I would willing­ly heare by what meanes, and for what ends your Mother and you, first arriv'd at Rome?

Since fortune fa­vours me with opportunity, I shall be willing to satisfie your curiosity in this my Narration. I need not tell you in what manner we came to this City, since by the way there did nothing occur of moment; therefore be pleased to understand that as soone as we came hither, we inquired out what place in the City was most resorted to by Courtiers, and young Gallants; which as [Page 2] soone as we understood, thither speedily did we repaire, where we met with a Woman, who got her living by letting of Lodgings; with this Woman we found very good acco­modation; what was provided for our ne­cessary food, was neat and dainty; as for the furniture of our Chamber, it was both rich and eye-pleasing. Here we continued eight days, before which were expired, our Landlady had sufficiently loud, blowne the trumpet of my extraordinary beauty, fit com­posure of body, excellent be haviour, and o­ther rare both naturall and artificiall excel­lencies of soul and body, with which I was indued; but above all the rest (she being al­most blinded with the raise of my sparkling eye, and rare symetry of my beautifull com­plexion) I say she acquainted a Young Spark, a great hunter of City beauties and delights, how she lodged a Female Creature, that might be tearmed the Master-piece of nature. Pre­sently upon this bare relation, he acquaints others of his associates with this businesse, and they their friends, so that in a small time (this disease being so catching and infecti­ous) there flocked a number of these Female-mongers before our Lodgings, I presently smelling their designes, and therefore kept my selfe extraordinary retired, the more to [Page 3] inflame their appetites: yet would I stand at the window at such a convenient place that I might see, yet not be seen; when I saw any young gull to gape and gaze very earnestly for a sight of me, then would I put my head out of the Casement to spit downe, not dis­covering to him above halfe my face, but I would hastily catch in my head, the more to deceive his eye-sight, and cause him to con­ceive the more of my honest chastity, so that by this craft, I appeared to be more virtuous and beautifull. For the eye being hindred from what it eagerly desires to see, kindles in the affections a fierce indeavour to satisfie themselves in the pursuit of their injoyment; By this time there were few of Love's Cham­pions which had not notice of me; in so much that our House was almost filled with amorous Visitants; our Landlady in the meane while, made her benefit on this occasi­on, for they sufficiently greaz'd her fist to me­diate for them. Now did my Mother begin to bestir her stumps, and being she was a Wo­man sufficiently tutored and experienced in Pandarisme, her long exercise in that noble art, made her a perfect Crafts-Mistresse, where­fore she would pretend sometimes that suspi­tion would not suffer her to admit of such variety of Company, and that she much fear­ed [Page 4] in time, that it might pervert the chaste minde of her onely Daughter; and then would she break out into these expressions. Is it pos­sible for me a staid Matron to be led away with faire speeches, which may prove the ruine of my Daughters chastity, and the dis­honour of our antient Family; God forbid that I should permit any thing that might be the cause of contaminating her hither to im­maculated flower of Virginity; whereas God knows, it was long since, that I could not be at rest till I had tryed and tasted of the sweet pleasures of concupiscence; I have many times heard, and I accordingly did put it in practice, that in love affaires, we must make hay while the Sun shines, or whilest fortune favours; I accounted it a matter of discreti­on to use that to day, which I knew not whi­ther it might be offred me to morrow; As soone as vigorous nature had provokt me to surrender up my Virgin fort, I was willing (for scare of displeasing her) to let it be taken at the first assault; For I was very sen­sible that my Virgin-bud now disclosing it selfe, delay would but blow it wider; the longer it was suffered to grow, the sooner it would fade, wherefore these things and many other, after I had duly considered on, I thought on no better way, then in my fre­quent [Page 5] wanton motion to sympathize with the Heavens in its continuall agitation: Well, my Mother (if she thought any of these Gal­lants were neere enough to heare her) would continue expostulating with her selfe; what, shall I regard either their faire speeches or quality? No, honesty shall be more prevalent with me. Besides, are we not discended of a noble Progeny? And are we not so suffici­ently in fortunes favour, as not to be desti­tute of that, of which we may lead an honest life? Many other such expressions did she use, which did make a wonderfull addition both to my beauty, honesty and nobility. My Lovers being thus captivated by the real and imaginary splendor of my perfections, conti­nue still their congregations before my lodg­ings, every one had the hopes to crop the chiefe flower of my Garden. At last I could not resist the motions of my mind, but would sometimes stand at the window and seeme to take wonderful delight in those, that I thought were most rich and wealthy; as for other Reck shares, as a brave presence, gallantry of habit, or a nice and quaint gate, who foot it so to a tittle, that it seems their senses are placed in their feet. I regarded not these things, wealth and pleasure were the center of my ambition. It's not bravery or high [Page 6] quality that Women regard, when with ser­vency of spirit she would take a tast of vene­reall pleasures: for it hath been experiment­ed, that the freeze Jerk in hath afforded Fe­males as much delighting contentment, as the velvet Coat, Sometimes my adorers would walk, some times ride in their richest attire before our house, one while they would com­plain of their hard fate in denying them a sight of me, other whiles they would sing.

Now you talk of songs, I remember a catch one of my Lovers ecchoed forth, when I was as thou wer't, It was to this purpose,

When any of them stood under my window, least they should doubt of my being at home, I would feigne a cough, and so spit out at the Casement. Then would they before I could recover in my head addresse them­selves [Page 7] in such like complaints, and sole Mi­stresse of my affections, the Idaea of all perfe­ction; how can it consist with the gentleness of your nature, and softnesse of disposition, to be so cruell as to commit homicide, do not be as the wind of bellows which inflames, though it be cold. All my answers would be nothing but pleasing smiles, (the usuall vaile that covers female ignorance) which were better bonds to shackle them, then the best rhetorick I could pronounce; thus they adored me as a Goddess, though at a venereall banquet, I say at the Prick of time. I could be content to be to them a subjected Mortall.

I do admire at thy wit in that thy ten­der age.

It's but a folly for any one to pra­ctice this mysterious art, without they have wit at will. But to proceed, my Mother now began to study how she might invest me with gallant apparell, knowing how great an orna­ment it is to a comely face, wherefore she (as your Chambermaids use) laid most part of her patrimony on my back, cloathing me in pink colour sattin slasht, and with very short sleeves.

And why with short sleeves?

Because the smoothnesse, and white­ness of my skin might be continually in sight, [Page 8] and felt too if they pleas'd: My haire being artificially curl'd was tyed with Ribbands wearing likewise a gold caule; and because it was of a bright yellow (the right complex­ion) every haire seemed as a thred of gold to the opticks of my Lovers. My Mother was carefull not to omit a day in washing my face with Mercury water, and other things, which she kept on purpose to make me faire and my face to shine, as yet we scorn'd tinctures and paintings, that lost beauties use. I being thus addressed, did chuse such a time to show my selfe, when most of my Lovers were present; then would I appear on a suddain to them at the window, which would so surprize and a­maze them, that they were almost in an extasy of joy, and would gaze so on this new appear­ing star, that if the eyes had been the instru­ments of generation, certainly they would have got me with child.

But how did you behave your selfe this while?

I feigned more chastity then a Nun, more modesty then Penelope: to which I ad­ded a great many gestures and motions so sit for my purpose, as if they had been afore stu­died decencies, with which I so charmed these star-gazers, as they seemed as men turned into statues, I had not been here long before my [Page 9] crafty Mother comes to me (as accidentally) and chides me aloud with an angry counte­nance, commanding me to withdraw, and with all charging me to be more reserv'd for the furture; I presently followed her, leaving my gaping Spectators all in sadnesse for my absence, but he that loved me best, (that he might be better satisfied concerning me,) knockt at our Door at night, and there meet­ing with our Landlady, demanded of her who I was? To which she readily answered, (be­ing before instructed) that I was the Daughter of an honourable and wealthy forraigne Ma­tron, whose Father had been lately murdred, for which cause the old Gentlewoman (with this her faire Daughter) was come to Rome to be revenged on her Husbands Murderers, and that for that very cause, she brought but little goods along with her, onely so much as to ac­commodate her whilest she staid here.

On my word this was a crafty nar­ration.

