VErtumnus being attired in his accuſtomed habit of changeable ſilke,Vertumnus God of the yeare. had newly paſſed through the firſt and principall Court-gate of heauen: to whom for a farewell,Deſcription of the Spring. and to ſhewe how dutifull he was in his office, Ianus (that beares two faces vnder one hood) made a very mannerly lowe legge, and (becauſe he was the onely Porter at that gate) preſented vnto this King of the monethes, all the New-yeares gifts, which were more in number, and more worth then thoſe that are giuen to the great Turke, or the Emperour of Perſia: on went Vertumnus in his luſtie progreſſe, Priapus, Flora, the Dryades, and Hamadryades, with all the woodden rabble of thoſe that dreſt Orchards and Gardens, perfuming all the wayes that he went, with the ſwéete Odours that breath'd from flowers, hearbes and trées, which now began to péepe out of priſon: by vertue of which excellent aires, the ſkie got a moſt cleare complexion, lookt ſmug and ſmoothe, and had not ſo much as a wart ſticking on her face: the Sunne likewiſe was freſhly and verie richly apparelled in cloth of gold like a bridegroome; and in ſtead of gilded Roſemary, the hornes of the Ramme,Vpon the 23 of Marche the Spring begins, by reaſon of the Sunnes entrance into Aries. (being the ſigne of that celeſtiall bride-houſe where he laie, to be marryed to the Spring) were not like your common hornes parcell-gilt, but double double-gilt, with the liquid gold that melted from his beames: for ioy whereof the Larke ſung at his windowe euery morning, the Nightingale euery night: the Cuckooe (like a ſingle-ſole Fidler, that réeles from Tauerne to Tauerne) plide it all the day long: Lambes friſkte vp and downe in the vallies, Kids and Goates leapt too and fro on the Mountaines: Shepheards ſat piping, country wenches ſinging: Louers made Sonnets for their Laſſes, whileſt they made Garlands for their Louers: And as the Country was frolicke, ſo was the Citie mery: Oliue Trées (which grow no where but in the Garden of peace) ſtood (as common as Béech does at Midſomer,) at euery mans doore, braunches of Palme were in euery mans hande: Stréetes were full of people, people full of ioy: euery houſe ſéemde to haue a Lorde of miſrule in it, in euery houſe there was ſo much iollity: no Scritch-Owle frighted the ſilly Countryman at midnight, nor any Drum the Citizen at noone-day; but all was more calme than a ſtill water, all huſht, as if the Spheres had bene playing in Conſort: In concluſion, heauen lookt like a Pallace, and the great hall of the earth, like a Paradice. But O the ſhort-liu'de Felicitie of man! O world of what ſlight and thin ſtuffe is thy happineſſe! Iuſt in the midſt of this iocund Hollday, a ſtorme riſes in the Weſt:The Queenes ſicknes. Weſtward (from the toppe of a Ritch-mount) deſcended a hidious tempeſt, that ſhooke Cedars, terrified the talleſt Pines, and cleft in ſunder euen the hardeſt hearts of Oake: And if ſuch great trées were ſhaken, what thinke you became of the tender Eglantine, and humble Hawthorne? they could not (doubtleſſe) but droope, they could not chooſe but die with the terror. The Element (taking the Deſtinies part, who indéed ſet abroach this miſchiefe) ſcowled on the earth, and filling her hie forehead full of blacke wrinckles, tumbling long vp and downe, (like a great bellyed wife) her ſighes being whirlewindes, and her grones thunder, at length ſhe fell in labour, and was deliuered of a pale, meagre, weake childe, named Sickneſſe, whom Death (with a peſtilence) would néedes take vpon him to nurſe, and did ſo. This ſtarueling being come to his full growth, had an office giuen him for nothing (and thats a wonder in this age) Death made him his Herauld: attirde him like a Courtier, and (in his name) chargde him to goe into the Priuie Chamber of the Engliſh Queene, to ſommon her to appeare in the Star-chamber of heauen.

The ſommons made her ſtart, but (hauing an inuincible ſpirit) did not amaze her: yet whom would not the certaine newes of parting from a Kingdome amaze! But ſhe knewe where to finde a richer,Her death. and therefore lightlie regarded the loſſe of this, and thereupon made readie for that heauenlie Coronation, being (which was moſt ſtrange) moſt dutifull to obay, that had ſo many yeares ſo powrefully commaunded. She obayed deaths meſſenger, and yéelded her body to the hands of death himſelfe. She dyed, reſigning her Scepter to poſteritie, and her Soule to immortalitie.

The report of her death (like a thunder-clap) was able to kill thouſands, it tooke away hearts from millions: for hauing brought vp (euen vnder her wing) a nation that was almoſt begotten and borne vnder her; that neuer ſhouted any other Aue than for her name, neuer ſawe the face of any Prince but her ſelfe, neuer vnderſtoode what that ſtrange out landiſh word Change ſignified, how was it poſſible, but that her ſicknes ſhould throw abroad an vniuerſall feare,The generall terror that her death bred. and her death an aſtoniſhment? She was the Courtiers treaſure, therefore he had cauſe to mourne: the Lawyers ſword of iuſtice, he might well faint: the Merchants patroneſſe, he had reaſon to looke pale: the Citizens mother, he might beſt lament: the Shepherds Goddeſſe, and ſhould not he droope? Onely the Souldier, who had walkt a long time vpon wodden legs, and was not able to giue Armes, though he were a Gentleman, had briſſeld vp the quilts of his ſtiffe Porcupine muſtachio, and ſwore by no beggers that now was the houre come for him to beſtirre his ſtumps: Vſurers and Brokers (that are the Diuels Ingles, and dwell in the long-lane of hell) quakt like aſpen leaues at his oathes: thoſe that before were the only cut-throates in London, now ſtoode in feare of no other death: but my Signior Soldado was deceaued, the Tragedie went not forward.

Neuer did the Engliſh Nation behold ſo much black worne as there was at her Funerall: It was then but put on, to try if it were fit, for the great day of mourning was ſet downe (in the booke of heauen) to be held afterwards: that was but the dumb ſhew, the Tragicall Act hath bin playing euer ſince. Her Herſe (as it was borne) ſéemed to be an Iland ſwimming in water, for round about it there rayned ſhowers of teares, about her deathbed none: for her departure was ſo ſudden and ſo ſtrange, that men knew not how to wéepe, becauſe they had neuer bin taught to ſhed teares of that making. They that durſt not ſpeake their ſorrowes, whiſperd them: they that durſt not whiſper, ſent them foorth in ſighes. Oh what an Earth quake is the alteration of a State! Looke from the Chamber of Preſence, to the Farmers cottage, and you ſhall finde nothing but diſtraction: the whole Kingdome ſéemes a wildernes, and the people in it are tranſformed to wild men. The Map of a Countrey ſo pittifullie diſtracted by the horror of a change, if you deſire perfectlie to behold, caſt your eyes then on this that followes, which being heretofore in priuate preſented to the King, I thinke may very worthily ſhew it ſelfe before you: And becauſe you ſhall ſée them attirde in the ſame faſhion that they wore before his Maieſty, let theſe fewe lines (which ſtoode then as Prologue to the reſt) enter firſt into your eares.

Thus farre the Prologue, who leauing the Stage cléere, the feares that are bred in the womb of this altring kingdome do next ſtep vp, acting thus: THe great impoſtume of the realme was drawne Euen to a head: the multitudinous ſpawne Was the corruption, which did make it ſwell With hop'd ſedition (the burnt ſeed of hell.) Who did expect but ruine, bloud, and death, To ſhare our kingdome, and deuide our breath? Religions without religion, To let each other bloud, confuſion To be next Queene of England, and this yeere The ciuill warres of France to be plaid heere By Engliſhmen, ruffians, and pandaring ſlaues, That faine would dig vp gowty vſurers graues, At ſuch a time, villaines their hopes do honey, And rich men looke as pale as their white money. Now they remoue, and make their ſiluer ſweate, Caſting themſelues into a couetous heate, And then (vnſeene) in the confederate darke, Bury their gold without or Prieſt or Clarke, And ſay no prayers ouer that dead pelfe, True: gold's no Chriſtian, but an Indian elfe. Did not the very kingdome ſeeme to ſhake, Her pretious maſsie limbs? did ſhe not make All engliſh cities (like her pulſes) beate With people in their veines? the feare ſo great, That had it not bin phiſickt with rare peace, Our populous bower had leſſend her increaſe. The ſpring-time that was dry, had ſprong in bloud, A greater dearth of men, than e're of foode: In ſuch a panting time, and gaſping yeere, Victuals are cheapeſt, only men are deere. Now each wiſe-acred Landlord did deſpaire, Fearing ſome villaine ſhould become his heire, Or that his ſonne and heire before his time, Should now turne villaine, and with violence clime Vp to his life, ſaying, father you haue ſeene King Henry, Edward, Mary, and the Queene, I wonder you'le liue longer! then he tells him Hees loth to ſee him kild, therfore he kills him. And each vaſt Landlord dyes lyke a poore ſlaue, Their thouſand acres make them but a graue, At ſuch a time, great men conuey theyr treaſure Into the truſty City: wayt the leiſure Of bloud and inſurrection, which warre clips, When euery gate ſhutts vp her Iron lips; Imagine now a mighty man of duſt, Stands in a doubt, what ſeruant he may truſt, With plate worth thouſands: Iewels worth farre more, If he proue falſe, then his rich Lord proues poore He calls forth one by one, to note theyr graces, Whilſt they make legs, he copies out theyr faces, Examines theyr eye-browe, conſters theyr beard Singles theyr Noſe out, ſtill he reſts afeard, The firſt that comes, by no meanes heele allow, Has ſpyed three Hares ſtarting betweene his brow, Quite turnes the word, names it Celeritie, For Hares do run away, and ſo may hee, A ſecond ſhewne: him he will ſcarce behold, His beard's too red, the colour of his gold, A third may pleaſe him, but tis hard to ſay, A rich man's pleaſde, whē his goods part away. And now do cherrup by, fine golden neſts Of well hatcht bowles: ſuch as do breed in feaſts, For warre and death cupboords of plate downe pulls, Then Bacchus drinkes not in gilt-bowles, but ſculls. Let me deſcend and ſtoope my verſe a while, To make the Comicke cheeke of Poeſie ſmile; Ranck peny-fathers ſcud (with their halfe hammes, Shadowing theyr calues) to ſaue theyr ſiluer dammes, At euery gun they ſtart, tilt from the ground, One drum can make a thouſand Vſurers ſownd. In vnſought Allies and vnholeſome places, Back-wayes and by-lanes, where appeare fewe faces, In ſhamble-ſmelling roomes, loathſome proſpects, And penny-lattice-windowes, which reiects All popularitie: there the rich Cubs lurke, When in great houſes ruffians are at worke, Not dreaming that ſuch glorious booties lye Vnder thoſe naſty roofes: ſuch they paſſe by Without a ſearch, crying there's nought for vs, And wealthy men deceiue poore villaines thus. Tongue-trauelling Lawyers faint at ſuch a day, Lye ſpeechleſſe, for they haue no words to ſay. Phiſitions turne to patients, theyr Arts dry, For then our fat men without phiſick dye. And to conclude, againſt all Art and good, Warre taints the Doctor, lets the Surgion blood.

