THE LUCUBRATIONS OF Isaac Bickerstaff Esq

Revised and Corrected by the Author.

VOL. I.

[...]
Homer.

LONDON, Printed by John Nutt, and sold by John Mor­phew, near Stationers-Hall. MDCCXII.

TO Mr. Maynwaring.

SIR,

THE State of Conversa­tion and Business in this Town having been long perplexed with Pretenders in both Kinds, in order to open Men's Eyes against such Abuses, it appeared no unprofitable Un­dertaking to publish a Paper which should observe upon the Manners of the Pleasurable, as well as the Busie Part of Mankind. To make this generally read, it seemed the most proper Method to form it by Way of a Let­ter of Intelligence, consisting of such Parts as might gratify the Curiosity of Persons of all Conditions, and of each Sex. [Page iv] But a Work of this Nature re­quiring Time to grow into the Notice of the World, it hap­pened very luckily, that a little before I had resolved upon this Design, a Gentleman had written Predictions, and Two or Three other Pieces in my Name, which had render'd it famous thro' all Parts of Europe; and by an inimi­table Spirit and Humour, raised it to as high a Pitch of Reputation as it could possibly arrive at.

By this good Fortune, the Name of Isaac Bickerstaff gained an Audience of all who had any Taste of Wit, and the Addition of the ordinary Occurrences of common Journals of News brought in a Multitude of other Readers. I could not, I confess, long keep up the Opinion of the Town, that these Lucubrations [Page v] were written by the same Hand with the first Works which were published under my Name; but before I lost the Participation of that Author's Fame, I had al­ready found the Advantage of his Authority, to which I owe the sudden Acceptance which my Labours met with in the World.

The general Purpose of this Paper, is to expose the false Arts of Life, to pull off the Disguises of Cunning, Vanity, and Affecta­tion, and to recommend a general Simplicity in our Dress, our Dis­course, and our Behaviour. No Man has a better Judgment for the Discovery, or a nobler Spirit for the Contempt of all Impo­sture, than your self; which Qua­lities render you the most proper Patron for the Author of these Essays. In the general, the De­sign, [Page vi] however executed, has meet with so great Success, that there is hardly a Name now eminent a­mong us for Power, Wit, Beauty, Valour, or Wisdom, which is not subscribed, for the Encourage­ment of the Two Volumes in Octavo, on a Royal or Medium Pa­per. This is indeed an Honour for which it is impossible to ex­press a suitable Gratitude; and there is nothing could be an Ad­dition to the Pleasure I take in it, but the Reflection that it gives me the most conspicuous Occasion I can ever have, of subscribing my self,

SIR,
Your most Obliged, most Obedient, and most Humble Servant, Isaac Bickerstaff.

[No 1. THE TATLER:

Quicquid agunt Homines uostri Farrago Libelli.

THO' the other Papers which are pub­lished for the Use of the good People of England have certainly very wholsom Effects, and are laudable in their parti­cular Kinds, they do not seem to come up to the main Design of such Narrations, which I humbly presume, should be principally intended for the Use of politick Persons, who are so publick-spirited as to neglect their own Affairs to look into Trans­actions of State. Now these Gentlemen, for the most Part, being Persons of strong Zeal, and weak Intellects, It is both a Charitable and Necessary Work to offer something, whereby such worthy and well-affected Members of the Commonwealth may be instructed, after their Reading, what to [Page 2] think; which shall be the End and Purpose of this my Paper: Wherein I shall from Time to Time Report and Consider all Matters of what Kind so­ever that shall occur to Me, and publish such my Advices and Reflections every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday in the Week, for the Convenience of the Post. I resolved also to have something which may be of Entertainment to the Fair Sex, in Honour of whom I have taken the Title of this Paper. I therefore earnestly desire all Persons, without Di­stinction, to take it in for the present Gratis, and hereafter at the Price of One Penny, forbidding all Hawkers to take more for it at their Peril. And I desire all Persons to consider, that I am at a very great Charge for proper Materials for this Work, as well as that before I resolved upon it, I had settled a Correspondence in all Parts of the Known and Knowing World. And forasmuch as this Globe is not trodden upon by meer Drudges of Business only, but that Men of Spirit and Genius are justly to be esteemed as considerable Agents in it, we shall not, upon a Dearth of News, present you with musty Foreign Edicts, or dull Proclamations, but shall divide our Relation of the Passages which occur in Action or Discourse throughout this Town as well as elsewhere, under such Dates of Places as may prepare you for the Matter you are to expect, in the following Manner:

All Accounts of Gallantry, Pleasure, and En­tertainment, shall be under the Article of White's Chocolate-house; Poetry under that of Will's Coffee-house: Learning, under the Title of Grae­cian; Foreign and Domestick News, you will have from St. James's Coffee-house; and what else I have to offer on any other Subject shall be dated from my own Apartment.

I once more desire my Reader to consider, That as I cannot keep an ingenious Man to go daily to [Page 3] Will's, under Twopence each Day mereby for his Charges; to White's, under Sixpence; nor to the Graecian, without allowing him some Plain Spa­nish, to be as able as others at the Learned Table; and that a good Observer cannot speak with even Kidney at St. James's without clean Linnen. I say, these Considerations will, I hope, make all Per­sons willing to comply with my Humble Request (when my Gratis Stock is exhausted) of a Penny a-piece; especially since they are sure of some pro­per Amusement, and that it is impossible for me to want Means to entertain 'em, having, besides the Force of my own Parts, the Power of Divina­tion, and that I can, by casting a Figure, tell you all that will happen before it comes to pass.

But this last Faculty I shall use very sparingly, and speak but of few Things 'till they are passed for fear of divulging Matters which may offend our Superiors.

THE deplorable Condition of a very pretty Gentleman, who walks here at the Hours when Men of Quality first appear, is what is very much lamented. His History is, That on the 9th of September 1705. being in his One and twentieth Year, he was washing his Teeth at a Tavern Window in Pall-mall, when a fine Equipage passed by, and in it a young Lady who looked up at him; away goes the Coach, and the young Gentleman pulled off his Night­cap, and instead of rubbing his Gums, as he ought to do out of the Window till about Four a Clock, sits him down, and spoke not a Word till Twelve at Night; after which, he began to enquire, If any Body knew the Lady—The Company asked, What Lady? But he said [Page 4] no more, 'till they broke up at Six in the Mor­ning. All the ensuing Winter he went from Church to Church every Sunday, and from Play­house to Playhouse every Night in the Week, but could never find the Original of the Picture which dwelt in his Bosom. In a Word, his Attention to any Thing but his Passion, was utterly gone. He has lost all the Money he ever played for, and been confuted in every Argument he has enter'd upon since the Moment he first saw her. He is of a Noble Family, has naturally a very good Air, and is of a frank, honest Temper: But this Passion has so extremely mauled him, that his Features are set and uninformed, and his whole Visage is deaden'd by a long Absence of Thought. He never appears in any Alacrity, but when raised by Wine; at which Time he is sure to come hither, and throw away a great deal of Wit on Fellows, who have no Sense fur­ther than just to observe, That our poor Lover has most Understanding when he is drunk, and is least in his Senses when he is sober.

On Thursday last was acted, for the Bene­fit of Mr. Betterton, the Celebrated Comedy, called Love for Love. Those excellent Players, Mrs. Barry, Mrs. Bracegirdle, and Mr. Dogget, though not at present concerned in the House, acted on that Occasion. There has not b en known so great a Concourse of Persons of Di­stinction as at that Time; the Stage it self was cover'd with Gentlemen and Ladies, and when the Curtain was drawn, it discovered even there a very splendid Audience. This unusual Encouragement, which was given to a Play for the Advantage of so great an Actor, gives an undeniable Instance, That the true Relish for Manly Entertainments and Rational Plea­sures [Page 5] is not wholly lost. All the Parts were acted to Perfection: the Actors were careful of their Carriage, and no one was guilty of the Affection to insert Witticisms of his own, but a due Respect was had to the Audience, for en­couraging this accomplish'd Player. It is not now doubted but Plays will revive, and take their usual Place in the Opinion of Persons of Wit and Merit, notwithstanding their late Apo­stacy in Favour of Dress and Sound. This Place is very much altered since Mr. Dryden frequen­ted it; where you used to see Songs, Epigrams, and Satyrs, in the Hands of every Man you met, you have now only a Pack of Cards; and in­stead of the Cavils about the Turn of the Ex­pression, the Elegance of the Style, and the like, the Learned now dispute only about the Truth of the Game. But however, the Com­pany is altered, all have shewn a great Respect for Mr. Betterton: And the very Gaming Part of this House have been so much touched with a Sense of the Uncertainty of Humane Affairs, (which alter with themselves every Moment) that in this Gentleman, they pitied Mark An­thony of Rome, Hamlet of Denmark, Mithri­datus of Pontus, Theodosius of Greece, and Henry the Eighth of England. It is well known, he has been in the Condition of each of those illustrious Personages for several Hours toge­ther, and behaved himself in those high Sta­tions, in all the Changes of the Scene, with suitable Dignity. For these Reasons, we in­tend to repeat this Favour to him on a proper Occasion, lest he who can instruct us so well in personating Feigned Sorrows, should be lost to us by suffering under Real Ones. The Town is at present in very great Ex­pectation of seeing a Comedy now in Rehear­sal, [Page 6] which is the 25th Production of my Ho­noured Friend Mr. Thomas D'Urfey; who, be­sides his great Abilities in the Dramatick, has a peculiar Talent in the Lyrick Way of Writing, and that with a Manner wholly new and un­known to the Ancient Greeks and Romans, where­in he is but faintly imitated in the Translations of the Modern Italian Opera's.

Letters from the Hague of the 16th say, That Major-General Cadogan was gone to Brussels, with Orders to disperse proper Instructions for assembling the whole Force of the Allies in Flanders in the Beginning of the next Month. The late Offers concerning Peace, were made in the Style of Persons who think themselves upon equal Terms: But the Allies have so just a Sense of their present Advantages, that they will not admit of a Treaty, except France of­fers what is more suitable to her present Con­dition. At the same Time we make Prepara­tions, as if we were alarmed by a greater Force than that which we are carrying into the Field. Thus this Point seems now to be argued Sword in Hand. This was what a Great General al­luded to, when being asked the Names of those who were to be Plenipotentiaries for the ensu­suing Peace; answered, with a serious Air, There are about an Hundred thousand of us. Mr. Kid­ney, who has the Ear of the greatest Politicians that come hither, tells me, There is a Mail come in to Day with Letters, dated Hague, A­pril 19. N. S. which say, a Design of bringing Part of our Troops into the Field at the latter End of this Month, is now altered to a Resolu­tion of marching towards the Camp about the 20th of the next. There happened t'other Day, in the Road of Scheveling, an Engagement be­tween [Page 7] a Privateer of Zealand, and one of Dun­kirk. The Dunkirker, carrying 33 Pieces of Cannon, was taken and brought into the Texel. It is said, the Courier of Monsieur Rouille is re­turned to him from the Court of France. Mon­sieur Vendo [...]e being reinstated in the Favour of the Dutchess of Burgundy, is to command in Flanders.

Mr. Kidney added, That there were Letters of the 17th from Ghent, which give an Ac­count, That the Enemy had formed a Design to surprize two Battalions of the Allies which lay at Alost; but those Battalions received Advice of their March, and retired to Dendermond. Lieutenant General Wood appeared on this Oc­casion at the Head of 5000 Foot, and 1000 Horse, upon which the Enemy withdrew, without ma­king any further Attempt.

I am sorry I am obliged to trouble the Pub­lick with so much Discourse upon a Matter which I at the very first mentioned as a Tri­fle, viz. the Death of Mr. Partridge, under whose Name there is an Almanack come out for the Year 1709. In one Page of which it is asserted by the said John Partridge, That he is still living, and not only so, but that he was also living some Time before, and even at the Instant when I writ of his Death. I have in another Place, and in a Paper by it self, suf­ficiently convinced this Man that he is dead, and if he has any Shame, I don't doubt but that by this Time he owns it to all his Acquain­tance: For tho' the Legs and Arms, and whole Body of that Man may still appear and perform their animal Functions; yet since, as I have elsewhere observed, his Art is gone, the Man is gone. I am, as I said, concerned, that this [Page 8] little Matter should make so much Noise; but since I am engaged, I take my self obliged in Honour to go on in my Lucubrations, and by the Help of these Arts of which I am Master, as well as my Skill in Astrological Specula­tions, I shall, as I see Occasion, proceed to con­fute other dead Men, who pretend to be in Be­ing, that they are actually deceased. I therefore give all Men fair Warning to mend their Man­ners, for I shall from Time to Time print Bills of Mortality; and I beg Pardon of all such who shall be named therein, if they who are good for nothing shall find themselves in the Number of the Deceased.

The TATLER. [No 2.
From Tuesd. April 12. to Thursd. April 14. 1709.

THere has lain all this Evening on the Ta­ble, the following Poem. The Subject of it being Matter very useful for Families, I thought it deserved to be considered, and made more publick. The Turn the Poet gives it, is very happy; but the Foundation is from a real Accident which happened among my Acquain­tance. A young Gentleman of a great Estate, fell desperately in Love with a great Beauty, of very high Quality, but as ill-natured, as long Flattery and an habitual Self will could make her. However, my young Spark ventures upon her, like a Man of Quality, without be­ing acquainted with her, or having ever saluted [Page 9] her, till it was a Crime to kiss any Woman else. Beauty is a Thing which palls with Pos­session; and the Charms of this Lady soon wanted the Support of good Humour and Com­plaisancy of Manners. Upon this my Spark flies to the Bottle for Relief from his Satiety. She disdains him for being tired with that for which all Men envied him; and he never came Home, but it was—Was there no Sot that would stay longer? Would any Man living but you? Did I leave all the World for this Usage? To which he—Madam, Split me, you are very impertinent! In a Word, this Match was Wedlock in its most terrible Ap­pearances. She, at last weary of Railing to no Purpose, applies to a good Uncle, who gives her a Bottle of Water: The Vertue of this Powerful Liquor (said he) is such, that if the Woman you marry proves a Scold, (which, it seems, my dear Neece, is your Misfortune; as it was your good Mother's before you,) let her hold six Spoonfuls in her Mouth, for a full half Hour after you come Home—But I find I am not in Humour for telling a Tale, and no­thing in Nature is so ungrateful as Story-Telling against the Grain, therefore take it as the Author has given it you.

The MEDECIN.A Tale—for the Ladies.
Miss Molly, a fam'd Toast, was Fair and Young,
Had Wealth and Charms—but then she had a Tongue!
From Morn' to Night, th' Eternal Larum run,
Which often lost those Hearts her Eyes had won.
Sir John was smitten, and confess'd his Flame,
Sigh'd out the usual Time, then wed the Dame;
Possess'd he thought of every Joy of Life,
But his Dear Molly prov'd a very Wife.
Excess of Fondness did in Time decline,
Madam lov'd Money, and the Knight lov'd Wine.
From whence some petty Discords would arise,
As, You're a Fool;—and, You are mighty Wife!
Tho' he and all the World allow'd her Wit,
Her Voice was shrill, and rather loud than sweet;
When she began,—for Hat and Sword he'd call.
Then, after a faint Kiss,—Cry, B'y, Dear Moll:
Supper and Friends expect me at the Rose.
And, what, Sir John, You'll get your usual Dose:
Go, stink of Smoak, and guzzle nasty Wine,
Sure, never Virtuous Love was us'd like Mine!
Oft, as the watchful Bellman march'd his Round,
At a fresh Bottle gay Sir John he found.
By Four the Knight would get his Business done,
And only then reel'd off, because alone;
Full well he knew the dreadful Storm to come,
But arm'd with Bourdeaux, he durst venture Home.
My Lady with her Tongue was still prepar'd,
She rattled loud, and he impatient heard:
'Tis a fine Hour! In a sweet Pickle made!
And this, Sir John, is ev'ry Day the Trade.
Here I sit moping all the live-long Night,
Devour'd with Spleen, and Stranger to Delight;
Till Morn' sends stagg'ring Home a Drunken Beast,
Resolv'd to break my Heart, as well as Rest.
Hey! Hoop! d'ye hear my damn'd obstrep'rous Spouse!
What, can't you find one Bed about the House!
Will that perpetual Clack lie never still!
That Rival to the Softness of a Mill!
Some Couch and distant Room must be my Choice,
Where I may sleep uncurs'd with Wife and Noise.
Long this uncomfortable Life they led,
With snarling Meals, and each a separate Bed.
To an old Uncle oft she would complain,
Beg his Advice, and scarce from Tears refrain.
Old Wisewood smoak'd the Matter as it was,
Cheer up, cry'd he! and I'll remove the Cause.
A wond'rous Spring within my Garden flows,
Of Sov'reign Virtue, chiefly to compose
Domestick Jarrs, and Matrimonial Strife,
The best Elixir t'appease Man and Wife;
Strange are th' Effects, the Qualitles Divine,
'Tis Water call'd, but worth its Weight in Wine.
If in his sullen Airs Sir John should come,
Three Spoonfuls take, hold in your Mouth—then Mum:
Smile, and look Pleas'd, when he shall Rage and Scold,
Still in your Mouth the Healing Cordial hold;
One Month this Sympathetick Med'cin try'd,
He'll grow a Lover, you a Happy Bride.
But, dearest Neece, keep this Grand Secret close,
Or ev'ry prat'ling Hussy'll beg a Dose.
A Water-Bottle's brought for her Relief,
Not Nants could sooner ease the Lady's Grief:
Her busy Thoughts are on the Tryal bent,
And Female-like, impatient for th' Event:
The Bonny Knight reels Home exceeding clear,
Prepar'd for Clamour, and Domestick War.
[Page 12] Entring, he cries,—Hey! Where's our Thunder fled!
No Hurricane! Betty's your Lady dead?
Madam, aside, an ample Mouthful takes,
Court'sys, looks Kind, but not a Word she speaks:
Wond'ring, he star'd, scarcely his Eyes believ'd,
But found his Ears agreeably deceiv'd.
Why, How now, Molly, What's the Crotchet now?
She smiles, and answers only with a Bow.
Then clasping her about,—Why, let me die!
These Nightclothes, Moll, become thee mightily!
With that, he sigh'd, her Hand began to press,
And Betty calls, her Lady to undress.
Nay, kiss me, Molly,—for I'm much inclin'd.
Her Lace she cuts, to take him in the Mind.
Thus the fond Pair to Bed enamour'd went,
The Lady pleas'd, and the good Knight con­tent.
For many Days these fond Endearments pass'd,
The reconciling Bottle fails at last;
'Twas us'd and gone,—Then Midnight Storms arose,
And Looks and Words the Union discompose.
Her Coach is order'd, and Post-haste she flies,
To beg her Uncle for some fresh Supplies;
Transported does the strange Effects relate,
Her Knight's Conversion, and her happy State!
Why, Neece, says he.—I prithee apprehend
The Water's Water,—Be thy self thy Friend;
Such Beauty would the coldest Husband warm,
But your provoking Tongue undoes the Charm:
Be silent, and complying,—You'll soon find,
Sir John, without a Med'cin, will be kind.

Letters from Venice say, The Disappointment of their Expectation to see his Danish Majesty, [Page 13] has very much disquieted the Court of Rome. Our last Advices from Germany inform us, That the Minister of Hanover has urg'd the Council at Ratisbonne to exert themselves in Behalf of the Common Cause, and taken the Liberty to say, That the Dignity, the Virtue, the Pru­dence of his Electoral Highness, his Master, were called to the Head of their Affairs in vain, if they thought fit to leave him naked of the proper Means to make those Excellencies use­ful for the Honour and Safety of the Empire. They write from Berlin of the 13th, O. S. That the true Design of General Fleming's Visit to that Court was, to insinuate, that it will be for the mutual Interest of the King of Prussia and King Augustus to enter into a new Alli­ance; but that the Ministers of Prussia are not inclined to his Sentiments. We hear from Vi­enna, That his Imperial Majesty has expressed great Satisfaction in their High Mightinesses having communicated to him the whole that has passed in the Affair of a Peace. Though there have been Practices used by the Agents of France, in all the Courts of Europe, to break the good Understanding of the Allies, they have had no other Effect, but to make all the Mem­bers concerned in the Alliance, more doubtful of their Safety from the great Offers of the Enemy. The Empire is rouzed by this Alarm, and the Frontiers of all the French Dominions are in Danger of being insulted the ensuing Campagne: Advices from all Parts confirm, That it is impossible for France to find a Way to obtain so much Credit, as to gain any one Po­tentate of the Allies, or conceive any Hope for Safety from other Prospects.

I find it of very great Use, now I am setting up for a Writer of News, that I am an Adept in Astrological Speculations; by which Means. I avoid speaking of Things which may offend Great Persons. But at the same Time, I must not prostitute the Liberal Sciences so far, as not to utter the Truth in Cases which do not im­mediately concern the Good of my Native Country. I must therefore contradict what has been so assuredly reported by the News-Writers of England, That France is in the most deplo­rable Condition, and that their People die in great Multitudes. I will therefore let the World know, that my Correspondent, by the Way of Brussels, informs me, upon his Honour, That the Gentleman who writes the Gazette of Paris, and ought to know as well as any Man, has told him, That ever since the King has been past his 63d Year, or Grand Climacte­rick, there has not died one Man of the French Nation who was younger than his Majesty, ex­cept a very few, who were taken suddenly near the Village of Hickstet in Germany; and some more, who were straitned for Lodging at a Place called Ramilies, and died on the Road to Ghent and Bruges. There are also other Things given out by the Allies, which are Shifts below a Conquering Nation to make use of. Among others, 'tis said, There is a general Murmuring among the People of France, tho' at the same Time all my Letters agree, That there is so good an Understanding among them, that there is not one Morsel carried out of any Market in the Kingdom, but what is delivered upon Credit.

The TATLER. [No 3.
From Thursd. April 14. to Saturd. April 16. 1709.

THis Evening, the Comedy, call'd The Coun­try Wife, was acted in Drury-Lane, for the Benefit of Mrs. Bignall. The Part which gives Name to the Play was performed by her self. Through the whole Action, she made a a very pretty Figure, and exactly entered into the Nature of the Part. Her Husband, in the Drama, is represented to be one of those De­bauchees who run through the Vices of the Town, and believe when they think fit they can marry and settle at their Ease. His own Knowledge of the Iniquity of the Age, makes him chuse a Wife wholly ignorant of it, and place his Security in her Want of Skill how to abuse him. The Poet, on many Occasions, where the Propriety of the Character will admit of it, insinuates, That there is no Defence a­gainst Vice, but the Contempt of it: And has, in the natural Ideas of an untainted Innocent, shown the gradual Steps to Ruin and Destruction, which Persons of Condition run into, without the Help of a good Education how to form their Conduct. The Torment of a Jealous Cox­comb, which arises from his own False Ma­xims, and the Aggravation of his Pain, by the very Words in which he sees her Innocence, makes a very pleasant and instructive Satyr. [Page 16] The Character of Horner, and the Design of it, is a good Representation of the Age in which that Comedy was written; at which Time Love and Wenching were the Business of Life, and the Gallant Manner of pursuing Women was the best Recommendation at Court. To which only it is to be imputed, that a Gentle­man of Mr. Wicherly's Character and Sense, condescends to represent the Insults done to the Honour of the Bed, without just Reproof; but to have drawn a Man of Probity with Re­gard to such Considerations, had been a Mon­ster, and a Poet had at that Time discovered his Want of knowing the Manners of the Court he lived in, by a Virtuous Character in his fine Gentleman, as he would show his Ig­norance, by drawing a Vicious one to please the present Audience. Mrs. Bignall did her Part very happily, and had a certain Grace in her Rusticity, which gave us Hopes of seeing her a very Skilful Player, and in some Parts, supply our Loss of Mrs. Verbruggen. I cannot be of the same Opinion with my Friends and Fellow-Labourers, the Reformers of Manners, in their Severity towards Plays, but must allow, that a good Play acted before a well-bred Au­dience, must raise very proper Incitements to good Behaviour, and be the most quick and most prevailing Method of giving Young Peo­ple a Turn of Sense and Breeding. But as I have set up for a Weekly Historian, I resolve to be a Faithful One; and therefore take this publick Occasion, to admonish a Young Noble­man, who came flustered into the Box last Night, and let him know, how much all his Friends were out of Countenance for him. The Women sate in Terror of hearing some­thing that should shock their Modesty, and all [Page 17] the Gentlemen in as much Pain, out of Com­passion to the Ladies, and perhaps Resentment for the Indignity which was offered in coming into their Presence in so disrespectful a Man­ner. Wine made him say nothing that was Rude, therefore he is forgiven, upon Condition he weill never hazard his offending more in this Kind. As I just now hinted, I own my self of the Society for Reformation of Manners. We have lower Instruments than those of the Fa­mily of Bickerstaff, for punishing great Crimes, and exposing the Abanddoned. Therefore, as I disign to have Notices from all Publick Assem­blies, I shall take upon me only Indecorums, Improprieties, and Negligences, in such as should give us better Examples. After this De­claration; if a Fine Lady thinks fit to giggle at Church, or a Great Beau come in drunk to a Play, either shall be sure to hear of it in my en­suing Paper: For meerly as a well-bred Man, I cannot bear these Enormities.

After the Play, we naturally stroll to this Coffee-house, in Hopes of meeting some new Poem, or other Entertainment, among the Men of Wit and Pleasure, where there is a Dearth a present. But it is wonderful there should be so few Writers, when the Art is be­come meerly Mechanick, and Men may make themselves Great that Way, by as certain and infallible Rules, as you may be a Joiner or a Mason. There happens a good Instance of this, in what the Hawker just now has offered to Sale; to wit, Instructions to Vanderbank; A Sequel to the Advice to the Poets; A poem, oc­casioned by the Glorious Success of Her Majesty's Arms, under the Command of the Duke of Marl­borought, the last Tear in Flanders. Here you are to understand, that the Author finding the [Page 18] Poets would not take his Advice, he troubles himself no more about 'em; but has met with one Vanderbank, who works in Arras, and makes very good Tapestry Hangings: There­fore, in order to celebrate the Hero of the Age, he claps me together all that can be said of a Man that makes Hangings: As,

Then, Artist, who dost Nature's Face express
In Silk and Gold, and Scenes of Action dress;
Dost figur'd Arras animated leave,
Spin a Bright Story, or a Passion weave
By mingling Threads; canst mingle Shade and Light,
Delineate Triumphs, or describe a Fight?

Well, what shall this Work man do? Why? To show how great an Hero the Poet intends, he provides him a very good Horse:

Champing his Foam, and bounding on the Plain
Arch his High Neck, and Graceful spread his Mane.

Now as to the Intrepidity, the calm Cou­rage, the constant Application of the Hero, it is not necessary to take that upon your self; you may, in the Lump, bid him you employ raise him as High as he can, and if he does it not, let him answer for disobeying Orders.

Let Fame and Victory in inferior Sky,
Hover with ballanc'd Wings, and smiling fly
Above his Head, &c.

A whole Poem of this Kind may be ready against an ensuing Campagne, as well as a Space left in the Canvass of a Piece of Tape­stry for the principal Figure, while the Under-Parts are working: So that in Effect, the Ad­viser copies after the Man he pretends to direct. [Page 19] This Method should, methinks, encourage young Beginners: For the Invention is so fitted to all Capacities, that by the Help of it a Man may make a Receipt for a Poem. A young Man may observe, that the Gigg of the Thing is, as I said, finding out all that can be said of his Way you employ to set forth your Worthy. Waller and Denham had worn out the Expe­dient of Advice to a Painter: This Author has transferred the Work, and sent his Advice to the Poets; that is to say, to the Turners of Verse, as he calls 'em. Well, that Thought is worn out also, therefore he directs his Genius to the Loom, and will have a new Set of Hang­ings in Honour of the last Year in Flanders. I must own to you, I approve extremely this Invention, and it might be improved for the Benefit of Manufactury: As, suppose an Inge­nious Gentleman should write a Poem of Ad­vice to a Callico-Printer: Do you think there is a Girl in England, that would wear any Thing but The Taking of Lisle, or The Battle of Oudenarde? They would certainly be all the Fashion, till the Heroes Abroad had cut out some more Parterns. I should fancy small Skirmishes might do for Under-Petticoats, pro­vided they had a Siege for the Upper. If our Adviser were well imitated, many Industrious People might be put to Work. Little Mr. Dactile, now in the Room, who formerly writ a Song and a Half, is a Week gone in a very pretty Work, upon this Hint: He is writing an Epi­gram to a young Virgin who knits very well ('tis a Thousand Pities he is a Jacobite): But his Epigram is by Way of Advice to this Damsel, to knit all the Actions of the Pretender and the Duke of Burgundy last Campagne in the Clock of a Stocking. It were endless to enumerate [Page 20] the many Hands and Trades that may be em­ployed by Poets, of so useful a Turn as this Adviser's. I shall think of it; and in this Time of Taxes, shall consult a great Critick employed in the Custom-house, in order to pro­pose what Tax may be proper to put upon Knives, Seals, Rings, Hangings, Wrought-Beds, Gowns and Petticoats, where any of those Commodities bear Motto's, or are worked upon Poetical Grounds.

Letters from Turin of the 3d Instant, N. S. inform us, That his Royal Highness employs all his Address in alarming the Enemy, and perplexing their Speculations, concerning his real Designs the ensuing Campaign. Contracts are entered into with the Merchants of Milan, for a great Number of Mules to transport his Provisions and Ammunition. His Royal High­ness has ordered the Train of Artillery to be conveyed to Susa before the 20th of the next Month. In the mean Time, all Accounts a­gree, Thas the Enemy are very backward in their Preparations, and almost incapable of de­fending themselves against an Invasion, by rea­son of the general Murmurs of their own Peo­ple; which, they find, are no way to be quiet­ed, but by giving them Hopes of a speedy Peace. When these Letters were dispatched, the Marshal de Thesse was arrived at Genoa, where he has taken much Pains to keep the Correspondents of the Merchants of France in Hopes, that Measures will be found out to support the Credit and Commerce between that State and Lyons; But the late Declaration of the Agents of Monsieur Bernard, that they cannot discharge the Demands made upon [Page 21] them, has quite dispirited all those who are en­gaged in the Remittances of France.

It is a very natural Passion in all good Mem­bers of the Commonwealth, to take what Care they can of their Families. Therefore I hope the Reader will forgive me, that I desire he would go to the Play called the Stratagem, this Evening, which is to be acted for the Benefit of my near Kinsman Mr. John Bicker­staff. I protest to you, the Gentleman has not spoken to me to desire this Favour; but I have a Respect for him, as well in Regard to Con­sanguinity, as that he is an intimate Friend of that Famous and Heroick Actor, Mr. George Powell, who formerly played Alexander the Great in all Places, though he is lately grown so reserved, as to act it only on the Stage.

The TATLER. [No 4.
From Saturd. April 16. to Tuesd. April 19. 1709.

IT is usual with Persons, who mount the Stage for the Cure or Information of the Crowd a­bout 'em, to make solemn Professions of their be­ing wholly disinterested in the Pains they take for the Publick Good. At the same Time, those very Men, who make Harangues in Plush Dou­blets, and extol their own Abilities and Generous Inclinations, tear their Lungs in vending a Drug, and show no Act of Bounty, except it be, that they lower a Demand of a Crown, to Six, nay, to One Penny. We have a Contempt for such Paultry Barterers, and have therefore all [Page 22] along informed the Publick, that we intend to give them our Advices for our own Sakes, and are labouring to make our Lucubrations come to some Price in Money, for our more convenient Support in the Service of the Publick. It is cer­tain, that many other Schemes have been propo­sed to me; as a Friend offered to show me a Trea­tise he had writ, which he called, The Whole Art of Life, or, The Introduction to Great Men, illustrated in a Pack of Cards. But be­ing a Novice at all Manner of Play, I declined the Offer. Another advised me, for want of Money, to set up my Coach and practise Physick, but having been bred a Scholar, I feared I should not succeed that Way neither; therefore resolved to go on in my present Project. But you are to understand, that I shall not pretend to raise a Credit to this Work, upon the Weight of my Po­litick News only, but as my Latin Sentence in the Title Page informs you, shall take any Thing that offers for the Subject of my Discourse. Thus, New Persons, as well as New Things, are to come under my Consideration; as, when a Toast, or a Wit, is first pronounced such, You shall have the freshest Advice of their Preferment from me, with a Description of the Beauty's Manner, and the Wit's Style, as also in whose Places they are advanced. For this Town is never good-natured enough to raise One, without depressing Another. But it is my Design, to avoid saying any Thing, of any Person, which ought justly to displease; but shall endeavour, by the Variety of the Matter and Style, to give Entertainment for Men of Plea­sure, without Offence to those of Business.

ALL Hearts at present pant for Two La­dies only, who have for some Time en­grossed the Dominion of the Town. They are indeed both exceeding Charming, but differ very much in their Excellencies. The Beauty of Clarissa is Soft, that of Chloe Piercing. When you look at Clarissa, you see the most exact Harmony of Feature, Complexion, and Shape; you find in Chloe nothing extraordinary in any one of those Particulars, but the whole Wo­man irresistible. Clarissa looks Languishing; Chloe Killing. Clarissa never fails of gaining Admiration; Chloe of moving Desire. The Gazers at Clarissa are at first unconcerned, as if they were observing a fine Picture. They who behold Chloe, at the first Glance, discover Transport, as if they met their dearest Friend. These different Perfections are suitably repre­sented by the last great Painter Italy has sent us, Mr. Jervase. Clarissa is, by that skilful Hand, placed in a Manner that looks artless, and innocent of the Torments she gives; Chloe drawn with a Liveliness that shows she is con­scious, but not affected, of her Perfections. Clarissa is a Shepherdess; Chloe a Country Girl. I must own, the Design of Chloe's Picture shows, to me, great Mastery in the Painter; for nothing could be better imagined than the Dress he has given her, of a Straw-Hat and Ribband, to represent that Sort of Beauty which enters the Heart with a certain Familiarity, and cheats it into a Belief, that it has received a Lover as well as an Object of Love. The Force of their different Beauties is seen also in the Effects it makes on their Lovers. The Ad­mirers of Chloe are eternally gay and well­pleased: Those of Clarissa, melancholy and [Page 24] thoughtful. And as this Passion always changes the natural Man into a quite different Creature from what he was before, the Love of Chloe makes Coxcombs; that of Clarissa, Madmen. There were of each Kind just now in this Room. Here was one that whistles, laughs, sings, and cuts Capers, for Love of Chloe. Another has just now writ Three Lines to Clarissa, then taken a Turn in the Garden, then came back again, then tore his Fragment, then called for some Chocolate, then went away without it.

Chloe has so many Admirers in the House at present, that there is too much Noise to pro­ceed in my Narration: So that the Progress of the Loves of Clarissa and Chloe, together with the Bottles that are drank each Night for the One, and the many Sighs which are uttered, and Songs written, on the Other, must be our Subject on future Occasions.

Letters from the Hay-market inform us, That on Saturday Night last the Opera of Pyrrhus and Demetrius was performed with great Ap­plause. This Intelligence is not very accepta­ble to us Friends of the Theatre; for the Stage being an Entertainment of the Reason and all our Faculties, this Way of being pleased with the Suspence of 'em for Three Hours together, and being given up to the shallow Satisfaction of the Eyes and Ears only, seems to arise ra­ther from the Degeneracy of our Understand­ing, than an Improvement of our Diversions. That the Understanding has no Part in the Pleasure is evident, from what these Letters very positively assert, to wit, That a great Part of the Performance was done in Italian: And a great Critick fell into Fits in the Gallery, at seeing, not only Time and Place, but Langua­ges [Page 25] and Nations confused in the most incorri­gible Manner. His Spleen is so extremely mo­ved on this Occasion, that he is going to pub­lish a Treatise against Opera's, which, he thinks, have already inclined us to Thoughts of Peace, and if tolerated, must infallibly dispirit us from carrying on the War. He has communicated his Scheme to the whole Room, and declared in what Manner Things of this Kind were first introduced. He has upon this Occasion considered the Nature of Sounds in general, and made a very elaborate Digression upon the London Cries, wherein he has shown from Reason and Philosophy, why Oysters are cried, Card-matches sung, and Turneps and all other Vegetables neither cried, sung, nor said, but sold, with an Accent and Tone neither natu­ral to Man or Beast. This Piece seems to be taken from the Model of that excellent Dis­course of Mrs. Manly the School Mistress, con­cerning Samplers. Advices from the upper End of Piccadilly say, That May-Fair is utter­ly abolished; and we hear, Mr. Penkethman has removed his ingenious Company of Strollers to Greenwich: But other Letters from Deptford say, the Company is only making thither, and not yet settled; but that several Heathen Gods and Goddesses, which are to descend in Ma­chines, landed at the Kings-Head-Stairs last Saturday. Venus and Cupid went on Foot from thence to Greenwich; Mars got drunk in the Town, and broke his Landlord's Head, for which he sate in the Stocks the whole Evening; but Mr. Penkethman giving Security that he should do nothing this ensuing Summer, he was set at Liberty. The most melancholy Part of all, was, that Diana was taken in the Act of Fornication with a Boat-man, and commit­ted [Page 26] by Justice Wrathful, which has, it seems, put a Stop to the Diversions of the Theatre of Black-Heath. But there goes down another Diana and a Patient Grissel next Tide from Billingsgate.

They write from Saxony of the 13th Instant, N. S. That the Grand General of the Crown of Poland was so far from entring into a Treaty with King Stanislaus, that he had written Cir­cular Letters, wherein he exhorted the Palati­nates to join against him; declaring, that this was the most favourable Conjuncture for assert­ing their Liberty.

Letters from the Hague of the 23d Instant, N. S. say, they have Advices from Vienna, which import, That his Electoral Highness of Hannover had signified to the Imperial Court, that he did not intend to put himself at the Head of the Troops of the Empire, except more effectual Measures were taken for acting vigorously against the Enemy the ensuing Cam­paign. Upon this Representation, the Empe­ror has given Orders to several Regiments to march towards the Rhine, and dispatched Ex­presses to the respective Princes of the Empire to desire an Augmentation of their Forces.

These Letters add, That an Express arrived at the Hague on the 20th Instant, with Advice, That the Enemy having made a Detachment from Tournay of 1500 Horse, each Trooper carrying a Foot Soldier behind him, in order to surprise the Garrison of Alost; the Allies, upon Notice of their March, sent out a strong Body of Troops from Ghent, which engaged the Ene­my at Asche, and took 200 of them Prisoners, obliging the rest to retire without making any farther Attempt. On the 22d in the Morning [Page 27] a Fleet of Merchant Ships coming from Scot­land, were attacked by Six French Privateers at the Entrance of the Meuse. We have yet no certain Advice of the Event: But Letters from Rotterdam say, That a Dutch Man of War of Forty Guns, which was Convoy to the said Fleet, was taken, as were also Eighteen of the Merchants. The Swiss Troops, in the Service of the States, have compleated the Augmenta­tion of their respective Companies. Those of Wirtemberg and Prussia are expected on the Frontiers within few Days; and the Auxiliaries from Saxony, as also a Battalion of Holstein, and another of Wolfembuttle, are advancing thither with all Expedition. On the 21st Instant, the Deputies of the States had a Conference near Woerden with the President Rouille, but the Matter which was therein debated is not made publick. His Grace the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene continue at the Hague.

I have lately been very studious for Intelli­gence, and have just now, by my Astrological Flying-Post, received a Packet from Felicia, an Island in America, with an Account that gives me great Satisfaction, and lets me under­stand that the Island was never in greater Prosperity, or the Administration in so good Hands, since the Death of their late glorious King. These Letters import, That the Chief Minister has entered into a firm League with the ablest and best Men of the Nation, to carry on the Cause of Liberty, to the Encourage­ment of Religion, Virtue, and Honour. Those Persons at the Helm are so useful, and in themselves of such Weight, that their strict Alliance must needs tend to the universal Pros­perity of the People. Camillo, it seems, pre­sides [Page 28] over the Deliberations of State; and is so highly valued by all Men for his singular Pro­bity, Courage, Affability, and Love of Man­kind, that his being placed in that Station has dissipated the Fears of that People, who of all the World are the most jealous of their Liber­ty and Happiness. The next Member of their Society is Horatio, who makes all the Publick Dispatches. This Minister is Master of all the Languages in Use to great Perfection. He is held in the highest Veneration imaginable for a severe Honesty, and Love of his Country: He lives in a Court unsullied with any of its Artifices, the Refuge of the Oppressed, and Terror of Oppressors. Martio has joined him­self to this Council; a Man of most undaunt­ed Resolution and great Knowledge in Mari­time Affairs; famous for destroying the Navy of the Franks, and singularly happy in one Particular, That he never preferred a Man who has not proved remarkably serviceable to his Country. Philander is mentioned with particu­lar Distinction; a Nobleman who has the most refined Tast of the true Pleasures and Elegance of Life, joined to an indefatigable Industry in Business: A Man eloquent in As­semblies, agreeable in Conversation, and dex­trous in all Manner of Publick Negotiations. These Letters add, That Verono, who is also of this Council, has lately set Sail to his Govern­ment of Patricia, with Design to confirm the Affections of the People in the Interests of his Queen. This Minister is Master of great Abi­lities, and is as industrious and restless for the Preservation of the Liberties of the People, as the greatest Enemy can be to subvert them. The Influence of these Personages, who are Men of such distinguished Parts and Virtues, [Page 29] makes the People enjoy the utmost Tranquility in the Midst of a War, and gives them undoubt­ed Hopes of a secure Peace from their Vigilance and Integrity.

The TATLER. [No 5.
From Tuesd. April 19. to Thursd. April 21. 1709.

WHO names that lost Thing, Love, without a Tear,
Since so debauch'd by ill-bred Customs here.
To an exact Perfection they have brought
The Action, Love, the Passion is forgot.

This was long ago a witty Author's Lamenta­tion, but the Evil still continues; and if a Man of any Delicacy were to attend the Discourses of the young Fellows of this Age, they would believe there were none but Prostitutes to make the Objects of Passion. So true it is what the Author of the above Verses said, a little before his Death, of the modern Pretenders to Gal­lantry: ‘"They set up for Wits in this Age, by saying when they are Sober, what they of the last spoke only when they were Drunk."’ But Cupid is not only Blind at present, but Dead­drunk; he has lost all his Faculties: Else how should Celia be so long a Maid with that agreea­ble Behaviour? Corinna, with that sprightly Wit? Lesbia, with that Heavenly Voice? And Sacharissa, with all those Excellencies in one Person, frequent the Park, the Play, and murder the poor Tits that drag her to publick Places, and not a Man turn pale at her Appearance? But such is the fallen State of Love, that if it were not for honest Cynthio, [Page 30] who is true to the Cause, we should hardly have a Pattern left of the ancient Worthies that Way: And indeed he has but very little Encourage­ment to persevere; but he has a Devotion, ra­ther than Love, for his Mistress; and says,

Only tell her that I love,
Leave the rest to her, and Fate;
Some kind Planet from Above,
May, perhaps, her Passion move:
Lovers on their Stars must wait.

But the Stars I am so intimately acquainted with, that I can assure him he will never have her: For would you believe it, tho' Cynthio has Wit, Good Sense, Fortune, and his very Being depends upon her, the Termagant for whom he fighs, is in Love with a Fellow, who stares in the Glass all the Time he is with her, and lets her plainly see, she may possibly be his Rival, but never his Mistress. Yet Cynthio, the same unhappy Man whom I mentioned in my first Narrative, pleases himself with a vain Imagina­tion, that with the Language of his Eyes, now he has found who she is, he shall conquer her, though her Eyes are intent upon one who looks from her; which is ordinary with the Sex. It is certainly a Mistake in the Ancients, to draw the little Gentleman, Love, as a blind Boy; for his real Character is, a little Thief that squints. For ask Mrs. Meddle, who is a Confident, or Spy, upon all the Passions in Town, and she'll tell you, that the Whole is a Game of Cross Purposes. The Lover is generally pursuing one who is in Pursuit of another, and running from one that desires to meet him. Nay, the Nature of this Passion is so justly represented in a squinting little Thief, (who is always in a Double Action) that do but observe Clarissa [Page 31] next Time you see her, and you'll find, when her Eyes have made their soft Tour round the Company, she makes no Stay on him they say she is to marry, but rests Two Seconds of a Mi­nute on Wildair, who neither looks nor thinks on her, or any Woman else. However, Cynthio had a Bow from her t'other Day, upon which he is very much come to himself; and I heard him send his Man of an Errand Yesterday with­out any Manner of Hesitation; a Quarter of an Hour after which he reckoned Twenty, re­member'd he was to sup with a Friend, and went exactly to his Appointment. I sent to know how he did this Morning, and I find he hath not forgot that he spoke to me Yester­day.

This Week being Sacred to Holy Things, and no publick Diversions allowed, there has been taken Notice of, even here, a little Treatise, called, A Project for the Advancement of Reli­gion: Dedicated to the Countess of Berkeley. The Title was so uncommon, and promised so peculiar a Way of Thinking, that every Man here has read it, and as many as have done so, have approved it. It is written with the Spirit of one who has seen the World enough to un­dervalue it with good Breeding. The Author must certainly be a Man of Wisdom, as well as Piety, and have spent much Time in the Ex­ercise of both. The real Causes of the Decay of the Interest of Religion, are set forth in a clear and lively Manner, without unseasonable Passions; and the whole Air of the Book, as to the Language, the Sentiments, and the Reason­ings, show it was written by one whose Virtue sits easie about him, and to whom Vice is throughly contemptible. It was said by one of [Page 32] this Company, alluding to that Knowledge of the World the Author seems to have, the Man writes much like a Gentleman, and goes to Hea­ven with a very good Mien.

Letters from Italy say, That the Marquis de Prie, upon the Receipt of an Express from the Court of Vienna, went immediately to the Pa­lace of Cardinal Paulucci, Minister of State to his Holiness, and demanded in the Name of his Imperial Majesty, that King Charles should be forthwith acknowledged King of Spain, by a solemn Act of the Congregation of Cardinals appointed for that Purpose: He declared at the same Time, That if the least Hesitation were made in this most important Article of the late Treaty, he should not only be obliged to leave Rome himself, but also transmit his Master's Orders to the Imperial Troops to face about, and return into the Ecclesiastical Dominions. When the Cardinal reported this Message to the Pope, his Holiness was struck with so sensible an Affliction, that he burst into Tears. His Sor­row was aggravated by Letters which imme­diately after arrived from the Court of Madrid, wherein his Nuncio acquainted him, That upon the News of his Accommodation with the Em­peror, he had received a Message to forbear com­ing to Court; and the People were so highly pro­voked, that they could hardly be restrain'd from insulting his Palace. These Letters add, That the King of Denmark was gone from Florence to Pisa, and from Pisa to Leghorn, where the Go­vernour paid his Majesty all imaginable Ho­nours. The King designed to go from thence to Lucca, where a Magnificent Tournament was prepared for his Diversion. An English Man of War, which came from Port Mahon to Leghorn [Page 33] in 6 Days, brought Advice. That the Fleet com­manded by Admiral Whitaker was safely ar­rived at Barcelona, with the Troops and Ammu­nition which he had taken in at Naples.

General Boneval, Governo of Commacchio, had summoned the Magistrates of all the Towns near that Place to appear before him, and take an Oath of Fidelity to his Imperial Majesty, commanding also the Gentry to pay him Ho­mage, on Pain of Death and Confiscation of Goods. Advices from Swisserland inform us, That the Bankers of Geneva were utterly rui­ned by the Failure of Mr. Bernard. They add, That the Deputies of the Swiss Cantons were returned from Soleure, where they were assem­bled at the Instance of the French Ambassador; but were very much dissatisfied with the Re­ception they had from that Minister. 'Tis true, he omitted no Civilities, or Expressions of Friendship from his Master, but he took no Notice of their Pensions and Arrears; what further provoked their Indignation, was, That instead of 25 Pistoles formerly allowed to each Member for their Charge in coming to the Diet, he had presented them with 6 only. They write from Dresden, That King Augustus was still busie in recruiting his Cavalry, and that the Danish Troops, which lately served in Hun­gary, had Orders to be in Saxony in the Middle of May, and that his Majesty of Denmark was expected at Dresden in the Beginning of that Month. King Augustus makes great Prepara­tions for his Reception, and has appointed Six­ty Coaches, each drawn by Six Horses, for that Purpose: The Interview of these Princes af­fords great Matter for Speculation. Letters from Paris of the 22d of this Month say, That Mareschal Harcourt and the Duke of Berwick [Page 34] were preparing to go into Alsace and Dauphiné, but that their Troops were in Want of all Man­ner of Necessaries. The Court of France had received Advices from Madrid, That on the 7th of this Month the States of Spain had with much Magnificence acknowledged the Prince of Asturias Presumptive Heir of the Crown. This was performed at Buen Retiro; the Depu­ties took the Oaths on that Occasion from the Hands of Cardinal Portocarrero. These Ad­vices add, That it was signified to the Pope's Nuncio, by Order of Council, to depart from that Court in 24 Hours, and that a Guard was accordingly appointed to conduct him to Bay­onne.

Letters from the Hague of the 26th Instant inform us, That Prince Eugene was to set out the next Day for Brussels, to put all Things in a Readiness for opening the Campaign. They add, That the Grand Pensioner having reported to the Duke of Marlborough what passed in the last Conference with Mr. Rouille, his Grace had taken a Resolution immediately to return to Great Britain, to communicate to Her Majesty all that has been transacted in that important Affair.

The Nature of my Miscellaneous Work is such, that I shall always take the Liberty to tell for News such Things (let 'em have happened never so much before the Time of Writing) as have escaped publick Notice, or have been mis­represented to the World, provided that I am still within Rules, and trespass not as a Tatler any further than in an Incorrectness of Style, and writing in an Air of common Speech. Thus if any Thing that is said, even of old Anchises or Aeneas, be set by me in a different Light than has [Page 35] hitherto been hit upon, in order to inspire the Love and Admiration of worthy Actions, you will, Gentle Reader, I hope, accept of it for In­telligence you had not before. But I am going upon a Narrative, the Matter of which I know to be true: It is not only doing Justice to the deceas'd Merit of such Persons, as, had they li­ved, would not have had it in their Power to thank me, but also an Instance of the Greatness of Spirit in the lowest of Her Majesty's Subjects. Take it as follows:

At the Siege of Namur by the Allies, there were in the Ranks of the Company commanded by Captain Pincent, in Colonel Frederick Hamil­ton's Regiment, one Unnion a Corporal, and one Valentine a private Centinel: There happened between these Two Men a Dispute about a Mat­ter of Love, which, upon some Aggravations, grew to an irreconcileable Hatred. Unnion be­ing the Officer of Valentine, took all Opportuni­ties even to strike his Rival, and profess the Spite and Revenge which moved him to it. The Centinel bore it without Resistance, but frequent­ly said, He would die to be revenged of that Tyrant. They had spent whole Months thus, one injuring, the other complaining; when in the Midst of this Rage towards each other, they were commanded upon the Attack of the Ca­stle, where the Corporal received a Shot in the Thigh, and fell; the French pressing on, and he expecting to be trampled to Death, called out to his Enemy, Ah, Valentine! Can you leave me here? Valentine immediately ran back, and in the Midst of a thick Fire of the French, took the Corporal upon his Back, and brought him thro' all that Danger as far as the Abbey of Salsine, where a Cannon-Ball took off his Head: His Bo­dy fell under his Enemy whom he was carrying [Page 36] off. Unnion immediately forgot his Wound, rose up, tearing his Hair, and then threw himself up­on the bleeding Carcass, crying, Ah Valentine! Was it for me, who have so barbarously used thee, that thou hast died? I will not live after thee. He was not by any Means to be forced from the Body, but was removed with it bleed­ing in his Arms, and attended with Tears by all their Comrades, who knew their Enmity. When he was brought to a Tent, his Wounds were dressed by Force; but the next Day, still calling upon Valentine, and lamenting his Cruel­ties to him, he died in the Pangs of Remorse and Despair.

It may be a Question among Men of Noble Sentiments, Whether of these unfortunate Per­sons had the greater Soul, he that was so gene­rous as to venture his Life for his Enemy, or he who could not survive the Man that died, in lay­ing upon him such an Obligation?

When we see Spirits like these in a People, to what Heights may we not suppose their Glory may arise, but (as it is excellently ob­served by Sallust) it is not only to the general Bent of a Nation that great Revolutions are owing, but to the extraordinary Genio's that lead 'em. On which Occasion he proceeds to say, That the Roman Greatness was neither to be attributed to their superior Poli y, for in that the Carthaginians excelled; nor to their Valour, for in that the French were preferable; but to particular Men, who were born for the Good of their Country, and formed for great Attempts. This he says to introduce the Characters of Caesar and Cato. It would be entring into too weighty a Discourse for this Place, if I attempted to show, that our Na­tion has produced as great and able Men for [Page 37] publick Affairs as any other. But I believe, the Reader outruns me, and fixes his Imagination upon the Duke of Marlborough. It is, me­thinks, a pleasing Reflection to consider the Dispensations of Providence in the Fortune of this Illustrious Man, who, in the Space of Forty Years, has passed through all the Grada­tions of Humane Life, till he has ascended to the Character of a Prince, and become the Scourge of a Tyrant, who sate in one of the greatest Thrones of Europe, before the Man who was to have the greatest Part in his Downfal had made one Step in the World. But such Elevations are the Natural Conse­quences of an exact Prudence, a calm Courage, a well governed Temper, a patient Ambition, and an affable Behaviour. These Arts, as they are the Steps to his Greatness, so they are the Pillars of it now it is raised. To this her Glo­rious Son, Great Britain is indebted for the hap­py Conduct of her Arms, in whom she can boast, She has produced a Man formed by Na­ture to lead a Nation of Heroes.

The TATLER. [No 6.
From Thursd. April 21. to Saturd. April 23. 1709.

I AM just come from visiting Sappho, a fine Lady, who writes Verses, sings, dances, and can say and do whatever she pleases, without the Imputation of any Thing that can injure her Character; for she is so well known to have no Passion but Self-Love, or Folly but Affectation, that now upon any Occasion, they only cry, 'Tis her Way, and That's so like her, [Page 38] without further Reflection. As I came into the Room, she cries, Oh! Mr. Bickerstaff, I am utterly undone! I have broke that pretty Italian Fan I showed you when you were here last, wherein were so admirably drawn our First Parents in Paradise asleep in each other's Arms. But there is such an Affinity between Painting and Poetry, that I have been impro­ving the Images which were raised by that Picture, by reading the same Representation in Two of our greatest Poets. Look you, here are the Passages in Milton and in Dryden. All Milton's Thoughts are wonderfully just and na­tural, in this inimitable Description which Adam makes of himself in the Eighth Book of Paradise Lost. But there is none of them finer than that contained in the following Lines, where he tells us his Thoughts when he was falling asleep a little after his Creation:

While thus I call'd, and stray'd I know not whi­ther,
From whence I first drew Air, and first beheld
This happy Light; when Answer none return'd,
On a green shady Bank, profuse of Flowers,
Pensive I sate me down, there gentle Sleep
First found me, and with soft Oppression seiz'd
My drowned Sense, untroubled, though I thought
I then was passing to my former State,
Insensible and forthwith to dissolve.

But now I can't forgive this odious Thing: This Dryden, who, in his State of Innocence, has given my Great-Grandmother Eve the same Apprehension of Annihilation on a very diffe­rent Occasion: As Adam pronounces it of himself. when he was seized with a pleasing Kind of Stupor and Deadness, Eve fancies her­self [Page 39] falling away, and dissolving in the Hurry of a Rapture. However, the Verses are very good, and I don't know but it may be natural what she says. I'll read 'em:

When your kind Eyes look'd languishing on mine,
And wreathing Arms did soft Embraces join;
A doubtful Trembling seiz'd me first all o'er,
Then Wishes, and a Warmth unknown before:
What follow'd, was all Extasie and Trance,
Immortal Pleasures round my swimming Eyes did dance;
And speechless Joys, in whose sweet Tumults tost,
I thought my Breath and my New Being lost.

She went on, and said a Thousand good Things at Random, but so strangely mixed, that you would be apt to say, All her Wit is meer good Luck, and not the Effect of Reason and Judgment. When I made my Escape hi­ther, I found a Gentleman playing the Critick on Two other great Poets, even Virgil and Ho­mer. He was observing, that Virgil is more judicious than the other in the Epithets he gives his Hero. Homer's usual Epithet, said he, is [...], or [...], and his Indiscre­tion has been often rallied by the Criticks, for mentioning the Nimbleness of Foot in Achilles, though he describes him standing, sitting, lying down, fighting, eating, drinking, or in any other Circumstance, however foreign or repugnant to Speed and Activity. Virgil's common Epi­thet to Aeneas, is Pius, or Pater. I have there­fore considered, said he, what Passage there is in any of his Hero's Actions, where either of these Appellations would have been most im­proper, to see if I could catch him at the same Fault with Homer: And this, I think, is his Meeting with Dido in the Cave, where Pius [Page 40] Aeneas would have been Absurd, and Pater Aeneas a Burlesque: The Poet has therefore wisely dropped 'em both for Dux Trojanus.

Speluncam Dido Dux & Trojanus candem
Deveniunt, —

Which he has repeated twice in Juno's Speech, and his own Narration: For he very well knew, a loose Action might be consistent enough with the usual Manners of a Soldier, tho' it became neither the Chastity of a Pious Man, nor the Gravity of the Father of a People.

While other Parts of the Town are amused with the present Actions, we generally spend the Evening at this Table in Enquiries into An­tiquity, and think any Thing News which gives us new Knowledge. Thus we are ma­king a very pleasant Entertainment to our selves, in putting the Actions of Homer's Iliad into an exact Journal.

This Poem is introduced by Chryses, King of Chryseis, and Priest of Apollo, who comes to re­demand his Daughter, who was carried off at the Taking of that City, and given to Aga­memnon for his Part of the Booty. The Refu­sal he received enrages Apollo, who for Nine Days showered down Darts upon them, which occasioned the Pestilence.

The 10th Day Achilles assembles the Coun­cil, and encourages Calchas to speak for the Surrender of Chryseis to appease Apollo. Aga­memnon and Achilles storm at one another, notwithstanding which Agamemnon will not release his Prisoner, unless he has Briseis in her Stead. After long Contestations, wherein Aga­memnon gives a glorious Character of Achil­les's Valour, he determines to restore Briseis to [Page 41] her Father, and sends Two Heralds to fetch away Chryseis from Achilles, who abandons him­self to Sorrow and Despair. His Mother Thetis came to comfort him under his Affliction, and promises to represent his sorrowful Lamenta­tions to Jupiter: But he could not attend it; for the Evening before, he had appointed to divert himself for Two Days beyond the Seas with the harmless Aethiopians.

'Twas the 21st Day after Chryseis's Arrival to the Camp, that Thetis went very early to demand an Audience of Jupiter. The Means he uses to satisfie her were, to perswade the Greeks to attack the Trojans; that so they might perceive the Consequence of contemning Achil­les, and the Miseries they suffer if he does not head them. The next Night he orders Aga­memnon, in a Dream, to attack them; who was deceived with the Hopes of obtaining a Victo­ry, and also taking the City without sharing the Honour with Achilles.

On the 22d in the Morning, he assembles the Council, and having made a Feint of raising the Siege and retiring, he declares to them his Dream; and, together with Nestor and Ulysses, resolves on an Engagement.

This was the 23d Day, which is full of Inci­dents, and which continues from almost the Beginning of the Second Canto to the Eighth. The Armies being then drawn up in View of one another, Hector brings it about, that Mene­laus and Paris, the Two Persons concerned in the Quarrel, should decide it by a single Com­bat; which tending to the Advantage of Mene­laus, was interrupted by a Cowardice infused by Minerva: Then both Armies engage, where the Trojans have the Disadvantage; but being afterwards animated by Apollo, they repulse [Page 42] the Enemy, yet they are once again forced to give Ground; but their Affairs were retrieved by Hector, who has a single Combat with Ajax. The Gods threw themselves into the Battle, Juno and Minerva took the Gracians Part, and Apollo and Mars the Trojans: But Mars and Ve­nus are both wounded by Diomedes.

The Truce for burying the Slain ended the 23d Day; after which the Greeks threw up a great Intrenchment to secure their Navy from Danger. Councils are held on both Sides. On the Morning of the 24th Day, the Battle is re­newed, but in a very disadvantagious Manner to the Greeks, who were beaten back to their Retrenchments. Agamemnon being in Despair at this ill Success, proposes to the Counsel to quit the Enterprize and retire from Troy. But by the Advice of Nestor, he is perswaded to re­gain Achilles, by returning Chryseis, and sending him considerable Presents. Hereupon, Ulysses and Ajax are sent to that Hero, who conti­nues inflexible in his Anger. Ulysses, at his Return, joins himself with Diomedes, and goes in the Night to gain Intelligence of the Ene­my: They enter into their very Camp, where, finding the Centinels asleep, they made a great Slaughter. Rhesus, who was just then arrived with Recruits from Thrace for the Trojans, was killed in that Action. Here ends the 10th Can­to. The Sequel of this Journal will be inserted in the next Article from this Place.

We hear from Italy, That notwithstanding the Pope has received a Letter from the Duke of Anjou, demanding of him to explain himself upon the Affair of acknowledging King Charles, his Holiness has not yet thought fit to send any Answer to that Prince. The Court of Rome [Page 43] appears very much mortified, that they are not to see his Majesty of Denmark in that City, ha­ving perhaps given themselves vain Hopes from a Visit made by a Protestant Prince to that See. The Pope has dispatched a Gentleman to com­pliment his Majesty, and sent the King a Pre­sent of all the Curiosities and Antiquities of Rome, represented in Seventeen Volumes, very richly bound, which were taken out of the Vatican Library. Letters from Genoa of the 14th Instant say, A Felucca was arrived there in Five Days from Marseilles, with an Account, That the People of that City had made an In­surrection, by reason of the Scarcity of Provi­sions; and that the Intendant had ordered some Companies of Marines, and the Men belonging to the Gallies, to stand to their Arms to pro­tect him from Violence; but that he began to be in as much Apprehension of his Guards, as those from whom they were to defend him. When that Vessel came away, the Soldiers murmured publickly for Want of Pay; and it was generally believed, they would pillage the Magazines, as the Garrisons of Grenoble, and other Towns of France, had already done. A Vessel which lately came into Leghorn brought Advice, That the British Squadron was arrived at Port Mahon, where they were taking in more Troops, in order to attempt the Relief of Alicant, which still made a very vigorous Defence. 'Tis said, Admiral Bing will be at the Head of that Expedition. The King of Denmark was gone from Leghorn towards Lucca.

They write from Vienna, That in case the Allies should enter into a Treaty of Peace with France, Count Zinzendorf will be appointed First Plenipotentiary, the Count de Goes the Se­cond, [Page 44] and Monsieur Van Konsbruch a Third. Major-General Palmes, Envoy Extraordinary from Her Britannick Majesty, has been very ur­gent with that Court to make their utmost Ef­forts against France the ensuing Campaign, in order to oblige it to such a Peace, as may establish the Tranquility of Europe for the fu­ture.

We are also informed, That the Pope uses all imaginable Shifts to elude the Treaty con­cluded with the Emperor, and that he demand­ed the immediate Restitution of Commacchio, insisting also, That his Imperial Majesty should ask Pardon, and desire Absolution for what has formerly passed, before he would solemnly ac­knowledge King Charles: But this was utterly refused.

They hear at Vienna, by Letters from Con­stantinople, dated the 22d of February last, That on the 12th of that Month the Grand Signior took Occasion, at the Celebration of the Festi­vals of the Musselmen, to set all the Christian Slaves which were in the Galleys at Liberty.

Advices from Swisserland import, That the Preachers of the County of Tockenburg conti­nue to create new Jealousies of the Protestants, and some Disturbances lately happened there on that Account. The Protestants and Papists in the Town of Hamman go to Divine Service one after another in the same Church, as is usual in many other Parts of Swisserland; but on Sunday the 10th Instant, the Popish Curate having ended his Service, attempted to hinder the Protestants from entring into the Church according to Custom; but the Protestants brisk­ly attacked him and his Party, and broke into it by Force.

[Page 45] Last Night, between Seven and Eight, his Grace the Duke of Marlborough arrived at Court.

The present great Captains of the Age, the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene, ha­ving been the Subject of the Discourse of the last Company I was in, it has naturally led me into a Consideration of Alexander and Caesar, the Two greatest Names which ever appeared before this Century. In order to enter into their Characters, there needs no more but exa­mining their Behaviour in Parallel Circum­stances. It must be allowed, That they had an equal Greatness of Soul; but Caesar's was more corrected and allayed by a Mixture of Prudence and Circumspection. This is seen conspicuously in one Particular in their Histo­ries, wherein they seem to have shown exactly the Difference of their Tempers. When Alex­ander, after a long Course of Victories, would still have led his Soldiers farther from Home, they unanimously refused to follow him. We meet with the like Behaviour in Caesar's Army in the Midst of his March against Ariovistus. Let us therefore observe the Conduct of our Two Generals in so nice an Affair: And here we find Alexander at the Head of his Army, upbraiding them with their Cowardice, and Meanness of Spirit; and in the End, telling them plainly, He would go forward himself, though not a Man followed him. This show­ed indeed an excessive Bravery; but how would the Commander have come off, if the Speech had not succeeded, and the Soldiers had taken him at his Word? The Project seems of a Piece with Mr. Bays's in the Rehearsal, who, to gain a Clap in his Prologue, comes out, with a ter­rible Fellow in a Fur-Cap following him, and [Page 46] tells his Audience, If they would not like his Play, he would lie down and have his Head struck off. If this gained a Clap, all was well; but if not, there was nothing left but for the Executioner to do his Office. But Caesar would not leave the Success of his Speech to such un­certain Events: He shews his Men the Unrea­sonableness of their Fears in an obliging Man­ner, and concludes, That if none else would march along with them, he would go himself with the Tenth Legion, for he was assured of their Fidelity and Valour, though all the rest forsook him; not but that in all Probability they were as much against the March as the rest. The Result of all was very natural: The Tenth Legion fired with the Praises of their Ge­neral, send Thanks to him for the just Opinion he entertains of 'em; and the rest, ashamed to be outdone, assure him, That they are as rea­dy to follow where he pleases to lead them, as any other Part of the Army.

The TATLER. [No 7.
From Saturd. April 23. to Tuesd. April 26. 1709.

IT is so just an Observation, That Mocking is Catching, that I am become an unhappy In­stance of it, and am (in the same Manner that I have represented Mr. Partridge) my self a dying Man, in Comparison of the Vigour with which I first set out in the World. Had it been otherwise, you may be sure I would not have pretended to have given for News, as I did last Saturday, a Diary of the Siege of Troy. But Man is a Crea­ture very inconsistent with himself: The Greatest [Page 47] Heroes are sometimes Fearful; the Spriteliest Wits at some Hours Dull; and the Greatest Poli­ticians on some Occasions Whimsical. But I shall not pretend to palliate, or excuse the Matter; for I find, by a Calculation of my own Nativity, that I cannot hold out with any tolerable Wit longer than Two Minutes after Twelve a Clock at Night, between the 18th and 19th of the next Month. For which Space of Time, you may still expect to hear from me, but no longer, except you will transmit to me the Occurrences you meet with relating to your Amours, or any other Subject within the Rules by which I have proposed to walk. If any Gentle­man or Lady sends to Isaac Bickerstaff Esq at Mr. Morphew's near Stationers-Hall, by the Penny-Post, the Grief or Joy of their Soul, what they think fit of the Matter shall be related in Colours as much to their Advantage, as those in which Gervase has drawn the Agreeable Chloe. But since, without such Assistance, I frankly con­fess, and am sensible, that I have not a Month's Wit more, I think I ought, while I am in my sound Health and Senses, to make my Will and Testament; which I do in Manner and Form fol­lowing:

Imprimis, I give to the Stock-jobbers about the Exchange of London, as a Security for the Trusts daily reposed in them, all my Real Estate; which I do hereby vest in the said Body of worthy Citi­zens for ever.

