Mr. IOHN IRETONS ORATION AT The Choosing of the new LORD MAYOR.

IF my fortunes & my desires had run e­qually along together, I should not now have stood here solliciting a Plaudite at my exit; For I had the Fortune to be Lord Mayor, & to have a Horse, and trappings for my Horse, and like­wise for my self; truly I have worldly honours, for Saints may have their saylings as well as other [Page 2]men: Now you know I might have kept my pre­eminence a year longer, and for that I may thank the Parliament, but you Petitioned against me, for which I am much beholding to you. Verily Ine­ver thought this City would have proved so unfaith­full to me, I am sure I well remember when it was otherwise: when my brother Harry in the behalf of the Good old Cause was mangled into peices by Gun­shot, that very little if any part at all were left of him, Oh how did you the Grave men of the City wait upon and walk after his empty Coffin! what fine verses were made upon him! how did the He­ralds stretch their wits, and tenter their invention, to emblazon his Gentility? 'Twas even a hard work, verily a hard work, of much time and great labour: and do you imagine I can think of such things with­out much hugging of my self? it is pretty well known upon what foundation I first raised the fabrick of my greatnesse, O tis a fine thing to have faith, I had faith and it failed me not, I trusted the Cavaleers men of quality, men of estates, when there wealth was a refining at Goldsmiths Half: they payed me, I got by it and ever since I hated them, tis agreat eye-sore Gentlemen, nay tis a heart-breaking when any per­son can hit it in our teeth that they raised us; Oh those steps must be pulled down: by such worthy acts I thought to have endeared the City, and Conse­quently to have merited an everlasting Government, and truly I must confesse it was (as a worthy Alder­man lately sayd) my own seeking, and can you blame me for such a seeking? the great-men, the Go­vernours the Parliament they approved of my seeking, but you were not pleased with it, you were offended, [Page 3]you cryed out of your Privileges, that you should loose your Charter. Why Gentlemen is it not better you should lose your Charter then I the reward of any good service? If old things are to be laid aside, you might have as well laid aside your old Charter, as refuse me, for fear I should be an old Mayor. Truly Gentlemen yee need not court the Mayoralty so much, for there are no Protectors to Knight yee now as soon as yee are out of your time. I am sorry that a roll of Parchment should stick so in your sto­machs, pray God you may be able to digest it, I am much afflicted to see you have so little manners in you, I am sure you have chosen a thousand Mayors and you might have given the Parliament leave to choose one. I was once a Mercer, and cheated the people with false lights, then I became Religious, and cheated them with false lights, afterwards I was a Publican, and consequently a publick sinner, but as I am a sinner, did not think you would have us'd me so unkindly; what need you keep such a stir with your Charter, suppose you had never a Mayor, do you think your City would perish? Pray tell me where do you find that the City which Cain built in the Land of Nod had any Mayors? and yet for all that, I know it was Govern'd as well as Lon­don. Besides, I read no where in Scripture that there were any Mayors of Cities; indeed we hear of Kings of particular Towns, as of Sodom, and Gomorrha &c. I would I were King of London, I believe I should be as great a King as Kedor-laomer, for all his hard name: I have likewise heard of the Rulers of the City, but now I perceive a Mayor is no Ruler of your City, [Page 4]for if I could have rul'd this City, you may be sure I would have had my will a little better than now I have. But hang't, let it go; take your Mayorality and your Charter; and wipe your tayles with your Char­ter and your Mayorality. For when I consider what Metaphorical girds the Mayor is liable too, truly I cannot conceive it so great a dignity as you imagine, for some men call me Swin-herd of the peo­ple, some call me Goat-herd of the people, and some Shep-herd of the people; against the two latter, I knew not how to defend my self, considering your tamenesse and wantonnesse, but for the first, said I, Gentlemen, pray do not lay that aspersion upon me, for I never saw any Beast break under my charge but what had hornes on. Well I cannot blame ye, for men are covetous of novelties: Nor can I blame my self, for having an ill opinion of ye, for you were always deserters of your friends, no longer pipe no longer dance with you; If the Parliament be interrupted, then Oliver his red Nose must be met by you with Hosannaes, all the glories you can invent are too little for his Highnesses entertainment; he is no soon­er dead but you creep to his Son, no sooner did he like a tame foole yield up his power, but ye whirld off to the Parliament; truly friends he deserves to be whipt, who pulls down his breeches for the lash, Oh that Prince that would be, had a soft place in his head, and did he think we would stand up for a fool? Nay verily we are other wise taught. The Good old Cause appeared, Oh the Good old Cause! who would but fight for the Good old Cause? On the sweet air of a Common-wealth! It makes me rejoyce to breath in [Page 5]it; I played Rex, I domineer'd and playd the Devill &c. Gods sake; for to have playd the Devill any otherwise had been Prophane, Unsafe, and perhaps unprospe­rous. Yet give me leave to tell ye, I think I acted my part better than he, for he kept a noise and bustle in the World to no purpose; I did my businesse qui­etly, making no noise but only with my tongue and my horse heels; He only pull'd up Trees, I rooted up Men, mine and your Enemies, Some have said, that the Devill's an Asse; truly I beleive it, For we hear how St. Dunstan pull'd him by the nose; and we see how every Conjurer, with saying a head word or two, is able to send him on every pitty full errand, though it be only to fetch a farthing-worth of must­ard. Some have said that he is honester than we are: but would they could make it out, Ile assure you they are none of the Devils friends that say so; for then (a thing which perhaps they little dream on) whereas he thinks to punish us, we ought, and it must be out right to punish him. For what reason were it that he being more wicked than we are, should punish us that are not so wicked as himself? And now I think n [...]t, I have a just complaint against him in this worship­full Court. I have a house here Marihoue, for 'tis mine as long as I keep my Office; Now this Rascally-devill hath had possession of it these many years; there he keeps open house, and ill houres, is tenant at will in his own sense, and yet denys to p [...]y a far­thing of rent. Tis true, possession is nine points of the Law, Yet give me leave to tell ye Gentlemen, right's right, the losse hath been my predecessors, is this year mine, and will be yours, I profess brother, if you do [Page 6]not take some speedy course with him.

