THat Examples prevail above Precepts can be no Surprise to any one that considers the rarity of them, or that most of the Senses being at once em­ployed they should make so strong an Impression upon the Brain, and so up­on the Understanding, according to the manner of Humane Perception▪

The present Instance, whose Rela­tion. I have undertaken, having made so deep an Impression upon my own Mind, I could not think, but that if all Men participate of the same Na­ture as I do, but that they must be e­qually affected with it, some Allow­ance [Page 2] being made for this, That what I my self saw and heard actually, I communicate by way of Relation to others.

I am obliged, out of Tenderness and Reputation, to conceal the Name of the Family of this Gentleman, who is the Subject of the following Discourse, and could heartily wish that my concealing it would make so many as do know it, to forget every thing but the Example it self, that being only useful, the rest Ignominious: But I am afraid my Wishes will prove successless, there be­ing four more Divines, besides my self, who were very frequently there, at the beginning of his Sickness, besides seve­ral Gentlemen and others, whose Ac­quaintance, or Design of doing Good might lead them thither.

This unhappy Gentleman, who made so direful an Exit the eighth of this instant December, had in his youth Time the Advantage of a Religions & Vertuous Education; in which it was ob­servable, That he made a more consi­derable [Page 3] Progress than was usual for such Years, being very warm and active [...]n all Religious Exercises: Besides, he was a great proficient in Learning, be­ing sent up to the University from the School where he was educated, very perfect in his Latin and Greek Tongues at sixteen Years of Age, where he con­tinued five Years: His Behaviour and Deportment being such that all his Friends and Acquaintance lookt upon him as an uncommon Blessing, an Orna­ment to his Family. At the Age of twenty one he came up to Town, and entred himself into the Inns of Court, designing to study the Law; his Friends and he concluding it necessary, That those that have Estates should have at least so much insight in the Law as to know how to preserve them.

Oh that I could proceed with my Character, or at least abruptly break off, and fay, Here he dyed, ignorant of the Town and it's Vices! But alas, the scene is chang'd, and here we bring another Person upon the Stage, laugh'd [Page 4] and ridicul'd out of his Innocence and Vertue, by new Acquaintance, and for a long Time together playing the Hy­pocrite, a [...]ming unto himself a de­gree of that Profaneness and Impiety he was innocent of, appearing more vile and base than he could suddenly bring himself to be, only to secure [...]is Reputation with his Companions, and avoid the uneasiness of being a Common Jest. But this was not the only nor chief Method whereby he was brought to his Apostacy, for he had too much Judgment, and too well grounded to be shock'd and altered with a bar [...] Laughter, or a ridiculous Grin. He would ofter say, ‘Gentlemen, those that pretend to Reason cannot be so bewitched with the Charms of Mirth as to think Laughing a good Argu­ment to confute whatever may b [...] said; if Religion be so unreasonable a thing as you'd perswade me, by laughing at it, why don't ye give me some fair Reasons against it’ Hereupon some of the oldest standing [Page 5] would suggest, ‘That Mahomet has more Votaries than Christ: That that Religion is not without its Martyrs and Confessors; That the wild Indians dare bravely dye for their Religion: That there's no Na­tion, be it never so [...]a [...]barous, that gives us not some fine Examples of Doing and Suffering; that therefore its not the Excellency of any one Religion, but the Prejudices of all, that produces these Effects: That 'tis the Habit and▪ Custom of Edu­cation that creates the formidable No­tions of Conscience, Heaven, Hell, Fu­turity and the Immortality of the Soul, all which are but the politick In­ventions of Priests and cunning Ma­gistrates, to enrich themselves and keep the Vulgar in Awe, who are naturally Superstitious and Fear­ful;’ With a deal more to the same purpose. Such Harangues as these did by little and little poyson the Princi­ples of this poor Gentleman, and mould him into the same Heaven with them­selves, [Page 6] not only into the same Judg­ment, but liberty of all Prof [...]neness, De­bauchery and Injustice, as far as he could act without the Cognizance of the Law. It won't be amiss to add, That this Gentleman was one of that CLUB which within these last se­ven Years met together constantly To lay down such Rules and Methods [...] that they might be critically wicked in e­very thing that they could, without the Laws taking hold of them; and therefore the Laws it self was more particularly exa­mined, What Fallacies might be put upon it; Where and in what Cases it did not provide against unheard of Villanies; What Subterfuges and Evasions there might [...] in its Exposition; with many more [...] horrid Instances, which were all [...] as very useful Discoveries for the new Candidates of improved Impiety.