Item, For as much as it is very hard to keep Land in Repair without ready Cash, I do, out of my Personal Estate, bestow the Bear-skin, which I have frequently lent to several Societies about this Town, to supply their Necessities. I say, I give also the said Bear-skin, as an immediate Fund to the said Citizens for ever.

Item, I do hereby appoint a certain Number of [Page 48] the said Citizens to take all the Custom-house or Customary Oaths, concerning all Goods Imported by the whole City, strictly directing, That some se­lect Members, and not the whole Number of a Bo­dy Corporate, should be perjured.

Item, I forbid all N—s and Persons of Q—ty, to watch Bargains near and about the Exchange, to the Diminution and Wrong of the said Stock­jobbers.

Thus far, in as brief and intelligible a Manner as any Will can appear, till it is explained by the Learned, I have disposed of my Real and Personal Estate: But, as I am an Adept, I have by Birth an equal Right to give also an indefea­sible Title to my Endowments and Qualifications; which I do in the following Manner:

Item, I give my Chastity to all Virgins who have withstood their Market.

Item, I give my Courage among all who are ashamed of their distressed Friends, all Sneakers in Assemblies, and Men who show Valour in Com­mon Conversation.

Item, I give my Wit, (as Rich Men give to the Rich) among such as think they have enough already. And in case they shall not accept of the Legacy, I give it to Bentivolio, to defend his Works from Time to Time, as he shall think fit to publish 'em.

Item, I bestow my Learning upon the Honourary Members of the Royal Society.

Now for the Disposal of this Body.

As these Eyes must one Day cease to gaze on Teraminta, and this Heart shall one Day pant no more for her Indignation: That is to say, since this Body must be Earth, I shall commit it to the Dust in a Manner suitable to my Character. Therefore, as there are those who dispute, Whether there is any such Real Person as Isaac Bickerstaff [Page 49] or not? I shall excuse all Persons who appear what they really are, from coming to my Funeral. But all those who are, in their Way of Life, Personae, as the Latins have it, Persons assumed, and who appear what they really are not, are hereby invited to that Solemnity.

The Body shall be carried by Six Watchmen, who are never seen in the Day.

Item, The Pall shall be held up by the Six most known Pretenders to Honesty, Wealth and Power, who are not possessed of any of them. The Two First, an Half Lawyer, a Compleat Justice. The Two next, a Chymist, a Projector. The Third Couple, a Treasury Solicitor, and a small Courtier.

To make my Funeral (what that Solemnity, when done to common Men, really is in it self) a very Farce; and since all Mourners are meer Actors on these Occasions, I shall desire those who are profes­sedly such, to attend me. I humbly therefore beseech Mrs. Barry to act once more, and be my Widow-When she swoons away at the Church-Porch, I ap­point the Merry Sir John Falstaff, and the Gay Sir Harry Wildair, to support her. I desire Mr. Penkethman to follow in the Habit of a Cardi­nal, and Mr. Bullock in that of a Privy-Councel­lor. To make up the rest of the Appearance, I desire all the Ladies from the Balconies to weep with Mrs. Barry, as they hope to be Wives and Widows themselves. I invite all, who have no­thing else to do, to accept of Gloves and Scarves.

Thus, with the Great Charles V. of Spain, I resign the Glories of this Transitory World: Yet, at the same Time, to show you my Indifference, and that my Desires are not too much fixed upon any Thing, I own to you, I am as willing to stay as go: Therefore leave it in the Choice of my Gen­tle Readers, whether I shall hear from them, or they hear no more from me.

EAster Day being a Time when you cannot well meet with any but humble Adven­tures; and there being such a Thing as low Gallantry, as well as low Comedy, Colonel Ramble and my self went early this Morning into the Fields, which were strewed with Shep­herds and Shepherdesses, but indeed of a diffe­rent Turn from the Simplicity of those of Ar­cadia. Every Hedge was conscious of more than what the Representations of enamoured Swains admit of. While we were surveying the Crowd around us, we saw at a Distance a Com­pany coming towards Pancras-Church; but tho' there was not much Disorder, we thought we saw the Figure of a Man stuck through with a Sword, and at every Step ready to fall, if a Woman by his Side had not supported him; the rest followed Two and Two. When we came nearer this Appearance, who should it be but Monsieur Guardeloop, mine and Ramble's French Taylor, attended by others, leading one of Madam Depingle's Maids to the Church, in order to their Espousals. It was his Sword rucked so high above his Wast, and the Cir­cumflex which Persons of his Profession take in their Walking, that made him appear at a Distance wounded and falling. But the Morning being rainy, methought the March to thi [...] Wedding was but too lively a Picture of Wedlock it self. They seemed both to have [...] Month's Mind to make the best of their Wa [...] single; yet both tugged Arm in Arm; an [...] when they were in a dirty Way, he was bu [...] deeper in the Mire, by endeavouring to pu [...] out his Companion, and yet without helpin [...] her. The Bridegroom's Feathers in his Hat [...] drooped, one of his Shoes had lost an He [...] [Page 51] In short, he was in his whole Person and Dress so extremely soused, that there did not appear one Inch or single Thread about him unmar­ried. Pardon me, that the melancholy Object still dwells upon me so far as to reduce me to Punning. However, we attended to the Chap­pel, where we stay'd to hear the irrevocable Words pronounced upon our old Servant, and made the best of our Way to Town. I took a Resolution to forbear all married Persons, or any in Danger of being such, for Four and twenty Hours at least; therefore dressed, and went to visit Florimell, the vainest Thing in Town, where I knew would drop in Colonel Picket, just come from the Camp, her professed Admirer. He is of that Order of Men who has much Honour and Merit, but withal a Cox­comb; the other of that Set of Females who has Innocence and Wit, but the First of Co­quets. It is easy to believe, These must be Admirers of each other. She says, The Colo­nel rides the best of any Man in England: The Colonel says, She talks the best of any Wo­man. At the same Time, he understands Wit just as she does Horsemanship. You are to know, these extraordinary Persons see each other dai­ly; and they themselves, as well as the Town, think it will be a Match: But it can never happen that they can come to the Point; for instead of addressing to each other, they spend their whole Time in Reports of themselves: He is satisfied if he can convince her he is a fine Gentleman, and a Man of Consequence; and she, in appearing to him an accomplished Lady and a Wit, without further Design. Thus he tells her of his Manner of posting his Men at such a Pass, with the Numbers he com­manded on that Detachment: She tells him, [Page 52] how she was dressed on such a Day at Court, and what Offers were made her the Week following. She seems to hear the Repetition of his Men's Names with Admiration; and waits only to answer him with as false a Mu­ster of Lovers. They talk to each other not to be informed, but approved. Thus they are so like, that they are to be ever distant, and the Parallel Lines may run together for ever, but never meet.

This Evening the Comedy, called Epsom-Wells, was acted for the Benefit of Mr. Bullock, who, though he is a Person of much Wit and Ingenuity, has a peculiar Talent of looking like a Fool, and therefore excellently well qua­lified for the Part of Bisket in this Play. I cannot indeed sufficiently admire his Way of bearing a Beating, as he does in this Drama, and that with such a Natural Air and Proprie­ty of Folly, that one cannot help wishing the Whip in one's own Hand; so richly does he seem to deserve his Chastisement. Skilful Actors think it a very peculiar Happiness to play in a Scene with such as Top their Parts. Therefore I cannot but say, when the Judgment of any good Author directs him to write a Beating for Mr. Bullock from Mr. William Pen­kethman, or for Mr. William Penkethman from Mr. Bullock, those excellent Players seem to be in their most shining Circumstances, and please me more, but with a different Sort of Delight than that which I receive from those Grave Scenes of Brutus and Cassius, or Anthony and Ventidius. The whole Comedy is very just, and the Low Part of Humane Life represented with much Humour and Wit.

We are advised from Vienna, by Letters of the 20th Instant, That the Emperor hath lately added 20 new Members to his Council of State, but they have not yet taken their Places at the Board. General Thaun is returned from Baden, his Health being so well re-established by the Baths of that Place, that he designs to set out next Week for Turin, to his Command of the Imperial Troops in the Service of the Duke of Savoy. His Imperial Majesty has advanced his Brother Count Henry Thaun to be a Brigadier, and a Councellor of the Aulick Council of War. These Letters import, That King Sta­nislaus and the Swedish General Crassau are di­recting their March to the Nieper, to join the King of Sweden's Army in Ukrania: That the States of Austria have furnished Marshal Heister with a considerable Sum of Money, to enable him to push on the War vigorously in Hungary, where all Things as yet are in perfect Tranqui­lity: And that General Thungen has been very importunate for a speedy Reinforcement of the Forces on the Upper Rhine, representing at the same Time, what Miseries the Inhabitants must necessarily undergo, if the Designs of France on those Parts be not speedily and effectually pre­vented.

Letters from Rome, dated the 13th Instant, say, That on the preceding Sunday his Holiness was carried in an open Chair from St. Peter's to St. Mary's, attended by the Sacred College, in Cavalcade; and, after Mass, distributed several Dowries for the Marriage of poor and distres­sed Virgins. The Proceedings of that Court are very dilatory concerning the Recognition of King Charles, notwithstanding the pressing In­stances of the Marquis de Prie, who has decla­red, That if this Affair be not wholly concluded [Page 54] by the 15th Instant, he will retire from that Court, and order the Imperial Troops to return into the Ecclefiastical State. On the other Hand, the Duke of Anjou's Minister has, in the Name of his Master, demanded of his Holiness to ex­plain himself on that Affair; which, 'tis said, will be finally determined in a Consistory to be held on Monday next; the Duke d'Uzeda de­figning to delay his Departure till he sees the Issue. These Letters also say, That the Court was mightily alarmed at the News which they received by an Express from Ferrara, that Ge­neral Boneval, who commands in Commachio, had sent Circular Letters to the Inhabitants of St. Alberto, Longastrino, Fillo, and other adja­cent Parts, enjoining them to come and swear Fealty to the Emperor, and receive new Inve­stitures of their Fiefs from his Hands. Letters from other Parts of Italy say, That the King of Denmark continues at Lucca; that four English and Dutch Men of War were seen off of Oneglia, bound for Final, in order to transport the Troops designed for Barcelona; and that Her Majesty's Ship the Colchester arriv'd at Leghorn the 4th In­stant from Port Mahon, with Advice, That Major-General Stanhope designed to part from thence the 1st Instant with 6 or 7000 Men to attempt the Relief of the Castle of Alicant.

Our last Advices from Berlin, bearing Date the 27th Instant, import, That the King was gone to Linum, and the Queen to Meckleuburg; but that their Majesties designed to return the next Week to Oranienburg, where a great Chase of Wild-Beasts was prepared for their Diversion, and from thence they intend to proceed toge­ther to Potsdam; That the Prince Royal was set out for Brahant, but intended to make some short Stay at Hanever, These Letters also in­form us, That they are advised from Obory, [Page 55] that the King of Sweden, being on his March towards Holki, met General Reune with a Do­tachment of Muscovites, who placing some Re­giments in Ambuscade, attacked the Swedes in their Rear, and putting them to Flight, killed 2000 Men, the King himself having his Horse shot under him.

We hear from Copenhagen, That the Ice being broke, the Sound is again open for the Ships; and that they hoped his Majesty would return sooner than they at first expected.

Letters from the Hague, dated May 4. N. S. say, That an Express arrived there on the 1st from Prince Eugene to his Grace the Duke of Marlborough. The States are advised, That the Auxiliaries of Saxony were arrived on the Frontiers of the United Provinces; as also, That the Two Regiments of Wolfembuttel, and 4000 Troops from Wirtemberg, which are to serve in Flanders, re in full March thither. Letters from Flanders say, That the great Convoy of Ammunition and Provisions which set out from Ghent for Lisle, was safely arrived at Courtray. We hear from Paris, That the King has order­ed the Militia on the Coasts of Normandy and Bretagne to be in a Readiness to march; and that the Court was in Apprehension of a De­scent, to animate the People to rise in the Midst of their present Hardships.

They write from Spain, That the Pope's Nun­cio left Madrid the 10th of April, in order to go to Bayonne; that the Marquis de Bay was at Badajos to observe the Motions of the Portu­gueze, and that the Count d'Estain, with a Bo­dy of 5000 Men, was on his March to attack Gironne. The Duke of Anjou has deposed the Bishop of Lerida, as being a Favourer of the Interest of King Charles; and has summoned a Convocation at Madrid, composed of the Arch­bishops, [Page 56] Bishops and States of that Kingdom, wherein he hopes they will come to a Resolu­tion to send for no more Bulls to Rome.

The TATLER. [No 8.
From Tuesd. Apr. 26. to Thursd. Apr. 28. 1709.

THE Play of The London Cuckolds was acted this Evening before a suitable Audience, who were extremely well diverted with that Heap of Vice and Absurdity. The Indignation which Eugenio, who is a Gentleman of a just Tast, has, upon Occasion of seeing humane Na­ture fall so low in their Delights, made him, I thought, expatiate upon the Mention of this Play very agreeably. Of all Men living, said he, I pity Players, (who must be Men of good Un­derstanding to be capable of being such) that they are obliged to repeat and assume proper Gestures for representing Things of which their Reason must be ashamed, and which they must disdain their Audience for approving. The A­mendment of these low Gratifications is only to be made by People of Condition, by encoura­ging the Presentation of the Noble Characters drawn by Shakespeare and others, from whence it is impossible to return without strong Impres­sions of Honour and Humanity. On these Oc­casions, Distress is laid before us with all its Causes and Consequences, and our Resentment placed according to the Merit of the Persons af­flicted. Were Drama's of this Nature more ac­ceptable to the Tast of the Town, Men who have Genius would bend their Studies to excel in 'em. How forcible an Effect this would have on our Minds, one needs no more than to observe [Page 57] how strongly we are touched by meer Pictures. Who can see Le Brun's Picture of the Battle of Porus, without entring into the Character of that fierce gallant Man, and being accordingly spurred to an Emulation of his Constancy and Courage? When he is falling with his Wound, the Fea­tures are at the same Time very terrible and languishing; and there is such a stern Faintness diffused through all his Look, as is apt to move a kind of Horrour, as well as Pity in the Be­holder. This, I say, is an Effect wrought by meer Lights and Shades, consider also a Repre­sentation made by Words only, as in an Account given by a good Writer: Catiline in Sallust makes just such a Figure as Porus by Le Brun. It is said of him, Catilina vero longe a suis inter Hostium Cadavera repertus est; paululum etiam spirans, Ferocitatemque Animi quam vivus habue­rat in Vultu retinens. ‘'Catiline was found kill'd far from his own Men among the dead Bo­dies of the Enemy: He seemed still to breath, and still retained in his Face the same Fierce­ness he had when he was living."’ You have in that one Sentence a lively Impression of his whole Life and Actions. What I would insi­nuate from all this, is, That if the Painter and the Historian can do thus much in Colours and Language, what may not be performed by an excellent Poet? When the Character he draws is represented by the Person, the Manner, the Look, and the Motion, of an accomplished Play­er: If a Thing painted or related can irresisti­bly enter our Hearts, what may not be brought to pass by seeing generous Things performed be­fore our Eyes? Eugenio ended his Discourse, by recommending the apt Use of a Theatre, as the most agreeable and easie Method of making a polite and moral Gentry, which would end in rendring the rest of the People regular in their [Page 58] Behaviour, and ambitious of laudable Under­takings.

Letters f om Naples of the 9th Instant, N. S. advise, That Cardinal Grimani had ordered the Regiment commanded by General Pate to march towards Final, in order to embark for Catalonia, whither also a Thousand Horse are to be trans­ported from Sardinia, besides the Troops which come from the Milanese. An English Man of War has taken Two Prizes, One a Vessel of Mal­ta, the [...]ther of Genoa, both laden with Goods of the Enemy. They w ite from Florence of the 13th, That his Majesty of Denmark had received a Courier from the Hague, with an Account of some Matters relating to the Treaty of a Peace; upon which he declared, that he thought it ne­cessary to hasten to his own Dominions.

Letters from Swisserland inform us, That the Effects of the great Scarcity of Corn in France we e felt at Geneva; the Magistrates of which City had appointed Deputies to treat with the Cantons of Bern and Zurich, for Leave to buy up such Quantities of Grain within their Terri­tories as should be thought necessary. The Pro­testants of Tockenburg are still in Arms about the Convent of St. John, and have declared, That they will not lay them down, till they shall have sufficient Security from the Roman Catho­licks, of living unmolested in the Exercise of their Religion. In the mean Time, the Deputies of Bern and Tockenburg have frequent Confe­rences at Zurich with the Regency of that Can­ton, to find out Methods for the quieting these Disorders.

Letters from the Hague of the 3d of May ad­vise, That the Prendent Rouille, after his last Conference with the Deputies of the States, had retired to Bodegrave, five Miles distant from [Page 59] Worden, and expected the Return of a Courier from France on the 4th, with new Instructions. It is said, if his Answer from the French Court shall not prove Satisfactory, he will be desired to withdraw out of these Parts. In the mean Time it is also reported, That his Equipage, as an Ambassador on this great Occasion, is actual­ly on the March towards him. They write from Flanders, That the great Convoy of Pro­visions, which set out from Ghent, is safely ar­rived at Lisle. Those Advices add, That the Enemy had assembled near Tournay a considera­ble Body of Troops drawn out of the Neigh­bouring Garrisons. Their High Mightinesses ha­ving sent Orders to their Ministers at Hamburgh and Dantzick, to engage the Magistrates of those Cities to forbid the Sale of Corn to the French, and to signify to them, That the Dutch Merchants will buy up as much of that Com­modity as they can spare. The Hamburghers have accordingly contracted with the Dutch, and refused any Commerce with the French on that Occasion.

After the Lassitude of a Day spent in the strolling Manner, which is usual with Men of Pleasure in this Town, and with a Head full of a Million of Impertinencies, which had danced round it for Ten Hours together, I came to my Lodging, and hastened to Bed. My Valet de Chambre knows my University. Trick of read­ing there; and he being a good Scholar for a Gentleman, ran over the Names of Horace, Ti­bullus, Ovid, and others, to know which I would have. Bring Virgil, said I, and if I fall asleep, take Care of the Candle. I read the Sixth Book over with the most exquisite De­light, and had gone half through it a second Time, when the pleasing Idea's of Elysian Fields, [Page 60] deceased Worthies walking in them, sincere Lo­vers enjoying their Languishment without Pain, Compassion for the unhappy Spirits who had mispent their short Day-light, and were exiled from the Seats of Bliss for ever; I say, I was deep again in my Reading, when this Mixture of Images had taken Place of all others in my Imagination before, and lulled me into a Dream, from which I am just awake, to my great Dis­advantage. The happy Mansions of Elysium by Degrees seemed to be wafted from me, and the very Traces of my late walking Thoughts began to fade away, when I was cast by a sudden Whirlwind upon an Island, encompassed with a roaring and troubled Sea, which shak'd its very Centre, and rocked its Inhabitants as in a Cradle. The Islanders lay on their Faces with­out offering to look up, or hope for Preserva­tion; all her Harbours were crowded with Mariners, and tall Vessels of War lay in Dan­ger of being driven to Pieces on her Shores. Bless me! said I, why have I lived in such a Manner, that the Convulsion of Nature should be so terrible to me, when I feel in my self, that the better Part of me is to survive it? Oh! may that be in Happiness. A sudden Shriek, in which the whole People on their Faces join­ed, interrupted my Soliloquy, and turned my Eyes and Attention to the Object which had given us that sudden Start, in the Midst of an inconsolable and speechless Affliction. Imme­diately the Winds grew calm, the Waves subsided, and the People stood up, turning their Faces upon a magnificent Pile in the Midst of the Island. There we beheld an Hero of a comely and erect Aspect, but pale and languid, sitting under a Canopy of State. By the Faces and dumb Sorrow of those who attended, we thought him in the Article of Death. At a Distance sate a Lady, whose Life seemed to [Page 61] hang upon the same Thread with his: She kept her Eyes fixed upon him, and seemed to smother Ten Thousand Thousand nameless Things, which urged her Tenderness to clasp him in her Arms: But her Greatness of Spirit overcame those Sentiments, and gave her Power to forbear disturbing his last Moment; which immediately approached. The Hero looked up with an Air of Negligence, and Satiety of Be­ing, rather than of Pain to leave it; and leaning back his Head, expired.

When the Heroine, who sate at a Distance, saw his last Instant come, she threw her self at his Feet, and kneeling, pressed his Hand to her Lips; in which Posture she continued under the Agony of an unutterable Sorrow, till con­ducted from our Sight by her Attendants. That commanding Awe, which accompanies the Grief of great Minds, restrained the Multitude while in her Presence; but as soon as she retired, they gave Way to their Distraction, and all the Islanders called upon their deceased Hero. To him, methought, they cried out, as to a Guar­dian Being, and I gathered from their broken Accents, That it was he who had the Empire over the Ocean and its Powers, by which he had long protected the Island from Shipwreck and Inva­sion. They now give a Loose to their Moan, and think themselves exposed without Hopes of Humane or Divine Assistance. While the Peo­ple ran wild, and expressed all the different Forms of Lamentation, methought a Sable Cloud over-shadowed the whole Land, and co­vered its Inhabitants with Darkness: No Glimpse of Light appeared, except one Ray from Heaven upon the Place in which the He­roine now secluded her self from the World, with her Eyes fixed on those Abodes to which her Consort was ascended. Methought a long Period of Time had passed away in Mourning [Page 62] and in Darkness, when a Twilight began by Degrees to enlighten the Hemisphere; and look­ing round me, I saw a Boat rowed towards the Shore, in which sate a Personage adorned with Warlike Trophies, bearing on his left Arm a Shield, on which was engraven the Image of Victory, and in his Right Hand a Branch of O­live. His Visage was at once so winning and so awful, that the Shield and the Olive seemed equally suitable to his Genius.

When this illustrious * Person touched on the Shore, he was received by the Acclamations of the People, and followed to the Palace of the Heroine. No Pleasure in the Glory of her Arms, or the Acclamations of her applauding Subjects, were ever capable to suspend her Sorrow for one Moment, till she saw the Olive Branch in the Hand of that auspicious Messenger. At that Sight, as Heaven bestows its Blessings on the Wants and Importunities of Mortals, out of its Native Bounty, and not to encrease its own Power or Honour, in Compassion to the World, the Celestial Mourner was then first seen to turn her Regard to Things below; and taking the Branch out of the Warrior's Hand, looked at it with much Satisfaction, and spoke of the Bles­sings of Peace, with a Voice and Accent, such as that in which Guardian Spirits whisper to dy­ing Penitents Assurances of Happiness. The Air was hushed, the Multitude attentive, and all Nature in a Pause, while she was speaking. But as soon as the Messenger of Peace had made some low Reply, in which, methought, I heard the Word Iberia, the Heroine assuming a more severe Air, but such as spoke Resolution, without Rage, returned him the Olive, and [Page 63] again veiled her Face. Loud Cries and Clashing of Arms immediately followed, which forced me from my charming Vision, and drove me back to these Mansions of Care and Sorrow.

The TATLER. [No 9.
From Thursd. Apr. 28. to Saturd. Apr. 30. 1709.

THis Evening we were entertained with The Old Batchelor, a Comedy of deserved Re­putation. In the Character which gives Name to the Play, there is excellently represented the Reluctance of a battered Debauchee to come into the Trammels of Order and Decency: He neither languishes nor burns, but frets, for Love. The Gentlemen of more regular Behaviour are drawn with much Spirit and Wit, and the Dra­ma introduced by the Dialogue of the first Scens with uncommon, yet natural, Conversation. The Part of Fondlewife is a lively Image of the unsea­sonable Fondness of Age and impotence. But in­stead of such agreeable Works as these, the Town has this half Age been tormented with Insects, called Easie Writers, whose Abilities Mr. Wicherly one Day described excellently well in one Word: That, said he, among these Fellows is called Easy Writing, which any one may easily write. Such Jantie Scribblers are so justly laughed at for their Sonnets on Phillis and Chloris, and Fantastical Descriptions in 'em, that an ingenious Kinsman of mine, of the Family of the Staffs, Mr. Humphrey Wagstaff by Name, has, to avoid their Strain, run into a Way perfectly new, and described Things exactly as they happen: He never forms Fields, or Nymphs, or Groves, where they are not, but [Page 64] makes the Incidents just as they really appear. For an Example of it, I stole out of his Manu­script the following Lines: They are a Descrip­tion of the Morning, but of the Morning in Town; nay, of the Morning at this End of the Town, where my Kinsman at present lodges.

Now hardly here and there an Hackney-Coach
Appearing, show'd the ruddy Morn's Approach.
Now Betty from her Master's Bed had flown,
And softly stole to discompose her own.
The Slipshod 'Prentice from his Master's Door,
Had par'd the Street, and sprinkled round the Floor.
Now Moll had whirl'd her Mop with dextr'ous Airs,
Prepar'd to scrub the Entry and the Stairs.
The Youth with broomy Stumps began to trace
The Kennel Edge, where Wheels had worn the Place.
The Smallcoal Man was heard with Cadence deep,
Till drown'd in shriller Notes of Chimney sweep.
Duns at his Lordship's Gate began to meet;
And Brickdust Moll had scream'd through half a Street.
The Turnkey now his Flock returning sees,
Duly let out a' Nights to steal for Fees.
The watchful Bailiffs take their silent Stands;
And School-boys lag with Satchels in their Hands.

All that I apprehend is, that dear Numps will be angry I have published these Lines; not that he has any Reason to be ashamed of them, but for fear of those Rogues, the Bane to all excel­lent Performances, the Imitators. Therefore, beforehand, I bar all Descriptions of the Even­ing; as, a Medley of Verses signifying, Grey-Peas are now cried warm: That Wenches now begin to amble round the Passages of the Play­house: Or of Noon; as, That find Ladies and great Beaux are just yawning out of their Beds and Windows in Pall-Mall, and so forth. I forewarn also all Persons from encouraging any Draughts after my Cousin; and foretel any [Page 65] Man who shall go about to imitate him, that he will be very insipid. The Family Stock is em­barked in this Design, and we will not admit of Counterfeits: Dr. Anderson and his Heirs enjoy his Pills, Sir Willium Read has the Cure of Eyes, and Monsieur Roselli can only cure the Gout. We pretend to none of these Things; but to exa­mine who and who are together, to tell any mistaken Man he is not what he believes he is, to distinguish Merit, and expose false Pretences to it, is a Liberty our Family has by Law in 'em, from an Inter-Marriage with a Daughter of Mr. Scoggin, the famous Droll of the last Centu­ry. This Right I design to make Use of; but will not encroach upon the above-mentioned Adepts, or any other. At the same Time I shall take all the Privileges I may, as an Englishman, and will lay hold of the late Act of Naturaliza­tion to introduce what I shall think fit from France. The Use of that Law may, I hope, be extended to people the polite World with new Characters, as well as the Kingdom it self with new Subjects. Therefore an Author of that Na­tion, called Le Bruyere, I shall make bold with on such Occasions. The last Person I read of in that Writer, was, Lord Timon. Timon, says my Author, is the most generous of all Men; but is so hurri­ed away with that strong Impulse of Bestowing, that he confers Benefits without Distinction, and is Munificent without laying Obligations. For all the Unworthy, who receive from him, have so little Sense of this noble Infirmity, that they look upon themselves rather as Partners in a Spoil, than Partakers of a Bounty. The other Day, coming into Paris, I met Timon going out on Horseback, attended only by one Servant. It struck me with a sudden Damp, to see a Man of so excellent a Disposition, and that understood making a Figure so very well, so much shorten'd [Page 66] in his Retinue. But passing by his House, I saw his great Coach break to Pieces before his Door, and, by a strange Inchantment, immediately turned into many different Vehicles. The first was a very pretty Chariot, into which step'd his Lordship's Secretary. The second was hung a little heavier; into that strutted the Fat Steward. In an Instant follow'd a Chaise, which was enter'd by the Butler. The rest of the Body and Wheels were forthwith changed into Go-carts, and ran away with by the Nurses and Brats of the rest of the Family What makes these Misfortunes in the Affairs of Timon the more astonishing, is, That he has a better Understanding than those who cheat him; so that a Man knows not which more to wonder at, the Indifference of the Ma­ster, or the Impud nce of the Servant.

It is a Matter of much Speculation among the Beaus and Oglers, what it is that can have made so suddeu a Change, as has been of late observed, in the whole Behaviour of Pastorella, who never sate still a Moment till she was Eigh­teen, which she has now exceeded by Two Months. Her Aunt, who has the Care of her, has not been always so rigid as she is at this present Date; but has so good a Sense of the Frailty of Woman, and Falshood of Man, that she resolved on all Manner of Methods to keep Pastorella, if possible, in Safety, against her self, and all her Admirers. At the same Time the good Lady knew by long Experience, that a gay Inclination, curbed too rashly, would but run to the greater Excesses for that Restraint: Therefore intended to watch her, and take some Opportunity of engaging her insensibly in her own Interests, without the Anguish of an Admonition. You are to know then, That Miss, with all her Flirting and Ogling, had also [Page 67] naturally a strong Curiosity in her, and was the greatest Eves-Dropper breathing. Parisatis (for so her prudent Aunt is called) observed this Humour, and retires one Day to her Closet, into which she knew Pastorella would peep, and listen to know how she was employed. It happened accordingly, and the young Lady saw her good Governante on her Knees, and after a mental Behaviour, break into these Words: As for the dear Child committed to my Care, let her Sobriety of Carriage, and Severity of Behaviour, be such, as may make that Noble Lord, who is taken with her Beauty, turn his De­signs to such as are honourable. Here Parisatis heard her Neece nestle closer to the Key-Hole: She then goes on; Make her the joyful Mother of a numerous and wealthy Offspring; and let her Carriage be such, as may make this Noble Youth expect the Blessings of an happy Marriage, from the Singularity of her Life, in this loose and cen­sorious Age. Miss having heard enough, sneaks off for Fear of Discovery, and immediately, at her Glass, alters the Sitting of her Head; then pulls up her Tucker, and forms herself into the exact Manner of Lindamira: In a Word, be­comes a sincere Convert to every Thing that's commendable in a fine young Lady; and Two or Three such Matches as her Aunt feigned in her Devotions, are at this Day in her Choice. This is the History and Original Cause of Pasto­rella's Conversion from Coquettry. The Pru­dence in the Management of this young Lady's Temper, and good Judgment of it, is hardly to be exceeded. I scarce remember a greater In­stance of Forbearance of the usual peevish Way with which the Aged treat the Young, than this, except that of our famous Noy, whose good Na­ture went so far, as to make him put off his Admonitions to his Son, even till after his Death, [Page 68] and did not give him his Thoughts of him, till he came to read that memo able Passage in his Will: All the rest of my Estate, says he, I leave to my Son Edward (who is Executor to this my Will) to be squandred as he shall think fit: I leave it him for that Purpose, and hope no better from him. A generous Disdain, and Reflection upon how little he deserved from so excellent a Father, reformed the young Man, and made Edward, from an errant Rake, become a fine Gentleman.

Letters from Portugal of the 18th Instant, dated from Estremos, say, That on the 6th the Earl of Galway arrived at that Place, and had the Satis­faction to see the Quarters well furnished with all Manner of Provisions, and a Quantity of Bread sufficient for subsuting the Troops for 60 Days, besides Bisket for 25 Days. The Enemy give out, That they shall bring into the Field 14 Regiments of Horse, and 24 Battalions. The Troops in the Service of Portugal will make up 14000 Foot, and 4000 Horse. On the Day these Letters were dispatched, the Earl of Galway re­ceived Advice, that the Marquis de Bay was preparing for some Enterprize, by gathering his Troops together on the Frontiers. Where­upon his Excellency resolved to go that same Night to Villa Vicosa, to assemble the Troops in that Neighbourhood, in order to disappoint his Designs.

Yesterday in the Evening Captain Foxon, Aid­de-Camp to Major-General Cadogan, arriv'd here Express from the Duke of Marlborough. And this Day a Mail is come in, with Letters dated from Brussels of the 6th of May, N. S. which advise, That the Enemy had drawn togethera Body, consisting of 20000 Men, with a Design, as was supposed, to intercept the great Convoy [Page 69] on the March towards Lisle, which was safely arrived at Menin and Courtray, in its Way to that Place, the French having retired without making any Attempt.

We hear from the Hague, That a Person of the First Quality is arrived in the Low-Countries from France, in order to be a Plenipotentiary in an ensuing Treaty of Peace.

Letters from France acknowledge, That Mon­sieur Bernard has made no higher Offers of Satis­faction to his Creditors than of 35 l. per Cent.

These Advices add, That the Mareschal Bouf­flers, Monsieur Torcy, (who distinguished himself formerly, by advising the Court of France to adhere to the Treaty of Partition) and Monsieur d' Harcourt, (who negotiated with Cardinal Por­tocarrero for the Succession of the Crown of Spain in the House of Bourbon) are all Three joined in a Commission for a Treaty of Peace. The Mareschal is come to Ghent: The other Two are arrived at the Hague.

It is confidently reported here, That the Right Honourable the Lord Townshend is to go with his Grace the Duke of Marlborough into Holland.

The TATLER. [No 10.
From Saturd. April 30. to Tuesd. May 3. 1709.

MY Brother Isaac having a sudden Occasion to go out of Town, ordered me to take upon me the Dispatch of the next Advices from Home, with Liberty to speak it my own Way; [Page 70] not doubting the Allowances which would be given to a Writer of my Sex. You may be sure, I undertook it with much Satisfaction: And I confess, I am not a little pleased with the Op­portunity of running over all the Papers in his Closet, which he has left open for my Use on this Occasion. The first that I lay my Hands on, is, A Treatise concerning The Empire of Beauty, and the Effects it has had in all Nations of the World, upon the publick and private Actions of Men; with an Appendix, which he calls, The Batchelor's Scheme for Governing his Wife. The first Thing he makes this Gentleman propose, is, That she shall be no Woman; for she is to have an Aversion to Balls, to Opera's, to Visits: She is to think his Company suffi­cient to fill up all the Hours of Life with great Satisfaction: She is never to believe any other Man Wise, Learned, or Valiant; or at least but in a second Degree. In the next Place, he in­tends she shall be a Cuckold; but expects, that he himself must live in perfect Security from that Terror. He dwells a great while on Instructions for her discreet Behaviour, in case of his Falshood. I have not Patience with these unreasonable Expectations, therefore turn back to the Treatise it self. Here, indeed, my Bro­ther deduces all the Revolutions among Men from the Passion of Love; and in his Preface, answers that usual Observation against us, That there is no Quarrel without a Woman in it; with a gallant Assertion, That there is nothing else worth Quarrelling for. My Brother is of a Com­plexion truly Amorous; all his Thoughts and Actions carry in 'em a Tincture of that obliging Inclination; and this Turn has opened his Eyes to see, we are not the inconsiderable C eatures which unlucky Pretenders to our Favour would insinuate. He observes, That no Man begins to [Page 71] make any tolerable Figure, till he sets out with he Hopes of Pleasing some one of us. No soon­er he takes that in Hand, but he pleases every one else by the by. It has an immediate Effect upon his Behaviour. There is Colonel Ranter, who never spoke without an Oath, till he saw the Lady Betty Modish; now never gives his Man an Order, but it is, Pray Tom, do it. The Drawers where he drinks, live in perfect Hap­piness. He asked Will at the George t'other Day, How he did? Where he used to say, Damn it, Is it so? He now believes there is some Mistake: He must confess, he is of another Opinion; but however he won't insist.

Every Temper, except downright insipid, is to be animated and softned by the Influence of Beauty: But of this untractable Sort is a life­less handsome Fellow that visits us, whom I have dressed at this Twelvemonth; but he is as insensible of all the Arts I use, as if he conversed all that Time with his Nurse. He outdoes our whole Sex in all the Faults our Enemies im­pute to us; he has brought Laziness into an Opi­nion, and makes his Indolence his Philosophy: Insomuch, that no long r ago than Yesterday in the Evening he gave me this Account of him­self: I am, Madam, perfectly unmoved at all that passes among Men, and seldom gives my self the Fa­tigue of going among 'em; but when I do, I always appear the same Thing to those whom I converse with. My Hours of Existence, or being awake, are from Eleven in the Morning to Eleven at Night; half of which I live to my self, in picking my Teeth, washing my Hands, paring my Nails, and looking in the Glass. The Insignificancy of my Manners to the rest of the World, makes the Laughers call me a Quid Nunc, a Phrase which I neither under­stand, or shall ever enquire what they mean by it. The last of me each Night is at St. James's Coffee-house, [Page 72] where I converse, yet never fall into a Dispute on any Occasion, but leave the Under­standing I have Passive of all that goes through it, without entring into the Business of Life. And thus, Madam, have I arrived by Laziness, to what others pretended to by Philosophy, a perfect Neglect of the World. Sure, if our Sex had the Liberty of frequenting Publick Houses and Con­versations, we should put these Rivals of our Faults and Follies out of Countenance. How­ever, we shall soon have the Pleasure of being acquainted with 'em one Way or other; for my Brother Isaac designs, for the Use of our Sex, to give the exact Characters of all the Chief Politicians who frequent any of the Coffee-houses from St. James's to the Change; but de­signs to begin with that Cluster of Wise Heads, as they are found sitting every Evening from the Left-side of the Fire, at the Smyrna, to the Door. This will be of great Service for us, and I have Authority to promise an exact Jour­nal of their Deliberations; the Publication of which I am to be allowed for Pin-Money. In the mean Time, I cast my Eye upon a new Book, which gave me a more pleasing Entertainment, being a sixth Part of Miscellany Poems, pub­lish'd by Jacob Tonson; which, I find, by my Bro­ther's Notes upon it, no Way inferior to the other Volumes. There are, it seems, in this, a Collection of the best Pastorals that have hi­therto appeared in England; but among them, none superior to that Dialogue between Sylvia and Dorinda, written by one of my own Sex; where all our little Weaknesses are laid open in a Manner more just, and with truer Raillery, than ever Man yet hit upon.

Only this I now discern,
From the Things thou'st have me learn;
That Womankind's peculiar Joys
From past or present Beauties rise.

[Page 73] But to reassume my first Design, there can­not be a greater Instance of the Command of Females, than in the prevailing Charms of the Heroine in the Play which was acted this Night, call'd, All for Love; or, The World well lost. The enamoured Antony resigns Glory and Power to the Force of the attractive Cleopatra, whose Charms were the Defence of her Dia­dem, against a People otherwise invincible. It is so natural for Women to talk of themselves, that it is to be hoped, all my own Sex, at least, will pardon me, that I could fall into no other Discourse. If we have their Favour, we give our selves very little Anxiety for the rest of our Readers. I believe I see a Sentence of Latin in my Brother's Day-Book of Wit, which seems applicable on this Occasion, and in Contempt of the Criticks.

— Tristitiam & Metus
Tradam protectis in Mare Criticum
Portare Ventis.

But I am interrupted by a Packet from Mr. Kid­ney from St. James's Coffee-house, which I am obliged to insert in the very Style and Words which Mr. Kidney uses in his Letter.

We are advised by Letters from Bern, dated the 1st Instant, N. S. That the Duke of Berwick arrived at Lyons the 25th of the last Month, and continued his Journey the next Day to visit the Passes of the Mountains, and other Posts in Dau­phine and Provence. These Letters also informed us, That the Miseries of the People in France are heightened to that Degree, that unless a Peace be speedily concluded, half of that King­dom would perish for want of Bread. On the 24th, the Mareschal de Thesse passed through Lyons, in his Way to Versailles; and Two Batta­lions, which were marching from Alsace to re­inforce [Page 74] the Army of the Duke of Berwick, passed also through that Place. Those Troops were to be followed by 6 Battalions more.

Letters from Naples of the 16th of April say, That the Marquis de Prie's Son was arrived there, with Instructions from his Father, to sig­nify to the Viceroy the Necessity his Imperial Majesty was under, of desiring an Aid from that Kingdom, for carrying on the extraordinary Expences of the War. On the 14th of the same Month, they made a Review of the Spanish Troops in that Garrison, and afterwards of the Marines; one Part of whom will embark with those designed for Barcelona, and the rest are to be sent on Board the Gallies appointed to convoy Provisions to that Place.

We hear from Rome. by Letters dated the 20th of April, That the Count de Mellos, Envoy from the King of Portugal, had made his Pub­lick Entry into that City with much State and Magnificence. The Pope has lately held Two other Consistories, wherein he made a Promo­tion of Two Cardinals; but the Acknowledg­ment of King Charles is still deferred.

Letters from other Parts of Italy advise us, That the Doge of Venice continues dangerously Ill: That the Prince de Carignan having relaps'd into a violent Fever, died the 23d of April, in his 80th Year.

Advices from Vienna of the 27th of April im­port, That the Archbishop of Saltzburg is dead, who is succeeded by Count Harrach, formerly Bishop of Vienna, and for these last Three Years Coadjutor to the said Archbishop; and that Prince Maximilian of Lichtenstein has likewise depa ted this Life, at his Country Seat called Cromaw in Moravia. These Advices add, That the Emperor has nam'd Count Zinzendorf, Count Goes, and Monsieur Consbruck, for his Plenipo­tentiaries [Page 75] in an ensuing Treaty of Peace; and they hear from Hungary, That the Imperialists have had several successful Skirmishes with the Malecontents.

Letters from Paris, dated May the 6th, say, That the Mareschal de Thesse arrived there on the 29th of the last Month; and that the Chevalier de Beuil was sent thither by Don Pedro Rouquillo with Advice, That the Confederate Squadron ap­peared before Alicant on the 17th, and having for some Time cannonaded the City, endeavoured to land some Troops for the Relief of the Ca­stle; but General Stanhope finding the Passes well guarded, and the Enterprize dangerous, demanded to capitulate for the Castle; which being granted him, the Garrison, consisting of 600 Regular Troops, marched out with their Arms and Baggage the Day following; and be­ing received on Board, they immediately set Sail for Barcelona. These Letters add, That the March of the French and Swiss Regiments is fur­ther deferred for a few Days; and that the Duke of Nouilles was just ready to set out for Rous­sillon, as well as the Count de Bezons for Catalo­nia.

The same Advices say, Bread was sold at Pa­ris for 6 d. per Pound; and that there was not half enough, even at that Rate, to supply the Necessities of the People, which reduced them to the utmost Despair; that 300 Men had ta­ken up Arms, and having plunder'd the Market of the Suburb of St. Germain, pressed down by their Multitude the King's Guards who opposed them. Two of those Mutineers were afterward seiz'd, and condemn'd to Death; but Four others went to the Magistrate who pronounc'd that Sen­tence, and told him. He must expect to answer with his own Life, for those of their Comrades. All Order and Sense of Government being thus [Page 76] lost among the enraged People, to keep up a Show of Authority; the Captain of the Guards, who saw all their Insolence, pretended, That he had represented to the King their deplora­ble Condition, and had obtained their Pardon. It is further reported, That the Dauphin, and Dutchess of Burgundy, as they went to the O­pera, were surrounded by Crowds of People, who upbraided them with their Neglect of the general Calamity, in going to Diversions, when the whole People were ready to perish for want of Bread. Edicts are daily published to suppress these Riots; and Papers, with Menaces against the Government, as publickly thrown about. Among others, these Words were dropped in a Court of Justice, France wants a Ravilliac or a Jesuit to deliver her. Besides this universal Di­stress, there is a contagious Sickness, which, it is feared, will end in a Pestilence. Letters from Bourdeaux bring Accounts no less lamentable: The Peasants are driven by Hunger from their Abodes into that City, and make Lamentations in the Streets without Redress.

We are advised by Letters from the Hague, dated the 10th Instant, N. S. That on the 6th, the Marquis de Torcy arrived there from Paris, but the Passport, by which he came, having been sent blank by Monsieur Rouille, he was there Two Days before his Quality was known. That Minister offer'd to communicate to Mons. Hein­sius the Proposals which he had to make; but the Pensionary refused to see them, and said, He would signify it to the States, who deputed some of their own Body to acquaint him, That they would enter into no Negotiation till the Arrival of his Grace the D. of Marlborough, and the other Ministers of the Alliance. Prince Eugene was expected there the 12th Instant from Brussels. 'Tis said, That besides Monsieur de Torcy, and [Page 77] Monsieur Pajot, Director General of the Posts, there are Two or Three Persons at the Hague whose Names are not known; but 'tis supposed, that the Duke d'Alba, Ambassador from the Duke of Anjou, was one of them. The States have sent Letters to all the Cities of the Pro­vinces, desiring them to send their Deputies to receive the Propositions of Peace made by the Court of France.

The TATLER. [No 11.
From Tuesday May 3. to Thursday May 5. 1709.

A Kinsman has sent me a Letter, wherein he informs me, He had lately resolved to write an Heroick Poem; but by Business has been interrupted, and has only made one Simi­litude, which he should be afflicted to have wholly lost, and begs of me to apply it to some­thing, being very desirous to see it well placed in the World. I am so willing to help the Di­stressed, that I have taken it in: But though his greater Genius might very well distinguish his Verses from mine, I have marked where his begin. His Lines are a Description of the Sun in Eclipse, which I know nothing more like than a brave Man in Sorrow, who bears it as he should, without imploring the Pity of his Friends, or being dejected with the Contempt of his Enemies: As in the Case of Cato:

When all the Globe to Caesar's Fortune bow'd,
Cato alone his Empire disallow'd;
[Page 78] With Inborn Strength alone oppos'd Mankind,
With Heav'n in View, to all below it blind:
Regardless of his Friend's Applause, or Moan,
Alone Triumphant, since he falls alone.
' Thus when the Ruler of the Genial Day,
' Behind some dark'ning Planet forms his Way,
' Desponding Mortals, with officious Care,
' The Concave Drum, and Magick Brass pre­pare;
' Implore him to sustain th'important Fight,
' And save depending Worlds from endless Night.
' Fondly they hope their Labour may avail,
' To ease his Conflict, and assist his Toil.
' Whilst he in Beams of Native Splendor bright
' (Tho' dark his Orb appear to Humane Sight)
' Shines to the Gods with more diffusive Light.
' To distant Stars with equal Glory burns,
' Inflames their Lamps, and feeds their Gol­den Urns.
' Sure to retain his known superior Tract,
' And proves the more illustrious by Defect.

This is a very lively Image; but I must take the Liberty to say, My Kinsman drives the Sun a little like Phaeton: He has all the Warmth of Phaebus, but won't stay for his Direction of it. Avail and Toil, Defect and Tract, will ne­ver do for Rhimes. But however, he has the true Spirit in him; for which Reason I was wil­ling to entertain any Thing he pleas'd to send me. The Subject which he writes upon, naturally raises great Reflections in the Soul, and puts us in Mind of the mixed Condition which we Mortals are to support; which, as it varies to Good or Bad, adorns or defaces our Actions to the Beholders: All which Glory and Shame must end in what we so much repine at, Death. But Doctrines on [Page 79] this Occasion, any other than that of living well, are the most insignificant and most empty of all the Labours of Men. None but a Tragedian can die by Rule, and wait till he discovers a Plot, or says a fine Thing upon his Exit. In real Life, this is a Chimaera; and by Noble Spi­rits, it will be done decently, without the O­stentation of it. We see Men of all Conditions and Characters go through it with equal Reso­lution: And if we consider the Speeches of the mighty Philosophers, Heroes, Law-givers, and Great Captains, they can produce no more in a discerning Spirit, than Rules to make a Man a Fop on his Death-Bed. Commend me to that natural Greatness of Soul, expressed by an in­nocent, and consequently resolute Country Fel­low, who said in the Pains of the Cholick, If I once get this Breath out of my Body, you shall hang me before you put it in again. Honest Ned. and so he died.

But it is to be supposed, from this Place you may expect an Account of such a Thing as a New Play is not to be omitted. That acted this Night is the newest that ever was writ. The Au­thor is my ingenious Friend Mr. Thomas D—y. This Drama is called, The Modern Prophets, and is a most unanswerable Satyr against the late Spirit of Enthusiasm. The Writer had by long Experience observed, That in Company, very grave Discourses have been followed by Baw­dry; and therefore has turned the Humour that Way with great Success, and taken from his Audience all Manner of Superstition, by the A­gitations of pretty Mrs. Bignall, whom he has, with great Subtilty, made a Lay-Sister, as well as a Prophetess; by which Means, she carries on the Affairs of both Worlds with great Suc­cess. My Friend designs to go on with another Work against Winter, which he intends to call, [Page 80] The Modern Poets; a People no less mistaken in their Opinions of being inspired, than the other. In order to this, he has by him several Songs, besides many Ambiguities, which cannot be mi­staken for any Thing but what he means them. Mr. D—y generally writes State-Plays, and is wonderfully useful to the World in such Repre­sentations. This Method is the same that was us'd by the Old Athenians, to laugh out of Counte­nance, or promote Opinions among the People. My Friend has therefore, against this Play is acted for his own Benefit, made Two Dances, which may be also of an universal Benefit. In the First, he has represented Absolute Power in the Per­son of a Tall Man with an Hat and Feather, who gives his First Minister, that stands just be­fore him, an huge Kick; the Minister gives the Kick to the next before; and so to the End of the Stage. In the Moral and Practical Jest, you are made to understand, That there is, in an Absolute Government, no Gratification, but giving the Kick you receive from one above you, to one below you. This is performed to a grave and melancholy Air; but on a sudden the Tune moves quicker, and the whole Company fall into a Circle, and take Hands; then at a certain sharp Note, they move round, and kick as kick can. This latter Performance he makes to be the Representation of a Free State; where, if you all mind your Steps, you may go round and round very jollily, with a Motion pleasant to your selves and those you dance with: Nay, if you put your selves out, at the worst you only kick and are kicked, like Friends and Equals.

Of all the Vanities under the Sun, I confess that of being proud of one's Birth is the great­est. At the same Time, since in this unreaso­nable Age, by the Force of prevailing Custom, [Page 81] Things in which Men have no Hand, are impu­ted to them; and that I am used by some Peo­ple, as if Isaac Bickerstaff, tho' I write my self Esquire, was no Body: To set the World right in that Particular, I shall give you my Genea­logy, as a Kinsman of ours has sent it me from the Heralds-Office. It is certain, and observed by the wisest Writers, That there are Women who are not nicely Chast, and Men not severely Honest, in all Families; therefore let those who may be apt to raise Aspersions upon ours, please to give us as Impartial Account of their own, and we shall be satisfied. The Business of Heralds is a Matter of so great Nicety, that, to avoid Mistakes, I shall give you my Cousin's Letter Verbatim, without altering a Syllable.

Dear Cousin,

SInce you have been pleased to make your self so famous of late, by your ingenious Writings, and some Time ago by your learned Predictions: Since Partridge of Immortal Memory is dead and gone, who, Poetical as he was, could not understand his own Poetry; and Philomathical as he was, could not read his own Destiny: Since the Pope, the King of France, and great Part of his Court, are either literally or metaphorically defunct: Since, I say, these Things (not foretold by any one but your self) have come to pass after so surprizing a Man­ner; 'tis with no small Concern I see the Original of the Staffian Race so little known in the World as it is at this Time; for which Reason, as you have employed your Studies in Astronomy, and the Oc­cult Sciences; so I, my Mother being a Welch Wo­man, dedicated mine to Genealogy, particularly that of our own Family, which, for its Antiquity and Number, may challenge any in Great Britain. The Staffs are originally of Staffordshire, which took its Name from them: The First that I find of the [Page 82] Staffs was one Jacobstaff, a famous and renowned Astronomer, who by Dorothy his Wife, had Issue Seven Sons, viz. Bickerstaff. Longstaff, Wag­staff, Quarterstaff, Whitestaff, Falstaff, and Tip­staff. He also had a Younger Brother who was twice married, and had Five Sons; viz. Distaff, Pikestaff, Mopstaff, Broomstaff, and Ragged­staff. As for the Branch from whence you spring, I shall say very little of it, only that 'tis the Chief of the Staffs, and called Bickerstaff, quasi Bigger­staff; as much as to say, the Great Staff, or Staff of Staffs; and that it has applied it self to Astronomy with great Success, after the Ex­ample of our aforesaid Forefather. The Descen­dants from Longstaff, the second Son, were a rakish disorderly Sort of People, and rambled from one Place to another, till in Harry II.'s Time they settled in Kent, and were called Long-Tails, from the Long-Tails which were sent them as a Punishment for the Murder of Thomas a Becket, as the Legends say. They have been always seeked after by the Ladies; but whether it be to show their Aversion to Popery, or their Love to Miracles, I can't say. The Wagstaffs are a merry thought­less Sort of People, who have always been opinio­nated of their own Wit; they have turned them­selves mostly to Poetry. This is the most numerous Branch of our Family, and the poorest. The Quar­terstaffs are most of them Prize-fighters, or Deer­stealers: There have been so many of them hanged lately, that there are very few of that Branch of our Family left. The Whitestaffs are all Courtiers, and have had very considerable Places. There have been some of them of that Strength and Dex­terity. That Five hundred of the ablest Men in the Kingdom have often tugged in vain to pull a Staff out of their Hands. The Falstaffs are strangely given to Whoring and Drinking: There are Abun­dance of them in and about London. And one Thing is very remarkable of this Branch, and that [Page 83] is, There are just as many Women as Men in it. There was a wicked Stick of Wood of this Name in Harry IV.'s Time, one Sir John Falstaff. As for Tipstaff, the youngest Son, he was an honest Fel­low; but his Sons, and his Sons Sons, have all of them been the veriest Rogues living: 'Tis this un­lucky Branch has stock'd the Nation with that Swarm of Lawyers, Attorneys, Serjeants, and Bai­liffs, with which the Nation is over-run. Tip­staff, being a Seventh Son, used to cure the King's-Evil; but his rascally Descendants are so far from having that healing Quality, that by a Touch upon the Shoulder, they give a Man such an ill Habit of Body, that he can never come abroad af­terwards. This is all I know of the Line of Ja­cobstaff: His younger Brother Isaacstaff, as I told you before, had Five Sons, and was married twice; his First Wife was a Staff, (for they did not stand upon false Heraldry in those Days) by whom he had one Son, who in Process of Time being a School-ma­ster, and well read in the Greek, called himself Distaff or Twicestaff. He was not very rich, so he put his Children out to Trades; and the Distaffs have ever since been employed in the Woollen and Linen Manufactures, except my self, who am a Genealogist. Pikestaff, the eldest Son by the Se­cond Venter, was a Man of Business, a downright plodding Fellow, and withal so plain, that he be­came a Proverb. Most of this Family are at pre­sent in the Army. Raggedstaff was an unlucky Boy, and used to tear his Clothes a getting Birds Nests, and was always playing with a tame Bear his Father kept. Mopstaff fell in love with one of his Father's Maids, and used to help her to clean the House. Broomstaff was a Chimney-Sweeper. The Mopstaffs and Broomstaffs are naturally as civil People as ever went out of Doors; but alas! If they once get into ill Hands, they knock down all before them. Pilgrimstaff run away from his [Page 84] Friends, and went strolling about the Country: And Pipestaff was a Wine-Cooper. These Two were the unlawful Issue of Longstaff.

N. B. The Canes, the Clubs, the Cudgels, the Wands, the Devil upon Two Sticks, and one Bread, that goes by the Name of Staff of Life, are none of our Relations.

I am, Dear Cousin,
Your humble Servant, D. Distaff.

As politick News is not the principal Subject on which we treat, we are so happy as to have no Occasion for that Art of Cookery which our Brother Newsmongers so much excel in; as ap­pears by their excellent and inimitable Manner of dressing up a second Time for your Tast the same Dish which they gave you the Day before, in case there come over no new Pickles from Holland. Therefore, when we have nothing to say to you from Courts and Camps, we hope still to give you somewhat new and curious from our selves: The Women of our House, upon Occasion, being capable of carrying on the Bu­finess, according to the laudable Custom of the Wives in Holland; but, without further Preface, take what we have not mentioned in our former Relations.

Letters from Hanover of the 30th of the last Month say, That the Prince Royal of Prussia arrived there on the 15th, and left that Court on the Second of this Month, in Pursuit of his Journey to Flanders, where he makes the ensu­ing Campaign. Those Advices add, That the young Prince Nassau, Hereditary Governour of Friesland, consummated on the 26th of the last Month his Marriage with the beaureous Princess of Hesse-Cassel, with a Pomp and Magnificence suitable to their Age and Quality.

[Page 85] Letters from Paris say, His most Christian Majesty retired to Marly on the first Instant, N. S. and our last Advices from Spain inform us, That the Prince of Asturias had made his pub­lick Entry into Madrid in great Splendor. The Duke of Anjou has given Don Joseph Hartado de Amaraga the Government of Terra-Firma de Veragua, and the Presidency of Panama in Ame­rica. They add, That the Forces command­ed by the Marquis de Bay hath been reinforced by Six Battalions of Spanish and Walloon Guards. Letters from Lisbon advise, That the Army of the King of Portugal was at Elvas on the 22d of the last Month, and would decamp on the 24th, in order to march upon the Enemy, who lay at Badajos.

Yesterday, at Four in the Morning, his Grace the Duke of Marlborough set out for Margate; and embarked for Holland at Eight this Morn­ing.

Yesterday also Sir George Thorold was declared Alderman of Cordwainers Ward, in the Room of his Brother Sir Charles Thorold deceased.

The TATLER. [No 12.
From Thursd. May 5. to Saturd. May 7. 1709.

WHen a Man has engaged to keep a Stage-Coach, he is obliged, whether he has Passengers or not, to set out: Thus it fares with us Weekly Historians; but indeed, for my Particular, I hope I shall soon have little more to do in this Work than to publish what is sent me from such as have Leisure and Capa­city for giving Delight, and being pleased in an elegant Manner. The present Grandeur of [Page 86] the British Nation might make us expect, that we should rise in our Publick Diversions, and Manner of enjoying Life, in Proportion to our Advancement in Glory and Power. Instead of that, take and survey this Town, and you'll find, Rakes and Debauchees are your Men of Pleasure; Thoughtless Atheists, and Illiterate Drunkards, call themselves Free-Thinkers; and Gamesters, Banterers, Biters, Swearers, and Twenty new born Insects more, are, in their se­veral Species, the Modern Men of Wit. Hence it is, that a Man who has been out of Town but one half Year, has lost the Language, and must have some Friend to stand by him, and keep him in Countenance for talking common Sense. To Day I saw a short Interlude at White's of this Nature, which I took Notes of, and put together as well as I could in a Publick Place. The Persons of the Drama are, Pip, the last Gentleman that has been made so at Cards; Trimmer, a Person half undone at them, and is now between a Cheat and a Gentleman; Acorn, an honest English Man, of good plain Sense and Meaning; and Mr. Friendly, a reasonable Man of the Town.

Enter Pip, Trim. and Acorn.
Ac.

What's the Matter, Gentlemen? What! Take no Notice of an old Friend?

Pip.

Pox on it! Don't talk to me, I am Vowel'd by the Count, and cursedly out of Humour.

Ac.

Vowel'd! Prithee, Trimmer, What does he mean by that?

Trim.

Have a Care, Harry, speak softly; don't show your Ignorance:—If you do, they'll bite you where-e'er they meet you; they are such cursed Curs,—the present Wits.

Ac.

Bite me! What do you mean?

Pip.
[Page 87]

Why! Don't you know what Biting is? Nay, you are in the Right on't. However, one would learn it only to defend ones self against Men of Wit, as one would know the Tricks of Play, to be secure against the Cheats. But don't you hear, Acorn, that Report, That some Potentates of the Alliance have taken Care of themselves, exclusive of us?

Ac.

How! Heaven forbid! After all our Glo­rious Victories; all this Expence of Blood and Treasure!

Pip.

Bite—

Ac.

Bite! How?

Trim.

Nay, he has Bit you fairly enough; that's certain.

Ac.

Pox! I don't feel it—How? Where?

Exit Pip and Trimmer laughing.
Ac.

Ho! Mr. Friendly, your most humble Servant; you heard what passed between those fine Gentlemen and me. Pip complained to me, That he has been Vowel'd; and they tell me, I am Bit.

Friend.

You are to understand, Sir, That Simplicity of Behaviour, which is the Perfection of good Breeding and good Sense, is utterly lost in the World; and in the Room of it, there are started a Thousand little Inventions, which Men, barren of better Things, take up in the Place of it. Thus for every Character in Con­versation that used to please, there is an Impo­stor put upon you. Him whom we allow'd for­merly for a certain pleasant Subtilty, and natu­ral Way of giving you an unexpected Hit, cal­led a Droll, is now mimick'd by a Biter, who is a dull Fellow, that tells you a Lye with a grave Face, and laughs at you for knowing him no better than to believe him. Instead of that Sort of Companion, who could rally you, and keep his Countenance, till he made you fall [Page 88] into some little Inconsistency of Behaviour, at which you your self could laugh with him, you have the Sneerer, who will keep you Company from Morning to Night, to gather your Follies of the Day, (which perhaps you commit out of Confidence in him) and expose you in the Even­ing to all the Scorners in Town. For your Man of Sense and free Spirit, whose Set of Thoughts were built upon Learning, Reason, and Expe­rience, you have now an impudent Creature made up of Vice only, who supports his Igno­rance by his Courage, and Want of Learning by Contempt of it.

Ac.

Dear Sir, hold: What you have told me already of this Change in Conversation, is too miserable to be heard with any Delight; but, methinks, as these new Creatures appear in the World, it might give an excellent Field to Wri­ters for the Stage, to divert us with the Repre­sentation of them there.

Friend.

No, No: As you say, there might be some Hopes of Redress of these Grievances, if there were proper Care taken of the Theatre; but the History of that is yet more lamentable, than that of the Decay of Conversation I gave you.

Ac.

Pray, Sir, a little: I han't been in Town these Six Years, till within this Fortnight.

Friend.

It is now some Years, since several Revolutions in the Gay World had made the Empire of the Stage subject to very fatal Con­vulsions, which were too dangerous to be cured by the Skill of little King Oberon, who then sate in the Throne of it. The Laziness of this Prince threw him upon the Choice of a Person who was fit to spend his Life in Contentions, an able and profound Attorney, to whom he mort­gaged his whole Empire. This Divite is the most skilful of all Politicians: He has a perfect [Page 89] Art in being unintelligible in Discourse, and un­comeatable in Business. But he having no Un­derstanding in this polite Way, brought in upon us, to get in his Money, Ladder-dancers, Rope-dancers, Jugglers, and Mountebanks, to strut in the Place of Shakespear's Heroes, and Johnson's Humourists. When the Seat of Wit was thus mortgaged, without Equity of Redemption, an Architect arose, who has built the Muse a new Palace, but secured her no Retinue; so that in­stead of Action there, we have been put off by Song and Dance. This latter Help of Sound has also began to fail for want of Voices; there­fore the Palace has since been put into the Hands of a Surgeon, who cuts any Foreign Fellow in­to an Eunuch, and passes him upon us for a Singer of Italy.

Ac.

I'll go out of Town to Morrow.

Friend.

Things are come to this Pass; and yet the World will not understand, that the Theatre has much the same Effect on the Manners of the Age, as the Bank on the Credit of the Na­tion. Wit and Spirit, Humour and good Sense, can never be revived, but under the Government of those who are Judges of such Talents, who know, that whatever is put up in their Stead, is but a short and trifling Expedient, to sup­port the Appearance of them for a Season. It is possible, a Peace will give Leisure to put these Matters under new Regulations; but at pre­sent all the Assistance we can see towards our Recovery, is as far from giving us Help, as a Poultice is from performing what can be done only by the Grand Elixir.

According to our late Design in the applauded Verses on the Morning, which you lately had from hence, we proceed to improve that just Intention, and present you with other Labours, [Page 90] made proper to the Place in which they were written. The following Poem comes from Co­penhagen, and is as fine a Winter-piece, as we have ever had from any of the Schools of the most learned Painters. Such Images as these give us a new Pleasure in our Sight, and fix up­on our Minds Traces of Reflection, which ac­company us whenever the like Objects occur. In short, excellent Poetry and Description dwell upon us so agreeably, that all the Readers of them are made to think, if not write, like Men of Wit. But it would be Injury to detain you longer from this excellent Performance, which is addressed to the Earl of Dorset by Mr. Philips, the Author of several choice Poems in Mr. Ton­son's new Miscellany.

From Frozen Climes, and endless Tracks of Snow,
From Streams that Northern Winds forbid to flow;
What Present shall the Muse to Dorset bring;
Or how, so near the Pole, attempt to sing?
The heary Winter here conceals from Sight,
All pleasing Objects that to Verse invite.
The Hills and Dales, and the delightful Woods,
The Flowry Plains, and Silver Streaming Floods,
By Snow disguis'd, in bright Confusion lye,
And with one dazling Waste fatigue the Eye.
No gentle breathing Breeze prepares the Spring,
No Birds within the Desart Region sing.
The Ships unmov'd the boist'rous Winds defie,
While rattling Chariots o'er the Ocean fly.
The vast Leviathan wants Room to play,
And spout his Waters in the Face of Day.
The starving Wolves along the main Sea prowl,
And to the Moon in Icy Valleys howl.
For many a shining League the level Main
Here spreads it self into a Glassy Plain:
[Page 91] There solid Billows of enormous Size,
Alpes of green Ice, in wild Disorder rise.
And yet but lately have I seen e'en here,
The Winter in a lovely Dress appear.
Eer yet the Clouds lot fall the treasur'd Snow,
Or Winds begun through hazy Skies to blow.
At Ev'ning a keen Eastern Breeze arose;
And the descending Rain unsully'd freze.
Soon as the silent Shades of Night withdrew,
The ruddy Morn disclos'd at once to View
The Face of Nature in a rich Disguise,
And brighten'd ev'ry Object to my Eyes:
For ev'ry Shrub, and ev'ry Blade of Grass,
And ev'ry pointed Thorn, seem'd wrought in Glass.
In Pearls and Rubies rich the Hawthorns show,
While through the Ice the Crimson Berries glow.
The thick sprung Reeds the watry Marshes yield,
Seem polish'd Lances in a hostile Field.
The Stag in limpid Currents with Surprize,
Sees Chrystal Branches on his Forehead rise.
The spreading Oak, the Beech, and tow'ring Pine,
Glaz'd over, in the freezing Aether shine.
The frighted Birds the rattling Branches shun,
That wave and glitter in the distant Sun.
When if a sudden Gust of Wind arise,
The brittle Forrest into Atoms flies:
The crackling Wood beneath the Tempest bends,
And in a spangled Show'r the Prospect ends.
Or, if a Southern Gale the Region warm,
And by Degrees unbind the Wintry Charm,
The Traveller a miry Country sees,
And Journeys sad beneath the dropping Trees.
Like some deluded Peasant, Merlin leads
Thro' fragrant Bow'rs and thro' delicious Meads;
While here inchanted Gardens to him rise,
And airy Fabricks there attract his Eyes,
His wand'ring Feet the Magick Paths pursue;
And while he thinks the fair Illusion true,
The trackless Scenes disperse in fluid Air,
And Woods, and Wilds, and Thorny Ways appear:
A tedious Road the weary Wretch returns,
And; as he goes, the transiens Vision mourns.

There has a Mail this Day arrived from Hol­land; but the Matter of the Advices importing rather what gives us great Expectations, than any positive Assurances, I shall, for this Time, decline giving you what I know, and apply the following Verses of Mr. Dryden, in the Second Part of Almanzor, to the present Circumstances of Things, without discovering what my Know­ledge in Astronomy suggests to me.

When Empire in its Childhood first appears,
A watchful Fate e'ersees its tender Years:
Till grown more strong, it thrusts and stretches out,
And elbows all the Kingdoms round about.
The Place thus made for its first breathing free,
It moves again for Ease and Luxury:
Till swelling by Degrees it has possest
The greater Space, and now crowds up the rest.
When from behind there starts some petty State,
And pushes on its now unweildy Fate.
Then down the Precipice of Time it goes,
And sinks in Minutes, which in Ages rose.

The TATLER. [No 13.
From Saturd. May 7. to. Tuesd. May 10. 1709.

