WEll met Dear Sister, whe­ther away so fast.

Fast me no fast. I have fasted long enough already, now I have some­what else to do than to stand [Page 2] pratling with you I am so hung­erbitten: Therefore to be short, I am newly come from a Le­cture, and am afraid my Dinner will be spoiled the Sermon was so long.

Well the short and the long of it is, I cannot find in my Heart to say that I am glad you have been so well imployed, for you might have been better occupied, (I believe) in some other place, but tell me prithee Terpole, what long winded Brother in a short Jump Coat did preach to day?

Fie upon you Mimologue, you will never leave your old wont to flout at goodness, but I thought, you could have exprest your self more properly, than to call such an exercise, Preaching; we who are ac­quainted best with the Holy Dialect style it standing.

I thank you good Terpole for admonishing me of my Error, for true it is I did not speak so Congruously when I said so, for now I remember me in Northampton-shire I have heard, it is a common phrase among the Sisters there: Such an one Stood to day; therefore to speak at length more properly what was his Name that Stood to day.

He is called Mr. Stan-hup.

A very proper Name, Faith Sister to speak according to the Flesh.

You still emprove all I say to this scurrilous scoffing way, you are the errantest Droller in Nature, and it seems have accustomed your self to it, and consuetudo est altera Na­tura, you know custom is a second nature, for I have so much Latine, being taught in my Fathers House, when I was a Girl by my Fathers Chaplain, as also a little of the Greek Language.

It may be you have learned French too.

Yes to deal plainly with you, I have.

I will not ask you, whether you have learned Italian and Spanish, for I presume, you have not proceeded so far.

It had been no great pre­sumption in you, if you had put the question, if you will not think it any oftentation in me, to answer that I have; but (absit verbo arrogantia) 'tis true enough. For my Father resolving, that there should be no­thing wanting as to the accomplish­ing me in my Education, allowed me Masters to instruct me in all these Languages.

Now I have much ado to keep my hands off, from taking thee up, and that to purpose, you do so pro­voke me? VVhat hast thou Terpole to do with so many Languages? Thou [Page 5] hast enough to confound twenty Men; especially when pratling is so incident to your sex, that a man cannot well suppose one to be a VVoman without it, therefore [...] in Greek signifies both foeminam & confabulationem; it is vulgarly said, that one Tongue is enough for a VVoman, and the Spa­niards do so stomack it, that VVomen should be learned in several Langua­ges, that they will not so much as ad­mit they should have any Latine; therefore they say in their Proverb. De Mula que haze hin, y muger que habla Latin guarte. Take heed of a winching Mule, and a Latine Woman, and hear what a mo­dern writer of our own Country saith, one of the Minor Poets at least; whose Verses in English run thus.

It is an hard and unjust sen­tence in you men towards us to doom our sex to the wheel altoge­ther, as if we were fit for nothing but to spin, and prick in a Clout; whereas we are capable of more sublime things: I know it is com­monly tost up and down in the Mouths of the Vulgar, as you say, that one Tongue is enough for a Woman: In some sense I grant it is true, that is, where there is not prudence to regulate and moderate our words and actions; and in that [Page 7] case for all as I know, one Tongue may be too much. But discretion doth not consist so much in speak­ing few words, as no superfluous or impertinent ones. Therefore ma­ny tongues are no harm, if we know [...] as the moralist Plutarch hath it. Parts both natural and acquired in Women, and good qualities make their Company acceptable, where­as it would be an insupportable burthen for men to stay long with us, if we did twattle about nothing, but what Bands or Gowns were in fashion, or such like Gew-Gaw things, and affected nothing but to besmear our Faces with paint, which is the [...] of an unsanctifyed Mind, and is altogether inconsistent with that profession we make of Sanctity; yea truly 'tis a great scan­dal to the precious people of God in all places, and argues a Woman [Page 8] to be very immodest, I remember what the Italians say of such an one. Donna che si liscia Vuol far al­tro che la piscia: and likewise it is as great an offence to the Saints, to see some of our sex (which is a thing that I could wish was not so commonly practised among us) to besprinkle our faces with Patches, which shew as a good Author saith wittily; that there is a Roome to be Let, by the Bill on the door: I say, should we affect nothing else but these things, and to appear in a new Habit or Dress every day, or as if we were nothing else but a kind of walking Mercers shops, and were born and shaped for our Clothes, and consequently if Eve had not fallen had lived to no pur­pose: What delight would sober persons (think you) take in our Company? We labour under a great infamy in this kind, it is said [Page 9] we have got such a trick, to be so long a tricking our selves up, that half a day is scarce sufficient to make our selves ready; and there­fore old Terence, that knew well enough how to speak true Latine, and so was well enough acquainted with the Foeminine Gender saith; Dum moliuntur, dum comuntur, An­nus est.

Herein I do agree with you Terpole, that the knowledg of any thing that is good is so far from being a burthen, that it sets a lustre on, and is an Ornament to the persons that are endued with it, And I know no rea­son why Women should be barred from Cultivating their minds vvith Ver­tue and knowledg, vvhich if they do seriously endeavour, (be it spoken without flattery) I verily believe they are capable of as many vertues as men, and what if I should say may exceed them; for they are of a finer mould [Page 10] and temper than Men; for whereas Man was made of the dust or slime, of the Earth or Red Earth; Woman was made of the dust or slime refined, she is so curiously and exquisitely wrought, that it is said in Holy Writ, Gen. 2.22. That God Built her, for so you have it in the Original, though we translate it made her. Which implyes what an admirable structure was reared up when she was made; as if she was Gods Master-piece, and that he shewed his chiefest skill in her con­trivance, you see then what a curious piece of work VVoman is, (and not­withstanding the vilifying and satyri­cal expressions of some malevolent per­sons, who though they love them well enough while they are pleasured by them, yet when that is over, they take a pleasure to speak evil, and write de­faming Libels against them, such is that of the Italians, Se la Donna fosse piccola come é buona, la mi­nima [Page 11] soglia le farebbe una veste & una Corona. i. e.