But to proceed, This Gentleman Sense and Education had furnish'd him with too much Prudence to lay open himself to every Body; he commonly kept a very fair Correspondence with [Page 7] his Friends, and in all strange Places [...] very sober and reserv'd, Prudence obliging him not to discover all he be­lieved, to every Body. Thus he liv'd several Years, being as secretly Wicked [...] all Temptations, and the Advanta­ges of a good Estate, would suffer him: But as the wicked do not live out half their dayes by reason of their Intem­perance and Debaucheries, so this Gen­tleman hastned his dismal Period by the like Courses, falling desperately [...] on the thirtieth of November last, continuing so till the eighth of this instant December, as we said above.

As soon as he found himself preci­pitated by his ill Courses into such a dangerous Sickness, he began to be extreamly startled and amazed at the Apprehensions of Death (for he believed [...] dye) and in spite of all he could do, he could not forbear reflect­ing upon another Life; and notwith­standing all his Fortifications to the contrary, he could not confute nor [...] himself of the Expectation of a [Page 8] Future Retribution. Being thus dis­tracted with his Distemper and Fears, he threw himself upon the Bed, and discoursed with himself after this man­ner. Oh! what's the meaning of th [...] Tumultuous War in my Breast? what Argument is there n [...]w to assist me against Matter of Fact? Do I assert, that there [...] Hell at all, & yet I feel one in my Bo­som? Am I certain, that there's no Heaven when I am so sure that there's a Hell? That there is no After retributions when I feel a present Judgment? Do I affirm m [...] Soul to be as Mortal as my Body, when this Languishes, and that is as Vigorous as ever? O that one could restore to me my Ancient Guard of Piety and Innocency But it's too late. Wretch that I am whither shall I fly from this Breast, [...] what will become of me?

He had no sooner ended, but i [...] comes one of his old Companions, to pa [...] him a Visit, for he had heard that h [...] was not well: ‘How now Brother (says he) why this Melancholy Look and Posture, you seem to be [...] [Page 9] concerned in your Mind than Body? Pray tell me what's the Matter? The Matter? replyed the other, fixing a pair of ghastly Eyes upon him, 'Tis you, and the rest of my Compani­ons that have instill'd those Prin­ciples into me, which now hav­ing most need of them, leave me in the Agonies of Despare and Confusion. What Advice or Comfort have you now to forti [...]ie me against my fearful Expectations of another Life? Are you certain that my Soul is Material and Mor­tal? And that it will dissolve with the Body?’ I'm so certain, reply­ed the other, ‘That I venture my Whole upon it.’ Here I interrupted them by coming into the Room, and applying my self to the Sick Person, I told him, ‘That I was a Stranger to him, yet hearing of his Distemper, I though it my Duty to pay him a Visit, and give him what Christian Comfort and Advice I was capable of.’ ‘I Thank you, replyed the [...] [Page 10] Person, and would desire you then to engage that Gentleman that sits there (meaning his Friend and prove unto him that the Soul is not Matter, nor Mortal▪ That the Soul is not Matter (said I) Descarte [...] has prov'd in his Method, by shew­ing that the Soul is independent [...] Matter. That Matter it self cannot think, neither in the Whole nor in Parts, is evident enough from M [...] Lock of HUMAN UNDER­STANDING. But after all [...] perhaps can best prove it thus, Mat­ter is by every Philosopher granted to be in its own Nature indifferent to Motion or Rest: That if it be i [...] Rest, it will lye eternally so, unle [...] something else moves it; and that if any thing puts it in Motion, will eternally move, were it not so the Opposition of other Matter which clogs and retards its Motion. [...] those that would have the So [...] to [...] a pure fine Matter, say, that it fi [...] moves the Animal Spirits, they [...] [Page 11] Nerves, and these a Leg, an Arm, &c. mechanically, as Matter moves Mat­ter. Now those that make the Soul me first Agent and Mover, make Matter to move itself, which is im­possible, according to the above ci­ted Thesis, which will have Matter to rest eternally, unless it be moved by something. But the Soul does move the Body independent of Matter, and Matter cannot move unless it be first moved: Therefore the Soul is not Matter, and consequently not perishable by Attrition, Transmuta­tion, &c. But, Gentlemen, added I, I hope there's no need of a Lecture of this Nature to either of you; for you look like Creatures that have a share in Human Nature, which has the Doctrin of the Im­mortality of the Soul innate with it.’ The sick Person made no other An­ver [...] a dismal Groan, as if his heart had broke, and his Friend also made hast out of the Room, without doing us God b'w'e. I was surpriz­ed [Page 12] at such an Effect, and desired the sick Party to know the Reason of his Discontent, offering my Assistance to remove it, if possible, by Counsel, Prayers, Advice, or any way that lay in my Power.