MUch Hurry and Business had to Day per­plex'd me into a Mood too thoughtful for going into Company; for which Reason, in stead of the Tavern, I went into Lincoln's Inn-Walks; and having taken a Round or Two, I sate down, according to the allowed Familia­rity of these Places, on a Bench; at the other End of which sate a venerable Gentleman, who speaking with a very affable Air, Mr. Bicker­staff, said he, I take it for a very great Piece of good Fortune that you have found me out. Sir, said I, I had never, that I know of, the Honour of seeing you before. That, replied he, is what I have often lamented; but I assure you, I have for many Years done you good Offices, without being observed by you; or else, when you had any little Glimpse of my being concerned in an Affair, you have fled from me, and shunned me like an Ene­my; but however, the Part I am to act in the World is such, that I am to go on in doing Good, though I meet with never so many Repulses, even from those I oblige. This, thought I, shows a great good Nature, but little Judgment in the Persons upon whom he confers his Favours. He immediately took Notice to me, That he obser­ved by my Countenance I thought him indiscreet in his Beneficence, and proceeded to tell me his Quality in the following Manner: I know thee, Isaac, to be so well vers'd in the Occult Sciences, that I need not much Preface, or make long Pre­parations to gain you Faith that there are Airy Beings, who are employed in the Care and Atten­dance [Page 92] [...] [Page 93] [...] [Page 94] of Men, as Nurses are to Infants, till they come to an Age in which they can act-of themselves. These Beings are usually called amongst Men, Guar­dian Angels; and, Mr. Bickerstaff, I am to ac­quaint you, that I am to be yours for some Time to come; it being our Orders to vary our Stations, and sometimes to have me Pationt under our Pro­tection, and sometimes another, with a Power of assuming what Shape we please, to ensuare our Words unto their own Good. I have of late been upon such hard Duty, and know you have so much Work for me, that I think fit to appear to you Face to Face, to desire you would give me as little Oc­casion for Vigilance as you can. Sir, said I, it will be a great Instruction to me in my Behaviour, if you please to give me some Account of your late Employments, and what Hardships or Satisfactions you have had in them, that I may govern my self accordingly. He answered: To give you an Ex­ample of the Drudgery we go through, I will entertain you only with my Three last Stations: I was on the First of April last put to mortifie a great Beauty, with whom I was a Week; from her I went to a common Swearer, and have been last with a Gamester. When I first came to my Lady, I found my great Work was to guard well her Eyes and Ears, but her Flatte­rers were so numerous, and the House, after the modern Way, so full of Looking-glasses, that I seldom had her safe but in her Sleep. When­ever we went Abroad, we were surrounded by an Army of Enemies: When a well-made Man appeared, he was sure to have a Side-glance of Observation: If a disagreeable Fellow, he had a full Face, out of meer Inclination to Con­quests. But at the Close of the Evening, on the Sixth of the last Month, my Ward was fit­ting on a Couch, reading Ovid's Epistles; and as she came to this Line of Helen to Paris,

[Page 95]
She half consents who silently denies;

enter'd Philander, who is the most skilful of all Men in an Address to Women. He is arri­ved at the Perfection of that Art which gains them, which is, To talk like a very miserable Man, but look like a very happy One. I saw Dictinna blush at his Entrance, which gave me the Alarm; but he immediately said something so agreeable on her being at Study, and the No­velty of finding a Lady employed in so grave a Manner, that he on a sudden became very fami­liarly a Man of no Consequence; and in an In­stant laid all her Suspicions of his Skill asleep, as he almost had done mine, till I observed him very dangerously turn his Discourse upon the Elegance of her Dress, and her Judgment in the Choice of that very pretty Mourning. Having had Women before under my Care, I trembled at the Apprehension of a Man of Sense who could talk upon Trifles, and resolved to stick to my Post with all the Circumspection imaginable. In short, I prepossessed her against all he could say to the Advantage of her Dress and Person; but he turned again the Discourse, where I found I had no Power o ver her, on the abusing her Friends and Acquaintance. He allowed in­deed, That Flora had a little Beauty, and a great deal of Wit; but then she was so ungainly in her Behaviour, and such a laughing Hoyden—Pastorella had with him the Allowance of being Blameless: But what was that towards being Praise-worthy? To be only Innocent, is not to be Virtuous. He afterwards spoke so much a­gainst Mrs. Dipple's Forehead, Mrs. Prim's Mouth, Mrs. Dentifrice's Teeth, and Mrs. Fidget's Cheeks, that she grew downright in Love with him: For it is always to be understood, That a Lady takes all you detract from the rest of her Sex to [Page 96] be a Gift to her. In a Word, Things went so far, that I was dismissed, and she will remem­ber that Evening Nine Months, from the Sixth of April, by a very remarkable Token. The next, as I said, I went to was a common Swea­rer: Never was a Creature so puzzled as my self when I came first to view his Brain; half of it was worn out, and filled up with meer Exple­tives, that had nothing to do with any other Parts of the Texture; therefore, when he cal­led for his Clothes in a Morning, he would cry, John?—John does not answer. What a Plague! No Body there? What the Devil, and rot me! John, for a laxy Dog as you are. I knew no Way to cure him, but by writing down all he said one Morning as he was dressing, and lay­ing it before him on the Toilet when he came to pick his Teeth. The last Recital I gave him of what he said for half an Hour before, was, What, a Pox rot me! Where is the Washball? Call the Chairmen: Damn 'em, I warrant they are at the Alehouse already! Zounds, and Con­found 'em. When he came to the Glass, he takes up my Note—Ha! This Fellow is worse than me: What, Does he swear with Pen and Ink? But reading on, he found them to be his own Words. The Stratagem had so good an Effect upon him, that he grew immediately a new Man, and is learning to speak without an Oath, which makes him extremely short in his Phrases; for, as I observed before, a Common Swearer has a Brain without any Idea on the Swearing Side; therefore my Ward has yet mighty little to say, and is forced to substitute some other Vehicle of Nonsence to supply the Defect of his usual Expletives. When I left him, he made Use of, Odsbodikins! Oh me! and Never stir alive! and so forth; which gave me the Hopes of his Recovery. So I went to the next I told you of, [Page 97] the Gamester. When we first take our Place about a Man, the Receptacles of the Pericra­nium are immediately searched. In his, I found no one ordinary Trace of Thinking; but strong Passion, violent Desires, and a continued Series of different Changes, had torn it to Pieces. There appeared no middle Condition; the Tri­umph of a Prince, or the Misery of a Beggar, were his alternate States. I was with him no longer than one Day, which was Yesterday. In the Morning at Twelve, we were worth Four Thousand Pounds; at Three, we were arrived at Six Thousand; half an Hour after, we were reduced to One Thousand; at Four of the Clock we were down to Two Hundred; at Five, to Fifty; at Six, to Five; at Seven, to One Gui­nea; the next Bet, to Nothing. This Morning, he borrowed Half a Crown of the Maid who cleans his Shoes; and is now gaming in Lin­colns-Inn-Fields among the Boys for Farthings and Oranges, till he has made up Three Pieces, and then he returns to White's into the best Company in Town. This ended our first Dis­course; and it is hoped, you will forgive me that I have picked so little out of my Compa­nion at our first Interview. In the next, 'tis possible he may tell me more pleasing Incidents; for though he is a Familiar, he is not an Evil Spirit.

We hear from the Hague of the 14th Instant, N, S. That Monsieur de Torcy hath had frequent Con­ferences with the Grand Pensioner, and the other Ministers who were heretofore commis­sioned to treat with Monsieur Rouille. The Pre­liminaries of a Peace are almost settled, and the Proceedings wait only for the Arrival of the Duke of Marlborough; after whose Approba­tion of the Articles proposed, it is not doubted [Page 98] but the Methods of the Treaty will be publickly known. In the mean Time, the States have declared an Abhorrence of making any Step in this great Affair, but in Concert with the Court of Great Britain, and other Princes of the Alliance. The Posture of Affairs in Franes does necessarily oblige that Nation to be very much in Earnest in their Offers; and Monsieur de Torcy hath professed to the Grand Pensioner, That he will avoid all Occasions of giving him the least Jealousie of his using any Address in private Conversations for accomplishing the Ends of his Embassy. It is said, That as soon as the Preliminaries are adjusted, that Minister is to return to the French Court. The States of Holland have resolved to make it an Instruction to all their Men of War and Privateers, to bring into their Ports whatever Neutral Ships they shall meet with laden with Corn, and bound for France; and to avoid all Cause of Complaint from the Potentates to whom these Ships shall belong, their full Demand for their Freight shall be paid them there. The French Prote­stants residing in that Country have applied themselves to their respective Magistrates, desi­ring that there may be an Article in the Trea­ty of Peace, which may give Liberty of Con­science to the Protestants in France. Monsieur Bosnage, Minister of the Walloon Church at Rot­terdam, has been at the Hague, and hath had some Conferences with the Deputies of the States on that Subject. It is reported there That all the French Refugees in those Domi­nions are to be naturalized, that they may enjoy the same good Effects of the Treaty with the Hollanders themselves, in respect to France.

Letters from Paris say, The People conceiv [...] great Hopes of a sudden Peace, from Monsieu [...] Torcy's being employed in the Negotiation, h [...] [Page 99] being a Minister of too great Weight in that Court, to be sent on any Employment in which his Master would not act in a Manner wherein he might justly promise himself Success. The France Advices add, That there is an Insurrection in Poicton; 3000 Men having taken up Arms, and beaten the Troops which were appointed to disperse them: Three of the Mutineers being taken, were immediately executed; and as ma­ny of the King's Party were used after the same Manner.

Our late Act of Naturalization hath had so great an Effect in Foreign Parts, that some Princes have prohibited the French Refugees in their Dominions to sell or transfer their Estates to any other of their Subjects; and at the same Time have granted them greater Immunities than they hitherto enjoyed. It has been also thought necessary to restrain their own Subjects from leaving their native Country, on Pain of Death.

The TATLER. [No 14.
From Tuesd. May 10. to Thursd. May 12. 1709.

HAD it not been that my Familiar had ap­peared to me, as I told you in my last, in Person, I had certainly been unable to have found even Words, without Meaning, to keep up my Intelligence with the Town: But he has checked me severely for my Despondence, and ordered me to go on in my Design of observing upon Things, and forbearing Persons; for, said he, the Age you live in is such, that a good Pi­cture of any Vice or Virtue will infallibly be [Page 100] misrepresented; and though none will take the kind Descriptions you make so much to them­selves, as to wish well to the Author, yet all will resent the ill Characters you produce, out of Fear of their own Turn in the Licence you must be obliged to take, if you point at particu­lar Persons. I took his Admonition kindly, and immediately promised him to beg Pardon of the Author of the Advice to the Poets, for my Rail­lery upon his Work; tho' I aimed at no more, in that Examination, but to convince him, and all Men of Genius, of the Folly of laying them­selves out on such Plans as are below their Cha­racters. I hope too it was done without Ill-Breeding, and nothing spoken below what a Ci­vilian (as it is allowed I am) may utter to a Physician. After this Preface, all the World may be safe from my Writings; for if I can find nothing to commend, I am silent, and will for­bear the Subject: For, though I am a Reformer, I scorn to be an Inquisitor.

It would become all Men as well as me, to lay before 'em the noble Character of Verus the Magistrate, who always sate in Triumph over, and Contempt of Vice; He never searched after it, or spared it when it came before him: At the same Time, He could see thro' the Hypocri­sy and Disguise of those, who have no Pretence to Virtue themselves, but by their Severity to the Vicious. This same Verus was, in Times long past, Chief Justice (as we call it amongst us) in Faelicia. He was a Man of profound Knowledge of the Laws of his Country, and as just an Ob­server of 'em in his own Person. He considered Justice as a Cardinal Virtue, not as a Trade for Maintenance. Wherever he was Judge, he ne­ver forgot that he was also Council. The Cri­minal before him was always sure he stood be­fore his Country, and, in a Sort, a Parent of it. [Page 101] The Prisoner knew, that tho' his Spirit was bro­ken with Guilt, and incapable of Language to defend it self, all would be gathered from him which could conduce to his Safety; and that his Judge would wrest no Law to destroy him, nor conceal any that could save him. In his Time, there were a Nest of Pretenders to Justice, who happen'd to be employed to put Things in a Me­thod for being examined before him at his usual Sessions: These Animals were to Verus, as Mon­keys are to Men, so like, that you can hardly disown them; but so base, that you are ashamed of their Fraternity. It grew a Phrase, Who would do Justice on the Justices? That certainly would Verus. I have seen an old Trial where he sate Judge on Two of 'em; one was called Trick-Track, the other Tearshift; one was a learned Judge of Sharpers, the other the quickest of all Men at finding out a Wench. Trick-Track never spared a Pick-pocket, but was a Companion to Cheats: Tearshift would make Compliments to Wenches of Quality, but certainly commit poor ones. If a poor Rogue wanted a Lodging, Trick-Track sent him to Gaol for a Thief: If a poor Whore went only with one thin Petticoat, Tear­shift would imprison her for being loose in her Dress. These Patriots infested the Days of Ve­rus, while they alternately committed and relea­sed each others Prisoners. But Verus regarded them as Criminals, and always look'd upon Men as they stood in the Eye of Justice, without re­specting whether they sate on the Bench, or stood at the Bar.

Yesterday we were entertained with the Tra­gedy of The Earl of Essex, in which there is not one good Line, and yet a Play which was never seen without drawing Tears from some Part of the Audience: A remarkable Instance, that the [Page 102] Soul is not to be moved by Words, but Things for the Incidents in this Drama are laid together so happily, that the Spectator makes the Play for himself, by the Force which the Circumstance has upon his Imagination. Thus, in spight of the most dry Discourses, and Expressions almost ri­diculous with respect to Propriety, it is impos­sible for one unprejudic'd to see it untouch'd with Pity. I must confess this Effect is not wrought on such as examine why they are pleased; but it never fails to appear on those who are not too learned in Nature, to be moved by her first Suggestions. It is certain, the Per­son and Behaviour of Mr. Wilks has no small Share in conducing to the Popularity of the Play; and when an handsome Fellow is going to a more course Exit than Beheading, his Shape and Countenance makes every tender one re­prieve him with all her Heart, without waiting till she hears his dying Words.

This Evening The Alchymist was played. This Comedy is an Example of Ben's extensive Ge­nius and Penerration into the Passions and Fol­lies of Mankind. The Scene in the Fourth Act, where all the cheated People oppose the Man that would open their Eyes, has something in it so inimitably excellent, that it is certainly as great a Master-piece as has ever appeared by any Hand. The Author's great Address in showing Covetousness the Motive of the Actions of the Puritan, the Epicure, the Gamester, and the Tra­der; that all their Endeavours, how differently soever they seem to tend, center only in that one Point of Gain, shows he had to a great Perfection that Discernment of Spirit, which constitutes a Genius for Comedy.

It is not to be imagined how far the Violence of our Desires will carry us towards our own [Page 103] Deceit in the Pursuit of what we wish for. A Gentleman here this Evening was giving me an Account of a dumb Fortune-Teller, who out­does Mr. Partridge, my self, or the Unborn-Doctor, for Predictions. All his Visitants come to him full of Expectations, and pay his own Rate for the Interpretations they put upon his Shrugs and Nods. There is a fine rich City-Widow stole thither the other Day, (though it is not Six Weeks since her Husband's Departure from her Company to rest) and, with her trusty Maid, demanded of him, Whether she should marry again, by holding up Two Fingers, like Horns on her Forehead. The Wizard held up both her Hands forked. The Relict desired to know, Whether he meant by his holding up both Hands, to represent that she had one Hus­band before, and that she should have another? Or that he intimated, she should have Two more? The Cunning Man look'd a little sour; upon which Betty jogged her Mistress, who gave t'other Guinea; and he made her understand, She should positively have Two more; but sha­ked his Head, and hinted, that they should not live long with her. The Widow sighed, and gave him t'other half Guinea. After this Prepos­session, all that she had next to do, was to make Sallies to our End of the Town, and find out who it is her Fate to have. There are Two who frequent this Place, whom she takes for Men of Vogue, and of whom her Imagination has given her the Choice. They are both the Appearances of fine Gentlemen, to such as do not know when they see Persons of that Turn; and indeed, they are industrious enough to come at that Chara­cter, to deserve the Reputation of being such. But this Town will not allow us to be the Thing we seem to aim at, and are too discerning to be fobb'd off with Pretences. One of these pretty [Page 104] Fellows fails by his laborious Exactness; the o­ther, by his as much studied Negligence. Frank Careless, as soon as his Valet has helped on and adjusted his Clothes, goes to his Glass, sets his Wig awry, tumbles his Cravat; and in short, undresses himself to go into Company. Will Nice is so little satisfied with his Dress, that all the Time he is at a Visit, he is still mending it, and is for that Reason the more insufferable; for he who studies Carelesness, has, at least, his Work the sooner done of the Two. The Widow is distracted whom to take for her first Man; for Nice is every Way so careful, that she fears his Length of Days; and Frank is so loose, that she has Apprehensions for her own Health with him. I am puzzled how to give a just Idea of them; but in a Word, Careless is a Cox­comb, and Nice a Fop: Both, you'll say, very hopeful Candidates for a gay Woman just set at Liberty. But there is a Whisper, her Maid will give her to Tom Terrour the Gamester. This Fel­low has undone so many Women, that he'll cer­tainly succeed if he is introduced; for nothing so much prevails with the vain Part of that Sex, as the Glory of deceiving them who have de­ceived others.

Desunt Multa.

Letters from Berlin, bearing Date May 11. N. S. inform us, That the Birth-Day of her Prussian Majesty has been celebrated there with all possi­ble Magnificence; and the King made her, on that Occasion, a present of Jewels to the Value of Thirty Thousand Crowns. The Marquis de Quesne, who has distinguished himself by his great Zeal for the Protestant Interest, was, at the Time of the Dispatch of these Letters, at that Court, soliciting the King to take Care, [Page 105] that an Article in Behalf of the Refugees, ad­mitting their Return to France, should be inser­ted in the Treaty of Peace. They write from Hanover of the 14th, That his Electoral High­ness had received an Express from Count Merci, representing how necessary it was to the Com­mon Cause, that he would please to hasten to the Rhine; for that nothing but his Presence could quicken the Measures towards bringing the Imperial Army into the Field. There are very many Speculations upon the intended In­terview of the King of Denmark and King Au­gustus. The latter has made such Preparations for the Reception of the other, that it is said, his Danish Majesty will be entertained in Saxony with much more Elegance than he met with in Italy it self.

Letters from the Hague of the 18th Instant, N. S. say, That his Grace the Duke of Marlborough landed the Night before at the Brill, after ha­ving been kept out at Sea by adverse Winds two Days longer than is usual in that Passage. His Excellency the Lord Townshend, Her Majesty's Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary to the State-General, was driven into the Veer in Zealand on Thursday last, from whence he came to the Hague within few Hours after the Arrival of his Grace. The Duke, soon after his coming to the Hague, had a Visit from the Pen­sioner of Holland. All Things relating to the Peace were in Suspence till this Interview; nor is it yet known what Resolutions will be taken on that Subject; for the Troops of the Allies have fresh Orders dispatched to them to move from their respective Quarters, and march with all Expedition to the Frontiers, where the Ene­my are making their utmost Efforts for the De­fence of their Country. These Advices further inform us, That the Marquis de Torcy had re­ceived [Page 106] an Answer from the Court of France to his Letters which he had sent thither by an Ex­press on the Friday before.

Mr. Bickerstaff has received Letters from Mr. Coltstaff, Mr. Whipstaff, and Mrs. Rebecca Wagstaff; all which relate chiefly to their being left out in the Genealogy of the Family lately pub­lished; but my Cousin being a Clerk in the Herald's Office who writ that Draught, and being at pre­sent under the Displeasure of the Chapter; it is feared. if that Matter should be touched upon at this Time, the young Gentleman would lose his Place for Treason against the Kings at Arms.

The TATLER. [No 15.
From Thursd. May 12. to Saturd. May 14. 1709.

I Have taken a Resolution hereafter, on any Want of Intelligence, to carry my Familiar abroad with me, who has promised to give me very proper and just Notices of Persons and Things, to make up the History of the passing Day. He is wonderfully skilful in the Know­ledge of Men and Manners, which has made me more than ordinary curious to know how he came to that Perfection, and I communicated to him that Doubt. Mr. Pacolet, said I, I am migh­tily surpriz'd to see you so good a Judge of our Nature and Circumstances, since you are a meer Spirit, and have no Knowledge of the Bodily Parts of us. He answered, smiling, You are mi­staken, I have been one of you, and lived a Month amongst you, which gives me an exact Sense of your Condition. You are to know, That all who enter into Humane Life, have a certain Date or Stamen given to their Being, [Page 107] which they only who die of Age may be said to have arrived at; but it is ordered sometimes by Fate, that such as die Infants, are after Death to attend Mankind to the End of that Stamen of Being in themselves, which was broke off by Sickness or any other Disafter. These are proper Guardians to Men, as being insensible of the Infirmity of their State. You are Philosopher enough to know, that the Difference of Men's Understanding proceeds only from the various Dispositions of their Organs; so that he who dies at a Month old, is in the next Life as knowing (tho' more innocent) as they who live to Fifty; and after Death, they have as perfect a Memory and Judgment of all that pass'd in their Life-time, as I have of all the Revolutions in that uneasie, turbulent Condition of yours; and, you'd say, I had enough of it in a Month, were I to tell you all my Misfortunes. A Life of a Month, can't have, one would think, much Variety; but pray, said I, let us have your Story.

Then he proceeds in the following Manner:

It was one of the most wealthy Families in Great Britain into which I was born, and it was a very great Happiness to me that it so hap­pen'd, otherwise I had still, in all Probability, been living: But I shall recount to you all the Occurrences of my short and miserable Existence, just as, by examining into the Traces made in my Brain, they appeared to me at that Time. The first Thing that ever struck my Senses, was a Noise over my Head of one shrieking; after which, methought I took a full Jump, and found my self in the Hands of a Sorceress, who seem'd as if she had been long waking, and em­ployed in some Incantation: I was throughly frightned, and cried out, but she immediately seem'd to go on in some Magical Operation, and [Page 108] anointed me from Head to Foot. What they meant, I could not imagine; for there gather'd a great Crowd about me, crying, An Heir, an Heir; upon which I grew a little still, and be­lieved this was a Ceremony to be used only to great Persons, and such as made them, what they call'd, Heirs. I lay very quiet; but the Witch, for no Manner of Reason or Provocation in the World, takes me and binds my Head as hard as possibly she could, then ties up both my Legs, and makes me swallow down an horrid Mixture; I thought it an harsh Entrance into Life to begin with taking Physick; but I was forced to it, or else must have taken down a great Instrument in which she gave it me. When I was thus dressed, I was carried to a Bed-side, where a fine young Lady (my Mother I wot) had like to have hugg'd me to Death. From her, they faced me about, and there was a Thing with quite another Look from the rest of the Room, to whom they talk'd about my Nose. He seem'd wonderfully pleas'd to see me; but I knew since, my Nose belong'd to another Fa­mily. That into which I was born, is one of the most numerous amongst you; therefore Crowds of Relations came every Day to congra­tulate my Arrival; among others, my Cousin Betty, the greatest Romp in Nature: She whisks me such a Height over her Head, that I cry'd out for fear of falling. She pinch'd me, and called me squealing Chit, and threw me into a Girls Arms that was taken in to tend me. The Girl was very proud of the Womanly Employ­ment of a Nurse, and took upon her to strip and dress me a-new, because I made a Noise, to see what ailed me: She did so, and stuck a Pin in every Joint about me. I still cri­ed: Upon which, she lays me on my Face in her Lap; and to quiet me, fell a nailing in all [Page 109] the Pins, by clapping me on the Back, and skreaming a Lullaby. But my Pain made me exalt my Voice above hers, which brought up the Nurse, the Witch I first saw, and my Grandmother. The Girl is turn'd down Stairs, and I stripp'd again, as well to find what ail'd me, as to satisfy my Granam's further Curiosi­ty. This good old Woman's Visit was the Cause of all my Troubles. You are to understand, That I was hitherto bred by Hand, and any Body that stood next, gave me Pap, if I did but open my Lips; insomuch, that I was grown so cunning, as to pretend my self asleep when I was not, to prevent my being cramm'd. But my Grandmother began a loud Lecture upon the Idleness of the Wives of this Age, who, for Fear of their Shapes, forbear suckling their own Off­spring: And Ten Nurses were immediately sent for; one was whisper'd to have a wanton Eye, and would soon spoil her Milk; another was in a Consumption; the Third had an ill Voice, and would frighten me, instead of lulling me to sleep. Such Exceptions were made against all but one Country Milch-Wench, to whom I was committed, and put to the Breast. This care­less Jade was eternally romping with the Foot­men, and downright starved me; insomuch that I daily pined away, and should never have been reliev'd, had it not been, that on the Thirtieth Day of my Life, a Fellow of the Royal Society, who had writ upon Cold Baths, came to visit me, and solemnly protested, I was utterly lost for want of that Method: Upon which he sous'd me Head and Ears into a Pail of Water, where I had the good Fortune to be drowned, and so escap'd be­ing lash'd into a Linguist till Sixteen, running after Wenches till Twenty five, and being mar­ried to an ill natured Wife till Sixty: Which had certainly been my Fate, had not the Inchant­ment [Page 110] between Body and Soul been broke by this Philosopher. Thus, till the Age I should have otherwise liv'd. I am oblig'd to watch the Steps of Men; and if you please, shall accompany you in your present Walks, and get you Intelligence from the Aerial Lacquey, who is in Waiting, what are the Thoughts and Purposes of any whom you enquire for. I accepted his kind Offer, and immediately took him with me in an Hack to White's.

We got in hither, and my Companion threw a Powder round us, that made me as invisi­ble as himself; so that we could see and hear all others, our selves unseen and un­heard.

The first Thing we took Notice of, was a Nobleman of a goodly and frank Aspect, with his generous Birth and Temper visible in it, playing at Cards with a Creature of a black and horrid Countenance, wherein were plainly de­lineated the Arts of his Mind, Cousenage and Falshood. They were marking their Game with Counters, on which we could see Inscriptions, imperceptible to any but us. My Lord had scor'd with Pieces of Ivory, on which were writ, Good Fame, Glory, Riches, Honour, and Po­sterity. The Spectre over-against him had on his Counters the Inscriptions of Dishonour. Impu­dence, Poverty, Ignorance, and Want of Shame. Bless me! said I; Sure my Lord does not see what he plays for! As well as I do, says Pacolet. He despises that Fellow he plays with, and scorns himself for making him his Companion. At the very Instant he was speaking, I saw the Fellow who play'd with my Lord, hide Two Cards in the Roll of his Stocking: Pacolet immediately stole 'em from thence; upon which the Noble­man [Page 111] soon after won the Game. The little Tri­umph he appeared in, when he got such a tri­ [...]ing Stock of ready Money, tho' he had ven­tured so great Sums with Indifference, increas'd my Admiration. But Pacolet began to talk to me. Mr. Isaac, This to you looks wonderful, but not at all to us higher Beings: That Noble has as many good Qualities as any Man of his Order, and seems to have no Faults but what, as I may say, are Excrescencies from Virtues. He is Generous to a Prodigality, more Affable than is consistent with his Quality, and Coura­gious to a Rashness. Yet, after all this, the Source of his whole Conduct is (tho' he would hate himself if he knew it) meer Avarice. The Ready Cash laid before the Gamester's Counters makes him venture, as you see, and lay Distin­ction against Infamy, Abundance against Want; in a Word, all that's desirable against all that's to be avoided. However, said I, be sure you dis­appoint the Sharpers to Night, and steal from 'em all the Cards they hide. Pacolet obey'd me, and my Lord went Home with their whole Bank in his Pocket.

To Night was acted a Second Time a Come­dy, call'd, The Busie Body: This Play is written by a Lady. In old Times, we us'd to sit upon a Play here after it was acted; but now the En­tertainment is turn'd another Way; not but there are considerable Men appear in all Ages, who, for some eminent Quality or Invention, deserve the Esteem and Thanks of the Publick. Such a Be­nefector is a Gentleman of this House, who is observed by the Surgeons with much Envy; for he has invented an Engine for the Prevention of Harms by Love-Adventures, and by great Care and Application, hath made it an Immodesty to name his Name. This Act of Self-denial has [Page 112] gain'd this worthy Member of the Commonwealth a great Reputation. Some Law-giver [...] have departed from their Abodes for ever, an [...] commanded the Observation of their Laws til [...] their Return; others have used other Artifice [...] to fly the Applause of their Merit; but this Per­son shuns Glory with greater Address, and has, by giving his Engine his own Name, made it obscene to speak of him more. However, he is rank'd among, and receiv'd by the modern Wits, as a great Promoter of Gallantry and Pleasure. But I fear, Pleasure is less under­stood in this Age, which so much pretends to it, than in any since the Creation. 'Twas ad­mirably said of him who first took Notice, That (Res est severa Voluptas) there is a certain Seve­rity in Pleasure. Without that, all Decency is banished; and if Reason is not to be present at our greatest Satisfactions, of all the Races of Creatures, the Humane is the most miserable. It was not so of old; when Virgil describes a Wit, he always means a virtuous Man; and all his Sentiments of Men of Genius are such as show Persons distinguished from the common Level of Mankind; such as placed Happiness in the Contempt of low Fears, and mean Gratifi­cations: Fears, which we are subject to with the Vulgar; and Pleasures, which we have in common with Beasts. With these illustrious Personages, the wisest Man was the greatest Wit; and none was thought worthy of that Character, unless he answered this excellent Description of the Poet:

Qui — Metus omnes & inexorabile Fatum
Subjecit Pedibus, strepitum (que) Acherontis avari.

We had this Morning Advice, That some Eng­lish Merchant Ships, convoyed by the Bristol of 54 Guns, were met with by a Part of Mons. du [Page 113] Gui Trouin's Squadron, who engaged the Con­voy. That Ship defended it self till the English Merchants got clear of the Enemy, but being disabled, was her self taken. Within few Hours after, my Lord Dursley came up with Part of his Squadron, and engaging the French, retook the Bristol (which being very much shattered, sunk), and took the Glorieux, a Ship of 44 Guns, as al­so a Privateer of 14. Before this Action, his Lordship had taken Two French Merchant Men, and had, at the Dispatch of these Advices, brought the whose safe into Plimouth.

The TATLER. [No 16.
From Saturd. May 14. to Tuesd. May 17. 1709.

SIR Thomas, of this House, has show'd me some Letters from the Bath, which give Accounts of what passes among the good Com­pany of that Place; and allow'd me to tran­scribe one of them, that seems to be writ by some of Sir Thomas's particular Acquaintance, and is as follows:

Dear Knight,

I Desire you would give my humble Service to all our Friends, which I speak of to you (out of Method) in the very Beginning of my Epi­stle, lest the present Disorders, by which this Seat of Gallantry and Pleasure is torn to Pieces, should make me forget it. You keep so good Company, that you know Bath is stock'd with such as come hither to be relieved from luxuri­ant Health, or imaginary Sickness, and conse­quently is always as well stowed with Gallants as Invalids, who live together in a very good [Page 114] Understanding. But the Season is so early, that our fine Company is not yet arrived; and the Warm Bath, which in Heathen Times was dedi­cated to Venus, is now used only by such as really want it for Health's Sake. There are however a good many Strangers, among whom are Two ambitious Ladies, who being both in the Au­tumn of their Life, take the Opportunity of placing themselves at the Head of such as we are, before the Chloe's, Clarissa's, and Pastorella's come down. One of these Two is excessively in Pain, that the ugly Being called Time will make Wrinkles in Spite of the Lead Forehead-Cloth; and therefore hides with the Gaiery of her Air, the Volubility of her Tongue, and Quickness of her Motion, the Injuries which it has done her. The other Lady is but Two Years behind her in Life, and dreads as much being laid aside as the former, and consequent­ly has taken the necessary Precautions to pre­vent her Reign over us. But she is very dis­creet, and wonderfully turned for Ambition, being never apparently transported either with Affectation or Malice. Thus, while Florimel is talking in Publick, and spreading her Graces in Assemblies, to gain a Popular Dominion over our Diversions, Prudentia visits very cunningly all the Lame, the Splenatick, and the Superan­nuated, who have their distinct Classes of Fol­lowers and Friends. Among these, she has found that some Body has sent down printed Certificates of Florimel's Age, which she has read and distributed to this unjoyful Set of Peo­ple, who are always Enemies to those in Pos­session of the good Opinion of the Company. This unprovoked Injury done by Prudentia, was the first Occasion of our fatal Divisions here, and a Declaration of War between these Rivals. Florimel has abundance of Wit, which she has [Page 115] lavish'd in decrying Prudentia, and giving De­fiance to her little Arts. For an Instance of her superior Power, she bespoke the Play of Alex­ander the Great, to be acted by the Company of Strollers, and desired us all to be there on Thursday last. When she spoke to me to come, As you are, said she, a Lover, you will not fail the Death of Alexander: The Passion of Love is wonderfully hit—Statira! Oh that happy Woman—To have a Conqueror at her Feet—But you'll be sure to be there. I, and several others, resolv'd to be of her Party. But see the irresistible Strength of that unsuspected Crea­ture, a Silent Woman. Prudentia had counter­plotted us, and had bespoke on the same Even­ing the Popper-Show of The Creation of the World. She had engaged every Body to be there; and to turn our Leader into Ridicule, had secretly let 'em know, that the Poppet Eve was made the most like Florimel that ever was seen. On Thursday Morning the Poppet-Drum­mer, Adam and Eve, and several others who lived before the Flood, pass'd thro' the Streets on Horseback, to invite us all to the Pastime, and the Representation of such Things as we all knew to be true; and Mr. Mayor was so wise as to prefer these innocent People the Pop­pets, who, he said, were to represent Christians, before the wicked Players, who were to show Alexander, an Heathen Philosopher. To be short, this Prudentia had so laid it, that at Ten of the Clock Footmen were sent to take Places at the Poppet-Show, and all we of Florimel's Party were to be out of Fashion, or desert her. We chose the latter. All the World crowded to Prudentia's House, because it was given out, no Body could get in. When we came to Noah's Flood in the Show, Punch and his Wife were introduced dan­cing in the Ark. An honest plain Friend of Flori­mel's, [Page 116] but a Critick withal, rose up in the midst of the Representation, and made many very good Exceptions to the Drama it self, and told us. That it was against all Morality, as well as Rules of the Stage, that Punch should be in Jest in the De­luge, or indeed that he should appear at all. This was certainly a just Remark, and I thought to second him; but he was hiss'd by Prudentia's Party; upon which, really, Sir Thomas, we who were his Friends hiss'd him too. Old Mrs. Petulent desired both her Daughters to mind the Moral; then whispered Mrs. Mayo­ress, This is very proper for young People to see. Punch at the End of the Play made Madam Prudentia a Compliment, and was very civil to the whole Company, making Bows till his Buttons touch'd the Ground. All was carried triumphantly against our Party. In the mean Time Florimel went to the Tragedy, dress'd as fine as Hands could make her, in Hopes to see Prudentia pine away with Envy. Instead of that, she sate a full Hour alone, and at last was entertain'd with this whole Relation from Stati­ra, who wiped her Eyes with her Tragical cut Handkerchief, and lamented the Ignorance of the Quality. Florimel was stung with this Af­front, and the next Day bespoke the Poppet-Show. Prudentia, insolent with Power, be­spoke Alexander. The whole Company came then to Alexander. Madam Petulant desired her Daughters to mind the Moral, and believe no Man's fair Words; For you'll see Children, said she, these Soldiers are never to be depended upon; they are sometimes here, sometimes there—Don't you see. Daughter Betty, Colonel Clod, our next Neighbour in the Country, pulls off his Hat to you? Court'sie, good Child, his Estate is just by us. Florimel was now mortified down to Prudentia's Humour; and Prudentia exalted in­to [Page 117] hers. This was observed: Florimel invites us to the Play a Second Time, Prudentia to the Show. See the Uncertainty of Humane Affairs! The Beaux, the Wits, the Gamesters, the Prues, the Coquets, the Valitudinarians, and Gallants, all now wait upon Florimel. Such is the State of Things at this present Date; and if there happens any new Commotions, you shall have immediate Advice from,

SIR,
Your Affectionate Friend, and Servant.

To CASTABELLA.

Madam,

I Have the Honour of a Letter from a Friend of yours, relating to an Incivility done to you at the Opera, by one of your own Sex; but I, who was an Eye-witness of the Accident, can testify to you, that tho' she pressed before you, she lost her Ends in that Design; for she was taken Notice of for no other Reason, but her Endeavours to hide a finer Woman than her self. But indeed, I dare not go further in this Matter, than just this bare Mention; for though it was taking your Place of Right, rather than Place of Precedence, yet it is so tender a Point, and on which the very Life of Female Am­bition depends, that it is of the last Conse­quence to meddle in it: All my Hopes are from your beautiful Sex; and those bright Eyes, which are the Bane of others, are my only Sun­shine. My Writings are Sacred to you; and I hope, I shall always have the good Fortune to live under your Protection; therefore take this publick Opportunity to signify to all the World, That I design to forbear any Thing that may in the least tend to the Diminution of your In­terest, Reputation, or Power. You'll therefore [Page 118] forgive me, that I strive to conceal every wrong Step made by any who have the Honour to wear Petticoats; and shall at all Times do what is in my Power to make all Mankind as much their Slaves as my self. If they would consider Things as they ought, there needs not much Argument to convince 'em, that it is their Fate to be obedient to you, and that your greatest Rebels do only serve with a worse Grace. I am,

MADAM,
Your most Obedient, and most Humble Servant, Isaac Bickerstaff.

Letters from the Hague, bearing Date the 21st Instant, N. S. advise, That his Grace the Duke of Marlborough, immediately after his Ar­rival, sent his Secretary to the President and the Pensionary, to acquaint them therewith. Soon after, these Ministers visited the Duke, and made him Compliments in the Name of the States-General; after which they enter'd into a Con­ference with him on the present Posture of Af­fairs, and gave his Grace Assurances of the firm Adherence of the States to the Alliance: At the same Time acquainting him, That all Overtures of Peace were rejected, till they had an Oppor­tunity of acting in Concert with their Allies on that Subject. After this Interview, the Pensio­nary and the President returned to the Assembly of the States. Monsieur Torcy has had a Confe­rence at the Pensioner's House with his Grace the Duke of Marlborough, Prince Eugene, and his Excellency the Lord Townshend. The Re­sult of what was debated at that Time is kept secret; but there appears an Air of Satisfaction and good Understanding between these Mini­sters. [Page 119] We are apt also to give our selves very hopeful Prospects from Monsieur Torcy's being employed in this Negotiation, who has been al­ways remarkable for a particular Way of Think­ing, in his Sense of the Greatness of France; which he has always said, Was to be promoted rather by the Arts of Peace, than those of War. His delivering himself freely on this Subject, has formerly appeared an unsuccessful Way to Power in that Court; but in its present Circumstan­ces, those Maxims are better received; and it is thought a certain Argument of the Since­rity of the French King's Intentions, that this Minister is at present made use of. The Mar­quis is to return to Paris within few Days, who has sent a Courier thither to give Notice of the Reasons of his Return, that the Court may be the sooner able to dispatch Commissioners for a formal Treaty.

The Expectations of Peace are increased by Advices from Paris of the 17th Instant, which say, The Dauphin hath altered his Resolution of commanding in Flanders the ensuing Cam­paign. The Saxon and Prussian Reinforcements, together with Count Merci's Regiment of Impe­rial Horse, are encamped in the Neighbourhood of Brussels; and sufficient Stores of Corn and Forage are transported to that Place and Ghent for the Service of the Confederate Army.

They write from Mons, That the Elector of Bavaria had Advice, That an advanced Party of the Portugueze Army had been defeated by the Spaniards.

We hear from Languedoc, That their Corn, Olives, and Figs, were wholly destroyed; but that they have a hopeful Prospect of a plentiful Vintage.

The TATLER. [No 17.
From Tuesday May 17. to Thursday May 19. 1709.

THE Discourse has happened to turn this Evening upon the true Nature of Panegy­rick, the Perfection of which was asserted to consist in a certain artful Way of conveying the Applause in an indirect Manner. There was a Gentleman gave us several Instances of it: A­mong others, he quoted (from Sir Francis Ba­con, in his Advancement of Learning) a very great Compliment made to Tiberius, as follows: In a full Debate upon Publick Affairs in the Se­nate, one of the Assembly rose up, and with a very grave Air said, He thought it for the Ho­nour and Dignity of the Commonwealth, that Tiberius should be declared a God, and have Di­vine Worship paid him. The Emperor was surprized at the Proposal, and demanded of him to declare whether he had made any Ap­plication to incline him to that Overture? The Senator answered, with a bold and haughty Tone, Sir, In Matters that concern the Common­wealth, I will be governed by no Man. Another Gentleman mentioned something of the same Kind spoken by the late Duke of B—m, to the late Earl of O—y: My Lord, (says the Duke, after his Libertine Way) you will certain­ly be Damn'd. How, my Lord! says the Earl with some Warmth. Nay, says the Duke, there's no Help for it, for it is positively said, Cursed is he of whom all Men speak well. This is taking a Man by Surprize, and being welcome when you have so surprized him. The Person flattered receives you into his Closet at once; and the [Page 121] sudden Change in his Heart, from the Ex­pectation of an Ill-wisher, to find you his Friend, makes you in his full Favour in a Mo­ment. The Spirits that were raised so sudden­ly against you, are as suddenly for you. There was another Instance given of this Kind at the Table: A Gentleman who had a very great Favour done him, and an Employment bestow­ed upon him, without so much as being known to his Benefactor, waited upon the Great Man who was so Generous, and was beginning to say, he was infinitely obliged. Not at all, says the Patron, turning from him to another, Had I known a more deserving Man in England, he should not have had it.

We should certainly have had more Exam­ples, had not a Gentleman produced a Book which he thought an Instance of this kind: It was a Pamphlet, call'd, The Naked Truth. The Idea any one would have of that Work from the Title, was, That there would be much Plain Dealing with People in Power, and that we should see Things in their proper Light, stripped of the Ornaments which are usually given to the Actions of the Great: But the Skill of this Author is such, that he has, under that rugged Appearance, approved himself the finest Gentleman and Courtier that ever writ. The Language is extremely sublime, and not at all to be understood by the Vulgar: The Senti­ments are such as would make no Figure in ordinary Words; but such is the Art of the Ex­pression, and the Thoughts are elevated to so high a Degree, that I question whether the Dis­course will sell much. There was an ill-na­tured Fellow present, who hates all Panegy­rick mortally. P— take him! said he, What the Devil means his Naked Truth, in speaking nothing but to the Advantage of all whom he [Page 122] mentions? This is just such a great Action as that of the Champion's on a Coronation Day, who chal­lenges all Mankind to dispute with him the Right of the Sovereign, surrounded with his Guards. The Gentleman who produced the Treatise, desired him to be cautious, and said, it was writ by an excellent Soldier, which made the Company observe it more narrowly: And (as Criticks are the greatest Conjurers at finding out a known Truth) one said, he was sure it was writ by the Hand of his Sword-Arm. I could not perceive much wit in that Expressi­on; but it rais'd a Laugh, and I suppose, was meant as a Sneer upon valiant Men. The same Man pretended to see in the Style, that it was an Horse-Officer; but sure that's being too nice: For though you may know Officers of the Cavalry by the Turn of their Feet, I can't ima­gine how you should discern their Hands from those of other Men. But it is always thus with Pedants; they will ever be carping, if a Gen­tleman or a Man of Honour puts Pen to Paper [...] I don't doubt, but this Author will find this Assertion too true, and that Obloquy is not re­pulsed by the Force of Arms. I will therefore set this Excellent Piece in a Light too glaring for weak Eyes, and, in Imitation of the Cri­tick Longinus, shall, as well as I can, make my Observations in a Style like the Author's, of whom I treat; which perhaps I am as capable of as another, having an unbounded Force of Thinking, as well as a most exquisite Address extensively and wisely indulged to me by the supreme Powers. My Author, I will dare to assert shows the most Universal Knowledge of any Writer who has appeared this Century. He is a Poet, and Merchant, which is seen in Two Master-Words, Credit Blossoms. He is a G [...]ammarian, and a Politician; for he says, The Uniting [Page 123] the Two Kingdoms, is the Emphasis of the Se­curity to the Protestants Succession. Some would be apt to say, he is a Conjurer; for he has found, That a Republick is not made up of every Body of Animals, but is composed of Men only, and not of Horses. Liberty and Property have chosen their Retreat within the Emulation Circle of an Humane Commonwealth. He is a Physician; for he says, I observe a constant Equality in its Pulse, and a just Quickness of its vigorous Circu­lation. And again: I view the Strength of our Constitution plainly appear in the Sanguine and ruddy Complexion of a well-contented City. He is a Divine: For he says, I cannot but bless my self. And indeed, this Excellent Treatise has had that good Effect upon me, who am far from being Superstitious, that I, also, can't but bless my self.

This Day arrived a Mail from Lisbon, with Letters of the 13th Instant, N. S. containing a particular Account of the late Action in Portu­gal. On the 7th Instant, the Army of Portu­gal, under the Command of the Marquis de Frontera, lay on the Side of the Caya, and the Army of the Duke of Anjou, commanded by the Marquis de Bay, on the other. The latter Commander having an Ambition to ravage the Country, in a Manner in Sight of the Portu­gueze, made a Motion with the whole Body f his Horse toward Fort St. Christopher, near the Town of Badajos. The Generals of the Portu­gueze, disdaining that such an Insult should be offered to their Arms, took a Resolution to pass the River, and oppose the Designs of the Ene­my. The Earl of Galway [...]epresented to them, That the present Postu [...]e of Affairs wa such on the Side of the Allies, that there needed no more to be done at present in that Country, [Page 124] but to carry on a Defensive Part. But his Ar­guments could not avail in the Council of War. Upon which, a great Detachment of Foot, and the whole of the Horse of the King of Portu­gal's Army, passed the River, and with some Pieces of Cannon did good Execution on the Enemy. Upon observing this, the Marquis de Bay advanced with his Horse, and attacked the Right Wing of the Portugueze Cavalry, who faced about, and fled, without standing the first Encounter. But their Foot repulsed the same Body of Horse in three successive Charges, with great Order and Resolution. While this was transacting, the British General com­manded the Brigade of Pearce, to keep the Enemy in Diversion by a new Attack. This was so well executed, that the Portugueze In­fantry had Time to retire in good Order, and repass the River. But that Brigade, which rescued 'em, was it self surrounded by the Ene­my, and Major-General Sarkey, Brigadier Pearce, together with both their Regiments, and that of the Lord Galway, lately raised, were taken Prisoners.

During the Engagement, the Earl of Barry­more having advanced too far to give some ne­cessary Order, was hemmed in by a Squadron of the Enemy; but found Means to gallop up to the Brigade of Pearce, with which he remains also a Prisoner. My Lord Galway had his Horse shot under him in this Action; and the Conde de St. Juan, a Portugueze General, was taken Prisoner. The same Night the Army encamped at Aronches, and on the 9th moved to Elvas, where they lay when these Dis­patches came away. Colonel Stanwix's Regi­ment is also taken. The whole of this Affair has given the Portugueze a great Idea of the Capacity and Courage of my Lord Galway, a­gainst [Page 125] whose Advice they entered upon this un­fortunate Affair, and by whose Conduct they were rescued from it. The prodigious Con­stancy and Resolution of that great Man is hard­ly to be parallel'd, who, under the Oppression of a maimed Body, and the Reflection of repeated ill Fortune, goes on with an unspeak­able Alacrity in the Service of the Common Cause. He has already put Things in a very good Posture after this ill Accident, and made the necessary Dispositions for covering the Coun­try from any further Attempt of the Enemy, who lie still in the Camp they were in before the Battle.

Letters from Brussels, dated the 25th Instant, advise, That notwithstanding the Negotiations of a Peace seem so far advanced, that some do confidently report the Preliminaries of a Treaty to be actually agreed on; yet the Allies hasten their Preparations for opening the Campaign; and the Forces of the Empire, the Prussians, the Danes, the Wirtembergers, the Palatines, and Saxon Auxiliaries, are in Motion towards the General Rendevous, they being already ar­rived in the Neighbourhood of Brussels. These Advices add, That the Deputies of the States of Holland, having made a General Review of the Troops in Flanders, set out for Antwerp on the 21st Instant from that Place. On the same Day the Prince Royal of Prussia came thither incognito, with a Design to make the ensuing Campaign under his Grace the Duke of Marl­borough.

This Day is published a Treatise, call'd, The Difference between Scandal and Admonition. By Isaac Bickerstaff Esq And on the 1st of July next, you may expect A Prophecy of Things past; wherein the Art of Fortune-telling is laid open to the meanest Capacity. And on the Monday [Page 126] following, Choice Sentences for the Company of Masons and Bricklayers, to be put upon new Houses, with a Translation of all the Latin Sentences, that have been built of late Years, together with a Comment upon Stone Walls, by the same Hand.

The TATLER. [No 18.
From Thursd. May 19. to Saturd. May 21. 1709.

IT is observed too often, that Men of Wit do so much employ their Thoughts upon fine Speculations, that Things useful to Mankind are wholly neglected; and they are busy in making Emendations upon some Encliticks in a Greek Author, while obvious Things, that e­very Man may have use for, are wholly overlooked. It would be an happy Thing, if such as have real Capacities for Pub­lick Service, were employed in Works of general Use; but because a Thing is every Body's Business, it is no Body's Business: This is for Want of publick Spirit. As for my Part, who am only a Student, and a Man of no great Interest, I can only remark Things, and recommend the Correction of 'em to high­er Powers. There is an Offence I have a Thou­sand Times lamented, but fear I shall never see remedi d; which is, That in a Nation where Learning is so frequent as in Great Britain, there should be so many gross Errors as there are in the very Directions of Things, wherein Accuracy is necessary so the Conduct of Life. This is notoriously observed by all Men of Letters when they first come to Town (at [Page 127] which Time they are usually curious that Way) in the Inscriptions on Sign-Posts. I have Cause to know this Matter as well as any Body; for I have (when I went to Merchant-Taylor's School) suffered Stripes for spelling after the Signs I observed in my Way; tho' at the same Time, I must confess, staring at those Inscrip­tions first gave me an Idea and Curiosity for Medals; in which I have since arrived at some Knowledge. Many a Man has lost his Way and his Dinner by this general Want of Skill in Orthography: For, considering that the Painters are usually so very bad, that you can­not know the Animal under whose Sign you are to live that Day, How must the Stranger be missed, if it be wrong spelled, as well as ill painted? I have a Cousin now in Town, who has answered under Batchellor at Queen's College, whose Name is Humphrey Mopstaff: (He is a Kin to us by his Mother.) This young Man going to see a Relation in Barbekin, wan­dered a whole Day by the Mistake of one Let­ter, for it was written, This is the BEER, instead of, This is the BEAR. He was set right at last, by enquiring for the House, of a Fellow who could not read, and knew the Place mechanically, only by having been often drunk there. But, in the Name of Goodness, let us make our Learning of Use to us, or not. Was not this a Shame, that a Philosopher should be thus directed by a Cobler? I'll be sworn, if it were known how many have suffered in this Kind by false Speeling since the Union, this Matter would not long lie thus. What makes these Evils the more insupporta­ble, is, That they are so easily amended, and nothing done in it. But it is so far from that, that the Evil goes on in other Arts as well as Orthography. Places are confounded, as well [Page 128] for want of proper Distinctions, as Things for Want of true Characters. Had I not come by the other Day very early in the Morning, there might have been Mischief done; for a worthy North-Britain was swearing at Stocks-market that they would not let him in at his Ludg­ings; but I knowing the Gentleman, and ob­serving him look often at the King on Horse­back, and then double his Oaths, that he was sure he was right, found he mistook that for Charing-Cross, by the Erection of the like Sta­tue in each Place. I grant, private Men may distinguish their Abodes as they please; as one of my Acquaintance who lives at Marybone, has put a good Sentence of his own Invention upon his Dwelling-place, to find out where he lives: He is so near London, that his Conceit is this, The Country in Town; or, The Town in the Coun­try; for you know, if they are both in one, they are all one. Besides that, the Ambiguity is not of great Consequence; if you are safe at the Place, 'tis no Matter if you do not distinctly know where to say the Place is. But to return to the Orthography of Publick Places: I pro­pose, That every Tradesman in the Cities of London and Westminster, shall give me Sixpence a Quarter for keeping their Signs in Repair, as to the Grammatical Part; and I will take into my House a Swiss Count of my Acquain­tance, who can remember all their Names without Book, for Dispatch sake, setting up the Head of the said Foreigner for my Sign; the Features being strong, and fit for hanging high.

This Day a Mail arrived from Holland, by which there are Advices from Paris, That the Kingdom of France is in the utmost Misery and Distraction. The Merchants of Lions have been [Page 129] at Court, to remonstrate their great Sufferings by the Failure of their Publick Credit; but have received no other Satisfaction, than Pro­mises of a sudden Peace; and that their Debts will be made good by Funds out of the Re­venue, which will not answer, but in case of the Peace which is promised. In the mean Time, the Cries of the common People are loud for Want of Bread, the Gentry have lost all Spirit and Zeal for their Country, and the King himself seems to languish under the An­xiety of the pressing Calamities of the Nation, and retires from hearing those Grievances, which he hath not Power to redress. Instead of Preparations for War, and the Defence of their Country, there is nothing to be seen but evident Marks of a general Despair. Processi­ons, Fastings, Publick Mournings, and Humili­ations, are become the sole Employments of a People, who were lately the most vain and gay of any in the Universe.

The Pope has written to the French King on the Subject of a Peace, and his Majesty has an­swered in the lowliest Terms, That he entirely submits his Affairs to Divine Providence, and shall soon show the World, that he prefers the Tranquility of his People to the Glory of his Arms, and Extent of his Conquests.

Letters from the Hague of the 24th say, That his Excellency the Lord Toxnshend delivered his Credentials on that Day to the States-Ge­neral, as Plenipotentiary from the Queen of Great-Britain; as did also Count Zinzendorf, who bears the same Character from the Em­peror.

Prince Eugene intended to set out the next Day for Brussels, and his Grace the Duke of Marlborough on the Tuesday following. The Marquis de Torcy talks daily of going, but still [Page 130] continues here. The Army of the Allies is to assemble on the 7th of the next Month at Hel­chin; though 'tis generally believed, that the Preliminar es to a Treaty are fully adjusted.

The Approech of a Peace strikes a Pannick thro' ou Armies, tho' that of a Battle could ne­ver do it, and they almost repent of their Bra­very, that made such hast to humble them­selves and the French King. The Duke of Marlborough, tho' otherwise the greatest Gene­ral of the Age, has plainly shown himself un­acquainted with the Arts of Husbanding a War. He might have grown as old as the Duke of Alva, or Prince Waldeck, in the Low-Countries, and yet have got Reputation enough every Year for any reasonable Man: For the Command of General in Flanders hath been ever looked upon as a Provision for Life. For my Pa t, I can't see how his Grace can answer it to the World, for the great Eagerness he hath shown to send a Hundred Thousand of the bravest Fellows in Europe a begging. But the pr vate Gentlemen of the Infantry will be able to shift for themselves; a brave Man can never starve in a Country stock'd with Hen-roosts. There is not a Yard of Linnen, says my honour­ed P ogenitor, Sir John Falstaff, in my whole Company; but as for that, says this worthy Knight, I am in no great Pain, we shall find Shirts on every Heage. There is another Sort of Gentlemen whom I am much more concerned for, and that is, the ingenious Fraternity of which I have the Honour to be an unworthy Member; I mean th News-Writers of Great Britain, whe­ther Post-Men or Post-Boys, or by what other Name or Title soever dignified or distinguished. The Case of these Gentlemen is, I think, more hard than that of the Soldiers, considering that they have taken more Towns, and fought more [Page 131] Battels. They have been upon Parties and Skirmishes, when our Armies have lain still; and given the General Assault to many a Place, when the Besiegers were quiet in their Trench­es. They have made us Masters of several strong Towns many Weeks before our Generals could do it; and compleated Victories, when our greatest Captains have been glad to come off with a drawn Battle. Where Prince Eugene has slain his Thousands, Boyer has slain his Ten Thousands. This Gentleman can indeed be never enough commended for his Courage and Intrepidity during this whole War: He has laid about him with an inexpressible Fury, and like the offended Marius of Ancient Rome, made such Havock among his Countrymen, as must be the Work of Two or Three Ages to re­pair. It must be confess'd, the Redoubted Mr. Buckley has shed as much Blood as the former; but I cannot forbear saying, (and I hope it will not look like Envy) that we re­gard our Brother Buckley as a kind of Drawcan­sir, who spares neither Friend or Foe: But gene­rally kills as many of his own Side as the Ene­my's. It is impossible for this ingenious Sort of Men to subsist after a Peace: Every one re­members the Shifts they were driven to in the Reign of King Charles the Second, when they could not furnish out a single Paper of News, without lighting up a Comet in Germany, or a Fire in Moscow. There scarce appeared a Letter without a Paragraph on an Earthquake. Pro­digies were grown so familiar, that they had lost their Name, as a great Poet of that Age has it I remember Mr. Dyer, who is justly look'd upon by all the Fox-hunters in the Na­tion as the greatest Statesman our Country has produced, was particularly famous for dealing in Whales, insomuch that in Five Months Time [Page 130] [...] [Page 131] [...] [Page 132] (for I had the Curiosity to examine his Letters on that Occasion) he brought Three into the Mouth of the River Thames, besides Two Por­pusses and a Sturgeon. The judicious and wary Mr. I. Dawks hath all along been the Rival of this great Writer, and got himself a Repu­tation from Plagues and Famines, by which, in those Days, he destroyed as great Multirudes, as he has lately done by the Sword. In every Dearth of News, Grand Cairo was sure to be un­peopled.

It being therefore visible, that our Society will be greater Sufferers by the Peace than the Soldiery it self; insomuch that the Daily Cou­rant is in Danger of being broken, my Friend Dyer of being reformed, and the very best of the whole Band of being reduced to Half-Pay; Might I presume to offer any Thing in the Be­half of my distressed Brethren, I would hum­bly move, That an Appendix of proper Apart­ments furnished with Pen, Ink, and Paper, and other Necessaries of Life, should be added to the Hospital of Chelsea, for the Relief of such de­cay'd News-Writers as have serv'd their Coun­try in the Wars; and that for their Exercise, they should compile the Annals of their Brother Veterans, who have been engaged in the same Service, and are still obliged to do Duty after the same Manner.

I cannot be thought to speak this out of an Eye to any private Interest; for, as my chief Scenes of Action are Coffee-houses, Play-houses, and my own Apartment, I am in no need of Camps, Fortifications, and Fields of Battle, to support me, I don't call out for Heroes and Generals to my Assistance. Though the Of­ficers are broken, and the Armies disbanded, I shall still be safe as long as there are Men or Women, or Politicians, or Lovers, or Poets, or [Page 133] Nymphs, or Swains, or Cits, or Courtiers in Being.

The TATLER. [No 19.
From Saturd. May 21. to Tuesd. May 24. 1709.

THERE is nothing can give a Man of any Consideration greater Pain, than to see Or­der and Distinction laid aside amongst Men, especially when the Rank (of which he himself is a Member) is intruded upon by such as have no Pretence to that Honour. The Appellation of Esquire is the most notoriously abused in this Kind of any Class amongst Men, insomuch that it is become almost the Subject of Derision; but I will be bold to say, This Behaviour towards it proceeds from the Ignorance of the People in its true Origine. I shall therefore, as briefly as pos­sible, do my self and all true Esquires the Justice to look into Antiquity upon this Subject.

In the First Ages of the World, before the Invention of Jointures and Settlements, when the noble Passion of Love had Possession of the Hearts of Men, and the Fair Sex were not yet cultivated into the merciful Disposition which they have showed in latter Centuries, it was natural for Great and Heroick Spirits to retire to Rivulets, Woods, and Caves, to lament their Destiny, and the Cruelty of the fair Persons who were deaf to their Lamentations. The Hero in this Distress was generally in Armour, and in a Readiness to fight any Man he met with, especially if distinguished by any extra­ordinary Qualifications, it being the Nature of Heroick Love to hate all Merit, lest it should [Page 134] come within the Observation of the Cruel One, by whom its own Perfections are neglected. A Lover of this Kind had always about him a Per­son of a Second Value, and subordinate to him, who could hear his Afflictions, carry an Inchant­ment for his Wounds, hold his Helmet when he was eating (if ever he did eat); or in his Ab­sence, when he was retired to his Apartment in any King's Palace, tell the Prince himself, or perhaps his Daughter, the Birth, Parentage, and Adventures, of his valiant Master. This trusty Companion was styled his Esquire, and was al­ways fit for any Offices about him; was as gen­tle and chast as a Gentleman-Usher, quick and active as an Equerry, smooth and eloquent as a Master of the Ceremonies. A Man thus qualified was the first, as the Ancients affirm, who was called an Esquire; and none without these Accomplishments ought to assume our Or­der: But, to the utter Disgrace and Confusion of the Heralds, every Pretender is admitted into this Fraternity, even Persons the most Foreign to this courteous Institution I have taken an Inventory of all within this City, and looked over every Letter in the Post-Office for my better Information. There are of the Mid­dle-Temple, including all in the Buttery-Books, and in the Lists of the House, 5000. In the In­ner, 4000. In the King's Bench Walks the whole Buildings are inhabited by Esquires only. The adjacent Street of Essex, from Morris's Coffee-house, and the Turning towards the Graecian, you cannot meet one who is not an Esquire. 'till you take Water. Every House in Norfolk and Arundel Streets is gove ned also by a 'Squire, or his Lady. Soho-Square, Bloomsbury-Square, and all other Places, where the Floors rise above Nine Foot, are so many Universities, where you enter your selves, and become of our Order. [Page 135] However, if this were the worst of the Evil, it were to be supported, because they are generally Men of some Figure and Use; though I know no Pretence they have to an Honour which had its Rise from Chivalry. But if you travel into the Counties of Great Britain, we are still more imposed upon by Innovation. We are indeed derived from the Field: But shall that give Ti­tle to all that ride mad after Foxes, that holloo when they see an Hare, or venture their Necks full Speed after an Hawk, immediately to com­mence Esquires? No; our Order is Temperate, Cleanly, Sober, and Chast; but these Rural Esquires commit Immodesties upon Hay-cocks, wear Shirts half a Week, and are drunk Twice a Day. These Men are also to the last Degree excessive in their Food: An Esquire of Norfolk eats Two Pounds of Dumplin every Meal, as if obliged to it by our Order: An Esquire in Hamp­shire is as ravenous in devouring Hogs-flesh: One of Essex has as little Mercy on Calves. But I must take the Liberty to protest against them, and acquaint those Persons, that it is not the Quantity they eat, but the Manner of eating, that shows a Squire. But above all, I am most offended at small Quill men, and Transcribing Clerks, who are all come into our Order, for no Reason that I know of, but that they can easily flourish it at the End of their Name. I'll un­dertake, that if you read the Superscriptions to all the Offices in the Kingdom, you will not find Three Letters directed to any but Esquires. I have my self a Couple of Clerks, and the Rogues make nothing of leaving Messages upon each other's Desk: One directs, To Degory Goose­quill Esq to which the other replies by a Note, To Nehemiah Dashwell Esq with Respect. In a Word, it is now Populus Armigerorum, A Peo­ple of Esquires. And I don't know, but, by the [Page 136] late Act of Naturalization, Foreigners will as­sume that Title, as Part of the Immunity of be­ing Englishmen. All these Improprieties flow from the Negligence of the Heralds-Office. Those Gentlemen in Party-colour'd Habits do not so rightly, as they ought, understand them­selves; though they are dress'd Cap-a-pe in Hieroglyphicks, they are inwardly but ignorant Men. I asked an Acquaintance of mine, who is a Man of Wit, but of no Fortune, and is for­ced to appear as Jack-pudding on the Stage to a Mountebank: Prethee, Jack. Why is your Coat of so many Colours? He reply'd, I act a Fool, and this spotted Dress is to signifie, that every Man living has a weak Place about him; for I am Knight of the Shire, and represent you all. I wish the Heralds would know as well as this Man does, in his Way, that they are to act for us in the Case of our Arms and Appellations: We should not then be jumbled together in so promiscuous and absurd a Manne. I design to take this Matter into fu ther Consideration, and no Man shall be received as an Esquire, who cannot bring a Certificate, That he has con­quered some Lady's obdurate Heart; That he can lead up a Country Dance, or carry a Mes­sage between her and her Lover, with Address, Secrecy, and Diligence. A 'Squire is properly born for the Service of the Sex, and his Cre­dentials shall be signed by Three Toasts, and One Prude, before his Title shall receiv'd in my Office.

On Saturday last was presented, The Busie Bo­dy, a Comedy, written (as I have heretofore re­mark'd) by a Woman. The Plot and Incidents of the Play are laid with that Subtilty of Spirit which is peculiar to Females of Wit, and is very seldom well performed by those of the other [Page 137] Sex, in whom Craft in Love is an Act of Inven­tion, and not, as with Women, the Effect of Nature and Instinct.

To Morrow will be acted a Play, call'd, The Trip to the Jubilee. This Performance is the greatest Instance that we can have of the irre­sistble Force of proper Action. The Dialogue in it self has something too low to bear a Criti­cism upon it: But Mr. Wilks enters into the Part with so much Skill, that the Gallantry, the Youth, and Gaiety of a young Man of a plenti­ful Fortune, is looked upon with as much In­dulgence on the Stage, as in real Life, without any of those Intermixtures of Wit and Humour, which usually prepossess us in Favour of such Characters in other Plays.

Letters from the Hague of the 23d Instant, N. S. say, Mr. Walpole (who is since arrived) was going with all Expedition to Great Britain, whither they doubted not but he carried with him the Preliminaries to a Treaty of Peace. The French Minister, Monsieur Torcy, has been obser­ved in this whole Negotiation to turn his Dis­course upon the Calamities sent down by Hea­ven upon France, and imputed the Necessities they were under to the immediate Hand of Pro­vidence, in inflicting a general Scarcity of Pro­vision, rather than the superior Genius of the Generals, or the Bravery of the Armies against them. It would be impious not to acknowledge the Indulgence of Heaven to us; but at the same Time, as we are to love our Enemies, we are glad to see 'em mortified enough to mix Christianity with their Politicks. An Authen­tick Letter from Madam Maintenon to Monsieur Torcy has been stolen by a Person about him, who has communicated a Copy of it to some of the Dependants of a Minister of the Al­lies. [Page 138] That Epistle is writ in the most Pathetick Manner imaginable, and in a Style which shows her Genius, that has so long engrossed the Heart of this great Monarch.

SIR,

I Received yours, and am sensible of the Address and Capacity with which you have hitherto transacted the great Affair under your Manage­ment. You well observe, that our Wants here are not to be concealed; and that it is Vanity to use Artifices with the knowing Men with whom you are to deal. Let me beg you therefore, in the Re­presentation of our Circumstances, to lay aside Art, which ceases to be such when it is seen, and make use of all your Skill, to gain us what Advan­tages you can from the Enemy's Jealousie of each other's Greatness; which is the Place where only you have Room for any Dexterity. If you have any Passion for your unhappy Country, or any Af­fection for your distressed Master, come Home with Peace. Oh Heaven! Do I live to talk of Lewis the Great as the Object of [...]ity? The King shews a great Uneasiness to be informed of all that passes; but at the same Time, is fearful of every one who appears in his Presence, lest he should bring an Ac­count of some new Calamity. I know not in what Terms to represent my Thoughts to you, when I speak of the King with Relation to his Bodily Health. Figure to your self that Immortal Man, who stood in our Publick Places, represented with Trophies, Armour, and Terrors, on his Pedestal: Consider, the Invincible, the Great, the Good, the Pious, the Mighty, which were the usual Epi­thets we gave him, both in our Language and Thoughts. I say, consider him whom you knew the most Glorious and Great of Monarchs; and now think you see the same Man an unhappy Lazar, in the lowest Circumstances of Humane Nature it self, [Page 139] without Regard to the State from whence he is fallen. I write from his Bedside: He is at pre­sent in a Slumber. I have many, many Things to add; but my Tears flow too fast, and my Sor­row is too big for Utterance.

