SECT. I.

COnsider, O my Soul, the Day is near, in which I am to appear at [Page 18]the Table of my Lord! It concerns me to prepare, that I may be a welcome Guest, and a worthy Receiver. To pre­pare!. Tho' the Expression be short, its comprehensive; and I shall find it implies more Work than can be crouded into a little Time, or done with a little Pains. Let me therefore redeem some Time from my Business, at least from my Plea­sures, before the Week be far advanc'd; that unforeseen Occurrences may'nt de­prive me of an Opportunity to dress my Soul for the Glorious Solemnity, and put me upon the unhapy Plunge of missing the Feast, or wanting the Wedding-Gar­ment.

And, O my Soul, exert thy self, let all thy Powers be upon the Stretch. What thou findest to do, do it with all thy Might, that thou mayst not ridiculously trifle a­way that Time, which thou seemest con­scientiously to redeem.

See to it, that in thy Retirements thou be really alone; that the World don't follow thee into thy Closet; or thy [Page 19]Thoughts fly abroad into the World, and leave a Heartless Carcase to enter­tain thy God. If thy Mind ben't fix'd upon the Work before thee, thy Retire­ments will be but solemn Idleness: Or if the World be admitted to put thee by thy Duty, the Closet will be but a more private Compting House.

SECT. II.

LET me now, O my Soul, prepare for my Preparations. Let me lay down the Plan of my Design, that I may not be at a Loss how to manage, but may go regularly on without that Con­fusion of Thought which will lessen the Pleasure and Profit of my Work.

There appears to be several Branches of that Business, which is called by the General Name of Preparation. But be­fore I enter upon Particulars, I would first be deeply possessed of the Necessity [Page 20]of the Duty in General; which will quicken me to the greater Care and Se­riousness in a Business that so well de­serves it.

To this End consider closely, that an unprepar'd Communicant must necess [...] ­rily be an unworthy one. And the Dan­ger of eating and drinking unworthily is represented by St. Paul in very Awful Terms; such a one eats and drinks Dam­nation to himself!

Damnation! Tremble, O my Soul, at the Dismal Thought. Sure it should strike a Chilness into my Blood, and [...] Horror into my Spirit! Can any Tongue express, can any Mind conceive the dire­ful Contents of that Expression? Howe­ver Interpreters may soften it, the Thro [...]t­ning can never be disarm'd: The Thun­der of it must needs put a tender Spirit into Convulsions and Agonies, at least affect him to a very high Degree.

To eat and drink Judgment to ones fel [...] can signify no less than falling under the Displeasure of the Living God. And [Page 21]who knows what it is to be the Object of his angry Resentments, in whose Fa­vour is Life, and whose Wrath is worse than Death? If I eat and drink unwor­thily, the least I can expect is Temporal Strokes; I am in Danger of Spiritual ones, & deserve Eternal Vengeance. In­deed there is Forgiveness with God; but shall I sin because Grace abounds? At that Rate, I may venture In Defiance of that Word, Whoremongers and Adulterers God will Judge, &c. or commit the worst of Villanies, because God is good, and plen [...]us in Mercy.

Nor yet shall this Thought deter me from my Duty; for upon the same Prin­ciple I must abstain from Hearing, be­cause that will aggravate my Condem­nation if I am found disobedient. The Prayer of the wicked is an Abomination: Yea, the Plougbing of the Wicked is Sin; and shall I therefore forsake the Publick Worship of God, or neglect the Business of my particular Calling?

[Page 22] But, O my Soul, let this Thought af­fect thee, so as to quicken thy Endea­vours, that thou mayst be admitted to the Lord's Table, as a worthy Receiver, and return rejoycing in the God of thy Sal­vation. Let the Hopes of this put Life into thy Attempts. Think and think a gain, how vast will be the Advantage of worthy Receiving. What Words can ex­press the Blessed Consequences of a Re­gular Attendance at the Lord's Table?

I may expect to have my Faith strengthned by the Representation of my Lord's Sufferings; I may hope to have my Love to him enflam'd by the Remem­brance of his expensive Love to me; my Resolutions confirm'd, my Mind more Spi­ritualiz'd, and my whole Conversation made more Regular. I may meet with sweet Peace, and strong Consolation; yea, perhaps with Rapturous Joy, Joy unspeakable and full of Glo­ry. 1 Pet. 1.8. Something that shall prove a Cordial under the future Troubles of Life, and in the Agories of Death too. [Page 23]I may there meet with Him whom my Soul loves, and have such Tokens of his Love as shall in the Remembrance prove a Continual Feast.

But however, if I am sincere, I shall not be wholly disappointed: My Labour shall not be in vain in the Lord. I shall get real good, if not sensible; if not present, yet certain. I shall reap what I sow, tho' it be long first. The Harvest will be sure, tho' late; and then I shall have an abundant Recompence for all the Fatigue of the Seed-Time.

Come then, O my Soul, up and be doing, spare no Pains in a Matter that deserves the utmost Diligence, and will well reward it: And that thou mayst not do this important Work negligently, lift up thy Heart to the Father of Spirits, without whose gracious Influences thou canst do nothing.

SECT. III.

LET a Man examine himself, and so let him eat, says the Inspir'd A­postle: Come then O my Soul, call thy self to an Account, whether thou art in any Measure that which God expects e­very Worthy Communicant should be.

Have I Knowledge to diseern the Lord's Body? Am I appriz'd of the Nature and End of this Ordinance? Has not the Mi­nister bestow'd upon me Labour in vain, when he opened these Mysteries to me? Has what I have read and heard about this Matter, given me a tolerable Notion of it? I know, a Man may have Know­ledge enough, and yet eat and drink un­worthily; but yet without some good Measure of Understanding, he can't be an acceptable Communicant.

Do I therefore understand the Nature of the Gospel Covenant, the Covenant of Grace, of which the Sacraments are Seals?

Do I know how the first Covenant [Page 26]was broken, into what a sad Condition the Fall of our First Parents brought their wretched Offspring? How it pleased God in Infinite Mercy, to enter into a New Covenant, thro' a Redeemer, in which he has provided for his own Ho­nour and our Happiness? Do I under­stand who is the Mediator, what the Blessings, and what the Terms of this Co­venant?

Do I understand the Relation that this Sacrament bears to that Covenant? That it's instituted by the Mediator, to whom all Power is given, both [...] in Heaven and Earth, That Mat. 28.18. its design'd to represent the [...] Blessings He has purchas'd, with the Manner in which they were procur'd and are apply'd: That I am at the Lord's Table to shew forth his Death: That the broken Bread represents his Body, which was broken for us; and the Wine, his precious Blood, which was shed for us. Our eating that Bread, and drinking that Cup, signifys that Fiducial Feeding upon [Page 27]him, who is that (and more) to our Souls, that Broad, the Staff of Life, and Wine that chears the Heart, is to our Bo­dys?

Do I understand how it Seals the Co­venant to every worthy Receiver? How hereby God obliges himself to be their God, to pardon their Sins, sanctify their Souls, and at last bring 'em to Eternal Happiness and Glory. How herein they engage themselves to Him, thankfully accepting what he offers, and chearfully complying with what he demands. That herein we open our Mouths to God, and swear, that we will be his, in the Bonds of an Everlasting Covenant, that shall not be forgotten; accepting him, and resigning our selves.

Do I know of what Advantage this Ordinance is to every Worthy Commu­nicant? How it is design'd to confirm their Faith, to enflame their Love, purify their Consciences, and comfort their Souls.

Do I understand how it produces [Page 28]these Effects? not in a Natural Way, nor meerly in a Moral One; but by the Pow­erful Influences of the Spirit, dispensed, and to be expected in a Devout Atten­dance upon the Appointments of Infi­nite Wisdom and Goodness? Let me put to my own Soul that Question which my Saviour put to his Disciples, Hast thou understood all these Things?

I must confess, my apprehensions of these Things are too dark and confus'd; but I dare not deny the Grace of God, who has given me some Acquaintance with these Awful Mysteries. And I hope I do desire to improve in Know­ledge, and am willing to receive Instruc­tion.

‘And O that God would teach me what I yet know not, and lead me far­ther into the Knowledge of all necessa­ry Truth! Oh that he would shew me his Covenant; Psal. 25. and help me to grow in Grace, 2 Pet. 3. and in the Knowledge of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ! [Page 29]That he would reveal to me, by his Spirit, those deep Things of God,1 Cor. 2. which the Natural Man receiveth not, because they are Spiritually discern'd. O Fa­ther of Lights, Eph. 3. who givest Wisdom liberally, and upbraid­est not; make me to know the Love of Christ, which passeth Knowledge; and help me to comprehend with all Saints, the Breadth, and Length, and Depth, and Height of it. Amen.’

