WHat yelping whindling Puppy Dog art thou?

What bauling Shag-haird Cavalliers Dogge art thou?

Thou ar a dogged sir or Cur, grumble no more, but tell me thy name.

I was called Tobies house-dog, the Dog which Walker the Iron-monger so often commends for a mannerly and well bred Dog in his severall sub-lectures; my name is Pepper.

Though your zeal be never so hot, you shall not bite me Pepper.

He bark before I bite, and talke before I fight, I heare you are Prince Ruperts white Boy.

I am none of his white Boy, my name is Puddle.

A dirty name indeed, you are not pure enough for my com­pany, besides I hear on both sides of my [...]ares that you are a Lap-lander or Fin-land Dog, or truly no better then a witch in the shape of a white Dogge.

And thou art a Round-headed puppy, a foolish snarling Cur, that doth baule and rayle wheresoever thou commest: dost thou pre­sume to confront me with thy ignorant spirit and prick-eares?

Thou art a prosane Annimall; Tobies Dog is of a better, and more reformed condition.

A halter would reforme thee exceeding well, for thou art a cur that wilt barke against all people, nay thou art a rebellious dog, and wilt barke against the King, thou dost make a stir and a stink where­soever thou commest, thou art Walkers Dog rather then Tobies Dog, thou and thy Masters deserve nothing but a halter.

Come not neer me; for I can grin and bite and that boldly, though thou look like a Lyon with long shag haire, yet I fear thee not bragging Courtier, thou popish profane Dog, thou art more then halfe a divell, a kind of a spirit that doth helpe Colledges to their lost. spoons and two-eard pots, when they are lost or stolne.

Thou art a kind of spirit too, dost thou not bewitch the Sectaries to bring in Salts, Whistle, and Bodkine into Religious Lot­teries, from whence I feare they shall draw nothing but blankes for their zealous affection towards the cause.

Thou dost belye the zealous brethren who being provoked and stirred up by the Spirit, thou wouldst needs make me the perswader to this religious liberty: alas I know nothing of Citie affairs, I trouble not my head with such matters, nor do I speak Heathen languages as you can doe.

Sirrah, I am none of your litter nor kind; I scorn to come in composition with such a baso dog as thou art;

You are of Brackley breed, better to hang then to keep.

No Sirrah, I am of a high Germain breed;

Thou art a Reprobate, and a lying Curre; you were either whelpt in Lap-land, or else in Fin-land; where there is none but divells and Sorcerers live.

But thou hast been a friend to Tub Lecturers, there is a number of Fellows that will expound by private spirit, and think the best colour for their knavery is Greene, and yet they have no more languages or learning then thou hast, but they are dogged duntes that will bark and baule in a Pulpit, didst not thou infect Hunt the Prophet and made him rave and talk, I will not say preach, untill the Roast-beefe be burnt upon the Cooks spits and be almost one a clock.

I deny thy words, for while hee is preaching I am in the chimney corner sleeping, I heare not a word nor care for hearing any: but it is well known that when the Kings Counsell are perswading His Majesty to an Accommodation with his Parliament, thou being an ene­my to peace and all the Parliaments good purposes, comst in, and pre­sently [Page]they speake of blood and war, and the destruction of London, as if they were bewitcht by thy presence.

Nay if you talke of bewitching, who made the Appren­tices and that great dogged tumult that hurried to West minster grinning and snarling at all they met, and barking aloud, no Bishops, no Bishops? which put the King at White-Hall into such a fright, that hee presently left the City full of nothing but zealous Tobies and factions Sectaries, and so went to Yorke to be more safe and secure from the rude company of pricke-eares: did not thy dogged spirit transmigrate into their plump fat bodies, and made them run like a kennell of hounds upon a hot sent crying they knew not what.

