We left theſe Fellows very 〈◊〉 in controverſy, which could 〈◊〉 be decided, and paſs'd on, till 〈◊〉 length we arrived to a little kno •• or Aſteriſm of houſes ſtanding, 〈◊〉 rather lying on the Crump of a Hi •• rais'd ſomewhat proudly above 〈◊〉 ordinary level; and methough • look • down with ſomewhat 〈◊〉 Diſdain upon the Humble V •• lies. Who was the Founder 〈◊〉 this Hamlet is not certainly know • but we perceiv'd the Thacker h •• been a great Benefactor. As 〈◊〉 the Nativity of the Place, 〈◊〉 Foundation was laid under an 〈◊〉 fortunate Configuration of the H •• vens: ſo that the Tinkers and Ca •• lers, and the dregs of manki •• that dwelt there; expected 〈◊〉 Proſperity, nor hop'd to be 〈◊〉 vanc'd and ſublimated into 〈◊〉 Flower of the People. The ma •• ſtreſs of Government lay upon 〈◊〉 ſhoulder of a ſingle man, who wa • • ear-ward by Office, and being •• e moſt ſubſtantial Perſon was • hought fit to be inveſted with •• e ſole Authority of the Town ••• p; A moſt proper Magiſtrate 〈◊〉 ſuch wild Savages! We ob •• rv'd that this Village had as ma • y ways into it, as it had ways 〈◊〉 of it, which were equal in •• mber to the Points of the Com •• ſs. The purling Brook that •• wl'd by it, the reeking Dung •• ll that breath'd within it, the •• ook-back'd Elm that ſtands cring •• g near it, and the Pack-ſaddle •• eeple that ſtood ſquinting over 〈◊〉 made a pretty Draught of an and ſome Landskip.

The Inhabitants of this place • ere much addicted to the vice of •• ealing; every thing ſticks to •• eir Pitchy Fingers, and they • ave ſuch an attractive vertue, that, • herever they come, all things • ot after the Magnetiſm of their Perſons. A Fellow ſquotting •• on a criket in a room we w ••• in, and riſing up from his ſe •• the ſtool on a ſudden (as if ta ••• to his A—) immediately mar ••• after him, to the great amazem ••• of the woman of the houſe, w •• did not ſuſpect that his Bum 〈◊〉 hands, or that her Stool ſo n •• bly could have us'd its legs. A •• ther eſpying a Cylinder of B ••• pudding pretty thick in the 〈◊〉 lolling upon the table, whilſt 〈◊〉 Hoſteſs turn'd her back, in 〈◊〉 very twinkling of her head, pocu ••• it into Fob, and ſo ſhrow ••• its Dimenſions into a ſec ••• Bag.

The approaching night and 〈◊〉 wearied limbs compell'd us 〈◊〉 lodge among theſe Teneme ••• Having almoſt worn out our ſe ••• by tedious Travel, we reſol ••• here to repair our breeches: 〈◊〉 (alas!) this mending (I allud • Taylouriſm) was little better than meer Botching. For, whereas we thought to have renew'd nature, and to have recreated our Palates with the pleaſant wholeſomeneſs of Rural Delicacies, we could ſcarce ſo much as even patch her up with the hurden Accomodations of a red-lattic'd Inn; The foretop of a Carrot, and a few parcht Peaſe were our choiceſt Provender, which fill'd our cavities ſo full of wind, that we thought we had got the Four Quarters in our Bellys, which made ſuch Squibs of our Breeches, that (like the fifth of November) we were continually diſcharging of Rockets and Crackers.

The next day dreſs'd with Aurora, nay before ſhe had put on her Indian gown, we ſet out with the Sun, who bearing us company but a little while withdrew into an apartment behind a cloud, at whoſe abſence the Heavens frowning and contracting their brows, did preſently fall a crying and wept ſuch plentiful ſhowers of tears, that they moiſtn'd our skin • with the Deluge of their Grief. But that which terrify'd us moſt of all, was water which we ſaw of ſeveral colours, ſometimes red, and ſometimes black; which put us in mind of thoſe Prodigious Rains the Philoſophers ſpeak of, Blood and Ink; But overtaking a Collier and Red-Oker man, we perceiv'd 'twas the Diſtillations of their Buggets. But that which gave wings to time, and made it fly merrily while we were in the company of theſe Vagrants, were the frequent Quarrels that were broacht between them, which at length were improv'd into ſevere Buffetings. The Object of both their Occupations lyes hid in the Earth, and they work like Moles, whoſe Employ is underground, and (like a certain Fiſh) they take their colour from the place they converſe in. The Collier thumpt with tincturing-fiſt the Red-man, black; and the Red man dy'd with Vermilion- blow the Blackman, red; ſo that we never ſaw before ſuch a party colour'd Courbat, ſuch a Fool's-coa • ed conflict • , wherein thelſt out Champions were ſo mutually diſguis'd, that they ſeem'd to be Amphituo'd, and to be wholly transform'd into each others Perſon.

