SEeing the Lord hath been pleas­ed to count me worthy to tra­vel in Sion's Way; and seeing I have found the Way so strait, and so nar­row, and so many that have been called; and some, that have entred into it, have gone into by-paths, and crooked ways again; and I have found the blessed effect of keeping in the right way; therefore I have a great Concern upon my Spirit, for my Chil­dren, that are coming up after me, that they may not be forgetful of keep­ing in the right way, whensoever the Lord shall be pleas'd to take me from them.

Therefore it is in my Heart, as my Heavenly Father will be pleased to assist me, to leave a short Testimony behind me, for my Children, of the [...] of my Life, ever since I had a Remembrance; and the Goodness of [Page 2] the Lord to me all my Life lon [...] [...]n­to this very Day, which is [...] for ever to be had in remembrance, a­bove all that ever my Eyes beheld, and in reverence to the worthy Name and Power of the Lord is it spoken, and he shall have the Praise of his own Work for ever.

In the first Place I was born at Thornbury in Gloucestershire, 1634. of honest Parents; my Father's Name was William Ta [...]er; my Father and Mother were People fearing God, and very zealous in their Day; and my Father (being one of those called Pu­ritans) prophecied of Friends many Years before they came; he said, There was a Day coming, wherein Truth will gloriously break forth, more glorious than ever since the Apostles Days; but said, I shall not live to see it; but died in the Faith of it Seven Years before they came; whose honest and chaste Life is often in my Remembrance, and his fervent and zealous Prayers a­mongst his Family, are not forgotten by me. My Parents brought me up [Page 3] after a very strict Manner, so that I can truly say, I was much a Strang­er unto the World, and its Ways. In my tender Years I was one of a sad Heart, and much concerned and sur­prised with inward Fear what would become of me when I should die: And when my Lot was to be near any that would talk rudely, or swear, or be overcome with strong Drink, I dreaded to pass by them; and when I did hear it thunder, O the Dread and Terror that would fall upon me; and I would get the privatest Place that I could to mourn in secret, thinking the Lord would render Vengeance upon the Heads of the wicked. When I saw the Flashes of Lightning, Oh! think I, whither shall I go to hide my self from the Wrath of the dread­ful and terrible God? Thus was I possessed with my Soul's Concern, before I was ten Years of Age; I was so filled with Fears and Doubts, that I could take no Delight in any thing of this World. And when I grew up to riper Years, I went to hear those [Page 4] accounted the best Men, that lived up to what was made known unto them, and I delighted to hear them, and be in Company with them that talked of good Things, and discoursed of Scripture, and of God and Christ, and of Heaven's Glory, Oh! how delight­som was it unto me; but still I was unsatisfied, because I found I was not a Living Witness of these States and Conditions that the People of God were in, in former Days; and how to attain unto it, I did not know. Then did I mourn unto my self, and say in my Heart, Oh that I had been born in the Days when the Lord spake unto Moses, and unto the Children of Israel, and with a high and wonder­ful Power brought forth his People out of Egypt, and thro' the Red Sea, that I might have known how to have walked in the right Way, and to have done what the Lord would have required of me, and been in Acquaintance and Familiarity with my Maker; that I might have known when I had pleased or displeased the [Page 5] Lord, whom my Soul loved, but knew not how to come acquainted with him. Oh! what would I have part­ted with for the Enjoyment of the Lord, and Assurance of Salvation? Surely if it were possible for me to have enjoyed all the World, I could freely have parted with it, for Peace, Comfort and Satisfaction for my poor distressed Soul, that mourned as with­out Hope; and many a time, and many Hours have I been alone, [...]ead­ing and mourning, when no Eye saw me, nor Ear heard me, neither could I find comfort in Reading, because it was a Book sealed unto me. Then did I mourn, and say, Oh! that I had been born in the Days when our bles­sed Saviour Jesus Christ was upon the Earth; how would I have follow­ed him, and [...]ate at his Feet, as Mary did; how freely could I have left my Father's House, and all my Relations, for true Peace and Assurance of Life Eternal for my Immortal Soul.

And under this exercise I grew very sad, insomuch that my Mother feared [Page 6] I was going into a Consumption, and greatly fear'd my Death; and would say to me, Canst thou take Delight in nothing? I would have thee walk forth into the F [...]elds with the young People, for Recreation, and delight thy self in something. And to please her, I have sometimes, when we were out of our Imployment, gone forth with sober young People, but I found no Com­fort in that. Then I fell into a Cus­tom of reading the Scriptures, and to be alone in private, reading, and cry­ing, because I knew not that Hea­venly Power and Spirit to have Do­minion in me, that was in them that gave forth the Scriptures; and nothing else but the Substance would give me true Satisfaction, therefore the Scripture was but a Book sealed un­to me.

Then did I fall down upon my Knees, to pray unto the Lord, with my Heart full of Sorrow, and the Tears running down my Face, and could not utter one Word; which [Page 7] seem'd very strange unto me, and set me a thinking, that there was none like unto me. But it was the Ene­my's Work to perswade me, there was none like unto me: And because I could not pray in Words, as others could, and likewise under Afflictions, therefore the Lord had no Regard un­to me. But the Enemy is a Lyar, as ever, for the Lord was near me in every Exercise, and broke my Heart, and melted my Spirit, or else it would not have been so with me. Oh! my Soul can now behold his Goodness, for he was near me, altho' I was not aware of it; for I thought none was so miserable as I, the Enemy endea­vouring to cast me down to make me despair. And truly it was the great Mercy of the Lord in preserving me from it, for my Affliction was great, and my Distresses very many, and the Enemy following me with his Temp­tations, and for Want of right Infor­mation where my Strength was to be found; which was to have stood still, and have waited upon the living God [Page 8] for Strength to overcome my Soul' [...] Enemy. And instead of so doing, the Enemy so disturbed me, and so fol­low'd me with his subtil Allurements, sometimes to draw my Mind into the Vanities of this World, and to delight my self in bedecking my self in fine Clothes, that I might appear comely in the Eyes of the World; for (said the Enemy) as for this Way of Sad­ness and Trouble that thou art under, it will redound to no Advantage, Be­nefit, nor Comfort; thou will not be in any Esteem amongst thy Neigh­bours, therefore take thy Pleasure, and be at rest. A Lyar he is, and e­ver was from the Beginning; and my dear Children, believe him not, if it be your Lots to be under Temptati­ons or Exercise of any kind; or what Way soever the Lord may be plea­sed to lead you in, for the Trial of your Faith and Patience in any! kind; either now, or any Time of your Pilgrimage in this Life. I say, the Enemy will befool as many as he can; therefore look unto the Lord, [Page 9] and keep him in your Remembrance, and pray unto him in the inward of your Minds. Altho' you cannot utter one Word, know it assuredly, that he is near to help his afflicted Children at all Times, as they stand in Need or him. Oh! that I had known this in the Days of my Ignorance, and in my young and tender Years, when the Lord was near me, and at Work in my Heart, and I knew it not: For Want of an Understanding, the Ene­my befooled me, and led me aside in those Things above-named and by hearkning unto him, and the young People that was my Neighbours, in perswading me, that it would be of great Benefit to me, for I was young, and knew not what I might come to and I was left of my tender Father, and hardly any Friend was left me. And in my Distress and Afflictions, wil­ling to have a little Rest and Comfort, I lent out an Ear to the Enemy of my Soul, and let my Mind go forth after fine Clothes; but when it was drawn out, it went without Limit; and when [Page 10] [...]bedecked my self as fine and as choice [...]s I could, it would hardly give me Content; for when I had one new thing, when I saw another, or the third, I was as desirous as for the for­mer; so ever unsatisfied. Oh! the ly­ing Enemy, who promis'd me Rest and Peace, but could not give it me; a Lyar he is, and ever was; my Soul hates him, and is at Enmity with him; the Lord preserve me out of his Snares, and my House also for ever.

But tho' he had drawn out my Mind, the Lord did not leave me; for I should many Times have a Concern upon my Mind what would become of me; and if at any Time I was drawn out into any Mirth or Laugh­ter, I should feel something smite my Heart, and bring great Heaviness over my Spirit; but I knew not what it was, and I little thought it was the Lord, who was ever good and gra­cious, kind, merciful, and slow to Anger, and not willing People should run into Destruction, nor perish.