My lover proceeded and demanded of her, by what meanes, he may talk with this reverend Matron? To which she replyed, it was no easy matter, for the Venetians are very jealous of any action, that but savours of love, as are all the Italians, who are so jealous be­yond measure of their Wives, that they debar [Page 10] them from all publick view, and permit them the liberty to speak with few or none. I think Sir, that commonly reported story of the Ve­netian Gentleman is enough to evidence what I say to be true, who placed a lock upon his Wives secrets, himselfe keeping the key when he went forth, to be assured of her chastity in his absence; And truly they have good rea­son for this their jealousy, as I shall show you, if you will give me leave to make some small digression on their conditions and manners. For as they are for the most part extraordinary witty, so are they beautifull and modest seem­ingly. By way of Proverb, it is said of them that they are Saints in the Church, Angels in the streets, Syrens in the windows, but are Goatishly wanton in their Houses, which can­not otherwise be expected, if you consider how carelesly they live, that they have nothing to trouble them, but that they are troubled with nothing. They are excellent good Face-mon­ders, they know how to embellish themselves with all the advantages of Art, as painting, and other sophisticall helpes to a fallacious beauty, therefore they have a saying, that if God gives them a good proportionable stature of body, they will add beauty to it themselves. I have been something too long in their true character, purposely to make appeare how far [Page 11] this young Lady you inquire after, surpasseth all the rest of her Country Women. Are they seeingly virtuous? She is really so. Are their beauties sophisticated? Hers is naturall, and to conclude what they want of excellency, she is absolutely Mistress of. Againe be not an­gry with the old Gentlewoman if she have a smatch of her Countrymens jealous humour, for as it is her nature, so is it her provident care to have (if possible) Argus his hundred eyes to watch so pretious a pearle; yet for all this he could not choose but ask, whither I was a Virgin, yes saith our Landlady, and one that is so pure, and devout, that all my businesse is to repeate Prayers all day, and meditate with her; whereupon he was so taken with me, as that he earnestly desired to be admitted into so much favour as to speak with me. But she said that could not be for the premises after al­leag'd. Wherefore he desired that she would intercede for him, and so departed, which ac­cordingly she did. For on a time when we are all three together, she began to tell my Mother that there was a Gentleman both potent and rich, that bore a very great effection for me, who was able to raise the wheele of my fortune to the highest spoake, therefore (saith she) I shall account it a principall signe of your wise­dome and circumspection, if you will make [Page 12] good use this your proffer'd good fortune in contributing some faire help to this his ex­traordinary affection. It was not for nothing that this peice of serpentine craft pleaded so stifly, having been before well greas'd in the fist, and my Mother hoping for no less, quick­ly condiscended. The Gentleman being thus acquainted with his new happiness, studied nothing more then how to prepare us a brave collation. At which his whole discourse to my Mother, was wholly concerning me, be­seeching her to permit him to visit me some­times, and that she would register him among the best of her friends. My Mother seemed to consult with her selfe about this proposall a long time, and knowing well enough what she had to doe, consented (upon conditions) to his desires. Now my young Gull, thinking he had removed all obstacles, a night or two after came to me, thinking to have a nights lodging, and so as a parative, accosts me with protestations, vows and oaths, as if he intend­ed to reward the losse of my Virginity with a Kingdome. Thus did he wooe me that he might reape the fruit of his expences, or ra­ther that of my youth, which he most desired. Well I tould him that I should say nothing at that present without deliberation, and there­fore I appointed him an other night to meet me; the time being come, he (fully assured of [Page 13] his desires) came, having before given order for a costly supper. The Table being furnish­ed with all sorts of rare viands, we placed our selves, but I bethought my selfe before how to behave my selfe at it. I did eate very little meat, and drank lesse wine, unlesse it was tempered with water. I complained sometimes that I had over-charged my stomack, as a Lady did when she had eaten a pested of a lark at a great Feast, having before well stuft her belly with good beefe and cabbidge. Supper being ended, the wine he drank began to sparkle in his veines, and my beauty intoxicating his braines, he could not forbeare his amorous imbracements; wherefore that he might act his manly part with secrecy he led me to my bed-chamber, and so inclosed us both in: and presently in a trice disrobes himselfe, (so eager was his panting desire in pursuit of the injoyment of its end) and so leapes into bed with an in­sulting and triumphant joy, and presently af­ter allures me with an innumerable company of enticements: Protesting that I was the on­ly person to whom he dedicated his affecti­on, and that there was no woman in the uni­verse could be richer then his promises could make me. But all these things were not avail­able to get me to bed to him, wherefore being impatient, he leapes out of bed and offer­ed to my view a thousand female allu­ring [Page 14] gestures (which I must confesse the truth had almost overcome my craft and seeming chastity) and then hug'd me and kist me, but seeing all these things prevail'd nothing, he sought to obtaine that by force which he could not obtaine by faire meanes: wherefore finde­ing his summons so forcible, I compounded on condition (for bashfullnesse sake) that he would turne his head to the wall whilest I dis­rol'd my selfe, and then putting out the candle, I came to bed to him, but withall telling him that I could by no meanes yeild to commit sin, or derogate from any Ancestors in loosing that long and safe preserved inestimable trea­sure; He regarded little what I said, his minde being Preoccupied in deeper affaires, but in­circled me straight way in his armes, hugging me as the Ape her younglings, yet for all this I held fast that prerogative which all Women have, and may use in such incounters, let them pretend what they please; so that my Amorist was like an other Tantalus, though he held me fast in his armes, yet I would not let his tremb­ling needle touch that Pole its point stood a­gainst with so much vigour. Then he fell a flattering me, calling me his soule, the delight of his life, the delightfull hope of his expiring soule, and the soule of his future blisse (suffer me saith he) to injoy that, I have so longed for, [Page 15] let me not dye with thirst, whilest I am so neer the Fountain, with many the like ex­pressions concluded with bitter sighs.

How hard was thy heart, and how insensible wert thou, certainly had I been in thy case, I should have even melted at his dis­course and gestures; when I was young, it was but strike, and I presently took fire, I was very free of my favours, yet I think I lost not by it, for besides money, I had pleasure to boot.

I could be content to be of your mind, and make use of all proffer'd opportu­nities to satisfie and content my selfe, but you must understand I was wiser at that time then the rest of our Sex, for I preferd profit before that momentary delight, well knowing that if he had satisfied his desires, he would not have so much esteemed me, and so have beene defective in paying me my promised reward, wherefore I kept him off at a distance, but it had like to have cost me deare. For growing furious by my deniall, and seeing himselfe frustrated of all meanes, his breast swell'd in­to desperation, and therefore changed those sweet and heart-melting expressions, into bitter and horrid threats, swearing withall, that unlesse I would yeild, and that quickly, he would renounce his former affection, and [Page 16] strangle me in the bed, or stab me with his Ponnyard, there ready for the purpose, and presently to make good some part of his threats laid hold ou my throat with both his hands, but feeling the softnesse of my body, he was so overcome, as that he, that but even now breathed nothing but death, forgets what he said, and fell again to his inticements, hope­ing thereby to attain his ends, desiring me with the full bent of his soul, that I would consider his condition, and put an end to his torments. But seeing this would not doe, he leaps out of bed, and puts on his cloaths, and so indeavour'd to be gone. Now I being uncertain of what might follow, I intreated him to return, withall telling him, that I was at his devotion, and if he pleased, he might consummate his felicity. The foote returnes upon these enchanting expressions, and re­enters his former ne [...].

Such speeches from so faire a Crea­ture, are enough to tempt a Saint, to act the sin of concupiscence.

But heare what this Novice said, if you feare that the wounding of your virginity will put you to any pain, take notice, that it is not so much as the biting of a flea, I that breath the same soule that you do, and am made of the same flesh, how think you, is it [Page 17] possible then for me to wound you with a fleshly weapon.

I confesse when I was a maid, I did not feare much this carnall Instrument, but I found to my sorrow that at first it pained me to the purpose. Pricking me till it drew blood from me; nor would I ever had to do with it againe, had it not been for the recompence it made me in excess of delight, I tooke thereby.

Yet for all this I would not let him feele that, which he so much desired to in­joy. Thus past he away the night like a gamster in this, that he had lost his money and his sleep and time to a bad purpose. Wherefore the second time he leaped out of bed, and did put on his cloaths, and as he was very sorrowfully looking out of the win­dow, he espied my Mother and Landlady walking in the Garden. Whereupon he sud­dainly cryes out to them, asking them what he had done them of hurt, that they should be the meanes of his torment. Certainly (saith he) I would have found a more mild creature in African denns. Whereupon my Landlady perceiving by his lookes and ge­stures that he was almost horne mad, she came to him, and comforted him, saying that now he had sufficiently prooved her cha­stity, [Page 18] and might know now how difficult it is to scale a true virgins fort. In the meane time I arose and put on my cloaths, & so with­drew my selfe into my closet, leaving them to­gether to consult about this adventure. But as for my Love, his choler did swell to such a height, that he swore he would never see me nor the house againe, and so de­parted.

Surely you lost him then by your obstinate behaviour.

No; I bound him by this the faster to me. For by how much the more the passio­nate mind meets with obstacles, (as denials) by so much the more is it vehement in the pro­secution of the complement of its desire. As appeares by this that followes, for he had not beene absent above an hour, before in came a Taylor from him, almost loaden with Silkes, Purple, and Scarlet Cloath: com­manding him to cut me off, as much of each, as would commodiously invest me, hoping by this meanes he might tempt me to crowne his desire. Upon the receipt of this present, I consulted with my Mother, what was best to be done, she told me that by all these cir­cumstances, it was evident enough, how great his affection was for me, and that as he had done so much, so surely he would do [Page 19] more, rather then would lose his expenies and the hope of obtaining his will. But she advised me withall to be a little more pliable and complacentiall to him. Then did I go and dresse my selfe in my best at­tire, knowing that he could not stay long from me. I was no sooner drest, but he knocks at the doore, and I with a smiling countenance went halfe way downe the staires to meet him; where I declared to him, with the very quint-essence of dissimulation, how smitten I was to the heart at his bid­ding adieu, that had it not beene for my bashfullnesse, I had assuredly necalled him. However, now being fully convinced of my error, I was resolved that on the next night to yeild my selfe up to his imbraces, and that I was willing to indure or suffer any thing for his deare sake, and withall assur'd him, that now he was in a capacity to triumph o-over all his envious Rivalls. This subtle narration I sealed with a long breath'd kiss. Againe he takes order for a costly supper, which was prepared of things both for satisfying hunger, but principally of things that would make us potent and valiant in loves combates. He could hardly eate a­ny thing, the thoughts of his future pleasure did so much occupie his senses, wherefore [Page 20] he caused the table-cloath to be taken away somewhat of the soonest, and so away we went to bed. I would have deceived him a­gaine, had I seen any probability of good in it, wherefore being not in a capacity to use more slights, I yeilded my selfe as van­quisht: yet I remembred what part I had to act, to wit an unspotted virgin. There­fore did I much and often complaine of the wrong he did me. Ah me! most miserable wretch that I am, how am I dispoiled of my honour? How shall I looke any man a­gaine in the face without blushing? Have I not cause to hate my selfe for my immode­sty. My Lover thought my complaints were reall, therefore to stop my mouth, he pul'd out of his pocket a purse, presents it to me, as a reward in part for my lost virginity. There was in it about forty pieces of gold. I seemed to refuse it at first, making him believe, how small that recompence was in comparison of that pleasure he possest of mine.