After another days Travel in Duſt and Sun, we ſaluted a good handſome Town, not a little reſembling in crookedneſs a middleſiz'd ſhooing horn; At the entrance into it, the uncarpetneſs (as I may ſay) of the Floor, or (in other words) the unevenneſs of the ſtreets ſomewhat diſlocating the poſition of our almoſt tript up feet, had like to have demoliſh us, and to have thrown us dow • backward, but to prevent the S • lœciſm of kiſſing the place at wron • end, we recovered our fall, an • went bolt upright into the nave • of the Coporation, where the •• was ſuch an Aſſembly of Proviſio •• as repreſented a market, whic • was unhappily diſturb'd by an u • fortunate accident; For a certai • Bull of an uncertain man havin • miſtaken his box, and taken peppe • in the noſe inſtead of Snuſh, a •• being enrag'd and heated by th • vertue of the Spice, took a ris • about the Croſs, and emptied b • his Ramble all Stalls and Panniers ſo that this Brisk Cuſtomer made 〈◊〉 ſcrambling kind of Dinner for th • whole Country; who was ridi •• upon one anothers backs for V •• ands and Booty, and was tu • bling among the ruins of Bake • Victuallers, and Coſtermonge • We were inform'd that this Town was much infeſted with the unwelcome Viſitants, Rats and Mice; inſomuch that the Inhabitants have a Rat-catcher at a certain Penſion, as the only Talis-man againſt ſuch noxious Vermin.

Having left this Town behind us, we come to a Wood on our left hand, nigh unto which was a diſcontented Fountain murmuring as it run (we did not enquire a what) and bubling forth ſeemingly much Diſſatisfaction. This wood was a promiſcuous Rabble of all vege • ables. A throng of trees of all ranks and qualities; we refreſht ourſelves a little under this natural Arbour, and being prety and cheerful in this circumſtance of Place; one of our Caravan began to expreſs his joy in ſome notes of Muſick, who as ſoon as he began to ſtrike up with his Pite (thinking he had but one) he preſently preceiv'd it to be multiply'd into an Organ, and wonder'd (with the Bumpkin that pull'd at the Bellows) that he had ſo much Harmony in him▪ For you muſt know hereabout • dwelt a thing called an Eceho, who as ſoon as ſhe heard but Sol, Fa • whipt! ſhe improv'd the melody into a noiſe and conſort: and preſently increas'd thoſe ſingle note into the whole Gamut; and moſ • neately play'd the wag with th • tail of his voice! being a ver • pretty Songſter, that ſings well b • th' Ear. But while Lug was ſo lac'd with the tatling Reverberation of voice, our eyes were raviſht with a moſt delicate Proſpect; For here was a moſt pleaſant champion piece of ground which extending and roaming 〈◊〉 ſelf ſome Furlongs in length, w •• furniſht with all the Excellen • that ever commended the mo •• tranſporting Eliſium; the Air w •• lullaby'd as ſtill and quiet as Dormant Infant; the Day was Orient, bright and clear; the Earth (like a Foreſter) was clad in green. The Figure of this Field was a Parallellogrammum, the Style was ſituate South-Eaſt-by North, and conſiſted of a climax of three rails, over which we convey'd our ſelves by Elevation of Leg; near the entrance into the Meadow, we obſerv'd an hole or caſement in the hedge, which we perceiv'd the Hogs had oftentimes threded; but the Hedger had glaz'd it with a pane of Furze.

Having ambled over ſome Furlongs on this (as it were) New-Market Heath, we perceiv'd it to degenerate and to grow worſe and worſe, and (like an handſome neck of Mutton) to determine in the unevenneſs of a Rock, or Scrag. A little while after we winded a Cordwainer, who (as he told us) was newly recover'd from a ſad miſchance; For walking careleſsly, one day he happen'd to have a fall, and to ſquot his Breech upon an Hedg-hog, which he carry'd away as cleverly, (it clinging to his Buttocks) as if he had ſate upon a ball of his wax; whether there is a ſimpathy between a Shoomakers tail, and the skin of an Ʋrchin, or whether the briſtles of the Creature entred the pores of his Backſide, we liſt not to decide that controverſie now; but however the mortal complain'd that it was an uneaſy cuſhion, and that that Spinny of Awls had made a cullender of his A—: But being not much concern'd at the cerebroſity of his ſeivy Bum; The Iletholes whereof being not very deep, we went together, till we arriv'd to the roughneſs of the forementioned Downs, which did ſomewhat decline into an uneven Praecipice, whoſe craggy ſtairs as ſoon as we had deſcended, we ſtumbled upon an Houſe, or a Dunghill modell'd into the ſhape of a Cottage, whoſe outward ſurface was ſo all to-be-negro'd with ſuch ſwarthy plaiſter, that it appear'd not unlike a great blot of Cow-turd: This Structure ſtradled • ver about eight Ells of ground, • bove the ſurface whereof the • ves were advanc'd about two • ards, and the Chimney peep'd • ut about a Foot above the Eves; • he light flow'd in through the old • ircumference of a bottomleſs Peck; which being ſtuck in the Thatch, • upply'd the place of an Orbicular Caſement. The Door-way was a • reach in the wall toward one end, which being of a dwarfiſh ſize, i. e. • wo Foot lower in ſtature than an ordinary Man, we were forc'd to a • ridge our Dimenſions, and to creep in. The Parlour, H •• Kitchin, i. e. one Room wich was prettily adorn'd with the P •• try of Ballads; a crippled Pip •• with a broken ſhin, near ally'd a Diſh of the ſame matter; a vo • Spoon with a Whiſtle at the en • and a Tipſy Cradle reeling in t •• corner, (methoughts) were a pr •• ty ſort of Goods, and not unhanſome Furniture. A whole Lit ••• of Children was ſtrew'd upon t •• Floor; only one Mopp-headed B •• was Tripos'd on a Cricket, a •• blew the Fire; The carv'd Ma •• tle-tree ſeem'd to be defended 〈◊〉 a little wooden Fellow furiou • ſtrutting in an Oaken Cloak; a • we perceiv'd the Window was •• dors'd with the Picture of a 〈◊〉 We obſerv'd that the Bulkie C •• board was a Nuſance to the wh ••• Family of Houſhold-ſtuff, wh •• it had mightily diſoblig'd by 〈◊〉 trenching on their Liberties, they grutching it ſo much room; and indeed the Table, Bed, and other Utenſils have not ſuffer'd a little detriment by its injurious Contiguity. We had a Proſpect of whole Territories about this Building, which though not large, yet were exceedingly well fortify'd; a little Hedge being a Pallizado on one ſide, and a narrow Trench inſtead of a Bulwark on the other: The Continuity of the Mound was violated by a Notch in the corner to ſet a Stile in; over which when we had paſſed, we eſpy'd a Bank like a little Hybla, cap'd with a Hive of Bees, which this ſmall Eden curiouſly carv'd, and (as it were) Quincunx'd into a Knot, did feaſt with the moiſture of its delicious Flowers. Leaving the Phylacteries of this Yard, we met the Good-Houſewife of this little Tenement with her Tippet briſtling, 〈◊〉 Mouth mumping, and her Han • knitting; ſhe had a Cade Lamb her Rere, attending upon her, a •• a Kitten in the Van, conducting 〈◊〉 home.