SECT. IV.

COnsider, O my Soul, that meer Knowledg is not a sufficient Qua­lification for the Holy Communion. If I have Knowledg to discern the Lord's Body, and want Faith to feed upon him, I shall return from his Table disappoin­ted and asham'd. My Blessed Lord has told me, that Except I eat his Flesh, John 6. and drink his Blood, I have no Life in me. Now this I know, must be by Faith, not after a [Page 30]Corporal and Carnal Manner: Let me therefore put that Question to my Soul, which my Saviour put to his Disciples; Where is thy Faith? Do I believe in an unseen Jesus? Can my Soul make her Applications to him, and derive from his Fulness, even Grace for Grace? Am I in any Measure acquainted with this My­stery? And can I understand by any Expe­rience of my own, what the Apostle meant, when he said, I live; yet not I, Gal. 2.20. but Christ liveth in me? What should He do at a Royal Feast, that cannot taste of the Pro­vision? Am I therefore taught of God to believe in Jesus?

‘Lord, I believe, help thou mine Unbe lief! I hope I have tasted that the Lord is gracious. I can remember when I have sat under his Shadow with great Delight, and his Fruit has been sweet unto my Taste. My Soul has follow'd hard after him, and I have Reason to remem­ber his Love more than Wine. But alas! I have too much Occasion for that [Page 31]Prayer, Lord increase my Faith! With­out Controversy, Great is the Mystery of Godliness; and I am too often apt to stumble at the Cross. My Temptati­ons to Unbelief often find me much sorrowful Employment; and at best my Faith is but weak and languid. O my God, Perfect that which is lacking in my Faith; and when I find its Strength, I shall not doubt its Rea­lity?’

SECT. V.

I must also enquire concerning my Re­pentance. An Impenitent Commu­nicant I know, must be an unworthy one. That I am a Sinner, is a Matter past Question, and that as such I am expos'd to the Displeasure of God; so that if he should enter into Judgment with me, I could not stand; is what I know and be­lieve. Yea, that the least Sin I ever com­mitted deserves the Wrath and Curse of God, both in this World, and that which is to come. But all this is general and [Page 32]common; let me therefore, O my Soul, press the Matter close and Home. And,

First, Have I laid these Things to Heart? Have my Convictions been af­fecting? Have I not only known, but felt these Things? Have I been weary and heavy laden under a Sense of Sin? Have I groan'd and trembl'd under the Appre­hension of God's Displeasure? Has De­struction from the Lord been a Terror to me? Has my flesh trembled for fear of Him; and have I been afraid of his Judgments? Yea, have I been asham'd of Sin, as a nauseous, loathsom, filthy Thing, contra­ry to the Nature and Law of God, and my own Happiness too; which consists in Conformity to God, and Enjoyment of him? Has the Remembrance of my Sin fill'd my Heart with Grief, and my Face with shame? Especially considering how it has been committed against a God of Infinite Love and Goodness? Does this Thought give a Peculiar Accent to my Grief, that I have sinn'd against a Blee­ding, Dying Jesus, and a forbearing and [Page 33]forgiving God? And does the Apprehen­sion of pardoning Mercy, thro' a Re­deemer, promote in me the most kind­ly Relentings? according to that, Ezek. 16.63.

In the next Place; Have I been in­fluenc'd by these Convictions to take up a hearty and Sincere Resolution of better Obedience? Do I hate every false Way? and have I a Respect to all God's Commandments? Oh! let me remember, that nothing is Repentance that consists with an Habitual Love to any Sin, or an allowed Aversion to any Instance of Du­ty, or Branch of Holiness? Is my Heart and Life chang'd? He that is the same after Repentance as he was before, can never be accounted a true Penitent.

O my Conscience be faithful: Have I put off the old Man with his lusts, and put on the New Man, which after God is cre­ated in Righteousness and true Holiness?

I hope it is thus with me, in some Measure, that tho' I offend in many Things, I allow my self in nothing, that [Page 34]God in his Word disallows. But alas! my Repentance is far short of what I know it shou'd be, and wish it were.

‘Oh that He, whose Gift Repentance (as well as Faith) is, would carry on the Work which I trust, is begund Lord, open my Eyes, that I may see more of the Evil of Sin. Strike this Heart, this Rock, that it may more freely bleed at the Remembrance of my past Follies: Confirm my Resolutions, that I may have nothing more to do with Idols; but may be stedfast and unmovable, and always abounding in the Work of the Lord. Search me and try me, and see if there be any wicked Way in me, and lead me in the Way Everlasting.’

SECT. VI.

I Must also Examine my self concer­ning my Love, an essential and com­prehensive Grace. If I don't sincerely love the Master of the Blessed Feast, and all the Regular Guests, I can't be wel­come. Come then, O my Soul, is thy [Page 35] Heart circumcised to love the Lord thy God with all thy Heart, Deut. 36.6. and with all thy Soul? This is the First and Great Commandment. Canst thou truly say, that thy Desire is towards Him, and thy Delight in him? Dost thou love, not in Word and in Tongue, 1 John 3.18. but in deed and in Truth? Has He the Pre­heminence in thy Soul? Canst thou say, Whom have I in Heaven but thee, Psal. 73.25. and there is none upon Earth that I can desire besides thee? Is Christ precious to thee beyond Comparison and Competition? And canst thou truly say, Yea, doubtless, I count all Things but Loss, for the Ex­cellency of the Knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord? Phil. 3.8.

Is thy Love to him a Rational Love, the Effect of serious Thought, and deep Conviction of his transcendent Excellen­cy? Has the Spirit of God open'd thy Eyes, to see that He is the Chief of Ten Thousands, and altogether lovely? And [Page 36]thou tell what the Church's Beloved is more than another's Beloved?

Is it a constant and fixed Love? Not a sudden Flash, or transient Passion, but a rooted, settled Thing, a vigorous Flame, which many Waters can't quench, nor the Floods drown it? And tho' thy Love to some dear Creatures may unhappily be more passionate, yet art thou come to a Point, that thou wilt sacrifice the dearest Object, rather than part with Him whom thy Soul loves? But to bring the Matter to a more certain Issue; is thy Love Prac­tical? This is an Infallible Test; for my Lord has said, Ye are my Friends if ye do whatsoever I command you. Joh. 15.14. Dost thou count his Yoak easy, and his Burden light? Are none of his Commandments grievous? Dost thou de­light to do his Will, and hast thou chose his Testimonies, as a Heritage for over? Dost thou find his Love sweetly const [...]in­ing thee to the severest Instances of Self­denial? And art thou fully purpos'd in a better Strength than thy own, that thou [Page 37]wilt fo [...] the lamb whithersoever he goes, what ever it costs thee? If it be thus with thee, thou mayst chearfully say, Lord, thou that knowest all Things, knowest that I love thee.

And as a yet farther Evidence, dost thou love thy Neighbour as thy self? Hast thou a real love for all Men, and a spe­cial, peculiar one for thy fellow Christi­ans? Is there no Man to whom thou dost not most heartily wish well, whatever Provocations he has given thee, or Inju­ries he has done Thee? Tho' thou hast many Enemies, has no Man an Enemy of thee? If there are those that hate thee with a cruel Hatred, canst thou appeal to God, that the Hatred is not mutual and reciprocal? Can'st thou sincerely pray, Forgive our Trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us.

And as to the People of God, dost thou honour and delight in 'em? Hereby we know that we are passed from Death to Life, [...] John 3.14. because we love the Brethren.

[Page 38] Dost thou love every Soul where thou seest the image of Christ? Is not thy Love consin'd to those of thy own Party, or Perswasion? But is it unrestrained and large, as that Catholick Church of which thou art a Member? Does this Love en­gage thee to all proper Acts of Kindness, and Expressions of Brotherly Love? Dost thou pity and help to the utmost of thy Power all those whom Christ calls Bre­thren, with this View, that what thou dost for them, terminates ultimately up­on him, according to Mat. 25? Canst thou read the First Epistle of John, and thy Heart not condemn thee?

I hope my Love is sincere.

SECT. VII.

