Actus Primus.
The Argument of the first Act. Hind's wilie Couzenage of a Merchant at Bristol, leaving him prisoner in a Port-Mantle.
Enter Hind, Furbo, Latro, Spolario, Grammario, as in a Tavern, Wine and Bags of Money before them.
HIND.
Drink deep my brave boyes of the Bastinado
Of Stramazons, Tinctures, and [...]lie-passata's,
Of the Carricado, and brave Enb ocada,
Of Blades and Rapier-Hil [...]s: of surest guard
Of the Vincentio, and Eurgonian Ward:
Have we not bravely toss'd this bumbast-foil-button.
Win gold, and wear gold Boyes, 'tis we that merit it,
Furbo.
Come, let's share.
Latro.
I, I, each man as he deserves.
Spol.
If each man claim no more then he deserves.
There will be a precedency for pelf
Gram.
Monstrum horrendum: 'twere incongruous.
Hind.
No fractions my dear Myrmidons,
Stand firm to your old form of Discipline.
Latro.
But Sir, must all our judgments mump and set,
And rest upon this kickshaw Marmoset:
This Athens Ape 'cause he can simpringly
Yaul Auditores humanissimi.
Fur.
True (Latro)
Spol.
He's the meer Spunge that sucks up all our gain;
A very Tumbrel stuff'd with —
Whom we preserve, as Witches their Familiars,
With prodigal expence of our own blood.
Gram.
Non laedere
sed ludere,
Non Laneae
sed linea,
Non ictus
Sed nictus
potius.
Latro.
Pox of your cunning canting tongue
That beastly language merits more then halter.
The Ax or stigmatizing —
Hind.
No more my Stern Co-partners in ill,
Skilful Surveyers of High-wayes and Hedges,
Grammaro must not thus be cudgeld (Sirs) his orisons must make way for our soules, when by sinister chance we leave the earth. Learnings that general Soule which Plato saith,
Fixeth the world; we must make much of him.
Gram.
Sol latet in herbis.
My anger goes down with the Sun (Sir,)
Hind.
Come; all shake hands, — my habit
A Merchants suit produc'd, Hind puts it on.
Dear Spolario, Are all our. Horses, and our Arms in safety.
Spolario;
They feed like Pluto's Palfrayes under ground,
Our Pistolls, Swords, and other surniture
Are safely locked up at our Randevouz.
Hind.
He lingers strangely —
Did he assare you confidently hee'd come.
Spola.
Should death (Sir) meet him or his Fathers Ghost,
They'd hardly th'wart his Journey; I perceiv'd him
Wrapt in so mirthful an Astonishment,
He scarce could frame an Answer to my Message;
The Ape did chatter to himself
Like to some bill-patcht door, whose entrails have
Spew'd out their Tennant, oh I ravish'd him,
Hee'd come.
Hind;
Are the Gaggs fix'd, and all the Gives in readiness.
Spola.
They are.
Hind.
Be gone.
All go off save Hind.
Enter Avaritio with two Servants, bearing baggs of Money.
Avaritio.
Peace here be multiplyed.
Hind.
You are most welcome (Sir)
I see you'l make the
Hind called his ship (by his servant to the Merchant) the Strange-Adventure.
STRANGE ADVENTURE yours
Avaritio.
Sir, I have ever held it plety to gratifie my friends on good conditions, here is five thousand pounds; five thousand more shalbe your own whon I have view'd the goods.
Hind.
You are most nobly honest;
Drink (Sir) a hearty glass.
Avar.
What's this a Masque?
Hind stamps with his foot; then enters Turbo, Latro, &c. in vizards: gag Avaritio and his men.
Hind.
A Matachin, you'l find it.
Avar.
Aw, Aw, Aw.
Hind.
Bear his two servants
Amongst their fellow beasts i'th Ostrey:
Take that Westphalia-Gammon-Clove stuck-face,
And box him up within that Leather Engine.
Avar.
Aw, Aw, Aw.
Hind.
This bag belongs to Capt. Martius,
who with his Dagger often hacks his sword,
They thrust him into a Port-mantle.
And with whole Culverin raging oathes doth tear
The Vault of Heaven, spetting in the eyes
Of Nature, natures loathsome blasphemies:
Five hundred pounds in gold it lately boasted,
This old Extortioner shall return the sum,
And think he cheaply is a Libertine:
Transport him hence into that Captains Chamber;
This Key will give you entrance.
They carry him off.
There place this putrid piece of parcemonie.
Anon wee'l share our Coin, and suck our Sack.
Still be propitious jugling
Mercury.
god, thy shrine
I'le lade with Hecatombs of spotted Kine:
For roguing Virtue brings a man defame,
A pack-staff Epethite, and scorned name.
