THey are generally a Sea­land: there is not such a ma­rish in the world that is flat. They are an universal quag­mire; epitomised, a green-cheese in pickle: such an Aequilibrian of earth and water, that a strong earthquake would shake them into a Chaos: they are the ingredients of a black pudding, and want onely stirring, else you would have more bread then greets: then have you no way to make it serve for any thing, but to spread it under Zona Torrida, and so dry it for Turfes. It is an excellent [Page 8]place for despairing lovers, for each corner affords them Willow; but if Justice should condemn one to be hanged on any other Tree, he might live long and confident. It is the but tock of the world, full of veines and blood; but no bones. Had St Stephen been condemned there to be stoned, he might have lived still; for (unless it be in their paved Townes) gold is more plentiful than stone. It is a singular place to fat monkies for there are spiders as bigg as shrimps, and (I think) as many. You may travel the Countrey without a guide, for you cannot go out of the rode without hazard of drowning. A King that hated crowding, might have run away without staying for his Vsher, for he can go no whither but his way is made before him. Had they Cities as big as their walls, Rome were but a bauble to them. Twenty miles are nothing to be hurried over in one of [Page 9]their waggons; where, if the Voer­man be sober, you travel safe, But descending from thence, you must have better faith then Peter had, or you sink immediately, if your way be not his: thus it hangs in the wa­ter, and at the approach of the wag­gon, it will shake as if it were ague­stricken. The Duke D' Alva taxing the tenth penny, frighted it into a Palsy, which all the Mountebanks it had bred and had, knew not how to cure. They do some things which seem wonders; for they fish for fire in the waters, which they catch in nets, and transport to land in their boats, where they spread it smooth, as a Mercer doth his Velvet when he rooks an Heir of eighteen. Thus be­ing in a meddow, you would suppose it a cantle of green-cheese, spread over with black butter. Their ordi­nary Pack-horses are fram'd of wood, carrying their bridles in their tayles, [Page 10]and their burdens in their bellies, and a strong wind and stiffe gale are the spurs that make them speedy. They dress their meat with aqua coelestis; for their water springs are not like ours, from the earth, but come to them as Manna to the Israelites, from heaven. the Elements here are at variance, the subtile overflow the grosser, the fire consuming the earth, and the ayr the waters; for they burn Turfs, and drain their grounds with Wind-mils, as if the Collick were a remedy for the Stone. The land they have is kept as neat as a Courtiers beard, and they have a method in mowing. It is so interveyned with waters and rivers, that it is impossible to make a Com­mon amongst them. Even the Brow­nists are here at a stand. The poor are never complained of for breaking of hedges; surely had the men of Go­tham lived here, they would have studied some other prison for the [Page 11]Cuckow. Their ditches they frame as they list, and distinguish them in­to noecks, as my Lord Majors Cook doth his custards: they clense them often, but it is as Physicians give their potions, more to catch the fish, then cast out the mud. Though their coun­try be that of the main, yet every house stands as it were an Iland, and that (though a Boor dwell in it) looks as smug as a Lady new-painted. A gallants masquing suit fits not more neatly than a thatcht cottage of many yeers wearing: if you finde it dry, it is embraced with vines, and if lower seated, it is onely a close harbour within a plump of Willowes, and pleasant enough, as long as the dog­daies last; but they overpast, you must practise wading or swimming; or remain prisoner till the Spring; onely a hard frost with the help of sledges, may release you. The Bridge to this is an outlandish planck, with a box of [Page 12]stones to poise it with, like a Quintin; which with the least help, turns round like a Heads-man, and when the master is over, stands drawn, and then he is in his Castle; 'tis sure his fear that makes him suspicious; there­fore that he may see who enters, his window is ever over his dore; But it may be to shew his Pedigree; for (though his Ancestors were never known) their Armes are there, which in spite of the Herald, shall bear their atchievements with the helmet of a Baron at least; marry the field per­haps shall be charged with baskets, to shew his Fathers trade pourtrayed. When you are entred, the first thing you shall encounter is a looking-glass, the next, the Vessels marshalld about the house like watchmen, all as near, as if they were in a Ladies Cabinet; for (unless it be themselves) none of Gods creatures lose any of their na­tive beauty there. Their houses (espe­cially [Page 13]in the Cities) are the best eye-beauties in the Countrie, and in cost and sightliness, far exceed our En­glish, wanting onely their magni­ficence; Their lineing are richer too, than their out-sides, not in hangings, but Pictures, which the poorest there are furnished with: Not a Sowter but hath his toies for ornament: were the knacks of all their houses set together, there