I was ignorant of their purposes, and staid behind, for had I been willing to have been seen in the action, I would have runne before them as doggs use to do, but I remember I kept house all that day so me­lancholy, and was very sorry to see my masters so madde: But since you cast dirt at me, I will fling you a bone to know, it is known that at Edg­hill you walke invisible, and directed the bullets who they should hit, and who they should misse, and made your Mr. Prince Rupert shott-free, and it is known that you would rather heare Masse at Oxford, then come to any private prayers or conscionable Sermons: And at the delivery of the City Petition, you shewd your selfe a very malignant Dog, and trod on the Kings Majestys toe, and your Mr. Prince Rupert so earnestly, as if you would have said that you like not that the King should return to Lon­don without his Army, and thus thou hast proved thy selfe a Caval­liers Dogge.

Sirrah lick-dish, incense me no more, for though my shaggy haire be white, it is not silver'd ever with age, it is my naturall colour, and I am strong enough to teare thee in pieces, but I'le bite thee deep with true words, If I should as thee how thou livest, should I not find that thou art the Sectaries familiar Dogge, and what are thy Ma­ster, but necessitous and full of debts, thou pickest up crums under them, and they gaine all under the service of the cause and Common-wealth.

Sirrah Dog: I serve good honest men, such as be Colonells, Captaines, and chiefe Commanders.

I think you are any bodies Dog you lick up crums under any rou [...]d table, you have priviledg to come to the house of any of the princes of the Militin, and there to know bonee and get scraps, Some of your Masters were not worth to my knowledg three yeares since, no above 5. l. if all their debts were paid, that now have 3. l. a day, others 40. s. a day, others 20. s. and some 15. s. a day; how many of them before this [Page]businesse broke in a morning, and compounded within a month for a noble in the pound: and dost thou poor silly Dog thinke that these noble Princes wil once hearken or conclude to a peace; if they can have such pay and such gaines for nothing: many of them not worth a dog; and now who but they and their wives, that appeare in their severall and changeable suites of apparrell, and shine like Iove and Juno.

Sirrah, let my brave Masters alone; tell me not what they were, but what they are: They are now brave Gentlemen: leave your rayling, or else I will send but a word of my mouth and I will have a Re­giment of Red-coats, and a Troop of horse, that shall quallifie your dog­ged humour, and make you speake better words of them.

I care not for your leather troops of horse, nor for your red-cotten fouldiers; I can match your best Troops when you dare and where you dare; I would have thee know that I serve and at­tend upon a noble King, four Princes, three Dukes, two Marquesses, fifty Earles, 200. Lords and Vicounts, 300. Barons, 700. Knights, and 1100 Esquires and Gentlemen, besides common Soul [...]iers: These are no bro­ken Lords, nor crackt Citizens; they serve in person and without pay, nay they beare their own charges, all out of love and loyalty to their K. and Country: But few of your Masters durst ever shew their faces till this reformed time; but held down their heads like bul-rushes; and walked up and down by night: how many hundred do you thinke, Mr. dog, that his Majesty hath now in a list or a catalogue of their names of such stout Finsbury field souldiers, and weak conditioned men in estates, above 300 of them I will assure you; whom his Majesty wil one day remember.

Good Puddle, be not so envious and so malicious, thus to r [...]ile of them you do not know, be not still of that dogged mungrell dis­position good Puddle.

Thou hast a good memory, though thou hast but short haire, to remember my name: yet some call me Boy, but my name is Puddle: And I can do strange things, and change my selfe into many shapes: I come into your City divers times, and heare the common votes of the vulgar, then I go to the Ordinaries and take notice what newes passes there for current, any one may almost discover me if they doe but touch me, I do to grumble and am of the dogged disposition, and if any one observe or hear a Gentleman call for a dish of broth, and his Ordinary of Rumps and Kidneyes, they may be assured it is I; The other night for gi­ving of two pence to a red bearded fellow one Mr. P [...]a [...]es who was made Corporal for that night, who then stood neer the Exchang, I had the word given mee by him, and I past freely: Another time I past by the watch [Page]like a Fidler, and was never examined; and so likewise for a small mat­ter at your Court of Guards, for all your vigilant Sentinells.

O intollerable; if the City be not looked too better, wee shall be all betrayed.