Actus Secundus.
The Argument of the second Act. Hind feigning himself a great Lord, putting some of his Train into rich Liveries, and storing his and their pockets with Gold, growes very intimate with a brave and noble Lady, whom at once he deprives of the inestimable jewell of her honour, together with much treasure.
Enter HIND solus, in brave cloathes.
TUsh! Pluto's wrath Proserpin can melt,
So that thy Sacrifice be freely felt:
What cannot Juno force in bed with Jove,
Turn and return a Sentence with her love:
Well! plainly thus; Sleight, Force, are mighty things
From which even all, all earthly glory springs.
If Vertues self were clad in humane shape,
Vertue without these might go beg and scrape:
The naked truth is, a well-cloath'd lie,
A nimble quick-pate, mounts to dignity;
By force or fraud, that matters not a jot,
So massie wealth may fall into thy lot.
Enter Grammario.
Gram.
Quod gratis grate; and I dare aver
That Hiadolgo the Astrologer
Is a right honest man — All hail my Soveraign.
Hind.
Prithee no Jibs,
Thou know'st my plot upon fair Infortunia;
A wealthy widow; nay, a beauteous widow;
A Lady of high birth, and great perfection,
Be thou my conduct and my Genius,
My wits inciting sweet-breath'd Zephirus;
Some Verses, some Verses, my Helliconian Harper,
Women are strangely taken with strange words.
Gram.
Totum in toto, Sir, I have fitted you I faith,
I was fain to devoure one whole page out of Ovid,
Three large siz'd sentences out of Catullus
One Axiome out of Hero and Leander;
And a whole stanzao out of Venus and Adonis,
Ere I could hit upon a right strain of poesie;
But at length I hammer'd them out.
pray mark me,
He reads,
Fairest peece of well-form'd earth,
Urge not this your haughty Birth,
The power which you have or'e us lyes,
Not in your race but in your eyes
Should you no Honey vow to taste
But what the master Bees have plac'd
In compasse of their cells, how small
A portion to your share would fall;
The sap which at the root is bred
In Trees through all the Boughes is spred,
But vertues which in Parents shine
Make not like progres through the line:
'Tis not from whom, but where we live,
The place does oft those graces give
Great Julius on the Mountains bred,
A Flock perhaps, or Herd had led;
He that the world subdu'd had been
But the best Wrestler on the Green;
'Tis Art and Knowledge which draw forth
The hidden seeds of native worth,
They blow those sparks and make them rise
Into such flames as touch the Skies.
Smile but on me and you shall scorne
Henceforth to be of Princes born.
Hind.
They are most incomparable;
Twas well remembred for to urge my breeding;
My birth I'm sure would Butcher all my hopes.
Thou seest how bravely I am clad (my boy)
In speaking garments, speaking pockets too.
chink's his pockets.
The Lord Porta Rich (Grammario) is my name:
Go thou, and give that paper to the Lady,
Sing in her ear like to the amorous Lute,
Set forth my name in a Stentorian tone;
Ile second thee my self in person presently:
Be gone.
Gram.
Ile do my utmost (Sir)
Hind.
It is a high, brave thing to have th'repute
Of compleat villain, perfect, absolute.
Exit.
Enter Infortunia, with Grammario, servants.
Infort.
Sir, your Lord no doubt is ev'ry way accomplish'd:
And Ile assure you, finds far more regard
From me, in the reception of this paper,
Then any personage of honour hitherto
Could ever boast, though earnestly endeavoured.
Gram.
Madam, if you did know who seeks your love,
You would — he comes himself.
Enter Hind in rich Apparel, Furbo, Latro, Spolario in costly Liveries, bare-headed, attending him.
Hind.
Madam, I hope my boldnesse shall find pardon,
And my affectionate zeal plead my excuse.
Distribute those few Diamonds, and Pearl Bracelets
to Furbo.
Unto the Ladies that attend this Excellency.
Furbo gives many Bristol stones, and counterfeit Pearls to the attending Gentlewoman.
Infor.
My Lord your honour sets too high a rate
Vpon so mean a beauty as is mine
Furbo, and his follows steal off.
Hind,
You are sole Empress of all worth,
Command my state, my person and my life.
Infor.
Your honour is too courteous to your handmaid,
Please you, this night, to let your presence grace
My homely Table, your honours candor must
Apologize for my rude entertainment.
Hind,
Excellent creature, ever command your vassail.
Serv.
Lights there for my Lord; lights —
Exeunt.
Enter Furbo, Latro, &c.
Furb.
They are all gag'd and bound.
Latro.
As safe as my Lord Hind in his mistresse armes.
