Apothegmes:
AN old Mass-Priest in the dayes of Hen. 8. reading in English after the Translation of the Bible, the mircale of the five loaves and two fishes, when he came to the verse that reckoneth the number of the guests, he paused a little, and at last said, they were about 500; the Clerk whispered into the Priests eares, that it was 5000; but the Priest turned back, and replied with indignation, Hold your peace, sirrah, we shall never make them believe they were 500.
Aristides said, concerning the Elegance of the City of Smyrna, that no man, except he which shall see it, will be drawn to believe it.
The Savages, an English Family, held Ardes (in Ireland) long in possession, amongst whom there goeth a great name of Him, who said no less stoutly than pleasantly, when he was moved to o build a Castle for his defence, that he would not trust to a castle of stones, but rather to a [Page 2] castle of bones. Meaning his own body.
Columbane, a Monk of Ireland, when Sigebert King of the Frankners, dealt very earnstly with him, and that by way of many fair and large promises, that he should not depart out of his Kingdom: Answered him, That it became not them to embrace other mens riches, who for Christs sake had forsaken their own.
Porpherie, in regard of the many tyrants rising up in his dayes in Britain, cried out in these terms, Britain a foolish Province of tyrants.
St. Ambrose in his Funeral Sermon of Theodosius, cryeth out in these terms: that Eugenius and Maximus (who had five years usurped the Empire) by their woful example, doe testifie in hell what a heavy thing it is to bear arms against their Natural Prince.
Of this Maximus it is said, that he was a valiant man, victorious, and worthy the title of Augustus, but that against his allegiance he had by way of tyranny and usurpation attained the place.
Homer saith of one that had a misfortune, It was because he did not honour his Parents.
Upon a triumph, all the Emperor Severus's Souldiers, for the greater pomp, were to put on Crowns of Bayes; but one Christian there was amongst them which wore it on his arm; and being demanded the reason, boldly answered: It becomes not a Christian to be crowned in this life.
Arnobius was wont to say, that persecution brings death in one hand, and life in the other; for while it kills the body, it crowns the soul.
The Empress Eudoxia, sending a threatning [Page 3] message to Chrysostom, (for boldly reproving her) He answered, Go tell her I fear nothing but sin.
Justus Jonas said of Luther, that he could have of God what he pleased.
Epaminondas being asked what was the greatest joy he ever had in the world, He said Leutrica Victoria, the Battel of Leutrick.
Rocardus, King of Frisland, being by Wolfranius perswaded to be Baptized, having one foot in the Font, the other out, asked Wolfranius where went the most part of his Predecessors that were not Baptized? To hell, said Wolfranius; then Rocardus drew his foot out of the Font, saying, It was best following of the greatest company.
The Devil meeting with a devout Hermit, asked him three questions: First, what should be the strangest thing that God made in a little frame? He answered, a mans face. The second, Where was the Earth higher than all the Heavens? Where Christs body, born of the Virgin Mary, was adored of Angels and Archangels. The third, what space was between Heaven and Earth? Thou knowest best (said the Hermit) which wast from Heaven thrown down to the Earth.
L. Silla finding his souldiers timerous, and fearful to fight with Archelaus, M [...]hridates General, drew out his sword, and said, You souldiers that mean to fly to Rome, tell them at Rome, that you left Silla your General, fighting in the midst of the Battel, with the enemies in Boetia.
Philipides the Poet, refused to be of King Lysimachus Counsel, that when the King said to [Page 4] him, What wilt thou that I give unto thee? Nothing (said the poor Poet) but onely this, that I may not be of thy Council.
In a publick meeting with all the Princes of Germany, at Wormatia; where the Duke of Saxon first preferring his mettals, and rich veins of earth: the Duke of Bavaria much commending his strong and brave Cities and Towns: and the Duke Palatine of his wines, and fertility of his lands: the Duke of Wittenbergh said, I can lay my head, and sleep upon the lap of any of my subjects I have abroad in the field, every where. Huic facile concedite palmam (said Maximilian the Emperor) Give him the palm.
Themistocles being asked whose Oration he would hear? Even him (said Themistocles) that can best set forth my praise, and advance my fame.
Isocrates repeating an Oration of Demosthenes his adversary, at Rhodes, they of Rhodes much delighting therein, and much commending the Oration that Isocrates made, though he was enemy to Demosthenes, was forced against his will to say to the people, What if you had heard the beast himself pronouncing his own Oration?
Julius Caesar seeing certain men of Apulia, in Rome, carrying Apes upon their arms, playing, asked the men, If they had no women in Apulia to get children to play withal.
Diogenes, when he saw mice creeping for some crums to his table, would say, Behold, Diogenes also hath his parasites.
Lewis the 10th. was wont to brag of his own Kingdom of France, that it far exceeded all other [Page 5] Kingdoms, wanting but one thing; and being requested to know what that was, he answered, Truth.
The great Antiochus brought Hannibal to his treasures, and shewed him his gold, his silver, his wealth and treasures, and asked him if all that would not please the Romans? Yea, said Hannibal, it would please the Romans, but not satisfie the Romans.
A Councellor of State, said to his Master the King of Spain, that now is, upon occasion: Sir, I will tell your Majesty thus much for your comfort, your Majesty hath but two enemies; whereof the one is all the World, and the other is your own Ministers.
Domitian perceiving many of his Predecessors in the Empire to be hated, asked one, how he might so rule, as not to be hated? the party answered, Tu fac contra: By not doing what they did.
When M. Cicero stood for the Consulship of Rome, Q. Cicero wished him to meditate on this, Novus sum, Consulatam peto, Roma est.
Alexander having a souldier of his name▪ that was a coward, He bad him either leave off the name of Alexander, or be a souldier.
A brave Roman Captain told his souldiers, That if they could not conquer Britain, yet they would get possession of it, by laying their bones in it.
It was a smart answer which Mr. Durant, a witty and learned Minister of the Reformed Church of Paris, gave a Lady of suspected chastity, (and since revolted) when she pretended the hadness of the Scripture: Why, [Page 6] said he, Madam, What can be more plain, then, Thou shalt not commit adultery.
It was the saying of the dying Emperor Julian, He that would not die when he must, and he that would die when he must not, are both of them cowards alike.
Aristippus told the Sailers, that wondred why he was not, as well as they, afraid in the storms, that the odds was much▪ For they feared the torments due to a wicked life, and he expected the rewards of a good one.
It was cold comfort Diogenes gave a lewd liver, that banished, complained he should die in a forreign soil. Be of good cheer man, wheresoever thou art, the way to hell is the same.
It was the admonition of dying Otho to Cocceius, Neither too much to remember, nor altogether to forget, that Caesar was his Ʋncle.
Isocrates, of a Scholar full of words, asked a double Fee, One, he said, to learn him to speak well, another to teach him to hold his peace.
Euripides, when he brings in any woman in his tragedies, makes them alwayes bad: Sophocles in his tragedies maketh them alwayes good: whereof when Sophocles was asked the reason; he made this answer, Euripides, saith he, represents women as they be, I represent them as they ought to be.
Sir Henry Wotton was wont to say of Sir Philip Sydneys wit, that it was the very measure of congruity.
Having in Italy acquaintance with a pleasant Priest, who invited him one evening to hear their Vesper musick at Church; the Priest seeing Sir Henry standing obscurely in a corner, [Page 7] sends to him by a boy this question writ in a small piece of paper: Where was your Religion to be found before Luther? To which Sir Henry Wotton presently under-writ, My Religion was to be found then, where yours is not to be found now, in the written word of God.
To another that asked him whether a Papist may be saved? He replied, You may be saved without knowing that; look to your self.
To another that was still railing against the Papists, he gave this advice, Pray Sir forbear, till you have studied the points better: for the wise Italians have this Proverb, He that understands amiss▪ concludes worse.
To one being designed for the office of an Embassador, requesting from him some experimental rules for his prudent and safe carriage in his Negotiation, Sir Henry Wotton gave this for an infallible Aphorisme; That to be in safety himself, and serviceable to his Country, he should alwayes, and upon all occasions speak the truth; for, said he, you shall never be believed, and by this meanes your truth will secure your self, if you shall ever be called to any account, and it will also put your adversaries (who will still hunt counter) to a loss, in all their disquisitions and undertakings.
He directed this sentence onely to be inscribed on his Tomb-stone; Hic jacet hujus sententiae Author. Disputandi pruritus fit Ecclesiarum scabies.
Bolislaus the 4th. King of Poland, who bearing the picture of his Father, hanged about his neck in a plate of gold, when he was to speak, or doe any thing of importance, he took his [Page 8] picture, and kissing it, said, Dear Father, I wish I may not doe any thing remissly, unworthy of thy name.
A gentile spirit said to an old man, who caused his grisly hairs to be painted with the lustre of green youth: Poor fool, although thou couldst deceive the whole world with thy hair, yet death well knoweth they are grey. Sit te Proserpina canem.
It is said, a French King enquiring one day of a Wise-man, after divers instructions to govern himself, and guide his Kingdome, this Wise-man took a fair large sheet of paper, and for an infinite number of precepts, which others use to produce upon this subject, he onely wrote this word: Modus, measure, or mean.
One who having lived free from the bonds of mariage, caused to be set on his Tomb, Vixit sine impedimento, He lived without hinderance.
A mother grieving for the death of her son, said, That all her evil came from loving too much what she might lose. Amabam miser a periturum, &c.
An old humourist vapouring once that women had no souls, was answered by a modest Lady: Sure, Sir, you are deceived, for I can produce a good text to the contrary, My soul doth magnifie the Lord: and it was a woman that spoke it.
Isocrates had an excellent wit, notwithstanding finding himself destitute of countenance, gesture, and confidence, he never durst to speak in publique, contenting himself to teach, even to his decrepit dayes, and commonly saying, He taught Rhetorick for a 1000 Rials, but would give more than 10000 to him who would teach him confidence.
[Page 9]It was the saying of Lewis the French King, to Henry the third of England, who asking him (in those times of implicit faith) whether he would goe sooner, to the Eucharist, or to a Sermon? He answered, I had rather see my friend, than hear him onely spoken of.
One said that Aristotles School was a great Scold.
It was not said improperly of him, who having passed his grand Climacterique, That he was got loose from his unruly passions, as from so many lyons and wolves.
A French Baron, not long since, meeting two Capuchins going bare-foot in cold frosty weather, with their scrips upon their backs a begging, and knowing them to be Gentlemen of a good Family, he said, How grossly are these men cozen'd if there be no heaven.
An Italian Prince being upon his death-bed, and comforted by his friends, touching the joys of the other world, whereunto he was going, he fetched a deep sigh, and said, Oh! I know what's past, but I know not what's to come.
There is a saying fathered upon Paul 3d. when he lay upon his death-bed, that shortly he should be resolved of two things, Whether there be a God and Devil, or whether there be a heaven and hell?
When a rare Italian Statuary offered Rh. 2d. of Spain, that without expence to the King, he would set up his Majesties arms and portraicture over the gates of every City in Lombardy, the King commending the mans good will, answered, He had rather have a workman, that with [Page 10] any expence whatsoever, could set up his image in Heaven.
When the souldiers demanded a donative of Galba, he answered, That he used to choose, not to buy souldiers.
Vespasian was not moved with the scoffs of Demetrius Cynicus, but slighted them, saying, I use not to kill barking dogs.
Domitian punished Informers, saying, That not to punish such, was to encourage them.
Trajan delivered his sword to the Captain of the Guard, willing him to use it for him, if he did well, but against him, if otherwise.
Antonius Pius, Emperor, comming to see Omulus his house, he enquired whence he had his marble pillars? Omulus answered, that in another mans house he should be both deaf and dumb.
When Julia, Mother-in-law to Caracalla (whom he married) told him he was too prodigal, he laid his hand on his sword, saying, I shall never lack money, so long as this is with me.
Julian robbed the Church of her Revenues, telling the Clergy that they should be the fitter for Heaven, because it is written, Blessed be the poor.
Tyberius Constantinus, Co-Emperor with Justin, when Sophia the Empress reproved him, as being too prodigal in his bounty to the poor: He answered, that he should never want wealth on earth, as long as he had laid up treasures on earth, by relieving the poor.
Maximilian the Emperor, was wont to say, to compel the conscience, is to force heaven.
[Page 11]It was not ill answered of Merope, to King Polyphontes, who therefore kill'd his brother, because he had entertained a purpose to have killed him: You should only have done the same injury to him, which he did to you; you should still have had a purpose to kill him.
Aquinas was once asked, with what compendium a man might best become learned? He answered, By reading one Book.
A great Italian General, seeing the sudden death of Alphonsus Duke of Ferrara, kneeled down instantly, saying, And shall not this sight make me religious?
When the Duke of Candia had voluntarily entred into the incommodities of a Religious life, and poverty, he was one day spied, and pitied by a Lord of Italy, who, out of tenderness, wish'd him to be more careful, and nutritive of his person. The good Duke answered, Sir, be not troubled, and think not that I am ill provided of conveniencies; for I send a harbinger before, who makes my lodgings ready, and takes care that I be royally entertained: The Lord asked him, who was his harbinger? He answered, the knowledge of my self, and the consideration of what I deserve for my sins, which is eternal torments; and when with this knowledge I arrive at my lodging, how unprovided soever I find it, me thinks it is ever better than I deserve.
'Twas a reasonable answer of Pericles to one that asked him, Why he being a severe and Philosophical person, came to a Wedding trimmed and adorned like a Paranymph▪ [Page 12] I come adorned to an adorned person, trim'd to a Bridegroom.
The Emperor Ferdinand the 2d. had wont to say to those that brought him any ill newes, 'tis good, 'tis Gods pleasure, I am contented.
Sir Thomas Moore, somewhat before he was made Lord Chancellor, built a Chappel in his Parish at Chelsey, where the Parish had all ornaments belonging thereunto abundantly supplied at his charge; and he bestowed thereon much plate, often using these words, Good men give it, and bad men take it away.
