Saint Johns lookes like Scevaes ſheild, ſo many expel'd peeces ſo many wounds 'tis reformd into it's primitive purity and turnd into the Baptiſts deſart: The whole Univerſity reſembles Greece over-run by Turkes, or Italy Goth'd and Vandald, it lookes like the world purged by a deluge, and deſtruction. Delos is turnd errant at Apolloes death, as it was at his birth. Colledges are converted into Hoſpitalls, lodges for diſeaſes, ſcall'd heads and crutches, 'tis the only expulſive crime heere to bee wholeſome.

For how ſhould Cheynell be a reformer, unleſſe as an Atheiſt makes a Pope pious? as winter brings the Halcyon, or dead beere makes Aqua vitae: Hee is a ſtrainer, retaines all the dreggs, and clarifies the Univerſity as milke and whites of eggs doth Ippocras; thus ſinkes, and common ſhoares are the beſt ſcavengers, durt is ſomtimes a good fuller, and filthy Soap the only Lawndreſſe, miraculous Cheynell! Clay and Spittle ſhall bee a collyrium for the Kingdomes eye.

Hee hath ſullyed the Univerſity and will huckſter in waſhing it; the mountebank gives out it is poyſoned, that hee may quack in curing it. Thus Oxford, like the houſe of office at Weſtminſter, is voted to bee reformed by thoſe who fould it.

But perhaps man muſt ſtill forfeit paradiſe for too much knowledge; and Scholars periſh (like the old Biſhop) for diſcerning the viſitors to be Truth's and the Law's Antipodes. Is the Univerſity Pim'd, and therfore muſt change ſhifts, or are men turnd out (like the Iſraelites out of Egipt) for being ſcabby? Becauſe Cheynell itches, muſt all ſmart? The Pope excommunicates the King of Spaine on one day, and reſtores him the next, Cheynell hath his Maundy Thurſday, but the good-Friday's Popery. Extremes may concenter, Rolfe and a Jeſuite are both Ravilacks; Cheynell and Captaine Allen (his blaſphemous adverſaries ſecond) can covenant in miſchifes, as humiliations and thankſ-givings conſpire to ruine the Kingdome, or Naſeby field and the Butchers dog to worry Skippon. But hee would have us miſtake a hang-man for an Angell, and kiſſe his lightning, becauſe it comes from Heaven. Indeede hee goes to Church but (like the Divill) 'tis to tempt: each prayer devours a widdowed Colledge, each bead piſtolls a Schollar: hee never preaches but 'tis the Univerſities funerall Sermon, his doctrines and motives are meere proſcriptions, and hee'l murder a whole Colledge with a uſe of conſolation; his reformation hath got him more then the worke of 10 talents got Ariſtotle, this one word hath coſt more then would have purchaſed the Sibills bookes and Prophet too. Beggers ſell their ulcers at the rate of Diamonds; but though hee excommunicates, it muſt bee ſtill the Pope and his holineſſe: 'Tis his faith removes the Univerſity, as the publique faith the ſilver mountaines of Guild-hall, and Xerxes leveld Athos through the worlds credulitie. But this Kennell-raker, this Jaqueſfarmer is durty only on weeke-dayes. O the Sanctity of a ſunday pudding! And yet perhaps the Sabaticall river is no better then prophane Iſis. Turks have their Saboth, and not only a monthly faſt, but a faſt for a moneth. But Cheynell is a double Turke; Captaine Preſtor Franck is both Muftie and Aga too.

Thus is Oxford at laſt reform'd into an Algeers haunted by Pirates, where Janizaries are the only favorites: What to others is an inquiſition, is to theſe a ſhrift. Theſe are the only converts, becauſe the only ſinners: Some are expell'd for juſt oathes, others are dandled for lowd perjurie; like the Prieſt that loſt his benefice for having a wife, and was retrived when ſhee was proved his whore. But Cheynell (like Romulus) is the ſonne of heaven; when no man will own the brat, a God muſt father it. Hee's a libell and an ordinance; hath never a Sire, and yet perhaps a hundred: His mother ſure hacknied herſelfe to one of the guard, or the great porter on a maske night, and ſo conceiv'd this hipocrite: Had hee kept within his pulpit the lower part of the Minotaure might have skulkt undiſcovered, but when hee would bee a baſtard preſident too, a Perkin Warbeck Doctor Baylie (like Alexander, ambitious to bee a God) hee proved himſelfe a by-blow.