[Page 11] I little thought he looked so nar­rowly to my Ways; but since the Lord hath been pleased to open my Eyes, I can look back and admire his Goodness, and blessed be his worthy Name, and the right Arm of his Strength, who hath early been my Guide, and kept me in great Part from running into the Evil of the World, which greatly attends young People. But blessed be the Name of the Lord, he took me by the Hand, and led me when I knew not of it, in the Days of my tender Years; and if I had not hearkened unto the Enemy, my Con­dition had been well. But as soon as he had drawn my Mind into Pride, and to take Delight in fine Clothes, it soon became my Burden; for in a little Time after, the Lord in the Riches of his Love, was pleased to fit and furnish his Faithful Servants, and painful Labourers, whose Industrious­ness the Lord greatly prospered, two Men of worthy Memory, dear John Audland, and John Camm, in 1654. But when I heard the Report of them, [Page 12] it struck a Dread over my Heart, [...]ear­ing of their Plainness. I began to think, how shall I demean my self to go to hear them. In a little Time af­ter, there was a Meeting appointed by them; where my Lot was to be, and dear John Audland was declaring; but assoon as I heard his Voice, it pierced me; and when I came into the Meeting, and heard his Testimony, and beheld his solid Countenance, Oh! how my Heart was troubled within me, insomuch that I knew not what would become of me.

After Meeting was over, I separa­ted my self from my Company, and travelled alone two Miles, because no Ear should hear me making my Moan unto the Lord; and out of the Bit­terness of my Spirit did I say, Lord, what shall I do to be saved? I would do any thing for Assurance of everlasting Life; and if the Lord will be pleased to accept of me upon any Terms, I mat­ter not what become of this outward Body, if I could find out a Cave of the Earth that I might get into, where I [Page 13] might mourn out my Days in Sorrow, and see Man no more.

I thought I could have been con­tented; but it pleased the Lord to o­pen the Eyes of my Understanding, and to lead me by a Way that I knew not, and to begin the first Day's Work in my Heart, which [...]as the Spirit of the Lord to move upon the Waters, and to divide the Light from the Darkness; and when the Separation was made, then could I see my Way in the Light, which was the Light unto David's Feet, and was a Lanthorn unto his Paths; and it will order every one's Goings aright, if they take Heed unto it.

It would be too tedious to go thro' every particular State; but my ear­nest Cries were unto the Lord, to lead me the right Way, and to create in me a new Heart, and renew a right Spirit within me. Oh! let me be unto thee, O Lord, what I am, and not unto Man; and I do not take Care for this outward Body, do but redeem my Soul from Death, and out of this hor­rible [...]it, wherein I am held as in [Page 14] Chains of Darkness, and shall perish for ever, if thou dost not, out of thy Infinite Mercy, have Compassion on me, and bow thy Ears to my Cries, for I can do nothing else; for I can truly say, My Heart was filled with Sorrow, my Sighing came before I eat, and Tears were as my sorrowful Meat; when I lay down, it was in Sorrow, and watered my Pillow with my Tears, before I could take my Rest; and when I awaked, it was with the Dread of the Lord over my Heart.

Oh! my Soul can do no less than magnifie the Living God, who is worthy of Praise, Honour and Re­nown, Thanksgiving and Obedience for evermore. And why so? because he hath condescended unto the low­est Estate of his Hand-maid, and bow­ed his Ear unto my Prayers, and had a Regard unto my Cries, and hath answered my Request, and given me my Heart's Desire, which was to be led the right Way. And Sion's poor Travellers know very well this is a Beginning or a Step in the Way; for [Page 15] I can truly say, that I never coveted Heaven's Glory, nor to be made a Partaker of the Riches, Glory, and everlasting Well-being for ever, more than I desired to walk in the Way that leads thereunto. And I did as truly believe that the Lord would re­deem a People out of the World, and its Ways, and Customs, Language, Marriage and Burying, and all the World's Hypocrisy; I looked for this Change, before I saw any Appearance of it; but all my Fear was, I should not live to see it; the Enemy always following of me with his Temptati­ons, to work me into Unbelief, and to cast me down into Desparation. Oh my Soul cannot but give the Lord God the Glory, the Honour and the Renown, for he is worthy of it for ever, and evermore.

And now, my dear Children, this is for you to remember, and keep by you, that ye may always know the Way to Heaven's Glory, and to en­joy true Peace and Satisfaction: It is a strait and narrow Way; whoever [Page 16] thinks it is not, they are mistaken▪ Therefore, my dear Children, keep unto the daily Cross all the Days of your Lives; and to Truth's Language. And more especially, keep your Heart with all Diligence; for out of it are the Issues of Life; then will you be brought nearer and nearer unto the Lord, and grow into Acquaintance with him; which was That my Soul mourned for in the Days of my ten­der Years; which I cannot forget, nor I hope ever shall; for I find the good Effects of it from Day, unto Day, it bows my Spirit, and humbles my Heart, and keeps me in a living Re­membrance of what the Lord has done for me; tho' the Lord hath been pleas'd to give me the Waters of a bitter Cup to drink, and to feed me with Bread of Affliction, and suffer Temptation upon Temptation to come near me; and the Enemy, the subtil Serpent, the old Dragon, who was more subtil than all the Beasts of the Field, following me with his [...]yes, to perswade me, that the Lord had no [Page 17] Regard to me; if he had, he would not take Delight to afflict me; for there is none like thee, said the wicked one, thou ma [...] look abroad, and see where thou canst find one whose sorrow is like unto thine.

Then would I wander alone in some remote Place, where no Eye could see me, nor Ear hear me, to make my moan unto the Lord, who hath sweet­ly comforted me, and refreshed my Spirit many a time, and hath kept my Head above the Waters, blessed be the worthy Name of the Lord my God, and the right Arm of his strength, that hath wrought wonderfully for my De­liverance; and cursed is the old Dra­gon, who ever envied Man's Prospe­rity, and to destroy the blessed work of the Lord, as much as in him li [...]th. For after the Lord had done much for me, and in a good measure had re­deemed my Soul from Death, and by a high Hand and stre [...]hed out Arm, had brought me out of Egypt's Dark­ness, and through the Red-Sea, where my Soul had true cause to Sing Praises [Page 18] unto the most High God, who lives for ever, and [...]or evermore. Oh! let me never forget so great and wonder­ful Deliverance, but for ever keep in that, that will bow my Heart from Day unto Day, and humble my Spirit before the Lord, who hath been plea­sed to do more for me than my Tongue is able to declare. And altho' I can say, mine Eyes have seen Afflictions, and no Affliction seems joyous, but grievous for the present, yet after­wards it brings forth the peaceable Fruits of Righteousness.

And now, my dear Children, my very Aim and End is to make you a little acquainted with the work of the Lord in my Heart, and also with the subtle Devices and Contrivances of the Enemy of your Immortal Souls; his way is to set his Baits according unto People's Nature, for therein he is most likely to prevail. And because I was of a sad Heart, and very subject to be cast down; therefore did he with all his might endeavour to cast me down into Despair, and Unbelief; perswad­ing [Page 19] of me I should never hold out un­to the End. Then should I mourn to the Lord, to preserve me to the End, for my Affliction was very great, both inward and outward, and many things he cast before me, that seem'd too hard for me to go thro'; when my Mind was filled with Sorrow, the Enemy got Ground upon me, and fil­led my Heart with Thoughts and Im­aginations, until my Heart grew hard before I was aware of it, and I had lost that sweet Enjoyment and Heaven­ly Fellowship that I was comforted with in the Night Season, and in the Morning Light. I had great Cause to Magnifie the worthy Name of the Lord, who was pleased to comfort my afflicted Soul; but when the Ene­my had gotten a little Ground upon me, he set his Baits so agreeable unto my Nature, which was apt to be cast down. And when I had any thing struggling in me in remembrance of my State and Condition I was in a lit­tle before, and now for a little time I had lost it; I had great cause to mourn [Page 20] unto the Lord, who was able to deli­ver me, as he had done many a time, blessed be his Holy Name, and the Right Arm of his Strength, that lives for ever. Yet tho' he was able to do it, yet the Enemy prevail'd upon me a little further: For when I was in my mournful Estate, making my Moan unto the Lord, saying in my Heart, There's no Sorrow like mine; and why none like thine? Because I had lost my Be­loved, and my Loss was great; he that had redeemed my Soul from Death, and had done well for me. Oh! I could do no le [...]s but mourn for him. And in this time of mourning, which was a State very suitable unto my Condition, had I been wary o [...] that subtil Serpent, who was too hardfor me, in perswad­ing me I was discontented, a Murmu­rer, and a Complainer, and I made the Lord weary with my crying, and should be shut out of his Kingdom, for 'twas the Murmurers and Complain­ers that perished in the Wilderness.