Notwithstanding (I say) this and such like Sarcasmes (which are more wor­thy of contempt than any confutation) it is evident enough they are suscepti­ble of all excellent qualifications, and if it were fit to support so known a Truth, with so weak a Prop as fiction is, I would refer those that doubt of it, to the Poets Nine Muses, to which we ascribe the invention of Arts. But there is a real exemplification of this in Anna Maria à Schurman; though she was of no great stature of Body, to what an Altitude and Procerity of Knowledg did she grow to; she was a Paragon for many incomparable Qua­lities [Page 12] and Vertues, that she was adorn­ed with. She writ Latine so elegantly and politely, as none exceeded her; as appears by her Works in Print: In which are many Epistles to several Learned Men, most in Latine, some in Hebrew, Greek, and French: She was even ad stuporem Docta. See what an Honourable Elogy Salma­sius gives of her, which is Printed with her Works. She had a transcendent faculty in Limning, engraving, and a curious Hand at Needle-work; so that the Cloth she wrought upon even seemed to pride it self, in being prickt and wounded by such an Hand. There are many other Women of other Na­tions, that are qualified with rare and singular endowments of Mind; as that great Heroina the Dutchess of Newcastle; whose Name will be eternized after her Death, by those living Monuments of her Books.

But what shall I say, or rather what [Page 13] shall I not say (if I had a Copia Verborum sufficient for such an un­dertaking) of Elizabeth Queen of England; who (although she was not in Communion with the Roman Church) was a Peerless Pearl of Vir­tue, and all excellent and admirable Sciences, the great VVonder of her Sex.

What Language was there so diffi­cult, that she did not attain to, and that in perfection. Mr. Ascham who was one among the rest that instructed her, hath for the perpetuating her Memory left it upon Record, that she read more Greek in one Day, than many great Doctors did read Latine in an whole Week. But I shall say no more in a Panegyrical way of her, lest I should Eclipse the splendour of her unexampled glorious actions with my unpolished lines, and indeed what Tongue can sufficiently express the Grandeur of her unparelled perfections.

‘There are some other Women that I could mention, though not that excell in the knowledge of Tongues, (for indeed since Men are so ill affected to their Tonguing of it so much, they have lay'd a­side the study of Languages.) Yet are adorned with many eminent qualities. But they being now living, their Modesty will not suf­fer them to hear their own com­mendations, and so I shall forbear to name them: by what I have [Page 15] said then, I think it is apparent enough that Nature, or rather the God of Nature hath not denyed Women parts and abilities, suffi­cient for the acquiring the highest attainments and perfections that Men are capable of; and that all kind of Knowledge and Virtue is as commendable in them as in Men. Therefore I cannot but Judge that Satyrical scomm that Francis Duke of Brittany, used concerning Isabella the Daughter of Scotland, savoured more of an humour than reason; who when he understood that she had been studious, and was learned, said, that a Woman was knowing e­nough, when she knew the dif­ference between her own Smock, and her husbands Doublet.’

I am glad since you have dissented from me all along in our former dissertations, that now at [Page 16] length we meet in Vno tertio, And I give you many thanks for the right you have done our Sex.

I hope the rest of the Sisters will have the same Sentiment, that you have, of my good inclinations to­wards them, and that they will shew their forwardness upon occasion to pleasure me, when I stand in need of them; but it comes into my Mind Terpole to ask you another Question; which I had almost forgot: Since you have vvaded through the knowledge of so many Tongues; Did you not learn Hebrew too among the rest.

Yes I did learn that too, so far as to read it, and to give the Grammatical Construction of two or three of Davids Psalms: for it being the holy Tongue, the primi­tive Tongue, and the Language that God revealed his Will to us in the old Testament, I thought it was worth my enquiry into it.

But there is another reason which you have omitted, that seems to carry a great deal of force with it, and might induce you to love this Tongue more than any other, and that is, be­cause it hath more Cognation and Af­finity with your sex than any other, for it is to be read from the Right Hand to the Left, and thereupon a good Author saith, that Women and Hebrew are much alike, they are best when read backward.

You are still for your Puns and Joques, but to be serious: I wonder that since the Hebrew tongue is of such antiquitie, and condu­ces so much to the right under­standing of Scripture, that it should be so much vilipended, yea and ex­ploded too, and that by Men, who would fain have the World believe that they are not inferiour to any for learning.

