THe City Spectacle-maker no doubt is an honest man, and a good workman, and hath a speciall insight in his Trade; yet some flawes I find in the horne-worke, and a crack or two in the sight, which I needs must have mended before I put them up into my Case.

He begins well, and fronts his Treatise with a pious Pro­logue, as the zealous nose upon which he intends to hang the substance of his ensuing Discourse. And first he describes the present face of things by way of Comparison, stc parvis componere magnasolebam: In an Arithmeticall way he deci­phers out unto us the Sects and Heresies of these times in a conjuncture, and the totall sum I find is in all but ten, leaving out the principall Mountebanks, verbi gratiâ, Seekers, Shakers, Excize-men, and the damnable Sect of Committee-men, who hold the taking away of mens lives, and Lands, and Goods [Page 2] by an Apocryphall Ordinance; a Tenent which neither St. Au­gustine, Jerome, Chrisostome, nor the Counsell of Nice ever heard of, besides those Shakers that are troubled with Enthusiastick divine Agues, and speak idly in their hot fits. Then he reckons up in a Catalogue the designe of Nye, Goodwin, Symson, and the rest of those State-Scrupins, with the blessed Generation of pimping Pamphleters, all casting their heads together (like so many Jewells) to make a Molten Calse of Cromwell, and set him up up for the sole bringer out of Aegypt; when as in truth he hath many victories fathered upon him which good man, he was never guilty of. His Copper nose began to sound a Retreat at Maston-Moor, but Craford took him by the care and wrung him a peg higher, and set him to the tune of Loth to depart.

He tells us, Adjutant Generall Gray was turned out of all onely for looking on the City Remonstrance, that is a base lie; for besides that, he was acquainted with Major-Generall Skippon, and was a Scot and an honest man, and once was ac­cused of being drunk, which when they could not prove, by a Metaphor, they attested that they saw him reeling to the Pres­byterian party, and so unfit for the company of sober In­dependents.

Next he brings in the new elect Members of the Army, and begins to scandalize those Gentlemen with a matter of truth: He would not so despise Colonell Baxter for his rings, thimbles, and bodkins, if he knew the worth of them as well as Mr. Peters does, who handsomely perswaded the zealous sisters of the Associate Counties out of their Thumb-rings, Thimbles and Bodkins in the beginning of these troubles. As for Watson the Scout-Master Dormant in a Field Argent, I must needs confesse he is a worchy Bull-Finch, that hath con­stantly whistled these three yeares to the tune of seven pound per diem: would I had but halfe the proportion for making Spectacle Cases. and although Colonell Hewson was a shooe­maker in times past, what then? now he is set up in the in­step, and all his conditions new vampt, and walkes uprightly according to the new translation. Indeed I cannot but say the Specctacle-maker hath given a true copie of Colonel Harrison [Page 3] the Quondam Clerk, the world is well amended with him, since his Bonds are turned into Commissions, his Pen into a Pistoll, and his Inkhorne into a Mortar Piece: but how he comes to deserve all this, nos quidem ignoramus, that he got in­to the saddle and advanced himselfe by a fore-game, called Preoccupation, Noverint Ʋniversi: But how and what he gets by an after-game called, Corpus cum Caudâ, no man can know but by a Scire facias, alias Fiery facies.

Next to him our Operator brings in Pride (the Embleme of the Army) upon his Dray, this was he that swell'd like puffe­past in his March through the City, and fomed at the Boung­hole, as who should say,

O what a litter of Trojan Puppies were got into the belly of that wooden Beast! Had Don Quixot found out that nest of young Gyants, it would have eternally confirm'd his wild opi­nion, and Sancho himselfe would have been convinced, and swore it a Shee-Gyant big with Puppy. I cannot blame Ham­mond for going thither to combe out his Perriwig, and pow­der it with flower; Gunpowder would have spoil'd it: and the rest (no doubt) they had tolerable excuses. Some impute the instability of those giddie braines to this one hansell: I am not of that opinion, for my Lord Wharton went the cleane contrary way, and yet is troubled with the same disease.

As for Col. Okey the Taylour, I took him to be well descen­ded, and to derive his Pedigree from John a Leyden, and is a man of fashion, and gets more by Lists in one day, then in a yeere heretofore.

