The honest Welch Cobler.
WHen her take into teep and serious consitteration the many abuses and reproaches cast upon her teer friends and countrymen, it many times makes her serach where it toth not itch, & finding no redresse tat way, put rather more trouble and perplexitie poth in her head and mind, her resolved with her selfe of another course for her owne and her countrey mens findication, tat is as much as to say, to publish to the world some little Tract or Treatise, for her is fery eloquent, wherein her is minded to show to the world the candour of her ententions, and the excellencie of her inventions, the sharpnesse of her wit, & the rashnesse of her Judgment, which her had rather call the ripenesse of Shudgment, her skill in Philosophy, her dexteritie in Divinitie, her magnanimous Chavaldrie in Martial Discipline, & her knowledge in State-Maximes, as her may so call it, put to tell her the truth, and no more put the truth, her canowes not the meaning of the word, put onely her makes pold to use the word, to shew her elegancie of speech, though her pee no more able to understand it then her is able to understand one of the creat mountaines in VVales. Put now her think out, her can understand more of her Welch mountaine then her can of her hard frases, for her can coe up to the top of her Welch mountaine, and tigg stones and tirt enough to preake her pack, and lay it on her head or shoulder, and then her unterstands it, mark her tat now. Put to avoid prolixitie, her wil preak off prefacing any longer, put fall close to her puisines: put now her talke of puisines, first her had pest doe her puisines that none can doe put her selfe, for feare her make a peastly piece of worke ont, put first her will sing a song pefore her coe any further.
There was a time when her Welch wit would worke like her Welch wine, otherwise called Matheglinn, and lick up cold, as her countreymen use to lick up Welch Flumrey, put neither wit now nor honestie will pay any thing in her Welsh Markets, her must set her selfe flat and close to her Trade of Cobling, and first I shall beekin with the createst piece of worke I have, though it may be worst payd for it, and that is Prince Ruperts Boots to sole, and he useth to pay folkes with his Poleax. You may remember, as I was informed by some of her-owne Countreymen, and those none of the pest qualitie tat made a shift to save her selves by the nimble agilitie of her heeles at Marston fight, that Prince Rupert to save her selfe, ran over the Beane field, and there her lost either one or both her soles, her stuck so fast in the Clay: & here her cannot put commend her for her wit, for her is sure her will never pe hangd for her honestie, tat her would paralel her self with her Cossens of Wales, tat when her see her could not overcome by sighting, to save her selfe by flying; and for tat trick and one more that her canowes her will set her on a payre of the pest soles tat her wore in her life cratis, because her canow tat her lost all tere & at Nazby, and never cot any cood fortune since, except a purge and a broken shyn at Abbington, and a little strong Beere at Bristol, and tere her was forced to leave the createst part behind him, because he could not stay to drink it but upon these conditions, first, that her come no more a plundring into her Welch territories, to carry away her cood Welch Shees, that her should cost for her none selfe, her wife and shildren, which though her sayt her selfe, is made as cleanly as any Shees in all Wales, for her wife strained it through the skirt of her foule smock, for feare there should be any hayres of her Cow or Goat in her Shees to shoake her.
Secondly, tat if her ever shance to come againe into England or Wales, and to have any of her countrymen under her command, [Page 4]tat her pring tem no further on, ten her can canow how to pring tem off with credit, and not run away from tem in te midst of te pattle, and leave tem to shift for temselves while her selfe fall to plundring of waggons and so her selfe cet all te money, while her countreymen get kanocks: and upon the performances of these conditions, her will give her some advice which will doe her no hurt, if her wil take it: and first, tat her come no more into England or Wales, if her can help it, to fight, for though her be a man of valour, and loves to fight when her cannot shuse, yet her kanowes by experience that her may meet with her match in England, tat will past her sides, and preake her pate, and send her home to her owne countrey for a plaister, and what will her get by tat?
Secondly, tat her use her utmost endever to make her peace with cood Parliament & people of England: for if her wel consider with her selfe what cood tey have done for her, and what mischiefe her hath done for them, her will find cause enough to looke about her I warrant her. But her feele her selfe not well, call in some of her kindred, for her is resolved to make her Will, and set her house in order, pefore her goe away and pe seene no more, and if her shance to mend, her will follow her owne Trade againe: put in the meane time her will make an Inventorie of all her cood and bad moveables and immoveables, and make her Cozen Maurice Executor.
- Imprimis, in her ped-shamber one foule wife and five small shildren, those being part of her moveable pads, I wish from her heart they were removeable.
- Item, in another shamber two payre of eurst Queanes toungues, or tongs should I call them, no, its no matter, they will pinch worse then tongs, they are moveables Ile warrant you.
- Item, in her Pride-shamber one payre of Hornes upon her peds head, tat her may thank her wife for, and these are unmoveable coods. Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautem; Happie is her whom other mens Hornes doe make to beware.
- Item, one proken pate owing to her by one of her neighbours for a cood turne her tid tem seven years agoe, that is desperate debt.
- Item, five hundred shrewd turnes owing to me from her Cosens of England, for and in consiteration of divers Horse, Cowes and Sheepe her stole from them, put these are desperate debts also.
Put now her spirits pegins to come to her againe, and therefore one word to Prince Maurice, for her hath peen a creat Tancer in her time, and her is doubtfull that her soles of her poots begin to weare out, and therefore her will pestow a payre of soles upon him, if her thought her would take it in cood part, and her would give her cood counsell with all her heart plood: first, that her would not tance any more after such ungodly measures tat her hath done in former times, in firing houses, killing cood Ministers, and tivers of her owne teare countreymen which cave her no cause at all: I would have her consider, tat it were too base a calling for one of her plood and qualitie to turne Lyme burner, if her remember when and how well her was payd for her paines: when her went apout to purne Lyme, her should consider, that it was unfit for her Highnesse to purne whole Townes in England, when her had never a House nor Cottage of her owne, little or pigg, to make satisfaction for the wrongs which her had done; and though her prother was made Duke of Cumberland, yet it were put Titular; what is her Title worth now? in her shudgment it is not worth the smoake of one of her Welch Ladles, when her wife makes Leeke-pottage: and therefore her say, Prince, if her pee wise, keepe her away while her is well, for as her is a Prince of the plout Royall, if her never be catcht, her can never be questioned: and thinke her have given her cood counsell, and her hope her will not pee crusty, though her pee somewhat hard-bakt, if her should heare, that her and her prother peeing growne men, have helpt to rob five hundred tat helpt to feed tem when tey were shildren.
And pefore her forget her, forget her did her say, her warrant her her shall never forget her while her live, nor twentie yeare after, the Marquis of Newcastle, a pox on her picture, her thinks her was no witch, put her made her selfe as plack as a Tivell with her Coale-dust, no matter if her had peen choakt with it, for her made many of her friends and countreymen in and about London to fret themselves hot, and at last many were glad to sell or pawne all tat her selfes and her wifes and shildren had workt for all her life time, to get her some fire. Put if ever her catch her in her Welch Territories, her will make her run as fast as her did when her run away beyond Sea [Page 6]after Marston-moore, and therefore if her canow when her is well, let her keepe her selfe where her is, and if her have worne out her poots in her running march its pest for her to go to her Couzen Cobler in America, and her will parch her poot for her cratis, for her do tell her in plaine termes it is not safe for her to come upon out Welch or English coasts, for fear her should catch a blocish Ague, as her Couzen Strafford did or the Beshits Crace of Canterbury, and many others which her could name, for if te Parliament shance to feele her pulses and find her not well qualified for to take some Parliament physick to purge away all her Malignant humours, yet her will go neere to let her plood in te neck, and then her mind will be quite shanged her will rever be cood after it, and so her takes her leave of her Marquis of Newcastle, better take her leave here then at the—
Next her would intreat the new Lord Capell, a Lord of te last Edition, her do scorne to call her Cow-stealer, her father was an honest Shentleman, and kept a cood house, her little thought of leaving a Son so famous for Coward ze and Cow-stealing, but Tawsone, her will say no more onely her would entreat her never to come more into VVales, for her do tell her, tat her is like to loofe her labour if her come, for her have almost no Cowes left in VVales: Therefore her had as cood keepe her where her is as come to trouble her and her Countrymen and her selfe, too I could tell her her none, but her spares her because her was lately created Baron of Haddum, but now her thinkes her may now be called Baton of Hadland, for her could tell her how many creat Pig-houses her had in Hartfordshire, where her Baronie of Hadland, Haddum I should say lies, where her knowes her utship had Parks where were as many horned Beasts as there are apps in her VVelch Sheneologes, and so her have done with her urship for this time, onely her would entreat her urship if her have any Cow-Hides left, tat her would put them to tanning for feare her should want leather to sole her poots, and so Du Cat en ergh.
Put roome for Cottington that Spanish Fox, her had more familiaritie with Roman keese then were fit for her urship to have for they have hatcht many Cockatrice eggs against the Citie and Parliament, and they proved gallant Goosling in his eye for the [Page 7]time, but now they are all dasht, her heard that her urship was made Lord High Treasurer, but now her tall Cedar-like Honour is laid in the dust, but her will tell her one infallible truth which her urship will not deny: Since her left her Urships creat House in Proadstreet, there hath pin more money told then all her Honour is worth, if her Honour were to be sold by weight, but her urship hath found by her none experience, that there pee shurch in England that will unkennell the subtilest old Fox in Spaine, if her come heere to give evill counsell, her would wish her urship to earth her selfe in some other soyle, if her love her selfe and her eares, come not into her Welch teritories, for her have put few Sheep or Lambs, nor Goats, nor Kids, nor Tucks, nor Hens, nor Keese, nor Koostins, lest in her principallity of VVales, and beside her have Foxes Diggon in VVales, and therefore her desires none of her company in Wales, to devoure her Welch Poultry, so farewell and be— Foxes never fare better then when they are curst.
Put now her can forbeare no longer, her was ready to preake packwards, and then her should long her cood flanell shirt which cost two croats put halfe a year agoe, when her call to mind one of her owne countrymen flesh, plood and pone, her cannot shuse but admire at her, her meane the Pishop of Yorke, the Weather-Cock, the wonder of her age, her should have said, but her hope her Preterne of England will pardon her expressions, I hope her will not deny her wonted priviledge, that is, to tell her tale twice her being a Welchman put to her matter in hand, her countryman is mettall to the hard ars, for her can use her Paules Sword, as well as her Peters Keyes, her may see that while there is life there is hopes, her had as many thought to see the Tevill turn Presbyter as her countryman and kinsman Williams, put now her think a Wind-mill would better beceme her head then a Miter, and so het will take her leave of her countryman.
And then there is her Couzen Wren, that little Bird, but her was ferry full of mischief as her sheese use to be full of Maggots, this is her that kept the Taylors wife at Cambridge, and made her Husband looke through a payre of horning Spectacles, all the Soape and Sophistrie in Cambridge will not wash out that spot in her Lawne Sleeves, her was put to silence above threescore Ministers [Page 8]at one Fifie, her was creat instrument in placing scandalous Priests up and towne her Country, where her had to do, such as was in her owne Country, that would read service in the forenoone and pe trunke in the after-noone, nay, perhaps be trunke all the weeke after, and yet they were so covetous, tat her had put thirteene eggs in an Nest and her went to law with her, and made her spend ten pounds, pecause her gave her but one for Tyth: but now her little Wren is met withall, now her cannot do mischief as her did before, her is in the Tower and her do pray her Lieutenant and her Warders to looke well to her, for her is put a little Pird, and can get out at a little hole, and her would pray her to keepe her wings clipt, for feare her should fly away; her thinkes in Conscience her cood Parliament might doe well to send her to New-England to work for her living, for her have bin so cood in Old England that no pody cares for her companie, and beside shange of Aire may shange his mind, for her have heard men say tat shange of pasture makes fat Calves, and why not shange of climates make fat Knaves, her canow that her preterne of England would be glad to be rid of him, & so much for Wren.
Her had almost forgot her Lordship Littleton, that run away with the Creat Seale, her was never the wiser man for that, nor never the honester man, to play the knave with them that dealt so well with him: but her have not much to say to her, because her have but little acquaintance with her, onely take beed to her selfe, for her knowes what is the reward of a pick-pocket petter then her selfe.
And then there is the Lord Hopton, a man of mettall, and a wife man, or else he should be, for there is not one hair between her and the sky, it is pitty her was ever engaged in such a quarel, her was fayne to sell her honesty to buy her a periwig of honour, a Titular Baronie, and now her is glad to hop away, and leave her House and Land behind her, and carry nothing with her but her Periwig, which is but light of carriage, her may carry it whither her will with her, except her come to London, and then her most lay it downe, but her thinke hardly her will come there; farewell frost, if her never come againe there is nothing lost.