THE SOVNDHEADS DESCRIPTION OF THE ROVNDHEAD.

OR THE ROƲNDHEAD Exactly Anatomized in his Integralls and Excrementalls, by the untwist­ing a threefold Knott.

  • 1. Who the Roundheads be, or what a Roundhead is in rerum natura, and his Pedigree.
  • 2. The reall Causes producing a Roundhead.
  • 3. The properties and peculiarities of a Roundhead.

Now published to satisfie the whole world in the resolu­tion of this monstrous Beast, who and what he is, and by what markes he may be knowne and seene.

Printed at the request of Gregory Scotch-marke (or thirteen-pence-half peny) inhabiting in Barber-Surgeons Alley, at the signe of the new fashioned Perriwigg: In the yeare of the Roundhead his hopes confounded, 1642.

LONDON Printed in the yeare 1642. for I. B.

To the judicious Reader.

AMongst those infinite number of Pamphlets and Libells, wherewith this knowing Island, to wit, the Citie and Countrey is pestered, and the ayre thereof infected and poysoned with the sulphurous breathings of their vanitie, prophanenesse and lyes, every houre producing something new, something wicked, something foolish, little true: according to the severall constitutions and dispositions of the Cli­mactericall men of this age, from those hourely e­vents and occurrences of persons, things and times: There is one ignorant foo­lish wicked Pamphlet or Libell of the Roundheads lately Printed, receiving its monstrous prodigious and untimely birth from the wombe of an ignoramus. And the which Pamphlet or Libell, is as full of lyes and folly, as a beggar of lice and a dog of fleas: being the most false, foolish, and ignorant description of the Roundheads: And hath occasioned this short discourse following (in its due and full season) to step forth in the clothing of a Pamphlet, to meet with fooles in their folly, And by good skill and strength of armes to bray him in a Morter, till this ignoramus and his Proselytes be convinced and disarmed of their sordid, sencelesse, and grosse ignorance, in framing so false and silly a de­scription, and applying the terme Roundhead to those persons whom there is not the least show of reason or honesty to evince it.

The judicious Reader, is requested to behold really as in a glasse the reall and true description of a Roundhead indeed, and to whom it may properly with sound and undeniable grounds and reasons be applyed unto, according to the Inscription or Title of this short discourse: referring the whole matter in hand to thy wisdome, judgement, and conscience, ever resting a reall Servant to all vertuous Readers,

THE SOVNDHEADS DESCRIPTION OF THE ROVNDHEAD, OR A Roundhead Anatomized in his Integralls or Excrementalls.

A Roundhead, according to the title or inscription of this Discourse (being the untying the first knot) may be defined or expressed in these twelve severall Expressi­ons or Definitions.

There be these twelve severall Definitions of a Round­head, whereby all men may both know and see what and who he is.

A Roundhead in Rerum Natura is.

  • 1. A white bald smooth pate, under a Perriwigg of the newest fa­shion.
  • 2. A smooth round bowle, kissing his Mistresse in a long covered Bowling-alley.
  • 3. A very tender thing, for it must at noone-day weare a long furr'd Night cap.
  • 4. That which onely appeares in the night in bed-chambers like a Ghost, or Hobgoblin.
  • 5. An Owle in an Ivie-bush, who cannot endure the light and sight of truth and honesty, as the Owle cannot behold the Sunne in the mid­day.
  • 6. In a Circular motion all the day time, tossed up and downe like a Tennis-ball by the Racket of every foole, from one hazzard to ano­ther, [Page 4]till it hath worne out all its bowels: That is, It is a Roundheaded Gentleman in his new Periwigg, his head and his wits running round, led and carried up and down by every foole from one mischiefe to ano­ther, till he hath worne out and lost all his wits and his money.
  • 7. Is a Civit-catt with a long tayle, who is a perfumed odoriferous Perriwigd Roundhead.
  • 8. A sweetfac'd Puppy curled and crisped.
  • 9. The Counterfeit of a Holland Cheese with a Map on his head.
  • 10. A living skull wrapped up in a winding sheet of dead mens ex­crements.
  • 11. A strange homebred Monster, carried up and downe in a little house one story high (by the learned called a Sedan) to a Play-house, where any man may see him for twelve pence a peece upon the Stage.
  • 12
    One covered with a narrow brimmd hatt.
    With a top-top-gallant crowne very flatt.
    And a round blocke under that.
    Well bushed and shagg'd downe to his backe.
    And strongly perfumed with Sacke.
    While his braines doe ake and cracke.
    And his tongue doth sweare and chatt.
    And curse his Brother Roundheads that.
    Turned him into a Counter Ratt.

