As for the Natives, and firſt their Sovereign, he boaſts that he hath the Sun for his Creſt; but 'tis certain that moſt of his Subjects bear the Moon creſcent, for all the ſtrict Confinement of their Wives: Pride, Haughtineſs and Ambition, accompanied with an imaginary conceit of their own peculiar Grandeza, are the Ingredients that uſually go to the compoſition of a Spaniard; ſo that it is hard to judge whether the Countrey, or the mindes of the Inhabitants are moſt aſpiring and mountainous. They are Saturnine, dull, ſlow, melancholick, and altogether ſpeculative, aiming at no other terminus ad quem, then Contemplation, without afterwards directing or ſetling it upon any ſervile, inferior, or mechanick work or employment; ſo that you ſhall finde few natural Spaniards of any mechanick Trade, as Shoemakers, Taylors, Coblers, Joyners, Innkeepers, or the like; for which I call all Travellers to witneſs that go into Spain, and return offended, becauſe they finde no Ale-houſes or Inns upon the way as they do in other Countreys, ſo that they are compell'd to be their own Providores, and carry Victuals in their bags, and Wine in their bottles; for they delight infinitely in their imagin'd Grandeza, outward appearances and honor, not at all regarding their private intereſt, ſo that they can but create unto themſelves the opinion and eſteem of the world; and if they want good Apparel, and biting penury nips them, they will faſt two or three days for a handſom Cloak, or a ſtarch'd Ruff, and then ſtrut it abroad in ſtate; ſo deliberately do they meaſure their way, as if they ſaid a Pater Noſter or an Ave Maria between every ſtep, and if he be ſo far ſtimulated by that Tyrant Neceſſity, that he muſt vend his clothes to buy him food, he will firſt part with his Shirt, becauſe that with his Doublet & Ruff he covers the want of it; then if his needs increaſe, off goes his Doublet, covering his body with his Cloak; next his Sword; after that his Ruff, and laſt of all his Cloak, till he has never a one left to cover his pride and knavery, and this is their method which exigencies prompts them to. His pride, when reduced to the utmoſt extent of poverty, viz. beggery, is infamous; for he will never confeſs that neceſſity, but ſome caſualty or misfortune compell'd him to it; as, that he was forced to cloath himſelf in theſe deſpicable weeds to preſerve his life, and his honor: and thus to play the Fryar Mendicant, when he craves your charity, it ſhall be in theſe or the like terms, May it pleaſe you Sir, to do ſome courteſie for a diſtreſſed Cavaliero, that hath deſerted his native countrey for ſuch and ſuch a miſchance, and been conſtrained to ſhew himſelf in this misbeſeeming garb; and when you are certified of the quality of the perſon that craves your Alms (as long it will not be) you will think your ſelves happy in relieving ſo noble a perſon as I am: and if perchance he that hears him, demands who he is? he will reyly, The Nephew to ſome Earl, or Duke, or Brother to the Admiral of Caſtile, and that ſome famous Princeſs being enamored with him, he privily conveyed her out of her Fathers houſe in mans apparel; which Plot being diſcovered by her Parents, he was conſtrained to abſent himſelf from the place of his nativity, and live thus unknown, till by the mediation of his friends he were reduced to his priſtine condition: Beſides, he will boaſt of fifteen or twenty thouſand Crowns per annum, beſides eight Baronies, and if the perſon beſtows ſome ſmall piece of money on him, he throwes it contemptibly in the Donor's face, but afterwards lookes for it very calmly and peaceably on the ground, and when he ha's found it, ha's the grace to put up a Pater Noſter, or ſend up ſome ſhort Ejaculation for the proſperity and good ſucceſs of his Benefactor. Nor do the females come ſhort of them in pride or arrogancy, which may be ſufficiently evinced by this enſuing Relation that Barclay in his Euphormio affords me. 'Tis a ſtory of a poor miſerable Spaniſh woman, that coming with her family (her three ſonnes I mean) to beg of a French Shoemaker, he being compaſsionate told her, he would eaſe her of her charge, and take one of her ſons from her, and make him of his own profeſsion, that ſo he might be able to get a competency, whereby he might maintain himſelf handſomly: She with a great deal of indignation replied, O Sir, God forbid I ſhould caſt away my childe on a ſtranger, of ſo mechanick a profeſsion as yours is; who knows, but in time he may come to be Viceroy of Naples, or Mexico. So horribly are they puft up with the timpany of pride, that they are the greateſt enemies under the ſun to their own preferment: Go but into their Caſa de Locos, or Bedlam, and you ſhall hear one cry, I will be King; another, I am Emperor; and a third, I am Pope: all which verifies our Engliſh Proverb, That which is bred in the bone, will ne're out of the fleſh. Nay, their pride is ſo infamous, that it is grown common, even to a Proverb, indebted to them for being ſo; for they have a vaporing ſaying of themſelves in point of valour, Un Eſpannol ſon quatro Diables en Francia. One Spaniard can act the part of four devils in France. And when Mendoza was Ambaſſadour in France, he would often break out into this prophane Oſtentation; Dios es Poderoſo en Cielo, y Don Felipe en Tierra: God bears ſway in Heaven, and King Philip on Earth: So daringly preſumptious are they, as to make God their fellow-creature. Nay, your Thraſonical Caſtillians will not ſtick to ſay, Un Eſpannol vale quatre Tudeſcos, tres Franceſes, y dos Italianos. One Spaniard is worth four Germans, three Frenchmen, and two Italians. So ſelf-conceited are they of their own imaginary dignity and deſerts, that they judge no Nation fit to come in competition with them. I will borrow a Story of one of our rarely accompliſh'd Gentlemen, concerning a Caſtilian Capitain, who uſed to expreſs himſelf in this enſuing maner: When I deſcend into my ſelf, and contemplate my moſt horrible terrible terribility, I can hardly contain my ſelf within my ſelf: Theſe Breeches that I wear are ftuſt with Capitains Beards, and the Muſtacho's of French Generals; my Pillow is filled with Amazonian hair, my Cuſhion is made of a Turban taken off of the Grand Sultan's head, my Coverlet is the skin of the Nemean Lion that Hercules ſlew, my Curtains are made up of Colours and Enſigns taken in divers Battels: When I march into the fields, I commonly carry two Drums, as Pendents at my ears; I am lull'd aſleep by the noiſe of Trumpets, and braſs Kettles; and Perillus his Bull ſtrecht along, ſerves me for a Pillow: I was born in the moneth of Mars, who was then the predominant Planet, and Aſcendant: I came into the world about break of day; Sol himſelf then ſuffered an Eclipſe, Jove and Mercury hid themſelvs, and Cynthia withdrew her horns for fear; that morning it rained blood; the ſtreams of the greateſt Rivers turn'd red; Mongibel and Strombola belch'd forth more fire then ordinarily: Near the place I was nurft in, there was a Den of Lions, that I might be mur'd to their roaring; and one time my mother cauſed a young Cub to be ſlain, on purpoſe to feed me with the blood thereof. To conclude, I am that invincible, tranſcendent, great Capitain Baſiliſco Eſpheramonte, Generaliſſimo of all the Militia of Europe: I am he that uſeth to ſwallow Mountains, breathe Whirlewindes, ſpit Targets, and ſweat Quick-ſilver: I believe all the Notaries in Biſcay, in three years ſpace cannot caſt up thoſe miraculous Atchievements, which I the Scourge of Lutherans, Converter of Pagans, and Peopler of Church-yards, have performed, &c.

