COme hither all you my beloved, Black, Blew, Red, Greene, Gray, Russet, and Orange-tawny Boyes, Fernds of all sorts, sizes, and ages, from 1635 yeeres standing, to little two-yeere-old Devils, you my constant Colleg [...]ars of this Infernall Vniver­sitie, you my trusty Agents, who negotiate for me in the Terrestreall Globe, to the inriching of my King­dome, the increasing of my subjects, and the augmen­tation of my glory (briefly) you, I say, who as my nimble servants sometimes by visible, but most com­monly by invisible means, do attend those who are ap­pointed for a portion of my inheritance in the world, least at any time (through want of quotidiall (nay rather morall solicitations and attendance) they should be snatched out of my potent pawes: 'Tis true (my trusty Rogers) I have no great cause (I confesse) to question your sedulity nor vigilancie (I meane in ge­nerall) yet let me tell you (my good friends) there are some of you in particular, whose sloth is now of late dayes highly reprehensible, how else hath it come to passe, that the Sun-day is so devoutly observed, drunkennesse in the time of Divine Service so Cir­cumspectly avoided; how comes so much fasting and praying, suppression of Monopolists and Pattentees; [Page]and divers other abuses reformed (especially in the Kingdome of England, whence (I say) proceeds all this, but through your tardinesse and negligence: but let that passe, I will not exasperate my patience over-much, nor extenuate your diligence beyond de­sert, but having a little reprehended what is amisse in you, I now purpose to render (to your worthy praise and my great glory and comfort) an account of (and thanks for) the good services that of late yeeres you have done to the propagation and elevation of vice the extenuation and (almost) extirpation of vertue in the Kingdome of England (aforesaid) wishing, exhor­ting, charging, and commanding you and every one of you (as you tender my love) or feare my displeasure, or wish the enlargement and expansion of this my di­diabollicall Monarchy) to prosecute (to your utmost endevours, and with the most exact care and dilligence that you possibly may) the courses that you have so auspitiously begun: for the furtherance whereof (and that you may with more alacrity and facility execute my designes) I will demonstrate unto you in what professions I am most effectually & punctually plea­sed, and by what men and meanes my Empire is ex­panded; Then prick up your eares, and listen (with at­tention) to the works of the Devill: for you must take especiall care in a matter of such high consequence, that all things conduceable to this designed worke, be done with a plausible deportment, that as poyson may (and is oftentimes) sweetned with hony (or suger) to make it be diliciously swallowed, so temtations of this nature (which filleth this vast Infernal Kingdom) must [Page]be sweetned with promises (nay commonly with per­formances) of worldly wealth, honour, fame, dignitie, and reputation, as for example, the drunkard must be stil'd a Good fellow, a Boon companion, a sound Trout, a notable blade, nay, as honest a man as ever pist with, &c. or as trode upon a shoe of leather (a large Encomium) for it seems the Saints never troad upon any. The libidenous Letcher must not want his titles, for hee, though he have no Gentry hereditary, nor dares adventure to get any in the field of Mars, yet (with a pox to him) betwixt Venus and Cornelius (not Cornelius Agrippa) he shall get enough to make him a Gentleman at three skirmishes, and Mr. Present-time (the Herald) shall iustifie it. The covetous catiffe that most damnable Idolater, who adores Crosses and Ima­ges) must be counted a very good Husband (though his wife say noe such matter) a thriving man that by his pinching parsimony, and trucelent oppression of the poore, he shall get (besides the little of a rich man) the Devill and all. But it were a Labour endles to tell you in particular what your selves know (so well as I) in generall there be damnable sinners of all professions sort, sizes, sects and ages, unlesse it be little children, whereof (to my great griefe) too many dye, before they be capable of deadly sines so yet I am deprive'd of millions that way. Therefore it behoves you my boon associats my Impassible postillians, my Machevilian messengers, and Avernian Embassadors, to be the more sedulous & diligent among those of ripe age, let them not passe (at the most) eight years of age before they being instructed to sweare, curse, lie, [...] the [Page]name of God, sing baudy songs pilpher small triffels as farthings or pence, from there parents, to buy pares; aples, or plumbs, these are good beginnings (my lads) & being ends according to my owne desire; when they come to exceed twelve, thentis high time to teach them to frequent Play-houses, Taverns, Ale-houses, and (though their abilities yet pemit them not) let them for the more speedy enableing themselves, frequent baudy-houses, and be sure doe not forget to teach them (in their child-hood) to play at dice and cards, though at first but for fardings, yet from this small beginning when they come to maturity of age, they will exceed from fatthings to penc, from penc, to shillings; from shillings, to Crownes, from crownes to pounds, and so upwards according to our Diobollicall arithmeticke, untill they come to poverty, from thence, to robbing (or stealing) and consequently, &c. For the Female fex, lot them not arive to 15. at the most, before they be endoctrinated in all the postures of pride and novel­tie in fashion, teach them to