Fronti Fides

[...] to the Publisher


[...] Herman Van Kruus sculp

POPE ALEXANDER's Supremacy and Infallibility examin'd; And the ERRORS of Scriblerus and his Man William Detected.

WITH THE EFFIGIES OF His HOLINESS and his PRIME MINISTER, Curiously engrav'd on Copper.

Obscene with Filth the Miscreant lies bewray'd,
Fall'n in the Plash, his Wickedness had laid.
Dunciad, Lib. II. ver. 71, and 72.

LONDON: Sold by J. ROBERTS in Warwick-Lane. M.DCC.XXIX. Price 1 s. 6 d.

Pieces contain'd in this Book.

  • THE INSCRIPTIONS on the PEDESTAL of the BUSTO from which the Effigies here prefix'd, is taken.
  • A Letter to the Writer of a Letter to a Noble Lord, &c.
  • A Letter to a Noble Lord, occasion'd by the late Publication of the Dunciad Variorum.
  • The MARTINIAD: A Poem: In One Book.
  • Curious NOTES thereon, with some Excerptions from Scriblerus.
  • APPENDIX, containing,
    • The ART of Writing Poetry, without a Genius, taken from the Works of Martinus Scriblerus.
    • A PARODY on the Verses written by an ingenious Divine, on Mrs. Biddy L [...]
    • A DIALOGUE between Hurlothrumbo and Death.
    • A LIST of Books that will speedily be published by the Author of the Martiniad.
    • No INDEX of Persons celebrated in this Publication; none being celebrated therein, but Scriblerus and his Man William.

INSCRIPTIONS graven on the four Sides of the PEDESTAL, whereon is erected the BUSTO of MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS, from which Original the EFFIGIES prefix'd to this Work was taken.


[...] Homer.


Hanc Imaginem
Poeseos Jocularis Specimen
Verum Authoris Dunciados Vultum
Ingenue Spectator contemplère.
Ut Animae Respondeat Forma,
Ut Veneno Ingenii Turpitudo Corporis
Infamis & Informis consentit,
Lubens & Demiratus videas.
Ne Cauda Cynocephali desit distortae
Suppeditavit & Posteritati dicavit
Gulielmus Flagellator.


Licito es al Poeta escribir cotra la Embidia,
E dizer mal delos Embidiosos, e assi de otros
Vicios, con que no Senale Persona Alguna
Pero ay Poetas, que a trueco de dizer una
Malicia, se pondran en Peligro, que los destierren
A las Islas de Ponto.
Miguel de Cervantes.


Artist, no longer let thy Skill be shown,
In forming Monsters from the Parian Stone;
Chuse for this Work a Stump of crooked Thorn.
Or Log of Poison Tree, from India born:
There carve a Pert, but yet a Rueful Face,
Half Man, half Monkey, own'd by neither Race.
Be his Crown Picked, to One Side reclin'd,
Be to his Neck his Buttocks closely join'd;
With Breast protuberant, and Belly thin,
Bones all distorted, and a shrivell'd Skin.
This his Mishapen Form: But say, what Art
Can frame the monst'rous Image of his Heart.
Compos'd of Malice, Envy, Discontent,
Like his Limbs crooked, like them impotent.
But, Sculptor, since by thee this can't be done,
Nor will these Passions live in Wood or Stone;
Thine be the Task to carve his Carcass foul,
The Dunciad only can describe his Soul.

A LETTER TO THE Writer of a Letter to my Lord [...] Occasion'd by a Letter to the Publisher of the present Edition of the Dunciad Vario­rum.


THE Author of the Dunciad has now oblig'd himself, and is perfectly happy in beholding his illustrious Brat, the just Sem­blance of his sweet temper'd Parent, make his Appearance: He had long promis'd, or rather threaten'd the Publick with this Edi­tion; but Nobody would believe, that any Creature could be hardy, or vain, or wicked enough, to undertake to utter a virulent Lampoon, with the Names of many worthy Persons at full Length; but it seems, the Raneour of his Mind has got the better of his Fears, and the Itch of Scribling is much superior to the Dread of Chastisement.

Well then, having (like Caesar) written his own Commentaries, and given himself various Readings upon himself, having guarded himself on all Sides, and surrounded his Text with Prolegomena, Testimonia, Arguments, Indexes, Appendix, &c. and adorn'd himself with all the Pomp and Trappings that usually attend the Dignity of an establish'd Writer of Antiquity: Behold him strutting into the World, and ex­pecting to receive the Reverence due to his Quality, Optat Ephippia Mus, [Page 2] and however awkardly they become him, he rejoices in them. Behold him now proclaiming himself a Classick; behold a Personage whom he stiles William Cleland, walking gravely before our Poetical Dictator, bare Headed, with the Fasces on his Shoulder; and a little behind him, an ugly Northern Thing, formerly his Colleague in Scandal and Criticism, an odd Mixture of Doctor, Poet, Buffoon, Punster, Politician, Antiqua­ry, and Cook; methinks I see them now marching in solemn Parade, round the new created Classick's Garden at Twickenham; I hear them repeating the Dunciad, and the neighbouring Shores resound his Verses.

Yet has not the Author of the Dunciad's Vanity outrun his Judgment so many Lengths, to persuade him to set his own Name to this modest Performance; therefore has he borrow'd, and very properly, the Name of Martinus Scriblerus; and not content with this, or apprehensive this was not a sufficient Protection for him, he has publish'd a Letter to his Publisher, and sign'd it William Cleland.

I have many Reasons which induce me to believe, that this Friend of Scriblerus's, whom he calls William Cleland, is a counterfeit Friend only, and the Words stand like Richard Roe, and John Doe, for Form Sake only, in a Recovery, and to give the Modest Author of the Dunciad an Opportunity of saying something pretty in his own Favour. Mr. Congreve, in his Way of the World, shews us a Coxcomb, who used to enquire for himself at a Chocolate-house, and not finding himself there, would leave Letters for himself: But our little merry Author goes far­ther; he prints Letters to himself, writes Libels, threatens, forgives, punishes, and is really the Drawcansir of the Age.

In the Publisher's Preface, (for our Classick gives us a Publisher's Pre­face, as well as a Preface to the Publisher) he takes upon him to an­swer for Posterity, and very modestly assures us, that this insipid Poem will be read by Posterity: These are his Words, In this Monument they must expect to survive (And here survive they shall, (Oh dreadful!) as long as the English Tongue shall remain such as it was in the Reigns of Queen Anne and King George.) If this Pigmy Animal's Wit could come up to his Malice, what Work would he make with those who should be so unhappy to fall under his Displeasure! But as it is, if this Monument, as he calls it, should last; let the present Age inform him, and hereby it does in­form him, that it will stand only as a Monument of his Infamy; and those that come after us will and must believe, the Persons who stood the Marks of his petulant Malice, to be Worthy and Good Men; and the Enemies of the Author of the Dunciad, will be always look'd upon as the Friends of Virtue; they will see a little invidious narrow [Page 3] Mind in every Line he has written; they will blush at his indecent Idaeas, and be shock'd at his Scurrility. Therefore I applaud your Design, Sir, of printing your Letter in Quarto, exactly on the same Size with that of the Dunciad Variorum; let it be bound up with it; let them cling together through every Age; there the Author of the Dunciad shall survive, and survive he shall — As long as the English Tongue shall remain such as it was in the Reigns of Queen Anne, and King George. If this should be the Case, What Courage, what Allies, what Stature must future Ages conceive this Giant Warriour to be aided with? They will imagine him at least to be Seven Foot high, beyond the Growth of his Cotemporaries, both in Stature and Understanding. Will they not be surprized, when I assure them, and I do hereby assure them, (for I, Sir, put in my Claim to Immortality too, by being annexed to you) that this same Gyant, was but about four Foot and an Half high, of a Structure a little irregular, and his Genius Low and indecent as his Form.

But I lose my Purpose, which was to shew the Improbability that any Man should be so weak or unadvis'd, or hungry after any Sort of Fame to so mean a Degree, to place, or suffer his Name to be placed before a leud and infamous Libel; therefore I say, This same Author has written a Letter to himself in the Name of one William Cleland, and made him to commend and applaud the Author, for what every one knows he is liable by the Laws of the Land to be punish'd when he shall be discovered; and for this Cause, at the same Time that he has plac'd every Gentleman's Name whom he has abused at full Length, he has not dared to subscribe his own.

