THE TRUE CHARACTER OF AN Untrue Bishop. With a Recipe at the end, how to recover a Bishop if hee were lost.
IF you aske me of what calling hee is, I answer, I know not; for sometimes I find him in Tribunali, in a Court of justice; sometimes in suggesto, in a Pulpit: In the first, so much against Gods will, in the second, so much against his owne will, that as hee hath not a right to the one, hee prizeth not a right to the other. And what can I call this man?
2 If you demand of what Religion hee is; I know not. Hee doth protest hee is not a Papist, and I would willingly beleeve him; yet hee persecutes Protestants, and so I must necessarily doubt him. Hee is to me like the Pictures, which by severall lights, hold forth a severall representation: On the one side you see a pleasant Angel, on the other side a grim Satyr.
3 Hee alwayes either acteth or commandeth contradictions: [Page 2] For hee calls a Puritan an hypocrite, because hee useth long prayers; and yet placeth all his religion in a daily Service of two houres long.
4 Hee disclaimes Popery, and yet challengeth his function by succession from the Pope, who lineally descends from Peter; though (like the Pope) hee succeeds Peter in nothing but denying his Master.
5 Hee cryeth, No Bishop, no King; thereby professing Episcopacy the chiefe hand-maid of Monarchy; and yet exerciseth, contrary to law, regall jurisdiction in his owne name, and his own Courts. Is not this slily to supplant Monarchy?
6 Hee is a true patterne of Judas, who of all the Apostles is stiled a Bishop; for hee cryeth, Haile Master, King of the Jewes, and then kisseth him with a treacherous designe. Just as an Elephant, who croucheth to his Master, till the youthfull blood doth begin, ebullire, to boyle in his veins, and then hee tramples upon him.
7 Hee saith that Miracles are ceased long agoe, though hee worketh miracles every day: For hee maintaineth universall grace, and yet forbiddeth preaching, the meanes of grace.
8 Hee institutes (quo jure I know not) Saints dayes, or holy dayes, and yet will not permit any holinesse that day, either in our generall or particular calling: For work, men may not; and heare Sermons they cannot, there being none.
9 Hee exceedingly magnifieth that sweet and holy prayer, that prayer which is most full of strength and affection, which is the patterne of prayer, the Lords prayer; and yet maketh this the meanes whereby hee would take away all use of prayer, while he wrappeth up all in that, and makes that a pillar to uphold his No-prayer, his Bidding-prayer.
10 Hee feareth and shunneth Crosses as much as another man, and yet maketh the Crosse a maine (medium) means of all his devotions.
[Page 3] 11 Hee contends with the two Witnesses, Reve. 11.10. as the Magicians of Egypt did with Moses and Aaron, who should be most powerfull in Miracles: They, during the time of their prophecy, shut up heaven that it raine not; Hee, during the time of his dominion, commands the malignant Intelligences, that plagues, murrains, famines, new diseases fall downe no lesse frequently, than haile, raine, or snow.
12 And as hee worketh miracles, so miracles are wrought upon him; for hee is all this while, Talpâ cacior, blinder than a Mole, and seeth not, that all his efforts are but that rage which the Prince of the ayre must expresse, as his time hasteneth, are but the Bishop his last thrusts: For Romes Civill and Ecclesiasticall tyranny, with all the dependances thereof, are falling, like a milstone into the sea; God being now ready to poure, or in pouring out the fifth viall. But all this hee seeth not, else (as Solomon saith, Goe to the Ant thou sluggard) hee would learn even with Rats and Mice, to withdraw from the tottering house of this his Hierarchy, unwarranted in Scripture. Hee hath eyes and seeth not, eares and heareth not, and so is it with all those that listen to him. But light is comming, and (which is the greatest miracle of all) they who are the maine enimies, shall be chiefe authours of a most glorious Reformation, and that by opposing it.
13 Hee thought with his Predecessor, the Pope, not to have left Lay men other helps in Divinity than Imagery, calling Images Lay mens bookes. But Lay men have of late so outstript him in that study, that all Episcopall Theologie concentred in one, will bee but the Image of the true Divinity, which may bee found amongst Lay men. Witnesse those mighty Comments made by some worthy members, of the most honourable assembly of the house of Commons, upon those Monstrous, Babilonish, Menstruous Cannons of theirs, which have nothing good in them but this, that by their eminency in their kind, they have not left posterity a possibility of exceeding them.
14 He, by his consecration, makes holy that which God hath made common; as Bells, Bel ropes, Candles, Corporalls and Altars: Orpheus could advance from vegetative to sensitive; for [Page 4] plants and trees were ravished by the sweet and charming touch of his instrument; But a Bishop can doe more: That which is common, hee maketh holy.
15 Hee againe can abase that which God hath exalted: For by execration hee doth anathematize the soules of most pretious Saints. By his consecration hee doth advance: By his execration hee doth abase: And who may controle him?