In the next place the Spectacles tell us of the designe of the [Page 4] reformed Jesuites, Dell, Peters, Erbury, &c. to poyson the whole Kingdome with errors. Here the Spectacles shew us no more then we saw before, just like those that M. John Turlington sold to M. Lambert, without Glasses. Who would not at the first sight (without a Comment) take Peters for a Buffoone, a Squib, a Hocus Pocus, a Thimble Catcher, a Pulpit Baboone, an ignit fatuus? He is a meere dunce in Physiognomy, that cannot spell Jesuite out of Dells aspect; and he that ever saw Saltmarsh, and could not guesse him to be Cromwells Trumpeter, surely he never saw the picture of the foure Winds. Erbury the Seeker looks downe on the ground like a Mole-catcher, and strikes people blind with errors, and has six pence a piece (for every one that he catches) of the Treasurer. I will assure you, a very subtill trade.

To proceed; our Informer here tels us of nine wayes how the City was betrayed, and here the Glasse multiplies; for I can tell you in two words how it came about, the Army was wise, and the City was otherwise; a tame thing, a house Spar­row, a tame Squirrell with a gold chaine: what violence could ever have ravisht her, had she kept her selfe close together, and (according to the custome) cried out to the neigbouring Counties? I say, these men-Fornicators that have violated all her younger sisters, with all the Countrey Milkmaids and Da­ry Wenches in the Kingdome, yet they never have entred here: But now she has lost her vaile, and what is become of her cre­dit? 'tis pawn'd in the Tower. Now to the purpose.

In the residue of his Discourse he juggles, and describes the shuffling of the Cards; Munsterians shuffled in, honest men shuffled out: The man means well, and speaks truth in the ge­nerall, but warpes in some particulars. Tichburne indeed does looke like an Ale-bury or a Lemmon posset, but may not his Yard by a Trope spirituall be turn'd into a Truncheon? and may not his Counters in time grow up to Breast-works and Fortifications, and all his coarse linnen be made into tents? I cannot condemn the Parliament or Army for sending our Lord Mayor, Bunce, Langham, and the rest into the Tower; who bid them be rich? Were they as poore as I am, their carkasses would never have paid the Tower Fees. But they have serv'd [Page 5] the Parliaments turn; and Turkish Justice being now most in fashion, the best reward they can expect from Duke D'Aloa, Don Say & Seale, must be a bowstring or a mallet: Perhaps their starres may help them to the favour to be let out at the back-doore in their shirts.

Now here he begins to ring the changes, and in the first place he omits the great Bell, had we not a Lord Mayor chan­ged? A good sound Bow Bell for a brasse Candlestick, a grave sage Citizen for a woodden Tobacco-stopper with a face upon it, one whose estate goes upon Crutches, else why should he within this moneth take up 1000. l. at 7. l. per cent. to eek out out his Mayoralty, besides the Christmas frugality into the bargaine? But I cannot but say he is a valiant Com­mander, and did the other day behave himselfe couragiously a­gainst the Rosemary Idoll in Cornhill: but his horse taking Rosemarie and Bayes in the whipping sense, was transported with passion, and ran with his Worship into Birchen Lane, and like a horse (as he was) as void of understanding as his Master, would not be perswaded by his Ministers the Sergeans to come back from his resty opinion, so that Mr. Mayor was forced to march on foot to the battell, where he routed the enemy, to the great applause of all the Apprentices.

So I tooke my leave of his Worship, and from the hemne of his Gowne I descend to the skirts of the Buffe Jacket, where I must sit a while and enquire, whether my Spectacles see equal­ly on both sides.

Wilson and Camfield are gallant men, and know what be­longs to beef and cabbade as well as any of the old Mili­tia; and for Captain Petitoes, you can expect no great va­lour of him, since he is all feet, and hath a naturall inclination to runne: What though Colonell Roe kept a Bull Ordinary, and made his Regiment pay well for the same, cannot you bee content to fare wel for your money, but must cry Roastmeat?

In that which thou callest Juxon swearing fantastick foole, I shall desire thee to turne swearing into squeaking; for those that have both their eares to heare him, say he speaks like the hinges of a starv'd buttery doore that whines for grease. All his Oaths before they can be uttered, dwindle into lies.