‘There is no other ac­count to be given of this, but that it proceeds from ignorance and Envy, for those persons that do contemn it, are (as the Elegant Moralist Plutarch expresses it) like those that are troubled with blear Eyes [...] who cannot look upon any bright thing without great offence: Such think to raise themselves to the Zenith of an huge Reputation by censuring and eclipsing of others that know more than they: These persons deserve to be severely lashed, but that I conceive 'twill be time mi­spent they are so incorrigible: I shall say no more now concerning such but this: They being Blind stand more in need of pitty than reproof, and being they refuse to have their Eyes opened, and be led by Counsel; a Dog with [Page 19] Bell about his Neck is fitter for them than good advice; only in compassion to them, I could find in my Heart to sound forth that doleful Ditty commonly used by Persons deprived of their sight. Good people pitty the Blind. But notwithstanding the knowledg of this Tongue is so decryed and de­pretiated by such men, it is of great account among others that know how to value things right­ly, and thought to be very useful; for the Ignorance of this Tongue hath been the occasion of many Errors not only in Learning but in Religion too; for want of un­derstanding the Equivocal word [...] which signifies both an Horn and Light, or Brightness as you find it 34 Exodus v 29. Moses most ridiculously is painted with Horns, which is the cause of great laughter to the Jews and Arabians, [Page 20] to see the Venerable old Prophet Metamorphosed into a Cornish Knight. If all Men were as fottish and ignorant as some are, what would have become of us (think you) as to the Holy Bible, should we have received it without a great deal of mixture and corrup­tion? No surely, it is the Jewes care and zeal that we are be­holding to, for preserving it in its native purity; they were so strict and rigid in this kind that it is written in Baba Bathra [...] i. e. Joab killed his Master because he did the work of the Lord negligently, he reading Deuteronomy c. 25. v. 19. Tinichi Zachar Amalec, h. e. delebis masculum Amalec, when he ought to have read Zecher Amalec, h. e. memoriam Amalec. This sto­ry too St. Hierom records as a very memorable thing, (if I be not [Page 21] mistaken) in his exposition of the Sixth Chapter of Isaiah: Now you see by this, how necessary the knowledge of this Hebrew tongue is, especially for men, and it would do no harme, if Women had a little smack of it, as you say Terpole you have) but your Smock Madam is more taking with Gallants: But stay! Where do we ramble; this discourse of Lan­guages was a thing Obiter mentio­ned, and not mainly intended therefore I must remind you, of what past before, in reference to the Lecture: You told me I re­member who it was you heard at the Lecture, but you did not ac­quaint me with the Subject matter of his Discourse. Therefore I pray tell me now what Doctrine did this Stan-hup you spoke of be­fore Teach, or rather prattle.’

I must once again correct you, for now you don't only make a mock of Religion, but also speak very improperly, when you call it Teaching. For we of the Conjugati­onal Way, term it Holding Forth.

‘This is an heavy charge, though I doubt not but to clear my self from the first imputation, viz. of flouting at Religion, al­though perhaps not from the se­cond part of my charge as to im­propiety of speech.’

But I hardly believe you can do either, you are so obnoxious..

I say as to the first part of my charge, of scoffing at Religon in Truth, I plead not guilty, but as for this Mock Religion of Conventicling if I do make a Mock of it, it is no great crime for it is but an holy Cheat at best; who indeed can re­frain from laughter, to hear such poor, Jejune, flat and impertinent [Page 23] expressions, Tautologies, a Myri­ad, with a Company of wyer drawn Metaphors, and holy Knick-knacks and conceits, extemporary effusi­ons, sanctifyed non-sense, and ridi­culous Fopperies, which flow from such Pulpiteers Mouths; as insensi­bly and easily as excrements from some sick persons. I profess for my part, I think it is time mispent to hear such, and that one had bet­ter be imployed in picking of straws or as the Emperour Domitian, in catching of Flyes by an Hour Glass, (who was truly therefore styled, an Enemy to Flies and a Fly to his Enemies) then to sit two or three Hours, to hear such pitiful Non­sensical, and sometimes blasphe­mous stuffe. But as to the second part of my charge, I do agree that word you use, might be more pro­per, of Holding forth; for the Si­sterhood don't love obscure myste­rious [Page 24] things, that need unfolding, but are for down-right Truths plain­ly laid open, for Truth and Women are much alike, Truth is best Na­ked, and so are Women; they are most ready, when they are unready, therefore some Lywers will not ad­mit of the word Notwithstanding in a Joynture, but instead thereof put in alvvayes provided.

Nakedness is that which restores Women to themselves, for the va­rious dressings of all Nations do strangely disguise them, so that they must put off their Masquin Ha­bits, or be taken to pieces like Watches, e're they can be enjoyed: Now we cannot do Women great­er right, than to be Judged by one Rule; then do but once uncloth Women, and they are all the same. Comines tells us, that a Princess be­ing upon the point of Marriage, appeared in a Lawn Smock, to be [Page 25] viewed by Ambassadors, and said, she would put off that too if requi­site. Thus you see Nakedness is a sure Rule for the preventing of mi­stakes, for every Woman out of her Cloathes is of the same fashion, but this will not be believed by Gallants but they will Coast about the Mi­crocosme of Women, and so insati­ate they are in their desires, that they would willingly try all, omnem movebunt lapidem, they will leave no stone unturned at Whetstones-Park, until they touch upon the new found Island, (as they fancy) when as indeed it is as commonly known as the Isle of Man; and hath no relation at all to Terra incognita: but the frequent speculation of an Idea stimulates Men to the enjoyment of a thing, which when enjoyed they find to consist more in imagi­nation than reality; like the Incubus or Night-Mare in a Dream, you [Page 26] imagine it a VVeight, you Grasp at it, and awake, and 'tis nothing. Plea­sure in this kind is a Juno in the pur­suit, and but a Cloud in the Enjoy­ment: It is but a meer Dream, or shadow of a Dream rather. In Ae­gypt there was a young man that had a marvellous fancy unto a famous Courtisan called Thonis, who did ask him such a great summ of Mo­ney to lye with her, that it was im­possible for him to give it; at length this Youth being so deep in love with her, dreamt one Night, he lay with her, and enjoyed her: This Courtisan whom he had taken such a fancy to, hearing of this his Dream did put him in suit before the Judg­es, to be paid her Hire, for the pleasure the young man had taken of her by imagination: Bocchoris hearing the summ of her com­plaint, commanded the young man to bring before him in some Vessel, [Page 27] at a certain day appointed, as much money as she did ask him for to lye with her; then he bad him toss it to and fro in his Hand before the Courtisan, that she might have the shadow and sight of it; for (quoth he) imagination and opinion is but a shadow of Truth. But still sup­posing this young man had really his desires fulfilled, yet he would have found, they had been more in imagination than in Truth, for Opinion is the Shop of pleasures, where they are at first forged, and receive their birth, and as they are generated of an Airy Phantosme, so they dye in a fume, and disperse in­to nothing. (But hold) I fear I shall run out too far upon this point, and be guilty of a digression; therefore I must look a little back, and recollect my self: You may re­member I told you the Sisters are for Down-right Truths, plainly laid [Page 28] open, and you know Women are counted best on the sudden, and therefore do'nt love a person, that is long before he comes to duty; like those dissenting Brethren of the Conventicling perswasion, who are wont to usher in a trite com­mon notion with an huge August Preface: Just so a Brother of the same opinion did lately, who teach­ing the Brotherhood and Sister­hood, spake thus. It was well said of as great a Divine as ever Europe brought forth: Nay if you will be­lieve Gregory Nazianzen, and he was a man of a celebrated fame for all abstruse Learning, it was not only well said, but it was very well said; that, Faith is good if it be a good Faith: But I remember how much this tedious Fumbler, was disrelished by the Holy Sisters, for they like those best, that come to the point quickly; (the Vertical [Page 29] point I mean) which by a Trope, or Stylo Novo, may be called Turn-Style; because there are more ways to the wood than one; but whe­ther you go this way, or that way, still 'tis the same thing, to wit a thing of nothing; for take the whole and yet you have not enough, nor they I warrant you, for Women, Priests and Poultry never have enough; (as is commonly said) and although it is a vulgar saying, that Virtus con­sistit in medio, it is not so in this middle though it be the best part of the Female Sex, according to the French Adage. Des femmes & des poissons, le milieu vaut le mieux, i. e. Of Women and Fish the mid­dle is best.