It is usual for the Merry Andrew after he has play'd over his arch Tricks for some Time, to put on a grave Face, to rectify his Muscles, and to harangue his Audience in a more sober Wise, to prepare them to receive the Doctor with Respect; and this is always done in a prefatory Way, before the Doctor produces his Medals, or his Pacquets, or pro­ceeds to poison himself or the Company. Our Doctor of the Dunciad has thought it proper, it seems, that somebody should for Form sake take upon him this Character; and if he has not made his supposed Friend to rise to the Dignity of his Zany, he may at least be allowed to be the Vinegar of the Ring, and be qualified to whip the People into a Circle before the Sports begin. As the Character of this W. C. thus drawn by the Libeller, is of a very uncommon Kind, I will give it you in some Observations upon this merry Letter of the Author of the Dunciad, in the Name of this W. C. to the Publisher [Page 4] of the Dunciad; that is, to Nobody, it having been never publickly sold when he wrote his Letter: So that here is one W. C. whom Nobody ever heard of, writing to a certain Publisher, whom No­body knew.

This same Author says, in the Name of W. C. that it was a Mark of his Humanity to stay so long before he executed his Vengeance upon those who had offended him: Now, as Nobody knows better than he, the Strength and Bitterness of his own Gall, Nobody can assure us so well as he, how long Malice will keep alive, fifteen or twenty Years at least it seems; but now as this Humanity of his (as he is pleas'd to call it) would be a very dangerous Plea at the Old Baily in an Indictment for the destroying a Man's Person, I think it should weigh as little with the Candid, in justifying the De­struction of a Man's Reputation.

But he makes his William Cleland a Party to his Crime likewise, and declares he assisted in composing the Libel: He makes him affirm, he was obliged to it in Humanity, for, says he, very gravely, It was an Orphan; an Orphan Libel. Libels are all Orphans, dear William Cleland, a Sort of Children whom their Fathers never care to own, and though your Humanity may be very great, I think in this Case your Prudence will hardly weight against it; there are very good Reasons why this same Author does not own his Child; and if you knew or consider'd them, sure you would not thrust your Ears into the Dispute; but I forget that this W. C. is only an Ens Rationis, a Man of Straw, set up by the candid Author of the Dunciad, to combat for him.

Immediately after this, our Libeller forgot what he just before af­firm'd, and makes this very W. C. to say, He has found out the Father of the Bastard; he makes him most impudently to declare Mr. Pope to be the Author: If he means, as I hope he does not, the Poet of that Name, who has been so much oblig'd by the Pub­lick, who is, or ought to be by his Education, a Gentleman, whom Books ought to have taught Humanity, and polite Conversation and Letters, Decency and good Manners; what does this infamous Au­thor deserve for making his W. C. abuse him in this Manner. But the Reasons he gives why he conceives Mr. Pope to be the Author, are equally scurrilous and ridiculous. Every one was curious (says he) to read what could be said to prove Mr. Pope a Dunce, and was ready to pay something for such a Discovery. How came he to imagine every one [...] curious to find this Gentleman a Dunce; if he knows him to be [Page 5] the Author of the Dunciad, every Man of common Sense may easily judge what he is; but as the Person who has written that low and in­famous Satyr, has not yet dared to set his own Name before it, I think it did not become this same W. C. whoever he is, to do it for him. If W. C. was a real and not a feign'd Person, I do not doubt but Mr. Pope would do himself Justice for this Abuse, and recur to the Laws for Satisfaction upon him.

But this Author of the Dunciad, whoever he is must be a plea­sant Fellow, for he goes on, and makes his Man of Straw, W. C. declare, that when he saw Mr. Pope attack'd or written against, or answer'd by those who were abused (for he will have him to be his Author still) that he thought it was become a common Cause; the Danger was common to all, and his Concern ought to be so too; and he causes him very seriously to deliver it as his Opinion, That those who attack'd Mr. Pope, must be Traitors to Church and State, and Wo­men, (strange Stuff) a little venemous Wretch, not Mr. Pope, is lash'd for his Ribaldry and his ill Nature; and this Author makes one W. C. without any other Proof but his bare Word, to declare, That they have insulted the Fallen, the Friendless, the Exil'd, and the Dead. It is plain, he would in this Place put his W. C. upon us for one not well affected to our present Establishment. It is very well there is no such Person as this W. C. If there should be such a one, and he should have a Place under the Government, what Cha­stisement would not this low Author merit, for putting these Words into his Mouth. We do very well know some People have fallen in the unhappy Divisions of our Country (as he gently terms the late unnatural Rebellion) some are Friendless, some Exil'd, and others Dead, and therefore, those who have written against these People, must bear the Lash of our Author's Satyr; if it be true that they have insulted these People, let our Author remember, that they first insulted their Country and its Laws.

This same Friend of his goes on, and does now discover some Fears that hang about him, least he should be taken for a Fool or a Knave, by keeping Mr. P [...] Company; though it luckily happens, that his wri­ting this Letter has determined his Character; yet he very judiciously conceives, it was his Duty to vindicate him in Print from all Calum­ny, or to be deemed either the One or the Other; so that ac­cording to this Notion, all the Acquaintance of Mr. P [...] are oblig'd to Print in his Vindication, or to be esteemed Fools or Knaves: Here the Author puts forth his whole Head.

[Page 6] This can only be the over-weening Conceit of a Self-sufficient Writer; an assuming spurious Classick, asserting his Supremacy, and demanding Obedience, as you will see; for immediately after this, he affects the Regal Stile; he causes his W. C. to proclaim his Royalty, and ac­cordingly he issues his Edicts, That all Offenders against him shall be chastised: He likens them to Assassins; he says, Poverty shall not be any Excuse, nor to be pleaded before him, no more than at the Old Baily, neither shall they, says he, receive the Benefit of the Clergy. But some Time after this, his Majesty cools, he is graciously pleas'd to shew Mercy, and he makes his Herald W. C. to grant his Dunces a little Bread, and a little Fame. How ridiculous is it, to see a di­minutive strutting Thing, erecting himself into a Mock-Sovereign: A modest Homuncio, who at the same Time that he privately assas­sinates, calls those whom he wounds, Assassins? But let us consider this Author of the Dunciad, as he really is, a Person Poetically mad, jealous of Fame, and envious of every Rival, grasping at the smallest Shadow of Reputation, all his Attention fix'd to one Point, raving after imaginary Honours, and seeking Infamy in Fame, and we shall incline to Pity rather than Censure. This throws into ones Mind the Situation of the Mad Taylor in Bedlam, who called himself Alexan­der the Great, was gracious, and bountiful, and just, and cruel, and victo­rious, and good, and bad, as those Ideas struck his sick Brain.

By this Time, Sir, you may imagine, I am not a little weary of raking into this Heap of Nonsense and Vanity now before me; but as I now cast my Eye forward, I can't help observing upon this ima­ginary Letter Writer, where he tells us, The Author of the Dunciad has a Contempt for the Writings of those he has written against: This is not at all unlikely; One very seldom has a good Opinion of those whom one has an ill Opinion of; but they are Dunces, and should be abused for pretending to Wit: If this be the Case, nei­ther the Great Scriblerus, nor W. C. nor Mr. P [...] himself, are exempt from the Lash of Satyr; for Great, Dignify'd, Letter'd, as they are, somebody may Print and declare them Dunces, and attempt to displace this Stupendous Magistrate and all his mad Ministry, who usurp the Throne of Wit. What a very Scanderberg of an Author is this!

W. C. I mean the Author of the Dunciad, in his Name, goes on and compares Boileau to himself: What has the Great Boileau done, to deserve to be compared with an insignificant Ribald? But as he is now concluding his elegant Epistle, he makes W. C. as is usual in the [Page 7] Beginning of a new Reign, to publish an Act of Grace, and Mercy is offered to those who shall repent and merit it: These are his Royal Words by W. C. If ever He (the Author of the Dunciad) shall give us an Edition of this Poem himself, I may see some of them treated as gently (on their Repentance and better Mind) as Perault and Quinault were at last by Boileau.

