The wives revenged: a comic opera, in one act. As it is performed at the Theatre-Royal in Covent-Garden. Dibdin, Charles, 1745-1814. 35 600dpi bitonal TIFF page images and SGML/XML encoded text University of Michigan Library Ann Arbor, Michigan 2008 September 004801966 T32926 CW115194587 K035831.000 CW3315194587 ECLL 0919600200

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 The wives revenged: a comic opera, in one act. As it is performed at the Theatre-Royal in Covent-Garden. Dibdin, Charles, 1745-1814. 36p. ; 8⁰. Printed for G. Kearsly, London : 1778. The advertisement signed: C. Dibdin. Based on 'Les femmes vengées' by Michel Jean Sedaine. With a half-title. Reproduction of original from the British Library. English Short Title Catalog, ESTCT32926. Electronic data. Farmington Hills, Mich. : Thomson Gale, 2003. Page image (PNG). Digitized image of the microfilm version produced in Woodbridge, CT by Research Publications, 1982-2002 (later known as Primary Source Microfilm, an imprint of the Gale Group).

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THE WIVES REVENGED; A COMIC OPERA, IN ONE ACT. As it is performed at the THEATRE-ROYAL IN COVENT-GARDEN.

LONDON: Printed for G. KEARSLY, No. 46, Fleet-Street. M.DCC.LXXVIII.

ADVERTISEMENT.

THE following little Piece is an imitation of the French comic operas of one act, which are generally characterized, either by their natural ſimplicity, or ſome ſingle ſtriking incident, and little or nothing more is deſigned.—It is now firſt attempted to introduce this ſpecies of entertainment on the Engliſh theatre, as containing excellent ſituations for light airs.—On the French ſtage, notwithſtanding all their merit, they tire in the length of time taken for repreſentation; and, were they ſpun out to the common length of our afterpieces, it is conceived they would be found ſtill more inſufficient.

The ſubject matter therefore being wholly preſerved, and the dialogue both varied and compreſſed, they are, with every deference ſubmitted to public judgment.

C. DIBDIN.
CHARACTERS.

MEN. Mr. MATTOCKS. Mr. WILSON. Mr. QUICK. WOMEN. Mrs. MATTOCKS. Mrs. MORTON. Miſs WELLER.

THE WIVES REVENG'D; A COMIC OPERA.
SCENE I. A Painting-Room in Mr. VERMILION's Houſe; on each Side a Door opens into a ſeparate Chamber; the Window of which is ſo ſituated, that the Audience are Witneſſes to all that paſſes within. Mrs. VERMILION is diſcovered. AIR. COME here, all wives, Who lead your lives With Deary jarring, Growling, ſparring, Bawling, Squawling, Swearing, Tearing; Who in the dumps are left to pine, In ſpight of all your charms! At the ſound of my drum, Come—hither come! While honour's rub-a-dub you're hearing, To my ſtandard quick repairing, To fight alike your cauſe and mine, Behold me under arms. Rouze, rouze! and brave them to the field, Your tongue the weapon that ye wield, Laurels ſhall crown your brow, But if they hold out 'gainſt this force, Talk, as a dernier reſource, Of Vengeance—you know how.
SCENE II. Mrs. VERMILION, Mrs. TOKAY, and Mrs. DIMITY. Mrs. Ver.

Ah! ha!—I have not beat my drum in vain—here come two volunteers already—Mrs. Tokay, and Mrs. Dimity, I am charm'd to ſee you.—You are punctual to a minute.

 Mrs. Tok.

No wonder, when the ſummons was of ſuch a ſerious nature.—You muſt ſee us it ſeems on buſineſs, which concerns us as nearly as our lives.

 Mrs. Ver.

This buſineſs is to ſup with me here this evening,—where I mean to give you a delicious repaſt.

 Mrs. Dim.

But, my dear, what neceſſity fo ſuch a meſſage?

 Mrs. Ver.

More than you are aware of.—Are you diſengaged?

 Mrs. Tok.

Yes,—my huſband is gone into the country, on ſome particular buſineſs, 'till tomorrow.

 Mrs. Dim.

And I am alſo a widow 'till that time.

 Mrs. Ver.

They told you ſo, did they?—O men, how many ways do you deceive and cheat us!

 Mrs. Tok.

What do you mean?

 Mrs. Ver.