were not such a Bartholomew-fayr in Europe. Their Artists (for these are as rare as thought) for they can paint a fat-Hen in her fe­thers, and if you want their lan­guage, you may learn a great deal on the Signe-posts; what they are, they ever write under them; in that onely they deal plainly, and by this device, hang more honestie than they keep. Their rooms are but several hand-boxes, wherein you must either swallow your spittle, or blush when you see a Mopp [Page 14]brought in. Their beds are no o­ther then Land-cabbins, high e­nough to need a Ladder or stairs; once up, you are walled in with wainscot; and that is good discre­tion, to avoid the making wills every night, for once falling out, will break your neck perfectlie. But if you die in it, you leave your friends this comfort, that you died in clean linnen. Whatsoever their estates be, their linnen must be fine; therefore from Amsterdam they have banisht Sea-coal; and least it should soil their buildings, of which the Statelier sort are oft sententious, and in their fronts carrie some conceit of the Author. Their houses they keep cleaner than their bodies, and their bodies than their souls. Go to one, you shall finde the Andirons shut up in Network; at a second, the warm­ing pan muffled up in Italian cut­work; at a third, the skimmer laid [Page 15]in Cambrick. For their propension to Venery, 'tis true, their women are not so readie at a spurt; for neither are they so generally bred to it, nor are their men such lin­nen lifters. Idleness and Courtship have not banished honesty thence. They tattle much, and do less, yet their blood runs high, and their veins are full, which argues strength; and if the Court turn them Gal­lants, they will take up the custom of entertaining Ladies: and ha­ving once done it, I believe they will be notable: for I have heard they trade more for love than money, but 'tis for the trick, not the man: and therefore when they like the labour, they will reward the work­man: otherwise their gross feed­ing and clownish education hath spoyled them from being nobly minded. But I give you this on bare report, experience not having made me wise. They are generally boer­ish, [Page 16]yet may be bred Statesmen, none of them being so nice of Con­science, but they can turn out Reli­gion, to let in Policie. Their Coun­trie is their God they worship, war their heaven, peace their hel, and the crosse Spanjard their Devil, Custom is their Law, and Will their Rea­son: you may sooner convert a Jew, than make an ordinary Dutchman yeild to arguments that cross him. An old Fryer is sooner turned Puri­tan, than a Waggoner perswaded not to bait twice in nine miles. His soul is compos'd of English beer, and his body of pickled her­ring, which renders him costive and testie: these two with a little but­ter are the ingredients of a meer Dutchman, which a voyage to the East-Indies, by the heat of the Aequinoctial consolidates. If you see him fat, he hath been cooped in a root-yard, and that hath blub­berd him. For their conditions, they [Page 17]are churlish, and (without doubt) very ancient: for they were bred before manners were in fashion. They should make good Justices, for they neither respect persons nor apparel. A Boer in his butter-slopps shall be equally entertain'd with a Courtier in his bravery. They are seldom deceived, for they trust no body; so by consequence they are better to hold a Fort than win it, yet they can do both. Trust them you must if you travel; for, to call for a bill to them, is to dive in­to a Wasps nest. Complement is an idleness they were never trayn'd up in; and it is their happiness that the Court hath not stoln away their minds: Their being Saylors and Souldiers, hath marr'd two parts al­ready; and if they be bathed once in Court-oyle, they are painted trap-dores, and shall suffer the Jews to build a City where Harlem-mere is, then cosen them of it. They [Page 18]shall abuse a stranger for nothing, and after a few base terms, scratch one another to a Carbonadoe, as they flea Rochetts. Nothing can quiet them but money and liberty, which having gotten, they abuse both; but if you tell them so, you awake their fury; and you may sooner calme the Sea, than conjure that into compasse again. They are all in a manner Aquatills, and therefore the Spanjards call them water-dogs. I agree not with them, yet I think they can catch a duck assoon. They love none but such as do for them; and when their turne is served, neglect them. They have no friends but their kinred, which meet at every wedding-feast, like Tribes among themselves. All that help them not, they hold Po­pish; and think it a piece of hone­stie to raile against the King of Spain. Their shipping is their Ba­bel they boast of, for the glory of [Page 19]their Nation; it is (indeed) won­derful, and they will have it so. But, we may well hope, they will never be potent by Land, lest they shew us how doggedlie they can in­sult where they get the masterie. Their Navies are the scourge of Spain, and pills wherewith they purge the Indies. Nature hath not bred them so active by Land as o­thers; but at Sea they are Water-Devills, and attempt things in­credible. Their Ships lie like high woods in winter; and if you view them on the North side, you will freeze: for they ride