THE GHOST OR The Woman wears the Breeches.
A COMEDY Written in the Year MDCXL.
LONDON, Printed by William Bentley for Thomas Heath dwelling in Russel street in Covent-garden near the Piazza. 1653.
Dramata Personarum.
- Frier.
- Gentlemen of France.
- Rogat
- Senio
- Sons to Rogat.
- Octavian
- Dauphine
- Babilas Son to Senio.
- Philarchus a rich Citizen and Ʋsurer.
- Gentlemen of France, Suitors to Aurelia.
- Pinnario
- Procus
- Valerio
- Aurelia Daughter to Senio.
- Erotia a Bawd.
- Cunicula her Enginier.
- Engin Servant to Aurelia.
- Boy and Servant.
The Scene PARIS.
PROLOGUE.
ALl Legions broke from Hell, all Fiends to day
Task'd for to work on earth, and to obey
Goetian spells, what starrs foretell the event
Of hidden things, and future detriment,
Earthquakes that shake us to believe and fear,
Or more portentous spectacles ith' Air,
All Circles drawn, Charms writ in Virgin-parchment
Are here all turn'd to comfits and sweet Marchpent.
You are welcoome Gallants to a merry Ghost,
You know a playing one, his sign's on the poste,
Rais'd by a waggish Scholar in the Town,
Onely to affright a Citizens Breeches down:
And give you all a caution on your lives,
To get strong Points, but weak and gentle Wives.
But if I linger, I shall be accessary
To a murther here; and yet in faith I'm sorry;
For 'bout those Breeches I have much to say;
Sit still, and merrily feed on the Play;
'Tis City-chear, and stead of Wine pray laugh,
And with your money we your healths will quaff.
The Ghost.
Actus primus. Scaena prima.
Enter Octavian and Babilas, they fight. Octavian falls, then exit Babilas.
Enter Frier.
THe early star hath chear'd the chanting Cock
And taught his wings to be the Countrey Clock,
The chirping Birds salute him with their notes,
Tuning his welcome in their warbling throats,
The gloing Marigold with other flowers
Prepare their scents to dress the sun-fresh Bowers:
The windes soft whistlings bluster 'gainst the Trees,
Saluting Titan with the humming Bees;
All these adore thy beauty, I alone
Admire thee but for meditation.
Spies Octavian's body.
Hah! has the Moon to night wept bloudy tears?
A wounded man! Saints shield me from all fears.
Who is't? Disguised too? I know the cause
For dread of the Edict and our strict Laws
'Gainst Duels now proclam'd. My charity
Shall give his body burial by me.
Rash men when on false honour wings they fly
Exit with Octavian's body.
Out-glide their path, and thus to ruine hie.
Enter Pinnario and Procus.
Pin.
Procus well met thou art going to the Wedding:
Give me thy hand, thou art bobb'd as well as I.
Pro.
Yes faith, thank Cupid and my own neglect.
Since I have left Coaches, and poudring of my hair,
[Page 2]And took delight to trace the populous streets
In my huge Boots, red Cloak, and my long Sword:
She never lookt on me, Pox on all
Base affectation and practising big looks,
'Tas quite undone me, and thrust my Mistrisses eys out
Enter Valerio.
Here's t'other Fisher that has mist the Eel too.
Good day Valerio.
Val.
Like to the transform'd Procus.
Pin.
That's no where but in's looks, now trust me Sir.
Pro.
Well, this Octavian has cozen'd all o'us:
Prithee let's study something for revenge.
Pin.
But not ith' military way.
Pro.
O fie, hang it.
Val.
A baudy song, and Procus shall bear the burthen.
Pin.
Faith, now you talk of a baudy song, my Rivals,
What think you of a Randevous to night
At fat Erotia's the Curtezans.
Pro.
How soon my thoughts are back on by the Devil.
Why I was musing what to do to cool me,
For my conceit of happiness in Aurelia—
Well, thank my temper, and the Edict come forth
'Gainst Duels, blith Pinnerio, thou hadst else;
For being Rival to my lust and Mistris,
Been earth by this. But to the Whore agen.
Pin.
I thought thy anger would end in such a trifle.
Val.
But is she cheap and tractable my Lads.
Pro.
Troth that's a question too. Who has any money?
Pox on lac'd handkerchiefs, and amorous Rings,
They have begger'd me.
Pin.
And broke thy very Purse-strings,
With hiring paltry Poets to make their Poses.
Pro.
Still Fiend dost vex me?
Pin.
O the Wench, the Wench.
Pro.
I prethee pardon me, I had forgot the Doxy.
Pin.
Faith, then Ile tell you, for money, Gentlemen,
Ile give my word and promise for your credits.
Pro.
O my dear Idol.
Val.
Nay pox hinder him.
[Page 3]Pin.
Then my Blades—but you shall keep it secret.
Pro.
May we turn Eunuchs if we do not, and never
Piss when people look on us for modesty.
Pin.
Why then a Maid, a Virgin, a fresh Rose,
A sticking Paracelsa.
Pro.
Who who, nay who?
Pin.
Quish like a Codling Procus in thy arms.
Pro.
Nay, nay, dear Idol, prithee who is it?
Val.
Pish, thou art so tyrannical, Pinnario.
Pin.
Marry, a Fox-glove Lads of my presenting:
A handsom Lass that wanted means and money;
Whom I commiserating did prefer
To Erotias handling, and I know by this
Is taught to tumble with dexterity,
Enter Philarchus and his Servant.
Look, look, our other Rival, old Philarchus.
Phi.
Stint, stint your pace, you Rascal, you Plodd on
As if I went to my Aurelia's bed.
Pro.
Vengeance oth' stone, and weather-beating Collick,
Before she cheated the old Sponge, hee'd wriggle,
And throw his Gout-bound Legs a mile before us;
Nay, kiss his rough Lips smooth upon her hands
Ere we could overtake him. Slight can't you see?
Justles him.
Phi.
Catarrhs consume thee, justle an old man.
Val.
An old man, and going to be married?
Pin.
Aged, and get a Maidenhead to night?
Phi.
I must give way, there is no striving here.
Enter Frier.
Pin.
The Frier! what makes he here?
Fr.
To all good morrow.
Pro.
Dee hear my Ghostly Father, may I dispence,
Aside to the Frier.
And for all my yesternights Confession
Stew out that heat Aurelia's love hath kindled.
Fr.
What means my Son?
Pro.
A wench, a wench, my Father.
Fr.
Away.
Pro.
Why good Father?
Fr.
O poor Octavian!
Pro.
Why, what of him? he is not married yet!
We that were his Rivals mean to present him
With a Song.
[Page 4]Fr.
Alas, alas, he's slain.
Om.
Who, who?
Pro.
Mum, mum, good Frier, mum, say nothing.
Pox of all whores and meetings. Sweet Aurelia.
Exit.
Phi.
Father, you sigh, who is't I pray is slain?
Fr.
The Bridegroom Sir, and by Aurelia's brother.
Val.
My dear friend Babilas, who told you this.
Ser.
I Sir, who saw young Babilas this morning
With frowning looks come to my Masters Chamber,
And call him forth, since when I never saw him.
Val.
Where found the Frier Octovian?
Fr.
Walking abroad
To taste the sweetness of the mornings air,
Hard by my Cell I found his breathless body.
I took him up, and from him now am come
To acquaint his father with the heavy news.
Benedicite.
Exit Frier.
Pin.
Nay then Aurelia, have at thee once agen.
Exit.
Val.
Valerio thou art unhappy to thy friend,
Babilas coveting his sister for me
Thought to make way by young Octavians death,
Which he has now perform'd. What shall I do?
Aurelia for her brothers sake will hate me,
She knows he lov'd me dearly. Well, Ile in too,
And win Aurelia, or finde out Babilas.
Exit.
Phi.
Hold, hold my sides, O I shall burst, hold, hold.
O constant thrift, that never leaves that man
Who honours thee. Aurelia's father's mine,
He always wisht his daughter to my bed;
And though her amorous tears prevail'd with him
For young Octavian, yet when he hears he's dead,
He will replant me in Aurelia's heart.
Yes, jeer and flout me my young Rivals, do,
You'l finde at last, th' old Fox has cozen'd you.
Exit.
Enter Senio, Procus, Pinnario, Valerio.
Omnes.
Nay Senio, noble Senio, let me finde favour.
Senio.
This rudeness Gentlemen becomes you not,
Pray give me leave that my Indulgency.
[Page]May chuse one for my Daughter, not your claimours.
Pro.
If I am not the handsom'st Ile be hang'
And lik'st Octavian Pox o' my oregrown Boots.
Pin.
Nay, she is mine that's certain, I heard her swear once.
Next to Octavian she admired me.
Enter Philarchus.
Phi.
Many fair years crown the most honour'd Senio.
Sen.
Most Grave Philarchus. I, here's a man indeed!
Who wears sobriety upon his looks.
Whom thrift has worm'd so well, that he will last
When all these Grashoppers are shrunk to nothing,
I wish Aurelia his, and none but his.
Phi.
I am sorry for your sadness.
Sen.
I Philarchus.
This 'tis to love for handsomness and honour:
Had she chose you, she might have smil'd, not wept.
Phi.
That yet may be perform'd if you consent.
Sen:
She is to full of grief and will not hear.
Phi.
Shee'l not deny her Father for duty sake.
Besides, behold how many gaping Wolves
Grin with false hopes of her retired favour,
Whom if she has, she's begger'd and undone,
I am sure, and can in the rough Winters want,
Pave all my path with Gold. Your Wedding dinner
Is now prepar'd, and a full Table met.
Cosin, not all our expectations:
Sen.
Enough, I am resolved. My noble friends,
I do perceive you all do emulate
Each others fortune. Speak, are you content
To let me chuse a Bridegroom for my Daughter.
Omnes.
And hear it with delight and willingness.
Sen.
Then before all these, as witness of my gift,
I here consent and freely do give up
My Daughter to the thrifty Grave Philarchus.
Val.
Philarchus.
Pin.
That humming Drone.
Pro.