I am, &c.

There is such a Veneration due from all Men to the Persons of Princes, that it were a Sort of Dishonesty to represent further the Condition which the King is in; but it is certain, That soon after the Receipt of these Advices, Mon­sieur Torcy waited upon his Grace the Duke of Marlborough and the Lord Townshend, and in that Conference gave up many Points, which he had before said were such, as he must return to France before he could answer.

The TATLER. [No 20.
From Tuesd. May 24. to Thursd. May 26. 1709.

IT is not to be imagined how far Prepossession will run away with People's Understandings, in Cases wherein they are under present Uneasi­ness. The following Narration is a sufficient Testimony of the Truth of this Observation.

I had the Honour the other Day of a Visit from a Gentlewoman (a Stranger to me) who seemed to be about Thirty. Her Complexion is Brown; but the Air of her Face has an Agree­ableness, which surpasses the Beauties of the Fairest Women. There appeared in her Look and Mien a sprightly Health; and her Eyes had too much Vivacity to become the Language of Complaint, which she began to enter into. She seemed sensible of it; and therefore, with [Page 140] down-cast Looks, said she, Mr. Bickerstaff, You see before you the unhappiest of Women; and therefore, as you are esteemed by all the World both a great Civilian, as well as an Astrologer, I must desire your Advice and Assistance, in put­ting me in a Method of obtaining a Divorce from a Marriage, which I know the Law will pronounce void. Madam, said I, your Grie­vance is of such a Nature, that you must be very ingenuous in representing the Causes of your Complaint, or I cannot give you the Sa­tisfaction you desire. Sir, she answers, I be­lieved there would be no need of half your Skill in the Art of Divination, to guess why a Wo­man would part from her Husband. 'Tis true, said I, but Suspicions, or Guesses at what you mean, nay, Certainty of it, except you plainly speak it, are no Foundation for a formal Suit. She clap'd her Fan before her Face; My Hus­band, said she, is no more an Husband (here she burst into Tears) than one of the Italian Singers.

Madam, said I, the Affliction you complain of, is to be redressed by Law; but at the same Time, consider what Mortifications you are to go through in bringing it into open Court; how you will be able to bear the impertinent Whis­pers of the People present at the Tryal, the li­centious Reflections of the Pleaders, and the In­terpretations that will in general be put upon your Conduct by all the World: How little (will they say) could that Lady command her Passions. Besides, consider, that curbing our Desires is the greatest Glory we can arrive at in this World, and will be most rewarded in the next. She answered, like a prudent Matron, Sir, if you please to remember the Office of Matrimony, the first Cause of its Institution is that of having Posterity: Therefore, as to the [Page 141] curbing Desires, I am willing to undergo any Abstinence from Food as you please to enjoin me; but I cannot, with any Quiet of Mind, live in the Neglect of a necessary Duty, and an express Commandment, Increase and Multi­ply. Observing she was learned, and knew so well the Duties of Life, I turned my Ar­guments rather to dehort her from this Pub­lick Procedure by Examples, than Precepts. Do but consider, Madam, what Crowds of beauteous Women live in Nunneries, seclu­ded for ever from the Sight and Conversa­tion of Men, with all the Alacrity of Spirit imaginable; they spend their Time in Hea­venly Raptures, in constant and frequent Devotion, and at proper Hours in agreeable Conversations. Sir, said she hastily, Tell not me of Papists, or any of their Idolatries. Well then, Madam, consider how many fine Ladies live innocently in the Eye of the World, and this gay Town, in the midst of Temptation: There's the Witty Mrs. W— is a Virgin of 44, Mrs. T—s is 39, Mrs. L—ce 33; yet you see, they laugh and are gay, at the Park, at the Play-house, at Balls, and at Visits; and so much at Ease, that all this seems hardly a Self-denial. Mr. Bickerstaff, said she, with some Emotion, you are an excellent Casuist; but the last Word destroyed your whole Argument; if it is not Self-denial, it is no Virtue. I presented you with an Half-Guinea, in Hopes not only to have my Conscience eas'd, but my Fortune told. Yet—Well Madam, said I, Pray of what Age is your Husband? He is, reply'd my in­jured Client, Fifty, and I have been his Wife Fifteen Years. How happen'd it, you never communicated your Distress in all this Time to your Friends and Relations? She answered, He has been thus but a Fortnight. I am the [Page 142] most serious Man in the World to look at, and yet could not forbear laughing out. Why, Ma­dam, in case of Infirmity, which proceeds on­ly from Age, the Law gives no Remedy. Sir, said she, I find you have no more Learning that Dr. Case; and I am told of a young Man, not Five and Twenty, just come from Oxford, to whom I will communicate this whole Matter, and doubt not but he will appear to have Seven Times more useful and satisfactory Knowledge than you and all your boasted Family. Thus I have entirely lost my Client: But if this te­dious Narrative preserves Pastorella from the intended Marriage with one Twenty Years her Senior—To save a Fine Lady, I am content­ed to have my Learning decry'd, and my Predictions bound up with Poor Robin's Alma­nacks.

This Evening was acted, The Recruiting Of­ficer, in which Mr. Estcourt's proper Sense and Observation is what supports the Play. There is not, in my humble Opinion, the Humour hit in Serjeant Kite; but it is admirably sup­ply'd by his Action. If I have Skill to judge, that Man is an excellent Actor; but the Crowd of the Audience are fitter for Representations at May-Fair, than a Theatre-Royal. Yet that Fair is now broke, as well as the Theatre is breaking: But it is allowed still to sell Animals there. Therefore, if any Lady or Gentleman have Occasion for a tame Elephant, let them enquire of Mr. Penkethman, who has one to dis­pose of at a reasonable Rate. The Downfal of May-Fair has quite sunk the Price of this noble Creature, as well as of many other Curiosities of Nature. A Tyger will sell almost as cheap as an Ox; and I am credibly informed, a Man may purchase a Cat with Three Legs, for very [Page 143] near the Value of one with Four. I hear like­wise, That there is a great Desolation among the Gentlemen and Ladies who were the Or­naments of the Town, and used to shine in Plumes and Diadems; the Heroes being most of them press'd, and the Queens beating Hemp, Mrs. Sarabrand, so famous for her ingenious Puppet-Show, has set up a Shop in the Exchange, where she sells her little Troop under the Term of Jointed-Babies. I could not but be solici­tous to know of her, how she had disposed of that Rake-hell Punch, whose lewd Life and Conversation had given so much Scandal, and did not a little contribute to the Ruin of the Fair. She told me, with a Sigh, That despair­ing of ever reclaiming him, she would not of­fer to place him in a Civil Family, but got him in a Post upon a Stall in Wapping, where he may be seen from Sun-rising to Sun-setting, with a Glass in one Hand, and a Pipe in the other, as Centry to a Brandy-Shop. The great Revolu­tions of this Nature bring to my Mind the Di­stresses of the unfortunate Camilla, who has had the ill Luck to break before her Voice, and to disappear at a Time when her Beauty was in the Heighth of its Bloom. This Lady enter'd so throughly into the great Characters she act­ed, that when she had finished her Part, she could not think of retrenching her Equipage, but would appear in her own Lodgings with the same Magnificence that she did upon the Stage. This Greatness of Soul has reduced that unhap­py Princess to an involuntary Retirement, where she now passes her Time among the Woods and Forrests, thinking on the Crowns and Scepters she has lost, and often humming over in her Solitude,

I was born of Royal Race,
Yet must wander in Disgrace, &c.

[Page 144] But for Fear of being over-heard, and he Quality known, she usually sings it in Italian;

Naqui al Regno, naqui al Trono
E pur sono
Iventurata Pastorella —

Since I have touched upon this Subject, I shal [...] communicate to my Reader Part of a Letter [...] have received from an Ingenious Friend at Amsterdam, where there is a very noble Theatre [...] though the Manner of furnishing it with Actors is something peculiar to that Place, and gives us Occasion to admire both the Politeness and Fru­gality of the People.

MY Friends have kept me here a Week longer than ordinary to see one of their Plays, which was performed last Night with great Applause [...] The Actors are all of them Tradesmen, who, after their Day's Work is over, earn about a Gilder a Night by personating Kings and Generals. The Here of the Tragedy I saw, was a Journey-man Taylor, und his First Minister of State a Coffee-man. The Empress made me think of Parthenope in the Rehearsal; for her Mother keeps an Ale­house in the Suburbs of Amsterdam. When the Tragedy was over, they entertained us with a short Farce, in which the Cobler did his Part to a Miracle; but upon Enquiry, I found he had really been working at his own Trade, and representing on the Stage what he acted every Day in his Shop [...] The Profits of the Theatre maintain an Hospital. For as here they do not think the Profession of an Actor the only Trade that a Man ought to exercise [...] so they will not allow any Body to grow rich on a Profession that, in their Opinion, so little conduce [...] to the Good of the Commonwealth. If I am no [...] mistaken, your Play-houses in England have don [...] the same Thing; for, unless I am misinformed [...] [Page 145] the Hospital at Dulledge was erected and endowed by Mr. Allen, a Player: And it is also said, A famous She-Tragedian has settled her Estate, after her Death, for the Maintenance of decay'd Wits, who are to be takeu in assoon as they grow dull, at whatever Time of their Life that shall happen.

Letters from the Hague of the 31st Instant, N. S. say, That the Articles Preliminary to a general Peace were settled, communicated to the States-General, and all the Foreign Ministers re­siding there, and transmitted to their respective Masters on the 28th. Monsieur Torcy immediate­ly returned to the Court of France, from whence he is expected again on the 4th of the next Month with those Articles ratified by that Court. The Hague is agreed upon for the Place of Treaty, and the 15th of the next Month the Day on which it is to commence. The Terms whereon this Negotiation is founded, are not yet declared by publick Authority; but what is most generally received, is as follows:

Her Majesty's Right and Title, and the Pro­testant Succession to those Dominions, is forth­with to be acknowledged. King Charles is to be owned the lawful Sovereign of Spain. The French King shall not only recall his Troops out of that Kingdom, and deliver up to the Allies the Towns of Roses, Fonterabia, and Pampelona; but in case the Duke of Anjou shall not retire out of the Spanish Dominions, he shall be obliged to assist the Allies to force him from thence. A Cessation of Arms is agreed upon for Two Months from the first Day of the Treaty. The Port and Fortifications of Dunkirk are to be demolished within Four Months; but the Town it self left in the Hands of the French. The Pre­tender is to be obliged to leave France. All New­foundland is to be restored to the English. As to [Page 146] the other Parts of America, the French are to re­store whatever they may have taken from the English, as the English in like Manner to give up what they may have taken from the French before the Commencement of the Treaty. The Trade between Great-Britain and France shall be settled upon the same Foundation as in the Reign of King Charles the Second.

The Dutch are to have for their Barriers, New­port, Berg, St. Vinox, Furnes, Ipres, Lille, Tour­nay, Doua, Valenciennes, Conde, Maubeuge, Mons, Charleroy, Namur, and Luxemburg; all which Places shall be delivered up to the Allies be­fore the End of June. The Trade between Holland and France shall be on the same Foot as in 1664. The Cities of Strasburg, Brisac, and Alsatia, shall be restored to the Emperor and Empire; and the King of France, pursuant to the Treaty of Westphalia in 1648, shall only re­tain the Protection of Ten Imperial Cities, viz. Colmar, Schlestat, Haguenau, Munster, Turkeim, Keisemberg, Obrenheim, Rosheim, Weisemburg, and Landau, Huninguen, Fort Louis, Fort Khiel, and New Brisac, shall be demolished, and all the Fortifications from Basil to Philipsburg. The King of Prussia shall remain in the peaceable Possession of Neufchatel. The Affair of Orange, as also the Pretensions of his Prussian Majesty in the French Comte, shall be determined at this general Negotiation of Peace. The Duke of Sa­voy shall have a Restitution made of all that has been taken from him by the French, and remain Master of Exilles, Chamont, Fenestrelles, and the Valley of Pragelas.

The TATLER. [No 21.
From Thursd. May 26. to Saturd. May 28. 1709.

A Gentleman has writ to me out of the Country a very civil Letter, and said Things which I suppress with great Violence to my Vanity. There are many Terms in my Nar­ratives which he complains want explaining, and has therefore desired, that, for the Benefit of my Country Readers, I would let him know what I mean by a Gentleman, a Pretty-Fellow, a Toast, a Coquet, a Critick, a Wit, and all other Appellations of those in the gayer World, who are in Possession of these several Characters; together with an Account of those who unfortu­nately pretend to 'em. I shall begin with him we usually call a Gentleman, or Man of Conver­sation.

It is generally thought, That Warmth of Ima­gination, quick Relish of Pleasure, and a Man­ner of becoming it, are the most essential Quali­ties for forming this Sort of Man. But any one that is much in Company will observe, that the Height of good Breeding is shown rather in ne­ver giving Offence, than in doing obliging Things. Thus he that never Shocks you, tho' he is seldom entertaining, is more likely to keep your Favour, than he who often entertains, and sometimes displeases you. The most neces­sary Talent therefore in a Man of Conversation, which is what we ordinarily intend by a Fine Gentleman, is a good Judgment. He that has this in Perfection, is Master of his Companion, without letting him see it; and has the same Advantage over Men of any other Qualifications whatsoever, as one that can see would have over a blind Man of Ten times his Strength.

[Page 148] This is what makes Sophronius the Darling of all who converse with him, and the most Power­ful with his Acquaintance of any Man in Town. By the Light of this Faculty, he acts with great Ease and Freedom among the Men of Pleasure, and acquits himself with Skill and Dispatch among the Men of Business. All which he per­forms with such Success, that, with as much Discretion in Life as any Man ever had, he neither is, nor appears Cunning. But as he does a good Office, if he ever does it, with Readiness and Alacrity; so he denies what he does not care to engage in, in a Manner that convinces you, that you ought not to have asked it. His Judgment is so good and unerring, and accompanied with so chearful a Spirit, that his Conversation is a con­tinual Feast, at which he helps some, and is helped by others, in such a Manner, that the Equality of Society is perfectly kept up, and every Man obliges as much as he is obliged: For it is the greatest and justest Skill in a Man of Superior Understanding, to know how to be on a Level with his Companions. This sweet Dis­position runs through all the Actions of Sophro­nius, and make his Company desired by Wo­men, without being envied by Men. Sophro­nius would be as just as he is, if there were no Law; and would be as discreet as he is, if there were no such Thing as Calumny.

In Imitation of this agreeable Being, is made that Animal we call a Pretty Fellow; who being just able to find out, that what makes Sophro­nius acceptable, is a Natural Behaviour; in or­der to the same Reputation, makes his own an Artificial one. Jack Dimple is his perfect Mi­mick, whereby he is of Course the most un­like him of all Men living. Sophronius just now passed into the inner Room directly forward: Jack comes as fast after as he can for the Right [Page 149] and Left Looking-glass, in which he had but just approved himself by a Nod at each, and marched on. He will meditate within for Half an Hour, till he thinks he is not careless enough in his Air, and come back to the Mirror to re­collect his Forgetfulness.

This Night was acted the Comedy, called, The Fox; but I wonder the Modern Writers do not use their Interest in the House to suppress such Representations. A Man that has been at this, will ha dly like any other Play during the Sea­son: Therefore I humbly move, That the Wri­tings, as well as Dresses, of the last Age, should give Way to the present Fashion. We are come into a good Method enough (if we were not in­terrupted in our Mi [...]th by such an Apparition as a Play of Johnson's) to be entertained at more Ease, both to the Spectator and the Writer, than in the Days of Old. It is no Difficulty to get Hats, and Swords, and Wigs, and Shooes, and every Thing else, from the Shops in Town, and make a Man show himself by his Habit, without more ado, to be a Counsellor, a Fop, a Courtier, or a Citizen, and not be obliged to make those Characters talk in different Dia­lects to be distinguished from each other. This is certainly the surest and best Way of Writing: But such a Play as this makes a Man for a Month after over-run with Criticism, and enquire, What every Man on the Stage said? What had such a one to do to meddle with such a Thing? How came t'other, who was bred after this or that Manner, to speak so like a Man conversant among a different People? These Questions rob us of all our Pleasure; for at this Rate, no Sentence in a Play should be spoken by any one Character which could possibly enter into the Head of any other Man represented in it; but [Page 150] every Sentiment should be peculiar to him only who utters it. Laborious Ben's Works will bear this Sort of Inquisition; but if the present Wri­ters were thus examined, and the Offences a­gainst this Rule cut out, few Plays would be long enough for the whole Evening's Entertainment.

But I don't know how they did in those old Times: This same Ben Johnson has made every one's Passion in this Play be towards Money, and yet not one of them expresses that Desire, or endeavour to obtain it any Way but what is peculiar to him only: One sacrifices his Wife, another his Profession, another his Posterity, from the same Motive; but their Characters are kept so skilfully apart, that it seems prodigious their Discourses should rise from the Intention of the same Author.

But the Poets are a Nest of Hornets, and I'll drive these Thoughts no farther, but must men­tion some hard Treatment I am like to meet with from my Brother Writers. I am credibly inform­ed, that the Author of a Play, call'd, Love in a Hollow Tree, has made some Remarks upon my late Discourse on The Naked Truth. I cannot blame a Gentleman for writing against any Er­ror; it is for the Good of the learned World. But I would have the Thing fairly left between us Two, and not under the Protection of Patrons. But my Intelligence is, that he has dedicated his Treatise to the Honourable Mr. Edw—d H—rd.

To Isaac Bickerstaff Esq

SIR,

BEing convinc'd, as the whole World is, how in­fallible your Predictions are, and having the Honour to be your near Relation, of the Staffian Fa­mily; I was under great Concern at one of your Pre­dictions [Page 151] relating to your self, wherein you foretold your own Death would happen on the 17th Instant, unless it were prevented by the Assistance of well­disposed People: I have therefore prevailed on my own Modesty to send you a Piece of News, which may serve instead of Goddard's Drops, to keep you alive for Two Days, till Nature be able to recover it self, or till you meet with some beteer Help from other Hands. Therefore, without further Ce­remony, I will go on to relate a singular Adven­ture just happened in the Place where I am wri­ting, wherein it may be highly useful for the Pub­lick to be informed.

Three young Ladies of our Town were on Satur­day last indicted for Witchcraft. The Witnesses against the First deposed upon Oath before Justice Bindover, That she kept Spirits locked up in Ves­sels, which sometimes appeared in Flames of blue Fire; That she used Magical Herbs, with some of which she drew in Hundreds of Men daily to her, who went out from her Presence all inflamed, their Mouths parched, and a hot Steam issuing from them, attended with a grievous Stench; That many of the said Men were by the Force of that Herb metamorphosed into Swine, and lay wallow­ing in the Kennels for Twenty four Hours, before they could reassume their Shapes or their Senses.

It was proved against the Second, That she cut off by Night the Limbs from dead Bodies that were hanged, and were seen to dig Holes in the Ground, to mutter some conjuring Words, and bury Pieces of the Flesh, after the usual Manner of Witches.

The Third was accused for a notorious Piece of Sorcery, long practised by Hags, of moulding up Pieces of Dough into the Shapes of Men, Women and Children; then heating them at a gentle Fire, which had a Sympathetick Power to torment the Bowels of those in the Neighbourhood.

[Page 152] This was the Sum of what was objected against the Three Ladies, who indeed had nothing to say in their own Defence, but downright denying the Facts, which is like to avail very little when they come upon their Trials.

But the Parson of our Parish, a strange refracto­ry Man, will believe nothing of all this; so that the whole Town cries out, Shame! That one of his Coat should be such an Atheist? And design to complain of him to the Bishop. He goes about very odly to solve the Matter. He supposes, That the First of these Ladies keeping a Brandy and To­bacco Shop, the Fellows went out smoaking, and got drunk towards Evening, and made themselves Beasts. He says, The Second is a Butcher's Daugh­ter, and sometimes brings a Quarter of Mutton from the Slaughter-house over Night against a Market-Day, and once buried a Bit of Beef in the Ground, as a known Receipt to cure Warts on her Hands. The Parson affirms, That the Third sells Gingerbread, which, to please the Children, she is forced to stamp with Images before 'tis baked; and if it burns their Guts, 'tis because they eat too much, or do not drink after it.

These are the Answers he gives to solve these wonderful Phaenomena; upon which I shall not animaavert, but leave it among Philosophers: And so wishing you all Success in your Underta­kings for the Amendment of the World, I remain,

Dear Cousin,
Your most Affectionate Kinsman, and Humble Servant, Ephraim Bedstaff.

[Page 153] P. S. Those who were condemn'd to Death among the Athenians, were obliged to take a Dose of Poison, which made them die up­wards, seizing first upon their Feet, making them cold and insensible, and so ascending gra­dually, till it reach'd the Vital Parts. I believe your Death, which you foretold would happen on the 17th Instant, will fall out the same Way, and that your Distemper hath already seiz'd on you, and makes Progress daily. The lower Part of you, that is, the Advertisements, is dead; and these have risen for these Ten Days last past, so that they now take up almost a whole Para­graph. Pray, Sir, do your Endeavour to drive this Distemper as much as possible to the ex­treme Parts, and keep it there, as wise Folks do the Gout; for if it once gets into your Sto­mach, it will soon fly up into your Head, and you are a dead Man.

We hear from Leghorn, That Sir Edward Whitaker, with Five Men of War, Four Transports, and Two Fireships, was arrived at that Port, and Admiral Bing was suddenly expected. Their Squadrons being joined, they design to sail directly for Final, to transport the Reinforce­ments, lodg'd in those Parts, to Barcelona.

They write from Milan, That Count Thaun arrived there on the 16th Instant, N. S. and pro­ceeded on his Journey to Turin on the 21st, in order to concert such Measures with his Royal Highness, as shall appear necessary for the Ope­rations of the ensuing Campaign.

Advices from Dauphine say, That the Troops of the Duke of Savoy being already to appear in those Valleys, whereof he made himself Master the last Year; and that the Duke of Berwick apply'd himself with all ima­ginable Diligence to secure the Passes of [Page 154] the Mountains, by ordering Intrenchments to be made towards Briançon, Tourneau, and the Valley of Queiras. That General has also been at Marseilles and Tboulon, to hasten the Trans­portation of the Corn and Provisions designed for his Army.

Letters from Vienna, bearing Date May 23. N. S. import, That the Cardinal of Saxe-Zeits and the Prince of Litchtenstein were preparing to set out for Presburgh, to assist at the Diet of the States of Hungary, which is to be assembled at that Place on the 25th of this Month. Ge­neral Heister would shortly appear at the Head of his Army at Trentschin, which Place is appoint­ed for the general Rendevous of the Imperial Forces in Hungary; from whence he will advance to lay Siege in Newhausel: In the mean Time, Reinforcements, with a great Train of Artillery, are marching the same Way. The King of Denmark arrived on the 10th Instant at Inspruck, and on the 26th at Dresden, under a a Triple Discharge of the Artillery of that Place; but his Majesty refused the Ceremonies of a Publick Entry.

Our Letters from the Upper Rhine say, That the Imperial Army began to form it self at Etlingen; where the respective Deputies of the Elector Palatine, the Prince of Baden Durlach, the Bishoprick of Spires, &c. were assembled, and had taken the necessary Measures for the Provision of Forage, the Security of the Coun­try against the Incursions of the Enemy, and laying a Bridge over the Rhine. Several Vessels laden with Corn are daily passing before Frank­fort for the Lower Rhine.

Letters from Poland inform us, That a De­tachment of Muscovite Cavalry, under the Com­mand of General Infland, had joined the Con­federate Army; and the Infantry, commanded [Page 155] by General Goltz, was expected to come up within few Days. These Succour will amount to 20000 Men.

Our last Advices from the Hague, dated June the 4th, N. S. say, That they expected a Courier from the French Court with the Ratification of the Preliminaries that Night or the Day fol­lowing. His Grace the Dake of Marlborough will set out for Brussels on Wednesday or Thursday next, if the Dispatches which are expected from Paris don't alter his Resolutions. Letters from Majorca confirm the Honourable Capitulation of the Castle of Alicant, and also the Death of the Governour Major-General Richards, Colonel S [...] ­bourg, and Major Vignolles, who were all buried in the Ruins of that Place by the springing of their great Mine, which did, it seems, more Execution than was reported. Monsieur Torcy passed thro' Mons in his Return, and had there a long Conference with the Elector of Bavaria; after which, that Prince spoke publickly of the Treatment he had received from France with the utmost Indignation.

Any Person that shall come publickly Abroad in a fantastical Habit, contrary to the present Mode and Fashion, except Don Diego Desmallo, or any other out of Poverty, shall have his Name and Dress inserted in our next.

N. B. Mr. Howd'call is desired to leave off those Buttons.

The TATLER. [No 22.
From Saturd. May 28. to Tuesd. May 31. 1709.

I Came hither this Evening to see Fashions, and who should I first encounter but my old Friend Cynthio (encompassed by a Crowd of young Fellows) dictating on the Passion of Love with the gayest Air imaginable. ‘'Well, says he, as to what I know of the Matter, there is nothing but Ogling with Skill carries a Wo­man; but indeed it is not every Fool that is capable of this Art: You will find Twenty can speak eloquently, Fifty can fight man­fully, and a Thousand that can dress gen­teely at a Mistress, where there is one that can gaze skilfully. This requires an exquisite Judgment, to take the Language of her Eyes to yours exactly, and not let yours talk too fast for hers; as at a Play between the Acts, when Beau Frisk stands upon a Bench full in Linda­mira's Face, and her dear Eyes are searching round to avoid that flaring open Fool; she meets the watchful Glance of her true Lover, and sees his Heart attentive on her Charms, and waiting for a second Twincle of her Eye for its next Motion. Here the good Company sneer'd; but he goes on. Nor is this Atten­dance a Slavery, when a Man meets Encou­ragement, and her Eye comes often in his Way: For, after an Evening so spent, and the Repe­tition of Four or Five significant Looks at him, the happy Man goes Home to his Lodging, full of Ten thousand pleasing Images: His Brain is dilated, and gives him all the Idea's and Pro­spects which it ever lets in to its Seat of Plea­sure. [Page 157] Thus a kind Look from Lindamira re­vives in his Imagination all the Beauteous Launs, Green Fields, Woods, Forests, Rivers, and Solitudes, which he had ever before seen in Picture, Description, or Real Life: And all with this Addition, That he now sees 'em with the Eyes of an happy Lover, as before only with those of a common Man. You laugh, Gentlemen: But consider your selves, (you common People that were never in Love) and compare your selves in good Humour with your selves out of Humour, and you will then acknowledge, that all External Objects affect you according to the Disposition you are in to receive their Impressions, and not as those Ob­jects are in their own Nature. How much more shall all that passes within his View and Ob­servation, touch with Delight a Man who is prepossess'd with successful Love, which is an Assemblage of soft Affections, gay Desires, and hopeful Resolutions?'’

Poor Cynthio went on at this Rate to the Crowd about him, without any Purpose in his Talk, but to vent an Heart overflowing with Sense of Suc­cess. I wondered what could exalt him from the Distress in which he had long appear'd, to so much Alacrity. But my Familiar has given me the State of his Affairs. It seems then, that lately coming out of the Play-house, his Mistress, who knows he is in her Livery, as the Manner of insolent Beauties, is resolved to keep him still so, and gave him so much Wages, as to complain to him of the Crowd she was to pass through. He had his Wits and Resolution enough about him to take her Hand, and say, He would attend her to her Coach. All the Way thither, my good young Man stammer'd at every Word, and stumbled at every Step. His Mistress, wonderfully pleased with her Triumph, put him to a Thousand Questi­ons, [Page 156] [...] [Page 157] [...] [Page 158] to make a Man of his natural Wit speak with Hesitation, and let drop her Fan, to see him recover it aukwardly. This is the whole Foundation of Cynthio's Recovery to the spright­ly Air he appears with at present.

I grew mighty curious to know something more of that Lady's Affairs, as being amaz'd how she could dally with an Offer of one of his Merit and Fortune. I sent Pacolet to her Lodg­ings, who immediately brought me back the fol­lowing Letter to her Friend and Confident A­manda in the Country, wherein she has open'd her Heart and all its Folds.

Dear Amanda,

THE Town grows so empty, that you must ex­pect my Letter so too, except you will allow me to talk of my self instead of others: You can­not imagine what Pain it is, after a whole Day spent in Publick, to want your Company, and the Ease which Friendship allows in being vain to each other, and speaking all our Minds. An Ac­count of the Slaughter which these unhappy Eyes have made within Ten Days last past, would make me appear too great a Tyrant to be allowed in a Christian Country. I shall therefore confine my self to my Principal Conquests, which are the Hearts of Beau Frisk, and Jack Freeland, be­sides Cynthio, who, you know, wore my Fetters before you went out of Town. Shall I tell you my Weakness? I begin to love Frisk: It is the best humoured Impertinent Thing in the World: He is always too in waiting, and will certainly carry me off one Time or other. Freeland's Father and mine have been upon Treaty without consulting me; and Cynthio has been eternally watching my Eyes, without approaching me, my Friends, my Maid, or any one about me: He hopes to get me, I believe, as they say the Rattle Snake does [Page 159] the Squirrel, by staring at me till I drop into his Mouth. Freeland demands me for a Jointure which he thinks deserves me; Cynthio thinks nothing high enough to be my Value: Freeland therefore will take it for no Obligation to have me; and Cynthio's Idea of me, is what will vanish by know­ing me better. Familiarity will equally turn the Veneration of the one, and the Indifference of the other, into Contempt. I will stick therefore to my old Maxim, To have that Sort of Man, who can have no greater Views than what are in my Power to give him Possession of. The utmost of my Dear Frisk's Ambition is, to be thought a Man of Fa­shion; and therefore has been so much in Mode, as to resolve upon me, because the whole Town likes me. Thus I choose rather a Man who loves me because others do, than one who approves me on his own Judgment. He that judges for him­self in Love, will often change his Opinion; but he that follows the Sense of others, must be con­stant, as long as a Woman can make Advances. The Visits I make, the Entertainments I give, and the Addresses I receive, will be all Argu­ments for me with a Man of Frisk's second-hand Genius; but would be so many Bars to my Hap­piness with any other Man. However, since Frisk can wait, I shall enjoy a Summer or Two longer, and remain a single Woman, in the sublime Plea­sure of being followed and admired; which no­thing can equal, except that of being beloved by you.

I am, &c.

My chief Business here this Evening was to speak to my Friends in Behalf of honest Cave Underhill, who has been a Comick for Three Generations: My Father admired him extreme­ly when he was a Boy. There is certainly Na­ture [Page 160] excellently represented in his Manner of Action; in which he ever avoided that gene­ral Fault in Players, of doing too much. It must be confess'd, he has not the Merit of some ingenious Persons now on the Stage, of adding to his Authors; for the Actors were so dull in the last Age, that many of them have gone out of the World, without having ever spoke one Word of their own in the Theatre. Poor Cave is so mortified, that he quibbles, and tells you, he pretends only to act a Part fit for a Man who has one Foot in the Grave; viz. a Grave-dig­ger. All Admirers of true Comedy, it is hop'd, will have the Gratitude to be present on the last Day of his Acting, who, if he does not happen to please them, will have it even then to say, That it is his first Offence.

But there is a Gentleman here, who says he has it from good Hands, that there is actually a Subscription made by many Persons of Wit and Quality, for the Encouragement of new Come­dies. This Design will very much contribute to the Improvement and Diversion of the Town: But as every Man is most concerned for him­self, I, who am of a Saturnine and Melancholy Complexion, cannot but murmur, that there is not an equal Invitation to write Tragedies, ha­ving by me, in my Book of Common Places, enough to enable me to finish a very Sad one by the Fifth of the next Month. I have the Farewell of a General, with a Truncheon in his Hand, dying for Love, in Six Lines. I have the Principles of a Politician, (who does all the Mischief in the Play,) together with his Decla­ration on the Vanity of Ambition in his last Moments, express'd in a Page and an half. I have all my Oaths ready, and my Similies want nothing but Application. I won't pretend to give you an Account of the Plot, it being the [Page 161] same Design upon which all Tragedies have been writ for several Years last past; and from the Beginning of the First Scene, the Frequenters of the House may know, as well as the Author, when the Battle is to be fought, the Lady to yield, and the Hero proceed to his Wedding and Coronation. Besides these Advantages which I have in Readiness, I have an eminent Trage­dian very much my Friend, who shall come in, and go through the whole Five Acts, without troubling me for one Sentence, whether he is to kill or be killed, love or be loved, win Battles or lose them, or whatever other Tragical Perfor­mance I shall please to assign him.

I have this Day received a Letter, subscribed Fidelia, that gives me an Account of an In­chantment under which a young Lady suffers, and desires my Help to exorcise her from the Power of the Sorcerer. Her Lover is a Rake of Sixty; the Lady a virtuous Woman of Twenty five: Her Relations are to the last De­gree afflicted, and amazed at this irregular Pas­sion: Their Sorrow I know not how to re­move, but can their Astonishment; for there is no Spirit in Woman half so prevalent as that of Contradiction, which is the sole Cause of her Perseverance. Let the whole Family go dress'd in a Body, and call the Bride to Morrow Morn­ing to her Nuptials, and I'll undertake, the In­constant will forget her Lover in the midst of all his Aches. But if this Expedient does not suc­ceed, I must be so just to the young Lady's di­stinguishing Sense, as to applaud her Choice. A fine young Woman, at last, is but what is due from Fate to an honest Fellow, who has suffered so unmercifully by the Sex; and I think we can­not enough celebrate her Heroick Virtue, who (like the Patriot that ended a Pestilence by [Page 162] plunging himself into a Gulph) gives her self up to gorge that Dragon which has devoured so many Virgins before her.

A Letter directed to Isaac Bickerstaff Esq A­strologer and Physician in Ordinary to Her Maje­sty's Subjects of Great Britain, with Respect, is come to Hand.

The TATLER. [No 23.
From Tuesd. May 31. to Thursd. June 2. 1709.

THE Generality of Mankind are so very fond of this World, and of staying in it, that a Man cannot have eminent Skill in any one Art, but they will, in Spite of his Teeth, make him a Physician also, that being the Science the Worldings have most need of. I pretended, when I first set up, to Astrology only; but I am told, I have deep Skill also in Medecine. I am applied to now by a Gentleman for my Advice in Behalf of his Wife, who, upon the least Matri­monial Difficulty, is excessively troubled with Fits, and can bear no Manner of Passion without falling into immediate Convulsions. I must con­fess, it is a Case I have known before, and re­member the Party was recovered by certain Words pronounced in the midst of the Fit, by the Learned Doctor who performed the Cure. These Ails have usually their Beginning from the Affections of the Mind: Therefore you must have Patience to let me give you an Instance, whereby you may discern the Cause of the Distemper, and then proceed in the Cure as follows:

A fine Town Lady was married to a Gentle­man of ancient Descent in one of the Counties [Page 163] of Great Britain, who had good Humour to a Weakness, and was that Sort of Person, of whom it is usually said, He is no Man's Ene­my but his own: One who had too much Ten­derness of Soul to have any Authority with his Wife; and she too little Sense to give him Au­thority for that Reason. His kind Wife observed this Temper in him, and made proper Use of it. But knowing it was below a Gentlewoman to wrangle, she resolved upon an Expedient to save Decorum, and wear her Dear to her Point at the same Time. She therefore took upon her to go­vern him, by falling into Fits whenever she was repulsed in a Request, or contradicted in a Dis­course. It was a Fish-Day, when in the midst of her Husband's good Humour at Table, she bethought her self to try her Project. She made Signs that she had swallowed a Bone. The Man grew pale as Ashes, and ran to her Assistance, calling for Drink. No, my Dear, said she, reco­vering, It is down; don't be frightened. This Accident betrayed his Softness enough. The next Day she complained, a Lady's Chariot, whose Husband had not half his Estate, had a Crane-Neck, and hung with twice the Air that hers did. He answered, Madam, You know my Income, you know I have lost Two Coach-Horses this Spring.—Down she fell.—Harts­horn! Betty, Susan, Alice, throw Water in her Face. With much Care and Pains she was at last brought to her self, and the Vehicle in which she visited was amended in the nicest Manner, to prevent Relapses; but they frequently happen'd during that Husband's whole Life, which he had the good Fortune to end in few Years after. The Disconsolate soon pitched upon a very agreeable Successor, whom she very prudently designed to [...] by the same Method. This Man knew her little Arts, and resolved to break through all [Page 164] Tenderness, and be absolute Master, as soon as Occasion offered. One Day it happened, that a Discourse arose about Furniture: He was very glad of the Occasion, and fell into an Invective against China, protesting, he would never let Five Pounds more of his Money be laid out that Way as long as he breathed. She immediately fainted—He starts up as amaz'd, and calls for Help—The Maids ran to the Closet—He chafes her Face, bends her forwards, and beats the Palms of her Hands: Her Convulsions increase, and down she tumbles on the Floor, where she lies quite dead, in Spight of what the whole Fa­mily, from the Nursery to the Kitchin, could do for her Relief.

While every Servant was thus helping or la­menting their Mistress, he, fixing his Cheek to hers, seemed to be following her in a Trance of Sorrow; but secretly whispers her, My Dear, This will never do: What is within my Power and Fortune, you may always command, but none of your Artifices: You are quite in other Hands than those you passed these pretty Passions upon. This made her almost in the Condition she pretended; her Convulsions now come thicker, nor was she to be held down. The kind Man doubles his Care, helps the Servants to throw Water in her Face by full Quarts; and when the sinking Part of the Fit came again, Well, my Dear, (said he) I applaud your Action; but I must take my Leave of you till you are more sincere with me. Farewell for ever: You shall always know where to hear of me, and want for nothing. With that, he or­dered the Maids to keep plying her with Harts­horn, while he went for a Physician: He was scarce at the Stair-head when she followed, and pulling him into a Closet, thank'd him for her Cure; which was so absolute, that she gave me this Relation her self, to be communi­cated [Page 165] for the Benefit of all the voluntary Inva­lids of her Sex.

Advices from Brussels of the 6th Instant, N. S. say, His Highness Prince Eugene had received a Letter from Monsieur Torcy, wherein that Mini­ster, after many Expressions of great Respect, acquaints him, That his Master had absolutely refused to sign the Preliminaries to the Treaty which he had, in his Majesty's Behalf, consented to at the Hague. Upon the Receipt of this In­telligence, the Face of Things at that Place were immediately altered, and the necessary Orders were transmitted to the Troops (which lay most remote from thence) to move towards the Place of Rendezvous with all Expedition. The Ene­my seem also to prepare for the Field, and have at present drawn together Twenty-five Thousand Men in the Plains of Lenz. Mareschal Villars is at the Head of those Troops; and has given the Generals under his Command all possible Assu­rances, that he will turn the Fate of the War to the Advantage of his Master.

They write from the Hague of the 7th, That Monsieur Rouille had received Orders from the Court of France, to signify to the States-Gene­ral and the Ministers of the High Allies, That the King could not consent to the Preliminaries of a Treaty of Peace, as it was offered to him by Monsieur Torcy. The great Difficulty is the Business of Spain, on which Particular his Mi­nisters seemed only to say, during the Treaty, that it was not so immediately under their Ma­ster's Direction, as that he could engage for its being relinquished by the Duke of Anjou: But now he positively answers, That he cannot com­ply with what his Minister has promised in his Behalf, even in such Points as are wholly in himself to act in or not. This has had no [Page 166] other Effect, than to give the Alliance fresh Arguments for being diffident of Engagements entered into by France. The Pensioner made a Report of all which this Minister had declared to the Deputies of the States-General, and all Things turn towards a vigorous War. The Duke of Marlborough designed to leave the Hague within Two Days, in order to put him­self at the Head of the Army, which is to as­semble on the 17th Instant between the Scheld and the Lis. A Fleet of Eighty Sail, laden with Corn from the Baltick, is arrived in the Texel. The States have sent Circular Letters to all the Provinces, to notify this Change of Affairs, and animate their Subjects to new Resolutions in Defence of their Country.

The Publick is not so little my Concern, tho' I am but a Student as that I should not interest my self in the present great Things in Agitation. I am still of Opinion, the French King will sign the Preliminaries. With that View, I have sent him by my Familiar the following Epistle, and admonished him, on Pain of what I shall say of him to future Generations, to act with Sincerity on this Occasion.

Isaac Bickerstaff Esq of Great Britain, to Lewis the Fourteenth of France.

THE surprising News which arrived this Day, of your Majesty's having refused to sign the Treaty your Ministers have in a Manner sued for, is what gives Ground to this Application to your Majesty, from one whose Name, perhaps, is too obscure to have ever reached your Territories; but one, who with all the European World, is affected with your Determinations. Therefore, [Page 167] as it is mine and the common Cause of Man­kind, I presume to expostulate with you on this Occasion. It will, I doubt not, appear to the Vulgar extravagant, that the Actions of a mighty Prince should be ballanced by the Censure of a private Man, whose Approbation or Dislike are equally contemptible in their Eyes, when they regard the Thrones of Sovereigns. But your Majesty has shown, through the whole Course of your Reign, too great a Value for Liberal Arts to be insensible, that true Fame lies only in the Hands of Learned Men, by whom it is to be transmitted to Futurity, with Marks of Ho­nour or Reproach to the End of Time. The Date of Humane Life is too short to recompence the Cares which attend the most private Condi­tion: Therefore it is, that our Souls are made as it were too big for it, and extend themselves in the Prospect of a longer Existence, in a good Fame and Memory of worthy Actions after our Decease. The whole Race of Men have this Passion in some Degree implanted in their Bo­soms, which is the strongest and noblest Incita­tion to honest Attempts: But the base Use of the Arts of Peace, Eloquence, Poetry, and all the Parts of Learning, have been possessed by Souls so unworthy those Faculties, that the Names and Appellations of Things have been confounded by the Labours and Writings of pro­stituted Men, who have stamp'd a Reputation upon such Actions, as are in themselves the Ob­jects of Contempt and Disgrace. This is that which has misled your Majesty in the Conduct of your Reign, and made that Life, which might have been the most imitable, the most to be a­voided. To this it is, that the great and excel­lent Qualities of which your Majesty is Master, are lost in their Application; and your Majesty has been carrying on for many Years the most [Page 168] cruel Tyranny, with all the noble Methods which are used to support a just Reign. Thus it is, that it avails nothing that you are a Bountiful Master; that you are so Generous as to reward even the Unsuccessful with Honour and Riches; that no laudable Action passes unrewarded in your King­doms; that you have searched all Nations for obscure Merit. In a Word, that you are in your private Character endowed with every Princely Quality, when all this is subjected to unjust and ill-taught Ambition, which to the Injury of the World, is gilded by those Endowments. How­ever, if your Majesty will condescend to look into your own Soul, and consider all its Facul­ties and Weaknesses with Impartiality; if you will but be convinced, that Life is supported in you by the ordinary Methods of Food, Rest, and Sleep; you would think it impossible that you could ever be so much imposed on, as to have been wrought into a Belief, that so many Thou­sands of the same Make with your self were formed by Providence for no other End, but by the Hazard of their very Being to extend the Conquests and Glory of an Individual of their own Species. A very little Reflection will con­vince your Majesty, that such cannot be the In­tent of the Creator; and if not, What Horror must it give your Majesty to think of the vast Devastations your Ambition has made among your Fellow-Creatures? While the Warmth of Youth, the Flattery of Crowds, and a continual Series of Success and Triumph, indulged your Majesty in this Allusion of Mind, it was less to be wondered at, that you proceeded in this mi­staken Pursuit of Grandeur; but when Age, Disappointments, Publick Calamities, Personal Distempers, and the Reverse of all that makes Men forget their true Being, are fallen upon you: Heavens! Is it possible you can live with­out [Page 169] Remorse? Can the wretched Man be a Ty­rant? Can Grief study Torments? Can Sorrow be Cruel?—

Your Majesty will observe, I do not bring a­gainst you a railing Accusation; but as you are a strict Professor of Religion, I beseech your Ma­jesty to stop the Effusion of Blood, by receiving the Opportunity which presents it self, for the Preservation of your distressed People. Be no longer so infatuated, as to hope for Renown from Murder and Violence: But consider, that the Great Day will come, in which this World and all its Glory shall change in a Moment: When Na­ture shall sicken, and the Earth and Sea give up the Bodies committed to them, to appear before the last Tribunal. Will it then, Oh King! be an Answer for the Lives of Millions who have fal­len by the Sword? They perished for my Glory. That Day will come on, and one like it is imme­diately approaching: Injur'd Nations advance to­wards thy Habitation: Vengeance has began its March, which is to be diverted only by the Peni­tence of the Oppressor. Awake, O Monarch, from thy Lethargy! Disdain the Abuses thou hast received: Pull down the Statue which calls thee Immortal: Be truly Great: Tear thy Purple, and put on Sackcloth. I am

Thy Generous Enemy, Isaac Bickerstaff.

The TATLER. [No 24.
From Thursd. June 2. to Saturd. June 4. 1709.

IN my Paper of the 28th of the last Month, I mentioned several Characters which want Explanation to the Generality of Readers: A­mong others, I spoke of a Pretty Fellow. I have since received a kind Admonition in a Letter, to take Care that I do not omit to show also what is meant by a very Pretty Fellow, which is to be allowed as a Character by it self, and a Person exalted above the other by a peculiar Sprightli­ness; as one who, by a distinguishing Vigour, outstrips his Companions, and has thereby de­served and obtained a particular Appellation, or Nick-name of Familiarity. Some have this Di­stinction from the Fair Sex, who are so generous as to take into their Protection such as are laugh­ed at by the Men, and place them for that Rea­son in Degrees of Favour.

The chief of this Sort is Colonel Brunett, who is a Man of Fashion, because he will be so; and practises a very janty Way of Behaviour, because he is too careless to know when he offends, and too sanguine to be mortified if he did know it. Thus the Colonel has met with a Town ready to receive him, and cannot possibly see why he should not make use of their Favour, and set himself in the First Degree of Conversation. Therefore he is very successfully loud among the Wits, fami­liar among the Ladies, and dissolute among the Rakes. Thus he is admitted in one Place, be­cause he is so in another; and every Man treats Brunett well, not out of his particular Esteem [Page 171] for him, but in Respect to the Opinion of others. It is to me a solid Pleasure to see the World thus mistaken on the good-natur'd Side; for 'tis Ten to One but the Colonel mounts into a General Officer, marries a fine Lady, and is Master of a good Estate, before they come to explain upon him. What gives most Delight to me in this Ob­servation, is, that all this arises from pure Na­ture, and the Colonel can account for his Suc­cess no more than those by whom he succeeds. For these Causes and Considerations, I pronounce him a true Woman's Man, and in the first De­gree, A very pretty Fellow.

The next to a Man of this universal Genius, is one who is peculiarly formed for the Service of the Ladies, and his Merit chiefly is to be of no Consequence. I am indeed a little in Doubt, Whe­ther he ought not rather to be called a very Happy, than a very Pretty Fellow? For he is admitted at all Hours: All he says or does, which would of­fend in another, are passed over in him; and all Actions and Speeches which please, doubly please if they come from him: No one wonders or takes Notice when he's wrong; but all admire him when he's in the Right.—By the Way it is fit to remark, That there are People of better Sense than these, who endeavour at this Character; but they are out of Nature; and tho', with some Industry, they get the Characters of Fools, they cannot ar­rive to be very, seldom to be meerly Pretty Fel­lows. But where Nature has formed a Person for this Station amongst Men, he is gifted with a pe­culiar Genius for Success, and his very Errors and Absurdities contribute to it; this Felicity attend­ing him to his Life's End. For it being in a Man­ner necessary that he should be of no Consequence, he is as well in old Age as Youth; and I know a Man, whose Son has been some Years a pretty Fellow, who is himself at this Hour a very Pretty Fellow.

[Page 172] One must move tenderly in this Place, for we are now in the Ladies Lodgings, and speaking of such as are supported by their Influence and Fa­vour; against which there is not, neither ought there to be, any Dispute or Observation. But when we come into more free Air, one may talk a little more at large.

Give me Leave then to mention Three, whom I do not doubt but we shall see make considerable Figures; and these are such as, for their Baccha­nalian Performances, must be admitted into this Order. They are Three Brothers lately landed from Holland: As yet, indeed, they have not made their publick Entry, but lodge and con­verse at Wapping. They have merited already on the Water-side particular Titles: The First is cal­led Hogshead; the Second, Culverin; and the Third, Musquet. This Fraternity is preparing for our End of the Town by their Ability in the Ex­ercises of Bacchus, and measure their Time and Merit by Liquid Weight, and Power of Drink­ing. Hogshead is a prettier Fellow than Culverin by Two Quarts, and Culverin than Musquet by a full Pint. It is to be feared, Hogshead is so often too full, and Culverin over-loaded, that Musquet will be the only lasting very Pretty Fellow of the Three.

A Third Sort of this Denomination are such as, by very daring Adventures in Love, have pur­chased to themselves Renown and new Names; as, Jo. Carry, for his excessive Strength and Vi­gour; Tom Drybones, for his generous Loss of Youth and Health; and Cancrum, for his meri­torious Rottenness.

These great and leading Spirits are proposed to all such of our British Youth as would arrive at Perfection in these different Kinds; and if their Parts and Accomplishments were well imi­tated, it is not doubted but that our Nation [Page 173] would soon excel all others it Wit and Arts, as they already do in Arms.

[N. B. The Gentleman who stole Betty Pepin, may own it, for he is allowed to be a very Pret­ty Fellow.]

But we must proceed to the Explanation of other Terms in our Writings.

To know what a Toast is in the Country, gives as much Perplexity as she her self does in Town: And indeed, the Learned differ very much upon the Original of this Word, and the Acceptation of it among the Moderns. However, it is by all agreed to have a joyous and chearful Import. A Toast in a cold Morning, heightened by Nutmeg, and sweeten'd with Sugar, has for many Ages been given to our Rural Dispensers of Justice, before they enter'd upon Causes, and has been of great and politick Use to take off the Severi­ty of their Sentences; but has indeed been remarkable for one ill Effect, that it inclines those who use it immoderately, to speak Latin, to the Admiration, rather than Information, of an Audience. This Application of a Toast makes it very obvious, that the Word may, without a Metaphor, be understood as an apt Name for a Thing which raises us in the most sovereign De­gree. But many of the Wits of the last Age will assert, That the Word, in its present Sense, was known among them in their Youth, and had its Rise from an Accident at the Town of Bath, in the Reign of King Charles the Second.

It happened, that on a Publick Day a celebra­ted Beauty of those Times was in the Cross Bath, and one of the Crowd of her Admirers took a Glass of the Water in which the Fair One stood, and drank her Health to the Company. There was in the Place a Gay Fellow, half fuddled, who offered to jump in, and swore, Tho' he liked not [Page 174] the Liquor, he would have the Toast. He was opposed in his Resolution; yet this Whim gave Foundation to the present Honour which is done to the Lady we mention in our Liquors, who has ever since been called a Toast.

Tho' this Institution had so trivial a Beginning, it is now elevated into a formal Order; and that happy Virgin who is received and drank to at their Meetings, has no more to do in this Life, but to judge and accept of the first good Offer. The Manner of her Inauguration is much like that of the Choice of a Doge in Venice: It is per­formed by Ballotting; and when she is so cho­sen, she reigns indisputably for that ensuing Year; but must be elected anew to prolong her Empire a Moment beyond it. When she is regularly cho­sen, her Name is written with a Diamond on a Drinking-glass. The Hieroglyphick of the Dia­mond is to shew her, that her Value is imaginary; and that of the Glass to acquaint her, that her Condition is frail, and depends on the Hand which holds her. This wise Design admonishes her, nei­ther to over-rate or depreciate her Charms; as well considering and applying, that it is perfect­ly according to the Humour and Taste of the Company, whether the Toast is eaten, or left as an Offal.

The Foremost of the whole Rank of Toasts, and the most undisputed in their present Empire, are Mrs. Gatty and Mrs. Frontlet: The First an Agreeable, the Second an Awful Beauty. These Ladies are perfect Friends, out of a Knowledge, that their Perfections are too different to stand in Competition. He that likes Gatty, can have no Relish for so solemn a Creature as Frontlet; and an Admirer of Frontlet, will call Gatty a May­pole Girl. Gatty for ever smiles upon you; and Frontlet disdains to see you smile. Gatty's Love is a shining quick Flame; Frontlet's a slow wast­ing [Page 175] Fire. Gatty likes the Man that diverts her; Frontlet him who adores her. Gatty always im­proves the Soil in which she travels; Frontlet lays waste the Country. Gatty does not only smile, but laughs at her Lover; Frontlet not only looks serious, but frowns at him. All the Men of Wit, (and Coxcombs their Followers) are professed Servants of Gatty: The Politicians and Pretenders give solemn Worship to Frontlet. Their Reign will be best judged of by its Dura­tion. Frontlet will never be chosen more; and Gatty is a Toast for Life.

Letters from Hamburgh of the 7th Instant, N. S. inform us, That no Art or Cost is omitted to make the Stay of his Danish Majesty at Dresden agree­able; but there are various Speculations upon the Interview between King Angustus and that Prince, many putting Politick Constructions up­on his Danish Majesty's Arrival, at a Time when his Troops are marching out of Hungary, with Orders to pass through Saxony, where it is given out, that they are to be recruited. It is said also, That several Polish Senators have invited K. Au­gustus to return into Poland. His Majesty of Swe­den, according to the same Advices, has passed the Nieper without any Opposition from the Mus­covites, and advances with all possible Expedi­tion towards Volhinia, where he proposes to join King Stanislaus and General Cressau.

We hear from Bern of the 1st Instant, N. S. That there is not a Province in France, from whence the Court is not apprehensive of recei­ving Accounts of Publick Emotions, occasion'd by the Want of Corn. The General Diet of the 13 Cantons is assembled at Baden, but have not yet entered upon Business, so that the Affair of Tockenburgh is yet at a Stand.

[Page 176] Letters from the Hague, dated the 11th Instant, N. S. advise, That Monsieur Rouillé having ac­quainted the Ministers of the Allies, that his Ma­nner had refused to ratify the Preliminaries of a Treaty adjusted with Monsieur Torcy, set out for Paris on Sunday Morning. The same Day the Foreign Ministers met a Committee of the States-General, where Monsieur van Hessen opened the Business upon which they were assembled, and in a very warm Discourse laid before them the Con­duct of France in the late Negotiations, repre­senting the abject Manner in which she had laid open her own Distresses, that reduced her to a Compliance with the Demands of all the Allies, and her Meannesses in receding from those Points to which Monsieur Torcy had consented. The re­spective Minister of each Potentate of the Alli­ance severally expressed their Resentment of the faithless Behaviour of the French, and gave each other mutual Assurances of the Constancy and Resolution of their Principals, to proceed with the utmost Vigour against the common Enemy-His Grace the Duke of Marlborough set out from the Hague on the 9th in the Afternoon, and lay that Night at Rotterdam, from whence at Four the next Morning he proceeded towards Antwerp, with a Design to reach Ghent the next Day. All the Troops in the Low-Countries are in Motion towards the general Rendezvous between the Scheld and the Lis, the whole Army will be form­ed on the 12th Instant; and 'tis said, That on the 14th they will advance towards the Enemy's Country. In the mean Time, the Mareschal de Villars has assembled the French Forces between Lens, la Basses, and Douay.

Yesterday Morning Sir John Norris, with the Squadron under his Command, sailed from the Downes for Holland.

I have the Honour of the following Letter from a Gentleman whom I receive into my Fa­mily, and order the Heralds at Arms to enroll him accordingly.

Mr. Bickerstaff,

THO' you have excluded me the Honour of your Family, yet I have ventured to cor­respond with the same great Persons as your self, and have wrote this Post to the King of France; tho' I am in a Manner unknown in his Country, and have not been seen there these many Months.

To LEWIS le Grand.
Tho' in your Country I'm unknown,
Yet, Sir, I must advise you;
Of late so poor and mean you're grown,
That all the World despise you.
Here Vermin eat your Majesty,
There meagre Subjects stand unfed;
What surer Signs of Poverty,
Than many Lice, and little Bread?
Then, Sir, the present Minute chuse,
Our Armies are advanced;
Those Terms you at the Hague refuse,
At Paris won't be granted.
Consider this, and Dunkirk raze,
And Anna's Title own;
Send one Pretender out to graze,
And call the other Home.
Your Humble Servant, Bread, the Staff of Life.
[...]
[...]

The TATLER. [No 25.
From Saturday June 4. to Tuesd. June 7. 1709.

A Letter from a young Lady, written in the most passionate Terms, wherein she laments the Misfortune of a Gentleman, her Lover, who was lately wounded in a Duel, has turned my Thoughts to that Subject, and enclined me to examine into the Causes which precipitate Men into so fatal a Folly. And as it has been propo­sed to treat of Subjects of Gallantry in the Arti­cle from hence, and no one Point in Nature is more proper to be consider'd by the Company who frequent this Place than that of Duels, it is worth our Consideration to examine into this Chimaerical groundless Humour, and to lay every other Thought aside, till we have strip'd it of all its false Pretences to Credit and Reputation amongst Men.

But I must confess, when I consider what I am going about, and run over in my Imagination all the endless Crowd of Men of Honour who will be offended at such a Discourse; I am underta­king, methinks, a Work worthy an invulnerable Hero in Romance, rather than a private Gentle­man with a single Rapier: But as I am pretty well acquainted by great Opportunities with the Nature of Man, and know of a Truth, that all Men fight against their Will, the Danger vanishes, and Resolution rises upon this Subject. For this Reason I shall talk very freely on a Custom which all Men wish exploded, though no Man has Courage enough to resist it.

But there is one unintelligible Word which I fear will extremely perplex my Dissertation; and [Page 179] I confess to you I find very hard to explain, which is, the Term Satisfaction. An honest Country Gentleman had the Misfortune to fall into Com­pany with Two or Three modern Men of Honour, where he happened to be very ill treated; and one of the Company being conscious of his Of­fence, sends a Note to him in the Morning, and tells him, He was ready to give him Satisfaction. This is fine Doing (says the plain Fellow). Last Night he sent me away cursedly out of Humour, and this Morning he fancies it would be a Satis­faction to be run through the Body.

As the Matter at present stands, it is not to do handsome Actions denominates a Man of Honour; it is enough if he dares to defend ill Ones. Thus you often see a common Sharper in Competition with a Gentleman of the first Rank; though all Mankind is convinced, that a fighting Gamester is only a Pick-pocket with the Courage of an Highway-Man. One cannot with any Patience reflect on the unaccountable Jumble of Persons and Things in this Town and Nation, which oc­casions very frequently, that a brave Man falls by a Hand below that of the common Hangman, and yet his Executioner escapes the Clutches of the Hangman for doing it. I shall therefore here­after consider, how the bravest Men in other Ages and Nations have behaved themselves upon such Incidents as we decide by Combat; and show, from their Practice, that this Resentment neither has its Foundation from true Reason, or solid Fame; but is an Imposture, made up of Cowar­dice, Falshood, and Want of Understanding. For this Work, a good History of Quarrels would be very edifying to the Publick, and I apply my self to the Town for Particulars and Circum­stances within their Knowledge, which may serve to embellish the Dissertation with proper Cuts. Most of the Quarrels I have ever known, [Page 180] have proceeded from some valiant Coxcomb's per­sisting in the Wrong, to defend some prevailing Folly, and preserve himself from the Ingenuity of owning a Mistake.

By this Means it is called, Giving a Man Satis­faction, to urge your Offence against him with your Sword; which puts me in Mind of Peter's Order to the Keeper, in The Tale of a Tub: If you neglect to do all this, damn you and your Gene­ration for ever; and so we bid you heartily fare­wel. If the Contradiction in the very Terms of one of our Challenges were as well explained, and turn'd into downright English, would it not run after this Manner?

SIR,

YOur extraordinary Behaviour last Night, and the Liberty you were pleased to take with me, makes me this Morning give you this, to tell you, because you are an ill-bred Puppy, I will meet you in Hide-Park an Hour hence; and because you want both Breeding and Hu­manity, I desire you would come with a Pistol in your Hand, on Horseback, and endeavour to shoot me through the Head; to teach you more Manners. If you fail of doing me this Pleasure, I shall say, You are a Rascal on every Post in Town: And so, Sir, if you will not injure me more, I shall never forgive what you have done already. Pray Sir, do not fail of getting every Thing ready, and you will infinitely oblige,

SIR,
Your most Obedient, Humble Servant, &c.

Among the many Employments I am necessa­rily put upon by my Friends, that of giving Ad­vice [Page 181] is the most unwelcome to me; and indeed, I am forced to use a little Art in the Matter; for some People will ask Counsel of you, when they have already acted what they tell you is still un­der Deliberation. I had almost lost a very good Friend t'other Day, who came to know how I liked his Design to marry such a Lady. I an­swered, By no Means; and I must be positive a­gainst it, for very solid Reasous, which are not proper to communicate. Not proper to commu­nicate! (said he with a grave Air) I will know the Bottom of this. I saw him moved, and knew from thence he was already determined; there­fore evaded it by saying, To tell you the Truth, dear Frank, Of all Women living, I would have her my self. Isaac, said he, Thou art too late, for we have been both one these two Months.

I learned this Caution by a Gentleman's con­sulting me formerly about his Son. He railed at his damn'd Extravagance, and told me, In a very little Time, he would beggar him by the exor­bitant Bills which came from Oxford every Quar­ter. Make the Rogue bite upon the Bridle, said I, pay none of his Bills, it will but encourage him to further Trespasses. He look'd plaguy sowr at me. His Son soon after sent up a Paper of Verses, forsooth, in Print, on the last publick Occasion; upon which, he is convinced the Boy has Parts, and a Lad of Spirit is not to be too much cramp'd in his Maintenance, lest he take ill Courses. Nei­ther Father nor Son can ever since endure the Sight of me.

These Sort of People ask Opinions, only out of the Fulness of their Heart on the Subject of their Perplexity, and not from a Desire of Infor­mation.

There is nothing so easy as to find out which Opinion the Person in Doubt has a Mind to; therefore the sure Way is to tell him, that is cer­tainly [Page 182] to be chosen. Then you are to be very clear and positive; leave no Handle for Scruple. Bless me! Sir, there's no Room for a Question. This rivets you into his Heart; for you at once applaud his Wisdom, and gratify his Inclination. However, I had too much Bowels to be insincere to a Man who came Yesterday to know of me, With which of two eminent Men in the City he should place his Son? Their Names are Paulo and Avaro. This gave me much Debate with my self, because not only the Fortune of the Youth, but his Virtue also, depended upon this Choice. The Men are equally wealthy; but they differ in the Use and Application of their Riches, which you immediately see upon entring their Doors.

The Habitation of Paulo has at once the Air of a Nobleman and a Merchant. You see the Servants act with Affection to their Master, and Satisfaction in themselves: The Master meets you with an open Countenance, full of Benevo­lence and Integrity: Your Business is dispatched with that Confidence and Welcome which al­ways accompanies honest Minds: His Table is the Image of Plenty and Generosity, supported by Justice and Frugality. After we had dined here, our Affair was to visit Avaro: Out comes an aukward Fellow with a careful Countenance; Sir, Would you speak with my Master? May I crave your Name? After the first Preambles, he leads us into a noble Solitude, a great House that seem'd uninhabited; but from the End of the spacious Hall moves towards us Avaro, with a suspicious Aspect, as if he believed us Thieves; and as for my Part, I approached him as if I knew him a Cut-purse. We fell into Discourse of his noble Dwelling, and the Great Estate all the World knew he had to enjoy in it: And I, to plague him, fell a commending Paulo's Way [Page 183] of Living. Paulo, answered Avaro, is a very good Man; but we who have smaller Estates, must cut our Coat according to our Cloth. Nay, says I, Every Man knows his own Circumstance best; you are in the Right, if you han't where­withal. He look'd very sowr; (for it is, you must know, the utmost Vanity of a mean­spi­rited rich Man to be contradicted, when he calls himself Poor.) But I was resolved to vex him, by consenting to all he said; the main Design of which was, that he would have us find out, he was one of the wealthiest Men in London, and lived like a Beggar. We left him, and took a Turn on the Change. My Friend was ravished with Avaro: This (said he) is cer­tainly a sure Man. I contradicted him with much Warmth, and summed up their different Characters as well as I could. This Paulo (said I) grows wealthy by being a common Good; Avaro, by being a general Evil: Paulo has the Art, Avaro the Craft of Trade. When Paulo gains, all Men he deals with are the better: Whenever Avaro profits, another certainly loses. In a Word, Paulo is a Citizen, and Avaro a Cit. I convinced my Friend, and carried the young Gentleman the next Day to Paulo, where he will learn the Way both to gain, and enjoy a good Fortune. And tho' I cannot say, I have, by keep­ing him from Avaro, saved him from the Gal­lows, I have prevented his deserving it every Day he lives: For with Paulo he will be an honest Man, without being so for Fear of the Law; as with Avaro, he would have been a Villain with­in the Protection of it.

We hear from Vienna of the 1st Instant, That Baron Imoff, who attended her Catholick Ma­jesty with the Character of Envoy from the [Page 184] Duke of Wolfembuttel, was returned thither. That Minister brought an Account, That Major-General Stanhope, with the Troops which em­barked at Naples, was returned to Barcelona. We hear from Berlin, by Advices of the 8th Instant, That his Prussian Majesty had received Intelligence from his Minister at Dresden, that the King of Denmark desired to meet his Maje­sty at Magdeburg. The King of Prussia has sent Answer, That his present Indisposition will not admit of so great a Journey; but has sent the King a very pressing Invitation to come to Berlin or Potsdam. These Advices say, That the Minister of the King of Sweden has produced a Letter from his Master to the King of Poland, dated from Ba­titzan the 30th of March, O. S. wherein he ac­quaints him, that he has been successful against the Muscovites in all the Occasions which have happened since his March into their Country. Great Numbers have revolted to the Swedes since General Mazeppa went over to that Side; and as many as have done so, have taken solemn Oaths to adhere to the Interests of his Swedish Majesty.

Advices from the Hague of the 14th Instant, N. S. say, That all Things tended to a vigorous and active Campagne; the Allies having strong Resentments against the late Behaviour of the Court of France; and the French using all possi­ble Endeavours to animate their Men to defend their Country against a victorious and exaspe­rated Enemy. Monsieur Rouillé had passed through Brussels without visiting either the Duke of Marlborough or Prince Eugene, who were both there at that Time. The States have met, and publickly declared their Satisfaction in the Con­duct of their Deputies during the whole Treaty. Letters from France say, That the Court is re­solved to put all to the Issue of the ensuing [Page 185] Campaign. In the mean Time, they have ordered the Preliminary Treaty to be published, with Ob­servation upon each Article, in order to quiet the Minds of the People, and perswade them, that it has not been in the Power of the King to procure a Peace, but to the Diminution of his Majesty's Glory, and the Hazard of his Dominions. His Grace the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eu­gene arrived at Ghent on Wednesday last, where, at an Assembly of all the General Officers, it was thought proper, by reason of the great Rains which have lately fallen, to defer forming a Camp, or bringing the Troops together; but as soon as the Weather would permit, to march up­on the Enemy with all Expedition.

The TATLER. [No 26.
From Tuesday June 7. to Thursd. June 9. 1709.

I Have read the following Letter with Delight and Approbation, and I hereby order Mr. Kid­ney at St. James's, and Sir Thomas at White's, (who are my Clerks for enrolling all Men in their distant Classes, before they presume to drink Tea or Chocolate in those Places) to take Care, that the Persons within the Descriptions in the Letter be admitted, and excluded according to my Friend's Remonstrance.

