A TRIP TO JAMAICA:
IN the times of Adversity, when Poverty was held no Shame, and Piety no Vertue; When Honesty in a Tradesman's Conscience, and Money in his Counting-House, were as scarce as Health in an Hospital, or Charity in a Clergy-man. The Sword being advanc'd, and the Pen silenc'd; Printers being too Poor to pay down Copy-Money, and Authors too Poor to Trust 'em: Fools getting more by hazarding their Carcasses, than Ingenious Men by imploying their Wits; which was well enough observ'd by a Gentleman, in these following Lines.
I being influenc'd by my Stars, with an unhappy propensity, to the Conversation of those unlucky kind of Fortune-Hunters, till at last, tho' I had no more Wit to boast of than another Man, yet I shar'd the Fate of those that had; and to bear them Company, stragled so far from the Paths of Profit and Preferment, into a Wilderness of Pleasure and Enjoyment, that I had like to have been stuck fast in a Thicket of Brambles, before I knew whereabouts I was; to clear my self of which, I bustled like a Fox in a Gin, or a Hare in a Partridge-Net: But before I could free my self from this Entanglement, I had so wounded my Feet, and stuck so many Thorns in my Side, that I halted homewards like a Gouty Puritan to an Election, or a Lame Beggar to a Misers Funeral.
These little Afflictions mov'd me to reflect upon my Mis-spent Time; and like a Thief in a Goal, or a Whore in a Flux, I Resolv'd for the future to Reform my Life, change my Measures, and push my self upon something that might recover those lost Moments, I had hitherto converted to the use of others, and not my self. I now began to peep into the Business of the World, and chang'd the Company of those who had nothing to do but Spend Money, for the Conversation of such whose Practice was to Get it.
But I, thro' Inadvertency, neglecting to consult Doctor Trotter, or some other Infallible Predicting Wise-aker, began my Reformation in an unfortunate Minute, when Ʋsurers were unbinding their Fetter'd Trunks, and breaking up their Deified Bags and Consecrated Sums, for the security of Religion, and the further establishment of Liberty of Conscience, without which [Liberty] join'd, Conscience to them would be of no use. Tradesmen grumbling at the Taxes, Merchants at their Losses, most Men complaining for want of Business, and all Men in Business, for want of Money: Every Man upon Change looking with as peevish a Countenance, as if he had unluckily stumbled upon his Wife's Failings, and unhappily become a witness to his own Cuckoldome. These I thought but slender Encouragements to a New Reformist, who had forsaken Liberty for Restraint, Ease for Trouble, Laziness for Industry, Wine for Coffee, and the Pleasures of Witty Conversation, for the Plague, of a Muddy-Brain'd Society, who could talk of [Page 7]nothing but Prime Cost and Profit, the Good Humour of their Wives, the Wittiness of their Children, and the Ʋnluckiness of their Prentices; and knew no more how Handsomely to Spend their Money, than Honestly to Get it.
The Complaints of those Philodenarians, the Declination of Trade, and the Scarcity of Money, gave me no more hopes of mending my Condition, by pursuing my intended measures, than a Good Husband has of mending a Bad Wife by winking at her Vices. I now found my self in great danger of a Relapse, to prevent which, after two or three Gallons of Darby-Ale had one day sent my Wits a Wooll-gathering, and generated as many Maggots in my Brains, as there are Crotchets in the Head of a Musician, or Fools in the Million Lotttry, I e'en took up a Resolution to Travel, and Court the Blinking Gipsy Fortune in another Country. I then began to Consider what Climate might best suit with my Constitution, and what part of the World with my Circumstances; and upon mature Deliberation, found a Warm Latitude would best agree with Thin Apparel, and a Money'd Country with a Narrow Fortune; and having often heard such extravagant Encomiums of that Blessed Paradise Jamaica, where Gold is more plentiful than Ice, Silver than Snow, Pearl than Hailstones, I at last determin'd to make a trial of my Stars in that Island, and see whether they had the same Unlucky Influence upon me there, as they had, hitherto, in the Land of my Nativity.