Cheynell, with his precious Triumvirats Web, Inkerſell and Lownds, thinks himſelf the Emperor with his three ſpirituall Electors, or the Pope with his triple Crown; Hee lookes like wilde March borrowing three dayes of February. Theſe are forſooth the 3 children (or Plutoes 3 furies) whom no flames can bliſter. All 3 are oth' progeny of Noah, drunke: Their mothers longed for wort, they were borne in a brew-houſe, and chriſtned in a Stand of Ale. They are only 3 Sponges poſſeſt, and ſubmit to the upper and lower houſes, as repreſentatives of the Buttery and Seller. Certainly they are entertaind for Goſpellers, becauſe they have drunke away their Bibles. I might as well ſay Inkerſell were a Nightingale, becauſe hee hath loſt his tongue. Moths and Wormes are acquainted with more Authors, and Parrots are better linguiſts. Latin's not the language of theſe Beaſts, nor have they any thing of Greece, but drunkenneſſe and lying. Hebrew to them is Welch, they reele ſufficiently of themſelves, they need not ſtudy to go backward. Their Soules are blankes ſufficient to write new mod'led Preachers in. Tireſias could not foreſee any thing til he was blind.

Inkerſell has one property of a Scholar, Poverty. You would take him for country-Tom broke looſe from the Gallowes. If a man bee a Tree inverſed, hee's Beggars-buſh. He was borne in Lent at a courſing, and ſent into the world with ſippets. Hee's ſunke below the wardrobe of dunghills, and the uſe of paper-mills. He muſt tick with Charon, and have his Epitaph writ in chalk. By his maggot-eaten face, you would ſwear he had been rayſed out on's grave with all his worms about him to bait Eele-hookes. You may compare Cheynell to the Chymiſts aqua Stygia, and him to their terra damnata. Hee'l ſhortly be a Baptiſt without a voice, and wheaſes already as if he fed on nothing but Locuſts and Graſhoppers.

Cheynell and Web looke like Mahomet and his Pigeon, or my Lord of Pembrooke, and Michaell Oldſworth. Had every bird their feathers of him, he would be oth' ſame callow livery with Inkerſell: hee hates all bookes becauſe he is ſo much ith' mercers; and without a ſtrong antidote will die of gall and Coperas: hee's as much in Ink as Inkerſell in chalke, the one is all in mourning, the other is in his winding-ſheete: his brother & he drink duells, yet both, like their thirſt, are ſtill immortall; though the Sea they have drunke would have made ſtage enough for the battle of Lepanto: Yet his brother may bee dead drunke at laſt, hee lookes like Tiffany already; brimſtone and hell will have him ſhortly, 'Tis fit the Souldier ſhould conquer eſpecially in bowſing combats: But our Mars muſt have his Venus, and his ſalt Nancy newly duck't lookes like the Sea-born goddeſſe. Cheynell cannot expell him farther then Bocardo, nor any Colledge ſo fit for him, as where Cheynell's Preſident, and who but thoſe Goale-birds were ever bribed to chriſten him ſo? What baſeneſſe would ſubmit to the ſcorne of Priſoners? Who would be ſlave to a penny ballad?

Lownds ſubmitted to Cheynel's Sanguine promontory for feare of a bloody Noſe, he may be ſteered with any rudder: You may hang in a ſingle threed and uſe him inſtead of a bobin to weave Bone-lace: This rabbet ſucker would ſubmit to a ferret, and is ſcarce fit to bee a fellow of a Warren: hee would adore a reformer though hee were a Chimny-ſweeper, and goe bare to Pidgeon as willingly as to Cheynell: A well grown ſpider might bee his Preſident, Whittingtons Cat a Lord Mayor over him. Hee cannot go a high lone yet, but is carried on his fathersſleeve like a faulkoners Hawk; hee'll damme himſelfe leaſt hee ſhould bee whipt, and bee perjurd becauſe his father hath covenanted, like the fellow who would not bee a Chriſtian becauſe all his friends were gone to hell before him.

O that Lice ſhould bee humane off-ſprings as well as men! but the happieſt mothers may have abortions. The Kings Image is ſometimes ſtampt on lead, and natures mint coynes monſters; as this Oſtraciſme proves the Univerſity a true Athens, ſo ſome Apaſtates makes her a Heaven.