We follow'd our Noſes fro • hence, and were directed by 〈◊〉 Clue of a long Hedge; which af ••• a great extent in length, we fou ••• to be Tagg'd with a rough La •• turning from which a little towa ••• the right, we overtook a Chur •• ſtanding (like an Ace) and m •• ping by it ſelf, at ſome diſtan •• from the Town; which wheth •• it run from the Pariſh, or the P • riſh from it, we are not as yet i • form'd; though we have moſt re • ſon to ſuſpect the latter; in rega •• as to outward appearance t •• weak Conſtitution of the Fabric ſeem'd not much to be addicted run. It ſeem'd to be very cra •• • nd had a muſſler of Ivy, which we preſume were inſtead of • rutches; For whereas that feeble Vegetable is uſually upheld by the walls it clings to, we believe it was a Buttreſſe here to ſupport the Walls. But having ſadden'd our Aſpect with the melancholy looks of this deſolate Temple, we took our leave of it, and ſhot directly • own a Balk upon that prophane Town to which it ſeem'd to ſtand related. At our firſt ſalutation whereof, we chanc'd to pop into a dapper Ale-houſe, mightily ſtufft with a huge Hoſteſſe, whoſe moiſture diſtilling through the Pores of her Body, and being ſomewhat turn'd through exceſſive heat, ſtruck our olfactive Nerves with ſo great a ſowrneſs, that we had quite been overcome with this Veſſel of Vineger, had ſhe not too much jog'd her ſelf by an unhappy fall, and ſpilt a great quantity o • her unctuous Liquor.

The Shoomaker conjectur'd tha • ſhe had loſt about five or ſix pound (aver-du-pois) from her Rere behind, and preſently concluded tha • ſhe was in great danger of hanging all a-one-ſide, unleſs ſome charitable Perſon ſhould poize her with thruſt of aſſisting Noſe. We had ſcarce prim'd our Pipes, but in comes a Law-jobber, accompanied with the Bum-bruſher, or Schoolmaſter of the place, who after ſome time, took occaſion to ſhew their skill and breeding at Fifty-cuffs, but (thanks to the Stars) without any danger to their Profeſſions; For they did not ſo much aim at the head, as level their fury at each others heels, where their knowledge was ſuppos'd not to lye, though ſome hold that they have as much Learning at one end as they have at t'other. The moſt remarkable thing in this Village was a Carrot-pate houſe at the Poſteriours of the Town; it was cover'd with Tile, and was curiouſly contriv'd after the Italian Models. The Maſter that did animate, or the 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 of this Stone-carcaſs (they told us) was lately dead: His Diſtemper was a Quarrel between his Belly and his Back; the one being bursten took pet and run away from the other, ſo that the poor Man being at a loſs for a place to put his Victuals in, dy'd with a conceit.