I should have feared he would not have offred it againe.

I'le assure you I did mistrust it, therefore I accepted it, whereupon he fell a fresh to the renewing his pleasure with a full career.

I; but did he not perceive that you had before lost your maiden-head, and that the token of virginity (which most know) was not there.

Very good; but dost not thou know (silly woman) that few men know what belong to a virginity, as wee of that certainty of being gotten with child? Besides, had he been so knowing, is it not easy to per­swade a credulous man to any thing? But for feare of all suspition, my mother had mended it, as well as she could, by giving me things to contract my Privy Parts, as Cypress, Mos­chus, Ramich, with many other things that are astringing. In the morning my Mother came to see how we did, after our mutuall injoyments, and found us of two, incoporated into one, so close were we linct together; my Mother gave the Gentleman the morning salutation, and blessed me with her mater­nall benediction. As soone as I saw her, I fell a kissing and hugging my Lover with vehement affection in my Mothers presence, my Mother began to tell the Gentleman, that she had that very morning received let­ters, by which she understood of a neces­sity to leave Rome within two or three dayes. Then ad [...]ressing her selfe to me (said she) Daughter let us as willingly goe [Page 22] as our loving and noble kindred would have us, and so you may lay my aged bones in the Sepulchre of my Ancestors, there to rest with them. I confesse I am loath to leave this place, neither would I, could I seel my patrimony that is in my owne country, that we might buy with that mo­ney, a house here. Presently I interrupting her, said, that if she was resolved to depart, I was sorry that I must be disobedient, tel­ling her that was the onely way for me to live; No Mother, know that I must soon­er dye, then be deprived of this my one­ly hope of life and joy of my heart: Then did I imbrace him, imploring his assistance with teares in my eyes. My Cully was so taken with me and my sugar'd words, that he forthwith promised before my Mother, that before a day past, he would provide both a house and furniture for us if we would not depart, and truly he was as good as his word, for on the morrow he came and dis­charged our Landlady of what we were in­debted, and coacht us to sumptuous house where all the houshold-stuffe was in the best fashion, befitting a noble Man.

I cannot but adm [...]e at the folly of this Man, in spending [...] much on you, whereas he might have satisfied all his sen­ses [Page 23] at a farre cheaper rate.

O Sister I perceive you do not un­derstand what absolute soveraignty hath Cu­pids dart over the person it hits; It hath wrought such wonderfull effects on some Men, as to cause them to leave the beds of their most fair and beautifull wives, (a happi­ness that some would venture their lives for) & professe love to some silly Kitchin Maid. I believe neither you, nor I, are rightly a­ble to dive into loves mysteries. This Man (had not his senses beene besotted by me) certainely he might have understood his er­rour and folly, and my unworthynesse; for though those of our profession are for the most part very beautifull and well-spoken, yet how depraved are our natures, how cor­rupt and rotten? how inconstant and de­ceitfull? how do we most hurt them, that we most seem to love: I tell thee as a se­cret, that, that Man is most happy whom we most hate and disdaine.

As for my part I never profest much love to any man in my life, but I had some extraordinary designe on him, you may be sure it was not for his profit; sometimes when I saw any my lovers to be full of mo­ney, then would [...] invite him to ly with me, and then pick his pockets, other times [Page 24] when he had good cloaths, would I invite him to the like, and being asleep, would I afore acquaint some one of my Ruffians to come and take them from him, awaking him first, that he might see it was none of my fault, with many other crafty tricks I had to inrich my selfe by their ruines.

The truth of it is, we have no such thing as love or affection, but to our selves. I never valued how many I utterly undid, if I might but pleasure and content my selfe. Nay I have made it a pastime for me to see my Lovers wound and slay one the other in contestation, who should be most beloved by me, whereas I loved neither for loves sake. At that very time that this dotard loved me, I was so provident as to insnare others like­wise. One among the rest was as foolish as this Man, for once coming to our House, and finding me along, profest the greatest affection that Man, could possesse, alleadging that he should dye, if I did not pitty him. After I had considered that this my first love had spent all his estate upon the matter, and that this other would, and was able to spend largely and lavishly upon me, then did I be­gin by little and little to withdraw my affe­ction from my first Lover, and did seemingly settle it on the other. My former friend had [Page 25] not onely spent his owne estate, but that too of his Creditors, as much as possibly he could get upon trust, so that being not able to pay his debts, he was banisht out of Rome (accord­ing to the custome of the City) and so the Law freed me from farther trouble or impor­tunity of this prodigal Ignoramus. This se­cond likewise (because I will not be too te­dious) I fleeced of all his substance. I made this my grand maxim, to proportion the qua­lity of my favours to the quantity of my Lo­vers crowns. The next that came was a craf­ty and proud Spaniard, who was so highly conceited of his owne abilities, that at every step, turning up his mustachio [...], he seemed to spurne the World in contempt. His temper (as is the rest of his Countrymens) is hot and dry, which makes them prone to leachery; it was that which made him so beyond mea­sure doat on my face. But because I knew his nature to be beyond measure jealous, I valued him for nothing but his gold, which he had in good plenty.

I have heard that the Spaniard is so jealous, as he will not suffer his Wife to con­verse with any, no not stir abroad unlesse it be to her devotion, and then not without a spye to watch her actions. This passion (as it is thought) they borrowed of their neigh­bours [Page 26] the Moores. For it is enacted as a Law among them, that it is death for any tosee a Xeriffes wife, and it is death for his Concu­bine too, if not at the first sight of a man, she cry not out. Since I have spoken of the Men, let me but mention a word of the Women. They are sober, and very loving, of a delicate soft skin, but some thing tawny. They are extraordinary patient in travaile, and very lusty after it, in so much that they commonly lye in but three days. Again I remembred a Proverb concerning these men, which made me quite out of concept with them. For it's said the Spaniard is at enmity with Venus. Ʋt Galiorum penes sunt exigui tamen oblongi, sic Hispanorum, et breves et exigui. Therefore the French have got the start of them in that instrument, though neither of them can boast of their sufficiency. This Man (I say) I per­mitted to use me at his pleasure, (as long as he was worth any hing, but he becoming a Bankrupt, I turn'd him off. Thus lived I, ex­cluding none that could give any thing wor­thy the receiving. By this time I became an excellent proficient, being extraordinarily improved in so short a time, so that I became absolute Mistress of my art, or rather Pro­fessor whole troopes of young heires, well mo­nyed [Page 27] to me, but sent them away empty. I could antificially take from one, and give to the other, and in the end deceive them both. If I observed any had ribbands or good Hand­kerchiefes, I could have the boldnesse to take them by violence as my tribute or their forfei­tures. If I took notice of any thing that was of a greater valew, I would take occasion to praise it or the workmanship, and if upon this they did not bestow it on me, then would I use my naturall confidence in asking them for it. Before they left me at any time, I would make them ingage for another set and speedy meeting, and to make them the more desi­rous of it, I would suggest to them how mer­ry we would be then? what ravishing delight we would mutually injoy, &c. When we met, then would I consider what I wanted to compleat my felicity in the injoyment of the pleasing of all my senses. Whither some cost­ly or rare dish, wine, or musick, all which would I quickly obtain by perswading them it was for their greater delight, and credit.

Now I consider what a foole I was at sixteen yeares old; age enough to have made me more wise for my profit and pleasure. For though I was skittish enough, yet I was very reserv'd. Whilest I lived under my Fathers wing, there was a young Gallant profest him­selfe [Page 28] my servant, though I loved him in­tirely, yet did I speak worst of him I loved best, and appear'd ever before him with a sober and strange countenance. But now hear the extremity of my folly. For once getting me in a good humour, and a convenient place (and he being a cunning warriour) knowing right well, that a Fort is easier to be taken in one corner then in an other) there (I say) he assaulted my seemingly impregnable Ca­stle, and took it. Ever after (the greater my folly) I could intreat him, that intreated me before. I that before lockt and barr'd my chamber door, did now grease the hinges thereof, that my Father might not discover us by its creaking. So great an impression did this first injoyment make, that I delight­ed altogether in extreames. And herein is the Proverb verefied; that winsing colts, when once well broken, they proove excellent good Hacknyes, you may kill but not [...]yre them.

