ROMBƲS THE MODERATOR, OR, The King restored.
BY your leave my Masters, I had a Mother too, as well as the proudest of You. What's here, the Counter-scuffle? Men at Tennis with the Cakes, Creame and Custards of the Kingdom? Are ye all mad? Hold your hands— or by this—I shall—shal grow angry in earnest, and then: whsrein lies all our undoings; become indifferent for ever, whither you turne again to your five Senses, or go to Bealam for good and all: I say again, leave your quarrelling about fiddle-fadles, Trisles of little value. For what's the fillipping down of two or three Kingdomes, or so; and look at me. Rombus himselfe presents his grave presence for Moderator, and proffers to make ye all happy: but then ye must be rul'd; leave your sooling at at blinde man's buffe, and make some honest use of your own eyes. Be Iudges your selves, Is it fair play, thinke you, that some should run away with all the wit, and others with the money; while I that am Crier of this Court, that weares better cloathes than a Burgesse, and constantly shift a shirt once a fortnight, must stand idle, without the least particle of a share, & gaping with my finger in my mouth, like a Cornish Chough, which marking Mr. Aldermans Ape, my Lord Maiors Babcon, and her Ladiships Monkey; how they look, and act like men, and yet sees plainly they are none: he wonders,The Faction. who the Devil made them such pretty mumping Counterfeits. Well, 'tis decreed this once, [Page 2]that the Wits shall be pardoned their engrossing, but the Money-masters must fine for it.—Room for the illustrious Lady, Divine Astraea—A chair for Mr. Rombus, Withdraw the Prisoners into the next Room—What lifting up of hands is here? —Ye shall have Iustice better than ever Martin did his Whore; for when he casts her off she never gets of him due conduct money, to returne her either to honesty, her health, or hope of ever being good again; but Ye shall be provided for— All but William Lenthall depart; and Guard, present them single, as you hear them call'd.
Rombus prepares to speak
Silence in the Court, Tace, tace.
Let me use the faculties of my long silent Tongue, first to thee the late Speaker—Lent all, Lay down thy Bagges, leave Lucifer to guard thy Accumulations of Gold, and travell about thy silver mountaines: but do thou answer me, Rombus cals thee to account, and bids thee Lenthall to speak on, thou Captain of the Tribe of Dan, Rombus speakes. speak on,—not as formerly for thy Brethren, but not for thy selfe—so—Thus you that would never extend favour, desire it—Come hither Fellow—without these tremblings—tell me—from what tap of low-prized drinke did you draw these high conceits—To make your selfe in a trice (as a man may say) as rich as Crassus—as powerfull to do mischief as a Tribune of the People: and swear to sit no longer in that unfortunate Chaire than while you may be allowed a King for your Cushion: you are indited of Treason and Extortion: you hired the Souldiers to cut the Citizens throats, for Wine and Money: you are an Atheist: and lastly a principal Contriver with those Grandees, Beelzebub and Cromwell, about the Kings Enchantment— Is this all? —You see Mr, Lenthal we have heard you with the patience and temperance of Philosophers, —and you say in general, that a necessitie was laid upon you, you must needs use the benefit of time: And then the safest and shortest cut to wealth, in your opinion, was by the way of severall Offices, and taking Bribes: this with the rest must be considered of, Jury conferre your notes, 'tis past ten, I fear the Prisoner faints, he wants his break-fast: guard him to Hell, his Soul I know is there already; you'l finde (my Friends) whole Heards of Presbyterian cattell grazing there; let one of those beasts be sacrificed to the appetite of [Page 3]this Caniball, your Independants are hungry Fellowes, and love that flesh better than a Banquet.
Henery Martin, hold up thy hand.
In the name of our Soveraigne Lord the King.Martin Arraigned. Thou Henery Martin art charged to have forsaken the Christian Faith: for like an arrant Pagan, thou hast committed Idolatry with two of Homers Gods, Bacchus, and Venus: Thou hast robb'd the Orchard of Hesperides, and tempted Chastity with Golden-Apples: Thou carest not a Nutshell for the choicest Beauties, after thou hast deflowred them. Item. That the cracked Virginities which thou hast taken for current, and so payd for, till they fell in peices under thy use, are numberlesse.—That all those Mobees thou seest there, sit weeping in dust and ashes, with dishevelled haire, wry mouthes, and snotty noses: were lately fifteen honest Matrons, Wives, young and beautifull, and of a sweet repors, but now the Trophies of thy Perjury: Tis affirmed upon Oath and Evidence sufficient, that these stiffe Chastities could never be foyled, till thou struck up their heeles; nor tamed by any charm, till thy fraud mingled with some force, layd salt upon their tails, and powder'd them in so unfortunate a season, that they have stunk ever since. Item. That having sold those rotten Purchases thy corrupt Father left thee, thou hast conspir'd against thy Soveraigne Lord, and seized the Royall Inheritance of Him and his Children, to the use of thee, and thy Bagages.—Make answer —Iury, observe him—Well Sir. You cry guilty too,His Submission & Apology. yet this in effect is your desire, that you may be looked upon, as a bold free Member, brim full of Impudence, but not a drop of flattery for any but women: Therefore no Courtier, no hope to thrive that way: Besides, you plead that Mother Shipton, being your great Granam by the Fathers side, you could not chuse sometimes but consult with her Prophesies, and then for kindreds sake, do something for Anarchy, which she wisht well to; least say you, that reverend Witch (being so neare to me in blood) might have failed me in her Praedictions, and so have tainted the whole Family with the losse of her own reputation: As for the King, it seems you cannot love him for two Reasons. First, because he takes himselfe for a better man than you are.
And Secondly, by reason he did not hang your Father for cheating the Kingdome, from which cousenages, you complain, he derived so much wealth as you feare hath brought a Iudgement [Page 4]upon his name, and made you his Gracelesse Sonne fall into lewd courses—This Tubbe is without a bottome— His Breakfast he shall finde in Hell, let him partake with Lentall.
Cromwell hold up thy hand.
I Rombus will not stile thee as thy familiars do,Crumwels Tryed. such as Aulicus, Elencticus, Pragmaticus, or the like, with the Title of Noll, or sometimes King Noll: These (although thou mayest be confident they love thee) yet value them not, for they are Dwarfes in Epithets, and cannot reach thy height, but I shall give it thee. Thou Phlegon, Gorgon, Tetraegramaeton, great Patron against Mice and Emrauds; thou God of Ekron, hear thy mortall Charge: Thou Oliver stands Indighted for having distempeted the State, distracted the Church, and poysoned the wholesome constitutions of three flourishing Kingdomes. Item, Thou didst send the King to that isle in a Magicall Whirlewinde, and fixt him there till some power, above thine, shall finish his Enchauntment, and hang thee up like another Absolom: Thou hast endeavoured to supplant thy Generall, towards whom thou art perfideous; that (in imitation of Julius Caesar, whose points thou arr not worthy to untrusse) thou hast enslaved the Senate, and London City, that thy selfe might reigne alone, and be perpetuall Dictator: Thou conversest daily with Mackiavels; and for assurance that all this may be done, hast finally given thy selfe to the Devill.
Guilty or not guilty—'tis well—you know what follows.Crumwell yeelds and is confounded & tilent. Confession,—but indeed Mr. Crumwel your Crimes are of such a haughty nature, so proud and popular, as would have quarrelled away the very vaile that should pretend to hide them, —Consort him with his fellow States till the Court rises, let him eat porridge, Hell is within his jurisdiction, he cannot be unwelcome there, pitch him by Martin—
Stephen Marshall hold up thy hand.Marshall Tryed.
You Stehpen are Indited of Treason against Heaven and Earth: For you drive Religion before you for a Stalking-horse, and change your Opinion touching Church and Government, as we use to put Cowes into fresh Pasture, onely for increase of Milke: [Page 5]You are Seditious, Factious, and a Schismatick: You have taught the people to Rebell, expresly against that Text of Scripture that calls Rebellion like the sin of Witchcrast. Item. That having split your own hope of Heaven upon the Rock of wilfull Perjury, you have likewise tempted his Majesty, by sundry Insinuations from litle Learning, and lesse Honesty, to doe the like, and so make a wrack of himselfe for ever: That the late Scotch Proposition, of dividing the Church from the Civil Magistrate; on whom, say they, it shall have no dependency: Whereby a greater Tyranny than Papall is ready to be Introduced; is an Egge of your laying, and onely by you recommended to the Scots for hatching. Item. That when you went with the Commissioners for Scotland, you carryed into that Country a strange Pipe with you; some affirme it Gold, others Silver; whose Musicke was so ravishing, as rob'd many Ministers there of their wits; for at the sound thereof they are ready to daunce naked, run through fire and water; protest against Parliaments, be of any Religon, and turne Turke, Inpependent, or what you please, only at your appointment; That you exceed the Scribes, and Pharises, not in Righteousnesse, but ambition, Covetousnesse, and damn'd Hypocrisie; that you are a Wolfe in Sheeps cloathing. Item. You were of the Counsell with those that sent his Majesty to the Isle: That you Preach Charity; but never practise it: And when they proffer you 4. pound for a raw Sermon of Repetitions, you are never contented with it. Memorandum, His Father a poore Watchman at Huntington: this is true. Marshalls party Confession, and delatory Answer. That you are not to be trusted by any man, for when a Collection was made, of fifty pound for an aged Indigent brother, by your entreaty, from severall Churches, you detained more than forty pound of the Money, delivering to the distressed but sive; and so cosened your own Father, who was the party;—Guilty—or not Guilty —In the Substance Guilty, but wronged in the Circumstances —The Witnesses shall clear it—Let his habitation be in Hell; and his Office to say Grace there.—Oliver will be proud of his Chaplaine.
Rainsborough hold up thy hand.
You Rainsborough, stand Indicted of Felony and Treason; of Felony in divers parts of the Kingdome,Rainsborogh Indicted. during the late Warre; wherein you were observed to play the part of a cruell [Page 6]Thiefe, and pick up your crummes greedily. Item. Having taken upon you, like another Phaeton, to guide those Chariots of the Sea: our Navie: You first provoked Vantrumpe to fight, and then suffered him to beat you handsomely, you running away with severally of the Ships Royall: which were never baffeld before: So that by thy Ignorance and feare, those Invincible Fortifications: and outworkes of the Kingdome were in Election to have been taken or sleighted: Item you were carefull of nothing but the Kings escape, under which pretence, and searching for Letters, you rifled all ships and passengers by your Ministers, that were as very thieves as Caons;—Answerr to thy Charge:He yields. Guilty—or not Guilty, The proofes indeed are pregnant, and thy faults manifests. Let him srolick in Hell with Iesuit Marshall and the rest: let their bellies swell with barly broth, till the huskes break.—
Haman—hold up thy hand. No age hath paralel'd this prodigie:Haman accus'd. since Judas Iscariot, that kil'd his Father, and got his Mother with child: other Subjects Act evills against the King being absent, yet in his presence they spoke him faire, but thou durst sleight him to his face: put bolts and barres upon his liberty: presse him in rude language, (onely Naturall in such a Cerberus) to things distastefull and injurious; limit his walks and Recreations as thou art fancied to be pleas'd, or pettish, Letting him further know, that the changes of his Fortune are but the influences of thy smiles or frowne: And lastly, thou hast laid prophane and violent pawes, upon his sacred Person—
Speak—they all submit:He would faine implore mercy: but cannot speak. His Excellency brought tryall. he trembles every joynt. Away with him too. The Infernall pallace, let him not want Hell broth, Give it him scalding hot, and fire enough—string him next Rainsborough: A chaine made up of such would be an excellent bracelet for the Divell.
—A Guard for the grand Signeur—Thomas Fairfax: Eldest sonne of Ferdinando Fairfax: not Ferd: the Emperour, nor any of the Arch-dukes, but a poore Irish Baron: and pettie Lord in Yorkeshiere. Stand forth, and heare thy charge— Thou, Thomas, art accused of deeds darker than the Powder Plot; thy treasons are so hideous that children crye, and dogs fall a barking when they are but nam'd, for thou hast shaken our Land like an Earth-quake; Thou hast exiled our Peace, bound our Lawes in chaines, Rob'd us of our Estates and Liberties; [Page 7]and drest Religion in fooles a Coat: Thou art joyned in Wedlock with a Moabitish woman, as very a heathen as thy selfe, or the Babylonian Semiramis; by which pissekitching and Cromwell, thou art led by the nose: like Zimri; thou hast conspired against thy Master: Thou hast shut up thy Lord in a straight prison whom thon feedest with the bread of Affliction, and like a liberall Gentleman givest him his owne teares for drink, while thou thy selfe shinest in the Title of his Excellencie, and farest deliciously every day: In a word: thou and thy Cockatrice are to be forthwith excommunicate: for you are turned renegadoes, and you both have denyed the faith;—Guilty or not Guilty? This is the very Answer of old Adam: My wife beguiled me, And the Devil, beguiled her. And so it seemes, you made a shift to beguile one another to the end of the Chapter: but here is the first part of your punishment: That the King being returned to take possession of his own Garden, you are both to be throwne out of Paradice for ever: and this to be done immediately—
Astraea rises.
Astr. faire and softly goes farre—Master Rombus you have spoken well but unseasonably; the faculty of judging is ours. We came from Heaven on purpose, and therefore wee proceed and say, That having duly weighed the offences of the hainous Malefactours, and pondered the proofes; which being Transparent, and Elegant in themselves, doe still receive a further perspecuity and brightnesse from the prisoners owne Confessions. We thus give Sentence.
You Fairfax that coveted your Soveraigns Glory, shall ride like the Welch Prince,Astraeas Iudgement. The Prisoners condemned: and first his Excellency. in the English Chronicles through London upon a Iade with your face reversed. A paper Crowne upon your loggerhead, and a Cryer before you; that shall proclaime and say: This is he that would needs be honoured in despight of God and the King: you shall be thus led to the place of execution, and from thence thrown into another world: usque in Infernos: by extreamest Torments; none of thy name shall ever be stiled Nobilis: And thy wife shall be burnt for a Sorceresse, as Joaene the rampant puzzel, was in France.
Cromwell, alias Williams, shall dye the same death, onely [Page 8]with a little qualification of the pompe: his house shall be made a lakes; The best of his name shall be a Brewer of small Beer And the biggest of his vessels but a Kilderkin.
Martin shall be hang'd in chaines, and alive for his presumption. And none suffred to bewaile him, but kitchin queanes, and hedge whores, such as make venery their profession, for to these onely he hath been beneficiall.
Haman knowes already the height of his owne Gallowes,
Rainsborough shall be devowr'd by a Whale: in whose belly he shall live so long, and feed so much upon salt water and herrings, that in fine he shall loose his humanity, and be turned into a fish, called a Porpoise, or Sea-hogge.
You Marshall shall thinke upon your predecessor: that false And Covetous Apostle Judas, with whose Example, you shall be so farre in love, that you shall doe as he did, first hang your selfe, and then drop into your own place.
Last of all: You Lentall: shall be flead, and have your skin nailed to the seat, where by vertue of a false Seale, you counterfeited the Chancellor: and tooke more than double fees, thy Carkas shall be buried in a quagmire, And this Inscrition upon a rotten Post adjacent.
Lentalls Epipitaph.
Finally, for thy sundry wrong judgements, and the reputation of thy pelfe, thou shalt purchase for thy selfe the Fortune of Midas, and thy posterity shall challenge a propriety in Asses eares, which shall be their Crest for ever.
These Principalls are thus culd out from the rest, for the speciall uses set downe; And to suffer as Grandees: About two, or three hundred of the Inferiour fry, their fellowes are to be hang'd up here, and there, in severall places, to beautifie the Nation, and make the hearts of Good men Glad.—
Aristaea vanishes.
Rombus rises.
Now you generation of Vipers: Have ye not done finely?Rombus is angry, but pitifull. thinke you to bring up your mothers children to this: What terrible Fellowes were you but lately, when you look'd all as furiously as Holofernes, before his head fell off, bigger than beares and buls: And now to see how suddainly the case is altred, and all for feare forsooth of a little hanging.—Come hither ye snotty noses, leave your sniveling, And peg up your hearts, like Stephen Marshall: Oliver: there, and the double Traitor Haman; who looke all three, as if they were resolved to put Astraeas Sentence in execution, and hang themselves in spight of pardons: the King has referd you entirely to my discretion, and whereof one of his predecessors hath had proofe, to some time, especially in Hamsteed Gardens: Now I considering this to be a time rejoyceing for his Majesties restoring and your miseries, doe thus moderate Astraeas sentence, which in justice should have falne upon you to your own knowledge.His qualification with their severall punishments.
You shall live: because you submit, and are sorrowfull; but you must doe your penances; Thats first, be soundly scorched in the hand, All, but Martin: for he shall be burnt in another place: You Lentall shall build, at your owne proper Cost and Charges, an Hospitall as large as Suttons, and endow it with as faire revenues: It shall be a refuge for honest Cavaliers, lamed or undone in the late Service: You shall loose the rest of your substance, which shall be divided betwixt his Majesty and those high-suffering Spirits, that would never pay Composition money, though their Lands flew up and downe like March dust, [Page 10]and the Devil took all: such I say, as would not yield an inch to those Rats in Corne, or Mice in Cheeses you Vermine parliament, one whole year ye shall plead for nothing, and during that time, be Trencher-scrapers to the new Societie.
You Martin shall likewise purchase an ample place,Harry Martins pennance. with fit allowances, which you shall call The Colledge of Reliefe, and discipline for the Sinner Martin and his poor Whores: in which your selfe shall be cheif Penetenciary; you shall fast three dayes in a Week for Mortification, and upon the other four; when you are permitted to eat some Scraps, six of thy she-Tygers shall be chosen out daily, who shall pinch you for an hour without mercy, and if you crie not out thrice, God save King Charles, your Posteriours shall be visited by the like number of outragious old Women, whose hands shall be armed with Rods of Correction, and they shall be labour you by turnes; after the manner of the Jewes you shall be circumcised in the fore-skin of your flesh, that while you are fore, you Viragoes may come upon you with their force, and prevail against you, as the two bold Patriarchs Simeon and Levi did once against the Sichemites; in short, you shall be pared close, that is perfectly eunuched, and so be lodged nightly betwixt two handsome Girles, that you may remember your former Excesses, and sigh at your present incapacity—This to continue for a year—
Rainsborow, you for the first halfe year shall serve as Swabber in one of the Whelpes Royal, and there receive three hundred stripes weekly, with a salted Eel, for being such a Puppie, as to skrew your selfe into the disguise of a Vice-Admiral, considering, that if they hide a Fool never so much, he will make some shift to discover himselfe, as you have done sufficiently. The other six Moneths you shall be given to some honest Boat-swain displaced perhaps for drinking the King's Health, he shall carry you about the Kingdom for the Terme aforesaid, and shew you for pence a piece—he shall call you a Sea-Gull—
You Haman shall likewise be granted to Captain Burleigh's Widow, in part of miserable amends, to whose use you for the like time shall be drest and discovered as a very strange thing, in all lineament and outward proportion, a man, but otherwise a monster as ever the jarring Element, when they were sick, angry, and in Phisicke, dropt out from their back door, amongst [Page 11]their most vile and tainted Excrements: the total of your Estate shall be shared by even and equal portions amongst the children of that Captain, whom an ignoble death by this malice, Indignified—
Marshal, though but a thredbare Scholar, that is hardly a Latinist, you shall get passe for an old Grecian, and be allowed to beg at Whitehall gate, your Offences upon your Breast in Text Letters, but your recantantation in a small print, behinde you, to signifie that your sorrow in the opinion of many, is but worldly— that you took a wonderfull delight in turning; and that Religion with you hath a long time gone arseward —your goods shall be distributed amongst poor Scholars, to buy Bookes and Sacke, having loitred above three yeares for lacke of imployment, and are now grown lowsie with drinking of Rot gut sirnamed Sixes: your name shall no more be called Stephen but Simon, and Marshal be translated into Magus that Conjurer.
You Oliver shall lay down your Assumpsit of Cromwell, and take up your old Fathers, Williams is your proper name, and so you must be called; and as your Designes were blacke, so shall your calling be, for you shall fulfill your yeares penance in a Colt-pit, wherein you shall become an Anchorite, by day you shall dig incessantly, and at night call up your spirits, with whom you shall practice your Conjuration: but a vizard of proof shall be clapt upon you, least meeting with that combustible Fuel your nose should set it a fire, and so kindle as unquenchable a flame in the bowels of the Earth as you have done already upon her face and your own, you shall hew out her lodging in the quarrey, you shall be cloathed with your own skin, and your Diet shall be Garlicke.
And lastly Fairfax, because it was once in your sole power to have righted your wronged prince, quieted all Troubles, and establisht an honest greatnesse to your selfe, all which you neglected; nay, refused being admonish'd: your name shall therefore no more be Tom, but Tony; and a Fools cap with a button rampant shall alwayes be your upper Garment and cognisance; you shall undergo the first part of Astraeas sentence: and when you ride, in stead of a Diadem which you aimed at, you shall be garnished in the feathers of a Goose, which shall inviron [Page 12]your most excellent Coxcombe; In the rest your penance shall follow on in the track of your Predecessor, Lambert Simenell, first be shewed in the stocks thrice a week; next you shall be made Comptroller of the black Guard, or chiefe turnebroach: And lastly, to suite a little with the soaring of your high thoughts, you shall be one of his Majesties Faulconers till your yeare be out: which finisht, and your estates disposed to the profit of the Malignant party, you shall be assembled together, to take upon you the faculty of fooling, as you terme it, and be made players in spight of your teethes.
You shall be called: The Mag [...]os and Grandees turn'd Players. the society of Goblins; you shall practice tumbling: picking of pockets, and plackets, with all the Science of Legerdemaine: the play you shall be alwayes presenting shall be famous, and entitled, The English Gipsee, and her damned Crue: which shall be capable of enlargement, for variety, but never loose the Tittle.
Of this Company, you Fairfax shall be King: touching whose fortune first and last, Tradition renders it thus: In the carnall minute of thy parents quiet copulation,A strange chance. and engendring thee, a horrible Tempest declared suddenly, which threatned the Roome, and so affrighted thy father, that forgetting his wonted method, and discreet leisure at such an Exercise, he hastned the worke, and threw thee into thy mothers lap, with so violent an expedition, as she doubted then, least thy tender braine, might be dasht against some mistaken vessell, and so crackt, which imparted with a Caldean, and his judgement required, he thus blest thy nativity,The Prediction of an Astrologer: not of the Citie Lillie: but a flower of the field. That thou shouldst be coupled with a Serpent, who should poyson thee not so much by a Corporall as an Animal Taint: that thou shoulds be martial, alwayes inclining to Rebellion, and in that audaciously, bold: perhaps fortunate too, for a few yeares: but never in esteeme, for valiant, wise, nor honest: that thou shouldst gather all the luster of thy Tribe to thy selfe: and glitter for a time, but being suddenly quenched, thou shalt leave none to succeed thee in Honour: and the light of thy family shall with thy selfe be extinguisht for ever: this is the true Reason though kept from thee, why thou art aspected so ghastly, and thy actions alwayes without feare or wit.
I say againe: you Fairfax: or by your new and more significant name Tony: of this Company you shall be Rex, King of the vagabonds; Oliver shall be your malus genius, or evill Counsellour. [Page 13] Lentall, the Prologist, and Treasurer. Martin, the Humorist, or Mad Lover Marshall, Annanias, or the White Devill. Rainsborough, the Intelligencer, or Scout. Hamon, the Door-Keeper. Madamoiseille Fairefax, the Gipsee, or Stigan Proserpine. And Chaloner, though exempt from publick Trial, shall likewise passe upon his part, and play the Fool egregiously, Your Scean shall be the banks of Acheron; you shall Act in Hell, and be bound to fix your Stage there, from everlasting, to everlasting, world without end, Amen.
VVE have fulfilled our trust. I that was Servant to Queen Elisabeth, and Sir Philip Sidneys immortal Friend, have obeyed King Charles in this particular, be you the Gazers here his Subjects as dutifull—ye Mutiners of London, that dare fight against your King, but never for Him: You that give solemne thankes to a murdering party for killing your Brethren, and send them Money to increase the slaughter: You that deliver up your defensive Chaines, that the Fetters of a true Bondage may manacle you and your children; and, being weary of your unworthy Lives, You that offer your throats to be cut, because ye wil not see (which your selves may easily prevent) the rifling of your Bagges by Ruffians,—your fair Wives squeezed like Grapes, and your selves cornuted to your own faces—You whose Eyes have observ'd this Miracle of your King's Deliverance—that it came from Heaven, and the dead, without your helpe—You that have seen the fall of these Miscreants; that have heard their triall, or shall hereafter reade it; for I imagine, so famous an Occurrence, will hardly escape the Presse. To all you Englishmen my quondam Countreymen, I speak to you.