Such was the faſhion of this Land, when the great Land-Lady thereof left it: Shée came in with the fall of the leafe, and went away in the Spring: her life (which was dedicated to Virginitie, both beginning & cloſing vp a miraculous Mayden circle: for ſhe was borne vpon a Lady Eue, and died vpon a Lady Eue: her Natiuitie & death being memorable by this wonder: the firſt and laſt yeares of her Raigne by this, that a Lee was Lorde Maior when ſhe came to the Crowne, and a Lee Lorde Maior when ſhe departed from it. Thrée places are made famous by her for thrée things, Greenwich for her birth, Richmount for her death, White-Hall for her Funerall: vpon her remouing from whence, (to lend our tiring proſe a breathing time) ſtay, and looke vpon theſe Epigrams, being compoſed.

Thus you ſée that both in her life and her death ſhe was appointed to be the mirror of her time: And ſurely, if ſince the firſt ſtone that was layd for the foundation of this great houſe of the world, there was euer a yeare ordeined to be wondred at, it is only this:1603. A more wonderfull yeere than 88. the Sibils, Octogeſimus, Octauus Annus, that ſame terrible 88. which came ſayling hither in the Spaniſh Armada, and made mens hearts colder then the frozen Zone, when they heard but an inckling of it: that 88. by whoſe horrible predictions, Almanack-makers ſtoode in bodily feare, their trade would be vtterly ouerthrowne, and poore Erra Pater was threatned (becauſe he was a Iew) to be put to baſer offices, than the ſtopping of muſtard-pots, that ſame 88. which had more prophecies waiting at his héeles, than euer Merlin the Magitian had in his head, was a yeare of Iubile to this. Platoes Mirabilis Annus, (whither it be paſt alreadie, or to come within theſe foure yeares) may throwe Platoes cap at Mirabilis, for that title of wonderfull is beſtowed vpon 1603. If that ſacred Aromatically-perfumed fire of wit (out of whoſe flames Phoenix poeſie doth ariſe) were burning in any breſt, I would féede it with no other ſtuffe for a tweluemoneth and a day than with kindling papers full of lines, that ſhould tell only of the chances, changes, and ſtrange ſhapes that this Protean Climactericall yeare hath metamorphoſed himſelfe into. It is able to finde ten Chroniclers a competent liuing, and to ſet twentie Printers at worke. You ſhall perceiue I lye not, if (with Peter Bales) you will take the paines to drawe the whole volume of it into the compaſſe of a pennie. As firſt, to begin with the Quéenes death, then the Kingdomes falling into an Ague vpon that. Next, followes the curing of that feauer by the wholeſome receipt of a proclaymed King. That wonder begat more, for in an houre, two mightie Nations were made one: wilde Ireland became tame on the ſudden, and ſome Engliſh great ones that before ſéemed tame, on the ſudden turned wilde: The ſame Parke which great Iulius Caeſar incloſd, to hold in that Déere whom they before hunted, being now circled (by a ſecond Caeſar) with ſtronger pales to kéepe them from leaping ouer. And laſt of all (if that wonder be the laſt and ſhut vp the yeare) a moſt dreadfull plague. This is the Abſtract, and yet (like Stowes Chronicle in Decimo ſexto to huge Hollinſhead) theſe ſmall pricks in this Sea-card of ours, repreſent mightie Countreys; whilſt I haue the quill in my hand, let me blow them bigger.

The Quéene being honored with a Diademe of Starres, France, Spaine, and Belgia, lift vp their heads, preparing to do aſmuch for England by giuing ayme, whilſt ſhe ſhot arrowes at her owne breſt (as they imagined) as ſhe had done (many a yeare together) for them: and her owne Nation betted on their ſides, looking with diſtracted countenance for no better gueſts than Ciuill Sedition, Vprores, Rapes, Murders, and Maſſacres. But the whéele of Fate turned, a better Lottery was drawne, Pro Troia ſtabat Apollo, God ſtuck valiantlie to vs, For behold, vp riſes a comfortable Sun out of the North, whoſe glorious beames (like a fan) diſperſed all thick and contagious clowdes. The loſſe of a Quéene, was paid with the double intereſt of a King and Quéene. The Cedar of her gouerment which ſtoode alone and bare no fruit, is changed now to an Oliue, vpon whoſe ſpreading branches grow both Kings and Quéenes. Oh it were able to fill a hundred paire of writing tables with notes, but to ſée the parts plaid in the compaſſe of one houre on the ſtage of this new-found world! Vpon Thurſeday it was treaſon to cry God ſaue king Iames king of England, King Iames proclaymed. and vpon Friday hye treaſon not to cry ſo. In the morning no voice heard but murmures and lamentation, at noone nothing but ſhoutes of gladnes & triumph. S. George and S. Andrew that many hundred yeares had defied one another, were now ſworne brothers: England and Scotland (being parted only with a narrow Riuer, and the people of both Empires ſpeaking a language leſſe differing than engliſh within it ſelfe, as tho prouidence had enacted, that one day thoſe two Nations ſhould marry one another) are now made ſure together, and king Iames his Coronation, is the ſolemne wedding day. Happieſt of all thy Anceſtors (thou mirror of all Princes that euer were or are) that at ſeauen of the clock wert a king but ouer a péece of a little Iland, and before eleuen the greateſt Monarch in Chriſtendome. Now —Siluer Crowds Of bliſfull Angels and tryed Martirs tread On the Star-ſeeling ouer Englands head: Now heauen broke into a wonder, and brought forth Our omne bonum from the holeſome North (Our fruitfull ſouereigne) Iames, at whoſe dread name Rebellion ſwounded, and (ere ſince) became Groueling and nerue-leſſe, wanting bloud to nouriſh, For Ruine gnawes her ſelfe when kingdomes flouriſh. Now are our hopes planted in regall ſprings, Neuer to wither, for our aire breedes kings: And in all ages (from this ſoueraigne time) England ſhall ſtill be cald the royall clime. Moſt bliſfull Monarch of all earthen powers, Seru'd with a meſſe of kingdomes, foure ſuch bowers (For proſprous hiues, and rare induſtrious ſwarmes) The world conteines not in her ſolid armes. O thou that art the Meeter of our dayes, Poets Apollo! deale thy Daphnean bayes To thoſe whoſe wits are bay-trees, euer greene, Vpon whoſe hye tops, Poeſy chirps vnſeene: Such are moſt fit, t'apparell Kings in rimes, Whoſe ſiluer numbers are the Muſes chimes, Whoſe ſpritely caracters (being once wrought on) Out-liue the marble th'are inſculpt vpon: Let ſuch men chant thy vertues, then they flye On Learnings wings vp to Eternitie. As for the reſt, that limp (in cold deſert) Hauing ſmall wit, leſſe iudgement, and leaſt Art: Their verſe! tis almoſt hereſie to heare, Baniſh their lines ſome furlong, from thine eare: For tis held dang'rous (by Apolloes ſigne) To be infected with a leaprous line. O make ſome Adamant Act (ne're to be worne) That none may write but thoſe that are true-borne: So when the worlds old cheekes ſhall race and peele, Thy Acts ſhall breath in Epitaphs of Steele.

By theſe Comments it appeares that by this time king Iames is proclaimed:The ioyes that followed vpon his proclayming. now dooes freſh bloud leap into the chéekes of the Courtier: the Souldier now hangs vp his armor and is glad that he ſhall féede vpon the bleſſed fruits of peace: the Scholler ſings Hymnes in honor of the Muſes, aſſuring himſelfe now that Helicon will be kept pure, becauſe Apollo himſelfe drinkes of it. Now the thriftie Citizen caſts beyond the Moone, and ſéeing the golden age returned into the world againe, reſolues to worſhip no Saint but money. Trades that lay dead & rotten, and were in all mens opinion vtterly dambd, ſtarted out of their trance, as though they had drunke of Aqua Caelestis, or Vnicornes horne, and ſwore to fall to their olde occupation. Taylors meant no more to be called Merchant-taylors, but Merchants, for their ſhops were all lead forth in leaſes, to be turned into ſhips, and with their ſheares (in ſtead of a Rudder) would they haue cut the Seas (like Leuant Taffaty) and ſayld to the Weſt Indies for no worſe ſtuffe to make hoſe and doublets of, than beaten gold: Or if the neceſſitie of the time (which was likely to ſtand altogether vpon brauery) ſhould preſſe them to ſerue with their iron and Spaniſh weapons vpon their ſtalls, then was there a ſharp law made amongſt them, that no workeman ſhould handle any néedle but that which had a pearle in his eye, nor any copper thimble, vnleſſe it were linde quite through, or bumbaſted with ſiluer. What Mechanicall hardhanded Vulcaniſt (ſéeing the dice of Fortune run ſo ſwéetly, and reſoluing to ſtrike whilſt the iron was hote) but perſwaded himſelfe to be Maiſter or head Warden of his Company ere halfe a yeare went about? The worſt players boy ſtoode vpon his good parts, ſwearing tragicall and buſkind oaths, that how villainouſly ſoeuer he randed, or what bad and vnlawfull action ſoeuer he entred into, he would in deſpite of his honeſt audience, be halfe a ſharer (at leaſt) at home, or elſe ſtrowle (thats to ſay trauell) with ſome notorious wicked floundring companie abroade. And good reaſon had theſe time-catchers to be led into this fooles paradice, for they ſawe mirth in euery mans face, the ſtréetes were plum'd with gallants, Tobacconiſts fild vp whole Tauernes: Vintners hung out ſpick and ſpan new Iuy-buſhes (becauſe they wanted good wine) and their old raine-beaten lattices marcht vnder other cullors, hauing loſt both company and cullors before. London was neuer in the high way to preferment till now; now ſhe reſolued to ſtand vpon her pantoffles: now (and neuer till now) did ſhe laugh to ſcorne that worme-eaten prouerb of Lincolne was, London is, and Yorke ſhall be, for ſhe ſaw her ſelfe in better ſtate then Ieruſalem, ſhe went more gallant then euer did Antwerp, was more courted by amorous and luſtie ſuiters then Venice (the minion of Italy) more loftie towers ſtood (like a Coronet, or a ſpangled head-tire) about her Temples, then euer did about the beawtifull forehead of Rome: Tyrus and Sydon to her were like two thatcht houſes, to Theobals: the grand Cayr but a hogſty. Hinc illae lachrimae, She wept her belly full for all this. Whilſt Troy was ſwilling ſack and ſugar, and mowſing fat veniſon, the mad Gréekes made bonefires of their houſes: Old Priam was drinking a health to the wodden horſe, and before it could be pledgd had his throat cut. Corne is no ſooner ripe, but for all the pricking vp of his eares he is pard off by the ſhins, and made to go vpon ſtumps. Flowers no ſooner budded, but they are pluckt and dye. Night walks at the héeles of the day, and ſorrow enters (like a tauerne-bill) at the taile of our pleaſures: for in the Appenine height of this immoderate ioy and ſecuritie (that like Powles Steeple ouer-lookt the whole Citie) Behold, that miracle-worker, who in one minute turnd our generall mourning to a generall mirth, does now againe in a moment alter that gladnes to ſhrikes & lamentation.