Why, I mean, that both your Huſband, Alderman Tokay, the Wine-merchant of Portſoken ward, and your Huſband, Deputy Dimity the Taylor, of Candlewick, expect the pleaſure of ſupping this evening, in this houſe.

 Mrs. Tok.

Here!

 Mrs. Dim.

With you?

 Mrs. Tok.

Why your huſband is out of town.

 Mrs. Dim.

How! Ma'am!—And you all alone?

 Mrs. Ver.

Liſten to me:—They have both formally made me a declaration of love, and I confeſs to you, I thought myſelf not a little flatter'd, at attracting the attention of two men, whoſe wives are ſo univerſally admired.—Says Mr. Alderman, you know his jocular way, Ma'am—

AIR. That form, and all thoſe charms, odds fiſh! Are, I proteſt, a dainty diſh; And of your eyes, the very ſight, Really creates an appetite, Grace, pr'ythee let me ſay. I'm at a feaſt, and Ma'am would you Digeſt a perfect man of Goût, Who'd drink you as a toaſt each ſup, And who, for Love, could eat you up, Take Alderman Tokay.

Now, Ma'am, for a ſpecimen of your huſſband's eloquence in love.—Mr. Dimity.

AIR. In me, you think to find, perhaps, One of thoſe linſey-woolſey chaps, Who of deſpair and daggers puff, And all ſuch worn-out threadbare ſtuff; No, no, Ma'am, not in me. I'm of another cloth cut out, Well wearing; durable, and ſtout, And, wou'd you, in a lover find A fair out ſide, honeſtly lin'd, Take Dicky Dimity.

Well, Ladies, to ſo much gallantry, I could not but make a moſt obliging anſwer.—You ſhall hear it.

AIR. To cruelty a ſtranger, How ſhall I 'ſcape this danger? You woo with too much art; While tender and obliging, Thus ſlily you're beſieging, A poor defenceleſs heart. The reaſon you may gueſs, Why thus it flutters ſo; 'Tis love ſays yes, yes, yes, And virtue, no, no, no.

Why you ſeem thunderſtruck.

 Mrs. Tok.

What a villain!

 Mrs. Dim.

The Traitor! But I'll give him his own.

 Mrs. Tok.

And for Mr. Tokay, I'll make him bluſh with ſhame—you ſhall ſee ſuch a ſcene.—

 Mrs. Dim.

I'll expoſe his infidelity to the whole world.

 Mrs. Tok.

And my wrongs ſhall be known all over the town.

 Mrs. Ver.

And ſo expoſe yourſelves.—No, no, if you'll be guided by me, we'll be better reveng'd of them than all this.

 Mrs. Tok.

How?—I'll do any thing.

 Mrs. Dim.

Speak, dear Mrs. Vermilion!

 Mrs. Ver.

Time preſſes, let me therefore tell you my ſcheme in as few words as poſſible; I have acquainted Mr. Vermilion with every thing, who is not out of town, but has only had it ſo reported to favour our deſign.—Your huſbands are coming here.—I ſhall receive them in this painting room, becauſe nothing can poſſibly paſs in theſe two chambers adjoining, which cannot be over-heard.—And thus—but on my conſcience, one of them knocks at the door now—do you ſlip down theſe back ſtairs, and ſlide out after I have conducted them up.—Then be ready for me at your houſe, which is but two ſteps off,—where I ſhall preſently come and fetch you, and tell you every thing you have to do.

 Mrs. Tok.

Well, well, we'll be guided by you.—Could I have believed it!—

 Mrs. Dim.

Adieu. We'll hold ourſelves in readineſs.—Oh! I could tear his eyes out.

(A knocking.) Mrs. Ver.

You hear, they are impatient, Ma'am!—Come, come, decamp, quick!—
SCENE III. Mrs. VERMILION, TOKAY, and DIMITY. Mr. Tokay.

Ah! my charming neighbour!

 Dim.

My dear, Mrs. Vermilion!

 Mrs. V.

Gentlemen! to what do I owe the pleaſure of ſeeing you? don't ſay any thing before him that I aſked you to ſupper: (to Tokay) he has a ſcandalous tongue.

 Tokay.

Scandalous as a tea table, Ma'am!—I don't know what put it in the damn'd fellow's head to come here—Well, neighbour Dimity, I'm glad to ſee you. We happen'd to meet together, Madam, at your door, juſt as I was coming to pay my reſpects to you.

