MY near Alliance to John Rogers, (then Junior) who is my Brother, viz. the Son of my Mother, Proved an Unhappy Snare to me. He being Naturally a Man as Manly, Wise, Facetious, and Generous, perhaps as one amongst a Thousand; I was exceedingly De­lighted in and with his Conversation: He also Indeared himself to me very much, by his Repeated Expressions of Complacency in me; by which I was Induced to be Frequently in his Company, and often at his House, where his Father would be Entertaining of me with Exhortations to a Religious Life; Warning me of the Danger of Sin, & Certainty of that Wrath which shall come on all that Know not GOD, &c.

I would some times for Curiosity be enquiring into his Principles, and other times for Diversion, be Disputing a Point with him; but I knew not that the Dead were there, Prov. 7.24 I was not Religious enough to be much concerned about his Principles, but Pitiful enough to be extreamly [Page 2] moved with the Story of his Sufferings, who had a Faculty to Relate them very Artfully in his own Favour. Until at length my Mind came to be Insensibly tinged with something of Pre­judice against both Magistrates and Ministers. I had also a Reserve in his Favour, that 'twas Possible, he might be a Good Man (the strang­ness of his Doctrines notwithstanding) especi­ally seeing all his Sufferings were not Able to shake his Constancy, or Oblige him to Recede from the least part of his Religion.

At length my Brother became a very Strict and Devout Professor of his Fathers Religion, and so became less Sociable, till at length our Con­versation was almost wholly Suspended for di­vers Years.

When some Years and many Changes had roll'd over me, it Pleased GOD in a Solitary Moment to bring into my thoughts, these Words, Forsake the Foolish & Live, I wondred at the Words, their sound and savour was like the Word of GOD, but I remained some Days at a loss about them. However I dwelt upon them, and they afforded me constant matter of Meditation. I understood them to Suggest that if I would Live Eternally, I must Forsake my Sins, which the Scrip­ture calls Folly, and my Vain Companions, which the Scripture calls Fools. Thus they Ingrossed almost all my tho'ts for several Days, till by search I found them In the Ninth of Proverbs at the Sixth Verse: where the Sense Compleat is, Forsake the Foolish and Live, and go in the way of [Page 3] Ʋnderstanding. Whereupon I Concluded there was something of God's more than Common Pro­vidence in the bringing those Words into my Mind, or at least in the Application of them thereto; I took them as a Reproof of my Vain Course of Life, and a Counsel and Invitation to me to Walk with the Wise and be Wise. Where­upon I fully Resolved from thence-forth to Turn from Sin to GOD, which I thought not Extreme Difficult to do, seeing my Understanding was now fully Perswaded of the Necessity of it, in Order to Life and Blessedness.

Accordingly I began to set up a Strict and Religious Course of Life, to Reform the Errors of my Ways, to Pray to GOD in Secret, and to Attend the Means of Grace, expecting that GOD would soon meet me in his ways, and Answer me with Strength in my Soul. After some Tryal made, I found it far otherwise, I could Experi­ence no sensible Supplys from God, but seemed to Labour wholly in my own Strength. I found I could neither Believe, Repent nor Reform to any Good Effect, nor Persevere in my Good Purposes so Lately and Solemnly Resolved upon This made me add to my Prayers Fasting, to Renew my Resolutions, and to put forth more Strength, to Maintain a Stricter Watch over my Heart & Life, but still all seemed in Vain, I was never the nearer to GOD by all that I could do; and so perhaps for about Seven Months I was in a strange Perplexity, I knew not what to do, nor was I Able to do any thing; sometimes I should [Page 4] be very much Concerned and Resolute, at other times very Dull and Indifferent, & at other times ready to give over all through Discouragement. At length upon considering those Words, Gen. 6.3. My Spirit shall not always Strive with Man, &c. I was put into extream Fear, lest GOD should withold from me those Convictions and Im­pressions whereby I had been carried thus far, or that all my Purposes and endeavours might be Frustrated by a Sudden Death. This put me upon exerting all the Powers of my Soul, and for ought I know all that a Man without special Grace can do, I did, but all to no Pur­pose, or rather to bad purpose, as it seemed; for the more Earnestly I Desired and Endeavoured to Believe, Repent, &c. the further off I seemed to be from it: Temptations of all Sorts beset me, and a Congregation of all Hateful Lusts I felt Raging within me; all the Threatnings in GOD's Word Traversed directly against me; no Strength in my self, nor any sensible Sup­plys from GOD, but my Heart as hard as a Stone. And now I saw my self in a very Doleful Case, a Sinner in Grain, an Enemy to GOD, and GOD Justly so to me, His Justice Ingaged against me, &c. I was Distressed about the Decrees of GOD, fearing my Non-Election. Sometimes Fearing the Door of Mercy was shut against me, and sometimes that I had Sinned Ʋnpardonably. Sometimes I Questioned the Possibility of my Salvation, if GOD would Vindi­cate the Honour of His Justice.

[Page 5]I was now in the Depth of Darkness, and no Door of hope opened to me; Yet the Immense Riches of the Divine Grace, was so Frequently Hinted to me, in the Word, that a Spark of Hope was kept alive in my Soul, by which I was kept from utter Despair, and upheld in Seeking and Striving to enter in at the Strait Gate.

I Cryed to GOD Incessantly for Mercy And Grace; I saw a necessity of Faith, a New Heart and Life, the Pardon of Sin, and Cleansing my Soul from Guilt, but all out of my Reach, all above my Power, either to do or understand, I had heard of Looking to Jesus, (but did not understand what it meant, to go out of my self to Him for Life,) I Prayed GOD to Lead me to his Son to Undertake for me, and work in me the Works of His Grace.

Thus it was with me about Three Months, During which space of time, I continued in­stant in Prayer, and other Religious Duties.

About the End of the time, I was one day Surprised with an horrid fear of Diabolical Mo­lestation in secret Prayer, I Resisted the Temp­tation, and Prayed against it, yet the fear In­creased upon me, and I began to think whither it was not better to Omit the Duty.

I Propounded the Difficulty to one who was a Strong and Skilful Christian, who advised me, by no means to Omit the Duty, but rather to change the Place of my Retirement which was Remote in the Field. I thought to change the Place, though otherwise very Warrantable, yet [Page 6] upon this Occasion would be a giving way to Satan, whom I must always Resist. Whereupon about the close of the Day light, I retired to the usual Place where I soon imagined my self to be Attended with Innumerable Swarms of the Infernal Spirits, rushing towards me with utmost Fury, which made me Cry alond to GOD, in these Words, O Almighty GOD and my Father, who beldest these Spirits in thine Eternal Chains, wilt thou suffer me, for whom Christ hath Dyed, to be a Prey to them. Indeed I have often feared I was Guilty of very great Presumption, in Claiming that Relation to the Almighty and Interest in the Death of His Son, on the best Grounds I could then have shewn; however, it proved of Emi­nent Service at that time, for I felt upon it a very sensible Support of my Spirits, and the Imaginary Apparitions Disappeared, I went thorow with the Duty, and then Returned as free from Fears of that Nature, (for ought I know) as I am at this time.