The King of Sweden, to the Dutch Embassador, perswading him to a care of his person, answered, that his hour was written in heaven, and could not be altered on earth.
Sir Jervis Ellwis, when executed on Towerhill for Overburies death, left these two Items to Posterity: 1. Not to vow any thing but to perform it. 2. Not to take a pride in any parts, though never so excellent.
A Lord Mayor of London (in K. James his time) stopping the Kings carriages as they were going through the streets with a great noise in time of Divine Service, and the King being told of it, he, in a rage, swore he thought there had been no more Kings in England but himself, & sent a warrant to the Lord Mayor to let them pass, which he then obeyed with this answer, While it was in my power, I did my duty; but that being taken away by a higher power, it is my duty to obey.
Demodocus said of the Milesians, they were no fools, but they did the same things that fools did.
[Page 13] Vincentius Lyrenensis saith of St. Cyprian, who had before the Council of Carthage defended re-baptizing, the Author of this errour (saith he) is, no doubt, in heaven, the followers and practisers of it now goe to hell.
A Gentleman having by fatherly indulgence tolerated the humour of gaming and wen [...]hing in his son, dis-inherited him for drinking, saying of the first, If he had wit, he would not lose much by it; and of the second, that in time for his own case he would leave it; but of the third, he said, he would prove, the elder, the viler, and hardly ever amend it.
A certain man comming to Athens, meeting one of his friends in the street, desired him to shew him the rarities of the City: His friend carried him to Solon; but the man having viewed him some time, would have gone farther: no, said his friend, You have seen all. Vidisti Solon, vidisti omnia.
It is said of the Germans, that they understand more than they can utter, and drink more than they can carry.
A certain old man, being asked why he wore his beard so large and long? that beholding those grey hairs (said he) I may doe nothing unbeseeming them.
Cyrus was wont to say, that a good Prince was like a good Shepherd, who can by no other means grow rich, than by making his flock to thrive under him.
A maid (in Plutarch) being to be sold in the Market, when a Chapman asked her, Wilt thou be faithful if I buy thee? Yes (said she) [...]tiamsi non emeris, whether you buy me or no.
[Page] Demosthenes said to him that objected that his Speech smelt of the candle; I know my candle stands in your light: The man being suspected for a thief.
Melancthon was used to say, He that dealeth with some men, had need to bring a Divine, a Lawyer, and a Souldier with him to get his right.
St. Bernard comming to the great Church of Spire in Germany, he was no sooner come into the Church, but the Image of the Virgin saluted him, and bad him, Good morrow Bernard: whereat, he well knowing the jugling of the Friers, made answer again out of St. Paul, Oh (said he) your Ladiship hath forgot your self, it is not lawful for women to speak in the Church.
John King of England, being wished by a Courtier to untomb the bones of one, who whilst he was living, had been his great enemy: Oh no (said the King) would all mine enemies were as honourably buried.
The Egyptian Calyph, offering an English Embassador his hand in his glove, the Embassador answered, Sir, we come not to treat with your glove, but your self.
When a Pyrate said to one of his fellows, Woe to us if we be known: an honest man in the same ship replyed: And woe to me if I be not known.
Luther was wont to say, He would be unwilling to be a souldier in that army where Priests were Captains, because the Church, not the Camp, was their proper place.
Plato being demanded how he knew a wiseman, answered, When being rebuked he would not [Page 15] be angry, and being praised, he would not be proud.
Marquess Pawlet, there being divers factions at Court in his time, yet was he beloved of all parties; and being asked, how he stood so right in the judgment of all? He answered, By being a willow, and not an oak.
Diogenes was wont to say, when the people mock't him, They deride me, yet I am not derided: I am not the man they take me for.
Rather than want exercise of his patience, he would crave alms of dead mens Statues; and being demanded why he did so? He answered, That I may learn to take denial from others the more patiently.
Marius was never offended with any report went of him, because he said, If it were true, it would sound to his praise; if false, his life and manners should prove it contrary.
A Steward once replyed to his passionate Lord, when he called him knave, &c. Your Honour may speak as you please, but I believe not a word that you say, for I know my self an honest man.
Philip of Macedon professed himself much beholden to his enemies (the Athenians) for speaking evil of him; For (said he) they made me an honest man, to prove them lyars.
When Diogenes was told by a base fellow, that he once had been a Coiner of money, He answered, 'Tis true, such as thou art now, I once was, but such as I am now, thou wilt never be.
Socrates, when one asked him why he took such a ones bitter railing so patiently? Answered, It is enough for one to be angry at a time.
Dion of Syracuse, being banished, came to Theodorus [Page 16] Court suppliant, where not presently admitted, he turned to his companion, with these words, I remember I did the like, when I was in like dignity.
Socrates, being perswaded to revenge himself of a fellow that kick'd him, answered, If an ass had kick'd me, should I have set my wit to his, and kick'd him again?
Another time, being told that one spake evil of him▪ He replyed, Alas! the man hath not as yet learned to speak well, but I have learned to contemn what he speaks.
Diogenes, being told that many despised him, answered, It is the wise mans portion to suffer of fools.
When Dionysius the Tyrant had plotted the death of his Master Plato, and was defeated by Plato's escape out of his Dominions; when the Tyrant desired him in writing not to speak evil of him, the Philosopher replyed, That he had not so much idle time as once to think of him, knowing there was a just God would one day call him to a reckoning.
When once an hot-spur was perswaded to be patient as Job was, He replyed, What do ye tell me of Job? Job never had any suits in the Chancery.
Mr. Bradford was wont to say, that in Christs cause to suffer death, was the way to heaven on horsback.
Jugo, an ancient King, set all his Nobles, being Pagans, in his Hall below, and certain poor Christians in his Presence-chamber with himself; at which all wondring, he told them, [Page 17] this he did, not as King of the Drones, but as King of another world, wherein these were his fellow-Princes.
It was the saying of a merry fellow, That in Christendom there were neither Scholars enough, Gentlemen enough, nor Jewes enough: because if there were Scholars enough, so many would not be double and treble beneficed; if Gentlemen enough, so many peasants would not be ranked among the Gentry; and if Jewes enough, so many Christians would not profess usury.
Socrates was wont to say to Alcibiades, when he met him among gallants like himself, I fear not thee, but thy company.
Alexander, when a Commander of his in the Wars, spake loudly, but did little, told him, I entertained you into my service, not to rail, but to fight.
Illyricus, when one asked him why the old Translations (of the Bible) had no vowels? I think (saith he) that they had no consonants, for they could not agree among themselves.
Doctor Reynolds his Lecture in Oxford ceasing, by reason of his sickness, some desired him to read▪ before he was well recovered▪ The Doctor said, He desired so to serve God, that he might serve him long.
Erasmus was wont to say in his time, That to Preach, with many Ministers, was but Perfricare frontem, & linguam voluere.
Epiphanius, having stayd long at Constantinople, and being to take ship to return home again, said, He was leaving three great things, a great City, a great Palace, and great Hypocrisie.
[Page 18] Charls the Great, when he was shewed by a Duke a Royal Palace, and all the rings, and sumptuous ornaments and jewels, said, Has sunt qui nos invitos faciunt mori. These are the things that make us unwilling to die.
Erasmus was used to say, That the dunsery and idleness of the Monks of his time, made him a Student.
The Athenian Commander, being asked what God was, said, He was neither bow-man, nor pike-man, nor hors-man, nor footman, but one that did know, istis omnibus imperare.
A noble Commander, in the Wars having taken great spoils, said to a souldier behind him, Tolle istos, Ego Christianus.
When Cajetan told Luther he should be banished, Luther answered, Si non capiat terra, capiat coelum,
A great man comming to Aquinas, and offering him a Bishoprick, he leaning on his elbow in his Study, replyed, Mallem Chrysostomum in Matthaeum.
The [...]ame Aquinas, when he was entreated to take a Cardinals place, answered, Sepulchrum cogito, non gradum sublimiorem.
Luther and his Wife, with four children, were in a boat, and being in a great storm, were like to be cast away, Luther laughing aloud, said, Oh how the Devil would rejoyce, if we were all drowned.
Plato, discoursing unto one of the contempt of death, and speaking strangely upon it, was answered, That he spake more couragiously than he lived: To whom Plato replyed, that [Page 19] he spake not as he lived; but as he should live.
Caesar Borgia, being sick to death, said, When I lived, I provided for every thing but death; now I must die, I am unprovided to die.
Gerson brings in an Englishman, asking a Frenchman, Quot annos habes? His answer was, Annos non habeo, I am of no years at all, but death hath forborn me this 50 years.
A man (said Luther) lives forty years before he knows himself to be a fool; and by that time he sees his folly, his life is finished.
Anaxamander said of the Athenians, That they had good Laws, but used ill.
Augustus lamented for Varus death; being asked why? He said, Now I have none in my Country to tell me truth.
A certain King of Tartaria writ to the Polonians, then wanting a King, that if they would choose him their King, he would accept of it upon these terms, Vester Pontifex, meus Pontifex esto, vester Lutherus meus Lutherus esto. But the Polonians rejected him with this wise answer, Ecce hominem paratum omni à sacra, & deos deserere regnandi causa.
Marius, being accused by the Senate of treason, tears open his garments, and in the sight of them all shews them his wounds received in the service and defence of his Country, saying, Quid opus est verbis, [...]bi vulner a clamant?
Sir William Stanly, railing against his native Country, a Spanish Verdugo gave him this answer, Though you have offended your Country▪ your Country never offended you.
It is storied of a wicked City, which fearing [Page 20] the invasion of a potent enemy, sought relief of a neighbouring Prince, charging their Embassadors to relate unto him what forces they were able to levy of their own: The Prince replying to the Message, demanded of them what coverture they had to defend their heads from the wrath of heaven? telling them withal, That unless they could award Gods anger, he durst not joyn with them, God being against them.
The Mother of Peter Lombard, when having transgressed her vow of Continency, she told her Confessor plainly, that when she saw what a Son she had brought forth, she could not repent that she had sinned in having him: But her Confessor sadly answered her, Dole saltem, quod dolere non possis.
Caracalla said to them that desired that some honours might be spent upon his brother Geta, now dead out of his way; Sit divus (saith he) modo non sit vivus.
Edward the Third of England, having sent to France, to demand the Crown by Maternal Right, the Council there sent him word, That the Crown of France was not tied to a distaff: which scoffing answer he replyed, That then he would tie it to his sword.
Scaliger said, He had rather have been the Author and Composer of one Ode in Horace, than King of all Arragon.
Cato would say, He wondred how one of their aruspices could forbear to laugh, when he met with any of his fellows, to see how they deceived men, and made a great number of simple ones in the City.
King Lewis the 11th. looking upon a Tapistry, [Page 21] wherein a certain Nobleman (who from a mean Clerk of the Exchequer, was advanced to be Lord Treasurer of France) had pourtray'd the steps and degrees whereby he had ascended, himself represented sitting on the top of Fortunes wheel: Whereupon King Lewis told him, He might do well to fasten it with a good strong nail, for fear lest turning about, it brought him to his former estate again. Which proved a true Prophecie of him.
One who before he was Pope, was the most crouching submiss Cardinal that ever was: His manner was to eat upon a net, as it were in a way of devout humility; but after he had obtein'd the Popedom, he commanded them to take away the net, saying, He had caught that which he fish'd for.
When a French King, seeing the Persian pomp of the Popes Court, and pride of the Cardinals, asked a Cardinal of Avinion, Whether the Apostles ever went with such a Train after them? He answered, No verily: but you must consider, Sir, that they were Apostles the same time that Kings were shepherds.
It was the saying of Rabbi Gamaliel, He that multiplies servants, multiplies thieves.
Melancthon said, when he furthered the Edition of the Alchoran, that he would have it printed, Ʋt videamus quale poema sit: That the World might see what a piece of poetry the Alchoran was.
Artabazus, a Courtier, received from King Cyrus a cup of gold: At the same time Chrysantas, the beloved Favourite, received a kiss [Page 22] from him; which the other observing, said, The cup which you gave me, was not so good gold as the kiss you gave Chrysantes.
It was the Speech of an ancient Rabbi; I learned much of my Rabbies, or Masters, more of my companions, most of my Scholars.
The Emperor Sigismond, demanding of The [...]doricus, Arch-Bishop of Collen, the directest course to happiness: Perform (saith he) when thou art well, what thou promisedst when thou wert sick.
A certain King of the Lacedemonians being one day private in his garden, was teaching one of his children, of five years old, to ride on a stick; and unawares a great Embassador came to speak with him in that manner, at which, both the King, and the Embassador in the Kings behalf, began to blush at first; but soon after, the King putting away the blush and the hobby-horse together, and with a pretty smile, asked the Embassador, if he had any children of his own? He answered, No. Then (said he) I pray you tell not what you found me doing, till you have some little ones of your own, and then tell it, and spare not.
The Scouts of Antigonus, relating unto him the multitude of his enemies, and advising by way of information the danger of a Conflict that should be undertaken with so great an inequality, He replyed, And at how many do ye value me?
A West-Indian King, having been well wrought upon towards his conversion to the Christian Religion; and having digested the [Page 23] former Articles, when he came to that, He was crucified, dead, and buried, had no longer patience, but said, If your God be dead and buried, leave me to my old god the Sun, for the Sun will not die.
Pythagoras said, He that knoweth not what he ought to know, is a brute beast among men; he that knoweth no more than he hath need of, is a man among brute beasts; he that knoweth all that is to be known, is a god among men.
The Lord Treasurer Burleigh was wont to say, That he used to overcome envy and ill will more by patience than pert [...]nacy.
The Embassadors of the Council of Constance, being sent to Pope Benedict the 11th. when he, laying his hand upon his heart, said, Hic est arca Noae, they tartly and truly replyed, In Noahs ark were few men, but many beasts.