‘Alas, Sir, replyed he, you've un­deceiv'd me, now its too late; I was afraid of nothing so much as the Immortality of my Soul; now you have assured me of that you have ascertained me of a Hell, of a fear­ful Expectation of Judgment, of a Portion among those that have apostatiz'd from their Religion, of the Lot of Atheists, and Denyers of Christ: You have now sealed my Damnation, by giving me an Ear­nest of it, I mean an awakened Conscience, that brings my Sins in to my Remembrance, reckoning up the numerous Catalogue for which I must go and give an an Account Oh Apostate Wretch, from how great Hopes am I fallen! Oh that I had never known what Religion [Page 13] had been, then had I never deny'd my Saviour, nor been so black an Heir of Perdition.’ I was so sur­prized at such kind of Expressions that I stood speechless for a considerable Time, for having received the Cha­racter of a Person that had imbibed some Atheistical Principles; I little expected such a desperate Change, but rather that I should have an hard Task of it to make him consider seriously of a future Life: But so soon as I could recollect my self, I said, Sir, I would desire you to take heed how you violate the Mercy of God, and think so slightly of the Sufferings of Christ, as if they were not sufficient for the Redemption of the greatest Sin­ [...]rer. This may be a Delusion of the Devil, who would now hinder you from Repentance and [...] in Christ. I hope, if I have convinc'd you of the Immortality of the Soul, 'tis to a good End; for the way to cure a Distemper is first to know it; if you had died ignorant of it, you had [Page 14] been miserably undecived in another World, whereas knowing it now, you have an Opportunity and some time left to prepare for your welfare. To which he reply'd,

‘As to the Mercy of God, in Christ, I once knew and tasted what they are, which is now part of my Curse, in that I am more sensible of the loss of them. They are, I will grant you, sufficient to those that have any share in them; but what's that to me, who have denied Christ? Who have daily Crucified him afresh, and put him to open shame? The Devil has no­thing to do with the Torture I un­dergo; 'tis no Delusion of his, but the just Judgment of God upon me; and your Convictions are also part of my heavy Judgment, in that you have given me a sensible Horror of my Sin, by proving my Soul im­mortal, whereas had I gone streight to Hell in my old Damnable Opi­nions, I had endured but one Hell, [Page 15] whereas I now feel two: I mean not only an inexpressible Torture which I carry in my Breast, but an Expectation of I know not what a Change. Oh that I were in Hell, that I might feel the worst! And yet I dread to Die, because that worst will never have an end.’

All that he spoke, was with an Air if such horror and eagerness as can scarce be imagined; indeed it had such Effects upon me, that I knew not what to answer: I tremble at the Judgment of, and I remember I [...]isht within my self that one or two of the loosest Atheist in the Age had been there, verily believing is would have put a stop to their Impiety.

