A Pallace without a Presence! A White-Hall clad in fable vestments! A Court without a Court! These are misteries, and miseries, which the silken ages of this peacefull Island have not beene acquainted with, That the Feild should be turn'd to Court, and the Court in to a desert! Majesty had wont to sit inthron'd within those glorious Walls, da [...]t­ing their splendour with more awfull brightnesse then the great Lu­minaries in the Firmament, And with the same life and vigour Che­rishing the hearts of their admiring followers, And creating to those Favourites on whom their beames of grace reflected, names of ho­nour, and estates to maintaine it till the Worlds end, and now all things as in a Chaos, involv'd and wrap't up in the black mists of con­fusion, and desolation.

To begin at the entrance into the Court, where there had wont to be a continuall throng, either of Gallants standing to ravish them­selves with the sight of Ladies hansome Legs and Insteps as they tooke Coach; Or of the tribe of guarded Liveries, by whom you could scarce passe without a jeare or a saucy answer to your question; now if you would aske a question there is no body to make answer, no nor to stop a pursuing Bayly, if you should take that for your Sanctuary.

If you have no more manners of your selfe, you may pisse in the Porters Lodge, and never feare the losse of your Hat, for neither the Gyant that stood there to be seene, nor he that stood there to take gratuities, are now in rerum natura.

Being entred the Court-yard which had wont to be a Schoole of Complement, where the young Courtiers us'd to shew their new brought over French cringes, and the whole body wrigled into a gesture of Salutation; Now if you have a mind to excercise ther's room enough, you may complement against the Lenten pulpit, and no body to laugh at you.

You may without a rub, walke into the Hall, for surely there are no strong smells out of the Kitching to delight your Nostrells with all, no Provision to bee sould, nor the greasie Scullions to bee seene over Head and Eares in a Kettle full of Kidnies, nor any thing else to stoppe your progresse into the House. And when you are in the Hall, for ought I know, you might as well have kept you out on't unlesse you would discourse with Mistres Eccho, or play at Shitle-Cocke by your selfe, for ther's no body to play with you.

If you steppe up Staires to the Guard Chamber, where His Majesties great Beefe-eaters had wont to sit in attendance on their places, which was nothing but to tell Tales, devoure the beave­rage, keepe a great fire, and carry up Dishes, wherein their fin­gers would bee sometimes before they came to the Kings Table, now they are all vanisht, nothing left but the bare Walls, and a cold Harth, from whence the Fire-irones are removed too, and as 'its thought converted into shooes for light Horses. The great black-Jackes set under the Table, all full of Cobwebs, and the drinking Dishes being pocket carriage you cannot but divine their fate.

You may walke into the Presence Chamber with your Hat, Spurres, and Sword on, And if you will presume to be so unmanner­ly, you may sit downe in the Chaire of State, and no body say blacks your Eye, for now a dayes common men doe sit in the Chaire of State.

If you be minded to survey the Lodgings and withdrawing rooms, you shall finde those rich and costly hangings of Persian Arras and Turky-worke, (like the Bishops) for their pride taken downe, And some (like the Bishops) thrown in the Tower, and the rest clapt close [Page] Prisonets in the Wardrop, unlesse it were those that (like the Bishop) made escape to Yorke before the wars began, The very walls as if they were sensible of this calamitie, doe weepe dowre their plaister in griefe that their Ornaments should suffer so hard a fortune.

I should lead you into the Bed-Chamber, but that the Genlemen, and Grooms of it would take me for a saucy fellow, besides it may be a question whether there be a Bed left there or no, for the Chamber to be call'd so by.

But you may imploy your time in peeping into the out Offices, And lest the close-house should offend your stomack, you may please to walke out upon that Exchange of Projectors, the Tarras, where th'Attendants upon the Councell Yable had wont to coole their toes, and by their whispering consultations digest every trade into the forme of monopolies, and invent arguments of the King­doms good and his Majesties benefit to put forward the same, Now you may walke a whole day and not a great Ruffe, a Satin Cap with eares, and a bag of informations by his side, (the Emblem of a Patten­ree) to be seene.

There is no use of the Councell Board it selfe, a bare Vote of the House of Commons is of validity to frustrate or at least controwle an Act of State.

The compting house which us'd to have a constant attendance of importunate suitors, is a place grown out of remembrāce; And though you would give a Cofferrer's Clarke 20. l. to helpe you to 30, your Debentur will not be accepted, unlesse you please to leave the bribe with him till such time as Iupiter come down againe in a shower of Gould: And then upon the faith of a Courtier, you may believe you shall receive your money, in the meane time if you be minded to waite, you will not be discouraged, for ther's no body left to give you a surly answer.

At the Lodgings of the severall Lords and Gentlemen, where the smell and odour of the persumes and tinctures of a mornings curling, and dressing, made your attendance not to seem tedious but gave a de­light to your frequent and long solicitation, now ther's nothing but the raw sent of moist walls, and all as silent as midnight.

If you love fasting you may goe to the Chappell, but as for praying there is no such thing within those walls, unlesse you can pray for your selfe, which if you can doe according to the way of praying now used, it is then a questiō whether you wil be drawn to go into so [Page] superstitious a place as that is, if there were any Service, as there is none.