 Dim.

Yes, I came according to inſtructions to take meaſure.

 Mrs. V.

Huſh, huſh! don't ſay I invited you here—he'd expoſe us—

 Dim.

O Lord! to the whole world.—I ſay, Ma'am, the remnant of the evening lay on my hands, and ſo I thought I could not piece it out better, than in coming to aſk you how you did.

 Mrs. V.

Well, Gentlemen, ſince it happens ſo, if you have no better engagement, I ſhall be glad of your company to eat a bit of ſupper with me.

 Tokay.

You are infinitely kind. Could not you ſend him away?

 Mrs. V.

No, no, 'twould create ſuſpicion.

 Dim.

Vaſtly kind, indeed—Could not we get rid of him?

 Mrs. V.

'Tis impoſſible—Come, Gentlemen, I muſt uſe you without ceremony—We have the houſe to ourſelves—I gave the maid leave to ſee her aunt, and the man is gone with my huſband—I am a widow for a whole week.

 Tokay.

A week! zounds, I ſhall be elected without a ſcrutiny.

 Dimity.

A week! Damn me, I ſhall cut out a fine parcel of work here!

 Mrs. V.

Mr. Tokay, help me to fetch the table; and do you, Mr. Dimity, look in that cloſet for the table cloth, and knives and forks—Come, come, ſtir.

 Tokay.

Diſpoſe of me as you pleaſe.

 Mrs. Ver. (to Tokay, with whom ſhe brings forward the table)

Ah, my dear Mr. Tokay, if that fool was not here—

 Tokay.

My turtle! let me kiſs you for that thought.

 Mrs. Ver.

Huſh! huſh! he'll ſee us! (to Dimity) that's right— (to Tokay) now do you ſearch in that cupboard, and you'll find a ſallad ready for dreſſing— (Tokay goes while ſhe ſpeaks to Dimity) 'Twas very kind of you to come, dear Mr. Dimity. What a pity 'tis we are not alone!

 Dim.

I wiſh to Heaven he was in one of his buts of Madeira.

 Mrs. Ver.

Well, one journey more and all will be ready. You ſee I have nothing but a cold ſupper, but ſuch as it is—

 Tokay.

Oh! Madam! your company is green peas at Chriſtmas.

 Mrs. Ver.

Oh! truce with compliments, and ſit down without ceremony.

 Tokay.

How many jealous ones we ſhould make now, if your huſband, and our wives, knew of this.

 Dim.

Come, Ma'am, ſit.

 GLEE. Our wives at home, your huſband gone, To them leave care and thinking; While gaily we the hours paſs on In laughing and in drinking. The real joys of love are ſhar'd By thoſe who are diſcreeteſt; And here's his health who firſt declar'd Stolen pleaſures are the ſweeteſt. (after the Glee a knnockig) Mrs. Ver.

Huſh!

 Dim.

What's the matter?

 Mrs. Ver.

Surely ſome one knocks.

 Tokay.

Do you expect any body?

 Mrs. Ver.

Not a ſoul.

 Tokay.

Zounds! I hope 'tis not your huſband.

 Mrs. Ver.

Oh! no.

 Dim.

But if by hazard—

 Mrs. Ver.

I hardly think it—however, in that caſe, I can hide you in this room—but don't concern yourſelves—It can't be him; and for any body elſe, I'll ſoon ſend them away— (She juſt looks, and returns) Heavens! 'tis my huſband ſure enough; I would not have him ſee you for the world; get in, get in.

 Dim.

Stuff us in any where.

 Mrs. Ver.

If I can, I'll ſend him out—Don't ſtir for you lives—

[They go into the room on the right hand, and by means of the window, are in ſight of the audience.
SCENE IV. Mr. VERMILION. Mrs VERMILION. Ver.

Ah! wife; you ought to have a thouſand obligations to me—I did not find my man—and tho' it was ſo late, I was determined not to loſe a moment—But I think you receive me coldly.

 Mrs. Ver.

No love, I don't—I only—

 Ver.

Hey! what the devil's this?—you were going to have good cheer—a patê of partridges! Three covers! why, who the devil have you invited to ſupper?

 Tokay.

Zounds! ſhe'll never draw herſelf out of this ſcrape.

 Dim.

Huſh! huſh!

 Mrs. Ver.

Why, my dear—I—a—I have—aſked ſome ladies to ſup with me.