Oh! how soon was I caught by his Subtilty; for he infused in me, and per­suaded [Page 21] me it was in vain to strive any longer, for I should never Inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. But a Lyar he was, and ever will be, my Soul is at Enmity with him; the Lord whom I trust, preserve me, and my House for ever, as it pleased my Heavenly Fa­ther (who had a regard unto me) to make way for me to escape. For in a little time after, it was my lot to be at a Meeting, where a Faithful Servant of the Lord was, by Name William Dewsbery, whose Testimony was most­ly unto the distressed and afflicted, tos­sed with Tempest, and not comforted;1655. which State many were in, in that Day. A true Messenger he was unto many. I was 21 Years of Age when I was in this Condition; but after Meeting was ended, I dreaded to go unto him, for I thought that he was one of a great discerning, and he would be sensible the Hardness of my Heart; and if he should Judge me, I should not be able to bear it; but yet I could not go a­way in Peace, until I had been with [Page 22] him: Who seeing me coming so hea­vily on, held up his Hand; and with a raised Voice, said unto me, Dear Lamb, Judge all thoughts and believe, for Bles­sed are they that believe and see not. And with a raised Voice, again said, They were Blessed that saw and Believed, but more Blessed are they that Believed and saw not.

Oh! he was one that had good Tidings for me in that Day, and great Power was with his Testimony at that very Time; for the Hardness was taken away, and my Heart was open­ed by that Ancient Power that opened the Heart of Lydia; everlasting Praises be given unto him that sits upon the Throne for ever, who hath preserved me out of the Snares and subtil Con­trivances of the Adversary.

And now, my dear Children, you have been brought up in the way of Truth; it is made known unto you; and my Soul cannot but Bless and Praise the Lord my God, who hath preserved me out of the Evil of the World; therefore trust in his Name, [Page 23] and believe, he will keep you unto the End; which he will assuredly do if you depart not from him; which I hope you will not whilst you have a Day to live; and my Prayers are both Night and Day for you.

I can truly say, that when any of our Family have gone out of our Ha­bitation (tho' upon outward Occasi­ons) my Prayers have ascended unto the Lord for their Preservation; and unto this Day the Lord hath heard, blessed be his Name that lives for e­ver. For you may well remember the many Dangers you have been pre­serv'd out of, that have been likely to hazard your Lives, but the Lord of his infinite Goodness hath hitherto preserv'd you all, that you may serve him. Therefore, dear Children, for­get not your Duty unto the Lord, and the Counsel that Jesus Christ gave unto his Disciples, which was, to watch and pray, that you may be pre­served out of all Dangers both in­ward and outward, which you may be liable to fall into, if you do not [Page 24] keep unto the Guide of your Youth: But if you keep unto him [...], will ne­ver depart from you; and keep in re­membrance your Creator in the Days of your Youth, then will he keep you in the Hour of Temptation, and he will take Care for you; if you seek first the Kingdom of God, and his Righteous­ness, all other Things shall be added unto [...]. He hath spo [...]en, that can­not lie, therefore put your Trust in him for ever. Then will my Heaven­ly Father do for you as he hath done for me, in the Days of my tender Years; he took me by the Hand, and led me by a Way I knew not, and made Darkness Light before me; and hath preserved me unto this very Day in Covenant with himself; everlast­ing Praises and Honour be given un­to his holy Name for ever, faith my Soul.

Now, my dear Children, you may remember since you have had an Un­derstanding, the many Straits and Dif­ficulties the Lord hath enabled me to go thro' for these many Years, tho▪ [Page 25] but weak, and greatly afflicted with S [...]exness, and very near the Grave many a Time, and the Lord renewed my Strength again, to bear many a faithful [...] for the Lord, and his blessed Truth; many various Straits and Hardships hath the Lord my Re­deemer brought me thro'; which, when I look back and consider, I am filled with Admiration, in Considera­tion how my Soul hath escaped to this very Day. But this Saving of Christ Jesus often comes before me, That greater is [...]e that is in you, than he that is in the World; and said to his Disciples, Be of [...] ▪ Cheer, I have overcome the World. This hath been a Comfort to me many a Time, and I often remember a Saying of a faith­ful Servant and Minister of Jesus Christ, whose Name was Miles Halhead, when I was 21 Years of Age, and under great Exercise, he [...] looking upon me, said, Dear Child, if thou continue in Truth, thou wi [...]t make an Honourable Wom [...]n for the Lord; for the Lord God will honour thee with his [Page 26] blessed Testimony. And ten Years af­ter, in 1665. he came to my Habita­tion, and said unto me, My Love and Life is with thee, and that for that blessed Work's Sake that is at Work in thee; the Lord God keep thee Faithful, for he will require hard Things of thee, that thou art not aware of; the Lord give thee Strength to perform it, and keep thee faithful to his blessed Testimo­ny; my Prayers shall be for thee, as of­ten as I remember thee. And soon af­ter that, a great Exercise fell upon us; we were exposed to great Suffering, and the Lord had opened my Mouth in a Testimony but a little before; yet have been concerned, for Fear my Friends should suffer for me; not for my self, for I could truly say, My Heart was given up to serve the Lord, come what would come. But this was the least of our Sorrow; Loss of Goods, Beating and Hurling to and fro, and dragging out of our Meeting-House, and many other Abuses, which the Lord made us able to go thto', and sanctified unto us; and my Soul bles­seth [Page 27] the Lord, for that he accounted us worthy to suffer for his Name's Sake.

For in the Time of Suffering did a selfish separating Spirit begin to break forth amongst us; which added to our Affliction and Sorrow, more than all our Persecutors could do; tho' we went in great Hazard of our Lives to our Meetings, the Informers were so wicked and inhumane, and filled with Envy and Madness, that they swore, It was no more Sin to kill us, than it was to kill a Louse; and that they would bathe their Swords in our Blood. But blessed be the Lord our God that liveth for ever, we were in no wise affrighted at these Things, nor con­cerned at it, for we knew him in whom we had believed, was able to deliver his chosen ones that put their Trust in him.

And now, my dear Children, some of these Things you know, your Eyes have seen this when you were young and tender in the Beginning of your Days; and tho' but young and ten­der, [Page 28] yet the Lord kept you from the Fear of Men. And in this Time of great Exercise, there fell upon me a [...] another greater Exercise and Travail of Spirit, which seemed so strange and so wonderful, that I could not believe that ever the Lord would require such a Service of me that was so weak and contemptible, so unfit and unlike­ly, my Understanding but shallow, and my Capacity but mean, and ve­ry low and dejected in my own E [...]es; and looking so much at my Insuffici­ency, made me to strive so much a­gainst it; crying oftentimes within my self, Surely this is something to en­snare me, for the Lord does not require such Things of me; seeing there are so many wise and good Men that are more honourable, and fitter for such Service than I. O Lord remove it far from me, and require any thing else of me, that, I can better perform.

Thus did I reason and strive against it, till my Sorrow was so great▪ th [...] I knew not whether ever the Lord would accept of me again. Then did [Page 29] I cry unto the Lord again, and again; Lord, if thou hast found me worthy, make m [...] Way plain before me, and I will follow thee; for Lord, thou knowest that I would not willingly offend thee. But for Fear thou [...] require me to go to the Great Men of the Earth. I knowing my self to be of such a weak Capacity, I did not think that the Lord would make Choice of such a contemptible Instrument as I, to leave my Habitation, and tender Chil­dren, that were young and tender, to go to King Charles, which was an Hundred Miles from my Habitation, and with such a plain Testimony as the Lord did require of me; which made me go bowed down many Months under the Exercise of it; and oftentimes strove against it; but I could get no Rest, but in giving up to obey the Lord in all things that he required of me; and tho' it seem­ed hard and strange unto me, yet the Lord made hard Things easie accord­ing to his Promise unto me, when I was going from my tender Children, [Page 30] and knew not but that my Life might have been required for my Testimo­ny, it was so plain; and when I look­ed upon my Children, my Bowels yerned towards them. The Word that ran thro' me, was, If thou canst believe, thou shalt see all Things ac­complished, and thou shalt return in Peace, and thy Reward shall be with thee. And for ever blessed be the Name and Power of the Lord, that sustained me in my Journey, and gave me Strength to do his Will, and afforded me his living Presence to accompany me, which is the great­est Comfort that ever can be enjoyed; and this was my Testimony to King Charles the IId, in the 11th Month, of the Year, 1670.