I Must also examine my self concer­ning my New Obedience. This I know is the ultimate Test of all my Pre­tences. Without it, Faith, Repentance, Love, &c. are empty Names; and insig­nificant Shadows. Is the Will of God my Law? his Word my Rule? and his Glory the end of all my Actions? Do I allow my self in the Commission of no known Sin, or Omission of no known Duty? Is it my constant Care to keep a Conscience void of Offence, both towards God and Man? Can my Closet, my Family, my Shop, my Companions, as well as the Publick Assembly's of God's People, beat me Wit­ness, that notwithstanding my unallow­ed Failings, I do endeavour to walk in all the Ordinances and Commandments of God blameless? Am Iwilling to know my Duty, and careful to do it? Am I thank­ful for Instruction, and Reproof too? And do I count them my Friends that tell me the Truth? Are my remaining [Page 41]Corruptions, and my many Failings, Matter of Humiliation to me? Do I pray for Daily Grace as Heartily as for my Daily Bread, and can I appeal to the Searcher of Hearts, that I am never more in Earnest, than when I pray that I may be perfect in every good Work, Heb. 13 21. to do his Will. That I may be cleansed from all Filthiness, both of Flesh and Spirit, and perfect Holiness in the fear of the Lord. 2 Cor. 7.1. That I may be san­ctify'd wholly, 2 Thes. 5.23. and my whole Spirit, Soul and Body, be pre­served blameless, to the coming of our Lord.

I hope it is thus with me in some Mea­sure.

‘But, O my God, let me not be de­ceiv'd. If my Obedience be feigned, or partial, or Legal, if it do not exceed that of the Scribes and Pharisees; if I have a Form of Godliness without the Power, or a Name to live while I am dead; discover to me the worst of my [Page 42]self, that I may be upon a Right Bot­tom, and may get that Gospel Holiness, without which I cannot see the Lord. If there be a good Work begun, O carry it on to the Day of Jesus! and let the solemn Ordinances I am preparing for, be a Means of my Spiritual Nou­rishment, and Growth in Grace, A­men.’

SECT. VIII.

I Hope I have been Impartial in my Self-Examinations. And tho' upon Review I find abundant Matter for Hu­miliation, yet I cannot co [...]lude my self a Hypocrite, but must entertain some good Hope, thro' Grace, that I am [...] Sin­cere, tho' very Imperfect Christian, and shall be a welcome Guest at my Lord's Table.

That which now remains is, that I put my self in as good a Posture as may be, to meet my Lord at that Solemnity, that I may not provoke his Displeasure, nor baulk my own Exp [...]ctations. To [Page 43]this End I must see that every Grace be in lively & vigorous Exercise, lest having in my Flock a Male, I should Vow and Sacrifice to the Lord a Corrupt Thing. Mal. 1.14.

I am sensible, Faith is a Principal and Leading Grace. It is the Substance (or confident expectation) of Things hoped for, Heb. 11.1. and 6. and the Evidence of Things not seen. Without Faith it is impossible to please God. I cannot question the Being of a God, and the Certainty of a Future State, which are the great Principles of Natural Religion, and presuppos'd to all Reveal­ed. I believe that God is, and that he is the Rewarder of all them that diligently seek Him. But this is not enough; my Lord has said, Ye believe in God, John 14.1. believe also in me. No Knowledge of the only true God is sufficient to Eternal Life, while Men are ignorant of that Je­sus Christ whom He h [...]s sent. John 17.3. Come then, O my Soul, let [Page 44]thy Faith in Him be strong and lively. Have I not abundant Evidence, that Jesus is the Messiah, the Christ of God,John 6.27.3, 39. that Him hath God the Father sealed. The Scriptures of the Old Testament testify of Him. To Him Moses and all the Pro­phets bear Witness. In him there was a full and exact Accomplishment of every Promise and Prediction. In Him are the Substance of all the Legal Shadows, and to Him referr'd all the Types, &c. He was evidently the Promis'd Seed the Shi­loh, the Branch, &c. of the Anti­ent Fathers,Lev. 1. who waited for the Consolation of Israel.

Consider, O my Soul, what a Glori­ous Testimony God bore to Him by a Voice from Heaven, by vast Numbers of great, publick, and uncontested Miracles; and finally, by raising Him from the Dead: Of which He appointed Compe­tent Witnesses, Men of Ability and Inte­grity; who could not be impos'd upon in so plain a Matter, and who could ne­ver [Page 45]be suppos [...] [...] practice upon the World [...] [...]re was no Interest in View that should engage 'em in so base a Design. And it's utterly impossible that Men in their Wits should be guilty of the Blackest Villany, in Prospect of nothing but Misery and Ruin. Besides, did not God also bear them Witness, Heb. 2.4. both with Signs and Wonders, and divers Miracles, and Gifts of the Holy Ghost? To which may be added this other Consideration; That that Doctrine must needs be from God, which has so visible and peculiar a Tendency to make Men God-like, in the Temper of their Minds, and Course of their Actions. That Gospel must needs be the Grace of God which teaches us so effectually, that denying Un­godliness, Tit. 2 11, 12. and all Worldly Lusts, we should live Soberly, Righ­teously and Godly, in this present evil World. I find by the Records of past Ages, and the Observations I have made in the Compass of my own Acquain­tance, [Page 46]That the best Christians have been the best Men. And, O my Soul canst thou not bear thine own Testimony, that the In­terest of God in thee, bears a constant Proportion to the Measure of thy Faith in Christ Jesus? Dost thou not always find, that when thy Faith is ready to fail, the good Things that remain are rea­dy to die? And on the contrary, Is thy Heart ever so pure, and thy Life so clean, as when thy Faith is vigorous and live­ly? Now can any thing be more incredi­ble, than that the Great God should make use of an Imposture to renew his own I­mage upon the Souls of Men? I will as soon believe any Absurdity, as that the most Holy God should erect and support his Kingdom in the World by a Lye, and destroy the Interest of the Devil, by Arts and Methods perfectly Hellish and Diabolical.

Come then O my Soul, be strong in Faith, Rom. 4.20. giving Glory to God. It's true, Believing is hard Work; but consider whence the [Page 47]Difficultys arise! from a Corrupt Heart, and a Malicious Enemy: And let this Thought be a further Evidence to the Credibility of the Doctrine of the Cross. Why should a base Heart, and a busy Devil, make such mighty Opposition to the Work of Faith? If it were not the Work of God, the Enemys of God would never make such Efforts to hinder it: The Devil would cherish his own Creature: The World would love its own, and the Flesh would never express such a Re­luctancy against the Gospel, if it were not Spiritual in its Tendency, and Di­vine in its Original. Therefore, O my Soul, let me form Arguments out of Dif­ficultys, and Pave my Way with the ve­ry Stumbling Blocks that are thrown in it.

It is indeed an astonishing Thought that God should become M [...]n, and that Man die: Without Controver­sy, 1 Tim. 3.16. great is the Mystery of God­liness, &c. But let not this stagger thee. Consider seriously that the [Page 48]more awful & surprizing the Mysteries of the Gospel are, the more likely they are to be from God? who can scarce be sup­pos'd to declare any Thing but what was extraordinary, and out of the Reach of unassisted Reason, with such a solemn Pomp, annd Train of mighty Works, as were wrought to confirm the Mission of our Lord. It would have been Matter of Suspicion, if Christ and his Disciples had preach'd nothing but what the Pagan Philosophers taught, and the Jewish Doc­tors owned. And it should recommend the Doctrine of Christ to a consider­ing unprejudic'd Mind, that it was to the Jews a Stum­bling-Block, 1 Cor. 1.23. to the Greeks Fool­ishness.

Are not these Things so? Come then, O my Soul, believe and be esta­blished.

But, O wretched Man that I am, VVho shall deliver me from this evil Heart of Unbelief? It is not bare External Evi­dence that will produce a Divine Faith. [Page 49]Faith I know is the Work, the mighty Work of God, and produc'd in the Heart by no less Power than that which rais'd up Jesus from the Dead. Ep. 1.19.28. It is not of our selves; it is the Gift of God.

‘And therefore, O my God, I turn me unto thee, in whose Hand my Heart is, and who canst prevail against the united Force of my confederate Ene­mies; and not only begin, but carry on the VVork of Faith with Power. I be­lieve, Lord help mine Unbelief, and per­fect that which is lacking in my Faith. Not only propose the Object, but open my Eyes, that I may no more questi­on what the Gospel reveals than what my Eyes see; that believing in him whom I do not see, I may rejoyce with Joy unspeakable and full of Glory.’

CECT. IX.

I Must also remember my Lord in the Exercise of Holy Love, And, O my Soul, if thou dost believe, thou canst not [Page 50]chuse but love. View thy Lord in his Glory and Beauty: Confider Him as the Brightness of his Fa­ther's Glory, Heb. 1. and the express I­mage of his Person; think of him as the chief of Ten Thousands, and altogether love­ly; as one whom all Created Brightness, Sweetness, Purity and Perfection, does but faintly represent; as one in whom all that's lovely meets and triumphs; as one whom the highest Angels worship, and by whom the most shining Seraphs are Eclips'd, who yet adore prostrate, and veil before him with more Exultation and Rapture than they would govern a Thou­sand Worlds. Think of him as one whose Glorys no Thought can reach, nor Words express; and whom the Multitude of the Heavenly-Host will view with e­verlasting Surprize and Admiration, as an Object ever new, and infinitely entertain­ing; and as desiring no farther Happiness than to be with him where he is, and behold his Glory. John 17.24.

