Full fraught with Nectarian liquor, that wine of the Gods, such as Iupiter and my selfe drunke for our mornings draught; I am now come, Schismaticall Six, to blow thee up with the Powder-treason of Spanish Canary.

Schismaticall Sixes; tis easily imagined Sir, what countryman you are, your tongue betrayes you expressing your selfe in the langauge of the hell, which I rather beleive because you come from the Divell of St. Dunstons.

Alasse poore Iohn, I am sorry to see thee thus distracted with penitentiall Beere, thy very Comportment argues thee to be water scared out of its wits.

A mad couple well met, wee shall make two distracted associates ile warrant you.

And why, distracted associates? Am I your fellow syrrah, faith Ile make you know your distance, stand off, Sixes, and come not neere me by fourty pole, lest being discovered to be in your company I be branded with the Imputation of a madman for ever.

Canary-bird, you whistle well I'th Spanish tongue, I woo'd you were well roasted in true English, as the old Pro­verbe goes,

Who sings a merrier a note,

Then he that is not worth a groate?

You take your selfe by the spicket, smale Beere, what need you have beene broacht soe soone, a cup of Canary would have done better for our mornings draught, I don't love to heare the divell correct vice, you tax me of speaking Spanish so wel, and you your selfe speak nothing but Schlavonian, I take you to be some Translatour, by your metamorphos'd counte­nance, are you nothing allyed to the inspir'd Cobler who of late preach'd the six shilling sermon.

Truly, Sir, I have no reason to denie my profession, and lesse to be ashamed of that holy man, who verily according to the flesh was nothing allied to me, but wee were Cousen Ger­mans according to the spirit, being both fellow-labourers to­gether, and preaching in private Conventicles accordingly.

Tis well that at last you can tickle your sermons there, is there such vertue in small beere? I'faith I had little thought it! but seriously out of my wine let me aske thee one question.

I'le resolve you as the spirit shall enable me.

Doe you conceive that you are bound in conscience to preach the word?

Yes verily, I am so, having the charge of so many soules.

Away you hypocriticall knave, take heed of marring new soules, and looke to the mending of your old shooes?

You know not who you revile, you reproach him that sent me, I would my standing up were lasting, as my profession is lawfull, were not Andrew and Peter Fishermen, Mathew a Publican, yet made Apostles and Teachers.

Tis true they were call'd to it, but now there is no ne­cessity that the word of God should be thum'd with the defiled fingers of a contemptible Cobler.

But you know the scripture saith; It hath pleased God by the foolishnesse of preaching to save many that believe.

Tis right, now I know the reason why there are so [Page]many foolish preachers selected out of the Tribe of the Cob­lers, Weavers, Porters, Feltmakers, Chimmswepers, & the like.

Well, I perceive I have met with a scholar, I am afraid I have taken the wrong sow by the eare, entring into the lists of disputation with swinish Aristippus, thouart puft up with Canary of selfe conceitednesse, and such kind of jeering hath distracted thee.

And thou art distracted without any learning at all.

Well these are but words of course; to the purpose now, lets see whether you or I have the more followers, that one of us may carry the credit of it in conclusion.

Twas that I lookt for, and because I take my self to be the better man of the two, Ile make the first onset: My best Profici­ents Ile place in the forefront of the rest, what say you to the blith Bishops, are not they inspir'd with my canary? Could ever Canterbury have clim'd to that place of Eminency as to over­looke the whole Church of England, I and Kingdome too, and never regard himselfe, had it not beene by my dexterity? From whence received he that power to stagger the state; yea reli­gion, and himselfe at last, (being now fallen outright) but by Iu­risdiction derived from the Canary Ilands? And how is't possi­ble (I preethee) that Wren should soare so high (that Arminian bird) and silenc't three score in Norfolke, and Suffolke, and now be silenc'd himselfe, but by the wings of my encouragement?

Nor let the glory of this victory attend upon you only, but take a partner with you. Was it not I that laid the founda­tion of this greatnesse in Canterbury at first? that gave him his breeding in Saint Iohns in Oxford? where being a poore Schol­ler, he was glad to sip single Six, excepting upon Festival daies, and now of late perceiving you had inflam'd him with wine, the incendiary of ambitious thoughts, have not I coold his cou­rage with the water of affliction? And for Wren, so soone as I perceived the flame of his fiery zeal in persecuting the Church, have not I now allayed it with the coolnesse of my moderation, [Page]and wetting those wings that mounted so high, have not I with discretion confin'd him to his nest?

But what thinke you of the reverend Iudges? had not I such an operative power over one of them sitting upon the bench, that made him fall from his Tribunall, and stagger from Westminster hall to the Sherifes house in London?

I also have some share in his conversion; when a Stu­dent at the Innes of Court, was hee not well satisfied with the earthen pots of Sixes, which I out of my liberality afforded him, excepting the dayes of the Readers Festivals?

I thinke now you must yeeld; are you able to contest any longer? I have also the assistance of the religious Alder­men, here's my chiefe favourite (to speake nothing of him that late broke) even Abel himselfe, whom I appointed Lord Pre­sident of the Canary Iland, and chiefe Monopolizer of the Wines here in London, which wrought so powerfully in him to his repentance, that hee is contented to remaine under the Rod, which notwithstanding a sharpe punishment, yet he's the lesse sensible of it in regard of the sweetnesse of my Canary.

