IT is an afflicting Providence from GOD, and just cause of shame to me [for I cannot clear my self from a great deal of just blame] that I have not done, nor can now do any thing for you in regard of those writings you desired of me: I have, and am continually pres­sed with variety of urgent occasions, & much time [in the way I am in] is daily taken up from my personal studies, besides many incident avocations: And alas I can do little, & make but slow progress in the long race of Learning I have to run! And it is my miserable guise, either by wickedness or weakness, to fall short of that good I should either get or do; and if it be so in this case towards you, it is no wonder, tho it should be my deep sorrow! But yet considering some passages in your last and [Page 2] former Letters concerning your Spiritual Condi­tion, and knowing, by experience in my self, the reality of such Complaints; I would not be so graceless as to neglect you wholly therein: And tho' I can say or do very little, yet a word or two might be of some use; nor do I know what guilt might lye upon me, if I should be silent or slight in this Case! And therefore [Dear—] if my barren heart would suffer me, I would present you with a few words, as if you & I were alone in a Corner, in the presence of GOD!

The Condition you express, is the Common [but fearful] Epidemical Calamity of those times and places where the Gospel is Preached, and a­mong such as outwardly carry fair: Convinced but not humbled; some apprehensions of misery and affections now and then, but not deep effectual mournings; something burdened with sin and mi­sery, and wrath of GOD; but yet able to bear it, and contented to live without being delivered from it: Knowing every thing, and feeling no­thing; or rather knowing every thing, and yet in­deed knowing nothing; in seeing, not, &c. For my own part, it is that which hath been the baneful misery of my Soul [even that very thing which thou say & mean] ever since I knew any thing; and the Lord knows how little I am delivered from it, and how much of my work in this point [upon which the very hinges of our Salvation turn] is yet to do to this day! Oh [my—] if my heart were not Adamant, I should weep with, and for [Page 3] you: And truly when I am most near God, I have no greater request than this for my self & you, that God would use any means to make us see things really as they are, & pound our hearts all to pieces, and make indeed sin most bitter, and Christ most sweet; that we might be both humbled, & Com­forted to purpose! An imperfect work of the Law, and then an imperfect work of the Gospel, is the bane & ruine of us in these days! Some fears and affections, & then some hopes of Mercy [without finding full rest & satisfaction in Christ only] men rest in, & here perish! But hence is the ground of that you speak of: An heart that doth not, can­not feel sin [& consequently, no other thing that Gods word speaks of] & the wrath of God for it, to purpose: Cannot be sensible of sin or misery in an effectual manner! Now a word or two of Coun­sel to you in this Case!

First consider the end & thing you are to strive after. Secondly the way & manner how: Your business is never to rest till you come to feel sin as an insupportable burden, and then to find rest and everlasting satisfaction in Christ, imbracing him as your own! To go on humbling to be humbled, and to see such intollerable evil in sin; and be so bur­dened with the wrath of God lying upon you for it, as it may make sin everlastingly odious to you, and force you to fly for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before you; and to have strong Consola­tion there! This is a great thing, not easily and quickly gotten; but sit not down at quiet, till you [Page 4] come to this! This is the way to make all sure! But you will say I know not whether I ever had any true humiliation; whether there is any thing in me that will stand by me, when an hour of Temptation comes? Therefore now resolve, I will padle & dally with God & my own soul no longer, I will never give God rest till He shew me things really, & till I have attained that sense of sin, and Faith in Christ Jesus, which is real and effectual! This is the work of our lives, Job. 6.29. Let me ne­ver rest till it be put out of all doubt, that God in Christ is mine own, and hath made an everlasting Covenant with me! This I will have, or I will be in bitterness before the Lord while I have any Being; and for the residue of my days, I will dwell with them that lye down in sorrow, I will have my society with such forsaken souls; who being desolate & deserted, are free among the dead: If the blessed God shall excommunicate this wretch­ed Soul from His gracious presence, [which yet is but an Act of His most Holy & Just severity] Oh! let me find this favour in his sight, that I may also excommunicate my self from the pleasures & en­joyment of this present World! And resolve this, If God will not let me see the good of his chosen, [and I have nothing to say why He should] I will mourn, I will mourn; let me live & dye in the house of Mourning! If God will not Comfort me, nothing else shall, if I may not have peace & rest in God, I'le have none at all; if God will take no pleasure in me, I'le take no pleasure in my self: [Page 5] Let [...] be my meat continually; let me go [...] up & down the World while I have a [...] to live: If God cast me off, let this be my [...] Nay, [come to this pass] I cannot live, [...] God be reconciled to me: My spirit fails, if [...] not presently! There is no being, [...] for me, unless He speak a word of peace [...] [Psal. 69.2, 2, [...]7.8. & 14 [...].4, 7.] And in a time of [...] God will help; when you are lost, God will find you, when you are sick to death, He will [...] you, Isai. 57.16, 28, 29. His bowels will yern [...] you [...] Never fear want of Consolation, if your Humiliation be not ineffectual! And here [...] me [...] you of a thing or two!