Would not any one imagine that Ovids ghoſt were rambled hither, and by a Pythagorean Metempſychoſis tranſmigrated into this Perſon, all that oppoſeth this conjecture is onely this, that the one writ in undigeſted rough proſe, and the other in ſoft ſweet verſe, this modern, hath quite out-fabled the ancient Ovid. Thraſo himſelf where he intervives, durſt not come in competition with this Bragadocio Caſtilian, ſuch a piece of prodigious ſelf-conceitedneſs as this, the world ne're heard of. Another ſtrange kind of temper diſcrepant from all Nations they have, and that is this, as great an argument of their haughtineſs, as any of the preceding If any one ſhould demand an account in a ſtrange Countrey concerning any of the Natives, though never ſo mean, nay the ſon of a Cobler, he will reply, And is't poſſible, ſir, that you ſhould not know that Cavalier? Did you never hear of him? And all this nay more, though he be but one of their ſunbak't Peaſants I dare lay a wager there is not a Child in the City or Kingdome five years old, but knows him, at leaſt, if he be ſprung of noble Patents. You ſhall therefore underſtand, Sir, (then he begins to be the falſe Herald of his forged fame) that he is Son to the Maggioraſco of Caſtile, and one of the moſt noble families that Spain can boaſt of, and there are many that confidently pronounce him ſecond Coſin to King Philip: yet doth he go diſguſed in theſe weeds, that he may be undiſcerned by the ſearching eye of the vulgar: beſides I muſt engage you to ſilence in this buſineſs, for if the King ſhould be ſenſible in the leaſt of his reſidence here, he would take it hainouſly that he did not alight at Court aſſoon as he arrived: But he that will diſcourſe of all particulars on this ſubject, muſt neceſſarily ſwell into a volume, wherefore I will wind all up upon a ſmall bottom. Now for the nature of the Spaniard they are compoſed of fancy, and an affected gravity, under which lurks ſtore of arrogancy, you ſhall have one of a dunghilbrood ſtand on tip-toe, twerling his Muſtachos ſay, Voto a tal io ſoy tan burno ce mo el Rey Don Felipe, I ſwear by Jupiter Ammon, that I am in as good a condition as King Philip; nor will ſome of them ſcruple the ſaying, that they will walk arm'd in Paradiſe, but 'tis to be feared they are no birds of Paradiſe, and ſo there is very little probability of of their neſtling there. You ſhall ſee ſome of their Dons pacing of it with abundance of gravity, environ'd with a croud of Servitors, or more properly, vaſſalls, two before him, one holds his hat upon occaſion, another his cloak, if it chance to rain, another carries a clout to rub his Ginnet whileſt he is at Maſs, another a Currycomb to kemb his Mane, and all theſe when they come home, will be content with a cruſt of bread, and a radiſh apiece for their repaſt. They have a ſaying of the French (between whom there is a very ſtrange antipathy, and that irreconcilable too; Al primer impetu ſon mas que hombres, y deſpues menos que mugeres. Their firſt onſet manifeſts them more then men, but their laſt leſs then women. But they to requite their kindneſs, have an ill-favor'd ſaying of them, That the Spaniards in point of true active valor, are but bearded women.

Now as to their habit and garb, they uſually go cloſe buttoned, nor will they unbutton though fire fall from heaven. Their Collar is very cloſe, as if they intended that ſaying in the ſacred Code, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 All things are bare neckt to God. He uſually wears that upon his arms, which others do on their thighs, viz. long ſleeves, and ſhort breeches: beſides, he wears his ſtockings ſo cloſe and ſtreight to his Leg, that you cannot take hold of them with a pair of pincers: As for their geſture in the ſtreet, if there be a company, they march two by two, as if they went in proceſsion to ſome Saint, or Lady, and that ſo ſlowly, that you would judge them to be newly recovered of a Quartan-Ague; and 'tis beyond the power of whip or ſtaff to quicken their pace. As for their ſpeech, they are ſo helliſhly ambitious, as to ſay that when God forbad Adam eating of the tree of knowledge, he ſpoke in Spaniſh, ſuch is their imperiouſneſs and arrogancy; but I am an enemy to tediouſneſs, eſpecially whileſt I am under the name of a Character; therefore to ſome other particulars.