Here would I faine make a full point,The Plague. becauſe poſteritie ſhould not be frighted with thoſe miſerable tragedies, which now my muſe (as Chorus) ſtands readie to preſent. Time would thou hadſt neuer bin made wretched by bringing them forth, Obliuion would in all the graues and ſepulchers, whoſe rancke iawes thou haſt already cloſd vp or ſhalt yet hereafter burſt open, thou couldſt likewiſe bury them for euer.

A ſtiffe and fréezing horror ſucks vp the riuers of my bloud: my haire ſtands an end with the panting of my braines: mine eye-balls are readie to ſtart out, being beaten with the billowes of my teares: out of my wéeping pen does the inck mournefullie and more bitterly than gall drop on the pale-fac'd paper, euen when I do but thinke how the bowels of my ſicke country haue bin torne. Apollo therefore and you bewitching ſiluer tongd Muſes get you gone, Inuocate none of your names: Sorrow and Truth, ſit you on each ſide of me, whilſt I am deliuered of this deadly burden: prompt me that I may vtter ruthfull and paſſionate condolement: arme my trembling hand, that it may boldly rip vp and Anatomize the vlcerous body of this Anthropophagized plague:Anthropophagi are Scithians that feede on mens fleſh. lend me Art (without any counterfet ſhadowing) to paint and delineate to the life the whole ſtory of this mortall and peſtiferous battaile, & you the ghoſts of thoſe more (by many) then 40000. that with the virulent poiſon of infection haue bin driuen out of your earthlie dwellings: you deſolate hand-wringing widdowes, that beate your boſomes ouer your departing huſbands: you wofully diſtracted mothers that with diſheueld haire falne into ſwounds, whilſt you lye kiſſing the inſenſible cold lips of your breathleſſe Infants: you out-caſt and downe-troden Orphanes, that ſhall many a yeare hence remember more freſhly to mourne, when your mourning garments ſhall looke olde and be forgotten; And you the Genij of all thoſe emptyed families, whoſe habitations are now among the Antipodes: Ioyne all your hands together, and with your bodies caſt a ring about me: let me behold your ghaſtly vizages, that my paper may receiue their true pictures: Eccho forth your grones through the hollow truncke of my pen, and raine downe your gummy teares into mine Incke, that euen marble boſomes may be ſhaken with terrour, and hearts of Adamant melt into compaſſion.

What an vnmatchable torment were it for a man to be bard vp euery night in a vaſt ſilent Charnell-houſe? hung (to make it more hideous) with lamps dimly & ſlowly burning, in hollow and glimmering corners: where all the pauement ſhould in ſtead of gréene ruſhes, be ſtrewde with blaſted Roſemary, withered Hyacinthes, fatall Cipreſſe and Ewe, thickly mingled with heapes of dead mens bones: the bare ribbes of a father that begat him, lying there: here the Chaples hollow ſcull of a mother that bore him: round about him a thouſand Coarſes, ſome ſtanding bolt vpright in their knotted winding ſhéetes: others halfe mouldred in rotten Goffins, that ſhould ſuddenly yawne wide open, filling his noſthrils with noyſome ſtench, and his eyes with the ſight of nothing but crawling wormes. And to kéepe ſuch a poore wretch waking, he ſhould hear no noiſe but of Toads croaking, Scréech-Owles howling, Mandrakes ſhriking: were not this an infernall priſon? would not the ſtrongeſt-harted man (beſet with ſuch a ghaſtly horror) looke wilde? and runne madde? and die? And euen ſuch a formidable ſhape did the diſeaſed Citie appeare in: For he that durſt (in the dead houre of gloomy midnight) haue bene ſo valiant, as to haue walkte through the ſtil and melancholy ſtréets, what thinke you ſhould haue bene his muſicke? Surely the loude grones of rauing ſicke men: the ſtrugling panges of ſoules departing: In euery houſe griefe ſtriking vp an Allarum: Seruants crying out for maiſters: wiues for huſbands, parents for children, children for their mothers: here he ſhould haue met ſome frantickly running to knock vp Sextons; there, others fearfully ſweating with Coffins, to ſteale forth dead bodies, leaſt the fatall hand-writing of death ſhould ſeale vp their doores. And to make this diſmall conſort more full, round about him Bells heauily tolling in one place, and ringing out in another: The dreadfulneſſe of ſuch an houre, is in-vtterable: let vs goe further.

If ſome poore man, ſuddeinly ſtarting out of a ſweet and golden ſlumber, ſhould behold his houſe flaming about his eares, all his family deſtroied in their ſléepes by the mercileſſe fire; himſelfe in the verie midſt of it, wofully and like a madde man calling for helpe: would not the miſery of ſuch a diſtreſſed ſoule, appeare the greater, if the rich Vſurer dwelling next doore to him, ſhould not ſtirre, (though he felt part of the danger) but ſuffer him to periſh, when the thruſting out of an arme might haue ſaued him! O how many thouſandes of wretched people haue acted this poore mans part? how often hath the amazed huſband waking, found the comfort of his bedde lying breathleſſe by his ſide! his children at the ſame inſtant gaſping for life! and his ſeruaunts mortally wounded at the hart by ſicknes! the diſtracted creature, beats at deaths doores, exclaimes at windows, his cries are ſharp inough to pierce heauen, but on earth no eare is opend to receiue them.

And in this maner do the tedious minutes of the night ſtretch out the ſorrowes of ten thouſand: It is now day, let vs looke forth and try what Conſolation rizes with the Sun: not any, not any: for before the Iewell of the morning be fully ſet in ſiluer, a hundred hungry graues ſtand gaping, and euery one of them (as at a breakfaſt) hath ſwallowed downe ten or eleuen liueles carcaſes: before dinner, in the ſame gulfe are twice ſo many more deuoured: and before the ſun takes his reſt, thoſe numbers are doubled: Thréeſcore that not many houres before had euery one ſeuerall lodgings very delicately furniſht, are now thruſt altogether into one cloſe roome: a litle litle noiſom roome: not fully ten foote ſquare. Doth not this ſtrike coldly to ye hart of a worldly mizer? To ſome, the very ſound of deaths name, is in ſtead of a paſſing bell: what ſhall become of ſuch a coward, being told that the ſelfe-ſame bodie of his, which now is ſo pampered with ſuperfluous fare, ſo perfumed and bathed in odoriferous waters, and ſo gaily apparelled in varietie of faſhiōs, muſt one day be throwne (like ſtinking carion) into a rank & rotten graue; where his goodly eies, yt did once ſhoote foorth ſuch amorous glances, muſt be eaten out of his head: his lockes that hang wantonly dangling, troden in durt vnder foote: this doubtleſſe (like thunder) muſt néeds ſtrike him into the earth. But (wretched man!) when thou ſhalt ſée, and be aſſured (by tokens ſent thée from heauen) that to morrow thou muſt be fumbled into a Mucke-pit, and ſuffer thy body to be bruiſde and preſt with threeſcore dead men, lying ſlouenly vpon thée, and thou to be vndermoſt of all! yea and perhaps halfe of that number were thine enemies! (and ſée howe they may be reuenged, for the wormes that bréed out of their putrifying carcaſſes, ſhall crawle in huge ſwarmes from them, and quite deuoure thée) what agonies wil this ſtraunge newes driue thée into? If thou art in loue with thy ſelfe, this cannot chooſe but poſſeſſe thée with frenzie. But thou art gotten ſafe (out of the ciuill citie Calamitie) to thy Parkes and Pallaces in the Country: lading thy Aſſes and thy Mules with thy gold, (thy god), thy plate, and thy Iewels: and the fruites of thy wombe thriftily growing vp but in one onely ſonne, (the young Landlord of all thy carefull labours) him alſo haſt thou reſcued from the arrowes of infection; Now is thy ſoule iocund, and thy ſences merry. But open thine eyes thou Foole! and behold that darling of thine eye, (thy ſonne) turnde ſuddeinly into a lumpe of clay; the hand of peſtilence hath ſmote him euen vnder thy wing: Now doeſt thou rent thine haire, blaſpheme thy Creator, curſeſt thy creation, and baſely deſcendeſt into bruitiſh & vnmanly paſſions, threatning in deſpite of death & his Plague, to maintaine the memory of thy childe, in the euerlaſting breſt of Marble: a tombe muſt now defend him from tempeſts: And for that purpoſe, the ſwetty hinde (that digs the rent he paies thée out of the entrailes of the earth) he is ſent for, to conuey foorth that burden of thy ſorrow: But note how thy pride is diſdained: that weather-beaten ſun-burnt drudge, that not a month ſince fawnde vpon thy worſhip like a Spaniell, and like a bond-ſlaue, would haue ſtoopt lower than thy féete, does now ſtoppe his noſe at thy preſence, and is readie to ſet his Maſtiue as hye as thy throate, to driue thée from his doore: all thy golde and ſiluer cannot hire one of thoſe (whom before thou didſt ſcorne) to carry the dead body to his laſt home: the Countrey round about thée, ſhun thée as a Baſiliſke, and therfore to London (from whoſe armes thou cowardly fledſt away) poaſt vpon poaſt muſt be galloping, to fetch from thence thoſe that may performe that Funerall office: But there are they ſo full of graue-matters of their owne, that they haue no leiſure to attend thine: doth not this cut thy very heart-ſtrings in ſunder? If that do not, the ſhutting vp of this Tragicall Act, I am ſure will: for thou muſt be inforced with thine owne handes, to winde vp (that blaſted flower of youth) in the laſt linnen, that euer he ſhall weare: vpon thine owne ſhoulders, muſt thou beare part of him, thy amazed ſeruant the other: with thine own hands muſt thou dig his graue, (not in the Church, or common place of buriall, (thou haſt not fauour (for all thy riches) to be ſo happie,) but in thine Orcharde, or in the proude walkes of thy Garden, wringing thy palſie-ſhaken hands in ſtead of belles, (moſt miſerable father) muſt thou ſearch him out a ſepulcher.