This is unto thee, O King, hear what the Lord hath committed unto my Charge concerning thee. As thou hast been the Cause of making many desolate, so will the Lord lay thee desolate; and as many as have been the Cause of the persecu­ting, and the shedding of the Blood of my dear Children, in the Day when I [Page 31] call all to an account, I will plead with them, saith the Lord, therefore hear and fear the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, for of his righteous Judgments all shall be made Partakers; from the King that sit­teth upon the Throne, to the Beggar up­on the Dunghil.

This Testimony I delivered into his Hands, with these words in my mouth, Hear O King, and fear the Lord God of Heaven and Earth. And I can truly say, that the Dread of the Most High God was upon me, that made me to tremble, and great Agony was over my Spirit; insomuch that Paleness came in his Face, and with a Mournful Voice he said, I thank you good Woman. My Soul honoureth and magnified the Name and Power of the Lord my God, for keeping me faithful to his blessed Testimony, and giving me Strength to do his Will, and made good his Pro­mise, which was, If I could believe, I should return in Peace, and my Reward should be with me. So the Lord blessed my going forth, and his Presence was with me in my Journey, [Page 32] and preserved my Family well, and my coming Home was with Joy and Peace in my Bosom; everlasting Praises, Glory and Honour be given unto him that sits on the Throne, and to the Lamb for ever, and for evermore.

And now, my dear Children, this is for you to remember the Goodness of the Lord to his Children, that faith­fully follow and obey him with their whole Hearts, tho' they may be attend­ed with many Weaknesses, and are ma­ny times crying unto the Lord, Oh my weakness! I am not able to go thro' this great Work, neither indeed [...] I worthy; there are many Honourable Wise Men that thou hast fitted for thy Service, that are fitter than I am; and there seemeth so many Mountains in my way, and so many Difficulties appear in my view; that it appeareth t [...]o wonderful for me to go thro'. And so it was indeed, whilst I gave way to the Reasoner, which I have done many a time, till my Sorrow hath been so great, that I have not known which way to turn for it hath dimn'd my Sight, and hurt [Page 33] my Life, and plunged my Soul into Sor­row, whilst I gave way to the reason­ing Part. But it pleased the Lord to appear in a needful hour, and turned back the Enemy of my Soul's Peace, and shewed unto me that he would choose the weak and the dejected, and them that were nothing in their own Eyes, and that could do nothing, no not so much as to utter a word but what the Lord giveth into their Mouths, I mean in Testimony for the living God, that the Scripture of Truth may be fulfilled in this our Day, as fully as it was in Times past and gone, that no Flesh should glory in his Presence. Then did I freely give up to obey the Requirings of the Lord with Peace and Comfort, and received the blessed Reward in my Bosom, as I have already said; but our Exercise continued by our Persecutors. But blessed be the Name and Power of the [...]rd for his infinite Mercies; for accor­ding to the Day, so was our Strength.

A little time after the Officers came [...]d demanded Money for the King [Page 34] for our Meeting together. My Hus­band answered them, If I owed the King any, I would surely pay him; but seeing I owe him no Money, surely I will pay him none. They asked him leave to Strain his Goods, he said, If you will take my Goods, I cannot hinder you, but I will not give you leave to take them; neither will I be accessary to your taking of them. Then the Officers seeing our Innocen­cy (for we were in our Shop at our lawful Calling, with our Hands to our Labour, and our Children with us) the Constable leaning his Head down upon his Hand, and with a hea­vy Heart said, It is against my Consci­ence to take their Goods from them. Then I said, John, have a care of wrong­ing thy Conscience; for what could the Lord do more for thee than to place his good Spirit in thy Heart, to teach thee what thou shouldest do, and what thou shouldest leave undone. He said, I know not whar to do in this Matter; if pay­ing the Money once would do, I would do it, but it will not end so; but it will be thus, whilst you keep going to Meeting; [Page 35] for the Rulers have made such Laws, that never was the like in any Age. I said, John, When thou hast wronged thy Conscience, and brought a Burthen upon thy Spirit, it is not the Rulers can re­move it from thee. If thou shouldest go to the Rulers, and say, I have done that which was against my Conscience to do; they may-say as the Rulers did to Ju­das, What is that to us? see thou to that.

But the Officer that were with him, came and pulled down our Goods; but the Power of the Lord smote them, in­somuch that Paleness was in their Fa­ces; and their Lips quivered, and their Hands did so shake, that they could not hold it long. Then they would force a Poor Man to take them, but he refused, until they forced him, and laid them upon his Arms and Shoul­ders; but he looking much like a dead Man, replied, You force me to do that, which you cannot do your selves, neither can I; for he trembled very much, tho' we had not ought farther to say unto them, after they came in, but could re­joyce that the Lord had found us wor­thy [Page 36] to Suffer for his blessed Truth and Testimony.

A little time after they had a Meet­ing to Prize the Goods they took from us, and other Friends; where there met together Seven Men called Ju­stices, and the Officers and Sheriffs, and many more of their Confederates, a great Room full of them; and I was at Work in our Shop; and seeing the Constable carrying along some of the Goods to be Prized, it immediately came into my Heart to go after them; not knowing one word that I should have to say; which made me a little consider for what I should go; but it more and more rested with me to go; and when I came within the Door, I sate down like one that was a Fool, and had not one word to say for a time; as near as I can count the time, half or three Parts of an hour. But when I came in they were greatly dis­quieted in their Minds, and hurried in their Business, that they said many a time, that they could do nothing whilst I was with them; the Justices calling one [Page 37] another to cause me to be taken away many times; saying, We shall not do any Business this Day, but spend our time in vain, if this Woman sit here. And they many times tempted me to speak what I had to say, and be gone; but could not prevail with me. Then cal­ling to the Man of the House to take me away, solemnly protesting never to come to his House again, if if he would not take me away. But the Man had not Power to touch me, but full of trouble, said, Sir, I cannot lay Hands on her, for she is my honest Neigh­bour: And turning towards me, said, pray Neighbour Stirredge, if you have any thing to say, speak, that you may be gone. Then one of the Justices in great Rage and Fury Solemnly pro­tested he would never sit with them any more, if they did not take me a­way; oftentimes wondering at their Folly for letting of me alone. Then he opened a Back Door, and went out as tho' he would be gone but in a little time came in again, saying, What is she here yet? I wonder at your Folly. [Page 38] Then the Power of the Lord fell upon me, and filled my Heart with a very dreadful Warning amongst them; tel­ling them, That it was in vain for them to be found striving against the Lord, and his People; their Work would not prosper; for the great God of Heaven and Earth would be too strong for them. Therefore I warned them to Repent, and amend their Lives before it be too late; for the Lord will smite you in a Day at unawares, and in an Hour not expected by you, therefore remember that the Lord hath afforded you a Day of Warning, before Destruction comes upon you. This, and much more ran thro' me at that time; and the Lord was pleased in a very short time to ful­fil that Testimony on them. For in a few Weeks, as they were making mer­ry at a Feast, Two of them died on a sudden, after Dinner, and the rest very hardly escaped, about the Year, 1674.

Now, my dear Children, I write not this, to rejoyce at the Fall of our Enemies; but for you to consider of [Page 39] the Goodness, and Mercies, and Deal­ing of the Lord with his People in all Ages; and to keep in Remem­brance his loving Kindness and For­bearance to the very wicked, that are always provoking him to pour down his Vengeance upon their Heads. Yet so great is his Mercies, that he always warneth the Wicked, and gives them Time to repent, and Space to amend their Lives, that the Lord may be clear in the Day of Account; which Day will surely come upon all that draws Breath in the Air.