And, O my Soul, consider [Page 51]that this Glorious Person, who is in him­self so infinitely lovely, has been Infinite­ly kind to thee! Need this be prov'd, or can the Instances of it be forgotten? Did not his Love to thee appear beyond all Con­tradiction, in his Incarnation, Birth, suf­ferings and Death, with all the Circum­stances of Humility that attended his Pas­sage thro' this Vale of Tears, this waste & howling VVilderness, to that Better Coun­try, where he is still mindful of his Peo­ple, as ever living to make Intercession for 'em? He loved thee before thou or Time were. He lov'd thee when he was on Earth, with a Love stronger than Death, which many Waters could not quench, nor Floods drown. He loves thee now he is in Heaven; & tho' he be exalted to the high­est Dignity, far above [...] Principalitys and Powers, and sits at the Right Hand of God as Lord of all, yet hast thou the same Place in his Heart, and the same Share in his Affectionate Remembrances. Long Absence, great Distance, high Pre­ferment, Multiplicity of Affairs, which [Page 52]impair common Friendship, have no Influ­ence [...]e. Having loved his own which were in the VVorld, John 13.1. he does and will love them to the End; and that with a Love more Constant, Steady and Regular, than the Revolutions of the Heavenly Bodys, & settled Course of Nature. Nor is this Love of his an Empty Name. Consider, O my Soul, the Glorious Effects of it. 'Tis a Love big with Blessings; Blessings which no Tongue can represent, and no­thing here below resemble, but with a great deal of Faintness and Imperfection.Rev. 1.5. He has loved me and washed me from my Sins in his Blood. He was made Sin for me that I might become the Righteousness of God in him. 2 Cor. 5. He was wounded for my Transgressions, and bruised for mine Iniqui­tys, the Chastisement of my Peace was upon him, and by his Stripes I am healed. Isaiah 53.3. Being justified by Faith, I have Peace with God Rom [...]. [Page 53] him, and by him Access with Boldness to the Throne of Grace. Heb. 4. To his Expensive Love, as the Meritorious Cause, I owe my Regenera­tion; that I am begotten again to a lively Hope: My Adoption, that I am call'd a Child of God: My Sanctification, my Peace, Comfort and Joy; and finally, my Hopes of Eternal Life; which is all that Heart can wish, and Ten Thousand, Thousand Times more; for the Things which God hath prepared for them that. 1 Cor. 2.9. love him, have not enter'd into the Heart of Man.

Nor let me, O my Soul, forget who is the unworthy Object of all this Glori­ous Love, What am I, and what is my Father's House, that I should be thus highly favour'd? That the Prince of Life, the Living God, should set his Heart up­on such a Dead Dog! That a vile Worm, sinful Dust and Ashes, shou'd be so regar­ded by him whom all the Angels worship, Heb. 1, whom the whole Creation obeys, and in Com­parison [Page 54]of whom all Created Beings are as the Drop of a Bucket, and the small Dust of a Ballance! Nothing, yea less than no­thing, and Vanity! Behold what manner of Love is this! Expression is at a Loss, and silent Admiration must supply its Place.

Now, does not this Love deserve Love? Whence is it, O my Soul, that thou art no more affected? That in these Musings the Fire burns no more? One would think, that upon such a Subject, serious Thought should exalt even a Spark of Love into a Flame of Transport and Extasy! and whence is all this Cold­ness?

Oh 'tis from my Evil Heart of Unbe­lief! The Things are so great that they even exceed Belief! But let me consider that Gods Ways are not as ours, nor his Thoughts as ours, Isa. 55.8, 9. but [...]ore above 'em than the Hea­ [...] are above the Earth! and that his Be­n [...]s are in suitable Proportion to his own Greatness. Royal Favours use to be vast and magnificent: They give like [Page 55]Kings; and what less can be expected from the King of Kings, the Infinite Ma­jesty of Heaven and Earth, than what he has pleas'd to appoint for his Favourites! And the more mean the Objects of his Love are, the more Glorious his Bounty! The lower his Goodness stoops, the high­er it rises! But that it should stoop so low as me, the least, and less than the least of all Saints, nay the very Chief of Sinners; This, this staggers my Faith, and makes me ready to cry out, It's im­possible, it can never be, That God should love such a Worm, such a Devil as I am! A vile Traitor, that have bro­ken his Laws, despis'd his Grace, quench­ed his Spirit, trampled under Foot his Son! an ungracious Dog, that has turn'd his Grace into VVantonness, and continued in Sin in spite of all Reclaiming Methods! A Backsliding, Treacherous, perjur'd Beast! and under the Convictions of all this no more mov'd than a Clod or Rock! a stu­pid Hard-hearted Sinner! This I must confess I find difficult to believe; and [Page 56]when I can hope, I wonder at my self that I can venture to do it; and adore the Grace and Merey of God, that I han't long ago been a Cain or Judas, or at least a Spira, a Magor Missabib, a Ter­ror to my self and all about me, by Rea­son of the Blackness and Horror of my Despair!

And yet here Infinite Mercy, and In­finite Merit, are a Relief! I will believe that there is Mercy for the worst, be­cause God has said it, and won't venture to except my self, because God han't done it. All things are possible with God; Luke 7.42 he can forgive frank­ly Ten Thousand Talents as well as a few Pence: And he will forgive manifold Iniquities, and mighty Sins, to e­very penitent, humble, willing Soul. I must not deny the Grace of God, and therefore if I do avouch this Character, consequently I must believe.

And then how can I chuse but love? Oh my Soul, fall with the lowest Pro­strations, at the Feet of thy dearest Je­sus; [Page 57]and if thou canst do no better, exp [...]ess thy Love by Sighs and Blushes, that thou canst love him no more.

‘But, Lord, I may Expostulate with my self till I am weary, if thy Grace be with-held, and thy Spirit deny'd! O shed abroad thy Love in my Heart, by the Holy Ghost given unto me; Strike this Rock and it shall melt, breath upon this Clod and it will warm. Draw me and I shall run after thee. I cannot say that I do love thee, but I am sure I can say that I would love thee. This Thou knowest, that knowest all Things. I can appeal to thee, that if I might have my wish, I would love thee better than e­ver a Saint on Earth, yea than ever an Angel in Heaven does. I had rather love thee as I ought to love thee than be Master of all the Treasures on Earth; rather than have all the Monarchs of it at my Feet, rather than have all that the World admires, at my Disposal. I had rather (Lord thou knowst) die in an Extasy of holy Love, and breath [Page 58]out my Soul into the Arms of the Ho­ly Jesus, than live Ten Millions of Years; yea to all Eternity, in the Ful­ness of all Created Enjoyments. O my God, is not this a Request after thine own Heart, when I pray that I may love thee with all my Soul, and that I may not be most flat and heavy, cold and Lifeless, at that Solemnity where are the Memorials of the choicest and most glorious Love that was ever known or heard of.’

SECT. X.

I Must also, at the Lord's Table, be in a Penitent Frame. The Remembrance of my Lord's Dying Love must melt my Heart into a Kindly Sorrow for those Sins which wounded and slew him.John 53.10. His Soul was made an Offering for my Sin, and shall not my Heart bleed at the Thought of that bitter Cup in which my Sins were, deadly Ingredients, and which for my Sake [...] drank off, even to the very [Page 59]Dregs! O my Soul, when I remember my Saviour, I must penitently remember my Sins, from which he dy'd to save me. My Sins! How wide a Field! How vast a Subject! I am amaz'd, and stagger at the General Prospect, and must be swal­lowed up and lost in Particulars! Where shall I begin, and where shall I end? In­deed I may begin at the Root. Behold I was shapen in Iniquity, Psal. 51.5, and in Sin did my Mother con­ceive me! But the numerous Branches ex­ [...]ed Calculation! I know not the Numbers thereof! The Commandment of God is exceed­ing Broad, and in Proportion to it I must estimate my Guilt! What Commandment have I not broken? In what Instance have I not offended? As to my Sins of Ignorance, and common Frailtys, I must only sigh and say, Who can un­derstand his Errors? Psal. 19.12. For to re­member and [...]ment my grosser Follys will be a long, as well as sorrow­ful Employment, and take up more Time than my Circumstances can allow. But, [Page 60]O my Soul, I charge thee mourn over the more Heinous Offences of thy Life. Read over thy Kalender, and drop a Tear upon the Black Days there.Bp. Wilkins.

