SUrely, when he drew this Character, he never thought of the Greeke Alphabet, for the very remembrance of these two Chara­cters, ד and ח might have then given him a sufficient admonition, to beware of such virulent extravagancie: But I wonder at his ambition, since having merited the Laurell in this famous Univer­sitie, he could not be content, but would still aspire to become a Graduate in the triple Academie, and to put on Doctor Stories Cap, with a Wreath of a more igno­minious and fatall consequence, then that which he first aimed at: But since he hath pleased himselfe, and his Partie, by acting the old Comedie è Plaustro, to the scandall of our Honourable Senate, it is requisite also, that by acting the old Tragedie in the Cart, be should satisfie justice. But though his tongue hath extremely transgressed the limits of Truth, Modestie, and Loyalty, yet I hope that the hearts of his Judges will demonstrate mercy.

He labours about the pedigree of a Diurnall, as that [Page 2] Conventus Asinorum, or Colledge of Heralds, were wont to sweat about derivation of the descent of some vaine-glorious Novice, from Godfrey of Bulleyn, or Ieffrey of Aniou; but not improperly, though unwittingly, he calls it the Parliaments Booke of Maccabees, for the Maccabees (we know) were the Heroick Vindicators of the Iewish Lawes and Liberties, from tyrannicall vio­lence and crueltie. I confesse, I find in Diurnals no such politique maximes, as be in Tacitus his Annals, nor doe I accompt them so authentique as Livies Decades; yet expe­rience shewes, that they usually render so much truth, as will make the most clamorous Malignant as silent as a Seriphian frog, and appeare with a face as ill as his heart; yea, make him looke like vanquished Marsyas, bring him into such an Epilepsie of melancholy, that none can helpe him but his white Witch Aulicus, who applying a fictitious charme, cures him as well as dancing doth those which are stung with a Tarantula. He tells us of the miracle of Zealand, but I wonder more at this of Cleveland; who hath here a more numerous birth of monstrous and desperate conceits in one sheet, then the Countesse of Meurs had conceptions betweene two: but such prodigious births, may prove as fatall to the one as to the other.

He saith, that the house of Commons sit as Judges of the twelve Tribes of Israel: but he is much mistaken in his accompt, for they judge onely two Tribes, viz. Su­perstitious Levi, and the Malignant Tribe of Dan. These two Tribes were the principall sticklers in the erection and adoration of the Calfe in Horeb: ought they not therefore to be judged? He calls the Parliament the Kingdomes Anatomie, in stead of the Kingdomes Epi­tome; and this is one of Will Toolyes mistakes.

[Page 3]He brands our Assembly of Divines with the reproach­full tearme of Empericks, and twits them for thumbing of Diurnalls: I should rather have thought they might have beene taunted for thumping of Pulpits then thumb­ing of Diurnalls: But I dare assert, that for the mysticall Urim and Thummim, wherewith every Minister ought to be qualified, these whom he tearmes Empericks, and spi­rituall Dragooneers, doe as farre surpasse their pontifi­call Canoneers, and Cathedrall Recluses, as Swans doe Geese.

He saith, that the State staleth blood; and here, he is in the right: for both Church and State have endured many terrible fits of the Stone, and Strangury, ever since their partie obstructed those passages, by which the evacuation of excrementitious abuses should be made.

He compares the Diurnallists, and Aulicus, to the Divell, and the Exorcist, or to a blacke and a white Witch; but more properly, they may be represented in Ocnus and his Asse: for the Diurnallists twists ropes of discourses, and that Oxford Asse devoures them, and they proving very hard in concoction; he refunds them to his Malignants, which licke them up with as much greedi­nesse, as the smaller Poets doe Homers Vomit. But if he will needs make Aulicus a Witch, he shall be a Witch of Lapland, for he envelopes Malignant aire in paper, as they doe winds in clouts.