Therefore, my dear Children, re­member your latter End, and the Day of Account, and keep a Bridle to your Tongues; for he that knows not a Bridle to his Tongue, his Religion is vain. And keep to the daily Cross, which is the Power of God to Salva­tion. And if you will be Heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven and Crown Im­mortal, you must take up the daily Cross, for no Cross, no Crown; for the Cross will keep your Minds in Subjection to the Living God, and be­ing [Page 40] in Subjection, and standing in Awe that you sin not, this will keep you near unto the Lord, in a living Acquaint­ance with him; then he will take Delight to bless you more and more, to instruct you, and to counsel you in his Way; which is pure and holy, and will not admit of any Unholiness, no [...] any Uncleanness.

Therefore, my dear Children, keep clear in your Spirits in the Sight of God, and beware of the World, and the People thereof; be not in too much Familiarity with them, nor let in their Spirit to mix with yours; that hath been the Hurt of many that have been going right on their Way, and have made a good Beginning; yet for Want of Watchfulness, and keeping to the Guide of their Youth, the Light of Christ Jesus, which is the Way to Salvation; and whoever comes in any other Way, is a Thief and a Robber. The Way you know, you have been trained up in it; and the Concern of my Spirit is, that you may keep in it, and be concern'd [Page 41] for your Children, as your Father and I have been for you; and train them up in the Way of Truth, and keep them out of the beggerly Rudi­ments of this World, that they may grow up in Plainness, and keep to the plain Language, both you and they; which is become a very indifferent Thing amongst many of the Profes­sors of Truth. But in the Beginning we went thro' great Exercise for that very Word, as Thee or Thou to one particular Person. And for my Part, I had a Concern upon my Spirit, be­cause I shifted many a Time from that one Word; I would have said any Word rather than Thee or Thou, that would have answered the Matter that I was concern'd in, but still I was condemned, Guilt following of me▪ I was not clear in the Sight of God▪ my Way was hedged up with Thorns▪ I could go no further, until I had yielded Obedience unto the little Things; then I walked alone (as my Manner was, and frequently used so to do, when Things came as a Weight [Page 42] or Concern upon me) where I might be private from all Concern, except my Soul's Concern. Oh! that deso­late Place where I used to retire alone, how many Times hath my Soul met with my Beloved there, that hath sweetly comforted me, when my Soul hath been sick of Love; and full of Doubts for Fear my Beloved had left me, and forsaken me. But blessed be his Name, that liveth for ever, he still appeared in a needful Time, when my Soul was distressed for him, and then was the Time I truly prized him. And this is the Way of the Lord's dealing with his Children, that he may teach them to be humble, and train them up as Children, that they may learn Obedience in all Things to do his Will. And this is his End in chastizing of his Children, to make them fit for his Service.

But I little thought in that Day, the Lord would have spared me so many Years, to bear a faithful Testimony to his blessed Truth and Powerful Appearance in the Morning of the [Page 43] blessed Day of the breaking forth of his glorious Light and Life unto ma­ny thousands that sate in Darkness, whose State was miserable and distres­sed, and many times past Hope of ever seeing a good Day, and at their Wit's End; Horror, Dread and An­guish was in the Hearts of many. Oh! these were they that could re­ceive and prize the blessed Proffers of God's everlasting Love and Appear­ance, tho' it was in the Way of his Judgments. For I can truly say, that my Heart and Soul delighted in Judg­ment, tho' one Woe was poured o [...] after another; yet blessed be the Day in which the everlasting Truth was first sounded in my Ears; which was in the Nineteenth Year of my Age. O let it never be forgotten by me, is my Soul's Desire: But more blessed be the Name of the Lord our God, and the right Arm of his Power, that hath been made hare from Day to Day, and from Year to Year, for the carrying on of his blessed Work, and the Preservation of his Children unto [Page 44] this very Day alive in his blessed Te­stimony.

But the greatest Exercise that ever I met withal, was conerning this se­parating Spirit that is gone forth from us, that first began to appear in these Parts, in John Story, and John Wil­kinson, about the Year, 1670. which I find a Concern upon my Spirit to leave a short Relation of my great Travail and Exercises in this Work and Service for the Lord, his blessed Truth and Testimony, that he in the Riches of his Love had made my Heart and Soul a living Partaker of, Praises be given to his Holy Name for ever.

In the Year 70. which was a Time of great Suffering amongst Friends, and from that Time forward, as it is well known amongst Friends and o­thers, we went to our Meetings in the Peril of our Lives, and our Goods they took for a Prey. And in this Time of great Exercise did this divi­ding Spirit begin to appear, and in a very crafty Manner did ensnare [...] [Page 45] Hearts of divers of the Simple. And indeed there was too too many that the Lord had reached unto in the Days of the breaking forth of his wonderful Power, whom the Lord had enriched both inward, and out­ward, that had forgotten the Days of their Distress, and where th [...] Lord first found them out, and had caused the Offence of the Cross to cease, and had gotten into Ease and Liber­ty. Oh! how did such fall in with them, to the Grief of the Souls of the Faithful.

And in that Day of great Trouble, greater was our Sorrow for the Lost of our Brethren, than for all our Per­secutions, or Loss of Goods, or all other Abuses of what kind soever▪ for indeed, great was our Sorrow on every Hand, and my Soul was most­ly concerned for the Lord, and his blessed Truth and Testimony. Oh! how did my Heart pant after the Lord, and my Soul travelled Night and Day before him, for Strength to stand a faithful Witness for the living [Page 46] God, whom I had made a Covenant with in the Days of my bitter Be­wailings, when my Soul lay in Di­stress and Horror; where the Lord first met with me, when I was be­wailing my self in bitter Lamentation, saying in my Heart, O that I could find out a Cave in the Earth, wherein I might go and mourn out my Days in Sorrow, and see Man no more; or that the Lord would be pleased to accept of me upon any Terms; or if my Life would be accepted of for a Ransom for my Soul, I would be very willing to part with it. The Cry many a time ran thro' my Heart, O Lord, what shall I do to be saved?

Oh! the Appearance of the Lord in that State was very precious to me, I very gladly entred into Covenant with him, to serve him for ever, if he would redeem my Soul from Death, and from under the Power of him that was too strong for me. And seeing the Lord in his Infinite Mercy was so good and gracious unto me, as to give me my Hearts Desire, how [Page 47] could I forget it? No, rather let my right Hand forget her Cunning, and my Tongue cleave to the Roof of my Mouth, before I should forget to pay my Vows and Promises to the Lord, in the Days of my Distress.

And now to come to the Matter concerning this Libertine Spirit.—In the aforesaid Year 70. when they be­gan their Work, the Priest's Son of our Town was one of the Informers, and his Curate was another. The Priest's Son bought him a new Sword, and swore, he would bathe it in our Blood; and said, It was no more Sin to kill a Quaker, than it was to kill a Louse. Thus they began their dread­ful Work, which is too tedious to run thro' the Particulars: But they first Nail'd up our Meeting-House-Doors, and set a Guard before it; and it being on a Day that the Petty-Sessions was kept in that Town of K [...]sham, four Miles from Bristol, there being several Justices there, they sent the Bailiff and other Officers at­tended with a great Company of Rab­ble, [Page 48] who came in great Rage with Clubs, and other Weapons, but the Lord was good and gracious unto us, and gave us Strength according to the Day, and opened my Mouth in a Testimony for the Encouragement of Friends, and in Praise to God, for counting us worthy to suffer for his Name and Truth's Sake. And after me, another Woman, to the encou­raging of Friends; and the Power of the Lord was so livingly felt amongst us, that our Enemies fell, that they could hardly speak to ask us our Names. But at length we were Fined 20l. a­piece, but when Meeting ended, we came away rejoycing. And indeed there was great Cause for it; for the Power of God was over all, to o [...] great Comfort.

But for all this, the Clouds gather­ed Blackness, and Storms raised high­er and higher, and dismal Days ap­peared; and many set their Wits at Work, and consulted together how to meet in private, and out of the Ene­mies Sight. And it was but a little [Page 49] Time that our Meeting held toge­ther; for one that had been a Great Preacher of our Meeting, was soon weary with standing in the Street, at our Meeting-House-Door, and was greatly offended with us, for not lea­ving our Meeting-House, and come and meet with him in private in his Dwelling-House. And there was a little Remnant that could not con­form to the Will of Man, but feared the Lord, and dreaded to deny him before Men.