N. Here call sorrowfully to Mind such particular Sins as have been more especially Heinous.

And tho' I hope God has forgiven thee, yet, O my Soul, never forgive thy self. O what shall I say! I blush, Ezra 9.6, and am asham'd to list up my Face to thee my God! I could have no Peace, no Patience, no Hope were it not for such a Word as that:1 John 1.7 The Blood of Jesus Christ, his Son, cleanses from all Sin.

I would also particularly review my Conversation since the last Sacrament: And here I can find Matter enough for Shame and Grief. Oh! Wretch that I am how unsuitable has my Conversation, [Page 61]been to the Profession and Engagements I so lately made, and the sweet Experi­ences I so much rejoye'd in, and seem'd so thankful for!

N. Here fix your Thoughts upon the gros­ser Follys of the preceding Month.

Was such an Action becoming what thou didst so lately, at the Lord's Table, pretend and promise? Was such a Ma­nagement worthy of a Christian, and be­coming a Communicant? Did the Indul­gence of such a Fleshly Lust become a Disciple of the Holy Jesus the Immacu­late Lamb of God? Did it become a Sheep of Christ's Flock, to wallow like a Swine in that Mire? Was that Pride, that Passi­on, that Malice, Envy, and Uncharita­bleness, suitable to thy solemn Profession of retaining to him who came to destroy the Works of the Devil? Remem­ber and be confounded, ¹ and ne­ver open thy Mouth any more because of thy Shame! Surely I am more [Page 62]bruitish than any Man, and have not the Understanding of a Man!

And, O my Soul, shall not the Time past suffice thee to1 Pet. 4.3. have acted so inconsistently and unaccountably? Surely it becomes me to say, If I have done Iniquity I will do so no more. Let these be my sincere Re­solutions, and let me, at the Lord's Table, bind my self in fresh Bonds, that my [...]u­ture Walk shall be more Circumspect; that my Devotions shall be more Regular, my Dealings more Just, my Charity more Extensive, and my Whole Conversation more Spiritual.

‘O my God, this is my full Purpose; but let me not want that Grace which alone is sufficient for me. Give me true Repentance, let me take up sincere Re­solutions, and let the Uprightness of my Heart in both, appear in a suitable Behaviour for Time to come. So be it for Jesus Sake.’

SECT. I.

NOW, O my Soul, the good Hand of God upon thee has brought thee into his House, and set thee at his Table! Behold all things are ready! See to it that thou be ready to meet and en­tertain thy Lord.

‘Awake: O North Wind and come thou South,Cant, 4.16. blow upon my Garden that the Spices thereof may flow out. Let my Beloved come into his Garden, and eat his pleasant Fruits. When the King comes in to see his Guests,Mat. 22.11. may not I be the Man that wants a Wed­ding Garment?’

[Page 64] 'Tis an Awful Solemnity! O my Soul, approach with Reverence and Godly Fear. This is none other but the House of God, Gen. 28.17. and this is the Gate of Heaven. Let my Frame be sui­table, Spiritual and Heavenly.

SECT. II. While the Minister is breaking the Bread.

THUS was the Body of my Lord broken! It pleased the Lord to bruise him, and put him to Grief! Isa. 53.10.5.

He was bruised for our In­iquity's!

Oh let me view the Representation of his Broken Body, with a Broken Heart, and a Contrite Spirit!

Hard indeed must that Heart be which such a Sight will not affect!

Methinks I see his precious Body scourged and pierc'd! It's an affecting Thought, that perfect Innocence should be thus treated! But when I consider that this Innocent Lamb was at the same Time God over all blessed for ever, and that he underwent all this for me, what must my Heart be, if it ben't affected!

And while his Body was thus bruised, [Page 66]the Iron enter'd into his Soul: Who can imagine what our Lord felt, when he cry'd out, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

See here what an evil and bitter Thing Sin is, and how abominable in the Sight of God, when no less a Sacrifice could appease incensed Justice!

Here is Grace! Here is Love! That God should prepare his own Son a Body, and that in that Body he should bear our Sins on the Tree! 1 Pet. 2.24.

SECT. III. While the Minister is pouring out of the Wine.

THUS was my. Lord [...]s Blood shed for me!

We are redeem'd, not with Corruptible Things, 1 Pét. 1.19. as Silver and Gold; but with the precious Blood of Christ, as of a Lamb without Blemish and without Spot.

[Page 67] If the Blood of Bulls and Goats sanctifieth to the purifying of the flesh, Heb. 9.13, 14. how much more shall the Blood of him who thro' the Eternal Spirit offer'd himself without Spot, to God, Purge your Consciences from dead Works, to serve the living God?

Oh let me view a Bleeding Jesus with a Bleeding Heart!

Behold the Fountain set open for Sin and for Uncleanness! 1 John 1.7. The blood of Jesus Christ clean­ses from all Sin.

Approach, apply, O my Soul, wash and be clean. Purge with this Hyssop, Psal. 51.7. and thou shalt be clean; wash in this Laver, and thou shalt be whiter than the Snow.

What may not be expected from the Blood of God? Acts 20.28. The Blood of him that was God?

Oh how freely did he let out his Blood! View with Transport those Streams of Love, and think how much thou owest to him that so freely said down his Life for thee!

SECT. IV. Taking the Bread, &c.

BLessed Jesus, Thou art that Bread of Life. John 6.48. Thy Broken Body is food for Souls.John 6.49. Oh let me by Faith Eat and live, Eat and never die. John 6.59.

‘When Judas took the Sop Satan entr'd into him. Lord grant, that as I receive this Bread, Christ may enter, and take an Eternal Possession of my Soul.’

Now, O my Soul, take a whole Jesus [Page 69]with a whole Heart, for a whole Salva­tion.

Lord, I am not worthy thou shouldst come under my Roof.

I am indeed infinitely unworthy; but I hope, thro' Grace, not utterly unwilling.

O were but my Appetite to this Spi­titual Food equal to my Need of it, how wide would my Soul open her Mouth, Psal. 81. and how full would she be fill'd!

His Flesh is Meat indeed. John 6.55.

[Page 70] O my Soul, accept and resign; take a Jesus and surrender thy self. My Lord and my God, I am thine, save me.

I avouch the Lord this Day to be my God. His I am, Acts. 27.23 [...] and Him I'll serve.

Blessed be the God and Fa­ther of our Lord Jesus Christ, Ephes. 1.3. who hath blessed us with all Spi­ritual Blessings, in Heavenly Places, in Christ.

Blessed be God for Jesus Christ.

Thanks be to God for his unspeakable Gift.

SECT. V. Taking the Cup, &c.

THis Cup is the New Tes­tament in my Lord's Blood! 1 Cor. 30.25.

I will take the Cup of Salvation, and pay my Vows.

Christ's Blood is Drink in­deed! John 6.5 [...].

[Page 71] I take this Cup of Blessing, and O a­dored be his Love that was made a Curse for me,Gal. 3.13. that he might fill this Cup with Bles­sing.

O how freely did my Lord drink of the Brook in the Way! Psal. 110. Remember O my Soul, that Love which made him say,John 18.11. The Cup which my Father hath given me shall I not drink it? It was a bitter Cup to him, and yet he drank the very Dregs of it. It is a Cup of Bles­sing to me, and shall I not chearfully drink of it in Remembrance of Him?

Blessed Jesus, Thou hast drank at the Hand of the Lord, John 51.17. the Cup of his Fury: Thou hast drun­ken the Dregs of the Cup of Trembling, and wrung them out; and hast put into my Hand this Cup of Consolation. Behold what manner of Love!

O precious Blood, that cleanses from all Sin!

Drink, O my Soul, and remember Jesus.

[Page 72] Drink, and mourn over thy Sins and Follys.

Drink, and receive thy Pardon.

Drink, and renew thy Covenant.

Drink, and forget thy Sorrows.

Drink, and forgive thy Enemies.

Drink, and triumph over the Ad­versaries of thy Soul.

Drink, and rejoyce in hope of the Glory of God.

Blessed Jesus, I will remem­ber thy Love more than Wine. Cant. 1.4.

Unto him that hath loved us, Rev. 1.5, 6. and washed us from our Sins in his Blood, and hath made us Kings and Priests unto God, and his Fa­ther. To him be Glory and Dominion. for ever and ever. Amen.

Blessed be God for Jesus Christ.

Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable Gift.

SECT. VI. At the Conclusion of the Ordinance,Rev. 5, 12

WOrthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive [Page 73]Power, and Riches, and Wisdom, and Strength, and Honour, and Glory, and Bles­sing.

Blessing, Honour, Glory and Power, 13. be unto him that fitteth upon the Throne, and unto the Lamb, for ever and ever.