This Naturall would bind politicall affaires to a physicall condition, and therefore out of the abundance of ignorance, and loyaltie, he impleades the Parliament of bastardie; not considering that Regall power, in relati­on to the publike good, is ever consistent with the autho­ritie of the Parliament, howsoever his Majestie be in per­son [Page 4] absent, or in will averse: therefore whatsoever ordi­nances, tending to the preservation or benefit of the Common-Wealth, shalbe concluded on in his absence, they are to be accompted legitimate, according to that infallible rule, Salus populi suprema lex esto. Thus are our Ordinances no subventanious, or abortive births, but reall, mature, and Herculean Infants, destin'd and brought forth, to strangle those Serpents, sent out by Malignant Iuno, to destroy our Religion, and Liberties.

He compares our Militia to Mars, who was borne without a father: but their Oxford Militia may more aptly be compared to the pernicious Cockatrice, who is hatched without a mother: As for our Parliament Votes, they are the same in effect with the Romanae Sena­tus consultum, which had the validitie of a law a long time, even under their most tyrannicall Emperours. Nor can he really prove what he impudently would inferre, by his triviall comparison of the Sexton and his Clock.

How exactly this Pedantique Heteroclite hath learned the Popish tricke of disavowing of those mischiefes, which are evidently and truely theirs, the births of their damnable Plots have justly merited such Midwives as were cruelly obtruded upon the Hebrew women: But since they have proved as ridiculous as the labours of the mountaines, or the nativitie of a cushion, we must there­fore (next to God) thanke our vigilant Patriots at West­minster, whom unworthily, and wickedly, he asperseth with the opprobious appellation of Players and scenical Actors: wherefore, I may justly here retort upon him the Psalmists reproofe; Thy tongue imagineth wickednesse, and with lyes thou cuttest like a sharpe rasor: thou hast loved all words that may doe hurt, oh thou false tongue, &c. This Sophister will acknowledge no Plots, because [Page 5] they were never fully effected: but had they succeeded according to their desires, then no doubt they should have bin justified with as much audacitie, as they are now disavowed with impudence. I skip his Skippers and his Taylors, and bid him look upon the Plot of drawing up the Northerne Armies, and upon that which tended to the apprehension or assassinate of the six Members, on that of Waller, Tompkins, and Chaloner: these were no Chi­maera's, no personated Devils. But I wonder not so much at the shamelesse confidence of many, since some, who were Actors, have appeared so wretchedly obdurate, that the Ladder or Scaffold could not put them in mind of a true remorse, or penitent confession.

If all Array-men were with Canterbury, and the Lyons, the Kingdome might be at quiet; the dormant Articles need no cramping: they will awake soone enough, to wait upon Justice, and (I feare) before Canterbury be ready for his Voyage.

Names are but accidents; yet our Sword and Scepter have beene most frequently glorious, in the Name of Henry: but I am afraid, the wicked counsels of some will make the Name of Charles sadly ominous. His sup­position of Isaac, and the Corne-cutter, is a ridiculous and prophane excrescence of the Cornucopia of his wit, therefore this fellow seemes rather to deserve a Crowne-cutter, then he to need a Corne-cutter; or he may better merit to be furnished with a Scale, though not according to his Votes, yet befitting his deserts.

Don Quixote deserves the patronage of these errant Cavaliers, who though they have not Valour enough to fight with Wind-mills, yet they have wit enough to plunder them. This fellow ought to retract his incon­gruities, for our Senatours are Men of the long Robe, [Page 6] and therefore uncapable of that appellation which be­longed to that fantastique sonne of Mars. As for Foxes, it is most certaine, that there be none more noxious to our State then Spanish Foxes, and a Brace of these wee have runne to ground at Oxford, where we hope (ere long) they shall be unkennell'd by our Terriers.

He thus having sufficiently play'd upon our conscript Patriots, proceeds in a second part, to the same Tune, (through the invincible boldnesse of his obstreperous Goose-quill) to calumniate our Militarie Officers; and he begins with the Earle of Stamford, saying, that the people tooke him for one that danced a Morris, &c. but hee was mistaken in the peoples opinions, for they were more sadly sensible of another, who more properly may be sayd to have danc'd the Morris in the West, though he danc'd Lachrymae before Lyme.

The proprietie of Bankes his Horse seemes to be in their great Atturney, and the Caparison of a Sergeants Gowne sutes the condition of that ingenious Jade better then a great Saddle. The loyaltie of their Cornish Ca­valiers merites Monuments of Ginger-bread, and the vertue of their Welch Worthies Statues of tosted Cheese. Our masculine devoires admit no female Committees; though their Affaires depend too much upon the capa­citie of that Sex. Hee contemptuously measures his Lordship by Saint Pauls stature, and imagines that Va­lour dwells onely in Carrack of Flesh. Hee sayth, that this Lord (by the helpe of a Diurnall) routed his ene­mies, at fiftie miles distance: I know not what Panick feare those Westerne Choughes might apprehend from his Lordships Name; for this hath heretofore beene very formidable to the Adversaries of our State, there­fore I suspend my unbeleefe. But I have heard, that [Page 7] Prince Rupert (by the helpe of Aulieus) routed our Northerne Armie, for which Victorie they made Bone­fires at Oxford; and yet I am certaine, that this storie was more remote from truth, then his Lordship was from Hopton, when he was routed: but these are onely the slips of Fame, and not to be insisted on by the super­lative wit of an Universitie. His Lordships prowesse needs no Paracelsian Sword, neither is the Valour of his Adversaries onely to be abated by a Magicall Antidote; but the Weapon-Salve would have been a precious com­moditie among them after Modbury field, where we made much worke for their Chirurgians; and there Sir Ralph Hopton was taught to relinquish the vertue of his hands, and to be beholding to the activitie of his heeles for his preservation.

But (saith he) the Squibbe is run to the end of the rope: this is a miscellaneous sentence, for though the Squibbe be ridiculous, yet the end of the rope is as fatall as the scissours of his Lady Atropos. He enveighes against Sir William Waller, and his companion in Armes, and by a scurrilous comparison seekes to imbase their approved worth, but his slandrous language is a most forcible ar­gument of their Valour and fidelitie. The Mountebanke and Zany, are a paire of couples fit for his Court Spa­niels, and nothing pertinent to heroick fraternities.

Nor can the Translators of the Psalmes escape his ex­travagant madnesse, but they must have a lash for their pious endeavours.

He would make Sir Ralph Hopton (in this respect) cōpa­rable to some of their Clergy; these have Pluralities of Livings, & he must have a Plurality of Lives: Indeed, when it was reported he was beaten, the world (who til then had such a strong opinion of his Valour) presently gave him [Page 8] for dead, for few could be perswaded that this flower of Chivalrie would ever have condiscended to make his Spurs of honour accessorie to an ignominious flight; yet since that, he hath more then once given them occasi­ons to alter their opinions, But though the naturall life can be lost but once, yet there is a morall life which con­sists in honour & reputation, & this merits more esteem then that which is annexed to flesh and blood; but the same may be lost more then once: and in this regard, their Champion of the West was slaine both by the Earle of Stamford and Sir William VValler:

This Fellowes tearmes are such, that he seemes rather to have beene brought up among the scumme of rascali­tie, then in a Nurserie of manners and Arts, but a time may come when he may be called to answer for all his barbarous incivilities, and that rude paronomasie, and other abuses most intemperately vomited against the name and person of his Excellency.

He mentions Round-VVay-Downe, where the Valour of Sir William Waller was more conspicuous, then his disa­ster notorious; for after he had given Hopton severall en­counters & defeates, and forced him to take Sanctuary in the Devizes, after he had slaine Greenvile their Cornish A­chilles, with many of his Myrmidons: I say, after he had reduced Hopton to such a desperate condition, that he must have beene surprised within the space of 24 houres, he was unexpectedly charged by a fresh Brigade, and so was constrained to leave his prey, retreating without a­ny singular losse.

This Fellowes malice hath transported him into such an extasie, that he not onely labours to scandalize good men and their laudable actions, but to abuse holy Scrip­ture, yea even the most sacred part of the Scripture, the [Page 9] Gospel it selfe: and therein that mystick word of gratu­lation which was applied to our most glorious Saviour in his tryumphant Entrata into Hierusalem, this holy be­nediction he distorteth to his ludibrious purpose in a blasphemous manner. Names are but circumstantiall ad­juncts, and nothing pertaining to the essence of sanctity; yet certainly, a Christian may more decently beare a name borrowed from the Hebrews, then the heathen, and our most frequent names come from them, as Iohn, Tho­mas, &c. yea Dionysius of Alexandria, an ancient Father of the Primitive Church, saith plainly; That as we ought to strive to imitate the actions of the Apostles, so we ought to give their names unto our infants, that the same may put them in mind to follow the examples of those pious men whom they so nearely resemble in their names: but how absurdly this pedantique Drole would inferre, that his Majestie may lawfully make use of the Irish Rebells, because the List of Generall Cromwells Regiment con­sists of Hebrew names, for he vainly pretends, that the imposion of an exotick name may translate a person to the condition of an Alien. I am not acquainted with Ge­nerall Cromwells person, therefore I could never observe the posture of his neck: but this I know, that the most no­ble and glorious Commander which the world ever had carried his neck awry. It is true that, or his complexion, or his Valour, so dazled their young Eagle, that he durst not looke him in the face at Long-Marston, but it was his bloody Sword, not his bloody Beake, which made them run almost toward every point of the Compasse.

Images in Churches are obnoxious to Superstitious abuses, and therefore may be justly taken away or demo­lished; but from violation of Monuments, or distur­bance of the repose of the dead, I confidently beleeve, [Page 10] his hands are as cleare as his accusers tongue is guilty of a slanderous aspersion; but were he faultie of what is layd to his charge, yet I doubt not, but he might procure a Certificate under Prince Ruperts hand, that he dares fight against creatures of a more lively constitution, then Images or Statues. He speakes of a running banquet, and surely he meanes that which Generall Cromwell invi­ted his Highnesse and the Marquesse of New-Castle to, at Long-Marston, when Generalls and Lieutenant Generalls ran like Lance-spessado's, or Irish Foot-men; some fled Westward, as if they meant to take Sanctuarie in the Divels—of peake; and some Eastward, never turning head till they had measured the breadth of the Germane Ocean. As for his whistling to the Cambridge Commit­tee, I beleeve it is an expression of more sense and hone­sty, then the tongue of this back-biter can deliver, or his heart imagine, and he that reads him backward or for­ward, shall find him valiant and faithfull, if he construes him rightly. Rifling of Colledges, and demolishing of Churches, are false imputations of that bleare-ey'd ma­lice which cannot distinguish abuses from things: Sacri­ledge is not entailed upon him, but Religion, Vertue, and the Spirit of Reformation runs in his blood: For as his noble Ancestor overthrew those Houses of Supersti­tion, Sloth, and Sensualitie, so he labours to purge Ca­thedrals of those abuses which threaten ruine to true Re­ligion: But this Fellow, out of his iniquitie, or weak­nesse of judgement, takes Reformation for Robbery, and it may concerne him in time to crave the benefit of the Clergie, which will hardly be granted, because he hath made such bad use of his learning; but there can be no greater benefit, both to the Clergie and Laitie, then a true Reformation.

[Page 11]His personall Reproaches speake him rather to be one of the Assembly at Billinsgate, then a member of our Universitie. Whether it were the Holynesse of Man­chester, or the Vigilancie of Cromwell, that defeated their unsanctified Crew so often, we need not examine, since we know they have beene almost as fatall to those Punick Cavaliers, as those two Roman Thunderbolts of Warre were to the Adversaries of their Common-wealth; and it hath appeared, that Michael and the Lord of Hostes have beene their Assistants. The Earle of Manchesters Victories amply prove the unanimitie of his Souldiers, and their Divisions are but the Devices of this fellowes malignant condition: it makes much for the credit of his partie, to call those who have so frequently beaten them, a companie of winking Cowards. He rayles a­gainst the breakers of Monuments, yet spits Venome on the ashes of the dead: He argues, as if Vertues and Vices were hereditarie things, and like an absolute Pelagian, he goes about to derive Religious Sanctitie from a naturall cause, so corrupt is his Divinitie. Neither his Lordship nor the Scottish Mysts are so noxious to the eyes of this Kingdome, as their French and Spanish Mysts, for these have almost put out the eyes of both King and King­dome. As for the knowing loyaltie he speakes of, it is but a meere pedantick Heresie in policie, cryed up by their Pontificall Rabbies, against Conscience, because it is a support of their Lordly Dignities; and most of the light-headed Levites follow the example of their Reve­rend Bel-weathers. His Lordship hath no way appeared an enemie to Learning, but to Ignorance and Superstiti­on, personated with Religion and Learning, and his Trea­sons are nothing else but the fictitious Idaea's of this fellowes malignant imagination, who in this slanderous [Page 12] aspersion hath approved himselfe to be an arch-traytor to Truth.