In the Cockpit and Revelling Roomes, where at a Play or Masque the darkest night was converted to the brightest Day that ever shin'd, by the luster of Torches, the sparkling of rich Jewells, and the variety of those incomparable and excellent Faces, from whence the other derived their brightnesse, where beauty sat inthron'd in [...]o full glory, that had not Phaeton fir'd the World, there had wanted a Comparative whereunto to paralell the refulgencie of their bright-shining splendor, Now you may goe in without a Ticket or the danger of a broken-pate, you may enter at the Kings side, walke round about the Theaters, view the Pullies, the Engines, conveyances, or contrivances of every several Scaene And not an Usher o'th Revells, or Engineere to envy or finde fault with your discovery, although they receive no gratuitie for the sight of them.

There is no presse at the Wine-Sellor Dores and Windowes, no gaping noise amongst the angry Cookes in the Kitchings, no wayting for the opening of the Posterne-dore to take water at the Stayres, no racket nor balling in the Tenis Court, no throng nor rumbling of Coaches before the Court Gates, but all in a dumbe silence, as the Pallace stood not neere a well peopled City, but as if it were the decay'd buildings of ruin'd Troy, where scarce a passenger is known to tread once in twenty yeares.

The Officers in ordinary since they knew the price of Victu­alls by experience at their owne charge, are growne warie hus­bands, and seldome seene in Tavernes, because a great part of their Revenew which had wont to be spent there, is now bestowed the other way.

The Rangers, and Keepers of the Parkes, doe say that instead of Shoulders, Heads and Umbles for Fees, they are faine (poore soules God helpe them) to take whole Deere to themselves, And therefore you may cease your admiration at the miracle of so great store of Uenison, to be sould at the Cookes-shops about London this yeare.

The Pages and Gentlemen-Ushers, who had wont to receive bribes for preferring of Dancing Masters, Persumers, Jewelles, T [...]re-Women Confectioners, Glovers, Silkemen, &c. to Court custome, have now lesse money then the groomes, in respect the Lords and [Page] Ladies being retir'd from the Court have abated much of the changable Gallantry whereunto they had wont every day to meta­morphise themselves.

'Tis thought the Maydes of honour will now be content to take Country Esquires for their Husbands, and that of lesse estates then a thousand pounds Per Annum, because they imagine the King and Queens Favour to be no perpetuall inheritance.

The wayting Gentle-women whose wits were so sharpe set that you could not deliver a message without a scoffe, and were sure to have a full relation made to her Lady of your forme, your carriage, your garbe, language and whole deportment, and it serv'd to make sufficient discourse to keepe favour, being now in the Country are growne into greene sicknesses, and deepe consumptions, with very griefe that the Tenants are so dull headed that they cannot under­stand Court-jeasts, whereby their wits are deprived of their proper commendations.

The Sticklers or Women of trust, that held favour by keeping sweetmeats from the whole Family, and eating them themselves, and by giving inteligence of the faults of the houshould, are growne rea­sonable honest of their bodies, because the Country affords no provo­catives above Turky Egs, Artichokes, Butter'd-Ale and Hony-sops, which certainly are not so great incendiaries of rebellious bloud, as Muskadell Caudells, and Amber possets, wherewith their fine chaps were so fed that they were grown to such a height of body as requir'd private conference with the Groome o'th Chambers to tame it, And yet a stranger might not aproach them without a reverent comple­ment, and kissing their white hands though they were forsooth but newly come from off the close-stoole.

The Chambermaides and Damsells of the Napery too are all disperst, some are gone downe to the Ditchers, and Herds-men their Fathers, there to weare out the Silkes, the Scarfes, and broad Laces, and then returne to honest russet, and dressings wrought with Coventry blue againe, some are eene faine to accept of the honest Coachmans motion, and clap up a match with him, and so be en­abled to keepe a Country Ale-house, and live by the sinnes of the Yeamonry, and others for their more peculiar qualities disperst into London and entertain'd by the Citizens Wives to teach their Parakeeto's to talke, which is all they'r good for.

If at any time you desire to see any body in, or neere the Court, [Page] that belongs to it, goe just about the shutting in of evening, And then perhaps, you may see one creeping away with a Sack of Coles on his back, another with a bundle of Fagots, another with bot­tells of Wine, another bartering with a Vineger man about certaine Vessells of decaied beere, &c. for every thing would live by i'ts owne element as long as it can: But when all's gone, they'l be all gone too, and will be within a very short time If the times doe not alter.

Thus you see poore White-Hall is miserably deserted of all its dar­lings, from Majesty to muckery, forsaken and left in the most solitary condition that ever any Princes Court of so great eminence and Hospitality in the whole World was. Now I should proceede to give you the reasons of this great alteration, And perhaps had this beene printed at Yorke I might have done it, But as the case is I for­beare, I would be loth to have the House pul'd downe where it is printed, and besides I have no stomack or affection to be torne to peeces in Cheap-side, and though my braines be muddy I would not have them wash't in the kennell, And therefore as silence is the true signe of mourning, I will grieve inwardly for this distraction, and leave prating of it.