SIR,

YOur Paper of Saturday has raised up in me a noble Emulation, to be recorded in the foremost Rank of Worthies therein mention'd; and if any Regard be had to Merit or Industry, I may hope to succeed in the Promotion, for I [Page 186] have omitted no Toil or Expence to be a Profi­cient; and if my Friends do not flatter, they assure me, I have not lost my Time since I came to Town. To enumerate but a few Particu­lars; There's hardly a Coachman I meet with, but desires to be excused taking me, because he has had me before. I have compounded Two or Three Rapes; and let out to Hire as many Bastards to Beggars. I never saw above the First Act of a Play: And as to my Courage, it is well known, I have more than once had suf­ficient Witnesses of my drawing my Sword both in Tavern and Playhouse. Dr. Wall is my particular Friend; and if it were any Service to the Publick to compose the Difference be­tween Martin and Sintilaer the Pearl-driller, I don't know a Judge of more Experience than my self: For in that I may say with the Poet;

Quae Regio in Villâ nostri non plena Laboris?

I omit other less Particulars, the necessary Con­sequences of greater Actions. But my Reason for troubling you at this present is, to put a Stop, if it may be, to an insinuating, increasing Set of People, who sticking to the Letter of your Treatise, and not to the Spirit of it, do assume the Name of Pretty Fellows; nay, and even get new Names, as you very well hint. Some of them I have heard calling to one ano­ther as I have sate at White's and St. James's, by the Names of, Betty, Nelly, and so forth. You see them accost each other with effeminate Airs: They have their Signs and Tokens like Free-Ma­sons: They rail at Womenkind; receive Visits on their Beds in Gowns, and do a Thousand other unintelligible Prettinesses that I cannot tell what to make of. I therefore heartily desire you would exclude all this Sort of Animals.

[Page 187] There is another Matter I am foreseeing an ill Consequence from, but may be timely pre­vented by Prudence; which is, that for the last Fortnight, prodigious Shoals of Volunteers have gone over to bully the French, upon hearing the Peace was just signing; and this is so true, that I can assure you, all Ingrossing Work about the Temple is risen above 3 s. in the Pound for want of Hands. Now as 'tis possible, some little Al­teration of Affairs may have broken their Mea­sures, and that they will post back again, I am under the last Apprehension, that these will, at their Return, all set up for Pretty Fellows, and thereby confound all Merit and Service, and im­pose on us some new Alteration in our Night­cap-Wigs and Pockets, unless you can provide a particular Class for them. I cannot apply my self better than to you, and I am sure I speak the Mind of a very great Number as deserving as my self.

The Pretensions of this Correspondent are worthy a particular Distinction: He cannot in­deed be admitted as a Pretty, but is, what we most justly call, a Smart Fellow. Never to pay at the Playhouse, is an Act of Frugality that lets you into his Character; and his Expedient in sending his Children a begging before they can go, are Characteristical Instances that he belongs to this Class. I never saw the Gentleman; but I know by his Letter, he hangs his Cane on his Button; and by some Lines of it, he should wear red-heel'd Shoes; which are essential Parts of the Habit belonging to the Order of Smart Fel­lows.

My Familiar is returned with the following Letter from the French King:

Lewis the Fourteenth, to Isaac Bickerstaff Esq

SIR,

I Have your Epistle, and must take the Liberty to say, That there has been a Time, when there were Generous Spirits in Great Britain; who would not have suffer'd my Name to be treated with the Familiarity you think fit to use. I thought Liberal Men would not be such Time­servers, as to fall upon a Man because his Friends are not in Power. But having some Concern for what you may transmit to Posterity con­cerning me, I am willing to keep Terms with you, and make a Request to you, which is, That you would give my Service to the Nineteenth Century, (if ever you or yours reach to them) and tell them, That I have settled all Matters between them and me by Monsieur Boileau. I should be glad to see you here.

It is very odd this Prince should offer to invite me into his Dominions, or believe I should accept the Invitation. No, no, I remember too well how he served an ingenious Gentleman, a Friend of mine, whom he locked up in the Bastile for no Reason in the World, but because he was a Wit, and feared he might mention him with Justice in some of his Writings. His Way is, That all Men of Sense are preferred, banished, or imprisoned. He has indeed a Sort of Justice in him, like that of the Gamesters; for if a Stander-by sees one at Play cheat, he has a Right to come in for Shares, as knowing the Mysteries of the Game.

This is a very wise and just Maxim; and if I have not left at Mr. Morphew's, directed to me, Bank Bills for 200 l. on or before this Day Seven­night, I shall tell how Tom Cash got his Estate. [Page 189] I expect Three Hundred Pounds of Mr. Soilett, for concealing all the Money he has lent to him­self, and his Landed Friend bound with him, at Thirty per Cent. at his Scrivener's. Absolute Prin­ces make People pay what they please in Defe­rence to their Power: I do not know why I should not do the same, out of Fear or Respect to my Knowledge. I always preserve Decorums and Civilities to the Fair Sex: Therefore if a cer­tain Lady, who left her Coach at the New Ex­change Door in the Strand, and whipt down Dur­ham-Yard into a Boat with a young Gentleman for Fox-Hall; I say, if she will send me Word, that I may give the Fan which she drop'd, and I found, to my Sister Jenny, there shall be no more said of it. I expect Hush-Money to be regu­larly sent for every Folly or Vice any one com­mits in this whole Town; and hope, I may pre­tend to deserve it better than a Chamber-Maid, or Valet de Chambre: They only whisper it to the little Set of their Companions; but I can tell it to all Men living, or who are to live. There­fore I desire all my Readers to pay their Fines, or mend their Lives.

My Familiar being come from France, with an Answer to my Letter to Lewis of that Kingdom, instead of going on in a Discourse of what he had seen in that Court, he put on the imme­diate Concern of a Guardian, and fell to enqui­ring into my Thoughts and Adventures since his Journey. As short as his Stay had been, I confess'd I had had many Occasions for his As­sistance in my Conduct; but communicated to him my Thoughts of putting all my Force a­gainst the horrid and senseless Custom of Duels; If it were possible, said he, to laugh at Things in themselves so deeply Tragical as the imperti­nent Profusion of Humane Life, I think I could [Page 190] divert you with a Figure I saw just after my Death, when the Philosopher threw me, as I told you some Days ago, into the Pail of Water.

You are to know, That when Men leave the Body, there are Receptacles for them as soon as they depart, according to the Manner in which they lived and died. At the very Instant that I was killed, there came away with me a Spirit which had lost its Body in a Duel. We were both examined. Me, the whole Assem­bly looked at with Kindness and Pity, but at the same Time with an Air of Welcome, and Consolation: They pronounced me very happy, who had died in Innocence; and told me, a quite different Place was allotted to me, than that which was appointed for my Companion; there being a great Distance from the Mansions of Fools and Innocents: Tho' at the same Time, said one of the Ghosts, there is a great Affinity between an Idiot who has been so for long Life, and a Child who departs before Maturity. But this Gentleman who has arrived with you is a Fool of his own making, is ignorant out of Choice, and will fare accordingly. The Assembly began to flock about him, and one said to him, Sir, I observed you came into the Gate of Per­sons murdered, and I desire to know, What brought you to your untimely End? He said, He had been a Second. Socrates (who may be said to have been murdered by the Commonwealth of Athens) stood by, and began to draw near him, in order, after his Manner, to lead him into a Sense of his Error by Concessions in his own Discourse. Sir, said that Divine and Amicable Spirit, What was the Quarrel? He answered, We shall know very suddenly, when the Princi­pal in the Business comes, for he was desperately wounded before I fell. Sir, said the Sage, Had you an Estate? Yes, Sir, the new Guest answer­ed, [Page 191] I have left it in a very good Condition, and made my Will the Night before this Occasion. Did you read it before you sign'd it? Yes sure, Sir, said the new Comer. Socrates replies, Could a Man, that would not give his Estate without reading the Instrument, dispose of his Life with­out asking a Question? That illustrious Shade turned from him, and a Crowd of impertinent Goblins, who had been Droles and Parasites in their Life-time, and were knock'd on the Head for their Sawciness, came about my Fellow-Traveller, and made themselves very merry with Questions about the Words Cart and Terce, and other Terms of Fencers. But his Thoughts began to settle into Reflection upon the Adventure which had robbed him of his late Being; and with a wretched Sigh, said he, How terrible are Conviction and Guilt when they come too late for Penitence!

Pacolet was going on in this Strain, but he re­covered from it, and told me, ‘It was too soon to give my Discourse on this Subject so serious a Turn; you have chiefly to do with that Part of Mankind which must be led into Reflection by Degrees, and you must treat this Custom with Humour and Raillery to get an Audience, before you come to pronounce Sentence upon it. There is Foundation enough for raising such Entertainments from the Practice on this Occa­sion. Don't you know, that often a Man is cal­led out of Bed to follow implicitly a Coxcomb (with whom he would not keep Company on any other Occasion) to Ruin and Death?—Then a good List of such as are qualified by the Laws of these uncourteous Men of Chivalry to enter into Combat (who are often Persons of Honour without common Honesty): These, I say, ran­ged and drawn up in their proper Order, would give an Aversion to doing any Thing in com­mon [Page 192] with such as Men laugh at and contemn. But to go through this Work, you must not let your Thoughts vary, or make Excursions from your Theme: Consider at the same Time, that the Matter has been often treated by the ablest and greatest Writers; yet that must not disen­courage you; for the properest Person to handle it, is one who has roved into mix'd Conversa­tions, and must have Opportunities (which I shall give you) of seeing these Sort of Men in their Pleasures and Gratifications; among which, they pretend to reckon Fighting. It was pleasantly enough said of a Bully in France, when Duels first began to be punished: The King has taken away Gaming, and Stage-play­ing, and now Fighting too; How does he ex­pect Gentlemen shall divert themselves?’

The TATLER. No 27.
From Thursd. June 9. to Saturd. June 11. 1709.

PAcolet being gone a strolling among the Men of the Sword, in order to find out the secret Causes of the frequent Disputes we meet with, and furnish me with Materials for my Treatise on Duelling; I have Room left to go on in my Information to my Country Readers, whereby they may understand the bright Peo­ple whose Memoirs I have taken upon me to write. But in my Discourse of the 28th of the last Month, I omitted to mention the most agreeable of all bad Characters; and that is, a Rake.

A Rake is a Man always to be pitied; and if he lives, is one Day certainly reclaimed; for [Page 193] his Faults proceed not from Choice or Inclina­tion, but from strong Passions and Appetites' which are in Youth too violent for the Club of Reason, good Sense, good Manners, and good Nature: All which he must have by Nature and Education, before he can be allowed to be, or have been of this Order. He is a poor un­weildy Wretch, that commits Faults out of the Redundance of his good Qualities. His Pity and Compassion makes him sometimes a Bub­ble to all his Fellows, let 'em be never so much below him in Understanding. His Desires run away with him through the Strength and Force of a lively Imagination, which hurries him on to unlawful Pleasures, before Reason has Power to come in to his Rescue. Thus, with all the good Intentions in the World to A­mendment, this Creature sins on against Hea­ven, himself, his Friends, and his Country, who all call for a better Use of his Talents. There is not a Being under the Sun so mise­rable as this: He goes on in a Pursuit he him­self disapproves, and has no Enjoyment but what is followed by Remorse; no Relief from Remorse, but the Repetition of his Crime. It's possible I may talk of this Person with too much Indulgence; but I must repeat it, that I think this, a Character which is the most the Object of Pity of any in the World. The Man in the Pangs of the Stone, Gout, or any acute Distem­pers, is not in so deplorable a Condition in the Eye of right Sense, as he that errs and repents, and repents and errs on. The Fellow with bro­ken Limbs justly deserves your Alms for his impotent Condition; but he that can't use his own Reason, is in a much worse State; for you see him in miserable Circumstances, with his Remedy at the same Time in his own Possession, if he would or could use it. This is the Cause [Page 194] that, of all ill Characters, the Rake has the best Quarter in the World; for when he is himself, and unruffled with Intemperance, you see his natural Faculties exert themselves, and attract an Eye of Favour towards his Infirmities.

But if we look round us here, how many dull Rogues are there, that would fain be what this poor Man hates himself for? All the Noise towards Six in the Evening, is caused by his Mimicks and Imitators. How ought Men of Sense to be careful of their Actions, if it were meerly from the Indignation of seeing them­selves ill drawn by such little Pretenders? Not to say, he that leads, is guilty of all the Actions of his Followers: And a Rake has Imitators whom you would never expect should prove so-Second-hand Vice sure of all is the most nause­ous. There is hardly a Folly more absurd, or which seems less to be accounted for, (tho' 'tis what we see every Day) than that grave and honest Natures give into this Way, and at the same Time have good Sense, if they thought fit to use it: But the Fatality (under which most Men labour) of desiring to be what they are not, makes 'em go out of a Method, in which they might be received with Applause, and would certainly excel; into one, wherein they will all their Life have the Air of Strangers to what they aim at.

For this Reason, I have not lamented the Me­tamorphosis of any one I know so much as of No­bilis, who was born with Sweetness of Temper, just Apprehension, and every Thing else that might make him a Man fit for his Order. But instead of the Pursuit of sober Studies, and Ap­plications, in which he would certainly be capa­ble of making a considerable Figure in the noblest Assembly of Men in the World; I say, in spight of that good Nature, which is his proper Bent, [Page 195] he will say ill-natured Things aloud, put such as he was, and still should be, out of Countenance, and drown all the natural Good in him, to re­ceive an artificial ill Character, in which he will never succeed: For Nobilis is no Rake. He may guzzle as much Wine as he pleases, talk Bawdy if he thinks fit; but he may as well drink Wa­ter-gruel, and go twice a Day to Church, for it will never do. I pronounce it again, Nobilis is no Rake. To be of that Order, he must be vi­cious against his Will, and not so by Study or Application. All Pretty Fellows are also excluded to a Man, as well as all Inamaratoes, or Persons of the Epicene Gender, who gaze at one another in the Presence of Ladies. This Class, of which I am giving you an Account, is pretended to also by Men of strong Abilities in Drinking; tho' they are such whom the Liquor, not the Conversation, keeps together. But Blockheads may roar, fight, and stab, and be never the nearer; their Labour is also lost; they want Sense: They are no Rakes.

As a Rake among Men is the Man who lives in the constant Abuse of his Reason, so a Co­quet among Women is one who lives in con­tinual Misapplication of her Beauty. The chief of all, whom I have the Honour to be acquain­ted with, is pretty Mrs. Toss: She is ever in Practice of something which disfigures her, and takes from her Charms; tho' all she does, tends to a contrary Effect. She has naturally a very agreeable Voice and Utterance, which she has chang'd for the prettiest Lisp imaginable. She sees what she has a Mind to see, at half a Mile Distance; but poring with her Eyes half shut at every one she passes by, she believes much more becoming. The Cupid on her Fan and she have their Eyes full on each other, all the Time in which they are not both in Motion. When­ever her Eye is turned from that dear Object, [Page 196] you may have a Glance and your Bow, if she is in Humour, returned as civilly as you make it; but that must not be in the Presence of a Man of greater Quality: For Mrs. Toss is so throughly well bred, that the chief Person pre­sent has all her Regards. And she, who gig­gles at Divine Service, and laughs at her very Mother, can compose her self at the Approach of a Man of a good Estate.

A fine Lady shewed a Gentleman of this Com­pany, for an eternal Answer to all his Addresses, a Paper of Verses, with which she is so capti­vated, that she profess'd, the Author should be the happy Man in Spite of all other Pretenders. It is ordinary for Love to make Men Poetical, and it had that Effect on this enamour'd Man: But he was resolved to try his Vein upon some of her Confidents or Retinue, before he ventured upon so high a Theme as her self. To do other­wise than so, would be like making an Heroick Poem a Man's first Attempt. Among the Fa­vourites to the Fair One, he found her Parrat not to be in the last Degree: He saw Poll had her Ear, when his Sighs were neglected. To write against him, had been a fruitless Labour; therefore he resolved to flatter him into his Inte­rests, in the following Manner:

To a Lady on her Parrat.
When Nymphs were coy, and Love could not prevail,
The Gods disguis'd were seldom known to fail,
Leda was chast, but yet a Feather'd Jove
Surpriz'd the Fair, and taught her how to love.
There's no Celestial but his Heav'n wou [...]d quit,
For any Form which might to thee admit.
See how the wanton Bird, at every Glance,
Swells his glad Plumes, and feels an am'rous Trunce.
The Queen of Beauty has forsook the Dove,
Henceforth the Parrat be the Bird of Love.

[Page 197] It is indeed a very just Proposition, to give that Honour rather to the Parrat than the other Volatile. The Parrat represents us in the State of making Love: The Dove in the Possession of the Object beloved. But instead of turning the Dove off, I fancy it would be better if the Chaise of Venus had hereafter a Parrat added, (as we see sometimes a Third Horse to a Coach) which might intimate, That to be a Parrat, is the only Way to succeed; and to be a Dove, to preserve your Conquests. If the Swain would go on successfully, he must imitate the Bird he writes upon. For he who would be loved by Women, must never be silent before the Favour, or open his Lips after it.

I have so many Messages from young Gentle­men who expect Preferment and Distinction, that I am wholly at a Loss in what Manner to acquit my self. The Writer of the following Letter tells me in a Postscript, he cannot go out of Town till I have taken some Notice of him, and is very urgent to be some Body in it, before he returns to his Commons at the University. But take it from himself.

To Isaac Bickerstaff Esq Monitor General of Great Britain.

SIR,

I Have been above 6 Months from the University, of Age these 3 Months, and so long in Town. I was recommended to one Charles Bubbleboy near the Temple, who has supply'd me with all the Furniture he says a Gentleman ought to have. I desired a Certificate thereof from him, which he said would require some Time to consider of; and when I went Yesterday Morning for it, he tells me, upon due Consideration, I still want some few odd [Page 198] Things more, to the Value of Threescore or Four­score Pounds, to make me compleat. I have bespoke them; and the Favour I beg of you is, to know, when I am equip'd, in what Part or Class of Men in this Town you will place me. Pray send me Word what I am, and you shall find me,

SIR
Your most humble Servant, Jeffry Nicknack.

I am very willing to encourage young Begin­ners; but am extreamly in the Dark how to dispose of this Gentleman. I cannot see either his Person or Habit in this Letter; but I'll call at Charles's, and know the Shape of his Snuff-Box, by which I can settle his Character. Tho' indeed, to know his full Capacity, I ought to be inform'd, whether he takes Spanish or Mu­sty.

Letters from the Low-Countries of the 17th Instant say, That the Duke of Marlborough and the Prince of Savoy intended to leave Ghent on that Day, and join the Army, which lies between Pont d'Espiere and Courtray, their Head Quarters being at Helchin. The same Day the Palatine Foor was expected at Brussels. Lieu­tenant-General Dompre, with a Body of Eight Thousand Men, is posted at Alost, in order to co­ver Ghont and Brussels. The Marshal de Villars was still on the Plains of Lenz; and it is said, the Duke of Vendosme is appointed to com­mand in Conjunction with that General. Ad­vices from Paris say, Monsieur Voisin is made Secretary of State, upon Monsieur Chamillard's Resignation of that Employment. The Want of Money in that Kingdom is so great, that the Court has thought fit to command all the [Page 199] Plate of pivate Families to be brought into the Mint. They write from the Hague of the 18th, That the States of Holland continue their Ses­sion; and that they have approved the Resolu­tion of the States-General, to publish a Second Edict to prohibit the Sale of Corn to the Ene­my. Many eminent Persons in that Assembly have declared, that they are of Opinion, that all Commerce whatsoever with France should be wholly forbidden: Which Point is un­der present Deliberation; but it is feared it will meet with powerful Opposition.

The TATLER. [No 28.
From Saturd. June 11. to Tuesd. June 14. 1709.

I Had suspended the Business of Duelling to a distant Time, but that I am called upon to declare my self on a Point proposed in the fol­lowing Letter.

SIR,

I Desire the Favour of you to decide this Questi­on, Whether calling a Gentleman a Smart Fellow, is an Affront or not? A Youth entring a certain Coffee-house, with his Cane tied at his Button, wearing red-heel'd Shoes, I thought of your Description, and could not forbear telling a Friend of mine next to me, There enters a Smart Fellow. The Gentleman hearing it, had immedi­ately a Mind to pick a Quarrel with me, and desi­red Satisfaction: At which I was more puzzled than at the other, remembring what Mention your Familiar makes of those that had lost their Lives on such Occasions. The Thing is referred to your [Page 100] Judgment, and I expect you to be my Second, since you have been the Cause of our Quarrel. I am,

SIR,
Your Friend and humble Servant.

I absolutely pronounce, that there is no Oc­casion of Offence given in this Expression; for a Smart Fellow is always an Appellation of Praise, and is a Man of double Capacity. The true Cast or Mould in which you may be sure to know him is, when his Livelihood or Edu­cation is in the Civil List, and you see him ex­press a Vivacity or Mettle above the Way he is in by a little Jerk in his Motion, short Trip in his Steps, well-fancied Lining of his Coat, or any other Indications which may be given in a vigorous Dress. Now, What possible Insinuati­on can there be, that 'tis a Cause of Quarrel for a Man to say, he allows a Gentleman really to be, what he, his Taylor, his Hosier, and his Millener, have conspired to make him? I con­fess, if this Person who appeals to me had said, He was not a Smart Fellow, there had been Cause for Resentment; but if he stands to it that he is one, he leaves no Manner of Ground for a Misunderstanding. Indeed, it is a most lamentable Thing, that there should be a Dispure raised upon a Man's saying another is, what he plainly takes Pains to be thought.

But this Point connot be so well adjusted, as by enquiring what are the Sentiments of wise Nati­ons and Communities of the Use of the Sword, and from thence conclude, Whether it is ho­nourable to draw it so frequently or not? An Illustrious Commonwealth of Italy has preser­ved it self for many Ages, without letting one of their Subjects handle this destructive, Instru­ment, always leaving that Work to such of Mankind as understand the Use of a whole Skin [Page 201] so little, as to make a Profession of exposing it to Cuts and Scars.

But what need we run to such Foreign Instan­ces: Our most ancient and well-governed Cities are conspicuous Exemples to all Mankind in their Regulation of Military Atchievements. The chief Citizens, like the noble Italians, hire Mer­cenaries to carry Arms in their Stead; and you shall have a Fellow of a desperate Fortune, for the Gain of one Half-Crown, go through all the Dangers of Tuttle-Fields, or the Artillery-Ground, clap his Right Jaw within Two Inches of the Touch-hole of a Musquet, fire it off, and Huzza, with as little Concern as he tears a Pullet. Thus you see, to what Scorn of Danger these Merce­naries arrive, out of a meer Love of sordid Gain: But methinks it should take off the strong Prepossession Men have in Favour of bold Actions, when they see upon what low Mo­tives Men aspire to 'em. Do but observe the common Practice in the Government of those Heroick Bodies, our Militia and Lieutenancies, the most ancient Corps of Soldiers, perhaps, in the Universe; I question, Whether there is one Instance of an Animosity between any Two of these illustrious Sons of Mars since their Institu­tion, which was decided by Combat? I remem­ber indeed to have read the Chronicle, of an Ac­cident which had like to have occasiond Blood­shed in the very Field before all the General Offi­cers, tho' most of them were Justices of the Peace: Captain Crabtree of Birching-Lane, Haber­dasher, had drawn a Bill upon Major-General Mag­got, Cheesemonger in Thames-street. Crabtree draws this upon Mr. William Maggot and Compa­ny. A Country Lad receiv'd this Bill, and not understanding the Word Company, us'd in draw­ing Bills on Men in Partnership, carried it to Mr. Jeffrey Stitch of Crooked-Lane (Lieutenant of [Page 202] the Major-General's Company) whom he had the Day before seen march by the Door in all the Pomp of his Commission. The Lieutenant accepts it, for the Honour of the Company, since it had come to him. But Repayment be­ing ask'd from the Major-General, he absolute­ly refuses. Upon this, the Lieutenant thinks of nothing less than to bring this to a Rupture, and takes for his Second, Tobias Armstrong of the Counter, and sends him with a Challenge in a Scrip of Parchment, wherein was written, Stitch contra Maggot, and all the Fury vanish'd in a Moment. The Major-General gives Satisfaction to the Second, and all was well.

Hence it is, that the bold Spirits of our City are kept in such Subjection to the Civil Power. Otherwise, Where would our Liberties soon be? If Wealth and Valour were suffer'd to exert them­selves with their utmost Force: If such Officers as are employed in the terrible Bands above­mentioned, were to draw Bills as well as Swords: These dangerous Captains, who could victual an Army as well as lead it, would be too powerful for the State. But the Point of Honour justly gives Way to that of Gain; and by long and wise Regulation, the richest is the bravest Man. I have known a Captain rise to a Colonel in Two Days by the Fall of Stocks; and a Major, my good Friend, near the Monu­ment. ascended to that Honour by the Fall of the Price of Spirits, and the Rising of right Nantz. By this true Sense of Honour, that Bo­dy of Warriors are ever in good Order and Dis­cipline, with their Colours and Coats all whole: As in other Battalions (where their Principles of Action are less solid) you see the Men of Ser­vice look like Spectres, with long Sides, and lank Cheeks. In this Army, you may measure a Man's Services by his Waste, and the most [Page 203] prominent Belly is certainly the Man who has been most upon Action. Besides all this, there is another excellent Remark to be made in the Discipline of these Troops. It being of abso­lute Necessity that the People of England should see what they have for their Money, and be Eye-witnesses of the Advantages they gain by it, all Battles which are fought abroad are re­presented here. But since one Side must be beaten, and the other conquer, which might create Disputes, the eldest Company is always to make the other run, and the younger retreats, according to the last News and best Intelli­gence. I have my self seen Prince Eugene make Catinat fly from the Back-side of Grays-Inn-Lane to Hockley in the Hole, and not give over the Pursuit, till obliged to leave the Bear-Gar­den on the Right, to avoid being borne down by Fencers, Wild Bulls and Monsters, too terri­ble for the Encounter of any Heroes, but such whose Lives are their Livelihood.

We have here seen, that wise Nations do not admit of Fighting, even in the Defence of their Country, as a laudable Action; and they live within the Walls of our own City in great Ho­nour and Reputation without it. It would be very necessary to understand, by what Force of the Climate, Food, Education, or Employment, one Man's Sense is brought to differ so essenti­ally from that of another; that one is ridiculous and contemptible for forbearing a Thing which makes for his Safety; and another applauded for consulting his Ruin and Destruction.

It will therefore be necessary for us (to show our Travelling) to examine this Subject fully, and tell you how it comes to pass, That a Man of Honour in Spain, tho' you offend him never so gallantly, stabs you basely; in England, tho' you offend never so basely, challenges fairly: [Page 204] The former kills you out of Revenge; the latter out of good Breeding. But to probe the Heart of Man in this Particular to its utmost Thoughts and Recesses, I must wait for the Return of Pa­celet, who is now attending a Gentleman lately in a Duel, and sometimes visits the Person, by whose Hand he received his Wounds.

Letters from Vienna of the 8th Instant say, there has been a Journal of the Marches and Actions of the King of Sweden, from the Begin­ning of January to the 11th of April, N. S. com­municated by the Swedish Ministers to that Court. These Advices inform, That his Swedish Majesty entered the Territories of Muscovy in February last with the main Body of his Army, in order to oblige the Enemy to a general Engagement; but that the Muscovites declining a Battle, and an universal Thaw having rendred the Rivers unpassable, the King returned into Ukrania. There are mentioned several Rencounters be­tween considerable Detachments of the Swedish and Russian Armies. Marshal Heister intended to take his Leave of the Court on the Day after the Date of these Letters, and put himself at the Head of the Army in Hungary. The Malecon­tents had attempted to send in a Supply of Pro­visions into Newhausel; but their Design was disappointed by the Germans.

Advices from Berlin of the 15th Instant, N. S. say, That his Danish Majesty having receiv'd an Invitation from the King of Prussia to an Inter­view, designed to come to Potsdam within few Days; and that King Augustus resolved to ac­company him thither. To avoid all Difficulties in Ceremony, the Three Kings, and all the Company who shall have the Honour to sit with them at Table, are to draw Lots, and take Pre­cedence accordingly.

[Page 205] They write from Hamburgh of the 18th In­stant, N. S. That some particular Letters from Dantzick speak of a late Action between the Swedes and Muscovites near Jeroslaw; but that Engagement being mentioned from no other Place, there is not much Credit given to this Intelligence.

We hear from Brussels, by Letters dated the 20th, That on the 14th in the Evening the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene arrived at Courtray, with a Design to proceed the Day fol­lowing to Liste, in the Neighbourhood of which City the Confederate Army was to rendezvous the same Day. Advices from Paris inform us, that the Marshal de Bezons is appointed to com­mand in Dauphine; and that the Duke of Berwick is set out for Spain, with a Design to follow the Fortunes of the Duke of Anjou, in case the French King should comply with the late De­mands of the Allies.

The Court of France has sent a Circular Let­ter to all the Governours of the Provinces, to re­commend to their Consideration his Majesty's late Conduct in the Affair of Peace. It is thought fit in that Epistle, to condescend to a certain Appeal to the People, Whether it is consistent with the Dignity of the Crown, or the French Name, to submit to the Preliminaties demanded by the Confederates? That Letter dwells upon the Unreasonableness of the Allies, in requi­ring his Majesty's Assistance in dethroning his Grandson, and treats this Particular in Lan­guage more suitable to it, as it is a Topick of Oratory, than a real Circumstance on which the Interests of Nations, and Reasons of State, which affect all Europe, are concern'd.

The Close of this Memorial seems to prepare the People to expect all Events, attributing the Confidence of the Enemy to the Goodness of their [Page 206] Troops; but acknowledging, that his sole Depen­dance is upon the Intervention of Providence.

The TATLER. [No 29.
From Tuesd. June. 14. to Thursd. June 16. 1709.

HAving a very solid Respect for humane Na­ture, however it is distorted from its na­tural Make, by Affectation, Humour, Custom, Misfortune, or Vice, I do apply my self to my Friends to help me in raising Arguments for preserving it in all its Individuals, as long as it is permitted. To one of my Letters on this Sub­ject, I have received the following Answer:

SIR.

IN Answer to your Question, Why Men of Sense, Virtue and Experience are seen still to comply with that ridiculous Custom of Duelling? I must desire you to reflect, that Custom has disb'd up in Ruffs the wisest Heads of our Ancestors, and put the best of the present Age into huge Falbala Pe­riwigs. Men of Sense would not impose such In­cumbrances on themselves; but be glad they might show their Faces decently in Publick upon easier Terms. If then such Men app [...]ar reasonably Slaves to the Fashion, in what rega [...]ds the Figure of their Persons, me ought not to wonder, that they are at least so in what seems to touch their Reputations. B [...]sides, you can't be ignorant, that Dress and Chivalry have been always encouraged by the La­dies, as the Two principal Branches of Gallantry. 'Tis to avoid being sneer'd at for his Singularity, and from a Desire to appear more agreeable to his Mistress, that a wise, experienced, and polite Man, [Page 207] complices with the Dress commonly received, and is prevailed upon to violate his Reason and Prin­ciples, in hazarding his Life and Estate by a Tilt, as well as suffering his Pleasures to be con­strained and sowred by the constant Apprehension of a Quarrel. This is the more surprising, be­cause Men of the most delicate Sense and Princi­ples have naturally in other Cases a particular Repugnance in accommodating themselves to the Maxims of the World: But one may easily di­stinguish the Man that is affected with Beauetry, and the Reputation of a Tilt, from him who com­plies with both, meerly as they are imposed upon him by Custom; for in the former you'll remark an Air of Vanity and Triumph; whereas when the latter appears in a long Duvillier full of Powder, or has decided a Quarrel by the Sword, you may perceive in his Face, that he appeals to Custom for an Excuse. I think it may not be improper to enquire into the Genealogy of this Chimerical Monster, called a Duel, which I take to be an illegitimate Species of the ancient Knight-Errantry. By the Laws of this Whim, your He­roick Person, or Man of Gallantry, was indispen­sibly obliged to starve in Armour a certain Num­ber of Years in the Chase of Monsters, encounter them at the Peril of his Life, and suffer great Hardships, in order to gain the Affection of the Fair Lady, and qualifie himself for assuming the B [...]lle-Air, that is, of a Pretty Fellow, or Man of Honour according to the Fashion: But since the Publishing of Don Quixot, and Extinction of the Race of Dragons, which Suetonius says happen'd in that of Wantley, the gallant and heroick Spi­rits of these latter Times have been under the Ne­cessity of creating new Chimerical Monsters to en­tertain themselves with, by Way of single Com­bat, as the only Proofs they are able to give their own Sex, and the Ladies, that they are in all [Page 208] Poin's Men of nice Honour. But to do Justice to the ancient and real Monsters, I must observe, that they never molested those who were not of a Hu­mour to Hunt for them in the Woods and Desarts; whereas on the contrary, our modern Monsters are so familiarly admitted and entertained in all the Courts and Cities of Europe, (except France) that one can scarce be in the most humaniz'd Society without risquing ones Life; the People of the best Sort, and the fine Gentlemen of the Age, being so fond of 'em, that they seldom appear in any pub­lick Place without one. I have some further Con­siderations upon this Subject, which as you encou­rage me, shall be communicated to you, by, Sir, a Cousin; but once removed from the best Family of the Staffs, namely,

SIR,
Your humble Servant, Kinsman and Friend, Tim. Switch.

It is certain, Mr. Switch has hit upon the true Source of this Evil; and that it proceeds only from the Force of Custom that we contradict our selves in half the Particulars and Occurrences of Life. But such a Tyranny in Love, which the Fair impose upon us, is a little too severe, that we must demonstrate our Affection for 'em by no certain Proof but Hatred to one another, or come at them (only as one does to an Estate) by Sur­vivorship. This Way of Application to gain a Lady's Heart, is taking her as we do Towns and Castles, by distressing the Place, and letting none come near 'em without our Pass. Were such a Lover once to write the Truth of his Heart, and let her know his whole Thoughts, he would appear indeed to have a Passion for her; but it would hardly be called Love. The Billet-Deux would run to this Purpose:

Madam,

I Have so tender a Regard for you and your Interests, that I'll knock any Man in the Head whom I observe to be of my Mind, and like you. Mr. Truman the other Day look'd at you in so languishing a Manner, that I am resolved to run him through to morrow Morn­ing: This, I think, he deserves for his Guilt in admiring you; than which I cannot have a greater Reason for murdering him, except it be that you also approve him. Whoever says he dies for you, I will make his Words good, for I will kill him. I am,

Madam,
Your most Obedient, Most Humble Servant.

I am just come hither at Ten at Night, and have ever since Six been in the most celebrated, though most nauseous, Company in Town: The Two Leaders of the Society were a Critick and a Wit. These Two Gentlemen are great Opponents upon all Occasions, not discerning that they are the nearest each other in Temper and Talents of any Two Classes of Men in the World; for to profess Judgment, and to profess Wit, both arise from the same Failure, which is Want of Judgment. The Poverty of the Critick this Way proceeds from the Abuse of his Faculty; that of the Wit, from the Neglect of it. It's a particular Observation I have al­ways made, That of all Morrals, a Critick is the silliest; for by inuring himself to examine all Things, whether they are of Consequence or not, he never looks upon any Thing but with a Design of passing Sentence upon it; by which Means, he is never a Companion, [Page 210] but always a Censor. This makes him earnest upon Trifles; and dispute on the most indiffe­rent Occasions with Vehemence. If he offers to speak or write, that Talent which should approve the Work of the other Faculties, pre­vents their Operation. He comes upon Action in Armour; but without Weapons: He stands in Safety; but can gain no Glory. The Wit on the other Hand has been hurried so long away by Imagination only, that Judgment seems not to have ever been one of his natural Faculties. This Gentleman takes himself to be as much obliged to be merry, as the other to be grave. A thorough Critick is a Sort of Puritan in the polite World. As an Enthusiast in Religion stumbles at the ordinary Occurrences of Life, if he cannot quote Scripture Examples on the Occasion; so the Critick is never safe in his Speech or Writing, without he has among the celebrated Writers an Authority for the Truth of his Sentence. You will believe we had a very good Time with these Brethren, who were so far out of the Dress of their native Country, and so lost to its Dialect, that they were as much Strangers to themselves, as to their Relation to each other. They took up the whole Discourse; sometimes the Critick grew passionate, and when reprimanded by the Wit for any Trip or Hesitation in his Voice, he would answer, Mr. Dryden makes such a Cha­racter on such an Occasion break off in the same Manner; so that the Stop was according to Nature, and as a Man in a Passion should do. The Wit, who is as far gone in Letters as himself, seems to be at a Loss to answer such an Apology; and concludes only, that though his Anger is justly vented, it wants Fire in the Utterance. If Wit is to be measured by the Circumstances of Time and Place, there is no [Page 211] Man has generally so little of that Talent, as he who is a Wit by Profession. What he says, instead of arising from the Occasion, has an Occasion invented to bring it in. Thus he is new for no other Reason, but that he talks like no Body else; but has taken up a Method of his own, without Commerce or Dialogue with other People. The lively Jasper Dactyle is one of this Character. He seems to have made a Vow to be witty to his Life's End. When you meet him, What do you think, says he, I have been entertaining my self with? Then out comes a premeditated Turn; to which 'tis to no Purpose to answer, for he goes on in the same Strain of Thought he designed without your speaking. Therefore I have a general Answer to all he can say; as, Sure there never was any Creature had so much Fire! Spondee, who is a Critick, is seldom out of this fine Man's Company. They have no Manner of Affection for each other, but keep together, like Novell and Oldfox in the Plain-Dealer, because they show each other. I know several of Sense who can be diverted with this Couple; but I see no Curiosity in the Thing, except it be, that Spondee is dull and seems dull; but Da­ctyle is heavy with a brisk Face. It must be own'd also, that Dactyle has almost Vigour enough to be a Coxcomb; but Spondee by the Lowness of his Constitution, is only a Block­head.

We have no Particulars of Moment since our last, except it be, that the Copy of the following Original Letter came by the Way of Ostend. It is said to have been found in the Closet of Monsieur Chamillard, the late Se­cretary of State of France, since his Disgrace. It was signed by Two Brothers of the fa­mous [Page 212] Cavalier, who led the Cevennois, and had a Personal Interview with the King, as well as a Capitulation to lay down his Arms, and leave the Dominions of France. There are many other Names to it; among whom, is the Chief of the Family of the Marquis Guis­card. It is not yet known, whether Monsieur Chamillard had any real Design to favour the Protestant Interest, or only thought to place himself at the Head of that People, to make himself considerable enough to oppose his Ene­mies at Court, and reinstate himself in Power there.

SIR,

WE have read your Majesty's * Letter to the Governours of your Provinces, with Instructions what Sentiments to insinu­ate into the Minds of your People: But as you have always acted upon the Maxim, That we were made for you, and not you for us; we must take Leave to assure your Majesty, that we are exactly of the contrary Opinion, and must desire you to send for your Grandson Home, and acquaint him, that you now know by Experience, Absolute Power is only a Ver­tigo in the Brain of Princes, which for a Time may quicken their Motion, and double in their diseas'd Sight the Instances of Power above 'em; but must end in their Fall and Destruction. Your Memorial speaks a good Father of your Family, but a very ill one of your People. Your Majesty is reduced to hear [Page 213] Truth when you are oblig'd to speak it: There is no governing any but Savages by other Methods than their own Consent, which you seem to acknowledge, in appealing to us for our Opinion of your Conduct in treating of Peace. Had your People been always of your Council, the King of France had never been reduced so low, as to acknowledge his Arms were fall'n into Contempt. But since it is thus, we must ask, How is any Man of France, but they of the House of Bourbon, the better that Philip is King of Spain? We have out­grown that Folly of placing our Happiness in your Majesty's being call'd, The Great: There­fore as you and we are all alike * Bankrupts, and undone, let us not deceive our selves, but compound with our Adversaries, and not talk like their Equals. Your Majesty must forgive us that we cannot wish you Success, or lend you Help; for if you lose one Battle more, we may have an Hand in the Peace you make; and doubt not but your Majesty's Faith in Treaties will require the Ratification of the States of your Kingdoms. So we bid you heartily farewel, till we have the Honour to meet you assembled in Parliament. This happy Expectation makes us willing to wait the Event of another Campagne, from whence we hope to be raised from the Mise y of Slaves, to the Privileges of Subjects. We are,

Your Majesty's Truly Faithful, and Loyal Subjects, &c.
*
Soon after the Conclusion of the late Treaty of Peace, the French King dispers'd a Letter through his Dominions, wherein he shows the Reasons why he could not ratifie the Preliminaries. Vide the publick News-Papers of this Date.
*
N.B. Mons. Bernard and the chief Banker: of France became Bankrupts about this Time.

The TATLER. [No 30.
From Thursd. June 16. to Saturd. June 18. 1709.

THE Vigilance, the Anxiety, the Tender­ness, which I have for the good People of England, I am perswaded will in Time be much commended; but I doubt whether they will ever be rewarded. However, I must go on chearfully in my Work of Reformation: That being my great Design, I am studious to prevent my Labour's increasing upon me; therefore am particularly observant of the Temper and Incli­nations of Childhood and Youth, that we may not give Vice and Folly Supplies from the grow­ing Generation. It is hardly to be imagined how useful this Study is, and what great Evils or Benefits arise from putting us in our tender Years to what we are fit, or unfit: Therefore on Tuesday last (with a Design to sound their Incli­nations) I took Three Lads who are under my Guardianship, a rambling, in a Hackney-Coach, to show them the Town, as the Lions, the Tombs, Bedlam, and the other Places which are Entertainments to raw Minds, because they strike forcibly on the Fancy. The Boys are Bro­thers, one of Sixteen, the other of Fourteen, the other of Twelve. The First was his Father's Darling, the Second his Mother's, and the Third is mine, who am their Uncle. Mr. William is a Lad of true Genius; but being at the upper End of a great School, and having all the Boys below him, his Arrogance is insupportable. If I begin to show a little of my Latin, he imme­diately interrupts: Uncle, under Favour, that which you say is not understood in that Manner. [Page 215] Brother, says my Boy Jack, You do not show your Manners much in contradicting my Unkle Isaac. You queer Cur, says Mr. William, Do you think my Uncle takes any Notice of such a dull Rogue as you are? Mr. William goes on; He is the most stupid of all my Mother's Chil­dren: He knows nothing of his Book: When he should mind that, he is hiding or hoard­ing his Taws and Marbles, or laying up Far­things. His Way of Thinking is, Four and twen­ty Farthings make Sixpence, and Two Sixpences a Shilling, Two Shillings and Sixpence Half a Crown, and Two Half-Crowns Five Shillings. So within these Two Months, the close Hunks has scrap'd up Twenty Shillings, and we'll make him spend it all before he comes Home. Jack immediately claps his Hands into both Pockets, and turns as pale as Ashes. There is nothing touches a Parent (and such I am to Jack) so near­ly, as a provident Conduct. This Lad has in him the true Temper for a good Husband, a kind Fa­ther, and an honest Executor. All the great People you see make considerable Figures on the Change, in Court, and sometimes in Senates, are such as in Reality have no greater Faculty than what may be called Humane Instinct, which is a natural Tendency to their own Preservation, and that of their Friends, without being capable of striking out of the Road for Adventures. There's Sir William Scrip was of this Sort of Capacity from his Childhood: He has bought the Country round him, and makes a Bargain better than Sir Harry Wildfire with all his Wit and Humour. Sir Harry never wants Money but he comes to Scrip, laughs at him half an Hour, and then gives Bond for t'other Thou­sand. The close Men are incapable of placing Merit any where but in their Pence, and there­fore gain it; while others, who have larger Ca­pacities. [Page 216] are diverted from the Pursuit by Enjoy­ments, which can be supported only by that Cash which they despise; and therefore are in the End, Slaves to their Inferiors both in Fortune and Understanding. I once heard a Man of ex­cellent Sense observe, That more Affairs in the World failed by being in the Hands of Men of too large Capacities for their Business, than by being in the Conduct of such as wanted Abili­ties to execute them. Jack therefore being of a plodding Make, shall be a Citizen; and I de­sign him to be the Refuge of the Family in their Distress, as well as their Jest in Prosperity. His Brother Will shall go to Oxford with all Speed, where, if he does not arrive at being a Man of Sense, he will soon be informed wherein he is a Coxcomb. There is in that Place such a true Spirit of Raillery and Humour, that if they can't make you a wise Man, they will certainly let you know you are a Fool, which is all my Cousin wants to cease to be so. Thus ha­ving taken these Two out of the Way, I have Leisure to look at my Third Lad. I observe in the young Rogue a natural Subtilty of Mind, which discovers it self rather in forbearing to declare his Thoughts on any Occasion, than in any visible Way of exerting himself in Dis­course. For which Reason I will place him where, if he commits no Faults, he may go fur­ther than those in other Stations, though they excel in Virtues. The Boy is well fashioned, and will easily fall into a graceful Manner; wherefore, I have a Design to make him a Page to a great Lady of my Acquaintance; by which Means he will be well skill'd in the common Modes of Life, and make a greater Progress in the World by that Knowledge, than with the greatest Qualities without it. A good Mien in a Court will carry a Man greater Lengths than [Page 217] a good Understanding in any other Place. We see a World of Pains taken, and the best Years of Life spent, in collecting a Set of Thoughts in a College for the Conduct of Life; and after all, the Man so qualified shall hesitate in his Speech to a good Suit of Clothes, and want common Sense before an agreeable Woman. Hence it is, that Wisdom, Valour, Justice, and Learning, can't keep a Man in Countenance that is possessed with these Excellencies, if he wants that infe­rior Art of Life and Behaviour, call'd Good Breeding. A Man endow'd with great Perfecti­ons without this, is like one who has his Pockets full of Gold, but always wants Change for his ordinary Occasions.

Will. Courtly is a living Instance of this Truth, and has had the same Education which I am gi­ving my Nephew. He never spoke a Thing but what was said before, and yet can converse with the wittiest Men without being ridiculous. Among the Learned, he does not appear igno­rant; nor with the Wise, indiscreet. Living in Conversation from his Infancy, makes him no where at a Loss; and a long Familiarity with the Persons of Men, is in a Manner of the same Ser­vice to him, as if he knew their Arts. As Cere­mony is the Invention of wise Men to keep Fools at a Distance, so good Breeding is an Expedient to make Fools and wise Men Equals.

The Suspension of the Playhouse has made me have nothing to send you from hence; but cal­ling here this Evening, I found the Party I usu­ally sit with, upon the Business of Writing, and examining what was the handsomest Style in which to address Women, and write Letters of Gallantry. Many were the Opinions which were immediately declared on this Subject: Some were for a certain Softness; some for I [Page 218] know not what Delicacy; others for something inexpressibly Tender: When it came to me, I said there was no Rule in the World to be made for writing Letters, but that of being as near what you speak Face to Face as you can; which is so great a Truth, that I am of Opinion, Wri­ting has lost more Mistresses than any one Mi­stake in the whole Legend of Love. For when you write to a Lady for whom you have a solid and honourable Passion, the great Idea you have of her, join'd to a quick Sense of her Absence, fills your Mind with a Sort of Tenderness, that gives your Language too much the Air of Complaint, which is seldom successful. For a Man may flat­ter himself as he pleases, but he will find, that the Women have more Understanding in their own Affairs than we have, and Women of Spirit are not to be won by Mourners. He that can keep handsomely within Rules, and support the Car­riage of a Companion to his Mistress, is much more likely to prevail, than he who lets her see, the whole Relish of his Life depends upon her. If possible therefore divert your Mistress, rather than sigh to her. The pleasant Man she will de­sire for her own Sake; but the languishing Lo­ver has nothing to hope from, but her Pity. To shew the Difference, I produced two Letters [...] Lady gave me, which had been writ by two Gentlemen, who pretended to her, but were bot [...] kill'd the next Day after the Date at the Batt [...] of Almonza. One of them was a mercurial ga [...] humour'd Man; the other a Man of a serious, b [...] a great and gallant Spirit. Poor Jack Careles [...] This is his Letter: You see how it is folded: T [...] Air of it is so negligent, one might have re [...] half of it by peeping into it, without breaking [...] open. He had no Exactness.

MADAM,

IT is a very pleasant Circumstance I am in, that while I should be thinking of the good Company we are to meet within a Day or two, where we shall go to Loggerheads, my Thoughts are running upon a Fair Enemy in England. I was in Hopes I had left you there; but you follow the Camp, tho' I have endea­voured to make some of our Leaguer Ladies drive you out of the Field. All my Comfort is, you are more troublesome to my Colonel than my self: I permit you to visit me only now and then; but he downright keeps you. I laugh at his Honour as far as his Gravity will allow me: But I know him to be a Man of too much Merit to succeed with a Woman. Therefore defend your Heart as well as you can, I shall come Home this Winter irresisti­bly dress'd, and with quite a new Foreign Air. And so I had like to say, I rest, but alas! I re­main,

Madam,
Your most Obedient, Most Humble Servant. John Careless.

Now for Colonel Constant's Epistle; you see it is folded and directed with the utmost Care.

MADAM,

I Do my self the Honour to write to you this Evening, because I believe to Morrow will be a Day of Battle, and something forebodes in my Breast that I shall fall in it. If it proves so, I hope you will hear, I have done nothing [Page 220] below a Man who had the Love of his Coun­try, quickened by a Passion for a Woman of Honour. If there be any Thing noble in go­ing to a certain Death; if there be any Merit, that I meet it with Pleasure, by promising my self a Place in your Esteem; if your Applause, when I am no more, is preferable to the most glorious Life without you: I say, Madam, If any of these Considerations can have Weight with you, you will give me a kind Place in your Memory, which I prefer to the Glory of Caesar. I hope, this will be read, as it is writ, with Tears.

The beloved Lady is a Woman of a sensible Mind; but she has confess'd to me, that after all her true and solid Value for Constant, she had much more Concern for the Loss of Careless. Those noble and serious Spirits have something equal to the Adversities they meet with, and con­sequently lessen the Objects of Pity. Great Acci­dents seem not cut out so much for Men of fami­liar Characters, which makes them more easily pitied, and soon after beloved. Add to this, that the Sort of Love which generally succeeds, is a Stranger to Awe and Distance. I asked Romana, Whether of the Two she should have chosen had they survived? She said, She knew she ought to have taken Constant; but believed, she should have chosen Careless.

Letters from Lisbon of the 9th Instant, N. S. say, That the Enemy's Army, having block'd up Olivenza, was posted on the Guadiana. The Portuguese are very apprehensive that the Garri­son of that Place, tho' it consists of five of the best Regiments of their Army, will be obliged to surrender, if not timely relieved, they not being supplied with Provisions for more than Six [Page 221] Weeks. Hereupon their Generals held a Coun­cil of War on the 4th Instant, wherein it was concluded to advance towards Badajos. With this Design the Army decamped on the 5th from Jerumena, and marched to Cancaon. 'Tis hoped, that if the Enemy follow their Motions, they may have Opportunity to put a sufficient Quantity of Provision and Ammunition into Olivenza.

Mr. Bickerstaff gives Notice to all Persons that dress themselves as they please, without Regard to Decorum, (as with blue and red Stockings in Mourn­ing; tuck'd Cravats, and Nightcap Wigs, before People of the First Quality) That he has yet recei­ved no Fine for indulging them in that Liberty, and that he expects their Compliance with this De­mand, or that they go Home immediately and shift themselves. This is further to acquaint the Town, That the Report of the Hosiers, Toymen, and Milleners, having compounded with Mr. Bicker­staff for tolerating such Enormities, is utterly false and scandalous.

The TATLER. [No 31.
From Saturday June 18. to Tuesd. June 21. 1709.

IN my Dissertation against the Custom of sin­gle Combat, it has been objected, that there is not Learning, or much Reading, shown therein, which is the very Life and Soul of all Treatises; for which Reason, being always easy to receive Admonitions, and reform my Errors, I thought fit to consult this learned [Page 222] Board on the Subject. Upon proposing some Doubts, and desiring their Assistance, a very hopeful young Gentleman, my Relation, who is to be called to the Bar within a Year and an half at farthest, told me, That he had ever since I first mentioned Duelling turned his Head that Way; and that he was principally moved thereto, because he designed to follow the Cir­cuits in the North of England and the South of Scotland, and to reside mostly at his own Estate at Landbadernawz in Cardiganshire. The Nor­thern Britains and the Southern Scots are a warm People, and the Welsh a Nation of Gentlemen; so that it behov'd him to understand well the Science of Quarrelling. The young Gentleman proceeded admirably well, and gave the Board an Account, that he had read Fitzherbert's Grand Abridgment, and had found, that Duelling is a very ancient Part of the Law: For when a Man is sued, be it for his Life or his Land, the Person that joins the Issue, whether Plaintiff or Defendant, may put the Trial upon the Duel. Further he argued, under Favour of the Court, that when the Issue is joined by the Duel in Treason or other Capital Crimes, the Parties accused and Accuser must fight in their own proper Persons: But if the Dispute be for Lands, you may hire a Champion at Hockley in the Hole, or any where else. This Part of the Law we had from the Saxons; and they had it, as also the Trial by Ordeal, from the Lapland­ers. It is indeed agreed, said he, the Southern and Eastern Nations never knew any Thing of it; for though the ancient Romans would scold, and call Names filthily, yet there is not an Ex­ample of a Challenge that ever passed amongst them.

His quoting the Eastern Nations, put another Gentleman in Mind of an Account he had from [Page 223] a Boatswain of an East-India Man; which was, that a Chinese had tricked and bubbled him, and that when he came to demand Satisfaction the next Morning, and like a true Tar of Honour called him Son of a Whore, Lyar, Dog, and o­ther rough Appellatives used by Persons conver­sant with Winds and Waves; the Chinese, with great Tranquility, desired him not to come Abroad fasting, nor put himself in a Heat, for it would prejudice his Health. Thus the East knows no­thing of this Gallantry.

There sate at the Left of the Table a Person of a venerable Aspect, who asserted, That half the Impositions which are put upon these Ages, have been transmitted by Writers who have given too great Pomp and Magnificence to the Ex­ploits of the ancient Bear-Garden, and made their Gladiators, by fabulous Tradition, greater than Gorman and others of Great-Britain. He informed the Company, that he had searched Authorities for what he said, and that a learned Antiquary, Humphrey Scarecrow Esq of Hockley in the Hole, Recorder to the Bear-Garden, was then writing a Discourse on the Subject. It ap­pears by the best Accounts, says this Gentle­man, that the high Names which are used among us with so great Veneration, were no other than Stage-fighters, and Worthies of the ancient Bear-Garden. The renowned Hercules always carried a Quarterstaff, and was from thence called Claviger. A learned Chronolo­gist is about proving what Wood this Staff was made of, whether Oak, Ash, or Crab-Tree. The first Trial of Skill he ever performed, was with one Cacus, a Deer-Stealer; the next was with Typhonus, a Giant of Forty Foot Four Inches. Indeed it was unhappily recorded, that meeting at last with a Sailor's Wife, she made his Staff of Prowess serve her own Use, and dwindle [Page 224] away to a Distaff: She clapt him on an old Tar-Jacket of her Husband's; so that this great Hero drooped like a scabbed Sheep. Him his Contemporary Theseus succeeded in the Bear-Garden, which Honour he held for many Years: This grand Duellist went to Hell, and was the only One of that Sort that ever came back again. As for Achilles and Hector, (as the Ballads of those Times mention) they were pretty Smart Fellows; they fought at Sword and Buckler; but the former had much the better of it; his Mother, who was an Oyster-Woman, having got a Black-Smith of Lemnos to make her Son's Wea­pons. There's a Pair of trusty Trojans in a Song of Virgil's, that were famous for handling their Gauntlets, Dares, and Entellus; and indeed it does appear, they fought no Sham Prize. What Arms the great Alexander used, is uncertain; however, the Historian mentions, when he at­tack'd Thalestris, it was only at single Rapier; but the Weapon soon failed; for it was always observed, that the Amazons had a Sort of En­chantment about them, which made the Blade of the Weapon, though never of so good Metal, at every home Push lose its Edge and grow fee­ble.

The Roman Bear-Garden was abundantly more magnificent than any Thing Greece could boast of; it flourished most under those Delights of Man­kind, Nero and Domitian: At one Time it's re­corded, 400 Senators enter'd the List, and thought it an Honour to be cudgelled and quarterstaffed. I observe, the Lanistae were the People chiefly em­ployed, which makes me imagine our Bear-Gar­den copied much after this, the Butchers being the greatest Men in it.

Thus far the Glory and Honour of the Bear-Garden stood secure, till Fate, that irresistible Ruler of sublunary Things, in that universal [Page 225] Ruin of Arts and politer Learning, by those sa­vage People the Goths and Vandals, destroyed and levelled it to the Ground. Then fell the Gran­deur and Bravery of the Roman State, till at last the Warlike Genius (but accompanied with more Courtesie) revived in the Christian World under those puissant Champions, St. George, St. Dennis, and other dignified Heroes: One kill'd his Dra­gon, another his Lion, and were all afterwards canonized for it, having red Letters before them to illustrate their Martial Temper. The Spanish Nation, it must be own'd, were devoted to Gal­lantry and Chivalry above the rest of the World. What a great Figure does that great Name, Don Quixot, make in History? How shines this glo­rious Star in the Western World? O renown'd Hero! O Mirror of Knighthood!

Thy branish'd Winyard all the World defies,
And kills as sure as del Tobosa's Eyes.

I am forced to break off abruptly, being sent for in Haste, with my Rule, to measure the De­gree of an Affront, before the Two Gentlemen (who are now in their Breeches and Pumps ready to engage behind Mountague-House) have made a Pass.

It is an unreasonable Objection I find against my Labours, that my Stock is not all my own, and therefore the kind Reception I have met with is not so deserved as it ought to be. But I hope, though it be never so true, that I am obliged to my Friends for laying their Cash in my Hands, since I give it them again when they please, and leave them at their Liberty to call it Home, it will not hurt me with my gen­tle Readers. Ask all the Merchants who act upon Consignments, Where is the Necessity (if they answer readily what their Correspondents [Page 226] draw) of their being wealthy themselves? Ask the greatest Bankers, If all the Men they deal with were to draw at once, what would be the Consequence? But indeed a Country Friend has writ me a Letter which gives me great Mortifi­cation; wherein I find I am so far from expect­ing a Supply from thence, that some have not heard of me, and the rest do not understand me. His Epistle is as follows:

Dear Cousin,

I Thought when I left the Town to have rai­sed your Fame here, and helped you to sup­port it by Intelligence from hence; but alas! they had never heard of the Tatler till I brought down a Set. I lent them from House to House; but they asked we what they meant. I began to enlighten them, by telling who and who were supposed to be intended by the Cha­racters drawn. I said for Instance, Chloe and Clarissa are two eminent Toasts. A Gentleman (who keeps his Greyhound and Gun, and one would think might know better) told me, he supposed they were Papishes, for their Names were not English: Then, said he, Why do you call live People Toasts? I answered, That was a new Name found out by the Wits, to make a Lady have the same Effect as Burridge in the Glass when a Man is drinking. But says I, Sir, I perceive this is to you all bamboozling; why you look as if you were Don Diego'd to the Tune of a Thousand Pounds. All this good Language was lost upon him: He only stared, though he is as good a Scholar as any Layman in the Town, except the Barber. Thus, Cou­sin, you must be content with London for the Center of your Wealth and Fame; we have no Relish for you. Wit must describe its proper Circumference, and not go beyond it, lest [Page 227] (like little Boys, when they straggle out of their own Parish) it may wander to Places where it is not known, and be lost. Since it is so, you must excuse me that I am forced at a Visit to sit silent, and only lay up what excel­lent Things pass at such Conversations.

This Evening I was with a Couple of young Ladies; one of them has the Character of the prettiest Company, yet really I thought her but silly; the other, who talked a great deal less, I observed to have Understanding. The Lady who is reckoned such a Companion among her Acquaintance, has only, with a very brisk Air, a Knack of saying the commonest Things: The other, with a sly serious one, says home Things enough. The first (Mistress Giddy) is very quick; but the second (Mrs. Slim) fell into Giddy's own Style, and was as good Company as she. Giddy happens to drop her Glove; Slim reaches it to her: Madam (says Giddy) I hope you'll have a better Office. Upon which Slim immediately repartees, and sits in her Lap, and cries, Are you not sorry for my Heaviness? This sly Wench pleased me to see how she hit her Height of Under­standing so well. We sate down to Supper. Says Giddy, mighty prettily, Two Hands in a Dish, and One in a Purse: Says Slim, Ay, Madam, the More the Merrier; but the Few­er the Better Chear. I quickly took the Hint, and was as witty and talkative as they. Says I,

He that will not when he may,
When he will he shall have Nay;

[Page 228] and so helped my self. Giddy turns about, What have you found your Tongue? Yes, (says I) 'tis Manners to speak when I am spoken to; but your greatest Talkers are the least Doers, and the still Sow eats up all the Broth. Ha! Ha! says Giddy, One would think he had nothing in him, and do you hear how he talks when he pleases! I grew immediately roguish and pleasant to a De­gree in the same Strain. Slim, who knew how good Company we had been, cries, You'll certainly print this bright Conversa­tion.

It is so; and hereby you may see how small an Appearance the prettiest Things said in Com­pany make when in Print.

A Mail from Lisbon has brought Advices of June the 12th, from the King of Portugal's Army encamped at Torre Allegada, which inform us, That the General of the Army called a Court-Martial on the 4th at the Camp of Gerumhena, where it was resolved to march with a Design to attempt the Succour of Olivenza. Accordingly the Army moved on the 5th, and marched to­wards Badajos. Upon their Approach, the Mar­quis de Bay detached so great a Party from the Blockade of Olivenza, that the Marquis das Mi­nas, at the Head of a large Detachment, cove­red a great Convoy of Provisions towards Oli­venza, which threw in their Stores, and march­ed back to the main Army, without Molestation from the Spaniards. They add, That each Army must necessarily march into Quarters within Twenty Days.

Whosoever can discover a Surgeon's Apprentice, who fell upon Mr. Bickerstaff's Messenger, or (as the Printers call him) Devil, going to the Press, and tore out of his Hand Part of his Essay against Duels, in the Fragments of which were the Words, You lie, and Man of Honour, taken up at the Temple-Gate; and the Words, Perhaps,—May be not,—By your Leave, Sir,—and other Terms of Provocation, taken up at the Door of Young Man's Coffee-house, shall receive Satisfaction from Mr. Morphew, besides a Set of Arguments to be spoken to any Man in a Passion, which, if the said enraged Man listens to, will prevent Quarrelling.

Mr. Bickerstaff does hereby give Notice, That he has taken the Two famous Universities of this Land under his immediate Care, and does hereby promise all Tutors and Pupils, That he will hear what can be said of each Side between them, and to correct them impartially, by placing them in Orders and Classes in the Learned World, according to their Merit.

The TATLER. [No 32.
From Tuesday June 21. to Thursd. June 23. 1709.

AN Answer to the following Letter being ab­solutely necessary to be dispatched with all Expedition, I must trespass upon all that come with Horary Questions into my Antichamber, to give the Gentleman my Opinion.

To Isaac Bickerstaff Esq

SIR,

I Know not whether you ought to pity or laugh at me; for I am fallen desperately in Love with a profess'd Platonne, the most unaccountable Creature of her Sex. To hear her talk Seraphicks, and run over Norris and Moor, and Milton, and the whole Set of Intel­lectual Triflers, torments me heartily; for to a Lover who understands Metaphors, all this pretty Prattle of Idea's gives very fine Views of Pleasure, which only the dear Declaimer prevents, by understanding them literally. Why should she wish to be a Cherubim, when 'tis Flesh and Blood that makes her adorable? If I speak to her, that's a high Breach of the Idea of Intuition: If I offer at her Hand or Lip, she shrinks from the Touch like a Sensi­tive Plant, and would contract her self into meer Spirit. She calls her Chariot, Vehicle; her furbelow'd Scarf, Pinnions: Her blue Mant and Petticoat is her Azure Dress; and her Footman goes by the Name of Oberon. 'Tis my Misfortune to be Six Foot and a half high, Two full Spans between the Shoulders, Thirteen Inches Diameter in the Calves; and before I was in Love, I had a noble Stomach, and usually went to Bed sober with Two Bot­tles. I am not quite Six and twenty, and my Nose is marked truly Aquiline. For these Reasons, I am in a very particular Manner her Aversion. What shall I do? Impudence it self cannot reclaim her. If I write miserable, she reckons me among the Children of Perdi­tion, and discards me her Region: If I assume the Gross and Substantial, she plays the real Ghost with me, and vani&;shes in a Moment. [Page 231] I had Hopes in the Hypocrisy of her Sex; but Perseverance makes it as bad as fixed Aversion. I desire your Opinion, Whether I may not law­fully play the Inquisition upon her, make use of a little Force, and put her to the Rack and the Torture, only to convince her, she has real­ly fine Limbs, without spoiling or distorting them. I expect your Directions, e're I proceed to dwindle and fall away with Despair; which at present I don't think advisable, because, if she should recant, she may then hate me per­haps in the other Extreme for my Tenuity. I am (with Impatience)

Your most humble Servant, Charles Sturdy.

My Patient has put his Case with very much Warmth, and represented it in so lively a Man­ner, that I see both his Torment and Tormenter with great Perspicuity. This Order of Platonick Ladies are to be dealt with in a peculiar Manner from all the rest of the Sex. Flattery is the ge­neral Way, and the Way in this Case; but it is not to be done grosly. Every Man that has Wit, and Humour, and Raillery, can make a good Flatterer for Woman in general; but a Platoune is not to be touched with Panegyrick: She will tell you, it is a Sensuality in the Soul to be delight­ed that Way. You are not therefore to com­mend, but silently consent to all she does, and says. You are to consider in her, the Scorn of you is not Humour, but Opinion.

There were some Years since a Set of these Ladies who were of Quality, and gave out, That Virginity was to be their State of Life during this mortal Condition, and therefore resolved to join their Fortunes, and erect a [Page 232] Nunnery. The Place of Residence was pitched upon; and a pretty Situation, full of natural Falls and Risings of Waters, with shady Coverts, and flowry Arbours, was approved by Seven of the Founders. There were as many of our Sex who took the Liberty to visit those Mansions of intended Severity; among others, a famous Rake of that Time, who had the grave Way to an Excellence. He came in first; but upon seeing a Servant coming towards him, with a Design to tell him, this was no Place for him or his Companions, up goes my grave Impudence to the Maid: Young Woman, said he, if any of the Ladies are in the Way on this Side of the House, pray carry us on the other Side towards the Gardens: We are, you must know, Gen­tlemen that are travelling England; after which we shall go into Foreign Parts, where some of us have already been. Here he bows in the most humble Manner, and kissed the Girl, who knew not how to behave to such a Sort of Carriage. He goes on: Now you must know we have an Ambition to have it to say, That we have a Protestant Nunnery in England: But pray Mrs. Betty—Sir, she replied, my Name is Susan, at your Service. Then I hear­tily beg your Pardon—No Offence in the least (says she) for I have a Cousin-German whose Name is Betty. Indeed, said he, I pro­test to you that was more than I knew, I spoke at Random: But since it happens that I was near in the Right, give me Leave to present this Gentleman to the Favour of a civil Salute. His Friend advances, and so on, till that they had all saluted her. By this Means, the poor Girl was in the middle of the Crowd of these Fellows at a Loss what to do, without Cou­rage to pass through 'em; and the Platonicks, at several Peep-holes, pale, trembling, and fret­ting. [Page 233] Rake perceiv'd they were observ'd, and therefore took Care to keep Suky in Chat with Questions concerning their Way of Life; when appeared at last Madonella, a Lady who had writ a fine Book concerning the Recluse Life, and was the Projectrix of the Foundation. She approaches into the Hall; and Rake, knowing the Dignity of his own Mien and Aspect, goes Deputy from his Company. She begins; Sir, I am obliged to follow the Servant, who was sent out to know, What Affair could make Stran­gers press upon a Solitude which we, who are to inhabit this Place, have devoted to Hea­ven and our own Thoughts? Madam, replies Rake, (with an Air of great Distance, mixed with a certain Indifference, by which he could dissemble Dissimulation) your great Intention has made more Noise in the World than you design it should; and we Travellers, who have seen many foreign Institutions of this Kind, have a Curiosity to see, in its first Rudiments, this Seat of Primitive Piety; for such it must be called by future Ages, to the Eternal Honour of the Founders. I have read Madonella's excel­lent and seraphick Discourse on this Subject. The Lady immediately answers, If what I have said could have contributed to raise any Thoughts in you that may make for the Advancement of intellectual and divine Conversation, I should think my self extremely happy. He immediate­ly fell back with the profoundest Veneration; then advancing, Are you then that admired La­dy? If I may approach Lips which have utter­ed Things so sacred—He salutes her. His Friends followed his Example. The Devoted within stood in Amazement where this would end, to see Madonella receive their Address and their Company. But Rake goes on—We [Page 234] would not transgress Rules; but if we may take the Liberty to see the Place you have thought fit to chuse for ever, we would go into such Parts of the Gardens as is consistent with the Severi­tics you have imposed on your selves. To be short, Madonella permitted Rake to lead her into the Assembly of Nuns, followed by his Friends, and each took his Fair One by the Hand, after due Explanation, to walk round the Gardens. The Conversation turned upon the Lillies, the Flow­ers, the Arbors, and the growing Vegetables; and Rake had the solemn Impudence, when the whole Company stood round him, to say, That he sincerely wished Men might rise out of the Earth like Plants; and that our Minds were not of Necessity to be sullied with carnivorous Appetites for the Generation, as well as Sup­port of our Species. This was spoke with so easie and fixed an Assurance, that Madonella an­swer'd, Sir, under the Notion of a pious Thought, you deceive your self in wishing an Institution foreign to that of Providence: These Desires were implanted in us for reverend Purposes, in preserving the Race of Men, and giving Oppor­tunities for making our Chastity more Heroick. The Conference was continued in this Celestial Strain, and carried on so well by the Managers on both Sides, that it created a Second and a Second Interview; and, without entring into further Particulars, there was hardly one of them but was a Mother or Father that Day Twelve­month.