Furb.
Are they in bed together?
Lat.
To my knowledge,
Spolario,
We shall soon part their struglings.
Furb.
Theeves, theeves,
Exeunt, and return laden with bags of gold, and caskets of jewels, having b [...]odied themselves.
Spola.
Theeves,
Lat.
Murther, murther.
Enter Infortunia and Hind, almost naked, with his sword drawn.
Hind,
What sawcie devils interrupt our joyes?
What mean these clamours, speak upon your lives?
Lat.
Alas! my Lord the house is rob'd.
Infor.
Oh, I am quite undone —
Furb.
You see how we are sanguin'dore
Fighting for to prevent such outrages:
Spolar.
My leg is almost cut in sunder, oh —
Hind,
Be not discomforted (dear Lady)
Every man mount his steed, and take his Arms;
My self too, will along: accurst mischance;
To horse, to horse; you Lady to your bed.
Infor.
Oh me!
Exit Infortunia.
Hind,
Why this is bravely done my Bullies;
Thus do the Gods sell all for industry,
And what's not got by hell-bred Villanie?
Conscience they talk on; conscience is free,
Worst conscienc'd men, these times, best thrivers be;
As't please the Thra [...]an Boreas to blow
So turns our ayrie conscience to and fro.
Exeunt.
Actus Tertius.
The Argument of the third Act. Hind and his Comrades disguising themselves in Devils habits, terrifie the Country people, and rob an Alderman of the City of York.
Enter Hind, Latro, Furbo, Grammario, habited like Devils.
Hind,
TWere well for the great Grandees of the earth
(My fellow Furies) were there no worse Feinds
In pitchie Bara thrum then we: Oh how
The Bores and Bumpkins of this Shire do dread us
No less then twelve already are run mad.
Latro,
Me thinks I like my transmutation well,
Only my tail is too, too troublesom —
Gram.
Fronti nulla Fides
Mistagogus, What mean these prodigies?
Where is your vice or vertues habites now?
For sustine pro nunc doth bend his brow.
Fur.
You (Parson) now are in your native weeds,
Black best becomes your swarthy function
Whose Doctrine (for the most part) damns more souls
Then Lucifer by all his stratagems.
Hind,
Oh, our Scout comes merrily.
Spolario whooping and hallowing within.
Enter Spolario.
Spol.
A prize, prize, a prize —
Hind.
The news?
Spol.
The Indies salley toward us;
An Alderman of York quite gilded o're,
His servants and his horses groan with gold,
Are journeying this way.
Hind.
Couch close, my doughty deviss,
They all go out, and return laden with treasure.
Lets seize upon them with as winged hast
As real Demons at the hour of death
Hurrie a vicious soul to Tartarus.
Hind.
Who would not be a Devil for an hour,
To be a man of money twelve moneths after —?
Lat.
The Alderman (poor wretch) begg'd for his soul;
His innate guilt; fear of assur'd damnation
Made him forget petitioning for his pelf.
Quoth he, I smel sulphur, and reaking brimstone.
Soot, stinking soot: Oh hell, how hot art thou!
Gram,
S [...]ulto um plena sunt omnia.
An asse in's foot-cloth; 'tis no sin to gull him;
He I thank heaven that his own chain did not choak him,
And praise the devil for's deliverance:
He'l soon recover all by his collusions,
Abatements, stoppels, inhibitions.
Heavie pac'd jade, dull pated jobbernoul,
Quck in delays, checking with vain controul
Fair Justice course, vile necessary evil,
Smooth seeming saint, yet damn'd incarnate Devil.
Hind.
Well said my man of art, and mystick science:
I know this Alderman and his Lawyers case;
I fee'd him one, and he cudgeld my case,
For which I vow'd revenge, and have perfotm'd it.
they put off their disguises, and are in other habits,
Now ev'ry one resume his pristine form;
Our next scence lies in Kent; thither lets hie.
He speaks this aside to himself.
Me thinks I feel a civil war within me,
Egging me on for to proceed from this,
And get the substance of celestial blisse;
My soul oft cals his Parliament of sense,
But still the guilty have preheminence:
For my souls better part so feeble is,
So cold and dead is, my Sinder [...]sis,
That shadows by odd chance sometimes are got;
But oh! the substance is respected not.
Actus Quartus.
The Argument of the Fourth Argument. Hind And his associates disguised like Beggars, rob a wealthy Citizen of London, and his two friends, near Hogsden.
Enter Hind, Furbo, Latro, Grammario, Spolario, in patcht coats, like beggars, their legs and arms bound up.
Hind.
Are we not finely fitted (fellow mendicants)
For a days prentiship to the begging trade?