But they say the Devill can appear in sundry dis­guises to fright people; so can I too, Did not I trans­form my self into any shape? I was a Dipper, a Qua­ker, and what not, whereby I might fright the City to perfect my designs; how was I fayn to labor to settle the Militia therein, and what did I leave unattemp­ted to confirm my self in the Government, whereby you would have been for-ever enslaved? but the Asse would not crouch, the Jade grew skittish, and I was forced to leave my seat: but thanks to my Great Mast­ers I went not off unrewarded: tis somthing Ile as­sure you to be Commissioner of the Excise: to have a good Salary and always to be singing money is a fit­ting reward for a Saint, else why should my good friend Mr. Prayse God Barebone be made Controuler of the Treasury for sequestrations, with 300 l. per an­num salary? Believe it, the Saints ought to enjoy the earth, although the wicked repine and murmure ther­at. But my Stomack, which now sticks to me when all my friends are leaving me, tels me now there is much to be done, little more to be said: There are certain Pies and Custards, which expect my Mittimus to send them down into my belly; and therefore I must hasten home; yet before I goe, give me leave to justifie my self, as old Samuel did at his exit off the stage of his employment. What my original was I need not discover; yet were it never so mean, I have heard of as mean men that have been Lord Mayors of London. What think ye of Whittington, whose Cat was a great­er stock to him then Duttons nineteen thousand and odd sheep, Truly there seemes to be somthing more [Page 7]in a Cat than ordinary; for they are the embleme of Gravity and Formality, which two things: are very re­quisite for a Citizen that will thrive; They keep much at home; to shew a shop keeper must never be out of his shop; They hunt after Mice thereby teaching a Citizen to hunt after mony, and then they creep with eagernesse on their prey, to shew how eager a Citi­zen must be to finger mony. O thou bleffed thing cal­led mony what have not I attmpted for thy sake if it lay within my power? mony is that balm of Gile­ad that healeth the wounds of misfortune, and cures the aches of your mind; it maketh a man a Saint, it maketh him a Devill; it plumpeth up your wives, and enables them for the work of generation; Mony is the cream offelicity; it is better than the Crums of Comfort, yea it is comfort it self. Therefore faith the wiseman, My Child get mony in thy purse.

Let me speak a little for my Justice; was not my Sword a terrour to the Bakers? at the old Bayly I us'd to hang as many as I could for my life, and would have hang'd more, if the Judge would have let me; Could I have had my will I would have hang'd up all the Cavaleers, men that ride on horse-back to the terrour of the Saints. But will you say then all men that ride on horse-back are Cavaleers? No god forbid; for then you all should be Cavaleers; Besides, I can assure you some of them are sayn to go on foot; & indeed we have made them so poor, God be thanked, that they are not able to buy Horses: give them horses, and they'l ride upon our shoulders: but I hope I have taken an order with them this Summer.

For my Charity I find it very cold, and therefore dare not let it come near my heart, by reason of its venomous and benumming quality.

For my Honesty I shall say little; most men know it better than my self. I shall say only this, that if I have cozen'd the State, I have done no more than what my Companions did, and what I can justifie from the example and continual practice of the Church.

As for my Religion I have I think as much as any o­ther among ye; tis true I can change it upon any lawfull occasion; for there is no reason a man should destroy himself, and it is a point of Religion to be o­bedient to Superior powers.

If I have done any body wrong; as for some of them I care not a pin, as for others; if they will for­give me, so, if not, let them let it alone; for thanks to our Masters, my faults, and the faults of all such as I am, are blotted out; And one Act of oblivion is to us as if we had tasted of so much Lethe; and now I think on't, I wonder Lethe is not us'd instead of Coffee, Oh tis a precious drink; it makes us forget our Allegi­ance, our Religion, our Friends, we can think of no­thing but what is for our present turn: but 'twas well for you that drink was not in fashion, for if it had, then had the Parliament forgotten all those promises in your late Petition mentioned: but all is well that ends well: but I have done, for since friends must part, better here than at the Gallows.

FINIS.

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