Take heed least some lesser sorrows & affections [...] you, & so you be kept from great and effectual sorrows, & from Comfort by Christ only! [...] himself in a miserable Condition; [...] upon he goes alone, he prays and weeps too [...] very affectionatly for mercy: Upon this [...] well & whole again! His good [...] please him, & [...] him; tho' he be indeed still [...] from Christ & grounded Comfort, as ever! [...] [...]eed of this. As also secondly [...] resting [...] hopes of mercy, or in some [...] of mercy▪ [...] things give [...] good hope that God may [...] words of Comfort are sometimes [...] to his heart [...] through now [...] [Page 6] these affections & hopes are very good, and they may be true [and be sure to be exceeding thankful for any such thing; that you have any desire to seek God, any tears at any time before him, and hope toward him; its more than thousands have] and very good encouragement to seek after Christ more; but not to be rested in without Christ! It's a sign a mans heart is false, when a little of any thing will serve him! Use those sorrows▪ heart-breakings & hopes, as blessed encouragements and ingagements to follow on still, and get nearer to Christ, and to gain in upon him; but rest not till you be sure you have Christ; and fully rest in him, and your heart live upon him only, alone, wholly and always! Now for the way you are to take in the Case owned & expressed by your self: I would add a little as he Lord shall help.

Do not say there is no hope, and so give over striving! Give not way to a sullen desperateness & deadness of heart; to a dulled sunk discouraged spirit, as it were in vain to [...]ir, and will never be better with you! Do not say, thus it hath been, and thus it is, and you cannot help it, and there leave it! No, no, Arise & be doing and God will be with you; is an old & good Rule! What ever your Case be, Never be discouraged: Be humble & af­flicted under sin & misery [the more the better] but never be discouraged! Resolve, I will yet fol­low God for all this, come on me what will! See 1 Sam. 12.20. Know that God is God, and not man, He can help, nay He will! He is willing to help you, [Page 7] if you be not unwilling to have it: See Isai. 55.8. Jer. 33.3. Hos. 13.9. Joh. 4.10. & 6.36 He hath after-mercies for them that have abused former mercies, Ezek. 39.26. Jer. 3.1, 22. If it were but a may be, Amos 5.15. Zeph. 2.3. A who can tell? Jon. 3.9. Joel 2.14. A Lord if thou wilt, Mat. 8.2. It's enough to make us follow after God to the last gaspe! Secondly, look up to the Infinite God to help you for his Names sake, & for the Lord Jesus sake. You know you are miserable, and have unspeakable need of his help; tho' you do not feel it, & be not offended with it. Upon this ground [and this is ground enough] go to God, and tell Him; that the less sense you have, the greater is your misery, and the more need you have of his help: None but God can pull you out of this pit, can inlighten this dark­ness, and break this Adamant; to him therefore you come according to his own Counsel, Rev. 3.18. Tell him, He knows you & sees you tho' you do not know or see him, no, nor your self neither: He can take hold of you, tho' you cannot take hold of him, Joh. 15.16. Bring such an heart as you have [long­ing that it were better] to him, that he would mend it: Bewail this impenitent heart, cry out of this secure sottish heart, as the greatest evil that could befal you; beseech him to use any means to break it, & change it: Fill your Mouth with Ar­guments before him; tell him of his free [Oh hang there upon free Mercy] his tender, his pre­venting, his manifold rich Mercy: Say you are re­solved never to leave him till he give you this [Page 8] Grace effectually, & all the Grace you want, ever­lasting Mercy▪ Cry to him out of the thick dark­ness, & out of the low dungeon, Lam. 3.55. When you have no mind to pray, when Devil & World, when heart & the gates of Hell, are against you: Yet then, even then pray in spite of all your spiri­tual Adversaries: Offer violence to the Kingdom of Heaven, stir up your self to take hold on God; lay hold on Eternal Life, when nothing but dark­ness & death is about you; when God stops his ear against you, & shuts up his heart too, yet then fall down before him, put your Mouth in the dust; judge & loath your self, hate your sin that brought you to this pass: Look again toward him, [as Jon. 2.4, 7.] close with him at & upon the swords point, [Though he kill me, yet will I trust in