THE Disease of the House: Or, the STATE MOUNTEBANCK: Admmistring Physick To a Sick Parliament.
With the Merry Conceits of JOHN CAPON, his Antidotes Playsters and Salves to cure Rebellion.
ME f [...]el de Pulse of de State, begar sick, sick, sick; desparate sick; no Head at all; it swoons in mine hand; mafoy me have Antidote me apply to de Neck will cure presant; this is a Grand distemper in the Brain; begar all mad mad, mad, all England be very Lunatick; you find your self not well; you give your Money to Knave, Jack a nape, Committee, Rogue, Thief, Cheat you, Cozen you, Gull you, make you beleeve de Moon is green Ch [...]ese; le Rogue, le Traytor, le Thief; Fy fy, fy! I Cure you for half-penny value; apply [Page 4] mine Playster to your Neck and heal you presant: Where is my man Capon there, why Capon I say; bring hither the Receit for Rebels; begar me Cast her Water, find every Member in her Body Diseased, full of Malignant humour; be predominant in de Liver; make her fume and light-headed, inconstant, [...]a [...]ing, and given to change, and m [...]tability. Fy, fy, fy; Why C [...], bring hither the Antidote.
Here Master, here's that Cures all Diseases in the curning of a hand: there can be no better cure for Rebellion, Regicide, and a guilty Conscience; I am sure Iudas [...]as as holy a man as any Parliament-man of them all, and as thriving a man, and he made use of this Medicine; Nay, I'le besworn upon a Book, I have known it Cure a hundred; Apply it but under your Eares, in a morning, or evening, you will with one snick-up find ease presantly: I am a Doctor my self, and have Traveled East, West, North, South, in all Forraign parts for my [...]xperience, know the Nature of all Diseases in all the Countries and Common-wealths in the World: This is Probati [...] est; 'tis a precious Drugge, good for any thing: 'twill Cure an Apostatiz [...] Achitophel, and divers others have made special use thereof, and found ease presently. Come away Customers, you know not the Vertue of this; it will Cure the rottennesse of your members; ease a guilty conscience; or the aking of your hearts; the bloody-issue; the consumption, and dizzinesse in your heads; 'twill allay the heat of your inordinate affections, the lust of your eyes, the evil dispositions of your souls, the perfidiousnesse of your hearts, the covetousnesse of your minds, and all ill quallities; this helps the toothach, the lying of the tongue, equivocations, oathes, and perjuries, and all the properties of an evil infected and seared conscience; this is a Medicine for a troubled mind, and helpeth rebellion, aches, humours inflamations, botches, scabbs, plurifies, and the kings-evil; and all other infections of the State, or any member thereof.
Run my man Ian, fetch me de Viol Cure de head of Madam le Parlament; Disease be predominant; must [Page 5] vomit up all; begar me will fetch up all presant? de wombe contain all de malignant humour, devil and all; swell, swell, a pox all de Treason and Villany, begar she shall disgorge all: Foh, foh, foh; mafoy, she stink all de World over: Run my man Ian, in the Shamber, bring de [...], de purge, de plaister, de instrument; begar me dissect her, me open all her villany least she infect all de World with plague, pestilence, war, famine, dearth, heavy judgment; Sin be de grand Cause, Heresie, Idolatry, Sacriledge, Covetousnesse, Perjury, Oppression, Cruelty, Murder, be de reason to mine all de Land; hang up Cromwel, hang up Ireton, hang up Bradshaw, hang up Cooke, Harrison, &c. Begar, all Rogue, all Shack-nape, Shark-dogge, be de father of her destruction, kill de King, rob de Shurch, wrong de People, Pill, Poll, Sess, Excise; begar, be all their Trade, nothing but Rob, Steal, Theive: all Knave, all Knave, no honest, ne Religion, ne Justice, ne Truth, ne Love, ne Sharity, all be bad, bad, bad, base begar, very base; Me try one, two, three Potion for recover her health, me make her spur; begar, her spur nothing but blood; me give her a Purgs, begar, her shite yellow as Gold; Foh, foh, foh, me give her another stool, begar, her shite Silver; give her another Pill, squitter, squitter, squitter, free-quarter, excise, [...], sessement, nothing but slavery: Me bid her speak, begar her speak nothing but de Lie equivocate, forswear; ne saith, ne belief at all; me think her do as her say, begar, her do nothing but deceive; her tell me of Liberty, her mean Slavery, bondager cheat, theive, lie, deceive, fy, fy, fy! Me tell her that her be very sick, bid her pray, her pray to de God of dis World, de Devil: begar, her have all the tricks of de base Whore, me squirt physic in her Breech, begar, she let her tayse flie in mine face; Me tell her what is good for her health to Cure her, her send de Pursuivant vvith Warrant seal with bees-turd, her send de File of Musketeer, lay me fast by de heel in Newgate, me Petition, petition, petition, one, two, dree, four month, her ne hear, ne consider, ne sharity, base, base, base, nothing but lie; Mafoy vous [...] Larron, grand Rebelle Anglatear, Traytor, Tyrant, Deif Dissembler, Eypocrit, Shanging; ne peace, ne quiet, ne Religion, ne Law; begar, not so much grace as will serve for prologu [...] to roasted Turnip, be baggage-shade, bish-whore, wit [...], sorceror, [Page 6] I [...]zab [...]l, sta [...]ve de poor people, [...]e made, [...] tr [...]e, worse and worse, and none; rich but [...]; begar, have all [...]y Goods, dy Goods, Kings Goods, Queens Goods, [...]ouse, Land, Shurch, all, all, all, be still co [...]etous more and more; Me can no live, come to mine house, take mine money, [...]ke mine horse vorde States vat State [...] a po [...] of dat State; one, two, dree, vou [...] Rogues be de State, de Commons of England; begar, be Common cheat, thief, pick-pocket; Why Ian Capon, where be de Instrument? begar, me will rip up her bowel, shew you all her garbage of iniquity; do make God do wat she list; do make [...]hak-fool of de Common; pretend one ding, do anoder▪ Why Ian Capon, Where is Ian Capon there?