Any unnatural Part is long taking up, and as long laying aside; therefore Mr. Sturdy may as­sure himself, Platonica will fly for ever from a forward Behaviour; but if he approaches her according to this Model, she will fall in with the Necessities of mortal Life, and condescend [Page 235] to look with Pity upon an unhappy Man, impri­soned in so much Body, and urged by such vio­lent Desires.

The Evils of this Town increase upon me to so great a Degree, that I am half afraid I shall not leave the World much better than I found it. Several worthy Gentlemen and Criticks have applied to me, to give my Censure of an Enor­mity which has been revived (after being long oppressed) and is called Punning. I have several Arguments ready to prove, that he cannot be a Man of Honour who is guilty of this Abuse of Humane Society. But the Way to expose it, is, like the Expedient of curing Drunkenness, show­ing a Man in that Condition: Therefore I must give my Reader Warning, to expect a Collection of these Offences; without which Preparation, I thought it too adventurous to introduce the very Mention of it in good Company; and hope, I shall be understood to do it, as a Divine men­tions Oaths and Curses, only for their Condem­nation. I shall dedicate this Discourse to a Gen­tleman my very good Friend, who is the Janus of our Times, and whom, by his Years and Wit, you would take to be of the last Age; but by his Dress and Morals, of this.

Last Night arrived Two Mails from Holland, which bring Letters from the Hague of the 28th Instant, N. S. with Advice, That the Enemy lay encamped behind a strong Retrenchment, with the Marsh of Remieres on their Right and Left, extending it self as far as Bethune: La Bassee is in their Front, Lens in their Rear, and their Camp is strengthened by another Line from Lens to Douay. The Duke of Marlborough caused an [Page 236] exact Observation to be made of their Ground, and the Works by which they were covered, which appeared so strong, that it was not thought proper to attack them in their present Posture. However, the Duke thought fit to make a Feint as if he design'd it; His Grace accordingly march­ing from the Abbey at Looze, as did Prince Eu­gene from Lampret, and advanced with all possi­ble Diligence towards the Enemy. To favour the Appearance of an intended Assault, the Ways were made, and Orders distributed in such a Manner, that none in either Camp could have Thoughts of any Thing but charging the Enemy by Break of Day the next Morning: But soon af­ter the Fall of the Night of the 26th, the whole Army faced towards Tournay, which Place they invested early in the Morning of the 27th. The Mareschal Villars was so confident that we de­signed to attack him, that he had drawn great Part of the Garrison of the Place, which is now invested, into the Field: For which Reason, it is presumed it must submit within a small Time; which the Enemy cannot prevent, but by coming out of their present Camp, and hazarding a ge­neral Engagement. These Advices add, That the Garrison of Mons had marched out under the Command of Mareschal d' Arco; which, with the Bavarians, Walloons, and the Troops of Co­logne, have join'd the grand Army of the Enemy.

The TATLER. [No 33.
From Thursd. June 23. to Saturd. June 25. 1709.

MY Brother has made an Excursion into the Country, and the Work against Saturday lies upon me. I am very glad I have got Pen and Ink in my Hand; for I have for some Time longed for his Absence, to give a Right Idea of Things, which I thought he put in a very odd Light, and some of them to the Disadvantage of my own Sex. It is much to be lamented, that it is necessary to make Discourses, and publish Treatises, to keep the horrid Creatures, the Men, within the Rules of common Decency. Turning over the Papers of Memorials or Hints for the ensuing Discourses, I find a Letter subscribed by Mr. Truman.

SIR,

I Am lately come to Town, and have read your Works with much Pleasure. You make Wit subservient to good Principles and good Manners. Yet, because I design to buy the Tatlers for my Daughters to read, I take the Freedom to desire you, for the future, to say nothing about any Combat between Alex­ander and Thalestris.

This Offence gives me Occasion to express my self with the Resentment I ought, on People who take Liberties of Speech before that Sex of [Page 238] whom the honoured Names of Mother, Daugh­ter, and Sister, are a Part: I had like to have named Wife in the Number; but the senseless World are so mistaken in their Sentiments of Pleasure, that the most amiable Term in Hu­mane Life is become the Derision of Fools and Scorners. My Brother and I have at least Fif­ty Times quarrell'd upon this Topick. I ever argue, That the Frailties of Women are to be imputed to the false Ornaments which Men of Wit put upon our Folly and Coquetry. He lays all the Vices of Men upon Women's secret Ap­probation of Libertine Characters in them. I did not care to give up a Point; but now he is out of the Way, I cannot but own I believe there is very much in what he asserted: For if you will believe your Eyes, and own, that the wick­edest and the wittiest of them all marry one Day or other; Is it possible to believe, that if a Man thought he should be for ever incapable of being received by a Woman of Merit and Ho­nour, he would persist in an abandon'd Way, and deny himself the Possibility of enjoying the Happiness of well-govern'd Desires, orderly Sa­tisfactions, and honourable Methods of Life? If our Sex were wise, a Lover should have a Cer­tificate from the last Woman he served, how he was turned away, before he was received into the Service of another: But at present any Va­gabond is welcome, provided he promises to enter into our Livery. It is wonderful, that we will not take a Footman without Credentials from his last Master; and in the greatest Con­cern of Life, we make no Scruple of falling into a Treaty with the most notorious Offender in his Behaviour against others. But this Breach of Commerce between the Sexes, proceeds from an unaccountable Prevalence of Custom, by which a Woman is to the last Degree reproach­able [Page 239] for being deceived, and a Man suffers no Loss of Credit for being a Deceiver.

Since this Tyrant Humour has gained Place, Why are we represented in the Writings of Men in ill Figures for Artifice in our Carriage, when we have to do with a professed Impostor? When Oaths, Imprecations, Vows, and Adorations, are made use of as Words of Course, What Arts are not necessary to defend us from such as glory in the Breach of 'em? As for my Part, I am re­solved to hear all, and believe none of 'em; and therefore solemnly declare, no Vow shall deceive me, but that of Marriage: For I am turned of Twenty, and being of a small Fortune, some Wit. and (if I can believe my Lovers and my Glass) Handsome, I have heard all that can be said towards my Undoing, and shall therefore, for Warning-sake, give an Account of the Of­fers that have been made me, my Manner of re­jecting 'em, and my Assistances to keep my Re­solution.

In the Sixteenth Year of my Life, I fell into the Acquaintance of a Lady extremely well known in this Town for the quick Advancement of her Husband, and the Honours and Distinctions which her Industry has procured him, and all who belong to her. This excellent Body sate next to me for some Months at Church, and took the Liberty (which she said her Years and the Zeal she had for my Welfare gave her Claim to) to assure me, that she observed some Parts of my Behaviour which would lead me into Errors, and give Encouragement to some to entertain Hopes I did not think of. What made you (said she) look through your Fan at that Lord, when your Eyes should have been turned upward, or closed in Attention upon better Objects? I blushed, and pretended Fifty odd Excuses;—but confounded my self the more. She wanted [Page 240] nothing but to see that Confusion, and goes on: Nay, Child, do not be troubled that I take No­tice of it, my Value for you made me speak it; for though he is my Kinsman, I have a near­er Regard to Virtue than any other Considera­tion. She had hardly done speaking, when this noble Lord came up to us, and lead her to her Coach.

My Head ran all that Day and Night on the exemplary Carriage of this Woman, who could be so virtuously impertinent, as to admonish one she was hardly acquainted with. However it struck upon the Vanity of a Girl that it may possibly be, his Thoughts might have been as favourable of me, as mine were amorous of him, and as unlikely Things as that have hap­pened, if he should make me his Wife. She never mentioned this more to me; but I still in all publick Places stole Looks at this Man, who easily observed my Passion for him. It is so hard a Thing to check the Return of a­greeable Thoughts, that he became my Dream, my Vision, my Food, my Wish, my Tor­ment.

That Minister of Darkness, the Lady Semphro­nia, perceived too well the Temper I was in, and would one Day after Evening Service needs take me to the Park. When we were there, my Lord passes by; I flushed into a Flame. Mrs. Di­staff, (said she) You may very well remember the Concern I was in upon the first Notice I took of your Regard to that Lord, and for­give me, who had a tender Friendship for your Mother (now in her Grave) that I am vigi­lant of your Conduct. She went on with much Severity, and after great Solicitation, prevailed on me to go with her into the Country, and there spend the ensuing Summer out of the Way of a Man she saw I loved, and one whom [Page 241] she perceived meditated my Ruin, by frequent­ly desiring her to introduce him to me; which she absolutely refused, except he would give his Honour that he had no other Design but to marry me. To her Country-House a Week or Two after we went: There was at the far­ther End of her Garden a Kind of Wilderness, in the Middle of which ran a soft Rivu­let by an Arbour of Jessamin. In this Place I usually passed my retired Hours, and read some Romantick or Poetical Tale till the Close of the Evening. It was near that Time in the Heat of Summer, when gentle Winds, soft Murmurs of Water, and Notes of Nightingals had given my Mind an Indolence, which ad­ded to that Repose of Soul, Twilight and the End of a warm Day naturally throws up­on the Spirits. It was at such an Hour, and in such a State of Tranquility I sat, when, to my unexpressible Amazement, I saw my Lord walking towards me, whom I knew not till that Moment to have been in the Country. I could observe in his Approach the Perplexity which attends a Man big with Design; and I had, while he was coming forward, Time to reflect that I was betrayed; the Sense of which gave me a Resentment suitable to such a Base­ness: But when he entered into the Bower where I was, my Heart flew towards him, and, I confess, a certain Joy came into my Mind, with an Hope, that he might then make a Declaration of Honour and Passion. This threw my Eye upon him with such Tender­ness, as gave him Power, with a broken Ac­cent, to begin. Madam,—You will won­der—For it is certain, you must have ob­served—though I fear you will misinter­pret the Motives—But by Heaven, and all that's Sacred! If you could—Here he [Page 242] made a full Stand. And I recovered Power to say, The Consternation I am in you will not, I hope, believe—An helpless innocent Maid—Besides that, the Place—He saw me in as great Confusion as himself; which attributing to the same Causes, he had the Audaciousness to throw himself at my Feet, talk of the Stilness of the Evening, and then ran into Deifications of my Person. Pure Flames, Constant Love, Eter­nal Raptures, and a Thousand other Phrases drawn from the Images we have of Heaven, which ill Men use for the Service of Hell, were run over with uncommon Vehemence. After which, he seized me in his Arms: His Design was too evident. In my utmost Distress, I fell upon my Knees—My Lord, pity me, on my Knees—On my Knees in the Cause of Virtue, as you were lately in that of Wickedness. Can you think of destroying the Labour of a whole Life, the Purpose of a long Education, for the base Service of a sudden Appetite; to throw one that loves you, that doats on you, out of the Com­pany and Road of all that is virtuous and Praise­worthy? Have I taken in all the Instructions of Piety, Religion and Reason, for no other End, but to be the Sacrifice of Lust, and abandoned to Scorn? Assume your self, my Lord, and do not attempt to vitiate a Temple Sacred to Inno­cence, Honour, and Religion. If I have inju­red you, stab this Bosom, and let me die, but not be ruined by the Hand I love. The Ardency of my Passion made me incapable of uttering more; and I saw my Lover astonished and re­formed by my Behaviour: When rushed in Sem­phronia. Ha! Faithful base Man, could you then steal out of Town, and lurk like a Robber about my House for such brutish Purposes!

[Page 243] My Lord was by this Time recovered, and fell into a violent Laughter at the Turn which Sem­phronia designed to give her Villany. He bowed to me with the utmost Respect: Mrs. Distaff, said he, be careful hereafter of your Company; and so retired. The Friend Semphronia congra­tulated my Deliverance with a Flood of Tears.

This Nobleman has since very frequently made his Addresses to me with Honour, but I have as often refused them; as well knowing, that Fa­miliarity and Marriage will make him, on some ill-natured Occasion, call all I said in the Arbour a Theatrical Action. Besides that, I glory in con­temning a Man, who had Thoughts to my Dis­honour. If this Method were the Imitation of the whole Sex, Innocence would be the only Dress of Beauty; and all Affectation by any other Arts to please the Eyes of Men, would be banished to the Stews for ever. The Conquest of Passion gives Ten times more Happiness than we can reap from the Gratification of it; and she that has got over such a one as mine, will stand among Beaux and Pretty Fellows, with as much Safety as in a Summer's Day among Grass-hoppers and Butterflies.

P. S. I have Ten Millions of Things more against Men, if I ever get the Pen again.

Our last Advices from the Hague, dated the 28th Instant, N. S. say, That on the 2 [...]th a Squadron of Dutch Men of War sailed out of the Texel to join Admiral Baker at Spithead. The 26th was observed as a Day of Fast­ing and Humiliation, to implore a Blessing on the Arms of the Allies this ensuing Cam­paign. Letters from Dresden are very parti­cular in the Account of the Gallantry and Magnificence in which that Court has ap­peared [Page 244] since the Arrival of the King of Den­mark. No Day has passed in which publick Shews have not been exhibited for his En­tertainment and Diversion: The last of that Kind which is mentioned is a Carousal, where­in many of the Youth of the first Quality, dressed in the most splendid Manner, ran for the Prize. His Danish Majesty condescen­ded to the same; but having observed that there was a Design laid to throw it in his Way, passed by without attempting to gain it. The Court of Dresden was preparing to accompany his Danish Majesty to Potsdam, where the Expectation of an Interview of three Kings had drawn together such Mul­titudes of People, that many Persons of Di­stinction will be obliged to lie in Tents as long as those Courts continue in that Place.

The TATLER. [No 34.
From Saturd. June 25. to Tuesd. June 28. 1709.

HAving taken upon me to cure all the Di­stempers which proceed from Affections of the Mind, I have laboured, since I first kept this publick Stage, to do all the Good I could, and have perfected many Cures at my own Lodg­ings; carefully avoiding the common Method of Mountebanks, to do their most eminent Opera­tions [Page 245] in Sight of the People; but must be so just to my Patients as to declare, they have testified under their Hands their Sense of my poor Abili­ties, and the Good I have done them, which I publish for the Benefit of the World, and not out of any Thoughts of private Advantage.

I have cured fine Mrs. Spy of a great Im­perfection in her Eyes, which made her eter­nally rolling them from one Coxcomb to ano­ther in publick Places, in so languishing a Man­ner, that it at once lessened her own Power, and her Beholders Vanity. Twenty Drops of my Ink, placed in certain Letters on which she attentively looked for half an Hour, have re­stored her to the true Use of her Sight; which is, to guide, and not mislead us. Ever since she took this Liquor, which I call, Bickerstaff's Circumspection-Water, she looks right forward, and can bear being looked at for half a Day without returning one Glance. This Water has a peculiar Vertue in it, which makes it the only true Cosmetick or Beauty-Wash in the World: The Nature of it is such, that if you go to a Glass, with a Design to admire your Face, it im­mediately changes it into downright Deformity. If you consult it only to look with a better Countenance upon your Friends, it immediately gives an Alacrity to the Visage, and new Grace to the whole Person. There is indeed a great deal owing to the Constitution of the Person to whom it is applied: It is in vain to give it when the Patient is in the Rage of the Distemper; a Bride in her first Month, a Lady soon after her Husband's being Knighted, or any Person of either Sex who has lately obtained any new good Fortune or Preferment, must be prepared some Time before they use it. It has an Ef­fect upon others, as well as the Patient, when it is taken in due Form. Lady Petulant has by [Page 246] the Use of it cured her Husband of Jealousy, and Lady Gad her whole Neighbourhood of Detra­ction.

The Fame of these Things, added to my being an old Fellow, makes me extreamly acceptable to the Fair Sex. You would hardly believe me, when I tell you there is not a Man in Town so much their Delight as my self. They make no more of visiting me, than going to Madam d'Epingle's. There were two of them, namely, Damia and Clidamira, (I assure you Women of Distinction) who came to see me this Morning in their Way to Prayers, and being in a very diverting Humour, (as Innocence always makes People chea ful) they would needs have me, according to the Distinction of pretty and very pretty Fellows, inform them, if I thought either of them had a Title to the very Pretty a­mong those of their own Sex; and if I did, which was the more deserving of the Two?

To put them to the Tryal, Look ye, said I, I must not rashly give my Judgment in Matters or this Importance; pray let me see you dance: I play upon the Kit. They immediately fell back to the lower End of the Room (You may be sure they curt'sy'd low enough to me): And began. Never were Two in the World so equally match­ed, and both S [...]ars to my Namesake Isaac. Never was Man in so dange ous a Condition as my se f, when they began to expand their Charms. Oh! Ladies, Ladies, cried I, not half that Air, you'll fire the House. Both smiled; for by the by, there's no carrying a Metaphor too far, when a Lady's Charms are spoke of. Some Body, I think, has called a fine Woman dancing, a Brandished Torch of Beauty. These Rivals moved with such an agreeable Freedom, that you would believe their Gesture was the neces­sary Effect of the Musick, and not the Product of Skill and Practice. Now Clidamira came on [Page 247] with a Crowd of Graces, and demanded my Judg­ment with so sweet an Air—And she had no sooner carried it, but Damia made her utterly forgot by a gentle sinking, and a Rigadoon Step. The Contest held a full half Hour; and I pro­test, I saw no manner of Difference in their Per­fections, till they came up together, and expected [...] Sentence. Look ye Ladies, said I, I see no Preference in the least in your Performance; but you Clidamira seem to be so well satisfied that I shall determine for you, that I must give it to Damia, who stands with so much Diffidence and Fear, after showing an equal Merit to what she pretends to. Therefore, Clidamira, you are a pretty; but, Damia, you are a very pretty Lady. For, said I, Beauty loses its Force, if not accom­panied with Modesty. She that has an humble Opinion of her self, will have every Body's Ap­plause, because she does not expect it; while the vain Creature loses Approbation through too great a Sense of deserving it.

Being of a very spare and hective Constitu­tion, I am forced to make frequent Journies of a Mile or Two for fresh Air; and indeed by this last, which was no further than the Village of Chelsea, I am further convinced of the Necessity of travelling to know the World. For as it is usual with young Voyagers, assoon as they land upon a Shore, to begin their Accounts of the Nature of the People, their Soil, their Go­vernment, their Inclinations, and their Passions; so really I fancied I could give you an immedi­ate Description of this Village, from the Five Fields where the Robbers lie in wait, to the Coffee-house where the Literari sit in Council. A great Ancestor of ours by the Mother's Side, Mr. Justice Overdo, (whose History is [Page 248] written by Ben Johnson) met with more Enor­mities by walking incog. than he was capable of correcting; and found great Mortifications in observing also Persons of Eminence, whom he before knew nothing of. Thus it fared with me, even in a Place so near the Town as this. When I came into the Coffee-house, I had not Time to salute the Company, before my Eye was diverted by Ten Thousand Gimcracks round the Room and on the Sieling. When my first Astonishment was over, comes to me a Sage of a thin and meagre Countenance; which Aspect made me doubt, whether Read­ing or Fretting had made it so Philosophick: But I very soon perceived him to be of that Sect which the Ancients call Gingivistae; in our Language, Tooth-Drawers. I immediately had a Respect for the Man; for these practical Phi­losophers go upon a very rational Hypothesis, not to cure, but take away the Part affected. My Love of Mankind made me very benevo­lent to Mr. Salter, for such is the Name of this eminent Barber and Antiquary. Men are usual­ly, but unjustly, distinguished rather by their Fortunes, than their Talents, otherwise this Per­sonage would make a great Figure in that Class of Men which I distinguish under the Title of Odd Fellows. But it is the Misfortune of Per­sons of great Genius, to have their Faculties dissipated by Attention to too many Things at once. Mr. Salter is an Instance of this: If he would wholly give himself up to the String, instead of playing Twenty Beginnings to Tunes, he might before he dies play Roger de Caubly quite out. I heard him go through his whole Round, and indeed I think he does play the merry Christ-Church Bells pretty justly; but he confess'd to me, he did that rather to show he was Orthodox, than that he valued himself up­on [Page 249] the Musick it self. Or if he did proceed in his Anatomy, Why might not he hope in Time to cut off Legs, as well as draw Teeth? The Particularity of this Man put me into a deep Thought, whence it should proceed, that of all the lower Order, Barbers should go further in hitting the Ridicul us, than any other Set of Men. Watermen brawl, Coblers sing: But why must a Barber be for ever a Po­litician, a Musician, an Anatomist, a Poet, and a Physician? The learned Vossius says, his Bar­ber used to comb his Head in Iambicks. And indeed in all Ages, one of this useful Profession, this Order of Cosmetick Philosophers, has been celebrated by the most eminent Hands. You see the Barber in Don Quixot is one of the princi­pal Characters in the History, which gave me Satisfaction in the Doubt, why Don Saltero writ his Name with a Spanish Termination: For he is descended in a right Line, not from John Tra­descan, as he himself asserts, but from that me­morable Companion of the Knight of Mancha. And I hereby certify all the worthy Citizens who travel to see his Rarities, that his double­barrelled Pistols, Targets, Coats of Mail, his Sclopeta, and Sword of Toledo, were left to his Ancestor by the said Don Quixot, and by the said Ancestor to all his Progeny down to Don Saltero. Though I go thus far in favour of Don Saltero's great Merit, I cannot allow a Liberty he takes of imposing several Names (without my Licence) on the Collections he has made, to the Abuse of the good People of England; one of which is particularly calculated to de­ceive Religious Persons, to the great Scandal of the Well-disposed, and may introduce Hetero­dox Opinions. He shows you a Straw-Hat, which I know to be made by Madge Peskad, within Three Miles of Bedford; and tells you. [Page 250] it is Pontius Pilate's Wife's Chambermaid's Sister's Hat. To my knowledge of this very Hat, it may be added, that the Covering of Straw was ne­ver used among the Jews, since it was deman­ded of them to make Bricks without it. There­fore this is really nothing, but under the speci­ous Pretence of Learning and Antiquity, to im­pose upon the World. There are other Things which I cannot tolerate among his Rarities; as, the China Figure of a Lady in the Glass-Case; the Italian Engine for the Imprisonment of those who go Abroad with it: Both which I hereby order to be taken down, or else he may expect to have his Letters Patents for making Punch superseded, be debarred wearing his Muff next Winter, or ever coming to London without his Wife. It may perhaps be thought I have dwelt too long upon the Affairs of this Operator; but I desire the Reader to remember, that it is my Way to consider Men as they stand in Merit, and not according to their Fortune or Figure; and if he is in a Coffee-house at the Reading hereof, let him look round, and he will find there may be more Characters drawn in this Account than that of Don Saltero; for half the Politicians about him, he may observe, are, by their Place in Nature, of the Class of Tooth-Drawers.

The TATLER. [No 35.
From Tuesd. June 28. to Thursd. June 30. 1709.

THere is an Habit or Custom which I have put my Patience to the utmost Stretch to have suffered so long, because several of my in­timate Friends are in the Guilt; and that is, the Humour of taking Snuff, and looking dirty a­bout the Mouth by Way of Ornament.

My Method is to dive to the Bottom of a Sore before I pretend to apply a Remedy. For this Reason, I sat by an eminent Story-teller and Poli­tician who takes half an Ounce in five Seconds, and has mortgaged a pretty Tenement near the Town, meerly to improve and dung his Brains with this prolifick Powder. I observed this Gentleman t'other Day in the midst of a Story diverted from it by looking at something at a Distance, and I softly hid his Box. But he re­turns to his Tale, and looking for his Box, he cries, And so Sir—Then when he should have taken a Pinch; As I was saying, says he—Has no Body seen my Box? His Friend beseeches him to finish his Narration. Then he proceeds; And [...] Sir—Where can my Box be? Then turn­ing to me; Pray Sir, Did you see my Box? Yes Sir, said I, I took it to see how long you could live without it. He resumes his Tale; and I took Notice, that his Dulness was much more regular and fluent than before. A Pinch sup­plied the Place of, As I was saying, And so Sir; and he went on currently enough in that Style [Page 252] which the Learned call the Insipid. This Obser­vation easily led me into a Philosophick Reason for taking Snuff, which is done only to supply with Sensations the Want of Reflection. This I take to be an [...], a nostrum; upon which I hope to receive the Thanks of this Board. For as it is natural to lift a Man's Hand to a Sore, when you fear any Thing coming at you; so when a Person feels his Thoughts are run out, and has no more to say, it is as natural to supply his weak Brain with Powder at the nearest Place of Access, viz. the Nostrils. This is so evident, that Nature suggests the Use according to the Indigence of the Persons who use this Medicine, without being prepossessed with the Force of Fa­shion or Custom. For Example; the Native Hi­bernians, who are reckoned not much unlike the ancie t Baeotians, take this Specifick for Empti­ness in the Head, in greater Abundance than any other Nation under the Sun. The learned Sotus, as sparing as he is in his Words, would be still more silent if it were not for this Powder.

However low and poor, the taking Snuff ar­gues a Man to be in his own Stock of Thought, or Means to employ his Brains and his Fingers, yet there is a poorer Creature in the World than He, and this is a Borrower of Snuff; a Fellow that keeps no Box of his own, but is always ask­ing others for a Pinch. Such poor Rogues put me always in Mind of a common Phrase among School-Boys when they are composing their Ex­ercise, who run to an upper Scholar, and cry, Pray give me a little Sense. But of all Things, com­mend me to the Ladies who are got into this pretty Help to Discourse. I have been this Three Years perswading Sagissa to leave it off; but she talks so much, and is so Learned, that she is above Con­tradiction. However, an Accident t'other Day brought that about, which my Eloquence never [Page 253] could accomplish: She had a very pretty Fellow in her Closet, who ran thither to avoid some Company that came to visit her. She made an Excuse to go in to him for some Implement they were talking of. Her eager Gallant snatched a Kiss; but being unused to Snuff, some Grains from off her upper Lip made him sneeze aloud, which alarm'd the Visitants, and has made a Dis­covery, that profound Reading, very much In­telligence, and a general Knowledge of who and who's together, cannot fill up her vacant Hours so much, but that she is sometimes obliged to descend to Entertainments less intellectual.

I know no Manner of News for this Place, but that Cynthio, having been long in Despair for the inexorable Clarissa, lately resolved to fall in Love the good old Way of Bargain and Sale, and has pitched upon a very agreeable young Woman. He will undoubtedly succeed; for he accosts her in a Strain of Familiarity, without breaking thro' the Deference that is due to Woman whom a Man would chuse for his Life. I have hardly ever heard rough Truth spoken with a better Grace than in this his Letter.

MADAM,

I Writ to you on Saturday by Mrs. Lucy, and give you this Trouble to urge the same Request I made then, which was, that I may be admitted to wait upon you. I should be very far from desiring this, if it were a Transgression of the most severe Rules to al­low it: I know you are very much above the little Arts which are frequent in your Sex, of giving unnecessary Torments to their Admi­ [...]rs; therefore hope, you'll do so much Ju­stice [Page 254] to the generous Passion I have for you, as to let me have an Opportunity of acquainting you upon what Motives I pretend to your good Opinion. I shall not trouble you with my Sen­timents, till I know how they will be received; and as I know no Reason why Difference of Sex should make our Language to each other differ from the ordinary Rules of right Reason, I shall affect Plainness and Sincerity in my Dis­course to you, as much as other Lovers do Per­plexity and Rapture. Instead of saying, I shall die for you, I profess I should be glad to lead my Life with you: You are as beautiful, as witty, as prudent, and as good humour'd, as any Woman breathing; but I must confess to you, I regard all these Excellencies as you will please to direct them, for my Happiness or Mi­sery. With me, Madam, the only lasting Mo­tive to Love is the Hope of its becoming mu­tual. I beg of you to let Mrs. Lucy send me Word when I may attend you. I promise you, I'll talk of nothing but indifferent Things; though at the same Time I know not how I shall approach you in the tender Moment of first seeing you, after this Declaration of,

MADAM,
Your most Obedient, and most Faithful Humble Servant, &c.

Having taken a Resolution when Plays are acted next Winter by an entire good Company, to publish Observations from Time to Time on the Performance of the Actors, I think it but just to give an Abstract of the Laws of Action, for the Help of the less learned Part of the Audience, [Page 255] that they may rationally enjoy so refined and in­structive a Pleasure as a just Representation of humane Life. The great Errors in Playing are admirably well exposed in Hamlet's Direction to the Actors who are to play in his supposed Tra­gedy; by which we shall form our future Judg­ments on their Behaviour, and for that Reason you have the Discourse as follows:

Speak the Speech as I pronounce it to you, trippingly on the Tongue; but if you mouth it as many of our Players do, I had as lieu the Town-Cryer had spoke my Lines: Nor do not saw the Air too much with your Hand thus; but use all gently: For in the very Torrent, Tempest, and, as I may say, the Whirlwind of Passion, you must acquire and beget a Tem­perance that may give it Smoothness. Oh! It offends me to the Soul, to see a robustous Periwig-pated Fellow tear a Passion to Tatters, to very Rags, to split the Ears of the Ground­lings, who (for the most Part) are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb Shews and Noise. I could have such a Fellow whipt for o'erdoing Termagant: It out-Herod's Herod. Be not too tame neither; but let your own Discretion be your Tutor: Sute the Action to the Word, the Word to the Action; with this special Observance, that you o'erstop not the Modesty of Nature; for any Thing so over­done, is from the Purpose of Playing, whose End, both at the first and now, was, and is, to hold as 'twere the Mirror up to Nature; to shew Virtue her own Feature; Scorn her own Image; and the very Age and Body of the Time its Form and Pressure. Now this over­done, or come tardy off, though it make the Unskilful laugh, cannot but make the Judici­ous grieve. The Censures of which one must, in your Allowance, oversway a whole Theatre [Page 256] of others. Oh! there be Players that I have seen play, and heard others praise, and that highly, (not to speak it prophanely) that nei­ther having the Accent of Christian, Pagan, or Norman, have so strutted and bellowed, that I have thought some of Nature's Journey men had made Men, and not made them well, they imitated Humanity so abominably. This should be reformed altogether; and let those that play your Clowns, speak no more than is set down for them: For there be of them that will of themselves laugh, to set on some Quan­tity of barren Spectators to laugh too; though in the mean Time, some necessary Question of the Play be then to be consider'd; that's villa­nous, and shews a most pitiful Ambition in the Fool that uses it.

It would be a ve y great Obligation, and an Assistance to my Treatise upon Punning, if any one would please to inform in what Class, a­mong the Learned who play with Words, to place the Author of the following Letter.

SIR,

NOT long since you were pleased to give us a Chimerical Account of the famous Family of Staffs, from whence I suppose you would insinuate, that it is the most ancient and numerous House in all Europe. But I posi­tively deny that it is either; and wonder much at your audacious Proceedings in this Matter, since 'tis well known, that our most illustri­ous, most renowned, and most celebrated Ro­man Family of Ix, has enjoyed the Prece­dency to all others from the Reign of good old Saturn. I could say much to the Defama­tion and Disgrace of your Family; as, that [Page 257] your Relations Distaff and Broomstaff were both inconsiderate mean Persons, one spinning, the other sweeping the Streets, for their daily Bread. But I forbear to vent my Spleen on Objects so much beneath my Indignation. I shall only give the World a Catalogue of my Ancestors, and leave them to determine which hath hitherto had, and which for the future ought to have, the Preference.

First then comes the most famous and popu­lar Lady Meretrix, Parent of the fertile Fami­ly of Bellatrix, Lotrix, Netrix, Nutrix, Obste­trix, Famulatrix, Coctrix, Ornatrix, Sarcina­trix, Fextrix, Balneatrix, Portatrix, Saltatrix, Divinatrix, Conjectrix, Comtrix, Debitrix, Cre­ditrix, Donatrix, Ambulatrix, Mercatrix, Adse­ctrix, Assectatrix, Palpatrix, Preceptrix, Pistrix. I am

Yours, Eliz. Potatrix.

Letters from Brussels of the 2d of July, N. S. say, That the Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene having received Advice, That the Mar­shal Villars had drawn a considerable Body out of the Garrison of Tournay to reinforce his Army, marched towards that Place, and came before it early in the Morning of the 27th. As soon as they came into that Ground, the Prince of Nas­sau was sent with a strong Detachment to take Post at St. Amand; and at the same Time my Lord Orkney received Orders to possess himself of Mortagne; both which were successfully exe­cuted; whereby we are Masters of the Scheld and the Scarp. Eight Men were drawn out of each Troop of Dragoons and Company of Foot in the Garrison of Tournay, to make up the Re­inforcement which was order'd to join Marshal Villars; but upon Advice that the Allies were [Page 258] marching towards Tournay, they endeavoured to return into the Town; but were intercepted by the Earl of Orkney, by whom that whole Body was killed or taken. These Letters add, That 1200 Dragoons (each Horseman carrying a Foot-Soldier behind him) were detached from Mons to throw themselves into Tournay; but upon Ap­pearance of a great Body of Horse of the Allies, retired towards Condé. We hear, That the Gar­rison does not consist of more than 3500 Men. Of the 60 Battalions design'd to be employ'd in this Siege, 7 are English, viz. Two of Guards, and the Regiments of Argyle, Temple, Evans and Meredith.

The TATLER. [No 36.
From Thursd. June 30. to Saturd. July 2. 1709.

MANY Affairs calling my Brother into the Country, the Care of our Intelligence with the Town is left to me for some Time; therefore you must expect the Advices you meet with in this Paper to be such, as more immediately and naturally fall under the Consideration of our Sex: History therefore written by a Woman, you will easily imagine to consist of Love in all its Forms, both in the Abuse of, and Obe­dience to that Passion. As to the Faculty of Wri­ting it self, it will not, it is hoped, be demanded, that Stile and Ornament shall be so much con­sulted, as Truth and Simplicity; which latter Qualities we may more justly pretend to be­yond [Page 259] the other Sex. While therefore the Ad­ministration of our Affairs is in my Hands, you shall from Time to Time have an exact Account of all false Lovers, and their shallow Pretences for breaking off; of all Termagant Wives who make Wedlock a Yoke; of Men who affect the Entertainments and Manners suitable only to our Sex, and Women who pretend to the Conduct of such Affairs as are only within the Province of Men. It is necessary further to advertise the Reader, that the usual Places of Resort being ut­terly out of my Province or Observation, I shall be obliged frequently to change the Dates of Pla­ces, as Occurrences come into my Way. The fol­lowing Letter I lately received from Epsom.

IT is now almost Three Weeks since what you writ about happen'd in this Place: The Quarrel between my Friends did not run so high as I find your Accounts have made it. The Truth of the Fact you shall have very faithfully. You are to understand, that the Persons concern'd in this Scene were, Lady Autumn, and Lady Springly: Autumn is a Per­son of good Breeding, Formality, and a sin­gular Way practised in the last Age; and Lady Springly, a modern Impertinent of our Sex, who affects as improper a Familiarity, as the other does Distance. Lady Autumn knows to an Hair's Breadth where her Place is in all As­semblies and Conversations; but Springly nei­ther gives nor takes Place of any Body, but understands the Place to signify no more, than to have Room enough to be at Ease wherever she comes. Thus while Autumn takes the Whole of this Life to consist in un­derstanding Punctilio and Decorum, Springly takes every Thing to be becoming which con­tributes [Page 260] to her Ease and Satisfaction. These Heroines have married Two Brothers, both Knights. Springly is the Spouse of the elder, who is a Baronet; and Autumn, being a rich Widow, has taken the younger, and her Purse endowed him with an equal Fortune and Knighthood of the same Order. This Jum­ble of Titles, you need not doubt, has been an aching Torment to Autumn, who took Place of the other on no Pretence, but her Careles­ness and Disregard of Distinction. The secret Occasion of Envy broiled long in the Breast of Autumn; but no Opportunity of Contention on that Subject happening, kept all Things quiet till the Accident, of which you demand an Account.

It was given out among all the gay People of this Place, That on the 9th Instant several Damsels, swift of Foot, were to run for a Sute of Head-Clothes at the Old Wells. Lady Autumn on this Occasion invited Springly to go with her in her Coach to see the Race. When they came to the Place where the Go­vernour of Epsom and all his Court of Citizens were assembled, as well as a Crowd of Peo­ple of all Orders, a brisk young Fellow ad­dresses himself to the younger of the La­dies, viz. Springly, and offers her his Service to conduct her into the Musick-Room. Spring­ly accepts the Compliment, and is led trium­phantly through a bowing Crowd, while Au­tumn is left among the Rabble, and has much ado to get back into her Coach; but she did it at last: And as it is usual to see by the Hor­ses my Lady's present Disposition, she orders John to whip furiously Home to her Husband; where, when she enters, down she sits, be­gan to unpin her Hood, and lament her fool­ish fond Heart to marry into a Family where [Page 261] she was so little regarded, she that might—Here she stops; then rises up and stamps, and sits down again. Her gentle Knight made his Approaches with a supple beseeching Ge­sture. My Dear, said he,—Tell me no Dears, replied Autumn—in the Presence of the Go­vernour and all the Merchants—What will the World say of a Woman that has thrown her self away at this Rate? Sir Thomas withdrew, and knew it would not be long a Secret to him; as well as that Experience told him, He that marries a Fortune, is of Course guilty of all Faults against his Wife, let them be com­mitted by whom they will. But Springly, an Hour or Two after, returns from the Wells, and finds the whole Company together. Down she sat, and a profound Silence ensued. You know a premeditated Quarrel usually begins and works up with the Words, Some People. The Silence was broken by Lady Autumn, who began to say, There are Some People who fancy, that if Some People—Springly imme­diately takes her up; There are Some People who fancy, if Other People—Autumn repar­tees; People may give themselves Airs; but Other People, perhaps, who make less ado, may be, perhaps, as agreeable as People who set themselves out more. All the other People at the Table sat mute, while these Two People, who were quarrelling, went on with the Use of the Word People, instancing the very Ac­cidents between them, as if they kept only in distant Hints. Therefore, says Autumn, red­ning, There are some People will go Abroad in other People's Coaches, and leave those with whom they went to shift for themselves; and if, perhaps, those People have married the youn­ger Brother; yet, perhaps, he may be behol­den to those People for what he is. Springly [Page 262] smartly answers, People may bring so much ill Humour into a Family, as People may repent their receiving their Money; and goes on,—Every Body is not considerable enough to give her Uneasi­ness. Upon this, Autumn comes up to her, and desired her to kiss her, and never to see her again; which her Sister refusing, my Lady gave her a Box on the Ear—Springly returns; Ay, ay, said she, I knew well enough you meant me by your Some People, and gives her another on t'other Side. To it they went with most Mas­culine Fury: Each Husband ran in. The Wives immediately fell upon their Husbands, and tore Periwigs and Cravats. The Company interpo­sed; when (according to the Slip-Knot of Ma­trimony, which makes them return to one ano­ther when any put in between) the Ladies and their Husbands fell upon all the rest of the Company; and having beat all their Friends and Relations out of the House, came to them­selves time enough to know, there was no bear­ing the Jest of the Place after these Adventures, and therefore marched off the next Day. It is said, the Governour has sent several Joints of Mutton, and has proposed divers Dishes very exquisitely dressed, to bring them down again. From his Address and Knowledge in Roast and Boiled, all our Hopes of the Return of this good Company depend. I am,

Dear Jenny,
Your Ready Friend and Servant, Martha Tatler.

This Day appear'd here a Figure of a Person, whose Services to the Fair Sex have reduced him to a Kind of Existence, for which there is no Name. If there be a Condition between Life and Death, without being absolutely dead or living, his State is that. His Aspect and Complexion in his robust Days gave him the il­lustrious Title of Africanus: But it is not only from the warm Climates in which he has ser­ved, nor from the Disasters in which he has suf­fered, that he deserves the same Appellation with that renowned Roman; but the Magnanimity with which he appears in his last Moments, is what gives him the undoubted Character of Hero. Cato stabbed himself, and Hannibal drank Poi­son; but our Africanus lives in the continual Puncture of aching Bones and poisoned Juices. The Old Heroes fled from Torments by Death, and this Modern lives in Death and Torments, with an Heart wholly bent upon a Supply for remaining in them. An ordinary Spirit would sink under his Oppressions; but he makes an Advantage of his very Sorrow, and raises an Income from his Diseases. Long has this Wor­thy been conversant in Bartering, and knows that when Stocks are lowest, it is the Time to buy. Therefore, with much Prudence and Tranquility, he thinks, that now he has not a Bone sound, but a Thousand nodous Parts for which the Anatomist have not Words, and more Diseases than the College ever heard of, it is the only Times to purchase an Annuity for Life. Sir Thomas told me, it was an Entertain­ment more surprizing and pleasant than can be imagined, to see an Inhabitant of neither World without Hand to lift, or Leg to move, scarce Tongue to utter his Meaning, so keen upon [Page 264] biting the whole World, and making Bubbles at his Exit. Sir Thomas added, that he would have bought Twelve Shillings a Year of him, but that he feared there was some Trick in it, and belie­ved him already dead: What! Says that Knight, Is Mr. Partridge, whom I met just now going on both his Legs firmer than I can, allowed to be quire dead; and shall Africanus, without one Limb that can do its Office, be pronounced alive.

What heightened the Tragi-Comedy of this Market for Annuities was, that the Ob­servation of it provoked Monocalus (who is the most Eloquent of all Men) to many excel­lent Reflections, which he spoke with the Vehemence and Language both of a Game­ster and an Orator. ‘"When I cast (said that delightful Speaker) my Eye upon thee, thou unaccountable Africanus, I cannot but call my self as unaccountable as thou art; for cer­tainly we were born to shew what Contra­dictions Nature is pleased to form in the same Species. Here am I, able to eat, to drink, to sleep, and do all Acts of Nature, except begetting my Like; and yet by an unintelligible Force of Spleen and Fancy, I every Moment imagine I am dying. It is utter Madness in thee to provide for Supper; for I'll bet you Ten to One, you don't live till half an Hour after Four; and yet I am so distracted as to be in Fear every Moment, though I'll lay Ten to Three, I drink Three Pints of burnt Claret at your Funeral Three Nights hence. After all, I envy thee; thou that hast no Sense of Death, art happier than one that always fears it."’ The Knight had gone on, but that a Third Man ended the Seene by applauding the Knight's Eloquence [Page 265] and Philosophy, in a Laughter too violent for his own Constitution, as much as he mock'd that of Africanus and Monoculus.

This Day arrived Three Mails from Holland, with Advices relating to the Posture of Affairs in the Low-Countries, which say, That the Con­federate Army extends from Luchin, on the Causeway between Tournay and Lisle, to Epain near Mortagne on the Scheld. The Marshal Vil­lars remains in his Camp at Lens; but it is said, he detached Ten Thousand Men under the Com­mand of the Chevalier de Luxemburg, with Or­ders to form a Camp at Crepin on the Haine, be­tween Condé and St. Guillain, where he is to be joined by the Elector of Bavaria with a Body of Troops, and after their Conjunction, to attempt to march into Brabant. But they write from Brussels, That the Duke of Marlborough having it equally in his Power to make Detachments to the same Parts, they are under no Apprehensions from these Reports for the Safety of their Coun­try. They further add from Brussels, that they have good Authority for believing, That the French Troops under the Conduct of Marshal de Bezons are retiring out of Spain.

The TATLER. [No 37.
From Saturd. July 2. to Tuesd. July 5. 1709.

IT may be thought very unaccountable, that I who can never be supposed to go to White's, should pretend to talk to you of Matters proper for, or in the Stile of, that Place. But though I never visit these publick Haunts, I converse with those that do; and for all they pretend so much to the contrary, they are as talkative as our Sex, and as much at a Loss to entertain the present Company, without sacrificing the last, as we our selves. This Reflection has led me into the Con­sideration of the Use of Speech; and made me look over in my Memory all my Acquaintance of both Sexes, to know to which I may more justly impute the Sin of superfluous Discourse, in Re­gard to Conversation, without entring into it as it respects Religion.

I foresee my Acquaintance will immediately, upon starting this Subject, ask me, How I shall celebrate Mrs. Alse Copswood, the Yorkshire Hun­tress, who is come to Town lately, and moves as if she were on her Nag, and going to take a Five-Bar Gate; and is as loud as if she were fol­lowing her Dogs? I can easily answer that; for she is as soft as Damon, in Comparison of her Brother-in-Law Tom. Bellfrey, who is the most accomplish'd Man in this Kingdom for all Gen­tleman-like Activities and Accomplishments. It is allow'd, that he is a profess'd Enemy to the [Page 267] Italian Performers in Musick. But then for our own native Manner, according to the Customs and known Usages of our Island, he is to be pre­ferr'd, for the Generality of the Pleasure he be­stows, much before those Fellows, though they sing to full Theatres. For what is a Theatrical Voice to that of a Fox-hunter? I have been at a Musical Entertainment in an open Field, where it amaz'd me to hear to what Pitches the chief Masters would reach. There was a Meeting near our Seat in Staffordshire, and the most emine t of all the Counties of England were at it. How wonderful was the Harmony between Men and Dogs! Robin Cartail of Bucks was to answer to Jowler; Mr. Tinbreast of Cornwal was appointed to open with Sweetlips, and Beaux Slimber, a Lon­doner, undertook to keep up with Trips, a Whelp just set in: Tom. Bellfrey and Ringwood were cou­pled together, to fill the Cry on all Occasions, and be in at the Death of the Fox, Hare, or Stag; for which both the Dog and the Man were excel­lently suited, and loved one another, and were as much together as Banister and King. When Jowler first alarm'd the Field, Cartail repeated every Note; Sweetlips's Treble succeeded, and shook the Wood; Tinbreast eccho'd a Quarter of a Mile beyond it. We were soon after all at a Loss, till we rid up, and found Trips and Slimber at a Default in Half Notes: But the Day and the Tune was recovered by Tom. Bellfrey and Ring­wood, to the great Joy of us all, tho' they drown­ed every other Voice: For Bellfrey carries a Note Four Furlongs, Three Rood, and Six Paces, fur­ther than any other in England.

I fear the Mention of this will be thought a Digression from my Purpose about Speech: But I answer, No. Since this is used where Speech rather should be employ'd, it may come in o Consideration in the same Chapter: For Mr. Bell­frey [Page 268] being at a Visit where I was, viz. his Cou­sin's (Lady Dainty's) in Soho, was asked, What Entertainments they had in the Country? Now Bellfrey is very ignorant, and much a Clown; but confident withal. In a Word, he struck up a Fox-Chase: Lady Dainty's Dog, Mr. Sippet, as she calls him, started and jump'd out of his La­dy's Lap, and fell a barking. Bellfrey went on, and call'd all the neighbouring Parishes into the Square. Never was Woman in such Confusion as that delicate Lady. But there was no stop­ping her Kinsman. A Room full of Ladies fell into the most violent Laughter: My Lady look'd as if she was shrieking; Mr. Sippet in the Mid­dle of the Room, breaking his Heart with bark­ing, but all of us unheard. As soon as Bell­frey became silent, up gets my Lady, and takes him by the Arm to lead him off: Bellfrey was in his Boots. As she was hurrying him away, his Spurs takes hold of her Petticoat; his Whip throws down a Cabinet of China: He cries, What! Are your Crocks rotten? Are your Petti­coats ragged? A Man can't walk in your House for Trincums.

Every County of Great Britain has One Hun­dred or more of this Sort of Fellows, who Roar instead of Speaking. Therefore if it be true, that we Women are also given to greater Flu­ency of Words than is necessary, sure she that disturbs but a Room or a Family is more to be to­lerated, than one who draws together Parishes and Counties, and sometimes (with an Estate that might make him the Blessing and Ornament of the World around him) has no other View and Ambition, but to be an Animal above Dogs and Horses, without the Relish of any one En­joyment, which is peculiar to the Faculties of hu­mane Nature. I know it will here be said, that talking of meer Country Squires at this Rate, is, [Page 269] as it were, to write against Valentine and Orson. To prove any Thing against the Race of Men, you must take 'em as they are adorn'd with Edu­cation, as they live in Courts, or have received Instructions in Colleges.

But I am so full of my late Entertainment by Mr. Bellfrey, that I must defer pursuing this Sub­ject to another Day; and wave the proper Obser­vations upon the different Offenders in this Kind, some by profound Eloquence on small Occa­sions, others by degrading Speech upon great Circumstances. Expect therefore to hear of the Whisperer without Business, the Laugher with­out Wit, the Complainer without receiving In­juries, and a very large Crowd, which I shall not forestall, who are common (though not com­monly observ'd) Impertinents, whose Tongues are too voluble for their Brains, and are the ge­neral Despisers of us Women, though we have their Superiors, the Men of Sense, for our Ser­vants.

There has arriv'd no Mail since our last; so that we have no Manner of Foreign News, ex­cept we were to give you, for such, the many Speculations which are on Foot concerning what was imported by the last Advices. There are, it seems, Sixty Battalions and Seventeen Squa­drons appointed to serve in the Siege of Tour­nay; the Garrison of which Place consists but of Eleven Battalions and Four Squadrons. Let­ters of the 29th of the last Month from Berlin have brought Advice, That the Kings of Den­mark, Prussia, and his Majesty Augustus, were within few Days to come to an Interview at Potsdam. These Letters mention, That Two Polish Princes of the Family of Sapicha and Lubermirsky, lately arriv'd from Paris, confirm [Page 270] the Reports of the Misery in France for Want of Provisions, and give a particular Instance of it, which is, That on the Day Monsieur Rouille re­turned to Court, the Common People gather'd in Crowds about the Dauphin's Coach, crying, Peace and Bread, Bread and Peace.

Mrs. Distaff has taken upon her, while she writes this Paper, to turn her Thoughts wholly to the Service of her own Sex, and to propose Reme­dies against the greatest Vexations attending Fe­male Life. She has for this End written a small Treatise concerning the Second Word, with an Ap­pendix on the Use of a Reply, very proper for all such as are married to Persons either ill-bred or ill­natured. There is in this Tract a Digression, for the Use of Virgins, concerning the Words, I will.

A Gentlewoman who has a very delicate Ear, wants a Maid who can whisper, and help her in the Government of her Family. If the said Servant can Clear-Starch, Lisp, and Tread softly, she shall have suitable Encouragement in her Wages.

The TATLER. [No 38.
From Tuesd. July 5. to Thursd. July 7. 1709.

I Find among my Brother's Papers the follow­ing Letter verbatim, which I wonder how he could suppress so long as he has, since it was sent him for no other End, but to show the good Effect his Writings have already had upon the ill Customs of the Age.

SIR,

THE End of all publick Papers ought to be the Benefit and Instruction, as well as the Diversion of the Readers: To which I see none so truly conducive as your late Perfor­mances; especially those tending to the root­ing out from amongst us that Unchristian-like and Bloody Custom of Duelling; which, that you have already in some Measure perform'd, will appear to the Publick in the following no less True than Heroick Story.

A Noble Gentleman of this City, who has the Honour of serving his Country as Major in the Train-Bands, being at that General Mart of Stock-Jobbers call'd Jonathans, endeavour­ing to raise himself (as all Men of Honour ought) to the Degree of Colonel at least; it happened that he bought the Bear of another Officer, who, though not Commissioned in the Army, yet no less eminently serves the Pub­lick than the other, in raising the Credit of the Kingdom, by raising that of the Stocks. However, having sold the Bear, and Words arising about the Delivery, the most Noble Major, no less scorning to be outwitted in the Coffee-house, than to run into the Field, according to Method, abused the other with the Titles of, Rogue, Villain, Bearskin-Man, and the like. Whereupon Satisfaction was demanded, and accepted: So, forth the Major march'd, commanding his Adversary to fol­low. To a most spacious Room in the She­riff's House, near the Place of Quarrel, they come; where, having due Regard to what you have lately publish'd, they resolved not to shed one another's Blood in that barba­rous Manner you prohibited; yet, not wil­ling [Page 272] to put up Affronts without Satisfaction' they stripp'd, and in decent Manner fought full fairly with their wrathful Hands. The Combat lasted a Quarter of an Hour; in which Time Victory was often doubtful, and many a dry Blow was strenuously laid on by each Side, till the Major finding his Adver­sary obstinate, unwilling to give him further Chastisement, with most shrill Voice cry'd out, I am satisfied, enough. Whereupon the Com­bat ceas'd, and both were Friends imme­diately.

Thus the World may see, how necessary it is to encourage those Men, who make it their Business to instruct the People in every Thing necessary for their Preservation. I am in­formed, a Body of worthy Citizens have a­greed on an Address of Thanks to you for what you have writ on the foregoing Subject, whereby they acknowledge one of their highly esteem'd Officers preserv'd from Death.

Your humble Servant, A. B.

I fear the Word Bear is hardly to be under­stood among the polite People; but I take the Meaning to be, That one who ensures a Real Value upon an Imaginary Thing, is said to sell a Bear, and is the same Thing as a Promise a­mong Courtiers, or a Vow between Lovers. I have writ to my Brother to hasten to Town; and hope, that printing the Letters directed to him, which I knew not how to answer, will bring him speedily; and therefore I add also the following:

Mr. Bickerstaff,

YOU having hinted a generous Intention of taking under your Consideration the Whisperers without Business, and Laughers without Occasion; as you tender the Welfare of your Country, I entreat you not to forget or delay so Publick-spirited a Work. Now or never is the Time. Many other Calamities may cease with the War; but I dismally dread the Multiplication of these Mortals un­der the Ease and Luxuriousness of a settled Peace, half the Blessing of which may be de­stroyed by 'em. Their Mistake lies certainly here, in a wretched Belief, That their Mi­mickry passes for Real Business, or True Wit. Dear Sir, convince 'em, that it never was, is, or ever will be, either of them; nor ever did, does, or to all Futurity ever can look like ei­ther of them; but that it is the most cursed Disturbance in Nature, which is possible to be inflicted on Mankind, under the noble Definition of a Sociable Creature. In doing this, Sir, you will oblige more Humble Ser­vants, than can find Room to subscribe their Names.

In Pursuance of my last Date from hence, I am to proceed on the Accounts I promised of several Personages among the Men, whose con­spicuous Fortunes, or Ambition in shewing their Follies, have exalted them above their Fellows: The Levity of their Minds is visible in their every Word and Gesture, and there [...]s not a Day passes but puts me in Mind of Mr. Wycherley's Character of a Coxcomb He is ugly all over with the Affectation of the fine Gentleman. Now though the Women may put on Softness in their [Page 274] Looks, or affected Severity, or impertinent Gaie­ty, or pert Smartness, their Self-Love and Admi­ration cannot, under any of these Disguises, ap­pear so invincible as that of the Men. You may easily take Notice, that in all their Actions there is a secret Approbation, either in the Tone of their Voice, the Turn of their Body, or Cast of their Eye, which shows that they are extremely in their own Favour.

Take one of your Men of Business, he shall keep you half an Hour with your Hat off, enter­taining you with his Consideration of that Af­fair you spoke of to him last, till he has drawn a Crowd that observes you in this Grimace. Then when he is publick enough, he immediately runs into Secrets, and falls a whispering. You and he make Breaks with Adverbs; as, But however, thus far; and then you whisper again, and so on, till they who are about you are dispersed, and your busy Man's Vanity is no longer gratified by the Notice taken of what Importance he is, and how inconsiderable you are; for your Pretender to Business is never in Secret, but in Publick.

There is my dear Lord No-where, of all Men the most gracious and most obliging, the Terror of all Valets de Chambre, whom he oppresses with good Breeding, in enquiring for my good Lord, and for my good Lady's Health. This imi­table Courtier will whisper a Privy-Counsellor's Lacquey with the utmost Goodness and Conde­scention, to know when they next sit; and is throughly taken up, and thinks he has a Part in a Secret, if he knows that there is a Secret. What it is he will whisper you, that Time will discover; then he shrugs, and calls you back a­gain—Sir, I need not say to you. That these Things are not to be spoken of—And hark'ee, No Names, I would not be quoted. What adds to the Jest is, that his Emptiness has its Moods and Seasons, [Page 275] and he will not condescend to let you into these his Discoveries, except he is in very good Hu­mour, or has seen some Body in Fashion talk to you. He will keep his Nothing to himself, and pass by and overlook as well as the best of 'em; not observing that he is insolent when he is gra­cious, and obliging when he is haughty. Show me a Woman so inconsiderable as this frequent Character.

But my Mind (now I am in) turns to many no less observable: Thou dear Will. Shoestring! I profess my self in Love with thee? How shall I speak thee? How shall I address thee? How shall I draw thee? Thou dear Outside! Will you be combing your Wig, Playing with your Box, or Picking your Teeth? Or chusest thou rather to be Speaking; to be speaking for thy only Purpose in Speaking, to shew your Teeth? Rub 'em no longer, dear Shoestring: Do not premeditate Mur­der: Do not for ever Whiten: Oh! That for my Quiet and his own they were rotten.

But I will forget him, and give my Hand to the courteous Umbra; He is a fine Man indeed, but the soft Creature bows below my Apron-String before he takes it; yet after the first Ce­remonies, he is as familiar as my Physician, and his Insignificancy makes me half ready to com­plain to him of all I would to my Doctor. He is so courteous, that he carries half the Messages of Ladies Ails in Town to their Midwives and Nurses. He understands too the Art of Medi­cine as far as to the Cure of a Pimple or a Rash. On Occasions of the like Importance, he is the most assiduous of all Men living, in consulting and searching Precedents from Family to Fami­ly; then he speaks of his Obsequiousness and Diligence in the Style of real Services. If you sneer at him, and thank him for his great Friend­ship, he bows, and says, Madam, all the good [Page 276] Offices in my Power, while I have any Knowledge or Credit, shall be at your Service. The Conside­ration of so shallow a Being, and the intent Ap­plication with which he pursues Trifles, has made me carefully reflect upon that Sort of Men we usually call an Impertinent: And I am, upon mature Deliberation, so far from being offended with him, that I am really obliged to him; for though he will take you aside, and talk half an Hour upon Matters wholly insignificant with the most solemn Air, yet I consider, that these Things are of Weight in his Imagination, and he thinks he is communicating what is for my Service. If therefore it be a just Rule, to judge of a Man by his Intention, according to the Equity of Good­breeding, he that is impertinently kind or wise, to do you Service, ought in Return to have a pro­portionable Place both in your Aff ction and E­steem; so that the courteous Umbra deserves the Favour of all his Acquaintance; for though he never serv'd 'em, he is ever willing to do it, and believes he does it.

As impotent Kindness is to be returned with all our Abilities to oblige; so impotent Malice is to be treated with all our Force to depress it. For this Reason, Fly-Blow (who is received in all the Families in Town through the Degeneracy and Iniquity of their Manners) is to be treated like a Knave, tho' he is one of the weakest of Fools: He has by Rote, and at Second hand, all that can be said of any Man of Figure, Wit, and Virtue in Town. Name a Man of Worth, and this Creature tells you the worst Passage of his Life. Speak of a beautiful Woman, and this Puppy will whisper the next Man to him, tho' he has nothing to say of her. He is a Fly that feeds on the sore Part, and would have nothing to live on, if the whole Body were in Health. You may know him by the Frequency of pro­nouncing [Page 277] the Particle But; for which Reason I never hear him spoke of with common Charity, without using my But against him: For a Friend of mine saving the other Day, Mrs. Distaff has Wit, good Humour, Virtue and Friendship; this Oaf added, But she is not handsome. Cox­comb! The Gentleman was saying what I was, not what I was not.

The Approaches before Tournay have been car­ried on with great Success; and our Advices from the Camp before that Place of the 11th Instant say, That they had already made a Lodgment on the Glacis. Two Hundred Boats were come up the Scheld with the heavy Artillery and Ammu­nition, which would be employed in dismount­ing the Enemy's Defences, and rais'd on the Bat­teries the 15th. A great Body of Miners are sum­moned to the Camp to countermine the Works of the Enemy. We are convinced of the Weakness of the Garrison, by a certain Account, That they call'd a Council of War, to consult whether it was not advisable to march into the Citadel, and leave the Town defenceless. We are assured, That when the Confederate Army was advan­cing towards the Camp of Marshal Villars, that General dispatch'd a Courier to his Master with a Letter, giving an Account of their Approach, which concluded with the following Words: The Day begins to break, and your Majesty's Army is already in Order of Battle. Before Noon, I hope to have the Honour of congratulating your Majesty on the Success of a great Action; and you shall be very well satisfied with the Marshal Villars.

It is to be noted, That when any Part of this Paper appears dull, there is a Design in it.

The TATLER. [No 39.
From Thursd. July 7. to Saturd. July 9. 1709.

AS I am call'd forth by the immense Love I bear to my Fellow Creatures, and the warm Inclination I feel within me, to stem, as far I can, the prevailing Torrent of Vice and Ignorance; so I cannot more properly pursue that noble Impulse, than by setting forth the Excellence of Virtue and Knowledge in their native and beautiful Colours. For this Reason I made my late Excursion to Oxford, where those Qualities appear in their highest Lustre, and are the only Pretences to Honour and Di­stinction. Superiority is there given in Propor­tion to Men's Advancement in Wisdom and Learning; and that just Rule of Life is so uni­versally received among those happy People, that you shall see an Earl walk bear-headed to the Son of the meanest Artificer, in Respect to seven Years more Worth and Knowledge than the Nobleman is possess'd of. In other Places they bow to Men's Fortunes, but here to their Understandings. It is not to be express'd, how pleasing the Order, the Discipline, the Regula­rity of their Lives, is to a Philosopher, who has, by many Years Experience in the World, learn'd to contemn every Thing but what is re­ver'd in this Mansion of select and well-taught Spirits. The Magnificence of their Palaces, the Greatness of their Revenues, the Sweetness of their Groves and Retirements, seem equally a­dapted [Page 279] for the Residence of Princes and Philoso­phers; and a Familiarity with Objects of Splen­dour, as well as Places of Recess, prepares the Inhabitants with an Equanimity for their future Fortunes, whether humble or illustrious. How was I pleas'd when I look'd round at St. Mary's, and could, in the Faces of the ingenious Youth, see Ministers of State, Chansellors, Bishops, and Judges. Here only is Humane Life! Here only the Life of Man is a Rational Being! Here Men understand and are employed in Works worthy their noble Nature. This transitory Being passes away in an Employment not unworthy a future State, the Contemplation of the great Decrees of Providence. Each Man lives as if he were to answer the Questions made to Job, Where wast thou when I laid the Foundations of the Earth? Who shut up the Sea with Doors, and said, Hither­to shalt thou come, and no further? Such Specu­lations make Life agreeable, make Death wel­come.

But alas! I was torn from this noble Society by the Business of this dirty mean World, and the Cares of Fortune: For I was oblig'd to be in London against the 7th Day of the Term, and accordingly govern'd my self by my Oxford Al­manack, and came last Night; but find, to my great Astonishment, that this ignorant Town began the Term on the 24th of the last Month, in Opposition to all the Learning and Astronomy of the famous University of which I have been speaking; according to which, the Term cer­tainly was to commence on the 1st Instant. You may be sure, a Man who has turn'd his Studies as I have, could not be mistaken in Point of Time; for knowing I was come to Town in Term, I examin'd the passing Moments very narrowly, and called an eminent Astronomer to my Assistance. Upon very strict Observation [Page 280] we sound, that the Cold has been so severe this last Winter, (which is allow'd to have a benum­ming Quality) that it retarded the Earth in mo­ving round from Christmas to this Season full Seven Days and Two Seconds. My Learned Friend assured me further, That the Earth had lately received a Shog from a Comet that cross'd its Vortex, which, if it had come Ten Degrees nearer us, had made us lose this whole Term. I was indeed once of Opinion, That the Grego­rian Computation was the most regular, as be­ing Eleven Days before the Julian; but am now fully convinc'd, that we ought to be Seven Days after the Chancellor and Judges, and Eighteen before the Pope of Rome; and that the Oxonion Computation is the best of the Three.

These are the Reasons which I have gather'd from Philosophy and Nature; to which I can add other Circumstances in Vindication of the Account of this Learned Body who publish'd this Almanack.

It is notorious to Philosophers, that Joy and Grief can hasten and delay Time. Mr. Lock is of Opinion, That a Man in great Misery may so far lose his Measures, as to think a Minute an Hour; or in Joy, make an Hour a Minute. Let us examine the present Case by this Rule, and we shall find, that the Cause of this general Mi­stake in the British Nation, has been the great Success of the last Campaigne, and the follow­ing Hopes of Peace. Stocks ran so high at the Change, that the Citizens had gain'd Three Days of the Courtiers; and we have indeed been so happy this Reign, that it the University did not rectify our Mistakes, we should think our selves but in the Second Year of Her pretent Majesty. It would be endless to enumerate the many Da­mages that have happened by this Ignorance of [Page 281] the Vulgar. All the Recognizances within the Diocese of Oxford have been forfeited, for not appearing on the First Day of this Fictitious Term. The University has been Nonsuited in their Action against the Booksellers for printing Clarendon in Quarto. Indeed what gives me the most quick Concern, is the Case of a poor Gentleman my Friend, who was t'other Day taken in Execution by a Set of ignorant Bai­liffs. He should, it seems, have pleaded in the first Week of Term; but being a Master of Arts of Oxford, he would not recede from the Oxonian Computation. He shew'd Mr. Broad the Almanack, and the very Day when the Term began; but the merciless ignorant Fel­low, against all Sense and Learning, would hur­ry him away. He went indeed quietly enough; but he has taken exact Notes of the Time of Arrest, and sufficient Witnesses of his being car­ried into Gaol; and has, by Advice of the Recorder of Oxford, brought his Action; and we doubt not but we shall pay 'em off with Da­mages, and blemish the Reputation of Mr. Broad. We have one convincing Proof, which all that frequent the Courts of Justices are Witnesses of: The Dog that comes constantly to Westminster on the First Day of the Term, did not appear till the First Day according to the Oxford Al­manack; whose Instinct I take to be a better Guide than Men's erroneous Opinions, which are usually byass'd by Interest. I judge in this Case, as King Charles II. victual'd his Navy, with the Bread which one of his Dogs chose of several Pieces thrown before him, rather than trust to the Asseverations of the Victuallers. Mr. Cowper, and other learned Council, have already urg'd the Authority of this Almanack in Behalf of their Clients. We shall therefore go on with all Speed in our Cause; and doubt not, but Chancery will give at the End what [Page 280] [...] [Page 281] [...] [Page 282] we lost in the Beginning, by protracting the Term for us till Wednesday come Se'nnight: And the University Orator shall for ever pray, &c.