That rotten Medler.
Sen.
Nay Gallants, repine not, 'twas your consent,
Nor shall yea yet discourteously return
[Page 6]Without some recompence; we therefore both
Intreat your company would honour as
At the Wedding dinner, which I intend this day.
Phi.
Shall we expect you
Om.
Yes with all our hearts.
Pro.
These damned Boots, Aurelia had been mine else.
Exeunt.
Enter Fryer, Rogat, Senio, Aurelia, Engin.
Fr.
What comfort Daughter, come, you must forget
Old grief, and dress your Maiden smiles agen
In Amorous blushes, to embrace Philarchus
Aur.
Is he the man then?
Fr.
Such is your Fathers pleasure.
Aur.
You Frier contracted me and my Octavian.
Fr.
Yes, that all these can witness, I did contract ye.
Sen.
But now sweet Girl, my onely joy and comfort
(Since Babilas is gone) thou art alone
My staff to lean on in my drooping age,
Oh do not slide away and make me fall
In grief as well as years, but give consent.—
Aur.
To marry old Philarchus, I consent
And would 'twere done to night, within this hour.
Rog.
Can you so soon forget my lost Octavian,
And bury all your love in's grave with him?
Sen.
Sir, you must pardon me, you are too busie!
Your Son is dead, and your interest lost there:
She's still my Daughter, and shall prosecute
What I command, or else disclaim her Father.
Rog.
Forgive me Sir, my grief alas did move me,
My grief for two lost Sons.
Pro.
Two Sons! why my friend, and the mad Rogue Dauphine,
Your young heir now, is not departed too?
Rog.
He is indeed departed, for when he heard
Of my Octavians death, and by whose hand,
This day he left my house, and vows to search
The flying Babilas throughout the world,
In the revenge of his unhappy brother.
Pin.
Good fortune after him, 'tis a valiant witty Rogue:
Sen.
Hah, whose that stalks and figures on the ground
[Page 7]As if he conjur'd and invok'd the spirits?
Aur.
Pray be not angry on my wedding day Sir,
It is my servant, preferr'd by a noble friend,
And with such commendations and applause,
That I must begg you'd please to entertain him.
Sen.
Well I consent, come hither. What's thy name?
En.
Engin, Sir,
Sen.
For water or for fire?
En.
When you command for both.
Sen.
Discreetly answered.
A new device comes in my head. Heark Engin.
Some few hours hence meet me ith' Gallerie,
I have some Items to acquaint thee with.
En.
With duty and observance Ile attend you.
Sen.
Ha's a good thriving promising face believe me:
You'l not be wanting.
Rog.
You must excuse me Sir,
My dead Sons body is to morrow interr'd,
I must contrive a little Ceremony.
Sen.
We may remember you in a Bowl of Wine.
Rog.
With my true thanks.
Sen.
And our Confessour.—
Come my Aurelia. Honourable Rogat.
Exeunt.
Frier.
Thus the world goes hurrying on
Till wonders come ne're thought upon.
He who sleeps to night, ere day
Death inrobes with weeds of clay,
'Tis a steddy tottering state
Propt with Love and shook with hate.
Like that I now am musing on to be
Relator of a joyfull Tragedy.
Exit.
Actus secundus, Scaena prima.
Enter Senio, Philarchus, Engin.
Sen.
For look thee Engin, should her coy denial
Be once resisted by thy diligence,
[Page 8]And old Philarchus aided by thy power.
Phi.
She fears if she consent not willingly,
Wee'l force her to my bed.
Sen.
You hit me right,
But I will not drown your sweet insuing pleasures
With more supposed fears. Engin the light
A long night and a happy to my Son.
Exit.
Phi.
Could I but blow away these humble Bees,
Time should deferr my wisht delights no longer.
Oh, these court Blazers buz about my ears
And kill my heart, with poison'd jealousie.
Nay by this light wee'l wait you to your Chamber.
Within.
Phi.
Hoida, a morris dance, and she the jester.
Enter Pinnario, Procus, Valerio, Aurelia.
Pin.
Thank you for that, not see you in your Chamber:
Yes, and there leave you with a kiss sweet Bride.
Dost here if thou lov'st me, kick him out o'th bed
And wriggle into his breeches.
Aur.
You are merry Sir.
Pro.
Then Venus may'st thou rule thy crooked Vulcan,
And let a Childe of Mars rewhet this sword,
Upon thy smooth and Alabaster breast.
Phi.
My good gay friends, is it not sleeping times.
Pin.
Not yet with you these two hours Sir, I take it.
Pro.
Two hours, has this drie weather-beaten Kix
Substance and strength to suck this Sugar Cane
Two hours, two minutes, and those coughing ones.
Phi.
And yet these wrinckles put down your smooth faces.
Pin.
Thank the dim eyes that made the election.
En.
Gentlemen, pray remember where you are,
And who you speak to: 'tis Auralia's husband:
A Grave experience, thrifty Citizen;
And one that (by your favours) she is pleas'd
Without compulsion to smile upon.
Since you are cast off, 'tis indiscreetly done
(In my opinion) to laugh at your own shame.
Pro.
What sword-man have we here?
Pin.
His Poet man,
[Page 9]That made his Verses when he was a Suitor.
En.
So, jear on.
Pin.
And to night is hir'd,
To reade the History of Palmerin,
Valiant Parismus and his lov'd Laurana,
To stir up mettle in this crumbling flesh.
What price my Geegaw, my Lute-string base and treble.
En.
Yes, my good Beagles, I have a Base hangs here
draws.
Shall sing a deep note in your wanton blouds.
Au.
Let um abuse thy Master! to um Engin.
Val.
She against us too?
Pro.
That Devil then be with her.
Exeunt Pin. Pro. Val.
Phi.
VVhat recompence shall I reward thee with,
My best best Engin, saviour of my life,
Inestimable Jewel, bright Aurelia.
En.
Let me undress you Sir, the night grows late.
Phi.
That's my good Engin, untruss me, prithee untruss me.
Au.
And truss agen, and make a Capon of him.
Phi.
How's that Aurelia? Be near me, prithee Engin.
Au.
VVhat, is't the fashion with you Citizens
To have your man to help the Bride to bed,
I must have Maids, and will have, ere I stir
Or move a finger to undress my self.
Phi.
Have patience but to night, thou shalt hereafter.
Au.
Poyson to night had fitter been apply'd:
Come hither and kiss me. His breath not perfum'd neither.
kisses him.
En.
You should have remembred kissing Comfits, Sir;
An old mans breath to a Virgin is unsavoury.
Au.
Some Perfumes there, I shall be stifled else.
Engin, what seest thou in his mouth? Look Engin.
En.
I, Madam, what should I see? I see nothing.
Au.
He has borrow'd sure a Cheek-pouch of some Monkey,
And stuft it full with Bonds and interest money;
Look how he chews the cud upon um now;
A pair of Horns would fit the Monster well.
Phi.
Nay, prithee Sweet, forbear these idle words,
And be more serious with him who loves thee.
Au.
More sottish and lie weltring with a Booby:
[Page 10]What dry skind monster would the Bore beget?
En.
Let your wife get the supremacy at first,
Do, and be ever after in obedience
Tide at her Girdle with a silken string.
Slight, to her Sir, and since sheel not to bed,
Let her know that you can do it up as well.
To her lustily, imbrace her, down with her.
Phi.
Help me then Engin.
En.
How, two against one woman,
Dare you assume the name of Husband, Sir,
And not compell her to obedience?
Come, you are a man Sir, shew her that you are so.
Au.
Shew him a Bason to receive his Rheum,
And not my Lips; Are they Receptacles
To dry rank spittle, or drive away hoarse coughs,
To dissolve Burs, or whiten yellow teeth,
To exhaust flegm, or consume Catharrs,
Expell the stone, or remedy the scurvy.
Phi.
Engin, where art thou, wilt not help me Engin?
Au.
Remove the Palsie, or settle shaking Agues,
Unbend crookt bones, suck moisture from sore eys.
Phi.
Why Rascal Engin, wilt not help me Engin?
En.
Troth Sir, she speaks but reason now me thinks,
And shews you a clear mirrour to behold
Your own deformities, and her abuses.
Phi.
Why she has converted him too. O my Temples.
En.
Soft Sir, you are not toucht yet to the quick,
Untruss him Mistriss, that we may see the wound.
Phi.
O Villain, Miscreant, wilt thou betray me?
En.
Las, I but honour her for your sake Master,
You shall finde me able and active in your service,
And without grunting get you lusty boys.
Phi.
I am betraid.
Au.
O beast, beraid, lets search him.
Sirrah help me, or I vow nere to kiss thee more.
They pull off Philarchus his breeches
En.
I must obey your wife for your credit Sir.
Au.
Upon my wedding-day, Ile teach you manners.
En.
These breeches would fit you Mistris passing well.
[Page 11]Au.
Nay I will wear um, and he shall consent to it,
Ile stifle him with um else, Sirrah dee yield?
Phi.
To what, to what, most dreadfull wife, pray name it?
En.
To let Aurelia be your sole Commandress,
Have the preheminence in all affairs,
To smile on all, kiss some, and dote on many,
To love, or lie with any, and not to grumble,
Phi.
I do, I do.
Au.
Swear, swear, thou breechless Booby.
Phi.
By my lost hopes.
Fn.
Out with your Paper Mistris,
And write this down, you remember what he has said.
Au.
Yes, and shall call him to a strict account
She writes & sits astride over Philarchus
To see't perform'd on Engin.
En.
To give her licence
On all occasions lawfull or unlawfull,
To ransack all your Coffers, and possess
Your Treasure for her use and maintenance.
Phi.
Release me and to all I do consent.
En.
The man does melt, forgive him Amazon.
Au.
His hand and he is free. Youl not renounce this?
He sets to his hand.
Phi.
My Religion sooner.
Au.
Kiss then and be observant:
Reply no word of thanks, I hate thy voice
Worse than the howling of a hungry Wolf.
En.
VVhere will it please you he shall lie to night?
Au.
