in his Heart, with the full and fervent Consent of all the Powers of his Soul; but openly and actually forsook the World, with it's Possessions, Delights, and common Comforts, to dwell as it were with wild Beasts, in a howling Wilderness; with constant Chearfulness, complying with the numerous Hardships of a Life of Toil and Travel there, to promote the Kingdom of his dear Redeemer. And besides, it appears by the preceeding History, that he never did more condemn the Things foremention'd, never had a greater Sense of their Delusion, pernicious Nature, and ill Tendency, and never was more full of Pity to those that are led away with them, than in his last Illness, and at Times when he had the nearest Prospect of Death, supposed himself to be on the very Brink of Eternity, and looked on all this lower World as what he never should have any Thing more to do with. Surely he did not condemn those Things at these Seasons, only to curry Favour with the World.

Besides what has been already related of Mr. Brainerd's Sentiments in his dying State concerning true and false Religion, we have his deliberate and solemn Tho'ts on this Subject, further appearing by his Preface to Mr. Shepard's Diary, before mentioned; which, when he wrote it, he supposed to be (as it proved) one of the last Things he should ever write. I shall here insert a Part of that Preface, as follows.

How much Stress is laid by many upon some Things as being Effects and Evidences of exalted Degrees of Religion, when they are so far from being of any Importance in it, that they are really irreligious, a Mixture of Self-Love, Imagination, and spiritual Pride, or perhaps the Influence of Satan transformed into an Angel of Light; I say, how much Stress is laid on these Things by many, I shall not determine: But 'tis much to be fear'd, that while GOD was carrying on a glorious Work of Grace, and undoubtedly gathering a Harvest of Souls to himself (which we should always remember with Thankfulness) Numbers of others have at the same Time been fatally deluded by the Devices of the Devil, and their own corrupt Hearts. It is to be fear'd, that the Conversions of some have no better Foundation than this; viz. That after they have been under some Concern for their Souls for a while, and it may be manifested some very great and uncommon Distress and Agonies, they have on a sudden imagined they saw CHRIST, in some Posture or other; perhaps on the Cross, bleeding and dying for their Sins; or it may be, smiling on them, and thereby signifying his Love to them: And that these and the like Things, tho' meer Imaginations, which have nothing Spiritual in them, have instantly removed all their Fears and Distresses, fill'd them with Raptures of Joy, and made them imagine, that they loved Christ with all their Hearts; when the Bottom of all was Nothing but Self- 〈◊〉 . For when they imagined that Christ had been so good to them as to save them, and as it were to single them out of all the World, they could not but feel some kind of natural Gratitude to him; altho' they never had any spiritual View of his divine Glory, Excellency and Beauty, and consequently never had any Love to him for himself. Or that instead of having some such imaginary View of Christ as has been mention'd, in order to remove their Distress and give them Joy, some having had a Passage, or perhaps many Passages of Scripture brought to their Minds with Power (as they express it) such as that, Son, be of good Chear, thy Sins are forgiven thee, and the like, they have immediately applied these Passages to themselves, supposing that God hereby manifested his peculiar Favour to them, as if mention'd by Name: Never considering, that they are now giving H •• d to new Revelations; there being no such Thing reveal'd in the Word of God, as that this or that particular Person has, or ever shall have his Sins forgiven; nor yet remembring, that Satan can, with a great deal of seeming Pertinency (and perhaps also with considerable Power) bring Scripture to the Minds of Men, as he did to Christ himsel • . And thus th • se rejoyce upon having some Scripture suddenly suggested to them, or impress'd upon their Minds, supposing they are now the Children of God, just as did the other upon their imaginary Views of Christ. And 'tis said, that some speak of seeing a great Light, which fill'd all the Place where they were, and dispel'd all their Darkness, Fears and Distresses, and almost ravish'd their Souls. While others have had it warmly suggested to their Minds, not by any Passage of Scripture, but as it were by a Whisper or Voice from Heaven, That God loves them, that Christ is theirs, &c. which groundless Imaginations and Suggestion • of 〈◊〉 have had the same Effect upon them, that the Delusions before mention'd had on the others.—And 〈◊〉 is the Conversion of this Sort of Persons, so are their After-Experience • ; the whole being built upon Imagination, strong Impression, and sudden Suggestions made to their Minds: Whence they are usually extreme confident (as if immediately informed from God) not only of the Goodness of their own State, but of their infallible Knowledge, and absolute Certainty, of the Truth of every Thing they pretend to, under the Notion of Religion; and thus all Reasoning with some of them is utterly excluded.

But 'tis remarkable of these, that they are extremely deficient in Regard of true Poverty of Spirit, Sense of exceeding Vileness in themselves, such as frequently makes truly gracious Souls to gr •• n, being burden'd; as also in Regard of Meekness, Love and Gentleness towards Mankind, Tenderness of Conscience in their ordinary Affairs and Dealings in the World. And 'tis rare to see 'em deeply concerned about the Principles and Ends of their Actions, and under Fears lest they should not eye the Glory of God chiefly, but live to themselves; or this at least is the Case in their ordinary Conduct, whether civil or religious. But if any one of their particular N • tion • , which their Zeal has espoused, • e attack'd, they are then so conscientious, they must born, if call'd to it, for the Defence of it. Yet, at the same Time, when they are so extremely def • cient in Regard of th • se precious divine Tempers which have been mention'd, they are usually full of Zeal, Concern and Fervency in the Things of Religion, and often discourse of them with much Warmth and Engagement: And to those who don't know, or don't consider, wherein the Essence of true Religion consists, viz. in being conformed to the Image of Christ, not in Point of Zeal and Fervency only, but in all divine Tempers and Practices; I say, to those who don't duly observe and distinguish, they often appear like the best of Men.

'Tis common with this Sort of People to say, that God is 〈◊〉 them, his Spirit accompanies their Exhortations and other Administrations, and they are seal'd by the holy Ghost, in the remarkable Success they have, in the great Affections that are stirred up in God's People &c. but to insinuate, on the contrary▪ that he is not with their Oppone ••• ; and particularly, that God has 〈…〉 Ministry; and that the Time is come, when i • is the Will of God that they should be put down, and that God's People should forsake 〈◊〉 ; and that 〈◊〉 more Success is to be 〈◊〉 to attend their Administration • .—But where can they find an instance, among all their most flaming Ex •• rters, who has been sealed with so uncon •• stible and wonderful Success of his Labours, as Mr. Brainerd, not only in quickening and comforting God's Children, but also in a Work of Conviction and Conversion (which they own has in a great Measure ceased for a long Time among themselves) with a most visible and astonishing Manifestation of God's Power, on Subjects so unprepared, and that had been brought up and lived, some of them to old Age, in the deepest Prejudices against the very first Principles of Christianity; the divine Power accompanying his Labours, producing the most remarkable and abiding Change, turning the Wilderness into a fruitful Field, and causing that which was a D • sart indeed to bud and blossom as the Rose▪ And this altho' he was not only one of their greatest Opponents in their Errors; but also one of those they call the standing Ministry; first examined and licensed to preach by such Ministers, and sent forth among the Heathen by such Ministers; and afterwards ordained by such Ministers; always directed by them, and united with them in their Consistories, and Administrations; and even abhorring the Practice of those who give out, that they ought to be renounced and separated from, and that Teachers may be ordained by Lay-Men.

