THE Trap-Pannnians AIAS Trap-Pallians ALIAS Trap-Tonians.

A Detection of some unparall'd Plots, Attempts and Perpetrati­ons practised by a knot of Knaves, in and about the City of LONDON.

For the Apprehending and Mulcting of those whom (by their conivance) the cunning Courtezans of the Town consent to &c. to the Disgrace Impoverishment and utter ruin of many honest and eminent men in and about London.

OLbyon's another Aegypt; Thames like Nile
Gives monstruous births, Heaven weeps while Furies smile,
But now when Jove had sheath'd the sw [...]rd of Mars,
See; the Quain Venus broaches fiercer Wars,
A crew of cursed ones (to pocket Treasure)
Obstruct the onsets of the Paphian Pleasure,
And like uncharitable envious Elves
Will have none to get Bastards but themselves;
Judg then to what a passe the world would come,
Should those be suffer'd (thus) to stich the womb
Of Nature up — and by sinister Tricks
Maul every man that loves a Meretri [...];
The Pions Act which th'warts this mortall sin,
One would conceit were a fubstantiall Gin;
To manackle these Flesh-Flies—must Sir John
Mounted on's Mare, feare some Trap-Pan'ion
Will force him from the Saddle, and discleak him,
Amerce him. Awe him, flout him, threat to cheek him;
'Tis not to be endur'd; speak my spruce Cits,
Is not the sauce sowre to your luscious Bits?
You'l answer I, I'me sure, then take this Charm,
Which can protect you from all future harme.

THe Devill never shew'd himselfe in his colours till this pre­sent Age, hither to he hath been thought but [...] [Page 2] [...]ebub [...]id est, a God of Flies, but now he manifests himself a true Apollion, id est, a potent destroyer; Piety was never more profest, nor never lesse practi [...]'d then in our time, we were never unhap­py, til we assumed the sirname Happy, never licentious til we laid claime to a thorow Reformation; so true is the old Adage, All covet all loose, it is now grown past the power of the Palp [...]t (though from thence the fire was first flung abroad) to doe either good or harme in the matter, for he that has most power to be held the best man, is no new thing, nor need it seeme strange, if the Discords of a Nation or City, used to be healed by Accommodations, bee now decided by the Sword since Wars may lawfully be. Entered into, not so much for the Curse as the Pay, which is not to be wondered at, for Ex­amples doe not stoppe where they began, but though they get in at a little cranny, make themselves a wide breach to come out at, and when once the Rule is forsaken, wee runne amaine downe the hill [...], nor need any man think that dishonest in himselfe, which hath been profitable to ano­her.

Amongst the many Absurdities and unparall'd Monstrafi­ties (begot between Amsterdam and Geneva, Munster and Mecha, Edenburgh and LONDON, and the Devill and a Presbiter) which these late times have been burthened with, there is not one of those Chimeras to be compared with a new Gorgonicall Gerion, a novell Sect (certainely the seed of those Saduces (of old) that believed no Re­surrection neither Angels or Devills) started up) like Cadmus-Twinnes) on the sudden amongst us (armed at all points) to east [...]g [...]te those crimes which themselves more doat upon then an old City Cuskold on his young Cockatrice, I mean the fine Fraternity called Trap-Panuiant, Trap-Pal­lians and Trap Tonians, names (all of them) very pertinent to the Natures and Qualifications of the Sport-Spoylers, these Mercinary-Murtherers of naturall delights, and sworne ene­mies to the Recreation of the Chine, who (most abhorred Catiff [...]s) would not feare for a petty sum to pull Venus smock over her eares, and to detect Jupiter and Io, Bacchus [Page 3]and his Erigone, Phaebus and his Daphne, or Pluto (with ano­ther mans wife) his Euricide in the act of procreation; and deliver them over to the secular Magistrate, in ordine ad spiritualia.