O sad account! we that were wont to speak
In smoak and thunder, STAND — UPON YOUR LIVES,
Must now petition for a piece of coin.
Latro.
Tut,
Our begging is like that the Persians us'd
Of old unto their eager God of fire,
When with a flaming torch they did descend
Unto some river, and protest to quench
Th'a spiring God, in case he did deny
To grant their wishes. Oh, I have't ad unguem,
The Bard of Bednal green was nothing to me,
Gram.
Eo Claudus, et Aegrotus sum,
This is the garb men of my cloth must take to,
Since every Sales-man writes himself Sacer dos.
Stand close, and obsecrate with Rhumatick eys,
Here comes the Patron we must plunder.
Enter Mercator a Citizen, with two friends.
Mercat.
A fine morning this is.
1 Friend.
Oh that my wife had born us company; good soul, she loves to hear the Cuckoo sing, especially in the winter.
2. Friend.
So does mine, indeedla.
Hind.
Bless your good worships in your minds and your bodies, at home and abroad, in bed and at board,
The theeves come all about them & beg.
No troubles toss ye,
Nor no hare cross ye;
No succubus ride ye,
No false fire guide ye;
Please to distribute your charity amongst a company of poor maimd men—
Lat.
Deprived of their limbs for the cause of their Countrey, whose legs and hands remain as Trophies, in France, Spain, Aragon and Apulia.
Furbo.
In Turkey, in Russia, in Naples and Muscovia
Spilar.
In the Adriatick and the Bal [...]ick Seas.
Gram.
Supposito quolibet sequitur qu idlibet,
For your own sakes whose rewards shall be glorious,
Extend with liberall minds, and willing hands,
What both becomes your oppulency, and our indigency.
Mer.
Hey day! What bold beggars are these?
1. Friend,
What Countrey men are they? They speak all severall Languages.
2. Friend.
They are men of China I think.
Mer.
Truly friends the times are so hard, and we so burthend, that verily, yea and nay, we are scarce able to furnish our wives with a competent number of silke gownes, lawn smocks, gold laces, beaver hats, silver hilted fans, Flanders laces and other necessaries, without which, all honest men know we cannot subsist.
1. Friend,
He speaks truth my brethren.
Hind,
Zounds what dogs are these— Come ye counterfeiting Coxcombs Discover, discover:
They discover their swords and pistols, and put them to the Citizens brests.
you (Mercator) brought forth 6. hundred pounds to expiate a debt you owe at Hogsden here.
Mer.
Take all (Sir) so you'l spare my life.
Hind,
Alas, ide rather overthrow thy wife.
Latro.
What d'ye linger ye pair of Puttocks? Come, lighten, lighten.
1. Friend.
[Page 13]Oh Lord (sir!)
2. Friend.
Wo and alas!
they rob them.
Hind.
Now each man lay his hand upon his mouth:
Mum, not a word upon your lives.
Away my Blades, this must we do for gain,
Since as the ancient Sages truly tell,
"Tis better ne're to be, then not be well.
Actus Quintus.
The Argument of the Fifth Act. The Scots King being overthrown at the battel of Worcster, accepts of Hinds conduct (knowing how well he was acquainted with the Country) who carries him safe away. (Ut aiunt.)
Enter Hind and the King of Scots.
Hind.
Me thinks (Sir) you do seem in this disguise,
Like lightning in the Keldar of a cloud:
Your visage (Sir) is not least legible,
There is a Libel in your very dresse.
King.
Well sung the Roman Bard, that all things sublunary
Of worth do hang on very slender strings.
Hind.
Nothing's more ticklish then the state of Kings:
Tall Caedars oft are torn up by the roots
By blustring Boreas, when the humble shrub
Sits safe, exalting to behold their ruine.
King.
I know as well all bodies politick
As those are humane, have their Dates and Deaths.
The Romans first had Kings, whose rule took end
In Yarquins fall; Consuls then sate at helm,
Swaying the Argoser of all the world,
Until Augustus leap'd into the throne,
Making all stoop to single sovereignty:
Thus have all things terre strial their Dates,
The greatest Emperors, and greatest States,
The Lamps of Heaven, the Planets change above,
The Sun from his Diurnal Arch doth move;
Ayre doth sometime to fire or water run,
And fire an earthly habit doth put on,
That men asleep, rockt by felicity,
That vainly dream here of Eternity,
May wake and see, since humane and Divine
Things taste mutation, 'tis nor strange 'tis Mine.
Hind,
(Sir) Ime acquainted well with all these parts;
All England is, but as More fields to me,
Make me your guide (Sir) and ne're doubt your safety;
For though to others I have been untrue,
Let me be hang'd if I prove false to you.
Exeunt.