This little bouncing mock Emperor concludes in the Name of W. C. with this singular Observation on Mr. P [...]'s Modesty, that he never wrote a Line, that he was ever asham'd or unwilling to own. Now, I think it is impossible any Person but Mr. P. himself can be assur'd of this, at least, nobody but Mr. P. can know that Mr. P. has no manner of Grace, or Modesty, or Morals; and he must be a very Blunderer of a Letter-Writer, who could venture to assure the Publick so, and in the Name of one, who pretends to be ambitious of being call'd his Friend.

If now, Sir, after all the Reasons I have given to the contrary, this W. C. should happen to be an Existence separate from Scriblerus it appears however, very plainly, from his Manner of Thinking, that he is very like him, and therefore might easily be mistaken for him. In this Case, we can only say, that the Passion of Friendship has misled him, and we must forgive the Weakness of his Head, for the Warmth of his Heart. This Praise-worthy Zeal, for maintaining a Cause, the Goodness or Bad­ness of which, the Advocate is absolutely ignorant of, reminds me of a Story, told me by a very merry old Fellow, who was in his Youth enroll'd as a private Gentleman in the Life-Guards of King William: He was in Esteem with the rest of the Troop, as a Soldier of Let­ters, and was call'd by the Gentlemen of the Belt, by Way of Di­stinction, The Schollar. This Character he bore unrival'd for some Time, 'till a Brother of the Sword, grew jealous of his Reputation, and set up against him. His Rival, who had been Book-keeper to a Carrier, (and from thence derived his Title to Letters) took every Op­portunity of opposing him, when any Subject, a little out of the Reach of the rest of the Company, was started. One Evening, my Friend, in the Height of his Argument, threw out a Sentence of Tully, and was immediately taken up by his Antagonist for false Latin; the De­bate ran high, the Troop divided upon the Point, and yet were un­willing to determine positively in a Cause, into the Merits of which, they could not see; 'till one, who was the Book-keeper's Comrade, a very brave, tho' not a learned Man, pull'd him by the Sleeve, and leading him into a private Room, directed him to lay his Hand upon his Heart, and inform him, upon his Honour, Whether the [Page 8] Words spoken, were true or false Latin? And being answer'd, upon his Honour they were false Latin; he return'd immediately into the Circle of the Warriors they had left, and placing his Hand on his Sword, declar'd with great Intrepidity, That the Latin the Gentleman had spoken, was false Latin, and he would maintain it.

I am, SIR, &c.

WHEREAS a certain untowardly down-looking Fellow, who would be deemed of Quality, and is indeed, Filius Populi, has taken upon him the Office of P [...]'s Nuncio, and published in Coffee-Houses several scurrilous and scandalous Bulls or Lampoons of his Holiness, his Master: This is to let him know, that he is found out, and if he goes on, he will be punish'd as the Laws and Statutes of this Realm shall require.

A LETTER TO A Noble LORD: Occasion'd by the late Publication of the Dunciad Va­riorum.

‘Turpitudo Personae ejus, in quam liberius in­vehimur, nos Vindicabit: Ignosces etiam Iracundiae nostrae que justa est in ejusmodi & Homines & Cives.’Cicero.

TOGETHER, with the Dunciad, I am to return your Lord­ship many Thanks for the Loan of so uncommon a Piece, which cannot but be highly welcome to all the true Lovers of Scandal, since it leaves them no Room to doubt, as to most of the Persons libell'd in it. You were pleas'd to assure me, my Lord, that it was left at your House by an unknown Hand, and that you were an utter Stranger both to the Author and to the Nature of his Performance. It is but reasonable therefore, that I should sa­tisfy [Page 10] your Lordship, as to these two Particulars, in Return for your Goodness in lending me this Book, when I had sought for it in vain, by the Means of all the Booksellers and Publishers in Town. It may not be improper at the same Time to acquaint you, that Copies have been left at many Peers Houses, in the same Manner as your Lord­ship's was, whilst the Favourites of the Author have had whole Cargoes sent them to dispose of. Thus has a little insignificant Lampooner, with unparallell'd Impudence, made People of the first Quality, privy to, and some of them innocently Publishers of his Scandal; for which, doubtless he will be chastised as he deserves.

I find at the Head of this Libel, a long stupid Letter, which tho' sub­scrib'd by another Name, must doubtless by Scriblerus's, or, which is the same Thing, the Author of the Dunciad's Encomium upon him­self. He has, I know not with what Intent, brought in the Praises too of one Mr. Pope, maliciously insinuating, that this Poem was of his composing, which one would fancy it impossible it should be; for that Writer, after having acquir'd the Dignity of a Poet, would surely never condescend to accept of the Office of Scavenger, and rake into all the Filth of the Town. I confess, I at first conceiv'd the Name sub­scribed to this Letter, to be such an one as Scriblerus, but I have been since assured, that it is no fictitious Name, but the real one of a Person now living, who is deeply read in the Indexes of Books and the Secret Histories of Families. Whether this be the Letter-writer's establish'd Character or not, the World must judge; but this I will venture to affirm, that as the Real Author of the Dunciad can add no Reputation to this William Cleland, so this William Cleland can add no Reputation to the Author of the Dunciad. Should there be any Thing here like the Association between the Lion and the Jackcall, I believe in this Case, the Jackcall would prove the greater Beast of the Two: Not that I would be hereby thought to exclude this Person from any Title he may have to the other of these Appellations. I remember to have been present at a Trial for a Rape, wherein, the Girl, to prove her former Chastity, brought in an old Bawd for her Evidence: Doubt­less this Story will admit of no Application in the present Case; but to use a Scrap of this Man's own Scrap of Latin, FASTIDITIS GRATIAM.

Being then oblig'd to presume, that Mr. Pope's known Veracity and good Nature would not admit him to be suspected of having wrote such an Heap of Lies and Abuse as is contained in the Dunciad; I have used my ut­most Endeavours to discover the true Author of that Poem, and having [Page 11] succeeded in my Research, I have prefix'd to this Tract his Effigies, as it has been exactly transcrib'd from a Busto, which was return'd upon a certain ingenious Sculptor's Hand, for resembling, in a most unflattering Manner, the Original. By the rueful Features of it, I am confident your Lordship will immediately discover who is the renown'd Father of the Dunciad.

You will not, I am sure, expect that I should enter into an Ex­amination of the Poetical Merit of that Piece; that would subject me to a Task, for which I am wholly unfit; I mean, the reading it a second Time. But I am well inform'd, that the Reception which the first Edition met with from the Town, shewed that the Perfor­mance was thought as mean as the Design. In my cursory View of it, tho' I met with some Lines here and there Poetical enough, yet I thought the Generality of them very Prosaick, the whole Tale loose and unconnected, the Transitions unnatural, the Parodies on the most admir'd Passages of the Ancients, were not only too frequent, but likewise too faintly and poorly wrought up, either to strike or de­light the Reader; and besides, the Nastiness of the Games, and of all the Imagery in the Poem, the very Language often sunk into downright Ribaldry, as when a Gentlewomans Breasts are stiled her Fore-Buttocks or her Cow-like Udders. Upon the whole, I judg'd this Dunciad to be below all Criticism, both as to its Stile and Versifi­cation.

Indeed, the Morality of it, as well as of the Notes of Scriblerus and Variorum, may deserve a much stricter Scrutiny. Felons in the Condemn'd Hold at Newgate, who have no Characters to forfeit, and but little Enjoyment of Life to lose, may venture to attack the Re­putations of other Men, without Fear or Shame; but, unless under those Circumstances, none but a Madman could be tempted to do it. How shall I astonish your Lordship then, when I assure you, that no desperate Raver, but a poor Reptile; who, as he is the most helpless, is likewise the most timid Creature living, has acted this Part. He is become a voluntary Prisoner to his own House, rather than not enjoy the pitiful Pleasure of aspersing with Impunity, Persons, all of them better Members of the Community than himself, and many of them of a much higher Rank in Life than he must ever pretend to; who can only derive a Mock Title, not from his Ancestors, but his Shoulders. In his first Edition he had traduc'd certain Characters, for which every one has always had the utmost Veneration, and thinks now, by leaving out the Names of some, and falsly filling up the [Page 12] Blanks of others, as well as by absconding for a Time, to escape the Stripes that ought to be the just Reward of such Writings. How mon­strous therefore has it been, to insinuate, that they have reach'd a Presence, where Good Nature, Truth, and Humanity only can be gra­ciously receiv'd or encourag'd; the Reverse whereof are the Characte­risticks of the Dunciad?