And firſt let's make a Paſs at the Jeſuite, that plays the Machiavilian both in Church and State, thoſe grand Supporters of the Spaniſh Crown, which made a Burgundian Gentleman ſay, Un Eſpagnol ſans ſon Jeſuite eſt comme un Perdrix ſans Orange. A Spaniard without a Jeſuite at his elbow in conſultation, is like Powder'd-beef without muſtard. Define them we need not, ſince 'tis done already to our hands by Alexander Hays, one of their own Order, and 'tis this; Jeſuita eſt omnis home: They are Pluto's prime Agents, that labor tooth and nayl to people his infernal Territories, and adde Vaſſals to his gloomy majeſty. No perſons have been greater Incendiaries, or Boutefeux, then theſe Eccleſiaſtical Groteſco's; they uſher in all Quarrels, Contentions, Debates, and Sciſſures, both in Church and State. They are the Umbra of the Nobility, inſeparable aſſociates, that follow them as a ſhadow doth the bodies, which is the reaſon of the numerous Legacies that are conferr'd upon them, yet they are like thoſe little animals Seneca ſpeaks of, qua mordent, & non ſentiuntur: For whereſoever they get footing or entertainment, they prejudice by inſenſible encroachments, though the party ſhall not judge himſelf hurt, or damaged in the leaſt. And as to their damnable Inquiſition, if you are reſolved upon a Diſpute concerning any Doctrine held by the Roman Church, they will retort with a Syllogiſm of Hemp, or Fire, which is far more harſh then one in Barbara, or Baroco, and fitter for devils then men. And though they are ſo much in eſteem with the Pope, yet are they maligned and flouted at by the vulgar, as appears by the Paſquils no leſs various, then ingenious and tart, that are beſtowed on them in every place, which is apparent to any one that is but a mean Hiſtorian. When they firſt negotiated in France for footing in Paris, they were askt, whether they were Seculares, or Regulares? and replied, Tales, Quales, ſuch and ſuch, which remain; upon record a Nick-name to them even to this very day. But what the ſubject beſtowed on them with the tongue, they fetcht out of their Soveraign's teeth (King Henry the fourth I mean) they began to take a courſe that he might be hit in the teeth with nothing, by endeavoring to beat them all out; for a young Jeſuite green in growth, but old in villany, ſtabb'd him in the mouth, though it happened with the loſs of one onely tooth; whereupon the King ſaid merrily, Falloit il que les Jeſuites fuſſent convanicus par ma bouche? Muſt they needs be convinced by my mouth? Hereupon they were commanded to depart the Kingdom by ſuch a day, and a new Stone-Gallows erected before the Pallace gate for the execution of the Offender; but the King out of fear (ſo much do they awe the Scepter) removed it; Hereupon one ſung ingeniouſly to his Majeſty:

Taught to ſpeak Engliſh thus:

But they finding themſelves too much abuſed by the impoſition of that ſcandalous Title on them of Tales, Quales, (as they judg'd it) were ſo prophane as to call themſelves Socios Jeſu ever after, the Aſſociates of Chriſt (daring villains, that rank themſelves in the ſame degree with their Redeemer) yet in the ſacred pages we read but of one that was called Chriſt's Companion, and that was Judas: this muſt needs be in their own judgement malum per pejus, they have well mended the matter; for they were their own God-fathers, and did rebaptize themſelves contrary to the Canons of their own Church, for they allow not a ſecond Baptiſm, and that with a far more ignominious (as it falls out) though truer appellation. 'Twas their ſophiſtical equivocation that cauſed that Clauſe to be inſerted in the Oath of Supremacy in England, without mental reſervation. Nay, the Great Turk on the Aſian ſhore, baniſhed them out of Pera near Conſtantinople, upon the relation that Queen Elizabeths Ambaſſadors made of their impiety and inhumanity. Nay the Venetians, though birds of the ſame feathers, and both feathers of the Roman Eagle, drove this ridiculous and ravenous Bird clear out of the Confines of their Dominions, ſo ſenſible were they of the horrible out-rages that are uſually committed by them; for there is no maſſacre how inhumane ſoever, but either they kindle the faggots, or afford the fuel. One of their notorious Machiavilian deſigns, though fruſtrated, was hatched for our deſtruction, viz. in Eighty Eight, when they came with their invincible Armado (as they ſtyled it) but we re-baptized it in our Brittiſh Seas, the Vincible Armado, for there it was overwhelmed, deſtroyed, and diſperſed. They made a wood of our Seas, through the number of their Ships, every Galeon like the Trojan Horſe, having armed men in the womb of it, with all ſorts of inſtruments for torture; among ſome whereof, there were found long Knives, with this ſcandalous Superſcription, To cut the throats of Hereticks, and yet not a damnable Complotter in all this miſchief, but muſt be canonized for a Saint; as if it lay within the compaſs of his power that ſits in the Porphiry-chair to exempt men from the puniſhment due to thoſe ſins, which the Almighty hath ordain'd for ſuch helliſh Malefactors; but it is to be hoped, that their Plots, like the form into which they reduced their ſhips, viz. a Moon creſcent, may ever prove a Moon in the wane, and that the feathers of the Roman Eagle may molt away, till it become a ridiculous bird, and become the object and ſubject of laughter to all her Neighboring Nations.