When one seemed to pity an one-ey'd man, He told him he had lost one of his enemies, a very thief, that would have stolen away his heart.
The King of Navarre told Beza, He would launch no farther into the Sea, than he might be sure to return safe to the Haven.
A clown said to the Bishop of Collen, praying in the Church like a Bishop, but as he was Duke, going guarded like a Tyrant, Whither thinkest thou the Bishop shall go, when the Duke shall be damned?
King Edward the 3d. having the King of France prisoner here in England, and feasting him one time most sumptuously, pressed him to be merry. The French King answered, How can we sing songs in a strange Land?
[Page 24] Calvin answered his friends with some indignation, when they admonished him, for his healths sake, to forbear studying so hard. What? said he, would you that my Master, when he comes, should find me idle?
Spiridion, a godly Bishop in Cyprus, having not what else to set before a guest that came to him in Leut, set him a piece of pork to feed on; and when the stranger made a scruple of eating flesh in Lent, saying, I am a Christian, and may not do it: Nay, therefore thou mayst do it, said he, because to the pure all things are pure.
Dr. Preston on his death-bed, said, He should change his place, not his company.
A certain stranger comming on Embassage to Rome, and colouring his hair and pale cheeks with vermilion hue, a grave Senator espying the deceit, stood up, and said, What sincerity are we to expect at this mans hands, whose lo [...]ks, and looks, and lips do lye.
Sir Horatio Vere, when in the Palatinate a Council of War was called, and debated whether they should fight or not? Some Dutch Lords said, That the enemy had many peeces of Ordnance in such a place, and therefore it was dangerous to fight: That Nobleman replyed, My Lords, if you fear the mouth of the Cannon, you must never come into the field.
Sir John Burroughs, receiving a mortal wound in the Island of Rhees, and being advised not to fear death▪ but to provide for another world. He answered, I thank God I fear not death, and these thirty years together, I never arose in the morning, that ever I made account to live while night.
[Page 25]A learned Frier, at a Council, complaining of the abuse of the Clergy, Preaching before the Emperor, wished him to begin a reformation of the Clergy à minoribus: The Emperor thanked him for his Sermon, and said, He had rather begin à majoribus, from the better sort of the Clergy.
Aristippus being told that Lais loved him not; No more (saith he) doth wine, nor fish, yet I cannot be without them.
The Lord Burleigh being at Cambridge with Queen Elizabeth, viewing the several Schools, said, Here I find one School wanting, and that is the School of Discretion.
Henry the 4th. told the Prince his Son, Getting is a chance, but keeping is a wit.
A Philosopher, that hearing his creditor was dead, kept the money which he had borrowed without witnesses, a night or two; but after some strugling with his conscience, he carried it to his Executor, saying, Mihi vivit, qui aliis mortuus est; though he be ded to others, he's still alive to me.
Severus the Emperor, having passed through many adventures, at last died in our land, overladen with troubles: weighing with himself what his life had been, he brake forth into these speeches, I have been all that might be, and now am nothing the better.
Scipio viewing his army, said, There was not one who would not throw himself from the top of a tower, for love of him.
Hildebert, Bishop of Mentz, said of the Roman Courtiers, Employ them not, and they hinder [Page 26] you: Employ them in your causes, and they delay them; if you sollicite them, they scorn you; if you enrich them, they forget you.
When Antonius had made away his brother Geta, after the first year of their joynt Empire, he entreated Papinianus (a famous Lawyer) to plead his excuses: Who answered, It is easier Paricidium facere, quam excusare; thou mayst (said he) command my neck to the block, but not my tongue to the bar; I prize not my life, to the pleading of an evil cause.
Simonides, being asked what did soonest grow old among men? Made answer, A benefit.
Apollonius Thianaeus, having travelled over all Asia, Africk, and Europe, said, There were two things whereat he marvelled most in all the world: the first was, that he always saw the proud man command the humble, the quarrellous the quiet, the tyrant the just, the cruel the pitiful, the coward the hardy, the ignorant the skilful, and the greatest thieves hang the innocent.
A Philosopher being asked, how he could endure so ill a Wife as he had? The answer which he gave, was, I have hereby a School of Philosophy in my house, and learning daily to suffer patiently, I am made the more milder with others.
Alexander seeing Diogenes tumbling among dead bones, he asked him what he sought? To whom the other answered, That which I cannot find, the difference between the rich and the poor.
Demonax asked one a question, who answered him in old obsolete affected words. Prethee fellow, said he, where are thy wits? I ask thee a question now, and thou answerest 400 years ago.
[Page 27] Albertus Duke of Saxony, was wont to say, that he had three wonders in one City, viz. three Monasteries: For the Fries of the first had children, and yet no wives; the Friers of the second had a great deal of corn, and yet no land; the Friers of the third abounded with moneys, and yet had no rents.
A Captain sent from Cesar unto the Senators of Rome, to sue for the prolonging of his government abroad, understanding (as he stood at the Council-chamber-door) that they would not condiscend to his desire, clapping his hand upon the pummel of his sword: Well, said he, seeing you will not grant it him, this shall give it him.
When Anne Bolen, that vertuous Lady, had received a message from Henry the 8th. that she must instantly prepare her self for death, answered, That she gave him humble thanks for all his favours bestowed upon her; as for making her of a mean woman a Marchioness, of a Marchioness a Queen, but especially, seeing he could not on earth advance her to any greater dignity, that he would now send her to rest, and reign upon Gods high and holy throne.
When Tully was asked, which Oration of Demosthenes he liked best? He answered, The longest.
Diogenes said of one, That he cast his house so long out at the window, that at last his house cast him out of the door, having left nothing rich, except a nose.
There are two saying fathered on two great [Page 28] Counsellors, Secretary Walsingham, and Secretary Ce [...]il, one used to say at the Council-Table, My Lords, stay a little, and we shall make an end the sooner. The other would oft-times speak of himself, It shall never be said of me, that I will defer till to morrow, what I can do to day.
Adrian the Sixt said, A Physician is very necessary to a populous Country; for were it not for the Physician, men would live so long, and grow so thick, that one could not live for the other.
It was a bold answer Captain Talbot returned Henry the 8th. from Calais, who having received special command from the King to erect a new work at the Water-gate, and to see the Town well fortified, sent him word, That he could neither fortifie, nor fiftifie without money.
An Italian Vineyard-man, after a long drougth, and an extream hot Summer, which had parch't up all his grapes, complained, For want of water, I am forced to drink water; if I had had water, I would drink wine.
Andrea Doria, being asked by Philip the 2d. which were his best harbours? He answered, June, July, and Carthagena; meaning, that any Port is good in those two moneths, but Carthagena was good any time of the year.
A Gallego in Spain, in the Civil Wars of Arragon, being in the Field, he was shot in the forehead, and being carried away to a Tent, the Surgeon search'd his wound, and found it mortal; so he advised him to send for his Confessor, for he was no man for this world, in regard the brain was touched; the Souldiers wished him to search it again, which he did, and [Page 29] told him, that he found he was hurt in the brain, and could not possibly escape; whereupon the Gallego fell into a chafe, and said, he lyed, for he had no brain at all: If J had had any brain, J would never have come to this war.
A Spaniard having got a fall by a stumble, and broke his nose, rise up, and in a disdainful manner, said, This 'tis to walk upon earth.
Alexander quintus, Pope of Rome, said of himself, That when he was a Bishop, he was rich; when he was a Cardinal, he was poor; and when he was a Pope, he was a beggar.
King Darius, by chance opening a great pomegranate, and being demanded, of what he would wish to have as many as there were grains in that pomegranate? answered in one word, Of Zopiruses.
It was the answer of an undaunted captive, who slighting the insulting braves of him who took him: Thou holdest thy conquest great in overcoming me, but mine is far greater in overcoming my self.
It was the saying of a judicious States-man, he that knoweth to speak well, knoweth also where he must hold his peace: Wisely concluding, think an hour before you speak, and a day before you promise.
It was an excellent speech of a famous Historian, who being demanded by one who had reduced his Empire to a meer Tyranny, why he remembred not him in his Writings? Because (said he) I read nothing in you worth remembring. Why dost thou not then (reply'd he) record my vices? Lest others (said he) should erre by your example, and so imitate you.
[Page 30]It was the saying of a famous Orator, I never knew any Poet (yet was I well acquainted with many) who did not think his own doings better than all others.
Zeno's servant Bruson, being taken in theft, and alledging for himself, that it was his destiny to steal. His Master answered, and thy destiny to be beaten.
Antigonus observing a sickly souldier to be very valiant, procured his Physician to heal him▪ who afterwards began to keep himself out of danger, not venturing as formerly; which Antigonus noting, demanded the reason: The souldier answered, O Antigonus, thou art the reason; before I ventured nothing but a diseased corps, and then I chose rather to die quickly, than to live sickly: I invited death to do me a courtesie, now it is otherwise with me, for now I have somewhat to lose.
The Lydian Croesus, enthroned in his Chair of State, asked a wise Sage, if ever he beheld a more beautiful, or graceful Spectacle? Yes, said he, dunghil-cocks, pheasants, and peacocks; for those are cloathed with native beauty, but yours is but borrowed glory.
Carfitides being asked his opinion▪ what he thought of the Sea, and Sea-men? Answered, That there was nothing more treacherous than the first, and that the others were it's comrades.
It was a wise answer, that is reported of the best and last Cardinal of this Island, who, when a skilful Astrologer, upon the Calculation of his Nativity, had told him some specialties concerning his future estate, answered, Such [Page 31] perhaps I was born; but since that time I have been born again, and my second Nativity hath cross'd my first.
Valentinian, when his souldiers had chosen him to be Emperor, they were consulting to have another joyned with him: No (said [...]) It was in your power to give me the Empire while I had it not; but now when I have it, it is not in your power to give me a partner.
Epaminondas, the Theban Ruler, when the people made merry with banquets and dances on a Solemn Feast-day, went up and down the City in his worst array, and sadly (as it were) mourning: And being demanded why he did so? His answer was, That therefore was he sad, because they should with more security be merry.
The grave Cato, when one asked counsel of him in sober earnest, what harm he thought aboded him, because rats had gnawn his hose? He merrily answered, That it was a strange thing to see that, but it had been much more strange if his hose had devoured the rats.
Tully likewise, when one to enforce the verity of Divination, said, that a Victory which [...]ell to the Thebans▪ was fore-shewed by an extraordinary crowing of cocks: He replyed, that it was no miracle cocks should crow; but if fishes had so done, that had been wonderful indeed.
Apollonius being very early at Vespasian's gate, and finding him stirring, from thence he conjectured that he was worthy to govern an Empire; and said to his companion, this man surely will be Emperor, he is so early.
One being demanded what Caesar whispered in his ear? Made answer, That Caesar told [Page 32] him he would invent a very strange punishment for such as pried into his words and actions.
Ferdinand the Emperor, making a Speech in a publique Assembly, by chance gave Priscian a fillip or two, which a Bishop hearing, started up, and said, Caesar, You have forgotten your Grammar: To whom Caesar, and you have forgotten your Ethicks, Bishop.
Aexander, being desired to see Darius daughters, who were fair and young, made answer, I will have a care not to be vanquished by women, seeing I have vanquished men.
Some entreated Cyrus to see Panthea, which he refused to do; and being told that she was very fair, It is for that reason (said he) I may not see her; for if I do visit her now that I have leisure, she will bind me another time, when I shall be full of affairs.
Priscus Helvidius was advised not to come unto the Senate: He answered, It is in the Emperors power not to make me of the Senate, but while I am a Senator, he shall not let me from going to the palace. You shall be suffer'd to go, said the other, so you speak not: Helvidius answers, I will not speak a word, if they demand nothing of me; but if they ask me, I will answer what I think fit. If you speak, said the other, they will put you to death. He replies, And when did I brag that I was immortal? You shall do your duty, and I mine; it is in you to kill me, and in me to die without fear; it is in you to banish me, and in me to go to it cheerfully.
When Athanasius was banished by the Emperor Julian, he said unto his friends that came [Page 33] to sorrow with him in his disgrace: Courage [...] my children, this is but a little cloud, which will vanish presently.
Fabius Maximus having spoiled Tarentum, and made it desolate, with all kinds of cruelties; when his Secretary came to ask him, What shall we do with the enemies gods? He answered, Let us leave the angry gods unto the Tarentines.
Scanderbeg had it in particular in all his encounters and military actions, always to begin his first Stratagems of Victory with the death of the head, saying, That the head should be first cut off, and the rest of the body will fall alone; and that he knew no kind of living creature that could survive, the head being taken off.
It was a witty speech of him that said, That mens actions were like notes of musick, sometimes in spaces, and sometimes in lines, sometimes above, and sometimes beneath, and never or seldom straight for any long continuance.
Rubrius Flavius, being condemned by Nero [...]o lose his head; when as the Executioner said unto him, that he should stretch forth his neck boldly, he answered, Thou shalt not strike more boldly, than I will present my head.
Croesus, King of Lydia, seeing Cyrus's souldiers running up and down the Town of Sardis, he demanded whither they did run? They go to the spoil of the Town, answered Cyrus. They take nothing from me (replyed Croesus, all they carry away is thine, and not mine. Signifying, that the spoils of souldiers are the losses of the Conqueror, rather than the conquered.
One demanded of Sym [...]nides, why he was so [Page 34] sparing in the extremity of his age? For that, said he, I had rather leave my goods after my death to my enemies, than in my life-time to have need of my friends.
When Antisthenes the Philosopher was in extream pain, he cryed out, Who shall deliver me from these miseries? Diogenes presenting a knife unto him, said, This, if thou wilt, and that soon. I do not say of my life (replyed the Philosopher) but of my pain.
One demanded of Cercidas the Megalapolitane, if he died willingly? Why not (said he) for after my death I shall see those great men, Pythagoras among the Philosophers, Hecateus among the Historians, Homer among the Poets, and Olympus among the Musicians.