Nay more then this can I doe, and have done, at the Iast generall meeting at Guild-Hall, I hired Arthur Shuttle a Procters Clerk to go into Long-lane and procure an Aldermans gowne, and come to Guild-Hall, though it was so narrowly looked to, to get in, and there by his meanes to beget a faction, and so a tumult, and at length to have faln to blows amongst your selves, that our Army in the meane time might have come in and plaid their part to the purpose. It was I that caused that mercinary fellow Robert Blague to write letters of intelligence between both Armies, and for his reward he had 50. pound a moneth from each Army: I perswaded Blague to give intelligence to the Earle of Essex in what part of the army the Kings best Regiment was placed, and in what place the Lord Generall would bee at the fight, and where the Kings Standard would be placed. Then on the other side I put it into the heart of the Kings souldiers after the first fireing to fall to pillaging and plun­dering the Earl of Essex his Coach and Waggons where all his treasure was to pay his souldiers, which the did, and in plundering the Coach, there was the miscreant Blagues letter found with his name at it of the former intelligence, which was taken and carried to the King, which the King saw and read, for which Blague had his just reward, even a rope; with chains to boot.

I advised Mr. Maston who is the Earl of Carnarvans Chaplain to make that book which our army do so hug and laugh at, called the Complaint to the House of Commons: I put it into some of the malignant Citizens heads, as your Masters call them, to surprize the Tower, and to get al the Ordnance into their possession: but that failing, I have shewed them ano­ther stratagem how to be revenged on the City for their Robellion; you may see Pepper what power and skill I have in magicke Spells; Nay though the Gentleman did preach not above a week before the House of Commons, but his Sermon being not liked, and he little or no thanks be­stowed on him, I wished him to write that invective book: I have done divers of these exploits, and have many more plots yet undiscovered.

Learned Mr. Puddle do but reveal some of these plots to me and I will ever be your creature.

Pepper, take but your oath that you will not discover it till such a time, and I will:

I will swear any thing you will have me to do.

You shall take the new oath which our Cavalliers do give to all the prisoners which they took at Cicester, before they go away from Oxford which if you doe, I will then reveal the plot.

I have taken i [...], and sworn to the oath.

Then this is the plot. The next high or spring tide, when the moon is at the full, wil your City be drowned, and I will tel you how vand which way: The City malignants do intend to under-mine the Ri­der of Thames, and it is to be begun on Seuthwark side, and when it is un­dermined, to lay in 1000. barrells of Gun-powder, 500. barres of Iron, and 600. tun of Stones; and when the tyde or water is at the highest, then to set fire on the Gun-powder and blow up the River and so drown the City and all the Round-heads; and for the Malignants they shal have all notice of it before; and shall be known by their white tybonds about their rists; only I have given Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet notice of it, to save himselfe by his boate, or be in some other place at that time and season, because hee is my Masters Vncles ancient servant, and a good Fellow.

I begin to halt in my opinion, and would be willingly con­verted, I get nothing here but at great mens houses, and now Lent is comming I shall lose my fat, amongst the Round-heads; for they cate up all, and leave me nothing unlesse I can fill my belly with the smell of meate, they are expounders and Teachers, but I desire to be better sedd then taught.

Then follow my counsell, change your affections, & when you see a Round-head, barke at him as he walks along the streets.

So I may have by brains beat out.

Then convey your selfe down to Oxford, but first you must do as I instruct you, and recant your errours, and both say and doe as I in­struct you; and I will give you an invisible shape, so that none shall see you if you please.

I am your servant to run at your command.

First you must deny all Round-heads.

I deny and defie all Round-heads.

I defie all Tub-lecturers.

All Tub-lecturers I defie.

I will barke against all Conventicles, and never love any Brownist or any of the zealous Brethren, but from the teeth outwards.

I will always be Inapping and snarling at them.

Now confirme it with an Oath in blowing your nose backewards, and letting a fart, and say a fart for all Sectaries.

I will straine hard but I will do it, there is a fart for them all.

But I gave you no command to stink.

That makes the Obligation the stronger: is there any thing more to make me a perfect Cavallier.

Yes, you must be beholding to a disguise, for if you be a Ca­vallier you must weare long haire, I can helpe you to the wool of a Sheepes­head which will serve you very well for a Perewigg, and then I will present thee to my Master for a new and round, sound Cavallier.