It cannot be pretended by these Men, that Mr. Brainerd condemned their Religion, only because he was not acquainted with them, and had not Opportunity for full Observation of the Nature, Operation & Tendency of their Experiences: For he had abundant and peculiar Opportunities of such Observation and Acquaintance: He lived through the late extraordinary Time of religious Commotion, and saw the Beginning and End, the Good and the Bad of it: He had Opportunity to see the various Operations and Effects, that were wrought in this Season, more extensively, than any Person I know of: His native Place was about the middle of Connecticut; and he was much conversant in all Parts of that Colony: He was conversant in the Eastern Parts of it, after the Religion, which he condemned, began much to prevail there: He was conversant with the zealous People on Long-Island, from one End of the Island to the other; and also in New-Jersey, and Pennsylvania; with People of various Nations: He had some special Opportunities in some Places in this Province (Massachusetts-Bay) where has been very much of this Sort of Religion, and at a Time when it gre • tly prevailed: He had conversed & disputed with Abundance of this Kind of People in various Parts, as he told me; and also informed me, that he had seen something of the same Appearances in some of the Indians, whom he had preached to, and had Opportunity to see the Beginning and End of them. And besides, Mr. Brainerd could speak more feelingly and understandingly concerning these Things, because there was once a Time when he was drawn away into an Esteem of them, and for a short Season had united himself to this Kind of People, and partook, in some Respects, of their Spirit and Behaviour.

But I proceed to another Observation on the foregoing Memoirs.

II. This History of Mr. Brainerd's may help us to make Distinctions among the high religious Affections, and remarkable Impressions made on the Minds of Persons, in a Time of great Awakening, and Revival of Religion; and may convince us, that there are not only Distinctions in Theory, invented to save the Credit of pretended Revivals of Religion, and what is called the Experience of the Operations of the Spirit; but Distinctions that do actually take Place in the Course of Events, and have a real and evident Foundation in Fact.

Many do and will confound Things, blend all together, and say, 'Tis all alike; 'tis all of the same Sort. So there are many that say concerning the Religion most generally prevailing among the Separatists, and the Affections they manifest, 'Tis the same that was all over the Land seven Years ago. And some that have read Mr. Brainerd's Journal, giving an Account of the extraordinary Things that have come to pass among the Indians in New-Jersey, say, 'Tis evidently the same Thing that appeared in many Places amongst the English, which has now proved naught, and come to that which is worse than nothing. And all the Reason they have thus to determine all to be the same Work, and the same Spirit, is, that the one manifested high Affections, and so do the other; the great Affections of the one had some Influence on their Bodies, and so have the other; the one use the Terms Conviction, Conversion, Humiliation, Coming to Christ, Discoveries, Experiences, &c. and so do the other; the Impressions on the one are attended with a great deal of Zeal, and so it in with the other; the Affections of the one dispose 'em to speak much about Things of Religion, and so do the other; the one delight much in religious Meetings, and so do the other.— The Agreement, that appears in these, and such like Things, make 'em conclude, that surely all is alike, all is the same Work. Whereas, on a closer Inspection & critical Examination, it would appear, that notwithstanding an Agreement in such Circumstances, yet indeed there is a vast Difference, both in Essence and Fruits. A considerable Part of the religious Operations, that were six or seven Years ago, especially towards the latter Part of that extraordinary Season, was doubtless of the same Sort with the Religion of the Separatists; but not all: There were many, whose Experiences were, like Mr. Brainerd's, in a Judgment of Charity, genuine and incontestible.

Not only do the Opposers of all Religion consisting in powerful Operations and Affections, thus confound Things; but many of the Pretenders to such Religion do so. They that have been the Subjects of some sort of vehement, but vain Operations on their Mind, when they hear the Relation of the Experiences of some real and eminent Christians, they say, Their Experiences are of the same sort: So they say, they are just like the Experiences of eminent Christians in former Times, which we have printed Accounts of. So, I doubt not, but there are many deluded People, if they should read the preceeding Account of Mr. Brainerd's Life, who reading without much Understanding, or careful Observati •• , would say, without Hesitation, that some Things which they have met with, are of the very same Kind with what he expresses: When the Agreement is only in some general Circumstances, or some particular Things that are superficial, and belonging as it were to the Profession and Out-side of Religion; but the inward Temper of Mind and the Fruits in Practice, are as opposite and distant as East and West.

Many honest good People also, and true Christians, don't very well know how to make a Difference. The glistering Appearance and glaring Show of false Religion dazzles their Eyes; and they sometimes are so deluded by it, that they look on some of these Impressions, which Hypocrites tell of, as the brightest Experiences. And tho' they have experienced no such Things themselves, they think, it is because they are vastly lower in Attainments, and but Babes, in Comparison of these flaming Christians. Yes, sometimes from their differing so much from those who make so great a Show, they doubt whether they have any Grace at all. And it is a hard Thing, to bring many well-meaning People to make proper Distinctions in this Case; and especially to maintain and stand by 'em; through a certain Weakness they unhapply labour of, whereby they are liable to be overcome with the Glare of outward Appearances. Thus, if in a sedate Hour they are by Reasoning brought to allow such and such Distinctions, yet the next Time they come in the Way of the great Show of false Religion, the dazzling Appearance swallows them up, and they are carried away. Thus the Devil, by his cunning Artifices, easily dazzles the feeble Sight of Men, and puts 'em beyond a Capacity of a proper Exercise of Consideration, or hearkning to the Dictates of calm Thought & cool Understanding. When they perceive the great Affection, earnest Talk, strong Voice, assured Looks, vast Confidence, and bold Assertions, of these empty assuming Pretenders, they are over-born, lose the Possession of their Judgment, and say, Surely these Men are in the Right, God is with 'em of a Truth: and so they are carried away, not with Light and Reason, but (like Children) as it were with a strong Wind.

This confounding all Things together, that have a fair Shew, is but acting the Part of a Child, that going into a Shop, where a variety of Wares are exposed to Sale (all of a shining Appearance; some Vessels of Gold and Silver, and some Diamonds and other precious Stones; and other Things that are Toys of little Value; which are of some base Metal gilt, or Glass polished, and painted with curious Colours, or cut like Diamonds) should esteem all alike, and give as great a Price for the vile as for the precious: Or 'tis like the Conduct of some unskilful rash Person, who finding himself deceived by some of the Wares he had bought at that Shop, should at once conclude, all he there saw was of no Value; and pursuant to such a Conclusion, when afterwards he has true Gold and Diamonds offered him, enough to enrich him and enable him to live like a Prince all his Days, he should throw it all into the Sea.

But we must get into another Way. The want of distinguishing in Things that appertain to experimental Religion, is one of the chief Miseries of the professing World. 'Tis attended with very many most dismal Consequences: Multitudes of Souls are fatally deluded about themselves, and their own State; and so are eternally undone: Hypocrites are confirmed in their Delusions, and exceedingly puffed up with Pride: Many sincere Christians are dreadfully perplexed, darkened, tempted, and drawn aside from the Way of Duty; and sometimes sadly tainted with false Religion, to the great Dishonour of Christianity, and Hurt of their own Souls: some of the most dangerous and pernicious Enemies of Religion in the World (tho' called bright Christians) are encouraged and honoured; who ought to be discountenanced and shun'd by every Body: And Prejudices are begotten and confirmed in vast Multitudes, against every Thing wherein the Power and Essence of Godliness consists; and in the End Deism & Atheism are promoted.

III. The foregoing Account of Mr. Brainerd's Life may afford Matter of Conviction, that there is indeed such a Thing as true experimental Religion, arising from immediate divine Influences, supernaturally enlightning and convincing the Mind, and powerfully impressing, quickening, sanctifying, and governing the Heart; which Religion is indeed an amiable Thing, of happy Tendency, and of no hurtful Consequence to human Society; notwithstanding there having been so many Pretences and Appearances of what is called experimental vital Religion, that have proved to be nothing but vain, pernicious Enthusiasm.