The Accompt of his Lordships Victories is written in the bloud of his Adversaries, and this Balaam hath not prophesied in vaine; so often hath our Christian Knight defeated those swearing Nimrods, and Pagan Cavaliers. As for Losses (thanks be to God) they out-vye us ten for one; but the innocent bloud spilt by their Irish Auxili­aries still cryes for Vengeance, and shall doubtlesse be heard: Those savage Villaines, that merit interdiction of fire and water, are reputed good Catholique subjects, while others, of singular integritie and loyaltie toward God, their King and Countrey, are called barbarous Re­bels: Videat Deus, & judicet.

In his wonted scurrilitie, he taxeth Sir William Brereton and Sir Iohn Gell, Gentlemen of approved worth and va­lour, whose fortunate and Heroick actions justly give the Lye to his opprobrious appellation. The first of these, hath beene a terrible slaughter-man to their Irish Cani­bals, and shewed himselfe a tall trencher-man at divers bloudie breakfasts which he gave to those uncivill guests. As for his resemblance of the Beast, it is onely a fallacie of this detractors vitiated fancie.

He is so seasoned with malignancie, that goodnesse in others, to him seemes miraculous: it is an Aenigma to his dunghill spirit, that noble Fairfax should stand up in Vindication of Religion, from Atheisme and Supersti­tion, and the Common-wealth from a Tyrannicall and Arbitrarie Power. He might have spared his distinction of a personall and a politicall capacitie, for his Lord­ship is no creature of a double shape, no Centaure, but the very Hercules, or Theseus, that combates those Cloud-bred Monsters. He somewhat strangely compares his [Page 13] Lordship to an Aegyptian Chicken; but we must adde too, that he is of a generous kind, for their fiercest Lions tremble at his voyce.

Me thinkes he should forbeare to call Generall Browne Wood-monger, because this very tearme might make them call to mind, how often he hath cudgel'd their Mili­tia, even from the Generalissimo to the Corporall.

All good men can attest, that there was need of a Re­formation both in Church and State, which before this time might have beene happily perfected by the Parlia­ment, if they had not beene maliciously interrupted by those Babylonian Sanballats.

The name of Tinker may be most properly applyed to their Cornish Mettall-men, those subterraneous spirits of darknesse, whom they have raysed from the Westerne Stannaries; or to those Irish Rogues, whom those Oxford Foxes, Cottington and Digby, have sent for over to hammer in pieces both Church and State, so they may accomplish their wicked ends and purposes.

He hath very charitably translated the name of Rebels, from his Consorts the bloudie Irish, to his innocent Protestant Brethren: but the justnesse of our Cause is warrantable both by the Fundamentall Lawes of our Kingdome and Divine Ordinances; therefore we confi­dently retort upon him and his Faction the name of Rebels with more bitter reproach; then he can or ever could fixe the same upon us, that endeavour to be found really loyall to God, our King, and Kingdome. Our Victories have not beene Magicall, but truly Martiall: At Edge-Hill it was evident, that the epithete of Invincible was as vainely applyed to their formidable Cavaliers, as to the Spanish Armado in 88. At Newbury we did cut out our passage by dint of Sword, and march over [Page 14] their bellyes. Neere Yorke wee totally routed their numerous Miscellanie, and layd thousands upon the ground: Therefore I know not what his Triumvirate of Bladders can more genuinely imply, then those three Puffes of Nobilitie which were prick'd at New­bury.

As for our Fancies, they are firme and sound; but Hee, and his partie, are impostumated Members of this Common-wealth, and incurable (I feare) without incision, or abscission.