Here take my shield and then Ile tell thee.
She gives Engin the breeches and he puts them on a Pole, and carries them before her.
Phi.
O Engin, Engin, wilt thou serve me so?
En.
Where she is pleasd to place me I must raise
The house, nay you out of your bed to night
If she commands me.
Au.
Why, the withdrawing Room.
En.
'Tis too far from your call and from your eye:
Say you should want the Chamber-pot ith' night,
Hee'd not be ready to do his duty to you:
I think your Closet fitter, Amazon.
Au.
There shield-bearer I have him under lock.
Phi.
Amazon and shield-bearer, this is fine.
[Page 12]Au.
Dee grumble Tetworm?
Phi.
Not I Amazon.
En.
Spend not your breath on such a water-bubble, Come Sir into the Closet, youl along Sir.
Phi.
Was ever man so cozen'd by an Engin.
Exeunt.
Enter Valerio reading a Letter.
reades
In my absence (dear Valerio) be present with my sister, woo her, she's thine by conquest, and Octavian's bloud by my hand let out, hath to thee resign'd her. If thou possessest what I hope thou dost, send me word to Orleans, where in a disguize I live undiscovered.
Thine BABILAS.
Val.
If obscur'd there, then why not here as well?
The strictness of the Edict hath power with them
As well as us, I want thee Babylas,
And I will have thee, or refuse thy friendship.
Enter Pinnario and Procus.
Pin.
Pish, what a studying now Valerio?
Prithee put up and go along with us.
Val.
VVhether, to th' Tavern?
Pro.
To th' Tavern, pensive Rascal,
No, to the Down-a-down, the plump wench,
The quick ey'd Lass Pinnario told us of.
Val.
VVhat in thy red Mantle and those cloak-bag Boots?
Pro.
Pinnario if thou lov'st me talk not on her
Till I have mangled this VVhoresons tongue.
Pin.
VVhat, thou wilt not fight?
Pro.
Yes, by this light will I.
I have commended my attire, praisd my trappings,
Yet never had good luck in um since I wore um,
Sure theyl do something when I have fought for um;
Come Sir, you that ride in Coaches, and contemn
Your foot-companions, Ile ope your bosom for you.
Val.
The Boot thou meanst, why what an ass art thou
To quarrel thus with thy friend, thy wenching friend?
Pro.
VVhy, there's the vice weakens virtue in the stomach,
VVith what a whimsie that wench comes round my head,
And stupefies and dulls my active spirits;
Give me thy hand; thou'lt to her with us then.
[Page 13]Val.
And from her too, so you'l put off your Boots first.
Pro.
Agen that word, Pinnario let me go.
draws.
Val.
Ile give thee another pair.
Pro.
Gifts may mollifie.
Enter Servant.
Val.
Within there. Sirrah, fetch this Gentleman
My Velvet Cloak, and a pair of walking Boots.
Pin.
Then maist thou court her in a Method Procus,
And let her all that while rip out the lining:
'Tis none of thine, Alas! thou needst not care:
Pro.
Mass, and well remembred, let me see, not a farthing.
Feels his pockets.
Pin.
—No matter, here's Apparel, Money, and credit.
Val.
Here, here, I these, these Boots will fit thee, come.
Ent. servant.
Pro.
Faith, I think they'l ne'er fit you agen.
Ser.
What shall I do with these hides, pray Sir.
Pro.
What hides, pray, Sir.
Ser.
I cry you mercy Sir. I mean your Boots.
Pro.
Why, hide 'um any where,
Drown 'um or anything, so I ne'er see 'um.
Ser.
I thank you Sir, I shall dispose of them.
Pro.
I prithee do.
Pin.
Come Gallants, shall we go.
Pro.
But do'e hear, by this hand Ile take the Wall,
Ile make that bargain for my new Boots sake.
Val.
Fy, how this Procus still forgets himself,
And the old customary way he used.
Pin.
'Tis his red Mantle his led him to this errour
Val.
Thou hast forgot them, there are such things as Coaches,
Hang the Wall and Kennel, they'l exempt from both.
Pro.
This 'tis to have a drabbing humour, oh these damn'd Queans.
Pin.
Come, come, we dally blades, 'tis very late.
Val.
We go Pinnario. Stay I had forgot.
Boy, here take my Keys and fetch me some guilt shillings.
A cheating way my Rogues that I have invented
To entice and cosen my night play-fellows.
Pin.
Excellent.
Gives them guilt shillings.
Val.
Your hands, there's six a piece. My Coach there?
Exeunt.
[Page 14]Enter Philarchus.
As stealing out o' th' Closet.
Phi.
Softly, softly, thus far I am crept unheard:
If I but once escape your tallons Rooks
Ile wash, and rub, and scrub you too for this.
First, (let me see) Ile call her Father hither,
Then raise the Citie, all France too if I could:
Then to the Frier, hee'l make 'um confess all.—
Oh, I shall cough, I am undon, oh, oh,
This bur will choak me if I hoakt not up.
Engin looks out of his bed.
Hum, hum, uh, uh, uh.
En.
'Tis he, Philarchus.
Phi.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
En.
Ile rise and terrifie him on a suddain,
This sheet will dress me rarely like a Ghost.
He enters like a Ghost.
Whose that disturbs this silent Room with coughs,
Or dares break ope his barred doors to walk,
Philarchus trembles.
And trace the path of the departed Spirits?
Phi.
The Devil haunts her too, what shall I do?
En.
Be silent and to bed, and never more
Disturb the pleasures of this sleeping pair.
Phi.
Oh no, I will not, what's thy name good Devil?
En.
I am the spirit of slain Octavian,
Oh, I could tear thee in pieces, to think that thou
Durst think on that Aurelia with lust
Which was once mine, continue thy obedience,
For if thou dost betray her, I will haunt thee,
And with pale apparitions vex thy soul.
Depart to bed, thy cold hug, not Aurelia.
Exit Ghost.
Phi.
Good Devil I am gone, how shall I do
I have forgot my way, befriend me darkness,
He gropes in the dark, and goes to Aurelias bed instead of his own.
This way the closet lies I think. Uh, uh.
Au.
Who's there, Philarchus.
Phi.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
Au.
Oh, that my shield-bearer could hear me now,
Ide make him ease the tickling of your throat,
His bed is not so far, but he may hear me.
Phi.
Cursed mistake.
Au.
Hoh shield-bearer awake.
[Page 15]En.
What ails my Amason.
Within▪
Au.
Philarchus here.
En.
How's that Philarchus, nay, then put on the breeches.
Within.
Au.
Sirrah what make you here, confess, confess?
En.
Conjure up the Ghost, hee'l reveal all he intended.
Phi.
Oh, oh my heart the Ghost, dear wife forbear.
Au.
He calls me wife, call him up shield-bearer.
Enter Engin with the breeches on a Pole.
Phi.
Oh I shall shakes to powder, I confess all.
En.
Without premeditation quickly, come.
Phi.
I meant this night to steal away and leave you,
Then raise old Senio, the Erier, Rogat,
And to conduct 'um hither to be witness.—
En.
Of what, speak villain?
Phi.
Of my imprisonment and—
Au.
Oh Dotard betray his Lady and Empress, the breeches.
En.
Here Amazon.
Phi.
Dear Imperiours wife take heed.
She attempts to put on the breeches.
If you do wear 'um you are quite undone,
Las, I was cur'd of the dry scab last moon.
Au.
Well, hang 'um on the pole agen, but heark you,
If you agen conjecture any escape,
Or let your frowns discover inward anger;
Ile hang 'um here, here on thy horns deviser.
Phi.
Oh misery, of a handsom wife, my forehead.
Au.
Well Ile to sleep agen, watch you the Ferret.
Exit.
Phi.
Engin, come hither.
En.
Your will Sir, what's your will.
Phi.
Hast thou indeed: lain with my wife to night
And don the feat for me? Nay, Shield-bearer.
En.
Speak softly Sir, if my Amason should hear you,
You are lost for ever.
Phi.
Why, what's the matter?
En.
Softly, you heard us strugling in the night.
Phi.
Oh yes, the bed did reel against my forehead.
En.
Well you may think I am false, but 'tis well you spoke not.
Phi.
Why, what, what projects, honest Engine tell me?
En.
Why, some fears she had that you'd discover us,
Which made her even this night intend to gueld you,
[Page 16]And then to swear she found you impotent,
I used what exhortations I could
In pitie to your members, and at last prevail'd
Something Octavians Ghost has told her since:
You had best take heed Sir, for he tells her all things.
Phi.
The Devils Cuckold, die, die Philarchus.
En.
Oh the sweet kisses she hung upon my lips,
When I had put Philarchus from her thoughts.
That barren piece of Earth where furrows are plow'd,
That stubble fit for nothing but to burn.
Phi.
So, now I am going the way of thriving Citizens.
En.
Then with a thousand passages of Love tricks.
Phi.
No more, no more, my lust begins to boil.
En.
Why, I can help you Sir to cool't agen,
So you'l not grumble at what we possess.
Phi.
One boon, and all is thine, my wife and all.
En.
On that condition any thing, come tell me.
Phi.
Beauty has wrought so on my flexid nature,
And so increased the flame I would suppress.
En.
Oh, you'd evacuate, is that all Sir,
Phi.
Some simple harmless wench, thou knowst 'um all
Though of thy instruction, I shall not weaken her much.
En.
Why now Philarchus speaks himself a man,
And will conform himself unto the times,
His vizard is fallen off, and he's become
A smooth young striker, active, full of spirit,
His knees grow straight, his staff with fury flies him
For fear of being arreign'd for killing those
His fatall hand shall threaten, his shoulders shrink
Into his marrowy back, his eys fill up.—
Phi.
No more good Engin, I am worse than Goat already,
En.
Then for his wisdom an Isocrates.
He knows his wife (since she is young and handsom)
Must have her longings, but then hee'l have his too:
And whilst she sports at home, hee'l rut abroad:
For should he say his wife does Cuckold him,
The Town would jear him into age agen:
Besides: the proofs and confirmations,
[Page 17]The Lawyers Fees, with the Attorneys bribes,
Would rip his bags up, shoal away his Gold,
Undo his thrift, and cancel all his Bonds.