curle (and lay out) their haire, expose their naked brests, &c. that by these externall deportments, their internall in­tentions may bee knowne; but above all things be not negligent in following your buusinesse close in every season, untill the harvest (of reward) be come, you have sowne seeds of dissention, sects and schismes are plentifully spread, and will, undoubtedly) yeeld an infinite crop; O how happy hath it been for my traffick, since the first Authors of these damnable Heresies were, severally, suggested by me and you; every one of them to invent, and teach, an opinion ac­cording [Page]his, nay to her, [...] well shuffel'd, my boyes, play on boldly, in the Devils name, if we winne not Millions of soules at this game, let's burne the cards, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I shall take up an unlimmitted laughter, if I don't recall my selfe in time; For indeed, how can I otherwise chuse; alas you know, my deerest, that heretofore wee have laid many yeeres to one soule, and yet at the last have lost both it, our time and labour, and come home quite van­quish't without it, but, now, ha, ha, ha, they come in tumbling, and crowding, without any paines taking ha, ha, ha, I can now sit snorting in my Chaire, and have my work done ready to my hand, according to my owne desire, or heart could wish; the twiggs being well limed at th' first, hath saved labour ever since, for they poore souls are so blinded and lull'd asleep with that somniferous potion of selfe-conceited sanctitie, and puritie, that they thinke themselues true to my enemie, and enemie to me; but in this they please me exceedingly, let them run on in their erronious con­ceipts, and thinke so still, they shall never be hindred, but rather furthered, by me, but my feare is, if your care be not us'd to the extremity of diligence, that they will smell it out of themselves; looke too't, I charge you, for they know that a Kingdome divided within it self, cannot stand, nor a house divided escape inevitable ruine; therefore to prevent this [...], for they have commonly good [...], propose unto them hot Capons, Shoulders of Mutton, Pullers in white bloath, collops and egges, eat even (and most especially on that day which most [...] mee) [Page]Godd-friday, possesse them severally with strong de­lusions of self-conceited sanctitie, that every man may say (or at the least thinke so) to his Neighbour, Stand further off, come not neere me, for I am holyer then thou, noli me tangere, thou profane and wicked man, let them be perseverent in this, and then sleeping and waking, all's mine, quoth the Devill, so sure as God's in heaven, their pride (as mine did at first) will cast them headlong into hell, & now it comes into my mind) I coniure you all to be mindful of my very good friends, & servants, composers and publishers of these lying and scandalous Pamphlets, which daily are car­ried and spread about, sometimes to the disgrace of them that hate me to the death; & tell those my trusty factors, that I will at no time be forgetful of their care and diligence to the increase of so many notable vice, which advance my state, as lying, standering, envie, de­traction & blasphemy, all damnable fins, and seriously prohibited by Almighty God, my immortall enemie, I know, and you know, that by these only means, many Millions of souls come daily to my kingdome; there­fore it behoves you to be exceeding forward in a mat­ter of such deep importance, and to be extreame solici­tous to preoccupate (so far as possibly you may) the suppression and prohibition of this numerous rabble of [...], and Pamphliters, by the sub­lime [...] it of the Parliament, for if that should come to passe, through want of vigilaney, my Empire would loose a great part of it's propagation, and I of any glory. But I hope you will at no time be taken tar­dy in these affaires, which is no hard task to effect, see­ing [Page]that the prosession, though base, propounds into them both profit and pleasure, without much paine taking, enough said of that, now we proceed to other particulars, which may fortifie your memories, when you have occasion to use them in the world in severall wayes, as I shall endoctrinate you, first I tell you, my subtill substitute, that I finde great utility and comfort by the quotidian resort of Whores, Baudes, pick­pockets, Cheaters, &c. to stage-playes, seek to set that for­ward: secondly I have great gaine from these place, called Bawdy-houses, therefore be serious and urgent in your promi­sing ample rewards to the dooers & sufferers of the premise, let the panders be petulent, the Baudes impudent, the whores arrogart, and the Officers superindulgent, &c. Thirdly bee pressive to further (through hope of gaine) that hipocriticall secret fraud in shopkeepers, hidden under Yea, and Nay, veri­ly, and truely, &c. with their dark shops, false weights, mea­sures and Wares, to the inritching of themselves for a time, and me to eternitie: and fourthly, doe not forget to encou­rage those damnable Dammablades in the damming, sinck­ing, perishing, and renouncing, tell them that all shall be punctually perform'd on Gods part and mine: for hee will certainly by these provocations, and invitations, damne, sinck, perish, and renounce their soules, then what followes, but that 'tis my part to take them (according to their customary wish, The Devill take me) and so nodoubtedly, I will. For while they seek to dissect (or annatomize) God with their im­precations and oathes; as heart, wound and blood, be you rea­dy, and diligent, upon his [...] of them, as