S. Criſpin's Diſciple having a Miſtreſs in this Lordſhip, and being almoſt within the Atmoſphere of her preſence, began to wind her, and had a great tendency to the place where ſhe was; ſo that I might as ſoon expect that a ſtone ſhould fall beyond the center, as that this Gentle-crafts-man ſhou •• budge further; wherefore nothi •• was expected now but an imme •• ate Divorce from each others co • pany; but before we parted, 〈◊〉 oblig'd me with the Proſpect bo •• of her Perſon and Fortune. 〈◊〉 for the firſt, as ſoon as I ſaw it, 〈◊〉 had greater reaſon to congratula •• my Eye-ſight than I had before for ſhe was bleſt with a moſt raviſ • ing Aſpect, and a ſnug Face, mo •• prodigiouſly grac'd with a dain •• fine Noſe, faſten'd in its middle which is not like ſome Snouts tha • look more upon one Cheek, tha • they do upon the other, but ſhew • equal reſpect to both, not at al • diſobliging the right by fleering to • much on the left. And then fo • her Eyes, they are excellent a •• twireing, and will be ſure to kee • her Noſe ſafe, (I'le warrant you 〈◊〉 for one looks one way, and the other another. The Woman had a Mouth too, which was ſomewhat bigger than that of a Musket, though not twice as big as the capacious bore of a Blew Noggin. This Mouth ſhe put but to one uſe, and that's the ſame that we put ours to, that is to eat three or four Meals in a day; for it ſeems whereas other Women often uſe theirs in prating and twatling, we perceiv'd that this ſav'd her Mouth and ſpake through her Noſe. As we have given you the Picture of her Perſon, ſo now let's preſent you with a Landskip of her Fortune. As for her Lands, that is, Paſture-ground, and Meadow, we could not diſcern, but that (like a ſpot upon the Globe) they took but little room upon the ſurface of the Earth, and (like the Poſſeſſions of Alcibiades) were but a little ſpeck to the World. A little Muck would dung her Fallow; one hig • Table T— (to ſpeak in the Oxford Dialect) will much enrich it and an Ear of Corn will go near to ſow it; 'tis like ſhe hath Graſs enough for a couple of Rabbets Having ſurvey'd the Paramour and the Portion of this Nivelling Cobler, after a ſingle ſip of fixe • out of a Tin Pot, and a Trebl • go-down out of a cup of Doubl • after a right-line ſcrape with lef • Leg; and uncouth doffing of 〈◊〉 bad Bonnet, after ſlinking a Complement by way of thanks for hi • Society, attended by his Coblerhood to the confines of a Yard, a •• the claſping together of two lowring Gates in the preſence of a Corpulent and Burly Elme, I ſolemnl • took leave of my Fellow-Trave • ler. After his departure I wa • forc'd to beguile away the time 〈◊〉 the ſhady ſolitude of ſilent thought which before I ſpent in the brisker Entertainments of Diſcourſe and Dialogue: I had not long buſy'd my faculties with inward ſpeculations, but I met with variety of Objects courting with their Flatteries my almoſt diſtracted Contemplations. I ſaw Three Stones ſo artificially ſet, that they repreſented the Figure of a convenient Stile. Methoughts the Architecture of it was very curious; for one ſtone about a Foot ſquare, being plac'd perpendiculary upright, its Northern Extremity was croſs'd by another at right Angles; on the other ſide whereof was erected another perpendicular correſpondent to the former. The Poſition of theſe Materials made a pretty Fabrick, over which a Man might commodiouſly paſs; its ſurface was ſmooth, not tufted with ſnags, which are always catching and ſnarling at your Cloaths, 〈◊〉 the great Diſguize and Damage 〈◊〉 your Breeches; about two yard • diſtant there was a Croſs delv'd i • the Earth, which ſeem'd either a • Argument of Popiſh Superstition or a Sign or Mark of the Pariſ • Selvidge.