so thick, that through them you can see no Sun. Sailors with them, are as common as beggars with us. They can rail, swear, juggle, steal, and be lowsie alike; but to examine the rest, a gleeke of their knaves are worth a mourmeval of ours. All of them are Sea-men born, and like Froggs can live on land or water. Not a [Page 20]thresher amongst them, but can handle an Oare, steer a Boat, raise a mast, and ken you over the roughest passage. Their Govern­ment is Democratical, and there had need be many Rulers over such a rabble of rude ones. Tell them of a King, and they will cut your throat in earnest; the very Name imports servitude; they spite it more then a Jew doth Bacon, or a Wood-man, old-age. None among them hath any authoritie by inheritance; that were the way to parcell out the Countrie into Families. They are all chosen, as we chuse Aldermen, more for their wealth than their wit, which they so over-affect, that mijn Heer shall pass the street like an old Ape, with­out a tail after him; and if they may be had cheap, shall daube his faced gown with a stiver-worth of pickled herring, which himself shall carrie home in a string. The common [Page 21]voice hath given him pre-eminence, and he loathes it, living as when he was a Boer: but, if pardon be granted for what is past, they are about to think it time to learn more civilitie. Their Justice is strickt, if it cross not policie; but rather than hinder trassique, they will to­lerate any thing. There is not such a Denne of subtle Foxes as Amsterdam, there you may be what beast you please, so you push not the State with your horns. It is an Universitie of all opinions, which grow in it confusedlie; as stocks in Norway, without order or pruning. If you be not setled in your Religion, you may there trie all, and at last take what you list. The Papists there must not Masse it publicklie, not because it is most hated, but because the Spaniard abridgeth the Protestant; and they had rather shew a little spleen, than not cry quittance with the Enemie: [Page 22]This is their warrant, which they retaliate justlie; and for this rea­son, rather then the Dunkerks shall want hanging, Amsterdam, which hath none of her owne, will borrow a Hangman of Har­lem. In their Families they are all Equalls, and you have no way to finde the Master and Mistris, unless it be in bed together; It may be those are they, otherwise Maulkin will prate as much, laugh as loud, and fit on her tail as well as her Mistris. Had Logicians li­ved there first, father and Son had not so long passed for Relatives, they are there whollie Individualls, for no demonstrance of dutie or authoritie can distinguish them; as if they had been created toge­ther, and not successivelie born: the Mother bidding her Daugh­ter good-night, and kissing her, is a punctual blessing. Your man shall be malepertlie saucie, and you [Page 23]must not strike him; if you do, he shall complain to the States, and have recompence. It is a dainty place to please boyes in, for the father will bargain with the school­master not to whip him, if he do, he will revenge him with his knife, and have law for it. Their apparel is civil enough, and good enough, but very uncomely; usually it hath more stuffe than shape: onely wo­mens Trinkets are commodious in winter, but 'tis pitty they have not the wit to leave them off when Sum­mer comes. Some of their women would have good faces, if they did not marre them in the making. Men and Women are starched so blue, that when they grow old, you would verily think, you saw old winter standing up to the neck in a barrel of blue starch. The men are tolerably clad, unless they encline to the Sea-fashion, and then their [Page 24]slops yawn at the knees, as if they were about unmercifully to devour their shanks. They are far from go­ing naked; for, of a whole woman you can see but a piece of her face as for her hands, they shew her to be a shrewd labourer, which you shall alwaies finde, as it were in recom­pence, laden with rings, to the cracking of their fingers: and she will rather want meat, than a Cart­rope of silver, hung with keyes. Their gownes are fit to hide great bellies; but they make them show so un­handsome, that men do not care to get them. Marry this you shall ever finde to their commendations, their smocks are ever whiter then their skins, much cleaner, and far sweet­er. They railat us for our various change of habit, but plead for their owne more earnestly than lay-Ca­tholicks for their faith, which they resolve to keep, because their Ance­stors [Page 25]lived and died in it. For their dyet, they eat much, and spend lit­tle; when they send out a fleet to the East-Indies, they live three moneths on the Offalis, which here would surfet a swine. In their hou­ses, roots and stock-fish are staple commodities. At their feasts when they have flesh, they have the art to keep it hot, as long as our fleet-lane cooks do incasell'd Porke. To a Feast they come readily, but once set, you must have patience, for they are longer eating their meat, than we in dressing it: You conclude Supper betimes, if you get away by day-break. It is a piece of good manners (if there be any) to carry away a piece of Apple-pie in your pocket; their time they spend in eating well, drinking much, and prating most.