Curse y [...]em thou king of hearts (fair Venus son)
Or thy best Orgies are for ever gone,
These sons of sloath and Night, tha [...] interpose
(Heaping up anguish, and incessant woes)
On thy devoutest Votaries, who are
The tallest Souldiers in thy peacefull Warre;
The London Cit who knowes no happinesse
Sav's Fathers Portion, and his Mistresse Dresse,
Who kisses as when well set bones do crack,
And knowes no Phrase save this; What do you lack?
Whose Gospell-Preist is some well-gifted Weaver,
and pins his sonle on Burton, Dod and Cleaver,
He, he, I say cannot (by stealth) carowse
With, spainted female in some Brothel-house,
Nor dayly with her, on the much-us'd bed,
But hee's assaulted, scarr'd, and captive led,
As a rude Non conformist 'gainst the Act,
Ʋnlesse his bleeding Baggs excuse the Fact;
The dauntlesse Myrmidon, the man of Iron,
Whom Walls of brasse, and Ribs of steele inviron,
The Bristles of whose Chin resemble well
A grove of Pikes (by whom five Popes have fell)
Cannot create a time of safety, when
He may exonerate like other men,
But hee's surpris'd, and is forc'd to pay
The Muster-money, which but yesterday
Furnish't his fist; the Black-coat that doth writht
His meagre face d [...]barr'd of Tenths and Tythe.
Who now on his Thumbs ends may sing and whistle
(Thanks to the Talmud, and the Scottish Thistle)
He, he, I say whose Holy-water (spent
In banefull wasts) hath borne down David, Tent.
Dr [...]wning the glories of a potent Nation,
Now feares to frisk it in the quondam fashion,
Dreading a sw [...]rd or dagger at his throat
(Since there's no priviledge attends his Coat)
To be led Captive by some pimping Beadle.
'Fore some Commander, who will soon un riddle
His Metaphisick sence, and twist a Rope
(Maulgre a dispensation from the Pope)
Shall gag him to Eternity, no Ayd
From Scotus, or Aquinas, or the Mayd
Faire Hyldegard; no Schoolman can resist,
But he must suffer as a Casuist.
The fame-eraz'd Peere, who took such pain and toile
'T Eclipse his Soveraigns glory, and beguile
Himselfe into a happinesse, unknown,
which his brave Ancestors nere wisht to owne,
And now is layd aside like some gay thing,
Not fit for gaze, when there's no Court nor King,
Who shortly shall be fashion'd on the Forge,
Maulgre his Azure Ribbon and his George;
He too (alas) if he be tane upon her,
Finds no protection from his forfeit honour,
A Petty Justice of the Peace and Corum,
Shall send his honour unto harum horum.
The Knight who'l needs be merry once a quarter,
Yea though he mortgage both his Sword and Garter,
And tile not for, but with some City Lady,
(Since dyldoes ne'r will make her spouse a daddy)
He, he, who bath destroyed so many scarfes,
Kil'd such strange Monsters, pass'd so many wharfes,
(Although so sore enchansed, when hee's tan [...],
Struggles in Fetters like Levi [...]han,
And either must compound with those that sweak him,
Or read the Act there, let a halter choak him.
The cunning Lawyer, who Justinian traces,
Cracking whole Kingdomes with his Pleas and Cases,
Whose Conscience might create another Hell,
(Where Ployden, Cook, and Littleton might dwell,
Were they not in a Mansion of their owne)
Whose function sicknesse, and is almost growne
fit for Pye Corner, to sing Piggs, or save
Roast meat from burning; he I say (poore Knave)
Dares not upon his dearest Maulkin ceaze,
Though he be furnish't with a Writ of ease)
But hee's ejected by our brave Trap. Pannians,
Cugel'd and us'd like any scab'd Rascallian,
Vnlesse the thing he so much doats upon,
For which all hopes of his salvation
Hee'd part with) glorious gold he can produce,
"Gold that supports the Church, and makes the Stewes,
"Whiter than Nuneries, or place where
"Religious Auchorites secluded are;
Nor may the witty Poor find protection
From this Pestiferous, this dire Infection,
No though Apollo, and the three times three,
Engage themselv's as his securitie,
Vpon the sacred Bard their impious hands
They'l lay, and scourge him with iron wands.
But scabberded; nor will the Rogves retire,
Though he strike Orpheus or Imphions Lyre,
If with his (treacherous) Goddesse they surprize him,
Not all his allegories can disguise him,
His Tropes and Figures, will (alas) not ayd him,
Vnlesse to h [...]r and these (that have betray'd him)
He prostrate what h [...] very seldome wins,
(Money't expiate his venerious sins.)

Is it not a vast power these (seeming) sin-haters lay claime to, and (insooth) did they aime at their makers glory, to sup­presse and erradicate those crying fin of Adultery and fornica­tion, we should have cause to prize them no lesse then Patri­archs, and to afford them as much veneration as the sick brain'd Vulgarre dedicated to Trinmvirate of sedition, that threefold cord of Schisme, Prin, Burton and Bastwick, when they found Manumission in spight of the Bishops Mandates, but we know that these fellows smell no more of vertue than a Poll-Cat of Musk, as if Mintz (were he alive) should impeach Martin of sensuality, or Rablais accuse Aretine, and the Ovid of obscenity, fellows whose fortunes are as broken, as their fronts are brazen, their manner of entrapping take thus, from him who experimentally avows it.