Departing from hence, w • mov'd through a Cloſe very pop • lous with Mutton; there being (as it were) a whole Academy 〈◊〉 Sheep ſizeing on a Hay-rick, no • botled out into Commons, bu • Geometrically carv'd into goo • Sexangular Luncheons. 'Twa • Foot-cloath'd (as it were) wit • Straw near five yards about, upo • which were tumbling a Bag-piper • and an Hocus, who wanton'd ſ • long till (like Dogs) at laſt thei • Play determin'd in a ſharp conflic • The Man of Muſick buffeted th • Jugler to ſome tune, who addin • two or three howls to the Notes of his Drone-pipe, by cleanly conveyance did vaniſh from him. The Piper appear'd of a tawny Complexion, his Noſe bending with an Arch upward; his Eyes being ſomewhat hollow, ſeem'd to increaſe the promontory of his jetting Forehead. In a word, there was charm enough in his Aſpect; He was well built, his whole Frame and contexture was ſweet and regular; I muſt needs ſay, I have ſeldom met with any handſomer Model, or Platform of a Man. But though his Perſon was neat and uniform, yet his habit and garb was full of deformity, and there were as many Soloeciſms and Incohoerencies on theſe, as there was Congrui • ies and Beauty commendable in that. He wore a Miſ • ellany of Apparel, a Gallimafry of Cloaths, as I humbly conceive, 'twas a Tyth Suit, compos'd of various and ſ • veral ſorts; ſuch a Club of Ragg • and Randeſvouz of Fragments muſt needs be a Collection (lik • the Jerkin of the Jay) of ſever •• Feathers from divers Birds. H •• Doublet (which indeed was b •• one great Patch in Folio) was v • ry heterogeneous from the reſt 〈◊〉 his Attire; he had worn his La • pets into perfect Fringe, (ſo th •• he ſeem'd to be ſurrounded wi •• the remnant of a Curtain) a •• had thin'd his Elbows into the firſt Principles. 'Twas of a Mou ••• colour hue, and (as near as could gueſs) it appear'd to be t •• Reſult of an old Cloak; both 〈◊〉 firſt Crop and Latter-Math too we •• both worn off; and it was 〈◊〉 Thread-bare, that it had alm ••• founder'd three or four of his 〈◊〉 Lice; wherefore we advis'd 〈◊〉 to hang it no longer on a Kna •• back, but to condemn it to the Houſewifery of a Shooe-clout. The Relicks that were left of his tatter'd Breeches were one Story pendulous below his Coat. His Inſtrument (like a Gizzard) was tuck'd under his arm, which by ſhog of Elbow, he did hug into harmony, and ſqueeze out of its Womb moſt raviſhing Ditties. We made but few Remarks on the Perſon of the Jugler, only we thought it appear'd to be ſomewhat ſleathy; his Noddle was ſhrowded under the Patronage of a collop'd Hat, whoſe indented Margin being ſomewhat frail, declin'd from the equality of an Horizontal Poſition, and flapping inward on both ſides, and hugging his Ears, forc'd the poor Man to look as it were through a Spout. He had a bunch of Ribbond in his hand, which poſſibly might be the effect of his laſt Vomit; fo • we ſuppoſe having had a ſurfeit o • Silk-worms, and a Loom in hi • Throat, he can diſgorge more at 〈◊〉 caſt, than an ordinary Weave • can work in a weeks time. Hi • little pointing-ſtick and Tin Diſhes with other Implements of his Art made an horrible noiſe and comb • ſtion in his Pocket, even to th • terrour and amazement of an Humble Bee, who was rioting on the Luxuries, and was wantonly basking on the Sunny Terrace of a magnificent Thiſtle. Nay, the jingling of his Tackle did alarm an Army of Waſps and Hornets, which lay encamp'd hard by under th • roof of a ſhady Furz buſh; Theſe made ſuch an on-ſet on Hocus with their Lanſprizades, that making a Pin-cuſhion of his Body, they ſtuck it ſo full of Needles, that the Pungency of their Weapons, and Artillery piercing to the quick, made • he poor fellow curvete and elevate himſelf nimbly into two or • hree dancing Capreolls. He car • y'd on his back as thick a Quick • et of Stings as a Hog of Briſtles. He was ſwell'd to a treble propor • ion beyond what he was; his Hands were grown too big for his Pockets, and could have no re • eption into thoſe narrow Cloſets. • he circumference of his head was • ugely increas'd beyond the Dia • eter of his Hat; ſo that the Con • exity of the former could not be • ontain'd within the Concavity of • he latter. In a word, being magni • y'd beyond the fallacy of the beſt • laſs, his Cloaths were too little • or his enlarg'd Dimenſions; ſo • hat he burſt through the confines • f his ſcanty caſe. Means pre • ently was us'd for the levelling of • his Mountainous Vagrant, and Hide-ſwoln; He was immedia • ly plung'd into a Bath of Hone • which though a preſent cure 〈◊〉 his Diſeaſe and Malady, yet w •• as great a cauſe of an inconvenience as bad; For a certain Be •• not far off got his Medicine in th • wind, and came galloping for 〈◊〉 lick of her admir'd Dainties; whi •• when the Jugler perceiv'd, havi •• loſt through fear the retentive F • culty, he adulterated her Diſh 〈◊〉 a mixture of ſomewhat that w •• of the ſame colour, though not 〈◊〉 ſweet. The Jugler hooft it aw •• with a winged ſpeed; the Be •• with a pair up and a pair dow • moſt ſwiftly purſu'd him. W • ſtaid not to ſee the Iſſue of t •• Race, but advanc'd forward in regular progreſſive motion, wh •• after a little time were croſs'd 〈◊〉 a Rivulet, which wrigled alo •• with a crooked current; ow • which we convey'd our ſelves by ſaltation. On the other ſide of the Bank was a little Arabia of Sand, enough (I ſuppoſe) to ſupply all the Hour-glaſſes in the Country, nay perhaps and that of Time too till the laſt minute; near this Mountain of Sand lay proſtrate at length two Iron Wedges contiguous to a Block in Folio, which we ſuppos'd was to be rent into collops, and to become a Sacrifice to hungry Vulcan. There was a numerous Family of chips about it, which were different in ſhape, colour, and bigneſs, ſo that they ſeem'd not to be the offſpring of the ſame Parent; they lay in a Chaos without any order, amidſt which confuſion the unlucky Gibeonite that hew'd them loſt the head of his Ax: The Decollation whereof ſeem'd ominous to the Man, and made him ſuperſtitiouſly leave his work: My 〈◊〉 and a couple of Gadarens th •• were driving Swine, made a di •• gent ſcrutiny for the Noddle 〈◊〉 the Tool; which after ſome ti •• we perceiv'd to lie entomb'd und the Mauſoleum of a good luſ • ſhaving. We did not percei •• that it was much damnify'd by 〈◊〉 retirement, only the dampneſs 〈◊〉 its Ʋrn did ſomewhat abate a •• obſcure the eagerneſs of its edg • and the Luſtre of its Aſpect. 〈◊〉 deliver'd it into the hands of 〈◊〉 Owner, who preſently faſten'd 〈◊〉 to the ſhoulders to which it 〈◊〉 belong.