The Gentleman was got to Bed, refusing all Sustenance, and sweating through Violence of his Torments, in the most prodigious manner that ever I saw or heard of. As soon as he was got to Bed, I desired to pray [...]y him before I took my Leave, which with much Reluctance he consented [Page 16] to. In the midst of Prayer he groaned extreamly, tossing and turning himself as if had been under the deepest A­gonies of Death: When Prayer was o­ver, I ask'd him how he did, and why he groaned after such a rate in Prayer time? To which he answer­ed, As the Damned in Hell, which lift up their Eyes in Torments, and be­hold afar off the Saints in Abraham's Bosome, have their Torments thereby doubly enhansed, first by reflecting in their own Misery, and then taking a pros­pect of the Beatifick Vision they have left even so, I, who know my self to be hardned, and sealed unto Damnation hearing the Prayers of the Righteous, to which God Almighty's Ears are always open; granting their Requests, this en­creases my Torments, to think how I am excluded from such a priviledg, and have no other Portion left me, best Blaspheming, Weeping, and Wailing, and Grashing of Teeth, for ever. Pray [...], said I, Consider, that [...] deal of difference betwixt [...] [Page 17] and those that are in Hell; they are lost irrevocably for ever-more, without any opportunity of a Re­prieve, or hopes of Pardon; but you are yet alive, and have Promises be­longing to you in common with o­ther Sinners; Christ died for Sinners, and God hath Sworn by himself, that he delights not in the Death of a Sinner, but rather that he should turn from his Wickedness and Live; and that at what time soever a Sinner returneth from the Evil of his Ways he shall receive Pardon. To which he [...] with his usual earnestness, I'll grant you as much dif­ference betwixt me and those that are in Hell, as betwixt a Common De­vil, and a Devil Incarnate. If those are irrevocably lost without opportunity of Reprieve, or hopes of Pardon, and I am yet alive, what then? what's the Con­sequences not that the Promise belong to me in common with other Sinners, nor to any Sinners but such as Repent and Believe: If Christ dy'd for Sin­ners, 'tis for such as Repent and Be­lieve; [Page 18] but tho' I, would, I can do nei­ther, I have outstood my Day of Grace, and am hardned, and turned Reprobate; If God delights not in the Death of Sinners, 'tis of such Sinners as repent and return unto him; but his Justice will vindicate it self upon such ob­stinate perverse Sinners as I, who have deny'd his Power and Providence both in my Words and Actions, and now he has met with me for it; and Oh 'tis a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. If God was not against me, I should not value it, tho' all the Legions of Hell engaged me, tho' all the Power and Malice of Men joined in one Complicated Body to study and exer [...]se the utmost Barbarities that Flesh and Blood could inflict upon me; but when an Angry Irreconcilable God looks upon his Creature in Wrath, and consigns him over to his Eternal Vengeance and Fury, this is intolerable, inexpressi­bly, afflicting, and grievous: Ah who can dwell with everlasting Burnings? Oh ye that have any hope, and have [Page 19] not yet past your Day of Grace, Cry mightily to God, Day and Night; think no labour too much which secures you from the Wrath of God: Oh who can stand before him when he is Angry, what Stuble can resist such a Consuming Fire? This, and more to the same purpose, he spake with so deep a Concern, the Tears trickling all the while down his Cheeks, that no Body in the Room could refain Weeping, which he per­ceived said, And can ye Weep at the i­mage and bare relation of the effects of Gods Wrath, what then do you think I suffer, who actually lie under the very weight of his Fury? Refrain your Tears for me, 'tis in vain; Pity is no Debt to me, nothing is so proper for me as some Course to compleat my Misery, and free me from the Torments of my Expectation. Here he paus'd a little, when look­ing towards the Fire, he said, Oh that [...] was to lie and broil upon that Fire [...] Hundred Thousand Years to purchase the Favour of God, and be Reconciled to him again. But 'tis a fruitless vain Wish, [Page 20] Millions of Millions of Years will bring me no nearer the ends of my Tortures than one Poor Hour: O Eternity, E­ternity, who can discover the Abyss of E­ternity; who can properly Paraphrase upon the Words FOR EVER AND EVER!

I could not forbear reflecting on that passage of broiling upon the Fire Hundred Thousand Years to purchase the Favour of God, and be again Reconciled to him: how unproportionable was this Poor Man's Concern to that o [...] the Common Practice of the World a great [...]art of which will allow no time in Dayes, Weeks, Years, to see the Face and Favour of God? And amongst those that pretent to Religi­on? How cooly and indifferently d [...] they spend that time they set apart for Private or Publick Devotion Were they sensible but for one Minute of what this Wretched Person endured what a Spur would it be to their Devo­tion, and how careful would they b [...] to make their Calling and Election [...] [Page 21] how fearful, left having a Promise made them of entring into Rest, any of them should fall short through unbelief, and so be frustrated of their share and hopes of that Glory which is to be revealed?

It began to grow late, so I took my leave of him for that Night, promising to renew my Visit, (if it [...]leased God) the next Day, when I found him still in the same Condi­tion, as to his Mi [...]; but his Body was much weakned by his continual Sweats, caused by the Agonies he lay under. I found Three or Four Di­vines with him who had been at Prayer, which they told me, had the same uneasie effect upon him, as when I Prayed with him the Night before. One of the Divines desired him to consider the Example of St. Peter, who had denied his Master with Oaths and Curses, and yet was received a­gain into his Favour. To which he reply'd; (officiously against himself, is he had done all the Day before) [...] [Page 22] ‘'Tis true, St. Peter did deny his Master, as I have done, but what then? his Master had Prayed for him, that his Faith should not fail, and being willing that he should Re­pent, he look'd him into a Repen­tance, and assisted him by his Holy Spirit to perfect it; now if Christ would assist me to Repent, I should do so too, but he hath justly with­drawn his Intercessions from me: I [...] often Crucified him a fresh, and put him to open shame so often grieved that Holy Spirit, that God has taken it away from me, and in the room thereof has left me the Spirit of Im­penitence and Reprobation and gi­ven me a certain Earnest of a fearful Inheritance in another Life.’