Three or (perhaps) six of these Trap Pannians, are given to know by their Mistresse (in common) that such a Knight, such a Gentleman, such a Citizen affects her, and is solicitous to enjoy her, he (saith she) hath been very beneficial; As courteous a Cullee as ever Curtezan dandled, our least of Taverne Reckonings is forty shillings or three pounds, Mention but a paire of Gloves, and a Gowne and Kirtle attends me, or the losse of a Hand kercheife, and twenty ells of Holland wait me.

This Loach has store of coine; you know my meaning— I will (seemingly, for I hate the fellows Person more than hel) give my consent such a day and houre in such a place to meet the Beast with two backs, at which time you three shall be ab­sconded, either under the bed in the closet or some other pri­vate place, and when the Hot-spur begins the onfet, I will let fall either my Busk or the Bed-staffe which may serve for your warning peice, then rush upon us (one of you as my husband) and surprize us, I shall not be angry to be call'd (what I profess my selfe) Whore, nor blame the hand that bangs me, since the compensation will prove ample enough, bang him Coxcombly Cit say they, it will be but Justice to draine hir purse, or hang his [Page 7]person, all things concluded on, my Inamorate has his Mistresse grant to meet, but first he solemnly sw [...]urs not to divulge her, for should her husband (a man of an anstere and fiery temper) but have the least [...]ckling of their stollen imbracements, they must both expect certain death either by his hands or the hang­mans, feace not my sweet (answers he) we will so carry it that no detriment shall happen either to thee or me, and for this free favour thou shalt ever command me body and sou;l the wish'd day (on all hands) now arrives, the lover folds his M [...]st [...]esse in his armes, sporting so long at the brink that now he is resolved to leap in, when (oh fatall) there appears his La­dies husband and two others with swords and pistolls, who with death menacing brows threaten to dispatch them, shee (good soule) on her knees with teares begs [...] her husbands mercy but he (loading her with blows) seemes as if nothing may appease him but blood, while her poor amazed Lover (esteeming this as a just judgement of God inflicted on him as an allay to his lust) like a p [...]rfect P [...]neteutlary implores his Ladies jealous Lord to spare him [...] [...]either spill his blood nor expose him to to shame, & in lieu of such love he will gratifie him with a good sum of [...], but the angry husband remains refractory, vow­ing to off [...] both his wife and the [...]dulterer on the altar of re­venge the Law (quoth he) shall take place, and therefore (my trusty freind, whom I shall ever honour for this aid) let us con­vey this strumpe [...] and her Letcher to the next [...]ustice, upon this the surprized couple a fresh besetch, which m [...]llifying the harts of her husbands freinds they earnestly request that he will not bring his wife to publick shame, for (say they) consider, it will redound to your disputagement, and for the Gentleman we are confident of his sorrow fulnesse for his fault, and therefore let us prevail with you, accept of a sufficient sum, and let him returne to his house, this (fot their sakes) is at length granted, the Cit (with many thanks for the favour) proposes his watch, with all the mony in his pockets, gives bond for so much more, and (pray­sing God) departed to his home. Eheu quam tenui pendeut mortalia fil [...].

Thus and thus have hundreds (Gentlemen and Mechanicks) a­bout London been lately served, and (which is strange) so preva­lent is the itching disease now grown that all the waming in the world (no though they have been informed by those who have have bought the expetience at a dear rate) can deter some from ventring upon this Praecipice, but let us leave such fooles to their just deserved destiny, and conclude with a Satyre directed to those fallacious females, who draw men into such dangerous Praemunites.

Pox take ye all, your qualities are much
After your faces, and your faith is such
As are your workes. f [...]r what is there in you
That is not counterfeit and painted too
Doe your lips ope, before ye speak ye lye
And if ye sigh, ye lye most damnably
False lights your eyes are, and false weights your eares,
Your hearts false measures, and false pearle your teares
So talk or think or look or laugh, or crie,
Seeme or seeme not, walk, stand, or sit ye lye,
Nay; there's more yet your couzening of those
Most, who in you do most trust repose
Your loving most those who do least love you
And chusing to dye, rather then be true,
Blush, blush, fond men and fair example take
(By those have been Trap-Pannian'd) how you make
An idoll of a face, and tak't for granted
There's no such Devill as a Whore that's sainted
She thinks her wit and beauty without Peere
And ore thy slavish soul doth dommineere
Like some great Goddesse counting thou wert b [...]
(As a thing mortall) only for the scorn
Curse on such Vassalage, henceforth expresse
Even in your loves, Valour and Manlinesse.
S.H.
FINIS.

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