Then I was of an other temper. For I could not be contented with these bare things; Seeing, speaking, kissing, no nor feeling, (which are but preparatives.) But my appetite prompted me on to a more neer and free injoyment of: those delights, this Pro­logue put me in minde of. But to goe on with my story; the next Amorist I captiva­ted [Page 29] was a quick witted, yet harebraind French­man, he was very vehement in his affections, as he is precipitate in all his actions. He came very Apishly and lightly clad to me, which did too much demote his buffonny, and in­continency. He thoughtwhen he came to me to get up and presently ride, thinking he had to deale with one of his owne Country-wo­men, with whom at the first fight a Man may be acquainted, and at the first acquaintance, he may obtain the favour of a private en­trance. At your first interchange of speech, with them they will be as familiar, as if a man had been bred and born with them, and be so full of chat, as if they intended never again to be silent. They are generally as light in carriage as in habit. That is the rea­son the King of France hath such a multi­tude of subjects, but most of them poor, be­cause a great many of them Bastards. Thus have I characteriz'd Monsieur and his Madam. This Sieur des les Foutours, thought me to be some silly novice, and accordingly would have put a trick upon me, but he was made know experimentally the Proverb was true that says, that the Italians are wise before an action, the Dutch while they are acting, but the French when a thing is done, and so his wisedome is to small purpose. After (as he [Page 30] thought) he had sufficiently gain'd my affe­ction by his promises and expences, he was very importunate with me to goe to France with him, (but he intended to tell me before we should come thither) which pro­posall after I had many objections cleered by him, I condescended to: But (as my good fortune was) I was told his designe by one of his corrivalls, wherefore to bring about hap­pily my intended purpose, I seemed to take no notice of his plot, but would be often discoursing of our voyage, at length I per­ceiving that the time drew neere for our de­parture I came to him and told him, that my cloaths were at pawne, and unlesse I did spee­dily fetch them, they would be forfeited, whereupon he greedily answered my de­mands with a good sum of money, believe­ing that the merchant would pay him againe with interest for so rare and beautifull a crea­ture: Two dayes before we wee to goe, I told him my house-rent likewise must be paid, which he did at large, according to a­greement between my Landlady and himself. Now seeing I had no more pretences to get money of him, I removed my lodging, and so left this Pigg-wiggin in the lurch.

Since I perceive you traded with so many nations, pray what Coun­try [Page 31] man was the next that came.

He was an English-man, of a come­ly feature, and of a gracefull and magnani­mous aspect, who was both brisk and faire, gallant and curteous, active, sprightfull, and cheerefull: I confesse I had not heart to gull this man as I would, for if there was any love within me, it was for him; I was not a little proud at this conquest, considering how farre English-women excell all Na­tions, in the excellencyes both of minde and body, that if you would make a compleat body (according to the Proverb) choose a Dutch-womans lower parts, the French­mans middle, but above allan English head to crowne the rest; as they excell in beauty, so do they in their prerogative: though they for the most part are very insensible of its worth, we are enough sensible (to our sor­row) for I thinke really that proverb would be experimentally true, if there was a bridge over the narrow Seas, England would not be capacious enough to containe the women of Europe that would flock thither.

I perceive you have read much.

That was not the greatest part of my study, yet by it I was willing to under­stand the various natures of men, that I might the better put in practice what I had [Page 32] read. This my noble lover spent very free­ly upon me, and in me; so that I may say, till now, I never knew what it was to be an Epicurean: We lived a long time very jovi­ally together, till (a pox on't) a pocky bu­sinesse disturbed our pleasures; for it seemes he was amorous of other women, (or they of him) as well as my selfe: Among whom he got a terrible clap, and so communicated the malignity of it to me, which so pepered us both in a short time, as that we sympa­thiz'd with the zodiack, having on our bo­dies (as the signe of this foule disease) the Cancer.

What can he expect lesse, who per­takes of the nature of a Dog, in this, that he takes his pleasure with every Bitch he meets, perhaps one that he never did, nor ever shall see again, with whom many times he may learne more of the Pockey art in one houre, then by being moderate, he may in seven yeares.

And truly (Sister) I believe she is paid home in the same coyne that makes her — a stable for every Asse to litter in, sometimes she may meet withall a Running Nag. Cer­tainly there is nothing that renders our Sex more odious, then seriously to reflect on their actions in Bawdy-Houses. Modesty that [Page 33] should be a Womans glory, is here hence ba­nisht; nothing but what is lascivious and wanton must be entertained there. In this place may a man finde vice so set forth to the life, that if the sight thereof will not deter him from committing this sin, I know not what will.

For all thy preaching, I really think that it was not thou that left first this bitter-sweet fin, but it did thee, and I think thou doest wish well to it still. As for my part though I smarted soundly (the poysonous quality of which fowle disease being not yet out of my bones) I say for this sin of Lechery, yet couldI not leave it, nay I was so accusto­med to it, that it proved a second nature to me, if I had fasted but two days from it, it was as bad as four days, living on bread and water. As long as my beauty lasted, and was not impayred, I had Customers enouw for my Ware and Commodities. At this time I in­snared a young Merchant in my Pitt fall. I countenanced him the more, because wealthy and not well knowing the getting of his mo­ney, and so by that, be the freer to spend it. What money he lent me, I paid him in kind­ness, as in lying with me at his pleasure. But I (finding that by his oft imployment, his love grew cold) consulted with my self how I [Page 34] might raise his former love and estimation to the same height, and after deliberation I found no way better then to affect the Man with jealousy. Wherefore I caused my Pimp toget ready a couple of Pheasants, a couple of Partridges, and a couple of cram'd Capons, just about the time that my Love and I should be at dinner, giving him instructions what to say. At the time appointed, he knockt at the door, and I commanded him to be admitted, then did he come and present the Fowle with a low obeisance to me, saying, Madam my Lord Don Alonzo de Monte Turco, hath sent this small remembrance of that great affection he beares you, desiring you to eate them for his sake. Whereupon I seeming to be much troubled, said to him, Pray tell your Master that I thought he had sufficiently known that I am ingaged too far to the Gentleman, not to accept of his courtesies, and I for my own part thought he had more of virtue, then by these and such like meanes to seek to violate the chaste purposes of honest Matrons, and so thus tell him. Then did I kiss and hug may Merchant, making him believe that he was the sole loadstone of my affections, which he did as readily believe for a truth, as I was willing at any time to tell a lye for my owne profit. He was so taken with this may feigned [Page 35] constancy, that the next day he clothed me in rich new apparell.

How strangely was this foole de­ceived. For that Woman that prostrates her selfe to every one, cannot truly love a­ny.

Seeing him so bravely deluded, I farther told him, that I had rejected seven Counts and Lords (before this Spanish Don) and all for his deare sake. When he at any time lay with me, then would I laugh hearti­ly, saying I cannot choose but pitty a young Gentleman that waites my comeing now in such a place, an other in such a place, whome I have all purposely deceived that they might not interrupt our pleasures. The foole was so over-joyed at it, that he doubled my pen­sion, and rewarded my affection with seve­rall rich gifts. Now was it high time to feign my selfe with child. Therefore I continually would pretend to have qualmes come over my stomack, if I did eate any thing, I would vomit it up. I would complain I had lost my taste, all sweet things seeming bitter to me. At length I would eate nothing but what was extraordinary rare and dainty; sometimes I would long, you may be sure not for very common things. NOw he concluded I was with child, and his beliefe was confirmed by [Page 36] an affirmative judgement of a Dr. of Physick whom he askt; at which he was not a little joy'd. Now was his whole minde taken up in providing God-fathers, and all things ne­cessary for my lying in. Neither was there any thing (that I but nam'd) which I had not. I think if I would have had one of his eyes I should, rather then to have miscarried. When I thought I had sufficience of both goods and money, then did I cause my Mo­ther to go to him, and with a sad countenance tell him, that I fell by a mischance and had miscarried, and with all that I was very ill upon it. He was like to run distracted upon this ill news. And being not able to rest quiet, he came to me that we might mutually condole the losse. When I thought I had la­mented enough, I began to comfort him by the hopes of having another, and so at last he rested quiet. A little after this, there was a bragging Souldier did often visit me, so fu­rious he was that his very sight would have frightned a Woman. This Rhodomontado, or Hobgoblin Souldier having inricht himselfe by Plunder, thought no place better to spend his ill gotten goods in, then in my House. After we had spent some part of his money in riot and pleasure, I bethought my selfe, how I might have the other par [...] [...]or my proper [Page 37] use. And thus it was, I appointed an Hector to come and demand of me ten peeces for lin­nen cloth I bought of him, at such a time when this amorous Thraso was with me. He comes (as fortune would have it) when we were in the mid'st of our dalliances, and re­quires of me this ten pound, I presently told him he should have it, whereupon I bad my Maid fetch it out of such a Trunk, and so gave her a false key, after a little while, she came to me, and told me that she could not unlock it. I seeming to be very angry, askt her whither like a baggadge she had spoyled the lock? and so went my selfe with my Lo­ver, but neither of us could open it, where­upon I desired him (rather then to break o­pen the lock) to lend me ten pieces, which he did pay to my Hectorian Linnen-draper. Now did I pretend that I had left the right key at a Neighbours House, whereupon I told him I would goe and fetch it, and so repay him his money. But I staying somewhat long (according as I intended) he would have broken open my Trunk; Now my Maid a subtle young Whore, perceiving his intent, cryed out, theeves, theeves, the Neighbours hearing it, ran into my house, seaz'd on the fellow in the action, and sodragg'd him to Prison, who I think by this time is gon to Hell in a string.