Lievtenant-Colonell Hewson was unworthily put out, and there indeed they put by a Man to put in a Manby, of whom, because he is a Scrivener, I will say nothing, least being some­what skilled in the Law, he may bring an action of the Case against me, and to escape a scourging, I will wash my hands of Hayes: yet I am resolved to have a fling at Cushen, that Merchant Taylor Cushen, that Floxi, nausi, nihili, pili, and so let him go to the Army where he is much in use, spurn Cushen being the onely recreation after dinner and supper with the Grandees, instead of throwing of Dice.

In the blew Regiment he brings in Ʋnderwood the Tobac­co-seller, who lookes as if he fed on nothing but Mundungo, and the stalkes grew out at his chin, take away Ʋnder and there remaines Wood, adde Cocke, and that will spell his beha­viour at Abbington; for there like a bird of valour hee did most couragiously hide his Cockscombe.

All that you can alledge against Colonell Harrison, is that he loves Pie and Custard, I say 'tis Pap and Custard, and good reason too, for he can eat no other meat, since his teeth were beat out in a Banquet Battell with sugar plums. Sir, you are much over-seen in medling with Estwicke, for since he hath commenc'd Lord, he looks like the Devill over Lincoln, and walks foure stories high, and makes nothing to take the wall of Sir John Oldcastle.

I wonder you dare be so hardy as to meddle with Fenton the Button-maker, cornu ferit ille, caveto: you doe not tell the story of him right, for he first hid himselfe in the Barne, where his arse made buttons, while his wife made loops at home, and upon his retreat a Cavalier (to set him up in his trade with credit) bestowed on his Worships taile a button of lead.

Next Blackwell is excepted against: He looks in hi [...] Scarlet Coat like a jack a Le [...] new trim'd. I am not well ac­quainted with the man; but if I knew him as well as his Name-sake, the Maiden Champion, I would say hee were a Coward. I have heard say when he was in Cornwell, the Cavaliers threatned if they caught him they would geld him: after which (to save those small evidences of his Manhood) hee could never be got out upon what Service soever.

It seemes you stumble at Stone; yet you cannot but say he is an honest man: All that you can object against him, is, that he is as unfit to be a Commander as to build Pauls; and in my minde that Comparison makes for him, for how can it be built without it? But Doctor Burgesse, that ninth Pin of Presbytery, is much of that opinion; and therefore has converted those prophane Quarries to pave his Kitchin, and sold the rest to buy Printed Sermons to build up the Spi­rituall Temple with his long-winded Ciceronian Tone. Oh this 400 l. per annum is better then green Ginger and Anni­seeds to strengthen the Lungs.

The next man that is accused for insufficiency, is one White, in exchange of one Potter. This Potter is accused for making the Spectacles, because it seemes his valour at Cheriton Downe is mentioned but modestly. I do not think he was the man, though his eyes are so little when he laughes that one would thinke he might well need Spectacles. O­thers say, Captaine Haynes the Scrivener made them, and sweares by these Presents be it knowne: Others Burrowes the Stationer; and say hee found Pen, Inke, and Paper, Haines coppied it out, and one Lambe (that stole a twelve-moneths wit at Cambridge) made it. But I know what I [Page 10] [...] [Page 11] [...] [Page 10] know, and I know Master John Turlington too, that stout honest Blade, and yet it was not he neither, who e're it was: I say as I said before, hee was a good Workeman, and they fit the Nose of the Militia very well, and shew them in a full Character the errours of their last E­dition.

O yes, if there be any one, Towne or Countrey, Inde­pendant, Presbyteriall, Malignant, or Neuter, that can tell tidings of that notable knave that made the City Spectacles, let them or any of them bring him (if they can) to Signior povero Parlator at the Signe of, This House is to be let in Tower-street, or at the Hornes point blanke against the North doore of Pauls, and hee shall bee well pay'd for his paines.

I should end here, but I must cover my case with two or three Stories.

And first I will begin with that Arch-Presbyteriall Knight, Sir Peter Wentworth, a great, enemy to Indepen­dency. This Sir Peter de Buckingham-shire being very vi­gilant against the Incursions of the Enemy there, exhorted his Neighbours and Countrey-men to raise six hundred Horse and Dragoones, and send them to him with forty shillings a man in their Furse, and he would secure the Countrey. When they were come, he made an Oration to them of the danger of the Service for such young fresh-wa­ter Souldiers to undertake; besides the necessity of their oc­casions which call'd them home, being Harvest time, and the care that hee should have to provide sufficient Riders for them, so that they would contribute every man his forty shillings and. Armes: His gaping Auditors were scone ex­horted to retreat, and he most manfully led his Cavalrie to Smithfield, where his Worship design'd to make Horses cheap by glutting the Market. I will assure you a brave piece of State-policy as ever I heard of.