I am sensible that the Retailers in Scandal have always endeavour'd to pass upon the World by the laudable Appellation of Satyrists, and would take Shelter under the great Names of Horace, Juvenal, and Boileau. Not considering, that these Precedents will never be to their Purpose; those generous Correctors of Vice, never attack'd Persons, but Errors, nor ever expos'd the private Character, but the publick Ap­pearance of Men, at the same Time taking especial Care to pay the strictest Regard to Truth, even while the Scourge was in their Hands; and therefore, Boileau, in his own Vindication, speaking of Chapelain, who was a bad Poet, says,

En blamant ses ecrits, ai je d'un Style Affreux
Distille sur sa Vie un Venin Dangereux.

I must likewise inform this half-learned Tribe, that the Codrus of Ju­venal, which these abusive Writers so often quote for their Justification, was no real Person, but a Name design'd in general to signify any bad Poet.

True and just Satyr will always have its Weight; Scandal will al­ways be condemn'd: The one is beneficial to Society, the other is detri­mental to it. Whensoever a Man has taken upon himself the Profes­sion of any Art or Science, by Writing, or otherwise, he has certainly submitted his Talents therein to the Judgment of the World. A Wri­ter therefore, who in that Art or Science, consistent with good Man­ners, exposes the Defects of his Fellow Writer, be it by Ridicule or Argument, is guilty of nothing that is blameable, but rather does a Praise-worthy Action, by endeavouring to rectify the Judgments of Men, and prevent Pretenders to Science from imposing on the Publick. The censuring an Author then, only as such, is what every Man has a Right to do, from the Moment he appears in Print, Hanc Veniam peti­mus (que) Damus (que) vicissim. But under this Pretext to attack his private Re­putation, as a Member of Society, must be the Result of the same vil­lainous Principles, as would lead a Man to be guilty of Robbery or Murder, had he Courage enough for the Road. The Civil Magistrate [Page 13] alone has a Right to enquire into Mens Personal Characters, and if they deserve it, to expose and punish them: And it seems but just, that this Authority should be vested solely in him, since no one else can, with any Certainty, be inform'd of what passes in private Life.

The Predecessors of the Writer of the Dunciad, the elaborate Au­thors of Grubstreet, have frequently transgress'd this equitable Rule, and finding too general a Propensity towards enquiring into the Ble­mishes of (otherwise) Great Characters, have sometimes been pretty liberal of their Personal Reflections, in order to render their several Dunciads the more Saleable: Yet these Men had at least so much Decency, as to do this under feign'd Names, or by pointing at Persons only by their initial Letters, which were lyable to various Readings. Thus, whilst the Obscurity of their Scandal screen'd them from Punishment, their very Proceeding was a tacit Confession of the Guilt of such Invectives. But it was doubtless reserv'd for the Modest Author of the Dunciad to invent the Ne plus ultra of Scandal, by calling Men, every Way his Superiors, Rogues, Blockheads, Drunkards, and Liars, in Print, with their Names at length, whilst he suppresses his own, that he may be exempt from the Fear of a very low Punishment, but to which his Ears seem to be legally intitled.

As this is my first Appearance in Print, I have hitherto escap'd the Malice of this Scandalmonger's Pen, and do not now write out of any Hatred to him, but real Love for Mankind. A Regard to Humanity, and the Rules of Society, have rais'd in me an Indignation against a Wri­ter, who has the Insolence to appear in Publick, in Defiance of them all. I am resolv'd, therefore (tho' such a Procedure, with Relation to any honest Man would be detestable) to mark him to the World; let us examine a little into the Character of this diminutive Creature, who makes so free with those of other Men.

I find, that upon his first coming to Town, out of pure Compassion for his exotick Figure, narrow Circumstances, and humble Appearance, the late Mr. Wycherley admitted him into his Society, and suffer'd him, notwithstanding his Make, to be his humble admirer at Will's; and af­terwards finding in him a glimmering of Genius, recommended him to some People of Rank, and introduc'd him to the most eminent Men of Letters; which Courtesy he soon after repaid with a satyrical Copy of Verses on his Benefactor: This put an End to their Correspondence some Time before Mr. Wycherley dy'd. His Acquaintance by this Means being made with Sir Richard Steele, and Mr. Addison, they likewise, in Compassion to his unhappy Form, and destitute Condition, [Page 14] endeavoured to procure him a Support under both, by setting on Foot a Subscription in his Behalf; it was, indeed, for a Work, which (as has since appeared) they must have known he was not equal to; but they hoped, with their friendly Assistance, to have supply'd his Defects. However, his Subscriptions were no sooner full, when the little mis­chievous Urchin, no longer able to contain his Malice, wrote a Satyr upon both these Gentlemen, (as he did afterwards an abusive Libel on one of them;) and as many Things which had pass'd in private Con­versation at Button's Coffee-house, came to be known by the Lord O [...], of which Infidelity Scriblerus was suspected, he was obliged to absent himself for some Years from thence. After this, he listed openly in the Tory Service, and every Week publish'd scandalous Invectives on those very Whigs, who had been his amplest Subscribers. He was in this ho­nourable Occupation, when the late Queen dy'd; and our Poet soon changing his Note, found Means to be introduced to some of the young Ladies of the Court. Four of these, who were his best Friends and Patronesses, (as they are to any Thing that carries the Face of Wit or Learning) he abused in a Scurvy Ballad, for which any other Man would have received Correction; but in his Case, these generous Ladies contented themselves with shewing a Contempt of his Malice, and banishing him their Company. This did not hinder him from wri­ting a second Lampoon, wherein he spared not the most exalted Cha­racters, though under feigned Names; and adding Treachery to Ill-Nature, he threw the scandalous Imputation of having wrote this Libel, on a Lady of Quality, whose Wit is equal to her Beauty, and whose Character might have suffer'd by this impudent Forgery of his. But I begin to be tired, as I believe your Lordship is too, with raking into the dirty Parts of this foul Character. I shall therefore pass over the many other low Scenes of his Life, to come to his Master-piece of Scandal, the DUNCIAD. This mishapen Lump of Malice and Ill-nature, at the earnest Request of all his Friends, who feared his Abuse more than his Enemies, had for some Years forborn writing Lampoons, except it were on a Curl or a Lintot; when at last, grown weary of this Restraint, and unable to live in Peace with Society, he collected a List of Names, yet unabused by him, and resolved to throw them together into one Satyr. To furnish himself, therefore, with Matter, he went round all his Cully Booksellers, enquiring for Scandal of any Kind; and an abusive Story being told him, of a Parson in Drink, which the Relater thought could not come within his Scheme of Satyr, as reflecting upon one that had never appear'd in Print; he told him [Page 15] that he was resolved to put it down to Laurus; for as to the Truth of it, the Town would never be at the Trouble to enquire into that.

Thus compiled, and thus composed, the DUNCIAD made its Appearance last Summer, and was so universally exploded for its wit­less Ill-nature and Falshood, that the Gentlemen traduced in it, being only pointed at by their Initial Letters, did not think it worth their Care to correct the Author, in the Manner he deserv'd. Yet I have been credibly inform'd, that some of them resorted to no Place where Scriblerus might possibly be met with, without the Provision of a Rod, to whip this Old Boy, for his untoward Malice. But he absconding for above a Month, and the Scandal having hurt no Creature, but the Au­thor himself, their Resentment cool'd; and the little Lampooner might have been at Peace, had he not wantonly reviv'd the Memory of his former Malice, by reprinting this pitiful Poem on Royal Paper, giving at full Length the Names of most of those mention'd in It; together with a Comment more abusive than the Text; which he published under an Appellation very proper to himself, I mean that of Scrib­lerus. This was such a consummate Piece of Insolence, as one would think could admit of no Aggravation; yet he found Means to add one Degree of Impudence more to it, by presuming at first to make Men of Rank and Quality, in a Manner, his Publishers.