him.] Bless his Name, & say as Lam. 3.22. Chatter before him; leave your self to his Mercy, to his absolute, sove­raign, meer Mercy, renouncing all other props and comforts: See Isai. 50.10. Tell him as Dan. 9.9. re­solve to follow him, tho' blindfold, and see Rom. 11.3 [...], 33. Gal. 3.22. When you are shut up under sin & unbelief, then look to him who is able to save to the utmost them that come to God by him: You know not how to look to him, nor what it is to believe, nor how to go about such a thing; therefore tell God that you come to him for Faith, as well as o­ther things; You want every thing, and you come for every thing: [the poorest Creature that lives] and know that the blessed God would have you come to him in Christ for every thing: Christ hath [Page 9] all power in his hands to help you, Joh. 17.2. and see Joh. 6.37. Thirdly, continue in seeking God till you find him: Follow on to know the Lord; & then be your Case what it will, you shall know him, Hos. [...].2. Col. 4.2. Luk. 18.1. Many are very serious & ear­nest for a fit; but they give over before the Lord come, and will rather patch up their Comfort and Salvation of any fashion, then take the pains to hold out in seeking God with all their might: Multitudes perish here. Oh! look to this; for do not think [especially in the Case you are in] to get Grace & Christ [in the sense before spoken of] presently! No, no, God may make you seek & wait many a day; but you shall reap in due time if you faint not, Gal. 6.9. Diligently therefore & Constant­ly attend & improve all the Ordinances & Oppor­tunities that God gives: In special, let me speak a word or two for your better help in them [being more private & personal] viz. First, Meditation, [a most necessary & effectual thing which few practice:] Get a little time to meditate daily, laying aside other things, & in other occasions too, think as much of Spiritual things as you can▪ We do not see nor feel, because we do not think of things, think of God & of Christ, of Sin, of Heaven, of Hell, of Judgment, of Eternity, how few shall be saved, how necessary it is to take the present time▪ What we come into the World for; of quickning passages in Scripture, of Gods dealings with you, of your for­mer life & present Condition, &c. But you will [say, My heart is so vain & stupid, I cannot think of [...].] [Page 10] I Answer, First, let this deeply humble you; and the vileness of your heart that here discovers it self will be worth the while. Secondly, beseech God to help you. Thirdly, By use of time you will find it more easie. Fourthly, take advantage upon all the evil frames that at present you feel, to apply & set on some soaking expression in Scrip­ture: As in case of hardness, blindness, vanity, see Rom. 9.18.2 Cor. 4.4. Prov. 10.20. Yea hence see and say, that God is true, and his word is true; for the Scripture tells me of this heart I feel; and the rest of it will be verified upon me as well as this. Fifthly, take the advantage of special seasons for Meditation, when your heart is in a feeling frame [as after Prayer, after Sermon, if you cannot be­fore] & lay up what you get: One Truth felt in Meditation, is worth a World, & it will make way for more. Sixthly, do something that is equivalent and helping to it, at least when you cannot so di­rectly meditate: as reading of a good Book, wri­ting of your former and present life: [that is a thing of endless use] gathering up God's mercies, and your sins in writing sometimes, &c. Secondly, Prayer this is the blessed means of getting a poor soul to Heaven: And what an happiness is it, that we may pray to God! Besides Family-prayer, get some time for secret Prayer, daily less or more: Be telling God your heart alone; I know your oc­casions and labours [the Lord break my heart for you] would not afford you that liberty that I [wretch] have: But do what you can; love the [Page 11] duty, & God will pity you, wherein you are justly, and by his providence [not your own negligence] hindred. And this is certain, He that hath an heart, shall never want time, or place to pray! Endea­vour to order your matters so, as you may have time for it: And if you could weekly have a piece of an Afternoon [as Saturday in the Afternoon an hour or two, or as God guides] set a part for secret and close converse with God by Meditation & Prayer, thinking, writing, reading, examining, mourning before God; and do this constantly, you would ne­ver repent it: The business of Salvation is mainly carried on