16 Hee puts holinesse into the stones of the Temple, and it is hee that rendreth unholy, that maketh stony his owne heart and the hearts of his followers, which men call the visible Temples of the holy Ghost: Witnesse his many Sparrowish, Wren-like wanton extravagances which wee meet with from men of that coat in our Committees, and have knowne complained of in the high Commission.
17 Hee is learned in almost all arts and sciences: Hee is an excellent judiciall Astrologer; for whereas Picus Mirandula, Julius Caesar, Cornelius à Lapide, cum multis aliis, deny any certaine knowledge of our condition by the influence of celestiall bodies, hee saith boldly and truly, Let him bee but under the gracious aspect of Charles his Waine, and hee is confident all will doe well.
18 He is no lesse skilfull in the Metaphysicks, for whilst hee hold unitie, [...]hese words, [...] d [...]ssenteth, [...] ▪ to the end [...] the 18. staffe [...]e to be read [...] the end of [...]e 19▪ staffe. veritie, and bonitie, termini convertibiles, divers names expressing the same thing, finding unity in the Papall Hierarchy, he concludes, that we must goe to Rome for truth and goodnesse. He dissenteth not much from the Jesuites, who are altogether Paracelsians, in as much as they make famous those three Principles, [Page 5] Sal, Mercury, and Sulphur: Salt they make the principall of all Christianity in their baptisme; Mercury, the father of lies and equivocations, is to them the Principle of all doctrine and practice; they laid Sulphur, or Gunpowder, under the Parliament house for a Principle of Reformation in England.
19 He is a rare Physician; whilst some contend for Hippocrates and Galen their way, some for Paracelsus, he concludes, that Paracelsus is better, and so dealeth wholly in Spirits, leaving none that come within his Courts any thing more than skin and bone: yea, by this his art he can turne any thing into gold, making money of every body that cometh within his reach.
20 He is well versed in morall Philosophy: whilst the Moralist doth dispute, Ʋtrum prudentia sit virtus moralis, an intellectualis, he denieth any such vertue at all, else sure he would never have ventured his glorious calling for his vote in Parliament; for by striving to keep the one, he is like to lose both.
21 He knoweth that what is ultimum in executione, is primum in intentione, last in execution, first in intention; and so hee being by a cure of soules invested into Officium & Beneficium, Office and benefice, his mind his wholly bent upon the last.
22 Hee knoweth very well the weight of a Circumstance, knoweth that that which is in one art a Ceremony, in another is a Substa [...]ce; and therefore punisheth the breach of a Ceremony with suspension, excommunication, deprivation, whilst fornication and adultery are committed many times for foure shillings.
23 He is a good Mathematician, he hath found out Quadraturam Circuli, squaring of a Circle: for our Iland and Crowne were tantum non, almost wholly with the whole world reduced in obedience to his square Cap.
24 In the midst of all this learning, he is of a very tender conscience: In observing that some thoughtlesse Christians did neglect their particular calling by Sermon-hunting, and so began to idolize [Page 6] preaching, he imitateth good Hezekiah, and taketh away the Brazen Serpent, taketh away Sermons.
25 He observeth the Scripture in the Spirit of it, useth his greatest Adversaries with most meeknesse; I meane, the Separation, and the Non-conformists; concluding, that diversitie of opinions will beget their ruine, and establish him in his station.
26 He is a great imitator of Saint Paul, he becomes all to all that he may, if possible, win some; for he is something of a Lutheran in the Ceremonies, something of a Calvinist in doctrine, a Popish Disciplinarian in all things but self-whipping.
27 He is halfe a Precisian in the outward man. He loveth little bands, short haire, grave lookes; but had rather be slaine at Tiburne, than preach in a cloake (though Paul sent for his on some such occasion from Treas) or stand at the end of a Table, he is so unacquainted with preaching either there, or elsewhere.
28 He is halfe a Precisian in the inward man, abstaineth from blood (by the Canon law he may not vote in blood) and meat offered to Idols, for there is no such in the Shambles. But what his judgement is for things strangled, our Prisons can tell, where many a good Minister hath beene pined and starved. And for fornication, you may judge by his commutation, which should goe to the poore, but serveth his wife for pins.
29 He is halfe a Jew, he contends for Priests and Altars, though he will not use the word Sabbath, lest he should judaize throughout.
30 In all these complying like a wise man, he is true to himselfe. For though he saith the fourth Commandement is jure humano, yet he saith Bishops are jure divino.
31 He standeth at the Beliefe, yet he hardly beleeveth what he standeth to; else he would not be so severe to the members of Christ.
[Page 7] 32 If he be a Heretick in any thing, it is in re-baptization, which he calleth Bishopping, and yet stileth an Anabaptist an Hereticke.
33 He doth with the Spirit conclude, that bodily exercise profiteth nothing, and therefore limits both prayer and preaching before Sermon, precisely to an houre.