Now I remember I serv'd a Country fellow as bad a trick; for comming into this City, & having not usually seen extraordina­ry beauties, it chanc't the first he could affect, was my selfe; whereupon, that he might court me nobly, he sold his Vineyard, a­mounting to a hundred pound, which was his whole estate; I seeing the money, I pre­tend to like the man wonderfully, praising him, and protesting to him, that his hand­somenesse and good qualities, had so con­quered my heart, as that I was very willing to be his obedient wife. The Man hearing this, buyes all sorts of houshold-stuff immediate­ly, not sparing any cost, either to delight the eye, or voluptuously to please the pallate. So that in a short time his Money was almost consumed. Now to rid my hands of him, I did cause my Champion (which I kept for such purposes) to come when my Lover was with me, and pretending to be his Rivall, draws upon him, making a passe or two at him, but giving him liberty enough to flye, if he so pleased, which he did very willingly, the other calling after him, saying that if e­ver he found him there againe, he would make him meat for Crow's; and I thinke he was so terrified at these menaces, that I never saw him after. Thus have I made one nayle [Page 39] drive out another, and so serve my owne ends by both.

When my Lovers at any time came to sup with me, I would be very carefull not to want either Cards, Dice, or Tables, or some other Game, to cheat these fooles of their moneys: for I was well versed in all the arts of Gaming. Having supt, I would aske them to play a Game at Cards, for a Sack-Posset, Sweet-meats, or the like: But I would not play unlesse they playd likewise for dry Money. At which I would very often be a very great winner; for to draw on some well-feather'd Goose, I would willfully lose, but to be sure I would at last suck his pockets drie. Notwithstanding, they would at o­ther times adventure to play with me, for Gamsters can aswell abstaine from playing, as a Woman can turne constant and faithfull [...] But still they had the same bad successe.

But I doe not a little admire, how thou could'st give content to such a number of men? whereas no doubt many of them, had the same desire to injoy thee, in one and the same night.

I brought I to passe easily enough, first for my pleasure sake, for what Woman is so affectionate, a [...] to be satisfied with one Man. Surely it would require the strength [Page 40] of Atlas shoulders, and Hercules his back, to stand to so hard a taske, as the satisfying of the amorous emotions of a lustfull Woman. And secondly for my very great profit; for by contenting them all, all of them inricht my purse. Having given me his dose of plea­sure; with whome I lay in bed withall, I would complaine of some paine I could not lye quiet for, and so rising, would goe to one that expected me, after I had done with him, I would pretend I must goe ease nature, and to injoy another; nay many times I would admit of the presence of one of my Lovers, whilest an other lay sleeping by me.

In good faith I could never be so con­fident and bold, feare injecting into my minde a hundred obstacles. But this I did on a time, when all my Lovers were feasting and drinking at my house, in the midst of our jollity, I seemingly fell sick of a despe­rate disease, falling immediately into a swound: Every one flocks about me imme­diately, assisting me in the best way he could. My Maid she ran away for a Doctor (whome I had afore acquainted with my intended plot) he came in very great hast, & presently felt my pulse. but I [...]old him I had more need of the helpe of a spirituall Physitian, and [Page 41] thereupon I fetcht a deep sigh. Upon this he (taking notice of a conple that were ex­traordinary busie about me) called them a­side. telling them that I was a Dead Woman, unlesse some pery pretious things were gotten for me. Every one upon that strove who should expend most. I cannot remember halfe the medicines he prescribed, of very small worth, but told them, that they were nothing but dissolved pearles, and most pretious Arabian unguents. And to finish the euer told them all, that unlesse he could have ten pieces of Gold (at the least)to dis­solve for a Cordiall for me, all that he had done before was in vain. Whereupon, instead of ten pieces, every one gave singly ten. Thus did my Doctor heale me to the contentment of my Lovers, and the profit of our selves. I had skill to inchant my Lovers to me, far beyond the art of either Philosophers, Chy­mists, Astrologers, nay Negromancers; far beyond that foolish thing of making a Candle of Mans Grease, Herbs dryed in the shade, Nayles of the dead, or any other Magicall incantations. I would but kisse and imbrace my Lovers, or let them anoint themselves with a pretious Balme I have, they presently became so stuppefied, that they did as much a­dore as affect me.

Since (Sister) it's our trade, why should not we be as subtle in it as we may. Many times you know we meet with losses: as some fellows come, and eate and drinke with us very freely, and when the reckoning is to be paid, they sweare they left their Mo­ney at home, and therefore we are inforc't to trust them, other times we are carried a­broad by hectorian blades, and are either stript of what is valuable, or left as a pledge for the reckoning. Ill gotten goods sel­dome prosper.

My chiefest gaine came in by Ser­vants; for as many of them knew not the getting of what money they had, so were they as willing to part from it; all the care they took, was to get time to spend what they had gotten. I would be sure to take notice of what profession each was of, and so accord­ingly would I proportion my demands. I would hug, kiss, imbrace and flatter the Milliner out of Ribbands, Hoods, Scarfes, and Gloves: The Gold-smith I would pro­mise a nights lodging for either Rings or a piece of Plate, and to be sure I would get something of every one; if I found any of them to be wary, I would lay him downe one halfe for his Commodity, with a pro­mise to pay him the other halfe, within such a [Page 43] time, though I never intended to do it, knowing well he could take no rigorous course against me, for feare of my discredit­ing him to his Master. One above the rest, did I cheat extraordinarily. He was so cho­lerick, as it was impossible for any one to be more; in so much, that if a Flie did but settle on his nose, he would thunder out his execrations o me; and then againe his pas­sion being over, he would cringe to me like a Water-spaniell, and withall make a repara­tion by gifts, for the wrong he had done me in words. Sometimes in his angry fit, I I would rise up from him, and sit downe by another, protesting never to be friends with him more, (and this many times would hap­pen by my own provocation on purpose) on the next day he would be sure to send in good store of provision as fore-runners of his com­ming, which were his surest peace-makers, and then after bestowing on me a ring, bracelet or the like, we would kiss friends. And this was his best way, for thou knowest (Sister) the malice and hatred of a woman is implacable, it rages more, then the Pox in the bones.

Prethee don't put mee in mind of that body tormenting disease.

I had almost forgot, that thou hast beene infected with that plague, therefore par­don me.

How canst thou forget that, which thou thy selfe hast felt so sensibly. Besides is it possible for us that are continually in these hot skirmishes, to come off without being wary as another, yet could not avoid the blow, and so great a one it was, that at this very hour I feele the smart of it, though it was ten yeares since. It hath carbonadoed my flesh, putrified my bones, shak't of my haire, and it hath raised the very foundation of the bridge of my nose; besides the losse of my haire and the infection of my breath. Sure­ly its occupation partakes much of a Barber­chyrurgion, for a man need neither Shaver, nor Tooth-drawer, that hath but the Pox for his companion. It should likewise have a smatch of the Alchymist, for it will in a short time decoct all the money out of a mans Pocket, be it never so deepe.

Some say, that the Father of this di­sease was a French Man, if so, then I am sure the Mother of it is lust, and as of that, so of most of all the vices in the World. So that I cannot see upon what grounds we should love it for, since it brings little pleasure with it, but an abundance of griefe, pain and an­guish of spirit. Its very naturall property is to suck out the very heart-blood of Mankind.

Why dost thou so inveigle against it, since thou dost both use it, and solicite o­thers to imbrace it likewise.

Since lust is my profession, I am a­fraid I shall come to extreame poverty, if I please not my amorous Customers in that sort of Ware they deale in. Though for my owne part, I now grow weary of it by too much use. Nay even when my Lovers are bu­sied about the action, I hardly think on it, for my minde is either busied about some one of my friends, whom I must shortly cheat, or about himselfe in cunningly picking his pocket. If he perceived my theft, I would put it of with a jest, telling him he should next time for it have a passage in Venus Boat gratis, which would please the foole for the present, but he found oftentimes his expectations crost, for I would not suffer him to open my Lock without his silver Key. But now I shall tell you a merry trick I did put upon three Men at once. There was one a Painter & two Cut­lers, which were extraordinarily amorous of me, but at great enmity one with the other as rivalls. I studyed with my selfe at a time how I might make my selfe sport at their harmes, and thus it was. I appointed these three severally to visit me all on one and the same night, and much about one time, yet [Page 46] neither knew, but that they should injoy my company solely, none being present. The first that came at the time appointed was the Painter, who finding me all alone, was ex­ceedingly rejoyc't at his good fortune, and without delay falls about my neck, kissing and hugging me, (as the Divle hug'd the witch) and would have done more but that I told him, there was time enough for us to sport and weary our selves. It was not long before one of the Cutlers knocks at my Door likewise; whereupon pretending to the Paint­er that I knew him by his voice, to be my Uncle, I perswaded him to hide himselfe in my Closet. Upon this I admitted my Cutler, who seeeing an opportunity of privacy was on fire to excercise his weapon, but I did put by his thrust, by telling him I expected my cou­sin immediatly; but I told him I could quickly shift him of, and then I should be very will­ing to make a passe or two with him. I had no sooner spoke the words, but the other Cutler knockt at doore, if I should have done according to their expectations, I thinke I should have had enough of trying weapons. My second I perswaded to hide himselfe, and so I admitted the third, who came in like a good sword man, saying with a furious look (enough to have scared an Owle) O that [Page 47] I had now but some one of my Corivalls to glut my Sword with their blood. Now was my rivall the Cutler here, I would send him as a token to Vulcan to blow his Forge; Were the Painter here I would quick­ly dispatch him to the Stygian lake to draw Pluto's grim countenance, besides farther mis­chiefe that I would do him. At which words both of them, (as being toucht in the point of honour,) sally out upon him, and he (thinking that his bombast words had con­jur'd them thither, or Divels in their shapes) speedily attempts to flye, but making more haste then good speed, tumbled down the staires headlong. As for the assailants, (an­ger so prickt them on to speedy revenge) that both striving who should go down the staires to revenge himselfe first, they both fell down to the bottome together. Now did this hot incounter renew, and (as valiant Cowards) because they could not flye, the doore being shut, there was a sad fight, blood issuing in aboundance from them all. At length the Constable (hearing a great noise at that time of the night, breakes open the door, and seazes upon my bloody Combatants, and so carries them to prison, where I make no question they were forc't to surrender up their fury upon dishonourable terms, & were forc't to live pea­cibely for the future.