Secondly, to divide my Text, I will adde one of the con­trary Faction, the Knight of the burning Pestle, Sir Henry Martin, that Cony-catching Senator, that in a Dearth of [Page 11] flesh ravisht the Nossell of a Candlestick, and spoiled the squinting Maiden-head of a Candles end, which has so en­flamed his Cap of Maintenance, as ever since he seekes to quench it in every Puddle. One of which the other day he had got not farre from the Exchange; and scarce had hee tun'd his Instrument, but in comes the pretended Husband, and slackens his resolutions with two or three handsome Oathes: What offer to abuse my wife? &c. To bee short, our Anarchicall Reformer choaks the flame of his Passion with ten Pieces in hand, and a Bond for twenty or thirty more. So he marcht away with Bullet in the mouth, Match cockt, Colours flying, with as honourable composition as Nat. Fines did out of Bristoll.

In the next place I must needs unkennell a nest of Inde­pendant Cowards and Vermine. Sanders. And first I pluck out by the eares Sanders (that Diminiture of Alexander) Cap­taine under Sir John Gell: The greatest act of Valour that he ever did, was to shoot a Gentleman through the Arme, and cut him after he was taken Prisoner and disarm'd; when he was to goe upon any Service, he had a trick to make his Souldiers Mutiny; which hee did notoriously, when hee should have gone with Colonell Gell to Naisby fight. His Officers are like him: One Hope who has forfeited his name by his ill behaviour. This fellow plundered most sa­crilegiously a Communion Cup (as I heare) and was taken in the act, and pull'd out of his Breeches,

Barton. Another who is now Major Barton, a Quandam Mini­ster, who seeing a great Party of the enemies lay downe their Armes, yet dare not approach till hee gave them so much time as to recover their Courage and their Armes to­gether.

Sir William Breerton that Tooth-Muster-monster (the greatest Cowards have longest Teeth, as curst Cowes have short hornes) I say Major Generall Tooth being once in fight, together with Sir John Gell on Hopton Heath, whee­led about and left Sir John to hot service, which hee per­formed with such valour as gain'd the day, (no thanke to Sir [Page 12] William) there was slaine the Earle of Northampton, and foure or five hundred more: after which Sir William ap­peares againe, and makes a fresh onset upon the dead bo­dies, and plunders them of their Cloathes, and Sir John of his honour; for the credit of the whole businesse was laid upon Sir William.

I cannot omit a memorable passage about Cromwell, the Devills Gro [...]me, that turnes Churches into Stables; the first Church he so converted, in the entrance his horse rose with him, and [...]ckt his prophane skull against the top of the doore, that he fell downe dead for the time, which was all the hurt he ever caught since these Warres, except a W [...]d which a Souldier of his gave him as hee was run­ning away at the Battell of Yorke. Cousin Oliver, the next time thou waterest thy Horse at the Font, I pray let him bee Christned Bucephalus, in relation to Alexander his Master, and invite Martin and Allen to bee God­fathers, and my Lady Say and Mistris Harrison to bee God­mothers, that thy Palfrey, as well as thy selfe, may bee in a capacity to be Sainted.