Then R. W. who was John Story's great Associate, whilst the said J. S. abode in our Parts, sends a Messenger to tell us, that If we would come and meet with him, and some others in pri­vate, where (say they) we may sit together in Quietness and Stilness, and wait upon the Lord, and enjoy the Benefit of our Meeting; which will be better than standing here in the Street, to be hurri­ed and thronged together, and hardly any Time of Stilness to wait upon God. A very plausible Bait the Enemy had cast in their View, and indeed too [Page 50] many were taken in the Snare. But when I heard this Message deliver'd from the Wise Preacher afore-nam'd, Oh! the Concern that fell upon me, in Consideration of them that had been Preachers amongst us many Years, that should have been a Strength to the Weak, and Encouragers of the People; and Legs to the Lame, and Eyes to the Blind; that such Men should have no more Courage, nor Zeal, nor Love to the Lord and his blessed Truth. Oh! it became my great Grief, and I sorrowed Night and Day; Lord strengthen thy weak ones, and make the little ones as strong as David; give us Courage and Boldness to stand as faithful Wit­nesses for thy blessed Truth. And blessed for ever be the Lord our God, he answered my Request, and accor­ding to the Day, was our Strength renewed; blessed be that Hand that never failed us, nor any that put their Trust in him.

So they parted from us, and left us as it were in the open Field, to en­counter [Page 51] with our Enemies; who the more triumphed, and made a By-Word of them and us; and cried out, Here be the Fools, the wise Men are gone. Aye, say they, they have more Wit than to meet so near the Justices House to aggravate him, and ruine themselves; they be wise Men to save themselves, and that they have; but these are the Fools, they will ruine themselves do what we can; a poor Company of ignorant Fools, that know not their right Hand from their Left? Do you think to stand against all the Powers of the Earth? a Company of silly Fools!

Thus they pleased themselves with such Discourses, thus to lose Ground, which was a grievous Exercise to us, to hear any of our Brethren, which should have been as Valiants in Israel, and have gone before the little ones, like valiant Champions to have born the Brunt of the Battle; that our E­nemies might have s [...] their Cou­rage and Valour for the Lord of Hosts; that the Lord thro' his Instru­ments [Page 52] might have been glorified, and his blessed Name and Truth honour­ed and exalted over all; who alone is worthy of all Honour and Praise for evermore.

But if any should say, Was this a Discouragement to you little ones? No, our Fear and Zeal towards God was increased; and I can say, to the Praise and Honour of his everlasting Name, my Cries and Supplications did as­cend Night and Day unto the Lord, for Strength to stand in my Lot and Testimony, and that I might be made able to hold out to the End. And for ever blessed be the Lord, he strength­ened my Weakness, and made the Weak as strong as David, and afford­ed his living Presence amongst us, to our great Comfort. But still my Ex­ercise increased, which drove me to a narrow Search, and a deep and pondrous Consideration what should be the Cause of my great Exercise; crying to the Lord, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? Wilt thou be pleased to make known thy Will concerning me? [Page 53] Is there any Thing lodgeth in my Heart that offendeth thee? O purge it out I beseech thee, search my Heart, and try my Reins, for I love to be searcht and tried. Lord, wilt thou be better plea­sed with us, to go and meet with our Friends that are gone from us? Is there Service there, that we know not of? or am I too forward, or over zealous for [...] Truth? To this Enquiry, the Answer so suited my enquiring Heart; Keep your Meeting Time, and Place, be valiant for my Truth upon Earth, and I will crown you with Honour. Oh! blessed be his eternal Name; no great­er Honour does my Soul desire, than to be preserved in his Fear.

And another Time in great Exer­cise it often sounded in my Heart, I will gather from far, from the East, West, North and South, and they shall come and sit down in the Kingdom, with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and the Children of the Kingdom shall be c [...]st out. Oh the Concern that fell upon me, and the Cry to the Lord, Save the Children of the Kingdom: O gather [Page 54] from far, and bring near them that are afar off, but save the Children of the Kingdom. This Thing was my daily and hourly Exercise; many times say­ing within my self, O Lord, save the Children of the Kingdom, or take me to thy self, whilst thy Mercy is continued unto me; let me not live to be cast out of thy Kingdom.

Thus the Lord gently led me in these Things, tending towards this Service and Testimony that he was pleased to lay upon me to bear; which was the very greatest that ever I met withal. For still my Exercise increased, my inward Pains grew stronger and stronger, my Heart was troubled within me, my Eyes were as a Fountain of Tears, and I cried out, Woe is me, that ever I was born. Oh; what is the Matter that all my Bowels seem to be displaced. Then the Word ran thro' my Heart, My Indig­nation is kindled, and my Anger is wax­en hot against this People, and my Con­troversy shall be with them; and the Time is coming, that they will bring [Page 55] more Dishonour to my Name and Truth, than is brought by open Prophaness, and thou shalt be an Instrument to pro­claim it in their Ears. Which made me to tremble before the Lord, cry­ing, O Lord, [...] by wilt thou require such hard Things of me? Lord, look upon my Afflictions, and lay no more upon me than I am able to bear. They will not hear me that am a contemptible Instrument. And seeing they despise the Service of Women so much, O Lord, make Use of them that are more worthy. And I oftentimes cried to the Lord to remove it from me, still crying out of my Unworthiness. Oh! how un­fit am I for such Service. The Answer I receiv'd was, They shall be made wor­thy that dwell low in my Fear. So we continued under our great Suffering; a poor little Remnant, as one may term it, was in the open Field, to encounter with our Enemies. But for ever magnified be the Name and Power of our God, his Presence was our Life and Strength, and according to the Day, was Strength given▪ [Page 56] Whereof we had great Cause to say, Good is the Lord, and his Mercies en­dure for ever. And we had Cause to praise his Name, for that he had made us worthy to suffer for his Name and Truth's Sake; and keep­ing of us faithful to stand for our God, and confess him before Men. For I can say to his Praise, I was more encouraged in all times of Per­secution, wherein I might bear my Testimony for the Lord, that had redeemed my Soul from Death, and raised me out of the Pit of Misery, that I rejoyced to do the Will of the Lord; for it was more to me, than all that ever my Eyes beheld, and to stand a faithful Witness for him.

I was constrain'd in the Fear and Dread of the Lord, to warn them of the dreadful Day of the Lord, and to call them to Repentance for their Unfaithfulness. Thus we went on in our continual Exercise, and in the Strength of the Lord, and by the As­sistance of his Holy Power, were born up in it.

[Page 57] But now to come to what is most before me, that all may understand how the Enemy works in a Mystery, and under a fair Pretence to betray the precious Life, and from the Sim­plicity of the Gospel, which is Foolishness to the Wisdom of the World.

In this troublesome Time, it came in my Heart to visit Friends in Wilt­shire, where I heard much of J. S. his Goings on. He had much reflect­ed upon several Women for bearing their Testimony against that Spirit; and I met with two good Women that had been upon the Service of Truth, and had a good Testimony. He grieved them, bidding them go Home about their Business, and wash their Dishes, and not go about to preach. And said, that Paul did ab­solutely forbid Women to preach; and sent them crying home. And furthermore, he counse [...]led Friends to use Christian Prudence, and remem­ber what is said in Scripture, If you are persecuted in one City, flee to [Page 58] another. So he would have them to alter the Day and Time of their usu­al Meeting. And there was a little Meeting in a Dwelling House, and he importuned them to remove it, or alter the Time; and the Woman Friend of the House was soon gained, not being so zealous for the Truth as she should have been. Her Husband being more faithful, would not be caught in that Snare. She fell at Dif­ference with him, and said, Dost thou think God doth not reveal his Secrets to such as J. S. more than we? Yes surely, and if the Lord is pleased to save us, and what we have, and make him an Instrument, why shall not we receive his Counsel? A very subtil Bait to catch the poor ignorant People in. Oh, this was a great Grief to the sin­cere-hearted! it caused many to know Days and Nights of Sorrow. But still this Testimony always lived in my Heart, that God's Anger was kindled against that Spirit that had turned their Backs on Truth's Testimony; and was not only fallen [Page 59] into that Snare themselves, but en­deavoured to ensnare many more. The Concern of it began to come over me, insomuch that I dreaded to go to a Meeting, for Fear that Testi­mony would be required of me; but the Time was not yet come.