Now Ian Capon, where have you been so long?
O Master! I have been a hearing News; I met with them addest blade that ever you knew; I asked him, What News from Westminster?
Wat did he say?
Why a said they were all Knaves; nay worse, I dare not speak the words I heard him say, for fear of Reason.
Treason thou wouldst say.
I say Reason Master; What is Reason with other then, is Treason with them; the 7 deadly sins are become their Vertues and all the Ancient modern vertues, whether Moral or Divine, are become their vices; the Divil's turn'd loose, and all is topsie-turvy; there be them now, that can preach, cry, and turn up their eyes with such pretended Devotion and Sanctity, that the very Elect themselves stagger in their judgments; they make no more with dissembling with God himself, lying, cozening, and cheating one another, then I do to sell Antiables, 'tis but a folly to seek to cure her; for there is no hopes, God hath given her over, the prince of the Aire rules her, and reaches her all Evill, Rebellion, Murder, Robbery, and the like; hell's broke loose with her; nay, the Devil is so powerful in her, that he intends to destroy Monarchy all Christendom over, and pretend Liberty; liberty to bring filly ones into bondage and slavery, and tye, and bind them fast unto them with the Chains of their own Sins, that so they may bring in Confusion, till all becomes [Page 7] a Chaos, and fire [...]s own Frame, or Nest, as it has formerly destroyed others; and then they will run to the hills, and wish them to fall on them, to hide them from vengeance, but all in vain: Bradshaw then will be deceived; Cromwel at a loss; Fairfax rue his former simplicity; and Cook roast himself without any CHARGE of the Commons of England: Can your Wills be Laws then? what prerogative? what power? what commonright, liberty, or justice can be expected then? what peace of the people, when they have turned all the Land into a consuming malignant flame about their own eares; Now Iack Cook, what saiest thou to this? this may be thought a Fable; Bradshaw, this will one day make a greater noise then thy Drum in Grayes-Inn to waken your seared Conscience; then Cromwel, how soon will thy Nose be consumed, when the fire is in't already? and how just will it be, that it should burn thee downwards, as far as thy rotten dissembling heart; when thou hast unheaded thy King, and destroyed that Scepter held in the hand of God: prithee, who shall answer for all the Treasons, Murders, Rapines, Burnings, Spoyles, Desolations, Dammage and mischief of this Nation then? CHARLS STUART, or Noll Crumwell and his Agents; the Evill Counsellors, or the treacherous Estates? Who must answer for all and every the Premises then? there needs none to cry justice, justice, there; no false Witnesses need to be hired; no proceedings, examinations; all will be laid as open as the Sun; and you must expect (without your sudden and true Repentance) no better Judgement, nor Sentence, but Go ye cursed Hypocrites into everlasting Flames, prepared for the first Rebel, and all his Angels.
Ian Capon my man, make no more Sermons, but truss up de Antidotes; begar, me have no Cure, de Disease be desperate, wicked, abominable; Me go to France agaen; forwarn mine own Countree; this be dying Nation, lost, lost, begar utterly lost, lie in a deep Lethargy, be uncapable of her own good or recovery: Farewel, farewel, me have no more to do here: Truss up Ian Capon, truss up de Instrument, de Playster, presant.
As soon as you will Master, for methinks I smell fire and brimstone already, lets away for heavens sake; From the Devil and the Round-head, Good Lord deliver us.
Aloon; aloon; a pox de Devil is here, me po longer stay, me take no Money here to day.