I cannot but laugh to think on this pleasant adventure.

Now (deare Sister) having past as it were through my non-age, let me tell you some of my arts and devices that I used in the meridian of my dayes, having beene too much wearied by Fortunes tossing and hurl­ing me up and downe, I bethought me how I might live a more staid and stately kind of life. And thus it was I pretended (and so gave it out accordingly) that I would now bid adiue to the world, by sequestring my self in a Nunnery from its rumours & manifold troubles, wherreupon I all on a suddain pull'd downe my Tapistry hangings, and with all moderated my dyet to a meale a day. I like­wise cloth'd my selfe in a meane habit, strip­ping my selfe of my neck-laces, rings, gold­en chaines, and all the rest of my ornaments. I sequestred my selfe from all company, not permiting my dearest friends to speak with me. All my ambition now, was to be account­ed religious, and therefore to the life, did I counterfeit the lives of the Saints. Now was the City fill'd with the rumour of my con­version: all my feare was that they would no more call me Thais, but penitent Mary Magdalene.

But how did you dispose of all your goods on this occasion?

All my pretious things I did hide in a friends house, things of lesser vallew, I distributed as almes to the poor. Now see­ing a convenient time, I sent for all my friends and lovers, and after I had lookt very sadly on each particularly, I craved all their pardons in generall for the sins of my youth, I had committed with them, devoutly casting up my eyes to Heaven, I invoaked pardon from thence; after which I spake after this manner to them, with weeping eyes. I now am resolved (my quondam deare friends) to bid you and the World good night, hoping to bid you all in Heaven good morrow. My conscience having been wrought upon by the commemoration of Christ's sufferings, infor­ced me to leave these soul-destroying sins of the flesh, and betake my selfe to a holy life, and this upon very good grounds, if you con­sider, that if we live not well here, we shall never injoy happinesse hereafter. Nay if we do consider and think on it, yet if we indea­vour not to obtain it, his salvation is hope­lesse. Therefore whilest I live here, I will so behave my selfe that I may not doubt of sal­vation horeafter. I have learnt that by my contemning of riches, I shall be rich; by contemning of glory, injuries, rest, and earth, I shall be made glorious, and a conquerour, I [Page 50] shall gaine rest, and finde Heaven, and then in a rapture, I pronounc'd these Verses;

Then did I tell them by what meanes I commenc't convert, which was by reading the story of Mary Magdalene. And to con­clude, I told them that I was resolv'd to doe and suffer any thing in this life, to be exempt­ed from those everlasting burnings of Hell fire in the life to come. Thus did I preach at least an hour to them, at which some were grieved for the losse of my presence, others were grieved, because they could not seem so virtuous and good as I. The time being come that I must go to the Monastry, all my friends accompanied me thither. And by the way, some would praise God that he had call'd me to a better life; others, that God had gi­ven me the grace to forsake worldly pleasures in my youth, and flower of my age. I observ'd one (as I went) to covet to be as neare me as possible, and who seem'd to be more sorrow­full [Page 51] then the rest; wherefore as (I thought) I had begun a conquest, so I would finish it on him. Therefore just as I was going into the Gate of the Monastry, I turn'd about my head, and looking upon him with a stedfast and peirceing eye, enough to have moved a stone, I did shed some teares. The eye (Sister) is Cupids Armory wherein he stores up his shafts, and standing there oftentimes as a sen­tinell, seldome lets an amorous heart escape his darts. My new Lover thought from this action, that those teares were dropt for his sake (every one is apt to construe a thing ac­cording as he would have it) and from that time plotted how he might draw me from that retired life. I had not been long there, but he visited me at the grate, and that very often. At length being not able to hold in his minde any longer, he declared his intent to me, urging all the perswasions that I ye in the tongue of Man to draw me out of that place. But I seemin to be outragious, askt him whither the Divle ahd sent him as his agent to corrupt chaste intentions. At this tart answer, he was quite dasht out of coun­tenance, and so departed. But (as I under­stood after) all the way he went, he did ad­mire at my so suddain reformation, and that seeing me so strickt, he really thought now I [Page 52] had absolutely banisht dissolute thoughts, and now he thought I might make a very virtuous wife. Therefore the next time that he came to me, he desired to be excused if he had given me any cause of discontent, and in briefe told me that if I would leave that place, and be as willing as he was, to live a marri­ed life, the consummarion of it should be be­tween us in a very short time. After a little pause on the businesse, and some reasonings between us, I consented to his desires, (and indeed the sooner because I was extreame weary of that kind of life) and so leaving my devotion, I married this Man wealthy enough.

I believe that proverb was continuall in thy minde, that sayes, he knows not to live, that knows not to dissemble.

Dissimulation is the chiefe practique part of my life; and therefore blame me not, if I know how to be pleasing to the eye, though intricate to the understanding, and be not what I seeme to appeare, but my coun­tenance shall be sure to be framed according to the present disposition, so that by different mens humours I may weave a net for occa­sion. Much of this feminine policy did I make use of to winde my selfe into this married condition I then was in. Then had [Page 53] I an other part to act, to wit, a sober discreet and modest wife to my husband, not mattering whether I seemed so to others of my familiars. Now must you consider me as a stately dame under a conjugall tye, attended on by my Gentleman Vsher, and waiting Gentlewoman lodg'd and seated in a most stately and well built house, in which you may be confident I would want nothing, as long as there was any money to pay for it. My cheifest businesse was how I might weare the breeches, and then it would prove no difficult matter to commence Scholar both to Epicurus and Aristippus, I was of their opinion that held pleasure to be the Sumum bonum, at least a womans chiefe happinesse, which I resolv'd to injoy though my body and soule paid for it. My imployment was to drinke rich and fra­grant Wine, to eate choice victuals, both at Ceres and Venus tables. At which I imitated not the behaviour of some nice finnekin City dames, that will not speake a broad word, much lesse eate with a good appetite (but let us excuse them in private.) When they are at a plentifull dinner, they will eate and drinke very little for good manners sake, forsooth. As for me I imploy'd all the in­dustry I had to live merrily and jovially, and thought that little enopugh too, not valewing what people said.

But how did'st thou get money to feed and maintaine those varieties of pleasures, thou did'st injoy?

If I found my husband to be in an (Ill) thrifty humour, and so would not allow me what I desired, I would harken to some young gallants sollicitations, and so dresine my pleasure through my husbands hornes, thus you see he got nothing but a cornuting for his avarice.

But did he not suspect this want­on carriage?

No: for when I had beene abroad exalting his horne, then would I (when I come home) cling about his neck, speaking him nothing but sugar'd words, which he took for the quintessence of affection, and so (quid pro quo) would returne reciprocall love to me. Cuckolds (according to the Proverb) are the most loving husbnds. Thus did I by dissembling handsomely, obtaine liberty both to gormondize, to be wanton, and to be prouder. My devotion seldome reach't farther then good apparell, for which cause I would goe to Church, to observe what was the newest fashion, or who had a better gowne then my selfe, and then go home and be sick till I had it, some body should pay fer't. I could have wisht there had beene nothing [Page 55] worne but silke, satten, cloth of Gold, &c. had it not been for envy to see others as well clad as my selfe. I would seldome stir abroad till I had wel read my face in a looking glass, that I might artificially mend the errata's; as if my cheekes were too pale, then would I adde something of the vermilion. Then when I had review'd it, and found the faults thereof corrected, I would venture boldly to show this Picture of my own drawing, by with­drawing the courtains, I meane my hoods. Thus did I trimme my selfe, as a French cooke garnisheth a dish the more to provoke the appetite to a taste.

Did'st thou thus trick up thy selfe to please thy husband onely.