In order to proceed on my Voyage, I took a Passage in the good Ship the Andalucia; and about the latter end of January, 1697. Upon the dissolution of the hard Frost, I passed, with many others, by the Night Tide, in a Wherry to Gravesend, where our Floating Receptacle lay ready to take in Goods and Passengers; but our Lady Thames being put into a Passion, by the rude Kisses of an Easterly Wind, drew her Smooth Face into so many Wrinckles, that her illfavour'd Aspect and Murmurings, were to me as Terrible as the Noise of Thieves to a Miser, or Bayliffs to a Bankrupt: and being pent up with my Limbs, in an awkward Posture, lying Heads and Tails, like Essex Calves in a Rumford Waggon, I was forc'd to endure the Insolence of every Wave, till I was become as Wet as a New Pump'd Kidnapper.
In this Condition I Embark'd about Two a Clock in the Morning, where the chief Mate, as Master of the Ceremonies, conducted me to a wellcome Collation of Cheese and Bisket, and presented me with a Magnificent Can of Soveraign Flip, prepar'd with as much Art as an Apothecary can well shew in the mixing of a Cordial. After this refreshment, I betook my self to a Cabin, which fitted me so well, it sat as tite as a Jacket to a Dutchman, where I Slept till Morning, as close as a Snail in a Shell, or a Maggot in an [Page 8] Apple-Kernel. Then Rising, and after I had survey'd our Wooden Territories, I began to Contemplate upon things worthy of a serious Consideration, which stir'd up in me that Malignant Spirit of Poetry, with which I am oft times unhappily possess'd: And what my Muse dictated to me, her Amanuensis, I here, present unto the Reader.
A Farewell to ENGLAND.
Towards the Evening the Captain came on Board, with the rest of our Fellow-Travellers, who, when we were altogether patch'd up as pretty a Society, as a Man under my Circumstances would desire to tumble into: There was Three of the Troublesome Sex, as some call them, (tho' I never thought 'em so) whose Curteous Affabillity, and Complaisance of Temper, admitted of no other Emulation, but to strive who (within the bounds of Modesty) should be most Obliging. One Ʋnfortunate Lady was in pursute of a Stray'd, Husband, who in Jamaica, had Feloniously taken to Wife (for the sake of a Plantation) a Lacker-Fac'd Creolean, to [Page 10]the great dissatisfaction of his Original Spouse, who had often declar'd (thro' the Sweetness of her Disposition) That if he had Marri'd another Handsomer than her self, it would never hav'd vex'd her; but to be Rival'd by a Gipsy, a Tawny Fac'd Moletto Strumpet, a Pumpkin colour'd Whore, no, her Honour would not suffer her to bear with patience so coroding an Indignity. The other Two were a pretty Maid, and a Comely Widow; so that in these three, we had every Honourable State of the whole Sex: One in the State of Innocency, another of Frution, the third of Deprivation; and if we'd had but one in the State of Corruption, a Man might have pleas'd himself as well in our Little World, as you Libertines can do in the Great One.
I shall be too tedious if I at large Particularize the whole Company, I shall therefore Hustle them together, as a Moorfields Sweetner does Luck in a Bag, and then you may Wink and Choose, for the Devil a Barrel the better Herring amongs us. We had one (as I told you before) Cherubimical Lass, who, I fear, had Lost her Self, two more of the same Gender, who had lost their Husbands; two Parsons who had lost their Livings; three Broken Tradesmen, who had lost their Credit; and several, like me, that had lost their Wits; a Craeoland Captain, a Superanuated Mariner, an Independant Merchant, an Irish Kidnapper, and a Monmothean Sythe-man, all going with one Design, to patch up their Decay'd Fortunes.
Every thing being in order for Sailing, the Pilot came on Board who put on such a Commanding Countenance, that he look'd as Stern as a Sarazins Head; and the Sins of his Youth having crept into his Pedestals, he Limp'd about the Quater-Deck, like a Cripple in Forma Pauperis upon a Mountebanks Stage, making as great a Noise in his Tarpaulin Cant, as a Young Councel in a Bad Cause, or a Butcher at a Bear-Garden. As soon as we had weigh'd Anchor, under the doleful Cry and hard Service of Haul Cat haul, there was nothing heard till we reach'd the Downs, but About Ship my Lads, bring your Fore Tack on Board, haul Fore-Sail haul, Brace about the Main Yard, and the Devil to do, That I was more Amaz'd than a Mouse at a Throsters Mill, or the Russian Ambassador, at a Clap of Thunder.