If any insist, that Mr. Brainerd's Religion was Enthusiasm, and nothing but a strange Heat and blind Fervour of Mind, arising from the strong Fancies and Dreams of a notional whimsical Brain; I would ask, if it be so, that such Things as these are the Fruits of Enthusiasm, viz. a great Degree of Honesty and Simplicity, sincere and earnest Desires and Endeavours, to know and do whatever is right, and to avoid every Thing that is wrong; an high Degree of Love to God, Delight in the Perfections of his Nature, placing the Happiness of Life in him; not only in contemplating him, but in being active in pleasing and serving him; a firm and undoubting Belief in the Messiah, as the Saviour of the World, the great Prophet of God, and King of God's Church; together with great Love to him, Delight and Complacence in the Way of Salvation by him, and longing for the Enlargement of his Kingdom; earnest Desires that GOD may be glorified and the Messiah's Kingdom advanced, whatever Instruments are made use of; uncommon Resignation to the Will of God, and that under vast Trials; great and universal Benevolence to Mankind, reaching all Sorts of Persons without Distinction, manifested in Sweetness of Speech and Behaviour, kind Treatment, Mercy, Liberality, and earnest seeking the Good of the Souls and Bodies of Men; attended with extraordinary Humility, Meekness, Forgiveness of Injuries, and Love to Enemies; and a great Abhorrence of a contrary Spirit and Practice; not only as appearing in others, but whereinsoever it had appeared in himself; causing the most bitter Repentance, and Brokenness of Heart on Account of any past Instances of such a Conduct: A modest, discreet & decent Deportment, among Superiours, Inferiours and Equals; a most diligent Improvement of Time, and earnest Care to lose no Part of it; great Watchfulness against all Sorts of Sin, of Heart, Speech, and Action: And this Example and these Endeavours attended with most happy Fruits, and blessed Effects on others, in humanizing, civilizing, and wonderfully reforming and transforming some of the most brutish Savages; Idle, Immoral, Drunkards, Murderers, gross Idolaters, and Wizards; bringing them to permanent Sobriety, Diligence, Devotion, Honesty, Conscientiousness, and Charity: And the foregoing amiable Virtues and successful Labours all ending at last in a marvellous Peace, unmoveable Stability, Calmness, and Resignation, in the sensible Approaches of Death; with Longing for the Heavenly State; not only for the Honours and circumstantial Advantages of it, but above all for the moral Perfection, and holy and blessed Employments of it: And these Things in a Person indisputably of good Understanding and Judgment: I say, if all these Things are the Fruits of Enthusiasm, why should not Enthusiasm be thought a desirable and excellent Thing? For what can true Religion, what can the best Philosophy do more? If Vapours and Whimsy will bring Men to the most thorough Virtue, to the most benign and fruitful Morality; and will maintain it through a Course of Life (attended with many Trials) without Affectation or Self-Exaltation, and with an earnest constant bearing Testimony against the Wildness, the Extravagances, the bitter Zeal, assuming Behaviour, & separating Spirit of Enthusiasts; & will do all this more effectually, than any Thing else has ever done in any plain known Instance that can be produced; if it be so, I say, what Cause then has the World to prize and pray for this blessed Whimsicalness, and these benign Sort of Vapours?

It would perhaps be a Prejudice with some against the whole of Mr. Brainerd's Religion, if it had begun in the Time of the late religious Commotion; being ready to conclude (however unreasonably) that nothing Good could take it's Rise from those Times. But it was not so; his Conversion was before those Times, in a Time of general Deadness (as has been before observed) and therefore at a Season when it was impossible, that he should receive a Taint from any corrupt Notions, E •• mples, or Customs, that had Birth in those Times.

And whereas there are many who are not professed Opposers of what is called experimental Religion, who yet doubt of the Reality of it, from the bad Lives of some Professors; and are ready to determine that there is nothing in all the Talk about being born again, being emptied of Self, brought to a saving Close with Christ, &c. because many that pretend to these Things, and are thought by others to have been the Subjects of 'em, manifest no abiding Alteration in their moral Disposition and Behaviour; are as careless, carnal, coveteous, &c. as ever; yea, some much worse than ever: It is to be acknowledg'd and lamented, that this is the Case with some; but by the preceeding Account they may be sensible, that it is not so with all. There are some indisputable Instances of such a Change, as the Scripture speaks of; an abiding great Change, a Renovation of the Spirit of the Mind, and a Walking in Newness of Life. In the foregoing Instance particularly, they may see the abiding Influence of such a Work of Conversion, as they have heard of from the Word of GOD; the Fruits of such Experiences through a Course of Years; under a great Variety of Circumstances, many Changes of State, Place, and Company; and may see the blessed Issue and Event of it in Life and Death.

IV. The preceeding History serves to confirm those Doctrines usually called the Doctrines of Grace. For if it be allowed that there is Truth, Substance, or Value in the main of Mr. Brainerd's Religion, it will undoubtedly follow, that those Doctrines are divine: Since 'tis evident, that the whole of it, from Beginning to End, is according to that Scheme of Things; all built on those Apprehensions, Notions, and Views, that are produced and established in the Mind by those Doctrines. He was brought by Doctrines of this Kind, to his Awakening, and deep Concern about Things of a spiritual and eternal Nature; and by these Doctrines his Convictions were maintained and carried on; and his Conversion was evidently altogether agreeable to this Scheme, but by no Means agreeing with the contrary; and utterly inconsistent with the Arminian Notion of Conversion or Repentance. His Conversion was plainly founded in a clear strong Conviction, and undoubting Perswasion of the Truth of those Things appertaining to these Doctrines, which Arminians most object against, and which his own Mind had contended most about. And his Conversion was no confirming and perfecting of moral Principles and Habits, by Use and Practice, and his own Labour in an industrious disciplining himself, together with the concurring Suggestions and conspiring Aids of GOD's Spirit: But entirely a supernatural Work, at once turning him from Darkness to marvellous Light, and from the Power of Sin to the Dominion of divine and holy Principles; an Effect, in no Regard produced by his Strength or Labour, or obtained by his Vertue; and not accomplish'd 'till he was first brought to a full Conviction that all his own Vertue, Strength, Labours, and Endeavours could never avail any Thing to the producing or procuring this Effect.

A very little while before, his Mind was full of the same Cavils against the Doctrines of GOD's Sovereign Grace, which are made by Arminians; And his Heart full even of a raging Opposition to 'em. And GOD was pleased to perform this good Work in him just after a full End had been put to this Cavilling and Opposition; after he was entirely convinced, that he was dead in Sin, and was in the Hands of GOD, as the absolutely sovereign, unobliged, sole Disposer and Author of true Holiness. GOD's shewing him Mercy at such a Time, is a Confirmation, that this was a Preparation for Mercy; & consequently, that these Things which he was convinced of, were true: While he opposed these Things, he was the Subject of no such Mercy; tho' he so earnestly sought it, and prayed for it with so much Painfulness, Care and Strictness in Religion: But when once his Opposition is fully subdued, and he is brought to submit to the Truths, which he before had opposed, with full Conviction, then the Mercy he sought for is granted, with abundant Light, great Evidence and exceeding Joy, and he reaps the sweet Fruit of it all his Life after, & in the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