Twice afterwards I met With something of that Nature, but without any Annoyance to me. I have called this an Imaginary Apparition, for I saw nothing indeed with my Eyes; and whither there were there at that time the Real Presence of such Spirits, or whether the Soul of Man be Capable of the Perception of Spirits, or any thing else, otherwise than by the Senses, I leave to be considered by them that know more of the Pow­ers of Humane Souls, & of the Natures of Spirits, if they Please.

[Page 7]But this at least is true, that it was so fixed on my Imagination, as that I Realized it. and so it answered the design of the Tempter in that Respect.

I should not have Mentioned this, but that I could not have been a Faithful Witness, in O­mitting so Material a Passage, in the story of my Troubles.

I had but a little passed this Temptation, but I began to be very Impatient that GOD had not Revealed Christ to me, and shewed me the way of Faith. At Length I began to Question, whither I had not been seeking the Living among the Dead; I thought it Unusual for God so long to withold the Knowlege of Himself & Ways from any so Solicitous to have Known Him; whereupon I feared I had been in the way of an Erroneous and Heterodox Religion, I Resolved to Examine it, and did so; but nei­ther Methodically, Impartially, nor Effectually.

Yet therein with all Possible Earnestness, I asked Counsel of the Wonderful Counsellor, and Wisdom of him that gives it Liberally to all, &c. And so I proceeded after the following Strange and Preposterous manner: And First, I took a View of the Professors of Religion, amongst whom I found but few that my Charity could reach.

There is such an one, thought I, that will not Swear, but I have heard, he will Cheat; and an other indeed will not be Drunk, but such an one Affirms he will Lye Others I found whose Characters Black Mouths, had not sulfied with [Page 8] particular gross Imputations, but of them I had understood that must of them were accounted Hypocrites.

As for those few whom I Judged to be Sin­cere, I thought it might be as some had said, that some of every Religion are Saved, & so I thought never the better of the way for their Sakes.

In the next place, I considered the Ministers, with whom I soon found fault for their Salaries, I thought they might Labour with their Hands, and Preach the Word by an extraordinary As­sistance, as the Apostles did, if they were the Ministers of Christ; and thus on a sudden be­fore I was aware, I became deeply Prejudiced against both Ministers and People before ever I had examined the Articles of Faith, so Foolish was I & Ignorant even as a Beast before thee, Psal 73.22.

When I considered the Articles of Faith, I could not proceed in any Method or Order therein, for as soon as I thought of a Point, I first scrupled it and then hated it, and accordingly bent all the force of my Understanding to over throw it.

Against some Truths I tho't I Prevail'd, others I could not gainsay, yet even them I would by no means Grant, and yet could not tell why.

In this Drunken Staggering Condition, I began to be Lead or rather Driven Head-long a very great pace in the greatest imaginable Confusion, and no less Perplexity, the whole frame of Re­ligion was Tottering and ready to fall with me, yet I could not tell why, save that, in the general it looked all wrong, &c.

[Page 9]And now I perceived my self to be in a worse Case than ever, for as I was without Christ so I was at the greatest loss in what Form of Religion I ought to seek him.

The Papists I Abhorred for Idolatry and other things.

The Church of England I thought not to differ in matters of Faith from what I was just now ready to Renounce.

The Quakers I Hated for Denying Christ and the Authority of the Scriptures and such like things.

I thought of a Conference with my Brother, but was afraid of his Principles.

In this Distress I poured out my Soul to GOD in Prayer, I Implored the Guidance of his Word and Spirit. I Confessed my Sinful and Lost Estate, but I told him of His Word, Hos 13.9. O Israel, thou bast Destroyed thy self, but in me is thy Help found: I flew to our Saviours Words, that, If a Son Ask Bread, the Father will not give him a Stone, Luk. 11.11. And Pleaded them in this manner, O thou that Hearest Prayers, and hast never said to the Seed of Jacob seek ye me in Vain; who art a Fountain of Light and Truth, and therefore the Sins of Men Believe thy Word, bebold the Promise of thy Son which I now Humbly Plead before thee. I Implore the Bread of Life, and the Knowledge of the Truth. Wilt thou now send me strong Delusions to Believe Lies, and so let his Words fall to the Ground! Surely thou wilt not, for they are selted in Heaven, and more permanent than the [Page 10] Heavens or the Earth, and I will Believe them and Adventure my Soul thereupon. These Words of our Saviour I never let go, but they were a ways a present help to me in the Darkest Succeeding Moments; for although I did not Believe from thence, that the Lord would not lead me thro' a very Dark and Slippery way, yet I had con­stant Hope, in some Degree, that finally he would bring me forth to the Light, and that my Eyes should see his Salvation.

There was nothing now worthy of Remark that I Experienced for some Weeks, save only that I remained in a Confused, Unsetled Posture, Doubtful of everything, and fixed in nothing but my Resolutions to Pray always, and to Act according to the best Light I had, which by this time was very gross Darkness; for a Spirit of In­fatuation possessed my Understanding, so that in Spiritual things I was not able to Act as a Man; I grew so Prejudiced against the Ministers as that I could scarce bear to hear Mr. Noyes Preach, at length on a Saturday being about the beginning of January, 1709 10. I Wrote a Let­ter to my Brother, in imating something of my Difficulties, & Desiring a Conference with him; I carried it with me to Meeting, intending to send it or forbear, according as what I might meet with in the Sermons, but finding nothing that suited me, I sent it, and the same Week he made me a Visu and brought me Two Books and a Manuscript from his Father, which when I perused, though I found not such forceable Argument [Page 11] therein as to sway much my Judgment, yet I fancied a Marvel'ous Spirituality in them, which soon Captivated my Affections, and I began us hope GOD was Answering my Prayers.

Now by the way, I would Observe to you, that until I Wrote to my Brother, I had not hinted a word of my Scruples about matters of Religion to the Dearest Friend in the World; through a certain Aversation from my very Childhood to Consult the wisest or best Friend in Cases of Extreme Difficulty, though in lighter Troubles I could do it freely; which is an Unhappy Dis­advantage I Labour under to this Day.

After this I soon laid aside Family Prayer, could see no Rule for the Praftice of it.

The Eighth of January, being the Lord's-Day, I doubted so much of the Sabbath, that I dared not go to Meeting.

The Twenty Second of January I thought it my Duty to Labour as on other Days, and I did so.

Now you may Please to Understand that by this time, there had been perhaps used with me, all proper means of Conviction, but in Vain; my Prejudices increased to that pitch, as that I could hardly talk Peaceably with a Minister, and all but such I Despised as Mean, Ignorant, and Bigotted persons, that held their Principles (and Consciences too) of their Ministers, excepting a very few at whom Captain Huntington was one, whom I accounted a Man of Knowlege, & I allowed he might have Grace, who being sent [Page 12] for on this Occasion, had almost perswaded me to a Retraction

By this time I had also had much Conference with John Rogers, been at his Meetings & heard him Preach; and altho' I could not fall in at present with his other Disciples, into the belief of all his Doctrines, yet I was perswaded that GOD was in him of a truth.

The Twenty Sixth of January, refusing to pay a Fine, or to suffer any to do it for me, I was carried to Prison at New-London, for Pro­phanation of the Sabbath last before.