Noe; yet I would pretend it was for his sake, though my maine aime was to cause amorous customers to valew the more what was within, by the richnesse and splen­dour of the bush. And this I did, knowing that one man alone is not able to guide a womans light vessell. You know that when the spur of lust Pricks us on to a false gallop, it requires a very lusty and experient rider to set us; many times for all their sufficiency they are thrown. Now that my saddle might not be empty, it was requisite to have severall Horse-men, that when one is out, the other [Page 56] may be in. I did all that I could to confine my selfe to my husband; I very often gave him caudles, cock-broth, lamb-stones, &c. for Purgation sake. But these wrought so violently with him, that they left nothing within him; and now as I was a consump­tion to his purse, so he fell into the like of his body, and now was it high time for him to repent, which he might thank me for bringing him to it so soone; though for my owne particular, I sent it to travaile; with an intent not to have its company till I was three score yeares old. My husband being dead, I followed not the custome of some widdowes, that make costly Funerals the sonner to get them husbands. But I buried him very obscurely; first that I might imploy the money to a better use, as in buying good cloaths, living in pleasure, &c. and next that my husbands so shaddine death might nor be too much divulged as dying so suddainly. Besides I bad no desire to come under those conjugall (servile) bones. Were all females of my opinion, no woman should marrie without the approbation of ten Doctors and seven Mid-wives at least, you have not heard so many storyes concerning dilapidations as I have; it makes me even lament with teares the condition of well wishing women that [Page 57] have the hard luck to meet with those doe-littles. You may perceive (Sister) that I am a Jewelless, for as I have good skill in the choice of Stones, so am I never better then when I am bulied about them.

But (Sister) I wonder how thou did'st dissemble thy joy at the death of thy husband?

I bid it under my mourning Gowne, though I laught in its sleeve, I would often fetch a customary sigh, and if need did re­quire, I did weep for joy. It requires a very discerning wit, to distinguish a Womans teares. For sometimes they proceed from sorrow, other times from deceit, and some­times from anger, and to be sure they can command them upon all occasions. The time of mourning being expired, I did cast of those sad weeds, and clothedmy selfe like a flourishing spring after a hard and tedious Winter. And now the hot rayes of my beauty being displayed, they did attract Lovers to me like atoms in the Sun beames, which fill'd my chamber, as people doe a play house.

Now thou art reduc'd to the same condition as thou wer't before marrige.

It's true; onely with this difference, that I am richer, and more experienc'd in [Page 58] the World, and so the better able to act my part in it. Had I not been inspired with wise­dome and cunning even from my Cradle, I could never have expected to have lived so well at this time. I ever prefer'd profit before pleasure, though I often joyn'd them toge­ther, otherwise poverty by this time had been my portion. And that whereas one such as I have (narrowly) escaped the malice of fortune, a hundred else have rotted of the Pox in an Hospitall, or dyed out of want in some ditch. The feare of which often stings us in such a manner, as that we should hardly injoy our selves, were it not for hopes that our deceits and couzonages will get us estates before that time. Besides we have hopes of a trade to trust too, which requires a small stock to set up withall, onely two or three Country Girls, a barrell of Beer, and a Gal­lon or two of strong Waters. If our trading is but small, we can begin with lesse, for you know the Honey-pot may admit of many flies to lick in it; But of this I shall speake more largely of, when I shall come to depaint the Baude with her implements.

Pray (Sister) continue your dis­course.

Whilest now I was a profest Whore again, I indeavoured with the utmost of my [Page 59] craft, to attempt any thing, (what ever it was, and how wicked so ever the designe) that might be any ways beneficiall; you may per­ceive all along my ambitious minde, for it was my study from fourteen years old to this present, how I might excell all in our pro­fession, intending no lesse then to be stiled their Queene. As for all kinde of wickedness, I dare out-vie them all, though the simplest of them is too too vild. How many Men have I rob'd, cheated and undone? How many have I caused to be wounded, nay sometimes murdred, besides beatings and petty-larcenies? Againe (which is the chiefest thing) how many gallons of thrice concocted blood have I extracted, in those many venereall combats I have been in.

By the smock of Venus, (God for­give me for swearing) thou art an arch de­ceitfull Quean.

If I am so, can you expect lesse from one that has been experienc't in so long, and forc't to use such devices.

But wilt thou never repent for these thy wickednesse?

What need I as long as the Pope stands our friends (besides Cardinals and some of the eminent Clergy) who will speak a good word for us hereafter, he hath given [Page 60] me good hopes by giving me a generall par­don for sins past, present, and to come. So that now I hope my soul will injoy as many pleasures Celestiall, as my body hath Terre­striall.

This is some part of my present com­fort, but I feare me the Pope and all the rest that tell us fornication is but a veniall sin, will sooner open the Gates of Hell to us then those of Heaven. And now my dreame is out, for last night me thought I was dead, and as I was entring Hell Gates, I saw the Pope as Porter of the Gate, instead of his triple Crowne, he seem'd to have a pair of huge hornes, with which he kept out a vast number of his Clergy-men that prest on him to get in, telling them that the place was so full of them already, that there would be no roome for others, if he permitted them entrance, and so to make roome for me, he fell a pushing with his horns, which made such a sad slaugh­ter among their beads and crucifixes, as ne­ver was the like seen.

Thou makest me to laugh heartily at this thy phantasticall dreame.

It were all one if thou weepest be­cause they are as much used by thee, one as the other, and for as little cause.

It is very true, for there is nothing [Page 61] so serviceable to our occupation as laughing and crying, to which must be added lying; which I made use of as often, as Plow-men eate bred and cheese. By a lye, I got once a brave gold chaine. It was thus, there was a rich coxcomb was even sick for love of me; this Man to seeme the more majestically be­fore me, had borrowed a very rich gold chain of his neighbour, and he likewise had bor­rowed it of his Wife. Now we were at that time he wore it, appointed to see a great show. I easily perswaded him (because I had a de­sire to it) to let me weare it at that time. A­way we went accompanied with my necessa­ry implement a Pimp; being come into the middle of a great crowd, I slipt of my chain, and conveighed it speedily into my Pimps hand. When I thought he was gon with it far enough of, I made a hideous cry that I was undone, calling out, stop theefe, and be­cause I so well counterfeited my griefe by my teares, my Lover thought I had really lost it, and so seeing there was no more to be done, but to sit down quietly under the losse, he suffer'd me to injoy the benefit thereof, if I would grant him some few nights pleasure, which I told him his merit required, if I had not lost his chain, and thus we compounded the difference. If it may not be troublesome [Page 62] to you, I shall tell you two or three more such like stories.

Your stories are so pleasing, that I am sorry the nights approach will sooner finish your agreeable discourses then I am willing. Therefore not to loose time pray proceed.

When I lived at Florence, it happened that an old drie bon'd fellow fell in love with me. He could not love my beauty more then I did his Purse. He wish't well to ve­neriall pleasures (as being addicted to them in his youth) though he could do little. He was fit for nothing but to sleepe and snore by a womans hot side, lying there like a senselesse block. She that marries such a man may never feare of his being too vigorous and lustie, and so be inforced to say, it's e­nough (my Deare) for this time. This old Amorist the day before the nocturnall combat, indeavours to provoke and stirre himselfe up by imbracing, kissing and feeling mee, nay he tooke many restoratives to strengthen his nerves. And now thinking he had inabled his body to correspond with his desires, he went to bed with me, and so prepares himselfe for a battery. But alas poore man, as soone as the fight began, his Standard fell just as he was entring the breach. [Page 63] And no wonder, for this member is as really dead as the rest of his body is a dying. It serves him, but as the Eunuchs quill for an aqueduct. Thus you see it's no propitious conjunction, when Saturn is coupled with Venus. Now least he should leave me unex­pectedly by reason of his impotency, I was resolved to have a good parting blow. Wherefore I told him that the best way to strengthen his body was to make a good feast, and there at to eate and drinke freely. He was very willing to do it according to my motion. Upon this I invited most of our society about the City. The banquet was served up in dishes, most whereof were silver ones, which I had on purpose borrow­ed of the old man. After we had most plenti­fully eaten and drunke, the table cloath was taken away, but I forgot not to set by four pei­ces of plate, and so I sent home the rest. But the old man finding missing so many, was ready to have run distracted, and in that humour came and demanded them of me. But I told him that a little after he was gone from my house, a cousen of mine defired me to lend them her, which I presum'd to do upon that mutuall affection there was between him and my selfe. He being pleas'd at this, did rest satisfied at that time; but some while [Page 64] after he demanded them of me againe, and then I told him, I had forgot to fetch them home: the next newes I heard, he was dead. It was joyfull newes to me for-the gaines I received by it.

I think thou well deservedst what thou hadst. For my part I thinke if he had offred me twice as much, I should hardly have suffered him to come nigh me. The very thoughts of him even nauseat's my sto­mack, his stinking breath, his tisicks, besides his impotency, an insupportable griefe to a woman. Againe be hath his sally port al­most continually open, out of which he thun­ders at a time at least a hundred claps, not mis­sing one of the number, and this thunder is but a fore-runner of a shower of raine which will follow, to wit a stinking liquid hu­mour, &c.

Now after I had spent the summer of my life in all manner of these kind of cheates; and debauchments, the autumn there­of began to appear. And now was it high tune for me to cast the anchour of my owne carnall pleasures. For since I was not able to reforme and restore comelynesse to my face by Ceruse and Vermilion, nor make my stinking breath sweet by perfum'd comfits, my Lovers began by little and little to leave me, [Page 65] and therefore I was resolved to make use of the last meanes of a lively-hood by turning Bawd. Now I confesse I was forced to choose a very ill time to set up in. For our Gallants had learnt by experience how expensive and dangerous it is to keep a Whore, and there­fore now they went a wiser way to work, viz. by keeping in their houses handsome Girles which serv'd as Servants by day, but as their Wives by night, and so by teaching them what it is to lye with a Man, make them turn Whores the sooner, and so augment the number of our Female traders: there is no­thing that dammages our Trade more then the incroachment of private Whores.