I had almost forgot the Independent designe, to split Essex in peeces in the Cornish businesse. First they endea­voured to set him and Sir William Waller at difference at Islip. Then upon the Generalls march up higher after the taking of Taunton, Weymouth, and the reliefe of Barnsta­ble, it was voted at a Councell of Warre not to relieve Pli­mouth, but to prevent the conjunction of the Kings Forces with Prince Maurices: upon which the Faction writ Let­ters to their friends at London, and possesse them that the old Souldiers had a mind to lengthen out the Warre, and to returne without the reliefe of Plimouth, or reducing the Cornish: upon which they made use of my Lord Roberts, (a man that will go on pilgrimage to the devill for money, for it comes by kind) I say, they urged him with their de­sires f [...]r Plimouth, and Cornwell, which he was easily per­swaded to; and so another Councell of Warre being cal'd, it was carried by one vote to march that way, and so they [Page 13] were caught in a Purse net, and neither Manchester, who who was commanded, nor Major Krane suffered to come with any reliefe; so they were forced either to hazzard all by an unequall match, or make such Composition as was much disadvantagious. The meane time the Cony-Catchers had put a selfe-denying Ordinance in pickle, with such pre­ty evasions as might let out such as they intended to use, be­ing their owne Creatures, and Coope up the contrary Fa­ction; Just such another thing have they made of the Cove­nant; Their owne vermine can creepe in and out of it like a Louse through an oylet-hole: but such poore Royalists as have either money or credit to loose, must either wiredraw their consciences through it, or be crush't to peeces by it. A very Mouse-trap, a pitfall to catch whom they please in; Or else why must that Reverend Father, the Bishop of Ar­magh be fifted with it, and winnowed out of his place at Lineolnes-Inne? What Faction it was that mov'd it first I cannot tell certainely, but I heare that Haslerig first opened his mouth and spake: That Parliament Tinder boxe, that spits nothing but fire and brimstone against every one that hath more wit or honesty then himselfe; And eminent Ful­ler is in the same condition of suspension, either swallow the tosted Cheese, or not Preach. I will assure you the Parlia­ment is a good Logitian to make such a dilemma as none can read whom they please to presse it upon. In the meane time they can connive, nay, countenance any man that can devise any new thing to puzzle the peoples heads, just like the designe of the holy War by which the Pope got so much ground of his neighbours, and all out of a pretence of the Cause of Religion. Divide & impera: for if the people had been of one mind, they would never have suffered them­selves to be hackneyed from one stage to another; First they fight only for Religion, then they must change saddles, and then it is for our Liberties, then they must stand to the Nationall Covenant, another time they must uphold the Army, the Parliaments Choppines: For now she goes just [Page 14] like a Venetian Curtizan, drest with all the Artifice that po­licy can devise, and supported by a Musket on the one side, and a Pike on the other; like juglers, they have fisgigges to amaze and dazzle the people with strange new lights; some of which are th [...]ir Emissaries, Dell, Cates, Nye, Randall, Erbury, Sympson, Best, that boastly Blasphemy, with such like Catamountaines that go Catterwaling up and downe the Kingdome, to teach people to scratch out one anothers eyes. 'Twas a worthy act of Mr Mayor this Christmas to restrain honest men from Preaching, under that notion only, because Royallists: I do remember since it was an Indepen­dent principle, that Liberty of Conscience extended as farre as hell, did it not impeach the publique Peace of the Com­mon-wealth? I would faine know what Breach of Peace it could be to Preach an Orthodoxe Sermon on that day, al­though it only were to divert the people from worse acti­ons; For I observe every one shut his shop doores, some out of feare, others out of respect. But to draw to an end, I shall make but one or two observations more; And I first begin with the businesse of Ireland, the delay of its reliefe is a great mistery, and no honest man can understand it. The whole pretence of the Army not long since was the re­liefe of Ireland, and the taking away Taxes, and Excise, which gained much upon the City and Country, but now I know not what designe being brought about, they do not only neglect, but obstruct both. Before they got the King into their possession, they gave it out that he was a weake man and unfit to rule, and their only ayme was to take him away from the wicked, but now they have him in their pos­session, they cry he is so subtle they cannot trust him, and too wise to governe; so you may see, whether young or old, wise or simple, they are resolved to have no such thing as a King, except they have one revealed from above; Like the Dog in the manger, they will neither rule themselves well, nor let no body else. But in the next place, I observe they have made an Ordinance, to let us understand they do now give us free liberty to build an Hospitall generall, for all the [Page 15] Beggers they have made, and truly it was well thought up­on in due season; But if a man would know of them how, and where to get money to raise this Modell of Charity; Like Diego, in the play, they answer, en'e where you please: you are wise and understanding men; The City is wife, thus say these Cormorants, knaw off the flesh and throw us the bones to picke, much good may it do ye Gen­tlemen:

I heare also that they have in the heate of their zeale con­cluded upon an Ordinance to this effect:

Now for a paire of silver hinges and a haspe for my Case, and so I will conclude; I desire the Gentlemen of Goldsmiths Hall to bestow so much Silver upon me as my Case wants, and their Petitioner shall ever pray that they may restore to every man his owne, or give a good account of their actions at Tiburne, where I leave them.