He spake little more that Day, for a deal of Company pressing in, it be­come troublesome to him, and towards Night Orders were taken for the a­voiding such an Inconvenience. There were four more Divines in the Room besides, at six a Christ; we all look'd [Page 23] upon one another, not knowing what course to take, no Text being offered in his favour, but what he readily turned another way; whilst we were thus Musing, he Cryed out in a vehe­ment affecting Passion, ‘How long, Oh Lord! shall thy Wrath burn for ever against me, shall thy Eternal Justice for ever exact upon a Poor despicable Worm? What is my Va­lue or Worth that thou shouldst pour out full Vials of Wrath upon me? Oh that thou wouldst let go thy Hand, forever forget me, and let me fall into my first nothingness again; as my Righteousness could have profited thee nothing, so my Impieties have done thee no hurt, therefore Annihilate me, and let me Perish to nothing; be not An­gry with me that I thus Expostulate with thee; 'twill be but a little time but thy Wrath will force the Dread fu [...]est Blasphemies from me, except thou prevent them: Oh that thou wouldst take away my Being, and [Page 24] my Misery; neither of them can add to, or diminish from thy Happi­ness, therefore let them both cease and let my Name be known no more or if I must still be, and be Immor­tal, and thou wilt Punish me, because I have Despised thee, let it sufficed to be a Privation of thy Self, and let me pass my Eternity in a Dream without ever being awakned by the pangs of Torment, without ever be­ing disturbed by the Gnawing of the Worm that Dies not. But Oh what fruitless Desires are these, for I am Expostulating with a God that has closed his Ears, and will not hear, with a God that has for ever shut out my Prayers, and only protracts my Breath a little longer to be an Example unto others! Oh ye Rocks and Mountains, that ye would hide me from the presence o [...] an Incensed God! But there's not flying from his presence, what he has begun he will finish, he will extend his, Wrath against me for ever and [Page 25] ever.’ Here some Body knocked at the Door, and it proved to be a Penny Post Man with a Letter to this Gentleman; which being told him, How (says he) a Letter for me? A little longer, and I expect ano­ther sort of a Messenger, I am (ad­ded he) very quickly to give up my Accounts of every secret Action that I have done, and I have a mind to make an Experiment of some­thing of the same Nature, to see how I can bear it; and looking about the Room he espy'd me; pray Sir, said he, do me the favour as to open and read this Letter, the Contents I know not, but I suspect it to come from some of my old Acquaintance. [...] desired to be excused, alledging, that possibly there might be some­thing in it that might be improper [...]o divulge. ‘Nothing, nothing re­ply'd he, can affect me row; I have no Honour, no Reputation, and what's yet worse, no Heaven to lose by this or any other Act, therefore, [Page 26] pray Sir oblige me, or I must trou­ble some Body else.’ Upon this I broke open the Letter, designing first to take a Cursory View of it, and then to proceed, or desist, according as I found the Contents, which upon perusal, I thought not impertinent to the present Case, and therefore Read as follows,

[Page 29] I had no sooner read this Letter through, but he surpriz'd us all with repeating dismal Groans, as if his Soul had been strugling under the last Throws of Separation: we thought [...] not convenient to press for the Reason of it, considering that Human Nature feels, or at least supposes in Ease by complaining of the Evil [...]t suffers, and it happened according to our Expectations, for at length he broke out into these afflicting imprecations: ‘Cursed be the Day wherein I commenced such a fa­tal Friendship: Oh unhappy Time, when first I imbib'd these Athe­istical Principles! When first I ex­changed the Christian Faith for the Creed of Spinoza and the Leviathan! When first I relinquish'd all reveal'd Religion for the natural one, and the last for none at all.’ When casting is Eyes upon me, he said, ‘I am not able to write an Answer to that Letter, though I earnestly desire there should be one, nor is it worth [Page 30] my while to get an Emanuensis for that purpose, for I suppose I shall have no occasion to write any more I'm also sensible that you might be better able to answer such a Letter than I, and yet my present Cir­cumstances are such (I being not only a Party, but the dismal subjects a Matter my self) that what come from me may make a deeper im­pression upon the Spirit of my Friend, than what comes from strange Hand; therefore you will oblige me, if you will only lend me your Hand and let me dictate,’ which I freely offering, he ordered a Chair to be set on the other Side of the Bed, thinking it convenient to be as secret and free from Noise and Diversion as possibly he could: And then he proceeded.

Here he groan'd, and desired a little intermission, being not only [Page 34] weary with repeating so much, but at present dejected and confused with the unhappy Truths he was about to tell his Friend, and so he rested him­self for about half an Hour; when calling to me again, he desired we might proceed: Which we did as follows.