Phi.
True, Engin, true. VVhy, thou shalt have a stipend
From all rich Citizens to be maintain'd;
That I should study to accuse thee Engin,
VVho thus hast sav'd my honour and estate.
Get me but wenches, and I vow nere more
To think upon Aurelia but as thine.
En.
For should you mutter the disgrace is yours.
Pin.
Thou hast instructed elegantly before.
En.
As soon as day expect one in the Closet;
Your wife with men, and why not you with women?
Phi.
Ile bite thy ear thou Rascal, I will bite it.
En.
Youl spoil your better bit Sir. Softly, softly.
Exit Phi.
My mouth waters at your bed. Aurelia,
Pox on these tempting curtesies. O that I could
Un-gentleman my self and break my trust:
But should I do so? Incest and faith together
VVould lie so heavy on me, 'twould make me hang
An-arse, and then like hunting of the Hare
VVith un-breath'd Dogs, 'twill be but petty sport.
Exit Engin.
Enter Rogat and Frier.
Ro.
VVere't possible I could wish all were present.
Fr.
It will be requisit, but how which way?
Ro.
The way must be my invitation
To my sons funeral. How thinks my Father?
Fr.
I think it reasonable, but then prepare
VVhat ornaments are fitting for the Hearse;
VVe must use order in this undertaking;
About it noble Rogat, the sun begins
To shew his rays and you have much to do.
Exit Rogat.
Frier.
Prepare we for Confession,
And our souls absolution,
VVhat a world of horrid acts,
Heinous crimes, and bloudy facts,
VVhispering evils, secret thoughts,
Inward fears, and outward faults,
[Page 18]Big-mouth'd oaths, invented Lyes,
Bitter Curses, envious Cries,
Shall this mornings night produce,
VVhilest I pardon Heavens abuse.
But some Delinquents will so blindly run,
They'l knock their brains out 'gainst Confession.
Actus tertius.
Enter Erotia and Cunicula.
Er.
Cunicula.
Cu.
My Patroness.
Er.
When jumbled you last Cunicula?
Cu.
Not since the Ides of March.
Er.
A Roman was it not?
Cu.
Yes, Patroness.
Er.
I thought so by the language he has left thee.
Let me see, how many practisings have you had now?
Cu.
Some half a score.
Er.
Well said, thou scor'st um up:
Just of thy years did I begin this trade:
Ah, what discourse my beauty bred ith' streets!
One said I was handsom, t'other proper, witty a third:
Then the fine Broaths I daily had sent to me,
Potato-pasties, and lusty marrow-pies:
And then ith' morning Pickled Oisters brought
To give my Muscadel and Eggs a relish:
Then my presenters arm'd with Pistolets,
Would drop down showres of bounty on my lap:
And then, Ah, ah, when I was young
The novelty was such a thing, Ah, ah.
Now I am old, and custom has deceiv'd me.
Thou art still Cunicula full of juice and beauty,
Rejoyce and hug thy time, thou wilt be one day,
To my grief I speak it, like thy Patroness?
Knock.
One knocks, a Booty I hope, look out Cunicula.
Cu.
O Patroness, silk Cloaks and silver Lace,
A Coach-full on um.
[Page 19]Er.
In and prepare your self.
Some youngster I hope that has bought new cloaths,
And comes to saye um here, weel make a-fire,
Knock again
Which shall both air your suit, and melt your Gold:
Soon enough, soon enough, with what force
And eagerness they thrust in, but go out
Knock still
As tame as sheep. Why what's the matter there?
Will you knock down my doors you sawcy Jacks?
Pin.
Erotia, sweet Erotia let us in.
Within.
Er.
Let ye in, who are ye, I am no such woman,
Would you should know it I.
Pin.
'Tis Pinnario.
Enter Pin. Pro Val.
Er.
My Benefactor, you must not be denide.
Pin.
Why how now Souce, what shut the door upon us?
Have you not learn'd my call nor knock yet?
Er.
Sweet Sir,
I must adhere, I know your knock within,
Though, without, my age has dull'd my ears too much.
Pin.
Well, for my satisfaction salute these Gallants.
They kiss
Er.
Sir, as I take it, I have kist those lips before,
And yet me thinks I have fogotten where.
Pro.
Familiar friends already: I knew when once
I had defide my Boots, red Cloak and Sword:
I should be ador'd. I feel my back a breaking.
Er.
Nor have I lost your memory delightfull Sir.
Val.
No, if thou hadst, thou hadst lost the sweetest pleasure
Ere slept with thee tough Bombast.
Er.
Ah, dee remember,
Just this time four year, I, 'tis thereabouts,
The Catches we two sung in the back Room,
And how you laugh'd at me, when I said, you had forgot
To hold your Minnum-prick out. Ah you are a wagg.
Pin.
But heark thee Souce, where's my preferr'd Damsell:
I have brought these Gallants here to see her (Bombast)
And to applaud my choice and care of her.
Er.
So, so, youl never leave this open dealing:
Enter Cun.
Why Cu? why Cuni? why Cunicula?
Thou insatiate Fawn, why dost thou stay so long?
[Page 20]Pin.
Morrow Fondling, morrow sweet young Fondling:
Well, be a good wench, and let Souce indue thee;
Thou hast found a Patron will not let thee sink.
Cu.
But dive a little into your Comrades pockets.
Aside
Pro.
Sweet Nightingale your Servant, then your Lips.
Salutes her.
Val.
That liberty must none of us be barr'd of.
Pro.
Heart, a brave Lass, what a chop she has given my Lips,
And made their anguish fire my heart with love?
Pin.
What think you Blades, how do you like my choice?
Pro.
Prithee stand out oth' light man, Cuni, Kether,
I would I were your Hays, Ide hamper yee;
If I have a face to speak to this old stew'd meat
I am a snow-ball, and that I am far from at this time.
Ile fee the Tar-box: Beautifull Erotia.
Cunicula picks Procus his pockets.
Pin.
Smitten, smitten, on my honour, see they are at it
Val.
Why what an impudence my Cloak has lent him.
Pro.
Hah, let me see t'other pocket:
Vanisht, all vanisht, at such a time too.
Nay, if money be loft to buy virginity,
The devil and charity fly with't.
Er.
Nay Sir,
Your golden Coin and my Patient is yours?
Pro.
Mischief, a little patience, and thou shalt hav't.
Pin.
How now Cock-master? what cow'd already?
Pro.
Yes faith, and bow'd too. Dost hear Valerio?
Thou must needs contribute four or five pieces more.
Val.
How?
Pro.
Nay, prithee be not angry, faith thou must.
Val.
Why your gilt shillings?
Pro.
Lost, Valerio, lost.
Val.
Nay, lose the cause, and lose the effect for me.
Pro.
Logick at wenching disputations, absurd.
Pinnario, thou hast a noble bounteous nature.
Faith, I have prevail'd to hug thy fondling there,
And onely want some customary duties.
Pin.
Away thou Truant, out with thy cozening Doits.
Pro.
Las, they are all perisht.
Pin.
Perisht, how, which way?
[Page 21]Pro.
Shall I tell thee this Valerio's a Quacksalver,
Hang him out side, there's nought but dregs within.
Pin.
Why, what's the matter?
Pro.
Has mixt some hungry poyson
With's deceitfull Gold, and it has eat through our pockets.
Pin.
How? let me see; why, th'art deceiv'd mad Procus,
Look you, he's mine still. Thou wilt not Cheater?
Procus snatches Pinnario's money.
Pro.
By this Gold but I will. Here, here, Erotia, here
Er.
Here's but three Sir, my bargain was for six.
Pro.
Pox on my clutches could not scrabble all.
Knocks.
Pin.
Heark Souce, one knocks there I think.
En.
Within there.
Er.
What intruders that?
En.
Ide speak with the Lady.
Er.
Here's none so worshipfull.
En.
With the Governess.
Cu.
Govern your tongue, Ile wash your manners else.
Pin.
Well said, Cuni.
Pro.
Nay, prithee hear me Cuni.
Cu.
No, not a syllable without the other three.
Er.
'Tis Aurelia's Bobadil, her waiting Favourite.
Pin.
Who, Engin, let's admit him and be reveng'd.
Pro.
The Rogue that braund us in his Mistrisses Chamber.
Dost hear Valerio, a man without offence
To your plush Cloak, may try his skill a little.
Val.
And tire it too. What makes the Cerberus here?
Er.
What shall I say to him?
Val.
Let him in first.
Exit Erotia.
By that time weel invent his entertainment.
Pro.
Shall's drill his eys out?
Pin.
Or make an Eunuch of him.
Pro.
And swear we found him up to th' ears with Souce.
Enter Erotia with Engin.
Er.
Sir, this liberality commands my house,
What's here pray call your own.
En.
Defend me craft,
My enemies in rank against me. Then Philarchus
Some of your musty coin must buy um off.
Gives Erot. money.
Here, but remove these silken toys a while.
[Page 22]Om.
A Pander, a Pander, a Pander.
En.
Your meaning Gallants?
Draws
Val.
First your chastisement Sir, and weel obey you.
Pro.
Sirrah, you Janus with your double face,
That srowns on us, but smiles upon Aurelia,
We smell your cunning, Fox, and we will hunt you,
Till we have worried out your subtlety.
En.
Sir, the good news I bring deserves not this:
Have I stretcht out my ey-strings for your search,
Survey'd each street, each alley about the City,
To finde you and the brave Pinnario out,
And do you thus requite my diligence?
Pin.
Why, the fellow's made sure, what business hast with me?
En.
What shall I say? Now, now befriend me wits:
Aside.
Sir, the Actors in my business are more than my self,
And one that loves ye Sir.
Pro.
Aurelia may be.
En.
Happy instruction. Sir, your ear in private.
Engin whispers with Pinnario and Procus
Pin.
How?
En.
If I do lie, act on me what you threaten.
Pin.
But why must Procus be my companion?