How amiable are thy Taberna­cles, Psal. 84.1. O Lord of Hosts! Blessed are they that dwell in thy Courts. 4.

A Day in thy Courts is better than a Thousand. I had rather be a Doorkeeper in the House of my God, than to dwell in the Tents of Wick­edness. 10.

And, O my Soul, if this Hour has been so sweet, while I beheld the King in his Glory, and the Land which is afar off, tho' it were as in a Glass darkly, what will an Eternity in Heaven be! When I shall see him as he is, and know as I am al­so known; When I shall be with him where he is, and behold his Glory! Make haste O my Beloved.

[Page 74] Thus I must remember my Lord 'till he comes. Blessed be God for such an Ordinance. But O that my Soul could even break for the Longing I have for that Second Coming;Heb. 9.28. when He shall appear to them that look for him, without Sin unto Salvation.

He has said, Behold I come quickly; even so Lord Jesus, Rev. 22.20. come quickly.

In the mean Time, O my Soul, re­member where thou hast been, and what▪ thou hast been doing.

Thou hast open'd thy Mouth to the Lord, and must not go back. Thou hast bound thy Soul with an Oath. Thou hast sworn, and must perform it, to keep his righteous Judgments.

Thou hast avouched, this Day, the Lord to be thy God. Be true to Him. Let Him alone be Exalted in thy Soul. Be for Him, and not for another.

‘Now, O my God, I bless thee for the Liberty of thy House. I bless thee for the Aids of thy Spirit. The Shame [Page 75]of my Misbehaviour I take to my self; but all the Praise I give to thee. Oh by thy Grace help me, as I have received Christ Jesus the Lord, Col. 2.6. so to walk in Him, that where he is I, his unworthy Ser­vant, may also be. Amen, and Amen.’

SECT. I, When the Ordinance has been comfortable.

BLess the Lord, O my Soul, & all that is within me, Psal. 103.1.7.4, 5. Bless his holy Name. Bless the Lord, O my Soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who crowneth thee with loving Kindness, and tender Mercies: Who satisfieth thy Mouth with good things.

How Thankful ought I to be, that the Doors of God's House have been [Page 76]open to me, and that I have had the Freedom of his Table! Whence is this to me, that I who have long ago deserv'd to be shut up among the Spirits in Pri­son, and fed with the Bread of Affliction, and Water of Affliction, should be admit­ted a Guest at such a Feast! A Feast of fat things, and of Wines upon the Lees, well refined! That I should see the King in his Glory, and sit with him at his Table, who might have expected e'er now to have been banish'd for ever from his Presence, and have heard that killing Wood, See my Face no more!

Blessed be God, that he let me live to see this Day, this Joyful Day! That I was not prevented by a surprising Stroke, and led Captive by Death into the Chambers of that House appointed for all living, long before this!

Blessed be his Name, that I have been suffer'd to live no longer in the Neglect of such a sweet and profitable Ordi­nance! That he convinc'd me of my Du­ty, brought me to Resolve, and confirm'd [Page 77]my Resolutions! so that in spite of all the Malice of Satan, I have given up my self to the Lord, 2 Cor. 8.5. and to his Church, by the Will of God. This is what I had design'd once and again, but Satan hindered. Bles­sed be the Captain of my Salvation, that he has hinder'd no longer! That all the mighty Host of Objections he had muster'd up, could not deter me from my Duty;Psal. 110. that I was willing in the Day of his Power.

Blessed be God that my Natural Sloth, and Love of Ease, did not make me baulk a Duty which re­quires Industry, and Laborious Appli­cation, in proparing for it: That my Ea­gerness after the World did not make me grudge the Time which a worthy Communicant must redeem from his Se­cular Affairs, for this Solemn Service. Especially that my unbelieving Doubts and Scruples, Fears and Jealousies, did not put me by my Duty, under Appre­hensions of Unfitness and Unworthiness.

[Page 78] I am also bound to praise Him for the Assistance of his Holy Spirit and Grace, That my Mind was in any Measure compos'd; That the Desire of my Soul was towards Him, and the Remembrance of his Name: That I have Reason to hope I was sincere, and acted in the Integrity of my Heart: Tho' I must blush that I did no better; I must bless Him I did so well. Not I but the Grace of God with me. Not unto us Lord, not unto us.

But O my Soul, don't let thy Grati­tude be only in General Terms: Review the whole Affair, and be particular in thy Acknowledgments. There may be great Love express'd in Circumstances seemingly minute, the Recollection of which may afford great Delight, and does demand a grateful Resentment.

I am bound to bless my God, that by his Kind Providence he brought me to that Banquetting-House, Cant. 2.4. where his Banner over me was Love. That the Doors of his Sanctuary were open: That my Lot is [Page 79]not cast in those Places where the Syna­gogues of God are destroy'd, his Ministers driven into Corners, and devout Souls forc'd to gather the Heavenly Manna, their Spiritual Food, with the Peril of their Lives. Blessed be God that by the Favour of our Governours (whom the Lord bless and preserve) we may assem­ble together, and none make us affraid: That He prepares a Table for us in the Presence of our Ene­mies: Psal. 23 5. And if the Sons of Be­lial malign and curse us, they cannot destroy us, nay dare not disturb us. Bles­sed be God they can't insult us and say, Where is now your God? We may now go with the Multitude, go to the House of God with the Voice of Joy and Praise, Psal. 42.3, 4. with the Multi­tude that keep Holy-Day. Blessed be his Name, that we who can boldly avouch our selves to be of those that are quiet in the Land; Psal. 35.20. are al­lowed to enjoy our Native Rights, and are not by the Rulers coun­ted [Page 80]Disturbers of the Publick Peace, or Hurtful to Kings. Ezra 4 15.

I must also praise Him, that no Evil befel me, nor Plague came nigh my Dwelling, which might have shut me up, tho' the Doors of his House were open: That my House was not shut up, and a Lord have Mercy, writ over it: That no Evil Disease cleaved to me;Psal. 41.8.38.7. nor were my Loins fil­led with a loathsome Disease, which should have confin'd me to my Bed, or Chamber, and forbid my going up to the House of the Lord: That the Se­cret of God was upon my Tabernacle, and no sore Calamity befel me, that would have unhing'd my Mind, and made me unca­pable of attending at the Ordinance, with any Composure and Devotion. Bles­sed be God that I had not Occasion for Aaron's Apology, when he had neglected to eat the Sin-Offering in the Holy Place, &c. and Moses Expostulated with Him upon it. Such things have befallen me, Levit. 10.19. and if I had eaten the Sin-Offering to Day, [Page 81]should it have been accepted in the Sight of the Lord? Especially I would be thank­ful that God did not with-draw his Spi­rit, unchain the Devil, and let loose my Corruption, so that being overtaken with some Heinous Fault, or harass'd with some grievous Temptation, I should not have dar'd to approach to the Jealous God in that Holy Ordinance! but my Place must needs he Empty, because an accusing Devil, and condemning Consci­ence, would clamour and say, He is not clean, 1 Sam: 20.26. surely he is not clean!

I would also praise my God that I was not disappointed by his Hand upon the Minister the Steward of these Mysteries; that Sickness, or other Calamities, did not disable him for his Master's Service: That God was with him, according to his kind Promise: That Christ Jesus was with his Spirit, and gave him the Tongue of the Learned to speak a World in Season. How awfully did he warn us that we should not presume to approach without [Page 82]the Wedding-Garment! How sweetly did he encourage every devout and willing Soul, to come with Beldness to the Throne of Grace, and by Faith to draw Water out of the Wells of Salvation! How pathetically did he represent the Suffer­ings of our Lord! How earnestly press Faith in his Blood, and Conformity to his Death How passionately did he recom­mend his Example, and encourage Ʋni­versal. Obedience, by displaying the Happiness of those that serve and follow him; who shall be with Him where he is, and behold his Glory! How fervently did he pray for the Effusion of the Holy Spi­rit upon every sincere Soul! That God would remember us, from the greatest to the least, with the Love which he bears to his own, and visit us with his Salvation; that never a Communicant at that Table might be missing at the Right Hand of Christ another Day! That we might all sit down with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, in the Kingdom of God, and enter into that Rest which remains for the People of [Page 83]God! Blessed be God that his Mouth was not shut, nor his Spirit straitned, as a just Punnishment of my Sins, whereby I have provok'd him to abridge me of those Privileges I have so wretchedly misimprov'd!