In his Conversion, he was brought to see the Glory of that Way of Salvation by Christ, that is taught in what are called the Doctrines of Grace; and thence-forward, with unspeakable Joy and Complacence, to embrace and acquiesce in that Way of Salvation. He was in his Conversion, in all Respects, bro't to those Views, and that State of Mind, which these Doctrines shew to be necessary. And if his Conversion was any real Conversion, or any Thing besides a meer Whim, and if the Religion of his Life was any Thing else but a Series of Freaks of a whimsical Mind, then this one grand Principle, on which depends the whole Difference between Calvinists and Arminians, is undeniable, viz. That the Grace or Vertue of truly good Men, not only differs from the Vertue of others in Degree, but even in Nature and Kind. If ever Mr. Brainerd was truly turned from Sin to GOD at all, or ever became truly Religious, none can reasonably doubt but that his Conversion was at the Time when he supposed it to be: The Change he then experienced, was evidently the greatest moral Change, that ever he pass'd under; and he was then apparently first brought to that Kind of Religion, that remarkable new Habit and Temper of Mind, which he held all his Life after. The Narration shews it to be different, in Nature and Kind, from all that ever he was the Subject of before. It was evidently wrought at once, without fitting and preparing his Mind, by gradually convincing it more and more of the same Truths, and bringing it nearer and nearer to such a Temper: For it was soon after his Mind had been remarkably full of Blasphemy, and a vehement Exercise of sensible Enmity against God, and great Opposition to those Truths, which he was now brought with his whole Soul to embrace, and rest in, as divine and glorious, and to place his Happiness in the Contemplation and Improvement of. And he himself (who was surely best able to judge) declares, that the Dispositions and Affections, which were then given him, and thence-forward maintained in him, were most sensibly and certainly, perfectly different, in their Nature, from all that ever he was the Subject of before, or that he ever had any Conception of. This he ever stood to & was peremptory in (as what he certainly knew) even to his Death. He must be looked upon as capable of judging; he had Opportunity to know: He had practised a great deal of Religion before, was exceeding strict and conscientious, and had continued so for a long Time; had various religious Affections, with which he often flattered himself, and sometimes pleased himself as being now in a good Estate: And after he had those new Experiences, that began in his Conversion, they were continued to the End of his Life; long enough for him thoroughly to observe their Nature, and compare 'em with what had been before. Doubtless he was compos mentis; and was at least one of so good an Understanding and Judgment, as to be pretty well capable of discerning and comparing the Things that passed in his own Mind.

'Tis further observable, that his Religion all along operated in such a Manner as tended to confirm his Mind in the Doctrines of God's absolute Sovereignty, Man's universal and intire Dependance on God's Power and Grace, &c. The more his Religion prevailed in his Heart, and the fuller he was of divine Love, and of clear and delightful Views of spiritual Things, and the more his Heart was engaged in God's Service; the more sensible he was of the Certainty and the Excellency and Importance of these Truths, and the more he was affected with them and rejoyced in them. And he declares particularly, that when he lay for a long while on the Verge of the eternal World, often expecting to be in that World in a few Minutes, yet at the same Time enjoying great Serenity of Mind, and Clearness of Thought, and being most apparently in a peculiar Manner at a Distance from an enthusiastical Frame, he at that Time saw clearly the Truth of those great Doctrines of the Gospel, which are justly stiled the Doctrines of Grace, and never felt himself so capable of demonstrating the Truth of them.

So that 'tis very evident, Mr. Brainerd's Religion was wholly correspondent to what is called the Calvinistical Scheme, and was the Effect of those Doctrines applied to his Heart: And certainly it cannot be denied, that the Effect was good, unless we turn Atheists, or Deists.— I would ask, whether there be any such Thing, in Reality, as Christian Devotion?— If there be, what is it? What is its Nature? And what its just Measure? Should it not be in a great Degree? We read abundantly in Scripture, of loving God with all the Heart, with all the Soul, with all the Mind, and with all the Strength, of Delighting in God, of Rejoycing in the Lord, Rejoycing with Joy unspeakable and full of Glory, the Soul's Magnifying the Lord, Thirsting for God, Hungring and Thirsting after Righteousness, the Soul's breaking for the Longing it hath to God's Judgments, Praying to God with Gr • anings that cannot be uttered, Mourning for Sin with a broken Heart and contrite Spirit, &c. How full is the Book of Psalms, and other Parts of Scripture, of such Things as these! Now wherein do these Things, as express'd by and appearing in Mr. Brainerd, either the Things themselves, or their Effects and Fruits, differ from the Scripture-Representations? These Things he was brought to by that strange and wonderful Transformation of the Man, which he called his Conversion. And don't this well agree with what is so often said, in Old Testament and New, concerning the giving of a new Heart, creating a right Spirit, a being renewed in the Spirit of the Mind, a being sanctified throughout, becoming a new Creature, &c? Now where is there to be found an Arminian Conversion or Repentance, consisting in so great and admirable a Change? Can the Arminians produce an Instance, within this Age, and so, plainly, within our Reach and View, of such a Reformation, such a Transformation of a Man, to Scriptural Devotion, Heavenly-Mindedness, and true Christian Morality, in one that before lived without these Things, on the Foot of their Principles, and through the Influence of their Doctrines?

And here, is worthy to be considered, not only the Effect of Calvinistical Doctrines (as they are called) on Mr. Brainerd himself, but also the Effect of the same Doctrines, as taught and inculcated by him, on others. 'Tis abundantly pretended and asserted of late, that these Doctrines tend to undermine the very Foundations of all Religion and Morality, and to enervate and vacate all reasonable Motives to the Exercise and Practice of them, and lay invincible Stumbling-Blocks before Infidels, to hinder their embracing Christianity; and that the contrary Doctrines are the fruitful Principles of Virtue and Goodness, set Religion on it's right Basis, represent it in an amiable Light, give it's Motives their full Force, and recommend it to the Reason and common Sense of Mankind.— But where can they find an Instance of so great and signal an Effect of their Doctrines, in bringing Infidels, who were at such a Distance from all that is Civil, Human, Sober, Rational, and Christian, and so full of inveterate Prejudices against these Things, to such a Degree of Humanity, Civility, Exercise of Reason, Self-denial, and Christian Vertue? Arminians place Religion in Morality: Let them bring an Instance of their Doctrines producing such a Transformation of a People in Point of Morality. 'Tis strange, if the Alwise God so orders Things in his Providence, that reasonable and proper Means, and his own Means, which he himself has appointed, should in no known remarkable Instance be instrumental to produce so good an Effect; an Effect so agreable to his own Word & Mind, and that very Effect for which he appointed these excellent Means; that they should not be so Successful, as those Means which are not his own, but very contrary to 'em, and of a contrary Tendency; Means that are in themselves very absurd, and tend to root all Religion and Vertue out of the World, to promote and establish Infidelity, and to lay an insuperable Stumbling-Block before Pagans, to hinder their embracing the Gospel: I say, if this be the true State of the Case, 'tis certainly pretty wonderful, and an Event worthy of some Attention.

I know, that many will be ready to say, It is too soon yet, to glory in the Work, that has been wro't among Mr. Brainerd's Indians; 'Tis best to wait and see the final Event; It may be, all will come to nothing by and by; To which I answer (not to insist, that it will not follow, according to Arminian Principles, they are not now true Christians, really pious & godly, tho' they should fall away and come to nothing) that I never supposed, every one of those Indians, who in Profession renounced their Heathenism & visibly embraced Christianity, and have had some Appearance of Piety, will finally prove true Converts: If two thirds, or indeed one half of 'em (as great a Proportion as there is in the Parable of the Ten Virgins) should persevere; it will be sufficient to shew the Work, wrought among them, to have been truly admirable and glorious. But so much of Permanence of their Religion has already appeared, as shews it to be something else besides an Indian Humour or good Mood, or any transient Effect in the Conceits, Notions, and Affections of these ignorant People, excited at a particular Turn, by artful Management. For 'tis now more than three Years ago, that this Work began among them, and a remarkable Change appear'd in many of them; since which Time the Number of visible Converts has greatly increased: And by repeated Accounts, from several Hands, they still generally persevere in diligent Religion and strict Vertue. I think worthy to be here inserted, a Letter from a young Gentleman, a Candidate for the Ministry, one of those before mentioned, appointed by the honourable Commissioners in Boston, as Missionaries to the Heathen of the Six Nations, so called; who, by their Order, dwelt with Mr. John Brainerd, among these Christian Indians, in order to their being prepared for the Business of their Mission. The Letter was written from thence, to his Parents here in Northampton, 〈◊〉 as follows.