En.
Why Sir, Philarchus has done ill it seems,
All curses plague him for't, for but for you Sir
She'd die oth' longings.
Pin.
Why, why what's the matter man?
En.
The hoary Ram nere lay with her last night,
Onely lent her his Breeches to keep her warm,
And poor Heart what with expectation
And angry affliction, she's grown so fiery
That she's impossible to be quencht by one.
Heark you. There's work enough for you both
These six weeks, though you turn your bloud to marrow.
Pin.
Souce, come, I have given thee many a Pistol,
Lend me some Gold to reward this trusty Servant,
This faithfull honest fellow, or stay, Valerio
Prithee let's give him thy Cloak Procus has.
Pro.
How Sir, my Cloak?
Val.
But hear you Gentlemen, pray what's the news?
[Page 23]En.
Is this your friend Sir?
Pin.
I Engin, an honest Hector, shall he along too?
En.
Yes to his Grave when I can single him.
Aside.
Sir, with your pardon, I have news for you too,
And that will make your heart swell high with joy,
Ile but dispatch these first, and then attend you.
Pro.
How were we cozen'd in this honest Engin?
We thought thee our greatest Enemy alive.
En.
Who Sir, I? truth defend me, but stay a while,
I had forgot that, you must shift Gentlemen,
And put on womens cloaths, my Master else
(At whose name I tremble, he has so beaten me.)
Will be suspitious to your undoing:
Some old cast Gowns would secure all.
Pin.
But heark thee Engin, where shall we finde Aurelia?
En.
Why in her Closet:
Knock thus, you hear, sheel open presently.
Perhaps I may be there before you change,
Pro.
Here Engin, take my Cloak, I give it thee:
Now are my arms at liberty to hold up my Coats.
En.
Why is your appetite so slender Gallants?
Can you demur so long?
Pin.
Away, away. Engin thou art so faithfull.
Pro.
Buy, Valerio, buy.
Val.
Youl sup with me to night?
Pin.
We cannot promise.
Exeunt Pinnario & Procus.
En.
So, now for you Valerio. Erotia
I have some private business with this Monsieur
Pray expect us in another Room a while.
Er.
Libidinous thoughts be with you. Come Cunicula.
Exeunt Erotia & Cunicula.
Val.
Now Engin, what's for me to execute
About Aurelia, prithee let it be.
En.
I have no other business than hers, Sir.
Val.
What, she expects me some where privately?
En.
So, so, hee'l make the quarrel himself anon.
Aside
Sir, my fair Mistris, (so far have I prevail'd)—
Val.
She has sent thee to bring me to her? Hah!
I do conceive, but dost hear me Sirrah?
[Page 24]What, is she active and nimble in her dealing?
En.
How Sir?
Val.
Pish come, thou art so modest now:
Faith, when didst hug her last? I know thou hast don't:
Here's none but friends man.
En.
Yes, a deadly foe,
Strikes him.
And to raise courage in you first: take that.
Val.
Why, villain Engin?
En.
My Mistris a whore, draw and defend your self.
Val.
Art thou so treacherous?
Draws.
Thy blow base Groom has forfeited thy life.
Valerio falls.
En.
Your prophesie proves false Sir.
Enter Erotia.
Er.
Murder, murder.
En.
Whore, open but thy jaws agen, Ile split um,
Reply not, but hearken and obey me, if thou mutter'st
Ile carve thy skin into Escutcheons for his Hearse.
Er.
By all my fears, and all that's good I will not.
En.
Let this confirm you, which if you prosecute
Engin gives her more money.
With fortunate success shall still flow to you.
Er.
Why this is a fee to make us fire the City.
En.
If he be lost use all care for his concealment,
Then with your fair Disciple here, be sure
You meet me at Aurelia's house this night.
Er.
The hour.
En.
About six, I must not stay, farewell.
Exit
Val.
Oh.
Er.
Fetch some strong water, quick Cunicula,
There may be hope of life. How do you Sir?
Val.
Who's there? Erotia.
Er.
Yes.
Val.
Then I have dreamt.
Cu.
Here's the water Mistris.
He drinks
Er.
So, so, take comfort 'las how weak he is?
Fetch the back-water by my bed-side, Cuni,
That will make him spring agen, though his heart were dead.
Val.
Foil'd by a Villain, my unlucky fate.
Exeunt.
[Page 25]Enter Procus and Pinnario in womens Cloaths.
Pro.
Slight what a mincing gate these Coats have taught me?
These she-comrades must needs be nimble-thigh'd,
They practice it in walking so.
Pin.
What's here, the Sign oth' Breeches?
They spy the Breeches upon the pole standing at Aurelia's chamber-door.
Pro.
I conceive it
'Tis where Philarchus keeps his Centinel,
We must avoid that path, there's Hell at end on't.
Pin.
Enter Engin.
Engin most opportunely come, dost hear
Where, where's the Closet? but direct us, then
Let us alone to raise the Hare and hunt her.
En.
Yes, you shall hunt, and hang for hunting false.
Aside.
You speak too loud, what mean you Gentlemen?
A Lion rampant does inhabit there:
Behold the Ensign of his desperate wrath:
points to the Breeches
The least suspition of your presence here
Blows us to nothing.
Pro.
Why, is he then so valiant?
En.
A very Hercules, Ile tell you Sir,
One blow of his has so benumm'd this arm
I must despair of life in't for these two days,
But I shall do you wrong, Knock there and enter.
Exit.
Pro.
Now could I leap through the door, but for Philarchus
Pin.
Open fair Danae these golden Gates
They knock at the Closet door.
And shroud delight within thy pleasant arms.
Enter Phil.
Phi.
Thy Mars bright Venus does obey thy call.
Ambo.
Philarchus.
Phi.
Yes, Philarchus can speak Lines
Provok't by Lechery. A brace of Turtles!
This Engin exceeds thy duty, come ye Puttocks.
Pin.
Why Procus we are abus'd, a trick upon us.
Pro.
Speak lower, if the purblind Ass will needs
Take us for whores, and so beguile himself,
Let us not cross his humour.
Pin.
A match, be confident.
Phi.
These Harlots have such inticing delays.
I must defer no longer. Come kiss me both of ye.
Pro.
Pox o' your bristles, how they bore my Lips.
[Page 26]Phi.
Nay, now we have begun, no fumbling till we have ended.
Pin.
Nay, good Sir, youl disgrace your self with us.
Phi.
I, so you all say when you want a greasing.
I will endure no longer—
Pro.
But you must.
Phi.
Too loud, my wife will hear. I must ye Queans;
Get ye in to th' Closet, go.
Enter Aur. and Engin.
Pin.
Wee'l be no prisoners.
En.
Quench him now whilest he's hot, he'l hiss agen.
Au.
Ye Vagabonds, ye Harlots, out ye Strumpets.
Beats them.
Phi.
My wife Aurelia, O my endless shame!
En.
Good Sir bear up, would I could help you Sir.
Au.
A Constable, fetch me a Constable:
Ile have these Queans whipt round about the Town.
Pin.
Why—
Aside to the Gentlemen.
En.
For your own credits discover not your selves
Should my Master see your breeches hee'd run mad.
Au.
Fetch me a Constable, I say, why go'st not?
Sirrah for your part Ile have your boisterous—
Enter Engin.
Phi.
Stomach or any thing pull'd down, dreadfull wife,
I do confess and humbly ask thy pardon.
Enter Engin.
Au.
So, is he come?
En.
Yes, those you thought not on. The Frier and Rogat.
Phi.
My fit, my fit.
Pro.
What will become of us Pinnario?
Pin.
Become of us, why let's unmask our selves.
Au.
Peace Gentlemen, conceal, it was my plot:
But vex Philarchus for my sake this night,
And then I am yours.
Pro.
Excellent rare wit!
Au.
Dee tremble Sir, there's remedy on coming.
Phi.
I hear um coming. Dear Amazon, on my knees
I beg concealment but for this offence,
With my hired lewd ones here, and I vow hereafter,
Never to cross thee in the least attempt.
En.
Madam, have mercy on his vanquisht Gascoyns.
Au.
Shall I then pity thee? O thou vile—
Phil.
No more, I will confess my self all base,
[Page 27]So youl betray us not.
Au.
In, to my Closet.
What now, Ile take a care for these. Farewell.
Exeunt.
Enter Rogat, Frier, Engin.
En.
Sir, some occasions have call'd my Master forth,
My Mistris though will much rejoyce to see you.
Ro.
But we may see Aurelia then.
En.
Yes Sir, there lies your way, if you please to enter.
Exeunt.
Enter Pinnario, Procus, Engin.
En.
For look you Gentlemen it was her policy;
For had not she devis'd some suddain terrour
To affright Philarchus, his jealousie
Had interrupted all, but now our plot is sure,
He dares not now divulge it though he know it,
Least he betray what he would act with you;
But I am glad you shirk away so handsomly.
Pin.
'Twas time I think. When shall we hear from thee?
En.
I askt not that oth' Frier. About Supper-time.
Aside.
Pro.
Thou know'st Valerio's Lodging.
En.
Why dee ask?
Pin.
We sup with him to night.
En.
Ile wait upon you there.
Pin.
Nay thou shalt, in faith, in faith thou shalt.
Gives him money.
En.
This way to please you.
Exeunt.
Enter Rogat and Frier.
Ro.
'Tis doubtless so, for had his death been certain
The Law by this time had surprized Engin.
Fr.
The House sets forth no memory of sorrow
As I past by, fear not but he's recovered.
Ro.
Fie Engin, venture all our hopes thus rashly.
Fr.
Well Son, we must not flag in the last scene,
When enterprizes most need aid and action
What has been further cast by me within,
Aurelia will inform you. Night hastens on,
Away to the prosecution.
Ro.
Ile to Senio.
Exit Rogat.
Fr.
Thus our weather-beaten Bark
Arrives at the Haven in the dark,
[Page 28]Hoping there to be redrest
Of the storms which her opprest,
And now smiles to think upon
Horrours she hath undergone,
So we to night expect a happy rest
In deaths cold womb, or in Aurelia's breast.
Exit.
Actus quartus. Scaena prima.
Enter Aurelia and Engin, met by Erotia and Cunicula.
Er.
Cupid defend me, what tempting Ensign's that?
She spies the Breeches hanging on the pole and wonders at them.
En.
Pox on my Ensign, how does Valerio?
Er.
View those exalted hams, Cunicula.
Au.
Hell on these Breeches, how does Valerio?
En.
She must be humour'd. Ile tell the mystery.
My Master to terrefie this his young wife
She still wonders.
Commands me still to bear this shield before her.
Er.
O wicked provocation! Out upon it!
En.
Now wilt thou tell us how Valerio does?
Er.
Valerio, never better in his life;
'Twas onely loss of bloud, his wounds were slight;
He sups with me to night, and now sent word
To Pinnario and Procus to be his Guests.
Au.
Engin give her one of Philarchus bags.
I may believe thee?
Er.
By the reward I hope for.
Au.
So, give it her.
En.
But on condition,
To aid and help us with your pretty Servant.
Er.
Though we lie by it a fortnight.
En.
My Mistris will instruct you. Ile to th' Frier.
Exeunt.
Enter Valerio and Babilas.
Val.
My Babilas, no more, for thy fruition
Has brought a Balsom to restore my health.
Ba.
O my Valerio, were my sister thine
I could with willingness contemn the world
And this Disguize tane off, publish my self
To the rigorous Laws, but when Valerio
[Page 29]Wants Babilas to associate his Designs,
I am not my self, till I have prosecuted
The least of his intents.
Val.
Thou art my bosom,
No thought lies there but what thy fancy breeds:
Then prithee advise me if thou canst, my friend,
VVhich way I might wipe off this foul disgrace
This base Groom gave me?
Ba.
You must not be too rash,
VVhat we resolve must silently be done,
Nor think Valerio to share alone in this.
Val.
Not for my Reputation Babilas.
That were unequal odds against one man.
Ba.
VVere his birth equal to us I confess it,
It were a Cowards act, but to a Peasant
What punishment too great can be inflicted?
Val.
Thou hast clear'd my doubts, then let's consult a while.
Enter Servant.
Ser.
Pinnario Sir and Procus are without.
Ba.
Let me withdraw.
Enter Pin. and Pro.
Val.
By no means Babilas.
Pin.
Pox on your constancy, and why here to night?
Procus has worn his Boots out to the welts
With seeking you.
Pro.
And my heels too I think.
Hah, what Switzers beard is that?
points at Babilas.
Pin.
Who is't Valerio?
Val.
A worthy friend of mine, prithee salute him.
Pin.
Thy friend and we not know him. Noble Sir,
I shall be proud to be esteem'd your servant.
Pro.
And I to kiss your hands.
Ba.
You honour me too much, and did my—
Val.
Nay, prithee no complements,
'Twill hinder our discourse and spoil our mirth:
Come honest Rogues sit down. Boy, some Tobacco.
And now Pinnario tell me, how dost like her?
Aside to Pinnario.
Pin.
Like, who?
Val.
I must devise some way to know
Aside.
Where they have been, you think I know nothing.
[Page 30]Why, what staid Engin here but to relate
What you were ventring for. What, to thy friend?
Slight, were I guilty of my fathers death
I would not hide it from my familiar friend.
Pin.
Why, thou shalt know, Valerio is my friend,
'Tis but a womans credit lost at most,
If thou should'st blab, walk by, Ile tell thee all.
Val. & Pin. whisper whilest Babilas & Pro. take Tobacco.
Ba.
Sir, will you taste of this Tobacco?
Right Spanish I assure you.
Pro.
I love the weed
For the bold Nations sake, I have heard um say,
You may believe a Spaniard on his word
Before an Englishman on forty oaths.
Ba.
Amongst my many Travails, 'twas my fortune
To touch upon that preaching Island.
Pro.
England?
Ba.
'Twas call'd so Sir, till another eat it up.
Pro.
What Country, Sir?
Ba.
They call it Scotland Sir.
Pro.
Miraculous. A hungry Countrey sure.
Ba.
Troth Sir, good store of stones and long thorn'd bushes.
Pro.
The people too devour'd?
Ba.
Most on um Sir,
Some few who clapt hands with the Enemy
Are sav'd, who for a badg of their conformity
Unto the Victors will, sharpened their ears,
And stead of hair, glew'd on their heads the bristles
Of nasty Swine.
Pro.
Why there's my Logick prov'd now,
I remember in my last school disputation,
They laught at me for saying, Homo est asinus rationalis.
Pin.
Incredible by Engin, he durst not do't.
Val.
He dares not cheat as soon, or be a Pander,
But I am glad you scapt so well, if he does so—
Pin.
Nay come thou must not cherish anger Val,
I dare proclame (what ever mov'd him to't)
Him true and faithfull.
Val.
The event will shew it.
Enter Er. & Cun.
[Page 31]What my fat Hostess where hast thou been puffing.
Pro.
Erotia and her Servant.
Er.
Pray pardon.
Sir, I have business with you, lend your ear.
to Pin.
Erot. whispers with Pin. and Proc.
Pin.
Procus a word.
Ba.
What means this whispering?
Val.
A bargain for Cunicula, my life on't.
Pro.
Excellent Engin.
Pin.
At the Friers Cell.
And the pretence Octavian's funeral.
Er.
The better cloak to hide your Enterprize:
For should you be suspected, pretending that—
Val.
Pish, prithee defer this jugling sport a while,
And let's to supper, drink hard, and then
Pox o'the world: we are fit for any Exploit.
Cun.
Sir, supper waits you.
Val.
We come Cunicula
Exeunt Pro. Val. Erot.
Manet Valerio and Pinnario.
Val.
Hang me, thou shalt profess thy self my foe,
But I will know it.
Pin.
Prithee I must not tell thee.
Val.
Ile tell thee thou art a Coward by this light then,
Forswear thy company—why, hast drank Lethe?
That th'ast forgotten what th'ast promist me?
Pin.
Wilt thou be silent?
Val.
As Octavian's murther'd Ghost.
Pin.
Why then thy hand, thou shalt along with us.
Aurelia's but for a night, thou art mine for ever.
Val.
Nobly resolv'd.
Pin.
And so weel prosecute.
Exeunt.
Enter Rogat and Senio.
Ro.
Sir, what I utter: grant us but your presence,
Ile pawn my honour shall be manifest.
Sen.
Shall I believe Philarchus, whose account
Hath stretcht above the reach of common men,
Whose Character is known about the City,
To be full of faith and awfull gravity.
Shall I believe I say, that this this man
[Page 32]Would dim the lustre of his dear Repute
By such an act as this 'twere sin to credit it.
Ro.
Sir, if my zeal to you hath rais'd your temper,
You must not look now for a rough reply
From him whose grief is rais'd above his anger,
Yet this ith' midst of my extrem'st distraction,
Which for Aurelia's sake I intimate.
Be pleas'd to night to grace Octavian's Hearse
At the Friers Cell, where if I prove not this
Let me be held a Traitour. Think on't. Farewell.
Exit Rog.
Sen.
To all this worlds content if this prove true.
Exit Sen.
Enter Philarchus as in the Closet.
Phi.
Fire, fire, where is't? O that my Gold would turn
To kindled fuel, or my rotten Bonds
Engender flame to burn themselves to ashes,
And thaw my frozen joynts. I quake for cold
Horn'd and sterv'd too, this 'tis for age to dote
Enter Engin.
En.
Heaven bless my Master, your Ague still upon you.
Phi.
O Engin, art thou come, lend me thy hand.
Have I it? tell me, for I have lost my feeling.
En.
Why, you have forgot the Lecture that I read you!
Nay then I see all labours lost on you.
What tremble at a sudden interruption?
VVhy, who'd have thought your wife had been so near?
'Twas a meer chance, for my pains despair not
That way has fail'd, but I have now invented
So sure a plot, so certain a soundation—
VVhy do you start at that should make you glad?
VVhy, this me thinks should raise and rally up
Your blasted spirits, and like an angry Ram
Make you retreat to run with greater force.
Phi.
Fa la la, la la fa, la la la, fa la.
Dances.
En.
Stampt like Bucephalus, agen, agen Sir.
O lechery in age what Monster art thou?
Phi.
Come lovely Phillis, since that thy will is—
En.
So does the shadow hurt the tender Grass
Or mornings dew suppress the opening flowers,
As does the nimble feet of young Philarchus
He dances whilest Engin talks.
[Page 33]Imprint their weight upon the fruitfull earth.
Phi.
I could now caper ore the Moon me thinks.
En.
Over an earthly Moon, (be rul'd by me)
And you shall presently.
Phi.
How? where? which way?
En.
How he inchants himself within the nooz?
Aside.
Such is my care and diligence to serve you,
Forgetfull of my self and all the world,
So I may purchase your high prized favour.
Phi.
My favour Engin.
En.
'Tis that I onely aim at:
And to give fire and level at my ends,
Hear Sir the cunningst plot wit ere found out:
This night, this night, this happy pleasant night
You are to meet at the holy Friers Cell,
The rarest Pidgeon, comfortablest Dove—
Phi.
But what affairs shall I pretend my Engin?
En.
Why, your wife with Senio your father in law,
Are both invited to Octavian's funeral:
Set out with them, 'twill be a good excuse;
And once being there, by me you shall beled
Where you shall finde—
Phi.
Such pastime, such delight.
En.
Wolf, how the meer conceit makes his Chaps mumble?
Why are you idle Sir? by this they are going.
Phi.
But for thy reward, nay, in faith thou shalt.
Gives him money,
En.
I have batter'd yet the Rock, if I do split.
Exeunt.
Enter Rogat and Frier.
Fr.
Yet I think it not unfit since all's prepar'd,
If you do make a second invitation.
Ro.
Doubtless he'l come.
Fr.
We must be certain, Rogat.
If Senio fail our enterprize is lost:
A minutes complement and they are ours.
Ro.
Since you will have it so I am content.
Exit Rog.
Fr.
Thus the wounds which bleeding were
Are now stopping by my care.
'Tis the glory of the Frier
[Page 34]To be Chorus in this Quire,
Where our sorrows are divorcing,
And no envy reinforcing.
Thus innocence at last shall wear the Crown,
When vice its self with her own hands plucks down.
Actus quintus. Scaena prima.
Enter Pinnario, Procus, Babilas, Valerio, Engin, as in the Friers Cell.
En.
Can it be possible that you should thus
Oppose my service and delude your self.
Pin.
What means the fellow?
En.
What does Valerio here?
Pin.
Why, he comes to tell thee he has forgot thy fault,
Upon condition to be partner with us.
His friend to his honest friend a Travailer,
'Las he'l do nothing but keep councel, he.
En.
Babilas I must then conclude their stay.
Aside.
I have it, excellent. How am I bound
And twice rewarded for this favour Sir?
But mediate for me Sir, Ile fit you all.
Pin.
Valerio a word.
En.
Good Sir be earnest.
Pin.
By all our friendship, and familiar love,
By valour, honour, faith and loyalty,
Forget, forgive, and here again receive
This trusty fellow.
En.
Sir, upon my knees.
Val.
Upon condition I may participate
En.
I have another Sir, on purpose for you.
Equal in all things to Pinnario's.
And see how it happens; two and two.
Val.
Good Engin?
En.
Sir, for the cause of my affront, but stay
Till I have praefac'd this small satisfaction
And I will shew you—
Val.
Hang all Repetitions,
[Page 35]'Twas a meer dream, thou never wrong'st me Engin.
En.
Concupiscence, what Cowards are thy slaves?
They go out and enter agen as being led by Engin in the dark Cave.
Gentlemen follow softly: not a word.
So, here stay you Sir with your noble friend,
But stir not for fear of losing, the Cave is wide
And dark: when you hear this inchanting melody,
Come Cloris hie we to to the Bower—
Speaking to Valerio and Bab.
That's the word to know your wench by.
Val.
Come Cloris hie we—
En.
And then you have her.
Your wench shall finde you out, you need not stir.
Speaking to Pin. and Pro.
When you have done I will conduct you forth,
But stir not till then, for Octavian's Hearse lies near,
If you should stumble at it, you are lost.
Mum not a word. Now comes your turn Philarchus.
Exit.
Enter Rogat, Senio, Philarchus, Aurelia.
Ro.
First Sir, I bid you welcome to my grief
Then to the unfolding of the strangest plot
The wicked ere invented, or Hell produc't.
Sen.
Sir, you amaze me with wonder, and yet still
Enter Engin
Draw or't a curtain to interpose the knowledg.
Ro.
Please you to enter, it soon shall be withdrawn.
Ex. Rog. Sen. Au.
Manet Engin, Philarchus.
Phi.
Now Engin, now, now are we left alone.
En.
Follow then softly, Ile finde you company.
Phi.
If I do not bore her, then cozen me agen.
En.
I will so Sir.
Phi.
How Engin, Cosin me?
En.
I will go Sir, I said.
Phi.
I cry thee mercy.
They go out and Engin leads him in again by the hand as into the dark Cave.
At his mercy now indeed. I hope she brings
Full sparkling ey-balls and a shining brow,
I scarce shall grope her else; so thick's the darkness.
But why may not this Engin here have an Engin
Subtilly prepar'd to wash my appetite
Rogat & Senio hearken behinde the Arras.
Pish, I am diffident, it cannot be
He means as plainly as I am full of wrinkles.
Sen.
Miraculous, this cannot be Philarchus.
Behinde the Arras.
[Page 36]Ro.
The end proves that, pray interrupt him not.
Exit Eng. and enter Fr. in his room, and brings with him Er. disguis'd like Au. Here the Frier counterfeits Eng. voice.
Fr.
Philarchus, Master, Master.
Phi.
Here, here.
Fr.
Take here then your Tassel gentle.
Phi.
Yes faith Ile warrant thee, & make her stoop too.
Fr.
You may be louder, Sir.
Phi.
But the old men.
Fr.
In the Friers Chappel, far enough from you.
Sir, strike on opportunity while she's here;
You may trail many a night for such a scent.
Well, my old Master expects me.
He makes as if he went out, but stays.
Phi.
My own own Engin, all the wealth I have:
Come my young Parsley-bed, come prithee kiss me.
Ro.
Now Sir it works.
Sen.
The Devil, 'tis the Devil:
My Daughter's wedded to a ramping Fiend.
Ro.
Youl justle all aside, peace and attend.
Phi.
Well said my nimble Doe: what thinks my wench?
If to stretch my pleasures to a large extent,
My Nightingale would warble forth a song.
Fr.
You must humour him, sing, sing any thing.
Enter Eng. with a dark Lanthorn & a sheet, and lies down in Octav. coffin.
En.
So, now to the cold Grave to rise agen
Eternally inrob'd with peacefull bliss.
Er.
Come Cloris, hie we to the Bower.
Val.
My sweet Decoy, I come, I come delight.
Fr.
Mischief upon him, he'l interrupt our sport.
Val.
Who's here, Pinnario?
Fr.
I, pox on't I.
The Frier counterfeits Pin. his voice.
Hinder me just in action, is this fair play?
Val.
Rail at the darkness prithee, and not at me.
All this while Phil. hears them talk in the Cave & trembles at it.
Who'd think your Quean should learn my Turtles note?
'Tis hellish dark, would I could finde my place agen
Prithee whistle Babilas that I may finde thee out.
Sen.
Hah, Babilas, my son a whore-master!
Enter Cun. disguiz'd like Au. she goes to Pin.
Ro.
But patience Sir, all will be known anon.
Pin.
Aurelia welcome, come weel make no words.
Phi.
O what an Ague shakes my unsavoury tongue?
And 'gainst my will makes me confess my self
[Page 37]A Knave, a Rogue, a most incestuous Villain.
Sen.
Say you so, say you so. Aurelia my wrong'd childe.
Phi.
Valerio, Pinnario, Babilas.
Here too skulks some body Valerio talkt to;
Welcome wives pounces, Engins staff and shield.
So you would thump me from this den of Devils.
Eng. from the coffin in a sheet.
En.
That, thats my Cue. In me Octavians Ghost
The Devils do salute thee, and have sent—
Phi.
Oh oh oh.
En.
The hungry sword that devourd his youthful bloud
To entertain thy putrefied intrails.
Fr.
Hah, Octavians Ghost!
Ba.
Octavians Ghost!
They are all frighted.
Cu.
A Ghost!
Pro.
Nay, the Devil shall part us ere we let thee go.
Fr.
How's this? My Cave the beaten Road of Lust?
Philarchus and his Trull?
Phi.
O Father, Father.
Fr.
Pinnario, Procus, Valerio, Babilas?
Om.
We'l all confess, good good Father forgive us,
And by your art remove this fearfull Ghost.
Fr.
Say you so too.
Phi.
All that I ever did
Since my day of birth; O oh my chattering teeth,
My quaking bowels, O.
Fr.
Then stand apart;
Speaks to the Ghost.
Brother of earth, and shadow of frail flesh,
By my holy Order I command thee speak,
What crimes on earth remit thy pains in Hell?
And gives thee licence, like Octavians Ghost
To trace the upper Region of us Mortals?
En.
Let me first suck away this old mans soul,
And Ile obey thee, or with my fiery eys
Flash him to ashes.
Phi.
O Father, Frier, Father.
Fr.
Speak, speak, or I will sink thy troubled Ghost
Unsatisfied into the cold earths womb.
En.
Let him confess then all the injuries,
[Page 38]The wrongs, the miseries, afflictions,
Abuses, terrours, fears, threats, and disgraces,
He ere did think, act, or intend to Aurelia;
Next let the knees of Babilas my foe
Bend at my feet, and there forgiveness ask,
To appease my wrathfull spirit.
Ba.
I do, I do.
En.
Aurelia now ith' arms of brave Pinnario,
I do bequeath as his.
Pin.
Bear witness, Father.
En.
He'l not confess. Let me foam Brimstone on him.
Phi.
O yes, good Devil, confess, Ile confess all.
En.
My time is short, be brief.
Phi.
Briefer than words.
Where's Engin, O that Engin, he has a Paper
Fill'd with my wrongs committed to Aurelia,
Which have been many, vile, notorious,
To the defiling of her name and bed.
En.
My nimble Ghost hath fetcht the paper already.
Shews a paper.
Is all this true? Swear, swear, thou worse than damn'd.
Phi.
By my present fears, by the mercy that I hope for
Ent. Ro. Sen.
En.
I come you houling Furies, make me way.
Exit.
Ro.
And we supply your room, nay you may enter,
The Ghost is vanisht.
Sen.
Shame of Gravity.
To Phil.
Phi.
Rogat and Senio? Infamy, disgrace:
Sir, make me not a shame to all the world;
I will repair the ruines I have made
With the best satisfaction of my life.
Dear wife (if I may call thee so) on my knees
I do intreat thy mediation.
Fr.
But I good Son,
Must not forget the appeasing of the Ghost.
Phi.
What means my Father still to talk of Ghosts?
Fr.
Yes, and his Ghost, till fair Aurelia
Be made Pinnario's will ever haunt thee.
Phi.
I do resign and freely give her up.
Enter Au. and Eng.
Pin.
Marry, and I will keep her. Ah sweet Mistris.
[Page 39]I knew I should arrive at last though long.
Enter Eng. with Au. Pin. stares to see Au. with En. pulls off her veil.
But where's this Engin, this dissembling Rogue?
En.
Here Sir, why stare you? you call'd me, did you not?
Pin.
Damn'd lying spirit, Aurelia with Engin?
What Snail hid in her slimy shell have I got?
Cunicula.
Cu.
Your own Sir, flesh and bone.
Pin.
Procus, Valerio, my constant friends,
Shall we still flatter and beguile our selves
With this base Varlets sauciness and pride,
So many evidences of our shame
As here are present: if we murder him,
Will say he merited that punishment:
Draw then, and on him.
They draw. Eng. pulls off his disguize.
Pro.
Rascal we'l mark your Carkase.
Dauph.
Why, Gentlemen, this rudeness is below
A Commons mutiny, or Sailers muster.
Om.
Dauphine!
Pro.
Were't thou the Ghost and thing that cheated us?
Dau.
Thank this white sheet and this disguise, I was;
Nay, tremble not, I am no Ghost, Philarchus,
Give you joy young Sir, and your fat wife Erotia.
Er. unveiled.
Om.
Erotia!
Sen.
Philarchus with a Bawd.
Phi.
Where shall I look? That I were blinde and deaf.
Ro.
Nay, all appears not yet, for that the world
May testifie how much Dauphine preferr'd
His brothers life before my fair Estate.
By Dauphines help behold Octavian safe.
Enter Oct.
Om.
Octavian!
Ro.
It is my Son alive, in health and lusty.
Pro.
By my great Boots as greatly joy to see thee.
Om.
So do we all.
Oct.
To all my humblest thanks.
And Gentlemen I soon will satisfie
Your longing expectation, give me first leave
To acquit my wrong'd Aurelia of this man.
Phi.
Now, now, I am slicing for the Devils breakfast.
[Page 40]Oct.
See here with his own hand registred
All the devices, plots, conspiracies,
To Aurelia offer'd.
Sen.
Ile reade them presently—
Oct.
Stay Sir, Aurelia now is mine agen,
I must not sow distast with my springing joys:
Let him but vow to obey this one command,
And thus his faults are torn.
Phi.
I do protest.
Oct.
Then I command and charge you to receive
This equal wife into your feeble arms;
Cherish, imbrace her, and both live honestly.
Phi.
Marry a whore.
Oct.
Then Ile proclame all.
Phi.
Hold noble just Octavian, I obey you.
Er.
And me to Giblets, Ile chip you into Mommocks else.
Phi.
So, so, Aurelia's cruelty in her too.
Dau.
Heark brother, pause a little; I have now
A happy occasion to advance my fortune:
You know I have but a small Annuity,
But all had been mine, had I not sav'd your life,
By acting Engin for you.
Oct.
Thou hast so nobly freed me from my fears
That I am onely poor in thanking thee,
Command what ere thou wilt.
Dau.
Heark then. You see Philarchus is so frighted
So asham'd, and fearfull of what you may discover,
That he'l do any thing so you be secret.
Faith, add one more command, and let it be
To settle on me two hundred pounds a year,
And then th'ast nobly recompenc'd thy brother;
I have a Bond here of twenty thousand pound
Ready ingrost to tie him to his promise.
Oct.
'Tis done, Ile warrant thee. Stay I recant,
Shall I be good to thee, conceal thy faults,
Marry thee to a fit wife, and all this
To thee my Enemy, yet reap no benefit?
Phi.
What a poor doting fool can give, receive.
[Page 41]Oct.
Then on my brother Dauphine engage to settle
Two hundred pounds a year, no words, but presently
Seal to perform it, else by my revenge—
Phi.
No big words, if you have mercy, what shall I do?
Two hundred pound, though dearer than my bloud,
Yet cheap enough to save my Reputation.
I do consent, give me the Bond, Ile seal.
Dau.
Father and Gentlemen your hands to witness.
Rog.
To what my son?
Dau.
A trifling thing call'd two hundred pounds a year
Philarchus here is bound to settle on me.
Ro.
How's that? My hand and blessing too.
Pro.
A lucky Rogue, and yet wears no great Boots.
Phi.
I deliver you this as my Act and Deed.
Seals.
Dau.
Why, so, this is a blessed end of Usury,
To purchase Land to bestow on younger brothers.
May all rich Citizens observe thy charity.
Sen.
Octavian as I rejoyce to see
Thy forgotten dust resume a shape agen,
So I lament the deprivation
Of Aurelia from thee and all men else.
Oct.
How's this?
Sen.
Alas, she's married to Philarchus.
Fr.
Hold Senio, and hear the Frier speak,
And from his words gather the union
Of these so long divorced pair of Lovers.
Walking abroad to taste the morning sweetness
A goary track of bloud made me a path
To the unwelcome place, where wounds lay gasping
Of a slain body, ghastly, stiff, disguiz'd
For fear of the Edict then new proclam'd:
I rais'd his body with my aged arms,
Bore him to be interr'd within my Cell,
But searching his wounds, and pulling off his Vizard,
(With pale fear daunted) I beheld his face,
Which me thought was colour'd with some hope of life;
In short such bounty Heaven lent my pains,
That with my Art I soon recall'd again.
[Page 42]His shrinking spirits. But he whose onely life
Was hid and cherisht in Aurelia's bosom
Bursts out loud cries for his Aurelia,
And that he fear'd, if's death were but suspected
Her father then would force her to Philarchus:
All comforts I administred were loathsom,
Unless Ide sweeten them with his Aurelia:
I found this grief was desperate, which made me
Send in all haste to Rogat and Aurelia,
And to be certain, and add joy to health,
(And with consent of Rogat and Aurelia,)
By my holy Order made them Man and Wife.
Se.
But why so long did you conceal the Marriage?
Fr.
Hearing Philarchus was the selected man,
And doubting least Octavians wounds might prove
Still mortal, and that Senio would not hazard
(On that account) his daughter to Octavian,
And that Philarchus Gold and solid outside
Should tempt and cozen you, grave Senio,
To give your daughter up to him she hated,
And on a fathers curse wed whom she abhorr'd.
(Asham'd to see an old man dote in love)
'Twas our invention, Dauphine thus disguiz'd
Should fright and terrefie Philarchus,
Unto a true confession of himself.
Se.
Why, then you married Aurelia and Octavian?
Fr.
I did.
Se.
And your pretence of Dauphines hot pursuit
In search of Babilas, was but suppos'd,
That so he might act Engin unsuspected.
Ro.
It was indeed.
Se.
My blessing, my blessing on you both.
Oct.
Now may I call thee twice mine bright Aurelia.
Fr.
Pinnario though young Octavians friend,
You have done ill, and grosly have betraid
In this poor wench even innocence it self,
It will agree with our conformity,
If you create Cunicula your wife.
[Page 43]Pin.
Troth now I am up, and for Octavians sake:
Dost hear Cunicula, after variety
Of bed-fellows, will one content thee? Ha?
Cun.
Yes, and my prayers for this conversion.
Fr.
How is my Cell blest?
Pro.
Nay, since all's lost, Ile to my Boots agen.
Oct.
Now to you Babilas, whose fortune 'twas
To glory in my conquest, let me tell thee,
Dauphine has fetcht mine honour back again
From thy friends bosom, and if you repine
Again, I dare thee to a second fight.
Ba.
No more contention unless it be in friendship:
Happy Octavian I beg thy love and pardon.
Oct.
Thou hast um back. Henceforth for ever friends.
Val.
Was Babilas the cause then of our quarrel?
Dau.
He was.
Ba.
Valerio and Dauphine then agree too.
Fr.
Ile mediate betwixt um: give me your hands,
Because in my opinion all are quit,
For what Octavian lost by Babilas
In Valerio's bloud was recompenc'd by Dauphine,
What Valerio suffer'd was before maintain'd
By the hand of Babilas. By the love and honour
For which you fought for, I command you:
Receive each others friendships to your bosoms.
Dau.
With my souls best power.
Embrace.
Val.
With joy and gladness.
Dau.
Pinnario and Procus I ask your pardon.
'Twas for my brothers Mistris I us'd you thus.
When you have a Mistris each of you command,
Both of us how or in what form you please.
Pro.
And by my great Boots thou wilt act it rarely.
Well. Since 'twas for a handsom Lass, Dauphine,
And on condition of the like assistance
For me, when I shall need thee. Let's embrace.
Pin.
On the same terms then let us all embrace.
Here all imbrace.
Om.
For ever real, hearty and true Friends.
Se.
To make this union stronger, let me entreat
[Page 44]You all would honour my poor house this night,
And taste a supper season'd with your welcom.
Omnes.
We all consent.
Frier.
Take then thy fair one in thy arms,
And Saints protect ye from all harms;
Pinnario with Cuniculu,
Philarchus with Erotia,
Valerio, Babilas, and Procus, they
Shall be the Bridemen of this day;
Dauphine with his new purchase then
The rare alms of a Citizen;
Wise Rogat with grave Senio,
And last my self the Frier too.
All to my Chappel then away
To those delights which shew the day.
Thus flourish shall the just, and still increase,
Till death them crown with everlasting peace.
Exeunt omnes.
EPILOGUE.
TIs done without Amen, or superstition,
Popes Bull, or the Committees inquisition:
What think ye now of Plays? Abominable:
Or is't 'cause you want wit to unfold a Fable,
Pick out the Allegory, drive the sense
Where the Plot aims it: that your benevolence
Should clap us, and our mouths up. Confess, confess;
You would be something, and 'gainst Plays you press,
To be prickt down as States-men, not because
You do conceive um hurtfull, but will make Laws,
To undo the Gallants pastime of the Land:
Beats down because you cannot understand.
Slow Readers, look upon the Roman State,
Whose high built frame the stars durst emulate,
And look as far as they. Ask Livie there,
How many worthies grac'd her Theatre:
They whose civility hath nurst us all;
Thought um most holy, stil'd um Tragical,
From their Gods Sacrifices. And must we,
Whose pollish'd Scene purg'd from obscenity
By Poets flaming fancies, whose bright rays
Consume scurrility, and fix the Bays
With us to fan profaness, drive away
Light chaff, that in pure colours, Scenes display.
When plots work high with contradictions fill'd,
Amazing you, how are they reconcil'd?
Must we I say be censur'd? Why 'tis your nature
To gaze at new things, adore the fashions altar.
No, more resist your own opinions. We
Will dress our Scenes with various novelty,
And teach you wit enough for eighteen pence
Above the reach of the Common Councils sense.
Try and persever, if you finde this true,
Silence your errours, and we are quit with you.
FINIS.