Your Lordship may wonder, that one, who has conducted himself after this Manner, should not have suffer'd under the due Correction of some of those, whom he has thus wantonly abused. It is most certain, that nothing in the Figure of a Man, could have escaped Punishment, for such repeated Insults, many of them on Persons of Distinction. But this Poetaster having unhappily a Resemblance in his Size and Make, to the Animal much inferior to Man; it seems he has been universally look'd upon, as beneath the Dignity of Resentment. Upon this Occa­sion, I cannot but call to Mind a Story (which I have somewhere read) of an honest Highlander, who was walking along Holborn, when he heard a Voice cry, Rogue Scot, Rogue Scot, his Northern Blood fired at the Insult, and he drew his broad Sword, looking round him on every Side, to discover the Object of his Indignation, when at last he found that the Voice came from a Parrot, perch'd on a Balcony within his Reach; But the Generous Scot, disdaining to stain his Trusty Blade with such ignoble Blood, put up his Sword again, with a sour Smile, saying, Gin ye were a Mon, as ye're a Green Geuse, I would split your Weem.

[Page 16] A Sword, indeed, has never been deem'd a Weapon fit for the Cor­rection of Libellers. Thersites, who, in Mr. Pope's Homer, resembles our Author, both in Shape and Malice, was cudgell'd by Ulysses, for his faucy Language to his Betters. Aretin, the only Author, besides that of the Dunciad, within these Three Hundred Years, that acquired a famous Infamy by his Pen, bragg'd of keeping many Kings and Prin­ces tributary to him, in order to purchase an Exemption from his Sa­tyrs. Yet it seems, some of the Princes of his own Country found out a better Method of dealing with him; for having been abused by him, they order'd the insolent Creature such a Bastinado, as at once put an End to his Satyrical Vein. And being by this Treatment brought to himself, he had such a true Sense of his vile Character, that he turned his Mind wholly toward Devotion: In which Strain he wrote many Books with such Success, as to obtain at length, the Name of the Di­vine Aretin. Should the like Treatment of the Father of the Dunciad produce the like Effect, what Service might he not be of to Religion, by composing Pious Hymns, for the great Festivals of the Year, and perhaps by a Translation of all the Psalms, the first of which, it seems, he has already imitated in a most edifying Manner? Were Scriblerus to undertake the whole Psalms, and perform that Work with the Justness and Accuracy of his other Translations, it might not only eclipse Stern­hold and Hopkins, but even vie with that of Tate and Brady: And then, what would not the Publick owe to those, who, by the Human Means of a Stick, should have wrought so useful, as well as praeter natu­ral a Conversion.

But Aretin had the Shape of a Man, and might bear a Beating; whereas, our Poet must of Necessity expire under the very first Blow; and he can, by the Structure of his Person, only be liable to one Sort of Correction, that of the Rod; which some Years ago Mr. Ambrose Philips, being abused by him, bought for his Use, and stuck up at the Bar of Button's Coffee-house; and which he avoided by his usual Practice after every Lampoon, of remaining a close Prisoner at Home. The same Discipline was prepar'd for him last Summer, which he escap'd in the Manner abovementioned; and I am inform'd, that the Rods are now ready for his Chastisement, as soon as he shall be found in a proper Place for whipping.

In the mean Time, as all Criminals who fly from Justice are exe­cuted in Effigie, his Figure is exposed, and four Inscriptions under it, on the several Sides of the Pedestal, in Greek, Latin, Spanish, and English. In the Greek and Latin, for having offended those Languages, [Page 17] by presuming to translate or imitate what he did not understand: And in his native Tongue, for having made his British Muse, which ought to be chaste and delicate, to speak the Language of the Stews, and of Billingsgate. The Spanish Inscription carries in it an Instruc­tion which might have been of use to him had he read it, before he became a Libeller instead of a Satyrist. This curious Image having been communicated to me, by one of those who are abused in the Dunciad, in whose Possession it now is, I thought it proper to take a Cut from it, which I have prefix'd to this Publication.

Whensoever it happens, that a worthy Mind is lodg'd in a deform'd Body, I am perswaded that all vertuous Men commiserate the Case, and far from indulging any Reflections on the Figure, would use their utmost Endeavours to make both the Owner and the rest of the World forget it: But when, as is the sad Fate of the Author of the Dunciad, a crooked Carcass is become the Habitation of a much more crooked Mind; and when this Creature, far from being hum­bled by the irregularity of the Form assign'd him by Providence, makes the very Despicableness of it a Protection to him, for venting such Malice, as he would not dare to utter, were he a possible Mark for Indignation to lay hold of. I think, in such a Case, Mind and Body, which seem so well adapted to each other, should go together, and be jointly exhibited and expos'd to the Contempt of that Society, which can have no other Reparations made them, for the Injuries of such an untoward Animal.

A vertuous Man has strongly implanted in him a Philanthropy or innate Humanity, which restrains him from reflecting too severely on the Frailties of his Fellow Creatures, as remembring, that they are all of them of one Species. But Scriblerus distinguished indeed, in a most remarkable Manner, by Nature, from the rest of Mankind; has no Tenderness or Regard for them, but looks upon himself as one of a quite different Race of Beings; nor shall I ever look upon him in another Light.

Where, indeed, is the Definition of Man, to which he can be said to answer? If [...] be the Term, can he have the Assurance to pre­tend to that Characteristick, who looks with Envy on every Thing that contributes to the Peace or Benefit of Society, and is never happy, but when he is creating Feuds and Animosities even amongst the most intimate of his Acquintance? If Man be stiled a Rational Crea­ture, will Scriblerus come within that Description, who knowing how little able he is to defend either his own Character or Person, wan­tonly [Page 18] begins the Attack on others? Man is often defined to be a Ri­sible Animal; were this meant to denote a Creature that we laugh at, the Author of the Dunciad would bid fair to be comprehended; but all the Grammarians agree, that it signifies an Animal susceptible of Laugh­ter, which, Scriblerus was never in good Humour enough, with him­self, or others, to be, nor has he been observ'd, since the Hour of his Birth, to have risen above a broad Grin, common to him with the Quadrupede, most resembling Human Nature. Thus, whatsoever is the Definition, He still appears excluded from the Human Species, which may in some Measure account for, as well as excuse his universal ill Will to our Race.

As I find that this last pompous Edition of the Dunciad is in Quarto, I have conform'd myself to that Size in this Publication, that your Lordship may be enabled to bind up this true Account of the Au­thor and his Effigies with the Work it self, since all of them seem calculated for one and the same Purpose, to make his Infamy immor­tal, and his Malice contemptible.

I have the Pleasure to give your Lordship in Publick, this Testimo­ny of my Obedience, and of the Respect with which

I am, My LORD,
Your LORDSHIP's Most Obedient Humble Servant, WILL. FLOGG.

In One BOOK.

AT Twickenham, Chronicles remark,
There dwelt a little Parish Clerk,
A peevish Wight, full fond of Fame,
And Martin Scribler was his Name:
[Page 2]Meagre and wan, and Steeple-crown'd,
His Visage long, and Shoulders round.
His crippled Corps, two Spindle Pegs
Support, instead of Human Legs;
His shrivel'd Skin, of dusky Grain,
A Cricket's Voice, and Monkey's Brain.
This Martin had the Knack of Rhime,
And spent at Crambo all his Time;
Lampoons and Songs devis'd so plenty,
While He made Ten, You scarce told Twenty.
[Page 3]Whoever durst in Verse indite,
He had him strait in Black and White.
Was any Neighbour caught in Liquor,
Martin compar'd him to the Vicar.
No Features could with him find Grace,
The long he call'd a Rueful Face,
The Man who 'rose to the Rotund,
He sunk him down in dull Profund.
No Sex, no Age, no State forbore,
The Dead, the Living, Rich, or Poor,
[Page 4]Wise, Fool, Young, Old, Fat, Lean, or neither,
Martin lampoon'd 'em all together.
The Parish, thus abus'd, determine
To crush the rhyming biting Vermin;
They Cudgels, Rods, and Whips prepare;
Of this, Clerk Martin was aware,
And skulk'd behind a Northern Lout,
Of Shoulders broad, and Visage Stout.
[Page 5]This Loon he caught, and much caress'd him,
And thus in guileful Wise address'd him:
"You are, I ween, a Beuk-learn'd Scot,
"Unlike our Dunces here, I wot.
"I write, alas! but what I write,
"These dull ones only gibe and slight.
"Now, would you be so good to own
"My Work, 'twould hugely please the Town;
"Instead of mine, then set your Name,
"And you shall win immortal Fame.
The Scot, thus wheedled by the Clerk,
Set to his Name, (Some say his Mark.)
[Page 6]This done, the Loon, stead of his Pack,
Had the whole Parish on his Back.