I conclude the Prosecution against me had not been so sudden, nor so strict (feeing all men knew I did the Fact in Obedience to my Con­science,) had they not hoped to have Reclaimed me by Sufferings; for every one was concerned to have me Recovered, and to that end exerted themselves with a great deal of Zeal & Fervour, but in very different Methods, according to their various Capacities or Dispositions; Some by Fer­vent Prayers, Friendly Conferences, Sage Counsel, Forceable Arguments with a Sprit of Meekness, whilst others by sharp Rebukes, &c. Laboured my Restauration: Warm Tempers where there was less Grace, would Rage against me, expressing themselves to this Effect, Ephraim is joined to his Idols, let him alone; an Heretick after — Admonition, Reject, &c. Mild Tempers would endeavour to Allure me, with Prospects of World­ly Advantages, which I must needs forego if I would persist in that way. Of the Ruder Herd, [Page 13] some Cursed me in the Streets, wishing me Dead &c. others by Mockings & other verbal Abuses ministred to me such Provocations, as one would think nothing but a Stock or Stone would have been Silent under; those rough Ʋsages tended ex­ceedingly to increase my Doubts about the Re­ligion of the Country, and Incensed me still more against the People that Prosessed it.

In the Morning before I went to Prison, I com­mitted all Concerns and Interests to GOD, by Solemn Prayer with my Family, as I thought on such an Extraordinary occasion I might do, and then taking a sad Valediction of my Wife, I Addressed my self to the Journey, taking a Bible with me; but GOD knows that the Anguish of my Soul was Inexpressible, arising from a Variety of the Solemnest Considerations, which I will Reduce under two Heads, viz.

First, The loss of all Valuables in this World, which seemed to me more than Probable; amongst which none lay so near to roy Heart as my Wife justly did, (being a Beautiful & Gracious young Woman) whom I had enjoyed but less then Five Months, and was now at the point of Death through extreme Grief on my account.

Secondly, And what added Amazement and Horrour to all was, that I had no sure Proof, either that my Heart was Right with GOD, or that my ways were directed according to his Word.

I greatly feared I might be found Fighting against him; yet at present could do no other [Page 14] wise than to Proceed, for so my Conscience led me, the Dictates whereof, I dare by no means Disobey.

Under this pressing Burthen, I went to New-London, about Sixteen Miles from my own House, lifting up my Heart to GOD by the way, in Thousands of Ejaculations, with the most Vehe­ment Application of Mind; and surely, I had Fainted unless I had Believed, from our Saviours Words before mentioned, to see the Goodness of GOD in the Land of the Living. I tarried in the Goalers House about an Hour before he Committed me, and then pretty suddenly he said to me, Come, Young Man, you must go to Cage. It put me a little out of Frame, for I guessed by the Expression and the Air he used, that he In­sulted me; however I followed him readily, & entered the inner Prison with more Constancy than I expected. But towards the close of the Day I grew very Pensive, and taking a deliberate Survey of things; the Prospect of the Sufferings of the Approaching, Night in a a dark Goal, with out Fire or Lodging, in a very Cold Season, was somewhat shocking to me: yet I must say that by itself considered, it was the smallest Article in my Complicated Distress; for greater was the loosing Wife, Friends, &c with all other Worldly good things at once, as I then expected to do, & to be exposed to all outward Miserys, Harred, Reproach and Infamy; but greatest of all were the thoughts of this, that my Spiritual Interest was as yet not at all Secured; and that whilst I [Page 15] earnestly sought GOD, for Christ, & Pardon, & Grace, I might Possibly be found taking part with his Enemies, and so Fighting against my own Salvation. All those Doleful Idea's were Stamped upon my Soul, in the brightest & deep­est mpreshons possible & under these Agonies my Flesh and my Heart Cryed out for GOD, for the Strong and Living GOD I Supplicated his Mercy for Christs sake, Confessing my Sin and Misery, I Blessed him for his Word, and Ap­pealed to his Omnisciency, that I Desired to keep His Precepts, I Implored His Spirit to Help my In­firmities and to Lead me into all Truth.

After this, looking into my Bible, I lit up­on the Eighth Chapter to the Romans, and read on to the Thirty Fifth Verse, whereupon I was blown up into an Extatick Joy, I thought I had now Assurance of my Union to Christ, and that nothing should Separate me from His Love; this Rap­ture lasted me that Night, but the next Day to­tally Vanished, the Darkness Recurring upon my Soul (if possible) in a more formidable hue I than ever.

I was in tne Goal Five Days, in which time John Rogers and his Company often Visited and Treated me with sufficient expressions of the tenderest Regard, Procuring me a Lodging in the Goalers House the first Night (otherwise tis like I should have Dyed of the Cold, being a Man of a tender Constitution, and not Inured to Hardships) and afterwards they furnished me with Lodging and other things for my Comfort [Page 16] during my Imprisonment. I told them of what I met with the First Night, they said, it was from the Holy Ghost, and that the present Desertion was but for the Proof of my Faith and Patience. They Counselled me to Persevere with all Con­stancy, and assured me that in so doing I should anon meet with such clear Light as would fully assure me in all Points wherein I doubted, and yield me a Solid Support under all Sufferings I was willing enough to Believe them; but told them, that the Work of Faith was not wrought in me, asI feared, without which there is no Union to Christ, nor possibility of Pleasing GOD. I gave them two Reason of this, viz.

First, That I could not Perceive the Guilt of Sin Removed from off my Conscience.

Secondly, That I could not Discern in my Soul such Actings towards and upon Christ, as I con­ceived to be the Effects of a Living Faith.

To all which they said, that it was now a Dark Hour with me, but in GOD's time He would bring me into Marvellous Light, if I Remained Constant and Unshaken in my Sufferings, and were not ashamed of the Cross of Christ.