[Page 38] As soon as he subscribed his Name and the Letter was sealed, he desired a Porter might be called and sent, for fear of a Miscarriage; which was done accordingly. And the Night being far worn, we all took our Leaves and left him, wishing him good Rest and a happier Condition the next Day: To which he replyed, ‘Gentlemen, I thank you, but my Happiness is at an end, and as for my Rest to Night, all the Ease I expect will be in wishing for the Day, as in the Day time I wish for the Night thus spending the little remainder o [...] my miserable Moments in a fearful expectation of my Dissolution, and the dismal Account I am to make upon it. But Gentlemen a good Night to you, and remember my Example, to confirm [...] in that Religion I have disow [...], that you may stand more cautiously by my Fall; and secure the Happiness I have [...].’

The next day came several of hi [...] [Page 39] Friends out of the Country, having had an account of his Sickness and Distractions. When they came into the Room, one of them applyed himself to him, telling him That he and several more of his Relations were come on purpose to Town to see him, and were extream sorry to find him in such a weak Condition as he Appeared (for now he was al­most nothing but Skin and Bones, the Agonies that he lay under doing the Office of the quickest Consumption) To which he Answered, ‘I am ob­liged, out of common Civility, to thank you all; but who are my Re­lations? Our Saviour said That such only as did the Will of his Heaven­ly Father were his Relations. I may also properly say, That none but the Atheist, the Reprobate, and all such as do the Work of the Devil are my Relations; this little Tye of Flesh and blood will be dissolv'd in a Moment, but the Relation I have to the damned is permanent an [...] [Page 40] lasting, the same Lot, the same Place of Torments, the same Exercises o [...] Blasphemy, and the same Eternity of Horror will be common to [...] all; so that similitude of Torments Place and Duration will joyn us i [...] a very strict Union.’ His Friends, who had only had some Report of a kind of Distraction, were surprized t [...] hear him deliver himself in such Terms, and degan to enquire of so [...] of us what was the matter that he talked at such a rate; who replied We could wish it were Frenzy [...] Distraction, but we were afraid of much sadder Cause viz the Sense o [...] Hell, and God's Wrath upon him which was so violent as to drive him into Despair, and the utmost Agoni [...] and Horror of Mind, begging, if it might please God; the case might be altered before his Death, which the [...] were sure could not be far off, if he proceeded as he had begun. He hear­ing them whisper, and imagining the Cause of it, called them all unto him [Page 41] and said; ‘You may imagine me distracted or melancholy I wish I were either; but it's part of my Judgment, that I am not; no, my Apprehension of Persons and Things is rather more vigorous and quick than it was when I was perfect Health: And it is my Curse, because I am thereby more sensible of my Unhappiness and the Condition I am fallen into. Would you be informed why I am become a Skele­ton in three or four Days? Why, my Grief does continually extort some unhappy Expressions from me: Know then that I have sinned against the Holy Ghost, and done des­pite to the Spirit of Grace; that I have despised my Maker, and de­nied my Redeemer; that in short I have Apostatized from the Chris­tian Religion, and joined my self to the Atheist and Prophane, and continued this Course under many Convictions, till my Iniquity was ripe for Vengeance, and the just Judgment [Page 42] of God overtook me, when m [...] Security was the greatest and the Checks of my Conscience the lea [...] Since I denied that Salvation the comes by Christ Jesus, there is no other Mediator or Intercessor [...] Sinners; if there be, who is [...] that can redeem my Soul from He or give a Ransom for my Life No, no, the Scripture is certain true, and that says, That if we wilfully, after we have received [...] Knowledge of the Truth, there [...] maineth no more Sacrifice for S [...] but a fearful looking for of Judgment and fiery Indignation, which shall con­sume the Adversary. There rema­eth no more Sacrifice for Sin, tha [...] the Wound that pierces my Sou [...] Christ Jesus was the only expiator Sacrifice for Sinners that God would accept of; and I not accepting [...] would