But the Maſter-piece of all, was the 〈◊〉 , or Gunpowder Plo • 〈◊〉 •••• mous a nature, that it ſee •• •• er to be (as one of our gowned Gentlemen ſaith) A piece hammer'd in Hell by a Conclave of Cacodaemons, than traced by humane invention. A ſulpherous Mine prepared and fitted with that Artifice, that with one ſnuff it ſhould have blown up to the Clouds, and made but a ſquib of that mighty Aſſembly, with many thouſands of innocent ſouls beſides: Englands Sovereign Monarch, with his Royal Conſort, and Princely Iſſue; Root and Rind, Stem and Stock, Bud and Bloſſom, had all been blaſted, and that in a moment. Oculi intuitu, in the very twinckling of an eye, and all our ſtately Fabricks and Structures had bin turn'd into aſhes: But before I ent •• 〈◊〉 • he Relation of this 〈◊〉 • ntended Cruelty, 〈…〉 our ſelf (Reader) for trag ••• • xpectations, leſt the ſuddenneſs and impiety of the Fact aſtoniſh your Apprehenſion; and here think of nothing but Graves, Tombs and Epitaphs, Flakes of Fire, Cracks of Thunder, Aſtma's, and Veſuvio's; for here is a Plot that Hiſtory is at a non-plus to parallel. O learned Jeſuite! Haſt thou hammered upon the Forge of thy accurſed Brain (for indeed he was the Blackſmith of this diabolical Stratagem) a Cruelty, as horrible as unheard of: not the Raviliac's in France, their own Inquiſition, the Machiavils in Italy, the Gowries in Scotland, the Tories or Oneals in Ireland, nor any other vicious or deſperate mortal yet found out: 'Tis plain that in this they intended to out-devil the grand Elector of Erebua, if 'twere poſſible: A cruelty that tranſcends all Roman ſtory, far beyond that of Catiline, Brutus, or Lucius Scaevola. Preſumptuous villains! that dare ſend ſouls to Heaven before the Reſurrection, and make companions for Elijah in his fiery Chariot. Here might you ſee theſe Pioneers digging to Hell for Aſſiſtance, when Heaven had denied it them ſo often, but at length Sennior Satan took compaſſion of their labor, and helpt them with a deſtructive invention: Herein 'tis apparent they receiv'd aſſiſtance from, and encountered with the greateſt head of the helliſh Hydra (always except the Pope) fain would they have made our Land like the way of Medea, ſtrewed with the Limbs of her brother Abſyrtus; here the arm of a Father, there the leg of a mother; here the limb of one relation, there the joynt of another, his laquens poſitus eſt; here the gin was laid, but like ſilly Woodcocks they were enſnar'd in't themſelves.

O rare Saints! what? Turn your Saint Peter into Saltpeter, to deſtroy us, and all we can lay claim to? Rem, Regem, Regimen, Regionem, Religionem. Religion, Subſtance, Kingdom, King, Of all our famous Lawes the Spring. And they were prompted to all their cruelty, inhumanity, and barbariſm, by their zeal to Religion:

Sacred Lady, muſt thou be the Mantle to cover their infandous villany; the Cloak to palliate their ſtupendious cruelty? Thou that uſeſt to be clad with the armor of light, muſt thou be made the Authoreſs of ſuch ſubterranean darkneſs? No, no, far be it from a rational perſon, or ſolid Chriſtian to entertain a thought ſo prejudicial and injurious to thy ſacred, incontaminated innocency.

But 'tis the general courſe of theſe helliſh Machiavilians, not to ſuffer Vice to appear upon the ſtage in its ugly hew, and native deformity, leſt it ſhould deter all perſons from it, but they mask or cover it with the vayl of virtue. And farther to ſhew that the edge of their Satanical invention is not yet blunted, and manifeſt their choller ſtill againſt us, they keep near the Fifth of November a Day of Execration, wherein they curſe Heretickes, as they term us; in which they approach neareſt of any, and reſemble moſt of all the rebellious Jew, that crucified our Saviour; who on the twelfth of Auguſt had their time of Execration, wherein they curſed Veſpatian, and the Romane Soldiers for demoliſhing their famous Temple of Jeruſalem. Nor is their malice and envy glutted or ſatisfied with Europian blood, but they muſt ſatiate their fury with the Indian too: and though they pretend that their right to both Indies, is right of Diſcovery, and that they were the firſt Detectors of it, it is queſtionable, if not abſolutely falſe; for Pliny the Carthaginian was the firſt Diſcoverer of India, by croſſing the Equinoctial twice; nor were the Weſt-Indies unknown to Plate: Beſides, a greater evidence then the forementioned, that the Spaniards were not the firſt Diſcoverers of America, is this, That there was a Welch Epitaph found at their firſt landing there, upon Madoc a Brittiſh Prince; who, as 'tis ſuppoſed, made an eſcape to ſave himſelf from the fury of the Saxons in England, and put himſelf in a Barque to the fortune of the Sea, and ſo landed in America. And 'tis farther confirmed, that the old Brittiſh or Weclh were there, from the variety of Brittiſh words retain'd among them in their language even at this very day. But whether they were the firſt Diſcoverers or no; it is obſerv'd, that thoſe vaſt treaſures ſhe tranſports thence thrive little, by reaſon of that ocean of human (though ſavage) blood the Spaniard ſpilt there; never did any nation phlebotomize an enemy ſo inhumanely as they did, in ſo much that it is affirmed by ſome, (and that groundedly too) that the blood they ſpilt would over-poiſe all the gold they ever fetcht from thence, if it were counter-ballanced; and as that vaſt Treaſure was firſt gained by the effuſion of much blood, ſo hath it been ominous and fatal ever ſince, & conſum'd in blood; for moſt of the Combuſtions and Diſſentions of the Occidental World have bin fed and fomented by them; nay, which is more prejudicial to it, in point of policy, the King of Spain by theſe Mines and means, furniſheth the major part of his Enemies with Arms defenſive and offenſive againſt him, the leaſt part of the treaſure remaining among them; for moſt of their current Coyn is Copper, ſo that we may ſay, according to our Engliſh Proverb, Who is worſe ſhod than the Shooemakers wife? In ſo much that we may compare her (and that very fitly) to the Arcadian Aſs; who, though laden with Gold, yet browzeth upon Thiſtles.