A Babler demanding of Aristole, if his discourse were not strange? No, answered he, but yet a man having feet, should not give himself so long patience to hear thee.
The Embassadors of Lacedemon being come to the King Lygdomnus, he making difficulty to hear them, and feigning himself sick, the Embassadors said, We are not come to wrestle with him, but to speak with him.
Lewis the 11th. of France, one day went into the kitchin, whereas he found a young lad turning the spit, he demanded his name, of whence he was, and what he did earn? This turn-spit, who knew him not, told his name, and that though he were in the Kings service, yet he got as much as the King: For the King (said he) hath but his life, and so have I; God feeds the King, and the King feeds me.
[Page 35]The Emperor Maximilian answered a Merchant, who besought him to make him a Gentleman: I can make thee much richer than thou art, but it is not in my power to make thee a Gentleman.
Pope Julius the 2d▪ having had a long feud with the Emperor Frederick (against whom he had fought 12 Battels) being one day gently admonished by the Arch-Bishop of Ostia, how St. Peter his Predecessor was commanded to put up his sword. 'Tis true said Julius, our Saviour gave the prime Apostle such a comand, but 'twas after he had given the blow, and cut off Malchus ear.
Diogenes said, That Troy was lost by horses, and the Common-wealth of Athens by asses.
Alva [...]o de Luna, whom John King of Castile advanced, and loved above all men of his Realm, said to them that admired his fortunes: Judge not of the building before it be finished. He died by the hands of Justice.
Lewis the 1 [...]th. King of France, being but a child when crowned, tired with being so long (eight hours) in the Church, and bearing the Crown on his head, with divers other heavy vests upon his body, was asked, what he would take to take the like pains again? He answered▪ For another Crown I would take double the pains.
Those of the Religion, petitioning Lewis▪ 13. for a continuance of holding their cautionary Townes, as Hen. 3. and Hen. the great had done: He told them, What grace the first did shew you, was out of fear; what my Father did, was out of love; but I would have you know that I neither fear you no [...] love you.
The Marshal de Saint Geran, comming to [Page 36] Sir Edward Herbert (then Embassador from the King of England for the Rochellers) after a counter-buff with Luynes the Constable, and told him in a friendly manner, you have offended the Constable, and you are not in a place of security here: Whereunto he answered, That he held himself to be in a place of security wheresoever he had his sword by him.
The Duke of Suilli was a Favourite to Henry the 4th. whom he had reduced from a Roman, to be a Reformist, when he was King of Navar onely; and perswading him to become Roman again, the Duke bluntly answered, Sir, you have given me one turn already, you have good luck if you give me any more.
Lewis the 13th. when but a youth, he went to the Coutry of Bearn, at his entrance to Pan, the Inhabitants bringing a Canopy to carry over his Head, He asked, whether there was ever a Church in the Town? And being answered, No: He said, he would receive no honour in that place, where God himself had no house to be honoured in.
William, Prince of Orange, to content those that reproved his too much humanity, said, That man is well bought, who costs but a salutation.
A President of a Parliament in France, whose friends came to see him at his new house, began exceedingly to commend it for the rareness of the Workmanship, and the goodness of the stone, timber, marble, and such like: You mistake (said he) the stuff whereof it is made; the house is onely built de testes les fols, of foolsheads.
[Page 37] Bias, one of the seven wise men of Greece, sailing in a ship where some fellows were that had given themselves over to lewdness, and yet in a storm were calling unto their gods for help, He said unto them, Hold your peace, for fear left the gods should know you be here.
Alexander Severus was wont to say, That a Souldier is never afraid, but when he seeth himself well apparelled, and his Belt furnished with money.
Dionysius the Tyrant, said, We should deceive children with dice and cock-alls, and men with Oaths.
Alexander the Great, when one wondred, why he not onely not kill'd his enemies, but took them to be his friends: It seems (says he) to thee profitable to kill an enemy, and I kill an enemy while I spare him, and make him my friend while I advance him.
The Philosopher Anacharsis, said of Solons Common-wealth, That in the Consultations and Deliberations of the Greeks, Wise-men propounded the matters, and fools decided them.
Darius was wont to say of himself, In a pinch and extremity of peril he was always wisest.
Favorinus told Adrian the Emperor, who had censured him in his own profession of Grammar, That he durst not be learneder than he, who commanded 30. Legions.
Thou art an Heretick, said Woodrofe the Sheriff to Mr. Rogers the Proto-Martyr in Queen Maries dayes: That shall be known (quoth he) at the day of Judgment.
General Vere told the King of Denmark, that Kings cared not for souldiers, until such time as [Page 38] their Crowns hung on one side of their heads.
Tamberlain having overthrown Bajazet, asked him, Whether ever he had given God thanks for making him so great an Emperor; who confessing he never thought of it; Tamberlain replyed, that it was no wonder so ingrateful a man should be made a spectacle of misery: For you (saith he) being blind of one eye, and I lame of one leg, was there any worth in us, why God should set us over two such great Empires?
Luther was wont to say, that three things make a Preacher, reading, prayer, and temptation; reading a full man, prayer an holy man, temptation an experienced man.
One having made a long, tedious, and idle discouse before Aristotle, concluded it thus, Sir, I doubt, I have been too tedious to you with my many words: In good sooth, said Aristotle, you have not been tedious to me, for I gave no heed to any thing you said.
Aigoland King of Arragon, comming to the French Court to be Baptized, and asking who those lazers and poor people were, that waited for alms from the Emperor Charlemain's table? When one answered him, that they were the servants of God: I will never serve that God said he, that keeps his servants no better.
One being ready to die, clapt a 20 s. peece into his mouth, and said, Some wiser than some, if I must leave all the rest, yet this I'll take with me.
Sabina, a Roman Martyr, crying out in her travail, and being asked by her Keeper, how she would endure the fire the next day? Oh [Page 39] well enough, said she; for now I suffer in child-birth for my sin; but then Christ shall suffer in me, and support me.
Cardinal Columnus, when the Pope threatned to take away his Cardinals Hat, That then he would put on an Helmet to pull him out of his throne.
King James, after he had moderated as Dr. of the Chair at Oxford in all Faculties; when in the publique Library there, he beheld the little chaines wherewith the several Books were fastned to their places: I could wish (saith he) (if ever it be my lot to be carried captive) to be shut up in this prison, to be bound with these chains, and to spend my life with these fellow-captives that stand here chained.
Aesop being set to sale with two other slaves, a Chapman enquired of the first, what he could do? He, to endear himself, answered, mountaines, and wonders, and what not? For he knew, and could do all things. The second answered even so for himself, and more too. But when he came to Aesop, and demanded of him what he could do? Nothing, said he, for these two have fore-stalled all, and have left nothing for me.
The Philosopher Byon, when a certain King for grief tore his hair: Doth this man (said he) think that baldness will asswage his grief?
One being demanded what his studies would stead him in his decrepit age? answered, That he might the better, and with more ease leave the world.
The Embassadors of Samos, being come to King Cleomenes of Sparta, prepared with a long [Page 40] prolix Oration, to stir him up to war against the tyrant Polycrates, after he had listned a good while unto them, his Answer was: Touching your Exordium, I have forgotten it, the middle I remember not, and for the conclusion, I will do nothing in it.
Scipio being one day accused before the Roman people of an urgent and capital offence, in stead of excusing himself, or flattering the Judges, turning to them, he said, It will well beseem you to judge of his head, by whose means you have authority to judge of all the world.
Atisthenes was wont to say to his disciples; Come on my Masters, let you and me go to hear Socrates, there shall I be fellow-disciple with you.
Julius Drusius, to those Workmen which for 3000 crowns offered so to reform his house, that his neighbours should no more over-look into it: I will give you 6000 (said he) and contrive it so, that on all sides every man may look into it.
The Stanhop said merrily, That not he, but his stately house was guilty of high treason.
Eleazer, a Jew, being demanded when it would be time to repent & amend? Answered, One day before death. And when the other replyed, that no man knew the day of his death: He said, Begin then even to day, for fear of failing.
Apollidorus was wont to say of Chrysippus his Books, That if other mens sentences were left out, the pages would be void.
Cato said, He had rather men should ask why he had no Statues erected for him, than why he had.
A certain Souldan, who died at the Siege of Zigetum, being perswaded by the Muphti not [Page 41] to suffer so many Religions as were in his Dominions: He answered, That a nosegay of many flowers smelled far more sweet than one flower onely.
Pope Sixtus said, That a Pope could never want money, while he held a pen in his hand.
One said of Erasmus his Enchyridion, That there was more devotion in the Book, than in the Writer.
A Frenchman being asked by one of his Neighbours, if the Sermon were done? No, saith he, it is said, but it is not done, neither will be, I fear, in haste.
When one asked the Duke of Alva, whether he had not observed the great Ecclipse of the Sun? No truly, said he, I have so much business on earth, that I have no time to look up to heaven.
A Physician was wont to say pleasantly to delicate Dames, when they complained they were they could not tell how, but yet they could not endure to take any Physick: Your onely way is to be sick indeed, and then you will be glad to take any medicine.
Diogenes being asked what time is best for meals? He answered, For the rich man when he had a stomack, and for a poor man when he could get meat.
Jovinian said to the Orthodox and Arrian Bishops, contending about Faith: Of your learning I cannot so well judge, nor of your subtle disoutations; but I can observe which of you have the better behaviour.
An Arrian Bishop entreating the Emperor▪ Constantine to give them a Church: He answered, If your cause be good, one is too few; but if bad, one is too many.
[Page 42]The Philosopher Theodorus was wont to say, That he gave his scholars instructions and lessons with the right hand, but that they received them with the left.
Luther would often say, That if he thought the reading of his Books would hinder the reading of the Scriptures, he would burn them all before he died.
When one accused a Comical Poet, that he brought a lewd debauched Ruffian on the Stage, and so gave bad example to young men. True, said he, I brought such a man on▪ but I hanged him before he went off, and so I gave them a good example.
One being asked what exploits he had done in the Low-countries? Answered, That he had cut off a Spaniards legs: Reply being made, that it had been something if he had cut off his head: Oh, said he, you must consider his head was off before.
A gallant sometime said to a reverend Prelate, If there be no judgment to come, are not you a very fool to bar your self from the pleasures of this life? To whom the Prelate: And what if there be a judgment to come, are not you then a very fool, for the short pleasures of this present life, to bar your self from those eternal joyes of your life to come?
Charls the 5th. Emperor was wont to say, That the King of Spain ruled over asses, doing nothing without violence or blows; the King of France over men; and the Emperor over Kings. And when one of the standers by said, that the Polonians also had their King: I grant, said he, that he is▪ [Page 43] their King. Meaning, that his power was limited by them.
When Marshal Biron bid Sir Roger Williams bring up his Companies faster, taxing the slow march of the English. Sir, saith he, with this march our Fore-fathers conquered your Countrey of France, and I mean not to alter it.
The same Sir Roger Williams, to an idle Spaniard, boasting of his Country-citrons, Oranges, Olives, and such like: Why, saith he, we, in England, have good Surloyns of Beef, fat Muttons, and dainty Capons, to eat your sawee withal.
One demanding of an Italian, why their Muttons and Cattel were so small and lean? Because (quoth he) we Italians eat the grass in sallets, and by robbing the pastures, deceive the cattel.
A Portugal Captain once told King Sebastian, providing for his journey into Barbary, That wars should be accompanied with three streams, the first, of men; the second, of victuals; the third, of silver.
Another being demanded how many things were necessary hereunto, answered, Money, money, money.
Sigismond, the first King of Poland, moved by Leo the 10th. to war against the Turk, answered, Few words shall serve, first, make firm peace among the Christian Princes, then will I be not behind the forwardest.
When Ferdinando Cortez had conquered Mexico, the King of Mexico drawing his dagger, gave it to him, saying, Hitherto I have done the best [Page 44] for the defence of my people; now I am no farther bound, but to give thee this dagger to kill me with.
Hannibal having sent his Brother Mago to discover the Romans Camp, and returning, he asked him, What newes, and what work they were like to have with the enemies? Work enough (answered Mago) for they are an horrible many. As horrible a many as they are (replyed Hannibal) I tell thee brother, that among them all, search them never so diligently, thou shalt not finde one man whose name is Mago.
Captain Gam, before the Battel of Agincourt, being sent to make the like Discovery, told King Henry the 5th. That of the Frenchmen, there were enough to be kill'd, enough to be taken prisoners, and enough to run away.
At a Solemn Convention of many Philosophers, before the Embassadors of a Forreign Prince, and that every one, according to his several abilities, made demonstration of their wisedom, that so the Embassador might have matter to report of the admired wisedom of the Grecians▪ Amongst those, one there was that stood still, and uttered nothing in the Assembly, insomuch that the Embassador turning to him, said. And what is your gift, that I may report it? To whom the Philosopher, Report unto your King, that you found one amongst the Grecians, that knew how to hold his peace.
A Barber going to the Court, and being at his return asked what he saw? He answered, the King was neatly trimm'd.
Themistocles, being invited to touch a Lute, [Page 45] said arrogantly, He could not fiddle, but he knew how to make a small town a great City.
Plutarch tells of two men that were hired at Athens for some publick work, whereof the one was full of tongue, but slow at hand, but the other, blunt in speech, yet an excellent Workman: Being called upon by the Magistrates to express themselves, and to declare at large how they would proceed; when the first had made a long harrange, and described it from point to point, the other seconded him with this short speech: Ye men of Athens, what this man hath said in words, that will I make good true performance.
King Porus, when Alexander ask'd him how he would be used? answered in one word, [...], Like a King. Alexander replying, do you desire nothing else? No, said he, all things are in [...].
Solon being demanded how a Commonwealth might best be preserved in peace? Answered, that the Common-wealth is in good estate, where the people obey the Magistrates, and the Magistrates obey the Law.
