The Last WILL and TESTAMENT OF FATHER PETRES.
I.
IN his Holyness Name,
With Amen I proclaim
My Last Will and Testament following:
Who in Body am well,
But in Mind monstrous ill;
While in dismal Dispair I am wallowing.
II.
My Soul I bequeath,
To the Regions beneath;
It has long to the Devil been due:
To be tortur'd in pain,
More than I did ordain
To inflict on the Heretick Crew.
III.
My Body a pledge,
I give to the Sledge,
To ride on't to Tyborn in state:
And there in a Cart,
Before I depart,
All my Villainous Actions relate.
IV.
When the Rout I've harang'd,
To submit to be Hang'd;
And ere Dead to be cut down and Quarter'd:
While each Blockhead and Whore,
Dips a Clout in my Gore,
To proclaim to the World I am Martyr'd.
V.
My Politick Head
With my Quarters when Dead,
Each one to be perch'd on a Pole;
Thus by prophetick Spirit,
According to Merit,
I've dispos'd of my Body and Soul.
VI.
And next I declare
Not to mention an Heir,
My Executors wholly and full,
To Cut of all other,
The Spark and his Mother,
Who Three Politick Nations wou'd Gull.
VII.
My Funeral Charge,
As it will not be large,
So 'twill take up less Room in my Will:
But were it much more,
Since I die on this Score,
They'll never be troubled with Bill.
VIII.
It may do 'em both good
For all their High Blood,
'Tis full Threescore thousand Compleat:
As I got it by Fools,
So I leave it to Tools,
While the Church and Relations I Cheat.
IX.
My Books, tho' not many,
For I never lov'd any,
They may keep for their private Occasions;
They're of Riddles and Dreams,
From whence I took Themes
To furnish my self with Orations.
X.
The rest of my Stuff,
Since they have enough,
I Bequeath to a pretty young Sinner;
Twill furnish a Room
'To practise at Home,
And Encourage a happy Beginner.
XI.
I'll not give 'em the Trouble
To pay the Priests double,
To fetch me from Purgatory:
For that like the rest
Of our Creed, is a Jest;
And as true as the Song of John Dory.
XII.
For if there's a Hell,
I deserve it so well
I need not Dispair of the Place;
And none but an Ass
Will believe that the Mass,
Can ever restore him to Grace.
XIII.
I confess there are Fools,
Which our Church daily Gulls,
And particularly with this Notion:
Such as when they do Pray,
Know not one word they say,
'Tis their Ignorance helps their Devotion.
XIV.
But I am wide of my Text,
Being damnably vext
To see how the Jesuits are Fool'd;
And your Prospects of Peace
Do's my Torments increase,
More than loosing my Life and my Gold.
XV.
On our Brotherhood all
May my last Blessing fall,
And on every Monk, Friar and Priest;
May they ere 'tis too late
Partake of my Fate,
And become every Hereticks Jest.
XVI.
I wou'd have Enlarg'd,
But my Conscience discharg'd,
I'll here make an End of my Sermon,
And wish all this Throng
May be damn'd, Old and Young,
And so drive away Honest Carman.
FINIS.