The Subject of Duels has, I find, been started with so good Success, that it has been the fre­quent Subject of Conversation among polite Men; and a Dialogue of that Kind has been transmit­ted to me verbatim, as follows. The Persons concern'd in it are Men of Honour, and Expe­rience in the Manners of Men, and have fallen upon the truest Foundation, as well as search'd the Bottom of this Evil.

Mr. Sage.

If it were in my Power, every Man that drew his Sword, unless in the Service, or purely to defend his Life, Person, or Goods, from Violence, (I mean abstracted from all Puncto's or Whims of Honour) should ride the Wooden Horse in the Tilt-Yard for such First Offence, for the Second stand in the Pillory, and for the Third be Prisoner in Bedlam for Life.

Colonel Plume.

I remember, that a Rencoun­ter or Duel was so far from being in Fashion a­mong the Officers that serv'd in the Parliament Army, that on the contrary, it was as disrepu­table, and as great an Impediment to Advance­ment in the Service, as being bashful in Time of Action.

Sir Mark.

Yet I have been inform'd by some old Cavaliers, of famous Reputation for brave and gallant Men, that they were much more in Mode among their Party, than they have been during this last War.

Col. Plume.

That is true too Sir.

Mr. Sage.
[Page 283]

By what you say, Gentlemen, one should think that our present Military Officers are compounded of an equal Proportion of both those Tempers; since Duels are neither quite discountenanc'd, nor much in vogue.

Sir Mark.

That Difference of Temper, in Re­gard to Duels, which appears to have been be­tween the Court and Parliament-Men of the Sword, was not (I conceive) for Want of Cou­rage in the latter, nor of a liberal Education, because there were some of the best Families in England engag'd in that Party; but Gallantry and Mode, which glitter agreeably to the Imagi­nation, were encouraged by the Court, as pro­moting its Splendour; and it was as natural that the contrary Party (who were to recommend themselves to the Publick for Men of serious and solid Parts) should deviate from every Thing Chimerical.

Mr. Sage.

I have never read of a Duel among the Romans; and yet their Nobility used more Liberty with their Tongues than one may do now without being challeng'd.

Sir Mark.

Perhaps the Romans were of Opi­nion, that ill Language, and brutal Manners, re­flected only on those who were guilty of them; and that a Man's Reputation was not at all clear'd by cutting the Person's Throat who had reflected upon it: But the Custom of those Times had fixed the Scandal in the Action; whereas now it lies in the Reproach.

Mr. Sage.

And yet the only Sort of Duel that one can conceive to have been fought upon Mo­tives truly honourable and allowable, was that between the Horatii and Curiatii.

Sir Mark.

Colonel Plume, Pray what was the Method of Single Combat in your Time among the Cavaliers? I suppose, that as the Use of Clothes continues, though the Fashion of them [Page 284] has been mutable; so Duels, tho' still in Use, have had in all Times their particular Modes of Performance.

Col. Plume.

We had no constant Rule, but generally conducted our Dispute and Tilt accord­ing to the last that had happen'd between Per­sons of Reputation among the very Top Fellows for Bravery and Gallantry.

Sir Mark.

If the Fashion of Quarrelling and Tilting was so often chang'd in your Time, Colonel Plume, a Man might fight, yet lose his Credit for want of understanding the Fa­shion.

Col. Plume.

Why, Sir Mark, in the Beginning of July, a Man would have been censur'd for want of Courage, or been thought indigent of the true Notions of Honour, if he had put up Words; which in the End of September follow­ing, one could not resent without passing for a brutal and quarrelsome Fellow.

Sir Mark.

But Colonel, Were Duels or Ren­counters most in Fashion in those Days?

Col. Plume.

Your Men of nice Honour, Sir, were for avoiding all Censure of Advan­tage which they suppos'd might be taken in a Rencounter; therefore they us'd Seconds, who were to see that all was upon the Square, and make a faithful Report of the whole Combat; but in a little Time it became a Fashion for the Seconds to fight, and I'll tell you how it hap­pened.

Mr. Sage.

Pray do, Colonel Plume, and the Method of a Duel at that Time, and give us some Notion of the Puncto's upon which your nice Men quarrelled in those Days.

Col. Plume.

I was going to tell you, Mr. Sage, That one Cornet Modish had desned his Friend, Captain Smart,'s Opinion in some Affair, but did not follow it; upon which Captain Smart sent [Page 285] Major Adroit (a very Topping Fellow of those Times) to the Person that had slighted his Ad­vice. The Major never enquired into the Quar­rel, because it was not the manner then among the very Topping Fellows; but got two Swords of an equal Length, and then waited upon Cor­net Modish, desiring him to choose his Sword, and meet his Friend Captain Smart. Cornet Modish came with his Friend to the Place of Combat; there the Principals put on their Pumps, and strip­ed to their Shirts, to show they had nothing but what Men of Honour carry about 'em, and then engag'd.

Sir Mark.

And did the Seconds stand by Sir?

Col. Plume.

It was a received Custom till that Time; but the Swords of those Days being pretty long, and the Principals acting on both Sides upon the Defensive, and the Morning be­ing frosty, Major Adroit desired that the other Second, who was also a very Topping Fellow, would try a Thrust or Two only to keep them warm, till the Principals had decided the Mat­ter, which was agreed to by Modish's Second, who presently whipt Adroit through the Body, disarm'd him, and then parted the Principals, who had receiv'd no Harm at all.

Mr. Sage.

But was not Adroit laugh'd at?

Col. Plume.

On the Contrary, the very Top­ping Fellows were ever after of Opinion. That no Man who deserved that Character, could serve as a Second, without Fighting; and the Smarts and Modishes finding their Account in it, the Humour took without Opposition.

Mr. Sage.

Pray Colonel, How long did that Fashion continue?

Col. Plume.

Not long neither, Mr. Sage; for as soon as it became a Fashion, the very Top­ping Fellows thought their Honour reflected up­on, [Page 286] if they did not proffer themselves as Seconds when any of their Friends had a Quarrel; so that sometimes there were a Dozen of a Side.

Sir Mark.

Bless me! If that Custom had con­tinued, we should have been at a Loss now for our very Pretty Fellows; for they seem to be the proper Men to officer, animate, and keep up an Army: But, pray Sir, How did that sociable Manner of Tilting grow out of Mode?

Col. Plume.

Why, Sir, I'll tell you: It was a Law among the Combatants, That the Party which happen'd to have the first Man disarm'd or kill'd, should yield as vanquish'd; which some People thought might encourage the Modishes and Smarts in quarrelling, to the Destruction of only the very Topping Fellows; and as soon as this Reflection was started, the very Topping Fellows thought it an Incumbrance upon their Honour to fight at all themselves. Since that Time, the Modishes and the Smarts, through­out all Europe, have extoll'd the French King's Edict.

Sir Mark.

Our very pretty Fellows, whom I take to be the Successors of the very Topping Fellows, think a Quarrel so little Fashionable, that they will not be expos'd to it by another Man's Vanity, or Want of Sense.

Mr. Sage.

But, Colonel, I have observ'd in your Account of Duels, that there was a great Exactness in avoiding all Advantage that might possibly be between the Combatants.

Col. Plume.

That's true, Sir; for the Wea­pons were always equal.

Mr. Sage.

Yes, Sir; but suppose an active, adroit, strong Man, had insulted an aukward, or a feeble, or an unpractis'd Swords-man.

Col. Plume.

Then, Sir, they fought with Pi­stols.

Mr. Sage.
[Page 287]

But, Sir, there might be a certain Advantage that Way; for a good Marks-man will be sure to hit his Man at 20 Yards Distance; and a Man whose Hand shakes (which is com­mon to Men that debauch in Pleasures, or have not us'd Pistols out of their Holsters) won't venture to fire, unless he touches the Person he shoots at. Now, Sir, I am of Opinion, that one can get no Honour in killing a Man (if one has it all Rug) as the Gamesters say, when they have a Trick to make the Game secure, though they seem to play upon the Square.

Sir Mark.

In Truth, Mr. Sage, I think such a Fact must be Murder in a Man's own private Conscience, whatever it may appear to the World.

Col. Plume.

I have known some Men so nice, that they would not fight but upon a Cloak without Pistols.

Mr. Sage.

I believe a Custom, well establish­ed, would outdo the Grand Monarch's Edict.

Sir Mark.

And Bullies would then leave off their long Swords; but I don't find that a very Pretty Fellow can stay to change his Sword, when he is insulted by a Bully with a long Diego, tho' his own at the same Time be no longer than a Pen-knife; which will certainly be the Case, if such little Swords are in Mode. Pray Colonel, how was it between the Hectors of your Time and the very Topping Fellows?

Col. Plume.

Sir, Long Swords happened to be generally worn in those Times.

Mr. Sage.

In answer to what you were saying, Sir Mark, give me Leave to inform you, that your Knights-Errant, (who were the very Pretty Fel­lows of those Ancient Times) thought they could not honourably yield, though they had fought their own trusty Weapons to the Stumps; but would venture as boldly with the Page's Leaden [Page 288] Sword, as if it had been of enchanted Meta [...] Whence I conceive, there must be a Spice o [...] Romantick Gallantry in the Composition of tha [...] very Pretty Fellow.

Sir Mark.

I am of Opinion, Mr. Sage, tha [...] Fashion governs a very pretty Fellow; Nature [...] or common Sense, your ordinary Persons, an [...] sometimes Men of fine Parts.

Mr. Sage.

But what is the Reason, that Me [...] of the most excellent Sense and Morals (in other Points) associate their Understandings with the very Pretty Fellows in that Chimaera of a Duel?

Sir Mark.

There's no disputing against so great a Majority.

Mr. Sage.

But there is one Scruple, (Col. Plume) and I have done: Don't you believe, there may be some Advantage even upon a Cloak with Pistols? Which a Man of nice Honour would scruple to take.

Col. Plume.

Faith, I can't tell, Sir; but since one may reasonably suppose, that (in such a Case) there can be but one so far in the Wrong as to occasion Matters to come to that Extremity, I think the Chance of being kill'd should fall but on one; whereas by their close and desperate Manner of Fighting, it may very probably hap­pen to both.

Sir Mark.

Why Gentlemen, if they are Men of such nice Honour, (and must fight) there will be no fear of foul Play, if they threw up Cross or Pile who should be shot.

The TATLER. [No 40.
From Saturday July 9. to Tuesd. July 12. 1709.

LEtters from the City of London give an Ac­count of a very great Consternation that [...]ace is in at present, by reason of a late Enquiry [...]ade at Guildhall, Whether a Noble Person has [...]rts enough to deserve the Enjoyment of the [...]reat Estate of which he is possess'd? The City [...] apprehensive, that this Precedent may go fur­ [...]er than was at first imagin'd. The Person a­ [...]inst whom this Inquisition is set up by his Re­ [...]tions, is a Peer of a neighbouring Kingdom, [...]d has in his Youth made some few Bulls, by [...]hich it is insinuated, that he has forfeited his [...]oods and Chattels. This is the more astonish­ [...]g, in that there are many Persons in the said [...]ity who are still more guilty than his Lord­ [...]ip, and who, though they are Ideots, do not [...]nly possess, but have also themselves acquired [...]reat Estates, contrary to the known Laws of [...]is Realm, which vests their Possessions in the Crown.

There is a Gentleman in the Coffee-house at [...]is Time exhibiting a Bill in Chancery against [...]s Father's younger Brother, who by some [...]range Magick has arrived at the Value of half [...] Plumb, as the Citizens call an Hundred Thou­ [...]nd Pounds; and in all the Time of growing up [...] that Wealth, was never known in any of his [...]rdinary Words or Actions to discover any Proof [Page 290] of Reason. Upon this Foundation my Friend ha [...] set forth, that he is illegally Master of his Cof­fers, and has writ two Epigrams to signify his own Pretensions and Sufficiency for spending that Estate. He has inserted in his Plea some Things which I fear will give Offence, for he pretends to argue, that tho' a Man has a little of the Knave mix'd with the Fool, he is neverthe­less liable to the Loss of Goods; and makes the Abuse of Reason as just an Avoidance of an E­state as the total Absence of it. This is what can never pass; but witty Men are so full of them­selves, that there is no perswading 'em; and my Friend will not be convinc'd, but that upon quo­ting Solomon, who always used the Word Fool as a Term of the same Signification with Unjust, and makes all Deviation from Goodness and Virtue to come under the Notion of Folly, I say he doubts not, but by the Force of this Autho­rity, let his Ideot Uncle appear never so great a Knave, he shall prove him a Fool at the same Time.

This Affair led the Company here into an Exa­mination of these Points; and none coming here but Wits, what was asserted by a young Lawyer, that a Lunatick is in the Care of the Chancery, but a Fool in that of the Crown, was received with general Indignation. ‘'Why that? says old Renault. Why that? Why must a Fool be a Courtier more than a Madman? This is the Iniquity of this dull Age: I remember the Time when it went on the mad Side; all your Top Wits were Scowrers, Rakes, Roarers, and Demolishers of Windows. I knew a mad Lord who was drunk five Years together, and was the Envy of that Age; who is faintly imi­tated by the dull Pretenders to Vice and Mad­ness in this. Had he lived to this Day, there had not been a Fool in Fashion in the whole [Page 291] Kingdom. When Renault had done speaking, a very worthy Man assumed the Discourse. This is (said he) Mr. Bickerstaff, a proper Ar­gument for you to treat in your Article from this Place; and if you would send your Pacolet into all our Brains, you would find, that a little Fibre or Valve, scarce discernable, makes the Distinction between a Politician and an Ideot. We should therefore throw a Veil upon those unhappy Instances of humane Nature, who seem to breath without the Direction of Rea­son and Understanding, as we should avert our Eyes with Abhorrence from such as live in per­petual Abuse and Contradiction to these noble Faculties. Shall this unfortunate Man be di­vested of his Estate, because he is tractable and indolent, runs in no Man's Debt, invades no Man's Bed, nor spends the Estate he owes his Children and his Character; when one who shews no Sense above him, but in such Practi­ces, shall be esteem'd in his Senses, and possibly may pretend to the Guardianship of him who is no Ways his Inferior, but in being less wick­ed? We see old Age brings us indifferently in­to the same Impotence of Soul, wherein Nature has plac'd this Lo [...]d.'’

There is something very fantastical in the Di­stribution of Civil Power and Capacity among Men. The Law certainly gives these Persons in­to the Ward and Care of the Crown, because that is best able to protect 'em from Injuries, and the Impositions of Craft and Knavery; that the Life of an Ideot may not ruin the Intail of a noble House, and his Weakness may not frustrate the Industry or Capacity of the Founder of his Family. But when one of bright Parts, as we say, with his Eyes open, and all Men's Eyes upon him, de­stroys those Purposes, there is no Remedy. Folly and Ignorance are punish'd! Folly and Guilt are [Page 292] tolerated! Mr. Lock has somewhere made a [...] stinction between a Madman and a Fool: A Fo [...] is he that from right Principles makes a wro [...] Conclusion; but a Madman is one who draws [...] just Inference from false Principles. Thus th [...] Fool who cut off the Fellow's Head that lay aslee [...] and hid it, and then waited to see what he wou [...] say when he awak'd and miss'd his Head-piece was in the Right in the first Thought, that a Ma [...] would be surprized to find such an Alteration i [...] Things since he fell asleep; but he was a littl [...] mistaken to imagine he could awake at all afte [...] his Head was off. A Madman fancies himself a Prince; but upon his Mistake, he acts suitably [...] that Character; and tho' he is out in supposion he has Principalities, while he drinks Gruel, and lies in Straw, yet you shall see him keep the Port of a distressed Monarch in all his Words and Actions. These Two Persons are equally taken into Custody: But what must be done to half this good Company, who every Hour of their Life are knowingly and wittingly both Fools and Madmen, and yet have Capacities both of form­ing Principles, and drawing Conclusions, with the full Use of Reason?

This Evening some Ladies came to visit my Sister Jenny; and the Discourse, after very ma­ny frivolous and publick Matters, turned up­on the main Point among the Women, the Pas­sion of Love. Sappho, who always leads on this Occasion, began to show her Reading, and told us, That Sir John Suckling and Milton had, upon a parallel Occasion, said the tenderest Things she had ever read. The Circumstance, said she, is such as gives us a Notion of that Protecting Part which is the Duty of Men in their honourable Designs upon, or Possession of [Page 293] [...]omen. In Suckling's Tragedy of Brennoralt, [...]e makes the Lover steal into his Mistress's Bed­ [...]amber, and draw the Curtains; then, when [...]is Heart is full of her Charms, as she lies sleep­ [...]g, instead of being carried away by the Vio­ [...]ce of his Desires into Thoughts of a warmer [...]ature, Sleep, which is the Image of Death, [...]ives this generous Lover Reflections of a diffe­ [...]ent Kind, which regard rather her Safety than [...]is own Passion. For, beholding her as she lies [...]eeping, he utters these Words:

So Misers look upon their Gold,
Which, while they joy to see, they fear to lose:
The Pleasure of the Sight scarce equalling
The Jealousy of being dispossess'd by others.
Her Face is like the Milky Way i'th' Sky,
A Meeting of gentle Lights without Name!

Heav'ns! Shall this fresh Ornament of the World,
These precious Love-Lines, pass with other common Things
Amongst the Wasts of Time? What Pity 'twere!

When Milton makes Adam leaning on his Arm, beholding Eve, and lying in the Contemplation of her Beauty, he describes utmost Tender­ness and Guardian Affection in one Word:

Adam with Looks of Cordial Love
Hung over her enamour'd.

This is that Sort of Passion which truly de­serves the Name of Love, and has something more generous than Friendship it self; for it has a constant Care of the Object beloved, ab­stracted from its own Interests in the [...]osses­sion of it. Sappho was proceeding on the Sub­ject, when my Sister produced a Letter sent to her in the Time of my Absence, in Celebration of the Marriage State, which is the Condition [Page 294] wherein only this Sort of Passion reigns in [...] Authority. The Epistle is as follows:

Dear Madam,

YOur Brother being absent, I dare take the Liberty of writing to you my Thought of that State, which our whole Sex either is or desires to be in: You'll easily guess I mean Ma­trimony, which I hear so much decry'd, that it was with no small Labour I maintained my Ground against Two Opponents; but, as your Brother observ'd of Socrates, I drew them into my Conclusion from their own Concessions; thus:

In Marriage are Two happy Things allow'd,
A Wife in Wedding Sheets, and in a Shrowd.
How can a Marriage State then be accurs'd,
Since the last Day's as happy as the First?

If you think they were too easily confuted, you may conclude them not of the First Sense, by their talking against Marriage.

Yours, Mariana.

I observed Sappho began to redden at this Epistle; and turning to a Lady, who was play­ing with a Dog she was so fond of, as to carry him Abroad with her; Nays, says she, I cannot blame the Men if they have mean Ideas of our Souls and Affections, and wonder so many are brought to take us for Companions for Life, when they see our Endearments so triflingly placed: For, to my knowledge, Mr. Truman would give half his Estate for half the Affection you have shown to that Shock: Nor do I believe you would be ashamed to confess, that I saw you cry, when he had the Cholick last Week [Page 295] with lapping sour Milk. What more could you do for your Lover himself? What more! replied the Lady. There is not a Man in England for whom I could lament half so much. Then she stifled the Animal with Kisses, and call'd him, Beau, Life, Dear, Monsieur, Pretty Fellow, and what not, in the Hurry of her Impertinence. Sappho rose up; as she always does at any Thing. The observes done, which discovers in her own. Sex a Levity of Mind, which renders 'em iucon­siderable in the Opinion of ours.

Letters from the Hague of the 16th Instant, N. S. say, That the Siege of Tournay went on with all imaginable Success; and that there has been no manner of Stop given to the Attempts of the Confederates since they undertook it, ex­cept that by an Accident of Firing a Piece of Ordnance it burst, and kill'd 15 or 16 Men. The French Army is still in the Camp of Lens, and goes on in improving their Intrenchments. When the last Advices came away, it was believed the Town of Tournay would be in the Hands of the Confederates by the End of this Month. Advi­ces from Brussels inform us, That they have an Account of a great Action between the Male­contents in the Vivarez, and the French King's Forces under the Command of the Duke of Ro­quelaure, in which Engagement there were Eighteen Hundred Men Kill'd on the Spot. They add, That all Sorts of People who are un­der any Oppression or Discontent do daily join the Vivarois; and that their present Body of Men in Arms consisted of Six Thousand. This sudden Insurrection has put the Court of France under great Difficulties; and the King has gi­ven Orders, That the main Body of his Troops in Spain shall withdraw into his own Domini­ons, [Page 296] where they are to be quartered in such Coun­tries as have of late discovered an Inclination to take up Arms: The Calamities of that Kingdom, being such, that the People are not by any Means to be kept in Obedience, except by the Terror of Military Execution. What makes the Distres­ses still greater, is, That the Court begins to be doubtful of their Troops, some Regiments in the Action of the Cevennes having faced about against their Officers; and after the Battle was over, join'd the Malecontents. Upon receiving Advice of this Battle, the Duke of Berwick de­tached Twelve Battalions into those Parts, and began to add new Works to his Intrenchments near Brianzon, in order to defend his Camp, af­ter being weakened by sending so great a Rein­forcement into the Cevennes. Letters from Spain say, That the Dutchess of Anjou was lately deli­vered of a Second Son. They write from Madrid of the 25th of June, That the Blockade of Oli­venza was continued; but acknowledge, that the late Provisions which were thrown into the Place, make them doubt whether they shall be Masters of it this Campaign; though it is at present so closely blocked up, that it appears impracticable to send in any more Stores or Succours. They are preparing with all Expedition to repair the Fortifications of Alicant, for the Security of the Kingdom of Valencia.

The TATLER. [No 41.
From Tuesd. July 12. to Thursd. July 14. 1709.

— Celebrare Domestica Facta.

THere is no one Thing more to be lamented in our Nation, than their general Affecta­tion of every Thing that is Foreign; nay, we carry it so far, that we are more anxious for our own Countrymen when they have crossed the Seas, than when we see them in the same dan­gerous Condition before our Eyes at Home: Else how is it possible, that on the 29th of the last Month, there should have been a Battle fought in our very Streets of London, and no Body at this End of the Town have heard of it. I pro­test, I, who make it my Business to enquire after Adventures, should never have known this, had not the following Account been sent me inclo­sed in a Letter. This, it seems, is the Way of giving out of Orders in the Artillery Company; and they prepare for a Day of Action with so little Concern, as only to call it, An Exercise of Arms.

[Page 298]
An Exercise at Arms of the Artillery Company, to be performed on Wednesday June 29. 1709. un­der the Command of Sir Joseph Woolf, Knight and Alderman, General; Charles Hoplon, Esquire, present Sheriff, Lieutenant-General; Captain Richard Synge, Major; Major John Shorey, Captain of Granadiers; Capt. Wil­liam Grayhurst, Capt. John Butler, Capt. Ro­bert Carellis, Captains.

THE Body march from the Artillery-Ground through Moregate, Coleman street, Lothbu­ry, Broad street, Finch-Lane, Cornhill, Cheapside, St. Martins, St. Anne's-Lane, Hault the Pikes under the Wall in Noble-street, Draw up the Firelocks facing the Goldsmiths Hall, make Ready and Face to the Left, and Fire, and so ditto Three Times. Beat to Arms, and March round the Hall, as up Lad-Lane, Gutter-Lane, Honey-Lane, and so Wheel to the Right, and make your Salute to my Lord, and so down St. Anne's Lane, up Aldersgate-street, Barbican, and draw up in Red-Cross street, the Right at St. Paul's-Alley in the Rear. March off Lieu­tenant-General with Half the Body up Beech-Lane: He sends a Sub-Division up Kings-Head-Court, and takes Post in it, and marches Two Divisions round into Red-Lion-Market, to de­fend that Pass, and succour the Division in Kings-Head-Court, but keeps in White-Cross-street, facing Beech-Lane, the rest of the Body ready drawn up. Then the General marches up Beech-Lane, is attacked, but forces the Di­vision in the Court into the Market, and enters with Three Divisions while he presses the Lieu­tenant-General's Main Body; and at the same Time, the Three Divisions force those of the Revolters out of the Market, and so all the Lieutenant-General's Body retreats into Chis­wel-street, and lodges Two Divisions in Grub-street; [Page 299] and as the General marches on, they fall on his Flank, but soon made to give Way; but having a Retreating-Place in Red-Lion-Court, but could not hold it, being put to Flight thro' Paul's-Alley, and pursued by the General's Gra­nadiers, while he marches up and attacks their main Body, but are opposed again by a Party of Men as lay in Black-Raven-Court; but they are forced also to Retire soon in the utmost Confusion, and at the same Time those Brave Divisions in Paul's-Alley ply their Rear with Granadiers, that with Precipitation they take to the Rout along Bunhill-Row: So the General marches into the Artillery-Ground, and being drawn up, finds the Revolting Party to have found Entrance, and makes a Show as if for a Battle, and both Armies soon Engage in Form, and Fire by Platoons.

Much might be said for the Improvement of this System; which, for its Style and Invention, may instruct Generals and their Historians, both in fighting a Battle, and describing it when 'tis over. These elegant Expressions, Ditto—And so—But soon—But having—But could not—But are—But they—Finds the Party to have found, &c.—do certainly give great Life and Spirit to the Relation.

Indeed I am extremely concerned for the Lieu­tenant-General, who, by his Overthrow and De­feat, is made a deplorable Instance of the For­tune of War, and Vicissitudes of humane Affairs. He, alas! has lost in Beech-Lane and Chiswel-street, all the Glory he lately gain'd in and about Hol­born and St. Giles's. The Art of Subdividing first, and Dividing afterwards, is new and sur­prising; and according to this Method, the Troops are disposed in Kings-Head-Court and Red-Lion-Market: Nor is the Conduct of these Leaders less conspicuous in their Choice of the [Page 300]Ground or Field of Battle. Happy was it, that the greatest Part of the Atchievements of this Day was to be performed near Grub-street, that there might not be wanting a sufficient Number of faithful Historians. who being Eye-Witnesses of these Wonders, should impartially transmit them to Posterity: But then it can never be e­nough regretted, that we are left in the Dark as to the Name and Title of that extraordinary Hero who commanded the Divisions in Paul's-Alley; especially because those Divisions are just­ly styled Brave, and accordingly were to push the Enemy along Bunhill-Row, and thereby occa­sion a general Battle. But Pallas appeared in the Form of a Shower of Rain, and prevented the Slaughter and Desolation which were threat­ned by these extraordinary Preparations.

Hi Motus Animorum at (que) haec Certamina tanta
Pulveris exigui Jactu compressa quiescunt.

Some Part of the Company keep up the old Way of Conversation in this Place, which usual­ly turned upon the Examination of Nature, and an Enquiry into the Manners of Men. There is one in the Room so very judicious, that he manages Impertinents with the utmost Dexteri­ty. It was diverting this Evening to hear a Discourse between him and one of these Gen­tlemen. He told me before that Person join'd us, that he was a Questioner, who, according to his Description, is one who asks Questions, not with a Design to receive Information, but an Affectation to show his Uneasiness for Want of it. He went on in asserting, that there are Crowds of that modest Ambition, as to aim no further than to demonstrate that they are in Doubt. By this Time Will. Why-not was [Page 301] fate down by us. So Gentlemen, (says he) In how many Days, think you, shall we be Masters of Tournay? Is the Account of the Action of the Vivarois to be depended upon? Could you have imagined England had so much Money in it as you see it has produced? Pray Sirs, What do you think? Will the Duke of Savoy make an Irrup­tion into France? But (says he) Time will clear all these Mysteries. His Answer to himself gave me the Altitude of his Head, and to all his Questions I thus answered very satisfactori­ly—Sir, have you heard that this Slaughter­ford never own'd the Fact for which he died? Have the News-Papers mentioned that Matter? But, pray, Can you tell me what Method will be taken to provide for these Palatines? But this, as you say, Time will clear. Ay, ay, says he, and whispers me, They will never let us into these Things before-hand. I whispered him again, We shall know it as soon as there is a Proclama­tion—He tells me in t'other Ear, You are in the Right of it. Then he whispered my Friend to know what my Name was; then made an obliging Bow, and went to examine ano­ther Table. This led my Friend and me to weigh this wandring Manner in many other In­cidents, and he took out of his Pockets several little Notes or Tickets to sollicit for Votes to Employments: As, ‘"Mr. John Taplash having served all Offices, and being reduced to great Poverty, desires your Vote for Singing-Clerk of this Parish. Another has had Ten Chil­dren, all whom his Wife has suckled her self; therefore humbly desires to be a Schoolma­ster.'’

There is nothing so frequent as this Way of Application for Offices. It is not that you are fit for the Place, but because the Place would be convenient for you, that you claim a Merit to it. [Page 300] [...] [Page 301] [...] [Page 302] But commend me to the great Kirleus, who has lately set up for Midwisery, and to help Child­birth, for no other Reason, but that he is himself the Unborn Doctor. The Way is to hit upon something that puts the Vulgar upon the Stare, or that touches their Compassion, which is often the weakest Part about us. I know a good Lady, who has taken her Daughters from their old Dancing-master, to place them with another, for no other Reason, but because the new Man has broke his Leg, which is so ill set, that he can never dance more.

As it is a frequent Mortification to me to re­ceive Letters, wherein People tell me, without a Name, they know I meant them in such and such a Passage; so that very Accusation is an Ar­gument, That there are such Beings in Humane Life, as fall under our Description, and our Dis­course is not altogether fantastical and ground­less. But in this Case I am treated as I saw a Boy was t'other Day, who gave out pocky Bills: Every plain Fellow took it that pass'd by, and went on his Way without further Notice: At last came one with his Nose a little abridg'd; who knocks the Lad down, with a, Why you Son of a W—e, do you think I am p—d? But Shake­spear has made the best Apology for this Way of Talking against the Publick Errors: He makes Jaques, in the Play, call'd, As you like it, ex­press himself thus:

Why, Who cries out on Pride,
That can therein tax any private Party?
What Woman in the City do I name?
When that I say the City Woman bears
The Cost of Princes on unworthy Shoulders.
Who can come in and say that I mean her,
When such a one as she, such is her Neighbour?
[Page 303] Or, What is he of basest Function,
That says his Bravery is not on my Cost?
Thinking that I mean him, but therein suits
His Folly to the Mettle of my Speech.
There then! How then? Then let me see wherein
My Tongue hath wrong'd him: If it do him right,
Then he hath wronged himself: If he be free,
Why then my Taxing like a wild Goose flies,
Unclaimed of any Man.

We have received, by Letters of the 18th In­stant from the Camp before Tournay, an Account, That we were in a fair Prospect of being Masters of the Town within seven Days after that Date. Our Batteries had utterly overthrown those of the Enemy. On the 16th Instant, N. S. Gene­ral Schuylemburgh had made a Lodgment on the Counterscarp of the Tenaille; which Post was so weakly defended, that we lost but Six Men in gaining it. So that there seems Reason to hope, that the Citadel will also be in the Hands of the Confederates about the 6th of August, O. S. These Advices inform us further, That Mar­shal Villars had ordered large Detachments to make Motions towards Douay and Condé. The swift Progress of this Siege has so much alarmed the other Frontier Towns of France, that they were throwing down some Houses in the Suburbs of Valenciennes, which they think may stand commodiously for the Enemy in case that Place should be invested. The Elector of Cologue is making all imaginable Haste to remove from hence to Rheims.

The TATLER. [No 42.
From Thursd. July 14. to Saturd. July 16. 1709.

— Celebrare Domestica Facta.

LOoking over some old Papers, I found a little Treatise, written by my Great-Grandfather, concerning Bribery, and thought his Manner of treating that Subject not unworthy my Remark. He there has a Digression concerning a Possibi­lity, that in some Circumstances a Man may re­ceive an Injury, and yet be conscious to himself that he deserves it. There are abundance of fine Things said on the Subject; but the whole wrap'd up in so much Jingle and Pun, (which was the Wit of those Times) that it is scarce in­telligible; but I thought the Design was well enough in the following Sketch of the old Gen­tleman's Poetry: For in this Case, where Two are Rivals for the same Thing, and propose to obtain it by Presents, he that attempts the Judge's Ho­nesty, by making him Offers of Reward, ought not to complain when he loses his Cause by a bet­ter Bidder. The good old Dogrel runs thus:

A Poor Man once a Judge besought,
To judge aright his Cause,
And with a Pot of Oil salutes
This Judger of the Laws.
My Friend, quoth he, thy Cause is good:
He glad away did trudge;
Anon his wealthy Foe did come
Before this partial Judge.
An Hog well fed this Churl presents,
And craves a Strain of Law;
The Hog receiv'd, the Poor Man's Right
Was judg'd not worth a Straw.
Therewith he cry'd, O! Partial Judge,
Thy Doom has me undone;
When Oil I gave, my Cause was good;
But now to Ruin run.
Poor Man, quoth he, I thee forgot,
And see thy Cause of Foil;
An Hog came since into my House,
And broke thy Pot of Oil.

The Discourse happen'd this Evening to fall upon Characters drawn in Plays, and a Gentle­man remark'd, That there was no Method in the World of knowing the Taste of an Age, or Period of Time so good, as by the Observations of the Persons represented in their Comedies. There were several Instances produced, as Ben. Johnson's bringing in a Fellow smoaking as a Piece of Foppery; but, said the Gentleman, (who entertain'd us on this Subject) this Matter is no where so observable as in the Difference of the Characters of Women on the Stage in the last Age, and in this. It is not to be supposed that it was a Poverty of Genius in Shakespear, that his Women made so small a Figure in his Dialogues; but it certainly is, that he drew Women as they then were in Life; for that Sex had not in those Days that Freedom in Conver­sation; and their Characters were only, that they were Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, and Wives. There were not then among the Ladies, shining Wits, Politicians, Virtuosae, Free-Thinkers, and Disputants; nay, there was then hardly such a Creature ev'n as a Coquet: But Vanity had quite another Turn, and the most conspicuous [Page 306] Woman at that Time of Day was only the best Housewife. Were it possible to bring into Life an Assembly of Matrons of that Age, and intro­duce the learned Lady Woodby into their Com­pany, they would not believe the same Nation could produce a Creature so unlike any Thing they ever saw in it.

But these Ancients would be as much astonish'd to see in the same Age so illustrious a Pattern to all who love Things Praise-worthy, as the di­vine Aspasia. Methinks, I now see her walking in her Garden like our first Parent, with unaf­fected Charms, before Beauty had Spectators, and bearing celestial conscious Virtue in her As­pect. Her Countenance is the lively Picture of her Mind, which is the Seat of Honour, Truth, Compassion, Knowledge, and Innocence.

There dwells the Scorn of Vice and Pity too.

In the Midst of the most ample Fortune, and Veneration of all that behold and know her, without the least Affectation, she consults Re­tirement, the Contemplation of her own Being, and that supreme Power which bestowed it. Without the Learning of Schools, or Knowledge of a long Course of Arguments, she goes on in a steady Course of uninterrupted Piety and Vir­tue, and adds to the Severity and Privacy of the last Age all the Freedom and Ease of this. The Language and Mien of a Court she is possessed of in the highest Degree; but the Simplicity and humble Thoughts of a Cottage, are her more welcome Entertainments. Aspasia is a Female Philosopher, who does not only live up to the Resignation of the most retired Lives of the ancient Sages, but also to the Schemes and Plans which they thought beautiful, tho' inimi­table. This Lady is the most exact Oeconomist, without appearing busie; the most strictly vir­tuous, [Page 307] without tasting the Praise of it; and shuns Applause with as much Industry, as others do Reproach. This Character is so particular, that it will very easily be fixed on her only, by all that know her: But I dare say, she will be the last that finds it out.

But, alas! If we have One or Two such La­dies, How many Dozens are there like the rest­less Poluglossa, who is acquainted with all the World but her self; who has the Appearance of all, and Possession of no one Virtue: She has indeed in her Practice the Absence of Vice, but her Dis­course is the continual History of it; and it is apparent, when she speaks of the criminal Grati­fications of others, that her Innocence is only a Restraint, with a certain Mixture of Envy. She is so perfectly opposite to the Character of Aspa­sia, that as Vice is terrible to her only as it is the Object of Reproach, so Virtue is agreeable only as it is attended with Applause.

It is now Twelve a Clock at Noon, and no Mail come in; therefore I am not without Hopes, that the Town will allow me the Liberty which my Brother News-Writers take, in giving them what may be for their Information in ano­ther Kind, and indulge me in doing an Act of Friendship, by publishing the following Account of Goods and Moveables.

This is to give Notice, That a magnificent Palace, with great Variety of Gardens, Statues, and Water-Works, may be bought cheap in Drury-Lane; where there are likewise several Castles to be disposed of, very delightfully situ­ated; as also Groves, Woods, Forrests, Foun­tains and Country Seats, with very pleasant Prospects on all Sides of them; being the Move­ables of Ch—r R—ch Esq who is break­ing [Page 308] up House-keeping, and has many curious Pie­ces of Furniture to be disposed of, which may be seen between the Hours of Six and Ten in the Evening.
The INVENTORY.
  • Spirits of Right Nants Brandy, for Lambent Flames and Apparitions.
  • Three Bottles and a Half of Lightning.
  • One Shower of Snow in the whitest French Paper.
  • Two Showers of a browner Sort.
  • A Sea, consisting of a Dozen large Waves; the Tenth bigger than ordinary, and a little dam­maged.
  • A Dozen and a half of Clouds, trimm'd with black, and well conditioned.
  • A Rainbow a little faded.
  • A Set of Clouds after the French Mode, streak­ed with Lightning, and furbelow'd.
  • A New-Moon something decay'd.
  • A Pint of the finest Spanish Wash, being all that is left of Two Hogsheads sent over last Winter.
  • A Coach very finely gilt, and little used, with a Pair of Dragons, to be sold cheap.
  • A Setting-Sun, a Pennyworth.
  • An Imperial Mantle, made for Cyrus the Great, and worn by Julius Caesar, Bajazet, King Henry the Eighth, and Signior Valentini.
  • A Basket-Hilt Sword, very convenient to car­ry Milk in.
  • Roxana's Night-Gown.
  • Othello's Handkerchief.
  • The Imperial Robes of Xerxes, never worn but once.
  • A Wild-Boar, kill'd by Mrs. Tofts and Diocle­sian.
  • [Page 309] A Serpent to sting Cleopatra.
  • A Mustard-Bowl to make Thunder with.
  • Another of a bigger Sort, by Mr. D—is's Directions, little used.
  • Six Elbow-Chairs, very expert in Country-Dances, with Six Flower-Pots for their Part­ners.
  • The Whiskers of a Turkish Bassa.
  • The Complexion of a Murderer in a Band-box; consisting of a large Piece of burnt Cork, and a Cole-black Peruke.
  • A Suit of Clothes for a Ghost, viz. a bloody Shi t, a Doublet curiously pink'd, and a Coat with Three great Eyelet-Holes upon the Breast.
  • A Bale of Red Spanish Wool.
  • Modern Plots, commonly know by the Name of Trap-Doors, Ladders of Ropes, Visard-Masques, and Tables with broad Carpets over them.
  • Three Oak Cudgels, with one of Crab-Tree; all bought for the Use of Mr. Penkethman.
  • Materials for Dancing; as Masques, Castanets, and a Ladder of Ten Rounds.
  • Aurengezebe's Scymeter, made by Will. Brown in Piccadilly.
  • A Plume of Feathers, never used but by Ocdi­pus and the Earl of Essex.
  • There are also Swords, Halberts, Sheep-Hooks, Cardinals Hats, Turbants, Drums, Gally Pots, a Gibbet, a Cradle, a Rack, a Cart-Wheel, an Altar, a Helmet, a Back-Piece, a Brest-Plate, a Bell, a Tub, and a Jointed-Baby.

These are the hard Shifts we Intelligencers are forced to; therefore our Readers ought to ex­cuse us, if a Westerly Wind blowing for a Fort­night together, generally fills every Paper with an Order of Battle; when we show our Mar­tial Skill in each Line, and, according to the [Page 310] Space we have to fill, we range our Men in Squa­drons and Battalions, or draw out Company by Company, and Troop by Troop; ever obser­ving, that no Muster is to be made, but when the Wind is in a cross Point, which often hap­pens at the End of a Campaign, when half the Men are deserted or killed. The Courant is sometimes Ten deep, his Ranks close: The Post-Boy is generally in Files, for greater Exactness; and the Post-Man comes down upon you rather after the Turkish Way, Sword in Hand, Pell-mell, without Form or Discipline; but sure to bring Men enough into the Field; and where-ever they are raised, never to lose a Battle for Want of Numbers.

The TATLER. [No 43.
From Saturd. July 16. to Tuesd. July 19. 1709.

— Bene Nummatum decorat Swadela Venusque.
Hor.

I Write from hence at present to complain, That Wit and Merit are so little encouraged by People of Rank and Quality, that the Wits of the Age are obliged to run within Temple-Bar for Patronage. There is a deplorable In­stance of this in the Case of Mr. D—y, who has dedicated his inimitable Comedy, called, The Modern Prophets, to a worthy Knight, to whom, it seems, he had before communicated his Plan, which was, To Ridicule the Ridiculers of our esta­blish'd Doctrine. I have elsewhere celebrated the Contrivance of this excellent Drama; but was [Page 311] not, till I read the Dedication, wholly let into the Religious Design of it. I am afraid it has suf­fered Discontinuance at this gay End of the Town, for no other Reason but the Piety of the Purpose. There is however in this Epistle the true Life of Panegyrical Performance; and I do not doubt but, if the Patron would part with it, I can help him to others with good Pretensions to it; viz. of Uncommon Understanding, who would give him as much as he gave for it. I know perfectly well a Noble Person to whom these Words (which are the Body of the Pane­gyrick) would fit to a Hair.

Your Easiness of Humour, or rather your harmo­nious Disposition, is so admirably mixed with your Composure, that the rugged Cares and Disturbance that Publick Affairs brings with it, which does so vexatiously affect the Heads of other great Men of Business, &c. does scarce ever ruffle your un louded Brow so much as with a Frown. And what above all is Praise-worthy, you are so far from thinking your self better than others, that a flourishing and opulent Fortune, which by a certain natural Corrup­tion in its Quality, seldom fails to infect other Pos­sessors with Pride, seems in this Case as if only pro­videntially disposed to enlarge your Humility.

But I find, Sir, I am now got into a very large Field, where tho' I could with great Ease raise a Number of Plants in Relation to your Merit of this plauditory Nature; yet for Fear of an Author's general Vice, and that the plain Justice I have done you should, by my Proceeding and others mi­staken Judgment, be imagined Flattery, a Thing the Bluntness of my Nature does not care to be con­cern'd with, and which I also know you abomi­nate.

[Page 312] It is wonderful to see how many Judges [...] these fine Things spring up every Day by th [...] Rise of Stocks, and other elegant Methods [...] abridging the Way to Learning and Criticism [...] But I do hereby forbid all Dedications to any Per­sons within the City of London, except Sir Fran­cis, Sir Stephen, and the Bank, will take Epigrams and Epistles as Value received for their Notes; and the East-India Companies accept of Heroick Poems for their Seal'd Bonds. Upon which Bot­tom, our Publishers have full Power to treat with the City in Behalf of us Authors, to enable Tra­ders to become Patrons and Fellows of the Royal Society, as well as receive certain Degrees of Skill in the Latin and Greek Tongues, according to the Quantity of the Commodities which they take off our Hands.

The Learned have so long laboured under the Imputation of Dryness and Dulness in their Ac­counts of their Phaenomena, that an ingenious Gentleman of our Society has resolved to write a System of Philosophy in a more lively Method, both as to the Matter and Language, than has been hitherto attempted. He read to us the Plan upon which he intends to proceed. I thought his Account, by Way of Fable of the Worlds about us, had so much Vivacity in it, that I could not forbear transcribing his Hypothesis, to give the Reader a Taste of my Friend's Treatise, which is now in the Press.

The Inferior Deities having designed on a Day to play a Game at Football, knead toge­ther a numberless Collection of dancing Atoms into the Form of Seven rowling Globes: And that Nature might be kept from a dull In­activity, each separate Particle is endued with a Principle of Motion, or a Power of Attra­ction, [Page 313] whereby all the several Parcels of Mat­ter draw each other proportionably to their Magnitudes and Distances, into such a re­markable Variety of different Forms, as to produce all the wonderful Appearances we now observe in Empire, Philosophy, and Re­ligion. But to proceed.

At the Beginning of the Game, each of the Globes being struck forward with a vast Vio­lence, ran out of Sight, and wander'd in a straight Line thro' the infinite Spaces. The nim­ble Deities pursue, breathless almost, and spent in the eager Chace; each of them catched hold of one, and stamped it with his Name; as, Sa­turn, Jupiter, Mars, and so of the rest. To prevent this Inconveniene for the future, the Seven are condemned to a Precipitation, which in our inferior Style we call Gravity. Thus the Tangential and Centripetal Forces, by their Counter-struggle, make the Celestial Bodies describe an exact Ellipsis.

There will be added to this, an Appendix, in Defence of the First Day of the Term according to the Oxford Almanack, by a learned Knight of this Realm, with an Apology for the said Knight's Manner of Dress; proving, That his Ha­bit, according to this Hypothesis, is the true Mo­dern and Fashionable; and that Buckles are not to be worn, by this System, till the 10th of March, in the Year 1714, which, according to the Computation of some of our greatest Divines, is to be the first Year of the Millennium; in which blessed Age, all Habits will be reduced to a Primitive Simplicity; and whoever shall be found to have persevered in a Constancy of Dress, in Spight of all the Allurements of prophane and heathen Habits, shall be rewarded with a never-fading Doublet of a Thousand Years. All Points in the [Page 314] System which are doubted, shall be attested by the Knight's Extemporary Oath, for the Satisfaction of his Readers.

We were upon the Heroick Strain this Even­ing, and the Question was, What is the True Sublime? Many very good Discourses happen'd thereupon; after which a Gentleman at the Table, who is, it seems, writing on that Sub­ject, assum'd the Argument; and tho' he ran thro' many Instances of Sublimity from the an­cient Writers, said, He had hardly known an Occasion wherein the true Greatness of Soul, which animates a General in Action, is so well represented, with Regard to the Person of whom it was spoken, and the Time in which it was writ, as in a few Lines in a modern Poem: There is (continued he) nothing so forc'd and constrain'd, as what we frequently meet with in Tragedies; to make a Man under the Weight of a great Sorrow, or full of Meditation upon what he is soon to execute, cast about for a Si­mile to what he himself is, or the Thing which he is going to act: But there is nothing more proper and natural for a Poet, whose Business is to describe, and who is Spectator of one in that Circumstance when his Mind is working upon a great Image, and that the Idea's hurry upon his Imagination; I say, there is nothing so natural, as for a Poet to relieve and clear himself from the Burthen of Thought at that Time, by uttering his Conception in Simile and Metaphor. The highest Act of the Mind of Man, is to possess it self with Tranquility in eminent Danger, and to have its Thoughts so free, as to act at that Time without Perplexity. The ancient Authors have compared this sedate Courage to a Rock that remains immoveable [Page 315] amidst the Rage of Winds and Waves; but that is too stupid and inanimate a Similitude, and could do no Credit to the Hero. At other Times they are all of 'em wonderfully obliged to a Lybian Lion, which may give indeed very agreeable Terrors to a Description; but is no Compliment to the Person to whom it is appli­ed: Eagles, Tygers, and Wolves, are made Use of on the same Occasion, and very often with much Beauty; but this is still an Honour done to the Brute, rather than the Hero. Mars, Pal­las, Bacchus, and Hercules, have each of 'em furnish'd very good Similes in their Time, and made, doubtless, a greater Impression on the Mind of a Heathen, than they have on that of a modern Reader. But the sublime Image that I am talking of, and which I really think as great as ever enter'd into the Thought of Man, is in the Poem call'd, The Campaign; where the Si­mile of a ministring Angel sets forth the most sedate and the most active Courage, engaged in an Uproar of Nature, a Confusion of Ele­ments, and a Scene of Divine Vengeance. Add to all, That these Lines compliment the General and his Queen at the same Time, and have all the natural Horrors, heighten'd by the Image that was still fresh in the Mind of every Rea­der.

'Twas then Great Marlbro's mighty Soul was prov'd,
That, in the Shock of charging Hosts unmov'd,
Amidst Confusion, Horror, and Despair,
Examin'd all the dreadful Scenes of War;
In peaceful Thought the Field of Death survey'd,
To fainting Squadrons sent the timely Aid,
Inspir'd repuls'd Battalions to engage,
And taught the doubtful Battle where to rage.
So when an Angel by Divine Command,
With rising Tempests shakes a guilty Land,
[Page 316] Such as of late o'er pale Britannia past,
Calm and serene he drives the furious Blast;
And, pleas'd th' Almighty's Orders to perform,
Rides in the Whirl-wind, and directs the Storm.

The whole Poem is so exquisitely Noble and Poetick, that I think it an Honour to our Na­tion and Language. The Gentleman concluded his Critick on this Work, by saying, that he esteemed it wholly new, and a wonderful At­tempt to keep up the ordinary Idea's of a March of an Army, just as they happen'd in so warm and great a Style, and yet be at once Familiar and Heroick. Such a Performance is a Chroni­cle as well as a Poem, and will preserve the Me­mory of our Hero, when all the Edifices and Statues erected to his Honour are blended with common Dust.

Letters from the Hague of the 23d Instant, N. S. say, That the Allies were so forward in the Siege of Tournay, that they were preparing for a general Assault, which, it was supposed, would be made within a few Days. Deserters from the Town gave an Account, That the Garrison was carrying their Ammunition and Provisions into the Citadel, which occasion'd a Tumult among the Inhabitants of the Town. The French Army had laid Bridges over the Scarp, and made a Motion as if they intended to pass that River; but tho' they are joined by the Reinforcement expected from Germany, it was not believed they would make any Attempt towards relieving Tournay. Letters from Brabant say, There has been a Discovery made of a De­sign to deliver up Antwerp to the Enemy. The States of Holland have agreed to a general Na­turalization of all Protestants who shall fly into [Page 317] their Dominions; to which Purpose, a Procla­mation was to be issued within few Days.

They write from France, That the great Mi­sery and Want under which that Nation has so long laboured, has ended in a Pestilence, which began to appear in Burgundy and Dauphin [...]. They add, That in the Town of Mazon, Three Hundred Persons had died in the Space of Ten Days. Letters from Lisle of the 24th Instant advise, That great Numbers of Deserters came daily into that City, the most Part of whom are Dragoons. We are advised from France, That the Loire having overflowed its Banks, hath laid the Country under Water for 300 Miles to­gether.

The TATLER. [No 44.
From Tuesday July 19. to Thursd. July 21. 1709.

— Nullis Amor est medicabilis Herbis.

THIS Day, passing through Covent-Garden, I was stopp'd in the Piazza by Pacolet, to observe what he called the Triumph of Love and Youth. I turned to the Object he pointed at; and there I saw a gay gilt Chariot drawn by fresh prancing Horses; the Coachman with a new Cockade, and the Lacques with Insolence and Plenty in their Countenances. I asked im­mediately, What young Heir or Lover own'd that glittering Equipage? But my Companion interrupted: Do not you see there the mourning Aesculapius? The Mourning! said I. Yes Isaac, said Pacolet, He is in deep Mourning, and is the languishing hopeless Lover of the divine Hebe, the Emblem of Youth and Beauty. The excellent and [Page 318] learned Sage you behold in that Furniture, is th [...] strongest Instance imaginable, that Love is th [...] most powerful of all Things:

You are not so ignorant as to be a Stranger to the Character of Aesculapius, as the Patron and most successful of all who profess the Art of Me­dicine. But as most of his Operations are owing to a natural Sagacity or Impulse, he has very little troubled himself with the Doctrine of Drugs; but has always given Nature more Room to help her self, than any of her learned Assistants; and consequently has done greater Wonders than is in the Power of Art to perform: For which Reason he is half deify'd by the People; and has ever been justly courted by all the World, as if he were a Seventh Son.

It happen'd, that the charming Hebe was re­duced, by a long and violent Fever, to the most extreme Danger of Death; and when all Skill fail'd, they sent for Aesculapius. The renowned Artist was touch'd with the deepest Compassion to see the faded Charms and faint Bloom of Hebe; and had a generous Concern in beholding a Strug­gle, not between Life, but rather between Youth and Death. All his Skill and his Passion tended to the Recovery of Hebe, beautiful even in Sickness: But, alas! the unhappy Physician knew not, that in all his Care he was only sharpening Darts for his own Destruction. In a Word, his Fortune was the same with that of the Statuary, who fell in Love with the Image of his own making; and the unfortunate Aesculapius is become the Patient of her whom he lately recovered. Long before this Disaster, Aesculapius was far gone in the unneces­sary and superfluous Amusements of old Age, in increasing unweildy Stores, and providing, in the midst of an Incapacity of Enjoyment of what he had, for a Supply of more Wants than he had Calls for in Youth it self. But these low Considerations [Page 319] are now no more, and Love has taken Place of Avarice, or rather is become an Avarice of ano­ther Kind, which still urges him to pursue what he does not want. But behold the Matamorphosis; the anxious mean Cares of an Usurer are turned into the Languishments and Complaints of a Lover. Behold, says the aged Aesculapius, I sub­mit, I own, great Love, thy Empire: Pity, Hebe, the Fop you have made: What have I to do with Guilding but on Pills? Yet, O Fair! For thee I sit amidst a Crowd of painted Deities on my Chariot, button'd in Gold, clasp'd in Gold, with­out having any Value for that beloved Metal, but as it adorns the Person, and laces the Hat of thy dying Lover. I ask not to live, O Hebe! Give me but gentle Death: Euthanasia, Eutha­nasia, that is all I implore. When Aesculapius had finished his Complaint, Pacolet went on in deep Morals on the Incertainty of Riches with this remarkable Exclamation; O Wealth! How im­potent art thou? And how little dost thou sup­ply us with real Happiness, when the Usurer himself can forget thee for the Love of what is as foreign to his Felicity as thou art?

The Company here, who have all a delicate Taste of Theatrical Representations, had made a Gathering to purchase the Moveables of the neighbouring Play-house, for the Encourage­ment of one which is setting up in the Hay-Mar­ket. But the Proceedings at the Auction (by which Method the Goods have been sold this Evening) have been so unfair, that this generous Design has been frustrated; for the Imperial Mantle made for Cyrus was missing, as also the Chariot and Two Dragons: But upon Examina­tion it was found, that a Gentleman of Hamp­shire had clandestinely bought them both, and is gone down to his Country Seat; and that on [Page 320] Saturday last he passed through Staines attired in that Robe, and drawn by the said Dragons, as­sisted by Two only of his own Horses. This Theatrical Traveller has also left Orders with Mr. Hall to send the faded Rainbow to the Scowrers, and when it comes home, to dispatch it after him. At the same Time C— R— Esq is invited to bring down his Setting Sun himself, and be Box-keeper to a Theatre erected by this Gentleman near Southampton. Thus there has been nothing but Artifice in the Manage­ment of this Affair; for which Reason I beg Pardon of the Town, that I inserted the Inven­tory in my Paper, and solemnly protest, I knew nothing of this artful Design of vending these Ra­rities: But I meant only the Good of the World in that and all other Things which I divulge.

And now I am upon this Subject, I must do my self Justice in Relation to an Article in a former Paper, wherein I made Mention of a Person who keeps a Puppet-Show in the Town of Bath; I was tender of naming Names, and only just hinted, that he makes larger Promises, when he invites People to his Dramatick Repre­sentations, than he is able to perform: But I am credibly informed, that he makes a prophane lewd Jester, whom he calls Punch, speak to the Dishonour of Isaac Bickerstaff with great Familiarity; and before all my learned Friends in that Place, takes upon him to dis­pute my Title to the Appellation of Esquire. I think I need not say much to convince all the World, that this Mr. Powell (for that is his Name) is a pragmatical and vain Person to pre­tend to argue with me on any Subject. Mecum certasse feretur; that is to say, It will be an Ho­nour to him to have it said he contended with me; but I would have him to know, that I can look beyond his Wires, and know very well the [Page 321] whole Trick of his Art, and that it is only by these Wires that the Eye of the Spectator is cheated, and hinder'd from seeing that there is a Thread on one of Punch's Chops, which draws it up, and lets it fall at the Discretion of the said Powell, who stands behind and plays him, and makes him speak sawcily of his Betters. He! To pretend to make Prologues against me!—But a Man never behaves himself with Decency in his own Case; therefore I shall command my self, and never trouble me further with this little Fellow, who is himself but a tall Puppet, and has not Brains enough to make even Wood speak as it ought to do: And I, that have heard the Groaning Board, can despise all that his Puppets shall be able to speak as long as they live. But, Ex quovis Ligno non fit Mercurius. He has pretended to write to me also from the Bath, and says, He thought to have deferred gi­ving me an Answer till he came to his Books; but that my Writings might do well with the Wa­ters: Which are pert Expressions that become a School-boy, better than one that is to teach others: And when I have said a civil Thing to him, he cries, Oh! I thank you for that—I am your humble Servant for that. Ah! Mr. Powell, these smart Civilities will never run down Men of Learning: I know well enough your Design is to have all Men Automata, like your Puppets; but the World is grown too wise, and can look through these thin Devices. I know you design to make a Reply to this; but be sure you stick close to my Words; for if you bring me into Discourses concerning the Government of your Puppets, I must tell you, I neither am, nor have been, nor will be, at Leisure to answer you. It is really a burning Shame this Man should be tolerated in abusing the World with such Representations of Things: But his Parts [Page 322] decay, and he is not much more alive than Par­tridge.

I must beg Pardon of my Readers that for this Time I have, I fear, huddled up my Discourse, having been very busy in helping an old Friend of mine out of Town. He has a very good Estate, is a Man of Wit; but he had been Three Years absent from Town, and can't bear a Jest; for which Reason I have, with some Pains, con­vinc'd him, that he can no more live here than if he were a downright Bankrupt. He was so fond of dear London, that he began to fret only inwardly; but being unable to laugh and be laugh'd at, I took a Place in the Northern Coach for him and his Family; and hope he is got to Night safe from all Sneerers in his own Parlour.

This Morning we received by Express, the a­greeable News of the Surrender of the Town of Tournay on the 28th Instant, N. S. The Place was assaulted at the Attacks of General Schuylemberg, and that of General Lottum, at the same Time. The Action at both those Parts of the Town was very obstinate, and the Allies lost a considerable Number at the Beginning of the Dispute; but the Fight was continued with so great Bravery, that the Enemy observing our Men to be Masters of all the Posts which were necessary for a general Attack, beat the Cha­made, and Hostages were receiv'd from the Town, and others sent from the Befiegers, in order to come to a formal Capitulation for the Surrender of the Place. We have also this Day received Advice, That Sir John Leak, who lies off of Dunkirk, had intercepted several Ships la­den with Corn from the Baltick; and that the [Page 223] Dutch Privateers had fallen in with others, and carried them into Holland. The French Letters advise, That the young Son to the Duke of An­jou lived but Eight Days.

The TATLER. [No 45.
From Thursd. July 21. to Saturd. July 23. 1709.

Credo Pudicitiam Saturno Rege moratam
In Terris. —

THE other Day I took a Walk a Mile or Two­out of Town, and strolling wherever Chance led me, I was insensibly carried into a By-Road, along which was a very agreeable Quickset, of an extraordinary Height, which surrounded a very delicious Seat and Garden. From one Angle of the Hedge, I heard a Voice cry, Sir, Sir—This rais'd my Curiosity, and I heard the same Voice say, but in a gentle Tone, Come forward, come forward. I did so, and one through the Hedge called me by my Name, and bad me go on to the Left, and I should be admitted to visit an old Acquaintance in Distress. The Laws of Knight Errantry made me obey the Summons without Hesitation; and I was let in at the Back-Gate of a lovely House by a Maid-Servant, who carried me from Room to Room, till I came into a Gallery; at the End of which, I saw a fine Lady dressed in the most sumptuous Habit, as if she were going to a Ball, but with the most abject and disconsolate Sorrow in her Face [Page 324] that I ever beheld. As I came near, she burst into Tears, and cry'd, Sir, Do not you know the unhappy Teraminta? I soon recollected her whole Person: But (said I) Madam, The Sim­plicity of Dress, in which I have ever seen you at your good Father's House, and the Chearful­ness of Countenance with which you always appeared, are so unlike the Fashion and Temper you are now in, that I did not easily recover the Memory of you. Your habit was then decent and modest, your Looks serene and beautiful: Whence then this unaccountable Change? No­thing can speak so deep a Sorrow as your present Aspect; yet your Dress is made for Jollity and Re­velling. It is (said she) an unspeakable Pleasure to meet with one I know, and to bewail my self to any that is not an utter Stranger to Humanity.

When your Friend my Father died, he left me to a wide World, with no Defence against the Insults of Fortune, but rather, a Thousand Snares to intrap me in the Dangers to which Youth and Innocence are exposed, in an Age wherein Honour and Virtue are become mere Words, and used only as they serve to be­tray those who understand them in their native Sense, and obey them as the Guides and Mo­tives of their Being. The wickedest of all Men living, the abandoned Decius, who has no Know­ledge of any good Art or Purpose of Humane Life, but as it tends to the Satisfaction of his Ap­petites, had Opportunities of frequently seeing and entertaining me at a House where mixed Company boarded, and where he placed him­self for the base Intention which he has since brought to pass. Decius saw enough in me to raise his brural Desires, and my Circumstances gave him Hopes of accomplishing them. But a l the glittering Expectations he could lay be­fore me, joined by my private Terrors of Po­verty [Page 325] it self, could not for some Months prevail upon me; yet however I hated his Intention, I still had a secret Satisfaction in his Courtship, and always exposed my self to his Solicitations. See here the Bane of our Sex! Let the Flatte­ry be never so apparent, the Flatterer never so ill thought of, his Praises are still agreeable, and we contribute to our own Deceit. I was there­fore ever fond of all Opportunities and Pretences of being in his Company. In a Word, I was at last ruined by him, and brought to this Place, where I have been ever since immur'd; and from the fatal Day after my Fall from Inno­cence, my Worshipper became my Master and my Tyrant.

Thus you see me habited in the most gorge­ous Manner, not in Honour of me as a Wo­man he loves, but as this Attire charms his own Eye, and urges him to repeat the Gratifi­cation he takes in me, as the Servant of his brutish Lusts and Appetites. I know not where to fly for Redress; but am here pining away Life in the Solitude and Severity of a Nun, but the Conscience and Guilt of an Harlot. I live in this lewd Practice with a Religious Awe of my Minister of Darkness, upbraided with the Support I receive from him, for the inestimable Possession of Youth, of Innocence, of Honour, and of Conscience. I see, Sir, my Discourse grows painful to you, all I beg of you is, to paint in so strong Colours, as to let Decius see I am discovered to be in his Possession, that I may be turned out of this detestable Scene of regular Iniquity, and either think no more, or sin no more. If your Writings have the good Effect of gaining my Enlargement, I promise you I will atone for this unhappy Step, by pre­ferring an innocent laborious Poverty, to all the guilty Affluence the World can offer me.

To show that I do not bear an irreconcilable Hatred to my mortal Enemy, Mr. Powell at Bath, I do his Function the Honour to publish to the World, that Plays represented by Puppets are permitted in our Universities, and that Sort of Drama is not wholly thought unworthy the Critick of learned Heads: But as I have been conversant rather with the greater Ode, as I think the Criticks call it, I must be so humble as to make a Request to Mr. Powell, and desire him to apply his Thoughts to answering the Difficulties with which my Kinsman, the Au­thor of the following Letter, seems to be em­barrassed.

To my Honoured Kinsman Isaac Bickerstaff Esq

Dear Cousin,

HAD the Family of the Beadlestaffs, where­of I, tho' unworthy, am one, known of your being lately at Oxon, we had in our own Name, and in the Universities, (as it is our Office) made you a Compliment: But your short Stay here robbed us of an Opportunity of paying our due Respects, and you of re­ceiving an ingenious Entertainment, with which we at present divert our selves and Strangers. A Puppet-Show at this Time sup­plies the Want of an ACT. And since the Nymphs of this City are disappointed of a lus­cious Musick-Speech, and the Country Ladies of hearing their Sons or Brothers speak Ver­ses; yet the vocal Machines, like them, by the Help of a Prompter, say Things as much to the Benefit of the Audience, and almost as properly their own. The Licence of a Terra-Filius is refined to the well-bred Satyr of Pun­chenella. Now, Cousin Bickerstaff, tho' Punch [Page 327] has neither a French Nightcap, nor Long Pockets, yet you must own him to be a Pret­ty Fellow, a very Pretty Fellow: Nay, since he seldom leaves the Company, without cal­ling, Son of a Whore, demanding Satisfaction, and Duelling, he must be owned a Smart Fellow too. Yet, by some Indecencies towards the Ladies, he seems to be of a Third Cha­racter, distinct from any you have yet touch'd upon. A young Gentleman who sate next me (for I had the Curiosity of seeing this Enter­tainment) in a tufted Gown, red Stockings, and long Wig, (which I pronounce to be tantamount to red Heels and a dangling Cane) was enraged when Punchenello distur­bed a soft Love-Scene with his Ribaldry. You would oblige us mightily by laying down some Rules for adjusting the extravagant Be­haviour of this Almanzor of the Play, and by writing a Treatise on this Sort of Dramatick Poetry, so much favoured, and so little un­derstood, by the learned World.

From its being conveyed in a Cart after the Thespian Manner, all the Parts being recited by one Person, as the Custom was before Aes­chilus, and from the Behaviour of Punch as if he had won the Goal, you may possibly deduce its Antiquity, and settle the Chronology, as well as some of our Modern Criticks. In its natural Transitions, from Mournful to Merry; as, from the Hanging of a Lover, to Dancing upon the Rope; from the Stalking of a Ghost, to a Lady's presenting you with a Jig; you may discover such a Decorum, as is not to be found elsewhere than in our Tragi-Come­dies. But I forget my self; 'tis not for me to dictate: I thought fit, dear Cousin, to give you these Hints, to shew you, that the Beadle­staff's don't walk before Men of Letters to no [Page 328] Purpose; and that tho' we do but hold up the Train of Arts and Sciences, yet like other Pages, we are now and then let into our La­dies Secrets. I am

Your most Affectionate Kinsman, Benjamin Beadlestaff.

I am got hither safe, but never spent Time with so little Satisfaction as this Evening; for you must know, I was Five Hours with Three Merry, and Two Honest Fellows. The for­mer sang Catches; and the latter even died with laughing at the Noise they made. Well, (says Tom Belfrey) You Scholars, Mr. Bickerstaff, are the worst Company in the World. Ay, (says his Opposite) You are dull to Night; pri­thee be merry. With that I huzza'd, and took a Jump cross the Table, then came clever upon my Legs, and fell a laughing. Let Mr. Bicker­staff alone (says one of the Honest Fellows), when he's in a good Humour, he's as good Company as any Man in England. He had no sooner spoke, but I snatched his Hat off his Head, and clap'd it upon my own, and burst out a laughing again; upon which we all fell a laugh­ing for half an Hour. One of the Honest Fel­lows got behind me in the Interim, and hit me a sound Slap on the Back; upon which he got the Laugh out of my Hands, and it was such a Twang on my Shoulders, that I confess he was much merrier than I. I was half angry; but resolved to keep up the good Humour of [Page 329] the Company; and after hollowing as loud as I could possibly, I drank off a Bumper of Cla­ret, that made me stare again. Nay, (says one of the Honest Fellows) Mr. Isaac is in the Right, there is no Conversation in this; What fignifies Jumping, or hitting one another on the Back? Let's drink about. We did so from Seven a Clock till Eleven; and now I am come hither, and, after the Manner of the wise Pythagoras, begin to reflect upon the Passages of the Day. I remember nothing, but that I am bruised to Death; and as it is my Way to write down all the good Things I have heard in the last Con­versation to furnish my Paper, I can from this only tell you my Sufferings, and my Bangs.