I cannot pass by some things you say in defense of your self, with­out a severe Castigation, you call those precious, Soul-piercing, yea Soul-sa­ving, heart-breaking, sin-destroying, [Page 30] faith-confirming Truths; poor, flat, jejune, impertinent, seditious and blas­phemous things; this verily, is a gross Error in you: For they that Hold-forth to us are men of such courage and zeal, that when we are e'ne sunk in our spirits for want of meet helps, they keep us from despair, nay they are Boanerges's sons of Thunder.

I grant they are Sons of Thunder in some sense, but instead of Soul-saving Truths (as you call them) that you pretend they should deliver, they thunder out Soul-de­stroying; State-disturbing, King-re­viling Doctrine, and are so power­ful in their Holding Forth this. And something else that I could tell you of, (if I were minded) that the Si­sters, cannot but fall before them as Lightning, they being Women of extraordinary humility and lowli­ness, having heretofore in the days of Usurpation, and in times of dark­ness, [Page 31] petitioned the ablest Mem­bers, that they would be pleased to Stand unto them shewing a great readiness at all times, especially in these dayes of more light, or ra­ther more light dayes, to lay down themselves with their hole stubstance; and now there is no great fear that they will Apostatize from their first principles, although nature may be so prevailing in them, that they may Fall back a little.

You will never leave your Drolling (Mimologue) 'tis strange you should affect, this scurrilous, sar­castical way.

Come, Come Terpole for all you look so demurely, and speak so precisely, as if you were such a Saint: Yea, though you turn up the white of your Eyes, and make such a shew; yet if my skil do'nt fail me in Physiognomy, you look as if you would turn up som­thing [Page 32] else too, provided it be done in due time and place, and so no scandal to the strait-laced Sisters; Come, you see I know you a lit­tle, you are Pisello di buona cucina as the Italian Idiom is; you are loose in the Hilts I'le warrant you, and now I hope I touch you to the quick: I do the rather use this Gibing way: (which you charge upon me as a fault it seems) because I would fain laugh you out of that silly ram­bling humour of yours, that when you have a good Orthodox Preach­er in your own Parish, you should leave him, and go a Pilgrimage two or three Miles, (it may be) to bear such pitiful, nonsensical men keep a babling, who beat upon the Cushion, more than their Text, and make the Pulpit groan more than their Hearers, whom you of the Sisterhood admire, because he de­livers all he saith by heart: Oh say [Page 33] they, a rare man, he never looks upon a Book, and indeed 'tis no marvel, for 'twas a thing he never was used to. I'le hold you a good wager Terpole, that I'le make a better Sermon that never preached in my life, than any of those sono­rous Pulpit-Thumpers, you use to hear, and so work upon the Sisters by my Doctrine, and overcome them so, that they will be more ready than in times of yore, when the old lusty puss was started, (the good old Cause I mean) to bring in their Bodkins, Thimbles, and Marriage-Rings, and all that they have, and lay them down and them­selves holy at my Devotion.

Here is multum clamoris sed parum lanae (as they say) great boast but little roast I'le warrant you.

Well, come and try and bring some of the Sisters with you and I'le exercise them to purpose.

By my truly I could find in my Heart to come if you be in ear­nest.

Do'nt doubt that, for I am serious, but remember then to come, Die veneris which is to mor­row at Nine of the Clock in the Morning, (for I am best at morn­ing exercise) to Grubstreet at the Signe of the Naked Woman, because that is a very convenient Conventi­cling place, and I'le be sure to keep touch with you, in the mean time I'le bid you farwell.

I can hold up no longer now 'tis so late, 'tis twelve a Clock for this Night I verily believe, there­fore I must go sleep.

Good Night to you Ter­pole; I'le leave you to your rest.

I wish you a good Nights rest Mimologue, but remember your promise of exercising to morrow.

I'le warrant you, do'nt fear it, but I will be punctual.

Good morrow Sir, are you Mr. Morologue.

I am no more a Logg than your self, my Name is Mimo­logue.