In this progress you have seen somwhat of their evids; now observe them. Solomon tells us of four [Page 26]things very small, but full of wis­dom; the Pismire, the Conie, the Spider, and the Grasho per, and they are all for providence. They are the Pismires of the world, who having nothing but what the grass yeilds them, are (yet) for all provisi­ons become the store-house of Chri­stendom. They are frugal to the saving of Egg-shels, and maintain for a maxime, that many an old thing mended, will last longer than a new. Their Cities are their mole­hills, whence their ships and fly­boats creep and return, laden for winter with store. For dwelling in rocks, they are Comes; where have you under heaven, such im­pregnable Fortifications, where Art beautifies Nature, and Art makes Nature invincible? Indeed herein they differ; the Conies finde rocks, and they make them; and, as if they would invert Moses mi­racles, they [...]aile them in the bo­some [Page 27]of the waves of Bemsters land, where within these eighteen yeers; Ships furrowed the pathless Ocean, the peaceful plow embowells the fruitful earth. For war they are Grashoppers; for they go out with­out Kings. There is not in Europe, such a Schoole of martiall disci­pline. For Industry, they are Spi­ders; and live in the Palaces of Kings: None have the like inteli­gence. Their marchants are this day the greatest in the Universe. What Nation is it, where-into they have not insinuated themselves? nay, which they have not Anato­miz'd and discovered the intricate veins of it? All they doe, is with such labour, as it seems to be extra­cted out of their own bowells: and by them we may learn, that no rain fructifies like the dew of sweat. You would think (being with them) you were in old Israel; for there is not a beggar amongst them: if he be [Page 28]unable, he findes an Hospitall; if he would depart, hee shall have mony for his Convoy; if stay, he shall have work. And, lest you should [...] in fruitless mourning, their burials end by two of the clock. Even their Bed­lam is a place so curiously kept, that a Lord might live in it: Their Ho­spitall might lodge a Lady; their Bridewell a Gentlewoman, and their common prison a rich Citi­zen: But, for a poore man, it is the best refuge; for, he that cast him in, must keep him there. Even their dwelling is a miracle: for, they live lower than the very Fish in the Lap of their floods, and incirculed in their watery camps, they seem like the Israelites passing the Red Sea. Their Walls wall them in: and if they open their Sluces, they drownd their enemies. Againe, they are the Indian rats, gnawing the bowels of the Spanish Crocodiles, into which they got when they gaped to [Page 29]swallow them: they are the Ser­pents, wrethed about the leggs of that Elephant his almost invincible innumerable Kingly titles, they are the Sword-fish under the Whale: they are the war of that great Em­pire which increased in Isabella, and when Charles the fifth was at the full. They are the Glass wherein Kings may see, that nothing makes am ore desparate rebellion, than Prerogatives too far urged; that op­pression is to heat an iron, till it burn your hand; that an extream taxation, is to steal away the honey, till the Bees leave the hive; that their own tyrannie is the greatest enemie to their estate: that a desire of being too absolute, is to press a thorn that will prick you; that to debarr an Estate of ancient privi­ledges, is to make a stream more violent by stopping it; that unjust policie is to shoot (as they did at Ostend) into the mouth of a charged [Page 30]Canon, and to have two bullets re­turned for one; that admonitions of a dying man are too serious to be neglected.

To conclude, the Countrey it self, is a moated Castle keeping two of the richest jewels in the world in it, the Queen of Bohemia, and the Princess of Orange. The people are all Jews of the New Testament and in fine have changed nothing but the Law for the Gospel.