After a ſmall offering of tha • for our careful ſearch, the Swi •• herds turn'd to the left, and 〈◊〉 wheeling to the right, after 〈◊〉 had jog'd over ſome few Acre • a phlegmatick and cold conſtit •• on, moſt happily pop'd on 〈◊〉 warmer Turf of a pleaſant Cornfield. 'Twas fring'd about with a Mound of Elder-trees, whoſe am • itious height, and luxurient Bran • hes gave impregnable ſecurity to • he neſtling Birds. The Diameter • f a Path run through the midſt, whoſe Poles were tranſverſe or • hwarted the hinges of the World. 'Twas environ'd on both ſides with 〈◊〉 Sea of Corn, which being mov'd • y the breath of Aeolus, (that Bellows of the World) what a Flux and Re-flux was there of • aves of Wheat! We paſs'd through this Territory and Dominion of Ceres with the moſt exalt • d delight. How did that Goddeſs 〈◊〉 in Triumph there! What crowds of Clients bowing their ears to her Commands and Dictates? Every • and was parted with the Iſthmus of a Balk, on ſeveral of which • y the Habiliments of the Harveſters; An extended ſleeve of a Red Waſt-coat, embracing the collar of a Leathern Jump, and touching the hem of a grafted Petticoat, preſented us with the Idea of a pretty Ward-Robe. We went out of this Incloſure through the weſtern paſſage of a threeraild Gate: Upon which there did directly ſhoot the aged Fragments of a decrepit wall; which over-topping our ſtature in height and tallneſs, we were forc'd to add to our quantity a Nine-inchſtone, that raiſing our Dimenſions we might peep over it. There was ſcarce any thing remarkable on the other ſide, unleſs a vaſt Rolling-pin of humane ordure. 'Twas four Inches Diameter, and probably diſcharg'd from a Muſket bore, and that near upon the confines of a tuft of Wormwood, whoſe bitter ſcent mixt with the unſavouryneſs of Excrementitious Atoms breath'd a medly kind of ſtink, and gave but ordinary entertainment to our offended Noſtrils. Among the Ruines of this Mound we diſcover'd the Snout and ſome other Limbs of a murder'd Dial; It was not ſo defac'd, but that we could diſcover in its Phyſiognomy ſome martyr'd Figures, that were yet legible, and there were ſome Relicks of Lines, that were not quite obliterated. Time I preſume (being vext perhaps that it ſhould obſerve its motions) hath ſet its Grinders in it, and out of envy and malice hath quite devour'd it. I am apt to think that this pile of Stones ſtood in its Native Country, where 'twas firſt bred, as may be conjectur'd from an adjacent Pillar, whoſe pregnancy (we fancy) produc'd this litter of Stones, it being the Mother of theſe rockie Babes. We advanc'd to the Orifice of this Lapideous Womb, where were hewing Mortals, by cruel Midwifery digging out the Offspring of teeming Earth. 'Twas an unpoliſh'd ſpectacle, and the Workmen were a • rough and uneven as the Proſpect▪ and the Artificers were as intractable and ſtubborn as the Materials, or Object of their Art. Two of the moſt Brawny Paviers ſtood lolling by the Mattock that pickt them out, and a ſingle one in a decumbent poſture lay proſtrate at their feet, whoſe Northern Extremity perform'd the Office of a Pedeſtal to the Embryo of a Statue, which was but newly hatcht, and faſhion'd in a bed of Sand▪ The Declivity of a corner near the entrance into th' Pit gave occaſion to the water to ſtagnate into 〈◊〉 Puddle; through which we did not ſail, though the trajection was very ſhort, but fetching a circuit about its ſhore, we went out at the paſſage through which we enter'd. But no ſooner had we convey'd our ſelves out of this hole, but after we had trac'd o're ſome few Furlongs of a graſſy Pavement, a certain Moity of our Bodies pop'd into another, and a few ſteps after ſome of our feet happen'd into a third; and a little while after, falling down, our hands were buried in two more. We wonder'd who had punch'd ſo many Eyelet-holes in the Earth's skin, till ſeeing a Robin Run-a-hole ſit mumping (like a Troglodite) in his houſe under ground, we perceiv'd the Incloſure we were in, was a well peopled Warren: We had a frisk or two after the Inhabitants of the place; but their Heels prevented our deſign on their Scuts, for the nimbleneſs of the one ſecur'd them from impoſition of Salt on the other. The Sanctuary of their Burrows defended them from the violence of all Perſecutions. Their Cells were contiguous, nay in ſome place they had broken down the Partitions, and by a frequent Burglary did invade the privacy of each others apartments. The Dragon that kept this Garden of Coneys was a Zamzummin in ſtature, a ſecond Goliah, whoſe hand was Quarterſtafft with a mighty Bea • . They told us of an Hercules or two that came to encounter this Keeper, who ('tis ſaid) did ſo out-club the Yermin, that inſtead of an Auger hole, he made them earth themſelves in the Aſylum of a Coney-hole. The Burrow of the Keeper ſtood near the center of his Dominions, being the Metrop • litan Seat of that little Nation of Rabbets. The Architecture of the Fabrick was not contemptible, being ſtately in height, whoſe top was crown'd with the magnificence of Turrets, whoſe vigilant loftineſs had an eye to the ſecurity of the circumjacent Region: The biggeſt wonderment we beheld about it, was, That its Head did not ſhoot ſo far upward into one Element, but its Feet ſunk as low downward into another, it ſtanding knee-deep, nay almoſt up to the Waſt in Earth, having as many Stories under ground as it had above. Whether the Bucks or Does were the Pioneers that dug thoſe Cellars, or whether the Architect deſign'd them on purpoſe to prevent the underminings of thoſe notable Delvers, we are not ſo well able to determine. We eſpy'd in a corner a wooden Stratagem or two, on purpoſe to entrap (we ſuppos'd) enſnaring Reynard, ſo that that living Gin, ſo fatal to Pullen, dy'd himſelf in a wile, and one Trap was trapan'd by another. 'Twas a well contriv'd Ambuſh, and pretty handſomely victual'd with a good luſty Temptation, which ſo wrought upon Reynard, that he could not by any means reſiſt its charms, though 'tis thought he was as wiſe a Fox as any in Aeſop, whom we never met with, without a piece of Morality tackt to their Tails.