say) and I despising th [...] there now remains no other for [...] to accept of, no other to make [...] Attonement and Satisfaction for [...] [Page 43] There's no other Name under Heaven given whereby we may be saved, but by the Name of Jesus; and 'tis this Je­sus that I have Reproached, Ridicu­led, and Abused, in his Members here: nor is this all, I have not been content to do this my self, but by my Example have induced others to do the same. Methinks your Breasts are all open to me, and in the midst of your Pity and Surprizals, you would bid me Hope, Believe, and Return and Supplicate that Mer­cy I have abused; that Jesus came to save Sinners, and to bring them to Repentance, with other things of this nature. I know that these are your thoughts, and by mentioning them I have saved you the Labour: Alas, how fain would I Hope and Believe! Can a Man, in Torments not desire to be freed from them? No, assure your selves, I would upon any Terms, but the Displeasure and Wrath of God, obstruct the Power of Hoping and Believing; and though I would, [Page 44] I can do neither, nor do I know what some Divines mear, that say He that desires to Hope, Repent, and Believe, in some measures does it I experience the contrary; a fruitless Willing that comes not to Act, is not more but a Conviction, which shall bring such Persons under greater Damnation. Would you have me to Return and Supplicate that Mercy I have Abused? Alas! how sad my Cafe, that have no other hope but what depend upon Abused Mer­cy? But why said I hopes? When I have no hopes at all, my hopes an frustrate, and my expectations an cut off, and what remainds behind why, I am bid to Hope and Believe Oh what Satyr, what Mockery and Abuse is this upon me, to find my in Misery, and bid me be Happy without affording me some power of being so! Indeed should Jesus Christ say so much to me, it would be some Comfort; but for you to do it, is the same thing, as to bid a Ma­lefactor [Page 45] shake off his Chains and Fet­ters, and assume his Liberty; or to call upon the Dead to arise out of their Graves, and Challenge their Estates and Honours again. How idle is it, to bid the Fire not to burn, when Fuel is administred; to com­mand the Seas to be Smooth and Calm in the midst of Storms, such is my Case, and such are the Com­forts of my Friends: But I'm spent, and can complain no more; would to God the Case of my Complaints would also cease; the Cause of my Complaints! This renews my Grief, and summons up the little strength I have left to Complain again, like an extinguishing Flame that recollects at once all its Alimentary Matter for one great Blaze before it expires. 'Tis just so with me: But whether am I going?’ As he said this, he fainted away, and lay in a sort of Swound for a considerable time, but by the help of some Spirits brought him to himself again, and as soon [...]s [Page 46] he opened his Eyes, he said, ‘Oh cruel and unkind Friends, to awake me from a Dream in which I had a Cestation from my Tortures, but now they return again, and Prey upon my Soul like so many Furies.’ This he spoke with so feeling and lively Concern, that not one of his Relations could refrain from Tears none of them being able to speak to him for a considerable time before ‘You weep, says, he but your very Tears come too late; was I like another Person that goes out of the World, it would be one of my greatest Troubles to see you Weep, or least, it would add much to my pains; for he must be unnatural and senseless that could not be moved and troubled at the affliction of others, especially his Friends and Relations; but the Case is otherwise with me, my Cup is full, and already runs over, the bitterness of my Soul is as great as possible it can be in this World, and my Heart is full of Horror and Anguish, and no Grief can add unto mine, being already so great [Page 47] that 'tis uncapable of receiving any more Perhaps, this may seem a Paradox to you at first, but what think you of Time and Eternity? Can one add an Hour to Eter­nity, which comprehends and swal­lows all Time? Can one add any thing to the Wrath of God, which includes the Fury of Devils and Men, this being derivative and dependent on that, and can any one add to my Grief and Tortures, who am fullen into the hands of the living God? No, no, reserve your Tears for your Sins, and cast them not away so fruitlesly upon one that is neither the better nor worse for them’

