[...]ome buy a Mouse-Trap, Or, a new way to catch an old Rat:
Being a true relation of one Peters Post of Roterdam, who temping an honest woman to leudnesle, was by her and her husband catch in a Mouse Trap, by what meanes the following Story shall relate.
To the tune of, Packingtons Pound.
Oh, my finngers.
The Rat is catch't
THis Nation long time hath bin plagued with old Rats,
And bin at great charges to kéepe them good Cats,
one great black Rat now as it doth appeare,
put a Faire Woman in bodily feare,
But he being in hast,
Was taken at last,
[...] Woman was glad when the danger was past,
But certaine you shall have no need of a Cat,
Come buy a new Mouse-Trap to catch an old Rat.
Good morrow faire Mistrisse, good morrow (quoth she)
I would we were better acquainted (quoth he)
You may if you please Sir, the Woman reply'd,
For why, my poore. Spirit is frée from all pride;
He gave her a Shilling,
The woman seem'd willing.
Then straight the old Rat, and the Mouse fell a billing,
But certaine you shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
Then unto the Taverne they went with all spéed,
And there they were wonderous merry indéed;
The old Rat was hungery, and aim'd at her fall,
The Woman was honest and crafty withall,
He call'd her his Honny,
And p [...]offer'd her Money,
What should an old Mungrell doe with a young Conny?
But certaine we shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
He praised her Foot and he praised her Hand,
And faine he would have her now at his cammand,
She told him her Husband was gone out of Town,
And he should lye with her all Night for a Crown,
A Crowne he did [...]ive her,
Which well did relieve her,
And so the old Doatard was forc'd to believe her.
but certaine you shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
Ile lay the Key under the Doore Sir (quoth she)
And then about mid-night you [...]ay come to me,
Alas Mistrisse swéet Lips you doe me great wrong,
For I am not able to tarry so long:
My Neighbours (quoth she)
Takes notice of me,
When they are a sléep, then the businesse must be,
but certaine you shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
Then by much perswasion at length they did part,
And she took her leave of her old new Swéet-heart,
She went to her husband & straight did declare it,
Who laugh [...]d m [...]st heartily when he did heare it,
He highly commends her,
And thus much befriends her,
That he with assistance behold now attends her,
But certaine we shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
Husband (quoth she) if by me you'l be ruled,
By me this old Doatard again shall he fooled.
When he at night comes for to make me his whore,
He'l grope with his hand for the Key of the doore,
A Mouse-Trap their set,
O doe not forget,
And there you may catch him, & teach him more wit,
But certaine we shall have no need of a Cat,
Come buy a new Mouse-Trap to catch an old Rat.
HE did then according as she him advised,
A better Project was never devised,
Peters the Post then came posting with spéed,
And there he was catcht by the Fingers indéed,
His Fingers were toare,
Which made him to roare,
The old Rat was never so plagued before,
But certaine we shall have no need of a Cat,
Come buy a new Mouse-Trap to catch an old Rat.
He call'd to the Woman to shew him some pitty,
And there he sung forth a most pittifull Ditty,
The Man he made answer, & call'd him sweet-hony,
Quoth he art thou come for to bring me more mony,
Some money Ile give thée,
If thou wilt believe mée,
And for my offences now fréely forgive mée,
But certaine you shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
Five pounds he did give him, and fell on his knées,
He askt him forgivenes, which when the man sées,
He draws out his sword then & makes him believe,
he'd cut off his head now, which made him to grieve,
But I did heard say,
This Rat run away,
And did through feare his Bréeches b [...]wray,
But certaine we shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
Peters the Post-man next day did lament,
And all the swéet Sisters were much discontent,
He might have had any of them at command,
Without any trouble, the case so did stand:
These sweet Babes of Grace,
Told him to his face,
For hunting strange flesh, they would him displace,
but certaine we shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
All you married men now, rejoyce you and say
Our wives are all honest, and teach us a way,
If they so continue, to kéep our heads cleare
From hornes, which a many do causelesly feare,
And you that make Traps,
'Twill be your good haps
To flourish, if women doe scape private claps,
but certaine you shall have no need of a Cat, &c.
Now all you good women that lead honest lives,
And wou'd be accounted to be honest wives,
If you in the Stréet doe méet such a Knave.
Tell him at home Sir a Mouse-Trap you have,
'Twill make them a shamed,
When they heare it named,
And you for your modesty ever be famed,
But certaine we shall have no need of a Cat,
Come buy a new Mouse-Trap to catch an old Rat.
Humphery Crouch.
LONDON, Printed by Iohn Hammond.