Pardon the mistake of your Name Sir, you are the person intend­ed.

Well! Go on, what is your business with me.

My Mistriss Madam Ter­pole sent me to know whether you were come, and were ready to exer­cise here, as you promised: she being at the next door, at the Sign of the Green-Gown.

Let her know, I have been here this half Hour, and come as [Page 36] well provided as I could in so short a time.

I shall readily perform your commands; your servant Sir.

Farewell sweet Heart.

Hoh! Good morrow Terpole, you are come I see with the Brethren and Sisters, you have brought to hear me: Well I am none of the best gifted, but I'le perform as well as I can. I pray walk into the next Room, because that is most convenient for the purpose: So 'tis well! now the com­pany is come together I'le begin; My Beloved, prick up your ears, and hearken with all diligence as you shall find it Written for your instruction in the Second Book of Pseudology Cap. 3. v. 30. in these words Oh that men were wise, and would consider what pleasure and profit, there [Page 37] is in Lying and they would never speak Truth again: Now beloved if you would find me hereafter, ne­ver look for me in the Text, for it may be I may never come at it a­gain, No more than those Ram­bling Pulpiteers you hear, who are as far off from the Text, as that un­skilful Archer was from the mark; whom when Diogenes saw ready to shoot, he presently ran to the place where the Arrow was to be direct­ed alledging this reason for it, [...] that I might not be hit. Well my Beloved the Text you have heard, from which words I shall gather this plain lamping observa­tion which flowes naturally from the Words, viz that Lying is a very pleasant, edifying, and universally profitable thing all over the Christian World. Now I shall speak to these words first by way of Explication, Secondly by way of Application shut­ting [Page 38] up all with a word of Exhortati­on. Lying (Beloved is a word of great Latitude and extent: As to its Pedigree I must tell you 'tis of great Antiquity, it comes of a very ancient Family, the first Temptati­on that ever was, it was a Lye.

But that you may know what Lying is, you are to take notice that the credit of the Relator is that which makes the difference be­tween Lying and speaking of Truth, for a Lye believed is Truth, and Truth not believed is a Lye, and here I'le illustrate this with a short story that concerns a Conventicling Brother who exercised upon the Butchers Wife very ardently, (she admiring him as many of the other Sisters did for his profound know­ledge in revealing of mysteries and secrets, or rather Mistress secrets) you may perhaps guess whom I mean, but I'le do him that right [Page 39] not to name him, because he is dead and gone, and [...] is a precept. But the story is thus; there was a plain farming Fellow in the Country that lived near the said Brother of the Congregational way, that had a youth to his Son, who though a Minor in Years, yet was arived to a great maturity in all debauchery, and notwithstanding the repeated admonitions of his Fa­ther, he continued in his wicked Courses, insomuch that his Father despairing that he could ever work upon him, so as to reclaim him; de­sired the said Teacher that he would exercise his Jurisdiction over him, he being a person of such Au­thority among the Brotherhood and Sisterhood, thought (it seems) that his Reproof might take such im­pression upon his Son, so as to re­form him; and to be short; the said Teacher meeting with him one day [Page 40] did severely castigate him in this manner. Oh! Sirrah (saith he) I hear fine things of you; you are a notorious Rogue, you have got a trick, (I hear) that when your Fa­ther sends you to keep his Sheep to play at Cards, and loose I know not how many of them at One and Thirty; that is a Lye saith the Boy presently: How now saith this Teacher you are a rude Rogue in­deed; do you give me the Lye, why quoth the Boy 'tis true enough that you did tell a Lye? why how is that Boy? (saith he) Marry thus; when I was One and Thirty I al­wayes wonn, yea that is true in­deed Boy saith the Teacher. But Sirrah I hear of another Roguish trick you have, and that is you are wont, (when your Father is angry with you for your evil practises) to drive his Sheep over a narrow Bridge, and so they fall beside and are lost; [Page 41] that is another Lye saith the Boy; why Boy, (quoth the Teacher) how is that? thus 'tis replyes the Boy; those Sheep that go over the Bridge are safe enough, but they are only lost that fall beside the Bridge; so this Brother was convinced that the Boy spoke Truth in both these things he charged him with as great misdemeanours; but notwithstand­ing it fell out to be true, as the Boy said, he was given enough to Lying, and so are many beside him, that are men, who have so used themselves to Lying, that they will Lye as fast as a Dog will lick a Dish, now the reward of such per­sons is, never to be credited, al­though they chance to speak Truth [...] (as a good Author saith) but of all persons that are addicted to Lying, none have so good a warrant for their Lying as Travellers, for they may [Page 42] Lye by Authority. when I Was at Amsterdam in Holland the Descrip­tion of an Ambassador, that obtain­ed very much there, was; Legatus est vir bonus, peregrè missus ad men­tiendum Reipub. causâ; but if others do'nt (Lye, and the News be true that we hear) Ambassadors there are never likely to Lye more for such a purpose, for their Common-wealth or Stateship is e'ne defunct, it being a thing so odious to the people, that though their be great Discords a­mong them, yet in this they agree all and cry out with one accord. The Devil take the States. But if Ambassadors are so much given to Lying, (as you heard before) what then are other ordinary Travel­lers: It is so Authentick with some of them, that they will take it for an high affront, if you do but so much as question the Truth of any story they relate, though it be ne­ver [Page 43] so improbable, and indeed they have told Lyes so often, that they at length themselves believe them to be true; and are ready to Duel any that seem in the least to con­tradict them: Yea, though there be an evident impossibility in the stories they relate, as there is in that of the Bishop of Mentze's who bragged that he had a flame of the Bush which Moses beheld burning. And that likewise of the Holy Re­lique of the Asse; of which the story runs thus. A Dutch man mak­ing his confession to a Masse Priest at Rome, promised by an Oath to keep secret whatsoever the Priest should impart unto him, untill he came into Germany, whereupon the Priest gave him a Legg of the Asse on which Christ rode into Jerusalem very neatly bound up in a silken cloath, and said this is the Holy Relique of that Asse on which [Page 44] the Lord Christ corporally did sit, and with his sacred Leggs touched this Asses Leggs: Then was the Dutch­man very joyful, and carried the said holy Relique with him into Germany: Now when he in the presence of Four other his Com­rades, shewed it, each of them hav­ing likewise received from the same Priest a Legg, and had promised the same secresy; they breaking out into great admiration said; Lord! Had that Ass five Leggs: From whence it cometh that the Italians do jeer the Dutch-men and hold them for very gross ignorant people.