The next Remarkable that happened, was upon reading, Rom. 10.9, 10. If thou shalt Con­fess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart, that GOD hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto Righteousness, and with the mouth con­fession is made unto Salvation. Hereupon I made some pause upon the Words, & anon took them [Page 17] fully to Answer my Doubts about a Saving Faith, for most certain it was that I Believed that GOD Raised Christ from the Dead, and thereupon I v a again Exalted above Measure, like him described, Hab 2.4 He whose Soul is listed up, is not upright in him: but the Just shall Live by his Faith. My Sorrows were now turn­ed into Joy, and my Prayers into Praises of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost; and thus I kindled a Fire & Compassed my self about with Sparks; But GOD did not say to me, as in [...] 50.11. — Walk in the light of your Fire, and in the sparks that ye have kindled. This shall ye have of nine hand, ye shall ly down in sorrow. This Ele­vation lasted me not long, for I soon called to mind that its said, The Devils also Believe and Tremble, Jam. 2.9. And now I began to examine my Faith, whether it differed from that of the Devils? & though I could not well tell what Faith they had, yet to my Confusion of Face I could not find that I my self had any other than that I had had, for then above Twenty Years, even ever since that my Mother taught me that Christ was Delivered for the Offences of the Elect and Arose again for their Justification: a mere Historical Faith, such as any Wicked Man may have. On the Fifth Day of my Con­sinement, my Wife against my express Prohi­bition having Paid the Fine, and Procured a Mandamus to the Goaler to Discharge me, the Messenger came in the Morning: This was Surprizing and Unwelcome News to me, for [Page 18] that Morning I had awaked in a Marvellous Calm, every thing was Pleasant & Easie to me; I could Believe and Conclude any thing in my own Favour without any Premisses at all: and it seemed to me the more Spiritual way, & indeed the only way of the Spirit, and now I hoped all would be well; amongst other things I had a Desire to be Baptized by John Rogers; those words in Act. 22.16. ran much in my mind, And now why tarriest thou? arise, and be baptized, and wash away thy sins, &c. And accordingly was Baptised of him as soon as Released from Prison, by bury­ing my Body in the Water: after which I went home, it being Tuesday. The Residue of that Week I walked in Darkness and deep Distress, for as I was without Light so I was without Comfort. The next Sabbath John Rogers and his Company, held a meeting at my House, and he Preached and Prayed there. I was Refreshed to see their Persons, but not at all moved with their Devo­tions. All that Spirituality I had some times found in that way, and they had talked so much of, was now clean Evanished, and an Horrour of thick Darkness rested on me, and so I spent most of the ensuing Week, yet the Darkness was not unto Despair. I held fast that Promise; that they that seek shall find, &c. and Cryed to GOD Incessantly, but no Answer of Prayer, no Help from the Word, no Conference with Friends; for my Straight was now too great for that, my best Friends also had Surceased the Use of Arguments with me, and all other Means, except what they [Page 19] did in their Closets, or especially what was done by a Day of Prayer Privately kept on my account by some of the Church that Week; upon whom its said there was an Extraordinary & Undenia­ble Spirit of Prayer poured forth, at length I forced my self to a Consideration of things, and finally thus Resolved, viz. That in as much as this Newly Embraced Religion seemed at the present the more Probable way wherein to find Christ and Peace, I would by no means Decline, seeking after him therein, at least till I had bet­ter Light; yet withal that I would more strict­ly pry into it, and take nothing upon trust from Men, & accordingly I Prepared sundry Questions for John Rogers his Solution at the next Meeting, which happened at his House the next Sabbath, where I mentioned these Three, Desiring to know what was to be Believed, in the Premisses, and also from what Scripture Grounds;

Quest. 1. Whether the Ʋnion between Christ and a Beliver be the same with what is of the Two Na­tures of Christ, viz a Personal Ʋnion?

Quest. 2. Whether the Sufferings of Christ in His Followers, viz. In the Bodies of the Saints, be of equal Value and Merit, with those he Suffered in His Own Person, according to their Kind and Degree.

Quest. 3. Whether an Eternal Decree of GOD had Determined the Salvation of those we call the Elect?

[Page 20]I soon Perceived the Queries were very un­expected to every one; however there was a very Profound Silence and Attention in the Assembly, Whilst he with all possible wilyness, as it were, Confounded the Three Questions together and then there was no Question in it: So that a pro­per Answer was both Needless and impossible: and then he went On quoting a multitude of Scriptures, and heaping up Words but with ut­most Confusion, and of no Pertinency or Signi­ficancy to my purpose, until no Mortal [...] have guessed at his Opinion about the matters, or have known by his Answer what the Questi­ons were, nor scarcely to what Science they be­longed.

After this, he ended his Discourse with a Flourish to this Effect, viz. Thou doest well to seek Light, &c. but thou our brest to Consider that thou art but a Babe in Christ, and seest Men but as Trees, and mayest soon Disadvantage thy self by too Curious an Inquisuiveness into deep Matters of Faith; thou hadst better be Content to Believe and Walk by what Light thou art Capable of, till by Reason of Ʋse thou shalt be able to Digest strong Meat: for my own part it was once with me as tis now with thee, but now its otherwise for these and such like Wonderful Mysteries, are now all so Plain and Easie to me, as that I do not Desire a better Knowlege of them than what I have, for I can see. Eye to Eye and Ʋnderstand as Perfectly as the Pen Men of the Scrip­tures did, what they wrote, and so it will be with thee are long, if thou abide in the Truth, and remain [Page 21] unmovable and stedfast in thy Sufferings for Christ. I was Confounded at his Talk, for indeed I think no Man would have looked for such an Answer from a Minister of Christ; I said not much upon it, but Determined to scan it in time convenient: And accordingly when I came Home, having Earnestly begged Assistance of GOD, to make just and reasonable Reflections upon it, I began & considered First the Questi­ons, and the two first of them I judged to be very necessary to be well understood, in order to the being of a right Faith: as to the Third, I judged it a point of great concern, to be under­stood by every Christian; and all Three of the Questions to Respect nothing but Revealed Truth.

Secondly, I considered my self, and although I had as low thoughts of my Ability to Discern Spiritual things in a Spiritual Manner, as any one could have had of me; yet when I con­sidered the Maturity of my Years, and that from a Child I had had some Knowlege of the Scrip­tures, and withal that my understanding was not Despicable, I judged my self capable of a Doctrinal Knowlege of any Revealed Truth; and how any such Knowlege should endanger my Spiritual Interest I could not conceive, for it is Written, that without Knowlege the mind can't be good.

In the Last Place I considered the Respondent John Rogers and his Answer, and thought I, if he be a Minister of Christ, and if he be Guided by GOD's Spirit, and especially if in an extraor­dinary [Page 22] and Infallible Manner, as he Professes, then he has been giving me a reason of the Hope that is in him with Meekness and Fear, 1 Pet. 3, 15. and has been feeding me with the Bread of Knowlege, For what Christ says to Peter, Joh. 21.15, 16 Feed my Lambs, is no less Requi­red of every Minister of Christ. But I could not take his Answer by any means under such a Construction, without utterly excluding my Rea­son, according to which it was plain that he Industriously Concealed from me his own Senti­ments, and Laboured with much Craftiness to divert me from further searches after any Solid Knowlege in the matters proposed.

I Remember as I came home from that meet­ting, I Rode part of the way with one of the Company, who said thus to me, viz. why, Thee was't upon some very high Queries with John.

I Answered him to this Effect, that all mat­ters of Faith were high Things. But said he, John Answered thee very notably. And I believe that man spake the mind of the whole Assem­bly; for Ignorance in the Understanding, Pre­judice in the Heart, & a false Peace in the Con­science, make up the Three-fold Veil with which the God of this World Blinds the Eyes of that Poor Besotted People.

But to Return, I Dwelt upon these Reflections several Days, and it pleased GOD to Restrain by Degrees, that Spirit of Prejudice whereby I was Blassed against the Truth, so that I was able to think more Indifferently and to Argue [Page 23] more Regularly about Things, which I thought to be my Duty and Interest to Improve, and accordingly I pressed forward with all possible Endeavours to try all things.

I was quickly brought to a stand about my Minister; but my affections were so strongly towards him that I could not easily Conclude against him, also the further progress I made in Tryal of his Doctrines the more I Scrupled them, my Scruples Increased to Doubts, till I had Little to say for the defence of the most of them, at Length I was afraid any Longer to Adhere to them, yet at present far from a good Opinion of the true Religion; but began to be able with some degree of Calmness, to Confer with others about Principles which laid me under great Advantage for Conviction, till at Length I came to be pretty well Satisfied that the Assemblies Catechism, in the General, was Orthodox, yet still I Doubted of some things in it, particularly the Doctrine of Election; I could not bear that an Irrevocable Decree of GOD should have Determined that, whilst it Remain­ed so very Doubtful with me concerning my Self, till I perceived the main difficulty with me was touching my own Election; and that as to the Doctrine in general, I was not able to with­stand the Truth of it.

I began now to have sad tho'ts of my Late Deviation from the Truth, & at the end of three Weeks made a Publick Recantation, which the Church accepting, Received Me into their Charity.

[Page 24]And thus it pleased GOD to bring me intire­ly off from my adherence to that Faction, and their Errors; and that Principally without the force of arguments from Ministers or Books, for I could Converse but Little with them, but rather as the Prophet says, Zec. 4 6 Not by Might nor by Power, but by my Spirit saith the Lord of Hosts. Still after all there Remained Heavy upon me the Guilt of Sin and great Darkness and Uncertainty about my Spiritual Estate, I Trem­bled at the tho'ts of those Miserable Jews who Perished in the Wilderness through the just Wrath of GOD, after their Deliverance from Egypt, and never saw the Good Land. I read Mr Guthery about the Tryal of a Saving Interest in Christ: And Mr. Shepard's Sincere Convert, with other Books to the same Effect, and Diverse times had almost Concluded in my own Favour, but Shepard was so exceedingly searching, that he shewed me from time to time, my deceits of Heart, Mistakes, Presumptions, &c. and so broke me off from every hold, drave me from every resting place, and brought me many a time to my Wits end.

In my Darkness I applyed to my self, almost in Despair, what God said to Pharaoh, Exod. 9 16 For this cause have I raised thee up, that I might shew my Wonders in thee. I could now see nothing in the past Providences of my Life, but a series of Evil from the Hand of GOD, and little Hopes of better things for the future, which brought on the Fears of my Non-Election, & every thing [Page 25] seemed to Argue my Reprobation. These deep Discouragements were also Accompany'd with the Blackest Temptations, through the force whereof I was ready to envy the Salvation of others. This Startled me, as what carried in it the express Image of Satan I Cryed to God for Pardon and Strength; and thus I passed many Weeks, till Providentially reading the Thirty First Chapter of Jeremiah & the Third Verse, I have Loved thee with an Everlasting Love: there­fore with Loving Kindness have I drawn thee. At the first view I was ready to have taken the Words for a full Proof of my Election, but soon call'd to mind how I used to be Imposed upon, and that it concerned me to try every thing & take nothing unreasonably. However the Words brought with them a Sweet Influence, and were more excellent than to be lightly pas­sed over, I read them again and again, but was for some time at a loss how to Improve them. By Everlasting Love, I understood GOD's Eternal Electing Love, and by Drawing, &c I understood Effectual Calling: Hereupon I Propounded to my self two Questions from the Words, First, Have I been the Subject of Loving Kindness? And if so, then Secondly, Have I been drawn thereby? For if I can Affirm these two, I must thence ln­fer my Election.

Then taking a strict Survey of things, I saw to my great Comfort, that I had Experienced abundance of Favours from the Hand of GOD, whereof divers had been Extraordinary great, [Page 26] and especially my late Wonderful Inlargement from the Chains of Error. Such Reflections made me look again on the words to Pharaoh, which appeared now with another Aspect: I considered that the most High, had Wonders of Mercy, as well as of Judgment to shew, and 'twas possible his Designs concerning me were to shew the Wonders of Free Grace.

The Second Question also I resolved in the Affir­mative, for I found my Heart to be Sensibly drawn to Love, Fear, Acknowlege & Worship GOD for all his Benefits: but yet whether I were Saving­ly and Effectually drawn I was at a loss, and so Concluded nothing as to the Point of Election; but still the Sweet Impression of the Words Re­mained a long time; whereby I was Supported and Carryed on with some Chearfulness, till by a Sermon of Mr. Noyes, I was cast down to the Dust; in which Sermon, he shewed from those Words, Prov. 23.7. As he thinketh in his Heart, so is he: That a Mans Estate might be known to him by the setled bent & Inclination of his Heart, &c Which put me upon searching my Heart; by which I discovered nothing that Evidenced to my Satisfaction any real Change, I found it very much set upon Earthly things, Corrupti­ons very strong & Unmortified. And although I Earnestly desired to escape Eternal Death, yet could not at that time Perceive any real Graci­ous Actings or Dispositions of my Soul towards GOD. Hereupon I was very Disconsolate, my Patience was now almost at an end, and I feared [Page 27] GOD's would be quite, & his Spirit would cease to strive with me: And thus it was with me some time, till it Pleased the Lord to Refresh my expiring Hopes, by that good Promise to Jacob, Gen. 18.15. And behold I am with thee, and will keep thee —For I wil not leave thee, till I have done that which I have spoken to thee of. This was Life from the dead to me; and by the strength of this I walked many Days. (O who can express the solid and substantial Supports of GOD's Promises?) Yet it did not Convert me; it did not carry me to Christ, nor Reveal Him to me; but I remained as before, save only the present Support of it.

Quickly after this I entred into a more strict Search of the Mystery of a Justifying Faith; which the Divines variously Express, sometimes calling it a mans going out of himself to Christ for Life; and such like Descriptions they give of it: I knew what the Scripture, and They, said of it, and could speak about it as I had Learned; but I had no Spiritual or Feeling Sense of it, nor could I Conceive what it was in Reality so to do: And when I considered the Necessity of Justification, Adoption & Sanctification, a New Heart and Life, with Victory over all Spiritual Enemies in order to Life and Blessedness; to be obtained only by going out of my Self to CHRIST for them, &c. Which thing I could neither Do, nor possibly Understand what it meant, my Salvation look'd then Impossible. My Hopes were then reduced to the lowest Ebb, [Page 28] and I was about to quit both Hopes and Endea­vours about it. Now things were come to the last Extremity, which is the fittest season for Omnipotency to Interpose: Isa. 37.3. The Chil­dren are brought to the Birth, & there is not strength to bring forth. But now CHRIST's Hour was nearer than I knew of; for the next Sabbath, Mr. Noyes (that Man of God) in his first Prayer of the Forenoon Exercise, framed a Petition to GOD in these words; viz. That although the Dif­ficulties in our way to the Heavenly Canaan, might seem Insuperable to us, by reason of the City being Walled up to Heaven; and of the Mighty Anakims who must be Overcome, Yet that we might not be Discouraged, nor in our Hearts turn back into Egypt; but that we might be Taught to Look unto JESƲS, who is Entred into the Heavens as Our Fore-runner, and able to Draw us after Him.

I had hereupon such an Interview of CHRIST and of GOD through Him, as I never had had before any thing the like; but how Great! How Excellent! How Wonderful! How Glorious! And how Real and Evident! Words cannot at all Express.

I saw the Lord JESUS CHRIST as having Assumed the Humane Nature, and therein having Done and Suffered in the Place and Behalf of the Elect, to the most Ample and Compleat Ac­ceptance of GOD the Father, and as being now Exalted unto the Dominion and Government of all Creatures in Heaven and in Earth, I appre­hended Him as Sitting on a Glorious Throne [Page 29] Exercising His Three-fold Office, & sending forth His Spirit to Offer and Apply to the Elect, the Redemption Purchased by Him, working Grace in them and bringing them at Length to a Participation of that Glory whereof He is Lord; and particularly offering this to me, with unspeak­able Freedom & Good-will.

I have said I saw these things, and what I mean is, that they were Discovered to me with more Demonstration and Reality than things which occupy our Senses are Evident to us when sub­stantially present.