These Twelve Definitions of a Roundhead, anatomize the Monster to be one who would be thought and called a Gentleman, when indeed he is one of the Raskally witles generation, or a bladder preposterously blowne up by the stinking breath of some windy brained foole, with a Peacocks feather in his hatt, vapouring and flourishing in the circle of his owne conceit, that he is a naturall Gentleman borne, when he is but an artificiall Woodstreet or Poultrey-Counter-feit Gentleman at his best. This Superlative, admirable wonder (among children and fooles) is one that (par la fortune de la guerre) hath lost his naturall haire from his naturall head: and thereupon he is deprived of his naturall witts: his haire being newly gone, his witts went presently after a wooll-gathe­ring, and along while scattered as fast as they gathered, till at length meeting with a deere and neere friend of his Gregory Scotch-mark, a mile beyond Holborne-hill, (a notable Mountebanke of approved skill in the cures of all diseases) who adviseth him to some artificialists, whom he furnisheth with all the dead men and womens wooll of their heads, which comes under the shaying of his hands every Sessions, who being [Page 5]of notable skill in the excrementall art, doe at the proper cost and char­ges of this distressed Gentleman, so compose, contract, and weave this wooll, that it is made an excellent covering to hang about his noddle, and then he becomes immediately at the first putting on, and so for­wards, an artificiall Gentleman Roundhead. And they passe and are e­steemed by many for Squires and Gentlemen, of no little wit, and fur­nish the Arithmeticians of the age with figures and cyphers, whereby in the Arithmeticians accompt, they are reckoned and cast up in haire infi­nite, but in wit meere Cyphers.

2. The reall Causes producing this Roundhead.

There are severall causes in Nature, naturall causes, therefore accor­ding to our description in the Title, we must anatomize this Roundhead in his integralls and excrementalls, from his Round head to his round heele; the discussion whereof will complete the causes producing this Roundhead.

For his Integralls in generall.

His soule and body throughout, in all and every part, his whole na­turall frame and constitution (is for the present) a rude, vast, unpolished Chaos of sin & iniquitie, a person who is sold under sin, a slave and vas­sall to sin, the Devill, the world, the flesh, full of all darknesse, corrup­tion, and filth: being most contrary & abominable to all beauty, light, goodnes, libertie, and sweetnesse: So that where there is so universall a contagion and confusion, such a leprosie of iniquitie, throughout and all over, it must needs follow undeniably, that here is sufficient matter for the producing of this round-headed Monster. As will more con­spicuously appeare in the particular anatomizing, or embowelling of this Monster in his Integralls.

First, He is a person whose heart is filled with all manner of prophane­nesse, basenesse, and wickednesse, as pride, uncleannesse, adultery, for­nication, idolatry, superstition, atheisme, hardnesse of heart, hatred, en­vy, full of all deceitfulnesse, lves, falshood, evill thoughts, purposes, in­tents full of treasons and conspiracies, against all that is pure good, ho­ly, heavenly, and spirituall, witnesse the very consciences of the Round­heads themselves, if they will looke into them, and but heare and suffer them to speake.

Secondly, He is a person whose mind and intellectuall part is full of blindnesse, darknes, simplicitie & grosse ignorance, yea palpable grosse thick darknesse, that may be felt, yea wilfull blindnesse: knowing no­thing in any distinct manner of God, or of goodnes, of vertue, or them­selves, [Page 6]but yet strongly perswaded and conceited in the imagination of their own evill heart (formerly described) of their owne wisdome, goodnesse, and vertue: And for the proofe of this, witnesse all their Pamphlets, all their discourses, all their railings, cursings and slanders, from day to day. Their Pamphlets, filld with nothing but prophane, foolish, uncleane words and expressions, there being nothing substanti­all or wise according to truth in them: Their discourses being irratio­nall, simple, shallow, blind, yea sottishly ignorant, professing themselves wise, and yet knowing nothing (at least wise as they ought to know) as the Wise man in the Proverbs 28 Chap. 5. ver. proves in these words; Evill men understand not judgement, but they that seeke the Lord understand all things: They are foolishly and wickedly ignorant: They in their dis­courses brag of learning, parts, wits, knowledge, but they are ignorant and understand not Religion, vertue, manners: It hath been as often proved as there be houres in the day, minutes in each houre: That these Roundheads (according to the former description, who are the Round­heads indeed in rerum natura) when they have been in dispute and rea­soning with those whom they and their proselytes formerly falsly cal­led by the name of Roundheads, who are indeed those whom the Wise man in the place aforecited, called Seekers of God, and who understand all things: I say, they have not been able to make a rationall or true an­swer to Questions demanded them, nor defend any argument of their owne from being torne in pieces, or vanishing into smoake and ayre; but they have been forced like Ignoramus himselfe, to hold their peace and learne wit: or if shame and disgrace troubled them, then when they wanted wit to make a rationall answer, then to be sure their gracelesse hearts and tongues did not want curses, lyes, oaths, slanders and railing.