[Page 1]REMARKS.

The Martiniad, for so all the Ma­nuscripts reclaim, although some Cri­ticks have asserted, not without Ap­pearance of Reason, that it ought to have been call'd, The Martinee, in Imitation of the Odyssee. This Poem, like That, being Historical, and loose­ly told, and in no Means rising to the Epic Force of the Iliad. But as our last Modern Classic Scriblerus, hath surmounted this Difficulty, and call'd his the Dunciad; we fear not to fol­low the Guidance of so establish'd an Author, especially as he is the Hero of our Poem, and so stile this the Martiniad.

At Twickenham; read Twick'nam, or Twitt'nam. This Village is at present honour'd with the Residence of a small modern Classic, and of some of his Poetical Underlings and Commen­tators. It is most pleasantly situated, on the Banks of the Great River Thames, and hath been celebrated in Lyric Poetry, by the late Mr. Thomas D'Urfey, who, in his Richmond Balls, speaking of the Inhabitants thereof, stileth them Twick'nam Loobies.

[Page 2] A little Parish Clerk. That Office requiring a Talent in Vociferation, the same is most elegantly insinuated under the Epithet Little, it being a re­ceiv'd British Adage, Little and Loud.

And Martin Scribler was his Name.

He was not like the Generality of Clerks, content with reading or sing­ing the Works of other Men, but likewise composed many of his own. And perhaps too audaciously as well as too ludicrously invaded the Sacred Province of King David, by vying with him in Psalmody. Tho' I am told, that our Martin went no farther than the First Psalm, not having met with any Sort of Encouragement in that Undertaking.

Steeple Crown'd. A most adequate Expression for the Crown of a Parish-Clerk, whose Head in this Respect, bears a [...] Resemblance to a Steeple, inasmuch as both are intended for the Omament of the Church. What Church Scribler's Steeple-Crown now a­dorneth, is as much a Question, as it was anciently what City might claim the Birth of Homer. However, it should seem by the Crown being its self a Steeple, that Martin's Typical Head belonged to some Church that claimed to itself the Supremacy.

Cricket's Voice. This is an Animal famous for the Smallness of his Voice and Legs. He is observed to creep into the Chimneys of old Houses, where there is much Filth and Nasti­ness, and where the Walls are full of Holes. Hence, Men, who get into Families only to pick up Scandal, and find out their Flaws, are often assimi­lated to Crickets.

Monkey's Brain. This is not to be understood in a literal Sense, but me­taphorically. And as Monkeys are commonly mischievous Mimicks, we are to understand those Dispositions to have been in our Parish-Clerk.

While He made Ten, you scarce told Twenty.

This is a very quaint Parody on the [...] of [...]

[Page 3]
Whoever durst in Verse indite,
He had him strait in Black and White.

There is a very wide Difference be­tween the Manuscripts of the best Authority, as to the Reading of this Distick. That of the Vatican has it,

Did any one but go to Sh [...]
He had him down in Black and White.

And this Reading they support from Authorities out of Scribler's own Dun­ciad, where Expressions tantamount are very frequent.

The Alexandrine Copy, to which we shall pay all due Veneration, runs thus:

Did any drop their Evening Cates,
Whip, a Lampoon was at their Gates.

This Lection is not likewise un­supported with Authorities, but we adhere to the Text, as conveying the most cleanly Ideas.

The Vicar. A very inoffensive Di­vine, who had never given [...] Clerk any Provocation; but he could not bear any one of a Rank superior to his in the Church, and was offended at the Vicar's pretending to sing in another Key than He had set the Psalm, and therefore trump'd up a Story of his being found drunk in a Kennel.

Rueful Face. How blind, alas! are all Mortals in their own Case; you see our Martin can sneer at the Coun­tenances of others; when in the whole Parish of Twickenham, there was not a more Rueful Face than his own. Vid. Essigies Scribleri, at the Head of this Publication.

Rotund. An Expression in Scrible­rus for Plump, denoting, as He says, Obesity, and He is of Opinion, that a Fat Man cannot be a Man of Wit; For although he seemeth to admit Guts in a Man's Brain, He will not allow of Brains in his Guts.

Dull Profund. The Manuscripts read DEEP, but corrige meo peri­culo DULL, as in the Text, our Clerk's Prosund being very Shallow, ut omnibus constat

[Page 4] Lampoon'd them all together. The Church-wardens of Twickenham affirm, that there was a Gathering made for Martin, for his Christmas Hymn, he being at that Time so poor, that he was a perfect Burden on the Parish; and they say, he no sooner got the Money, than he lampoon'd the whole Village; but chiefly the Church-war­dens, and those who had been the chief Contributors towards his Col­lection.

To crush the rhiming biting Vermin. The Scholiast will have it crack, as an Expression more apposite to an Insect that bites. For, saith this learned Annotator, whoever heard of crushing a Louse or a Flea.

Cudgels, Rods, and Whips. These are the Instruments commonly made use of for the Chastisement of Seurvy Lampooners. Vid. Dunciad, Lib. II. V. 140. & sequent.

Northern Lout, alias [...] MIN­SHEW drives the same from Lu­tum, Mud or Dirt; but SKINNER from Loeyes Saxon for a Layman, or Leos one of the Vulgar. It signifies one of the Scum or Dregs of the People.

And Visage stout. This Hemistich be of no farther Use than to fill up the Verse, which without it would have remain'd imperfect. These neu­tral Expressions are in the Crast of Poetry call'd REPLENISHERS. I could give you many Instances out of our Classick Scriblerus, but shall content myself with one in the Dun­ciad Variorum, Lib. III. V. 299, & 300.

It stood in the first Edition thus.

Thy Dragons [...] and [...] shall taste,
And from each Show rise duller than the last.

And I take it, the true Reason why our Poet left those Gaps, was because he could not fill them up. But one Mr. [...] having call'd upon him, in a very earnest Manner to do him that Favour; he discover'd two Re­plenishers, or in the Political Language, Stop-Gaps, and the Verse ran thus.Thy Dragons Magistrates and Peers [...],And it might as well have been,

Thy Dragons Shrieves and Sword­bearer shall taste,

Or else to rise higher,

Thy Dragons, May [...] and Aldermen shall taste,

[Page 5]Or it might have done to the full as well thus,

Thy Dragons Fa fe fi fo fum shall taste,

From this one Instance, the curi­ous Reader may discover, that a Re­plenisher is a Word which adds to the Measure without affecting the Sense of the Verse, not unlike the false Calves worn by the Spindle­shank'd, which help the outward Ap­pearance of the Leg, without con­tributing any Thing to its Strength.

This Loon. Loon in Minshew, is said to signify the same as Lout, but in Bai­ley it is made to denote a dull heavy headed Fellow, lazy, and good for Nothing.

Beauk learn'd Scot. Here our Au­thor in speaking of a Scotchman, very humorously and elegantly falls into the very Dialect of that Coun­try; doubtless in Imitation of the Classic Author of the Dunciad, where he speaks of Wormius a great Anti­quary, and maketh use of the old English Style, calling him the Myster Wight.

As to the Term Beuk-learn'd, I find our Scholiast observes, that this Scotchman was apt to examine Books as expert Jockeys do Horses, only by their Head and Tail, and was there­fore deeply read in the Title Pages and Indexes only.

Immortal Fame. Corrige meo periculo, and read Immoral Fame. For altho' all the Manuscripts agree with the Text, yet is it very manifest, that the spurious t must have crept into the first Manuscript by the Inaccura­cy of the Transcriber, who, being doubtless one of little Genius, did not perceive how [...] it was, to attribute the Word Immortal to the Fame of any of Scriblers Works. And this Error being once crept in, the servile Transcribers have all follow'd one another in it. From this one Example, I think the Reader may infer, notwithstanding the vulgar Opinion to the contrary, That Good Sense is required to constitute a True Critick.