As to their Cruelty in the Indian Conqueſt, it was ſo inhuman, that the relation thereof would ſtagger the belief of a Chriſtian, were there not a general conſent among all Hiſtoriographers of the hainouſneſs thereof. Such horrible Murthers and Maſſacres did they commit, that I bluſh to ſtain my paper with their relation; for 'tis affirmed by ſome (and thoſe of no mean credit) that in the ſpace of forty five years, there were above ten millions of ſouls deſtroyed in the New World, as they are pleaſed to call it, beſides thoſe great numbers that died by working in the Mines, officiating like Aſſes, Oxes, and Mules; ſome of them being loaden with burthens on their back of one hundred and ſixty pound weight, carrying them three hundred miles, ſometimes more, beſides thoſe that periſhed in the water with fiſhing for Pearl, in obedience to their inſulting commands, being dieted on purpoſe by them for that work with courſe Bisket, and dry edible commodities, to make them fit for that work: poor ſlender fare for ſuch hard and ſlaviſh laborers: They ſcorn'd, it ſeems, to murther by retail, but Caligula like, their glutton blades muſt be imbrued in the bowels of a whole Nation. Nay farther, they made a ſport and recreation of their inhumanity and barbariſm; for they hunted them with dogs, as if they have been beaſts of the Game, and not their fellow-creatures; to confirm which, there is a ſtory of an old impotent Indian woman that was ſent by a Spaniard, with a Letter to the Governor of the next Town, who, when ſhe was departed about a flight ſhot off of him, he let ſlip his dog at her; which ſhe perceiving fell on her knees, and cried out, Sennor, Sennor Dog, (ſo much Spaniſh ſhe had) I beſeech thee ſpare me, for I am a going with a Letter from thy Maſter, to the Governor; the unanimate creature it ſeems moved with compaſſion at her words, and ſuppliant poſture, being better exerciſed in the rules of humanity and mortality than his maſter, took compaſsion on her, only lifting up his leg and piſſing againſt her, and ſo let her depart in peace. Now the Spaniards had rendred themſelves ſo odious to thoſe Indians, by reaſon of their cruelty, that not one of a noble reſolution among them could endure to hear of going to any place that they frequented, although after their diſſolution, as may appear by the ſtory of one Hathu Cacico a ſtout Indian, who being to die, (for his being an Indian was crime enough to merit death, though probably no malefactor) Stat pro ratione voluntas, was their Motto, Their will was their Law; who being perſwaded by a Franciſcan Fryat, and admoniſhed to turn Cathoſique, and embrace the Romiſh ſuperſtition, withal acquainting him with the joys of heaven, and how that he ſhould be tranſported thither, if he would be converted, or to ſpeak more properly, perverted; whereupon he demanded of the Franciſcan whether or no there were any Spaniards in heaven? who replied yes, 'twas peopled with them: then ſaid he, I will chooſe rather to go to Hell, then to have their company: a notable example of heathen generoſity, which might intimate unto them, they could not conquer their ſpirits, though they maſſacred their bodies. Nay Attabalipa one of their Pagan Kings being informed, That the Pope had conferr'd his kingdom upon the King of Spain, was heard to utter this as noble, as tart expreſſion, That the Pope muſt be either an egregious fool, or an uniuſt Tyrant, that durſt have the impudence to take upon him the beſtowing of other mens Right and Poſſeſſions, ſo freely and liberally to others, that had no right nor title to them.

Nor were they thus ſatiated with drinking the ſavage blood of the Indians, but they muſt be ſucking the blood of the European Chriſtians too; witneſs the Tyranny of the Duke d'Alva, termed (and not undeſervedly) The Spunge of the Belgian Blood; for he made it his boaſt, and a kinde of ſportive recreation to be heard often ſaying, That he had diſpatch't to the other world above eighteen thouſand Belgians by Fire, Water, the Rack, the Sword, and the Ax. Nor is it to be found a humour in Subjects onely, but in their Monarchs likewiſe; witneſs one of their Kings, who being diſturb'd at the divers ill Succeſſes that he had in his Politick Proceedings, ſwore he would be revenged upon the Superior Power, that hath the conduct and guidance of all mortal Affairs, and therefore commanded that none of his ſubjects ſhould adore, believe in, or ſpeak of God for ſo long time, upon pain of his utter diſpleaſure. Impious wretches! that durſt combate Omnipotency, or venter upon a ſingle Duel with the Deity. Now as to the Gigantick power of his Catholick Majeſty, if it be equally poiz'd in the ballance of a diſcerning judgement, it comes far ſhort of that height and ſplendor that is uſually attributed to it; for the vaſt diſtance of his Territories, the innumerable Debts be hath contracted, (and he is infinitely indebted to the Genoeſe and others) the univerſal antipathy that is between them and all Nations in general, by reaſon of their ambition, pride, and haughtineſs, is as great an impediment and debilitating, as his Wealth is a Fortification or Aſſiſtance. And as for Juſtice, the Queen of Virtues, ſhe hath as little power there, as among any people on the ſurface of the earth, eſpecially for forreiners; for it is as facil a buſineſs to draw a ſoul out of the jaws of Hell, as to recover any thing againſt them if they graſp it once within their clutches: And if a ſtranger come to commence a Suit at Law there againſt a Spaniard, the proceſſal charges will oftentimes ſurmount the value of the thing, or right you ſue for.