My ſpirit growes faint with rowing in this Stygian Ferry, it can no longer endure the tranſportation of ſoules in this dolefull manner: let vs therefore ſhift a point of our Compaſſe, and (ſince there is no remedie, but that we muſt ſtill be toſt vp and downe in this Mare mortuum,) hoiſt vp all our ſailes, and on the merry winges of a luſtier winde ſéeke to arriue on ſome proſperous ſhoare.

Imagine then that all this while, Death (like a Spaniſh Leagar, or rather like ſtalking Tamberlaine) hath pitcht his tents, (being nothing but a heape of winding ſhéetes tackt together) in the ſinfully-polluted Suburbes: the Plague is Muſter-maiſter and Marſhall of the field: Burning Feauers, Boyles, Blaines, and Carbuncles, the Leaders, Lieutenants, Serieants, and Corporalls: the maine Army conſiſting (like Dunkirke) of a mingle-mangle, viz. dumpiſh Mourners, merry Sextons, hungry Coffin-ſellers, ſcrubbing Bearers, and naſtie Graue-makers: but indéed they are the Pioners of the Campe, that are imployed onely (like Moles) in caſting vp of earth and digging of trenches; Feare and Trembling (the two Catch-polles of Death) arreſt euery one: No parley wil be graunted, no compoſition ſtood vpon, But the Allarum is ſtrucke vp, the Toxin ringes out for life, and no voice heard but Tue, Tue, Kill, Kill; the little Belles onely (like ſmall ſhot) do yet goe off, and make no great worke for wormes, a hundred or two loſt in euery ſkirmiſh, or ſo: but alas thats nothing: yet by theſe deſperat ſallies, what by open ſetting vpon them by day, and ſecret Ambuſcadoes by night, the ſkirts of London were pittifully pared off, by litle and litle: which they within the gates perceiuing, it was no boot to bid them take their héeles, for away they trudge thicke & threefolde, ſome riding, ſome on foote, ſome without bootes, ſome in their ſlippers, by water, by land, In ſhoales ſwom they weſt-ward, mary to Grauesend none went vnleſſe they were driuen, for whoſoeuer landed there neuer came back again: Hacknies, watermen & Wagons, were not ſo terribly imployed many a yeare; ſo yt within a ſhort time, there was not a good horſe in Smithfield, nor a Coach to be ſet eye on. For after the world had once run vpon the whéeles of the Peſt-cart, neither coach nor caroach durſt appeare in his likeneſſe.

Let vs purſue theſe runnawaies no longer, but leaue them in the vnmerciful hands of the Country-hard-harted Hobbinolls, (who are ordaind to be their Tormentors,) and returne backe to the ſiege of the Citie; for the enemy taking aduantage by their flight, planted his ordinance againſt the walls; here the Canons (like their great Bells) roard: the Plague tooke ſore paines for a breach, he laid about him cruelly, ere he could get it, but at length he and his tiranous band entred: his purple colours were preſently (with the ſound of Bow-bell in ſtead of a trompet) aduanced, and ioynd to the Standard of the Citie; he marcht euen thorow Cheapſide, and the capitall ſtreets of Troynouant: the only blot of diſhonor that ſtuck vpon this Inuader, being this, that he plaide the tyrant, not the conqueror, making hauock of all, when he had all lying at the foote of his mercy. Men, women & children dropt downe before him: houſes were rifled, ſtréetes ranſackt, beautifull maydens throwne on their beddes, and rauiſht by ſicknes, rich-mens Cofers broken open, and ſhared amongſt prodigall heires and vnthriftie ſeruants, poore men vſde poorely, but not pittifully: he did very much hurt, yet ſome ſay he did verie much good. Howſoeuer he behaued himſelfe, this intelligence runs currant, that euery houſe lookte like S. Bartholmewes. Hoſpitall, and euery ſtréete like Bucklerſbury, for poore Mithridatum and Dragon-water (being both of them in all the world, ſcarce worth thrée-pence) were boxt in euery corner, and yet were both drunke euery houre at other mens coſt. Lazarus laie groning at euery mans doore, mary no Diues was within to ſend him a crum, (for all your Gold-finches were fled to the woods) nor a dogge left to licke vp his ſores, for they (like Curres) were knockt downe, like Oxen, and fell thicker then Acornes.

I am amazed to remember what dead Marches were made of thrée thouſand trooping together; huſbands, wiues & children, being lead as ordinarily to one graue, as if they had gone to one bed. And thoſe that could ſhift for a time, and ſhrink their heads out of the collar (as many did) yet went they (moſt bitterly) miching and muffled vp & downe with Rue and Wormewood ſtuft into their eares and noſthrils, looking like ſo many Bores heads ſtuck with branches of Roſemary, to be ſerued in for Brawne at Chriſtmas.

This was a rare worlde for the Church, who had wont to complaine for want of liuing, and now had more liuing thruſt vpon her, than ſhe knew how to beſtow: to haue bene Clarke now to a pariſh Clarke, was better than to ſerue ſome fooliſh Iuſtice of Peace, or than the yeare before to haue had a Benefice. Sextons gaue out, if they might (as they hoped) continue theſe doings but a tweluemoneth longer, they and their poſteritie would all ryde vpon footecloathes to the ende of the worlde. Amongſt which worme-eaten generation, the thrée bald Sextons of limping Saint Gyles, Saint Sepulchres, and Saint Olaues, rulde the roaſte more hotly, than euer did the Triumuiri of Rome. Iehochanan, Symeon, and Eleazar, neuer kept ſuch a plaguy coyle in Ieruſalem among the hunger-ſtarued Iewes, as theſe three Sharkers did in their Pariſhes among naked Chriſtians. Curſed they were I am ſure by ſome to the pitte of hell, for tearing money out of their throates, that had not a croſſe in their purſes. But alas! they muſt haue it, it is their fée, and therefore giue the diuel his due: Onely Hearbe-wiues and Gardeners (that neuer prayed before, vnleſſe it were for raine or faire weather) were now day and nighte vppon their maribones, that God would bleſſe the labors of theſe molecatchers, becauſe they ſucke ſweetneſſe by this; for the price of flowers, hearbes and garlands, roſe wonderfully, in ſo much that Roſemary which had wont to be ſolde for 12. pence an armefull, went now for ſixe ſhillings a handfull.

A fourth ſharer likewiſe (of theſe winding-ſhéete weauers) deſerues to haue my penne giue his lippes a Iewes Letter, but becauſe he worſhips the Bakers good Lord & Maiſter, charitable S. Clement (whereas none of the other thrée euer had to do with any Saint) he ſhall ſcape the better: only let him take héede, that hauing all this yeare buried his praiers in the bellies of Fat-ones, and plump Capon-eaters, (for no worſe meate would downe this Sly-foxes ſtomach) let him I ſay take héede, leaſt (his fleſh now falling away) his carcas be not plagude with leane ones, of whō (whilſt the bill of Lord haue mercy vpon vs, was to be denied in no place) it was death for him to heare.

In this pittifull (or rather pittileſſe) perplexitie ſtood London, forſaken like a Louer, forlorne like a widow, and diſarmde of all comfort: diſarmde I may wel ſay, for fiue Rapiers were not ſtirring all this time, and thoſe that were worne had neuer bin ſéene, if any money could haue bene lent vpon them, ſo hungry is this Eſtridge diſeaſe, that it will deuoure euen Iron: let vs therefore with bag & baggage march away from this dangerous ſore Citie, and viſit thoſe that are fled into the Country. But alas! Decidis in Scyllam, you are pepperd if you viſit them, for they are viſited alreadie: the broad Arrow of Death, flies there vp & downe, as ſwiftly as it doth here: they that rode on the luſtieſt geldings could not out-gallop the Plague, It ouer-tooke them, and ouerturnd them too, horſe and foote.

You whom the arrowes of peſtilence haue reacht at eightéen and twenty ſcore (tho you ſtood far enough as you thought frō the marke) you that ſickning in the hie way, would haue bene glad of a bed in an Hoſpitall, and dying in the open fieldes, haue bene buried like dogs, how much better had it bin for you, to haue lyen fuller of byles & plague-ſores than euer did Iob, ſo you might in that extremity haue receiued both bodily & ſpiritual comfort, which there was denied you? For thoſe miſbeléeuing Pagans, the plough-driuers, thoſe worſe then Infidels, that (like their Swine neuer looke vp ſo high as heauen: when Citizens boorded them they wrung their hands, and wiſht rather they had falne into the hands of Spaniards: for the ſight of a flat-cap was more dreadfull to a Lob, than the diſcharging of a Caliuer: a treble-ruffe (being but once namd the Merchants ſet) had power to caſt a whole houſhold into a cold ſweate. If one new ſuite of Sackcloth had bin but knowne to haue come out of Burchin-lane (being the common Wardrope for all their Clowneſhips) it had bin enough to make a Market towne giue vp the ghoſt. A Crow that had bin ſéene in a ſunne-ſhine day, ſtanding on the top of Powles would haue bin better than a Beacon on fire, to haue raizd all the townes within ten miles of London, for the kéeping her out.