By the help of Providence, the Pilot's Care, and Seamens Industry, we pass'd safe to Deal, where we Anchor'd three or four Days for a fair Wind. In which interim, the Prince of the Air had puff'd up an unwelcome Blast in the Night, which forc'd a Vessel upon the Goodwin. The next Morning the Salvages Man'd out a Fleet of their Deal Skimming-Dishes, and made such unmerciful work with the poor distress'd Bark, that a Gang of Bayliffs with an Excecution, or a Kennel of Hounds upon a Dead Horse, could not have appear'd more Ravenous. From thence with a prosperous Gale, we made the best of our way into the wide Ocean, which Marriners say, is of such Profundity, [Page 11]that, like a Misers Conscience, or a Womans Concupiscence 'tis never to be Fathom'd.
'Twas in the midst of Winter, and very Cold Weather, when we set out; but in a Fortnights time we were got into a comfortable Climat, which yielded us so pleasant a warmth, that a Man might pluck off his Shirt upon Deck, and commit Murthor upon his own Flesh and Blood till he was weary, without the danger of an Ague.
I happen'd one Morning to hear two Tar-Jackets in a very high Dispute; I went to them, and ask'd the reason of their Difference. Why Sir, says one, I'll tell you, there was my Master Whistlebooby, an old Boatswain in one of his Majesties Ships, who was Superhanded, and past his Labour and the Ambaralitie Divorc'd him from his Ship, and the King allow'd him a Suspension, and this Lubberly Whelp here says I talk like a Fool; and sure I have not used the Sea this Thirty Years, but I can Argufie any thing as proper as he can.
The chief Sports we had on Board, to pass away the tedious Hours, were Hob, Spie the Market, Shove the Slipper, Dilly Dally, and Back-Gammon; the Latter of which prov'd as serviceable to me, as a Book of Heraldy to a Gentleman Mumper, or a Pass to a Penniless Vagabond: For (like the Whore who boasted of her Industry) I us'd to make my Days Labour worth Two Shillings, or Half a Crown, at Two Pence, or a Groat a Bout. The most powerful Adversary I engag'd with, was a Parson, who, when the Bell Rung to Prayers, would start up in the middle of a Hit, desire my Patience whilst he step'd into the Great Cabin, and gave his Sinful Congregation a Dram of Evangelical Comfort, and he would wait upon me presently. But that Recreation in which we took a more peculiar delight, was the Harmony we made by the assistance of the two Heaven-drivers, in Lyricking over some Antiquated Sonnets, and for varieties sake, now and then a Psalme, which our Canonical Vice-Whippers Sung with as Penitential a grace, as a Sorowful Offender in his Last Night-Cap.
To please my self at a Spare-Hour, I had taken with me a Flute, and there being on Board a Spanniel Dog, who (Seaman-like) had no great kindness for Wind-Musick, for when ever he heard me Tooting, he'd be Howling, which, together made a Noise so surprising, that it frighted away a Quotidean Ague, from a Young Fellow who had been three Weeks under the hands of our Doctor.
One Night after we had well Moisten'd our Drouthy Carcasses with an Exhilerating Dose of Right Honourable Punch, there arose a Storm, for which I had often wish'd, that I might not be a stranger to any Surprising Accident the Angry Elements, when at Variance, might afford me. The Heavens all round us (in as little time as a Girle might loose her Maidenhead) had put on such a Malignant Aspect, [Page 12]as if it threaten'd our Destruction; And Aeolus gave such unmerciful Puffs, and Whiffs, that I was fearful to stand upon the Quarter Deck, lest, before my time, I should be snatch'd up to Heaven in a Whirle-Wind. From all the Corners of the Skie there darted forth such Beams of Lightning, that I Vow and Protest the Fire-works in St. James's-Square, were no more to be compar'd to't, than a Gloworms Arse to a Cotten Candle, which were Instantly succeeded with such Vollys of Thunder, from every side, that you would have thought the Clouds had been fortified with Whole Cannon, and weary of being tost about with every Wind, were Fighting their way into a Calmer Region, to enjoy their Rest, Then fell such an excessive Rain, that as we had one Sea under us, we fear'd another had been tumbling upon our Heads; for my part, I fear'd the very Falling of the Skie, and thought of nothing but Catching of Larks. My Spirits being a little deprest, by the apprehensions of the Danger we were under, I went down into the Gun-room, to consult my Brandy-Cask about taking of a Dram; where one of our Ladies, thro' want of better Accomodation, was forc'd to be Content with a Cradle, in which she was Praying, with as much Sincerity, for Fair Weather, as a Farmer for a Kind Harvest, or an Old Maid for a Good Husband: And I being greatly pleas'd at her most Importunate Solicitations, have given you a Repetition of one part, viz. And if Thou hast Decreed, that we shall Perish in this Tempest, I most humbly beseech Thee to Punish with Pox, Barrenness, and Dry-Belly-Ach, that Adulterous Strumpet, who, by Robbing me of my Husband, hath been a means of bringing me to this Ʋntimely End; may her whole. Life be a continued course of Sin without a moments Repentance, that she may Die without Forgiveness, and be Damn'd without Mercy. In which Interim, a Sea wash'd over our Fore-Castle, run Aft, and came down the Whip-scuttle, she concluding we were going to the Bottom, Shreek'd out, and fell into a Fit; whilst I, thro' my Fear, together with my Modesty, scorn'd to take the Advantage of so fair an Opportunity.