Bethel, in New-Jersey, Jan. 14. 1747, 8. Honoured and dear Parents,

AFter a long and uncomfortable Journey, by Reason of bad Weather, I arrived at Mr. Brainerd's, the 6th of this Instant; where I design to stay this Winter: And as yet, upon many Accounts, am well satisfied with my coming hither. The State and Circumstances of the Indians, spiritual and temporal, much exceed what I expected. I have endeavoured to acquaint my self with the State of the Indians in general, with particular Persons, and with the School; as much as the short Time I have been here would admit of. And notwithstanding my Expectations were very much raised, from Mr. David Brainerd's Journal, and from particular Informations from him; yet I must confess, that in many Respects, they are not equal to that which now appears to me to be true, concerning the glorious Work of divine Grace amongst the Indians.

The Evening after I came to Town, I had Opportunity to see the Indians together, whilst the Rev. Mr. Arthur preach'd to them: At which Time there appeared a very general and uncommon Seriousness and Solemnity in the Congregation: And this appear'd to me to be the Effect of an inward Sense of the Importance of divine Truths, and not because they were hearing a Stranger: Which was abundantly confirmed to me the next Sabbath, when there was the same devout Attendance on divine Service, and a surprizing Solemnity appearing in the Performance of each Part of divine Worship. And some, who are hopefully true Christians, appear to have been at that Time much enliven'd and comforted; not from any observable Commotions then, but from Conversation afterwards: And others seem'd to be under pressing Concern for their Souls. I have endeavoured to acquaint my self with particular Persons; many of whom seem to be very humble and growing Christians; altho' some of them (as I am informed) were before their Conversion most monstrously Wicked.

Religious Conversation seems to be very pleasing and delightful to many, and especially that which relates to the Exercises of the Heart. And many here don't seem to be real Christians only, but growing Christians also; as well in doctrinal, as experimental Knowledge. Besides my Conversation with particular Persons, I have had Opportunity to attend upon one of Mr. Brainerd's catechetical Lectures; where I was surprized at their Readiness in answering Questions which they had not been used to: Altho' Mr. Brainerd complained much of their uncommon Deficiency. It is surprizing, to see this People, w • o not long since were led Captive by Satan at his Will, and living in the Practice of all manner of Abominations, without the least Sense even of moral Honesty, yet now living soberly and regularly, and not seeking every Man his own, but every Man, in some Sense, his Neighbour's Good; and to see those, who but a little while past, knew nothing of the true GOD, now worshipping Him in a solemn and devout Manner; not only in publick, but in their Families and in Secret; which is manifestly the Case; it being a difficult Thing to walk out in the Woods in the Morning, without disturbing Persons at their secret Devotion. And it seems wonderful, that this should be the Case, not only with adult Persons, but with Children also. It is observable here, that many Children (if not the Children in general) retire into secret Places to pray. And, as far as at present I can judge, this is not the Effect of Custom and Fashion, but of real Seriousness and Thoughtfulness about their Souls.

I have frequently gone into the School, and have spent considerable Time there amongst the Children; and have been surprized to see, not only their diligent Attendance upon the Business of the School, but also the Proficiency they have made in it, in Reading and Writing, and in their Catechisms of divers Sorts. It seems to be as pleasing and as natural to these Children, to have their Books in their Hands, as it does for many others to be at Play. I have gone into an House where there has been a Number of Children accidentally gathered together; and observed, that every one had his Book in his Hand, and was diligently studying of it. There is to the Number of about thirty of these Children, who can answer to all the Questions in the Assembly's Catechism; and the bigger Part of them are able to do it with the Proofs, to the fourth Commandment. I wish there were many such Schools: I confess, that I never was acquainted with such an one, in many Respects. Oh that what God has done here, may prove to be the Beginning of a far more glorious and extensive Work of Grace among the Heathen.

I am your obedient and dutiful Son, Job Strong.

P. S. Since the Date of this, I have had Opportunity to attend upon another of Mr. Brainerd's catechetical Lectures: and truly I was convinced, that Mr. Brainerd did not complain before of his People's Defects in answering 〈◊〉 Questions proposed, without Reason: For altho' their Answers at that Time exceeded my Expectations very much; yet their Performances at this Lecture very much exceeded them.

Since this, we have had Accounts from Time to T • me, and some very late, which shew that Religion still continues in prosperous and most desirable Circumstances among these Indians.

V. Is there not much in the preceeding Memoirs of Mr. Brainerd to teach, and excite to Duty, us who are called to the Work of the Ministry, and all that are Candidates for that great Work? What a deep Sense did he seem to have of the Greatness and Importance of that Work, and with what Weight did it lie on his Mind! How sensible was he of his own Insufficiency for this Work; and how great was his Dependance on God's Sufficiency! How solicitous, that he might be fitted for it! And to this End, how much Time did he spend in Prayer and Fasting, as well as Reading and Meditation; giving himself to these Things! How did he dedicate his whole Life, all his Powers and Talents to GOD; and forsake and renounce the World, with all it's pleasing and • nsnaring Enjoyments, that he might be wholly at Liberty, to serve Christ in this Work; and to please him who had chosen him to be a Soldier, under the Captain of our Salvation! With what Solicitude, Solemnity, and Diligence did he devote himself to God our Saviour, and seek his Presence and Blessing in secret, at the Time of his Ordination! And how did his whole Heart appear to be constantly engaged, his whole Time employed, and his whole Strength spent in the Business he then solemnly undertook and was publickly set apart to! — And his History shews us the right Way to Success in the Work of the Ministry. He fought it, as a resolute Soldier seeks Victory, in a Siege or Battle; or as a Man that runs a Race, for a great Prize. Animated with Love to Christ and Souls, how did he labour always fervently, not only in Word and Doctrine, in publick and private, but in Prayers Day and Night, wrestling with God in secret, and travailing in Birth, with unutterable Groans and Agonies, until Christ were formed in the Hearts of the People to whom he was sent! How did he thirst for a Blessing on his Ministry; and watch for Souls, as one that must give Account! How did he go forth in the Strength of the Lord God; seeking and depending on a special Influence of the Spirit to assist and succeed him! And what was the happy Fruit at last, though after long waiting, and many dark and discouraging Appearances! Like a true Son of Jacob, he persevered in wrestling, through all the Darkness of the Night, until the breaking of the Day.

And his Example of labouring, praying, denying himself, and enduring Hardness, with unfainting Resolution and Patience, and his faithful, vigilent, and prudent Conduct in many other Respects (which it would be too long now particularly to recite) may afford Instruction to Missionaries in particular.

VI. The foregoing Account of Mr. Brainerd's Life may afford Instruction to Christians in general; as it shews, in many Respects, the right Way of practising Religion, in order to obtainin • the Ends of it, and receiving the Benefits of it; or how Christians should run the Race, set before them, if they would no • r • n in vain, or run as uncertainly, but would honour God in the World, adorn their Profession, be Serviceable to Mankind, have the Comforts of Religion while they live, be free from disquieting Doubts and dark Appre • ensions about the State of their Souls; enjoy Peace in the Approaches of Death, and finish their Course with Joy.— In general, he much recommended, for this Purpose, the Redemption of Time, great Diligence in the Business of the Christian Life, Watchfulness, &c. And he very remarkably exemplify'd these Things.