Pelican, a German Divine, said, concerning his Learning, When I appear before God, I shall not appear as a Doctor, but as an ordinary Christian.
When Plato saw one indulgent to his flesh in high diet, he asked him, What do ye mean to make your prison so strong?
Augustus said, that Petitions should not be given to Princes, as meat to an Elephant, that one is afraid of.
[Page 46] Vespasian asked Apollonius, what was Nero's overthrow? He answered, Nero could touch and tune the harp well; but in Government, he used sometimes to winde the p [...]ns too high, and sometimes to let them down too low.
A fat man in Rome, riding always upon a very lean horse, being asked the reason thereof? Answered. That he fed himself, but trusted others to feed his horse.
Philip of Macedon was wont to say, That an ass laden with gold would enter the gates of any City.
At the Treaty between the English, and the King of Spain, the Commissioners being met in a French Town, the first question was, what Tongue they should Treat in? One of the Spaniards, thinking to give our English a sore gird, said, In French, and these Gentlemen cannot be ignorant of the language of their fellow-subjects: No, faith my Masters (said Doctor Dale, Master of the Requests) French is too common, especially in a French Town, We'l treat in the Mother-tongue, Hebrew, the language of Hierusalem, of which your Master is King.
One being exiled his native Country, and one day asked why he looked so heavily? replyed, I bear the Embleme of this place in my front.
When Ennius sought his friend at his house, and asked his servant where his Master was? Who hearing, said to his servant, Tell him I am not at home; which Ennius over-heard, but took the answer from the servant. The next day the same man, comming to Ennius his [Page 47] house, and demanded of his servant where his Master was? Ennius spake aloud, Tell him I am not at home. What, said he, will you deny your self with your own tongue? Why, said Ennius, I believed when but your man told me you were at home, and will you not believe me which say so my self?
Erasmus being asked by Frederick Duke of Saxony, what he thought of Luther, so much earnestly seeking Reformation? Erasmus answered, Luther had committed two great errours: One was, that he touch'd too near the Crown of the Pope; another, too much the bellies of the Monks.
A certain bold-fac'd fellow, came one day to an Emperor, and desired his Majesty to bestow some reward upon a poor kinsman of his: I am your kinsman, quoth he, both by father and mother, for we come all of Adam and Eve. Indeed, thou sayest true (quoth the Emperor) and gave him a penny. A penny (quoth the other) shall I have no more but a penny? A simple reward for an Emperor. Hold thy self content, said the Emperor, If I should give to every one of my kinsmen a penny, I should soon become a poor Emperor.
Alphonsus King of Arragon, answered an Orator, who had cited a long Panegerycal Oration of his praises: If that thou hast said, consenteth with truth, I thank God for it; if not, I pray God grant me grace, that I may do it.
A Painter being blamed by a Cardinal for colouring the vi [...]ages of Peter and Paul too red, tartly replyed, That he painted them so, as [...]lushing at the lives of those men who style themselves their successors.
[Page 48]When Alexander received any Letters from any of his Commanders in Greece, of some small Skirmish, or taking some Fort (He being used to great Victories) was wont to say, They seemed to him but as the battels of frogs and mice in Homer.
Some saying it was a strange resolution in L. Scilla to resigne his Dictatorship. Caesar scoffing at him, said, That Silla could not skill of Letters, and therefore knew not how to Dictate.
Aristippus, having a Petition to Dionysius, and no ear given him, he fell down at his feet, in manner of a worshipper: Whereupon Dionysius stay'd, and gave him the hearing, and granted it. And being reproved, that he would offer that indignity to Philosophy, as for a private suit to fall at a Tyrants feet; He replyed, That it was not his fault, but it was the fault of Dionysius, who had his ears in his feet.
It is a notable speech reported of one Nemon, that was General of Darius his Army, when he was fighting against Alexander, one of his Souldiers reproached Alexander: The General came to him, and smote him, saying, I did not hire you to reproach Alexander, but to fight against him.
A great man, who himself was very plain in apparel, checkt a Gentleman for being overfine: Who modestly answered, Your Lordship hath better cloaths at home, and I have worse.
Themistocles, when an Embassador in a set Speech boasted great matters of a small Village, took him up thus: Friend, your words require a City.
[Page 49]It was the saying of a noble Venetian Duke That it is sufficient for a discreet Prince to have power to revenge, that his enemies may have cause to fear him.
An Embassador of Athens, answered King Philip of Macedon, threatning that he would cause his head to be cut off: If thou take this head from me, my Country will give me another that shall be immortal. Statuam pro capite, pro morte immortalitatem.
Diogenes seeing a certain man dressing and decking himself for a festival day, said unto him thus: Why dost thou take such pains to trim thy self to day, seeing that every day is a festival day to a virtuous man?
There was a certain rich wretch who had in his house great store of wine, but was so niggardly, that he sold the best, and kept the worst for his own use. A servant of his, observing the pinching and preposterous niggardliness o [...] his Master, fled away from him; and being asked afterwards why he had left his Lord? answered thus: Because I could not endure to stay with a man, who having that which was good, made choise of that which was evil.
The Philosopher Aristippus, having lost one of his three Farms, said thus unto his freinds; That it was babishness to be sorry for one Farm los [...], and not to be merry for the other two that did rest in his hands, seeing that all of them had lien open to the same adventure.
Secundus the Philosopher being demanded, What is a wife? Replyed, She is contrary to an husband.
[Page 50] Richard Nevil, Earl of Warwick, when the people would have made him King, refused it, saying, That he had rather make Kings, than be one.
Pompey, when his souldiers, would needs leave the Camp, threw himself down at a narrow passage, and bid them go, But they should first trample on their General.
Diogenes said to one that had perfumed his lo [...]ks: Be careful your odoriferous head procure you not a stinking life.
Themistocles to Symmachus, to whom, being desirous to teach him the art of memory; He answered, He had rather learn the art of forgetfulness.
Vespasian seeing at once two fatal presages of his end, a blazing Comet, and a gaping Sepulcher, turned them both from himself, with this pleasant scoff; saying, The Sepulcher gaped for the old Empress Julia; and the blazing Star portended the death of the King of Persia, who at that time wore long hair.
When Mr. Sam. Hieron lay on his death-bed (rich onely in goodness and children) his wife made much womanish lamentation, what should become of her little ones. Peace Sweetheart (said he) that God who feedeth the Ravens, will not starve the Herns.
Mr. Fox (the Author of the Martyrology) being once asked at a friends table, what dish he desired to be set up to him to begin his meal with? He answered, The last. Which word was pleasantly taken, as if he had meant [Page 51] a choiser dish, such as usually are brought at the second Course; whereas he rather signified the desire he had to see dinner ended, that he might depart home.
Going abroad (by chance) he met a woman that he knew, who pulling a book from under her arm, and saying, See you not that I am going to a Sermon? Mr. Fox replyed, But if you will be ruled by me, go home rather; for to day you will do little good at Church. And when she asked, at what time therefore he would counsel her to go? Then (answered he) when you tell no body before-hand.
When a young man, a little too forward, had, in presence of many, said, that he could not conceive any reason in the reading of old Authors, why men should so greatly admire them. No manuel, indeed, (quoth Mr. Fox) for if you could conceive the reason, you would then admire them your self.
One told a Grecian Statist, who had excellently deserved of the City he lived in, that the City had chosen 24 Officers, and yet left him out. I am glad, saith he, the City affords 24 abler [...]han my self.
When one of Antipaters friends (who was an imperious and tyrannous Governor) commended him to Alexander for his moderation, that he did not degenerate into the Persian pride in the use of Purple, but kept the ancient habit of Macedon, of black. True, (saith Alexander) but Antipater is all purple within.
Alexander, when he gave large gifts to his [Page 52] friends and servants, and one asked him what he did reserve for himself? He answered, Hope.
One asked a grave Gentlewoman how her maids came by so good husbands, and yet seldome went abroad? Oh (said she) good husbands come home to them.
One having a shrewd wife, yet loth to use her hardly, awed her by telling her, That he would beat her when he was dead. Meaning, that he would leave her no maintenance.
One complaining that never had father so undutiful a child as he had. Yes, said his son, (with less grace than truth) my Grand-father had.
A Farmer rented a grange, generally reported to be haunted with Fairies, and paid a shrewd rent for the same at each half-years end. Now a Gentleman asked him how he durst be so hardy as to live in the house? and whether no Spirits did trouble him? Truth (said the farmer) there be two Saints in heaven, vex me more than all the Devils in hell; namely, the Virgin Mary, and Michael the Arch-angel; on which days he paid his rent.
When a Professor pressed an Answerer (a better Christian than a Clerk) with an hard argument: Reverende Professor, said he, ingenuè confiteor, me non posse respondere huic argumente. To whom the Professor, Rectè respondes.
When one told Latimer that the Cutler had cozend him, in making him pay two pence for a knife not (in those dayes) worth a penny: No, quoth Latimer, he cozened not me, but his own Conscience.
[Page 53]When Buchanan lay on his death-bed, King James sent to know how he did? He returned this answer, That he was going whither few Kings came.
Q. Metellus Pius, to one wondring at what he intended to do, and demanding of him what he meant? Let alone, saith he, farther to enquire; for if my shirt knew what I meant to doe, I would burn it.
Pericles being requested by his souldiers to fight, and that with vile reproachful terms, replyed thus: That if he could repair losses, and recover life, he would as gladly adventure as they. But you see (said he) trees being cut, they grow again; but men once slain, revive no more.
Henry the 4th. King of France, seeing the Chappel which the family of Bassom Pierre had builded, and reading this verse of the Psalm, which was set down for an Embleme: Quid retribuam Domino, pro omnibus quae retribuit mihi? He said, Bassom Pierre as a German should have added, Calicem accipiam.
To one, telling him that there is nothing doth sooner make those who are out of their wits to become temperate, than the punishment which is inflicted upon them, the King interrupted his speech, and told him, Mercy pardoneth those who have not deserved it; and the juster that wrath is, the more commendable is mercy.
When men spake of the insolencies and ryots of the City, during the troubles, &c. He said, The people of Paris are good, it goeth as it is led; mischief commeth from those which go before, and not from their simplicity which follow after, and grow bad by infection.
[Page 54]Considering on a time that Taxes were excessive in sundry places of the Kingdome: He said, My people are made to pay a double tax, one to me, and another to my Officers. The second makes the first insupportable; for the expence of the Officers amount to more than the tax: It is a hard matter to keep my self unrob'd, and almost impossible but that my people should be so.
He was wont to say, That he would not see them suffer harm, which were not in case to doe any.
Some one besought him to give him leave to carry the Cannon against some that held his house: The King demanded of him what he would do when he had forced them? His choller made him answer, That he would hang them all: Whereupon the King sent him away with this mild reply, I have no Cannon to that use.
A maker of Anagrams, presenting something unto him upon his name, and telling him that he was very poor: I believe it, said the King, for they that use this trade, cannot grow very rich.
He was wont to say, That it was an offence to God, to give credit to those Prognosticks: and that, having God for his guard, He feared no man.
The same Henry, being at the Siege of Amiens, amongst others of the Nobles which he summoned for that service, he sent also to the Count Soissons, a Prince of the Blood [Page 55] to whom the King gives 5000 crowns pension. The Count, at that time discontented, returned the King answer, That he was a poor Gentleman, and wanted meanes to come to that service, as became one of his birth and place, being a Prince of the Blood, and Peer of France: He therefore most humbly craved pardon, and [...]at he would most humbly pray for his Majesties prosperous successe, which was all he could do. Well (saith the King) seeing prayer is not acceptable without fasting, my Cousin shall hereafter fast from his pension of 5000 crowns.
He used much this noble Speceh, when I was born, there were a thousand other souls more born; what have I done unto God, to be more than they? It is his meer grace and mercy which doth often bind me more unto his justice; for the faults of great men are never small.
When certain Romans practised by secret counsel to kill the Emperor Domitian, and gave part thereof to Trajane: He did answer; I do well see that Domitian deserved not to be elected Emperor, and much less to be susteined in the same; yet never the more shall I consent unto his death, for that I will rather endure a tyrant, than procure the renown of a traytor.
The Emperor Adrian said, That he remembred not since the age of ten yeares, whether he stood still, or walked by the way, that he had not either a book to read in, or some weapon to fight with.
[Page 56]Being demanded why he was so bountiful unto his Ministers of Justice? He answered, I make the Ministers of Justice rich, because by robbery of Justice they shall no [...] make other men poor.
When Favorinus, having an old house, at the entry thereof he had raised a stately porch, painted with whi [...]e: The Emperor said unto him, This house of thine seemeth a gilded pill, which outwardly giveth pleasure, but within is full of bitterness.
Another friend of Adrians, named Silvius, very black of face, and of evil shape of body, comming one day unto the Palace, all clad in white, Adrian said unto those that were present, That black face, with that white garment, seemeth no other, but a flie drowned in a spoonfull of milk.
There was in Rome a certain man named Enatius, somewhat entred in age, and of natural condition mutinous, ambitious, importune, intermedling, quarrellous, and full of garboyl. The Emperor Adrian being advertised that Enatius was dead, He fell into a great laughter, and sware, That he could not a little marvel how he could intend to die, considering his great business both night and day.
There was a Senator named Fabius Cat [...], a man of a small stature, which would soon be offended, and as soon be pleased; unto whom Adrian said, Since your chimney is so small, you must beware to lay much wood upon the fire, for otherwise it will be always smokie.
When a certain cunning man made offer to the [Page 57] Emperour Antonius Pius, to place him teeth wherewith to eat or speak; Antonius made answer: Since never from my heart proceeded feigned or double words, there shall never enter into my mouth feigned teeth.
Antonius alwayes, for the most part, went bare-headed; and one advising him the air of Rome to be very hurtful, and therefore necessary to have his head covered, answered, assure me from troubles of men on earth, and I am assured that nothing shall trouble me which the gods shall send me from heaven.