In a doubtful Condition, between this World and the next, we labour'd till near Morning, about which time the Storm abated; But as soon as Day-light appear'd and the serenity of the Weather had turn'd our Frightful Apprehensions into a little Alacrity, some of the Men, from Aloft, Spi'd a Sail bearing after us with all Expedition; and being no great distance from the Coast of Sally, a jealousie arose amongst our Officers, of her being a Man of War belonging to that Country, they having upon the Conclusion of the late Peace with France, Proclaim'd a War with England; so that we thought our selves now in as great danger of being knock'd on the Head, or made Slaves, as we were before of being Drown'd. This Alaram kindled up amongst us new fears of approaching Danger, more Terrible than the former we had so happily surviv'd.
Command was given by our Captain, to prepare for a Fight; down Chests, up Hammocks, bring the small Arms upon the Quarter, [Page 13]an every Man directed to his Post, by orders fix'd upon the Mizzen-mast in the Steerage; the Bulkhead and Cabins nock'd down, the Deck clear'd Fore and Aft, for every Man to have free access to his Business. When all things were in readiness to receive an Enemy, I took a walk on purpose to look about me, and was so animated which the Seamens Activity and Industry, together with the smell of Sweat, Match, and Gun-powder, that like 'Squire Witherington in Chevy Chase, I could have Fought upon my Stumps. By this time our suppos'd Enemy was almost come up with us, under English Colours, but his keeping close upon our Quarter, and not bearing off, gave us still reasons to mistrust him; but seeing him a small Ship, and ours a Vessel of 400 Tuns, 28 Guns, and about 50 Men, we Furl'd our Main-Sail with all our Hands at once, as a stratagem to seem well Man'd; put our Top-Sailes aback, and lay by, to let 'em see we were no more Afraid than Hurt. We had on Board an Irish-man going over a Servant, who I suppose was Kidnap'd; I observ'd this Fellow, being quarter'd at a Gun, look'd as pale as a Pickpocket new taken: I ask'd him why he put on such a Cowardly look; and told him 'twas a shame for a Man to shew so much Fear in his Countenance. Indeed Sir (said he) I cannot halp et, I love the bate of a Drum, the Pop of a Pistol, or the Bounch of a Mushket wall enough, but, by my Shoul, the Roaring of a Great Gun always makesh me start. I ask'd him whose Servant he was. By my Fait, said he, I cannot tell; I wash upon Change looking for a good Mashter, and a brave Gentleman came to me and ask'd me who I wash; and I told him I wash myn nowm shelf, and he gave me some good Wine and good Ale, and brought me on Board, and I have not sheen him sinch. By this time our Adversary was come within hearing, and upon our Hailing of him, prov'd a little ship bound to Guinea, which put an end to our Fears, and made us fly to the Punch-Bowle with as much Joy as the Mob to a Bonfire upon a State- Holyday.
After we had chas'd away the remembrance of our past Dangers, with a reviving draught of our Infallible Elixir, we began to be Merry as so many Beggars (and indeed were before as Poor) beginning to turn that into Ridicule, which so lately had chang'd our Jollitry into Fear and Sadness. When we had thus refresh'd our Bodies, and strengthen'd our Spirits, by passing round a Health to our Noble Selves, &c. 'twas thought high time by our Reverend Pastors, to return Thanks for our great Deliverance from the hands of our Enemies, tho' we had none near us, which was accordingly perform'd with all the Solemnity a parcel of Merry Juvenal Wags could compose themselves to observe.