But particularly, his Example and Success with Regard to one Duty in special, may be of great Use to both Ministers and private Christians; I mean, the Duty of secret Fasting. The Reader has seen, how much Mr. Brainerd recommends this Duty, and how frequently he exercised himself in it; Nor can it well have escap'd Observation, how much he was own'd and bless'd in it, and of what great Benefit it evidently was to his Soul. Among all the 〈◊〉 Days he spent in secret Fasting and Prayer, that he gives an Account of in his Diary, there is scarce an Instance 〈◊〉 one 〈…〉 either attended or soon followed with 〈…〉 and a remarkable Blessing, in special Incomes and Consolations of God's Spirit; and very often, before the Day was ended.— But it must be observed. •• at when he se • about this Duty, he did it in good Earnest; stirring up himself to take hold of God, and continuing instant in Prayer, with much of the Spirit of Jacob, who said to the Angel, I will not let thee go, except th •• bless me.

VII. There is much in the preceding Account to excite and encourage God's People to earnest Prayers and Endeavours for the Advancement and Enlargement of the Kingdom of CHRIST in the World. Mr. Brainerd sat us an excellent Example in this Respect: He sought the Prosperity of Zion with all his Might: He prefer'd Jerusalem above his chief Joy. How did his Soul long for it, and pant after it! And how earnestly and often did he wrestle with God for it! And how far did he, in these Desires and Prayers, seem to be carried beyond all private and selfish Views! being animated by a pure Love to Christ, an earnest Desire of his Glory, and a disinterested Affection to the Souls of Mankind.

The Consideration of this, not only ought to be an Incitement to the People of God, but may also be a just Encouragement to 'em, to be much in seeking and praying for a general Outpouring of the Spirit of God, and extensive Revival of Religion. I confess, that God's giving so much of a Spirit of Prayer for this Mercy to so eminent a Servant of his, and exciting him, in so extraordinary a Manner, and with such vehement Thirstings of Soul, to agonize in Prayer for it, from Time to Time, thro' the Course of his Life, is one Thing, among others, which gives me great Hope, that God has a Design of accomplishing something very glorious for the Interest of his Church before long. One such Instance as this, I conceive, gives more Encouragement, than the common, cold, formal Prayers of Thousands. As Mr. Brainerd's Desires and Prayers for the coming of Christ's Kingdom, were very special and extraordinary; so, I think, we may reasonably hope, that the God, who excited those Desires and Prayers, will answer them with something special and extraordinary. And in a particular Manner, do I think it worthy to be taken Notice of for our Encouragement, that he had his Heart (as he declared) unusually, and beyond what had been before, drawn out in Longings and Prayers for the Flourishing of Christ's Kingdom on Earth, when he was in the Approaches of Death; and that with his dying Breath he did as it were breathe out his departing Soul into the Bosom of his Redeemer, in Prayers and Pantings after this glorious Event▪ expiring in a very great Hope that it would soon begin to be fulfiled. And I wish, that the Tho'ts which he in his dying State expressed of that explicit Agreement, and visible Union of God's People, in extraordinary Prayer for a general Revival of Religion, lately proposed in a Memorial from Scotland, which has been dispersed among us, may be well considered by those that hitherto have not seen fit to fall in with that Proposal.—But I forbear to say any more on this Head, having already largely published my Thoughts upon it, in a Discourse written on Purpose to promote that Affair; which, I confess, I wish that every one of my Readers might be supplied with; not that my Honour, but that this excellent Design might be promoted.

As there is much in Mr. Brainerd's Life to encourage Christians to seek the Advancement of Christ's Kingdom, in general; so there is, in particular, to pray for the Conversion of the Indians on this Continent, and to exert themselves in the Use of proper Means for it's Accomplishment. For it appears, that he in his unutterable Longings and Wrestlings of Soul for the Flourishing of Religion, had his Mind peculiarly intent on the Conversion and Salvation of these People, and his Heart more especially engaged in Prayer for them. And if we consider the Degree and Manner in which he from Time to Time, sought and hoped for an extensive Work of Grace among them, I think, we have Reason to hope, that the wonderful Things, which God wrought among them by him, are but a Fore-runner of something yet much more glorious and extensive of that Kind; and this may justly be an Encouragement, to well-disposed charitable Persons, to honour the Lord with their Substance, by contributing, as they are able, to promote the spreading of the Gospel among them; and this also may incite and encourage Gentlemen who are incorporated, and intrusted with the Care and Disposal of those liberal Benefactions, which have already been made by pious Persons, to that End; and likewise the Missionaries themselves, that are or may be employed; and it may be of Direction unto both, as to the proper Qualifications of Missionaries, and the proper Measures to be taken in order to their Success.

One Thing in particular, I would take Occasion from the foregoing History to mention and propose to the Consideration of such as have the Care of providing and sending Missionaries among Savages; viz. Whether it would not ordinarily be best to send two together? It is pretty manifest, that Mr. Brainerd's going, as he did, alone into the howling Wilderness, was one great Occasion of such a prevailing of Melancholy on his Mind; which was his greatest Disadvantage. He was much in speaking of it himself, when he was here in his dying State; and expressed himself, to this Purpose, that none could conceive of the Disadvantage a Missionary in such Circumstances was under, by being alone; especially as it exposed him to Discouragement and Melancholy: And spoke of the Wisdom of Christ in sending forth his Disciples by Two and Two; and left it as his dying Advice to his Brother, never to go to Susquahannah, to travel about in that remote Wilderness, to preach to the Indians there, as he had often done, without the Company of a Fellow-Missionary.

VIII. One Thing more may not be unprofitably observed in the preceeding Account of Mr. Brainerd; and that is the special and remarkable Disposal of divine Pro •• dence, with Regard to the Circumstances of his last Sickness and Death.

Tho' he had been long infirm, his Constitution being much broken by his Fatigues and Hardships; and tho' • e was often brought very low by Illness, before he left Kaunaumeek, and also while he lived at the Forks of Delaware: Yet his Life was preserved, 'till he had seen that which he had so long and greatly desired and sought, a glorious Work of Grace among the Indians, and had received the wished for Blessing of God on his Labours. Tho' as it were in Deaths oft, yet he lived to behold the happy Fruits of the long continued Travail of his Soul and Labour of his Body, in the wonderful Conversion of many of the Heathen, and the happy Effect of it in the great Change of their Conversation, with many Circumstances which afforded a fair Prospect of the Continuance of God's Blessing upon them; as may appear by what I shall presently further observe.— Thus he did not depart, 'till his Eyes had seen God's Salvation.

Tho' it was the Pleasure of God, that he should be taken off from his Labours among that People whom God had made him a spiritual Father to, who were so dear to him, and whose spiritual Welfare he was so greatly concerned for; yet this was not before they were well initiated and instructed in the Christian Religion, thoroughly weaned from their old heathenish and brutish Notions and Practices, and all their Prejudices and Jealousies, which tended to keep their Minds unsettled, were fully removed; and they were confirmed and fixed in the Christian Faith and Manners, were formed into a Church, had ecclesiastical Ordinances and Discip • ine introduced & settled; were brought into a good Way with Respect to the Education of Children, had a School Master sent to them in Providence, excellently qualified for the Business, and had a School set up and established, in good Order, among them; had been well brought off from their former Idle, strolling, sottish Way of Living; had removed from their former scattered uncertain Habitations; and were collected in a Town by themselves, on a good Piece of Land of their own; were introduced into the Way of living by Husbandry, and begun to experience the Benefits of it, &c. These Things were but just brought to pass by his indefatigable Application and Care, and then he was taken off from his Work by Illness. If this had been but a little sooner, they would by no Means have been so well pr • pared for such a Dispensation; and it probably would have been unspeakably more to the Hurt of their spiritual Interest, and of the Cause of Christianity among them.