As for zeal, and innate valor, where ſhall you finde it among them? 'tis more rare to ſee a Duel there, then a Horſe in Venice; or to hear of a Spurrier prefer'd to a Queen; though not a Cobler or Smith among them can be ſeen without a Sword, which they wear for orament, not uſe: yet if they have receiv'd any abuſe or affront, they will be ſure to meet in the Market-place, and there draw, pretending to run furiouſly one at another, becauſe they are ſure to be parted e're they make a paſs, or can well tell how to mount their weapon; and uſually the Miniſter of Juſtice (as they call him) deprives them both of their weapons for a time, till he hath wrought a reconciliation. 'Tis true, in the Conqueſt of the Weſtern World, they did atchieve ſomewhat, but it was againſt a naked, inermous enemy, who were deſtitute of all defenſive or offenſive weapons; beſides, ſo ſtupid and ignorant were the poor Americans, that they took Horſe and Man to be one Aminal, born contrary to the courſe of natural production, and begot of ſome infernal ſtage; which Bug-bear opinion profligated the Indian, and not the Spaniſh manhood or valor: where was the Spaniſh generoſity and nobility of ſpirit, when Goleta near Tunis was ſhamefully loſt by them, and taken by Sinan Baſſa, with five hundred Pieces of Ordnance, which hath arm'd Tunis and Algier ever ſince, and made them ſuch infamous Pyrats? I muſt confeſs, were the word of ſufficiency to combat with the ſword, or could the good conceit they have of their own magnanimity, or the loud (though undeſerved) Encomiums they will beſtow upon themſelves, and their deſerts make them men of war, they would ſubjugate the whole univerſe, and excel all their Predeceſſors in military diſcipline; but words will not gain the field, it muſt be action.

As for the number of their Learned, I think they have no great quantity; Raymundus Lullius is one of their famous Authors, one that (like a native Spaniard) was very much conceited of his ability in the ſtudy of the Philoſophers Stone, or Elixir; of whom it may be ſaid, as of all others that follow that whimſie:

How much he was eſteemed of, this enſuing Dyſtich will clearly demonſtrate.

There is nothing but air in that vain fooliſh ſtudy, nothing of ſubſtance; their glowing fire doth but ſwell up their hope of gain, till the ſpirits quite expire, and ſo their fortunes die: Nor indeed can it be expected, that they ſhould excel in any kind of learning, becauſe they peruſe no volumes but their own, penn'd in their own language, and in their Univerſity Diſſertations, their Vernaculum or Mother tongue carries the greateſt ſway (which is made up of nothing, but a few ſhreds of Moriſco, and patched up with ſome old Arabick words) for they ſeldom, ſcarce once in an age, diſpute in the Roman tongue. And before we leave their learned Rabble, let us have one hit more at their modern Jaſons, the Jeſuites, thoſe Clergy-men of the Golden-fleece, that devote themſelves more to Madam Moneta, then the Lady Loretto, or the bleſſed Virgin Mary; and if we conſider their Tenets in Divinity, we ſhall finde them as erroneous and diabolical, nay, as diametrically contrary to Reaſon or Divinity, as their politick, accurſed, Machiavilian Plots and Practiſes. Our Engliſh Chronicles makes mention of one Father Garnet a Jeſuite, who being interrogated by the Earl of Notingham, whether or no, if any one ſhould confeſs unto him in the morning, that he had a deſign to murther the King that very ev'ning, he thought himſelf bound in conſcience to reveal it? he replied in the negative; which infernal doctrine was confirmed by Binetus the Jeſuite, in theſe words: Praeſtare Reges omnes perire, quam ſi vel ſemel Confeſſionis ſigillum violaretur; Regem enim humani juris Imperium ait eſſe, Confeſſionem juris divini: In Engliſh thus: It were far better that all the Kings in the world ſhould be murthered, than that the Seal of Confeſſion ſhould be violated in the leaſt; for the dignity of a King is indebted to humane authority for its being; but Confeſſion, to Divine Inſtitution. Nay, there was a Jeſuit in France who had the impudence to belch this blaſphemy in publick, and to maintain, if there were occaſion, Si Dominus noſter Jeſus Chriſtus in terris verſaretur morti obnoxius, & aliquis ſibi in Confeſſione dixiſſet velle ſe illum occidere, priuſquam Confeſſionem revaleret, paſſurum ſe, ut Chriſtus occidatur. O profane! in Engliſh thus: If our Lord and our Saviour Jeſus Chriſt were upon the earth, and mortal, and that any one ſhould confeſs unto him that he had an intention to murther him, he would ſuffer our Saviour to be ſlain, rather then diſcloſe it. Right Judas'es, that had rather murther their Maſter than thwart their own vain traditions, and for phanatick Chymaera's, that never were hatcht hitherto in any but ſuch addle pates as their own; but let them have a care leſt that they finde Judas his puniſhment, ſince they are ſo much guilty of his hainous crime. This is a more daring, nefandous piece of wickedneſs, than that fictitious one of the Gigantomachy; for they do not onely aim at the dethroning of the Deity, but would, were it within the compaſs of their helliſh inventions, be ſo impious as to murther him. Our moſt gracious Sovereign of bleſſed memory, King James, received a ſeaſonable Caveat from his God-mother Queen Elizabeth, to take heed of the Spaniard; who anſwered her very ingeniouſly, Se non aliud beneficium ab Hiſpano expectare, quam quod Ulyſſi Polyphemus promiſerat, ut aliis devoratis, poſtremus deglutiretur. That he expected no more favour from the Spaniard, than what Polyphemus promiſed Ulyſſes, that all the reſt being devoured, it ſhould fall to his ſhare to go laſt to pot. There is no diſtinction among them, when animated by rage and fury, Prince and People, King and Kingdom, all go to rack, if it lie in their power. Now 'tis moſt certain by this Hildebrandine Jeſuitical doctrine of their auricular Confeſſion; for they open the Cabinets of Princes, and no perſons have ſuch ſure and faithful intelligence as they from all parts in Chriſtendom: Beſides, there are no Eccleſiaſticks that frequent the Court, or Noblemens houſes more than they, ſo that they underſtand all the Tranſactions in Church and State in all parts of the Chriſtian world, and thereby are enabled to put themſelves in a poſture to act their damnable deſigns; yet, notwithſtanding all their ſiniſter and politick practiſes to ſupport the Crown of Spain, and defend his Holineſs, they remain but in a wavering and fluctuating condition; for the late Motus trepidationis in Naples, and that in Sicily, with the total Revolt of the Portugeſe, and the Catalonian Commotions, and thoſe vaſt Debts that they have contracted with the Genoeſe, and ſeveral other accidents that might be mentioned, hath ſo ſhaken the Spaniſh Monarchy, that ſhe continues in an anguiſh condition ever ſince, and there is very little probability of her reſetlement. Decreſcit Oliva, the Olive-branches begin to wither and decay; and 'tis very much fear'd by themſelves, that ſhe will be found dead at the root ere long, if by a diligent lopping off of her ſuperfluous branches, and the careful management, and ordering of her State-Gardeners, ſhe be not revived, and made to bud and bloſſom afreſh: But undoubtedly ſhe will come to a ſad Cataſtrophe, if the tympany of the Spaniards pride be not aſſwaged and taken down: Beſides the innumerable ill ſucceſſes that ſhe hath had in all her undertakings, is a ſufficient argument to diſſwade her from ever believing Fortune to be her favorite; ſhe ſeem'd indeed to be in the poop, and favor King Philip, till he receiv'd a memorable Defeat at Moſtagan in Barbary, under the Conduct of Alcaudite a petty inconſiderable Moriſco King; and their ill ſucceſs at Los Gelves near Tripoli, where moſt of the Chriſtians in the Neopolitan Gallies under the Conduct of Don Alvaro their Chief Commander, were ſouc'd in Thetis Powdering-tub, and made meat for Sharks and Shaddocks; which was occaſioned by the imprudence of their Leaders, when as otherwiſe they might have come off nobly, with the name of Conquerors. Several others I might mention, but I will not upbraid them too much with their infelicity: onely take this by the way, that when Philip the ſecond rigg'd that numerous Fleet againſt our Land, with an abſolute intent to ruinate us, he was repuls'd by the valor of the Engliſh, with ſo much diſparagement to the whole Nation, that he paſſionately ſaid, He ſent his men to fight with men, and not with the Windes and the Sea: nay, one of their holy Conclave, in a Sermon was heard to ſay publickly, That by this very buſineſs, and the fruſtrating of their deſign God had manifeſted himſelf a Lutheran. 'Tis ſtrange methinks, noble Sennors, that he ſhould fight for the Hereticks againſt the true Catholicks, as you term your ſelves! Methinks you might obſerve the ſaying of your Emperor Charles the Fifth, (who was of the Auſtrian family) and have taken his Advice a little more into conſideration:

In Engliſh thus:

For if you do, you muſt be arm'd and quilted, and for all that may be baſted into the bargain: Be confident Sennor Eſpannol, if you come to bake in our Oven, your Cake will be dough. There's no kindling your Irons in our fire, unleſs you meane to be ſcorch't with them; but methinks you might have ſo much wit, as to take warning by our Engliſh Proverb, The burnt childe dreads the fire; if not, as you like the play of our Brittiſn Guns, venter upon another Invaſion: we have more Drakes ſtill to ſend their Fire-ſhips among you, and ſend you back to your Confines toſs'd and weather-beaten, if any of you be ſo happy as to eſcape: well make you know your heart lies in your heels, and flying is your beſt courſe; you are like to have no harbor here, a retreat is your ſafeſt refuge.

Before the Embaſſage of the Conſtable of Caſtile mediating for peace with us, your prating Jeſuite had infected the common people of Spain with a falſe opinion, that the Engliſh were ſtrangely metamorphos'd, ſome had the faces of Hogs, ſome did reſemble Dogs, and others Munkies, ſince they forſook the Roman Church; which they poor ſilly ſouls did really believe, till the Conſtable at his return did rectifie his Countrey-men. But conceit them ſo ſtill; but if they be Dogs, they come all of noble Sires, they are no Mungrels, but ſuch Maſtiffs as will bark you out of your wits; and ſuch Munkies they are, that if they make but a face at you, that's enough to ſcare a whole Legion of you; and if you are ſo incredulous as not to believe it, try once more, and then judge according to your ſucceſs. When the Marriage between our late bleſſed Sovereign of happy memory (though of unhappy fortune) and the Infanta of Spain was in agitation, the Nobility of England that were dieted at the King's Table, and attended by the Spaniards, were not ſo meanly bred, as to be ſatisfied with your poor Cates, which made them break out into many ſcoffing expreſſions touching the barrenneſs of Spain, ſmiling alſo at the vanity of their ſuperſtitious Proceſſions. And Archee the Kings Jeſter being at Madrid, and admitted one day to ſee his Catholick Majeſty at Dinner, ſtrutted and walk'd up and down, talking and muttering, which the King of Spain perceiving, askt what he ſaid? which an Interpreter there preſent made anſwer, He ſaith that King James his Maſter did reſemble God Almighty moſt of any King in the world. And he demanding the reaſon, was anſwered, Becauſe that God had but one ſon, and he ſent him to be crucified among the Jews, ſo the King of England had but one ſon, and he ſent him to be crucified among the Spaniards: a notable ſaying to check them for their accuſtomed cruelty and barbariſm, although in this he prov'd but a fooliſh, and falſe Prophet, and to our joy and comfort it fell out quite contrary.