 Ver.

Ay! who?

 Mrs. Ver.

Why, Mrs. Tokay, and Mrs. Dimity.

 Tokay.

Our wives!

 Ver.

What, our two handſome neighbours?

 Mrs. Ver.

Yes, love; and I wonder they don't come—I wiſh you'd go and fetch them.

 Ver.

My ſoul, there is nothing I would not do ſooner for thee, than walk.

 Mrs. Ver.

Well, 'tis but a ſtep, I'll go myſelf.

 Ver.

I would not trouble you, but I am ſo tired with my journey.
SCENE V. Mr. VERMILION, (Tokay and Dim. hid)

Good Heaven! how fortunate—thou little divineſt, my ſweet wife, what a ſervice thou art going to do me—I ſhall ſup with her I adore.

 Dim.

Do you hear him, Alderman? he ſays he ſhall ſup with her he adores.

 Ver.

There is not her equal in the world, and my love is like her's, perfect—ſhe is more majeſtic than Juno.

 Tokay.

Ay, that's your wife, for ſhe is the moſt talleſt.

 Ver.

More willing than Io.

 Dim.

That's your's.

 Ver.

More lively than Sappho; but, to my misfortune, too virtuous.

 Tokay.

Yes, yes, I fancy he means my wife, indeed!

 Ver.

Heavens! what tranſport! what tender, delightful extaſy, to preſs her panting, yielding to my boſom—What is there but love makes our lives deſirable?

AIR. Love, to thee myſelf I give, In thee I breathe, by thee I move, My fleeting hours, while yet I live, To thee ſhall be devoted, love. Thou art the charm of every mind, The young, the old, thy influence prove: Tender, jealous, roving, kind, We all are happy, ſo we love. II. In earlieſt youth how time did glide, Cloe might well have tempted Jove, And I, what bliſs! was Cloe's pride; Then how I ſung thy praiſes, love! A ſmile, a nothing from my fair, I priz'd all bleſſings far above; I knew not even the name of care, Nor ought but thy ſweet tranſports, love. Omitted in the repreſentation. III. 'When ardour dampt, youth ſhall be paſt, 'From fair to fair ſtill will I rove; 'And from this m • ment to my laſt, 'Untir'd, I'll ſing thy praiſes, love: 'Each friend in this ſome folly ſees, 'Will then ſuch tranſports thee behove? 'Love! when thou ca 'ſt no long • r pleaſe? 'What, is it nothing then to love?
SCENE VI. Mr. VERMILION, Mrs. VERMILION, Mrs. TOKAY, and Mrs. DIMITY. (Tokay and Dimity concealed) Ver.

Ah! I am charmed—How d'ye do, Ladies?

 Mrs. Tokay.

How d'ye do, Mr. Vermilion.

 Mrs. Dim.

How d'ye do, Mr. Vermilion.

 Ver.

Give me leave to embrace you, my dear neighbour, and you, Mrs. Dimity.

 Mrs. Dim.

Lord! how you kiſs one, indeed!

 Tokay.

Why, what a devil of a fellow it is!

 Ver.

Come, wife, we muſt have another cover. Where's the ſervant?

 Mrs. Ver.

I have given her leave to go out.

 Ver.

What exquiſite pleaſure to paſs a few hours with you, my dear Mrs. Dimity.

 Tokay.

My dear Mrs. Dimity! do you hear him?

 Ver.

Come, wife, let us ſet at table.—How I am tranſported to ſee my ſweet Mrs. Tokay!

 Dim.

Sweet Mrs. Tokay.—Alderman, do you hear him?

 Ver. (Sitting at table.)

Never was happineſs equal to mine, flatter'd and careſs'd by three charming objects, equally amiable.

GLEE. Young Paris was bleſt, juſt as I am this hour, Mrs. Ver. When proud Juno offer'd him riches and pow'r; Mrs. Tok. When ſtately Minerva of war talk'd and arms, Mrs. Dim. When Venus to conquer him pleaded her charms. All. Theſe charms won the prize—What an idiot was he! The apple of gold I'd have parted in three, And, contenting them all by this witty device. Mrs. Ver. Given Juno, Mrs. Tok. —And Pallas, Mrs. Dim. —And Venus, Ver. —A ſlice. All. Given Juno, and Pallas, and Venus, a ſlice.

Ver.

An admirable thought.—Part, then, my love, between you in the ſame manner.

 Mrs. Ver.

Lord, Mr. Vermilion, how you do rattle.

 Mrs. Tok.

Oh! we forgive him.

 Ver.

Well, wife, what wine do you give us?

 Mrs. Ver.

I have forgot to fetch it.

 Ver.

Come, get it then, pray, my dear—you ſeem uneaſy—Oh! I know what it is—ſhe has to croſs the garden in her way to the cellar, and ſhe is afraid of ſpirits.

 Mrs. Ver.

Well, Lord, every one is not ſo brave as you are.—I confeſs I'm fooliſh enough to have this abſurd terror ſometimes.

 Mrs. Tok.

Dear Ma'am! I'll go with you.

 Tokay.

Why does not he go himſelf?

 Ver.

I would go myſelf, if I was not ſo exceedingly tired.

 Dim.

What a devil of a reaſon!

 Mrs. Tokay.

Oh! we don't want you—Come, Mrs. Vermilion—

 [Mrs. Vermilion and Mrs. Tokay go into the chamber oppoſite to that in which are Tokay and Dimity.]
SCENE VII. Mr. VERMILION, and Mrs. DIMITY on the ſtage, TOK. and DIM. concealed on one hand, and Mrs. VER. and Mrs. TOK. on the other. Ver.

Ah! my charming Mrs. Dimity.

 Mrs. Dim.

Ah! Mr. Vermilion.

 Ver.

Don't you underſtand me?

 Mrs. Dim.

Alas!

 Dim.

What the devil are they going to ſay to one another?

 Ver.

We are alone.

 Mrs. Dim.

Well!

 Ver.

Permit me then, heavenly creature, to ſeize this opportunity,

(attempting to kiſs her) Tokay.

This is pretty plain, I think, neighbour Dimity.

 Mrs.

Dim. Pray be quiet.

 Ver.

Ceaſe then the fire of thoſe bewitching eyes, thoſe ſmiles, thoſe lips like roſes, that voluptuous carnation in your cheeks, where comely health reſides; deprive yourſelf of theſe which feed the fire of my tender love.

 Mrs. Dim.

Flattering creature!

 Tokay.

Poor Maſter Dimity!

 Ver.

Heavens! how beautiful ſhe looks!—Come, charming creature, let us not loſe this favourable moment—Believe me, never was love ſo ardent, or ſo faithful as mine,—you anſwer nothing,—you muſt not deny me.

 Mrs. Dim.

Dear me you are ſo preſſing—I am all in a flurry—I muſt take a walk in the garden to recover myſelf.

 Ver.

Do, my Angel,—I'll conduct you to a delicious retreat, where the ſoft zephyr alone ſhall be witneſs to our love.

 Mrs. Dim.

You agreeable devil, you!

 Tokay.

What do you think of this? He is not tired now?

 [Mr. Ver. and Mrs. Dim go into the chamber, where are Mrs. Ver. and Mrs. Tokay.
SCENE VIII. TOKAY and DIMITY on the Stage. Dim.

They are gone out, let me paſs you.

 Tokay.

Poor neighbour Dimity!

 Dim.

I'll ſnip the ſcoundrel's noſe off; (following them) they have locked the door.

 Tokay.

Ha! ha! this brings to my mind an old ſong, that I ſometimes give 'em at a meeting of the livery, I'll ſing it you, neighbour.

AIR. Curtis was old Hodge's wife, For vartue none was ever ſuch; She led ſo pure and chaſte a life, Hodge ſaid 'twas vartue over much: For, ſays ſly old Hodge, ſays he, Great talkers do the leaſt, d'ye ſee. Omitted in the repreſentation. II. 'Curtis ſaid if men were rude, 'She'd ſcratch their eyes out, tear their hair; 'Says Hodge, I b'lieve thou'rt wond'rous good, 'However let us nothing ſwear; 'For ſays fly old Hodge, ſays he, 'Great talkers do the leaſt, d'ye ſee. III. One night ſhe dreamt a druken fool, Be rude, in ſpight of her, would fain, She makes no more, but with joint ſtool, Falls on her huſband might and main; Still ſays ſly old Hodge, ſays he, Great talkers do the leaſt, d'ye ſee. IV. By that time ſhe had broke his noſe, Hodge made a ſhift to 'wake his wife, Oh! Hodge, ſays ſhe, judge by theſe blows, I prize my vartue as my life: Still ſays ſly old Hodge, ſays he, Great talkers do the leaſt, d'ye ſee. V. I dreamt a rude man on me fell, However I his project marr'd; Dear wife, ſays Hodge, 'tis mighty well, But next time don't hit quite ſo hard: For, ſays ſly old Hodge, ſays he, Great talkers do the leaſt d'ye ſee. Dim.