in secret between God & a mans own soul: And by all means provide, that you may have your Sabbaths as free as possible all the day, and the Evening before & after, for spiritual work: Ply God in such seasons as these be, and be very thank­ful if you get but any little ground of your corrup­tions & miseries: Go about your lawful occasions, not as a liberty to the flesh, [as to think that now my task of praying is over, now I may please my self, and refresh my heart in the World, &c.] but as the service of God, and as unto him, because he bids you be thus employed: As when he bids me pray, I will pray with all my might; so I will work too, when he bids me work; and not do it to please my self, [alas, if I consider it, what plea­sure or Comfort is there in this evil World] but to please him: I will busie & employ my self in this World, [because he bids me] but my place & my rest shall be only in God, or no where: As Seamen [Page 12] go to Sea, but build their houses at Land; so I'le go into the World, but lay up my heart & comfort and my whole support in God! I will live in the World, but not upon it; I will live only upon God, & have my Portion in him. And do not think that this sorrow and sense of sin, and mourning after God, stands in a Monkish drooping sullenness and sadness, [tho' 'tis certain that by the sadness of the Countenance the heart is made better; and one should not give him­self to unnecessary mirth, which is very poysonful; nor purposely choak his spiritual sorrows with tem­poral delights:] But when you have seriously spent your time with God, and have left your heart with him, and he calls you to your occasions; go about them with alacrity and chearfulness, so as you may dispatch them comfortably; and carry amiably and delightfully to those about you. And let your sor­rows & sense of your Souls miseries lie deep & under­most, so as you may recall them in their season; when you come to pray, or be alone with God again; la­bour to have a constant habitual feeling of your self, [and get as many good thoughts & affections as you can, at all times] so as it may be livelily actual, especially in your seasons of attending upon God; and in them drive on the business of your Soul, as if there were no World; and as if there were nothing else to be minded but that. And if you find your heart gone when the season of seeking God comes; then know that you have in some measure backslid­den and forsaken God; and never leave till you have recovered it. Recall & review often the chief sins of your life that you can remember, [...] ag­gravate [Page 13] gravate them before God in a special manner, [but have your times of confessing & bewailing all the sins that ever you can remember] & think of what sins or course it was that caused God to leave you, to this woful impenitency of heart, & bewail them bitterly. One thing more I must add; Do not think it much to have some special seasons of seeking God, besides those I have named. If you had a friend with whom you might now & then spend a little time in conferring together, in opening your hearts, & presenting your unutterable groanings before God; it would be of excellent use: Such an one would greatly strengthen, bestead, and further you in your way to Heaven. Spend now & then [as occasions will permit] an hour [or so] with such a friend more than ordinary, [some­times a piece of a day, sometimes a whole day of ex­traordinary fast, in striving & wrestling with God for everlasting mercy.] And be much in quickning Conference, giving & taking mutual encouragements and directions in the matters of Heaven! Oh! the life of God that falls into the hearts of the Godly, in and by gracious Heavenly Conference. Be open-hearted one to another, and stand one for another against the Devil & all his Angels. Make it thus your business in these & such like ways, to provide for Eternity, while it is called to day, looking to Jesus the Author and finisher of your Faith. But you will say [it may be] and I speak but what I have found in my own heart, [Dear — I deal plainly with you, as I know you would have me do, and therefore let me suppose it should be said] This is a tedious hard task, and my heart likes not to be so yoaked and toiled in [Page 14] such things: I can take no pleasure therein; and if I should force my self to it for a while, yet it would soon weary me: I have no heart to these things; it may be something might be done in this way, or a­nother might do something: but I have no heart to it.