Having paſs'd the Bounds of this Rabbet-Limbo, it was not long before we were embrac'd within the confines of a ſpot of ground like an Orchard; For the Ranges of Vegetables gave us a ſhrewd ſuſpition that Pomona had had her reſidence in that place: Here Autumnus ſtood lolling under the preſſure of a Burden, being ſcarce able to bear ſo many wreaths of Fruit. His Head was crown'd ſo, that it bow'd with Apples; ſo that ſhaking his ears as we paſs'd through, he did ſo pelt us with a ſhower, that the unlading of his Noddle made fractures in our Pates, and rais'd Tumours in ſinciput as big as Kentiſh Pippins. The place was pretty populous with Trees, the ſquadrons whereof ſeem'd to be well diſciplin'd, ſtanding in their Ranks, and as it were in Battle-array like a well order'd Army. Here were ſeveral degrees of Vegetables in wonderful ſubordination one under another from the Commonalty of Shrubs to the Majesty of a Cedar. Here were Inferior and Superior, and (as it were) Dignify'd Fruit-Trees; among whom there ſtood a Pear-Tree, I ſuppoſe Lord Primate of the Hierarchy. In a South-weſt corner we eſpy'd a few vermiculating Hops, wrigling like worms up the Pyramid of a Pole; near which ſtood an Elm-Tree in the Arm • of Ivy, which hugg'd it ſo cloſe that it was almoſt incorporated in to it by its claſping Embraces. The Poſteriours of the Elm-Tree wen • moſt barbarouſly chaſtiz'd by the Prinkles of a Bramble, which the Breath of Aeolus would often mov • with ſmart Jerks. One of ou • company taking an occaſion 〈◊〉 paſs by one of theſe unſeen Brian they preſently had their Talon • clawing upon his back, and frighted the Man as much as the Buſh di • Demonſthenes, which catching his by the Coat, made him (ſuppoſing it to be an Enemy) to cry ou • for Quarter: But the Fellow being cas'd in Leather, and the Buffu •• of his Coat being Armor-pro •• againſt the Briſtles and (as it were) Hedghogiſm of their Prickles, they could not faſten their Fangs in his Garment, wherefore (thanks to his Stars) the Man had no hurt, but was bleſs'd with a great deliverance. Toward the bottom of this Orchard lay proſtrate the Trunk of a ſlain Myrtle, and that not far from the verge or ſhadow of a Cops of Beans, pretty tall in ſtature, and well branch'd; by the Coverlets we ſaw there ſhould be Beds not far off, I ſuppoſe they were the Lodgings of Carrots, Turnips, and of other Roots. There were Cabbages grown to a commendable globoſity, the roundneſs whereof tempted us to a Game at Foot-ball; we banded them about ſufficiently, and made ſome of them caper over a Ten-foot wall. One of the Gameſters was his juſt in the mouth, the bore whereof being too little for the Bullet, could not receive it into its Orifice, but however it gelded and dampt its fury, ſo that it did not retort with violence to the injury and detriment of any body elſe. We had ſweat longer at the Recreation and Olympick ſport of Kick-Cabbage, had not the Breath of Cloacina (her habitation being near) been ſo ſtrong, and been a nuſance unto us.

So that being ſtunk out of our Quarters, we turn'd our Quarters upon the ſtink, and travel'd over a Grate into a Church-yard: The Track of our path lay between the Manſion houſe of the Levite on the left hand, and the Church on the right; behind which towards the South there ſtood or lay (we cannot tell which) a weather-beaten Tomb, which was Mouſe-eaten at one end by that Vermind Time, that nibbles all things: It ſeem'd to be an inverted Hog-Trough turn'd topſy-turvy with its muzzle downward; but whether it was or not, or whether it was purpoſely erected as a Monument to preſerve the memory of thoſe Aſhes that lay under it, we cannot tell, tho we have ſome reaſon to ſuſpect the Former, in regard there were ſo many Swine a digging about, who with the natural Spades of their noſes, had almoſt made a Pit-hole for the Stone, and ſo had like to have bury'd one grave in another. Here was a whole Herd of Swine a rooting as if they had been turn'd in on purpoſe to root up Chriſtians, as they are in the Feilds in Italy to dig up Turffles. A little Wall lay ſculking about this Territory of the Dead, which we ſuppos'd was plac'd there as a Bulwark to their Aſhes but it prov'd but a feeble Fence againſt the intruſion of the Lambs who made frequent Capreolls in to this adjacent Dormitory: The mound was rais'd a little, and cap'd with Turf, and environ'd with the hollowneſs of a good handſome Ditch; but yet, neither Cap nor Ditch could keep theſe Animals from l • ap-frogging over them, from grazing in a Charnel houſe, and from turning a Coemitery of Shades and Ghoſts in to a Feeding Paſture of hungry Beaſts.