Lying in general being nakedly and abstractly considered, first im­plyes rest, for by this means we enjoy rest, that which all things, even to the lowest inanimates tend unto with a strong propension, stones themselves violently rush down [Page 45] to their Center, and encrease their motion as they come near it: those that are used to hunt in Whetstones Park have sufficiently experimented the Truth of this (or else they have, not been given so much to Lying as the World thinks them.) Flames and Fire mount upwards being im­patient of those Ʋnctious and sulphu­rious Prisons to which we confine them, all things tend to quiet and rest. If a man would obtain sci­ences in any kind, there is no way so conducible as serenity of mind and quietness? hence it was that the Po­ets secluded the Muses to mount Parnassus, to Fountains and Groves, as knowing that Cities were no fit places for any profound Meditati­ons, and consequently much com­pany an Enemy to it: For this rea­son I believe it was that the Learn­ed Sir Henry Wotton after his many Embassayes and negotiations con­cluded [Page 46] thus; tandem hoc didici ani­mas sapientiores fieri quiescendo.

Secondly Lying as it implies rest (as I told you before) so it implies health also; that is to say in Women for it very much conduces there­unto, provided they lye according, as the French Proverb hath it; la femme est bien malade, quand elle ne se peut tenir sur le dos. That Wo­man must needs be sick, who can­not lye on her back.

Thirdly, lying implies pleasure, and so 'tis true as I told you in my Doctrinal observation that it is a pleasant thing, for Women especi­ally, but this is no otherwise true, but as there is lying in the case; that is when men lye with them, for they take no pleasure at all in lying alone.

[Page 47]Now though I say lying is a very pleasant thing, you are to take notice that I do'nt mean this of a promiscu­ous Lying, for there are some Women that is not lawful for men to lye with them: And therefore Mr. Take-o'-Trust a great Casuist of the sisters makes a nice distinction herein, and cuts it for an hair, A man (saith he very argutely) may lye with his own Mans Wife, but not with another Mans Wife: And Dr. Amphibolus another great Casuist saith, that it is not lawful, or at least wise not ex­pedient, for a man to lye at all times with a Woman, no not with his own Wife, for one may as he phra­ses it use licita illicitè. But (belo­ved) for my more methodical pro­ceeding, you may be pleased to take notice of a Tripartite Division of lying that is commonly known, viz. an officious, a Jocose, and a per­nicious lying. Of these in their order [Page 48] briefly; But rouze up your selves (Brethren) for I see some of you a sleep with your Heads in the sisters laps; a foul shame and a great scan­dal, that when I am standing here, you should lye there; I tell you truly or rather a true lye this ought not to be: I pray mind what I told you, I said there was a threefold Lying, this lying of yours make a Fourth but I know not under what Topick to bring it, except it be a lascivious lying; but to return to the Text, and first there is an officious Lying as I mentioned before. And that is when a man lyes with his own Wife, (but this is a thing not much in use now a dayes and there­fore I'le but lightly touch upon it) As for this Vxorious lying it is a thing every husband is bound to do ex officio if he would be count­ed an honest man. Although some are so wise not to tye themselves to [Page 49] duty in this kind. Therefore the Ita­lians say Gli huomini da bene si mari­tano gli savij no. Honest men use to marry, but wise men tarry: I have heard some Gallants say, that a Wife were a fine thing, if she were an Almanack, that a man might change her once a Year: If the age we lived in were so loose, how ma­ny close students should we have, that would turn over such Authors apace, if they could have a liberty to turn them off so soon; for they are apt to think that variety in such Books, as well as in other things doth delight.

But there is another sort of Of­ficious lying, and that is such a Ly­ing that is hurtful to none, but is of advantage to some persons or o­ther, this many times is profitable, and may lawfully be used. As for example, if a certain General of [Page 50] an Army should see a kind of despon­dency in his Souldiers, and he to hearten them up and encourage them, feigns that there are auxsli­ary forces coming to their succor; and by this means puts courage into these Souldiers when they were al­most exanimated thorough fear, shall not this figment (think you) be dispensed with, that is so useful? Plato allowed a lye lawful either to save a Citizen or deceive an Enemy, this kind of lying Abraham used with Pharaoh, and Abimeleck and his Servants, and likewise the Hebrew Midwives in Aegypt, which pro­ceeded from a fervent desire in them to promote greatly the good of those persons, and therefore al­lowed by Origen, St. Hierom, Chry­sostome, Innocentius the third, Cas­sianus and others: Nay, this is of such Universal use, that there is no living for Trades-men of all sorts [Page 51] without it; I believe if man had not fallen, they should never have needed to use it, but as he is now it is hard for him to live with­out it; No lying no living. There are no wares scarce vended with­out the help of this, either at home or abroad; they think they can gain no custom without this cus­tom of lying: Oh saith one, it cost me more, when you have bid mo­ney for a commodity, this is com­monly practised in the Exchange, scarce any thing is sold there with­out the exchange of a lye. And some of the Women there will be ready to fly in your face and scratch you, if you should seem in the least to suspect the truth of what they say, but if you should escape their Nails, you will be pelted with the Hail-stones of opprobrious words, which will fly thick about your Ears, although such persons would [Page 52] shew more wit, and get more mo­ney too, if they were more com­plaisant, and used more gentle and sweet Language for chi non ha dena­ri in borsa habbia miel in Bocca as the Italian Proverb is h. e. He that hath not money in his purse, must have hony in his Mouth. Xiphilinus tells us that Livia the Wife of the Em­perour Augustus; promised Nume­rius Attieus five and twenty thousand Crowns, if he would swear that he saw Augustus Caesar after his Death ascend into Heaven: Now quis po­test tot armatis resistere, is there any so fool-hardy, Nay so sottish, as would refuse such an offer, meerly upon the scrupulosity of a fiction. Many of the Brother-hood make no bones of being head of a facti­on, and will they (think you) scru­ple the having their hand in a fi­ction: No I'le warrant you, when [Page 53] it turns to their advantage and profit they can easily swallow it.