Neuer let any man aſke me what became of our Phiſitions in this Maſſacre, they hid their Synodicall heads aſwell as the prowdeſt: and I cannot blame them, for their Phlebotomies, Loſinges, and Electuaries, with their Diacatholicons, Diacodions, Amulets, and Antidotes, had not ſo much ſtrength to hold life and ſoule together, as a pot of Pinders Ale and a Nutmeg: their drugs turned to durt, their ſimples were ſimple things: Galen could do no more good, than Sir Giles Gooſecap: Hipocrates, Auicen, Paracelſus, Raſis, Fernelius, with all their ſuccéeding rabble of Doctors and Water-caſters, were at their wits end, or I thinke rather at the worlds end, for not one of them durſt péepe abroad; or if any one did take vpon him to play the ventrous Knight, the Plague put him to his Nonplus; in ſuch ſtrange, and ſuch changeable ſhapes did this Cameleon-like ſicknes appeare, that they could not (with all the cunning in their budgets) make purſenets to take him napping.

Only a band of Deſper-vewes, ſome fewe Empiricall mad-caps (for they could neuer be worth veluet caps) turned themſelues into Bées (or more properlie into Drones) and went humming vp and downe, with hony-brags in their mouthes, ſucking the ſwéetenes of Siluer, (and now and then of Aurum Potabile) out of the poiſon of Blaines and Carbuncles: and theſe iolly Mountibanks clapt vp their bils vpon euery poſt (like a Fencers Challenge) threatning to canuas the Plague, and to fight with him at all his owne ſeuerall weapons: I know not how they ſped, but ſome they ſped I am ſure, for I haue heard them band for the heauens, becauſe they ſent thoſe thither, that were wiſht to tary longer vpon earth.

I could in this place make your chéekes looke pale, and your hearts ſhake, with telling how ſome haue had 18. ſores at one time running vpon them, others 10. and 12. many 4. and 5. and how thoſe that haue bin foure times wounded by this yeares infection, haue dyed of the laſt wound, whilſt others (that were hurt as often) goe vp and downe now with ſounder limmes, then many that come out of France, and the Netherlands. And deſcending from theſe, I could draw forth a Catalogue of many poore wretches, that in fields, in ditches, in common Cages, and vnder ſtalls (being either thruſt by cruell maiſters out of doores, or wanting all worldly ſuccor but the common benefit of earth and aire) haue moſt miſerablie periſhed. But to Chronicle theſe would weary a ſecond Fabian.

We will therefore play the Souldiers, who at the end of any notable battaile, with a kind of ſad delight rehearſe the memorable acts of their friends that lye mangled before them: ſome ſhewing how brauely they gaue the onſet: ſome, how politickly they retirde: others, how manfullie they gaue and receiued wounds: a fourth ſteps vp and glories how valiantlie he loſt an arme: all of them making (by this meanes) the remembrance euen of tragicall and miſchieuous euents very delectable. Let vs ſtriue to do ſo, diſcourſing (as it were at the end of this mortall ſiege of the Plague) of the ſeuerall moſt worthie accidents, and ſtrange birthes which this peſtiferous yeare hath brought forth: ſome of them yéelding Comicall and ridiculous ſtuffe, others lamentable: a third kind vpholding rather admiration, then laughter or pittie.

As firſt, to relliſh the pallat of lickeriſh expectation, and withall to giue an Item how ſudden a ſtabber this ruffianly ſwaggerer (Death) is, You muſt belieue, that amongſt all the weary number of thoſe that (on their bare-féete) haue trauaild (in this long and heauie vacation) to the Holy-land, one (whoſe name I could for neede beſtow vpon you) but that I know you haue no néed of it, the many want a good name) lying in that cōmon Inne of ſickmen, his bed, & ſéeing the black & blew ſtripes of the plague ſticking on his fleſh, which he receiued as tokens (from heauen) that he was preſentlie to go dwell in the vpper world, moſt earneſtlie requeſted, and in a manner coniured his friend (who came to enterchange a laſt farewell) that he would ſée him goe handſomely attirde into the wild Iriſh countrey of wormes, and for that purpoſe to beſtow a Coffin vpon him: his friend louing him (not becauſe he was poore (yet he was poore) but becauſe he was a ſcholler: Alack that the Weſt Indies ſtand ſo farre from Vniuerſities! and that a minde richly apparelled ſhould haue a thred-bare body!) made faithfull promiſe to him, that he ſhould be naild vp, he would boord him, and for that purpoſe went inſtantlie to one of the new-found trade of Coffin-cutters, beſpake one, and (like the Surueyor of deaths buildings) gaue direction how this little Tenement ſhould be framed, paying all the rent for it before hand. But note vpon what ſlippery ground life goes! little did he thinke to dwell in that roome himſelfe which he had taken for his friend: yet it ſéemed the common lawe of mortalitie had ſo decréede, for he was cald into the colde companie of his graue neighbors an houre before his infected friend, and had a long leaſe (euen till doomes day) in the ſame lodging, which in the ſtrength of health he went to prepare for the other. What credit therefore is to be giuen to breath, which like a harlot will runne away with euery minute. How nimble is Sicknes, and what ſkill hath he in all the weapons he playes withall? The greateſt cutter that takes vp the Mediterranean Ile in Powles for his Gallery to walke in, cannot ward off his blowes. Hées the beſt Fencer in the world: Vincentio Sauiolo is no body to him: He has his Mandrittaes, Imbrocataes, Stramazones, and Stoccataes at's fingers ends: héele make you giue him ground, tho you were neuer worth foote of land, and beat you out of breath, though Aeolus himſelfe plaid vpō your wind-pipe.

To witnes which, I will call forth a Dutchman (yet now hées paſt calling for, h'as loſt his hearing, for his eares by this time are eaten off with wormes) who (though hée dwelt in Bedlem) was not mad, yet the very lookes of the Plague (which indéede are terrible) put him almoſt out of his wits, for when the ſnares of this cunning hunter (the Peſtilence) were but newly layd, and yet layd (as my Dutchman ſmelt it out well enough) to intrap poore mens liues that meant him no hurt, away ſneakes my clipper of the kings engliſh, and (becauſe Muſket-ſhot ſhould not reach him) to the Low-countries (that are built vpon butter-firkins, and holland chéeſe) ſayles this plaguie fugitiue, but death, (who hath more authoritie there than all the ſeauen Electors, and to ſhew him that there were other Low-countries beſides his owne) takes a little Frokin (one of my Dutch runnawayes children) and ſends her packing, into thoſe Netherlands ſhe departed: O how pitifullie lookt my Burgomaiſter, when he vnderſtood that the ſicknes could ſwim! It was an eaſie matter to ſcape the Dunkirks, but Deaths Gallyes made out after him ſwifter than the great Turks. Which he perceiuing, made no more adoo, but drunke to the States fiue or ſixe healths (becauſe he would be ſure to liue well) and back againe comes he, to try the ſtrength of Engliſh Béere: his old Randeuous of mad-men was the place of méeting, where he was no ſooner arriued, but the Plague had him by the back, and arreſted him vpon an Exeat Regnum, for running to the enemie, ſo that for the mad tricks he plaid to coſen our engliſh wormes of his Dutch carcas (which had bin fatted héere) ſicknes and death clapt him vp in Bedlem the ſecond time, and there he lyes, and there he ſhall lye till he rot before ile meble any more with him.

But being gotten out of Bedlem, let vs make a iourney to Briſtow, taking an honeſt knowne Citizen along with vs, who with other companie trauailing thither (only for feare the aire of London ſhould conſpire to poiſon him) and ſetting vp his reſt not to heare the ſound of Bow-bell till next Chriſtmas, was notwithſtanding in the hye way ſingled out from his companie, and ſet vpon by the Plague, who bid him ſtand, and deliuer his life. The reſt at that word ſhifted for themſelues, and went on, he (amazed to ſée his friends flye, and being not able to defend himſelfe, for who can defend himſelfe méeting ſuch an enemy?) yeelded, and being but about fortie miles from London, vſed all the ſlights he could to get looſe out of the hands of death, and ſo to hide himſelfe in his owne houſe, whereupon, he cald for help at the ſame Inne, where not long before he and his fellow-pilgrimes obteined for their money (mary yet with more prayers then a begger makes in thrée Tearmes) to ſtand and drinke ſome thirtie foote from the doore. To this houſe of tipling Iniquitie he repaires againe, coniuring the Lares or walking Sprites in it, if they were Chriſtians (that if was well put in) and in the name of God, to ſuccor and reſcue him to their power out of the hands of infection, which now aſſaulted his body: the Diuell would haue bin afraid of this coniuration, but they were not, yet afraid they were it ſéemde, for preſentlie the doores had their wodden ribs cruſht in pieces, by being beaten together: the caſements were ſhut more cloſe then an Vſurers greaſie veluet pouch: the drawing windowes were hangd drawne and quartered: not a creuis but was ſtopt, not a mouſe-hole left open, for all the holes in the houſe were moſt wickedlie dambd vp: mine Hoſt and Hoſteſſe ran ouer one another into the back-ſide, the maydes into the Orchard, quiuering and quaking, and readie to hang themſelues on the innocent Plomtrées, (for hanging to them would not be ſo ſore a death as the Plague, & to dye maydes too! Oh horible!) As for the Tapſter, he fled into the Celler, rapping out fiue or ſixe plaine Countrey oathes that he would drowne himſelfe in a moſt villanous Stand of Ale, if the ſick Londoner ſtoode at the dore any longer. But ſtand there he muſt, for to goe away (well) he cannot, but continues knocking and calling in a faint voice, which in their eares ſounded as if ſome ſtaring ghoſt in a Tragedy had exclaimd vpon Rhadamanth: he might knock till his hands akt, and call till his heart akt, for they were in a worſe pickle within, than he was without: he being in a good way to go to heauen, they being ſo frighted, that they ſcarce knew whereabout heauen ſtoode, onely they all cryed out, Lord haue mercy vpon vs, yet Lord haue mercy vpon vs was the onely thing they feared. The dolefull Cataſtrophe of all is, a bed could not be had for all Babylon: not a cup of drinke, no, nor cold water be gotten, though it had bin for Alexander the great: if a draught of Aqua vitae might haue ſau'd his ſoule, the towne denyed to do God that good ſeruice.

