ABout ten years agone, this Kingdom I say, was got with Child, with a huge and horrible Popish-plot, it had neither Head nor Foot, but sixty thousand Rumps and Tails, and what d'ye call 'ems. Now Sir about five yeras agone—her Belly began to Gripe— she made foul Faces and lookt very black in the Fundament, and fell into Labour with this Plot; and was very ill indeed, she father'd the Plot upon the Jesuits, and several other persons of Quality—and several of the Papists where hang'd and cut in peices and the rest Begger'd and Ruin'd, and all the able Men-Midwives in England were sent for, to help to deliver her of this great Belly: First that great states Midwife, Shaftsbury—who took his turn for four years together, and at the lastwith a full Resolution to fetch it out, thrust his hand a little too far, and broke a Leg or an Arm, and was forc'd to run away to save his Neck. Then was chose a Counsel of six of the able states Mid­wives in the Kingdom to try Experiments, amongst whom the Lord Russel scorning to be out done; fell to work Tooth and Nail; but being too hot upon't happens to lay hold on the Arse gut and all beshit his Fingers. Upon this misfortune he fell into a desperate passion: and in revenge resolved to cut his Majesties Throat, but just in the attempt his own Head dropt off.

Next comes Midwife Gray, but having just left his two Wives behind the Curtain which were really Sisters, and he not being able to satsfie one, his Horns on a sudden sprouted out so much longer than his Arms, that they goar'd Brittain into the Belly before he could reach it, which put her into such a Fit of Torture and Kicking, as frighted him out of his sence and sight of the World, that he was never seen since.

Then comes E—x with serious reserved deliberate gravity: And as soon as he had felt how it was with her—he pretended to wish that the K. did but know half so much as he did, but feeling the second time—she un­mannerly slapt her Tail in his Eye, and pist in his Face—which caused some of the Deputy Midwives to laugh at him; which put the Earl into such a passion, that he swore the K. had a hand in it—for which and other Crimes he was clapt up; and in revenge he played the fool and cut his own Throat.

Then comes thundering Tickle me Tom, and he was so foolish Rash he'd needs father the Pug before it was Born; he was so in love with the Bastard that he attempted to out of the Royal Line to make a King on't: which made Brittain up with her heel and hit him a dab o'th the Chops and farted in his Face, Gad, what does he do for madness, but transforms himself into the Spawn of a Makrel and was never heard of since.

Next comes Perking Teckely—though a Bastard he had an undoubted Right to the Imperial Crown of England, he laid both his Commissions, Life, and his expected Crown, that he'd fetch it out the first attempt without difficulty. Then he falls to work, Sir, upon the Brat, and got by the back with both hands at once—and pull'd it with such an undanted Courage that five hundred Rumps and Tails come off in his hands—and he lost his hold, which so inflam'd his Grace, that he turn'd up her Tail, and shewed her Nakedness to forty thousand of the Rabble—which made Brittain pull him [Page] by the Lugs—and wrapt a Ladys shitten Smock about his Chops and Eyes and sent his Addle-head, Reeling Blindfold from the Land of Promise to Wap­ping; where the other Sister wip'd his Chops—and he sputtered and Hector'd about and threatned Revenge for a while; at last was lost in a Mist; like Aenvas, for ingratitude and never was heard of since—a great many more made the like attempt, with such or worse success—and some hang'd, some in hold, some turn'd Trimmers and the rest run away: for just in the interim when the K. was to have been Murthered comes me in—one Howard, Rumsey West, and Keeling—and undertook to deliver this great Belly—and upon the word of a Priest, they handled it with such Dexterity, that in a fort­nights time, they brought out this great Monster—and what do you think it was that made all this noise-e'en honest Presbyter John—a Delicate Bade, but so stuft with' Soiciations, Noble Feer's Speech; Holy Leagues, and Covenants, &c. that it was Farting full again: And being Incubus it spoke as soon as it was Born, and named above six-Hundred Fathers that were at the getting on't-Shaftsburys, Tongue, and my self, three of the Chief-then drwing its Mouth on one side; Cry'd, You must all turn Turks or be damn'd and ever since I have had a great Ambition to leave off my Hypocritical Jump, and turn Muffty. But how do you think this Brat served us at l [...]st; for all we have lick't it into five hundred shapes and colours nothing serves its turn but speaking truth with a Pox to the Rascal: and has spoiled all our fu­ture proceedings; and we have lost the Charter into the bargain. But as for Popish Commissions, Spanish Pilgrims, Black Bills, French Armies, Pickerings Guns, Teuxbury Mustard Balls, Popish plots &c. I received rea­dy mony for them, both from Court and City at once: but now, not­withstanding all my Gaurds, I was arrested three or four times a week, and have neither Plot nor Commission to make a penny on, to help my self withal; and my Bums, like a company of Ravenous Wolves, are ready to tear my heart out. But for Wests Blunderbuss, Wilamans Cannon, most of them are visibly taken and Seized by the K. Just now my sacred person was seized for twenty pounds due for linnen, which I took up to wipe clean my Bum. To conclude Sir, unless our party can get to a head, before the K. calls a Parliament, all our Gang must of necessity flie to your Mighti­ness for refuge—Therefore I beseech you let the Sarraglio, be forthwith made ready for me and my Retinue—for Bums, I shall carry fourscore a­long with me, for Whores and Baudes, let there be two thousand made ready: for I intended to out do Solomon in Letchery, Mahomet in Blasphmy, and Judas in Perjury and Treachery.