He sent Fulvius Tusculanus as Praetor into the Province of Mauritania, whom within half a year he deprived of his Office, for that he was both impatient and covetous; who complaining of the injury, said, that in times past he had been a friend unto Antonius, but now it was forgotten: Whereunto Antonius answered, Thou hast no reason thus unjustly to blame me, because the office was given thee by the Emperor, and not by Antonius; and since, thou didst not offend as Fulvius, but as Praetor; so I discharge thee of thy Office, not as Antonius thy old friend, but as Emperor of the Roman Empire.
Some speaking in his presence of Wars and Battels, that Julius Caesar, Scipio & Hannibal had fought and overcame in the field: Antonius Pius answered, Let every man hold opinion what he thinketh good, and praise what it pleaseth him; but for my own part, I do more glory in conserving peace many yeares, than with wars to conquer many battels.
Before he gave any government unto Praetors, [Page 58] Censors, or Questors, he caused them to give an Inventory of their own proper goods, that when their charges were finished, the increase of their wealth might be considered: Saying unto them, That he sent them to administer Justice, and not by fraud to rob Countries.
The Emperour Pertinax used to say, That, of Princes charging their Kingdomes with unjust tribute, there succeedeth a wilful denial of due and most just payments.
He had a Son whom the Romans would have Created Augustus; which he would never like of, or consent unto; saying, The gods never grant that, with the hopes of the Empire, my son should be nourished unto vice and idleness.
The Emperor Bassianus would often say, I know not what man, having bread to eat, or garments to wear, and cover himself on land, would (to become an Emperor) go to Sea.
The Emperor Alexander Severus was wont to say, Princes are not to be known by their vassals by their rich robes, but by their good works performed in their Common-wealths.
Lewis the 12th. King of France, when he heard that the Pope had extreamly cursed him; He said, That this was a Pope made to curse, but not to pray.
He had in King Charls his time been evilly used by divers, of whom he was advised to take revenge at his comming to the Crown: Whereunto he answered, That it became not a King of France to revenge the injuries done to a Duke of Orleans.
[Page 59]Looking upon the Roll of King Charls his servants, he found two that had been his dead enemies, upon each of whose names he made a cross; wherewith they being in great perplexity, supposed the gallows to be prepared for them: Which their fear being discovered to the King. He sent them word▪ To be of good cheer, for he had crossed all their evil deeds out of his remembrance.
When a certain Courtier complained grievously of his wives unchastness, The King bad him be of good cheer, for he that respected his wives incontinencie, or the Popes curse, should never sleep quiet night.
Charls of Bourbon had often in his mouth the Apothegme of a Gascoigne Gentleman, who being demanded by Charls the 7th. what reward might win him to break his faith with him, whereof he had made trial in so many important affairs? I could not be drawn thereunto (answered he) though I might have your Kingdom given me, or the Empire of the Earth, and all the treasures of the world; but I might be moved to doe it by an outrage that might be offered me, and for some injury that might touch mine Honour.
Plancus being told that Asinius Pollio had written certain Invective Orations against him, which should not be published till after Plancus his death, to the end they might not be answered by him. There is none (saith he) but Ghosts and Goblius that fight with the dead.
Peter Earl of Savoy, who to do his Liegehomage [Page 60] to the Emperor Otho the 4th. came before him in a two-fold attire; for he had on the one half of his body, on the right side, from the top downward, set out with cloth of gold: and the other half on the left side, covered with shining armour. The Emperor asking him what such a divers furniture meant? Sir, answered he, the attire of the right side is to honour your Imperial Majesty; this of the left, sheweth me ready to fight until the last gasp, against those that wish you ill, and speak ill of you.
Pope John the third, being asked what thing was farthest from the truth? The opinion of the common people (answered he) for all that they praise deserve blame; all that they think is nothing but vanity, all that they say is nothing but lying; they condemn the good, they approve the evil, they magnifie nothing but infamy.
Lewis the 11th. used this Apothegme, Where pride and presumption goe before▪ shame and loss follow after.
Dionysius having taken the City Reggio, and in it the Captain Phyton, he told him, how the day before he had caused his son and his kinsfolks to be drowned: To whom Phyton answered nothing, But that they were more happy than himself by the space of one day.
Thales being asked how a man might be cheerful, and bear up in afflictions: Answered, If he can see his enemies in worse case than himself.
A souldier being demanded by Nero, why he hated him: Answered him thus: I loved thee whilst thou nere worthy of love; but since [Page 61] thou becamest a paracide, a jugler, a player, and a coach-man, I hate thee as thou deservest.
Another being asked why he sought to kill him? answered, Because I find no other course to hinder thy uncessant outrages, and impious deeds.
Francis Duke of Britanny, Son to John the 5th, when he was spoken unto for a marriage between him and Isabel a Daughter of Scotland, and some told him she was but meanly brought up, and without any instruction of learning, answered, He loved her the better for it; and that a woman was wise enough, if she could but make difference between the shirt and doublet of her husband.
Demosthenes companions in their Embassage to Philip, praised their Prince to be fair, eloquent, and a good quaffer: Demosthenes said, They were commendations rather fitting a woman, an advocate, and a spunge, than a King.
Theodorus answered Lysimachus, who threatned to kill him: Thou shalt do a great exploit to come to the strength of a cantharides.
Aristotle being upbraided by some of his friends, that he had been over-merciful to a wicked man: I have indeed (quoth he) been merciful towards the man, but not towards his wickedness.
When an Epigramatist read his Epigrams in an Auditory, one of the hearers stopt him, and said, Did not I hear an Epigram to this purpose from you last year? Yes, says he, it's like you did: But is not that vice still in you this year, which last years Epigram reprehended?
Some came and told Philopoemen, the enemies [Page 62] are with us: To whom he answered, and why say you not that we are with them?
When Sicily did curse Dionysius, by reason of his cruelty, there was onely one old woman that pray'd God to lengthen his life: Whereat Dionysius wondering▪ asked her for what good turn she should do that? She Answered, That it was not love, but fear; for (said she) I knew your Grandfather a great tyrant, and the people desired his death; then succeeded your Father, more cruel than he, and now your self worse far than them both; so that I think if you die, the Devil must come next.
Pompey being in Sicily, pressing the Mammertines to acknowledge his authority, they sought to avoid it, pretending that they had Priviledges and ancient Decrees of the people of Rome. To whom Pompey answered in choler, Will you plead Law unto us, who have our swords by our sides?
When Lewis the 11th. demanded of Brezay▪ Senescall of Normandy, the reason why he said that his horse was great and strong, being but little, and of a weak stature: For that, answered Brezay, he carries you and all your counsel.
He said, That if he had entred his Reign otherwise than with fear and severity, he had serv'd for an example in the last Chapter of Boccace his book of unfortunate Noblemen.
Considering that Secrecy was the Soul and Spirit of all Designes: He said sometimes, I would burn my Hat, if it knew what was in my Head.
He remembring to have heard King Charls [Page 63] his Father say, that Truth was sick: He added, I believe that since she is dead, and hath not found any Confessor.
Mocking at one that had many Books, and little learning: He said, That he was like unto a crook-back't man, who carries a great bunch at his back▪ and never sees it.
Seeing a Gentleman which carried a goodly chain of gold, He said unto him that did accompany him; You must not touch it, for it is Holy: Shewing that it came from the spoil of Churches.
On a time seeing the Bishop of Chartre mounted on a Mule, with a golden bridle, He said unto him, that in times past Bishops were contented with an Ass, and a plain halter: The Bishop answered him, That it was at such times as Kings were shepherds, and did keep shee [...].
Abdolominus, a poor man, rich in plenty except plenty of riches; to whom Alexander of Macedon proffering the Kingdom of Sydon, who before was but a gardiner, was by him refused, saying, That he would take no care to lose that which he cared not to enjoy.
When one told a Reverend Bishop of a young man that Preached twice every Lords day, besides some Exercising in the week-days: It may be (said he) he doth talk so often, but I doubt he doth not Preach.
To the like effect Queen Elizabeth said to the same Bishop, when She had on the Friday heard one of those talking Preachers, much commended by some-body; and the Sunday after heard a well▪ labour'd Sermon, that smel [...] [Page 64] of the candle: I pray (said she) let me have your bosome-Sermons, rather than your lip-Sermons; for when the Preacher takes paines, the auditory takes profit.
When Dr. Day was Dean of Windsor, there was a Singing-man in the Quire, one Wolner, a pleasant fellow, famous for his eating, rather than his singing: Mr. Dean sent a man to him to reprove him, for not singing with his fellows; the messenger (that thought all worshipful that wore white Surplices) told him Mr. Dean would pray his worship to sing: Thank Mr. Dean (quoth Wolner) and tell him, I am as merry as they that sing.
A Husbandman dwelling near a Judge that was a great builder, and comming one day among divers of other neighbours, some of stone, some of tinn, the Steward, as the manner of the Country was, provided two tables for their dinners; for those that came upon request, powder'd beef, and perhaps venison; for those that came for hire, poor-John and apple-pyes: And having invited them in his Lordships name to sit down, telling them one board was for them that came in love, the other was for those that came for money; this husbandman and his hind sate down at neither, the which the Steward imputing to simplicity, repeated his former words again, praying them to sit down accordingly: But he answered, He saw no table for him, for he came neither for love nor money, but for very fear.
Scipio being made General of the Roman Army, was to name his Quaestor, or Treasurer [Page 65] for the Wars, whom he thought fit, being a place in those dayes (as is now) of great importance. One that took himself to have a special interest in Scipio's favour, was an earnest suitor for it; but by the delay, mistrusting he should have a denial, he importuned him one day for an answer. Think not unkindness in me, (said Scipio) that I delay you thus; for I have been as earnest with a friend of mine to take it, and yet cannot prevail with him.
A pleasant Courtier and Servitor of King Henry the 8ths. to whom the King had promised some good turn, came, and pray'd the King to bestow a living on him, that he had found our, worth 100 l. by the year, more than enough: Why, said the King, we have no such in England. Yes Sir (said he) the Provostship of Eaton; for, said he, he is allowed his diet, his lodging, his hors-meat, his servants wages, his ridingcharge, and 100 l. per annum besides.
Ellmar Bishop of London dealing with one Maddox, about some matters concerning Puritanisme, and he had answered the Bishop somewhat untowardly and thwartly, the Bishop said to him, Thy very name expresseth thy nature; for Maddox is thy name, and thou art as mad a beast as ever I talked with. The other not long to seek of an answer: By your favour, Sir, said he, your deeds answer your name righter than mine; for your name is Elmar, and you have marred all the Elms in Fulham, by lopping them.
In the dayes of Edward the 6th. the Lord Protector march't with a powerful Army into Scotland to demand their young Queen Mary [Page 66] in marriage to our King, according to their promises. The Scots refusing to do it, were beaten by the English in Musleborough-fight. One demanding of a Scotch Lord, taken prisoner, Now Sir, how do you like our Kings mariage with your Queen? I alwayes (quoth he) did like the marriage, but I do not like the wooing, that you should fetch a Bride with fire and sword.
Theocritus, to an ill Poet, repeating many of his verses, and asking which he liked best? Answered, Those which he had omitted.
Castruccio of Luca, saying to one that profest himself a Philosopher, You are of the condition of dogs, that alwayes goe about those who can best give them meat. No (sayes the party) we are like Physicians, who visit their houses that have most need of them.
Castruccio going from Pisa to Ligorn by water, and a dangerous storm there arising, and thereupon being much perplex'd, was reprehended by one of his followers as pusillanimous, saying himself was not afraid of any thing: To whom Castruccio reply'd, That he nothing marvel'd thereat; for every one valu'd his life according to it's worth.
Being asked by one, what he should doe to gain a good esteem? He answered him: See when thou goest to a Feast, that a block sit not upon a block.
When one boasted that he had read many things: Said Castruccio, It were better thou couldst brag thou hast remembred much.
Another bragging, Though he had tippled [Page 67] much, he was not drunk: Reply'd, An Oxe doe the same.
Castruccio kept a young Lass, which he lay with ordinarily; and thereupon being reprov'd by a friend, telling him that it was a great wrong to him, that he had suffer'd himself to be so taken by a wench: Thou art mistaken, said he, I took her, not she me.
Being one night in a house of one of his Gentlemen, where there were divers Ladies invited to a Feast; and he dancing and sporting with them, more than befitted his condition, was reproved by a friend: Answered, He that is held a wise man in the day-time, will never be thought a fool in the night.
When one ask'd him a favour with many and superfluous words; Castruccio said to him, Hereafter, when thou wouldst any thing with me, send another.
Having caus'd a Citizen of Luca to die, who had help'd him in his rising to his greatnesse; when it was said to him, he had ill done to put to death one of his old friends: He reply'd, You are deceiv'd, I have put to death a new enemy.
He said, He wondred much at men, that when they bought any vessel of earth or glass, they sound it first whether it be good; but in taking a wife, they are content onely to see her.
Seeing that one had written upon his house in latine, God keep the wicked hence; Said, The Master then must not enter here.
Treating with an Embassador of the King [Page 68] of Naples, touching some goods of the Borderers, whereat he was somewhat angry, when then the Embassador said, Fear you not the King then? Castruccio said, Is this your King good or bad? And he answering, That he was good, Castruccio replyed, Wherefore then should I be afraid of those that are good?
The Lord Tinteville said to a great Personage of France, that none could write the life of his deceased Master (Lewis the 11th.) so well as he. To whom he answered wisely: I am too much bound to him to speak the truth.
King James, being invited in a hunting journey, to dine with Sir Tho. J. of Barkshire; turning short at the corner of a Common, hapned near to a Country man, sitting by the heels in the stocks, who cryed Hosanna unto his Majesty, which invited him to ask the reason of his restraint? Sir Tho. said, It was for stealing a goose from the Common. The fellow reply'd, I beseech your Majesty be Judge who is the greater thief, I for stealing geese from the Common, or his Worship for robbing the Common from the geese? By my sale, Sir (said the King to Sir [...]ho.) Ise not dine to day on your dishes, till you restore the Common for the poor to feed their flocks. Which was forthwith granted to them, and the witty fellow set free.