iustly, to seale them for me. And, now I call it to minde, let [...] re­member you of one especial innovation in trading, introduc'd through the gradation of time, in England, chiefly in, and ad­iacent to, the Cities of [...] and [...], to the ample [Page]encrease of bestial ebriety, which is the [...], or well-spring of almost all other most damnable sins and impieties, there­fore be sure to assist with your especiall care, and diligence, the proadintors, or primo parens of this horrible sinne of drun­kennesse; and those be the Brewers of this exorbitant and Cir­cean liquor called 14. Shillings Ale: these are the true fo­ster-fathers of this execrable vice, and deserve especiall no­tise, praise, thanks (and reward) for their service, most of them professe themselves very precise, I professe, indeed, and in truth, and unlesse it be in private among the brethren or si­sters, those that abhorre the most abominable sin of drun­kennesse, but as the proverbe sayes, If there were no receivers there would be no theeves; and consequently, if no thieves no receivers; so that these b [...]nding Ale-brewers are the princi­pall (and originall) cause of so many law lesse blinde Ale-houses (as wee call them) that under the pretence of keeping Tobacco-shops (whom I can never praise enough) presume (and that without any iust license from the Iustice) to dra [...] and fell with (be [...]lish) black pots, this diabolicall drink after the rate of 2 d. 2 pint, neither must I forget to extol the service of those (wilfully) blind Beadles, whose eyes being shadow­ed with two Sillings by the quarter, will winke at at (these great, under the name of) small faults; so let them do still, and want no annimition thereunto, for by this means they doe in an open rebellious way, against the laws of God and King, in stead of fasting & praying (which pleaseth God too much for my profit) use all possible wayes and means for the [...] Drunkenesse and many other most abhominable vices which bring some to beggory, others to stealing, and so make work for the Beadle, and the Hang-man, Gramercy fourteen [...] ­ling Ale-brewer for (the most part of all) this; besides their [...] day (I [...] their ser­vants) [Page]about this unnecessary (and unconscionable) and to augment their gaines (and their sinnes) it is so Bumbasted [...]est in the tunning, that being setled, and fit to drinke (which to say truth, it never is) the Victulers have (oftentimes) but 27. Gallons for a barrell, it is so iumbled and sophisticated, that beyond the height of wholsome nourishment, inflaming and intoxicating the braines of poore labouring people, spen­ding their time and means, at this Acherontick Ale, while their wives, children and families want bread at home, where­by the number of poore doth increase, which is, both to them, and to me, advantagious, for the poorer sort are their chiefe and most constant customers in this damnable course of tra­ding, for the drinking of their fulsome and spungious Ale; and thus having full proofe of their trusty service to me, and the amplitude and increase of so many other (by their means) I would have you to promise them (and I will performe it) some especiall place in Hell (a great preferrment) above o­ther petty offenders; encourage them closely to Bu [...]ie to their businesse, so as the Center of the work may yeeld forth Share of their damnable endeavours: and exhort them to bee confident, that with a Dash to be are the Bell (over) the way it may passe for Fourteen shillings the Barrell, at Chequer pay; but I know no reason why there should not be Crowne Ale, as well as Crowne sope: no, no, I am mistaken, let them still continue their brewing Strong, High and mighty Ale, that may sparkle so proudiy, as G [...] of Warwicke; nay, let it be so strong and heady, that sakef-Farmers, Fish wives Coblers, Chimney-sweepers, Rag-gatherers and T [...]ers; may be merry, and sing bawdy and drunken catcher and espe­cially, forget not lying Tales, and the continuall [...] of this tatterd regiments let the buy then of all their Songs be sung to this Tune (by all these Ale-bibbers) Strong Ale is [Page]meat drinke and cloth, so likewise let them stand to it, that to hold such Pot-companions in union, it may be compard to Buckle and thong; even in despight of our potent adversary, who commends, and onely brewes Ten shillings Ale, and will Byde by't and be sure to take these instructions along with you, for the encouraging all those my constant servants, that for the better, and more credible prosecution of their most damnable courses, let them practise by meanes so to insinuate with men in place of Authoritie, that both of them (the Brewer and the victuler) may beare some Office for mainte­nance of civill government in the Parish (where the dwell) that so they may be the better enabled, for their owne pri­vate gaines, to connive at sinne and wickednesse; and so an­ticipate the legall proceedings against their hellish conversa­tions herein: and not to doubt, but that though their educa­tions afford them neither writing nor reading, yet, if they can doe by my instructions aforesaid, they may be called to be under (if not capital) Constables to execute the Offices of religious honestmen, that so by their Authoritie in those places, they may mightily encrease my Empire; I could di­ctate many other advices: but I know that few words may suffice to instruct the wise, therefore Ile say no more to you at this time, least I should be tedious; But goe on in the De­vills name, and bid them (as the Familist saith) Increase and multiply, Vale.