I could not have believed it—my wife, who I thought the pattern card of virtue!

 Tokay.

Women are frail, neighbour! women are frail!

 Dim.

Mr. Alderman, you have the advantage, but if it had been your's—

 Tokay.

Mine! No, no, Mr. Dimity, Mrs. Tokay is perhaps the moſt diſcreet matron in all the ward of Portſoken—But, come, bear your diſgrace like a man—let us ſee—Zounds, I'll ſeize ſome of theſe cakes, if 'tis only to fortify the ſtomach—And—ſtay—there is nothing to drink—If the wine was but come, I'd drink the lady and gentleman in the garden.

 Dim.

'Tis cruel in you, Alderman, to rip up the ſubject in this manner.

 Tokay.

Huſh! I hear them, let us retire.

 Dim.

Well, I'll ſew up my mouth for a little while—However, I'll trim them yet, before I put the work out of hand.—

[They go back to their hiding place.]
SCENE IX. Mr. VERMILION, and Mrs. DIMITY, and afterwards Mrs. VERMILION and Mrs. TOKAY. Mrs. Dim.

Dear me! what ſhall I do?

 Ver.

Don't cry; believe me, my reſpect and caution ſhall ever equal my love.

 Mrs. Dim.

If my huſband ſhould know it—

 Ver.

How can he know it?—No, believe me, he'll carry his honours as contentedly as the beſt.

 Dim.

My honours! there's a ſcoundrel for you.

 Mrs. Dim.

And will you be always conſtant?

 Ver.

For ever, my angel—Huſh! here's my wife, and Mrs. Tokay.

 Mrs. Ver.

So, have you well employed your time ſince we have been gone?

 Ver.

If to be wiſe, is to profit of each moment, we have well employed our time, I aſſure you.

 Tokay.

Yes, yes, that we can witneſs for them.

 Mrs. Ver.

Here's the wine.

 Ver.

Come, ladies, take your places.

 Tokay.

I fancy we ſhall be here ſome time. Come, neighbour Dimity, eat ſome of this cake.

 Dim.

No, I thank you, Mr. Alderman—I have no appetite.

 Ver.

Come, Mrs. Tokay, take care of yourſelf—my dear Mrs. Dimity, what makes you ſo ſerious?—Here's Mr. Dimity's health; he is a man I like; clever, ſenſible, well furniſhed, here.—

[Pointing to his forehead.] Dim.

Did you ever hear ſuch a villain!

 Ver.

Ladies, let us drink round, and then ſuppoſe we ſing a little catch to put us in ſpirits.

 Mrs. Tok.

With all my heart; what ſhall it be?

 Ver.

The Wives Revenged.

 Mrs. Tok.

Ha! ha! ha!

CATCH. When husbands from their duty ſtray, Their wives ſhould be reveng'd, ſome way: Courage then, dames, nor moap at home, What! ſit and cry, and let them roam. Your honour's wounded—rouſe—defend it, And, cuckold them—or elſe pretend it. Ver.

Charming!—raviſhing!—my dear Mrs. Dimity, and you, beautiful Mrs. Tokay—how you enchant me—but how's this, wife?—but one bottle?—Heavens! you ſhould have brought half a dozen at leaſt; at ſuch a delightful feaſt ought any thing to be ſpared?

 Tokay.

Half a dozen!—what the devil are we to ſtay all night here?

 Ver.

Come, come, one more journey—I am ſorry to trouble you, and I confeſs 'tis not very polite, but I am dead, and can't ſtir a ſtep.

 Dim.

Oh! the impoſtor!

 Mrs. Ver.

Come, ladies, which of you will accompany me?

 Mrs. Dim.

Mrs. Tokay loves walking.

 Dim.

There, there, ſhe wants to ſtay with him again—the vixen!

 Mrs. Tok.

No, Ma'am! you ſhall have your turn as well as me.

 Dim.

Hang my buttons now if—

 Mrs. Dim.