3. For his body, both integralls and excrementalls, see the causes producing a Roundhead:

He is one whose head and braines is elevated with Sack, strong drink, and Tobacco, whose eyes are full of adultery, his face with patches and plaisters, or some of his Ladies favour-sports: his whole body is em­balmed to preserve his rotten carkase from offending the nostrills of his friends and companions; or else his face is full of skarrs, cuts and wounds, in quarrells with brothers of his owne Tribe, when they can­not agree in swearing and lying.

His nose if not falne downe flat dead on his face already, yet it is to be feared, it cannot stand upright long.

His tongue may be compared to the Devill, yea hell it selfe, breathing [Page 7]forth nothing but oaths, curses, railings, bawdry every moment.

His hands and feet ever in one quarrell or other, or employed in some brothell-house in the lustfull embraces and hellish claspings of some of his filthy and uncleane Mistresses, and whorish Ladies, till he returnes home lame full of the heavy disease by the vulgar sort called the Poxe. And thus you have the Integralls of this Roundhead described, from the particular causes producing a Roundhead, which in plaine termes and few words is this: The evill heart & manners of these men bring them to the Poxe, the Poxe eates of their naturall haire, and so they become Roundheads.

And thus went the haire away, the Gentleman becomes bald, his witts here going first away, and a very little returning to him (upon the cure in part wrought) he consults with the artificialists and excremen­tallists of the time, that he may bring up a new fashion to make Perri­wigd Gentlemen.

And so we passe to the untying of the third knot, which is,

3. The reall properties and peculiarities of a Roundhead, whereby he may be notoriously knowne and seene by any judicious observant eye.

And these properties are not a few, but so many as we shall really col­lect and comprise within the compasse of this short Discourse, we shall endeavour to give the world information of.

The Gentleman Roundhead being now created and formed by those former producing causes; now you shall see him fashioned in all his excrementall perfections.

The which, I will comprise under these five heads, and so finish the Discourse.

  • He may be described
    • 1. By his cloathing.
    • 2. By his posture.
    • 3. By his discourse or language.
    • 4. By his associates, and his bastard brood.
    • 5. By his actions.

First, for his clothing, a singular property, he loves rich clothing, and borrowes of all Nations a severall dresse & attire, he hath infinite mind for change of rayment, as the haires of his Perriwig be infinite and past numbering.

Therefore we must begin to reckon from the first artificiall haire in his Perriwig, to the last artificiall stitch in the soale of his Bootes: hold, hold, hold, what have we said, we must begin there, we must give our [Page 8]selves a just correction, we doe take a cubit from his stature at least, and detract from one of his greatest perfections, by making a dwarfe of a proper Gentleman. And our mistake would have been so grosse, (if we had not speedily collected and corrected our thoughts) as to have un­dertaken to have given the description of the height of Pauls onely by relating the height of the Church, when wee should describe the height of Pauls by the Steeple: But having timely corrected our thoughts wee shall endeavour to begin at the height and top of this Roundheaded Gentlemans perfection: (Onely a little by the way ob­serve it as one of his chiefest properties, that he loves and prides to be clothed with the newest fashion. And therefore he is full of invention, and his thoughts multiplicious and fruitfull, how he may have change of attire and fashion: yea rather then he will want any one fashion, he will so contrive by the advice of his grand and little and nimble coun­cell, the professors of the crosselegd art, who are very dexterous in the composure of all fashions contracted and united in one, that this Round­head being clothed in his new trappings, he is made the representative body of all kindreds, tongues, and nations, his Roundhead confining his braines in such a circle, that they run round about the Globed Center for every new strange fashion.)