There happened one day a very facetious, quipping paſſage betwixt King Philip and a Veteran Capitain, that had ſerved him a long time in the Belgian Wars, who being deferr'd by the Councel of State, was reſolved to find out his Majeſty himſelf, who was then at the Eſcurial, and as fortune would have it, hunting; where mounted on his Mule, and meeting the King ſingle in the field, the King began to entertain Diſcourſe with him: firſt, demanding who he was? The blunt Soldier judging him to be ſome private Nobleman, related the whole ſtory to him, recounting how that he had ſerved Don Philip many years in the Netherlands, and that now he was come to demand a remuneration: The King anſwered, Doth Don Philip owe you any thing of your lawful pay? No, ſaid the Capitain: then replied the King, I am clearly of opinion, that he will ſcarce give you any thing ſince he hath ſatiſfied you in your arrears, and principally becauſe he is infinitely indebted, and hath many deſigns to put forward; at which the Capitain broke off abruptly, ſaying, Pues que me beſe la mula en el culo: Then let him, kiſs my Mule in the tayl; and ſo was riding away, but the King call'd him back, and ask'd him what Petition he had made, or what courſe he had taken for ſatisfaction? He told him that he had often attended the Councel of State, and War, with his Memorials, but was never the near, nor could he ever procure the ſight of his Majeſty there, nor elſewhere. Very good, ſaid the King, the Councel ſits to morrow, and I ſhall be there preſent, for I have an Office there; wherefore if you come I ſhall procure your entrance, and then you may make your Addreſs to Don Philip in perſon. The King the very next day did preſide himſelf in Councel, and gave ſtrict order, that if ſuch a perſon, deſcribing him of ſuch a name, (for that he had learned of him by their Conference) ſhould chance to be at the door, he ſhould be admitted: the Capitain coming, and having enterance, ſeeing the Councel bare, and knowing this to be the King with whom he had private diſcourſe yeſterday, he was not much out of countenance: Immediately Philip ask't him, whether he remembered the diſcourſe that was between them in the field? Yes Sir, replies the Capitain; then, ſaid he, you cannot forget what you ſaid: That if the King would not reward you, he might kiſs your Mule in the breech: Sir, replied he, Seno lo dicho, dichio, mi Mula eſta debaxo a la puerta: What I ſaid, I ſaid, and Mule ſtands below at the back gate: The King was not at all diſturb'd but gave him his hand to kiſs, and caus'd him to be nobly rewarded. He had now quite forgot his uſual expreſſion to thoſe that came to requeſt any thing of him, Si a todos los que me piden daria, preſto pediria yo: If I ſhould give to every one that puts up a Petition to me, I might ſoon come to beg my ſelf. Well done Capitain, hug thy blunt Genius, it was that procur'd thy reward, not his bounty; who, though a Monarch, had ſoon ſent thee packing with a curb, hadſt thou not gone contrary to the common courſe of men who with ſo much ſubmiſſiveneſs did uſe to petition his Majeſty; well ſaid down-right: hereafter cry, hang Complements, and ſwear, Complementum is but complete mentiri.

But now ſince we are upon ſo ſlovingly a ſubject, let's expatiate upon a ſtory that is ſomewhat akin to this, which happened at a ſolemn Convention of his Holineſs, his Catholick Majeſty, and his moſt Chriſtian of France, with thouſands of the Nobility of both Nations; who being all bare, and the Pope ready to mount, to ride in Proceſſion, one of theſe Monarchs holding the Stirrop on foot, and the other his Saddle, both uncovered, and kiſſing his Pantofle. The King of France his Jeſter ſpying it, and taking it into conſideration, ſtreight endeavours to make through the Croud, crying out aloud, Make room, make room; at which the multitude being aſtoniſhed, askt him what was the matter? what forc't him to theſe loud exclamations? O! replied he, I'le be gone to Paris. Why? your reaſon? O! ſaith he, if the Pope make ſo great a Monarch as my Maſter kiſs his Toe, hee'l make me kiſs his Breech by and by, therefore I'le be gone. He it ſhould ſeem was not minded to ſalute his Apoſtolick rump; nor did he much fancy the kiſſing of his Toe, but if he had been compell'd to't, he would have gone near to have ſhown his Holineſs as ſnappiſh a trick as the Ambaſſadors dog did, that almoſt bit it off: But we'l have no more of theſe whimſies, leſt ſome Critick or other ſhould ſay, that this Treatiſe is fit for nothing but to make cul-paper, that is, ad abſtergendum podicem. Methinks I hear 'em cry, fie, fie, therefore I muſt give o're. And now let's pitch upon ſome more cleanly ſubiect, if we can hit on any, ſure we ſhall finde out one at length, and yet it muſt be of that King Philip before mention'd, who had erected a Pyramis in the Marketplace at Santo Domingo (where our famous Swimmer Drake was, who took and plundred it) whereon was found this Motto:

One world was too narrow to confine the ſpacious ſoul of Don Philip.

His capacious and moſt ample Majeſty did ſweat again for want of room in this narrow World; yet notwithſtanding his proud boaſting (but that you know is like a Spaniard) he was overcome by an Army of poor inconſiderable creatures, ſilly worms; for Herod-like, he periſhed morbo perdiculari, by the Lowſie diſeaſe, which made a modern Poet ſing: