Buscon's Extraction, with the Quality of his Father and Mother.

GEntle Readers, I was born in Segovia, a City of the Province of Casteele, in the Kingdom of Spain: My Fathers name was Ysi­dore, Native of the same City and by Trade a Barber; but such was his cou­rage, that he was much troubled, when any one called him Barber, and would reply, he was a Circumciser of Hairs, and a Metamorphoser of Beards: His Wife, who as I believe, was my Mo­ther, was called Roguille. It was the opinion of most of the Neighbourhood, that she was of the race of the Jews: she [Page 2]was of indifferent good behaviour, and tolerably handsom, and for that reason, most of the Poets and Rimers of Spain made copies of pleasant Verses upon her. When she was first married, as also some time after, she had many vex­ations; for some of our Neighbours tongues were so lavish as to report, that she had changed the Roman I of my Fa­thers name into a Greek Y. He poor man was accused, and in fine convicted, that at any time when he shaved his Customers, or dress'd his Patients a­bout the Groin, holding up their noses aloft, a young Brother of mine about seven years old, was wont very dexte­rously to pick their pockets; but that poor little Angel, (peace be with him) dyed in prison, under the pennance of a discipline which was applied to him with a little too much rigour. My Fa­ther was very much afflicted at it, for that he drove a pretty trade with him: he had often times before his death, and never so much as once after, been Pri­soner; [Page 3]but as I have been told, he al­ways was delivered with a great deal of honour, accompanied by people of all conditions. I have heard too, that the women used to be Spectators at their windows of this Comedy; I speak it not by way of vain-glory, for every one knows, I am not that way inclin'd.

To return unto my Mother; Once upon a time, an old woman, who at­tended me in the nature of a Nurse, said unto me by way of commendation of her, she had so many attractions, that she had bewitched every one who fre­quented her company; knew how to soder up a crack'd Mayden-head, to re­trive lost love, and to renew old age: Some called her the Bone-setter of dis­located affections, and othersome of the more vulgar sort, stiled her in plain English, Bawd, and said that she play­ed at all Games for money: but for her part, she smil'd at them all, that she might the better snap them, when they came within her Duckquey. I shall not [Page 4]scruple to tell you, the pennance she did undergo; she had a Chamber into which no one went but her self, which to say the truth, was much like a Char­nel-house, being full of sinners bones, which, to make use of her own phrase, she kept to put her in mind of mortality, and to make her despise life; it was garnish'd about with Images of wax, Vervain, Hern, and other herbs of St. John's Eve, of which she made strange compositions.

Upon a certain day a dispute hapned between may Father and her, unto which of their two Trades I should betake my self, but I who from my youth, had always generous and noble thoughts, would not addict my self to either one or t'other of them. My Son, said my Father unto me, the Proression of a Thief is one of the liberal Sciences, and doth not at all rellish of the mechanick, though some­what of the handicraft: the honestest men do now adayes make it their profes­sion; and who so steals not, knows [Page 5]not how to live in this world; and why think you I pray do their Serjeants and Bayliffs so persecute us? only because one Trade envies another: why do they banish us, why whip; and hang us up? (I can scarce proceed any farther without weeping, for the good old man cryed like a child at the remembrance of the sundry times his shoulders had been brush'd) it is, because they would suf­fer no other Theeves but themselves to cohabite with them: but providential craft doth sometimes deliver us out of their clutches. In my youth, I usually walked the Churches, and other places of publique meetings, and though I was sometimes snap'd, yet I still got off by my wits, which were good at a dead lift; so that by this handicraft, I have maintain'd both thy Mother and self, in very good fashion: How, Blessing of me, quoth my Mother, all in a rage, doest thou offer to say thou hast main­tained mee? thou liest, It is I, who have provided bread for thee, at the cost [Page 6]of my own flesh, and who have divers times drawn thee out of prison, by my own industry, and tell me now by your faith, when you were put to the Rack, and that you that confess'd nothing, did it proceed from the strength of your courage, or those Broaths I made you, which cost me no small summe of mo­ney? No, no, you are an unworthy, un­grateful wretch, and did I not fear some one in the Street might hear me, I could remember you of a time when I got by the Chimney into a Chamber, when you were once snap'd as in a Rat-trap, and brought you out like a cat through a Garret window. More she had said, (for she was very much provoked) had she not amidst the violence of her passi­on broken the string of her Beads, which were of dead mens teeth, who she had made away, which she began to pick up. Now I, that I might neither ex­asperate one nor t'other, I resolutely told them I would follow goodness and my own vertuous inclinations; to which [Page 7]end I desired them to send me to School, that I might learn to write. That pro­posal of mine seem'd very reasonable unto them, however they left not off quarrelling between themselves; My Mother betook her self to threading her Beades of teeth, my Father he went to shave one, but whether of his beard or purse I know not; for my part, I was left all alone, and began to thank my Starrs, that I was born of two so illust­rious, so ingenuous persons, and so sol­licitous of my good education.

Buscon is sent to School, and the pleasant adventure which befell him, whilest he was King of the Scholars.

NOt long after, they bought for me the first Rudiments of Art, vul­garly called the Horn-Book; and ha­ving agreed for fifteen pence a moneth, they sent me to School. My Master re­ceived me with a very smiling counte­nance, for he newly came from eating a rasher of Bacon; he had broke fast when we came to him, and told my Fa­ther that any Phi [...]nomie, meaning I suppose Phisiognomy) promised that I should one day be a greater Personage then I was at that present. I had not been above eight dayes at School, be­fore [Page 9]my Mistress, who was a bonny Lass perceived that I was a Lad of met­tle, and might be proper to do her er­rands, and for that reason, she was more kind to me then the other Scho­lars, which made them envie me. Now to let you see, that I had ever a good courage, I began from that time, to keep company with those, who were bigger then my self, insomuch that I became intimate with a Cavaliers son of the City, whose name was Don Alonso de Sougniga. We ate and drank toge­ther, Every Holy-day I went to play with him; to be short, I was never out of his company; whereupon the other Scholars, either angry, that I slighted them, or desirous of correcting my pre­sumption, would be ever and anon twitting me in the teeth with my Fathers Trade. One called me Lord of the Ra­zer, Master of the Cupping-Glasses, and Diaculum, another laid it in my Dish that my Mother had debauched two of his Sisters; a third, that my Fa­ther [Page 10]had been sent for to his house to drive away the Rats, as much as to say, he was a Cat, with many the like injuri­ous speeches, and though I was not a little nettled at those indignities, yet I seem'd not to regard them, until upon a certain day, one of my Comerades with whom I fell out at play, called me Son of a whore, and witch; now be­cause he spoke it so plainly that every one heard it, (for had he spoken a little softlier peradventure I should have ta­ken no notice of it) I threw a stone so hard at him, that I broke his head, whereupon away ran I to my Mother, to acquaint her with what had pass'd; who answered me, well hast thou done my Son, thou now shewest who thou art, only thou wert to blame for not asking him who told him so. I hearing that, and having always my wits about me, answered her I was only vexed, that some then present, had told me I had no reason to be so angry, and that I had not asked them, whether they [Page 11]said so in regard of the boyes childish­ness; thereupon I desired of her to let me know, whether I might give him the lye, whether I was extraordinarily begotten, or the Son of my reputed Fa­ther. How quoth she smiling, art thou already so subtile and inquisitive? By my troth, I see thou art wiser then I thought thee to be: well hast thou done to revenge thy self, thou oughtest to have broken his pate; for feeing those things are done in secret, it is a sign that they should not be publish'd: with that I was struck dumb as a Bell-founder, when he runs his mettle, and resolved to get whatever I could finger in the house, and to betake my self to the wide world, to see how great an Empire Honour had already obtained over me! however I dissembled my intention; away went my Father to seek out the Boy, that he might wipe off this re­proach, who asked him forgiveness, and so peace being made, I was return­ed to the School, where at first my [Page 12]Master received me in great anger, but having considered what provocations I had, he abated his fury.

Whilest I remained there, I was e­ver and anon visited by that Scholar with whom I before told you, I had contracted a great friendship: his name was Don Diego, and he had a particular kindness for me; I used to exchange my Giggs and Tops with him, though mine were the better of the two. I gave him part of my junkets which I brought to School, and never asked any of him. I presented him also with Pictures, in fine I became so complaisant to every of his humours, that at last his Father and Mother who knew nothing of the ill re­port of mine, seeing their child took such delight in my company, were ve­ry well pleased when I did dine, supp, or lye with Don Diego, Withal I was very courteous to such as visited me, nature having befriended me with a countenance and shape which every one thought to be indifferent handsome. [Page 13]Now it so fell out upon a day just after the Christmas Holy-dayes, that we going together to School, met with one whose name was Ponce d' Aguire, a rag of the Law, who was not very well in his wits: Let us call yon fellow Ponce Pilate, quoth little Diego, and then run away; I to content my friend did so, before he had quite desired it; where­upon the man became so furious, that he ran after me with a knife in his hand, resolv'd to kill me, insomuch that I was forced to double my pace, and save my self in the School-house under my Master; presently in came the man and fell upon me, but my Master took him off, and promised to whip me soundly; and although my Mistress came to my relief, and begg'd my pardon, in regard of the good offices I did her, yet he forthwith caused me to untruss, and whipping me, at every lash, would ask me, will you any more say Pontius Pilate? and I answered crying, No Sir, insomuch that having once and a­gain [Page 14]renewed my promise to him, and he bethinking the great punishment I had received, forbore further correcti­on: It so fell out that the next morn, whilest we were saying the Creed, and our other Prayers, as we dayly used, when I came to those words, who suffe­red under Pontius Pilate, I remembred my fault, and said, who suffered under Pontius d' Aguire, to see my Innocency, my Master seeing my great simplicity, could not forbear laughing, but pre­sently promised me to forgive me the two first faults I should commit, and though they deserved the lash, yet that I should not be whipp'd. I could not but be well pleased therewith.

It was then neer about the time for chusing of Kings, and my Master in­tending to give some recreations to his Schollars, resolved to make a Royalty. The cake was divided, and the King­dom of the Bean came to my share with­out any artifice. Forthwith I acquain­ted my Father and Mother, that they [Page 15]might provide me clothes and trinkets The day of triumph being come, I was mounted upon a Rocinant of Don Quixot, a perfect Enchanters Horse, the leanest that was ever seen, his Chine was at least a quarter of a mile long, and withal so humble, that more could not be, for he went making of Reverences; he had but one eye, a neck like a Camel, and a tail like an Ape, that is without any tail at all. To be short, he was a dumb witness who accused his Master of the austere life, and the many fasting dayes he forced him to keep, by detain­ing the better half of his sustenance from him. Mounted I was upon this spright­ly Barb, attended by all the rest of my School-fellows, dressed up in the most egregious Ornaments their Mothers could procure for them. In this gallant Equipage we passed through the market place; I assure you I cannot yet but shake for very fear, whilest I think of it; for coming neer the Herb-womens stalls, Libera nos Domine, from their fury! [Page 16]my hunger-starv'd Horse, fell upon a Basket of Coleworts, and forthwith devoured them, stuffing his Guts, and not a little overjoyed with so pleasant a bait. The Herb-woman, whose cole­worts they were; being a sort of women as impudent as Oyster-wives, began to cry after me with open mouth, at which the whole tribe of them ran flocking a­bout her, with a number of canting Beggers and Porters, who snatching up their handfulls of great Turnips and Onions out of the Hampers, fell to pel­ting of the poor King, who knew not what shift to make. And I seeing it was a Turn-up combate, had a good mind to turn-down, but at that very instant, one of those cuckoldly Rogues gave my horse so great a charge upon the nose, that he began to stand on end, and be­ing none of the strongest fell backwards together with my worship, not upon dry land, but with reverence be it spo­ken, into a bottomless Jakes, which to my misfortune was there at hand. I [Page 17]give you leave to guess with your self; how sweetly I was pickled. Amidst this scufle, my Companions armed by this, in their Kings defence, broke two of the herb-womens necks: In came the Officers, who seized upon the Herb-women, and such Scholars and arms, as they could catch; for my Subjects had made use of their weapons in an of­fensive way, which they intended only for shew, as Daggers, Swords and Spears.

At length, the Serjeants came to me, who though I had no arms, they hav­ing been taken into a house, together with my Hat and Royal Robe to be dri­ed, yet did they not forbear to demand them, whereunto I answered all beshit as I was; that I had none offensive as to matter of life, but only to the sense of smelling. How ever my worship be­ing the chief Actor in the Tragedy, the Catchpole-rogue, would needs have me away to prison, but he was forced to leave me there, for that he knew not [Page 18]to lay hands on me I was so bedawbed. Some went one way, some another, and at last home got I affronting every ones nose I met. Being got home, I related my misfortune to my Father and Mother, but they instead of laughing, were so inraged to see me in such a stink­ing condition, that they resolved to be­stow a good beating upon me. I endea­voured to plead my excuses the best I could, by laying the whole fault on the horse, which they had lent me, but finding all was to little purpose, away ran I to Don Diego, who was newly come home with a cut in his head, which he receiv'd in the fray, which made his Father and Mother conclude not to send him any more to School.

By this, one came and brought me newes of poor Rocinant, he told me, how he had seen him in such extremity, that he was constrained to make a virtue of necessity, and by often plunging to get out of that villainous slough, had broken his Girts, Breast-plate, and [Page 19]Crupper, and so remained ready to breath his last in that golden Myne. See­ing then that all our sport ended in a Turd, and that all the market was in an uproar, my Father and Mother at their wits ends to think of paying for the horse, and my friend wounded, I made a vow never to go to School more, nor indeed to my Fathers house, but to keep close with Don Diego, to wait upon him, or to speak more truely, to keep him company to his Father and Mothers great content, for they knew their Son did love me very dearly. In order to this design I sent home word, that I had no more need to go to School, for in­deed though I could not write well, yet I could do well enough for a Cavalier; which profession I proposed to my self to imitate, amongst whom, to write ill and pay worse, are two great vertues, and for that reason I would forsake the School, to ease them of their charge, and their house to rid them of my trou­ble. I acquainted them with the place [Page 20]of my abode, assuring them, I should never return to them any more, without their permission pre-obtained.

Buscon becomes Servant to a Scholar, and relateth the Pennance they underwent whilest his Master and himself were in Pen­sion, wherein he de­scribeth the Covete­ousness of a Podant.

NOt long after, Don Alonso conclu­ded to send his Son unto some Ma­ster of Arts, to table with him, and my self to accompany him, that he might wean him as it were, from his Parents [Page 21]fondness, which commonly makes chil­dren Dunces and Cocknies. He was at last inform'd of one Ragot, who used to teach Gentlemens children. To him was Don Diego immediately sent, and my self to wait upon him. The very first Sunda [...] after Easter, we entred in­to the Territories of Famine, for indeed the misery and villany of that man could not properly be called by any o­ther name. I will give you a brief de­scription of him: He was broad shoul­der'd, his head form'd like a Sugar­loaf, his hair red, from which colour God deliver us: His eyes were so sunk into his head, and withall so hollow, that their stations would have been very proper to have made shops for Brokers, who cheat the world by selling in the dark; his nose like a Saddle, you would have imagined, some one had broken the bridge of it with a clap; his Beard like a Palisadoe, not so much with age, as with fear, for being so neer his hun­ger-starv'd mouth, which seem'd per­petually [Page 22]to threaten the devouring of him. He had not full six teeth in his mouth, his Throat was as long as a Cranes, his Arms lean, his Hands like a Skeleton, if he stirred never so little, all his bones ratled within him, just like a wicker bortle at a Dogs ta [...]l; he never cut his beard, that he might loose no­thing of it, and used to say, he would as soon loose his life, as suffer a Barbers hands to come upon his chopps; he wore a cap which the rats had all to be­eaten, for the Grease sake; it was now worn stuffe, though once called cloath; he had a Cassock, some called it mira­culous; for that no one could tell of what colour it was, or ever had been; some seeing it, and that it had no napp upon it, concluded it to be made of Frogs skins, othersome said it was an illusion, at a distance, you would have sworn, it had been black, and neerer at hand blew, he had no Coller, girdle nor Sleeves; in a word, so accoutred, that every one would have taken him [Page 23]for a Scar-crow. In his house was nei­ther Rat nor Mouse, he had a trick to conjure them away, least they should eat up the Crusts of bread, which he al­ways kept in his Pockets: his bed was the bare ground, and he ever lay on one side [...] for fear of wearing out his clothes, to conclude, he was an arch Villain, and a miserable Hound.

Behold us now, under the tuition and Government of this gallant Person. At our first coming, he appointed us a Chamber, and read us a Laconique Lecture, that he might not loose too much time, for every thing went through his hands. He set us our day­ly task, which lasted till Supper-time. It was his custom, that when our Ma­sters were at meat, we their Servants waited upon them, which was none of the greatest works, for indeed there were not above five boarders, they being young, and Gentlemens sons of the Countrey. The first thing which came under my observation, was, that therè [Page 24]was never a cat in the house, I desired to know the reason of it, and addressed my self to an old Servant in the house, who was nothing but skin and bones; he half weeping said unto me, from whom have you ever learn'd that cats were lovers of Fastings, or such auste­rities as are here used? One may see by your gaping, that you are a new­commer; you cannot imagine, what an afflictive impression this reply made upon me, our good Master the Doctor sate him down, and having said Grace, they made a dinner like eternity, for it had neither beginning nor ending: they had broath brought unto the Table in little wooden Saucers so transparent, that had Narcissus been there, he had run the same danger of being drowned, as at the Fountain. I observed how industriously the Pensioners lean fingers were playing upon the Virginals, as it were, to snap up a poor pea, which en­deavoured to save himself, sometimes by swimming, and sometimes by diving. [Page 25]At every sup of this warm water whic [...] the Doctor swallowed, I do not know any thing, would he say, which may compare with Broth. Let people say what they will, every thing else, is but excess and superfluities; do but observe how it preserves the body in health, and the mind in full vigor. The Divel take you thought I to my self, when be­hold in came a Servant, more like a Ghost then a body, so shin he was, who brought with him a dish of meat (which seemed to have been cut off from his own body) with a Turnip upon it, set out like a grand Sallet, how quoth the Doctor, here's a Turnip according to my own wish, for my part, I think there is no Patridge like it; eat, eat, my Lads, it does me good to see you feed so heartily, with that he cut every one a little piece, so little indeed, that I think I may safely swear, there stuck as much in either of their Nayls and teeth, as went into their Bellies. Ragot observed them saying, cheer up, you [Page 26]are young, and I rejoyce to see you have such good stomacks, consider I pray you, what good entertainment this was for such as gaped for very hunger.

They made an end of eating, and there remained upon the Table, nothing but a few scraps and bones, which our Doctor seeing, there quoth he, there's for our Servants, who are like to make as good a Dinner as their Masters. Ha­ving given God thanks, let us rise said he, and make room for them; as for you, get you to play until two of the clock, that what you have eaten may the better digest in your stomacks. A pox on thee said I to my self, and for very anger began to smile, which the Doctor perceiving, gave me a check, and bid me learn modesty, and so ended with three or four old sentences upon that Subject. I did not forbear to sit down at Table, with the rest of the Servants, and being older then some, and strong­er then others, I began to lay about me with both my hands, and that so nim­bly, [Page 27]that in three or four mouth-fulls I had consumed above half of what our Masters had left upon the Table. My companions seeing my diligence, began to grumble, which the Doctor percei­ving, came towards us, and said, live and eat quietly, seeing God hath sent you sufficient. I protest to you, there was amongst us one Servant, called Basque, who had so utterly forgotten how to eat, that he carried a crust three or four times to his mouth, without be­ing able to find his lipps: I called for somewhat to drink, which none of the rest did, because they were yet fasting, one brought me a dish of water, (for as to matter of wine, we were enterta [...]n'd after the Turkish fashion) and just as I was putting it to my mouth, that visible Spirit of whom I told you, snatch'd it out of my hands: I rose from Table very much discontented, yet however with a great desire to untruss, though my belly was not half full; I enquired of an ancient Servant, where the house [Page 28]of Office stood, who told me, there was not any about the house, but said, if you have for once occasion to make use of any such place, you may do it where you please; for during two months that I have been here, I never went to Stool but once, and then too, it was the effect of what I brought in my belly from my Fathers house, which peradventure may have befallen you this day.

I cannot fully acquaint you with the anguish in which I found my self, when he made me this sad accompt. In short, perceiving so little was to pass into my belly, I durst not let any thing go out, though I had a great desire. Being in this pain, comes Don Diego to me, and asked me what Rhetorique he should use, to perswade his guts that they were well stuffed, for that they would not at that time believe him. In this house there was an Epidemical complaint of wind Collicks, as in others, of crudi­ties and repletion: Supper-time came, [Page 29](for as for afternoon's lunshions, there was no such thing known,) we made a light Supper, such almost as Cameleons use; a little of an old rosted Goat, was our whole Bill of fare, there is not any thing said our Doctor, more conducing to health then not to overcharge the Sto­mack, he made several Encomiums up­on diet, and recited some Aphorisms of the Doctors; alledging that it pre­vented ill dreams: The truth is, with him I think no one ever did dream, un­less that he were eating, so much desi­rous were we of it; to be short, every one supped without supping; and so went to bed. Don Diego and my self, could not shut our eyes that whole night; we had not any of those sweet fumes, which proceeding from meat, cause sleep, insomuch that we were at leisure to contrive a letter of complaint unto his Father, with an humble supplication to deliver him from the jawes of this Fa­mine. Some things I inserted, Sir said I, you cannot well tell whether we [Page 30]are alive or not, for I am of opinion, that we dyed at the Battle of the Herb-women, and that we are now only Souls in Purgatory, without foolery, write unto your Father to deliver us. Amidst our discourse it became day, the clock stroak six, and our Master called us up to our Books, I was almost at my wits end, whilest I was making my self rea­dy, for I found my doublet and hose a great deal to big for me, I began to suspect some one had changed my clo­thes, but one of my fellow-Servants told me, such accidents usually hapened in that house, for that he had seen a cart-horse brought thither and presently transform'd into a Light-horse, so thin shaped, that he might have flown in the air; as also great fat Mastiffs turn'd in­to Grey-hounds; and that one day he saw several men, who put some their feet, some their hands, and others their whole bodies but only within the house doors, and having asked what good they found in it, it was answered, one [Page 31]of them was troubled with the Itch, a­nother with a canker, and a third vvith crab-lice, all vvhich by onely stepping over the threshold dyed of hunger, and could eat no further into their bodies.

Whilest we were expecting for deli­very from Don Diego's Father, and found no way to stuff out our Doublets, we concluded together not to rise so ear­ly in the morning, which to effect, we counterfeited our selves to be sick, but we durst not say we had a Fever, for so by feeling our Pulse we should have bin discovered, nor that we had the tooth-ach, or head-ach, for then they would have laughed at us: we resolved then to complain of the belly-ach, for that we had not been at stool for three dayes to­gether, imagining our Master would not put himself to a farthing charge, to any cure for us: but the Devil would so have it, that it fell out quite contrary, Ragot had a receipt derived to him from his Father, who had been an Apothecary, now upon our relating our griefs, he [Page 32]made us a Clister; then he brought into our Chamber a certain old woman, of about threescore and ten, to be our Nurse, he gave her a Spring, with di­rection to give us each our dose; wher­upon the old woman full of civility and respect, began with Don Diego, but by reason of her feebleness, her hands did so tremble, that when the Patient began to feel himself tickled, he could not forbear stirring, insomuch that she squir­ted all out upon his back, just up to his head, Poor Diego fell a roaring as if he had been kill'd. Our Master came in at the out cry, the old woman told him she had levelled the Cannon aright, the sick man he denied it, but without deci­ding their controversie, he charged the old woman [...] give me my Clister, and to provide another for Don Diego, now I having accustomed my self to beware at other mens harms, began to put on my clothes, and told them I found my self very well, but all to little purpose, for Ragot and two Servants seized upon [Page 33]me, and held me down per-force, whilest the old woman accomodated her Pipe; she had no sooner done her feat, but I did mine too, for I let all goe in her face, which so inraged our Master, that he said he would turn me out of his house, for he saw I did it willfully, but it was not my good fortune to be so ser­ved. We sent new complaints to Don Alonso, but Ragot prepossess'd him, that we used all those inventions, only to neglect our books, so that he was heard and we not. Behold us there con­demn'd for a longer time, to undergo the remainder of our miseries which that old woman did help to compleat upon us: she was so deaf, that she heard not any thing, insomuch as we were forced to discourse with her by Signs, she could see but little, and always went mumbling her Pater-noster: once as she was at it by the fire, her Beads broke, and most of them fell into the Porridg­pot, she poor woman perceived it not, and dinner-time being come, she serv'd [Page 34]us up the most devout Caudle that ever Zealot sipp'd. Her Beads were dished up like pease, one of the Tablers said, here are pease in mourning, what kins­man of theirs is lately dead? No, no quoth another they are Aethiopian pease: Besides all this, sometimes she mistook the Fire-shovel for the Ladle, I had ma­ny times in my Broth, brands-ends, sticks, Coles and ashes, which she got out of the chimney. We endur'd all these miseries until Lent drew neer, at the be­ginning of which, one of our fellow Pensioners fell sick. Our Master un­willing to put himself to charge, delay­ed to send for a Physician, until the sick youth called for the Minister, thereup­on he sent for a Doctor, who having felt the Patients pulse, said aloud, Fa­mine hath prevented me from being ac­cused, of this sick mans death; his hour was come, at the same instant he was confess'd, and when the holy Sacra­ment was brought unto him, he cryed out aloud, O my Lord and Saviour Je­sus [Page 35]Christ, It was necessary for me to see you come within this house, that I might be assured I was not in Hell. He had scarce said so but he dyed: we bu­ried him meanly enough God knowes, for that he was a Stranger. You can­not imagine, but we were very sad at this accident.

Don Alonso heard of it, and having no other Son but Don Diego, he began to believe the Stories we had told him, of Ragots cruelties, and to give credit to the relations of the two Ghosts, for by this we were reduced to a pitiful pass. In fine, he came to deliver us from those Tyrannies of Famine, under which we were become so lean, that although we stood before him, he called to have us brought to him, so much altered we were. He wanted but a little of slaying that perpetual Fast-monger, but loth to put himself to the trouble, he resolv­ed to be patient: He sent to hire a coach for us, we being so lean and feeble, as we were unable to travel. We took [Page 36]our leaves of our School-fellows, who accompanied us with their tears and prayers, like those in Algiers, when their fellow-Slaves are redeem'd.

Buscon and his Master be­ing delivered from the Jawes of Famine, are sent to study at Alcala.

BEhold us then arriv'd at Don Alonso's house, where we were presently put to bed; but with much ease and care, that our bones might not start out of our skins, so dry and thin were we. There were Oculists sent for, to search out our eyes, for they were so sunk into our heads, that we stood in need of a wor­mer to scrue them up again. For my own particular, I had been hardlier u­sed then Don Diego, and hunger had [Page 37]wrought more powerfully on me, for that I was treated like a Servant, inso­much that it was a good while before they could find where my eyes were; Physicians were sent for, who prescribed that the dust of our Books should be wi­ped from us with Fox-tails, as they use to do unto Pictures, (and indeed there was no such great difference between us and pictures) and then that we should have good Broths made for us; and so be well again; Oh what man is able to express the great joy our Bowels receiv­ed at the first dish of Barley-broth that was brought to us! The Physicians or­der'd, that no one should talk aloud for nine dayes in our Chamber, because our Stomacks being full of concavities, the least word which was spoken, resound­ed like an Eccho, but somewhat oftner then that of Ovid.

With thee Observations, we began to recruit our former strength, and at four dayes end we sate up in our beds, yet all this while, we did but look like [Page 38]shadows in respect of others. We were so disrobed of our flesh, and with­al so yellowish, that a man would have taken us for walking Ghosts; we spent the day in rendring thanks unto God, for having delivered us from the bond­age of barbarous Ragot, and beseeched him most devoutly, to guard all Chri­stians from his clutches. If whilest we were at meat, we did by chance think upon the diet of that miserable Pedant, our appetites would so encrease upon us, that we ate twice as much: We acquain­ted Don Alonso with Ragot's fashions, we told him, that at our sitting down to meals, he used to exclaim against gluttony, though he had never tryed what it was. In that Commandment, Thou shalt not kill, he comprised Tur­kies, Partridges, Capons, and all sort of Birds, of purpose, that we might eat none of them; nay he comprehended hunger in it, and seemed to make it a case of conscience, whether a man might safely kill hunger by eating.

Thus we spent three months in Alon­so's house, but at last, we were to turn over a new leaf. The desire he had to make his Son a Scholar, prevailed with him, to send him unto Alcala; that there he might go through with what he had commenc'd in the Grammar. He asked of me, whether I would accom­pany him. I who had no other passion then to be out of that Countrey where our former Belly-persecutor lived, an­swered, that I would most willingly continue in his Son's service; thereup­on he provided a Steward to over see Don Diego's expences, him he furnish'd with Bills of exchange. Our clothes were pack'd up, and we put into a coach: An hour before Sun-set, we took our leaves, that we might travell in the cool, and about midnight came unto Viveros, which place may it be accursed unto E­ternity: The Hostler was a Morisco, and a Thief at his fingers ends. Those we term Morisco's, who are descended from the Moors, though converted to [Page 40]the catholique Faith, and are however vilely suspected of being still Jews: I can assure you, in all my life I did ne­ver yet hear of such a Monster, for in the person of that man, I saw both dog and cat, which yet lived together in fair correspondence. According to the cu­stom of such-people, he bid us kindly welcom. Whilest we were providing to alight out of the Coach, he addressed himself unto my Master, he being the best clothed, and gave him his hand to help him out, and then coming to me, asked me whether he was not going to study? I told him he was, whereupon he brought us into a Chamber, where were two Ruffians, who had no other livelihood, but what they picked up by prostituring of two Trulls, then with them: In the same company was the Parson of the Parish saying his Prayers to the tune of their discourse, an old covetous Merchant, who was endea­vouring to forget his Supper, and two tatter'd Scholars, who were laying their [Page 41]wits together how they might insinuate themselves into one. My Master be­ing as I said the last comer, and but a young man, called to the Master of the house, saying, provide me what you have left, for my self and my two Ser­vants: We are all your Servants, said the two Hectors, at the same instant, as we shall testifie by our endeavours. Ho there, Master of the house, make the Squire welcome, set open your Pan­try door, and Cupboards, heel'e fee door, and Cupboards, heel'e fee you well paid, and therewithal comes one of them to him, and takes off his cloak, saying will you please to rest your self? Whilest they were thus dili­gent in attending him, which I could not but admire at, one of the Nymphs came and accosted my worshipful self, saying, what a handsom well behaved young Gentleman is this? is he going to the University? do you belong to him? yes quoth I, and that other man too, pointing at our Steward. What may I call your Master? Don Diego, [Page 42]Colonel Don Alonso's Son said I. I had scarcely said so, before one of the Bra­vo's went to him, and with tears in his eyes, imbracing him very affectionately; oh Squire Diego said he, who would have thought so, it is ten years since I saw you, wretch that I am! now I see I am much altered indeed since you have forgotten me. My Master was not a little astonished at this passage, for we both swore, we had never seen him in our lives. The t'other Swash-Buck­ler was walking about my Master, and looking him on the face, said to his comerade, making the sign of the X, is this that Gentleman's Son, whose worth you have so often cried up? surely we are very happy in that we met thus acci­dentally with him, he is grown pretty tall, God bless him. This kind of dis­course had almost confounded us, for by their talk one would have thought they had been born and bred with us. Don Diego returned him many comple­ments, and just as he was about to ask [Page 43]him his name, The Host came into the chamber to lay the cloth, and having smelt their design, Be pleased Gentle­men to leave off straining of courtesies, until another time, for your Supper stayes for you, another time will serve for your Complements.

He had no sooner said so, but one of the Scholars, began to set the chairs a­bout the Table, and one at the upper end for Squire Diego; t'other brought in a dish, and said unto my Master, will your worship be pleased to sit down, we shall wait upon you until our Supper be ready; For God's sake Gentlemen quoth Squire Diego, be pleased to sit down likewise, and let us sup together; time enough, time enough said the Bra­vo's, whereas my Master said not a word to either of them, our cloth is not yet laid. Now I seeing some invited, and other some inviting themselves, be­gan to be in a great fear of what might be the success. Behold we now the Scho­lars and roaring boyes all four at Sup­per [Page 44]with my Master, who looking him in the face, told him, It were not hand­som that in the presence of such a wor­thy Gentleman, those Ladies should be supperless; be pleased to intreat them to honour the company; whereupon my Master rose up, and invited them to sit down, which they did at the first word, but Good God! how like an ass did he look amongst his Guests; In a trice they had devoured a great dish of Coleworts, and made not above four mouthfulls apeice of a loaf which cost three shillings. Then, and there did I find by woful experience, that a Spa­niard is no temperate man, when he eats at anothers charge; Then they fell up­on a side of roasted Goat, and two great cuts of powder'd meat, By this they began to be pretty full, and look­ing about they espied Master Parson, whose eyes were eating as heartily as the best of them; whereupon the Scholars rose up, and turning towards him said, how is your Reverence there, (for in [Page 45] Spain that is their manner of speech to the Ministers) be pleased to draw neer, The Squires freeness and bounty may well reach as far as you too. They had hardly made an end of speaking, but down sits me Master Parson. Our Steward seeing his purse was like to pay for all, began to scratch, where it did not itch, and indeed so did I too. Then there was brought to the Table two ribs of rost Beef, and a couple of Pigeons, they carved half of one of them to Don Diego, and then the two Bravo's, the Punks, the Scholars, and Master Par­son devour'd the rest in the twinkling of an eye. Thereupon one of the Blades said to him, your worship had not best to eat any more, for fear of over-char­ging your Stomack, it's very true said one of those divelish Scholars, and be­sides they that go to Alcala should ac­custom themselves unto temperance and sobriety. Would to God quoth I to my Companion, (cursing of them with all my heart) they would practise what [Page 46]they preach, that somewhat might fall to our shares. When they had eaten up every bit, yet the Curate, a Pox take him, fell to romaging over the bones which they had left, whereupon one of the Hectors turning about, said, what forgetful wretches we were, for we have not left any thing for the Ser­vants, come hither said he, dear hearts, speaking to me and our Steward, you Masters of the house there, here's a Pi­stol, let them have what the house doth afford, when behold of a suddain up comes that damn'd pretended kinsman of my Masters, and cries out pardon me Sir, if I tell you, you do not well understand the world or my Cousin, you do him a great injury, think you he hath not wherewithal to entertain his Servants, I beseech you put up your money. When I saw this Stratagem, I thought I should have dyed for very anger; well, the cloth was taken away, and the Gentlemen took their leaves of my Master, saying it was high time to [Page 47]leave him to his rest. He would needs pay for the Supper, but they replied, to morrow will be time enough.

Whilest every one of this worshipful company were retiring unto their Quar­ters, one of those ragged Scholars see­ing the Merchant fast asleep, said unto the Bravo's, have you a mind to laugh a little? Let us play the wag with this old fellow, who hath eaten but one pear all this day. I warrant him a notable rich covetous rogue: you say well quoth the Swash-bucklers, he deserves to have a trick put upon him. The Scholar thereupon gets up close to the Merchant, and takes away very hand­somly a little Cloak-bag which lay un­der his feet; he open'd it, and took out a Box full of Sugar-cakes, which he emptied, and fill'd up again with stones and dirt, then he untruss'd his Breeches and shit in the box, upon which he laid about a dozen of those shining stones which he had took out of a plaister-box, which done, he shuts the Box. This [Page 48]is not all quoth he, here's a Bottle, we must see what is in the belly of it: with that he clap'd it to his mouth, and drank it almost empty, and then fill'd it with flocks of wool, which he got out of one of the Cushions of our Coach; then he put every thing in it's place, and so made fast the Cloak-bag, and not content with that, he put a great stone into the hood of the cloak, wherein the Merchant was wrapp'd. Then every one betook him to sleep for about an hour & half, it being so near day-break. Ri­sing-time once come, every one awak­ed, except the old Rogue, who slept it out; whereupon one of the company called him, but he intending to rise, could not get up his cloak, whereupon looking about, he called for the man of the house, who came to him, and being pre-acquainted with the jest, pretended to be very angry. Why how now ho­nest friend, could you find nothing in the house worth your stealing, but this great Stone? Gentlemen, I pray take [Page 49]notice of it, he would have carried it a­way, had I not found it. I had rather have lost fifty pound, for it hath an ex­cellent virtue against the Collick; in the mean time the old man fell a swear­ing, and wishing the Divel had him, if he put it into his Cloak.

It was now almost time to be jogging. The Hectors made the reckoning, which came to fifteen shillings, which we were fain to pay without any more ado, for fear of a worse mischief, if we should have had to do with those people. Each man took a bit, before we parted, and the old man got him into a corner with his Cloak-bag under his coat, which he opened to take some Comfits out of his Box, of which he eat some before he went out of the house, but instead of what he expected, he put a Stone into his mouth, which beginning to bite, he wanted little of breaking the rest of those few teeth he had remaining, Presently he fell a spitting and making of mouths, what with the pain, and what with the [Page 50]stink which he felt in his mouth; we all ran to him to assist him. Master Parson asked him what ailed him? but instead of answering him, he fell a swearing and cursing; one of the Scholars seeming as if he believed he were possessed with an evil Spirit, called for some holy wa­ter, crying our, Vade Satanas, but he presently declared his misfortune, and begged we would let him wash his mouth with a little wine, which he had in his Bottle, which he did, but going to pour some into a glass, he perceived his wine was grown wild, being all o­ver hairy, and rough, insomuch that he could not drink it, either by fair means or foul. Then it was, that the old man began to despair indeed, but seeing how the company laughed at him, he was forced to be patient, and so to mount the Chariot, in which he camé with the two Bravoes, the Scholars and Punks. We got us into our Coach, and so came to Alcala, before nine in the morning: we alighted at an Inne, [Page 51]where we spent the rest of the day, cast­ing up what we had had, which could so inflame our reckoning, but we could not possibly make it up.

They arrive at Alcala. Don Diego payes his welcome to the Scholars, and the ri­diculous entertainment they gave Buscon.

A Little before night we went out of our Inne to the house, which had been hired for us, being just without St. James Gate, the habitation of divers other Scholars. Our Land-lord was one of those who did believe in Jesus Christ, but onely for fashion sake, he was a Morisco, so we call those, who as I told you, are descended from the Moores, and though converted to the [Page 52]Catholique Faith, yet are still presu­med to be Jews.

This our Land-Lord received us with a sowr scurvy look; I know not whether it were, that we should at first use our selves to respect him, or that it is the custom of that Nation, for indeed it is not unlikely that they who have ill faiths, have worse looks. We hous'd our Trunks, our Beds were made, and to sleep went we, which we did som­what better then the night before. As soon as it was day, in came all the Pen­sioners of the house to my Masters Chamber, and demanded their Wel­com. He knew not what their mean­ing was, but asked of me, and I who knew no more then himself, hid me be­tween the two quilts, for fear belike of the worst, covered all over, except a little of my head and feet, like a Tor­toise. At last, they expounded their meaning, and told him, he must give them a Pistol. Don-Diego presently made his Steward give it unto them, [Page 53]that he might the sooner be out of his fear, whereupon they began to make a hellish musick, crying, Vivat, Vivat, welcome Fresh-man. Let him hence­forward be admitted into our Society, and enjoy our ancient priviledges, may his skin be embroyder'd with the Itch, his clothes with rents, and his Belly, with as good an appetite as ours.

This done, they ran down stairs, as if the Divel, (God bless us) had dro­ven them. Observe I pray the goodly priviledges with which they welcomed us. We rose and went towards the Col­ledg: The Masters presently came and embraced Don Diego with much kind­ness for that they were well acquainted with his Father. They carried him un­to their Chamber, where they did him all possible honour. Thus while I stai­ed at the Stair-foot, for I did not expect so much kindness as my Master. I had not stayed there very long, before I got me into a great court, where were a great company of Scholars, who had [Page 54]no sooner espied me but they began to eat me with their eyes, to laugh in my face, and whisper amongst themselves, but so that I could hear them say, Have at you Fresh-man; I to shew my self good company, and that I fear'd no­thing, began to laugh as well as the best of them; but I could no longer forbear blushing, when behold one of the most impudent of the whole company, and who was next to me, put his hands to his nose, saying, me-thinks I smell La­zarus newly raised from the dead, for he stinks cruelly; At this watch word, all the rest took fire, and did the like, they stopp'd their noses, and withdrew from me; I who still endeavour'd to be thought as crafty as the best of them, did so too, saying, by my troth Gentlemen you are in the right, oh how it stinks! presently they fell a laughing, and above a hundred of them got about me, then they began to sneeze, fleer and make mouths, whereupon I perceived they were preparing to give me a volly of [Page 55]Spittle: One amongst them, who seemed to be the most rheumatique of them all, fetch'd up a great gobbet of Phlegm out of his Stomack, saying, see what a goodly bit here is, and therewith­al threw it at me, designing it for my face, but as luck would have it, it fell upon my Doublet, but so glewed on, that I could not possibly get it off. Then I began to be angry indeed. The De­vil take me, quoth I, if I do not —and so ran threatning to kill him, but the showr of Spittle and Snot which fell up­on me, was so violent, that the rest of my words stuck in my teeth, for I was fain to cover my face with my cloak, and to stand still, as the mark of their spit­tle, with which I was so bedawbed, that one would have thought I had been in the Snow.

Nor was this all, one of the veriest Rogues of the company seeing I kept my face whole, came to me, and pre­tending to be angry with the rest, said enough enough my Masters, be quiet I pray do not kill him.

When I heard this, I was in some mistrust least they would have done so indeed, which made me uncover my face, at which very instant the Rogue dash'd a good mouthful of Phlegm just between my eyes, whereupon all his fellow-Rascals began to laugh, and I to contrive how I might get away. I consider'd in what a sad condition I was, powder'd over with the excrements of their Stomacks, I verily imagine they never used so to purge themselves, but when they met with some such Fresh­man as my self, & that thus they saved the expences of Doctors and Apothecaries. That I might be sure of my lading, they had a great mind to bestow some cuffs upon my ears, but of that there was no great likelihood, unless they intended to fill their hands with the Spitttle wherewith they had covered my whole body, from the crown of my head to the Sole of my foot. For that reason they forbore me, and did me the favour to let me go off accoutred as I was: [Page 57]Away I hyed me as fast as I could to­wards lam den day our lodging, and as good luck would, it was so early in the morning, that I only met with two or three Ser­vants of the Colledg, who were pure rascals indeed, for they threw but three or four handfulls apiece of lime at me, which to my misfortune was not far off them, to perfect my painting.

Thus pickled I arrived at our lodg­ing, the Morisco espied me, and with that began to laugh, as if he had been ready to split; I thinking he intended to fill up some place of me, which had escaped, Sir said I to him, pray have a care what you do, for I am not an Ecce homo: this I said in respect of his Nation, but would to God I had been mute at that time, for he gave me two such furi­ous blows with the handle of a besom which he then had, that he thought to have laid me on my back, whereas to say the truth, I sell flat upon my face. At last up I got, and went to my Cham­ber, where I was at least half an hour, [Page 58]pondering where I should begin to un­dress my self. At last I had finished it, and hung them out in the air, then I went to bed, and slept soundly. Not long after in came my Master, who finding me sleeping, and ignorant as he was of the vile mischance which had be­fallen me, he became very angry, and handled me, as Butchers do Piggs when they go to kill them; he pulled so much hair off from me, that at two handfulls more my head had been as bald as the skull of a Sceleton. I rose up crying and weeping, my Masters anger increa­sed, How now Sirrah, said he, is it thus that you serve me? doest thou not know me? I shall make you change your course, and lead a new life, when I heard him talk of a new life, I verily thought I had been dead in good earnest. And well Sir quoth I, is it thus that you comfort me in my afflictions? I pray Sir do but open the door said I weeping, and behold my clothes, which have this day served for handkercheifs and spit­ting-Basons, [Page 59]to the foulest noses and loathsomest throats, that ever were in the Jewish Synagogue. My Master see­ing me weep, opened the door, to see what ailed my clothes, which done, he began to relent, and pitty me; Buscon said he, have a good heart, cheer up thy self, and though thou hast not Father or Mother neer thee, yet be not dismay'd. Then I recited to him, what had befal­len me, He commanded me to be re­moved into another Chamber, for my better assistance, where four other Ser­vants lay. I lay me down and fell a­sleep again, and having made a good supper, found my self in as good plight as ever: But when one misfortune be­falls a man, it should seem more are at hand, and that disgraces do draw on one another. Night being come, the Ser­vants who lay in the chamber with me, came to bed, they bid me Good-night, and asked me how I found my self? I made them a short rehersal of what had betided me, at which they blessed them­selves [Page 60]with the sign of the cross, seem­ing to be astonish'd at my mischance, and as if they had no wickedness in them, is it possible, would they say, there should be such roguish people li­ving amongst Christians? The Proctor is much too blame, for not establishing better order in the University. Every o­ther day, there fals out some new disaster, do you know any of those Rake-Hells, who have thus abused you? I told them not, and thanked them verv kindly for their good will. Whilest we were thus talking, they undress'd themselves, put out the Candle and went to bed. Be­hold us then in a profound Silence, and I thinking my self as safe, as if with my own Brothers, betook me to sleep. When about midnight I was alarumed with the noise of Murder, Murder, Theeves, and withal heard one laying on with a whip upon one of the beds, as hard as he could drive, up I got me in my bed, crying out where is he, what is the matter, I had hardly opened my [Page 61]mouth, before I felt one lay me on se­ven or eight blowes, about the wast, all in an instant, with a whip of as many cords as I had backs. At this up-ri­sing, I began to second him in his com­plaints, who had first wakened me, who continued roaring like mad, though no body felt the smart but my self. I cal­led out for help, and for the Justice, but no body stirr'd. The best remedy I found was to get me under the bed, for my sheets and coverlet were gone; there I thought my self pretty secure. On a suddain the three others began to cry: When I heard the salutations of the whip continue, I said not a word, but thought it might be some body not belonging to our chamber, who was come to bestow that morning visit upon us. In this inte­rim, he who made the first out-cry, got into my bed, and dung'd it; he return­ed to his own bed, and the whip was si­lent. All four of them rose up, saying what a mischance is this? things must not go thus, we will find out, who it is [Page 62]that hath been in our Chamber, withal they made fast the door, pretending they had found it open. All this while I lay close under the bed, grunting like a Dog, between two doors, and find­ing all still, I got out, and asked if they had any hurt. The Divel take them quoth they, our skins are flayed. By great chance I found my bed, into which I got me the soonest I could, and pre­sently fell asleep, without perceiving the bed-fellow I had gotten, my sleep was not so sound, but that I often turn­ed from one side to another, insomuch that when I awaked, I found my self anointed all over, with Pilgrim-salve. Day being come, every one got up, but my self, for I kept close to conceal my trouble, and pretended the blowes of the whip made me sick. I was so be­dawbed with the Sir Reverence, that a Gold-finder would hardly have found in his heart to have touched me, and that which did as much perplex me, was, that I knew not how it came to pass, [Page 63]unless the cold and fright might cause it. The truth is, I found my self both guilty and innocent, unable either to accuse or excuse my self. My Compa­nions being up and ready, came about me, complaining some of one place, some of another, and dissemblingly ask­ed me how I felt my self, very ill quoth I, for that I think I was worse handled then all of you put together; indeed I then little thought how true I spoke. I asked them who they thought had done us that mischief, I had almost caught him said one, but he got from me, how­ever I will find him out, though I go to a Conjurer; well patience per-force, but let us see, if you are so bad as you seem to be, sure you have roared suffici­ently. Saying so, they made as if they would pull off the clothes, at which in­stant, to compleat my affront, up came my Master, Is it possible Buscon, you should have so little care of your duty? it is at least eight a clock, and you are still a bed, rise, rise for shame. The [Page 64]others to excuse me unto him, acquain­ted Don Diego with what had hapened; and desired him to let me lye a little lon­ger, and in case you will not believe us, do but take up the Coverlet, and see in what condition he is, and withal began to move the clothes, but I held them with my hands and teeth, as fast as pos­sibly I could for my life, that they might not see how I was bewray'd. When they perceived they could not have their design that way, do you smell nothing, quoth one of them? for my part me-thinks I smell an ill savour; Don Diego said the like, whereupon all of them began to look about, to see if perchance they could find any close stool with a Clyster in it; In conclusion they could discover nothing, they searched the beds, and turn'd them out, to see if any thing were under them. Doubt­less said one of them, this smell must needs be about Buscon. Let us remove him, into one of our beds, and look un­der him. I seeing the little likelihood [Page 65]of escaping those Devils, pretended I had a qualm upon my Stomack, I stared with my eyes, counterfeited the Hiccox, and made ugly faces, they who knew the meaning of it, came and held my head, whilest Don Diego bowed my fin­ger. To be short, they five lifted me out of my bed, and opening the sheets, they thought they should have dyed with laughing, when they saw how finely the sheets were guilt. Alas! poor boy cri­ed they, this he did when as he swound­ed; I almost dead for shame, counter­feited as if I had swounded away; bend his fingers hard said they, and my Master thinking to do me a good office, pulled them so hard, that he put one of them out of joynt. After all these torments, there they left me. I cried for shame and anger both together; they told me, in a jeer, pretending though to pitty me, come the business is not much, a little water will make all clean again, better so then break a gut. Then they put me to bed, and away they went. When [Page 66]I found my self alone, I began seriously to reflect upon the hardness of my for­tune, as also how I had more mischiefs befallen me in one day at Alcala, then in all the time I had been with our before-named Doctor. I did what I could to make clean both my self and my clo­thes; about noon I rose, and went to wait upon my Master. As I pass'd a­long a Gallery, the rest of the fellow-Servants espied me, and after they had heartily laughed, they told me what a trick they had put upon me, which aug­mented my shame, and doubled my an­ger. Thus was I entred a free denison, and from that day forwards, we were all as good friends as any in the world, and I had no more mischiefs done me.

Buscon's first knaveries, and the fright he put his Land­lady into, as also an other piece of Roguery.

HAz como Vieres, saith the Spanish Proverb, do as thou shalt see cause; instructed with this noble sentence, I re­solved to turn over a new leaf, to halt with the Cripple, and amongst Rogues, to be as bad as the worst of them; I can­not tell whether I was as good as my re­solution, but I assure you, I did my weak endeavour to attain it. In the first place, I made sure of all the roasting Pigs that came within the doors, proclaiming they should keep thence under penalty of life, or more properly upon pain of death: the like I did by all our Land­ladies Pullets, which came within my Chamber. I had no sooner made publi­cation thereof, but up came two sucking [Page 68]Pigs towards our stair-case, the fattest and tamest I had ever seen: I was then at play with the other Servants; as soon as I had spied them, I said unto one of my Comerades, Prethee go see who's that keeps a grunting without; he did so, and told me, there were two little Sowes Babies; let them alone quoth I, have a care you drive them not away, o­pen the door they are kindly welcome, and withal I slip'd out of the Chamber, drove them in, and laid hold on them, and punished them very severely for their presumption, in coming to grunt so neer us. When night came, we clapp'd them upon the Spit, and my companions and my self made a brave feast with them, and payed those arrea­ges which hunger did require at our hands. Don Diego heard of it, and was very angry with me, but all the Gentle­men of the house laughed at it, and in­terposed in my behalf. Don Diego ask­ed of me, what I would do if the Justice should seize on me? I told him I would [Page 69]appeal from him unto Famine, the Asy­lum of all Scholars, and in case he would not admit of my plea, I said I would tell him, they came into our Chamber, without ever knocking at the door, which made me believe they did belong to us; they all fell a laughing at my rea­sons. By my troth Buscon, quoth my Master, you begin to be a right Rake-Hell indeed, if thou doest but proceed, thou wilt in a little time commence Ma­ster of Arts; it is worth your observati­on to consider how modest and religious a Gentleman my Master was; and how subtle & crafty a knave his man was; for the truth is, we were of two contrary in­clinations, he loved vertue, and I rogue­ry, better then my meat. Our Land­lady was glad at the heart to see my hu­mour, for we had made an agreement together, and conspired against our Steward; whereupon I was made Ca­terer, and from that hour, I took a great delight to be of Judas his Trade, and to bring in round reckonings. The [Page 70]Elesh which our Mistress brought in the house, did never hold out, according to the true rules of Proportion, but kept still in Abatement. If there was any beef or goat to be had, she never bought Mut­ton, insomuch that we had alwayes Phisick Broth, so lean and transparent, that had it been frozen, you would have sworn it had been Chrystal; sometimes indeed to keep us in heart, she put a candles end or two into the pot. When ever she saw me before my Master, she would be telling him, Buscon was the best Servant she ever yet knew, but that he was somewhat knavish, however I advise you, would she say, not to part with him, for in consideration of his great trustiness, you may wink at his smaller pranks. The like I did by her, as occasion served, and in this manner we cheated the whole house.

When there was any Candles, Salt, Pease or Bacon to be bought, we al­wayes kept at least half of it for our own use, which we sold-unto my Master, [Page 71]when he next wanted any. That we might appear good Servants indeed, we did often tell him, he was too too pro­fuse, that his expences were too great, and that a Kings Exchequer would hardly maintain him. If I bought any thing, and told my Master the truth of what I paid for it, presently in came our Land-lady, and making as if we had no intelligence with one another, how now Buscon would she say, do you think to make me believe, that this cost you twelve pence? then I pretended to step aside and weep, afterwards I would go to my Master, and complain of the ill offices some endeavour'd to do me, and would press him to send his Steward un­to the market, to be inform'd of the truth, that I might thereby stop our Land-ladies mouth, who was ever prat­ling. He would then send him, who returning, satisfied my Master with the truth: by this means Don Diego and his Steward were very well inform'd of my honesty, and not displeased with our [Page 72]Mistresses good will, and then would my Master say unto his Steward, would to God Buscon were as free from vice, as he is full of honesty. By these devices did we suck his blood like Horse-leech­es, but much better. Perchance gentle Reader, you will tell me that our booty at the years end might be considerable, and that I was in conscience bound to make restitution; the one I confess, the t'other I utterly deny, for that our Land­lady confessed and received the Com­munion every eight dayes, and yet I could never hear or perceive, she had the least intention of restoring, or in­deed that she made any scruple of it, in­somuch that imitating such a godly reli­gious Saint as she was, I thought I had done no fault at all: she did ware about her neck a pair of Beads so heavy, that one less devout then she, would as wil­lingly have carried the Morters. There hung upon it, several mettals, Images, Crosses, Pictures, and indulgences, with which, to use her own terms, she [Page 73]prayed for her benefactors: She had above a hundred Saints, who were her Advocates; and the truth is, she had need of so many more intercessors, to procure remission of the sins she com­mitted. She lay in a Chamber over my Masters, and said more Prayers then the ablest of the three hundred blind Beggers of Paris; in which she used such latine words as Cicero never knew, so that we would almost kill our selves with laughing: She had besides these, many other good qualities; she was a great re­conciler of such as differ in affections; a Doctress of delight, which is as much as to say, a Baud. If at any time I fell out with her, she would excuse her self, saying, it is an ill bird which defiles his own nest.

Gentle Reader, I would not have thee believe that we were always good friends no, no, you must know, it is impossible for two covetous friends, who are con­tinually gaping after their particular profit, to hold good correspondence [Page 74]any long time together; for they will be endeavouring how to deceive one the other, and for my own particular, I must needs confess, I should do so, if I found any handsome oportunity, as I am now going to let you see.

She bred up in a back-court of the House, good store of Poultry; I once cast mine eyes on them, and began to long like a woman with child, for to see a couple of the best Chicken there, rea­dy rosted in a dish: It chanced upon a day that she went to feed them, and there cried Pio, pio, pio, which she did several times together: I presently fancied what that might allude unto; in order to my satisfaction: Oh God! Mistress Cypri­an (for such was her name) would to Christ you had either killed a man, or clipp'd money, rather then done that thing, for I must of necessity go and accuse you: Oh how unfortunate are we both, that it should thus fall out! She was not a little troubled seeing me make such complaints; well, what is it I have [Page 75]done, said she, prethee dear Buscon, tell me whether thou art in jest or in earnest, and rid me of the fright in which thou hast put me: How, quoth I, whether I am in jest, would to God it were no worse: I must go and acquaint the In­quisition with it, else I am excommuni­cate, ipso facto: To the Inquisition, said she; why have I committed ought con­trary to the Catholique Faith? Nay it is worse, said I, do not mock at the In­quisitors, but confess your blasphemy, acknowledge your own wickedness, and recant what you have said: If I should recant it, quoth she, pale and trembling as she was, would they condemn me to undergo any corporal publique punish­ment? no, said I, they would then absolve you; then I eat my words, said shee, but you must then tell me what I said, for I know not: Is it possible you should be so ignorant, replied I, I can-well tell how to express it unto you, for the hainousness of the offence is so great, that I shake for very fear, at the thought [Page 76]of it. Do you not remember that when you called your Chickens, you cried, Pio, pio, pio, and that Pio is the name of the Popes, who are Gods Vicegerents, and the Keys of the Church: She was al­most dead with grief. It is true Buscon, I said so indeed; but if I said it out of any ill will, I wish I might never go more. Prethee try if thou canst not find out some invention to avoid accusing of me; for I had rather be hanged then go before the Inquisition. I told her, pro­vided she would swear upon the Holy Altar, that she said it not out of malice; I were then dispenced withal for accu­sing her; but then of necessity, those very two Chickens which first came to eat (I observed them both very well) when you said those blessed names of the High Bishops, must be delivered into my hands, that I may carry them to a Familiar, for so one of the Ministers of the Inquisition is called, that he may burn them, for they are accursed. Af­terwards, you must solemnly vow, ne­ver [Page 77]to fall again into the like horrible blasphemy: She was overjoyed to hear this expedient; Buscon, said she, I pre­thee take those two Chickens immedi­ately, and let them suffer for my sin, and too morrow I will make my solemn vow before the Alter. I told her, there was yet one inconvenience unprevented, for said I, the Familiar will ask of me, if I were the person who had committed this great crime, and in this uncertainty he might do me a mischief; wherefore I am of opinion, continued I, that you your self go; for I must needs confess, I do not desire to have to do with those kind of people, for they spare no man. Alass! dear Buscon, said she, hearing me say so, for Gods sake pity me, and carry them, I hope you will not be in any danger; and I assure thee thou wilt rid me of a great vexation. I made her begg me a good while, before I would yeild unto her: in fine, I condescended, and away I went with the two Chickens, which I conveyed into my Chamber: [Page 78]I pretended to go about it, and at last home I came, and told her all things had succeeded better then I expected; The Familiar indeed, said I, was once in the mind to come along with me, to see the woman who had done the fact, but I put him off with much ado, where­upon she hugg'd me, and gave me ano­ther Chick for my pains, which with its other two companions, were eaten that night by my self, and the rest of the servants of the House: Not long after, Cyprian smelt out the trick I had put up­on her, whereat she was like to burst for spite, nay she wanted but little of disco­vering my tricks to my Master, but she being party to the crime, feared lest she might become partaker of the punish­ment.

Behold me now at open defiance with Madam Cyprian, and without hopes of reconcilement, whereupon I was forced to seek out new inventions to pass away the time, for I could not forbear my Rogueries, which I had learn'd amongst [Page 79]the Scholars. One night I walked a broad into the Town, about nine at night, at which time, there are not ma­ny people in the Streets.

I pass'd close by a Drugisters shop, and perceiv'd a frayl of Raisins lying on the stall, I seized on them, and ran a­way with all my force; the Apprentices of the shop, together with the Neigh­bours, began to run after me as hard as they could drive. I was the better Foot-man, and had gotten a good way before them; but the waight I carried, hindred me so much, that they had ta­ken me, had it not been for a Stratagem which came into my head, which was this, turning at the corner of a Street, I made a short stop, and getting upon a Stall, began to cry, holding one of my legs in my hand, The Devil take you rogue, he hath lamed me, just as they were passing by, Where is he? where is he? said they all out of breath. Yon­der said I goes a boy, the Devil go with him, I think he hath broken my leg, the [Page 80]Devil break his neck. I know not whether it be he you look for.

Away they went down the Street, and I went my wayes with the Frail: home I came, and told my Compani­ons what had pass'd, but they would not believe it; to convince them, I in­vited them out the next night to see me run, not at the Ring, but at the Gro­cers box; whom I had so newly met with. The hour being come, I obser­ved that the Frails were not now on the stall, but within the Shop, and that I could not reach them with my hands, besides the Grocer himself was there up­on his guard, having been so lately bit­ten, however I would not relinquish my design. I got me on the other side of the Street, just over against the shop; with my sword in my hand; which was a good stiff tuck; then I began to run directly into the shop, as hard as I could, and crying kill him, kill him, I made a full thrust, which miss'd little of Master Grocers beard, but entred into [Page 81]one of the Boxes; the Master of the Shop fell down under his Counting-board as if he had been killed indeed, though he was not so much as touch'd; and I in the mean while carried away the the Box upon the point of my Sword. Thus I made my companions see, that I wanted neither wit nor courage to un­dertake any good designe, and they themselves confessed, that I alone was able to maintain the whole House, pro­vided I could but see enough to take, which in plain English was as much as to say, I was a good Thief. I was young and very proud of being so commended; whereupon I gave up my self to studie what Prank I should play next.

Now because I perceived Don Diego did not mislike it, seeing I came clever­ly off, I laid a wager with him one day, I would get all the Swords of the Round which was duely made every night in Alcala. To see the effect of it, we all got out of the house one night, and went to a certain place, where we knew the [Page 82]Round must pass of necessity: When we perceived them coming, I march'd up before the rest of the servants, and began to cry out in a pitiful tone, Justice, Justice: Who's there, said they? Is the Captain there, quoth I? Yes said they, thereupon I fell on my knees: Sir said I, I demand Justice of you, it lies in your power to do me right in an out­rage which was committed against me; and withal, do the Common-wealth good service: I beseech you Sir hear me but two words in private, I shall acquaint you with a brave discovery: Presently he withdrew from the rest of his Com­pany, and came to me: In the mean time the watchmen began to look about, and to see whether their Swords were cleer, and their Pistols in good order: I have followed six men from Sevil hither, the wickedst Rogues that ever lived; in a word, they are both Theeves and Murderers, one of them kill'd my Mother, and a little Brother that I had, having broken into our house to rob us: [Page 83]there are witnesses enough of it; and it is said that they came to guard a certain French Spie, whom I suppose to be An­tonio Peres, speaking very softly. I had no sooner said so, but he opened his ears; Where are they? In the Colledge, said I; I conjure you to use the utmost dili­gence, the fouls of my Mother and Bro­ther will reward you with their Prayers, and the King with temporal benefits: Patience, replyed he, we will lose no more time; follow me, quoth he, to his Archers, and give me my Target: No no, Sir said I, taking him aside, you will undoe all, and endanger your selves be­sides, if you go that way to work; you had better go in one by one, and without Swords, for they have all of them Pi­stols; and in case they perceive you with the Arms, they will suspect you, seeing none but Officers dares wear a Sword in this place, and then doubtless they would fire upon you: Your best way is to car­ry your Daggers close under your Cloaks, and then we shal be sure of them, [Page 84]for we are enough of us. The Corrigi­dore approved of my advice; by this we were come unto the place, and he com­manded his followers to hide their Swords in the grass, which was just be­fore the House, which they all did, and so went on; They all entred in, my self being the last man: Now I had pre-in­structed my Companion, that assoon as they should lay down their Swords, he should seize on them, and away, which he did very dexterously: They all march'd in, and my self in the rear of them; but without more adoe, I hy'd me into my Chamber with my Compa­nions: In the interim, behold the Cor­rigidore with his Archers, who finding nothing in the House but Scholars, went out to look for me, he perceiving me va­nished, began to conceive how he was gull'd. Out he goes with all his men, whom he sent for their Swords; but with all their diligence, they could not find so much as half of one. It were su­perfluous to acquaint you with the many [Page 85]searches and re-searches, which the Cor­rigidore and Rector of the Colledg made that very night: I shall therefore only tell you how they sought up and down every Court and corner of the House; all the Chambers, nay, the very Beds: Now I for fear of being discovered, got me to bed, with a night Cap on my head, a wax Candle in one hand, and a Cruci­fix in t'other, and a young Priest at my beds-head, instructing and assisting me to dye; all the rest of my Compani­ons were at their Letanies; when behold up came the Rector and Corrigidore, who seeing so sad a spectacle, presently re­tired, thinking I had little need of so many Swords to defend me from death; but on the contrary, they said certain Prayers in my behalf, and went away without the least hopes of recovering their Swords. The Rector vowed unto the Corrigidore, to deliver into his hands him who had done this affront; and the other swore he would hang him, though he were a Dukes Son: Day came, I a­rose [Page 86]again and made my self ready. In Alcala they talk of this adventure to this very day; All the people, the Porters, Barbers, Coster-mongers, and reverend Hearb-women, (for I shall never forget them, with th'pox to them, since they affronted me when I was King of the Scholars) entertain themselves with the discourse of it upon the high-way: I shall not acquaint you with the Tributes I took of green Pease and Beans, upon Raisins and Herbs, of our neighbours Gardens, which lay near our lodging: By these and the like devices I acquired the reputation of being the archest Crack in all the Country; for which I was so beloved by all the Gentry, that I had much ado to stay with Don Diego, whom I ever respected for the affection he bore unto me.

Buscon receiveth the news of his Fathers death: He lea­veth his Master, and changeth his Profession.

ABout this time Don Diego received a Pacquet from his Father; wherein was one enclosed for my self, from an Uncle of mine, the most noted man in all Segovia, and a Retainer to the Justice; in a word, he was the Hangman, but withal, very expert in his Office, for whoever had seen him at his Trade, would have ev'n longed to have been hanged. This Personage it was, who sent me the Letter from Segovia unto Alcala: In which I pray you do but ob­serve the Fatherly affection he bore unto me.

I must needs confess, I was much out of countenance at the shame and discre­dit of my Parents, but I was quickly comforted, when I considered of the money. I went unto Don Diego. whom I found still reading of his Letters; in which his Father commanded him to re­turn unto Segovia, and to leave me at Alcala, for he had heard some of my Pranks. He told me, his Father had commanded him thence, and that he was sorry to leave me; but withal, that he would recommend me in case I liked it, unto a Gentleman, a friend of his, to be his servant: Sir, said I to him, I have my thoughts a little higher then so; I renounce the meaness of all those condi­tions; I intend to scale Honour; and if hitherto I have had one foot upon the Ladder, as every one knows: You may be pleased to understand, That my Fa­ther hath mounted up to the very top of it. I expounded my meaning unto him, and shewed him the Letter which my Noble Uncle had written to me; for [Page 92]he knowing who I was, I might the more freely, and with less shame, discover the whole affair unto him: He was very sad at it, and ask'd me what I intended to do. I acquainted him with my de­signs, and the next morning he went to Segovia; very sad I stayed behind in the Lodging, dissembling my grief, the best I could; I burned my Letter, for fear least some one might find it, and so discover my shame. Then I resolved to go for Segovia, to take possession of my Birth-right, and also to know my Kindred, that I might the better avoid them, and shun the place of their Habi­tation.

Buscon's departure from Al­cala towards Segovia; His meeting with two Cox­combs, with whom he pass'd the time on the way; one was an Engineer, 'tother a Fencer.

AT length the day came that I was to abandon the most pleasant life I had yet known: God knows what a regret it was unto me, to bid adieu unto so ma­ny friends and companions. I sold those few things I had, amongst my fellow ser­vants, and by the help of some certain devices of mine, I pickt up about six hundred Ryals: I bought me a Mule, [Page 94]and got out of the house, having little besides my shadow to carry with me. I cannot express unto you in what lamen­tations I left the poor Cobler, for the shoes where with he had trusted me, nor the sadness of Dame Cyprian our Land­lady, for the monies she had lent me, nor the clamours of her husband for the hire of our Lodgings; for to say the truth, I carried away the money my Master had left with me to pay him; one said his heart did alwayes mis-give him; a­nother, that he ever thought me a rogue. But so it was, I went away so well be­loved, that at least half of those who knew me, wept for my departure, and t'other half laughed at those who wept. In the vvay, I entertained my self vvith thinking on those affairs, vvhen having pass'd Torote, I overtook a man upon a little mule, talking to himself, and so much given over to his frenzy, that though I vvas come up close by his side, yet he savv me not; I rouzed him out of his extasie, by saluting him, he re­turn'd [Page 95]my civility, I asked him vvhe­ther he vvent, and being each of us sa­tisfied in our demands of that nature, he began to question me, concerning the Turks coming into Christendom, and of vvhat forces the King had to oppose him.

Then he asked me vvhat means there vvere to regain the holy Land, and hovv Argiere might be taken; by this I smelt him to be a fool of the Common­vvealth.

We continued our discourse, and from one thing to another, we came at last into Flanders, that is, to talk of those Countries. There it was that he began to look about him indeed, Those States quoth he, stand me in more then the King himself; for it is fourteen years since I fell upon a design, which but that it is impossible, had produced a ge­neral peace. Wherein I pray, said I, doth consist the convenience and also impossibility together, that it cannot be effected? what is it that you say, [Page 96]replied he? that it cannot be effect­ed? Yes, it may be effected, but to be impossible is quite another thing, and were it not for fear of troubling your patience, I would acquaint you with it, for I am now upon printing of it, with some few other works of mine, wherein I will shew his Majesty how to take Oastend two several ways. I be­seeched him to make me acquainted with it, whereupon he fell a groping in his pockets, and at last drew out a map, both of the enemies and our Fort, say­ing, you see all the difficulty of the bu­siness consisteth in this arm of the Sea there, now I shall furnish you with a de­vice to dry it quite up, which may be done with Sponges. I no sooner heard that word, but a fit of laughter came into my mouth, and he instead of being any way offended there with, began to laugh in like manner, 'tis true, said he, all men unto whom I have discoverd this my invention, have done the same, as you do, so well pleased they were with [Page 97]it. I believe so said I, they could do no less, hearing such a new invention, and founded upon such solid reasons, yet I must needs tell you, under favour, that having drain'd up all the water in it, yet would the Sea quickly fill it up a­gain; Oh I have a device for that too, replied he, for I would have the Sea there undermined about a dozen Fa­thom, I durst not say one word more to him, for fear lest he should tell me of a device to pull Heaven down upon earth, for in good earnest, I never met with such extravagant follies; with these ad­mirable proposals we came unto Torre­geon, where my Engineer stayed, for he was to visit a kinsman of his: I rode on, laughing at the conceit of his inven­tions. That day fortune was very favou­rable to me indeed, much more then usu­ally, by her care of entertaining me; for she brought me to see a mule bridled and sadled, a good way from me, feeding at full liberty, and not far thence a man looking on a book, and drawing lines [Page 98]therein with a pen, which he measured with a pair of Compasses. Then I be­held him retreating and advancing, hol­ding out his arms, as if he were fight­ing, and ever now and then his arms would be cross'd one over t'other, in a thousand several postures, as if he were at Sword and Dagger. Never was man so astonished as my self at the sight hereof: To be short, I concluded it was some Conjurer, God bless us, in which apprehension, I durst hardly ad­venture to go any farther, However I took heart at grace, and on I march'd; at last he spied me, and with that shut up his book, and clapping his foot in the Stirrop, by accident he slipt out again, and fell all along upon the ground. I went to him, and help'd him up again, and he looking somewhat scurvily upon me, said, I did not take the due center of my circumference in mounting. I understood not what he said, but I per­ceived him to be the most absolure fool, that ever yet frighted woman. He ask­ed [Page 99]me whether I were travelling to­wards Madrid in a direct or circumflex Line? He demanded what manner of Sword it was I wore by my side, and whose it was? I told him it was my own; Those cross barrs of your Hilt should have been longer, to have defended the down right blows which are formed in the Center of the Stocadoes, said he. When I heard him canting in such strange and hideous terms, I took the boldness to ask him, of what profession he was? he answered me that he was a most accomplished Master of defence, viz, a Fencer, and that he would make tryal of his skill, in any place whatever, at single Rapier, or at Sword & Dagger; I believe it, I believe it, said I in a great deal of hast, for fear lest he should have challenged me. To tel you the truth, said I, I took you rather for some Conjurer, then a Fencer, before I came up to you. I was, replied he, endeavouring to find out an Idea which then came into my mind, wherewith by means of the fourth [Page 100]Circle and Rule of Proportion, I might ingage any man's Sword living, in a Du­el, and so kill him, with a confession that he might never be able to discover who did it, and when you were just come to me, I was trying it by the rules of the Mathematiques. Why said I is it possible there should be any Mathemati­cal rules in it? do you doubt it quoth he, nay, there is not only the Mathema­tiques, but also Divinity, Philosophy, Musick, and Physick; as for the last I doubt it not, said I, for that treats of killing; do not laugh at it replied he, for I will instantly teach you a notable thrust against a down-right blow, which shall comprehend in it, all the spiral lines of the Sword. For my part said I, I understand not one syllable of what you speak, neither little nor great. Hold said he, there's a book which expound­eth all of them, it is called the Swords Dexterity, It is an excellent good one, and containes miracles, and that you may no longer doubt it, when we come [Page 101]to Rejas, whither we are going, you shall see me do wonders with a couple of Spits; therefore I pray believe, he who reads this book may easily kill, whom he will, and as many as he will. He had need then replied I, get a receipt how to make the Plague, or turn Doc­tor of Physick. Whilest we were thus discoursing, we came to Rejas, and as we were alighting at the Stable, he cry­ed out to me, that I should make an ob­tuse angle with my leggs, and then re­ducing them into paralell lines, that I should alight perpendicularly. The Host, who was at the door, seeing me laugh, did the like, and asked me if the Gentleman were a Jew or an Hebrew? With that question I thought I should have dyed. Well, he put his Mule in­to the Stable, and then spake to the host saying, Ho lo, you within there, pray lend me a couple of spits, that I may roast two or three Angles, I shall re­store them immediately; Yes Sir said the Master of the house, but you need [Page 102]not put your self to the trouble Sir, on­ly give me the Angles, my wife shall dress them, though I must confess I ne­ver yet heard of any such Birds. How? they are not birds said the Fencer, and looking upon me, began to smile, to see what ignorance is, lend me two Broa­ches, I mean only to fence a little, and peradventure what I shall shew you, may be worth you more then all you ever got in your life. To be short, the spits were all used, and instead of them he was forced to be contented with two La­dels: never was there seen a more plea­sant spectacle; he stood upon his guard, in this posture quoth he, I advance, and I make my thrust, and gain the point of the eye: Remember it, for I make use of it, at this day to kill to the life.

Now I pray see the difference be­tween a thrust and a cut, he never came within ten paces of me, but went round about me; whoever had seen us with our Ladels in our hands, would have sworn we had been inventing some se­cret [Page 103]design against a pot of Pottage which was ready to run away by boyling over: then all out of breath with the exercise, look you quoth he, this is the true secret of Arms, not of your swaggering com­panions, who can only wield a flagon, and call themselves fencing Masters, but indeed know nothing but how to drink well. He had scarce made an end of speaking, but I spied coming out of a Chamber over against us, a certain Personage, who seemed to be somewhat discontented, his Mustachio's of the co­lour, and as big as the mane of a bay-horse well made, a broad brim'd hat, with one side buttoned up, the t'other hanging over his face, a kind of a col­ler, made of an old Table cloth, just like an Ox-coller, his legs displayed like the Emperial Eagles, his counte­nance with a great Per Signum Crucis de Inimicis suis. His Mustachio's like a pair of Spindles, a Sword by his side, a Dagger upon his Kidneys, with the bars shining like a Nuns Parlour, and [Page 104]looking on the ground, I have been said he in my dayes— as these marks will testifie, and by my head, I will give him a hundred cuts with my Sword, nay Il'e kill him outright, that shall dare to injure the Fen­cing-Masters; with that he laid his hand on his hilts, and withdrew three paces backwards. I was afraid of a quarrel, to prevent which I step'd in between them, and told him there was no body spake to him, nor gave him a­ny provocation: However he continu­ed in his fury, let him come cryed he, with his naked Sword, if he hath ever a one, and leave his Ladles, that we may shew wherein lies the true secret of arms, Therewithal my poor Companion took out his book, and said, look you here's the Book which containeth it, it is print­ed by the Kings Priviledg, and I will maintain the truth of it with this Ladle here, and in all places whatever; for look you, let us measure, and then drawing his compass, this Angle is ob­tuse, [Page 105]but the 'tother drawing his Sword, I know neither Angel nor Obtuse, nor did I ever hear of any such Fencers names; but with this Sword in my hand, I'le cut off all their heads that shall despise our Art; therewithal he held up his hand to strike, but the poor Rogue my Compa­nion, at the same time began to look a­bout him; and run away towards our Chamber. It is our of his power to hurt me, cryed he, for I have gotten the height of his eye: with much ado, at last the Ma­ster of the house, an my self made them friends; for my own part, I could hard­ly speak for laughing. We lay in the same Chamber, we went to supper, and so to bed: About two in the morning he rose up in his shirt, and began to grope about the Chamber, advancing and re­treating, withal uttering a thousand ex­travagances in Mathematical Language; he wakened me, and not only so, but called for the Chamberlain to bring him a Candle, saying, he had found the ob­ject fixed to the Stoccade; our Land­lord [Page 106]cursed him to the pit of Hell for troubling of him, and at last called him fool; with that he return'd back to his Chamber, and told me, if I would rise, I should see what a rare invention he had found against Turkish Cimiters, which he was then going to make his Majesty acquainted withal, for that it greatly im­ported the welfare of Christendome. Not long after the day began to appear, we rose, my Companion and the Fencing Master shook hands, and I payed our Reckoning, and so we proceeded on our Journey.

The conceited Extravagancies of a certain Poet whom Buscon overtook going to Madrid.

I Took my way towards Madrid, and my Companion parted with me, for he was bound another way: He had no sooner left me, but he cried out to me aloud; I stayd for him, and though we were in the open field, and no body near us, yet he came to me, and whisper'd me in the ear, saying; For Gods sake Sir, let me beg you not to discover unto any man, those rare Mysteries which I have shewed unto you, but make use of them for your own occasions, I promi­sed him so to do: He went his way, and I mine, laughing at the conceit of his [Page 108]Extravagances. Thus I rod on above a League without meeting any one, rumi­nating with my self upon some difficul­ties which presented themselves to my thoughts, concerning my profession of Honour and Vertue; for first I was of necessity to obliterate the memory of my Father, and then to lead such a life as might serve to conceal my self. I con­ceived those very proposals to be a good beginning, and said in my mind; Could I but once, of my self, produce such acti­ons as might savour of Honour and Vertue, I should be a thousand times more to be commended then those who derive them from their Grand-Father. These were my contemplations, when behold I overtook an old man on a Mule, ma­king towards Madrid. After usual salu­tations we fell into discourse; he deman­ded of me whence I came: I told him from Alcala: A curse light upon those Countries, replied he, for there is hard­ly one man of understanding therea­bouts: I wonder said I, you should so [Page 109]undervalue them, for I assure you, there are many ingenuous men in those parts. Ingenuous men say you, (replied he all in a fury) whereabouts I pray you? I am sure I lived fourteen years since at Majabond, where I was a School-master and the man that made all the Christmas Carols they sung there, yet they had ne­ver so much wit as to make me any pre­sent for it; but that you may be made sen­sible both of their ingratitude and igno­rance, I shall shew you a Song, which is here in my Satchel; with that he put his hands into his Breeches, I observed his action, and could not but much wonder at his behaviour: After he had fumbled up and down on both sides, a pretty while together, he drew me out a certain Fardle of papers, as greasie as a Cooks clothes; amongst them he pick'd out one, in which was described the meeting of the Shepheards going to Beth­lehem, made up in as pittiful sad Rhimes as ever was seen in a Ballad. It was impo­ssible for me to say any thing in oppo­sition [Page 110]against him; for I gave up my self to such a fit of laughter at the sight of his simplicity, that I could scarce fetch my breath.

So I began to flatter him, for my better pastime, and told him I was much of his opinion concerning the beastiality and stupidity of those people, who were unable to judge of things according to their worth; and that for my own part, I had never seen any thing in my life, which pleased me better. I beseech you said he, since you like them so well, to hear a little piece of a Book I have made upon the eleven thousand Virgins; upon each of which I have made fifty Stanzas of eight Verses a piece: I assure you it's a rich piece: I to excuse my self from hearing so many Millions of Stanzas, be­seeched him to talk to me no more of godly affairs: I think the Devil is resol­ved to vex me with this importunate Rascal, said I to my self, turning about my head, and making a sowr face: He without more ado, fell a groping for a [Page 111]Comedy, in which were more days work then a man had need to have made in go­ing to Jerusalem; I did it in two days, said he, this is but the foul draught; it will take up at least half a Ream of Pa­per when it is compleated; I have named it Noahs Ark: All the Representations are of Cocks, Birds, Foxes, Asses, and Boars, in imitation of Aesops Fables. It is my own, added he, and in deed I be­leeve the world never yet saw the like; if I could but once get it acted, I am con­fident all the Spectators would be ravish­ed: Well, said I, but how can that be, when all the Interlocutors must be beasts, which cannot speak; Ah th'Devil on't, that's all the difficulty in it; but I have a trick for that too: I can change my fi­gures, and put in Parrots, Jayes, Mag­pies, & Starlings, all which may be taught to speak: and for the Interludes, I will bring in Apes, Monkies, and the like: Yes marry, said I, now I hold with you, now you have hit the nayl on the head. This is not all, replyed he, I have some [Page 112]other fine toyes, which I made upon a woman whom I loved: Look you, said he, here are nine hundred and one Son­nets, and twelve Copies of Verses, (when I heard him naming those numbers, I verily thought he had been talking of money) all which I made upon her feet. I asked him if ever he had seen her feet, not as yet replied he, but the conceipts are by way of Prophesie. I was much pleased with the mans ingenuity; but the fear I was in, least he should begin to read some of his Iliads, made me alter my discourse. Looking about, I spied a Hare, which I shewed to him; in good time, said he, for in one of my Sonnets I have compared her to that creature; and withal he began to recite it, and I to divert him, told him, look yonder is the Star which ushers in the day. Every thing falls out to day according to my wish, said he, I will now, ending his for­mer, recite you the thirtieth, in which I compare her to a Star; when I heard that, I began to dispair, fearing there [Page 113]was not any thing on earth, or in Heaven, upon which, he had not made some Rhimes. But when I found we were al­most come to Madrid, I was in hopes he would not have rehearsed his stuff in the streets; but to my great affliction, it fell out quite contrary, for to shew what he was he spake so much the louder. I begg'd him to be quiet, telling him, that should the children hear he was a Poet, they would throw Lime, and rotten Ap­ples at us, because of late they had been declared to be all fools, by the Politique Ordinances, Published against them, by a certain person, who had once been of the Poetique Sect, but since reclaimed, and brought to his right wits. He was stark mad to hear me say so, but howe­ver intreated me to let him see them, if I had them. I told him I would, when we were at our Lodging. Now because he was acquainted in the Town, and I not, I was guided by him. We went then to an Inn where he used to lodge: At the door we found about a dozen [Page 114]Fidlers and blind Rascals, who were waiting for him: After mutual embrace­ments, they asked him for some fresh Carols, new Songs, Lampoons, or any other pieces of wit: He drew them out a good many, from a Wallet which he had, and got five Ryals a piece for his Papers. In fine, he bid them farewel, and turning to me, look you, said he, I will get above three hundred Ryals of those people before I go hence; and therefore that I may dispatch their de­sires, I must needs beg leave to retire from you a little while, and after supper we will see those accursed Ordinances, of which you told me.

Buscon plays the Box with his Poet, and shews him the Or­dinances against Poets. The Ran-counter he had with a Souldier, pretending a Re­compence for his services; And of a Hermit who cheat­ed him at play. Buscon's re­ception by his Ʋncle.

A Way went my Poet into a Chamber by himself to make some Ballads: In the mean time Supper was providing, having stuff'd out our Doublets, he in­treated me to shew him the Ordinances; now because I had little else to do until bedtime, I drew them out of my Pocket, and began to read them unto him as fol­loweth.

Ordinances against the Poets of Bale, The giddy-headed Muses, Mechanical and Hackney Rhimers.

ALthough we are duely inform'd that there is a certain kind of Vermin, called Poets, who are totally addicted to Idolatry, worshiping Hairs, Teeth, Gloves, Shoo-strings, and the like; as also who daily commit infinite other sins much more hainous, as if they were Bar­barians or Pagans: yet are we neverthe­less desireous of their conversion, and in­clined to use them charitably, in regard they are Christians, and our neighbours. We do therefore Ordain, That in Easter Week, they be assembled together in some publique place, then, an there to [Page 117]hear the reproval of their errors, and such other admonitions, as shall be thought proper to reduce them into a way of sal­vation: And in case there are any who touched with the sence of their crimes, shall be willing to renounce their former detestable life; we shal prepare Colledges for them, (as there are for the penitent Whores) that they may there expiate their offences; the rest we shall send to the Houses of Correction.

Item considering the great droughts which usually rage in the houses of the fiery Poets, during the dog-days, by rea­son of the many Suns and Stars wherewith they are stuffed. We do therefore in that behalf, impose a perpetual silence on them, as to heavenly things.

And as there are certain Moneths in the Year, during which fishing and hunt­ing are inhibited, so we do expersly pro­hibit them, not to open their veins in cer­tain Months, least they should shrink up, by reason of the fury and violence which then might transport them.

And for as much as this infernal sect of Poets are of the same fraternity with the Barefoots and Carters of the King­dome: We do therefore order, as a remedy against their extream necessities, That all their works shall be burnt, as likewise their old Fringes and Embroi­deries, for the chiefer experimenting of the Philosophers stone in their behalf: And that the Gold, Silver, Pearls, and all other pretious Stones which shall there­by be produced, shall be reserved for them to adorn their Goddesses.

Here our pedantick Doctor could no longer hold, but up he rose all in a fury; I do declare and protest, said he, against your Ordinance, and shall proceed a­gainst you in particular, if you go on any further: I appeal to the University of Parnassus, where my cause ought to be tryed, that I may not prejudice my ha­bit and profession; and moreover then so I tell you, I will spend in prosecution of my Suit, whatever God hath sent me in the world. It would be very fine, if a [Page 119]man of my Quality should endure this; for I will prove that the works of such a Poet as my self, are no ways lyable to such Ordinances, which I will justifie before Apollo.

I had much ado to forbear laughing, but that I might be kept up no longer, for it was pretty late: I told him the Ordi­nance was made for sport, and in jeaft, that he who would not obey it might chuse; that no one should be forced, for that it had no seal of Authority. Now you say somewhat, replied he, and you have rid me of the greatest trouble I was ever yet in; for you know what a tor­ment it is to threaten a mans works with fire, who hath eight hundred thousand Stanzas ready by him? But God forgive you the fright in which you put me; Thereupon I proceeded.

Item, For as much as divers have for­saken their Idolatrous life, (though they yet retain some Reliques of it) and are turned Shepherds; which is the occasion of their Cattels being so lean; for that [Page 120]they suffer them to drink nothing bu [...] their tears, nor feed them with any thing but their hoarse Gitars, with which they dull them; and that moreover their wooll is half buried, by reason of the fiery sighs, proceeding from the breasts of the said Shepherds. We Ordain, That they surcease the said Trade, and that such of them as affect solitariness, shall go and build them Cottages in the desarts of Lybia: and as for those who shall not submit hereunto, we give them free li­berty to hire out themselves unto Nurses to sing and rock their children asleep in their Cradels.

He must needs be some Masculine Whore, or Sodomite, or perchance a Jew, who made such Ordinances, cried the poor Pedant: did I but know him, I would shew him a Satyr should make him mad, and all those who should read it besides: But I pray tell me, would it not be fine to see such a Hermite as I should make, who have no beard; Oh I should sing rarely, who have hardly [Page 121]voice enough to speak; could make a shift to write , but never to Preach; Therefore I pray leave off, for if you continue to put me into any more such frights, you will see me fall dead at your feet: No no, said I, you must not be troubled at it , for I have already told you, it's only a piece of Drollery, and that you need believe no more then you please of it.

Item, For the better suppressing of the many Robberies committed by those Cattel called Poets. We do therefore expresly prohibit all Book-sellers to Print, or buy any Books of Poetry in forreign Dialects; that is, That they be not transported from one Kingdom to another; as those of France into Spain, or those of Spain into France, &c. and in case any be found guilty of the said crime or to be seized of such thefts, that he be put into the Pillory for one whole hour, as a Robber of other mens goods.

I fear not, said the Pedant, smiling, of being brought under that punishment, for [Page 122]I am but too rich in inventions, and need not borrow of others; and if you please, I will swear unto you, that when I take Pen in hand, they do sometimes so throng upon me, that I am four hours together expecting until the first make way, so mightily do they stop one another. No, no Sir, replied I, you need not use any asseverations at all, for I believe you at the first word.

Item, We do adjudge that all women who shall fall in love with these kind of Poets, who are as dry as Tinder, shall be comprised within the number of wil­ful murderers, and of such as hang or drown themselves: And we further com­mand, that they be not buried in Holy ground, but in the high-ways.

Item, Considering the great number of Comedies, Stanzas, Songs and Son­nets, of which Collections have been made in their late years of increase. We Ordain, That all such Bundles of Co­pies, as the Cooks and Butter-women have saved, shall be forthwith carried [Page 123]to the Houses of Office, there to be used as occasion shall require, any prohibiti­ons in injunction herein to the contrary notwithstanding; having however, first well rubbed them between their hands for prevention of Excoriations.

Item, Considering that there are three sorts of people in the Common-wealth which are so extream miserable, that they cannot live without Poets; as Woers, Ballad-singers, and Stage-Players; we being charitably inclined in our desires to supply their wants and Indigencies, do permit that there be certain Poets pur­posely tolerated for their use; provided they subscribe their works, and give no­tice of their dwellings, that they may be brought to give an account of their mis­demeanors and detractions, which for the most part they commit against per­sons of Honour, in their Lampoons and Lanterelus.

Lastly, We command all Poets in ge­neral, to correct and amend their stile; and that in future they surcease to use [Page 124]that manner of writing unto which they have accustomed themselves in com­mendation of women, either for their own passions, or for money, which such as are in love give them: Scilicet, That they forbear profaning of Heavenly things, or adopting the names of Angels, Stars, Suns, and Divinities; unto such women as are ready for all commers, provided they have wherewithal to pay their wel­come, and this under pain of being ba­nished unto eternal darkness, and given up to the wicked Spirits, and infernal furies, at the hour of their several and respective deaths

They who heard these Ordinances read, desired copies of them, except our good Pedant, who cried out in a pet, that he need not make any defence, but would imitate the good Poets of Spain, with whom he said, he was well acquainted; I am not for my own part neither, said he, so inconsiderable as you imagine, for I have lain in the same [Page 125]Inne with Dignan, I dined twice with Espinel, and I have been in this City of Madrid as neer Lope de Vega as I am to you; I have oftentimes visited Alonso d' Arcilla at his house: besides I have the Picture of divine Figueroa over my chimney, and to conclude, I have bought the Gally-gaskins which Padilla left when he took Orders. I have them to this very day, and will carry them about me as long as they will hold together. Look here they be, quoth he, and withal pull'd out a bundle of rags, and shew'd us an old pair of Bree­ches, which would hardly have serv'd to have made a scare-crow in a Hemp­yard.

At this passage all the company began to laugh, and hold their noses because of the nastiness which had almost choak­ed them, and for my own part, I see­ing it was late, got me to bed.

Day came, I rose, and took leave of my Comrade, without bidding him farewell, and so departed from Madrid. [Page 126]Now the Fates, which would not let me be alone, for fear of being in bad company, brought me to meet with a certain Souldier, whom I accosted, and after our usual complements, he asked me, if I came from the Court, I was onely there said I, en passant. Indeed, replied he, with somewhat an ugly look, 'tis well you stayed there no longer, for there are none but Rogues and Rascals live there. S'Death, I had rather for my part be in a Siege up to the middle in snow, and eat nothing but faggot-sticks, than put up such abuses and tricks as they have served me. Whereupon I told him, there were men of all sorts in the Court, and questionless some, who knew how to reward men of valour and worth. How the devil can that be, replied he, seeing I was there six mo­neths suing for a scurvy Colours, after twenty years service in the warrs, and the spending of my blood in divers occa­sions for the Kings service, as is to be seen by the wounds which I have receiv­ed? [Page 127]With that he let down his Breeches and shew'd me his buttocks, where he had many scarrs received in the French wars, which he would needs perswade me to be wounds of a sword. Then he shew'd me his back, Look said he, three pistol-shots, which I receiv'd from mine enemies in defence of my Coun­trey, and withal shew'd me three cuts, which were heal'd up of so equal a dist­ance, and just paralell, that I conclud­ed some Buskin had bestowed them up­on him with a dung-fork. I had the more reason to guess so, because I had receiv'd such another mischance. Then he took off his Hat, and shew'd me a fore­head of the long sixteens, for so many smaller cuts I could count which thwar­ted a great slash cross his face, and par­ted his nose. I receiv'd this blow, in Paris, in Gods and the Kings service, for all which, I had never any thing but good words, which I look upon as ill payment. Read those papers there, pray, for S'Death? said he there is not [Page 128]a man living, the Devil take me if there be, so remarkable as I am. He had reason for what he said, for he had ter­rible marks upon his face. Then he drew out of his Breeches a tin-box full of parchments, which I suppose he had stoln from some other man, whose name he had taken upon him. To pleasure him I read them, and began to com­mend his great valour; I told him, that neither Syd nor Enham, two famous Marquesses could compare with him. How, with me said he? making one step backwards, no nor Garcia de Pera­des, nor Julian Romero, nor many o­ther stout men ought to be nam'd in the same day with me. There were no great Guns in their time, for had there been, hardly one of them would have stood to it, by this good light, above one hour at most. Pray do but go into Flanders and ask what manner of man Breachtooth is, and you shall hear what they'l tell you. Probably you may be the man, said I to him, looking him in the face, [Page 129]you are in the right, replied he, do you not see that vacant place in my mouth, but wee'l talk no more of that, for 'tis not handsom for a man to commend himself.

Whilest we were in this discourse, we met an Hermite mounted upon an ass, with a Beard almost down to his knees, his countenance very pale and lean, in a long gray Gown. We saluted him with a Deo gratias, as is the custom to those people; he return'd the like, and began to discourse of the fairness of the wheat, and the Providence of God Hah dear Father, said the Souldier, I have had the Pikes thicker about me, than this wheat you see here, and that at the Siege of Antwerp: S'death, I did all a stout man could do, and by this light, had —At this second oath the good Hermite interrupted him, and besought him to swear no more. The Souldier left off that discourse. It's to be seen, Father, said he, that you were never in the wars, in reprehending in me that [Page 130]thing which is most commendable of all others in our profession. At this I could not but smile to my self, for I began to perceive by his discourse he was some counterfeit Braggadochio.

Whilest we were thus discoursing, we came to the Port. The Hermite was saying over his Pater-nosters upon a rope of Beads, each whereof might well have served for a bowling-Jack; The Soul­dier for his part, was comparing the ad­jacent Rocks with those Fortresses and Castles he had seen, making his consi­derations upon the strength of the place, and where would be the fittest ground for raising a Battery; Oh, said he, I would quickly blow up those Rocks like dust into the air; which will be an acceptable piece of service to Sea-faring men. Behold us by this arrived at Cre­cecedilla, We lodged all three together, we called for our Suppers, which while our Land-lord was providing, the Her­mite said unto us, it will not be amiss if we us'd some diversion till Supper-time, [Page 131]for Idleness is the Mother of all vice; Let us then play if you will for Pater-nosters, and Ave-Maries; not so good Father, quoth the Souldier, That kind of mo­ney I hold to be good among such reli­gious men as you are, but, if you please, let us play for an hundred Royals, and no more, for I have always such a tri­fling sum in reserve to sport away. At that I prick'd up my ears, saying, I would venture as much, and the Her­mite to shew that he was not ill compa­ny, told us that he had an alms for the lamp of his Hermitage, to the value of two hundred Royals. When I heard that, my heart went pittepat until we were at it, for I hop'd to be the wick that should suck up all the oil of that Lamp; but I wish all the Turks designs may thrive no better. To be short, we went to dice at hazard. At first he told us, he understood not the game, which was no small grief to me, we offered to teach him, as in fine we did. That blessed Saint did at first let us win some [Page 132]of his Royals, but after a little while he gave us such rude rebuffes, that he quick­ly dispatch'd us, and made himself our Executor before our deaths. At every cast which the Souldier lost, he curs'd himself a thousand times to the pit of Hell, with many Oaths, and I eat my fingers ends, whilest the Hermite was imploying of his in drawing our money to him: as fast as we call'd upon the De­vil, and execrated him cursing our mis­fortune, he would name the Saints and Angels. After he had thus bit us, the Souldier of his hundred Royals, and me of six hundred, we ask'd him if he would play upon tick: He replied, he would not deal so rigorously with us, for that we were Christians and Neigh­bours, but hereafter when you play, do not swear; for you see by me, who re­commended my self to God and the Saints, how favourable fortune hath been to me. We were not so well skil­led at that trade a he was, but like In­grum's beleev'd him. The Souldier [Page 133]swore not onely that he would never swear more, but never to play more. I did the like, Ah plague on it, said he, I have been oftentimes amongst Luthe­rans and Moors, but never treated with so great severity, and so little charity as by that divelish Hermite. In the mean time, the Hermite laugh'd at us in his sleeve, being by this faln to his Beads a­gain. I who had never a cross to bless my self withal, entreated him to bear my charges to Segovia, which he kindly did.

To be short, we went to lodge in a great Hall, which look'd somewhat like an Hospital, for that there were several people which lodg'd there, the other chambers being all full. I went to bed indeed, but I could not sleep a wink, my six hundred Royals did so run in my mind. The Souldier call'd for the Ma­ster of the house, and deliver'd him the papers in his tin-box, with another small pacquet bound up in an old sheet. The Hermite cross'd himself, we address'd [Page 134]our selves to sleep. During the night I heard the Souldier talking to himself of his hundred Royals, as of a mischief past cure, and I was plotting with my self some trick to retrive my six hundred In the interim, it was time to rise: The Souldier call'd for a candle, which the Chamberlain brought him. The Ma­ster of the house laid his pacquet on the Table, but withal had forgot to bring him his box. Not long after, the Sol­dier looking about, and seeing onely his Pacquet, began to cry out as if he had been undone. Oh my business, my bu­siness at the same time, the Hermite and I began to call out that somebody should bring him his businesses. In a word, we made such an hurly-burly, that our Host presently got three close-stools for us, which he brought in, say­ing, take every one one; would you have any more, thinking we had bad some looseness. At that the Souldier whip'd out of bed stark naked with his Sword in his hand, and ran after the [Page 135]Host, swearing he would kill him, and slash him into an hundred thousand pei­ces. Does he mock me, said he? I'le make him know, I have been at the bat­tle of Saint Quintin, and many others, and does he think to flap me in the nose with a close-stool instead of my papers, and business which I gave him in custo­dy? All that were in the Hall began to run after him to pacifie him, but all would not do. The Master of the house said to him, Sir your Worship did call so carnestly for your businesse, that I ve­rily beleived you had some loosenesse; nor did I understand you call'd for your box. At last the business was ended, and he return'd into the Hall. During this hurly-burly I lay close, watching to have made a scramble, in case the Hermite had stirr'd, of the booty he had yesterday got of us, but the crafty knave was more cunning then my self, for he stirr'd not, fearing belike some conspi­racy against his treasure, and told us by way of excuse we had put into so [Page 136]great fear, that his heart fail'd him. All being quiet, the Hermite very liberally paid for the Souldier and my self. We went through the Town to pass the Port for my particular, I was much troubled I could not bring about my design: Nor far off me met with a Gennoese, I mean, one of those Antichrists of the Spanish Usurers, with a serving man be­hind him that carried a Canopy to keep the Sun from him, and by this he seem'd to be a rich man. We began several discourses with him, which he still end­ed in Bancos and Exchanges, for they are generally a kind of people in my appre­hension are a kin to Judas, always talk­ing of the Purse. He began to name Bizance, viz. whether one might safely return money at Bizance: and reiterated Bizance, so often, that the Souldier and I asked him what that Gentleman might be; he began to smile, and told us it was a City in Italy, where Merchants met to set prizes upon monies: From this answer we gathered that Birance was [Page 137]the place where the money-taylors took their measures. Amongst other dis­courses he told us he was undone by a Bankrupt, in which he had lost above threescore thousand Crowns, which he said upon his conscience the least, though for my part I beleeve that con­science amongst Merchants is like a Maiden-head in a Bauds hands, which is sold without delivery. There is none that use it, for having heard that it stings they left it at their first being born with their navels.

Amidst our discourse, we came with­in sight of Segovia, which pleased me very much; but the memory of the in­sufferable torments I had undergone with Ragot did much take from me my content.

Coming near the City, I perceived my Father in the high-way, expecting company; I was much troubled at it, but dissembled it the best I could. I took my leave of my Comrades, and went contriving how I might hear of my Un­cle; [Page 138]I rod in unknown to any one, for I had a little beard grown, and withal indifferent good clothes. I enquired of divers men where Master Grimpant liv'd, but I could hear nothing of him: I was exceeding glad to find so many honest men in my own Countrey. Whilest I was in this trouble, I saw a number of pitiful Rogues running along and look­ing behind them; I got my self up to the wall, as several others did; when behold there passed by a company of Halberteers, with other Officers of justice, and in the middle of them a rope of Penitents against their wills, half na­ked, and my Uncle in the rear of them, with two-handed Handkerchiefs, with which he brush'd their shoulders, to keep of the Wasps; I was so neer the way where he passed, that he presently dis­covered me: Oh my Nephew, cried he, embracing me, pray stay here for me; I shall only take a walk with these Gentle­men and return to you and carry you to dine with me: I thought I should have [Page 139]dyed for shame; for there were more Rascals staied behind to look upon me, than followed the poor Penitents; and had it not been for the money my Fa­ther had left me in his hands, I would that very hour have left the City never to see it more; but I could do no less at that time then promise him that I would there expect him as I did; and he having dispatch'd his business, came to me, and carryed me along with him.

The kind entertainment which Buscon received from his Ʋncle; The good cheer he made him in his House; and how after he had received his Portion, he left his com­pany.

THis Worshipful Uncle of mine liv'd near the Slaughter-House, the most infectious and noisome place of the-whole City: This is not a Palace, said he, as he went into his Lodg­ing; but I can assure you, my dear Ne­phew, it is very commodious for my. Office: We went up on a Ladder to the Chamber; at the first step I set my foot [Page 141]on it, I lookt upwards, mistrusting least some disaster might betide me, for it look'd like the high-way to the Gallows. We entred a Chamber whose Roof was so low, that were forced to go in the same posture as those who receive be­nedictions, viz. with our heads in our Cod-pieces: By chance I cast my eyes upon a row of Pins, where hung all the Utensils of his Trade; as Whips, Cords, Swords, Knives, and Branding Irons: never was Galley-slave more astonished or ashamed then my self at the sight of those goodly moveables: He ask'd me why I did not lay down my Cloak, and why I did not sit; I told him it was my custome to do as he saw: You are very fortunate, said he, in coming to me this day, for I shall give you some good cheer, there being some friends of mine to dine with me. In the midst of his discourse, in came a certain man in a long tawny Gown; he was one of those that goes about begging for the souls in Purgatory and holding up his Box, said to my Uncle [Page 142] The Souls have not been to day worth above their weight in burnt silk. With that he laid his Box down in a corner, and trussing up his Gown, I saw his baker legs, which were made like a greek Y revers'd; pre­sently he began to dance. Is not Rapiere come yet, said he? No, quoth my Uncle: Thereupon came into the Chamber a great scoundrel fellow, creeping on his knees, which he was forc't unto, either because he was too high, or the Chamber too low. His face was all Chequer-work, flat nos'd, with a Hat like a flute glass, only the brims were so large that it might have serv'd for a Pent-house for three or four in rainy weather: a Sword he had by his side with more Rings about it then a Curtain rod; he was no sooner got up, but down he sate. I must needs confess, dear god-Father, said he to my Uncle, that you have serv'd your Penitents to day like good children in­deed: With that the souls-beggar took up the discourse; they were poor sneak­ing Rascals, that had not where withal to [Page 143]buy a kindness: I gave four Duckates to Fletchill, grand Beadle of Ocaigne, to be­friend me as he did, when I was forc'd to dance a Coranto there: For my part, said t'other, I did not grudge my money I gave Lobrene, when he serv'd me with the same sawce at Mourcia, and yet the old Thief made me sensible that some one of more credit than my self had recommen­ded me to him. Those Officers, said my Uncle, interposing in their discourse, are not men of honour, as I am; for when I treat with any one, I know how to acquit my self as becomes my quality. I listned to these discourses with abun­dance of regret, which that great Raga­muffin perceiving; Is that the good man that pass'd through your hands last, said he? No, no, said my Uncle, it is a Ne­phew of mine, who is Master of Arts in Alcala, and a very ingenuous young man: He begg'd my pardon, and proffer'd me his service; for which I thank'd him ve­ry kindly, he being my Uncles assistant, who help'd him at a pinch. In the mean [Page 144]time, I was almost mad to get my mo­ney out of my Uncles hands, that I might hye me from him. To be short, the Cloth was laid, and a Cord which to my thinking was twenty yards long let down at the Window, with an old Hat at the end of it, such as the Prisoners use in New-gate, in which they drew up four or five earthen and wooden dishes, half broken; in which were several sorts of meats, Tripes, Sheeps-heads, pow­derd beef, and brains: I thought this Cord would have reach'd down to the Antipodes; but I perceiv'd that they came no further then a Tavern in a Cel­lar under my Uncles House: That done, they cast out their line once more, and fish'd up half a dozen Bottles of about a Pottle a piece: Ha! said I to my self, that is a good draught indeed.

They sate themselves down, and at the upper end the blessed Beggar; To be short, they fell to drinking, and swal­lowed more Raisins then ever came out of their mouths: they never spoke so [Page 145]much as once of the deluge, for they had quite forgot water. In a word, they stuffed their bellies so full, that what with the meat, and what with the wine, the vapors crept up into their Pericrani­ums, and maz'd them: they began to see double, and some of them to see such things as were not neer them; for the Beggar took a Plate of fry'd Tripes which swam in black sawce, and think­ing it to be pottage, clap'd it to his mouth to sup it up, saying, 'tis good to have something of ones own, and think­ing to put it into his mouth, spilt one half on his bosome, the t'other on his clothes; perceiving himself in that pickle he rose from the Table to clean himself; but his head was too heavy for his body, so that at the first step his nose kiss'd the ground: with that he took hold on the Tables foot, and endeavouring to rise, overthrew it upon the t'other two: My Uncle try'd to get up, but being as far gone as the t'other, fell upon his Col­league, who finding himself down before [Page 146]he expected it, ask'd my Uncle why he pusht him, and whether he used to enter­tain his guests so; and with that he took a bone, which by chance was in his hand intending to slay my Uncle who lay at full length dead drunk; but gettng up­on his knees, with his arm lift up, as good luck would have it, instead of striking him, he spewed up all his Tripes upon his face.

For my part I did not sit down with them, but contented my self with a piece of bread and a glass of wine; for I did so nauseate the nastiness of their meat, that I could not for my heart eat of it; so that I was in a condition to help my Uncle, which I did, though with much ado: At last I got him up and laid him on his bed, after he had bid a jugg good night, which he mistook for one of his guests. In the mean time the other two were a sleep on the floor: When I saw them all fast, I got out of the Chamber to take the aire, and to deliver my self from their infections: I entertain'd my [Page 147]self with walking up and down the City all that evening. I passed by Ragots House, where I heard the news of his death, I must needs confess I was not much troubled [...] it, nor did I enquire of what he dyed; for I supposed famine had at last got the upper hand of him: After four hours march I return'd to our Lodging, where I found one of the com­pany crawling upon all four, groping for the door, and crying, somebody had run away with the Chamber: I help'd him up and let t'other alone, who waked not till about eleven the clock: One of them being come to himself asked what a clock 'twas? my Uncle yet old-drunk answer'd him, 'twas about noon, and that he had best repose himself till the heat of the day were past. The Beggar took his Gown and got to the window, thinking he had been at the door, and so was marching off, but looking up, he saw the Stars, come hither, come hither, said he to the others, the Skie is full of stars at mid-day; sure there has been [Page 148]some very geeat Eclipse: my Uncle and his companions blessed themselves with the signe of the Cross, and kissing the ground, prayed that they might be deli­vered from all perils and dangers. I did what I could to contain my self till morning, which at last to my great joy came; and then away went our guests.

Finding my self alone with my Uncle, who had a little recover'd himself; I began to discourse to him of my inheri­tance, but he being a man who under­stood little of good behaviour, put me to a great deal of trouble before I could bring him to my own bow; but at length he yeilded, though with some reluctan­cy, for I could only make him bleed three of the four hundred Ducates, my Father left me, which he had gotten by his handi-craft, and entrusted with a person of Honour, who was the Deposi­tory of all the thefts committed within ten Leagues of Segovia: To her we went who received us with many welcomes, wishing that I might prove as honest and [Page 149]as able a man as my deceased Father. The Ducates were told out in good mo­ney my Uncle seeing me taking possession of my inheritance; my dear Nephew, said he, you will do very ill, should you squander away this money; did I not know you to be a person of understand­ing, and withal mindful of the family from whence we are descended, I should be more wary of delivering it into your hands; but there it is, God give you grace to make good use of it, and then perchance you may enjoy some part of my labours: I return'd him many thanks for his kind offers; and having paid my shot, my Uncle and I rerurn'd to our damn'd Lodging, where we no sooner were, but up came his Colleague, unto whom my Uncle gave an account of what we had done: I saw my self oblig'd to be­stow some wine upon them; I perceiv'd by the countenance and discourse of that Pot companion, that he had some design up­on my Purse: but by good fortune, af­ter I had ply'd them with store of wine, [Page 150]they fell asleep, which I no sooner saw, but without more ado, away I got me, full of respect, for I made not the least noise to wake them: I lock'd the door after me, and threw the key in at a little hole. I went and got me a lodging a good way off from that place, designing to go to Court: but to observe a Decorum a word which I have heard in the Latine Countrey, and amongst the Pedantick Rabble: I resolv'd to send a Letter to my Uncle, and to give him an account of my sudden departure, which I did, and returning to his Lodging, found them as I left them: I threw in my Let­ter under the door, which was to this effect.

Buscon returns to Madrid, and in the way fals into the company of one Piedescaux, who said he was a Knight of the Order of Industrie.

ALL things fell out according to my hearts desire; for when I came back to my Lodging, I found a Waggoner going for Madrid: he had an Ass, which I hir'd of him; I rose betimes in the morning, and went out of the City be­fore him: I had not gone far before he overtook me, and so I began my jour­ney, cursing my kindred, and thinking with my self what cholar, rage, and ex­ecrations my Uncle and his Colleague did vomit out against me, at the receipt of my Letter.

In the mean time I was accoutred much like Sancho Panza, Don Quixot's Squire: I wish'd very heartily that I might not meet any one in the way, least I would loose my self, when as I perceiv'd not far from me a certain young man, who seem'd to be a Tassel of the Nobili­ty; he was booted and spur'd, had a great lac'd Collar, his Cloak upon one shoulder, his Sword dagling in his Belt, with a stick in his hand, as if he had been walking in expectation of some compa­ny. I presently concluded it was some Knight that had left his train behind him: I accosted him with a salute, he beheld me, saying, Peradventvre Sir, you are going to Court: I am Sir, replyed I; you seem by your countenance, said he, upon that beast, to be less weary then I am with all my Equipage: I thought he had spoken of some Coach which fol­lowed him: for my part, said I, I find more ease in travelling upon this beast, then in a Coach, nor indeed would I willingly change with you, for the tossing [Page 154]and tumbling makes my head ake: what do you abuse me, said he? do you know whom you speak to? and at that word he came back to me in some anger; but being tyed about with one only point and that old too, his Breeches fell about his heels and discover'd all his poor Arse to the open ayre, for his shirt was so short that it would not cover the bottom of his belly: He could not so quickly truss them up again, but I had seen all his secrecies, which forc'd me to turn about, and stop my mouth with my Handkerchief, to stifle a fit of laughter which was ready to surprise me; and he who knew not what to do, entreated me to lend him a point, Sir, said I, unless you expect your peo­ple, you may stay long enough in the condition you are in, for I cannot help you, having but one single Point my self; if you intend to jeer me, replied he, you had best keep on your way, for I under­stand not what you mean by Coach and Attendants: To be short, in half a Leagues travelling together he discover'd [Page 155]himself to me in such effectual terms, that he gave me to understand, that un­less I would do him the favour to let him get up behind me, he could not possi­bly get to the Court, so weary he was with going on foot with his Breeches in his hands: I was good natur'd, so I a­lighted, and help'd him up which with­out assistance he could never have done, for he had but one hand at liberty, his t'other being on his point; but I was much astonish'd whilest I was doing him that good office, for his Breeches were so pittifully torn, that I had his bare arse in my hand. He perceiving the discovery I had made, told me, dis­creet man as he was, Sir, all is not gold that glisters, when you first saw me with this great lac'd collar, you thought me to be some Earl of Gascoign at least, but I beseech you know, there are many honest men in the world as na­ked as my self. I did what I could to perswade him I knew not what he meant. How, said he, have you seen nothing? [Page 156]that cannot be, for one might easily have seen all that I had: You beheld a Gen­tleman whom if the Nobility did main­tain as I maintain it, I should not want any thing; but Sir, we live in an age where without meat and drink, Nobility can neither be sustain'd nor maintain'd; nor indeed should one in my condition call himself Gentleman, for there is no Gen­tility in misery: I regard not those Pa­tents of Nobility, since upon a certain day I found my self fasting very late, and one refus'd to trust me with a loaf and half a pint of wine upon it. I have sold what ever I could make in the world to supply my wants: The Goods of my Father which was call'd Torrinio Rodri­gues, Ballaio, Gomez, D' Ampovero, were seiz'd upon for another mans debt; I have only the Don left to sell; but such is my misfortune, that I can meet with no body that will lay out money upon it, for they who are not of quality to put it before, have got a trick to put it after their names; as Coridon, Bourdon, Grillardon, [Page 157]Randon, Gueridon, Brandon, and such like. I protest to you, that though, me thought the calamities of that poor Gen­tleman were ridiculous, yet I found good diversion in his company. I ask'd him his name, whither he went, and what his affairs were? He nam'd all his Fathers Titles, and added those of Cardan and Lourdain: When I heard him at this pass, I thought verily I had heard the noise of bells, sounding Din Dan Don: He told me, he was going to Court; for said he, it ill beseems a man in my condition to live in the Countrey; and to tell you the truth, I seldom trouble my self to enquire the prises of Oyl & Butter, having not where­withal to buy any; for this reason I betake me to that place as a common receptacle of all Bravo's, where open house is kept all they year long, with several Tables for all comers and goers, such whose bellies cry cup-board before eleven of the Clock; there is my abode, and I am seldom with­out an hundred Royals in my Pocket, or a good Lodging, and so I spend my time [Page 158]merrily: In a word, I am beholding to the Italian Proverb.

Thus Englished,

To be short, Industry at Court is the true Philosophers stone, which converts all it touches into Gold.

I was almost ravish'd at his discourse, and to pass away the time, I desired him to tell me what Arts they who had no­thing but their Swords and Cloaks like himself, did use to subsist at Court, see­ing most Courtiers have hardly enough of their own to live upon, but are many times glad to take a bit at another mans [Page 159]Trencher: Some such there are said he, and other some well enough to pass; but to tell you the truth, flattery is the chief Key and Pasport which introduceth us into the affections of those people; and to the end that I may the better acquaint you with my manner of living, I shall make you a short recital of my life.

The Knight of the Industry relateth the History of his life to Buscon, and possess­eth him with a great desire to be one of his Order.

IN the first place, you must under­stand the Court is like Noah's Ark, there are all sorts of creatures in't, good and bad, wise and foolish; those who are good, are very rare, and those who are bad, difficult to be known, for they counterfeit themselves to an hair. Amongst the rest, there is one sort of people, of which Order I my self am, who have neither Goods nor Chattels, moveable or immoveable, in possession or reversion; We are generally call'd [Page 161] Knights of the Industry. Now because there are several ranks, we have parti­cular names by which they are distin­guish'd. Some are call'd Cloak-twitch­ers, others Pick-pockets, others Setters, others Snaps, others Trappaners,, o­thers Hectors, others Lyons, Free-boot­ers, and the like; by which their pro­fessions are differenced: We have as­sum'd the Title of Industry, because she is our guide and Protectress. Our most usual food is, that of the Camele­ons, for our stomach's are seldom fil'd with ought but air, it being a work of great labour when we drain our nourish­ment from another mans Kitchin: We are the destruction of Banquets, the Sponges of Taverns, and the Guests of the forc'd Put; however we live to our content: we are a people that feed upon an Onyon, and yet with a tooth­pick in our mouths, pretend to have eat­en a Capon. If any one makes us a vi­sit, he is sure to find our chambers strow'd over with bones of mutton or [Page 162]fowl, with parings of fruit, a feather-tub, or Rabbets-feet; all which we had pick'd up in the Streets in the night to credit us: presently we would cry out, I see it is impossible for me to pre­vail with my servants to make clean the room any sooner. I beg your pardon Sir, for I have had some friends with me, and these wicked Rascals — They who knew us not would beleeve us. But what shall I tell you of our Free-Booters? If at any time we speak but half a word with any man, we pre­sently force an acquaintance upon him, we enquire out his lodging, and just at dinner-time we go to wait upon him, and tell him the inclination we had to honour and serve him, obliged us to that visit: that we are charm'd with his ingenuity and incomparable parts. If he ask us whether we have din'd, and we find the cloth going to be laid, we answer not yet; and if we find the cloth taken away, we tell him yes. If he once speak to us to stay, we never ex­pect [Page 163]a second invitation, for we have of­ten found our selves deceiv'd of our dinners by such straining of comple­ments. When we are set at Table, though the Master of the house know ne­ver so well how to carve, yet we tell him (the better to lick our fingers) If you please Sir, give it me, I shall help you. I remember Don such an one, God bless his Soul, (and then we name some deceased Duke or Marquess) would take greater delight to see me cut up a Partridge or Pheasant, than to eat of it, and then we take the fork and the knife, and cut it up. Oh how finely it smells, then say we, indeed you would wrong your Cook not to taste of it: What an excellent fellow 'tis! and thus we stuff our guts.

If perchance those Opportunities fail us, then we have recourse to the Pot­tadge-pot of some Convert, and we tell him that gives the Dole, we came more out of devotion than necessity. It is worth a mans sight to behold one of us [Page 164]at an Ordinary where play is, we are the most serviceable people in the world, we snuff the Candles, bring the cham­ber-pots, and rejoyce at the winners good luck, and all this for six pence, which the winner bestowes upon us. For our clothes we know where the Frippery is, and because there is a set hour in divers places for Prayers, we have also set times for mending our clo­thes.

To see the diversity of things that we do, is an incomparable pastime: we look upon the Sun as our mortal enemy, because he discovers our patches and tat­ters. In the morning we lay our selves a sunning, and leaning down our heads, we behold upon the ground the shadow of the threads and jaggs which hang a­bout us, then with a pair of Cissers we trim our apparell; and because most commonly we first wear out our clothes between our legs, we draw out some pei­ces off the Rear to reinforce the Van; so that we are very careful ever after how [Page 165]we lay off our cloaks, as also how we mount any ladder or tree, unless by compulsion. We practise our postures in the Sun-shine; at day time we walk close-legg'd, and make our salutations without parting our knees, lest if we should do otherwise, the embroideries of our py-bald breeches should be disco­vered. To be short, there is not any thing we wear that had not sometimes another property, and of which one might derive another pedigree. Ob­serve, I pray, this cloak which I wear, it is descended in a direct line from a horse-cloth, which was the daughter of a quondam coverlet. My Breeches pro­ceeded from three chairs covered with green cloth, whose Grand-father was a boat-tilt: my Doublet was the Son of a skreen, begotten of the furniture of a Billiard-table, and in short time will be converted into socks.

We are very careful of coming neer candles, if at night-times we are in any company; for fear of discovering the [Page 166]baldness and threed bareness of our cloaks, from which a man might shave as much as from a stone. It hath pleas'd heaven to bestow on us a beard, which it hath denyed our garments. We are also very sollicitous how we frequent such houses as are customed by any of our companions, lest they should inter­fare with one another, and upon that account our bellies are sometimes jeal­ous. We are tied by our orders to ride once a moneth, either on an horse, or a cole-staffe, it matters not which, and once a year in a Coach, at which times we endeavour to get into the boot, that all our acquaintance may take no­tice of us: to which end we carry our bodies as far out of the Coach as we can, that we may not loose any opportunity of being seen. If perchance we feel a­ny thing biting us, or the regiment of lice too importunate with us, we want not inventions to remove them before any company without the least discove­ry: as for example, we talk of some bat­tle, [Page 167]and tell that a certain Souldier of our acquaintance had a slash from such a place to such a place in his body, and with that we scratch where it itches, and thus we comply with our necessity. If we should be thus surpris'd at Church, and they should bite upon our breasts, we fall to the Sanctus, though it be not yet the Introibo. If it take us behind, we get us to some Pillar, and seeming to look up at something, we heave up our selves, and so rub our selves at our pleasures: for matter of lying, you must know the word Truth never comes into our mouths. We always bring in head and shoulders some Duke or Earl into our discourse, some as our Kind­red, others as our friends, but with this caution, that they be either deceas'd or far enough from us; and that which is very remarkeable amongst us, is, we are never in love, unless with de pane lu­crando, for our Order doth expresly en­joyn us to avoid the acquaintance of any Ladies, especially such who are more [Page 168]apt to receive than give, be they never so honourable or handsome; so that we are forc'd to make addresses to the Cooks for our meals, to the Hostesses for our Lodgings, and so to all others of whom we may make any advantage. To proceed, do you see these boots here? You would think now that I have Stockings under them, but you are de­ceiv'd, for I am both poor and bare, and whoever should see my collar, would hardly imagine I should want a shirt: but what need I tell you, you know already how the case stands with me; however a Knight may deny himself those other things, but his collar he may not, because it serves for an ornament to his person. To conclude Sir, a Knight who would be of our Order in perfecti­on, ought to want as many necessaries as a Cockney setting out a journey: som­times perhaps he may have a little mo­ney in his pocket, at other times be in an Hospital eating of parch'd Pease, and thus we live in the Court, where who so [Page 169]knows how to advance his Industry, passes his time like a disguis'd Prince.

Never was man so astonish'd as my self at the recital of this Order of Knight hood, which so pleas'd me, that we got to Rozas before night, or our expecta­tion. I' me sure he made a Cully of me for the honour of his order, for he rid my mule, and made me beat it upon the hoof, and not onely so but I was forc'd to pay his reckoning, he having neither face nor cross about him. His discour­ses made a deep impression in my me­mory, and I resolved to make use of them as occasion should serve, for that I found my inclinations tending toward that Fraternity.

Before I went to sleep, I made him my privy Councellor, by acquainting him with my intentions, which so ra­vish'd him, that he hugg'd me over and over again, and told me he could not but beleeve the recital he had made me, was perswasive enough to work upon a man of my ingenuity. He offered me [Page 170]his assistance in order to my introduction into the Fraternity of the Industry, and not onely so but into their Colledg too. I took him at his word, and gave him many thanks, but did not discover what monies I had, onely an hundred Royals, which were enough to gain me his af­fection. The next morning I bought him three codpiss-points, and set out early towards Madrid.

Buscon goeth to Lodge with the Knights of the Industry: The Oeconomy there obser­ved, and a brangle between two Knights of the Order.

THe Sun was not above two hours high when we went to Madrid: We went directly to the Lodgings of Don Torivio's Comrades: He knockt at the gate, and a ragged old wo­man came and opened the door. Tori­vio asked where the Gentlemen were, he told him they were gone to seek their for­tunes; In we entred, and there continu­ed till noon, and our Knight that he might loose no time, began to preach to me for my better nodification: About [Page 172]an hour after noon, in comes a bodily Ghost with a black Cassock which reach­ed down to his feet, after the fashion of mourners in Spain; My Guide had some discourse with him in a kind of Gibbrish, which ended, he addrest himself to me with many profers of his service: I re­turn'd him complements of the like na­ture; That done, he drew out a Glove, and shaked it over the Table, out of which dropt a dozen or fifteen Royals, and a Letter, by vertue of which he told us had got them; it was a License he had obtain'd, to begg for a poor Gentlewo­man: Having emptied that Glove, he drew out another, and clapt them up to­gether like a Spanish Doctor. I asked him why he did not put them on, because they belong both to one hand, said he; and it is a part of Industry to have Gloves that cost them nothing. I observed that he always kept his Cloak very close over his breast, and being a Novice, I had the curiosity to enquire the reason of it; my friend and brother, said he, it is be­cause [Page 173]my Doublet is all greasie, and my shoulders worn out: it was not long though, ere he quitted his Cloak to louse himself: With that I began to perceive that instead of Breeches, he had two wisps of straw, which reach'd from his middle to his knees, for he had neither shirt, nor shirt like; Me thought he was so naked, that he seem'd to be an Adamite, so that a Louse had no shelter with him: Every one there did freely discover his necessi­ties; whereupon my Tutor told him, I came out of the Countrey with a great Rent-charge in my Breeches, which had need of a recruit; and turning towards the old woman, asked her if she had any raggs, of green cloth, in her Wardrobe; for as she walkt the City, she ever used to have the Taylors shreds into her In­quisition, a la mode de, Ragg-man; I have neither green nor grey, said she; and for that very reason Don Granger hath kept his bed this fortnight, his cloaths be­ing so weak that they fall to pieces like Tinder for want of patches to strengthen them.

Thereupon in comes an Industrious, I mean a Knight of the Order, his Boots on, in grey, with an Hat pin'd up on both sides; he soon spied me, and seeing a strange face, asked who I was; being inform'd, he gave me the welcome; with that he dismantled himself, and I per­ceiv'd the forepart of his Doublet was in­deed of cloth, but it was not so with the hinder part, which was Canvas. I could hardly forbear laughing when I saw it, which he observing; In good time, said he, you and I shall be better acquainted; I'le lay a wager with you, you do not know why I wear my Hat pin'd up on both sides. It is, said I, for gallantry, and your better prospect: No, no, said he, quite contrary, it is to prevent pro­spect, for it hath two great spots of grease on it, which by this means are kept in the dark: With that he drew out twenty Let­ters, and about as many Royals: My Tutor inform'd me that the industry of that Knight was to go in this Equipage, and to carry papers folded up like Letters [Page 175]directed to persons of Quality, and being very cautious that such people were not at home, he would deliver the Letters, for which he received six pence per Let­ter, and how he used this Trade as often as he could, but with care to make his addresses to new faces. Next came in two together, disputing as they knockt at the Gate; one had an Handkerchief about his neck, instead of a Collar, with a couple of holsters at his girdle, and a Rest in his hand for his Plymouth-Cloak; a Crutch under his Arm, and one of his legs tyed up with old Rags and Cunny­skins, for he had but one Stocking and one Shoe: He pass'd for a Souldier, and a man who had been in the low Countries and seen hot service; for my part, I had no more wit then to believe it; he reck­oned up the many services he had done his Majesty, and under the notion of a Souldier, had free access every where: The t'other had a maim'd Doublet on, to hide which, he wore his Cloak like a Scarfe, wrapt about his left arm, which [Page 176]without that had been stark naked: He cryed out aloud, half of it is mine, or at least a good part; and unless you deli­ver it me, I swear— Do not swear, said the Cripple, let us get in first, and I shall let you feel that I have hands and feet too, enough to break my Crutch about thy ears. Thou ly'st, and thou too: With that▪ to't they went, and in a trice the place was strewed over with Shoulders, Sleeves, Skirts; and in a word, with more of their clothes then were left upon their backs: In good ear­nest, I took him for a piece of the Re­surrection: We ran in to part them; but we knew not where to lay hold to loose them; how, quoth the counterfeit Soul­dier, art thou so impudent as to pretend to a share in my booties? and with that inform'd us with the ground of their quarrel: You must know Gentlemen, said he, that as I was ev'n now at St. Sa­viours, a little Boy came to yon'd Rascal and ask'd him if I were not Captain John Lawrence? he told him I was, and [Page 177]because he saw the boy brought me som­thing, he came along with him, saying, Captain, there's a Boy desires to speak with you: The Boy delivered me a do­zen of Handkerchiefs which his Mother had sent me, and presently this Rascalli­on would have half of them; but I'le first give him half a hundred good bangs: I'le have them all for my own use, or make them useless: The controversie was decided by a Decree of the Officers of the Order, viz. That they should be delivered into the hands of the old wo­man for the common stock, to serve for false shirts, as occasion should require. Night drew on, and we went to sleep, but we all lay close to one another as our skins to our backs; As for Supper we had none, for fear of surfeting, and some of us too were not much troubled with putting off our clothes.

Buscon being to practice in this Order, snap'd a Cully, and cheated a whore.

AFter some time it pleas'd God day appear'd, and we betook our selves to our tackling. I was already as inti­mately acquainted with them, as if I had been their brother all days of my life, for in evil things there is always an appear­rance of something of pleasure, which drils on them it enticeth. It was pretty to see a Shirt put on of a twelve-moneths wearing; to hear another asking for a Quarter-master to take up a lodging for him in his own Doublet, which he could hardly do in a days time; Another sew'd his Comrades Doublet under the arm­pit, who in the mean while standing up­right, and stretching out one arm, look'd [Page 179]just like the Letter L with the heels up­ward: another mending his breeches between his knees, and sitting cross-legg'd, look'd like an Indian Tortoise. To be short, Boscan never invented half so many postures in all his pictures, as were here presented to the life. This ended, they went the visitation, to see if all were right amongst them. Then every mans quarter was allotted him; for my own part I had a great mind to show my self liberal at my admission. I told them I would deliver my clothes into the common Treasury, and that I would make another with my hundred Royals. No, no said they, we shall find out by some Industry to cloath you without laying out your money: We have stuff enough left to furnish you, and your hundred Royals shall be put into the common stock.

I lik'd their contrivance very well, and willingly deliver'd them my money. Presently they fell upon me, and cut­ting off my Cassock about four fingers [Page 180]below my waste, they made a jacket of it, they likewise circumcis'd some half yard off my cloak, which however was of an indifferent length: all these pa­rings were truck'd off for an old double dy'd hat; they gave me a pair of Spanish leather boots, which reach'd but to the calfs of my legs. I was furnish'd with a collar, which to say the truth, was pretty well to pass before, but behind in a pitiful taking, when they put it about my neck; You must be very Industrious said they, to satisfie the vanity of the world. This collar savours of corrup­tion, therefore remember that when a­ny one eyes you, you still face him, like the Marigold that turns to the Sun. If there be two of them, march up, take off your Hat towards your Pole, that so you may cover the nakedness of your collar. If any one ask you why you use that posture, tell him 'tis not good man­ners to show the Posteriors. After these instructions, they gave me a small tin­der-box with it's appurtenances, as also [Page 181]a little box of black and white threed a pair of dice, a couple of needles, and divers shreds of linnen and woollen, to­gether with a rusty indented pair of Cis­sers. Now said they, accoutred as you are, you may travel all the world over without being beholden to father or friend. As for my quarter, they as­sign'd me that of St. Lewis, where I might go free-booting as others did: The truth is, in regard I was a Novice, they committed me to the tuition of that same person which had first introduc'd me to this honourable Fraternity. Well, out we went very soberly with our beads in our hands, and took our walk to­wards our Quarter, we saluted very af­fectionately such as we met withal, we pull'd off our hats to every one, wishing at the same instant we could do as much to their cloaks: we complemented the women, a thing they delight in, as also their Father-hood's. My prudent Go­vernour would be always saying some­thing to most of those he met; to one, [Page 182]to morrow I shall receive money; to a­nother, pray excuse me one day longer, for I have to do with a Merchant that puts me off from time to time. One would ask him for the cloak he had lent him, another for his hat, and a third for his belt. By this I perceiv'd my Governour was so great a lover of his friends, that he wore not any thing that did not belong to some of them.

We went skulking through the streets sometimes on one side, and sometimes on another, the better to avoid certain shops, in whose books my Governors name was written in a large Character. On a suddain there met him a man, who demanded some house-rent of him, who was no sooner gone with a flea in his ear, but not a farthing in his pocket, when a­nother puts him in mind of paying him for his sword, a third for his shirt; wher­upon I perceived there were as well Hackney-knights as Hackney-horses, and that my worshipful Governor was one of them, As we were thus coasting [Page 183]up and down, he discovered a certain Dun, a good way off him, who had of­ten haunted him for some small trifling debt, now that he might not be known, he drawes out his hair, which at that time was clap'd behind his eares, (as the Spanish mode is) and pull'd a Plaister of black Taffata out of his Pocket, which he layes just upon one of his eyes, and therewithal began to speak Italian to me, In the mean time up came our Persecu­tor, and having eyed my Tutor, began to recollect into his memory, that he had somewhere seen him, of which to be certain, he made three or four turns about us, at last he cross'd himself, Je­sus said he, I took him for such a one, and wanted but little of running my self into a Premunire. I thought I should have dyed with laughing, what at the strange disguise of the Debtor and what at the great astonishment of the Creditor, who was no sooner gone from us, but we got us into a porch, where my Con­ductor re-assum'd his former counte­nance, [Page 184]and said unto me, thus you see dear Brother, that we are forced to our Industry, for these and the like devices, to conceal our selves from those unto whom we stand indebted, else we might go whistle in a Cage, oftner then we would. On we march'd, and at the corner of a street, we took each of us, about half a glass of strong-water, which a good woman bestowed upon us, I can assure you said she, it is a most ex­cellent Cordial to a fasting stomach, and in the strength of it, a man may well forbear meat for some hours; at least a little of this in the morning is better then nothing all the day after. My stomach will never believe the former proposal said I, which I think to be a Paradox, whereupon my Guide replied, you are a man of weak faith, both as to the Te­nets of Religion, or our Order. The Lord is not wanting to the Crowes and Ravens, will he, think you, forsake the poor Knights of the Industry?

In the midst of our discourse, we [Page 185]heard a clock strike twelve, now I being but a novice in this manner of life, my belly would not be so easily put off with that small draught of Aqua-vitae which I had drank, but began to call upon me, as if I had not drank a drop; with that, I turn'd me to my Companion, saying, methinks I find it somewhat a strict dis­cipline, at my first comming, to be kept thus long fasting, especially seeing I use to have a stomach like an horse, and to feed like a Farmer, and now on a suddain, you make me observe Vigils, which are not mark'd in the Kalender. For your part, it's no great wonder, if your appetite be not so early up as mine, for you being born and bred up in the regions of hunger, may by this have brought your self to such a pass, that you may almost live by the Pestle of a Lark, or dine with Duke Humphrey a week together, but otherwise it is with me, who never used to read such fasting Lectures to my Guts: And seeing you take no greater care to kill that which [Page 186]will kill me; I pray excuse me if I leave you to go make some provisions where­with to allay those storms and thunders which I perceive are ingendring in my Bowels. You are a great Greedigut, re­plied he, it hath hardly made an end of striking twelve, and you presently cry out you are a hungry, as if you had not eaten a morsel of bread these three days; but I see you are very devout in obser­ving your guts; a beast would do as much, but you must learn a new Lesson, and know that sobriety is that which keeps us in health and vigor: To be short, you shall not any where find it recorded; that any one of the Industrious Knights did ever ease his stomach, high or low, one way or t'other, upwards, or downwards. have I not already told you that God is all-sufficient, and never wanting unto any one; but seeing you are in such hast to be exercising your Teeth, fare-you-well, for my part I'me going to the Pot­tage Pot of the Fathers of the Oratory; if you have a mind to go with me so, if [Page 187]not so, every one for himself: Adieu then said I, for my stomach is so torn, that it will not be mended by others scraps and leavings: He took one way I another, but I had not gone many pa­ces before I stop'd at a corner house, that I might see how my companion would dispose of himself; when as I perceiv'd he drew a little Box out of his Pocket, full of small crumbs, which he carried about him for that use, some he took out, and strew'd upon his Doublet and Beard, that People might think he had been at Din­ner. For my own particular, I trusted to my money, yet not without some re­luctancy as to my own conscience; seeing the Statutes of our Order of Industrie did expresly inhibit any one from eating at his own cost and charge, but I found my self so hard press'd by hunger, that I was forc'd to have recourse to the Pro­verb, which saith, Necessity hath no Law, and therupon I resolved to do as I might.

Whilest I was thus devising with my self I found I was just at the corner of St. [Page 188] Lewis street, where there dwelt a Cook; on a sudden the smell of a six-penny Pie newly drawn out of the Oven, took me in the nose, and forc'd me to make a full stand, just like a setting-dog, when he winded a Covie of Partridges: I cast my eyes upon it, and withal my mouth be­gan to water; me thoughts the Pie did ever and anon wast it self by my looking on it; sometimes I was contriving how I might steal it, and anon I resolved to buy it, and so to eat it; but as good luck would have it, in the midst of my con­templations, I perceived a certain Ma­ster of Arts of my acquaintance, called Baldinus, who had a most rich face of his own, for his nose was very costly, beset with Rubies, some as big as the top of ones little finger, with a belly like an Abbot: He had no sooner spied me, but he cast himself about me, with no little admiration to see me; for in the habit I then was, it was hard for any one to know me: Behold us then putting off Hats, and making of leggs; he ask'd me how [Page 189]I did? I have something to tell you Sir, said I, but such is my condition, that I must needs go out of Town this after­noon: I am very sorry for that, replied he, and were it not so late, for I think it be near one, I should gladly leave my dinner a while, that we might walk a turn or two together; but the truth is, I fear my Sister and her Husband are in ex­pectation of me. How said I, is your Sister in Town? nay then, though I stay in Town all night, or come what will, I must kiss her hands: Now you must know I had a greater mind to pass a com­plement upon my Belly then his Sister, for when I heard him talk of their staying for him at Dinner, I began to open my ears, and take opportunity by the fore­lock. Away I went with him, any by the way I put him in mind of a Mistress of his, one he had very much loved, and told him I knew where she was, and how to introduce him into the house where she lived; that is, in plain English, I would pimp for him; at that he was more [Page 190]pleas'd, then I with the conceit of dining with him, so well I knew where to tickle him, that I made him smile upon me.

During our discourse, we came to his Sisters lodging, whom I saluted, and presented my service unto her Husband; they seeing me, and at such an hour, con­cluded I intended to dine with them, as indeed I did; whereupon they began to make excuses, and Apoligies; I re­plied, I was one of the house, their an­cient acquaintance, and beseeched them not to treat me with Ceremony.

Master Baldinus seeing me of a sudden so intimately acquainted, began to be a maz'd, for he had not so much as spoken to me to stay Dinner; I perceiv'd it, and began to reassume my former discourse, which I knew would lenifie him afresh: I told him how the Gentlewoman could never forget him, that she had often en­quired of me how he did? and where he was with many other the like inventions: We had not stayed long before Dinner came up, and every one sate him down: [Page 191]I presently fell to it, with both hands, and all my teeth: They had set me a dish of Broth by my self, which vanished at two sups; then I assaulted the other dish­es with such haste, that our Ordinary was sooner dispatch'd, then an Extraor­dinary Post would have been riding half a Mile. The Cloth was taken away, but not one bit of meat with it: Master Bal­dinus and my self, withdrew apart, that we might end our discourse concerning the Nimph I had told him of, and that I might acquaint him with the means to get to her, which I assur'd him might be effected with ease and safety. As we were thus talking together, leaning at a Window, I made as if somebody in the street had called me; Sir, said I aloud, that every one might hear me, I'le waite on you immediately, and therewithal took leave of the company, promising them to return in half an hour at farthest, though I never intended it, for from that day to this I never went neer them.

After I got into the street, I walked [Page 192]up and down towards the Gate of Guada­lajara, and sate me down upon a Bench just before a Silk-mans Shop: I had not been long there, before two women, such as use to borrow not upon their Goods, but their Persons, came towards the same Shop; they let me see half of their faces, the t'other being cover'd with a thin Hood; they were attended by their old women, and their little Pa­ges, (those go-betweens) they asked if there were any new fashioned stuffs: up­on this I began to speak to one of them, and found how they hoped my being there would help them to some credit in the Shop before which I sate; now as he who hath nothing to loose runs no ven­ture, I proferred them all the assistances I could to serve them: They returned me thanks, but in such a way as Doctors and Lawers use, who refuse the money they intend to take, for they replied, they were not such women as used to receive from those whom they knew not: At this reply I began to make my excuses [Page 193]unto them; for that I had not proffer'd to present them any thing, but did now beseech them to accept of a piece of stuff newly brought me from Milan, which if they pleased so far to honour me, I would send them that night by a Page, who stood bare headed some six paces of waiting for his Master, who was prizing of some Stuffs in the Shop; him I pre­tended to belong unto me; and to make them conceive the better opinion of me, and that I was a Person of Quality, I sa­luted the Magistrates and Gentlemen that passed by in their Coaches, with so familiar a Garb, as if I had been intimate­ly acquainted with them. What by this, and what by letting them see my money which I did, as if by accident, as I was giving a small piece to a poor beggar, I had absolutely possessed them with an opinion that I was a man of Quality; whereupon they took their leaves very civily of me, having first acquainted me where they dwelt, and how I might best send my Page unto them. I begg'd of [Page 194]them by way of favour and gallantry, a certain string of Gold Beads, which the handsomest of the two did wear, at first she made some excuses, saying it was of too small worth for me to own, but I re­plied I had a very great fancie and esteem for it, since she had worn it; and there­withal offered them my hundred Crowns of Gold in pawn for it: At last they thought themselves sure of me, and con­cluded they had caught a Cully; where­upon they gave me the Beads, which I kiss'd a thousand times over, not so much for devotion, as the worth of them, which I suppose was about four or five Pistols.

I went from that place, as if I waited on them, but I had not gone above six paces before I stopp'd and called the Page I spake of, unto me, and pretend­ing to the Ladies that I bid him stay there with the rest of my Attendants, I only asked him if he did not belong to such a Gentlemen, a Cousin of mine? he told me no: The good Ladies thanked me very kindly for the honour I did them, [Page 195]and thus we march'd along the streets: Amongst other discourse, they ask'd me where I lay, and I the better to deceive them, told them at such a House, where there stood a Coach as good luck would have it; I also assur'd them, both the Master of the House, and Coach and all were at their command; that my name was Don Alvaro de Cordoue: There I left them, and went into the House, they still looking after me; I knew there was a back door belonging to the said House which was seldome lock'd, unto which I hy'd me, and so got off from my two Ladies, unto my own Quarters.

By this it was nightish, and the Knights of the Industry began to retire them­selves as I did. I was hardly gotten in­to the House, but in came the Souldier of the ragged Regiment, of whom I for­merly acquainted you; in he came, I say, with a Torch in his hand, which had been given him to carry at a Funeral, but he had come off with it, and never went to the grave; he was called Magace, na­tive [Page 196]of Olias, he vauted himself a Cap­tain, and the truth is, such he had been, as also that he had seen many hot dayes service against the Moors, which could not be denied, for he had in Comedy acted a Captains part in a stage-play. When he fell into a company who had been in Flanders, then he had been in China, if he met any who had been in China, then all his discourse was of Flan­ders. He would be always talking of duels, and unstripping his Doublet in the field, which he had often done, but it was for his more convenient killing his lice, the only foes he ever met. He would prate of the Turks, Gallies and Galligrosses, but it was only what he had read in Ballads, for he never had seen ship, the Sea, or any thing Sea-like, un­less a dish of Pottage with a few Pease in it, which he might fancy to be a Fleet in the main Ocean. Once I heard him, talking of the battle of Lepanto, and at last he said that Lepanto was a very stout and warlike Moor.

The next that came in was my Gover­nour, his nose wrapp'd up in his cloak, his eyes like poach'd Eggs; his head in his bosom, his Shoo-rubber all bloody, dropping grease and Pottage. We en­quired where he had been, and whence he came in such disorder, he told us he had been at the Fathers of the Oratory, and had begg'd a double dole, pretend­ing it to be for two poor Gentlemen, who were ashamed to make known their necessities, that he had obtained his de­sires, but that others there begging were disappointed and denied, in regard he had had so much for his share; where­upon that they all in a fury, had fallen upon him in a narrow lane, had robb'd him of all his Pottage, excepting those few Remains about his clothes, head, and shoulders. He moreover added, how they fell upon him, asking him, if it were well done, to rob poor men for to satisfie his own greedy appetite, and how from words they came at last to blows and knocks, as also what a hail­storm [Page 198]of crutches and wooden arms fell upon him, he likewise recounted to us how the blow on his nose came by a great spoon, which mistook the way to his mouth; how that finding himself in so furious a counter scuffle, he had oft­en cryed out to them, that he would dis­gorge to them whatever he had eaten, provided they would forbear beating him, but that to his cost and smart he found them inexorable. And that which vex'd him more then all the rest; was, how a ragged Tatter-demallion Scholar had, for his second-course served up a dish of Lice, which he threw upon him. Now do but consider I pray and reflect a little upon this Gut-monger, who is more writhled then a childs baby, look'd just like a Ragamuffion, hath more holes in him then a Sive, more spotted then a Magpie, and more speckl'd then a piece of Marble, yet forsooth, he must eat by himself, and could not vouchsafe to do as we did. For my own part I am a Master of Arts in Sigouenca, and yet I [Page 199]do not stand so much upon my punctili­o's as he doth. He likewise added, how an old rascal came into the fray, saying, knock down that Rascal, for I would have him know, though I come to the Pottage-Pot of those good Fathers, yet I am as well born as himself, and have as good friends as he for his life, nay, I am as good as he every day in the week. He also recounted us how the Dole gi­ver seeing the storm began to renew, prevailed so far by his entreaties and perswasions, that in fine, they were content to be pacified, in regard he pro­mised them to provide enough for them all against the next day.

The Prosecution of the Tricks of the Knights of Industry: How they were all imprison­ed, and Buscon clap'd up with them.

HE had hardly ended his relation of this notable Encounter, when behold in came one of our Fra­ternity, with a good Cloak on his back, which he had exchanged for his own, made in 88. at a Billiaad-Table, where he made as if he would play; but having the Industry not to make one, he got to the place where the Cloaks lay, and bor­rowed the best of them, leaving his own in the stead; and upon this account he always frequented bowling-Allies, and [Page 201]gaming-houses. This was nothing in comparison of the next that came in, at­tended by a number of children, all trou­bled with one disease or other, as some with the Kings-evil, some with Tetters, others with Cankers, dis-jointed mem­bers, hurts and the-like: That which drew such a rout after him, was his pre­tending to cure and charm all those sick­nesses, either by saying certain words o­ver them, or by giving them little scrowls of Paper to carry about them; by which means he pick'd up a pretty income: in case his Patient brought any thing under his Cloak, (as the Country man did the Rosting Pig to the Justice of peace) some good Capon in his basket, or chink'd his money in his Pocket, then his disease was nothing, else incurable. He made any thing pass for current amongst them; for to say the truth, he was very industri­ous in lying, a thing so natural to him, that he could not speak truth, though it had been to save his life: He had a Pas­port would carry him into any place, viz. [Page 202]Deo Gratias, The Holy Ghost be with you; he had always with him the whole Ensignes of an Hypocrite; in his hands a great string of Beads, with a discipline under his Coat, which hanged down be­low his knees, as if by accident, though purposely by him intended; his Coatall bloodied, but with that of the Shambles, not of his own: He would feel the Pulse and pick the Pocket; hold with the Hare and hunt with the Hound; he would make you beleeve his great hunger was but the effects of his voluntary fastings, though indeed willingly he never went to bed supper-less, but when he had no­thing to eat: He never named the Devil, but he always added, God bless us; when he entred the Church he kiss'd the ground he never cast his eyes on any woman, nor never car'd for any of them, but how to take away their Petticoats; so artificially did he gull the people, that every one re­commended himself to him in his Pray­ers, which signified as much as if he had recommended himself to the Devil.

After him, in came another of the Fraternity, one Polanque, keeping a clutter for his Wallet, his great Cross, his Hermites Beard, and his Bell: His trade was to go thus accoutred at night through the streets, crying, Amend your lives, think upon your latter ends, and do good unto faithful sinners; by this device he got store of money; if in his walk he chanced to find any door open, in he went with a great deal of confidence; if he found no one within, or that they were asleep, he went not out until he had lin'd himself with some good thing or other; in case he found any one, or that they chanced to wake; he told them how he came in finding the doors open, to advise them of it, and that they had need to be careful of night-walkers; and always his Conclusion was with a Memento Mori.

I pass'd one Moneth in observing the many ways of stealing, which were practiced in our society, and at last, I related unto them the passage of my gold [Page 204]beads, of which I had gull'd my two La­dies of pleasure; they highly extolled my Industrie, and concluded the old wo­man should have them to be sold, and the money brought into the publique Tre­sure. At any time when she had any such like things to sell; she used to go from house to house, saying she was a poor necessitous woman, forc'd to fell her goods, one thing after another, to buy her bread; when she had hapned upon any compassionate people, as some such there are, she brought home her own toyes as she said, and some of their Alms. She would weep at every word, and cros­sing her hands would sob and sigh like a child; she wore a frock of grey course freeze, which she had stolen from an Her­mite, with which, and her other industries she used to cheat charitable people, and and sometimes to good purpose. This right venerable and no less Reverend old woman, was grand Protectress of our Order and chief Treasuress of our raggs. But upon a certain day as the Devil (who [Page 205]is never idle in such things as concern his good subjects) would have it, our good woman going to sell an old Suit, and some other things, fell upon one who knew amongst the rest, somewhat which once belonged unto himself; Presently he got a Constable, and layd her up; she was no sooner in custody, but she con­fessed all, and impeached our whole Or­der; whereupon we were secured, and guarded to Prison, from which all our In­dustry could not redeem us.

Buscon's Entertainment in Prison; The Crimes, Mi­series, and malice of Pri­soners, the Cruelty and griping Covetousness of Goal­ers, and other Officers, and at last Buscons delive­rance.

WE were no sooner within, but we were presently under lock and key; for they laid us all in chains, clap'd Bracelets upon our arms, and lodg'd us in the Dungeon. Presently I drew out a Crown, and shewing it to the Goaler, I told him, I desired to speak a word in private with him; he presently stoop'd at [Page 207]the Lure: I am, said I, a person who who knows what belongs to a kindness; one word is enough to the wise: He hath not been seen this many a day, said he, pretending as if I had enquired after some Prisoner; I smelt his meaning in a trice, for he presently got me out, but laid up my poor companions in those Mansions of darkness.

I forbear to mention the hootings which were made at us as we pass'd through the streets; the truth is, no one that saw us could forbear laughing, for the Serjants and Bayliffs push'd us along with such violence that they tore most of our clothes, which themselves were none of the strongest; insomuch that one might have track'd us by the skirts, Arms and raggs which our clothes lost before we come to Limbo: Nay, al­though it was no great way from the place we were taken to Prison, yet some of us came thither so naked, that a Louse could hardly fasten any hold upon us without discovery.

Night came, and I was lodged in a great Hall, vulgarly called the common Prison. I was somewhat surprised to see so many strange faces there, some lay in their fur'd Gowns, others sang, some played, and others walkt up and down, until at last one came who put out the Candle and made fast the door upon us.

For my part it was impossible for me to sleep amidst such a confused din, and that which vexed me worst of all, was, a close-stool which stood just at my beds head, where every one came to make his offerings, and to deliver his Prisoner, which upon their escape made so hideous a noise, that at first I took it to have bin some thunderclaps, until my nose had better inform'd me of the truth of the matter: I was vexed with the horrible stench of it, that unable longer to en­dure it, or keep my head within the bed I rose, took up the stool-pan and threw it with a pox into the midst of the Hall, that every one might have a little of it as [Page 209]well as my self: Some of the company, whose noses were daintier then the rest; got them up, and began to cry out that they were choked up with the stink, that he who had done this wicked prank deserv'd to be hang'd: At this noise the head Goaler awak'd, and mistrusting least some of his Prisoners had escaped, ran into the Hall with all his Attendants arm'd: He had us all into examination, I was chiefly, nor was I backward in ex­cusing my self the best I could: To con­clude, the good Goaler thinking, belike, I would grease him in the fist with t' other odd Crown, that I might be delivered from the Kennel of such Hounds, com­manded me to rise and follow him, which I instantly did, but with a firm resoluti­on not to part with one farthing more: Away I went with him, and was no soon­er got out of the Hall, but that he began to threaten me with a Dungeon, full of Snails, Froggs and Toads; I must sub­mit to it, said I, he seeing I spake not in a golden phrase, lock'd me up in the same [Page 210]hole with the rest of my unfortunate, In­dustrious Brothers, there I pass'd the rest of the night, without knowing who my Chamber-fellows were.

At last day appeared, we visited each other, renewed our acquaintance, and deplored our conditions; not long after came one to let us out, for that place was only our night Quarters; he demanded a clensing-fee, under penalty of Eel­skins: I could not imagine what he meant by that tearm of Art, but was afraid least the Eels should devour us; but I was in­formed they were certain wasters, or great blows about the middle, which were applied with a reverse slash on such as were backward in opening their Purses: I must confess my own weakness, for to say the truth, I presently drew out six Royals and gave them to him, whereas my poor companions having no money, were forced back again.

There was in the same Lodging with us a certain huge over-grown Lubber, with a Beard as big as a six penny besome, [Page 211]and a pair of shoulders, which me­thoughts had lately been scarrified by the Doctors hands who useth to cure all diseases in publique. Never did I in my life see such Bracelets, as he had on his legs and arms, either for length big­ness or number. He was called the Giant, he told us, he was in for a trivial windy matter, which he valued not, I supposed then, that he was in for some Bellowes, Bag-pipes, Foot-balls Fans, or the like; but when we asked him if it were for any thing of that nature, he told us, not, but for some post-dated sins. I thought then he had been a Long-lane Merchant, and had sold old for new clothes, but at length after much enquiry, I discover'd he had been in love with the masculine Gender. He was a fellow both terrible and furious, insomuch that the Goaler was fain to arm all those who lay neer him with I­ron Breeches, and had he not been well chain'd, no body durst let a foist or fart before him, for fear of putting him in [Page 212]mind of the Region of Buttocks. He was accompanied with another, as ho­nest a man as himself, who said he was in for being too dexterous, and for catching of fish without wetting his fin­gers. I enquired a little more curiously into his meaning, and found he was som­what light-finger'd, and that nothing could scape him. I was likewise told, how there was hardly a Post-horse in the Kingdom which had been so slash'd as he had been; for he had pass'd through all the Beadles hands; you could not speak of his ears in the plural number, and for his face a man would have thought it had been inlay'd with new flesh, there were such great Seames in it.

Besides those two, there were four others, whom the Justice had repriv'd from the Gallows and condemn'd to the Gallies: I heard them say, how in a few dayes they hoped they might be a­ble to brag, that they had serv'd his Majesty both by Sea and Land. These [Page 213]good honest people were much discon­tented with my poor Comerades, for that they had not given some clensing money, as I had; and thereupon con­cluded among themselves to bestow the Eelskins upon them with a vengeance, tuff cord which they had provided for that purpose. Night came, and we were lock'd up in our old Quarter, it was not long ere the Candle was put out, and I presently began to smell their plot, whereupon I got me under the stair-case, and could have crept into an Auger-hole, so shin I was for fear. Pre­sently one of the gang fell a whistling, and another to manage his whip: My Brothers of the Industry soon perceiv'd the meaning of it, and got them as close one to another, as their skins was to their flesh. The whip in the mean time went on very cheerfully, without putting any body to the squeak. But those cun­ning Rogues hearing no body cry out, began to throw about certain stones and Tyles which they had kept in reserve for [Page 214]that end, one of which made an incision in poor Don Torrivio's Crupper, at least two fingers broad, thereupon he fell à roaring, as if he had been kill'd, and those wicked ungratious Varlets fell to singing and shaking their chains as lowd as they could, to prevent the hearing of Don Torrivio's out-cry, who to save himself pull'd the others upon him, and each endeavouring to get undermost, one might have heard their bones crac­kle like a Lazers bell. In this scuffle, all to pieces went their cloathes; nor did the shower of stones and Tiles cease for all that, insomuch that poor Don Torrivio who lay exposed to the whole volly of shot, seeing himself at death's door, ready to dye a Martyr, though he had neither goodness nor holiness, cryed out, that he would pay their fee, so they would let him come out and be at quiet; to which end he would depo­site his clothes in their hands, adding he had rather keep his bed for want of clo­thes then health. All of them would [Page 215]needs be admitted into the same Articles, but maugre all their Industry, their heads were first as soft as so many rotten Apples, with the hail-storm which fell upon them. But at last, a cessation was concluded for that night. It was not long ere day appeared, and a Summons delivered for performance of Articles, but when they came to the execution of them, they found that all their clothes would hardly make one good pair of Socks: However they were all seiz'd into custody, not so much for their worth, as to leave their Masters naked, that they might put a new trick upon them.

They were quickly uncased, not so much left them as a rag to cover their nakedness, besides one old rugg, and then it was that they began to be sensible of a most terrible Itch; for to compleat their miseries, the Goaler laid them just where all the rabble of the Prisoners u­sed to louze themselves, long they had not been there, before the merry lowse [Page 216]seiz'd on them, who having been kept long fasting, would in a few hours have made a break-fast of my poor Brothers, had they not quickly thrown away their Coverlet, and so covered their bellies with their Bums.

For my part I got me out of this Pur­gatory, and beseech'd them to have me excused, if I took my leave of them, for that my presence might well be spa­red, they having no want of company. I made new applications to the Goaler, and tickl'd him in the Palm with a little more of St. John's grease, though con­trary to my former resolution; he ac­quainted me with the Attornies name, in whose hands our Informations and process were, I sent a little Boy who be­long'd to the Prison for him, he came, we withdrew apart to consider of my getting off. At first he was upon the re­serve, but when I told him, I knew how to be grateful, and would deserve any good office he should do me, he look'd as brisk as a glass of Canary, and became [Page 217]as pliant as a Does-leather glove. I convey'd a brace of Pistols into his hands and desired him to befriend me, as much as that came to. I told him, I was a young Knight, not acquainted with the world, &c. Sir said he it's enough, I understand you, look you Sir the good or ill success of a business is in our pow­er, many are the disorders which hap­pen when our offices are conferr'd upon such men, as have not the honour or conscience to do the work as I do. Il'e undertake the business, fear nothing. The Judges may prate and talk their pleasures upon the bench, but when it comes to the execution, we do as we please, but what need I tell you any more? fear nothing, trust to me. He bid me farwell, and went to the door, but presently came back to me; I have a word more to tell you, quoth he, with a sowr look: There is a sort of Twatlers who will be prating, unless you lock up their mouths under a silver seal. If you gratifie the Serjeant, it were not a­miss, [Page 218]for look you Sir, he may else do you a mischief, by putting out a word which might spoil all. Sir said I, will you be pleased to present him with this Pistoll in my behalf, for that I am not acquainted with him. He took it and promised to do it that day, and withall told me, I should do well to set my col­lar right, which then stood towards the Ale-house, that I should get some Lo­zenges for my cough, which I had got­ten by lying in the cold, and then away he went: Not long after I gave the Goaler half a Pistol, who thereupon eas'd me of my chains, and permitted me to eat and drink with him, though the sauce cost me full dearly.

After some few dayes pass'd, our pro­cess was concluded and presented to the Judges to be sign'd. By it our poor old woman, together with the rest of my Brothers: of the Industry, were con­demned to dance round the City, and to live for six years in some other Coun­trey. My Innocence was cleared, God [Page 219]a mercy horse, Gold I mean, and so I got clear for that bout.

Buscon falls in love with his Landlords Daughter, pre­tendeth to be a Conjurer the better to attain his design, and the mischance which be­fell him.

BEing out of Prison, I found my self all alone, forsaken by my friends, who were beating it upon the hoof: I was inform'd how they were gone on Pilgri­mage towards Sevile, I must needs con­fess I had no great mind to make one of the company; It was not long ere I had found out a good lodging where I intend­ed to make my self whole again: There I lighted upon a very pretty Wench clear skin'd, well body'd, witty, and of a [Page 220]good humour; she lisped a little, but it became her mighty well, very fearful she was of a Mouse, had a lilly-white hand, of which she was not a little proud, and would ever and anone be putting it up to her forehead as if it itch'd, purposely that she might shew it: At Table she carv'd all the meat; it company she would of­ten take off her Gloves, either to fasten or take our some Pin or other; if she play­ed at Tables, or shuffle-board, because she might not want occasions to shew her fair hands; she would often pretend to yawn, that her teeth might be seen, and then with her bare hand would she make the sign of the Cross over her mouth, and to the same end would she often laugh.

I was kindly entertained by them they lodg'd me in the same Chamber with two other Guests, one a Portugal, t' other a Catalonian. At my first coming I cast my eyes upon the young Girle, who me thoughts would serve my turn to pass a­way the time, nor did the conquest of her appear very difficult, for that we were [Page 221]both in the same house: I told her mer­ry stories which I had read, and some I made to pass away the time: In a word, I was very officious to do her service. Now because Annetta, such was her name, was very curious and inquisitive; I made her believe I was a Conjurer, and that I could do strange feats; that I could make the house sink under ground in her apprehension, and presently seem as if it were on fire; that I could make people dance naked, or fight with one another, if I pleased, with a thousand such like crotchical devices, all which the poor soul swallowed for truth. By these devices, together with some small liberalities ex­pended in Collations, and such other Knacks as I presented to her, I became intimately acquainted, and had soon in­sinuated my self into the favour, both of Annetta and her Mother; not but that I intended to make up my Markets again upon what I could take, after I had ob­tained my ends on her.

The Portugal, of whom I told you, [Page 222]was ready to die for love of Annetta, he never came neer her but he sighed like a Presbyterian at a long Lecture; He was much given to musing, melancholy, and the like, and withal, as convetous as a Lawer; he drank by himself, and fasted every three days; nay, his Bread was so hard, that the teeth of a Saw could hardly enter it: He would ever and anon be crowing of his valor, but had he laid eggs, he had been a most perfect Hen in­deed, for he troubled all people with his cakling; yet he was not so blind as not to perceive how I had got the start of him in Annettas good will: Now to put a rub in my way, he would sometimes rail on me, and call me lousie beggarly Knave, and low minded Rascal; I was made acquainted with it, and sometimes heard it with my own ears, but took no notice of it, rather humoured him, and collogu'd with him, least some mischief might have hapned in case we should have quarrel'd with one another, which possible might have forc'd one, if not both of us, to leave [Page 223]the Lodging, by which means I might come to loose not only my expectations, but likewise all the expence I had been at in courting Annetta.

In the mean while, I lost no time of improving that good esteem I had gotten with Annetta; in so much that in a little time I had contracted so great a friend­ship with her, that she permitted me to write unto her the stories of my love, which I always delivered with my own hands: She was much taken with my Letters and Love-songs, a dish she had seldom tasted, being notes of the highest quality, and was ravished with the re­spects and honours I had done her. My Letters usually began with these or the like expressions. I have presumed: Your extraordinary Beauty: The flames which consume me: Those Suns of your eyes; the end always full of submissions, such as in those cases are usual: I subscribed my self, The servant of her servants: The vas­sal of her disdain: The subject of her power: By these and the like ways we became in [Page 224]fine so intimatè that we always spoke to one another in the Quakers terms, Thee and Thou.

However, notwithstanding all these Freedoms, I could never get her to do feat: but at last feeing she was as ambitious as crafty, I told her one day with a great deal of confidence, that I had learnt a secret in Magick to make one be beloved of any person he had a mind to; and that I had so great a passion for her advance­ment and fortune; that I would teach it her, in case she would gratifie me with some favour: At this she began to prick up her ears, yet she was subtle enough not to let her self be snap'd by men; what re­compence would you have, said she smi­ling? I should think the smalest favour thrown away, if I should venture it upon such slender hopes; but in case you let me first see any of your rarities, I shall then know how to proportion my grati­tude. I was not dismayed, rather over­joyed at this reply, for a Fort which so capitulateth is half surrendred: There­upon [Page 225]I promised to content her the first opportunity she could procure of a little privacie and leisure: The great desire she had of seeing me do what I had under­taken, made her resolve upon the night following: An hour after midnight, said she, all the house will be fast a sleep, and then we may securely meet at my Cham­ber window; for said she, in case you be so skilful, you may easily find a way to come through the Gallery into my Chamber by the window; That I can, said I, as easily as speak.

I was exceedingly desireous of trying my destiny, in order whereunto I got me into the Gallery at the appointed hour; but as the Devil would have it, I no sooner set my self to slide down out of the Gallery upon her window, but my foot slip'd, and I fel upon a house just un­der ours, which belonged to an Attorney, one who was no very good friend of my Landlords: My fall was very great, so great that it broke above twenty tiles, which left many remembrances in my [Page 226]sides; the noise of my fall wakened a sleeping Lyon, as the Proverb saith, for such I found it, to my grief: The Law­yer cryed out amain, Thieves, Thieves, and presently came up to to the house top with a Brother of his, and two young Clerks; I no sooner spied them but I de­sign'd to hide my self behind a Chimney, not far from me, but to little purpose God wot, for they fell on me like a thun­derclap, in so much that I thought that minute would have been my last: The next thing they did was to bind me, nor would they admit of any excuse. An­netta beheld all these passages, but she was so possessed with what I had told her, that she thought they had been so many illusions, only to make her laugh, so that she continued saying it's enough it's e­nough.

I told them I lodg'd in the next house, the Master whereof could assure them I was not such a man as they took me to be, but they laughed at me: To conclude, they cast me into a Cellar, amongst a [Page 227]number of Faggots, there lay I till morn­ing, though it were almost day when my misfortune befell me, it being in the Summer time, and about two hours af­ter midnight.

He is delivered from his se­cond imprisonment: The invention he used to get out of his Lodging without pay­ing for his diet.

COnsider I pray the cruelty of my stars: I only intended to steal some amorous favours, and behold me taken for an absolute Thief. I passed that night in great affliction, which tormented more then my fall, or all the blows I had re­ceived, which were not inconsiderable, either for weight or number; yet that which vex'd me, was, I knew not any industry, which could bring me out of the Laberinth in which I then found my self insnared.

Day being come, my Lawyer caused [Page 229]me to be brought before him, he began to examine me, and to reprehend me for being a Thief, in which he was very elo­quent, for to say the truth, he was his Crafts-master at that feat.

When behold Annetta by this time, suspecting belike the power of my Charms, had acquainted her Father and Mother with the mishap, making them beleeve that I was shewing some feats of activity before her in the Gallery, and by mischance had fallen out of the window upon the next house, where they had ta­ken me for a Lurcher, and not a Tum­bler: She entreated the Catalonian and Portugal to speak in my behalf, and to inform our Lawyer of my honesty and behaviour; they were no sooner come unto the Lawyer but he began to look about him, suspecting them to be parties and complices of my supposed theft. The Portugal was highly incensed against him for it, and began to give him ill Language, told him that for his own part he was a Gentleman belonging to the [Page 230]Kings Family, and that I was a Person of Honour, that he wronged himself to believe I was a Robber, and withal, came presently to unbind me: My Clerk see­ing himself alone, began to cry out for more help, but to little purpose, for I was set at liberty in spite of his teeth. The Lawyer seeing things carried by a high hand, was forced to be content, but told us, this our undue violence might cost us full dear, but when he saw us going, at least, quoth he, give me something for the tiles you have broken; I understood his meaning, and presented him with eight Royals: I was indeed at that time in so liberal a humour, that I could wil­lingly have found in my heart to have re­paid him with interest, those many blows he had lent me the night before; but that no body might take notice of any such thing, I carryed them all quietly away upon my shoulders, and gave many thanks unto my two friends who had re­deemed me from my Captivity.

Being come back to our Quarters, the [Page 231]Catalonian could not forbear playing upon me, sometimes he would be asking me what price Faggots did bear, other­whiles that cleanliness was a very recom­mendable quality in a man; that brushing ones clothes would preserve them much the longer and handsomer: In so much that at last I found my self on the one side much troubled at his jeers, and yet on the other side very much oblig'd to him for his assistance: Unable then to satisfie both these my resentments, I resolved to find out some medium between these two ex­tremities, viz. to Eclipse my self, that is, to withdraw my self from my Lodging; but so as I might escape paying the reck­oning I owed there, which was none of the least: There was only one thing in my way, my Cloak-bag, which could hardly be carried out unperceiv'd; well, I made a Scholar, a notable Crack, and one of my acquaintance in Alcala, privy to my design, who with two other of his friends, and their two servants, brought a close Chair one night unto the Lodging [Page 232]where I was; asked for the Master and Mistris of the house, told them he was sent by the Inquisition; that they should not make any noise, for that it was a business which required secrecie: do but guess now in what a fright they were, for they verily beleeved some one had accused me of sorcery and the black Art, as indeed my self had given out; upon this they were as mute as fishes; but when he de­manded my Cloak-bag, they then be­gan to open indeed, and required some security for what I ow'd them; thereup­on the Rogue told them my goods be­longed to the Inquisition, which would take their debt into due consideration; fear and respect so tongue-ty'd them, that they had not a word more to reply, but let him carry me off in quiet; they pitied my mishap indeed, and said, they al­ways suspected it would come to this pass in the end.

Buscon gets himself cured; falls very sick: The enter­tainment his Landlady gave him; of whom he makes a description: He is taken by the Constable for her Gal­lant: He takes upon him to be a wandring Beggar, by which Trade he gets store of Money: At last he goeth to Toledo.

BEhold me now out of the Attorneys Clutches, and Annettas fair hands; but withal I found my self in a sad, weak condition, for I could hardly stand alone for want of strength, ever since my fall, [Page 234]and those blows the Lawyer bestowed upon me: I was therefore of necessity to take some rest; for the better effecting whereof, I took a Lodging at the further end of the City, where I light upon a ve­ry good woman, who made me kindly welcome: At first coming I put a good face upon it, for had I told her I was not well, she would hardly have receiv'd me into her house: There I lay sick about a Moneth, which cost me neer hand all that little which was left me of my small fortune. At last I began to pick up my crumbs, when upon a certain morning, about six a clock, just as I wakned out of a dream, in which me thought I was dead, I beheld my Landlady standing at my beds head▪ which wanted little of putting me into a swoon; for to say the truth, I took her to be death it self: She was a wrizl'd old woman, about three­score years old; her face like a tan'd hide, and as full of chops as a parch'd field in a hot Summer; she ever carried a string of Beads in her hand, over which she [Page 235]would pur just like a Cat when she is made much of; she was a woman of great repute in that Quarter, and had the name of doing many good offices amongst her neighbours, and indeed she had more good qualities then one; sometimes she would be making of Matches; other times she would play the Bawd, and anon lend money upon pawns; her house was never without company; she was excel­lent at teaching of young Girles, who were setting up of themselves, how they should wear their Hoods, and what part of their face they might shew for the most advantage; such as had good white teeth she would advise to be ever smiling, nay and to shew them, though they were weeping: Those who had fine hands she would counsel to be ever and anon play­ing with their Fans, to the end the black­ness of the one might set off the cleerness of t'other, to take off their Gloves every other turn, and to put them on again; such as had good handsome Hair, she would instruct how to wear it to the most [Page 236]advantage; and she would read a Lecture how the eyes ought to be turn'd, accord­ing to their greatness or smallness. As for matter of Painting, she was excellent at it; she could make one though as black as a Crow, seem so fair, that her own Husband should hardly know her; But her Master-piece was to retrive a lost Maiden-head, and so to sodder it up, as the least crack should not appear.

In less then eight days that I was with her, I saw her use all these Arts: Besides all which she taught her Pupils how to in­sinuate themselves into a Gentlemans Jewel or Ring. The young ones between just and earnest; the eldest sort by way of favour, and the old ones in the nature of a reward; she read Lectures of the true asking of money, toyes, and the like.

I have inserted these particulars, the more to move your pity, when you con­sider into what hands I was fallen; as al­so that you may readily apprehend the proposals she was about to make unto [Page 237]me, which thus began, for she always spoke in Parables and Proverbs.

Son alwayes taking out, and never putting in, will empty the greatest dish in Europe, Like dust, like dirt, like man, like match. I know thee not, nor what Religion thou art of. Young thou art, and therefore no wonder that thou art given to roguery, without conside­ring that thy life wears out, whilest thou sleepest. I have more years upon my head of the two, and consequently can give thee some good Instructions, but why should I? I have been told thou hast spent store of money in a thousand trifles; that sometimes thou art a Scho­lar, otherwhiles a Begger, and anon a Gentleman, sometimes a man, and o­therwhiles a Mouse, Oh child, tell me with whom thou hast lived, and Il'e tell thee of what humour thou art. Like to like. I would have thee to know, many times the toast is lost between the cup and lip. Ah Varlet as thou art, If thou lov'dst a wench, where was I? [Page 238]didst thou not know me? wert thou un­acquainted with my abilities? I dare swear thou hast been with some pitiful Grooms wife or other; for my part I meddle with no such Cattle, no faith, mine are all with black Hoods, and Hol­land-Smocks. Hadst thou come to me, I'de have saved thee a good many Pi­stols, which thou hast thrown away idlely, it should have cost thee nothing. It is not money I value, nor would I e­ver ask thee for one peny on that thou owest me for lodging, had I not occasi­on to buy some Candle and Sallets a­gainst night.

With that she ended her discourse, and I perceived all this beating of the Bush, was to get the money I owed her for my Lodging, which I paid unto her, and told her I should be very sorry that my forgetfulness should be the occasion of hindring any her affairs. Whilest I was counting out her money, my mis­fortunes which were never unmindful of me, and the Divel who never forgot [Page 239]me, conspired together to undo me once more, for the Constable had been in­form'd that she kept an ugly rogue then in the house, who lay with her, upon which accompt he came to lay hands on her. Now I pray do but consider how things fell out, They came directly up staires into my chamber, and finding me in my bed, and her at my Bolster, they concluded me to be the Gallant for whom they search'd. Presently they seized on me, drew me out of bed, and dragg'd me up and down the cham­ber, for I could not yet stand upon my legs. In the mean while two o­thers, took my poor Landlady to task, whom they kick'd and called a thousand Whores, Witches and Bawds.

With the noise of the Constable his men, my Land-lady and self, the In­cubus of our Succubus awaked, and hearing me cry out, that they mistook me for another, who lay in the next Chamber, thought himself to be the man they sought for, whereupon he [Page 240]presently got up, and contriving how to make sure of one, got down staires, and intended to get out at the back door, but one of the Officers had spied him, and got hold of him. Thereupon up they came to me, and desired me to pardon their mistake, which I did very willingly, to be rid of them. Away they carried my Land-lady and her Gal­lant to Prison, and left me where they found me. I continued eight dayes longer in the same house, under the Barbers hands unable to go without crutches, and that which was worst of all, I had not one cross left wherewithal to bless my self, for those shaving Chi­rurgeons had suck'd up my last hundred Royals, to set me upon my legs again. In this streight I was forc'd to go abroad for fear of being famish'd, but how think you? with my two crutches to beg for my living. But first I sold my clo­thes which were indifferent good, and with the money bought me a leathern Colar, a Canvas Doublet, and an old [Page 241]patch'd Gown. Then I got me some leather bags for my legs, which I warp­ped up in a great many old rags: Thus accoutred, with a great brass Cross hanging at my neck, and a most invin­cible string of Beads in my hands, I went abroad to seek my fortune: The residue of my money I sowed up in my Doublet. I counterfeited my voice for that of a distressed Soul, who would move the world to pity him, and thus I began to manage the wallet which sometimes brings a pretty income with it, if duely understood. I got some ex­traordinary words in my begging, Good Christian people, would I say, Servants of the Lord, Pity a poor distressed body afflicted with sickness and sores, who bear­eth his griefs with patience. This was my Dialect on working dayes, but up­on Holy-dayes I was in another Cue. Faith without Charity is dead, you Souls devoted to God, who is perfect Charity it self, would I say, and for the Virgin Maries sake, that blessed Queen of Hea­ven [Page 242]have compassion upon a poor Cripple, whom the Lord hath touched with his hand. Then fetching a great sigh, I would make a stop, and I assure you, that is a main thing. Ha! would I say, It hath pleased God to make me as you see me, though not long since I wrought for my living, and was as healthy as any of you, but prais­ed be the Lord. By this Industry the pence and farthings would sometimes fall like a hail-storm into an old hat, which I held to receive alms. Then did I be­gin to repent, I had no sooner betaken my self to that trade. It was not long ere I had contracted an acquaintance with another old Beggar, with whom I lodged, as notable a fellow at our sci­ence as any one in the whole world, for I perswade my self he was a Doctor at that and all other Rogueries: He had an artificial Rupture, as big as a nine­pin Bowl: He tyed one of his arms a­bout his shoulder with a good strong Cord, so that his hand would presently appear all swollen and inflam'd. He [Page 243]would lye on the ground, and letting his pretended rupture appear out of his breeches, lay his hand on a little pillow and then cry in a lamentable tone, Con­sider good Christians, how it hath pleased the Lord of his mercy to visit me with sick­ness and Infirmities. If any woman pass'd by him, God keep you fair Mistress would he say: Some there were so fool­ish of that sex, as that they would chose to go by the Street where he was, pur­posely to be called fair, though they had no business that way. If any Fen­cing Master pass'd by him, he called him Captain; if of any other condition, either Esquires, worshipful Knight, or Lord; if any Ecclesiastical man pass'd neer him, he presently had him by the ear with a good Master Abbot; in a word, he dispatched letters Patents for Titles of honour, at a small rate to the buyer, and at no great trouble to him­self, not but that he got well enough by it.

In less then six weeks I had pick'd up [Page 244]about thirty pound, and having quite recover'd my former strength, I resol­ved to leave the Court, and to go unto Toledo, where I was unknown to any one. I bought me a gray suite with a Sword, and so bid Adieu to my fellow Beggers; for the truth is, I was a little too stout to stoop unto that beggerly profession, and thus I departed toward Toledo.

Buscon happens into the Com­pany of certain Players: He falls in love with one of his Comrades Wife; He is almost killed upon the Stage: The Comedians derided; A misfortune which befel them. Buscon turns Poet, and at last renounceth that Trade.

THe first Stage I went, it was my for­tune to light upon a company of Players going for Toledo; they had three Coaches with them, and amongst the rest one who had been of my acquaintance whilst I was at Alcala, but had now left his studie to go to Play: [Page 246]Him I acquainted with my resolution of leaving the Court and going to Toledo: he no sooner heard me say so, but he im­braced me very kindly, and so far pre­vailed with his friends, that they gave me leave to make one of their company. When all was ready to set forth, they call'd on me to pay my part of the horse hire, by which means I got into one of the Coaches: They went higlety piglety all together, men and women, amongst whom there was one very handsome in­deed, who danced exceeding well, and acted the Queen and Princesses in all their Comedies. Now as good luck would have it, it was my hap to sit next unto her Husband; and not knowing unto whom I spake, but transported by my passion, or bewitched by her looks; do you know said I unto him, how a man might buy yon Merchandise, or at least how he might adventure a twenty Crowns upon her, for me thinks she is very handsome: It would not very well become me, re­plied he, to be your Schoolmaster in that [Page 247]particular, for that I am her Husband; but this I may tell you, your money would not be ill imployed; for to speak without passion, I can assure you the world hath not a more delicate softer piece of flesh then her self, or one of a more gamesome, toying humour; and withal, went out of that Coach into ano­ther, belike to give me opportunity to speak unto her: For my part I was much taken with the passage, which me thoughts was a very good one, and made appear that he spake truth, when he spake those words without passion: Being desirous then to make use of the opportunity I then had; I got me close to her, and ac­costed her in the best Language I could: She enquired what I was, and whether I went; in fine, we understood each other, but defer'd all until we came unto Toledo, for our better conveniencie. We passed away the time very cheerily; amongst other discourse I began to recite a certain piece of a Play, which I had acted when a Boy; it was a part of St Alexis, for [Page 248]you must know, the Spaniards are such good Catholiques that most of their Co­medies are Religious. It seems I re­hearsed it with so good an action, that they asked me the question whether I would be one of them; and to egg me on, told me many things in commenda­tion of their profession. The truth is, I had already a great mind to the young woman; nor could I forbear scratching where it itch'd not, whereupon I ingaged to stay with them two years; Our Wri­tings and Articles were drawn up, and ex­ecuted; I had my habits and speeches delivered unto me, and at last unto To­ledo we came, where in a short time I made my self famous for one of the most able men of the Theater.

We adventur'd upon a Comedie made by one of our own Tribe: Now you must know, I being but a Novice began to wonder when I saw a Stage player, and a Poet both one and the same person; for I supposed none but men of Parts and Abilities had undertaken that profession; [Page 249]but the longer I liv'd the more I learnt, for at last I perceived that most of the Actors were all Composers: The time is well chang'd, thought I to my self, for I remember when no one but that excel­lent Lopo de Vega, durst undertake to write one: Well, we adventured as I told you upon our Comedy, which was but ill contrived and worse acted, in so much that the Auditors were very much discontented.

The next day our Composer suppo­sing he had then well mended the matter, ingaged us to act it a second time: we did so; As God would have it it began with a War, and I came upon the Stage-arm'd with a Head-piece, Back and Breast, with a Truncheon in my hand, without which I am confident I had ne­ver come off a live, the stones and Cudg­els did so clutter about my ears; never was there such a storm seen or heard: The truth is, the Comedy deserv'd it, for it chang'd a Norman King into a Hermite, without Rhime or Reason, head or tail; [Page 250]Then for an Interlude it brought in two footmen; and at last to close up all the Intricacies, it ended in a general Marri­age. Sure I am we were well paid for our pains, and some of us began to grum­ble at our Poet: We laid before him the danger unto which he exposed us, and the like, unto which he replied saying, for his part we need not fall out with him for there was not any thing of his in the whole Comedy, but only the placing of several Speeches together, out of divers Plays, which he had in a Book bound up together, like a Cloak piec'd up of several raggs; and that the misfortune was, they were not well sewed together: He confessed one day unto me, That all Comedians, meaning Composers, were under the Statute of Restitution, for that they stole all they did: The truth is, I was much taken with the conceit, and resolv'd to try how I could make one hang together by the same Art: For to say the truth, I always found my self inclined to Poetry: I was acquainted [Page 251]with some, and had read others, as Garcilasso and the like. To be short, I fell to it, and what with the money I got and what pastime I had with the Players Wife, of whom I told you: I lived ve­ry merrily, nor did we ever fall into any more such praemunires, for we began to take up and correct our former absurdi­ties, and made Plays indeed, by which I got for my own share no small applause, and which pleas'd me better, no little sum of money.

We had not been a full moneth in To­ledo, before I had gotten three very good Suits of clothes on my back; nay, I be­came so famous, that some other sets of our own profession would fain have cor­rupted me to come over to them: I was already Prompter; I corrected their Action and Cadence: I was the only man that gave direction for the dressing or setting out the Stage. If any one pre­sented a new Comedy to be acted, it was presently brought to my examination, in so much that many days had not passed [Page 252]before I grew very conceited of my own worth, and began to patch up old ends together; so that in short I became an absolute Poet, and had the confidence, I mean, Impudence, to make a Come­dy, which so added to my former credit, that I wanted hands enough to write ver­ses, so plagued I was with a company of amorous fools, that haunted me day and night, to acquaint me with the state of their Loves, and to intreat me to make Copies of Verses for them; some upon absence, others upon disdain; some upon jealousie, and the like, according to their several passions. Now I had a set price upon all my pieces, though the truth is I afforded them good cheap, for the quick­er sale of them: Now as I was one day very hard at making of a Comedy, there befell me one of the pleasantest things that I think was ever heard of: And thus it was, for though it redound to my dis­credit, yet I will not be ashamed to ac­quaint you with it: You must know, that when the Poetick fury came upon me, I [Page 253]had gotten such a trick that I could not forbear walking up and down the Cham­ber with the same earnestness, and reci­ting my Verses with the same loudness, as if I had been upon the Stage. Now it so fell out, that a Maid in the house where I Lodged, was coming up to my Cham­ber just about noon with my Dinner, which was of two dishes, one of Broth, another of Rost-meat, at which time I was by chance upon a description of the hunting of wild beasts, and of a man pull'd down by a Bear, and as if it had been my own self, I began to cry out in a pitiful tone,

The poor Wench was so terrified with my cry and action, that she verily belee­ved I had really advised her to save her [Page 254]self least she were devoured: The great hast in which she was to be gon, made her leap down all the stairs at once; down she came, and the dishes upon her; away she got into the street, crying there was a Bear in the house, killing and eating a man: I heard the noise, and ap­prehending whence it came, went out that I might dis-abuse the poor Girle: But notwithstanding all my haste, I found about a dozen men at the door, some with Spits, some with Halberts, and others with Swords, swearing and sta­ring, who ask'd me where the Bear was? Thereupon I up and told them the whole story, and repeated the Verses which had occasioned that Alarm: Oh! how mad and vexed they were? so that what with shame, and what with anger, they curs­ed the Poetry and Poet too, unto the pit of Hell; but that little troubled me, that which concern'd me most, was, I was forc'd to fast that day for want of a Din­ner, and to say Grace after meal before I had eaten a bit of any thing.

My companions hearing of this adven­ture, intended to make a Song of it, and all the Town did ring again, both of this and some other misfortunes which befell me whilest I made profession of Poetry.

Not long after, another accident be­tided us, which reflected on all the indi­vidual members of our fraternity, in as much as it struck at our very head. The Master of our Company had ran in debt with some Long-lane Merchants, for old Clothes, and such like necessaries of our use, but they perceiving no signe of money, arrested him, laid him up in safe custody; whereupon, all the rest of his Creditors came in thick and threefold upon him, by which means he lay under so many locks and keys, that there was little likelihood of his ever getting out: By this means our society began to moul­der away, and each one shifted for him­self: The truth is, there were others enough who would have been glad to have drawn me to them, but I had no great mind to the Trade, having inga­ [...]ged in it by meer necessity.

Buscon contracts a particular friendship with one of the Comedians; they go together unto Seville: He falls in love with a rich Merchants Daughter: They both get themselves admitted into service in the same house: The admirable inventions and tricks which Buscon useth to ingage the young Maid to love him: His Marriage with her, being a very pleasant Story.

WHen I went off, I found my self wel habited, and about a hundred pounds in my Purse: I had likewise a par­ticular [Page 257]friendship with him, who had first introduc'd me into the society of my Stage-Players; his name was Alistor, a man both of courage and discretion. We two laid our heads together, and resolved to travel the Countrey, and to see Seville, upon design of changing our garb; being once got thither, and to bear it out like Gentlemen indeed, that we might the more freely frequent Ordinaries and gaming houses, and con­sequently make use of our skill in dice and cards, we bought us a brace of very good mules, and came to Seville very happily. In all our journey we spent not one peny of our main stock, for we had light upon some youngsters, whom we fleec'd so well, that their monies paid our reckonings. We had not been long there, ere we sold our Mules with their appurtenances, and put our selves into our intended garb, wherein the Co­medy had made us so dexterous, that no one living could have mistrusted us, either by our behaviour or language. [Page 258]The first thing we did, was to inform our selves of the publique meeting pla­ces, and the several companies that were in the City: We got acquainted with the names of the several streets, and great men who then lived in the Town. But it was not long ere we steer'd another course, for as we were one day con­ing of our lessons, I chanc'd to look up­on a certain fair house, which took up my thoughts for some little time, and at one of the windows I beheld a young Gentlewoman, exceeding handsom, and to my apprehension, not above fifteen years old. Whilest I was taking a view of her, she withdrew her self, and I pas­sed on my way. I turn'd to my Com­panion, and asked him if he took notice of the young Gentlewoman at the win­dow, yes said he, I should have been very sorry not to have seen her, for in­deed she is very handsom, I would to God replied I, I had not seen her, for the hath stollen my heart from me. Ali­stor thinking I had spoken in merriment, [Page 259]began to jeer, and to say, my mouth was not out of tast, and to tell me she was meat for our Masters. Well on we went, and in conclusion home we retur­ned. It being neer Supper-time, down we sate; but for my part, not a bit of any thing could I eat, nor hardly speak a word.

When Bed time drew nigh, we reti­red our selves, yet could not I sleep one wink; nothing but sighs and tossings too and fro, with the like vexations, to think that my condition hindred me from prosecuting my own inclinations. Alistor, who had a great kindness for me, seeing me in such trouble, promi­sed to effect impossibilities for my com­fort. Let us first said he, learn who and what she is, and then if it be in the wit of man to win her, I'le undertake thou shalt wear her, however wee'l try what is to be done.

I was not so blinded with passion, but I could easily see all those projects were but Chimaera's, yet I found some diver­sion [Page 260]in thinking on them. When day came, we got us into the same street where I had lost both my heart and li­berty, with intention to enquire out who that fair Goddess was. We were told she was a rich Merchant's daughter, who was gone unto the Indies about six mo­neths before; that he had left his said daughter in custody of her mother, and an Uncle of hers, his Partner in trading: That her name was Rozelle, that the best in Seville had courted her, not only for her wealth, but her beauty. This dis­course made me conclude my wound was mortal, and that there was no hopes of cure. But Love raiseth the mind, and suggesteth inventions, such as with­out it, could not enter into the heart of man; for we learnt withal, how a Ser­vant of the house, who always waited on the Mother and Daughter was lately dead, and that Rozelles Uncle had tur­ned away his; whereupon we conclu­ded it would be no great matter for Ali­stor and my self to be admitted into their [Page 261]places. I acquainted him with my thoughts, and he approved of them, to effect which, we got us clothes of mean­er degree then those we then wore. Thereupon we address'd our selves to a Taylor, who lived just by Rozelles house, we promised him two Peeces to get us in to service there: he presently undertook it, as thinking it easie to be effected, and indeed he so well mana­ged this affair, that not many dayes af­ter, we were carried unto Rozelles Uncle who look'd upon us, and having que­stion'd us about trivial matters, at last hired us, and appointed us to come the next morning.

Now for the better carrying on of our design, you must understand Alistor and I contrived together, that I should wear a Millan shirt next under my Cassock, with the Order of St. Jacques fasten'd to it; together with the Cross, as the custom of that Order is, vvhich might make me pass for a Knight of that Or­der, as occasion might require. You [Page 262]may imagine we were not backward to wait upon Rozelles Uncle at the time ap­pointed, He forthwith told us what he expected from us, and put us in charge of such places as were intrusted with us, in which we behaved our selves so well, that both the Uncle, Mother and daugh­ter thought themselves very happy in two such good Servants. As for the rest of the servants, we easily got their good wills by some small liberalities, which I used amongst them (and in­deed liberality is Loves eldest daughter) insomuch that I dare swear there was not one amongst them that would not have ventur'd his life for us. Our money being still about an hundred pounds, we intrusted with a Merchant of whom I took no Interest, upon condition he should at any time furnish me with Bills of Exchange for such sums as I should desire of him, not exceeding the said sum in his hands. The Merchant ac­cepted of it very willingly, for that he ran no hazard, and furnished us with as [Page 263]many Bills as we desired, all which he accepted, and ingaged to pay us the mo­ney, when soever we desired.

Hereupon I insinuated my self some­times into one servant, and otherwhiles into another, and told them as a great secret, what Letters of Exchange I had, beseeching them not to tell one another of it. Sometimes by means of a Col­lation, I could do any thing with them. Our Merchant was a man publiquely known, which made our design the less suspected; for the better carrying on of which, I would often take one or other of them along with me, and receive the money before them, which made them believe I was of other condition then I seem'd to be; and which most of all con­firm'd them in that opinion, Alistor would now and then seem to respect me like his Master, when at any time we thought our selves alone, which he did on purpose to deceive them, now and then he stood bare-headed before me, and if I let any thing fall, as I often did, he [Page 264]would presently take it up, and deliver it to me. Now as there is not any thing a Secret which once a Servant knoweth; many dayes had not pass'd, before my Master, Rozelle's Uncle had received some inckling of it, as we perceived by some questions he asked us, and the man­ner of his deportment towards us, not that he could in the least discover us, far­ther then we had a mind he should.

I made a good use of that his suspition for I presently began to court all occa­sions of serving Rozelle: If she chanced to call any of the servants, I was still ready at her elbow, which I so often observed to do, that in fine, she her self took notice of it.

I lost no time, but now and then cast amorous glances at her, which I knew how to counterfeit to an hair, having learn't it perfectly whilest I was a Play­er; and the truth is, I did it so dexte­rously, that she seldom miss'd of taking me at it, my eyes being never off her. It was not long ere she began to observe [Page 265]my Passion, and was so far from being any ways offended at it, that she rather wish'd those opinions conceived of my disguisement, had been true; and that my quality and estate had been corre­spondent to my behaviour and person. Sure I am, she used her utmost Art to discover me; for she made those with whom I kept company to observe all my actions, in so much that I went no whe­ther, nor said I any thing, which was not presently carried to her: Nay, she once began to set upon Alistor, to try what she could sift out of him, but he was too cunning for her, and did so in­genuously contramine her, that all she could get from him was, Though my condition were at that time mean and ser­vile, yet that I had a heart and mind of a man of Honour.

When Alistor had acquainted me with what had pass'd between Rozele and him­self, I resolved by means of a Letter, which I had at my fingers ends, to pos­sess her with a full belief, that I was the [Page 266]man I would fain be thought to be: My Letter being written, with a fair Super­scription and Seal, I put it up in my Poc­ket; and one day as I pass'd by Rozele, I took occasion to pull out my Handker­chief and to let the Letter fall, as if un­known to me, and so pass'd on. She no sooner saw me gone, but up she took it, without speaking one word (for she ev'n long'd to know who and what I was, and and well hoped she might by this Letter find the truth of it) presently she got her into her Chamber, and having look'd on the Letter she found it thus Super­scribed;

As fast as the innocent Rozele read my Letter, so she insensibly insnar'd her self [Page 269]in those Nets I had laid for her: Every word was a dagger at her heart, she recol­lected all my former behaviours into her thoughts, my Bils of exchange, my fellow servants suspitions of me; and having com­pared all together, love at last took full possession of her heart; she lock'd up my Letter, little thinking what pains she took to undo her self, and then return'd to the place where she found it: At which in­stance I took occasion to pass by her with the same respect I had always used, but with a kind of discontent in my face; she observed all my behaviour, and I seem­ing not to take notice of it, began to look up and down, as if I sought for some­thing: At last, Rozele seeing in what a perplexity I was, asked me what I had lost, I told her nothing, nay that cannot be, replied she, for something you have lost, therefore tell me what it is; it is not worth your Ladyships knowing, nor my looking, I replied unto her; thus, I pre­tended not to regard it; but I so well acted it, that she perceived I was much [Page 270]troubled at it, so that poor Rozele was half in the mind to have restored me my Letter; but in the interim, some strangers knock'd at the door, which made her withdraw and leave me there alone.

I presently got me unto Alister, and gave him an account of what had passed, who concluded our design went on very prosperously. From that time Rozele made me perceive she had as much passi­on for me, as I for her: If at any time she called for any thing, Palinte was the man (for that was the name I had assumed when first I came into the house) All her pleasure and delight was to talk with me, and to command me, and all my joy was to see and obey her.

Rozel's Mother was not over heedful in watching of her Daughter, but would oftentimes leave her at whom, when as her self went abroad, either to take the air, or to her devotions, being well as­sured I suppose, of her Daughters dis­cretion.

Now it hapned upon a cetain day, that the good Mother was gone abroad, and in the interim I came in from the Town. Alistor came and opened the door, and withal told me, that Rozelle was left at home alone, that she had call'd for me two or three times, and that he thought she then was in the room over the Gate­house, to watch my coming in. You ravish me, said I, with this good newes, but however let us first go to our Cham­ber, before I go to her, for one of my sleeves is torn, and had need be repair'd. In we went, and I perceiv'd Rozelle looking into the Hall through a lettice-window, yet I took no notice of it, but went on directly to our Chamber to shut the door, Alistor help'd me off with my Doublet, and I sate me down in a chair, for the truth is, I was weary with vval­king. I had then on my Naples shirt, vvith the Order of St. Jacques upon it vvrought all with Cold and Silk, very rich, and being in this posture, I per­ceiv'd some body at the door, looking [Page 272]in through the key hole; at which instant I gave Alistor the signal agreed upon be­tween our selves, at which he was to re­spect me as occasion should require: pre­sently he was uncover'd, and standing by me, I began to talk in this manner unto him. Alistor, I have had sufficient ex­perience of thy fidelity and valor; nor art thou unacquainted with the passion and service I have vowed unto Rozele, which however I dare not discover unto her, no more then my Quality, until such time as my affairs are in a better posture. Notwithstanding I am much perplex'd least in the interim, I might be inga­ged in her affection to my prejudice; for I am resolved to have a past or two with some of those Gallants, who are ever and anon expressing their passions, either in Musique, or Verses, at her Window: The truth is, I can no longer endure it, I must and will set them further off, which I beleeve might be done without any noise, for that no one will suspect it is any of the house.

I had no sooner said so, but up I rose, and walking very soberly over the Chamber, I gave Rozele time enough to retire from the door, for I verily beleeved it was she, knowing of what an inquisitive dispositi­on she was.

She who had heard all my discourse, and was not a little alarm'd at it; pre­sently sent one to call me, intending by some way or other, to divert me from the design I pretended to have: I put on my clothes and followed her into the Garden whether she went: I waited on her with the same respect I had always used; She sate down on a green Bank, and commanded me to sit by her: I made my excuses unto her in the best tearms I could, I told her I was both a­shamed and confused, at the great honor she did me, but that I could not withal forget my condition: You may do as you please, Signeur Don Fernand, said she, for you are of a condition to command where ever you are: Oh God! said I, with a great sigh, and fetching two pa­ces [Page 274]backward, as in a fright; no, no, said she, all that serves now for nothing, you are discovered, we know who you are, notwithstanding all your inventions; but we have great cause to complain of you for concealing your self so long, by which means we have been deficient in paying those respects due to your Quality, but seeing it is a fault of your own, we hope you will excuse it in us.

Whilest she was still talking, I pre­tended to be surprised with her discourse: Mean you me Madam, said I? Yet Sir, your self: Look, look you there's that which hath discovered you, see the Let­ter you lost t'other day, for which you looked so up and down, and with that gave me the Letter: I received it, shrug­ging my shoulders, and confessed it truth; After several Complements, she intreat­ed me to tell her the occasion of my dis­guise, whereupon I told her a Tale which I had at my fingers ends; and had for­merly serv'd my turn to put a trick upon Annetta my Hostesses Daughter. Your [Page 275]Ladyship may be pleased to understand that I serv'd a Lady of the Court, more out of Gallantry then any good will; Now one of the greatest Knights of Spain made addresses to her at the same time, and although he was a person of great honour and worth, yet could he not ob­tain any kindness from her, yet was she very free of her favours to me who de­serv'd them not, in regard I did not re­ally affect her: The Knight became jealous of me, and having his spies abroad, took me one night as I as discoursing with her at her Window; he presently fell up­on me, and though in himself a very stout man, and well attended; yet it was his misfortune to fall dead on the place; His death so dismayed his attendants, that they forsook the body, and left Alistor and my self masters of the field. Now he being, as I told you, a person of qua­lity, and one whose death the King re­sented: I was forced for the better esca­ping the hands of Justice, and such en­quiries as I knew would be laid out, to [Page 276]disguise my self as your Ladyship now sees. I had not been above two days in this City, before it was my chance to pass by this house, at which time you were then standing in a Window, where you appeared to be such as you really are, a most incomparable Creature: From that moment I found my self a slave, and my liberty quite lost, in so much that I could not live out of your presence. Where­upon I had recourse unto all those inven­tions which love suggested unto me to ease my passions, and at last found means to be admitted as a servant into the house, for which happiness I should be ever thankful; and that although peradven­ture by the rigor of the Law I might ne­ver be permitted to enjoy so great an ho­nour, yet I should ever think my self dig­nified, by having been servant to so fair a Mistress. Without this device I had ne­ver come neer you, but had dyed with­out hope of help; for my quality would have kept you on your Guard; the cere­monious part of woing would have crea­ted [Page 277]a thousand obstructions to my undo­ing, and which was more, my life had been indanger'd, for that probably Ju­stice might have found me out and seiz'd on me, at least forc'd me from that Ci­ty: That then my life's remedy would have been worse then death, for I must then have quitted the sight of your self, which is the worst of deaths. My only design was to wait on you, until such time as my friends might have appeas'd his Majesties anger, that then I might have acquainted you with my name and extraction, but seeing Heaven hath pre­vented me, and discovered me unto you, I have likewise taken the boldness to let you know the truth of my love, and do beseech and conjure you to accept of my heart, my honour, and whatever wealth I have in the world.

You may easily perswade your selves I wanted no sighs to set off my discourse: for the truth is, I was very much in love: Rozelle heard me with such effective de­monstrations of passion that it was not [Page 278]without some regret I deceived her as I did. Sir, said she, if your passion be but as true as you have lively represented it, I may then repute my self the hap­piest person living of my condition, when I find my self courted by a person of your quality: and to let you see how much I am inclin'd to please you, I shall take upon me to let you know, the ob­taining of your desires shall be only li­mited by the time in which you intend to demand me of my Mother and Uncle, unto whom my Father hath give full power to do as he seeth fit in such affairs, and therewithal roses appeared in her cheeks, which with their Vermillian tincture infinitely increased her beauty, and added new fuel to my flames.

When I saw Rozelle at the point I so much desired, I intreated her to acquaint her Mother with my condition and qua­lity, that no longer time might be lost, and that then I would manage the rest as I saw occasion. In the midst of our discourse in came her Mother; Rozelle [Page 279]as impatient as my self, presently went to wait upon her, and made her an am­ple recital of what had pass'd, who over­joyed with the relation of me, forth­with sought for her brother in Law, to let him know my discovery, and to con­sider what excuses they should make to me, for not having treated me according to my degree. The Brother in Law was of opinion, that at night when I was retired to my Chamber, they should come and proffer their service to me, and beg my excuse of their ignorance. They did so, and so from that very minute, from a Servant I was declared a Master, and lodged in a very fair rich Chamber. These Ceremonies thus pass'd, I be­seeched them not to discourse any thing of me unto their friends and kindred, or indeed to call me by my own name.

I pass'd in this manner about a month after my Metamorphosis from a Servant to a Knight, during which time I recei­ved divers honours from Rozelles Moth­er and Uncle, and from her self many [Page 280]civil favours. Her own converse and the respect I bore unto her, made me perfectly civil; insomuch that I never attempted or requested any thing from her, which was not modest and lawful, to the end I might not infringe the Laws of Hospitality; which deportment of mine did much confirm both them and her in their opinions of my personated Nobility. But in fine, fearing lest some ill Spirit might rise to destroy the struct­ure of my good fortune which I had rai­sed to such a height, I one day pretend­ed to have received a Letter from a friend of mine at the Court, wherein I was inform'd, that it had pleased his Majesty to grant me his free pardon to return home, and that I was of necessity to go unto Vailladolid, where the Court then was, to give thanks unto the King. At this Newes all the family seem'd to rejoyce, especially poor Rozelle, so much were they interested in my affairs. Then I began to look wisely about me, and carried my self very gravely, I told them [Page 281]I could not better acknowledg the kind­nesses and obligations I had receiv'd from them, then by contracting an alli­ance with them, and to pay the respects I owed them, by marrying their daugh­ter Rozelle. I had so sooner declared that my intention, but the Uncle and Mother suspecting lest it might be but a copy of my countenance, presently took me at my word, without asking any ad­vice of their friends or kindred, or far­ther enquiry into my quality or estate, so that they presently got a Licence from the Bishop, and we were married with­out asking of our Banes. Thus did I satisfie my passion, and setled my for­tune, for which I was proffered five thousand pounds certain, besides what might come by succession from her Fa­ther & Mother, whose only child she was.

When I saw my self in possession of so hand som a woman, and so good a fortune, I resolved to turn wise in rela­tion to the management of my estate, and honest, in relation to the obligations I [Page 282]owed unto Rozelle. In this design I consulted with Alistor, as also how we might retire from Seville, and carry my wife with us, for we concluded it absolutely expedient to take her off from her Mother, lest time might make a discovery of us, and so she might make friends to force both her daughter and fortune out of my hands. After sundry debates it was concluded that Alistor should go before unto Vaillandolid, with such money as we had left, and that he should hire a house, and furnish it the best he could.

This was put in execution, and when I had received notice of it, I endeavou­red to perswade Rozelles Mother and Uncle, that it was convenient for me to carry my wife unto Vailladolid to bring her acquainted with my friends, especi­ally the Duke of—my Brother, that her beauty might plead my excuse, for having married one beneath their quali­ty.

Both Uncle and Mother thought it ve­ry [Page 283]reasonable, whereupon we conclu­ded together that Rozelles five thousand pounds should be paid in unto some Merchant who should return it unto Vail­ladolid, which was accordingly effected. And for the better carrying on of my disguise, I desired the Uncle would be pleased to take care of the Bills, for that he intended to go along with us, partly to accompany his Neece, and partly to understand my estate and condition. It was not long ere Rozelle took leave of her Mother, unto whom I promised to bring her daughter back within two mo­neths, at least to come and wait on her to her daughters house and estate.

We took our leaves and came to Vail­ladolid, we alighted at the house Alistor had hir'd for me, which to say the truth, was wel provided with furniture and the like: The same night I professed an ex­cess of love and kind ness unto Rozele, and in fine, I made her acquainted with the whole naked truth, and what means I had used to obtain her: At first she was [Page 284]much astonished at it, but the affection she bore me, was such, and I had gotten such an ascendant over her, that she shew­ed not any the least discontent at it, but resolutely taught me how I might get the rest of her Portion which was still in her Unckles hands.

You must not by any means, said she, let my Uncle smell out your deceit before you have made sure of the Bills which are in his custody; but go to him betimes in the morning, before he be stirring, and and then tell him your Brother and you have bin at words concerning your Marri­age, which he mistrusteth you have made up, more out of passion then reason; and that he upbraideth you with my meanness and poverty; and that you hope to satis­fie him of the contrary: First by shew­ing him the Bills of exchange; and then by carrying me to him, by which means he may be perswaded it was not only my Beauty or perfections which ingaged you but also my portion and fortune: I am confident he will not refuse you, because [Page 285]the pretence is very fair and specious; however be sure you and Alistor have your Swords by your sides, wherewith to force him, if need be, which may easi­ly be done, seeing he is in your own pow­er; The next thing you do, is to go to the Merchant upon whom the Bills are charged, and get him presently to accept them.

I admired at the subtilty and quickness of her wit; I kissed her over and over, a thousand times, and at last went to exe­cute what she had advised, in which I suc­ceeded very happily: Her Uncle did not scruple the Bills, the Merchant accepted them, and paid us five hundred pound upon content. I gave Rozele an account of it, who seemed overjoyed; her Uncle all this while knew not one syllable of what had passed; and when he press'd me to bring him unto the Earl my Bro­ther, I told him he was a humor some man, and one that I must sooth up, to work out my own ends, and that in a day or two I doubted not of finding him in a [Page 286]good mood. Thus I put him off from day to day, until at last he received news from my Mother in Law, that his Bro­ther was cast away coming from the In­dies, and that his presence would be necessary at home, to settle affairs in or­der.

When he had received this sad news for him, though joyful for me, I could not for my life stop him one day longer, but away he would for Seville; In fine, he took leave of us, as ignorant of my affairs as ever.

At his arrival at Seville, he found my Mother in Law very sick, what for the loss of her Husband, and absence of her Daughter, in so much that she followed her Husband in a few days, making me sensible of the truth of the Spanish Pro­verb, Dulce es la muerte de suegra; A Mother in Laws death is as sweet as Harti­chocks and Pease; for she left me in Rozeles right, the Inheritance, and Goods of her house, which amounted unto one hun­dred thousand Crowns.

Having thus fixed and setled my for­tune by Alistors help and conduct, it was but reasonable to make him some ac­knowledgment and reward, for the servi­ces he had done me; whereupon I gave him a thousand pounds, wherewith he rested very wel contented, and so went off from me.

Thus Gentle Reader you have seen the issue of my adventures; but for as much as no one can be called happy before his death, I know not whether amidst so many good fortunes, some disaster may not intervean, which may force me to eat sower meat for my sweet sawce, and so compel me to end my last Act like my first.

Every thing is in the hand of Provi­dence, we cannot foresee what shall be after us; yet for the present I think I may safely say, there are few men in the world, who for happiness may compare with my self. I wish the Heavens long to continue it in the company of my dear Rozele.