Answ. 1. Wonder not at this, nor think the worse of that course, because your heart lusteth against it; but think the better of it. For, the better any thing is, and the more instrumental for our Salvation; the more it is opposed by our vile hearts, which are ene­mies to God, & consequently to our own chief good.

2. Confess to God this naughtiness of your heart: beseech him to help you against this Devil, to change your nature, and let this occasion you to see & loath the wickedness of your nature, and be inraged against it. The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth unto envy, but he giveth more grace; Jam. 4.5, 6.

3ly. Consider what is the reason why this way seems so irksome & tedious and you have no heart to it? Is it not because of inward blindness & secu­rity? because you see not things as they be, nor the weight & worth of them? It is an irksome thing to a man to rise out of his bed in the Night, when he lies warm, & knows no danger, nor urgent occasion to rise: but if he awake, and see, his house on fire about his ears, he will make no demur about the mat­ter, but be glad he may rise! Verily, one real glimpse of the wrath of God burning about us, or of Eternity that is a coming; one real glimpse of Gods Anger [lying upon our Souls] which is infinitely above the most awful apprehension of Man or Angel; Oh! this would make us skip at a time to pray in, at an [Page 15] hour to cry out to God for Mercy in, especially if we might do it with any hope of being heard, and saved; as now we may. So that the reason why I have no heart to this course, is not because there is want of rea­son to perswade me, but because I am blind; and I feel my blindness, I know that I do not see things as they be, and therefore I have good reason to be deaf, to the Coun­sel of mine own blind ignorant heart, and to strive by all means to see better; and in the mean time, to believe what I do not see.

4ly. Offer violence therefore to the Kingdom of Hea­ven, and be resolved in this point; let my heart say what it will, let Hell & World be against me: My God I must have! my God I will have! I must get sight of sin, and faith in Christ Jesus; I must make my Salvation sure, or else I am undone for ever; and therefore pray I will, and follow God I will, in despite of the Devil: Unto him will I look, and [in such a Case as this] on him will I wait, who giveth the same spirit of zeal, of indignation against sin & self, as sometimes was in holy Samuel, when he hewed Agag in pieces before the Lord in Gil [...]. Lord, thou hast commanded me to seek thy face, and thy face will I seek: I will not confer with flesh and blood; I will not consult with Carnal reason; but what God bids me do, that will I do, and do it with all my might.

5ly. Know that if you Conscionably attend upon God, he will by degrees make it sweet & easie to you: He will strengthen your heart & hands in your way & work, Isai. 40.31. You will find it a sweet & blessed thing to stand Confessing your sins before God, and emptying your heart in his sight, opening all your Complaints & Soul-Concernments to him: You will find it an happiness that you may pray to the God of Heaven, and have any Communion with him. Our wicked hearts make reli­gious duties irksome; else they are in themselves the sweetest things in the World: Oh! if ever we come to [Page 16] know God aright, we shall account it our happiness that we may do any thing, in way of Service to him, and Communion with him.

6th. Salvation is worth all our labour, be it what it will be: Is it a trifle to be saved Eternally? Do we think to get Heaven by a good wish? or to go thither in a Fea­ther-bed? No, God will make us strive, & sweat, and wrestle for it; and be sure it will quit the Cost! It will never repent us of any Prayer we have made, or tear we have wept, when we come there! Oh! follow not the guise of this secure World, that [in these days] is cast into a dead sleep: Many profess, but few know what it is to work out their own Salvation with fear & trembling. It is another matter to be a Christian indeed, than most make of it: And of those that are sincere & lively, you see but their dark-side, you know not what they are in secret: Follow not example, but follow the Word of God.

Thus I have given you the sum of my thoughts, accor­ding to my measure & manner. I beseech you make some use of this poor Letter, and read it at such times as may most suit you▪ You may have many doubts & difficulties that I do not here touch; but seek God, & he will guide you. As for your outward Condition, follow on in these things, & your trouble for sin & soul misery, will swallow up all other troubles; and future Consolations will sweeten all: And whatsoever may happen to you here, yet hereafter it shall be well with you, and in your wearisome pilgrimage it may be for a Consolation to you, that you shall rejoyce in time to come.

Now the Tender Mercies of God be with you, [Dear —] and the Lord lead you by the hand to his Eternal rest, thro' all sins & sorrows, to his own Glory, and your everlasting Comfort: So I remain,