You may easily imagine what im­pressions such Sayings as these made upon the [...] its of his Friends, who were almost overwhelmed with Grief and Amazement, with Grief, at the lamentable State of their Kinsman, and with Amazement at the dreadful Judg­ment of God upon him. But in the midst of their Sorrows they had the [Page 48] Prudence to think of the Reputation of their Family, and to provide so as much Secrecy as they possibly could in such a Case; for the Rumor of man in Despare beginning to spread they conveyed him by Night to o­ther Lodgings; but he was grown so very weak, that notwithstanding the Care of those who conveyed him in the Chair, it had like to have prov­ed fatal to him; for he fainted away several Times, but they got him in to his Chamber and to Bed as soon a [...] they could: After a little Rest he yet found so much strength as to ex­press himself thus: ‘I am not con­cerned to enquire whither you have brought me, or your reasons for so doing; it had been something i [...] you had brought my Person hi­ther without my Horrors and accu­sing Conscience, or if you had chang­ed my unhappy State with my Lodg­ings; but my Torments are rather the greater than before, for I see that [...] Hour is approaching and [Page 49] just at hand, when I shall bid you all a sad Farewel.’ The Doctors that had been with him in the begin­ning of his Sickness were again sent for, and they yet declared they could do nothing, so long as the Listurbance of his Mind was the Cause of his Weakness, only they ordered him some Cordial Julips, which they said might perhaps strengthen his Nature, so that he might live two or three Days longer. My Business called me away for a Day or two, and I came again upon Thursday Morning pretty early, the Day of his Death. When I came into the Room I enquired of his Friends how he had spent his Time? who had been with him, what Discourse or Expressions had dropt from him? And they told me in general, he had little Company, and that his Expressions were much shorter than before, being now una­ble to speak many words together; yet that what he did speak, seemed to have more Horror and Despair in [Page 50] it than formerly. Afterwards I went to his Bedside, and saw perfect death in his Face, mix with such Amaze­ment and Anguish, that it was the saddest Spectacle I ever saw in all my Life time. I askt him how he did? To which he reply'd, ‘Damn'd and lost for ever.’ I desired him not to entertain such a Thought; the De­crees of God were secret, and God might punish him thus, in this life, to make him fit for a better. ‘They are not (said he) secret to me, but discovered for my greater Tor­ment; and my Punishment here is for an Example to others, and for an Earnest to me of my own Dam­nation. Oh that there was no God, or that this God could cease to be; for I am sure he will never have Mercy upon me.’ Alas, said I, there's no contending with out Creator, there­fore forbear such words as may pro­voke him more. ‘True (reply'd he) there's no contending; I wish there were a possibility of getting above God, [Page 51] that would be a Heaven to me.’ I entreated him not to entertain such a Blasphemy, for—Here he inter­rupted me, saying, ‘Read we not in the Revelations, of those that blasphem'd God because of their pains? I am now of that number. Oh how do I envy the happiness of Cain and Judas!’ But (reply'd I) you are yet alive, and do not feel the Torments of those that are actually in Hell. To which he answere'd, ‘This is either true or false; if it be true, what are my expectations, and how heavy will my Torments be: if I yet not feel the uttermost? But I know that 'tis false, and that I now endure, more than the Spirits of the damn'd in Hell; for I have the very same, Tortures upon my Spirit, as they, have, besides the Torments I endure in my Body. I believe that at the day of Judgment, the Torments of my Mind and Body will be both of 'em more intense; but as I am now, no Spirit in Hell endures what I do: [Page 52] How gladly would I change my con­dition for Hell! And how earnestly would I increat of my angry Judge to send me thither, if I was not afraid that he would out of vengeance deny me?’ Here he clos'd his Eyes a little, and began to talk idly and be­sides himself, every now and then groaning and gnashing his Teeth; but when he open'd his Eyes and looket about, he grew sensible again, and felt for his own Pulse, saying, ‘How lazily my Minutes pass on! When will be the last Breath, the last Pulse, that shall beat my Spirit out of this decay'd Mansion into those desir'd Regi­ons of Death and Hell? Oh! I find 'tis just at hand; and what shall I now say? I'm now afraid again to die. Ah the forlorn Hope, the de­stitute State of an Atheist that has no God to go to, nothing to fly to for Peace or Comfort!’ Here his Speech fail'd him again; and we all believ­ing him to be just a leaving the World went to Prayer, which threw him into [Page 53] an Agony, in which, tho' he could not speak perfectly, he made what noise he could to hinder himself from hear­ing, and turn'd away his Face that he might not see the Action; which we perceiving, we recommeded him to the Mercy of God, and gave over. His Speech return'd not again for a considerable time, but he fixt his Ghast­ly Eyes upon us, and by the Air of his Countenance shew'd, that we had not a little disoblig'd him: And as soon as he could speak, he said, ‘Tygers and Monsters, are ye also be­come Devils to Torment me, and give me a Prospect of Heaven, to make my Hell the more intollerable?’ Alas, Sir, replyed I, what Interest can we have in making you miserable? 'Tis our desire of your recovery and reconciliation with God, that casts us down at the Throne of Grace; if we must not seek assistance at the hand of God, where else should we seek it? If God denies; who else can give it? If he will not have Mercy; whether [Page 54] must we go for it? To which he re­ply'd, ‘Ay that's the Wound, God is become my Enemy, and there is none so strong as he to deliver m [...] out of his Hand; he consigns me o­ver to his Eternal Wrath and Ven­geance, and there is none that is able to Redeem me. Was there another God as mighty as he who would Patronize my Cause, or was I above or Independent of God, then I could Act and Dispose of my self as I plea­sed, then would my Horror cease and the Expectation and Designs of my Formidable Enemy be frustrate but this cannot be, for I’—Her [...] his Voice failed him again, and he be­gan to struggle and gasp for a little Breath, which having recovered, with a Groan so Dreadful and Loud, as i [...] it had not been Humane, he Cryed out, ‘Oh the insufferable Pangs of Hell and Damnation!’ and so he Died Death setling the Visage of his Face in such a Form, as if the Body, tho Dead, was sensible of the Extremity of [Page 55] Torments. How God disposed of his we know not; Secret things belong to the Lord, to us Charity and Hope; [...]et not so much as to make this no Example to us, for such Instances are signalized on purpose to Teach us Fear and Reverence, to Judge our selves, and use the utmost Diligence and Care to make our Calling and Election sure.