First therefore for his hatt, it is fashioned like the blocke on which it was squared, being flat crowned, and not made fit to his head, but to his Perriwigg, and therefore it sets to his Perriwigg as loose, as his Per­riwigg to his bald pate, (unlesse it be tyed) ready to fall off to the right hand or to the left, to salute his brother Roundhead when he meets him: And wee know the reason of this fashion, because these Gal­lants desire and love to have their witts and heads at libertie, and can­not endure to have their braines bound too fast, or confined in their noddles.

Next, their hatt is narrow-brimd, & they have a good reason for that, for whereas the ignorant sort object against it, as unprofitable, yea pre­judiciall, for it exposes their bodies to the weather, They give a sudden answer to this Objection, and prove the contrary, That a good bush doth shelter them better from the weather, with which they are large­ly furnished. But that we may not forget to hang forth our Colours on the Flag-staffe before we come downe from the maine top, we must therefore set out a very faire feather, tyed fast with Ribbins of all co­lours in the Rainebow. He is no true Gentleman without a feather in his cap, and he is no man of warre without his colours. Therefore that [Page 9]he may have and claime the propertie both of Souldier and Gentle­man, he will be well feathered.

And yet
What is lighter then a feather?
What is heavier then Leade?
A braineles Perriwigged Cavalier,
That is a true Roundhead.

For his Perriwigg the chiefest jewell about him, being artificially woven and bound together, strongly perfumed, a right colour to a haire it is, which he borrowes from severall dead men and women, a haire from one, and a haire from a second, and so forward, that he is excee­dingly ingaged to them for every haire of his head. As for the rest of his clothing downwards, To wit, his Band with buttons and loopes under his chin, to the confusion of all Band-string-makers, with his short wasted dublet, long sword, and long breeches, short bootes and thundering spurres, being all composed according to the Rules of are and reason, for every stitch of him: The particulars of the recitall, would be too tedious and prolixe for this short Discourse, and there­fore is purposely omitted at present: Because wee desire to proceed to the next property of this Roundhead.

2. By his Posture: An admirable posture he hath, he alwayes in stead of standing in a posture of defence, is ever in a posture of offence, he barkes and bites, and snaps every one that comes neere him, that are not of his owne constitution. His very lookes strike fooles with ter­rour and amazement, his patches and spotts on his face, are the ensigne that he is a Souldier and a man of offence every inch and stitch of him: His lookes are so big and terrible, having such a Majesty in them as is able to make children run away, as if some strange apparition appeared to them of Jack a Dandy, or as if some Bullbeggar, or Buggbeare were readie to eate them up: And indeed their long Perriwigs are like so many vissards of ugly shapes and representations, to skare and fright children and fooles into good manners: And is not this now a singular propertie and vertue in them, that they are able by the very Majestie and dreadfulnesse of their aspect, to worke such cures as that children and fooles should stand in feare of them, and be ruled and skared into wit and manners. For their valour and magnanimitie of spirit, it is be­yond expression, for upon the least motion of their head and eyes, they [Page 10]in their imagination apprehend that they drive the whole world be­fore them.

The posture of his head, according to the rules of art, knowes both his motion in all its severalls, and the time thereof, for the most part moving it very stately, deceiving the world thereby with a perswasion that he is as wise and stately as some of the Lord Majors of London, but to be sure as wise & stately as some of your potentiall Aldermen in their foot motion through the Citie, or when they sit in their Court at Guild-hall And likewise that they have as much Majesty, learning, gravitie, justice, as is in the smooth-chind Judges in Terme time in Westminster Hall. But how infinitely these graceles fellowes fall short of these honourable mens perfections, let the Citie of London judge for the one, and the Plaintiffes and Defendants for the other. For the hu­militie of their bodies they excell the whole world, being full of courte­ous embraces and Court-salutations, their hands and feete ready ser­vants to them at their first command, to act the reall dissimulation of their hearts to every one they meet with, what an infinite number of complements and salutes, doe all the rest of their brother Roundheads meet with in a day from these artificiall Roundheads: They seldome fight, except they be drunke, and then they are mad-men, nothing can appease them, but then all bloud and wounds one towards another: They are as swift in the motion of their feete, as the Beares that are led musselled through the Citie, their leggs being so packt up in their great boots, and they forced to straddle in their steps, and walke ginger­ly, because all is not well with them in their breeches.