What miſerie continues euer? The poore man ſtanding thus at deaths dore, and looking euery minute when he ſhould be let in, behold, another Londoner, that had likewiſe bin in the Frigida Zona of the countrey, and was returning (like Aeneas out of hell) to the heauen of his owne home, makes a ſtand at this ſight, to play the Phiſition, and ſeeing by the complexion of his patient that he was ſick at heart, applies to his ſoule the beſt medicines that his comforting ſpéech could make, for there dwelt no Poticary néere enough to help his body. Being therefore driuen out of all other ſhifts, he leades him into a field (a bundle of Straw, which with much adoe he bought for money, ſeruing in ſtead of a pillow.) But the deſtinies hearing the diſeaſed partie complaine and take on, becauſe he lay vpon a field-bed, when before he would haue bin glad of a mattris, for very ſpite cut the thread of his life, the crueltie of which déede, made the other (that playd Charities part) at his wits end, becauſe he knewe not where to purchace tenne foote of ground for his graue: the Church nor Church-yard would let none of their lands: Maiſter Vicar was ſtruck dumb, and could not giue the dead a good word, neither Clarke nor Sexton could be hirde to execute their office; no, they themſelues would firſt be executed: ſo that hée that neuer handled Shouell before, got his implements about him, ripd vp the belly of the earth, and made it like a graue, ſtript the cold carcas, bound his ſhirt about his féete, puld a linnen night-cap ouer his eyes, and ſo layd him in the rotten bed of the earth, couering him with clothes cut out of the ſame piece; and learning by his laſt words his name and habitation, this ſad trauailer arriues at London, deliuering to the amazed widow and children in ſtead of a father and a huſband, only the out-ſide of him, his apparell. But by the way note one thing, the bringer of theſe heauie tidings (as if he had liu'd long enough when ſo excellent a worke of pietie and pittie was by him finiſhed) the very next day after his comming home, departed out of this world, to receiue his reward in the Spirituall court of heauen.

It is plaine therefore by the euidence of theſe two witneſſes, that death like a thiefe ſets vpon men in the hye way, dogs them into their owne houſes, breakes into their bed-chambers by night, aſſaults them by day, and yet no law can take hold of him: he deuoures man and wife: offers violence to their faire daughters: kils their youthfull ſonnes, and deceiues them of their ſeruants: yea, ſo full of treacherie is he growne (ſince this Plague tooke his part) that no Louers dare truſt him, nor by their good wils would come néere him, for he works their downefall, euen when their delights are at the higheſt.

Too ripe a proofe haue wée of this, in a paire of Louers; the mayd was in the pride of freſh bloud and bewty: ſhe was that which to be now is a wonder, yong and yet chaſt: the gifts of her mind were great, yet thoſe which fortune beſtowed vpon her (as being well deſcended) were not much inferior: On this louely creature did a yong man ſo ſtedfaſtly fixe his eye, that her lookes kindled in his boſome a deſire, whoſe flames burnt the more brightlie, becauſe they were fed with ſwéet and modeſt thoughts: Hymen was the God to whom he prayed day and night that he might mary her: his prayers were receiud, & at length (after many tēpeſts of her denial & the frownes of kinſfolke) the element grew cléere, & he ſaw the happy landing-place, where he had long ſought to ariue: the prize of her youth was made his owne, & the ſolemne day appointed when it ſhould be deliuered to him. Glad of which bleſſednes (for to a louer it is a bleſſednes) he wrought by all the poſſible arte he could vſe to ſhorten the expected houre, and bring it néerer: for whether he feared the interception of parents, or that his owne ſoule (with exceſſe of ioy) was drownd in ſtrange paſſions, he would often, with ſighes mingled with kiſſes, and kiſſes halfe ſinking in teares, propheticallie tell her, that ſure he ſhould neuer liue to inioy her: To diſcredit which opinion of his, behold, the Sunne has made haſt and wakened the bridall morning. Now does he call his heart traytor, that did ſo falſely conſpire againſt him: liuely bloud leapes into his chéekes: hées got vp, and gaily attirde to play the Bridegroome; She likewiſe does as cunninglie turne her ſelfe into a Bride; kindred and friends are met together; Sops and Muſcadine run ſweating vp and downe till they drop againe, to comfort their hearts, and becauſe ſo many Coffins peſtred London-Churches, that there was no roome left for weddings, Coaches are prouided, and away rides all the trayne into the Countrey. On a Monday morning are theſe luſtie louers on their iourney, and before noone are they alighted, entring (in ſtead of an Inne) for more State into a Church, where they no ſooner appeared, but the Prieſt fell to his buſines, the holie knot was a tying, but hée that ſhould faſten it, comming to this, In ſicknes and in health, there he ſtopt, for ſuddenly the bride tooke hold of, in ſicknes, for in health all that ſtoode by were in feare ſhe ſhould neuer be kept. The mayden-bluſh into which her chéekes were lately dyed, now began to looſe colour: her voyce (like a coward) would haue ſhrunke away, but that her Louer reaching her a hand, which he brought thither to giue her, (for he was not yet made a full Huſband) did with that touch ſomewhat reuiue her: on went they againe ſo farre, till they met with For better, for worſe, there was ſhe worſe then before, and had not the holy Officer made haſte, the ground on which ſhe ſtoode to be maryed might eaſily haue bin broken vp for her buriall. All Ceremonies being finiſhed, ſhe was lead betwéene two, not like a Bride, but like a Coarſe, to her bed: That; muſt now be the table, on which the wedding dinner is to be ſerued vp (being at this time nothing, but teares and ſighes and lamentation) and Death is chiefe waiter, yet at length her weake heart wraſtling with the pangs, gaue them a fall, ſo that vp ſhe ſtoode againe, and in the fatall funerall Coach that caryed her forth, was ſhe brought back (as vpon a Béere) to the Citie: but ſée the malice of her enemy that had her in chace, vpon the Wedſday following being ouertaken, was her life ouercome, Death rudely lay with her, & ſpoild her of a maydenhead in ſpite of her huſband. Oh the ſorrow that did round beſet him! now was his diuination true, ſhe was a wife, yet continued a mayd: he was a huſband and a widower, yet neuer knew his wife: ſhe was his owne, yet he had her not: ſhe had him, yet neuer enioyed him: héere is a ſtrange alteration, for the Roſemary that was waſht in ſwéete water to ſet out the Bridall, is now wet in teares to furniſh her buriall: the Muſick that was heard to ſound forth dances cannot now be heard for the ringing of bels: all the comfort that happened to either ſide being this, that he loſt her, before ſhe had time to be an ill wife, and ſhe lett him, ere he was able to be a bad huſband.

Better fortune had this Bride to fall into the handes of the Plague, then one other of that fraile female ſexe, (whoſe picture is next to be drawne) had to ſcape out of them. An honeſt Cobler (if at leaſt Coblers can be honeſt, that liue altogether amongſt wicked ſoales) had a wife, who in the time of health treading her ſhooe often awry, determined in the agony of a ſickneſſe (which this yeare had a ſaying to her) to fall to mending as wel as her huſband did. The bed that ſhe laie vpon (being as ſhe thought, or rather feared) the laſt bed that euer ſhould beare her, (for many other beds had borne her you muſt remember) and ye worme of ſinne tickling her conſcience, vp ſhe calles her verie innocent and ſimple huſband, out of his vertuous ſhop, where like Iuſtice he ſat diſtributing among the poore, to ſome, halfe-penny pieces, penny-pieces to ſome, and two-penny pieces to others, ſo long as they would laſt; his prouident care being alwaies, that euery man and woman ſhould goe vpright. To the beds ſide of his plaguy wife approaches Mounſieur Cobler, to vnderſtand what deadly newes ſhe had to tell him, and the reſt of his kinde neighbours that there were aſſembled: Such thicke teares, ſtanding in both the gutters of his eyes, to ſee his beloued lye in ſuch a pickle, that in their ſalt water, all his vtterance was drownde: which ſhe perceiuing, wept as faſt as he: But by the warme counſel which ſat about the bed, the ſhewer ceaſt; ſhe wiping her chéekes with the corner of one of the ſhéetes, and hée, his ſullyed face, with his lothren Apron. At laſt, two or thrée ſighes (like a Chorus to the Tragedy enſuing) ſtepping out firſt, wringing her handes (which gaue the better Action) ſhe tolde the pittifull Actaeon her huſband, that ſhe had often done him wrong: hée onely ſhooke his head at this, and cried humh! which humh, ſhe taking as the watchword of his true patience, vnraueld the bottome of her frailtie at length, and concluded, that with ſuch a man (and named him, but I hope you would not haue me follow her ſteppes and name him too) ſhe practized the vniuerſall & common Art of grafting, and that vpon her good mans head, they two had planted a monſtrous paire of inuiſible hornes: At the ſound of the Hornes, my Cobler ſtarted vp like a march Hare, and began to looke wilde: his Awle neuer ran through the ſides of a boote, as that word did through his heart: but being a polliticke Cobler, and remembring what piece of worke he was to vnder-laie, ſtroking his beard (like ſome graue Head-borough of the Pariſh) and giuing a nod, as who ſhould ſay goe on, bad her goe on indeed, clapping to her ſore ſoule, this generall ſalue, that All are ſinners, and we muſt forgiue, &c. For he hoped by ſuch wholeſome Phiſicke, (as Shoe-makers waxe being laide to a Byle) to drawe out all the corruption of her ſecret villanies. Shée good heart being tickled vnder the gilles, with the finger of theſe kinde ſpeeches, turnes vp the white of her eye, and fetches out an other. Another (O thou that art trained vp in nothing but to handle pieces) Another hath diſchargde his Artillery againſt thy Caſtle of Fortification: here was paſſion predominant: Vulcan ſtrooke the Coblers ghoſt (for he was now no Cobler) ſo harde vpon his breſt, that he cryed oh! his neighbours taking pittie to ſee what terrible ſtitches pulde him, rubde his ſwelling temples with the iuice of patience, which (by vertue of the blackiſh ſweate that ſtood réeking on his browes, and had made them ſupple) entered very eaſily into his now-parlous-vnderſtanding ſcull: So that he left winching, and ſat quiet as a Lambe, falling to his olde vomit of councell, which he had caſt vp before, and ſwearing (becauſe he was in ſtrong hope, this ſhooe, ſhould wring him no more) to ſeale her a general acquittance, prickt forward with this gentle ſpurre, her tongue mends his pace, ſo that in her confeſſion ſhée ouertooke others, whoſe bootes had bene ſet all night on the Coblers Laſt, beſtowing vpon him the Poeſie of their names, the time, and place, to the intent it might be put into his next wiues wedding-ring. And although ſhe had made all theſe blots in his tables, yet the bearing of one man falſe (whom ſhe had not yet diſcouered) ſtucke more in her ſtomach than all the reſt. O valiant Cobler (cries out one of the Auditors) how art thou ſet vpon? how art thou tempted? happie art thou, that thou art not in thy ſhop, for in ſtead of cutting out pieces of leather, thou wouldſt doubtles now pare away thy heart: for I ſée, and ſo do all thy neighbours heare (thy wiues ghoſtly fathers) ſée that a ſmal matter wold now make thée turn Turk, and to medle with no more patches: but to liue within the compaſſe of thy wit: lift not vp thy collar: be not horne mad: thank heauen yt the murder is reueald: Study thou Baltazars part in Ieronimo, for thou haſt more cauſe (tho leſſe reaſon) than he, to be glad and ſad.