With all my heart.—Come, Mrs. Vermilion.
SCENE X. VER. and Mrs. TOK. on the ſtage, TOK. and DIM. concealed on one ſide, and Mrs. VER. and Mrs. TOK. on the other. Mrs. Tokay.

Are you not aſhamed, Sir, to look me in the face?

 Ver.

Why, Madam?

 Mrs. Tok.

Why, Sir?—Do you think if your wife was inſenſible to your behaviour, it would paſs upon me?—No, Sir, not one leer, nor whiſper eſcaped me.

 Ver.

Ha! ha! ha! jealous, by all that's charming.

 Mrs. Tokay.

Jealous!—no, Sir, my love is not alarmed, 'tis my pride that's hurt—Mrs. Dimity, indeed! I'll Mrs. Dimity her; to leave me for ſuch a Gill-ſlirt,

 Dim.

Why, Alderman, how's this?

 Tokay.

Why, really, I don't know.

 Mrs. Tokay.

You know, the firſt time I was weak enough to liſten to you, was at my Lord Mayor's ball—You danced, you enchanted me, and while my dear good Mr. Tokay was getting himſelf into a ſtate of intoxication, with his own champaign, you looked, and perſuaded, and ſwore yourſelf into my affections—and now—I could cry my eyes out.

 Ver.

Come, come, no more of this—you are as dear to me as ever. Let us not then loſe the moments in frivolous converſation—rather let me lead you where ſilence and the night ſhall hide thoſe raptures—

 Mrs. Tokay.

Heavens! you were born to perſuade me—And don't you love that creature at all?

 Ver.

How can you do yourſelf the injuſtice to think ſo? I was piqued at your late coolneſs, and ſo put on all this to try if your affection was as ſtrong as ever.

 Mrs. Tokay.

Is it poſſible?

 Ver.

You know it is—Come, loſe no time!

 [They go off to Mrs. Ver. and Mrs. Tokay.
SCENE XI. TOKAY and DIMIT on the Stage. Tokay.

Zounds! I'm ſtruck as dumb as an oiſter.

 Dim.

Why, Alderman! I thought your wife was the moſt diſcreet matron of all the ward of Portſoken.

 Tokay.

A dauber of canvas to make a cuckold of an Alderman!

 Dim.

Come, come, 'tis ſome comfort that you are not out of work any more than me.

 Tokay.

A damn'd plaiſterer of train oil, and yellow oker!

 Dim.

Stay, have I never a ſnip of a ſong now that will ſuit you?

AIR. Maſter Jenkins ſmoked his pipe, And ſwore he'd ne'er be married, But 'gainſt each huſband threw ſome wipe, Or dry-jeſt drolly carried. Maſter Jenkins thought a wife The greateſt mortal evil, And ſwore, to lead a huſband's life, Muſt be the very devil. II. Maſter Jenkins ſmoked his pipe, At home, content, and married; Regardleſs of cach ſneer or wipe, Or dry-jeſt drolly carried: Maſter Jenkins ſwore, a wife Was not ſo great an evil; And any but a huſband's life, Was now the very devil. III. Maſter Jenkins ſmoked his pipe, And had been ſome months married, Severely now he felt each wipe, For horns the poor man carried: Maſter Jenkins curs'd his wife, And ſwore of ſuch an evil To get well quit, he'd part with life, Or ſend her to the devil.

But women are frail, neighbour!—Women are frail!—Come, Alderman, will you eat any of this cake?— (drinks) Here's the Lady and Gentleman in in the garden—but, zounds, I hear them, let us retire—

 (both retire)
SCENE XII. VERMILION and Mrs. TOKAY, and afterwards Mrs. VERMILION and Mrs. DIMITY. Mrs. Tok.

Heavens! I am undone!—ruin'd!

 Ver.

I tell you, my love, they did not ſee us.

 Mrs. Tok.

You are miſtaken, and that malicious Mrs. Dimity—

 Ver.

Huſh! they are here.

 Mrs. Ver,

Your ſervant, Madam, I muſt give up my place to you, I find.

 Mrs. Dim.

Yes, Madam, you did not ſlide out of the little ſummer-houſe ſo cunningly, but that we ſaw you.

 Mrs. Tok.

What do you mean, Ladies?

 Ver.

I can't conceive what they would be at—This Lady has never ſtirred from hence, I aſſure you, all the time you have been gone.