I must also bless his Name, that He did not deny his Grace, nor with-hold his Spirit, when I approach'd his Table: altho' my Preparations were so short, so vastly below the Standard of the Sanctu­ary, and my whole Management sadly defective; nevertheless I hope I did meet with Him whom my Soul loves: And the Kindness of my Lord exceeded my Expectations, as well as my Deserts. Blessed be God it did not fare with me according to the Presages of my guilty misgiving Heart. I expected killing frowns, and to my great Surprise, was welcom'd with reviving Smiles. He lift up the Light of his Countenance upon me, spoke good and comfortable Words [...] to me, and sent me away with Mirth, Gen. 21.27. and with Songs, with Tabret, and with Harp.

[Page 84] I will praise Him that He help'd my un­belief. That tho' I am of little Faith, it was not to seek when it should be in Exercise. I would affectionately remem­ber his Kindness in enabling me to rea­lize invisible Things, that when I saw the Elements, I could look thro' 'em to the Blessed Object they were appointed to represent. Tho' I am apt to be like unbelieving Thomas, yet then (thorough my Saviour's adorable Conde­scension) I was not faithless, Jo. 20.27, 28. but believing. He so discover'd himself to my Soul, that I could not for­bear saying, My Lord, and my God. I thought I no more doubted that Jesus was the Messiah, Him whom God the Fa­ther sealed, than if I had been by when there came such a Voice to Him from the Excel­lent Glory; 2 Pet. 1.17. This is my boloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. I thought I as firmly believ'd his Dying upon the Cross for my Sins, as tho' I had been present at the Awful Spectacle; as tho' I had [Page 85]stood by with the Blessed Vir­gin and the Beloved Disciple. John 19.23. I [...]aw by Faith his Body bro­ken, and his Blood flow; what Inward Agonies his Countenance express'd when he cry'd out, My God, my God, why hast thou for saken me? And with how Glori­ous a Mixture of Majesty, Love, and Sorrow he look'd, when having said It is finished, He bowed his Head and gave up the Ghost. John 19.30.

I was enabled without any Hesitation, to believe that as He dy'd, so He rose again, according to the Scriptures. 1 Cor. 15.4. That tho' He was dead, Rev. 1.8. He is alive, and lives for evermore. I was al­most in my own Mind, a Witness of his Ascension, doubting no more of it than if I had been among the Men of Galilee, Acts 1.10, 11. when He was taken up, and a Cloud received Him out of their Sight. I was as firmly perswad­ed of his Sitting at the Right Hand of God, there pleading the Cause, and ma­naging [Page 86]the Affairs of his Church; as if my Eyes had seen the King in his Glory, Isa. 33.17. and the Land which is afar off. Yea I could, I thought, look for his Second Appear­ance (which is to be without Sin unto Salvation) with as much Confidence as if I had heard the Two Angels say,Acts [...]. 11. Why stand ye here gazing up into Heaven? this same Je­sus which is taken up from you into Hea­ven, shall come in like manner as ye have seen Him go up into Heaven.

Yea, blessed be God, I was enabled to believe in this Jesus as my Saviour. I was encouraged to say, This Body was broken for me. This Blood was shed for me. The Son of God lov­ed me, and gave himself for me.Gal. 2.20. And tho' I had a deep Sense of my own Unworthiness, and had ma­nifold Iniquitys and mighty Sins to Mourn over, yet (praised be his Name) I was born above my usual Fears and Scruples, and by a Holy Violence, as [Page 87]'twere, oblig'd to believe in Hope, tho' against Hope. I saw my self vile and base as Hell,Rom. 4.18. one of the worst and chief of Sin­ners; and yet I durst not despair, be­cause I had that Word set Home,1 John 1.7. The Blood of Christ cleanses from all Sin. My dear Lord seem'd to smile, and say Be of good Cheer, be not afraid, it is I. Come unto me ye that are wea­ry and heavy laden; Mat. 11.29. John 6.37. and Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out. Rev. 22.17. Whosoever will, let him take the Water of Life freely.

Indeed my unbelieving Heart was ready to say, How can these Things be? Can such a Worm be the Object of Everlasting Love? Can such a vile pol­luted Wretch pretend Relation to, and Interest in the Holy Jesus, and expect Admission into his Holy Hill? I was like Jacob when he heard the News of Jo­seph's [Page 88]being alive, and Lord of Egypt, His Heart fainted, Gen. 45.26. for he believed them not. But my Spirit was reviv'd when my Lord shew'd me the Provisions He had made for my going to possess the Kingdom: And when I was helped to consider that nothing is too great to be expected from infinite Mercy, thro' Infinite Me­rits. Blessed be God I could cry out, Lord I believe, help thou mine Unbelief.

I must also adore and Bless Him, that His Love was shed abroad in my Heart, Rom. 5.5. in a Degree be­yond what I could have ex­pected; considering what a Rock of Ice, what a stupid, senseless Thing this Heart is. I beheld my Lord's Glory, and could scarce forbear crying out, This is my Friend, this is my Be­loved, Cant. 6.16. O ye Daughters of Jeru­salem. I thought I saw Him as the Church describes Him, in the 5th of Canticles, and could heartily joyn in that Accla­mation. Yea he is altogether lovely. Oh [Page 89]how did I wish for nearer Access to Him, and clearer Views of Him!Psal. 42. My Soul did thirst for God, for the living God: Yea, as the Hart panteth after the VVater Brooks, so did my Soul pant after Him. I could have been even willing to have dy'd in an Extasy of Love, that I might not have lost the Sight of so Glorious an Object to all Eternity.

Oh how did the Tokens of his Ex­pensive Love affect my Soul, and fill me with Gratitude! I thought I could have dy'd a Thousand Deaths for Him who loved me and gave Himself for me. And O may I never forget how asham'd and confounded I was then, to think of the Sins and Miscarriages of my past Life. When I call'd to Remembrance some of the many Omissions and Commissions that are upon Record in my Conscience, how did my Heart smite me? Oh thought I, Is this thy Kindness to thy Friend! Dost thou thus requite the Lord, O foolish Creature, and unwise! Are these [Page 90]suitable Returns to such am [...]ing Love? For which of his good Works has he been thus treated, so neglected, so af­fronted by thee? Is it not High Time for me to awake out of Sleep, to take up more firm and steady Resolutions of better O­bedience? Sure the Time past shall suffice to have acted so unworthy of a Chri­stian, and of a Man, yea to have debas'd my self below the Beasts that perish? Isa. 1. For the Ox knows his Owner, and the Ass his Master's Crib.

Therefore I offer up my solemn Thanksgiving to God, that He has by his Spirit and Grace enabled me thus to Believe and Love; to Repent and Re­solve. It is He has work'd in me both to will and do, and his shall be the Praise. Else it had been with me as at other Times, when to my Shame I must own I went to the Table dull, and return'd stupid, I went dejected and return'd dis­consolate, when the whole of my Perfor­mane [...] was meer Bodily Exercise, which [...] [Page 91]found profited nothing. I must ascribe it to his Grace, that it was better with me than usual; for let others pretend what they will, for my part I find that I am not sufficient of my self to any thing Spi­ritually Good. In me, that is in my flesh, dwells no good Thing.

‘Now, O my God, accept my Thank­ful Acknowledgments. Let me keep a Sense of thy Love ever fresh upon my Soul. And especially help me to walk worthy of my Profession and Privileges;Heb. 10.29. let me ne­ver tread under Foot the Son of God, nor count the Blood of the Cove­nant, wherewith I am sanctify'd, an Un­holy Thing. Amen, for Jesus Sake.’

SECT. II. When the Ordinance has not answer'd Ex­pectation.

I Have been at the Table of my Lord, where He uses to meet and bless his [Page 92]People. I went with raised Hopes that (tho' infinitely unworthy, I should have Communion with the Father, 1 John 1.3. and his Son Jesus Christ; that I should be Richly entertain­ed, and return Rejoycing: But alas how sadly am I disappointed! I came to the Pit and found no Water! Jer. 14.3. I am return'd with my Vessels empty! I am asham'd and confoun­ded! I had prepar'd a Song of Praise, and thought to have clos'd the Festival with Hosanna's to the Son of David; but Wo is me, I am forc'd to hang my Harp upon the Willows. My Feast is turn'd into Mourning, Amos 8.10. and my Songs into Lamentation, and the End thereof as a Bitter Day. My Mind was dark, my Heart hard, my Thoughts con­fus'd, my Affections disorder'd, my Soul and all within me utterly out of Frame; I could neither believe, nor repent, nor hope, nor love, nor do any thing as I ought to do. I try'd and struggl'd with my self in vain. I was as it were fetter'd, [Page 93]pinion'd and becalm'd, and my very Heart asleep. In the mean Time my Enemys were lively, Psal. 38.19. the Devil busy, and the World Importunate; yea Ten Thousand Trifles amusing and distracting me.