I nam'd Pythagoras just now, and I protest to you, as he believ'd Men after Death enter'd in­to other Species, I am now and then tempted to think other Animals enter into Men, and could name several on Two Legs, that never discover any Sentiment above what is common with the Species of a lower Kind; as we see in these bo­dily Wits whom I was with to Night, whose Parts consist in Strength and Activity; but their boisterous Mirth gives me great Impatience for the Return of such Happiness as I enjoyed in a Conversation last Week. Among others in that Company, we had Florio, who never interrupt­ed any Man living when he was speaking; or ever ceased to speak, but others lamented that he had done. His Discourse ever arises from a Fulness of the Matter before him, and not from Ostentation or Triumph of his Understanding; for though he seldom delivers what he need fear being repeated, he speaks without having that End in View; and his Forbearance of Calumny or Bitterness, is owing rather to his good Na­ture than his Discretion; for which Reason, he is esteem'd a Gentleman perfectly qualified for [Page 330] Conversation, in whom a general Good-will to Mankind takes off the Necessity of Caution and Circumspection.

We had at the same Time that Evening the best Sort of Companion that can be, a good-na­tured old Man. This Person meets in the Com­pany of young Men, Veneration for his Benevo­lence, and is not only valued for the good Quali­ties of which he is Master, but reaps an Accep­tance from the Pardon he gives to other Men Faults: And the ingenious Sort of Men with whom he converses, have so just a Regard for him, that he rather is an Example, than a Check to their Behaviour. For this Reason, as Senecio never pretends to be a Man of Pleasure before Youth, so young Men never set up for Wisdom before Senecio; so that you never meet, where he is, those Monsters of Conversation, who are grave or gay above their Years. He never converses but with Followers of Nature and good Sense, where all that is uttered is only the Effect of a communicable Temper, and not of Emulation to excel their Companions; all Desire of Su­periority being a Contradiction to that Spirit which makes a just Conversation, the very Es­sence of which is mutual Good-will. Hence it is, that I take it for a Rule, that the natural, and not the acquired Man, is the Companion. Learning, Wit, Gallantry, and good Breeding, are all but subordinate Qualities in Society, and are of no Value, but as they are subservient to Benevolence, and tend to a certain Manner of being or appear­ing equal to the rest of the Company; for Con­versation is composed of an Assembly of Men, as they are Men, and not as they are distinguish­ed by Fortune: Therefore he that brings his Qua­lity with him into Conversation, should always pay the Reckoning; for he came to receive Homage, and not to meet his Friends.—But [Page 331] [...]he Din about my Ears from the Clamour of [...]he People I was with this Evening, has carried [...]e beyond my intended Purpose, which was to [...]xplain upon the Order of Merry Fellows; but I [...]hink I may pronounce of them, as I heard good [...]enecio, with a Spice of the Wit of the last Age, [...]ay, viz. That a Merry Fellow is the Saddest Fel­ [...]ow in the World.

The TATLER. [No 46.
From Saturd. July 23. to Tuesd. July 26. 1709.

Non bene conveniunt, nec in una Sede morantur,
Majestas & Amor. —

WE see every Day Volumes written against that Tyrant of Humane Life called Love, and yet there is no Help found against his Cruel­ties, or Barrier against the Inroads he is pleased to make into the Mind of Man. After this Preface, you will expect I am going to give par­ticular Instances of what I have asserted. That Expectation cannot be raised too high for the Novelty of the History, and Manner of Life, of the Emperor Aurengezebe, who has resided for some Years in the Cities of London and West­minster, with the Air and Mien indeed of his Imperial Quality, but the Equipage and Ap­pointment only of a private Gentleman. This Potentate, for a long Series of Time, appeared from the Hour of Twelve till that of Two at a Coffee-house near the Change, and had a Seat (though without a Canopy) sacred to himself, [Page 332] where he gave diurnal Audiences concerning Commerce, Politicks, Tare and Tret, Usury and Abatement, with all Things necessary for helping the Distressed, who are willing to give one Limb for the better Maintenance of the rest; or such joyous Youths, whose Philo­sophy is confined to the present Hour, and were desirous to call in the Revenue of next half Year to double the Enjoyment of this. Long did this growing Monarch employ himself after this Manner: And as Alliances are necessary to all great Kingdoms, he took particularly the Interests of Lewis the Fourteenth into his Care and Protection. When all Mankind were at­tacking that unhappy Monarch, and those who had neither Valour or Wit to oppose against him, would be still showing their impotent Ma­lice by laying Wagers in Opposition to his In­terests, Aurengezebe ever took the Part of his Contemporary, and laid immense Treasures on his Side in Defence of his important Magazine of Toulon. Aurengezebe also had all this while a constant Intelligence with India, and his Let­ters were answered in Jewels, which he soon made Brillant, and caused to be affixed to his Imperial Castor, which he always wears cock'd in Front, to show his Defiance; with an Hear of Imperial Snuff in the Middle of his ample Visage, to show his Sagacity. The Zealots, for this little Spot called Great Britain, fell uni­versally into this Emperor's Policies, and paid Homage to his superior Genius, in forfeiting their Coffers to his Treasury.

But Wealth and Wisdom are Possessions too solemn not to give Weariness to active Minds, without the Relief (in vacant Hours) of Wit and Love, which are the proper Amusements of the Powerful and the Wise: This Emperor therefore, with great Regularity, every Day at Five in the [Page 333] Afternoon, leaves his Money-Changers, his Pub­licans, and little Hoarders of Wealth, to their low Pursuits, and ascends his Chariot to drive to Will's; where the Taste is refined, and a Re­lish given to Mens Possessions, by a polite Skill in gratifying their Passions and Appetites. There it is that the Emperor has learned to live and to love, and not, like a Miser, to gaze only on his Ingots or his Treasures; but with a nobler Sa­tisfaction, to live the Admiration of others, for his Splendour and Happiness in being Master of them. But a Prince is no more to be his own Caterer in his Love, than in his Food; there­fore Aurengezebe has ever in waiting Two Pur­veyors for his Dishes, and his Wenches for his retired Hours, by whom the Scene of his Diver­sion is prepared in the following Manner.

There is near Covent-Garden a Street known by the Name of Drury, which, before the Days of Christianity, was purchased by the Queen of Paphos, and is the only Part of Great Britain where the Tenure of Vassalage is still in Being. All that long Course of Building is under par­ticular Districts or Ladiships, after the Manner of Lordships in other Parts, over which Matrons of known Abilities preside, and have, for the Support of their Age and Infirmities, certain Taxes paid out of the Rewards of the amorous Labours of the Young. This Seraglio of Great Britain is disposed into convenient Allies and Apartments, and every House, from the Cellar to the Garret, inhabited by Nymphs of diffe­rent Orders, that Persons of every Rank may be accommodated with an immediate Consort, to allay their Flames, and partake of their Cares. Here it is, that when Aurengezebe thinks fit to give a Loose to Dalliance, the Purveyors prepare the Entertainment; and what makes it more [Page 334] august is, that every Person concerned in the Interlude has his set Part, and the Prince sends before-hand Word what he designs to say, and directs also the very Answer which shall be made to him.

It has been before hinted, that this Emperor has a continual Commerce with India; and it is to be noted, that the largest Stone that rich Earth has produced, is in our Aurengezebe's Pos­session.

But all Things are now disposed for his Re­ception. At his Entrance into the Seraglio, a Servant delivers him his Bever of State and Love, on which is fixed this inestimable Jewel as his Diadem. When he is seated, the Pur­veyors, Pandarus and Nuncio, marching on each Side of the Matron of the House, intro­duce her into his Presence. In the midst of the Room, they bow all together to the Dia­dem.

When the Matron—

Whoever thou art, (as thy awful Aspect speaks thee a Man of Power) be propitious to this Mansus of Love, and let not the Severity of thy Wisdom disdain, that by the Representation of naked In­nocence, or pastoral Figures, we revive in thee the Memory at least of that Power of Venus, to which all the Wise and the Brave are some Part of their Lives devoted. Aurengezebe consents by a Nod, and they go out backward.

After this, an unhappy Nymph, who is to be supposed just escaped from the Hands of a Ra­visher, with her Tresses dishevel'd, runs into the Room with a Dagger in her Hand, and falls before the Emperor.

Pity, Oh! pity! whoever thou art, an unhap­py Virgin, whom one of the Train has robbed of her Innocence; her Innocence, which was all her [Page 335] Portion—Or rather, let me die like the memora­ble Lucretia—Upon which she stabs her self. The Body is immediately examined after the Manner of our Coroners. Lucretia recovers by a Cup of right Nants; and the Matron, who is her next Relation, stops all Process at Law.

This unhappy Affair is no sooner over, but a naked Mad-woman breaks into the Room, calls for her Duke, her Lord, her Emperor. As soon as she spies Aurengezebe, the Object of all her Fury and Love, she calls for Petticoats, is ready to sink with Shame, and is dressed in all haste in new Attire at his Charge. This un­expected Accident of the Mad-woman, makes Aurengezebe curious to know, whether others who are in their Senses can guess at his Quali­ty. For which Reason the whole Convent is examined one by one. The Matron marches in with a tawdry Country Girl—Pray Winifred, (says she) Who do you think that fine Man with those Jewels and Pearls is?—I believe (says Winifred) it is our Landlord—It must be the Squire himself—The Emperor laughs at her Simplicity—Go Fool, says the Matron: Then turning to the Emperor—Your Greatness will pardon her Ignorance! After her, several others of different Characters are instructed to mistake who he is in the same Manner: Then the whole Sisterhood are called together, and the Em­peror rises, and cocking his Hat, declares, He is the Great Mogul, and they his Concubines. A general Murmur goes through the Assembly, and Aurengezebe certifying, that he keeps them for State rather than Use; tells them, they are permitted to receive all Men into their Apart­ments; then proceeds through the Crowd, among whom he throws Medals shaped like Half-Crowns, and returns to his Chariot.

[Page 336] This being all that passed the last Day a which Aurengezebe visited the Women's Apart­ments, I consulted Pacolet concerning the Foun­dation of such strange Amusements in old Age: To which he answer'd; You may remember, when I gave you an Account of my good Fortune in being drowned on the 30th Day of my Humane Life, I told you of the Disasters I should otherwise have met with before I arri­ved at the End of my Stamen, which was Sixty Years. I may now add an Observation to you, That all who exceed that Period, except the latter Part of it is spent in the Exercise of Vir­tue and Contemplation of Futurity, must neces­sarily fall into an Indecent old Age, because, with Regard to all the Enjoyments of the Years of Vigour and Manhood, Childhood returns upon them: And as Infants ride on Sticks, build Houses in Dirt, and make Ships in Gut­ters, by a faint Idea of Things they are to act hereafter; so old Men play the Lovers, Po­tentates, and Emperors, from the decaying Image of the more perfect Performances of their stronger Years: Therefore be sure to in­sert Aesculapius and Aurengezebe in your next Bill of Mortality of the Metaphorically De­funct.

As soon as I came hither this Evening, no less than Ten People produced the following Poem, which they all reported was sent to each of them by the Penny-Post from an unknown Hand. All the Battle-Writers in the Room were in Debate, who could be the Author of a Piece so martially written; and every Body ap­plauded the Address and Skill of the Author, in calling it a Postscript: It being the Nature of [Page 337] a Postscript to contain something very Material which was forgotten, or not clearly expressed in the Letter it self. Thus, the Verses being occa­sioned by a March without Beat of Drum, and that Circumstance being no ways taken Notice of in any of the Stanza's, the Author calls it a Postscript; not that it is a Postscript, but figura­tively, because it wants a Postscript. Common Writers, when what they mean is not expressed in the Book it self, supply it by a Preface; but a Postscript seems to me the more just Way of A­pology; because otherwise a Man makes an Ex­cuse before the Offence is committed. All the Heroick Poets were guessed at for its Author; but though we could not find out his Name, yet one repeated a Couplet in Hudibras which spoke his Qualifications:

I'th' midst of all this Warlike Rabble,
Crowdero march'd, expert and able.

The Poem is admirably suited to the Occasion: For to write without discovering your Meaning, bears a just Resemblance to Marching without Beat of Drum.

On the March to Tournay without Beat of Drum.

The Brussels POSTSCRIPT.

Could I with plainest Words express
That great Man's wonderful Address,
His Penetration, and his towring Thought;
It would the gazing World surprize,
To see one Man at all Times wise,
To view the Wonders he with Ease has wrought.
Refining Schemes approach his Mind,
Like Breezes of a Southern Wind,
To temperate a sultry glorious Day;
Whose Fannings, with an useful Pride,
Its mighty Heat doth softly guide,
And having cleared the Air, glide silently away.
Thus his Immensity of Thought,
Is deeply form'd, and gently wrought,
His Temper always softening Life's Disease;
That Fortune, when she does intend
To rudely frown, she turns his Friend,
Admires his Judgment, and applauds his Ease.
His great Address in this Design,
Does now, and will for ever shine,
And wants a Waller but to do him Right:
The whole Amusement was so strong,
Like Fate he doom'd them to be wrong,
And Tournay's took by a peculiar Slight.
Thus, Madam, all Mankind behold
Your vast Ascendant, not by Gold,
But by your Wisdom, and your pious Life:
Your Aim no more, than to destroy
That which does Europe's Ease annoy,
And supersede a Reign of Shame and Strise.

My Brethren of the Quill, the ingenious So­ciety of News-writers, having with great Spi­rit and Elegance already informed the World, that the Town of Tournay capitulated on the 28th Instant, there is nothing left for me to say, but to congratulate the good Company here, that we have Reason to hope for an Opportu­nity of thanking Mr. Withers next Winter in this Place, for the Service he has done his Coun­try. No Man deserves better of his Friends [Page 339] than that Gentleman, whose distinguishing Cha­racter it is, that he gives his Orders with the Familiarity, and enjoys his Fortune with the Generosity, of a Fellow-Soldier. His Grace the Duke of Argyle had also an eminent Part in the Reduction of this important Place. That illu­strious Youth discovers the peculiar Turn of Spi­rit and Greatness of Soul, which only make Men of high Birth and Quality useful to their Coun­try; and considers Nobility as an imaginary Di­stinction, unless accompanied with the Practice of those generous Virtues by which it ought to be obtained. But that our Military Glory is ar­rived at its present Height, and that Men of all Ranks so passionately affect their Share in it, is certainly owing to the Merit and Conduct of our glorious General: For as the great Secret in Chy­mistry, though not in Nature, has occasioned many useful Discoveries; and the fantastick No­tion of being wholly disinterested in Friendship, has made Men do a Thousand generous Actions above themselves; so, though the present Gran­deur and Fame of the Duke of Marlborough is a Station of Glory to which no one hopes to arrive, yet all carry their Actions to an higher Pitch, by having that great Example laid before them.

The TATLER. [No 47.
From Tuesd. July 26. to Thursd. July 28. 1709.

Quicquid agunt Homines nostri Farrago Libelli.

MY Friend Sir Thomas has communicated to me his Letters from Epsom of the 25th Instant, which give, in general, a very good Account of the present Posture of Affairs in that Place; but that the Tranquility and Cor­respondence of the Company begins to be in­terrupted by the Arrival of Sir Taffety Trippet, a Fortune-hunter, whose Follies are too gross to give Diversion; and whose Vanity is too stu­pid to let him be sensible that he is a publick Offence. If People will indulge a splenatick Humour, it is impossible to be at Ease, when such Creatures as are the Scandal of our Spe­cies, set up for Gallantry and Adventures. It will be much more easy therefore to laugh Sir Taffety into Reason, than convert him from his Foppery by any serious Contempt. I knew a Gentleman that made it a Maxim to open his Doors, and ever run into the Way of Bullies, to avoid their Insolence. The Rule will hold as well with Coxcombs: They are never morti­fied, but when they see you receive, and de­spise them; otherwise they rest assured, that it is your Ignorance makes them out of your good Graces; or, that 'tis only want of Admit­tance prevents their being amiable where they are shun'd and avoided. But Sir Taffety is a Fop of so sanguine a Complexion, that I fear it will [Page 341] be very hard for the fair One he at present pur­sues to get rid of the Chace, without being so tired, as for her own Ease to fall into the Mouth of the Mungrel she runs from. But the History of Sir Taffety is as pleasant as his Character.

It happened, that when he first set up for a Fortune-hunter, he chose Tunbridge for the Scene of Action; where were at that Time Two Sisters upon the same Design. The Knight believed of Course the Elder must be the better Prize; and consequently makes all his Sail that Way. Peo­ple that want Sense, do always in an egregious Manner want Modesty, which made our Hero triumph in making his Amour as publick as was possible. The adored Lady was no less vain of his publick Addresses. An Attorney with one Cause is not half so restless as a Wo­man with one Lover. Where-ever they met, they talked to each other aloud, chose each o­ther Partner at Balls, saluted at the most con­spicuous Parts of the Service at Church, and practised in Honour of each other all the re­markable Particularities which are usual for Persons who admire one another, and are con­temptible to the rest of the World. These Two Lovers seem'd as much made for each other as Adam and Eve, and all pronounced it a Match of Nature's own making; but the Night be­fore the Nuptials, (so universally approved) the younger Sister, envious of the good Fortune even of her Sister, who had been present at most of their Interviews, and had an equal Tast for the Charms of a Fop (as there are a Set of Women made for that Order of Men); the younger, I say, unable to see so rich a Prize pass by her, discovered to Sir Taffety, that a Coquet Air, much Tongue, and Three Suits, was all the Portion of his Mistress. His Love vanished that Moment, himself and Equipage [Page 342] the next Morning. It is uncertain where the Lo­ver has been ever since engag'd; but certain it is, he has not appeared in his Character as a Fol­lower of Love and Fortune till he arrived at Ep­som, where there is at present a young Lady of Youth, Beauty, and Fortune, who has alarmed all the Vain and the Impertinent to infest that Quarter. At the Head of this Assembly, Sir Taf­fety shines in the brightest Manner, with all the Accomplishments which usually ensuare the Heart of Woman; with this particular Merit, (which often is of great Service) that he is laughed at for her Sake. The Friends of the fair One are in much Pain for the Sufferings she goes through from the Perseverance of this Hero; but they may be much more so from the Danger of his succeeding, toward which they give him an helping Hand, if they disswade her with Bitter­ness; for there is a fantastical Generosity in the Sex, to approve Creatures of the least Merit ima­ginable, when they see the Imperfections of their Admirers are become Marks of Derision for their Sakes; and there is nothing so frequent, as that he who was contemptible to a Woman in her own Judgment, has won her by being too violently opposed by others.

In the several Capacities I bear, of Astrolo­ger, Civilian, and Physician, I have with great Application studied the publick Emolument: To this End serve all my Lucubrations, Specu­lations, and whatever other Labours I under­take, whether nocturnal or diurnal. On this Motive am I induced to publish a never-failing Medicine for the Spleen: My Experience in this Distemper came from a very remarkable Cure on my ever worthy Friend Tom Spindle, who, through excessive Gaiety, had exhausted [Page 343] that natural Stock of Wit and Spirits he had long been blessed with: He was sunk and flattened to the lower Degree imaginable, sit­ting whole Hours over the Book of Martyrs, and Pilgrims Progress; his other Contempla­tions never rising higher than the Colour of his Urine, or Regularity of his Pulse. In this Condition I found him, accompanied by the learned Dr. Drachm, and a good old Nurse. Drachm had prescribed Magazines of Herbs, and Mines of Steel. I soon discovered the Mala­dy, and descanted on the Nature of it, till I con­vinced both the Patient and his Nurse, that the Spleen is not to be cured by Medicine, but by Poetry. Apollo, the Author of Physick, shone with diffusive Rays the best of Poets as well as of Physicians; and it is in this double Capaci­ty that I have made my Way, and have found sweet, easy, flowring Numbers, are oft superior to our noblest Medicines. When the Spirits are low, and Nature sunk, the Muse, with spright­ly and harmonious Notes, gives an unexpected Turn with a Grain of Poetry, which I prepare without the Use of Mercury. I have done Wonders in this Kind; for the Spleen is like the Tarantula, the Effects of whose malignant Poison are to be prevented by no other Remedy but the Charms of Musick: For you are to un­derstand, that as some noxious Animals carry Antidotes for their own Poisons; so there is something equally unaccountable in Poetry: For though it is sometimes a Disease, it is to be cured only by it self. Now I knowing Tom Spindle's Constitution, and that he is not only a pretty Gentleman, but also a pretty Poet, found the true Cause of his Distemper was a violent Grief that moved his Affections too strongly: For during the late Treaty of Peace, he had writ a most excellent Poem on that Subject; [Page 344] and when he wanted but Two Lines in the last Stanza for finishing the whole Piece, there comes News that the French Tyrant would not sign. Spindle in a few Days took his Bed, and had lain there still, had not I been sent for. I immediately told him, there was great Probabi­lity the French would now sue to us for Peace. I saw immediately a new Life in his Eyes; and knew, That nothing could help him forward so well, as hearing Verses which he would believe worse than his own; I read him therefore the Brussels Postscript. After which I recited some Heroick Lines of my own, which operated so strongly on the Tympanum of his Ear, that I doubt not but I have kept out all other Sounds for a Fortnight; and have Reason to hope, we shall see him abroad the Day before his Poem.

This you see, is a particular Secret I have found out, viz. That you are not to chuse your Physician for his Knowledge in your Di­stemper, but for having it himself. There­fore I am at Hand for all Maladies arising from Poetical Vapours, beyond which I never pre­tend. For being called the other Day to one in Love, I took indeed their Three Guinea's, and gave them my Advice; which was, to send for Aesculapius. Aesculapius, as soon as he saw the Patient, cries out, 'Tis Love! 'Tis Love! Oh! the unequal Pulse! These are the Symp­toms a Lover feels; such Sighs, such Pangs, at­tend the uneasy Mind; nor can our Art, or all our boasted Skill, avail—Yet, O Fair! for thee—Thus the Sage ran on, and owned the Passion which he pitied, as well as that he felt a greater Pain than ever he cured: After which he concluded, All I can advise, is Marriage: Charms and Beauty will give new Life and Vigour, and turn the Course of Nature to its better Prospect. This is the new Way; and [Page 345] thus Aesculapius has left his beloved Powders, and writes a Recipe for a Wife at Sixty. In short, my Friend followed the Prescription, and married Youth and Beauty in its perfect Bloom.

Supine in Silvia's snowy Arms he lies,
And all the busy Care of Life defies:
Each happy Hour is fill'd with fresh Delight,
While Peace the Day, and Pleasure crowns the Night.

Tragical Passion was the Subject of the Dis­course where I last visited this Evening; and a Gentleman who knows that I am at present writing a very deep Tragedy, directed his Dis­course in a particular Manner to me. It is the common Fault (said he) of you, Gentlemen, who write in the Buskin Style, that you give us ra­ther the Sentiments of such who behold Tragi­cal Events, than of such who bear a Part in 'em themselves. I would advise all who pre­tend this Way, to read Shakespear with Care, and they will soon be deterred from putting forth what is usually called Tragedy. The Way of common Writers in this Kind, is rather the Description than the Expression of Sorrow. There is no Medium in these Attempts; and you must go to the very Bottom of the Heart, or it is all mere Language; and the Writer of such Lines is no more a Poet, than a Man is a Phy­sician for knowing the Names of Distempers, without the Causes of them Men of Sense are professed Enemies to all such empty Labours: For he who p [...]etends to be sorrowful, and is not, is a Wretch yet more contemptible than he who pretends to be me [...]ry, and is not. Such a Tragedian is only maudlin drunk. The [Page 346] Gentleman went on with much Warmth; but all he could say had little Effect upon me: But when I came hither, I so far observed his Coun­sel, that I looked into Shakespear. The Tragedy I dipped into was, Harry the Fourth. In the Scene where Morton is preparing to tell Northumber­land of his Son's Death; the old Man does not give him Time to speak, but says,

The Whiteness of thy Cheeks
Is apter than thy Tongue to tell thy Errand;
Even such a Man, so faint, so spiritless,
So dull, so dead in Look, so Woe—Be gone.
Drew Priam's Curtain at the Dead of Night,
And would have told him Half his Troy was burnt
But Priam found the Fire, e're he his Tongue,
And I my Percy's Death e're thou report'st it.

The Image in this Place is wonderfully noble and great; yet this Man in all this is but ri­sing towards his great Affliction, and is still e­nough himself, as you see, to make a Simile? But when he is certain of his Son's Death, he is lost to all Patience, and gives up all the Re­gards of this Life; and since the last of Evils is fallen upon him, he calls for it upon all the World.

Now let not Nature's Hand
Keep the wild [...]lood confined; let Order die,
And let the World no longer be a Stage,
To feed [...]on [...]tion in a ling'ring Act;
But let one Spirit of the first-born Cain
Reign in all Bosoms, that each Heart being set
On bloody Courses, the wide Scene may end,
And Darkness be the Burier of the Dead.

[Page 347] Reading but this one Scene has convinced me, that he who describes the Concern of great Men, must have a Soul as noble, and as susceptible of high Thoughts, as they whom he represents: I shall therefore lay by my Drama for some Time, and turn my Thoughts to Cares and Griefs, some­what below that of Heroes, but no less moving. A Misfortune proper for me to take Notice of, has too lately happened: The disconsolate Ma­ria has three Days kept her Chamber for the Loss of the beauteous Fidelia, her Lap dog. Lesbia her self did not shed more Tears for her Sparrow. What makes her the more concern'd, is, that we know not whether Fidelia was kill'd or stolen; but she was seen in the Parlour-Window when the Train-bands went by, and never since. Who­ever gives Notice of her, dead or alive, shall be rewarded with a Kiss of her Lady.

The TATLER. [No 48.
From Thursd. July 28. to Saturd. July 30. 1709.

— Virtutem Verba putant, ut
Lucum Ligna. —
Hor.

THIS Day I obliged Pacolet to entertain me w [...]th Matters which regarded Persons of his own Character and Occupation. We chose to take our Walk on Tower Hill; and as we were coming from thence in o der to stroll as far as Garraway's, I obse ved two Men, who had but just landed, coming from the Water­side. I thought there was something uncom­mon [Page 348] in their Mien and Aspect; but though they seemed by their Visage to be related, yet, was there a Warmth in their Manner, as if they differed very much in their Sentiments of the Subject on which they were talking. One of them seem'd to have a natural Confidence, mixed with an ingenuous Freedom in his Ge­sture, his Dress very plain, but very graceful and becoming: The other, in the midst of an over-bearing Carriage, betrayed (by frequently looking round him) a Suspicion that he was not enough regarded by those he met, or that he feared they would make some Attack upon him. This Person was much taller than his Companion, and added to that Height the Ad­vantage of a Feather in his Hat, and Heels to his Shoes so monstrously high, that he had Three or Four Times fallen down, had he not been supported by his Friend. They made a full Stop as they came within a few Yards of the Place where we stood. The plain Gentle­man bowed to Pacolet; the other looked on him with some Displeasure: Upon which I asked him, Who they both were? When he thus informed me of their Persons and Circum­stances.

You may remember, Isaac, that I have of­ten told you, there are Beings of a superior Rank to Mankind, who frequently visit the Ha­bitations of Men, in order to call them from some wrong Pursuits in which they are actually engaged, or divert them from Methods which will lead them into Errors for the future. He that will carefully reflect upon the Occurrences of his Life, will find he has been sometimes extricated out of Difficulties, and received Fa­vours where he could never have expected such Benefits; as well as met with cross Events from some unseen Hand, which have disap­pointed [Page 349] his best laid Designs. Such Accidents arrive from the Interventions of Aerial Beings, as they are benevolent or hurtful to the Nature of Man, and attend his Steps in the Tracts of Ambition, of Business, and of Pleasure. Be­fore I ever appeared to you in the Manner I do now, I have frequently followed you in your Evening Walks, and have often, by throwing some Accident in your Way, as the passing by of a Funeral, or the Appearance of some other solemn Object, given your Imagination a new Turn, and changed a Night you had destined to Mirth and Jollity, into an Exercise of Study and Contemplation. I was the old Soldier who met you last Summer in Chelsea-Fields, and pre­tended that I had broken my Wooden-Leg, and could not get Home; but I snap'd it short off on purpose, that you might fall into the Reflections you did on that Subject, and take me into your Hack. If you remember, you made your self very merry on that Fracture, and asked me, Whether I thought I should next Winter feel Cold in the Toes of that Leg? As is usually observed, that those who lose Limbs, are sen­sible of Pains in the extreme Parts, even after those Limbs are cut off. However, my keep­ing you then in the Story of the Battle of the Boin, prevented an Assignation, which would have led you into more Disasters than I then re­lated.

To be short: Those Two Persons you see yonder, are such as I am; they are not real Men, but are mere Shades and Figures: One is named Alethes, the other Verisimilis. Their Office is to be the Guardians and Representa­tives of Conscience and Honour. They are now going to visit the several Parts of the Town, to see how their Interests in the World decay or flourish, and to purge themselves from the [Page 350] many false Imputations they daily meet with in the Commerce and Conversation of Men. You observed Verisimilis frowned when he first saw me. What he is provoked at, is, that I told him one Day, though he strutted and dressed with so much Ostentation, if he kept himself within his own Bounds, he was but a Lacquey, and wore only that Gentleman's Li­very whom he is now with. This frets him to the Heart; for you must know, he has pre­tended a long Time to set up for himself, and gets among a Crowd of the more unthinking Part of Mankind, who take him for a Person of the First Quality; though his Introduction into the World was wholly owing to his present Companion.

This Encounter was very agreeable to me, and I was resolved to dog them, and desired Pacolet to accompany me. I soon perceived what he told me in the Gesture of the Persons: For when they look'd at each other in Dis­course, the well-dress'd Man suddenly cast down his Eyes, and discovered that the other had a painful Superiority over him. After some further Discourse, they took Leave. The plain Gentleman went down towards Thames-street, in order to be present, at least, at the Oaths taken at the Custom House; and the other made directly for the Heart of the City. It is incredible how great a Change there imme­diately appeared in the Man of Honour when he got rid of his uneasie Companion: He ad­justed the Cock of his Hat a-new, settled his Sword-Knot, and had an Appearance that at­tracted a sudden Inclination for him and his Interests in all who beheld him. For my Part (said I to Pacolet) I cannot but think you are mistaken in calling this Person, of the Lower Quality; for he looks much more like a Gen­tleman [Page 351] than the other. Don't you observe all Eyes are upon him as he advances: How each Sex gazes at his Stature, Aspect, Address, and Motion? Pacolet only smiled, and shaked his Head; as leaving me to be convinced by my own further Observation. We kept on our Way after him till we came to Exchange-Alley, where the plain Gentleman again came up to the other; and they stood together after the Manner of eminent Merchants, as if ready to receive Application; but I could observe no Man talk to either of them. The One was laughed at as a Fop; and I heard many Whis­pers against the other, as a whimsical Sort of Fellow, and a great Enemy to Trade. They crossed Cornhill together, and came into the full Change, where some bowed, and gave themselves Airs in being known to so fine a Man as Verisimilis, who, they said, had great Interest in all Princes Courts; and the other was taken Notice of by several as one they had seen somewhere long before. One more particularly said, He had formerly been a Man of Consideration in the World; but was so un­lucky, that they who dealt with him, by some strange Infatuation or other, had a Way of cut­ting off their own Bills, and were prodigi­ously slow in improving their Stock. But as much as I was curious to observe the Reception these Gentlemen met with upon Change, I could not help being interrupted by one that came up towards us, to whom every Body made their Compliments. He was of the com­mon Height, and in his Dress there seemed to be great Care to appear no Way particular, ex­cept in a certain exact and feat Manner of Be­haviour and Circumspection. He was won­derfully careful that his Shoes and Cloathes should be without the least Speck upon them; [Page 352] and seem'd to think, that on such an Ac­cident depended his very Life and Fortune. There was hardly a Man on Change who had not a Note upon him; and each seem'd very well satisfied that their Money lay in his Hands, without demanding Payment. I asked Pacolet, What great Merchant that was, who was so universally addressed to, yet made too familiar an Appearance to command that extraordinary Deference? Pacolet answer'd, This Person is the Daemon or Genius of Credit; his Name is Umbra. If you observe, he follows Alethes and Verisimilis at a Distance; and indeed has no Foundation for the Figure he makes in the World, but that he is thought to keep their Cash; though at the same Time, none who trust him, would trust the other for a Groat. As the Company rolled about, the Three Spe­cters were jumbled into one Place: When they were so, and all thought there was an Alliance between them, they immediately drew upon them the Business of the whole Change. But their Affairs soon encreased to such an unweildy Bulk, that Alethes took his Leave, and said, He would not engage further than he had an immediate Fund to answer. Verisimilis pretend­ed, that though he had Revenues large enough to go on his own Bottom, yet it was below one of his Family to condescend to trade in his own Name; therefore he also retired. I was extremely troubled, to see the glorious Mart of London left with no other Guardian, but him of Credit. But Pacolet told me, That Traders had nothing to do with the Honour or Conscience of their Correspondents, provided they suppor­ted a general Behaviour in the World, which could not hurt their Credit or their Purses: For (said he) you may in this one Tract of Building of London and Westminster see the imaginary [Page 353] Motives on which the greatest Affairs move, as well as in rambling over the Face of the Earth. For tho' Alethes is the real Governour, as well as Legislator of Mankind, he has very little Bu­siness but to make up Quarrels, and is only a ge­neral Referree, to whom every Man pretends to appeal; but is satisfied with his Determina­tions no further than they promote his own In­terest. Hence it is, that the Soldier and the Courtier model their Actions according to Veri­similis's Manner, and the Merchant according to that of Umbra. Among these Men, Honour and Credit are not valuable Possessions in them­selves, or pursued out of a Principle of Justice; but merely as they are serviceable to Ambition and to Commerce. But the World will never be in any Manner of Order or Tranquility, till Men are firmly convinced, that Conscience, Ho­nour, and Credit, are all in one Interest; and that without the Concurrence of the former, the latter are but Impositions upon our selves and others. The Force these delusive Words have, is not seen in the Transactions of the busie World only, but also have their Tyranny over the Fair Sex. Were you to ask the un­happy Lais, What Pangs of Reflection, prefer­ring the Consideration of her Honour to her Conscience, has given her? She could tell you, That it has forced her to drink up half a Gal­lon this Winter of Tom Dassapas's Potions; That she still pines away for fear of being a Mother; and knows not, but the Moment she is such, she shall be a Murderess: But if Con­science had as strong a Force upon her Mind as Honour, the first Step to her unhappy Con­dition had never been made; she had still been innocent, as she's beautiful. Were Men so enlighten'd and studious of their own Good, as to act by the Dictates of their Reason and [Page 354] Reflection, and not the Opinion of others, Con­science would be the steady Ruler of humane Life; and the Words, Truth, Law, Reason, Equi­ty, and Religion, would be but Synonymous Terms, for that only Guide which makes us pass our Days in our own Favour and Approba­tion.

The TATLER. [No 49.
From Saturd. July 30. to Tuesd. Aug. 2. 1709.

Quicquid agunt Homines nostri Farrago Libelli.

THE Impo ition of honest Names and Words upon improper Subjects, has made so regu­lar a Confusion amongst us, that we are apt to sit down with our Errors, well enough satisfied with the Methods we are fallen into, without at­tempting to deliver ou selves from the Tyranny under which we are reduc'd by such Innovations. Of all the laudable Motives of humane Life, none has suffered so much in this Kind, as Love; under which rever'd Name, a brutal Desire call'd Lust is frequently concealed and admitted; tho' they differ as much as a Matron from a Prosti­ture, or a Companion from a Buffoon. Philan­der the other Day was bewailing this Misfortune w [...] much Indignation, and upbraided me for hav [...]g some Time since quoted those excellent Lines of the Satyrist:

To an exact Perfection they have brought
The Action Love, the Passion is forgot.

[Page 355] How could you (said he) leave such a Hint so coldly? How could Aspasia and Semphronia en­ter into your Imagination at the same Time, and you never declare to us the different Reception you gave 'em?

The Figures which the ancient Mythologists and Poets put upon Love and Lust in their Wri­tings, are very instructive. Love is a beauteous Blind Child, adorn'd with a Quiver and a Bow, which he plays with, and shoots around him, without Design or Direction; to intimate to us, that the Person beloved has no Intention to give us the Anxieties we meet with; but that the Beauties of a worthy Object are like the Charms of a lovely Infant: They cannot but attract your Concern and Fondness, tho' the Child so regard­ed is as insensible of the Value you put upon it, as it is that it deserves your Benevolence. On the other Side, the Sages figured Lust in the Form of a Satyr; of Shape, part Humane, part Bestial; to signify, that the Followers of it pro­stitute the Reason of a Man to pursue the Appe­tites of a Beast. This Satyr is made to haunt the Paths and Coverts of the Wood-Nymphs and Shepherdesses, to lurk on the Banks of Rivulets, and watch the purling Streams, (as the Resorts of retired Virgins) to show, that lawless Desire tends chiefly to prey upon Innocence, and has something so unnatural in it, that it hates its own Make, and shuns the Object it lov'd, as soon as it has made it like it self. Love therefore is a Child that complains and bewails its Inability to help it self, and weeps for Assistance, without an immediate Reflection or Knowledge of the Food it wants: Lust, a watchful Thief which seizes its Prey, and lays Snares for its own Relief; and its principal Object being Innocence, it never robs, but it murders at the same Time.

[Page 356] From this Idea of a Cupid and a Satyr, we may settle our Notion of these different Desires, and accordingly rank their Followers. Aspasia must therefore be allow'd to be the first of the beau­teous Order of Love, whose unaffected Freedom, and conscious Innocence, give her the Attendance of the Graces in all her Actions. That awful Di­stance which we bear towards her in all our Thoughts of her, and that chearful Familiarity with which we approach her, are certain Instan­ces of her being the truest Object of Love of any of her Sex. In this accomplish'd Lady, Love is the constant Effect, because it is never the De­sign. Yet, tho' her Mien carries much more Invi­tation than Command, to behold her is an im­mediate Check to loose Behaviour; and to love her, is a liberal Education: For, it being the Na­ture of all Love to create an Imitation of the be­loved Person in the Lover, a Regard for Aspasia naturally produces Decency of Manners, and good Conduct of Life in her Admirers. If there­fore the giggling Leucippe could but see her Train of Fops assembled, and Aspasia move by 'em, she would be mortified at the Veneration with which she is beheld, ev'n by Leucippe's own un­thinking Equipage, whose Passions have long ta­ken Leave of their Understandings.

As Charity is esteemed a Conjunction of the good Qualities necessary to a virtuous Man, so Love is the happy Composition of all the Accom­plishments that make a Fine Gentleman. The Motive of a Man's Life is seen in all his Actions; and such as have the Beauteous Boy for their Inspirer, have a Simplicity of Behaviour, and a certain Evenness of Desire, which burns like the Lamp of Life in their Bosoms; while they who are instigated by the Satyr, are ever tortu­red by Jealousies of the Object of their Wishes; often desire what they scorn, and as often [Page 357] consciously and knowingly embrace where they are mutually indifferent.

Florio, the generous Husband, and Limberham, the kind Keeper, are noted Examples of the dif­ferent Effects which these Desires produce in the Mind. Amanda, who is the Wife of Florio, lives in the continual Enjoyment of new Instances of her Husband's Friendship, and sees it the End of all his Ambition to make her Life one Series of Pleasure and Satisfaction; and Amanda's Relish of the Goods of Life, is all that makes 'em plea­sing to Florio: They behave themselves to each other when present with a certain apparent Bene­volence, which transports above Rapture; and they think of each other in Absence with a Con­fidence unknown to the highest Friendship: Their Satisfactions are doubled, their Sorrows lessen'd by Participation.

On the other Hand, Corinna, who is the Mistress of Limberham, lives in constant Tor­ment: Her Equipage is, an old Woman, who was what Corinna is now; an antiquated Foot­man, who was Pimp to Limberham's Father; and a Chamber-Maid, who is Limberham's Wench by Fits, out of a Principle of Politicks to make her jealous and watchful of Corinna. Under this Guard, and in this Conversation, Corinna lives in State: The Furniture of her Habitation, and her own gorgeous Dress, make her the Envy of all the strolling Ladies in the Town; but Corinna know she her self is but Part of Limberham's Houshold-Stuff, and is as capa­ble of being dispos'd of elsewhere, as any other Moveable. But while her Keeper is perswaded by his Spies, that no Enemy has been within his Doors since his last Visit, no Persian Prince was ever so magnificently bountiful: A kind Look or falling Tear is worth a Piece of Broc­kade, a Sigh is a Jewel, and a Smile is a Cup­board [Page 358] board of Plate. All this is shar'd between Co­rinna and her Guard in his Absence. With this great Oeconomy and Industry does the unhappy Limberham purchase the constant Tortures of Jea­lousie, the Favour of spending his Estate, and the Opportunity of enriching one by whom he knows he is hated and despised. These are the ordinary and common Evils which attend Keepers, and Corinna is a Wench but of common Size of Wickedness, were you to know what passes un­der the Roof where the fair Messalina reigns with her humble Adorer!

Messalina is the profess'd Mistress of Mankind; she has left the Bed of her Husband and her beauteous Offspring, to give a Loose to Want of Shame and Fulness of Desire. Wretched Nocturuus, her feeble Keeper! How the poor Creature fribles in his Gate, and skuttles from Place to Place to dispatch his necessary Affairs in painful Day-light, that he may return to the constant Twilight preserv'd in that Scene of Wantonness, Messalina's Bed-chamber! How does he, while he is absent from thence, consi­der in his Imagination the Breadth of his Por­ter's Shoulders, the spruce Nightcap of his Va­let, the ready Attendance of his Butler! Any of all whom he knows she admits, and profes­ses to approve of. This, alas! is the Gallantry; this the Freedom of our Fine Gentlemen: For this they preserve their Liberty, and keep clear of that Bugbear, Marriage. But he does not understand either Vice or Virtue, who will not allow, that Life without the Rules of Morality is a wayward uneasie Being, with Snatches only of Pleasure; but under the Regulation of Vir­tue, a reasonable and uniform Habit of Enjoy­ment. I have seen in a Play of old Haywood's, a Speech at the End of an Act, which touch'd this Point with much Spirit. He makes a married [Page 359] Man in the Play, upon some endearing Occasion, look at his Spouse with an Air of Fondness, and fall into the following Reflection on his Condition:

Oh Marriage! Happiest, easiest, safest State;
Let Debauchees and Drunkards scorn thy Rights,
Who, in their nauseous Draughts and Lusts, profane
Both thee and Heav'n by whom thou wer't or­dain'd.
How can the Savage call it Loss of Freedom,
Thus to converse with, thus to gaze at
A faithful, beauteous Friend?
Blush not, my fair One, that thy Love applauds thee,
Nor be it painful to my wedded Wife,
That my full Heart o'erflows in Praise of thee.
Thou art by Law, by Interest, Passion, mine:
Passion and Reason join in Love of thee.
Thus, through a World of Calumny and Fraud,
We pass both unreproach'd, both undeceiv'd;
While in each other's Interest and Happiness,
We without Art all Faculties employ,
And all our Senses without Guilt enjoy.

Letters from the Hague of the 6th Instant, N. S. say, That there daily arrive at our Camp Deserters in considerable Numbers; and that several of the Enemy concealed themselves in the Town of Tournay when the Garrison mar­ched into the Citadel; after which, they pre­sented themselves to the Duke of Marlborough; some of whom were Commissioned Officers. The Earl of Albemarle is appointed Governour of the Town. Soon after the Surrender, there arose a Dispute about a considerable Work, which was asserted by the Allies to be Part of the Town, and by the French to belong [Page 360] to the Citadel. It is said, Monsieur de Survill [...] was so ingenuous as to declare, he thought it t [...] be comprehended within the Limits of the Town [...] but Monsieur de Mesgrigny, Governour of the Citadel, was of a contrary Opinion. It is reported [...] That this Affair occasioned great Difficulties [...] which ended in a Capitulation for the Citadel i [...] self; the principal Article of which is, That i [...] shall be surrendred on the 5th of September next [...] in case they are not in the mean Time relieved [...] This Circumstance gives Foundation to believe that the Enemy have acted in this Manner, ra­ther from some Hopes they conceive of a Treaty of Peace before that Time, than any Expectation from their Army, which has retired towards their former Works between Lens and La Bassee. These Advices add, That his Excellency the Cza­rish Ambassador has communicated to the States-General, and the Foreign Ministers residing at the Hague, a Copy of a Letter from his Master's Camp, which gives an Account of the entire De­feat of the Swedish Army. They further say, That Count Piper is taken Prisoner, and that it is doubted whether the King of Sweden himself was not kill'd in the Action. We hear from Savoy, That Count Thaun having amus'd the Enemy by a March as far as the Tarantaise, had suddenly repassed Mount Cennis, and moved towards Bri­anzon. This unexpected Disposition is apprehen­ded by the Enemy as a Piece of the Duke of Sa­voy's Dexterity; and the French adding this Cir­cumstance to that of the Confederate Squadron's lying before Toulon, convince themselves, that his Royal Highness has his Thoughts upon the Exe­cution of some great Design in those Parts.

The TATLER. [No 50.
From Tuesd. Aug. 2. to Thursd. Aug. 4. 1709.

The History of Orlando the Fair. Chap. I.

WHatever malicious Men may say of our Lu­cubrations, we have no Design but to produce unknown Merit, or place in a proper Light the Actions of our Contemporaries who labour to distinguish themselves, whether it be by Vice or Virtue. For we shall never give Accounts to the World of any Thing, but what the Lives and Endeavours of the Persons (of whom we treat) make the Basis of their Fame and Reputation. For this Reason it is to be hoped, that our Appearance is reputed a publick Benefit; and tho' certain Persons may turn what we mean for Panegyrick into Scandal, let it be answered once for all, That if our Praises are really de­sign'd as Raillery, such malevolent Persons owe their Safety from it only to their being too in­considerable for History. It is not every Man who deals in Ratsbane, or is unseasonably amo­rous, that can adorn Story like Aesculapius; nor every Stock-Jobber of the India Company can assume the Port, and personate the Figure of Aurengezebe. My noble Ancestor Mr. Shake­spear, who was of the Race of the Staffs, was not more fond of the memorable Sir John Fal­staff, than I am of those Worthies; but the La­tins have an admirable Admonition express'd in two Words, to wit, Nequid nimis, which for­bids my indulging my self on those delightful [Page 362] Subjects, and calls me to do Justice to others, who make no less Figures in our Generation. Of such, the first and most renown'd is, that eminent Hero and Lover, Orlando the Handsome, whose Disappointments in Love, in Gallantry, and in War, have banished him from publick View, and made him voluntarily enter into a Confinement, to which the ungrateful Age would otherwise have forced him. Ten Lustra and more are wholly pass'd since Orlando first appeared in the Metropolis of this Island: His Descent noble, his Wit humorous, his Person charming. But to none of these Recommenda­tory Advantages was his Title so undoubted as that of his Beauty. His Complexion was fair, but his Countenance manly; his Stature of the tallest, his Shape the most exact; and tho' in all his Limbs he had a Proportion as delicate as we see in the Works of the most skilful Statua­ries, his Body had a Strength and Firmness little inferior to the Marble of which such Images are form'd. This made Orlando the universal Flame of all the Fair Sex; Innocent Virgins sigh'd for him, as Adonis; experienced Widows, as Her­cules. Thus did this Figure walk alone the Pat­tern and Ornament of our Species, but of Course the Envy of all who had the same Passions, without his superior Merit and Pretences to the Favour of that enchanting Creature, Woman. However, the generous Orlando believ'd himself form'd for the World, and not to be engross'd by any particular Affection. He sigh'd not for Delia, for Chloris, for Chloe, for Betty, nor my Lady, nor for the ready Chamber-maid, nor di­stant Baroness: Woman was his Mistress, and the whole Sex his Seraglio. His Form was al­ways irresistible: And if we consider, that not One of Five hundred can bear the least Favour from a Lady without being exalted above him­self; [Page 363] if also we must allow, that a Smile from a Side-Box has made Jack Spruce half mad, we can't think it wonderful that Orlando's repeated Conquests touch'd his Brain: So it certainly did, and Orlando became an Enthusiast in Love; and in all his Address, contracted something out of the ordinary Course of Breeding and Ci­vility. However, (powerful as he was) he would still add to the Advantages of his Person, that of a Profession which the Ladies always fa­vour, and immediately commenced Soldier. Thus equipp'd for Love and Honour, our Hero seeks distant Climes and Adventures, and leaves the despairing Nymphs of Great Britain to the Courtship of Beaus and Witlings till his Re­turn. His Exploits in Foreign Nations and Courts, have not been regularly enough com­municated unto us, to report 'em with that Ve­racity which we profess in our Narrations: But after many Feats of Arms, (which those who were Witnesses to them have suppress'd out of Envy, but which we have had faithfully related from his own Mouth in our publick Streets) Orlando returns home full, but not loaded with Years. Beaus born in his Absence made it their Business to decry his Furniture, his Dress, his Manner; but all such Rivalry he suppressed (as the Philosopher did the Sceptick, who ar­gued there was no such Thing as Motion) by only moving. The Beauteous Villar J. who only was formed for his Paramour, became the O [...] of his Affection. His first Speech to he was as follows:

Madam, It is not only that Nature has made us Two the most accomplished of each Sex, and minted to us to obey her Dictates in becoming One; but [...] there is also an Ambition in following the mighty Persons you have favoured. Where King, [Page 364] and Heroes, as great as Alexander, or such as could personate Alexander, have bowed, permit your Ge­neral to lay his Lawrels:

According to Milton;

The Fair with conscious Majesty approv'd
His pleaded Reason. —

Fortune having now supplied Orlando with Ne­cessaries for his high Taste of Gallantry and Plea­sure, his Equipage and Oeconomy had some­thing in them more sumptuous and gallant than could be receiv'd in our degenerate Age; there­fore his Figure (tho' highly graceful) appeared so exotick, that it assembled all the Britons un­der the Age of Sixteen, who saw his Grandeur to follow his Chariot with Shouts and Acclama­tions, which he regarded with the Contempt which great Minds affect in the midst of Applau­ses. I remember I had the Honour to see him one Day stop, and call the Youths about him, to whom he spake as follows:

‘'Good Bastards—Go to School, and don't lose your Time in following my Wheels: I am loth to hurt you, because. I know not but you are all my own Offspring: Hark'ee, you Sirrah with the white Hair, I am sure you are mine: There's Half a Crown. Tell your Mother, This, with the Half Crown I gave her when I got you, comes to Five Shillings. Thou hast cost me all that, and yet thou art good for nothing. Why, you young Dogs, did you never see a Man before?'’ Never such a one as you, Noble General, replied a Truant from Westminster. ‘'Sirrah, I believe thee: There is a Crown for thee. Drive on Coach­man.'’

This Vehicle, tho' sacred to Love, was not a­dorn'd with Doves. Such an Hieroglyphick de­noted [Page 365] too languishing a Passion. Orlando there­fore gave the Eagle, as being of a Constitution which inclined him rather to seize his Prey with Talons, than pine for it with Murmurs.

I have received the following Letter from Mr. Powell of the Bath, who, I think, runs from the Point between us, which I leave the whole World to judge.

To Isaac Bickerstaff Esq

SIR,

HAving a great deal of more advantagious Business at present on my Hands, I thought to have deferr'd answering your Tatler of the 21st Instant, till the Company was gone, and Season over; but having resolved not to re­gard any Impertinences of your Paper, except what relate particularly to me, I am the more easily induc'd to answer you (as I shall find Time to do it): First, pa tly lest you should think your self neglected, which I have Reason to believe you would take heinously ill. Se­condly, partly because it will increase my Fame, and consequently my Audience, when all the Quality shall see with how much Wit and Rail­lery I show you—I don't care a Farthing for you. Thirdly, partly because being without Books, if I don't show much Learning, it will not be imputed to my having none.

I have travelled Italy, France, and Spain, and fully comprehend whatever any German Arrist in the World can do; yet cannot I ima­gine, why you should endeavour to disturb the Repose and Plenty which (tho' unworthy) I enjoy at this Place. It cannot be, that you take Offence at my Prologues and Epilogues, which you are pleas'd to miscall Foolish and [Page 366] Abusive. No, no, until you give a better, I shall not forbear thinking, that the true Rea­son of your picking a Quarrel with me was, because it is more agreeable to your Prin­ciples, as well as more to the Honour of your [...]ured Victory, to attack a Governour. Mr. Isaac, Mr. Isaac, I can see into a Mill-stone as far as another (as the Saying is). You [...] for sowing the Seeds of Sedition and [...]bedience among my Puppets, and your [...]eal for the (good old) Cause would make you perswade Punch to pull the String from his Chops, and not move his Jaw when I have a Mind he should harangue. Now I appeal to all Men, if this is not contrary to that uncontroulable, unaccountable Dominion, which by the Laws of Nature I exercise over them; for all Sorts of Wood and Wire were made for the Use and Benefit of Man: I have therefore an unquestionable Right to frame, fashion, and put them together, as I please; and having made them what they are, my Puppets are my Property, and there­fore my Slaves: Nor is there in Nature any Thing more just, than the Homage which is paid by a less to a more excellent Being: So that by the Right therefore of a superior Ge­nius, I am their supreme Moderator, altho' you would insinuate (agreeably to your level­ling Principles) that I am my self but a great Puppet, and can therefore have but a co-ordi­nate Jurisdiction with them. I suppose I have now sufficiently made it appear, that I have a paternal Right to keep a Puppet-Show, and this Right I will maintain in my Prologues on all Occasions.

And therefore, if you write a Defence of your self against this my Self-Defence, I ad­monish you to keep within Bounds; for [Page 367] every Day will not be so propitious to you as the 29th of April; and perhaps my Resent­ment may get the better of my Generosity, and I may no longer scorn to fight one who is not my Equal with unequal Weapons: There are such Things as Scandulums Magnatums; there­fore take Heed hereafter how you write such Things as I cannot easily answer, for that will put me in a Passion.

I order you to handle only these Two Pro­positions, to which our Dispute may be redu­ced: The First, Whether I have not an Ab­solute Power, whenever I please, to light a Pipe with one of Punch's Legs, or warm my Fingers with his whole Carcass? The Second, Whether the Devil would not be in Punch, should he by Word or Deed oppose my Sove­reign Will and Pleasure? And then, perhaps, I may (if I can find Leisure for it) give you the Trouble of a second Letter.

But if you intend to tell me of the Original of Puppet-Shows, and the several Changes and Revolutions that have happened in them, since Thespis, and I don't care who, that's Noli me tangere; I have solemnly engaged to say nothing of what I can't approve. Or, if you talk of certain Contracts with the Mayor and Burgesses, or Fees to the Con­stables, for the Privilege of Acting, I will not write one single Word about any such Matters; but shall leave you to be mumbled by the learned and very ingenious Author of a late Book, who knows very well what's to be said and done in such Cases. He is now shuffling the Cards, and dealing to Timothy; but if he wins the Game; I will send him to play at Backgammon with you; and then he will satisfy you, that Deuce-Ace makes Five.

[Page 368] And so, submitting my self to be try'd by my Country, and allowing any Jury of 12 good Men, and true, to be that Country; not excepting any (unless Mr. Isaac Bickerstaff) to be of the Pannel, for you are neither good nor true; I bid you heartily farewel; and am,

SIR,
Your Loving Friend, Powell.
The End of the First Volume.

A Faithful INDEX OF THE Dull as well as ingenious Passages IN THE TATLERS.
VOL. I.

A.
  • ACTS the Country Wife: (Mrs. Bignell.) Page 15
  • Advice asked, not for Information, but out of the Fullness of Heart on its Perplexity. 181
  • Advice not to be given by every Body. Ibid.
  • Aesculapius and Hebe. 317
  • Aesculapius's Recepe for Love. 345
  • Africanus's Magnanimity and Manner of purcha­sing Annuities. 263
  • Alchymist. 102
  • Alicant taken. 155
  • Amanda, Wife of Florio. 357
  • Annihilation described by Milton and Dryden. 38
  • Aspasia's Character. 306
  • Avaro's Character. 182
  • Aurengezebe Trades with the English. 331
B.
  • [Page]Bankers should take Poems for Bills. Page [...]
  • Batchelor's Scheme to govern a Wife. 70
  • Battle near Badajos. 123
  • Beadlestaff's Testimony of the Reformation at Ox­ford, and of a Puppet-Show. 316
  • Betterton's Character. 5
  • Mr. Bickerstaff's Cures. 245
  • Mr. Bickerstaff's Disposal of his Three Nephews. 214
  • — A Base Report that he has compounded with the Toymen and Milleners. 221
  • Mr. Bickerstaff makes his Will. [...]
  • Billet-deux concerning a Rival. [...]
  • Brussels Postscript (a Poem) considered. [...]
  • Busy-Body: (A Play.) [...]
C.
  • Camilla's Exit. [...]
  • Cancrum, his Merit. [...]
  • Cant of modern Men of Wit. [...]
  • Careless's Character. [...]
  • Challenge, the Style of it. [...]
  • Charms of Musick cure the Spleen. [...]
  • Children, how nursed. [...]
  • Circumspection-Water, its Effects. [...]
  • Clarissa and Chloe, celebrated Beauties. [...]
  • Clidamira, a Woman of Distinction. [...]
  • Comment on Stone-Walls. [...]
  • Comparison between Caesar and Alexander. [...]
  • Conscience described under the Character of Alethes. [...]
  • Contention between Two Ladies to the Title of Ver [...] Pretty. [...]
  • Conversation-Repartees. [...]
  • Coquet. 19
  • Corinna's Life with Limberham. [...]
  • Country's Ignorance of Bickerstaff's Characters. [...]
  • [Page] Credit described under the Character of Umbra. Page 353
  • Critick. 210
  • Cynthio's History. 3
  • Cynthio's History continued. 29
  • Cynthio dictating on the Passion of Love. 156
  • Cynthio's Letter to his Mistress. 253
  • Cynthio (once in Despair for Clarissa) is now resol­ved upon the good old Way of Loving, as Bar­gain and Sale. Ibid.
  • Czar's Victory. 360
D.
  • Damia, a Woman of Distinction. 246
  • Decius, a lewd Person. 324
  • Description of the Morning in Town: (A Poem.) 64
  • Dial [...]gue on Duelling. 282
  • Difference between a Madman and a Fool. 292
  • Digression upon the London Cries. 25
  • Directions on writing Letters. 217
  • Discourse concerning Bribery. 304
  • Dissertation on Duelling. 221
  • Distaff (Jenny), her Discourse on Love, the Com­mand and Power of Women. 70
  • Distaff (Jenny), her Reflections on her Brother's Writings. 237
  • — Her Account of her own Conduct in an A­mour, &c. 239
  • Distinction between an Idiot and Politician. 291
  • Diversions for the K. of D. at Dresden. 243
  • D [...]'s Sale of Goods Celestial and Terrestrial. 308
  • Dryden, on Empire. 92
  • Duellers, how treated after Death. 190
  • — How used by different Nations. 203
  • Duelling, and its Terms explain'd. 178
  • Duell [...]ng, the Source of it. 206
  • D [...] Fortune-Teller. 103
  • D'Urfey's Panegyrick. 311
E.
  • [Page]Earl of Essex; a Play: Its Character. Page 101
  • Easie Writers. 63
  • Emblem of the Parrat and Dove. 197
  • Epigram on Marriage. 294
  • Epsom-Wells; a Play: Its Character. 52
  • The Order of Esquires, &c. 133
  • Every Temper to be animated or softned by the In­fluence of Beauty. 71
  • Exercise of Arms in the Metropolis of Great Britain, with Considerations thereupon. 298
F.
  • Felicia, its Happiness. 27
  • Florimel and Picket, their Way of Courtship. 51
  • Florio's Character. 329
  • Fly-blow's Character. 276
  • Foot-Race by Damsels at Epsom-Wells. 260
  • The Fox(a Play) applauded. 149
  • France, its Misery. 129
  • Frank Careless. 104
  • Free Thinkers. 86
  • French King's Subjects Answer to his Letter. 212
  • Frontlet, her Character. 174
G.
  • Gamester. 102
  • Gamesters Misery and alternate State. 97
  • What Men of Wealth play against Gamesters, &c. 110
  • Gatty, her Character. 174
  • Genealogy of the Bickerstaffs. 81
  • Genii, their good Offices to Men. 349
  • Gentleman, what. 147
  • Good Breeding, what. 31, 217
  • Good-natured old Man. 330
  • Guilt applies the Satyr. 302
H.
  • Honest Fellows described. [...]
  • Hush-Money demanded. [...]
I.
  • [Page]Jack Spruce. Page 363
  • Impressions made on us by Pictures. 57
  • Instance of the noble British Genius, in Valentine and Unnion. 36
  • Insurrection in Poictou. 99
  • Insurrection in Marseilles. 43
  • Invention never to have ones Name mention'd, 112
  • Inventory of Goods in Drury-Lane of C— R—ch Esq 308
  • Johnson (Ben), his Manner of Writing. 149
  • Journal of Homer's Iliad. 40
  • Justice of Lewis le Grand, much like unto Game­sters. 188
K.
  • Knaves prov'd Fools. 290
L.
  • Lady (being young) strangely inchanted by a Rake of 60 Years. 161
  • Lady's Complaint of her Husband. 140
  • Lady consults Mr. Bickerstaff about being divorced. Ibid.
  • Lady, how recovered out of Fits. 164
  • Lady's Lover wounded in a Duel. 178
  • Ladies trifling Endearments give us mean Ideas of their Souls. 294
  • Letter for Mr. Bickerstaff's Return. 273
  • Letter of Challenge. 180
  • Lewis XIV.'s Letter to Isaac Bickerstaff, and Re­flections thereon. 188
  • Limberham, the Keeper. 357
  • London Cuckolds; a Play: Its Character. 56
  • London in Consternation, an Idiot being tried. 289
  • Love and Lust distinguish'd. 355
  • Love, its Decay. 29
  • Love-Letter, by Cynthio. 253
  • Lucubrations, their Design. 361
M.
  • [Page]Madam Maintenon's Letter to M. Torcy, on the Peace. Page 138
  • Madonella's Nunnery for Virgins. 231
  • Maria loses her Lap-Dog. 347
  • Marriage a Bugbear to our fine Gentlemen. 358
  • Marriage described. 50
  • Marriage the safest, happiest State this World affords. 359
  • May-Fair broke, and several Moveables put to Sale. 142
  • Medecin for a Scold: (A Poem.) 9
  • Meeting of Hunters described. 267
  • Men in Love, Poetical. 196
  • Men of Sense are Women's humble Servants. 269
  • Merry Fellows described. 331
  • Messalina's Character. 358
  • Military Atchievements of London. 201
  • Milton and Suckling, on a parallel Occasion, show the Duty of Man in their Designs upon Women, in an Instance of true Love. 292
  • Moveables of the Playhouse intended to be purcha­sed by a Gathering at Will's, but frustrated by unfair Dealings. 319
N.
  • Naked Truth, a dangerous Pamphlet. 121
  • Natural for Women to talk of themselves. 73
  • Naturalization Act, how advantagious. 99
  • Nice's Character. 104
  • Noy's Expedient to reform his Son by a Legacy. 67
O.
  • Ogling gains Women. 156
  • Old Batchelor, its Character. [...]
  • Opera's condenmed. [...]
  • Orlando's History. [...]
  • Orlando's Speech to beauteous Villara. [...]
  • [Page] Orlando's Speech to the Youth that followed his Chariot. Page 364
  • Oxford Discipline applauded. 278
  • — Their Almanack considered. 279
P.
  • Pacolet checks Mr. Bickerstaff in not going on with his Design. 99
  • Pacolet's Admonition to B. on his Writings. 100
  • Pacolet's Discourse with Mr. Bickerstaff in Lin­coln's-Inn Walks. 93
  • Pacolet's first Interview with Bickerstaff. Ibid.
  • — His Relation of his Wards. 94
  • Pacolet's Life of a Month. 107, &c.
  • Pacolet's Observation on Gamesters and Cheats. 110
  • Panegyrick, its Nature. 120
  • Paris Gazette. 14
  • Partridge's Death demonstrated. 7
  • Pastorella's Character. 66
  • Paulo's Character. 182
  • Philander the most skilful in addressing the Female Sex. 95
  • Pinkethman's Progress with his Company to Green­wich. 25
  • Places pretended to, not out of Merit, but because they are convenient. 301
  • Plan of Philosophy, with an Appendix. 312
  • Platonne described. 230
  • Players instructed in the Laws of Action, out of Shakespear. 255
  • Plays (Modern) described. 149
  • Plays, proper In [...]tements to good Behaviour. 16
  • Poem on Bribery. 304
  • Poluglossa's Character. 307
  • Powell's Letter, in Answer to the Puppet-Show at Bath. 365
  • — He affronts Mr. Bickerstaff. 320
  • Preliminaries of a Peace. 145
  • [Page] Pretty Fellow, who. Page 147
  • Pretty Fellow, with the Word [very], is a true Womans Man in the First Degree. 171
  • Proceedings at Rome about the Recognition of K. Charles. 32
  • Progress of the Siege of Tournay. 295
  • Prophets (Modern), their Character, with Re­flections. 79, 80
  • Punning treated of. 235
  • Punning, an Instance of it. 257
Q.
  • Quality always to pay the Reckoning. 330
  • Quarrel at Epsom between Autumn and Springly about Precedence. 259
  • Questioners. 300
  • Quid Nunc's Character of Laziness, &c. 71
R.
  • Raillery against Persons taking upon them the Names of the Females. 186
  • Rake, his Character. 192
  • Ranter civilized at the Sight of the Lady Betty Modish. 71
  • Reconsideration on Instructions to Vanderbank: (A Poem.) 18
  • Recruiting Officer: Its Character. 142
  • Reflections on the French King's Letter to his Sub­jects after the Treaty. 205
  • Religion, a Project for its Advancement recommen­ded. 31
  • Remarks on Virgil and Homer's Choice of their Epithets. 39
S.
  • Sacharissa's Character. 29
  • Saltero's Qualifications, Name and Reliques. 248
  • Sappho's Character. 37
  • [Page] Sarabrand's Puppet-Show at her Shop in the Ex­change. Page 143
  • Sarabrand's Rake-hell Punch disposed of. Ibid.
  • Satisfaction, a Term in Duelling, explain'd. 179
  • Sempronia's Character. 240
  • Senecio's Character. 330
  • Sentiment of the Allies on the Rupture of the Trea­ty. 176
  • Shakespear's Apology for Satyr. 302
  • Of Shakespear. 56
  • S [...]gn Posts false spelled, how pernicious. 128
  • Smart Fellow, his Pretensions, Exploits and Cha­racter. 185, &c.
  • — Whether an Affront to be called so. 199
  • Snuff taking, &c. 251
  • Sophronius's just Carriage. 148
  • Sorrow expressed, by Shakespear. 346
  • Spindle (Tom) cured of the Spleen. 342
  • Staff of Life's Poem on the Fr. K. 177
  • Sublime, instanced in a Simily of the Campaign. 315
  • Swearer, how reformed. 96
T.
  • Taste of an Age, known by the Characters of their plays. 305
  • Teraminta, her miserable State. 324
  • Theatres recommended. 57
  • Of a Toast. 173
  • Toasts, and why they are so called. 226
  • Tom. Drybones. 172
  • Tournay invested. 258
  • Treaty of Peace broken off. 168
  • Trippet (Sir Taffety), his Amours at Tunbridge. 340, 341
  • Trip to the Jubilee. 137
  • T [...] is at Paris. 75, 76
V.
  • [Page]Verses on a Parrat. Page 196
  • Verus's Character. 100
  • Villaria, beauteous. 363
W.
  • Welsh, all Gentlemen, and given much to Duel­ling. 222
  • Whisperers without Business. 273
  • Wife is become the Derision of F [...]ols. [...]
  • Winter P [...]ce from Copenhagen. [...]
  • Witchcraft a [...]scribed and explain'd. 151
  • Wit, his Character. [...]
  • Women more [...] than Men in their own Af­fairs. [...]
FINIS.

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