A Broad-Side against Marriage Directed to that Inconsiderable Annimal, Called, A HUSBAND.
HUsband! thou dull, unpitty'd Miscreant!
Wedded to noise, misery, and want:
Sold an Eternal Vassal for thy Life;
Oblig'd to Cherish, and to hate thy Wife:
Drudge on till Fifty at thy own expence;
Breath out thy Life in one impertinence:
Repeat thy Leath'd embraces ev'ry Night,
Prompted to act by Duty, not delight:
Christen the froward Bantling once a Year,
And carefully thy Spurious Issue rear:
Go once a Week to see the Brat at Nurse,
And let the Young Impostor drain thy Purse:
Hedge-Sparrow like, what Cuckows have begot
Do thou maintain, incorrigible Sot.
O I cou'd Curse the Pimp! who can do less?
He's beneath Pity, and beyond Redress,
Pox on him! let him go; what can I say?
Anathema's on him are thrown away;
The wretch is Marry'd, and has known the worst;
And now his blessing is he can't be Curst.
Marry'd! O Hell and Furies! Name it not:
Hence! hence, you Holy Cheats! a plot, a plot!
Marriage is but a Licenc'd way to Sin;
A Nooze to catch Religions Woodcocks in:
Or the Nick-name of some malicious Fiend,
Begot in Hell to persecute man-kind.
Tis the Destroyer of our Peace and Health,
Mis-spender of our Strength, our Time and VVealth:
The Enemy to Mirth, Wit, Valour, all
That we can Vertuous, Good, or Pleasant call,
By Day, tis nothing but a needless Noise;
By Night, the Eccho of forgotten Joyes;
Abroad, the Sport and VVonder of the Crowd,
At home, the hourly Breach of what we Vow'd:
In Youth, tis Opium to our Lustful Rage,
Which sleeps awhile, but wakes again in Age:
It heaps on all men much (but useless) Care;
For, with more trouble, they less happy are:
It Checks Youth; shortens Life, and taints the mind;
Our Senses Palls; and strikes our Reason Blind.
Ye Gods! that man by his own slavish Law,
Should on himself such inconvenience draw!
If he wou'd wiser natures Laws obey,
Those Chalk him out a far more pleasant way:
She bids us freely look, like, and enjoy;
For Love, when made a Duty, does but Cloy.
Therefore, when lusty Youth, and Wine conspire,
To fan the Bloud into a gen'rous fire;
We must not think the Gallant will endure,
The prurient Ragings of his Calenture;
Nor always in his single pleasures burn,
Though Natures hand-maid sometimes serves the turn:
No; He must have a sprightly youthfull Wench,
In equal Flouds of Love his flame to quench:
One that will hold him with her Clasping Arm,
And in that Circle, all his Spirits Charm:
That with New Motion, and unpractic'd Art,
Can raise his Soul, and re-ensnare his Heart.
Hence Spring the Noble, Fortunate, and Great,
Always begot in Passion, and in Heat:
But the dull Off-spring of the Marriage bed,
What is it but a Humane shape in Lead?
A sottish Lump, engendred of all Ills,
Begot (like Cats) against the Parents wills,
If it be Bastardiz'd tis doubly spoyl'd;
The Mothers fears entail'd upon the Child;
Thus, whether Illegitimate or not,
Cowards and Fools in Wedlock are begot.
Let no enobled Soul himself debase,
By Lawful ways to Dastardize his Race:
But, if he must pay Natures Debt in kind,
(To Check the growing danger) let him find
Some willing Female out; what though she be
The very Scum and Dregs of Infamy?
Though she be Lincy-Wolcy, Bawd and Whore;
Close-stool to Venus; Natures Common-shore;
Impudence, Folly, Brandy, and Disease;
The Sunday Crack for Sub-urb Prentices;
VVhat then; she's better than a VVife by half,
And, if thou'rt still Unmarry'd [...]ll thou'rt safe;
VVith VVhores thou canst but Venture what, if lost,
May be Redeem'd agen with Care, and Cost:
But a Damn'd Wife b' inevitable Fate,
Destroys Soul, Body, Credit, and Estate.
FINIS.
Printed in the Year, 1675.