[Page 6] Pack. Denotes a Bundle of Cloaths or Linen, the Form of which is pe­culiar to those of North Britain, ma­ny of the Inhabitants whereof, come up to London with one of these at their Back, and as soon as they can get into a more genteel Method of Travelling, are apt to forget the Pack they came up with. We may affirm, that our Highland Loon's Pack is fuller of Scandal than of Linnen.

Had the whole Parish. This must be understood figuratively: For al­though Milo arriv'd to the Strength of carrying an Ox, yet had he en­nur'd himself thereto, by bearing him daily on his Shoulders from a Calf. So had our Highlander first bore one, then two, then three Men, peradventure he might have attained to the Force of carrying a great Number; but to think that he could step from a Pack, at once, to bear a whole Parish, is unnatural and ab­surd. Wherefore, by Parish, are here understood, the Cudgels, Rods, and Whips of the said Parish, and for these, his Back seemeth to have been broad enough.



A Curious Receipt, wherein is disclosed, the Art of writing Poetry with a small Genius, taken from MARTINUS SCRIBLERUS's Writings.

READER, be thou Gentle, or be thou otherwise, I have al­way thy Profit and Pleasure before mine Eyes, from the which I shall not readily swerve, else mayest Thou, in all Probability, cast me off, as is usually practic'd with unprofitable Servants. As I have by my Sagacity discover'd certain mechanical Rules, by the Help whereof Scriblerus hath obtained unto himself the Name of a mighty Poet: I question not, but the imparting the same unto Thee, will be of Contentment and Delight. It may furthermore be a Work conducive toward the Strength and Glory of this my native Island, by multiplying the Number of Poets therein. These have hitherto been but few, from a mistaken Opinion, that a Ge­nius, Learning, and a good Ear, were requisite to constitute a Poet; whereas, from the following plain and easy Rules, it will most evi­dently appear, that Application and Practice only are necessary. By the Help of these, I will undertake, that any industrious Englishman, may, in the Space of one Month, become as great a Versificator, as even the Great Scriblerus himself.

Let the Man then, whose sublime Passion it is to shine in Poesy, accustom himself to Tautophonys, or Ingeminations of Sounds. This is [Page 2] most effectually perform'd, by selecting Words, that begin with the same Consonant, and these placed at due Distances, Two, Three, or more, in one and the same Verse, create a Musick in Poetry, insomuch, as that the Lines so composed, may be indifferently, either sung or said. Of a Truth, this is an Art, which seemeth to have escaped the Knowledge of all the Antients, whether of Greece or of Rome, and was hidden from the most celebrated even of our British Poets, being, like many other inestimable Secrets, wrapt in the dark Womb of Time, to be brought to Light only by the skilfull Midwifery of the Renowned Scriblerus. Some Traces, indeed, there are of this Art, amongst some of the Monkish Writers, from whence our Poet may have taken the Hint. But the Monks never reduc'd the same to any regular Practice (as our modern Classick hath done) nor did they make use thereof in any but Latin Verses, and those chiefly Technical ones, for the Help of Memory: So that the Invention, or at least the Perfection of this Nostrum, is owing to Martinus.

Conformable to his Rules, were I to mention an Author, whose Pride could bear no Fame but his own, and that of his servile Flatterers, I would make the Verses run thus,

Poets support, like Pamper'd Priests, their Pride;
Such Stigmatize as Stick not to their Side.

Where the well chosen P's of the first Line, and the soft hissing S's of the Second, compose a most excellent Harmony. But past all Peradventure, Courteous Reader, for such doubtless by this Time thou art become, thou mayest deem it more for thy Instruction to learn this Poetical Jingle in the Words of Scriblerus himself.

Dunciad, Lib. 1. v. 65.
She sees a Mob of Metaphors advance,
Pleas'd with the Madness of the Mazy Dance.
Ibid. v. 125.
A Gothick Vatican! of Greece and Rome
Well-purg'd, and Worthy Withers, Quarles and Blome.
Ibid. v. 171.
So Spins the Silk-worm, Small its Slender Store,
Labours the
Vid. Mss.
Clue, that Clouds it self all o'er.
Ibid. v. 225.
Raptur'd, He gazes Round the dear Retreat,
And in Sweet Numbers celebrates the Seat.
Dunciad, Lib. 2. v. 57.
Swift as a Bard the Bailiffs leaves Behind,
He Left huge Lintot, and out-stript the Wind.
[Page 3]
Dunciad, Lib. 2. v. 119.
Curl stretches after Gay, but Gay is Gone,
He grasps an empty Joseph for a John.
Ibid. v. 205.
While thus each Hand Promotes the Pleasing Pain,
And quick Sensations Skip from Vein to Vein.
Ibid. v. 253.
Long Chanc'ry Lane Retentive Rolls the Sound,
And Courts to Courts Return it Round and Round.
Dunciad, Lib. 3. v. 5.
Then raptures high the Seat of Sense o'erflow,
Which only heads, Refin'd from Reason know.
Ibid. v. 107.
Peel'd, Patch'd and Pyebald, Linsey-woolsey Brothers,
Grave Mummers! Sleevless Some, and Shirtless others.
Ibid. v. 155.
Some free from Rhime or Reason, Rule or Check,
Break Priscian's head and Pegasus's Neck.
Ibid. v. 335.
Signs following Signs Mark out the Mighty Year,
See the dull Stars Roll Round and Re-appear.

I might give a thousand more Instances of the same Nature, for in­deed there are not any two Lines together, in the whole Dunciad, or in any other of the Writings of this Author, wherein the same mechanical Trick is not practised: And it is from thence that He hath acquir'd the Name of Melodious Martin, and not, as hath been falsely insinuated from his having sung his own Psalm in a certain Lutheran Congregation, the which we esteem of, only as a fictitious Tale devis'd for Mirth, it being well known, that our Poet belongeth to a much more ancient Church. But to return to our Subject. Whosoever, by an unwearied Exercise in Vocabularies and Dictionaries of Rhyme, shall have replenish'd the Tubes of his Memory with Similar Sounds, will, in Proportion to his Application and Labour therein, rival, or even surpass, if possible, the Merit of our Great Martinus.

Any Person, moderately vers'd in Poetical Works, must have re­mark'd, that Adjectives are most commonly foisted in, not to add to the Sense, but in order to fill up the Measure of a Verse. In all such Emergencies, it behoveth our Apprentice in Poesy, to make a most fervent Search for an Adjective, that beginneth with the same Let­ter as his Substantive, even although the Context should seem to suf­fer thereby. Thus must Comfort always be cold, the Day at Noon Dawning, the Fury even of Scriblerus Fatal, Garments Gorgeous though all tatter'd, Head Heavy, Limbs Lazy, Mind Muddy, Night Noisy, Plight Pleasing be it never so sad, Quail Quivering, Rake Reeling tho' sober, Sot Social, and Treat or Theobald Tasteless. True it is, that [Page 4] this ingenious Gentleman hath manifested as good a Taste as any of our Writers whatsoever; but what hath Truth to do with Scriblerick Poetry? His Name, and Tasteless, both commence with the same Letter; and therefore, untill He shall present us with a more convenient Ad­jective, beginning with a T, He must be contented with this abusive and unjust one, Euphoniae Gratia.

These Adjectives, or others in their Stead, having been choicely collected, as has been premis'd, out of the Dictionary, constant Re­gard being had to the initial Consonant, they must at sometimes immedi­ately precede or follow their Respective Substantives, and at others may be sever'd at a due Distance from the same, from whence will result a most delectable Variety of Harmony. For the first Sort, take this Example,

Form'd was his Figure Foul, in Limbs, in Face,
A Perfect Parody on human race.

But, Reader, Thou wilt be much more edify'd with the Words of Martinus, the Father and undisputed Inventor of this Poesy. Hear then, the Soft Sweet-warbling Twick'nam Swan.