The Time and Circumstances of his Illness were so ordered, that he had just Opportunity to finish his Journal, and prepare it for the Press; giving an Account of the marvellous Display of divine Power and Grace among the Indians in New-Jersey, and at the Forks of Delaware: His doing which was a Thing of great Consequence, and therefore urged upon him by the Correspondents, who have honour'd his Journal with a Preface. The World being particularly and justly informed of that Affair by Mr. Brainerd, before his Death, a Foundation was hereby laid for a Concern in others for that Cause, and proper Care and Measures to be taken for the maintaining it after his Death. As it has actually proved to be of great Influence and Benefit in this Respect ; it having excited and engaged many in those Parts, and also more distant Parts of America, to exert themselves for the upholding and promoting so good and glorious a Work, remarkably opening their Hearts and Hands to that End: And not only in America, but in Great Britain, where that Journal (which is the same that I have earnestly recommended to my Readers to possess themselves of) has been an Occasion of some large Benefactions, made for the promoting the Interest of Christianity among the Indians.—If Mr. Brainerd had been taken Ill but a little sooner, he had not been able to compleat this his Journal, and prepare a Copy for the Press.

He was not taken off from the Work of the Ministry among his People, 'till his Brother was in a Capacity and Circumstances to succeed him in his Care of them: Who succeeds him in the like Spirit, and under whose prudent and faithful Care his Congregation has flourished, and been very happy, since he left them; and probably could not have been so well provided for, otherwise. If Mr. Brainerd had been disabled sooner, his Brother would by no Means have been ready to stand up in his Place; having taken his first Degree at College but about that very Time that he was seiz'd with his fatal Consumption.

Tho' in that Winter that he lay sick at Mr. Dickinson's in Elisabeth-Town, he continued for a long Time in an extremely low State, so that his Life was almost despair'd of, and his State was sometimes • uch that it was hardly expected he would live a Day to an End; yet his Life was spared a while longer; he lived to see his Brother arrived in New-Jersey, being come to succeed him in the Care of his Indians; and he himself had Opportunity to assist in his Examination and Introduction into his Business; and to commit the Conduct of his dear People to One whom he well knew, and could put Confidence in, and use Freedom with in giving him particular Instructions and Charges, and under whose Care he could leave his Congregation with great Chearfulness.

The Providence of God was remarkable in so ordering of it, that before his Death he should take a Journey into New-England, and go to Boston: Which was, in many Respects, of very great and happy Consequence to the Interest of Religion, and especially among his own People. By this Means, as has been observed, he was brought into Acquaintance with many Persons of Note and Influence, Ministers and others, belonging both to the Town and various Parts of the Country; and had Opportunity, under the best Advantages, to bear a Testimony for God and true Religion, and against those false Appearances of it that have proved most pernicious to the Interests of Christ's Kingdom in the Land. And the Providence of God is particularly observable in this Circumstance of the Testimony he there bore for true Religion; viz. That he there was brought so near the Grave, and continued for so long a Time on the very Brink of Eternity; and from Time to Time, look'd on himself, and was look'd on by others, as just leaving the World; and that in these Circumstances he should be so particularly directed and assisted in his Tho'ts and Views of Religion, to distinguish between the true and the false, with such Clearness and Evidence; and that after this he should be unexpectedly and surprizingly restored and strengthned, so far as to be able to converse freely; and have such Opportunity, and special Occasions to declare the Sentiments he had in these, which were, to human Apprehension, his dying Circumstances; and to bear his Testimony concerning the Nature of true Religion, and concerning the mischievous Tendency of it's most prevalent Counterfeits and false Appearances; as Things he had a special, clear, distinct View of at that Time, when he expected in a few Minutes to be in Eternity; and the Certainty & Importance of which were then, in a peculiar Manner, impress'd on his Mind.

Among the happy Consequences of his going to Boston, were those liberal Benefactions that have been mention'd, which were made by pious disposed Persons, for the maintaining and promoting the Interest of Religion among his People: And also the meeting of a Number of Gentlemen in Boston, of Note and Ability, to consult upon Measures for that Purpose; who were excited by their Acquaintance and Conversation with Mr. Brainerd, and by the Account of the great Things God had wrought by his Ministry, to unite themselves, that by their joint Endeavours and Contributions they might promote the Kingdom of Christ, and the spiritual Good of their Fellow-Creatures, among the Indians in New-Jersey, and elsewhere.

It was also remarkable, that Mr. Brainerd should go to Boston, at that Time; after the honourable Commissioners there, of the Corporation in London for propagating the Gospel in New-England and Parts adjacent, had received Dr. William's Legacy for the maintaining of two Missionaries among the Heathen; and at a Time when they having concluded on a Mission to the Indians of the Six-Nations (so called) were looking out for fit Persons to be imployed in that Important Service. This proved an Occasion of their committing to him the Affair of finding and recommending suitable Persons: Which has proved a succesful Means of two Persons being found and actually appointed to that Business; who seem to be well qualified for it, and to have their Hearts greatly engaged in it: One of which has been solemnly ordain'd to that Work in Boston, and is now gone forth to one of those Tribes, who have appeared well-disposed to his Reception: It being judged not convenient for the other to go 'till the next Spring, by Reason of his bodily Infirmity. The Appointment of these Gentlemen to this Mission has been hitherto much smiled on in Providence; as in other Respects, so particularly in the wonderful opening of the Hearts of many to contribute liberally to so excellent a Design; besides the Benefactions in Boston, a Number of Persons at Northampton with much Chearfulness have given about £. 160 (old Tenor); and a particular Person in Springfield has devoted a considerable Part of his Estate to this Interest.

These happy Consequences of Mr. Brainerd's Journey to Boston would have been prevented, in Case he had died, when he was brought so near to Death in New-Jersey. Or if after he came first to Northampton (where he was much at a Loss and long deliberating which Way to bend his Course) he had determined not to go to Boston.

The Providence of God was observable in his going to Boston at a Time when not only the honourable Commissioners were seeking Missionaries to the Six Nations; but just after his Journal, which gives an Account of his Labours and Success among the Indians, had been received and spread in Boston: Whereby his Name was known, and the Minds of serious People were well prepared to receive his Person, and the Testimony he there gave for God; to exert themselves for the upholding and promoting the Interest of Religion in his Congregation, and amongst the Indians elsewhere; and to regard his Judgment concerning the Qualifications of Missionaries, &c. If he had gone there the Fall before (when he had intended to have made his Journey into New-England, but was prevented by a sudden great Increase of his Illness) it would not have been likely to have been in any Measure to so good Effect: And also if he had not been unexpectedly detained in Boston; For when he went from my House, he intended to make but a very short Stay there; But divine Providence by his being brought so low there, detain'd him long; thereby to make Way for the fulfilling it's own gracious Designs.

The Providence of God was remarkable in so ordering, that altho' he was brought so very near the Grave in Boston, that it was not in the least expected he would ever come alive out of his Chamber; yet he wonderfully revived, and was preserved several Months longer: So that he had Opportunity to see, and fully to converse with both his younger Brethren before he died; which was a Thing he greatly desired; and especially to see his Brother John, with whom was left the Care of his Congregation; that he might by him be fully informed of their State, and might leave with him such Instructions and Directions as were requisite in order to their spiritual Welfare, and to send to them his dying Charges and Counsels. And he had also Opportunity, by Means of this Suspension of his Death, to find and recommend a Couple of Persons fit to be employed as Missionaries to the Six Nations, as had been desired of him.