But there came a faithful Servant of the Lord to our Meeting, whose Name was Miles Halhead, who was wonderfully endowed with the Pow­er of the Lord, and great Discerning; he came to see me, and said, My Love runs unto thee, and that for the Work's [...] is [...] for God will re­quire hard Things of thee; thou little thinkest what is at Work in thy Heart; the Lord God of my Life keep thee faith­ful; my Prayers shall be for thee, as of­ten as I have thee in Remembrance; thou art as my own Life, and sealed in my Bosom, I cannot forget thee. So dear Child, fare thee well; the Lord my God hath sent me forth once more, and when I return home, he will [...]ut the Thread of m [...] Life in two. And so it was. But O the Goodness of [Page 60] the Lord, with that Salutation over­flowed my whole Heart, and melted my Bowels into Tenderness, and my Eyes as a Fountain of Tears, saying within my self. What am I but a poor helpless Creature, and am not worthy of the least of these great Favours and Mercies that the dear Servant of the Lord is speaking of: And surely, if the Lord be with me, why is it thus with me? I am under great Exercises daily, and Straits many. Sometimes it seemed to me, as if the Lord had withdrawn him­self from me, which caused great Sor­row of Heart. [...] little I [...] af­ter our Lots being cast at Bristol, where John Story was most of his Time; the Heighth of Persecution being a little over, then he could preach one Hour after another, whilst one Word would hang to another, to the Hin­drance of several travelling Souls, that have been in Travail, and pained at the very Heart, for a little Time to ease their Spirits, and discharge their Duty, that all might have been com­forted together. But in the room of [Page 61] that, a Cloud of Darkness hath come over, which hath made many to groan under it. But Oh! the dread­ful Agony which I have been in to come forth with that Testimony that had lived with me, that I had been so long confirmed in. Many Nights and Days, and Weeks, and Months, have I gone on in Sorrow and Pain, and have eaten no pleasant Bread. And many a time have I lain down in Sorrow, and watered my Pillow with my Tears, crying out, O Lord what will become of me, and what shall I do? And the Lord said, A Testimo­ny I do require of thee. Then I said, O Lord, if thou wilt open my Heart to declare of thy Goodness, and what thou hast done for thy People, and to tell of thy Noble Acts, and thy manifold Mer­cies, how ready should I be to do it; but these are hard Things, who can bear them?

Thus I did reason with the Lord, till my Burthen became too heavy for me to bear. And when I have gone forth in my Lawful Concerns, [Page 62] and have seen any of them, Pains did take hold of me, and Distress of Mind, and Anguish of Spirit did seize upon me; insomuch that I sought out private Places to mourn in; say­ing, What shall I do? Send me to a Nation of a strange Language, whose Face I never knew, and make Use of a better Instrument for this great Work; they will not hear me, who am a con­temptible Instrument, neither do I kn [...]w whether any of them will receive my Testimony.

For there was not one that knew for what I went thro' such great Ex­ercises; for many Friends have said, That I had something that lay weigh­tily upon me; insomuch that I could hardly go on my Feet; and they wondred that I did not give up unto it, and said that I hurt my self, and the Meeting too.

Oh! I cannot but greatly admire the infinite Mercies and Loving Kind­ness of the Lord, and his long For­bearance with me, in that he did not [...]ut me off in my Disobedience to him, [Page 63] when I knew what he required of me, as well as I knew my right Hand from my Left, and would not obey him. But still I reasoned, and cried out, What shall I do? And I thought that if any one had born a Testimo­ny in publick before me, I could the better have born it; but I to be one of the first, such a contemptible one as I, I thought I could not do it. But what Mercy did not do, Judgment did; for the Lord was pleased to lay his Hand heavy upon me, and with his Correcting Rod chastized me; and I did feel more of the Displeasure of the Lord for my Backwardness to his Requirings, than ever I did for my former Transgression. For I may say, as true as ever Jonah was plun­ged into the Deep, and his Head wrapped about with Weeds, so was my Soul plunged into a Gulph of Mi­sery; insomuch that all Hope of ever finding Favour with God again, was hid from me, and I left in Sorrow to lament, as one without Hope.

Oh! how did my Heart lament, [Page 64] and my Soul languish Night and Day; and I said, O that the Lord would be pleased to shew Mercy once more, and to raise up my Life again, and redeem my Soul out of this horrible Pit wherein I am held as with Chains, and bring me to my former State again, and require what thou pleasest, and I will obey thy Voice, tho' I should be hated of all Men upon the Face of the Earth.

And before I could take any Rest, I made a deep Engagement unto the Lord, to do whatsoever he required of me, if he would give me Strength, and be with me. So when First Day Morning came, I had a great Con­cern upon me; and when I sate down to wait upon the Lord, the Power of the Lord seized on me, which made me to tremble; insomuch that my Bones were shaken, and my Teeth chattered, and I was in a great Ago­ny; and standing up, with a dread­ful Testimony, and proclaiming God's Controversy with the Exalted and High amongst the Professors of Truth, and such as had departed from the [Page 65] Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, with such God's Anger was waxen hot, and his Indignation burned, and I warned them to repent while they had a Day, and more to that Effect, but as short as I could. Then a Friend stood up with a great Concern upon him, saying, A living Testimony is the God of Heaven and Earth raising up amongst the poor and contemptible ones, that shall stand over your Heads for ever­more. So he went on in great Pow­er and Authority, and the Power of the Lord was greatly manifested a­mongst us that Day. O Glory be to his Everlasting Name for evermore, saith my Soul, for his blessed Appea­rance to us that Day, and all other of his Mercies at all Times, who re­turned me an hundred-fold in my Bo­som, after all my unworthy consul­ting against the Motions of the Spi­rit of so merciful and compassionate a Father, who after he had corrected me, receiv'd me into Favour again: O Glory to him for evermore. For when I had cleared my Conscience, [Page 66] O the Peace and Comfort and Conso­lation that I received from the Lord, was more to me than all the World, or the Friendship of it.

So some time after, John Story and Three of his Party came to my House to rebuke me, and was very high, and spoke great swelling Words, think­ing thereby to discourage me. John Story asked me, What I had to lay to his Charge, and what I had against him, I told him, [...] ha [...] I had against him, I never received from Man, nor by any Information from any one; but what I have against thee, is from the Evi­dence of God in my own Conscience. The Evidence of God in thy Conscience (said he in a deriding Manner) that is not sufficient for thee. I said, It was suf­ficient for me; by what else should I try Spirits with, but by the Evidence of God in my own Conscience. So he said again, That was not sufficient for me. My Husband said, Jo [...]n, to what wilt thou bring us now? Hast not thou and all other Friends directed us to God's Witness in our own Conscience, and [Page 67] now thou say'st it is not sufficient. And he said again It is not sufficient, un­less thou couldest bring Witness that I had done some Evil Action, and what could I accuse him of; or else what sig­nifies it to have ought against him?

I could have laid enough to his Charge, of his Manner of going on in Time of Persecution; but being willing to be short with him, I said I have this to say to thee, that thy Ways and Manner in publick Meetings, is much d [...]ffering from the Apostle, who said, If any thing be revealed to him that sitteth by, the first is to be silent: And thou wilt take up the whole Time of the Meeting, altho' there hath been many that have been concerned before thy Face, and that greatly; so what thou doest, is not ignorantly, but wil­fully. He answered me very angrily, and said, If I do do so, what canst thou make of that? I did say, Thou art out of the Order of the Gospel; for it is said, the Church may exercise one by one; and thou doest not as thou wouldest be done by. And further I told him, that [Page 68] this was not his Place to abide here a Preaching, and [...] burthening the Souls of the Innocent; but thy P [...]ace is to return Home into the North, and be reconci­led to thy Brethren, before thou go to offer thy Gift. So many great Swel­ling Words proceeded from him, and his Three Friends which were with him; and so went away sorely dis­pleased.