We mounted this wall, an • mov'd on towards the Weſters period of our intended Journey The bordering cloſe was pimpled with mole-hills, which ſeem'd bu • young Protuberances not bliſter' • into the bigneſs of ſome neighbouring Banks. Leaving thi • ground behind us, we deſcended the Declivity of an adjoyning Paſture pretty well bearded or • riſtled with Thorns and Buſhes; • nd ſo paſs'd through a Farmers • ard, where we ſaw an Alps of Straw, with Swine (inſtead of Snow) a groveling a- top on't; which put us in mind of the Ambition of Goats, who are always clambering up the crags of Rocks. The Weſtern Extremity of the Wheat-Hovil ſhot directly up the Barn, an Appendix to which ſtood • he Apartment of the Hogs, over which was perch't a Rooſt for Poultry.

Not far from this Country Tuſculum ſtood the Iſland of a houſe • n the embraces of a Moat, like Ticho's Ʋranoberg in the midſt of the Sea; An antient Pile, a Reverend Neſt of as Venerable a Bird, which having taken her Flight hath left it a ſolitude. The greateſt Obſervables were a little ſilent Bell in Duodecimo, which being utterly Diſleepled, hung between the collops of an old wa • or rather a Mortar invers'd, whic • had loſt its Peſtle, ſo that it wi •• not vocal by ſtroke of intern • Clapper, but by knocks and blow of external Hammer; within th • found of this Bell ſtood a lolli •• waſhing-Block; being a woodd •• kind of Anvil, where the S •• Vulcans were hammering out wit • Battle-Door the Filth of Linne • whoſe unctuous Diſtillations we •• the Nile that water'd the litt •• Egypt of the adjacent garden.

Having mov'd from this Ma • ſion about three or four Furlon • we paſs'd by the skirts of a rota •• Engine, in ſhape not unlike 〈◊〉 Houſe, being pack-ſall'd at T' •• with a aridge: it ſeem'd to ſta •• upon ſtilts, and to be a moving Habitation like thoſe of the Getes. 'Twas prefac'd with a Portico, into which we aſcended by a ſcale of Stairs. The whiſtling Wind breath'd a Vertigo in its Pate, whoſe giddyneſs communicating a motion to its Grinders, made it whirlegig the grain into Flower. A little diſtant from hence beyond a ſmall ſandy Deſert ſtood a Village, whoſe Steeple was in its center, not unlike the Maſt of a Ship. This Tower as to outward appearance had a Portly Perſon: yet they told us it had the imperfection of Dumbneſs; it having been Diſ bell'd for ſome years. They were alarm'd to Church by the Report of a Musket, which the Clerk (being an eminent Guner) did uſually diſcharge at every mans Door. This Clerk was a Weaver by Trade, and had relation to a Loom, where in he had been ambling for ſeveral years with one Foot up an • the other down, and with all 〈◊〉 treading hath ſcarce got clo •• enough to repair the Breaches 〈◊〉 his tatter'd Elbows. They to •• us that his Trade and he had lat • ly been at Cuffs, and are juſt u • on parting, it being ſuch a Lim • wagging Profeſſion, that he is no • able to endure the Pennance 〈◊〉 it. This man had wonderful ski •• in ſweeping the Church, and 'ti • thought could tell what a Clo •• 'twas at the South Dial as well 〈◊〉 moſt Aſtronomers; He was alſo 〈◊〉 pretty Man of his hands for ſinging; For when the Tune one Su • day had ambled from him into th • Chancel, and had almoſt caugh a fall among the Non-ſongſters really they told us that this N • table Man gave it ſuch a ne • jerk, as that he twitch it into the Church ſtrangely. Now (I ſay.) for the Clerk to have a rare knack of ſecuring the Hymn from thoſe that would ſteal it, Oh! Tis an execllent thing! The moſt remarkable things in this Town were an Eccleſiastical Wall made of Soecular Mud, which mounded in the Introduction of the Parſonage: it afforded ſecure Harbour to Vagrant Bees, who randevozing here, became a Colony; They made ſo many Cells in it, that it appear'd to be the Fragment a Reverend Hony-Comb. Not far from this grew a Tree in Folio, an huge, thick, ſquot Elm, pounded within the circumferences of 4 Benches, which we ſuppos'd to be ſeats made a purpoſe for the Poſterns of Spectators, when Whitſun-Ale is ſolemniz'd with Feſtivity of Fiddle, and celebrated with Caper after Pipe and Tabour.