34 He hateth his enthusiastick fumaticks, who talk so much of the Spirit; and professeth his skill of the Spirit in Philosophy, to be confined to naturall, vitall, and animall; past animall he cannot goe: in Divinity, to the third Person in the Trinity, to the soule of good and bad men, to good and bad Angels; further he doth not know.
35 God is no regarder of persons, but requireth holinesse on his dayes. Hee is a respecter of men, but holdeth all dayes alike.
36 Nay, he is not so great an enemy to Reformation as some think. For he storms at the tyranny of the English-Church-government, which forceth a man against his conscience to swear or to vow, and that three times, Nolo episcopari, I will not be a Bishop; when (note the text) the Spirit saith, He that desireth the office of a Bishop, desireth a good thing. He heartily wisheth that the word Lollard in the Statute were turned into the word Puritane, for he would then make quick work.
37 In short, he is a great Divine. By his acute wit and deep learning he hath much facilitated the work of a Divine. For as Lewis the 11. reduceth all his King-learning to this, Qui nescit dissi [...]ulare, nescit regnare, he that cannot dissemble, cannot be a King; so hath he epitomized the necessary work of a Divine to this, Qui novit bene legere, novit bene praedicare, a good reader is a good Preacher; and indeed that is of greater consequence than some think for: for if a man be come but to that heigth of learning that the Ordinary can say, Legit ut Clericus, he reades like a Clerke, he shall never see the Gallows. And here I think it will be high time to leave the Bishop, lest he should say with the slave in the Poet, Ego vapulando, ille verborando; I with hearing, and [Page 8] you with relating the truth are weary: and so I conclude the Bishops Character.
38 But lest after ages should desire to recall what wee labour to reject, and so our posterity should with the Romans be forced to Solon and Athens for lawes, should be forced to run to Rome for a Bishop; give me leave to present you with a Recipe, which if you administer to the right party, you shall never want a Bishop whilst the world standeth.
THE RECIPE.
Recipe 1. IN stead of the magistrall of Pearle, the magistrall of some of those consecrated stones which are to be found under the high Altar in Saint Pauls. Secondly, The scales of a consecrated Clapper, almost mouldred to nothing by the peevishnesse of a Scottish Puritane, which would not let the bels ring upon their Sabbath: of these two an equall quantity.
2 Two ounces of the painting of the old Crucifix found in Christs Church three yeeres agoe. Secondly, all that quantity which remaineth of the scull of Bradford, Latimer, Ridley, and others of those Hereticks that suffered under Bonner and Gardiner, with halfe a pound of powder, which Faux laid treasured up under the Parliament house.
3 Put all these, with a sufficient quantity of Puritanes eares, and the greasie cover of a Singing-mans Common Prayer Booke, used by him in some great Cathedrall these seven last yeeres, into the Mitre sent out of Italy lately, as a harbinger of what must have followed.
4 Be carefull to lute this Mitre with three spoonfuls of a Pluralists fasting spittle, with a salt chymically extracted, by a skilfull hand, out of the first square cap that was worn by our Archbishop after the Reformation.
[Page 9] 5 Set it on the fire at a Canonicall houre, and so double the heat at every Canonicall time, till these be boiled up to a perfect decoction.
6 Dry it, but dry it only at an Eastern Sun, and when it is dry enough, then beat it into powder, and lest any bigger peeces should remaine, scarce it in three severall launes.
7 First, that Laune with which Flora the famous Roman strumpet adorn'd her selfe in her greatest glory. Secondly, in that which Cleopatra a Queen and strumpet of Egypt dressed her selfe in when shee entertained Anthony. Thirdly, and lastly, in a piece of the Laune of a Bishops sleeve, as famous for spirituall whoredome, as they for outward and bodily.
8 When this powder is thus perfect, make it up into severall doses, and wrap up everyone in a piece of Apocrypha Scripture. Administer it upon All Saints day, or at least upon some Holyday.
9 Then give it to some young man that hath read more Postills than other Commentators, of either as few as may be: who holdeth the Master of the Sentences, with Scotus, and Thomas, the onely learning, though he rather know their names, than their parts. Who reads Calvin to confute him, and commends Luthers violence farre above his conscience. Who deemeth Orthodox Divinity the learning of fooles, but Arminianisme, Socinianisme, Pelagianisme, a fit study for wits. Who thinketh Doctrine and Use the way indeed to save soules, but strong lines the encomium of a rare Preacher. Who commendeth tendernesse of conscience in him which refuseth two livings, and yet keepeth three himselfe. Who calls for obedience to the Church, and knoweth not what the Church is, neither careth to know what shee commands. Lastly, who weareth a little band, a long [Page 10] Cassock, a little longer than his Cloake, a fine holliock for the knot of his girdle.
10 Let this man but take for three mornings together three doses of this powder, after he hath made three legs to the East, or to the Altar, and if he swallow not three Bishopricks, with three Commendams to every one of them. I am grosly mistaken.