 Mrs. Ver.

All this is mighty well, Sir, but we part to-morrow.

 Mrs. Dim.

Yes, indeed! I wonder how ſhe has the impudence to look Mrs. Vermilion in the face!

 Ver.

Well, Ladies, ſince you are determin'd upon quarrelling, you had better wiſh one another good night. If you'll give me leave, I'll ſee you home.

 Mrs. Dim.

No, I won't be ſeen in her Company.

 Mr. Ver.

Madam, whatever your delicacy may be injur'd at, as it is dark, you had better, I think, take this opportunity of guarding yourſelf from danger.

 Mrs. Dim.

Well, for the matter of that, ſince no one will ſee us together—good night to you, my dear Mrs. Vermilion—I am ſure I pity you.

 [Mr. Vermilion, Mrs. Tokay, and Mrs. Dimity, retire to the chamber.
SCENE XIII. Mrs. VERMILION, TOKAY, and DIMITY on the Stage. Tokay.

Dear Ma'am! revenge yourſelf.

(on his knees) Dim.

Do, Ma'am, (on his knees) my devil of a wife, for all her demure looks, has tore a hole in my coat, as large as that in the Alderman's.

 Tokay.

Upon my knees I entreat of you.

 Dim.

And ſo do I upon mine—'tis the only way to repair the rent in your reputation.
SCENE THE LAST. All the CHARACTERS. All except. Tok. and Dim.

Ha! ha! ha!

 Mrs. Dim.

How! this my dearee?

 Mrs. Tok.

What do I ſee, the Alderman!

 Tokay.

Yes, Ma'am, but not ſo contented as you may imagine.

 Dim.

And for me, Ma'am, I ſhall not quietly wear my honours, whatever that gentleman may think of the matter.

 Mrs. Tok.

I don't underſtand you.

 Tokay.

What, you know nothing of the ſummer houſe?

 Dim.

No, I warrant them, pretty creatures, nor of the garden, the jealouſy, the carnation in the cheeks, the intoxication, the zephyr, and the Lord Mayor's ball.

 Ver.

Hark ye, Mr. Alderman Tokay, and Mr. Deputy Dimity, never go a poaching again on other peoples grounds, for fear they, in your abſence, ſhould take it in their heads to beat up the game about your's.

 Mrs. Ver.

Come, 'tis I who muſt explain all this—You have both had the arrogance to make love to me; and the ſummer houſe, your coming here to ſupper, and, in ſhort, all that has paſſed, was only a laugh at your expence, and you may thank your ſtars you are no worſe off.

 Tokay.

Neighbour Dimity, we cut a good figure here.

 Dim.

Yes, for if this is the caſe, all our work's returned upon our hands.

 Mrs. Ver.

Come, come, the beſt thing you can do, is to beg pardon of your wives, to whom I'll be an advocate for you.

 Mrs. Tok.

To ſhew you what good creatures we are, they have their pardon, even before they aſk it.

 Ver.

Generouſly done—and now let us ſit down, and forget all animoſities over a bottle of the Alderman's Tokay.

AIR. Mrs. TOKAY. 'Twixt huſband and wife, there's an end of all quarrels, The battle is fought, and the victory is ours; The wives have the day, and a foreſt of laurels, Like Cap's alamode, on our temples now towers. Yet tho' we return from the field ſo victorious, Where courage reſides—always pity ſhould live, And warriors to ſtill make their conqueſts more glorious, The enemy vanquiſh'd, forget and give. Mrs. DIMITY. Henceforth I return to my former obedience, Which, alone, in a wife, real kindneſs ſecures; I acknowledge, and take on't the oaths of allegiance, You'll reign King of my heart, while I'm Queen of your's. Many wives tho' had paid you in kind, thus induced to't. Taking care, every hour, a fine life you ſhould live; With bick'ring and taunts—but 'tis o'er, and a truce to't, What ever is paſt, I'll forget and forgive. Mrs. VERMILION. And now, if ſo far, you have heard us thus hector, 'Twas only, believe me, that each play'd her part▪ For our fear, leſt the critics ſhould read us a lecture, Is a certain conviction we're women at heart. Tho' our huſbands we've tam'd, for the Piece we've our terrors, Let what merits you find, in your memory live, Nay, let kindneſs augment them—but as for our errors▪ We humbly intreat you, forget and forgive.

THE END.