Thus, altho' it was the Pleasure of a sovereign God, that he should be taken away from his Congregation, the People that he had begotten through the Gospel, who were so dear to him; yet it was granted to him, that before he died he should see them well provided for, every • Way: He saw them provided for with One to instruct them, and take Care of their Souls; his own Brother, whom he could confide in: He saw a good Foundation laid for the Support of the School among them; those Things that before were wanting in order to it, b • ing supplied: And he had the Prospect of a charitable Society being established, of able and well-disposed Persons, who seem to make the spiritual Interest of his Congregation their own; whereby he had a comfortable View of their being well-provided for, for the future: And he had also Opportunity to leave all his dying Charges with his Successor in the Pastoral Care of his People, and by him to send his dying Counsels to them. Thus God granted him to see all Things happily settled, or in a hopeful Way of being so, before his Death, with Respect to his dear People — And whereas not only his own Congregation, but the Souls of the Indians in North-America in general, were very dear to him, and he had greatly set his Heart on the propagating and extending the Kingdom of Christ among 'em; God was pleased to grant to him (however it was his Will, that he should be taken away, and so should not be the immediate Instrument of their Instruction and Conversion, yet) that before his Death, he should see unexpected extraordinary Provision made for this also. And 'tis remarkable, 〈◊〉 God not only allowed him to see such Provision made for the maintaining the Interest of Religion among his own People, and the Propagation of it elsewhere; but honoured him by making him the Means or Occ • sion of it. So that it is very probable, however Mr. Brainerd, during the last four Months of his Life, was ordinarily in an extremely weak and low State, very often scarcely able to speak; yet that he was made the Instrument or Means of much more Good in that Space of Time, than he would have been if he had been well, and in full Strength of Body. Thus God's Power was manife •• ed in his Weakness, and the Life of Christ was manifested in his mortal Flesh.

Another Thing, wherein appears the merciful Disposal of Providence with Respect to his Death, was, that he did not die in the Wilderness, among the Savages, at Kaunaumeek, or the Forks of Delaware, or at Susqua • annah; but in a Place where his dying Behaviour and Speeches might be observed and remembred, and some Account given of them for the Benefit of Survivors; and also where Care might be taken of him in his Sickness, and proper Honours done him at his Death.

The Providence of God is also worthy of Remark▪ in so over-ruling and ordering the Matter, that he did not finally leave absolute Orders for the intire suppressing of his private Papers; as he had intended and fully resolved, insomuch that all the Importunity of his Friends could scarce restrain him from doing it, when sick at Boston. And one Thing relating to this is peculiarly remarkable, viz. that his Brother, a little before his Death, should come from the Jerseys unexpected, and bring his Diary to him, tho' he had received no such Order. So that he had Opportunity of Access to these his reserved Papers, and for reviewing the same; without which, it appears, he would at last have ordered them to be wholly suppress'd: But after this, he the more readily yielded to the Desires of his Friends, and was willing to leave them in their Hands to be disposed of as they thought might be most for God's Glory: By which Means, he being dead, yet speaketh, in these Memoirs of his Life, taken from those private Writings: Whereby it is to be hoped he may still be • as it were the Instrument of much promoting the Interest of Religion in this World; the Advancement of which he so much desired, and hoped would be accomplish'd after his Death.

If these Circumstances of Mr. Brainerd's Death be duly considered, I doubt not but they will be acknowledged as a notable Instance of God's Fatherly Care, and Covenant-Faithfulness towards them that are devoted to him, and faithfully serve him while they live; whereby he never fails nor forsakes them, but is with them living and dying; so that whether they live, they live to the LORD; or ••• hether they die, they die to the LORD; and both in Life and Death they are own'd and taken Care of as His.—Mr. Brainerd himself as was before observed, was much in taking Notice (when near his End) of the merciful Circumstances of his Death; and said, from Time to Time, that God had granted him all his Desire.

And I would not conclude my Observations on the merciful Circumstances of Mr. Brainerd's Death without acknowledging with Thankfulness, the gracious Dispensation of Providence to me and my Family, in so ordering, that he (tho' the ordinary Place of his Abode was more than 200 Miles distant) should be cast hither, to my House, in his last Sickness, and should die here: So that we had Opportunity for much Acquaintance and Conversation with him, and to shew him Kindness in such Circumstances, and to see his dying Behaviour, to hear his dying Speeches, to receive his dying Counsels, and to have the Benefit of his dying Prayers. May God in infinite Mercy grant, that we may ever retain a proper Remembrance of these Things, and make a due Improvement of the Advantages we have had, in these Respects! The Lord grant also, that the foregoing Account of Mr. Brainerd's Life and Death may be for the great spiritual Benefit of all that shall read it, and prove a happy Means of promoting the Revival of true Religion in these Parts of the World. AMEN.

FINIS.

ERRATA. Pag. 57. l. 24. r. refresh'd. Pag. 219. Marg. Not. Lin. ult. r. Days before.

BOOKS printed for and sold by D. Henchman at his Shop over against the Old Brick Meeting-House in Cornhill. SToddard's Safety of appearing in the Righteousness of Christ. — His Guide to Christ. Shepard's Sincere Convert. — Sound Believer. Appleton's Wisdom of GOD in the Redemption of fallen Man. — Discourses from Rom. viii.14. Setting forth the clearest and surest Marks of our being so led by the SPIRIT of GOD as to demonstrate that we are the Children of GOD. Pemberton's Practical Discourses, I. The Dignity & Glory of Man's Primitive State. II. The Nature and Necessity of Conversion. III. The Reasonableness of striving to obtain Salvation. IV. The Method of Divine Grace in Conversion. V. The Nature and Obligation of Receiving Christ by Faith. VI. The Duty of imitating the Example of CHRIST. VII. The Folly of losing the Soul for the Gain of the World. Dr. Watt's Guide to Prayer. An Account of the Life and Death of Mr • . Elizabeth Bury. The Marrow of Modern Divinity. Touching the Covenant of Works, and the Covenant of Grace. In a Dialogue between a Minister of the Gospel—a Legalist — an Antinomian — and a young Christian. Dr. Colman's Discourses on the Incomprehensibleness of GOD. Spiritual Songs — Or Songs of Praise, with Penitential Cries to Almighty GOD upon several Occasions. Together with the SONG of SONGS which is SOLOMONS. Hooker's Doubting Christian drawn to CHRIST. L • ring's Nature and Necessity of the New-Bi • th. Edwards's Humble Attempt to promote explicit Agreyment and visible Union of GOD'S People in extraordina • -Prayer for the Revival of Religion &c. Holmes's Good Government of Christian Families recommended. With a Discourse of secret Prayer. Wright's Treatise of being born again, without which no Man can be saved. Alleine's Alarm to the Unconverted. Fox on Time and the End of Time. Russel's Seven Sermons. Moody (Joshua) Practical Discourse concerning the Benefit of Communion with GOD in his House. Mather's Apology for the Liberty of the Churches in New-England. To which is prefix'd a Discourse concerning Congregational Churches. Barnard's Sermons on several Subjects, viz. A Confirmation of the Truth of the Christian Religion. Compel them to come in. The Christian Hero, or the Saints Victory and Reward. Williams (Solomon) CHRIST the King and Witness of TRUTH, and the Nature Excellency and Extent of his Kingdom as founded in TRUTH and only promoted by it. Some Remarkable Passages in the Life of the Hon. Col. JAMES GARDNER, who was Slain at Preston-Pans. With a Sermon by P. DODRIDGE, D. D. Meditations on several divine Subjects. I. The Humanity of CHRIST. II. The Extensiveness of GOD'S good Design in selling Joseph into Egypt. III. CHRIST the King sitting at his Table. IV. Of the Love of CHRIST and saving Knowledge of it. With a Letter to a Friend.