And now, hereupon whether my whole Soul did agreeably make out after Him, so as to Ac­cept of Him as He is Offered in the Gospel, and was then particularly Offered to me, were a great Thing for me to say.

Doubtless, You will look for the Evidence of it in my Conversation; and if there may be any thing found Evidential of the Truth of my Profession, let GOD have the Praise of it, through whose Grace—

And whatsoever shall appear Otherwise, he that shall be forwardest to Reprove me for it in Love, shall most indear himself to me; Let the Just smite me it shall be a Kindness.

And now you have had a True and Punctual Account, of the most material Passages, both as to my being Led into Error, and gracious Return out of it; it being one of the wonderful Works of Him who is Perfect in Wisdom.

[Page 30]I shall only add, That for diverse years after, I was frequently Assaulted with Temptations to call all in Question over again; To Con­sider whether I had not Apostatized from CHRIST and His Truth, which has been no small Annoyance and the occasion of a great deal of Trouble to me; but the Grace of GOD has been sufficient for me hitherto.

And I will Praise Him who has done great Things for me; For He sent from above, He took me, He drew me out of many Waters, He delivered me from the horrible Pit & miry Clay, He brought me out of Darkness into Marvellous Light, He set my Feet upon a Rock and has put a New Song into my Mouth, Even Praise to GOD.

IN this Chapter, I shall shew you the Principal Heads of Quakerism. In the First, Second and Third Steps of its Progress in the World; yet with this Limitation, viz. That upon some Heads I shall wholly pass by the Two former, not having Authorities by me to Prove so Punctually concerning them. Who have Writ­ten so much that it will be expected, that I should be Silent about them, farther than I am Prepared with Proof: Wherefore upon those Heads, I shall only shew you John Roger's Opi­nions, yet without any Reference to his Wri­tings; And that

First, Because I don't need them.

Secondly, Because they Contain but few of his Principles.

Thirdly, For that they are so Perplex'd and Ambiguous, that he that will Attend the Rules of Reason and Speech, can Prove scarcely any thing of the chief Articles of his Faith by his Books.

I Purpose in this Last Chapter, to make a few Remarks upon some of John Rogers's Suffer­ings [Page 54] and the Causes of them: To the end it may be known that his Sufferings were not Persecu­tions, nor for his Religion and Conscience, as he vainly and falsly Boasted, and as some ('tis like) have Believed; but that Really he was himself a Persecutor, and that his Sufferings were the Demerits of his horrid Immoralities & Impieties,

The first Thing that he mentioned on the account of his Sufferings, was the Divorcing his Wife from him

To which I Answer; That the Cause of it was his Adultery, Beastiality, &c. in which he had Lived for Divers years, as he Boasted and Endeavoured partly to justify.

If any in his behalf object that the Proof was lnsufficient, I Answer that neither they nor I are Competent to Judge of that. And farther, that upon his Trial, he never denied a tittle of the Charge, and out of Court always Own'd it, and in particular to Mr. Edwards, who was his Council, but athereupon deserted him and gave an Evidence against him; and for the Proof of this, I Refer the Reader to the Records and Files, in the Secretary's Office, at Hartford.

The Second Suffering he Boasted of, was the taking, his Children from him, and Delivering them to their Mother, after the Divorce.

To which I Answer, (Pretermitting what might be said, as to the Equity of that Law of this Colony, Directing and Enabling Over­seers of the Poor, with the Advice of the Autho­rity, [Page 55] to take into their Care such Children as are in danger greatly to suffer, as well for want of Competent Education, as for want of Suitable Subsistance) that the Mother had by Nature and Law as good Right to them as he had. More­over, The condition of the Children (being very Young) Required the Care of a Mother at the present; besides his Condition at that time forbade their abode with him, who through the force of Enthusiasm, went about Raging and Raving to that Degree, as that no Sober Man could have tho't him to be Compos mentis, or fit to have been a minute out of Bedlam,

After some Years his Son was returned to him by Authority (which I'm sure would be as hard a thing for me to Defend as the Contra­ry) but his Daughter having through GOD's Grace, so Effectually Imbibed, not only the Principles of true Religion, but the Real Be­ginnings and Seeds of saving Grace (as since has been more Evident) Nothing but force could have obliged her to abide with him, where­fore none was used, for these two things he has unspeakably Rail'd upon & Vilifi'd the Authority of the Government, Charging them with A­dultery in the former, and Persecution in both.

Nor was She, who had been Divorced from him able whil'st Living to escape the Expressions of his Rage; he loaded her with all manner of Reproaches and Lies, at an execrable Rate (at the same time pretending the greatest Love) Concerning whom the Rules of truth would [Page 56] Justifie me in speaking as much of her Exem plary Piety, Charity, Goodness, &c in Life and of her Faith at Death, as of most Good Women that have breathed; but its besides my purpose, nor is my Testimony in Favour of my Mother so Authentick as others; wherefore in this Respect I choose rather to Appeal (as I do with all Freedom) to the Reverend Pious & Judi­cious Elder, and to the Whole Church and Neigh­bourhood at Lyme, whereof she Lived a Beloved and Died a Lamented Member.

Another Suffering that he Gloried in, was his Whippings and Imprisonments; of which to speak particularly and to shew the Criminal Causes of them, would tire my self and you.

Wherefore let it suffice to Affirm, that great Part of his lmprisonment at Hartford, was upon strong Suspicion of his being Accessary to the Burning New-London Meeting-House, his Whip­pings there were for most Audacious Contempt of Authority, his sitting on the Gallows was for Blasphemous Words; and in short, he never Suffered the Loss of One Hair of his Head, by the Authority, for any Article of his Religion, nor for the Exercise of it; unless when he has Purposely & Contemptuously put himself under the unavoidable Notice of Grand Jurors, or the like, in Labouring on the Sabbath, Baptising, or some such Fact, which the Laws forbid.

No verily, it was not for his Religion; unless this were his Religion, viz. to Traduce and [Page 57] Oppose the Sdbbath, Ordinances, Worship, Ministers and People of God; yea, and the Government, Courts and Ministers of Justice, in their Civil Ad­ministrations, in a sort, like as if his Salvation had depended upon his being an Inveterate and Constant Plague to Mankind: For it was for such things that he suffer'd Imprisonments & other Corporal Punishments. It was his manner to Rush into the Assembly on the Lord's Day, in the time of God's Worship, in a very Boisterous Way, and to Charge the Minister with Lies & False Doctrine; and to Scream, Shout, Stamp, &c. by which he offered insufferable Molestations to the Worship and People of God: And this was his manner in the Court also, when he pleased or had a mind to make himself Sport, and he would Laugh at it when he had done, till his Sides shook.

I saw him once brought to Court for such a Disturbance Committed on the Sabbath; he had contrived the matter so as to be Just without the Door when he was called to answer, upon which he Rushed into Court with a prodigious Noise, his Features and Gestures expressed more Fury than I ever saw in a Distracted Person of any sort; and I soberly think, that if a Legion of Devils had push'd him in head-long, his En­trance had not been more Horrid and Ghastly, nor have seemed more Praeternatural.