And their Rage increased towards me, and many Faithful Friends. Ma­ny were concerned that had [...]itten under their dead Ministry, but most­ly against me, for discharging my Duty, in Obedience to what the Lord required of me, and committed to my Charge, concerning that Spi­rit, which did for some Time endea­vour to Lord over God's Heritage; which made many sensible ones go bowed down many a Time, my Soul is a living Witness; with many more, of what I have here declared; which is but little of their Persecution to­wards me, in Consideration of what follows after. For the Lord was [Page 69] pleased to continue my Exercise in that City, where John Story abode much of his Time. And several more of that Spirit oftentimes frequented thither in that Time of Exercise with that Spirit. And the Lord was plea­sed to make me so sensible of them, that in the Night Season I had many a sore and hard Travail upon my Spi­rit, when I knew not of any of them by any Information from any one. Then did I make my Moan unto the Lord, crying in secret; O what shall I do to go thro' such hard Things? O that I may be excused this Day, or that thou wilt be pleased to keep me in Silence this Day; then should I be very willing to go to Meeting to wait upon thee, and to sit under the Shadow of thy Wing with great Delight, where thy Fruit will be pleasant to my Taste. Then it would come up before me▪ the Covenant that I made with the Lord in the Days of my Distress, when all the World, and the Friend, ship of it, would not yield me one Dram of Comfort to my poor distres­sed [Page 70] Soul. Then did I promise the Lord in that Day, which was twen­ty Years before That, that if he would redeem my Soul from Death, and give me Assurance of Life, I would serve him all my Days, if he would give me Strength, and be with me; for I mattered not what I went thro' for his Name's Sake. And it would often come up before me, that they that followed the Lord, and loved him most, did whatsoever he com­manded them. Oh! I cannot but ad­mire the long Forbearance and Lo­ving Kindness of the Lord, that he had not cut me off in my Gainsaying, and Unfaithfulness; for I never want­ed the Assistance of his Holy Spirit, in giving up to his Requirings, bles­sed by the Holy Name of our Lord God, and the right Arm of his Strength for evermore, who alone hath been our Keeper and Preserver to this very Day, Glory be to his Great Name for evermore.

Now I shall give a little Account of one Meeting in Bristol, which was [Page 71] one of the greatest Exercises that ever I met with, or ever went thro' since I had a Remembrance. When I was going to the Meeting, I had a great Exercise upon my Spirit, and knew not for what; but after some Time of waiting upon the Lord, I saw my Service, for J. Story was there, who came into Bristol the Night before; and several Friends had warned him not to come and offer his Gift, till he was reconciled unto his Brethren; for if he did, they did believe that the Lord would concern one or another to bear Testimony openly against him, But I knew not of it till afterward; for if I had, I believe my Service would not have been so hard and strange unto me. But whilst he was a declaring a great Cloud came over the Meeting, and I was greatly ex­ercised in my Spirit; insomuch that the Lord constrained me to cry, Woe to that Spirit that dimned the Glory of the Lord, and woe to that Pot that the Scum remains in it, for in it is the Broth of abominable Things, such as the [Page 72] Lord's Soul lo [...]th, and the Souls of [...]. Oh how it ran thro' me again and again, and I was pres­sed in my Spirit to declare it, whilst he was a speaking: But I was sen­sible what a Disturbance it would be in the Meeting. I would fain have for [...]orn till he had done, but I durst not; for I was afraid to speak, and afraid to keep silent. For if I had been silent, I kn [...] that I should have withstood the Spirit of the Lord in my own Conscience. But I strove against it, by Reasoning, and saying, O that the Lord would be pleased to excuse me this Day, and that I might not lose his Favour, then I should have accounted my self happy. But all this Reasoning would not do that Service that God had for me to do that Day. But when I found no way to pass it by, I stood up to clear my Consci­ence and discharge my Duty in the Sight of God. And when I consider'd the low Estate and weak Condition that I had been in that Day; O the Lord's Strength sustained me, for ac­cording [Page 73] to the Day was Strength gi­ven me, Glory to his everlasting Name for evermore, saith my Soul, for his blessed Reward was returned into my Bosom, and he renewed my Strength, and raised up my Life in Dominion over all their Opposition I then met with.

And thus, Reader, I have given this short Account of the going forth and Work of that Spirit; since which, I have seen a withering and Decay come upon it, near Twenty Years having since pass'd over my Head.

O the many unchristian-like Treat­ments that have been brought forth by that Spirit; and how have some of them writ and printed against Truth and its good Order, and how have they turned their Backs in the Day of Battle, and have left their Brethren in the Hands of their Ene­mies? O how grievous have their Actions been since the Year 70. Now let all consider whether that Testi­mony that God raised in my Heart in that Time of my great Distress, and [Page 74] great Bowings down, and bitter Be­wailings, when the Lord answered me, for what my great Exercise came upon me, was not true; for I can truly say, I went under the Exercise of their Backsliding many a time. And the Lord was pleased to exercise me, and to cause me to go thro' a Vail of Tears, and a Land of Drougth, in Order to humble me, and that I might bow to his Will, and obey him in all Things; for Obedience is better than Sacrifice, and to hearken to the Voice of the Lord, is better than the Fat of Rams. And there is no hearing of his gracious Voice, but by humbling under his mighty Power, and subjecting the Mind unto his Will; then d [...]th he make known his Mind and Will, and then blessed are they that hear his Word, and obey it; and blessed are they that know his Will, and do it. O blessed be his eternal Name for ever, and for evermore, saith my Soul, for all his Mercies, and Favours, and Blessings, and good Gifts, and Tokens of his [Page 75] gracious Love that he hath bestowed upon me, ever since I have had a Re­membrance. First, in keeping me out of the Evil of the World in my young and tender Years, and preserved me from falling into many, and various and great Temptations, of which I had a great Share in the Days of my tender Years; and then for taking me by the Hand, and leading me in his Way, and also opened my Spiritual Eye, that I might see the Way that led towards his glorious Kingdom; and for his preserving of me to this very Day alive in his blessed and glo­rious Testimony; and all these his manifold Mercies, which are all in my View at this Time. And in the Remembrance of them my Heart is truly bowed, and with hearty Thank [...] giving do return unto my Heavenly Father all Glory, and Honour and Praise, and everlasting Renown be given unto my God, and our dear Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus, who is sitting upon his Throne, Judging in Righteousness, and swaying [...]his [Page 76] Scepter in Holiness; who is worthy for ever to be feared, honoured, and obeyed, faith my Soul, at this Time, and for evermore, Amen.

And now, my dear Children, it further lives in my Heart, to leave some of the Testimonies that the Lord was pleased to lay upon me in that Time of great Suffering in Bristol, and near unto it.

In the Year, 16 [...]0. I was greatly concerned to go to the Mayor of Bristol with this Testimony, on their Sessions-Day in the Morning; waiting at his Door for his rising from his Bed, I met with him going thro' one of his Rooms, before he was fully ready, and said unto him, The God of Heaven and Earth hath constrained me this Night and Morning to come unto thee with this Testimony: therefore don't lay it by thee, as a Thing not worth thy minding, but read it and well weigh and consider what is written therein; for could I have been [...] in th [...] Sight of God in not coming, I had not been here this Day.

[Page 77] Which Testimony was as follow­eth,

And it further liveth with me to leave a Relation of our Sufferings, Trials, and Imprisonment in the Year, 1983.

That if it may fall to any of your Lots to suffer for Truth's Testimony, or for the Answer of a good Consci­ence in any Case whatever, I mean in Things relating to the Answer of [Page 86] a good Conscience towards God, which you may be assured to meet withal during the Time of your Pilgrimage here; Well, I have this to say, and this Testimony to bear for the living God, and his everlasting Mercies, that amongst the many Blessings; and Favours, and Deliverances, that we are made Partakers of from Year to Year, for these Seven and Thirty Years; which blessed be the Name and Power of our God, he hath made me a living Witness, and an Enjoyer of his blessed Truth: And amongst all the blessed Seasons of his Love, this was the greatest of Mercies unto me; for the God of Heaven and Earth was with us at our down-lying, and up-rising; and whilst we slept, he kept us, and when we awak'd, he was present with us; the right Hand of his Power upheld us, and his good Spirit sustained us, and made hard Things easie unto us, and bitter things sweet. When we awaked in the Night Season, Spiritual Groans ascen­ded unto him, and in the Morning-Light, [Page 87] living Thanksgiving and high Praises was returned unto him that liveth for evermore; who was the God and Father of all our Mercies and Blessings, and gave us Strength, Courage and Boldness to stand faith­ful unto our Testimony, to the Praise of the Lord. The Terror of Evil Times did not affright us, tho' our Enemies determined our Ruine and Destruction, and pleased themselves in afflicting of us.