Well, I ſée thou art worthy to haue patient Griſeld to thy wife, for thou beareſt more than ſhe: thou ſhewſt thy ſelfe to be a right Cobler & no Sowter, that canſt thus cleanly clout vp ye broken & ſeamerent ſides of thy affection. With this learned oration the Cobler was tutord: laid his finger on his mouth, & cried Paueos palabros: he had ſeald her pardon, and therefore bid her not feare: herevpon ſhe named the malefactor (I could name him too, but that he ſhall liue to giue more Coblers heads the baſtinado.) And told, that on ſuch a night when he ſupt there (for a Lord may ſup with a Cobler, that hath a prettie wench to his wife) when the cloth (O trecherous linnen!) was taken vp, and Menelaus had for a parting blow, giuen the other his fiſt; downe ſhe lightes (this half-ſharer) opening the wicket, but not ſhutting him out of the wicket; but conueys him into a by-roome (being the wardrob of old ſhooes and leather) from whence (the Vnicorne-cobler (that dream't of no ſuch ſpirits) being ouer-head and eares in ſléepe; his ſnorting giuing the ſigne that he was cock-ſure) ſoftly out-ſteales Sir Paris, and to Hellenaes téeth prou'd himſelfe a true Troian.

This was the creame of her confeſſion, which being ſkimd off from the ſtomach of her conſcience, ſhée looked euery minute to goe thither, where ſhée ſhould be farre enough out of the Coblers reache. But the Fates laying their heades together, ſent a Repriue, the Plague that before meant to pepper her, by little and little left her company: which newes being blowne abroad, Oh lamentable! neuer did the olde buſkind Tragedy begin till now: for the wiues of thoſe huſbands, with whom ſhe had plaide at faſt and looſe, came with nailes ſharpned for the nonce like cattes, and tongues forkedly cut like the ſtings of Addars, firſt to ſcratch out falſe Creſſidaes eyes, and then (which was worſe) to woorry her to death with ſcolding.

But the matter was tooke vp in a Tauerne; the caſe was altered, and brought to a new reckoning (marry the bloud of the Burdeux Grape was firſt ſhead about it) but in the end, all anger on euery ſide was powred into a pottle-pot, and there burnt to death. Now whether this Recantation was true, or whether the ſteeme of infection, fuming vp (like wine) into her braines, made her talke thus idlely, I leaue it to the Iury.

And whilſt they are canuaſing her caſe, let vs ſée what doings the Sexton of Stepny hath: whoſe ware-houſes being all full of dead commodities, ſauing one: that one he left open a whole night (yet was it half full too) knowing yt théeues this yeare were too honeſt to breake into ſuch Cellers. Beſides thoſe that were left there, had ſuch plaguy-pates, that none durſt meddle with them for their liues. About twelue of the clocke at midnight, when ſpirites walke, and not a Mouſe dare ſtirre, becauſe Cattes goe a Catter-walling: Sinne, that all day durſt not ſhewe his head, came réeling out of an Alehouſe in the ſhape of a drunkard: who no ſooner ſmelt the winde, but he thought the ground vnder him danced the Canaries: houſes ſéemed to turne on the toe, and all things went rounde: in ſo much that his legges drew a paire of Indentures, betwéene his bodie and the earth, the principall couenant being, that he for his part would ſtand to nothing what euer he ſawe: euery trée that came in his way, did he iuſtle, and yet challendge it the next day to fight with him. If he had clipt but a quarter ſo much of the Kings ſiluer, as he did of the Kings Engliſh, his carkas had long ere this, bene carion for Crowes. But he liued by gaming, and had excellent caſting, yet ſeldom wonne, for he drew reaſonable good hands, but had very bad féete, that were not able to carry it away. This ſetter vp of malt-men, being troubled with the ſtaggers, fell into the ſelf-ſame graue, which ſtood gaping wide open for a breakfaſt next morning, and imagining (when he was in) that he had ſtumbled into his own houſe, and that all his bedfellowes (as they were indéede) were in their dead ſléepe, he, (neuer complaining of colde, nor calling for more ſhéete) ſoundly takes a nap till he ſnorts againe: In the morning, the Sexton comes plodding along, and caſting vpon his fingers ends what he hopes the dead pay of that day wil come too, by that that which he receiued the day before, (for Sextons now had better doings than either Tauernes or bawdy-houſes,): In that ſiluer contemplation, ſhrugging his ſhoulders together, he ſteppes ere he be aware on the brimmes of that pit, into which this worſhipper of Bacchus was falne, where finding ſome dead mens bones, and a ſcull or two, that laie ſcattered here and there; before he lookte into this Coffer of wormes, thoſe he takes vp, and flinges them in: one of the ſculls battered the ſconce of the ſléeper, whileſt the bones plaide with his noſe; whoſe blowes waking his muſtie worſhip, the firſt word that he caſt vp, was an oath, & thinking the Cannes had flyen about, cryed zoundes, what doe you meane to cracke my mazer? the Sexton ſmelling a voice, (feare being ſtronger than his heart) beléeued verily, ſome of the coarſes ſpake to him, vpon which, féeling himſelfe in a cold ſweat, tooke his héeles, whilſt the Goblin ſcrambled vp and ranne after him: But it appeares the Sexton had the lighter foote, for he ran ſo faſt, that hée ranne out of his wittes, which being left behinde him, he dyed in a ſhort time after, becauſe he was not able to liue without them.

A meryer bargaine than the poore Sextons did a Tincker méete with all in a Countrey Towne; through which a Citizen of London béeing driuen (to kéepe himſelfe vnder the léeſhore in this tempeſtuous contagion) and caſting vp his eye for ſome harbour, ſpied a buſh at the ende of a poole, (the auncient badge of a Countrey Ale-houſe:) Into which as good lucke was, (without any reſiſtance of the Barbarians, that all this yeare vſed to kéepe ſuch landing places) veiling his Bonnet, he ſtrucks in. The Hoſt had bene a mad Gréeke, (mary he could now ſpeake nothing but Engliſh,) a goodly fat Burger he was, with a belly Arching out like a Béere-barrell, which made his legges (that were thicke & ſhort like two piles driuen vnder London-bridge) to ſtradle halfe as wide as the toppe of Powles, which vpon my knowledge hath bene burnt twice or thrice. A leatherne pouche hung at his ſide, that opened and ſhut with a Snap hance, and was indéed a flaſke for gun-powder when King Henry went to Bulloigne. An Antiquary might haue pickt rare matter out of his Noſe, but that it was worme-eaten (yet that proued it to be an an auncient Noſe:) In ſome corners of it, there were blewiſh holes, that ſhonne like ſhelles of mother of Pearle, and to doo his Noſe right, Pearles had bene gathered out of them: other were richly garniſht with Rubies, Chriſolites and Carbunckles, which gliſtered ſo oriently that the Hamburgers, offered I knowe not how many Dollars, for his company in an Eaſt-Indian voyage, to haue ſtoode a nightes in the Poope of their Admirall, onely to ſaue the charges of candles. In concluſion, he was an Hoſt to be ledde before an Emperour, and though he were one of the greateſt men in all the ſhire, his bigneſſe made him not proude, but he humbled himſelfe to ſpeake the baſe language of a Tapſter, and vpon the Londoners firſt arriuall, cryed welcome, a cloth for this Gentleman: the Linnen was ſpread and furniſht preſently with a new Cake and a Can, the Roome voided, and the Gueſt lefte (like a French Lord) attended by no bodie: who drinking halfe a Can (in conceit) to the health of his beſt friend the Citie, which laie extreame ſicke, and had neuer more néed of health, I know not what qualmes came ouer his ſtomach, but immediately he fell downe without vttering any more wordes, and neuer roſe againe.