But there is an officious sitting too as well as lying, but that is not my business to treat on here, you will easily discern that belongs more to an House of Office, than my Text, and so that would be no cleanly come off for me, to make such a digression: There is a lying for credit too as well as profit, but such an one that tels a lye to save his cre­dit wipes his Nose on his sleeve to save his Napkin; but I shall say no more concerning this first head of Officious lying: Now to come to the second part which is jocose lying; and this is for the making others merry, and may be permitted, provided we exceed not in the measure or manner of it; this may argue one to be a wise man for as the Italian Proverb hath it, Del [Page 54] tutto non é savio chi non sa esser pazzo: but you must take heed that you be not so merry in jest, as to be sad in earnest (I mean) to loose your Friend for a jest, as that Gentleman did, who meeting with a Person of Quality his old ac­quaintance in London, that was newly come from beyond Sea (where he had been a long time,) after a congratulation of his safe return, spoke to him in this fami­liar Dialect: Dear Rogue! where hast thou been all this while? who answered, Faith I have been travelling up and down, and how hast thou lived? by my Wits, saith the Traveller, whereupon this Jes­ter replyed, Faith I never knew one live upon so little in all my life; but this was so biting a jocu­lary conceit and did so distast this Traveller, that he never cared for his Friend afterward; it may be [Page 55] said of such a jocofe man, that he hath a good Wit, if a wise man had the keep­ing of it. No ay peor burla que la ver­dadera (as the Spaniard saith) the worst jest is the true jest, as that was of Faustus the Son of Sylla, who (when his Sister had two Gal­lants at the same time, that had fa­miliarity with her, namely Fulvius a Fullers Son, and Pompey surnamed Macula) scoffingly said; Miror so­rorem meam habere Maculam cum ha­beat fullonem.

But the third sort of lying ac­cording to the threefold Division that I made, remains yet to be spo­ken to, I having dispatched the o­ther two, viZ. an officious and a Jocofe Lye. Now the last is a per­nicious lying, and this is twofold; one is when a man lyes and hath neither pleasure or profit by his lying, [Page 56] the second is when one indeed hath pleasure at first, but dolour after­wards: As for the first sort of ly­ing, it is an unaccountable thing in such a person that so lyes, and deserves to be severely censured: In the time of the Emperour Clau­dius there dyed a Man in Rome named Pamphylus, who never told any matter of Truth in all his life time, but evermore had his chiefest delight in lying: And I heard a sto­ry not long ago at a Coffee-House, (which you know is the Mart of News) of a Country-man of our own that was so given to lying, but that was a bed, (although he could lie in other places too) that to break himself of that slothful humour, was resolved to do pennance in one sheet, and therefore very handsome­ly as he thought pulled off one of the sheets of the Bed where he lay as a Guest, and wrapt himself up in [Page 57] it as if it had been a winding sheet: But being found out and laughed at for his labour, he turned Cat in pan (as they say,) and transferred the contrivance upon the Mistriss of the House, saying it was done by her on purpose to affront him, and that he would never lie there again: Now this (you will say) was double lying, although he lay but in one sheet: But however no one single person believed his tale, no more than he himself did; but no more of this now, because the person that acted this foolish trick may be dead (for all as I know.) For I hear that presently after this mad Prank was played, he finding his Spirits exhaled with the heat of his passion took a Voyage to Anticy­ra, to purge his Brain-sick phrensy with Helle-bore; now whether he died there, may be a question much controverted, for I never heard he [Page 58] returned from thence; but I'le not undertake to resolve this point, but leave it as a Quaere for those fly-wit­ted persons to decide, that have nothing else to do but to study the Anatomy of Flies or such like mi­nute things of no moment: But se­condly as I told you before, the other sort of pernicious lying, is when one indeed hath pleasure at first in Lying, but dolour afterward. Now this is such a Lying that is hurtful and destructive to both par­ties, and is a mortal offence, for ma­ny times it causes mortality. For example sake, when a man lies in the torrid zone of a Lays, or some prostituted She-bed-fellow, and gets such an beat or clap, that he can never claw it off again: Such an one may take up the same com­plaint that Hermione in Plutarck doth, [...]. This kind of Lying is very destructive [Page 59] to ones health. You have it well exprest in the Italian Proverb quelle che hâ un piè in Bordello hà l'altro nello spedale. He who hath the one foot in a Bawdy-House hath the other in an Hospital. Those persons that do so freely indulge themselves in such wild ranges and chases as aforesaid, little consider how much their desultory promis­cuous conjunctions do disturb the Mind, and render it unfit to un­dertake serious affairs, they are so much for generation work, that at the last they wholly incapacitate themselves for the serving of their generations, besides the many mis­chiefs the body receives by those fa­tal venereal encounters, which are oft-times the productives of misery and infamy which they intail to their posterity, for though these stollen waters seem at first to be sweet, (and you shall have Gallants in the ap­prehension [Page 60] of the sweetness there­of risque fortune, honour; yea life it self, and all to enjoy a Miss;) yet they will prove waters of Ma­rah, bitter in the end. Now the best way to cure this extravagant distemper of a miscellaneous Coition is as a good Author saith, to sup­pose a Woman to be masculine, and so weigh her conditions as breed­ing parts, &c. for we all befool our Judgments with thinking too much of her invisibilities.