By this time we were got into so warm a Latitude, that (God be thanked) a Louse would not live in it: We now began to thin our Dress, and, had not Decency forbid it, could have gladly gone Naked, as our first Parents. Kissing here grew out of Fashion; there's no joyning of Lips, but your Noses would drop Sweat in your Mouths. The Sea, and other Elements, began now to entertain us with Curiosities in Nature worth observing, as Grampos, Sharks, Porpus, Flying-Fish, Albacores Bonetta's, Dolphin, Bottle-noses, Turtle, Blubber, Stingrays, Sea-Adders, and the Devil and all of Monsters without Names, and some without Shape. As for Birds, Noddys, Boobies, Shearwaters, Shags, Pitternells, Men of War, Tropick Birds, Pellicans, &c. I shall not undertake here to describe these Creatures, because some of them are so Frightfully Ugly, that if any Friends Wife with Child should long for the Reading of my Book, it should chance to make her Miscarry. But that which I thought most worthy of Observation, were the Clouds, whose various Forms, and beauteous Colours, were Inimitable by the Pencil of the greatest Artist in the Universe, Cities, Palaces, Groves, Fields, and Gardens, Monuments, Castles, Armies, Bulls, Bears, and Dragons, &c. as if the Air above us had been Frozen into a Looking-Glass, and shew'd us by Reflection, all the Rarities in Nature.
By this time we had gain'd the Tropick, and come into a Trade-Wind; the greatest of our fears being now a Calm, which is fine weather to please fearful Tempers; but it brings us more in danger of being Starv'd, than a Storm does of being Drown'd: Tho' it was our Fortune in a few Days after, to make the Leward-Islands, and put us [Page 14]past the dread of so terrible a Catastrophe, those we pass'd in sight of, were, Descado, a rare place for a Bird-catcher to be Governour of, Birds being the only Creatures by which 'tis inhabited; Montserat Antego, Mevis, possess'd by the English; St. Christophers, by half English half French; Rodunday, an uninhabitable high Rock. From amongst these Caribbee Islands, in a few days, we got to Hispaniola, without any thing remarkable; and from thence, in 24 Hours, with a fresh Gale, within sight of Jamaica, which (without Malice or Partiallity) I shall proceed to give you some Account of.
A Character of JAMAICA.
THE Dunghill of the Universe, the Refuse of the whole Creation, the Clippings of the Elements, a shapeless pile of Rubbish confus'dly jumbl'd into an Emblem of the Chaos, neglectect by Omnipotence when he form'd the World into its admirable Order. The Nursery of Heavens Judgments, where the Malignant Seeds of all Pestilence were first gather'd and scatter'd thro' the Regions of the Earth, to Punnish Mankind for their Offences. The Place where Pandora fill'd her Box, where Vulcan Forg'd Joves Thunder-bolts, and that Phaeton, by his rash misguidance of the Sun, scorch'd into a Cinder. The Receptacle of Vagabonds, the Sanctuary of Bankrupts, and a Close-stool for the Purges of our Prisons. As Sickly as an Hospital, as Dangerous as the Plague, as Hot as Hell, and as Wicked as the Devil. Subject to Turnadoes, Hurricans, and Earthquakes, as if the Island, like the People, were troubled with the Dry Belly-Ach.
Of their Provisions.
THE chiefest of their Provisions is Sea Turtle, or a Toad in a shell, stew'd in its own Gravy; its Lean is as White as a Green-sickness Girl, its Fat of a Calves-turd Colour; and is excellently good to put a stranger into a Flux, and purge out part of those ill Humours it infallibly creates. The Belly is call'd Callipee, the Back Callipach; and is serv'd up to the Table in its own Shell, instead of a Platter. They have Guana's, Hikceries, and Crabs; the first being an Amphibeous Serpent, shap'd like a Lizard, but black and larger, the second a Land-Tortoise, the last needs no Description, but are as numerous as Frogs in England, and Borrough in the Ground like Rabbets, so that the whole Island may be justly call'd, A Crabb-Warren. They are Fattest near the Pallasadoes, where they will make a Skelleton of a Corps in as little time as a Tanner will Flea a Colt, or a Hound after Hunting devour a Shoulder of Mutton. They have Beef without Fat, Lean Mutton without Gravy, and Fowles as dry as the Udder of an Old Woman, and as tough as a Stake from the Haunches of a Superanuated Car-Horse.
Milk is so plenty, you may buy it for Fifteen Pence a Quart; but Cream so very scarce, that a Firkin of Butter, of their own making, would be so costly a Jewel, that the Richest Man in the Island would be unable to purchase it. They value themselves greatly upon the sweetness of their Pork, which is indeed lushious, but as flabby as the Flesh of one just risen from a Flux, and ought to be forbid in all hot Countries (as amongst the Jews) for the prevention of Leprosie, Scurvy, and other Distempers, of which it is a great occasion.
There is very little Veal, and that Lean; for in England you may Nurse four Children much cheaper than you can one Calf in Jamaica. They have course Teal, almost as big as English Ducks; and Moscovy Ducks as big as Geese; But as for their Geese, they may be all Swans, for I never saw one in the Island.
There are sundry sorts of Fish, under Indian Names, without Scales, and of a Serpentine Complexion; they Eat as dry as a Shad, and much stronger than stale Herrings or Old Ling; with Oyl'd Butter to the Sawce as rank as Goose-Grease, improv'd with the palatable Relish of a stinking Anchovie.
[Page 15] They make a rare Soop they call Pepper-pot; it's an excellent Breakfast. for a Salamander, or a good preparative for a Mountebanks Agent, who Eats Fire one day, that he may get better Victuals the next. Three Spoonfuls so Inflam'd my Mouth, that had I devour'd a Peck of Horse-Radish, and Drank after it a Gallon of Brandy and Gunpowder, (Dives like) I could not have been more importunate for a Drop of Water to cool my Tongue.
They greatly abound in a Beautiful Fruit, call'd a Cussue, not unlike an Apple, but longer; it's soft and very Juicy, but so great an Acid, and of a Nature so Restringent, that by Eating of one, it drew up my Mouth like a Hens Fundament, and made my Pallat as Rough, and Tongue as Sore as if I had been Gargling it with Allom-Water: From whence I conjecture, they are a much sitter Fruit to recover Lost Maidenheads, properly apply'd, than to be Eaten. Of Water-Mellons and Mus-Mellons they have plenty; the former is of as cold a quality as a Cucumber, and will dissolve in your Mouth like Ice in a hot Frying-pan, being as Pleasant to the Eater (and, I believe, as Wholsome) as a Cup of Rock-Water to a Man in a Hectick Feavour: The latter are large and lushious, but much too watery to be good.
Coco-Nuts, and Physick-Nuts are in great esteem amongst the Inhabitants; the former they reckon Meat, Drink, and Cloth, but the Eatable part is secur'd within so strong a Magazine, that it requires a Lusty Carpenter, well Arm'd with Ax and Handsaw, to hew a passage to the Kernel, and when he has done, it will not recompence his Labour. The latter is big as a Filbert, but (like a Beautiful Woman well Drest, and Infectious) if you venture to Taste, is of ill consequence: Their Shell is Black, and Japan'd by Nature, exceeding Art; the Kernel White, and extream Pleasant to the Palat, but of so powerful an Operation, that by taking two, my Guts were Swept as clean, as ever Tom-T—d-man made a Vault, or any of the Black Fraternity a Chimney.
They have Oranges, Lemonds, Limes, and several other Fruits, as Sharp and Crabbed as themselves, not given them as a Blessing, but a Curse; for Eating so many sower things, Generates a Corroding Slime in the Bowels, and is one great occasion of that Fatal and Intolerable Distemper, The Dry Belly-Ach; which in a Fortnight, or Three Weeks, takes away the use of their Limbs, that they are forc'd to be led about by Negro's. A Man under this Misery, may be said to be the 'Scutchion of the Island, the Complection of the Patient being the Field, bearing Or, Charg'd with all the Emblems of Destruction, proper; supported by Two Devils, Sable; and Death the Crest Argent. Many other Fruits there are, that are neither worth Eating, Naming, or Describing: Some that are never tasted but in a Drouth, others in a Famine.
Of Port Royal.
IT is an Island distinct from the Main of Jamaica, tho' before the Earthquake, it joyn'd by a Neck of Land to the Palisados, but was separated by the violence of an Inundation (thro' Gods Mercy) to prevent the Wickedness of their Metropolis diffusing it self, by Communication, over all the Parts of the Country, and so call that Judgment upon the Whole, which fell more particularly upon the Sinfulest part.