Anon (as it was his faſhion) enters my puffing Hoſt, to relieue with a freſh ſupply out of his Celler,) the ſhrinking Can, if hée perceiued it ſtood in daunger to be ouerthrowne. But ſéeing the chiefe Leader dropt at his féete, and imagining at firſt hee was but wounded a little in the head, held vp his gowty golles and bleſt himſelfe, that a Londoner (who had wont to be the moſt valiant rob pottes) ſhould now be ſtrooke downe only with two hoopes: and therevpon iogd him, fombling out theſe comfortable words of a ſouldier, If thou art a man ſtand a thy legges: he ſtird not for all this: wherevpon the Maydes being raiſde (as it had bene with a hue and cry) came hobling into the Roome, like a flocke of Géeſe, and hauing vpon ſearch of the bodie giuen vp this verdict, that the man was dead, and murthered by the Plague; Oh daggers to all their hearts that heard it! Away trudge the wenches, and one of them hauing had a freckled face all her life time, was perſwaded preſently that now they were the tokens, and had liked to haue turned vp her héeles vpon it: My gorbelly Hoſt, that in many a yeare could not without grunting, crawle ouer a threſhold but two foote broad, leapte halfe a yarde from the coarſe (It was meaſured by a Carpenters rule) as nimbly, as if his guttes had bene taken out by the hangman: out of the houſe he wallowed preſently, beeing followed with two or thrée doozen of napkins to drie vp the larde, that ranne ſo faſt downe his héeles, that all the way hée went, was more greazie than a kitchin-ſtuffe-wifes baſket: you woulde haue ſworne, it had bene a barrell of Pitch on fire, if you had looked vpon him, for ſuche a ſmoakie clowde (by reaſon of his owne fattie hotte ſtéeme) compaſſed him rounde, that but for his voice, he had quite bene loſt in that ſtincking miſt: hanged himſelfe hee had without all queſtion (in this pittifull taking) but that hée feared the weight of his intollerable paunch, would haue burſt the Roape, and ſo hee ſhould be put to a double death. At length the Towne was raiſed, the Countrey came downe vpon him, and yet not vppon him neither, for after they vnderſtood the Tragedie, euery man gaue ground, knowing my purſie Ale-cunner could not follow them: what is to be done in this ſtraunge Allarum? The whole Village is in daunger to lye at the mercy of God, and ſhall be bound to curſe none, but him for it: they ſhould doe well therefore, to ſet fire on his houſe, before the Plague ſcape out of it, leaſt it forrage higher into the Country, and knocke them downe, man, woman, and childe, like Oxen, whoſe blood (they all ſweare) ſhall be required at his handes. At theſe ſpéeches my tender-hearted Hoſt, fell downe on his maribones, meaning indéed to intreat his audience to be good to him; but they fearing hee had bene pepperd too, as well as the Londoner, tumbled one ouer another, and were readie to breake their neckes for haſte to be gone: yet ſome of them (being more valiant then the reſt, becauſe they heard him roare out for ſome helpe) verie deſperately ſtept backe, and with rakes and pitch-forkes lifted the gulch from the ground. Cōcluding (after they had laid their hogsheads togither, to draw out ſome holeſom counſel) that whoſoeuer would venture vpō the dead man & bury him, ſhould haue fortie ſhillings (out of the common towne-purſe, though it would be a great cut to it) with the loue of the Churchwardens and Sidemen, during the terme of life. This was proclaimd, but none durſt appeare to vndertake the dreadfull execution: they loued money well, mary the plague hanging ouer any mans head that ſhould meddle with it in that ſort, they all vowde to dye beggers before it ſhould be Chronicled they kild themſelues for fortie ſhillings: and in that braue reſolution, euery one with bag and baggage marcht home, barricadoing their dores and windowes with firbuſhes, ferne, and bundles of ſtraw to kéepe out the peſtilence at the ſtaues end.

At laſt a Tinker came ſounding through the towne, mine Hoſts houſe being the auncient watring place where he did vſe to caſt Anchor. You muſt vnderſtand he was none of thoſe baſe raſcally Tinkers, that with a bandog and a drab at their tailes, and a pike-ſtaffe on their necks, will take a purſe ſooner then ſtop a kettle: No, this was a deuout Tinker, he did honor God Pan: a Muſicall Tinker, that vpon his kettle-drum could play any country dance you cald for, and vpon Hollidayes had earnd money by it, when no Fidler could be heard of. He was onely feared when he ſtalkt through ſome townes where Bées were, for he ſtruck ſo ſwéetely on the bottome of his copper inſtrument, that he would emptie whole Hiues, and leade the ſwarmes after him only by the ſound.

This excellent egregious Tinker calls for his draught (being a double Iug) it was fild for him, but before it came to his noſe, the lamentable tale of the Londoner was told, the Chamber-dore (where he lay) being thruſt open with a long pole, (becauſe none durſt touch it with their hands) and the Tinker bidden (if he had the heart) to goe in and ſée if he knew him. The Tinker being not to learne what vertue the medicine had which he held at his lippes, powred it downe his throate merily, and crying trillill, he feared no plagues. In he ſtept, toſſing the dead body too and fro, and was ſory he knew him not: Mine Hoſt that with griefe began to fall away villanouſly, looking very rufully on the Tinker, and thinking him a fit inſtrument to be plaid vpon, offred a crowne out of his owne purſe, if he would bury the partie. A crowne was a ſhrewd temptation to a Tinker; many a hole might he ſtop, before he could pick a crowne of it, yet being a ſuttle Tinker (and to make all Sextons pray for him, becauſe he would raiſe their fées) an Angell he wanted to be his guide, and vnder ten ſhillings (by his ten bones) he would not put his finger in the fire. The whole pariſh had warning of this preſentlie, thirtie ſhillings was ſaued by the bargaine, and the towne likely to be ſaued too, therefore ten ſhillings was leuyed out of hand, put into a rag, which was tyed to the end of a long pole and deliuered (in ſight of all the pariſh, who ſtoode aloofe ſtopping their noſes) by the Headboroughs owne ſelfe in proper perſon, to the Tinker, who with one hand receiued the money, and with the other ſtruck the boord, crying hey, a freſh double pot. Which armor of proofe being fitted to his body, vp he hoiſts the Londoner on his back (like a Schoole-boy) a Shouell and Pick-axe ſtanding readie for him: And thus furniſhed, into a field ſome good diſtance from the towne he beares his deadly loade, and there throwes it downe, falling roundly to his tooles, vpon which the ſtrong beere hauing ſet an edge, they quickly cut out a lodging in the earth for the Citizen. But the Tinker knowing that wormes néeded no apparell, ſauing only ſhéetes, ſtript him ſtarke naked, but firſt diu'de nimbly into his pocket, to ſée what linings they had, aſſuring himſelfe, that a Londoner would not wander ſo farre without ſiluer: his hopes were of the right ſtamp, for from one of his pockets he drew a letherne bag, with ſeauen pounds in it: this muſick made the Tinkers heart dance, he quickly tumbled his man into the graue, hid him ouer head and eares in duſt, bound vp his clothes in a bundle, and carying that at the end of his ſtaffe on his ſhoulder, with the purſe of ſeauen pounds in his hand, back againe comes he through the towne, crying alowd, Haue ye any more Londoners to bury, hey downe a downe dery, haue ye any more Londoners to bury: the Hobbinolls running away from him, as if he had bin the dead citizens ghoſt, and he marching away from them in all the haſt he could, with that ſong ſtill in his mouth.

You ſée therefore how dreadfull a fellow Death is, making fooles euen of wiſemen, and cowards of the moſt valiant; yea, in ſuch a baſe ſlauery hath it bound mens ſences, that they haue no power to looke higher than their owne roofes, but ſéeme by their turkiſh and barbarous actions to belieue that there is no felicitie after this life, and that (like beaſts) their ſoules ſhall periſh with their bodies. How many vpon ſight only of a Letter (ſent from London) haue ſtarted back, and durſt haue laid their ſaluation vpon it, that the plague might be folded in that emptie paper, belieuing verily, that the arme of Omnipotence could neuer reach them, vnleſſe it were with ſome weapon drawne out of the infected Citie: in ſo much that euen the Weſterne Pugs receiuing mony here, haue tyed it in a bag at the end of their barge, and ſo trailed it through the Thames, leaſt pleague ſores ſticking vpon ſhillings, they ſhould be naild vp for counterfets when they were brought home.

More ventrous than thoſe block-heads was a certaine Iuſtice of peace, to whoſe gate being ſhot (for you muſt know that now there is no open houſe kept) a companie of wilde fellowes being lead for robbing an orchyard, the ſtout-hearted Conſtable rapt moſt couragiouſly, and would haue about with none, but the Iuſtice himſelfe, who at laſt appeard in his likenes aboue at a window, inquiring why they ſummond a parlée. It was deliuered why: the caſe was opened to his examining wiſedome, and that the euill doers were only Londoners: at the name of Londoners, the Iuſtice clapping his hand on his breſt (as who ſhould ſay, Lord haue mercy vpon vs) ſtarted back, and being wiſe enough to ſaue one, held his noſe hard betwéene his fore-finger and his thumb, and ſpeaking in that wiſe (like the fellow that deſcribed the villainous motion of Iulius Caeſar and the Duke of Guize, who (as he gaue it out) fought a combat together) pulling the caſement cloſe to him, cryed out in that quaile-pipe voice, that if they were Londoners, away with them to Limbo: take only their names: they were ſore fellowes, and he would deale with them when time ſhould ſerue: meaning, when the plague and they ſhould not be ſo great together, and ſo they departed; the very name of Londoners being worſe then ten whetſtones to ſharpen the ſword of Iuſtice againſt them.

I could fill a large volume, and call it the ſecond part of the hundred mery tales, onely with ſuch ridiculous ſtuffe as this of the Iuſtice, but Dii meliora, I haue better matters to ſet my wits about: neither ſhall you wring out of my pen (though you lay it on the rack) the villanies of that damnd Kéeper, who kild all ſhe kept; if had bin good to haue made her kéeper of the common Iayle, and the holes of both Counters, for a number lye there, that wiſh to be rid out of this motley world, ſhe would haue tickled them, and turned them ouer the thumbs. I will likewiſe let the Church-warden in Thames ſtréete ſléepe (for hées now paſt waking) who being requeſted by one of his neighbors to ſuffer his wife or child (that was then dead) to lye in the Churchyard, anſwered in a mocking ſort, he kept that lodging for himſelfe and his houſhold, and within thrée dayes after was driuen to hide his head in a hole himſelfe. Neither will I ſpeake a word of a poore boy (ſeruant to a Chandler) dwelling thereabouts, who being ſtruck to the heart by ſicknes, was firſt caryed away by water, to be left any where, but landing being denyed by an army of browne bill-men that kept the ſhore, back againe was he brought, and left in an out-celler, where lying groueling and groning on his face (amongſt fagots, but not one of them ſet on fire to comfort him) there continued all night, and dyed miſerably for want of ſuccor. Nor of another poore wretch in the Pariſh of Saint Mary Oueryes, who being in the morning throwne (as the faſhion is) into a graue vpon a heape of carcaſes, that ſtayd for their complement, was found in the afternoone, gaſping and gaping for life: but by theſe tricks, imagining that many a thouſand haue bin turned wrongfully off the ladder of life, and praying that Derick or his executors may liue to do thoſe a good turne, that haue done ſo to others: Hic finis Priami, héeres an end of an old Song.