When he came to the Bar, he demanded of the Court, what their Business was with him? The Indictment was ordered to be Read. To [Page 58] which he Pleaded, Not Guilty, after a new Mode; for as the Clerk Read, sometimes at the End of a Sentence, and sometimes at the Beginning, he'd Cry out, That's a Cursed Lie; and anon, That's a Devillish Lie! till at length a number of his Fol­lowers, of both Sexes, tuned their Pipes, and Scream'd, Roar'd, Shouted & Stamped, to that Degree of Noise, that twas Impossible to hear the Clerk Read. (But how contrary to the Meekness and Mansuetude of Christ's Sheep?) For which the Court put a Fine upon him, and so added an Article to the sum of his Sufferings.

I am prone to think, he may have been some­times, Over done, by Officers, in their Collect­ing Rates and Fines of him; which if it were so, the Authority could not have Redressed it, for want of his Application to them in that Respect.

But before I Conclude, Let me Mention some other of his Sufferings; which tho' he Fretted at at Home, yet never Complained of Publickly, I mean what hapned to him about his Maid Mary Ransford; whom he first Bought, then took to­his Bed (at least when he wanted her) till she proved with Child, and in the Fifth or Sixth Month of her Pregnancy, as I remember, he So­lemnly Betrothed her to him; then afterwards Dwelling with her several Years, and having had Two Children by her, upon some Disgust, put her away, and all by his own Authority A­greeable [Page 59] to that Rule in the Law (atleast in one respect) Modo quo Oritur pactio, Eodem modo Dis­solvetur, That in the same way that a Contract is made, it may be made Void.

After which he was Lawfully Married to a Woman of Oyster Bay, of Good Report, save only, that by her Religion, she was one of those Quakers, who for their Noisyness,,are called Singing Quakers.

I am not at all at a loss, how John Rogers and this Quaker Woman, over look'd the small Dis­parity in Religion, that was between them, so as to Match together; but by what Sophistry he levelled that horrible Jogg in his Conversation, Respecting Mary, aforesaid, I can't imagine.

To me, I Remember, he accounted for it after this sort; Said he, I have Experienced Won­derful Operations of GOD 's Hand upon my Body, as well as upon my Soul; and so Proceeding, Signified to me, that upon his entring into a state of Suf­ferings, he felt such a marvellous Mortification of his Members which were upon the Earth, as that his Venereal Propenfuy in particular, seemed to be totally Extinguished; but however after he had Incountred the sharpest of his Trials, it flamed forth again, even beyond the Limits of Nature, whereby it was manifest that God's Hand was in an Eminent way in it; Where­upon, &c. And I never could get him an Inch further than this; yet he would not make a full Stop neither; but signified to me that in a more Convenient Time he would let me into that [Page 60] Mystery, and fully Convince me that he did it by a Divine Impulse, from First to Last I guess he told Capt Witherell, who was then Judge of the Court, something of this Story, by the Judge's Answer to him in Court.

You shall hear the Rounds of the Matter, which you'l think strange(if true) of a Minister, yea, more than a Minister, an Apostle, who had been then Perfectly Free from sin above Twenty Years; it was thus, At a County Court at New­London (my self a Spectator, with a multitude of others being present) came John Rogers into Court, leading in his Hand Mary, aforesaid; and Applying himself to the Judges, said thus, viz. I desire you all to take Notice, that I take this my Servant-maid to be my Wife; I bought her with my Money, and I take her to be my Wife. Replyed the Judge, How, how? What do you mean, John? why are you not Published and Married in an Orderly Way? Continued he, I do not Regard your Laws in that Respect, nor will I he Married by your Au­thority. Then Applying himself directlv to the Judge, said, Capt. Witherell, Thou knowest some­thing of the Occasion of this, for I hinted it to thee at such a time. Replied the Judge, why, thou filthy B—t, I know nothing that thou toldest me, but of a base Pang of Lust that befel thee; Go, for shame; be gone, the Court will not be hindred.

In about Three or Four Months, as I remem­ber, Mary brought him a Child, he own'd it and got her with Child again, having suffered Perse­cution for the First according to Law; [...] [Page 61] seeing the Second Persecution, he Charged Mary, not to lay the Child to him, if Examined by Au­thority, she promised him she would not, but fail'd of her Word; which occasion'd him further Sufferings for his Conscience; which so Roiled him, that he put her away, and dwelt no more with her.

And now to Conclude, I am very sensib1e, that although GOD has said, That the Name of the Wicked shall Rot; and often in His Providence fulfils that Threatning, yet that by its felt-Con­sidered, is no sufficient Warrant to us, to sulley the Characters of the Dead, because of their Impiety Yet, Methinks, when we are engaged in the Cause of Truth against Error, for as much as in the eyes of most men, nothing tends more to De­tract from the Credit of any Religion, than to shew the Preachers and especially the Original Founders of it, to have been exceedingly Cor­rupt in their Morals; it may be very Warranta­ble, yea, Necessary, and more especially where the Case is Peculiar, as this is, that a Man Boasting of Perfection, of Immediate Communion with God, and the Constant and Infallible Guidance of His Spirit, should Deliberately Practice Whoredom, and Live in it Divers Years, and then to save himself from the just Censures of men, father his Debaucheries Upon the Holy Ghost, as he did, I hope it will be granted that the dark Curtains of Death and the Grave, ought not to screen him (in this Respect) from the notice of the Living, in the [Page 62] World in all Succeeding Generations: and Con­seqently, that no Indifferent Person will be Prejudiced at my Animadversions thereupon.

AND now, I will in a few words, Apply my self to those who are Less Indifferent, and so Conclude, I mean, those who are already fallen into the suare of that Fowler.

GOD forbid, that being Restored my self, I should be like Pharash's Butler not to Commise­rate those whom I have left Behind & who Re­main in the Dungeon still. No verily, I will speak of you and for you to the King, whilst I have breath to do it; and to you I would not be wanting, I would choose acceptable Words, I would fill my mouth with Arguments, Labouring your Con­viction, but that I know the Disadvantage you are under, & of how little Force Right words will be with you, till GOD abate those warm Preju­dices of your Minds, which you take to be Pious Zeal, & therefore Indulge; Wherefore I will say the Less, yet suffer me a word or two.

And

First, Be perswaded, That its possible, you may have been mistaken in what ever Comforts, Illuminations, or the like, you seem to have had: Consider what the Scriptures say, that There is few that find the way of Life; That there is a way [Page 63] which seems Right to a man, but the End thereof are the ways of Death. That if it were possible the very Elect should be Deceived, through the Activity of Error; That there is a Spirit of Error, as wll as a Spirit of Truth; And that by that Spirit of Error, men are Liable to be missed, not only in Spiritual Things, but also in a Spiritual Way, and therefore that it concerns you to Try the Spirits, whither they be of God.

And suffer me to tell you how; and that is according to Gods Institution & the Practice of his People always.

• 1. Negatively, Do not try the Spirit by the Spirit, for that's no tryal at all: for you know a false Spirit will give a false Testimony in his own Favour, wherefore seek some Rule for the trying of the Spirits. I'll tell you what the Rule has been and what it is.
• 2. Affirmatively; Before the Finishing & Com­pleating of the Scriptures, GOD's SPIRIT in all the Prophets, & also in CHRIST & his Apostles Evinced his Divinity and Godhead by Miracles: and although that be not the General Rule now for the trying of the Spirits, yet Miracles when shewn must be Granted to be good Proof at all times: So that if one comes to me, Commanding me in the name of the LORD, to take a Voyage into Turkey, Preach the Gospel, or do something [...] out of my particular Calling; now if he [Page 64] will Verify his Mission, by Raising the Dead, or the like Miraculous Action, I must then Believe and Obey; otherwise I'll try him by the general Rule, which in Gospel Times, is this;

To the Law and to the Testimony, if they speak not according to these, it is because there is no Light in them. Wherefore be intreated to try the Spirits, that is, try your Principles, & try those Extraordinary Motions and Influences which sometimes you feel, by the Rules of Gods Word.

I'll mention none of your Principles in parti­cular, and but one of your Practices, Left I be troublelsome to you; and that is this, when you are moved to Disturb others in their Worship­ing of God according to their Consciences, then try that motion before you execute it. If I de­mand of you how you know God moved you thereunto? I know your Answer will be,

First, That you had a good End in it, & therefore you know it was from the LORD; for Satan never makes God's Glory his End:

Answer, The End and Design does not of it self warrant the Action, Balaam had a Good End in going to Curse Israel; it was to Enrich himfelf, which is Lawful for a man to do, provided it be, in a right Way & by due Methods. Moreover Saul had a Good end in sparing the best of the Cattle, &c. of the Amalekites; it was to Sacrifice to the Lord, a pious End, but the Action no [Page 65] the less abominable to GOD; and so had the same man, doubtless, a good End in Offering Sacrifice.

Secondly, You'll say, That at the time when you felt that Impulse, you were in a very Spiritual Frame, and had very great Assurance that you were a Child of GOD; and that although Satan be permitted by Transforming himself into an Angel of Light, to Impose upon Hypocrites, yet be cannot so Impose upon GOD's Children. This I know is your Principle.

To which I Answer,

First That it Remains to be proved that you are a Child of GOD; for you may be Extreme­ly Mistaken in that point, and especially Seeing (as I full well know) that you pretend to no other Proof of it, than the witness of that Spirit, which I am now advising you to try; and that thus the case is with you in this Respect, viz.

• 1. You know you are a Child of GOD, because the Spirit of GOD dwells in you, and you are led by it.
• 2. You know that the Spirit of GOD dwells in & leads you, because you are a Child of God.

Sirs, This is a way of Arguing far below what GOD expects of rational Beings. What is there to be spoken of, that can't be proved in this Way? May not the Angels of God, prove them­selves Apostates, & the Devils prove themselves [...] by this circular Way of arguing, if Sound? [Page 66] Secondly, In Answer to that Principle, that Satan can't so Impose on Gods Children; I say it Contradicts another of your Principles, and that is the Doctrine of a mixture of Spirits, where­in you hold that the Good and the Bad Spirit may personally Possess & Influence a man at the same time; as it has often happened, as you suppose to Divers of you; Particularly to him that went to Anoint the two Prophets.

Again, Be perswaded to take a view of John Rogers, and try him in some respects; I do not mean to try whether he be Sav'd or Lost (that's not our business, nor may we pry into it) but try whether he were a Minister of CHRIST or not; for if he were not, you may well suspect your selves to have been misled by him.

In trying of his Authority to Preach & Bap­tise, I think you may safely conclude that the Office of a Gospel Minister is like that of a Priest, in this Respect, viz. That No man takes the honour of it upon himself, but he that it called of GOD, as Aaron was, Heb 5.4. Wherefore the Apostle says plainly, in Rom. 10.25. How can they Preach except they be sent?

2. That the Call Of GOD Thereto, is either,

Frist, Extraordinary, as GOD called divers of the Prophets of old, and as CHRIST called the Apostles, who always proved their Authority by Miracles; insomuch that Moses despaired of being believed when GOD sent him to the Is­raelites [Page 67] in Bondage, without the Gift of Miracles; which therefore GOD gave him, that thereby he might prove his Mission to be Divine.

Or,

Secondly, lt is Ordinary, viz. by Ordination and Laying on of the Hands of the Persbytery; whereby that Power which CHRIST at first vested in the Apostles, is Delegated and Derived unto them; and this is the usual way in Gospel Times, being first practised by the Apostles themselves, and ever since followed in the Church in all Ages; and every man pretending to that Office has al­ways been able to prove his Authority in the one or other of these ways, excepting a few such as George Fox and John Rogers.

I know he used to say when pinched in this Point, that his Converts and the Success of his Ministry, were the Evidence of his Apostle­ship; but if that Argument will do, then was Mahomet a Prophet of the LORD, & Sabbatai Sevi the Eternal Son of GOD; for they had more Disciples than he.

Once more, Be perswaded to make a few short, but Reasonable Reflections on some part of his Life, and see if you can therein Discover the Characters & Signs of a Minister of CHRIST; Particularly the matter about Mary R [...]ford. And methinks Reason should Guide you thus in your tho'ts about it, viz.

1. That she was either his Lawful Wife, or not; if not, then his [W—e,] with whom [...] [...]ived in Fornication divers Years; which [Page 68] cannot possibly stand with the Perfection he pretended to, and Infallible Guidance of GOD's SPIRIT.

Or,

2 If she were his Lawful Wife, then his putting her away was without Sufficient Grounds, not being any where Warranted by Laws neither Divine nor Humane, nay Condemned by his own Writing, & Consequently he broke Wed­lock, and committed Adultery in so doing. If you Reply, that David and Peter did as bad; I'll Grant it: but I observe that they both Repented of, Confessed and Forsook their Sins; but he always Justified his and Lived in it to the day of his Death, that is his Adultery. If she were his Wife, as I think you will Judge she was, let that land where it will rather than to make him a Fornicator. Now I am perswaded that if you do but use your Understandings in the case, you cannot Reconcile these things and his pretensions of Holiness and Purity together; and if not, then what follows, but that he was an horrible Liar and Impostor! and that all his Doctrines are to be Suspected and Immediately scanned & sifted to the Bran. Which if GOD Enable you to, I am sure you will soon perceive that you have not been in the way that Leads to Life, though it has seemed Right to you.

Cry to GOD for Understanding; its He that Leads the Blind by a way which they knew not.

Finally, Pray and Strive against this one Evil in special, which otherwise will greatly [...] [Page 69] your Progress from Darkness to Light, & that is the slavish Fear of being made the Scorn of Fools & Song of the Drunkards, who witi probably at every tarn upbraid you of Unconstancy, twit you & yours of your Quakerism, and the like; this sort of Suffering is an evil Disease its what David earnestly Deprecated after his fall, and there is no Promise of GOD to secure you from it. Yet there are well grounded Confide­rations which ought to Support you under it. As

• 1. That there is GOD's permitting Hand in it, from whom yon have deserved the Extremest Sufferings.
• 2. That GOD does not willingly Grieve His Children; but only if need be, & for their profit.
• 3. That you need it to put you in mind of what you were, & how much you are Indebted to Divine Grace, that you are now otherwise.
• 4. That there is no Justice on the side of them who thus Traduce you, albeit they speak what's! true, for who has Right to lay any thing to the Charge of GOD's Elect, whom he has Justified?
• 5. Finally, Consider, That if you bear these As­fronts wifh a Spirit of Meekness and Fortitude, CHRIST will Resent them, as Injuries Done to Himfelf, and will find a place for them in; the Catalogue of those Sufferings of yours, which He will Own and abundantly Reward with Grace and Favours here, and Glory at the Resurrection of the Just.