From a Spacious fine Built Town (according to Report) it is now reduc'd, by the encroachments of the Sea, to a little above a quarter of a Mile in Length, and about half so much the Breadth, having so few remains left of its former splendour, I could think no otherwise but that every Traveller who had given its Description, made large use of his License. The Houses are low, little, and irregular; and if I compare the best of their Streets in Port-Royal, to the Fag-End of Kentstreet, where the Broom-men Live, I do them more than Justice.
[Page 16] About ten a Clock in the Morning, their Nostrils are saluted with a Land-Breeze, which blowing o'er the Island, searches the Bowels of the Mountains (being always crack'd and full of vents, by reason of excessive Heat) bringing along with it such Sulphureous Favours, that I have fear'd the whole Island would have burst out into a flaming Aetna, or have stifled us with Suffocating Fumes, like that of melted Minerals and Brimstone.
In the afternoon, about Four a Clock, they might have the refreshment of a Sea-Breeze, but suffering the Negro's to carry all their Nastiness to Windward of the Town, that the Nauseous Efluvia's which arise from their stinking Dungills, are blown in upon them; thus what they might enjoy as a Blessing, they Ingratefully pervert by their own ill management.
They have a Church, 'tis true, but built rather like a Market-House; and when the Flock are in their Pens, and the Pastor Exalted to over-look his Sheep, I took, a Survey round me, and saw more variety of Scare-Crows than ever was seen at the Feast of Ʋgly-Faces.
Every thing is very Dear, and an Ingenious or an Honest Man may meet with this Encouragement, To spend a Hundred Pounds before he shall get a Penny. Madera-Wine and Bottle-Beer are Fifteen Pence the Bottle; nasty Claret, half a Crown; Rhennish, Five Shillings; and their best Canary, Ten Bits, or Six and Three Pence. They have this Pleasure in Drinking, That what they put into their Bellies, they may soon stroak out of their Fingers-Ends; for instead of Exonerating they Fart, and Sweat instead of Pissing.
Of the PEOPLE.
THE generality of the Men look as if they had just nock'd off their Fetters, and by an unexpected Providence, escap'd the danger of a near Misfortune, the dread of which, hath imprinted that in their Looks, which they can no more alter than an Ethiopian can his Colour.
They are all Colonels, Majors, Captains, Lieutenants, and Ensigns, the two last being held in such disdain, that they are look'd upon as a Bungling Diver amongst a Gang of Expert Pick-pockets; Pride being their Greatness, and Impudence their Vertue.
They regard nothing but Money, and value not how they get it, there being no other Felicity to be enjoy'd but purely Riches. They are very Civil to Strangers who bring over considerable Effects; and will try a great many ways to Kill him fairly, for the lucre of his Cargo: And many have been made Rich by such Windfalls▪
A Broken Apothecary will make there a Topping Physician; a Barbers Prentice, a good Surgeon; a Bayliffs Follower, a passable Lawyer; and an English Knave, a very Honest Fellow.
They have so great a veneration for Religion, That Bibles and Common Prayer Books are as good a Commodity amongst them, as Muffs and Warming-Pans.
A little Reputation among the Women, goes a great way; and if their Actions be answerable to their Looks, they may vie Wickedness with the Devil: An Impudent Air, being the only Charms of their Countenance; and a Lewd Carriage, the Study'd Grace of their Deportment. They are such who have been Scandalous in England to the utmost degree, either Transported by the State, or led by their Vicious Inclination; where they may be Wicked, without Shame; and Whore on, without Punishment.
They are Stigmatiz'd with Nick-Names, which they bear, not with Patience only, but with Pride,as Ʋnconscionable Nan, Salt-Beef Peg, Buttock-de-Clink Jenny, &c. Swearing, Drinking, and Obscene Talk, are the principal Qualifications that render them acceptable to Male Conversation; and she that wants a perfection in these admirable Acquirements, shall be as much Ridicul'd for her Modesty, as a Plain-dealing Man amongst a Gang of Knaves, for his Honesty.
In short, Vertue is so Despis'd, and all sorts of Vice Encourag'd, by both Sexes, that the Town of Port Royal is the very Sodom of the Universe.