But (Beloved) that you may be edifyed by what I have said, I come in the last place to shew you, that lying is a very edifying thing, it tends very much to edi­fication, for by that means the Sisters being wrought upon will greatly encrease and multiply, and they being extraordinarily plumpt up before, it is a pregnant argument [Page 61] of their thriving condition, and that in due time they will bring forth a blessed seed, but the issue is uncertain, because no body knowes, whether the cun-juncti­on between them and their hus­bands, or some benevolent Qua­kers or fifth Monarchy men: Now you must know the Sisters do'nt edify a like under all Teachers, those that they edify most by are certain whifling Declamers, who being void of knowledg and ver­tue mount the Pulpit with a Gigan­tean confidence as a Player doth the Stage, and there fulminate and tonitruate words to puzzle intellects, and vent the foolish and ridicu­lous whimsies of their distempered brains, for profound and solid Di­vinity, they admire these most, and count them especially the ab­lest men that are of long standing, (for they care not how short they [Page 62] are of understanding) But as for the Do-littles, the Sisters that are not acquainted with their parts, are so prejudiced against them upon the account of their name, that they are apt to think them weak Bro­thers and not edifying at all. But others of the Sisters who know them very intimately, Cry them up for men of as good abilities as ma­ny others of a greater name, and profess they partake of their gifts with a great deal of pleasure and are very much edifyed under them.

Well (Beloved) you have the do­ctrinal part of the Text sufficiently explained to you, now I shall wind up the bottom of my Discourse with one word of exhortation to young men, and so dismiss you: Sirs in this your day, whilest your Veins are full of Blood, and you have [Page 63] Marrow in your Bones, exercise your selves, yea lay out your selves, parts, abilities, and all that you have in Lying, and the Sisters hole ser­vice: If you mean not in part, but wholly to destroy your selves.

Well Terpole? What say you now? You thought (I believe) that I could not make a Preachment, but you see I do'nt do as your rambling Pulpiteers, that give one knock on the Hoop, and another on the Barrel, (as the common saying is) but I keep close to the matter in hand: Do'nt I tickle the point think you? Am not I a Divine now?

I am not sufficiently con­vinced, that you are any great Di­vine; for your Discourse consists not so much of Divinity, as of Levity.

That is an Errour which I must desire you to correct, blott out levity, and write mirth instead thereof; you of the Sisterhood, are hugely given to censuring; but I pass not for that; I care as lit­tle for it as a Goose T— for the Thames, (as the vulgar Pro­verb is) so long as I deserve not your censure. Some persons are so caprichious, that if I were sure al­waies to do well, it is a question, whether that would alwaies please. I am far from being in love with faults, but sure this is but a light one, if any, and it is for delight. There are none will blame this innocent jovial humour, but some peevish morose old men: who like old Monkies, having either gnaw­ed away or lost their Tailes, read Lectures to young ones to cut theirs too. I know not why I [Page 65] should affect a sullen melancholly humour, make wry faces and look sorrowfully, to please some dog­ged tempers; sorrows will come fast enough, I shall not need to court them. I am sure a pound of care will not pay an ounce of debt. Therefore why should not I make my life as pleasant as I can, the most compendious way leading to this, is to banish all anxious soli­citude. Grave cura non ti punga è sara tua vita Lunga as the Italian Proverb is: There be some Stipo­condriaques that can endure mirth no more than Owles can day light, but it shall never make me have a quarrel with the Light, because weak eyes are dazled with its beames. There must be in every thing intermissions to unbend our spirits; our spirits are cloy'd as well as our sences, if they have not [Page 66] some relaxation by delights. The Philosopher that alwaies wept, it may be would have a mind to laugh upon some occasions: Mirth is that which fits one for business according to the Spanish Proverb. Huelgo me un poco mas hilo mi copo I am a little merry, but I do my business, and it greatly conduces to health too, it is a Soveraign Amulet against some distempers, which afflict sedentary men, it re­vives the drooping spirits of hypo­condriack Persons: And shall it then be counted a crime to bring in one merry scene to set off a serious and tedious Act: But now business comes upon me so fast (Terpole) that I can stay no longer to talk with you; I am to go where neither Pope nor Em­perour can send an Embassadour, and if I neglect this opportunity of putting forth my self, 'tis a que­stion [Page 67] whether ever I shall come to be a Privy Counsellour, but rather there is more likelyhood that I should be sent to the Isle of Silly, to negotiate there, and then you may easily smell out in what a case I should be.

I have business as well as you, that cals me away.

It is no state business, (I presume) for then I'le warrant you t 'was likely to be well done: for Women in State affairs are like Monkies in Glass-shops: But your busines, I suppose lies in the Isle of Man not far from me, where the rest of the Sisters cheifest business use to Lye, and I know you long to be there, therefore I'le keep you no longer from it: Adieu Terpole.

God be with you, (Mimo­logue) for you have been far enough off from him a good while, though you have been preaching (as you call it) but the nearer to the Church, the further from God (as they say) and you seem to have verifyed that Pro­verb, and so I bid you Farewell.