Troth sir, I must be bold with you to chalenge a share in him too. Was not he one of my Linsey woolsey Citizens? did not I make him serve an apprentiship to Master Sixes? and that time being expired, was he not glad (saving the Feasts of the Companies, Shrievalty, and Maioralty) to weare the live­ry of Small Beere, till his comming to your wine Office?

I am almost out of breath, let's heare you make an A­pology for your disciples, as I have done for mine.

I am prepared for the businesse; by your favour, my Lord, those of mine owne Tribe shall be present before you.

Draw the threed of your discourse methodically.

How did I inspire that Cobler, who onely by clensing his brain with my liquor, cleared his whistle so well be preacht a Sermon of an houre and a halfe, and that against knowledge?

The crowne of this Trophee belongs to me; was not [Page]that learned Sermon preached in a Taverne hard by Covent garden, where the secret vertue of the wines influence of a sud­den arising into his braine, made all the bristles of knowledge stand upright in him, that he questioned our Saviour himselfe as not capable of humane learning.

But I tell you of another miraculous passage effected by me alone. I know a Tailor (but he lives out of the Kings domini­ons) who (not for drinking onely, but even for dealing in small Beere) was growne so zealous of a sudden, that he could not in his conscience suffer his childe, by his owne Minister, to bee signed with the signe of the Crosse.

'Twas I that did the feat, though the glory be attribu­ted to another: I know the zealots of London make it an ef­fect of penitentiall Beere, but if you'll beleeve my protestation, before Bacchus I was the man, watching my opportunity at a marriage, where he, amongst others was invited; having in­couraged him to drinke up a good share of the Wine: First, I measured his shallow braine with the yard-wand of my appre­hension; next, (that I might leave him as little judgement as I found) with the sheares of discretion I cut off the shreds of Vn­derstanding that remained in him, and then (knowing that that afternoone his childe was to be baptized, I prickt his conscience with the needle of sincerity, then verily and truly he would by no meanes have his child signed with the signe of the Crosse.

To relate something more of my conquests, was it not the chaste operation of my liquor that caused the Adamites now of late to assemble naked and (as if it were in the time of innocency it selfe) male and female to boast and glory of their shame? Did not I by my infusion so mortifie their carnall lusts, that (untill the Sermon was done, and the Candles pur­posely put out) there was no reserrection of the flesh?

Mistake not your selfe, Sixes, set the saddle upon the right horse, (removing it from the Asse) was it not the glowing heat of my inestimable Canary that did so fortifie their bodies [Page]against cold, that they goe naked to this very day? And did not the admirable operation of my cordiall grape cause them to preach devoutly in those pulpits they brought along with them? and so (as tis very comely) did encrease and multiply.

Adde one thing more to the eternall renowne of Six, the enabling of six women to preach devoutly up and downe the City, by vertue of this heavenly potion, in regard their hus­bands cannot sufficiently preach to them at home.

If now adayes there be any faculty of preaching, tis because they are inspired by me. Six, thou art distracted with a phrensie, yet thy disease is not so desperate, but there's a cure, wherefore I'de advise you fort with to take 6. pottells of the lustiest Canary, drinke it all with discretion morning and even­ing, and all the rest of the day besides with constancy, and in a short time you shall finde these admirable effects: your shallow braines floting on the top of this Canary Iland shall be clensed from the sliminesse of ignorance, washed from the froth of self-conceit, and absolutely cured of the Calinture of distraction.

Tis ad admirable cure Sir! but methinkes Sixes should doe the same in effect.

By the wine I drinke, I am almost destracted in the ve­ry mentioning of that white liverd Rascall, away with it, tis Hereticall, sit for none but Calvinians, Anabaptists, and that fellow in his Sermon at St. Margrets would aime at nothing but else the pulling downn of Charing and Cheapside Crosses, his doctrine was sutable to a cup of sixes; If any one will follow the advice of Aristippus, let him drinke Sack.

I care not if I pledge you a cup so it be with moderation.

I hope you will drinke according to the times; the times require no such moderation I warrant you.

But you tould me I should drinke it Physically, Physick you know must be taken by degrees.

So: wel' drink by degrees, lets drink each of us a pottle now which is the positive, and you shall the sooner come to the [Page]suparlative, or if you will have mee temporise a little, the Puri­tan being a Protestant scar'd out of his wits, is the Positive; The Brownest bring a deep dyed Puritan, is the Comparative; The Anabaptist, which is a deep dyed Brownist is the Suparlative Scismaticke of all.

Sir while you were speaking I drunke up my share, and I find already a trombling and shaking of my joynts a swiftnesse and volubility in my tongue, an Earthquake in my Pericranium and a noyse so loud as though the Cyclopes were forging thun­der in my braine.

You see then the effect of it, it makes a tremling in the members of the Common-wealth, the very foundations of the Kingdome are shaken a swifnesse in the tongues of silenc't Mi­nisters to preach Scismaticall doctrine, the distemperature of the head it selfe, and the murmur of the multitude, like the ra­ging of the Sea crying against conformity, and the Episcopacy it selfe, downe with it, &c.

For Godsake, Sir, be silent, instead of curing my brains breake not my brainpan, let mee take a nap and refresh my selfe that I may take some more of your physick another time.

With a condition you will put in security that your brains shall be forth coming to morrow morning.

They are coming forth to night without any security at all; So shaking hands they departed.