Dunciad, Lib. 1. v. 21.
Or praise the Court, or Magnify Mankind,
Or thy griev'd Country's Copper Chains unbind.
Ibid. v. 39.
Hence hymning Tyburn's Elegiac Lay,
And the Soft Sing Song of Cecilia's Day.
Ibid. v. 91.
While Pensive Poets Painful Vigils keep,
Sleepless themselves Secure the Readers Sleep.
Dunciad, Lib. 2. v. 13.
To grace this honour'd day, the Queen proclaims,
By Herald Hawkers, High Heroick Games.
Ibid. v. 143.
The Goddess then — who best can send on high,
The Sallient Spout, far Streaming to the Sky.
Ibid. v. 395.
How Laurus Lay inspir'd beside a Sink,
And to Meer Mortals seem'd a Priest in Drink.
Dunciad, Lib. 3. v. 57.
Then Stretch thy Sight o'er all her Rising Reign,
And let the Past and Future Fire thy Brain.
Ibid. v. 135.
A Second See, by Meeker Manners known,
And Modest as the Maid that sips alone.
Ibid. v. 205.
But Fate with Butchers plac'd thy Sacred Stall,
Meek Modern Faith to Murder, hack, and Mawl.

[Page 5] Although we have as yet only mention'd Adjectives, yet may the observing Reader have seen, from the Instances given, that Verbs also come under the same Rule: And neither of them are to be deemed inseparable from the Substantive to which they are wedded. Of this Poetick Licence, let me furnish unto thee a Scriblerick Instance.

Scurvy Shall Sound thy Scandal to Mankind,
And as thy Make, so Monstrous is thy Mind.

But without all Doubt, the Reader coveteth Examples from the Mouth of Martinus, as being far more authentic, than any faint Resemblances of his Art. I shall therefore subjoin a few.

Dunciad, Lib. 1. v. 89.
Here May'rs and Shrieves all hush'd and Satiate lay,
Devour in Dreams the Custard of the Day.
Ibid. v. 117.
Volumes, whose Size the Space exactly fill'd,
Or which fond Authors were so Good to Gild.
Dunciad, Lib. 2. v. 61.
So lab'ring on, with Shoulders, Hands, and Head,
Wide as a Windmill all his Figure spread.
Ibid. v. 223.
Such happy Arts Attention Can Command,
When Fancy Flags and Sense is at a Stand.
Ibid. v. 265.
Dire is the Conflict, Dismal is the Din,
Here shouts all Drury, There all Lincolns-Inn.

Thus have I, worthy Reader, explained unto Thee the first Secret in Scriblerus's Poesy, namely, That Divine one of Ingemination; and as I have set before Thee a great Diversity of Examples, These must suffice to give Thee full Light into this Mystery; the Rest must be the Result of thine own Diligence in putting this Precept Properly in Practice.

Proceed we then to certain other mechanical Rules, whereby great and eminent Poets may be produc'd, without the Help of Genius. In the second Place therefore the ‘— Hiatus in M. S. valde Deflendus’

Although in this Place there be a Gap in our Manuscript, which can never enough be lamented by the Learned, yet are there preserv'd to us many Fragments of the same, containing most curious Secrets; [Page 6] but as they are replete with Quotations from Scriblerus, I must defer exhibiting them 'till a more convenient Season. I think in the long Winter Nights, in which all well regulated Families assemble round the Chimney, a Present of this Nature may not be uncomfortable. At such a Season, should any one, endued with an even steady Voice, read the many Excerptions out of Scriblerus, contain'd in the re­maining Parts of this Manuscript, what with the genial Warmth of the Fire, the Lullaby whistling of the Wind, and the Monotony, or Sameness of Sound in the Verses, That Slumber might effectually be procur'd, which is so soporiferously describ'd in the second Book of the Dunciad. Perhaps that good Effect might be produc'd at this very Hour, without any concurring Helps, were it possible to find People, whose Blood in Spring ran sluggish enough to sit still and hear such a Work read to them.

Notwithstanding the great Veneration I have for the Author of the preceding Manuscript, yet must I beg leave to animadvert on one Assertion therein, which I take to be erroneous; viz. That the Divine Art of Ingemination of Sounds in Poesy, was the sole Invention of Martinus Scriblerus; whereas, in Justice to the Memory of his Pre­decessor Mr. John Grub, the Great Founder of the Street and Sect, which still bear his Name, I shall venture to affirm, that he was no Stranger to this Mystery. This will most evidently appear by a most curious Fragment of his, which I shall here subjoin; and which, perhaps, may be a Present as welcome to the Publick, as those many Books of Tacitus, said to have been lately retriev'd by the Fidelity of the Constantinopolitan Library Keeper, who may well be styl'd the Bentley of the East. Such is the Beauty of the Allegory, couch'd in the few Lines of our Fragment, and such the Harmony of its Versification, as may justly entitle it to a Place in the next Edition of the Dunciad. The Verses of Mr. Grub are as follow.

Thus Trojan Boots ting'd with Tartarean Glue,
Near which the Greasy Great Gambadoes Grew,
While Coaches rumbled round my Roman Nose,
And green Iniquity grew grey in Prose.

I intended here to have taken Leave of my Patient Reader, (for such doubtless he is, who has been so good as to accompany me thus far) but reflecting with my self, That our Martinus hath not had the Leisure or Occasion of celebrating the due Praises of his [Page 7] Panegyrical Letter Writer; I have determin'd for the present to supply this Defect, by a Distick written in the Spirit and Stile of our Poet.

See Clumsy Cleland lay a Claim to Wit,
From Puzzled Prose, in Poets Praises writ.

A PARODY on the Verses written on Mrs. Biddy L [...], by an ingenious Divine.

THE Snarling Tribe did Momus late intreat,
A Satyrist to form by new Receipt:
He sent, and found on Africk's Monkey Shore,
Tricks, Impudence, Ill-nature, Looks forelore;
To these Ingredients, soon the sneering God
Join'd the Malicious, Petulant, and Odd.
He did the Faults of Courtiers next provide,
Scandal, and Smut, and Lies, and servile Pride:
These Momus mixt with ev'ry lighter Grain
Of trifling, wild, presuming, pert, and vain.
This Image answer'd the Projector's Scope,
He laugh'd, and call'd the Composition [...]

A Dialogue between Hurlothrumbo and Death. Inscribed to Martin and his Man William.

‘Tu es Hurlo, ego Thrumbo. ’Plautus.
THOU long liv'd Mortal, whither bound?
That I may shun the fatal Ground.
To Twick'nam I direct my Way,
A Pigmy Poet is my Prey.
Thy promis'd Prey is not, I hope,
The Great (though little) Scribler, P [...]
For He's Immortal, and thy Dart
Can't reach his Fame, his better Part.
He too a Weapon wields, I wist,
Which, like thy Lance, none may resist.
Homer and Shakespear thou, in vain,
Through many Ages would'st have slain;
Our Alexander, at one Blow,
Has laid th'Immortal Bards full low.
Then boast no more thy Pow'r to kill,
Thy Launce must yield to Scribler's Quill.
And since thy Murders claim the Scourge,
Go: His unquell'd Resentment urge;
He with despotick Pen, at once,
Will write thee down a deathless Dunce.
I fear to battle this dread Imp,
But, 'stead of him, I'll slay HIS PIMP.
Alas! how can'st thou, Death, contrive
To kill what never was alive.

BOOKS that will speedily be publish'd by the Author of the MARTINIAD.

  • THE BATTLE of the TOMBSTONES at TWICKENHAM. A Heroi-Comical Poem; with Notes; wherein is contain'd the Art of procuring Pictures for Nothing; a Work very useful to those who have more Curiosity than Money. To which is added an Observation on the Proceedings of Spiritual Courts, by a CIVILIAN.
  • The SCOTCH SPY, in Two Parts. The First containing all In­telligence, True or False, fit for Foreign Ministers. The Second con­taining only the False Intelligence, proper for Certain Persons at Home. By Major Sputter.
  • Major Sputter's Travels into Spain and Italy; containing a full Ac­count of the Pleasure of the Dog-days in Spain, and a curious Instance of British Ingratitude in Italy. The whole interspers'd with seasonable Reflections on the Method of Educating young Gentlemen. To which is added, by way of Appendix, Mercurius in Vehiculo; or The notable Adventures of a Cart: By a Spanish Surgeon.
But when the Ass forgot his Duty,
With Scorn he cry'd, Et tu quoque Brute.
Prior's Fable of the Lyon.

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