Prince Henry was never heard to swear an oath: And it was remembred at his Funeral-Sermon by the Arch-Bishop; That he being commended by one, for not replying with passion in play, or swearing to the truth: He should answer, That he knew no game or value [Page 69] to be won or lost, could be worth an Oath.
There was a Duel between two eminent Persons of the Turks, and one slain: The Council of Bashaws reprehended the other thus: How durst you undertake to fight one with the other? Are there not Christians enough to kill? Did you not know, that whether of you were slain, the loss would be the Great Seigniors.
King James having made a large and learned Speech to the Parliament, the Lord Keeper, as Speaker to the Peers, whose place there usually adds to the Kings mind and meaning, thus excuses himself: After the Kings Eloquence to be silent; not to enamel a gold ring with studs of iron. As one sayes of Nerva, That having adopted Trajane, he was immediately taken away: Ne post divinum & immortale factum, aliquid mortale saceret; So he durst not after his Majesties divinum & immortale dictum, mortale aliquid addere.
Alphonsus King of Arragon, seeing a young Lady dance with a Gentleman who made love to her, said to him, Comfort your self, this Sybil will quickly render the Oracle you ask: Because the Sybils gave no answers but in motion.
The Monk, who ambitious of martyrdom, told the Souldan, That he was was come into his Court, to die for Preaching of the Truth; was answered, He needed not to have rambled so far for death, for he might easily find it among his Princes at home.
Antigonus being asked by his own son, what time he would remove his Camp? He said, The sound of the trumpet should give them notice.
[Page 70]The Conspirator had learn'd the lesson of silence well; who being asked his knowledge, answered, If I had known it, you had never known it.
Pyrrhus King of the E [...]irotes, having in two set Battels, with great loss of men, put the Romans to the worst, and hearing by a Favourite of his, this his so great good fortune smoothingly congratulated: He said unto him, That two Victories indeed he had gotten of them, but them so dear, that should he at the same rate buy a third, the purchase would no less than undo him.
A souldier of Augustus, when his enemies throat was in his power, hearing the Retreat sounded, gave over his violence, with these words; Malo obedire Duci, quàm occidere hostem.
The Janizaries are very true to a man that trusts himself with them, and patient in bearing abuses. One of them being strucken by an Englishman, as they travelled through Morea, did not onely not revenge it, nor abandon him to the pillage and outrage of others, but conducted him unto Zant in safety: Saying, God forbid, that the villany of another should make him betray the charge that was committed to his trust.
A great Courtier of the great Moguls, noted to be a great neglecter of God, a souldier of approved valour; but being in dalliance with one of his women, she pluckt an hair from his brest, which grew about his nipple, which presently began to fester, and in short time after became a canker incurable: Seeing he must die, he uttered these words: Who would have thought but [Page 71] that I, who have been so long bred a Souldier, should have died in the face of my enemy, by some instrument of war, &c? But now (though too late) I am forced to confess, that there is a great God above, whose Majesty I have ever despised, that needs no bigger lance than an hair to kill an Atheist, or a despiser of his Majesty.
King Henry the 7th. having pressed Doctor Fisher to the Bishoprick of Rochester, all men thinking it to proceed from the request of the Lady Margaret, the Kings Mother, and his Mistris: The King said; Indeed the modesty of the man, together with my Mothers silence, spake in his behalf.
He refused the Bishopricks of Lincoln and Ely, proffered him by Henry the 8th. contenting himself with his former, though less: Saying, Others have larger pastures, but I have lesser charge of souls; so that when I shall be called to an account for both, I shall be the better able to give an account of either.
Bishop Fisher, having all his plate stolne in one night, his servant pursuing the thieves, found some pieces that they had let fall by the way; the Bishop observing the next day the sad countenances of his servants, when knowing the cause, said: If this be all, we have more cause to rejoyce, that God hath restor'd us to some, than to be discontented that wicked men have taken away any; for the least favour of God Almighty, is more to be esteemed, than all the evil (which the Devil and all his wicked instruments can do unto us) therefore let us sit down and be merry, thank God it is no worse, and look ye better to the rest.
[Page 72]Sir Thomas Moore, meeting the Bishop going before the Kings Commissioners at Lambeth, saluted him in these terms: Well met my Lord, I hope we shall meet in heaven. To which the Bishop reply'd: This should be the way, Sir Thomas, for it is a very streight gate we are in. They both suffer'd for refusing the Oath of Supremacy.
The Bishop would alwayes say, That the remembrance of death came never out of season.
The Bishops man being clapt up a close prisoner, and threatned to be hanged (for carrying letters from his Master to Sir Thomas Moore) they then being both prisoners in the Tower) asked the Keeper, If there were another Act of Parliament come forth, whereby a man should be hang'd for serving his Master.
When Henry the 8th. was told the Bishops resolve, to accept of the Cardinals Hat, if the Pope sent it to him: The King said; Yea, is he yet so lusty? Well, let the Pope send him a Hat when he will, Mother of God, he shall wear it on his shoulders then, for I will leave him never a head to set it on.
Cardinal Poole saith of Bishop Fisher (in an Epistle Dedicatory to Henry the 8th.) That if an Embassador had been to be sent from earth to heaven, there could not among all the Bishops and Clergy so fit a man be chosen as he.
A foreign Embassador, some 200 years since, comming to Durham, addressed himself first to the high and sumptuous Shrine of St. Cuthbert, If thou beest a Saint, pray for me. Then comming to the plain, low, and little Tomb of St. Bede, Because, said he, thou art a Saint, good Bede pray for me.
[Page 73] Richard the [...]d. said no less spightfully than falsly of the Woodvills (brethren to the Wife of his brother King Edward the 4th. by whom they were advanced) That many were made noble, who formerly were not worth a noble.
One asked which was the best Edition of St. Augustine? To whom this answer was given (generally true of all ancient Authors) Even that Augustine which is least corrected.
There is a tradition of King Henry the 8ths. fool, comming into the Court, and finding the King transported with an unusual joy, boldly asked of him the cause thereof: To whom the King answered; It was because the Pope had honoured him with a style more eminent than any of his Ancestors. O good Harry (quoth the fool) let thou and I defend one another, and let the faith alone to defend it self.
The Lady Katherine, King Henry the 8ths. divorced Wife, was wont to say, She accounted no time lost, but what was laid out in dressing of her.
Once an Eloquent Orator, free only of words, being otherwise extreamly covetous, made a large and elegant Oration in Latine▪ to perswade others bountifully to contribute to a proper object of charity, whilst he himself would not part with one penny to that purpose. To whom one of his Audience (though far his inferiour in Eloquence) made this sharp but short return: Qui suadet; sua det. Let him who seeks to perswade others, give something of his own.
Henry the 5th. having born away the Crown, [Page 74] supposing his Father had been dead; when his Father used these words, How I came by it, and what right I have unto it, God knows: He said, I am to receive it from you, as your next heir; and howsoever you came by it, I will keep the possession of it by the sword, against all mine enemies.
When Gowry was led to the Tower, a friend of his told him, Ah, my Lord, I am sorry you had no more wit. Tush (quoth he) thou know'st not what thou sayest, when sawest thou a fool come hither?
When the Romans had nominated Titus Manlius Torquatus to be Consul, he alledging the infirmity of his eyes, refused the honour, and said▪ He should bring in a very ill and pernitious example, if he should undertake to govern the Common-wealth with other mens eyes.
Charls the 9th. King of France, offered to the Prince of Conde his choise, whether he would go to Masse, or choose perpetual banishment, or imprisonment? What, replyed he? to goe to Masse, is simply a sin, therefore I will never choose that; but to choose either perpetual banishment, or imprisonment, that I cannot doe, for then I should imply a certain guiltiness in my self; but it is in your power, O King, to inflict which you please, and I am ready to suffer.
When Dionysius presented three whores before Aristippus, bidding him make choise of them: He said, That Paris had such bad success for choosing one of that kind, that he would never make choise of one of the three.
A certain Scholar amongst the Jews, asked one [Page 75] of the Rabbies, his Master, Whether he might read any of the humane Writers, or not? He gave him this Answer: You may read them, provided you read them neither day nor night.
Apelles, when his boy shew'd him a painted Table, and told him that it was done in haste: He answered, He might have spared to tell him so, for the work sufficiently shew'd it.
Luther said, The Cardinals were like Foxes, sweeping the house with their tails, raising more dust than they cleansed.
Mr. Greenham answered one that spake somewhat in his own disparagement: Oh (said he) why do you praise your self so much?
Espenceus saith of the Bishops in the Council of Trent; They were learned in their assistants.
Du Mouline said of Roniface his Extravagants, They will doe well with a sword in hand.
The Roman General said of a recruited Army of Enemies, That those African Nations, muster'd under several names, were but the same men whom they had formerly beaten under the notion of Carthaginians.
When a Roman Senator asked the Carthaginian Embassador, How long the Peace should last? That (saith he) will depend on the Conditions you give us, If Just and Honourable, they will hold for ever; but if otherwise, no longer than till we have power to break them.
Batton Desidiale, who moved the people of Dalmatia to rebel against the Romans (seeing them opprest too much with tributes and exactions) making such sharp war against them, [Page 76] as Tyberius the Emperor asked him on a time, why he had caused the people to take Arms? To whom he answered b [...]dly, That the Romans were the cause thereof; for they, in sending them shepherds with good dogs to preserve them, they had sent them wolves which devoured them.
The Emperor Maximilian the 2d. could not endure that War should be made for Religion; and was wont to say, That it was a deadly sin to seek to force mens consciences, the which belongs to God only.
At the Treaty for delivery of the Town of Antwerp, the Hollanders insisting upon explaining the word, scandal, &c. the Duke of Parma said: Can you not do as the Countryman did at Rome, who passing along the streets before an Ecce homo (which is the figure of the representation which Pilate made of our Saviour Jesus Christ unto the people) having made reverence, and passing on, he bethought himself that Pilate might attribute this honour unto himself; wherefore turning and putting off his hat again, He said, It is to the Christ, not to the Pilate.
Pieresk us, the famous Frenchman, was wont to say, That whosoever seeks after the uncertain good things of this world, should think and resolve, that he gathers as well for thieves, as for himself.
Plato saith, That the Lawes of Necessity are so inevitable, that the gods themselves cannot alter them.
Caracalla having miserably impoverished the people, his Mother reproved him: To whom he shewing his naked sword, replyed, [Page 77] As long as I have this, I will not want.
Aurelian demanding how he might govern well? Was answered by a great Personage: You must be provided with iron and gold; iron to use against your enemies, and gold to reward your friends.
The Caliph of Babylon demurring to give the Embassador of Almerick (King of Jerusalem) his hand bare, but gave it him in his glove. To whom the resolute Earl of Caesarea said: Sir, truth seeks no holes to hide it self; Princes that will hold Covenants, must deal openly and nakedly; give us therefore your bare hand, we will make no bargain with your glove.
Lewis King of France, going the second time to the Holy Land, passing by Avignon, some of the City wronged his Souldiers; wherefore his Nobles desired him to besiege the City, the rather, because it was suspected that therein his Father was poysoned. To whom Lewis most Christianly: I come not out of France to revenge my own quarrels, or those of my Father or Mother, but injuries offer'd to Jesus Christ.
Lewis severely punished blasphemies, searing their lips with an hot iron. And because by his command it was executed upon a great rich Citizen of Paris, some said, He was a Tyrant. He hearing it, said before many: I would to God, that with searing my own lips, I could banish out of my Realm all abuse of Oaths.
It was the Speech of Gustavus Adolphus, but three dayes before his death: Our affairs (saith he) answer our desires; but I doubt God will punish me for the folly of the people, who attribute too [Page 78] much unto me, and esteem me as it were their God; and therefore he will make them shortly know and see I am but a man. He be my witness, it is a thing distasteful unto me: And whatever befall me, I receive it as from his divine will; onely in this I rest fully satisfied, that he will not leave this great enterprize of mine imperfect.
Hormisda being asked what he thought of Rome? Said, He took contentment in this onely, that he had now learned, how even there also men are mortal.
Socrates, appointed to suffer death, would learn to sing: And being asked what good it would do him, seeing he was to die the next day? He answered thus: Even that I may depart out of this life, learning more than I knew before.
Themistocles, after a Battel fought with the Persians, espying a pair of bracelets, and a collar of gold, lying on the ground, Take up those things (quoth he, speaking to one of his company that stood near unto him) thou art not Themistocles.
A Jew being turned Turk, soon after, buying of grapes of another Turk, fell at variance with him about weighing the grapes; from words they fell to blows, and the Jew-Turk beat the other, which he endured very patiently, to encourage him (as it seem'd) in his new Religion. Soon after another Jew came to the Turk who had been beaten, and demanded of him why he suffered himself to be so abused? Who answered, You shall beat me as much, if you will turn Musulman. So zealous are they to win Proselytes.
[Page 79] Philip the 2d. King of Spain was devoted to his Religion in so intense a degree, that he would often say, If the Prince his Son were an Heretick, or Schismatick, he would himself find fuel to burn him.
The Chyrurgeons being lancing his knee one day, the Prince his Son ask'd him, Whether it did not pain him much? He answered, My sins pain me much more.
Reading a letter that brought him the newes of the loss of his Fleet in 88. He said (without the least motion, or change of countenance) Welcome be the will of God; I sent my Cousin, the Duke of Medina, to fight with men, not with the Elements.
He used to have a saying often in his mouth: Time and I will challenge any two in the world.
Bias being demanded by a wicked man, what was piety? He was silent: The other asking the reason of his silence: I answer not (saith he) because you enquire after that which nothing concerns you.