3. For their discourse and language, which is their third propertie: among their owne Tribe, nothing but all manner of prophane and fil­thy language of whores and drinke, mixt with a thousand oaths and lyes, to make themselves merry-like fooles who make a sport of sinne: And if not in this discourse, then they are relating some false report of the innocent, and such as feare an oath, or else railing and cursing all such as doe not observe and follow their humours in their gnorance, prophanenesse and basenesse.

4. For their associates, or bastard brood, Their associates are ever their fellow-Roundheads who are of the same constitution and follow them in all their humours and wickednesse: Or else all ignorant pro­phane and sencelesse doultheads, that know not their right hand from their left in any thing that is good and religious, such whom wee call their bastards, they are so like them in conditions and manners: who [Page 11]although they are not of the Gentile sort of Roundheads, and so not Per­riwigged and accoutred in their trappings, like these Roundheaded Gal­lants, yet for conditions and manners they are the naturall fooles of ar­tificiall fooles, for prophanenesse, simplicitie, ignorance, and evill man­ners, they may be very well termed naturall Roundheads. Such who are the braineles generation of ignorant persons, That beleeves as the Church beleeves, and will raile against and curse that and those which they understand not nor know not. It being ever the propertie of pro­phane fooles to speake evill of that which is good, and of them that professe goodnesse, through their monstrous ignorance: And they are driven like calves by every asse to the shambles of their owne destru­ction.

5. Their actions is the next propertie, and these are infinite innum­ber, and all evill like themselves, they are full of all manner of iniqui­tie-without measure themselves, and they act all manner of iniquitie,

  • Against
    • God, goodnesse, Religion, and manners.
    • Their King and Countrey in generall.
    • The true worshippers and fearers of God.

First, against God himselfe, continually in rebellion against him, yea open manifest rebellion, refusing to be ruled and governed by his holy Law, or to beleeve his heavenly Gospell, but despising the one, and slighting the other, doe give themselves up to all manner of licen­tiousnesse committing iniquitie with greedinesse, by their prophane­nesse, oaths, uncleanenesse, &c. Against goodnesse, ever railing, ha­ting, mocking at goodnesse, precisenesse, or holinesse: Against Reli­gion, Therefore are they so zealous for all false impure, mixed, popish worship and ceremonies (As for the Common Prayer Booke, which is a thing first invented and composed by the enemy of God, and of Christ, To wit, Antichrist the Pope being extracted out of the Masse-Booke, a meere compound of errours, confusion, additions, and sub­stractions to and from the Scriptures, mans invention, and yet this of­fered to God as his worship, against his expresse command, That who­soever adds to his Word or takes from it, shall have his name blotted out of the booke of life: And that it is a vaine worship of God to wor­ship him after, or by the traditions of men, against his expresse will, who will have his worship both for matter and manner pure, without mixture, spirituall with out earthly invention or composute, [...] [Page 12]set downe his whole mind and will, how he will be worshipped and at what manner in his Word and Testament. But a reason may be given why they are so zealous for their ignorant devotion in the Common-Prayer-book is, because they are furnished from the Letany with oaths, as, by thy wounds and bloud, by thy agony, by thy death: And from the A­pocrypha Chapters in the Service-booke with lyes: so they learne to sweare and lye, for not any of them are converted to leave off swearing and lying, but they are nourished and strengthened in their ignorance and superstition and prophanenesse by it:) and so for Bishops, Altars, Crosses, and what not. Against all good manners and honest conver­sation, by their riotous, drunken, and prophane actions.

Secondly, They are against the King and Countrey in generall, The onely disturbers, traytors, and rebels in the State, sowing discord and division in the hearts of all they can infect with their trayterous councells, possessing the King with evill thoughts of the Parliament, practising daily mischiefe against the honest and faithfull and loyall en­deavours of this ever honoured & religious Parliament; but great hope is, their mischiefe shall returne upon their owne pate, by the wisdome and innocency, and integritie of that gracious Assembly.

Thirdly, Against the true worshippers and fearers of God, by mali­cious lyes and slanders of them, terming them fooles, Roundheads, Prea­chers in tubbs, and by their execrations and curses of them; But the curse that is causelesse shall not come, nor the termes that are ground­lesse shall not remaine upon good men: But shall returne upon the pates of the first inventers. And thus you have the Soundheads descrip­tion of the Roundheads fully Anatomized.

FINIS.

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