O wretched Man that I am! When I should have been best I was worst!Rom. 7.24. When I would do good, Rom. 7.21. evil is present with me! I even tremble to think what a Guest I was at that Holy Table; and cannot but wonder that the Master of the Feast did not single me out and say,Mat. 22.12, 13. Friend, how cam­est thou in hither? That He did not say to his Servants, Bind Him Hand and Foot, and take Him away, and cast Him into outer Darkness. I am amaz'd at the Patience of God, that He could bear with such Trifling, and did not a­waken my drowsy Soul by some terrible Judgment: That seeing the Threatning affected me no more, He did not try what the Execution would do, according [Page 94]to that 1 Cor. 11.30. For this Cause ma­ny are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep.

I adore the Divine Patience, and will not despair of Forgiveness thro' the Blood of Jesus. But I cannot for­give my self, and am even out of all Patience when I consider how stupid I have been, and how unaccountably I have manag'd. I could wish the se­verest Providence had detain'd me, that any thing but Sin, had prevented me from prophaning such an Ordinance, contracting so much Guilt, incurring such Danger, and creating my self so much Sorrow. But alas 'tis in vain, and perhaps unlawful, so to wish.

Come then, O my Soul, instead of spending Time in Fruitless Lamenta­tions, consider seriously what the pre­sent Circumstance makes this Duty. Humble thy self deeply before God, and entreat his Favour. See if there be any Ground of Comfort, and labour to im­prove so sad a Disappointment (if [Page 95]possible) to some good Purpose.

‘God be merciful to me a Sinner. I acknowledge my, Iniquity, and desire to take to my self that Shame which is my Due. Against thee, O Lord,Psal. 51.4. have I sinned, and thou must be justify'd when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. There was no­thing wanting on thy Part. All things were ready. Mat. 22.4 I found a Table spread, and a Cup flowing. The Minister per­form'd his Part faithfully and devout­ly, and it was only my own Fault that it was not a sweet and edify­ing Ordinance to me, as well as o­thers. It was my own Sloth, or Pride, or Unbelief, something or o­ther in my self, that provok'd thy Spirit to withdraw, and caus'd thee to deny that Grace without which I can do nothing. I humbly con­fess, and heartily lament my walk­ing unsuitably to the Vows I formerly [Page 96]made, and the Favours which I have heretofore receiv'd. I have at this Table sworn and not per­form'd; had Peace spoken, and yet return'd again to Folly; enjoy'd sweet Communion with thee, and yet for­got, neglected, and provok'd thee: And therefore I was justly punished, in my Beloved's withdrawing Himself; Cant. 5.6. so that when I sought Him; I could not find Him; and when I called Him, He gave me no Answer: I will therefore ascribe Righteousness to my Maker, I will abhor my self, and re­pent in Dust and Ashes. Lord for­give me that my Preparations were so slight, my Self-Examination so superficial, my Meditations so loose, my Prayers so cold, and my Pains in the whole so little. Pardon me if I omitted Preparatory Dutys or laid too great a Stress upon, 'em: If Sloth prevail'd with me in neglect 'em, or Pride to trust to [Page 97]'em. Forgive me, if I by Eager­ness in Worldly Business, Exces­sive Indulgence of the Flesh, in Meat or Drink, Sleep, or needless Recreations, by Intemperate Passi­on, or Imprudent Ordering of Af­fairs; I not only provok'd my God, but actually indispos'd my self for the Holy Solemnity. Of if I have been guilty of any Sin that I han't duly repented of, if I live in the Neglect of any known Duty, or under the Power of any unmor­tify'd Lust. Shew me I beseech thee, wherefore thou contendest with me, Humble me deeply, wash me through­ly, and pardon me freely, for Jesus Sake. Amen.’

But, O my Soul tho' there be so great Reason for Humiliation and Self-Abasement, I must not be utterly dis­courag'd, and refuse to be comforted.

I must hope that my Heart has been right with God, and that I have not wil­fully prevaricated and trifled with Him; [Page 98]therefore several Circumstanees may be consider'd, to check my Fears, and mitigate my Sorrows.

I do not serve a Hard Master, a Kind and Gracious God can make Al­lowancer for that Indisposition which may arise from Melancholy, or other Bodily Disorders; from extraordinary Affictions, violent Temptations, &c. He considers our frame, and knows that we are but Dust, and does not expect the same from frail Mortals as he does from the Angels in Heaven, and the Spirits of Just Men made perfect. That kind Expression of my Lord,Mat. 26.41. The Spirit indeed is willing, but the Flesh is weak, may be us'd to comfort Real Humble Christians; tho' it be often abu [...]d [...] harden the slothful and presumpt [...] [...] Formalist.

Let me also consider that I must not always conclude an Ordinance last [...] where the Affections have not been [...] There may be Real Communion wi [...] [...] [Page 99]where there is not a sensible Delight. The Sacrament may be bless'd to pro­mote Humility and Real Holiness, tho' I have wanted sensible Meltings, and desir'd Manifestations; yea, it is very possible these may be with-held on a wise Design, to carry on the Work of God in my Soul, which seems to re­quire a Variety of Dispensations; as Wind and Rain, Frost and Darkness, are in their proper Courses equally necessary to the Earth as Calm and Sun-shine. Hereby it may be God is teaching me to live more by Faith, upon the Righteousness and Fulness of Jesus; to distrust my self more, and censure others less; to be more watch­ [...]l. humble, charitable and compassi­onate. than ever. I may see Cause to bless God hereafter for what is so grie­vous now.John 13.7. I shall never forget that Saying of my Lord to Peter, What I do thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know.

[Page 100] Besides, I would remember that I cannot presently judge of the Benefit of an ordinance. That which is sown, in Tears, may be reap'd with Joy, tho', at present there be but small Appearance of it. The Spiritual Medicine may gra­dually mend my Constitution, tho' it don't operate sensibly, or prove an immediate Cure.

However, I have been doing my Duty, and God may accept my Ho­nest Intentions, tho' he don't at pre­sent smile upon me and say, Well done good and Faithful Servant.

And after all, it's some Comfort to think that others have perform'd more acceptably, and met with [...] and Peace in Believing. And I thank God for this Sign of Grace, that I can rejoyce in other's being better, and more favour'd than my self.

But be Things as bed as a guidty Conscience and an accusing E [...] represents 'em? I will bless God [...] I have had Grace to bemoan my sel [...] [Page 101]lament my Folly, and cry to God for Mercy, thro' that Blood which can [...]one even for the Heinous Sin of having interpretatively counted it an Unholy Thing.

And now it remains that I resolve [...]riously, in a better Strength than my own, to manage better for the Time to come. And 'till an Oppor­tunity offers to make a fresh Effort, let me walk humbly under a deep Sense of my Sin; let me be more strict and circumspect in my whole Conversation, and live every Day un­der the Awe of those Vows of God which are upon me. In an especial manner let me be careful to keep my self from Iniquity. Psal 18.23. That Sin to which by my Constitution, Business, &c. I am most enclin'd, and with which I am most frequently overtaken. Let me be peculiarly careful to perform those Du­tys to which I find a corrupt Heart [Page 102]most averse. This will be the best way to retrieve the Loss I have sustain'd, God forbid that I should encourage my self in Future Neglects, by any Considerations whatsoever; yet I must believe that He remembers Christ in the Sacrament to the best Purpose I who under a Sense of what He has there profess'd and promis'd lives best after it: Being well assur'd that a Holy. Conversation, upon Gospel Principles and Motives, is a better E­vidence of worthy Receiving, than all the Transports and Extasys imagina­ble. I would not be sati [...]sy'd with­out being affected; but surely the Principal Thing is by so apt a Means to be improv'd and better'd, to grew in Grate, and in the Knowledge of [...] Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Therefore I must make it my ear­nest and daily Prayer, that God would bless his Ordinance to this great End; [Page 103]or else my Labour will be lost, and my Expectations frustrate.

And Oh that he would vouchsafe his Blessing accordingly. Grant that I may never forget the Engagements I am under, but upon every Occasion remember that I am a Christian, and have solemnly own'd my self to be so before many Witnesses. That this Thought may be a Restraint from Sin, and a Spur to Duty, an Antidote against all the Poysonous Suggestions of the Grand Enemy of Souls; a Pre­servative from the Ill Exam­ple of those Children of Dis­obedience in whom he rules; Ephes. 2. and a Cordial under all the Troubles and A [...]lictions of this Mortal Life. May I find so great Benefit by thus waiting upon God, that I may long for the Return of such Seasons, and by Frequent Communion with Saints on Earth, be fitted for Better Company in a Bet­ter Wor [...], when I shall sit down with [Page 104]Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, in the King­dom of God. yea be with Christ, where He is, and behold his Glory, which is all my Salvation, and all my Desire. AMEN.