It was the sentence of Cleobolus: Do good to your friend, that he may be more your friend; to your enemy, that he may become your friend.
To one who reproved Anaxagoras, for not taking care of his Country: Wrong me not, said he, my greatest care is my Country. Pointing to the Heavens.
Portugal being revolted, the Conde D'Olivares came smiling to the King (Philip the 4th.) saying, Sir, I pray you give me las albricias to hansel the good newes; for now you are more absolute King of Portugal than ever, for the people have forfeited [Page 80] all their priviledges by this Rebellion: [...]esides, the Estate of the Duke of Briganza, with all his Complices, are yours by right of Confiscation; so that you have enough to distribute among your old loyal servants by way of reward.
Attabali [...]a, a wild Pagan King▪ when he heard that his Kingdom was given by the Pope to the King of Spain: Surely (said he) that Pope must be an egregious fool, or some unjust and impudent tyrant, that will undertake to bestow other mens possessions so freely.
An Indian being to die, was perswaded by a Franciscan Frier to turn Christian, and then he should go to heaven. He asked, Whether there were any Spaniards in heaven? Yes, said the Frier, 'tis full of them. Nay, then (said he) I had rather go to hell, than have their company.
It was an excellent saying of Herod the Sophist, when he was pained with the Gout in his hands and feet: When I would eat (said he) I have no hands; when I would go, I have no feet; but when I must be pained, I have both hands and feet.
John, King of Hungary, used oftentimes to say, That the favour and love of valiant men, gotten by bounty and courtesie, was the best treasures of a Prince, for that courteous and thankeful men did oftentimes, in some one worthy piece of service, plentifully repay whatsoever had been bestow'd upon them; as for such as were unthankeful, they did, to their shame, bear the testimony of another mans virtue.
After the Victory of Lepanto, one of the chief of the Turkish prisoners, hearing it compared to the loss of Cyprus, said: That the Battel lost, [Page 81] was unto Selymus, as if a man should shave his beard, which would ere long grow again; but the loss of Cyprus was unto the Venetians as the loss of an arm, which once cut off, could never be again recovered.
A Countryman in Spain, comming to an Image inshrin'd, the extraction and first making whereof he could well remember; and not finding from the same that respectful usage which he expected: You need not (quoth he) be so proud, for I have known you from a Plum-tree.
A Persian in England attending on the Embassador, anno 1626. who perceiving wealthy people in London, in the time of the plague, tumultuously posting to their Country-houses: What (saith he) have the Englishmen two Gods, the one for the City, and the other for the Country?
Frederick, Burgrave of Noremberg (which he obtained of the Emperor Sigismond, for his many good Services) making his Will, he intended to give that charge to his second Son Frederick; and acquainting his eldest Son John, (who was a contemplative man) answered: I did always think that Frederick had been more dear to you than my self, which did somewhat grieve me; but now, dear Father, I will change my opinion, and love and honour you, who by your last Will bequeath rest to me, and cares to him.
Caesar was counselled to have a guard alwayes about him. Whereto he answered: That he would have none; for he would rather die once, than live continually in jealousie and fear.
After his Victory in Spain, against Pompey's Sons (considering the danger he had been in) [Page 82] he used to say, That only that day he fought for his life, and in all other Battels, ever for honour and victory.
When the Captaines and Souldiers would have given Valentinian a companion and equal in the Empire, He told them: It was in your hands, and in your pleasure, when I was not Emperor, to give me the government and command of the Empire; but now, that I have the government, and am in possession thereof, it is no part of your charge, neither ought you to intermeddle therein, for that it is my charge onely.
Valentinian the 2d. caused Ecius his General against Atila to be slain, having some suspition of him; but demanding of Proximus, a discreet and noble Roman, Whether he had not followed the best and most profitable Counsel, by putting Ecius to death? He answered: Whether the Emperor hath put Ecius to death with, or without reason, I dare not determine; but this I dare affirm, that by killing him, thou hast with thy own left hand cut off thy right.
The Emperor Henry the 4th. having slain his Competitor Rodulph, whose servants going about to bury the body of their deceased Lord, with the Ensignes and Ornaments of the Emperor, some asked of the Emperor Henry, Wherefore he suffered Rodulph to be buried with such honour, seeing he was a Tyrant, and his enemy? Whereto he answered: I would to God that all mine enemies were like Rodulph, buried with the Ornaments and Ensigns of Emperors.
David Game, one of the bravest and most [Page 83] judicious Souldier of his time, being sent by Henry the 5th. to make an estimate of the number of the French Army (which infinitely exceeded the number of the English) went to the top of an hill, and seeing all the Champion covered with Tents, and blazing with fires, brought word back, That there were enough of them to be slain, enough to be taken prisoners, and enough to be made run away.
A Kentish Knight, having spent a great Estate at Court, and brought himself to one Park, and a fine house in it, was yet ambitious to entertain the Queen at it; and to that purpose had new painted his gates, with a Coat of Arms, and Motto, over-written thus, OIA VANITAS in great golden letters, the Treasurer Burleigh offering to read it, desired to know of the Knight what he meant by OIA? who told him it stood for Omnia: The Lord replyed: Sir, I wonder, having made your Omnia so little as you have, you notwithstanding make your Vanitas so large.
The Philospher, when he saw a vain proud Gull, He wished (he said) that all his friends were but such as that man thought himself, and all his enemies such as he was.
Epiphanius having stay'd long at Constantinople, and being to take ship to return home again, he said: He was leaving three great things, a great City, a great Palace, and great Hypocrisie.
Bishop Andrews, whom no man will envy the reputation of one of the greatest Clerks in his Age, when a plain man came seriously to [Page 84] him, and asked his opinion concerning an obscure passage in the Revelation: Answered: My friend, I am not come so far.
Henry the 4th. King of France, used to say; That in his Kingdome he observed there was a double tribute used to be paid: One to the King, the other to his Officers; but the first was made intollerable by the second.
Tierceline, a Knight of very ancient Extraction, observing in his time, the sale of Honours and Offices, nay, the highest Dignitie of all, which is St. Michaels Order, was prostant for money: He said; The Order of St. Michael was become a Collar now for every Asse.
Robert, Duke of Normandy, when he was going to the Holy Sepulcher, being met by one of his own Subjects, as he was mounted upon a great Saracens back; and being much tyr'd, he said: Commend me to all in Normandy, and tell them, I am going to heaven upon the Devils back.
It was a witty saying of King James, when he was onely King of Scotland, when he received a Caveat from his Godmother Queen Elizabeth of England, to take heed of the Spanish Fleet; He answered: For his part he desired but one request of the Spaniard, such a one as that Polyphemus had promised Ulysses, that when he had devour'd others, he would swallow him last of all.
After the loss of Calais, an English Captain, having truss'd up his bag and baggage, to goe for England, as he was going out of [Page 85] the gates, in a jeering way, was ask'd, O Englishmen, when will ye back again to France? The Captain, with a sad and serious countenance, answered: When the sins of France are greater than the sins of England, then will the English return to France.
When one told Tyberius the Emperor, of some aspersions that were cast abroad upon him; He answered: We are not angry that there are some who speak ill of us; it is enough that we are in such a condition, that no body can do us any ill.
Two Persian Embassadors were imploy'd to Pope Ʋrban the 5th. who being admitted, and desired to deliver their Embassage as succinctly as they could, in regard of the Popes indisposition; yet they made a long tedious Oration, which did disquiet his Holiness, as it was observed by the Auditors; the first Embassador having at last concluded, the second subjoyned very wittily, saying: We have this moreover given to us in charge, that if you will not condescend to our demands, this my Colleague must repeat his Speech again, and make some additions to it. The Pope was so much taken with this, that he presently dismissed both of them very well satisfied for the business they came about.
A Gentleman, who in a Duel was rather scratcht than wounded, sent for a Chyrurgeon, who having opened the wound, charged his man with all speed to fetch such a salve from such a place in his Study. Why (said the Gentleman) is the hurt so dangerous? Oh yes (answered the Chyrurgeon) if he returns [Page 86] not in post-haste, the wound will cure it self, and so I shall lose my Fee.
A notable fellow, and a souldier to Alexander, finding his first admission to be the greatest difficulty, put feathers into his nose and eares, and danced about the Court in an Antique fashion, till the strangeness of the Show brought the King himself to be a Spectator. Then this mimick throwing off his disguise; Sir (said he to the King) thus I first arrive at your Majesties notice in the fashion of a Fool, but can do you service in the place of a wise man, if you please to employ me.
A man full of words, who took himself to be a grand wit, made his brag that he was the leader of the discourse in what company soever he came; and none, said he, dare speak in my presence, if I hold my peace. No wonder, answered one, for they are all struck dumb at the miracle of your silence.
When once a Gentleman admired how so pithy, learned, and witty a Dedication was match'd to a flat, dull, foolish Book: In truth, said another, they may be well match'd together, for I profess they are nothing a kin.
A Gentleman travelling in a mysty morning, ask'd of a shepherd what weather it would be? It will be (saith the shepherd) what weather shall please me: And being requested to express his meaning: Sir, saith he, it shall be what weather pleaseth God, and what weather pleaseth God, pleaseth me.
A rich man told a poor man, that he walked to get a stomach for his meat: And I, [Page 87] (said the poor man) walk to get meat for my stomach.
A rich landed Fool, whom a Courtier had begg'd, and carried about to wait on him, comming with his Master to a Gentlemans house, where the picture of a fool was wrought in a fair suit of Arras, cut the picture out with a pen-knife; and being chidden for so doing. You have more cause, said he, to thank me; for if my Master had seen the picture of the fool, he would have begg'd the hangings of the King, as he did my lands.
When the standers by comforted a natural which lay on his death-bed, and told him that four proper fellows should carry his body to the Church: Yea (quoth he) but I had rather by half go thither my self.
One braved a Gentleman to his face, that in skill and valour he came far behind him: 'Tis true (said the other) for when I fought with you, you ran away before me.
Sir Francis Drake, riding within the Road of Port-Rico, a shot from the Castle enter'd the Steerage of the Ship, took away the stool from under him as he sate at supper, wounded Sir Nicholas Clifford and Brute Brown to death. Ah! dear Brute (said Drake) I could grieve for thee, but now is no time for me to let down my spirits.
One walking in London-streets, met a gallant, who cry'd to him a pretty distance before-hand, I will have the wall. Yea (answer'd he) and take the house too, if you can but agree with the Land-lord.
[Page 88]It was a mannerly answer which a young Gentleman gave to King James, when he asked him what kin he was to such a Lord of his name? Please your Majesty, said he, my elder brother is his Cousin-german.
When one, being an Husbandman, challenged kindred of Robert Grosthead Bishop of Lincoln, and thereupon requested the favour of him to bestow an Office on him. Cousin, (quoth the Bishop) if your Cart be broken, i'le mend it, if your Plough old, i'le give you a new one, and Seed to sow your Land; but an Husbandman I found you, and an Husbandman I'le leave you.
Arminius meeting Baudius one day disguised with drink, he told him, Tu Baudi dedecoras nostram Academiam: Et tu Armini (answered he) nostram Religionem: Thou Baudius disgracest our Universitie; and thou Arminius our Religion.
Henry the 4th. of France, being troubled with a fit of the Gout, and the Spanish Embassador comming then to visit him, and saying he was sorry to see his Majesty so lame, He answered: As lame as I am, if there were occasion, your Master the King of Spain, should no sooner have his foot in the stirrup, but he should find me on horsback.
King James asking the Lord Keeper Bacon, what he thought of a French Embassador, who had then lately had his Audience? He answered, That he was a tall proper man. His Majesty reply'd, but what think you of his [Page 87] head-piece? Is he a proper man for the Office of an Embassador? Sir, said Bacon: Tall men are like high houses of four or five stories, wherein commonly the uppermost room is worst furnished.
Lewis the 9th. who, in the Catalogue of the French Kings, is call'd St. Lewis, was Baptized in the little Town of Poyssy; and after his return from Aegypt, and other places against the Saracens, being asked by what Title he would be distinguished from the rest of his Predecessors after his death? He answered, That he desired to be called Lewis of Poyssy. Reply being made, That there were divers other places and Cities of Renown, where he had performed brave Exploits, and obteined famous Victories, therefore it was more fitting that some of those places should denominate him. No, said he, I desire to be called Lewis of Poyssy, because there I got the most glorious Victory that ever I had; for there I overcame the Devil: Meaning that he was Christned there.
Don Beltran de Rosa, being to marry a rich Labradors (a Yeomans) daughter, which was much importun'd by her Parents to the match, because their Family should be thereby ennobled, he being a Cavalier of St. Jag [...]: The young Maid having understood that Don Beltran had been in Naples, and had that disease about him, answered wittily: Truly, Sir, To better my blood, I will not hurt my flesh.
It was the answer of Vespasian to Apollonius, desiring entrance and access for Dion and Euphrates, [Page 90] two Philosophers: My gates are always open to Philosophers, but my very breast is open unto thee.
It is reported of Cosmo de Medici, that having built a goodly Church, with a Monastery thereunto annex'd, and two Hospitals, with other monuments of Piety, and endow'd them with large Revenues, as one did much magnifie him for these extraordinary works; he answer'd: 'Tis true, I imploy'd much treasure that way; yet when I look over my Leiger-book of accounts, I do not find that God Almighty is indebted to me one penny, but I am still in the arrear to him.
It was a brave generous saying of a great Armenian-Merchant, who having understood how a vessel of his was cast away, wherein there was laden a rich Cargazon upon his sole account, he strook his hand upon his breast, and said: My heart, I thank God, is still afloat, my spirits shall not sink with my ship, nor go an inch lower.
Sir Edward Herbert being Embassador in France, there hapned some classings between him and the great French Favourite Luynes; whereupon he was told that Luynes was his enemy, and that he was not in a place of security there: Sir Edward gallantly answered, That he held himself to be in a place of Security wheresoever he had his sword by him.