I really believe that thou wert the off-spring of some profound Polititian, and so in thy generation there was infused with thy naturall heat both craft and wit.

It is not unlikely, that I am a States Mans Bastard, for I know not my Father; And this seemes the more likely, because (some say) that illegitimates are Creatures (for the most part) of good complexions and rare features, witty, and fortunate.

But what may be the reason of this?

I conceive it may be thus: questi­onlesse it was beauty, or some thing else that much pleas'd the person, that caused in him [Page 66] these illegitimate desires, now when he comes to the injoyment of them in those stoln de­lights, his fancy being heightned, it causeth him to act with more vigour and liveliness.

You have obliged me much in satis­fying me in this point, but if you will more, pray continue your former discourse.

Well then, be pleased to take notice that since I am now a Bawd, (as thou art) let us consider what she should be, viz. of a long time a votaresse to Venus, and afterwards let her serve as a Lamp in capid's Schoole to give light to Lovers. Such a one you know I was and am. Now the first commodity that I indeavoured to get was some handsome simple Country Girl, and such a one did I meet with all, both Fatherlesse and Mother­lesse, as fit as might be for my turne. At first I took her home to me as a Servant to trye her naturall parts, but finding her to be both witty and ingenuous, I then lookt upon her as my Daughter, and did make very much of her, that thereby I might perswade her to what I listed. After she had lived a small while with me, I thought it time to document her a little; And therefore taking her aside in private, I used very perswasive arguments to bring her first to chase out of her, Maiden­fear and bashfulnesse; condemning much [Page 67] her nicenesse, and her uselesse scruples. Then did I feelingly represent unto her the plea­sures Women injoy by Men: adding more over that if she would but dedicate her life to Venus, there should not be any pleasure, any delight in the World, which she should not injoy. These considerations made so deep an impression in her mind, that she re­solv'd forthwith to be obedient to my desires. Things fadging so well to my mind, I went on preparing the rest of my implements, viz. Tobacco, Strong-waters, Bear, Ale, and any thing by which I might profit. And that I might be a Bawd of the right stamp, I fill'd my Chamber with Limbecks, Vials, and Glas­ses of all sorts, with which I prepared con­fections to clarifie the skin, waters to make the face shine, Paints of all sorts, Lip-salves, Oyntments to smooth the face, Waters for the freckles in the face, with a whole War­drope of such like slibber slabbers. I pretend­ed to be a Docteresse, and accordingly gave out, that I could mend crackt Maiden-heads, I am sure I mended my own so artificially, as that I sould it seven times, the losse thereof unperceiv'd. I could cure love-sick Girles of the Green-sicknesse, or side-akings, by causing others (because I could not do it my selfe) to administer to them injections and glisters, a [Page 68] speedy cure. The falling sicknesse, (because some say it's caus'd by a spirit) I cur'd only with this spell, viz. but crossing the Legges.

But how did you contrive a way to make this Country beauty known?

I went to my Markets with her, (I meane all publique meetings) dressing her so neate and so spruce, that I soon got Chap­men enow for her; For some of them ha­ving much to do with such like Commodities, could tell at the first sight, she was no adulte­rate Gem, but an unspotted Virgin; Where­upon I had daily great resort to my House of these young Gallants, just like a company of Dogges after a salt bitch. We feasted it every meale, and lived as merrily as the day was long; And all this they did in hope of cropping of this my Virgin bud. I kept them all in suspence a good while, to the intent I might fleece them all, and that they might have the grea er estimation of her.

But did you not instruct your Daugh­ter, how she should behave her selfe?

Yes, I taught her in what manner she should dialogue with her Lover, how she must aske, or with what grace snatch any thing from him; when to imbrace, when to kiss, when to speak him fair and flattering; and how to keep him at a distance; I instru­cted [Page 69] her likewise not to contemne the mean­est, nor be too familiar with the highest, and onely to be complacentiall to those from whom she expected speedy gain. Then I taught her the way how she should promise, deny, swear, and forswear, lye, cheat, steale, hate, and love according as she should see good. In a word, I made her understand all the art and craft of her profession; and truly I will say this for her, that she was so ca­pable of understanding what I told her, that she became in a very short time an excellent good proficient, and would have improv'd her selfe by every days experience, had not the fatall Sisters too soon cut asunder the thread of her life, as you shall hear by and by.

I pray Sister tell me how she came to her untimely end.

There were two Sparks, that lov'd her both intirely well. Ah! the pillar of my comfort, the stay of my life, with thee are all my hopes and joyes vanished.

Come, prithee Sister, drye up thy tears for a while, and prosecute her story.

I say these two were both of one minde, viz. to purchase her Maiden-head at any rate what ever. As for my part, I was resolv'd it should not be lost, but at a very [Page 70] deare rate. One of them proffer'd me a good round sum, which sum because it pretty well satisfied my covetous desires, I accepted, and granted him leave to pluck this flower, and so appointed him to come at such a time. The other Gentleman (suspecting his rivall had gain'd me by his gold) came and offred me a far greater sum then the other, which so shook my fidelity and honesty, as that I granted him likewise the injoyment of his desires at such a time appointed. The time being expir'd wherein the first was to reape the fruit of his expences; He came, and be­ing hardly warm in his Mistrisses arms, the other came likewise (mistaking his time) and comming into her chamber, finds his rivall fast linkt in his Mistrisses armes so close, as if of two, they were incorporated into one body. But now see the inconstancy of for­tune, or rather the omnipotent power of God, that did metamorphose our pleasure and mirth into sorrow, my hopes into de­spaire, and annihilated this my young pupils wanton deportment by deaths conquering hand. For this other young Gentleman see­ing so an unpleasant sight, fury and despaire wholly possest his minde, so that drawing his Rapier, he gave them that felicity as both to breath their lasts together, and so lancht [Page 71] out both into the deeps of Eternity.

Surely (me thinks) thou shouldst have even hang'd thy selfe out of despaire, for the losse of such faire hopes of a gallant future lively-hood.

It greiv'd me, you must think, but it could not be remedyed: wherefore now I did summon in all my wits to sit in coun­sell, which way was best to steer in. And this did my wit (which was grand in quest) adjudg to be most convenient for the present, viz. to gaine acquaintance with all sorts of Rogues (as they call them) viz. Plumers, Filers, Cloak-twitchers, &c. and so to permit my House to be a receptacle or ware-house for all their thefts and fellonies. At this time I did give out that I was a cunning Waman, or an Astrologer; so that if any had lost silver Boles, Spoones, or had had their pockets gelt; they presently repair'd to me; whom I promis'd (upon condition they would re­ward me) to restore them their own againe: I needed not to observe the stars, as knowing before certainly to finde what was lost. Thus did I become a gainer on all hands, by being the Patroness, or Harbourer, of all sorts of those that practised villany and roguery. If any of these seemed offended at my immode­rate gaines, I would soone flatter or drink [Page 72] him into a better humour, that thereby I might make these Caterpillars continue to pilfer, steale, cheate, and rob, and all this was principally to defray the charges of my diurnall debauchments. I had a great many of such Servants at this present, both Male and Female, all which I perswaded it was far better to live a short life, and a sweet life, then to live a long one, and miserable. Somes office was to raise a tumult in the street by quarrelling, and so to pick the pockets of those that idly gazed on, or did meddle in bufinesses that did not concerne them. Others went to shops under pretence of buying Rib­bands, or a peice of silk, but if they bought one peice, they assuredly filed an other. O­thers I had that were Gamesters, who knew (to their fingers ends) the exact art of card­ing or dicing, and would subtilly let young Gulls win at first, that they thereby might win all their money at last. I had many more Sects of Rascals, too tedious to mention; all which brought me in the tithe of their cheates, every man according to his imploy­ment. But it was not long before I was de­prived of this meanes of living; for some kild one the other: others were the Gallows tribute, and the rest the Divell fetcht I think, so that now I was inforc'd to follow my old [Page 73] trade of Bawdry. Being now left to my selfe by the untimely death of my friends: I for­sooke the City (being not able to suffer the affronts was offer'd me dayly by waggish boys; some by hooting at me, and throwing up their caps, calling me old Bawd: others throwing dirt at me, so that my face would usually (when I went abroad) be as artifici­ally patcht, as the best Lady Errant in the City:) I say, I be took my selfe to the Sub­urbs; now being willing to shelter my selfe any where, I was content to hire a poor tottering house, I think it was formerly a Bawdy-house, which if I had been forget­full, would have put me in mind to bewaile the suddain catastrophe and ruine of my for­mer good fortune.

Sister, The Proverb saith true, one cannot eate a Cake and have it too: if thy extravagant expences consum'd what mo­ney thou hadst, thou couldst expect no lesse then to want what was necessary.

It's true: But I had not the grace to consider it. I had not liv'd here above a month, before a dangerous sicknesse seized on my wretched Carcas: the cause whereof I could impute to nothing more, then the con­sideration of my present wofull condition, poverty instead of plenty having the ascen­dance [Page 74] over it. Being some what recovered, all that I could get was barely Belly-timber.

Thou hast not yet forgot thy old vaine of riming.

Neither can I forget my old way of life. Wherefore I intended to lay hold on the first opportunity to set up again; And I think at that time fortune took pitty upon me, by bringing me into the company (ac­cidentally) of a Citizens Wife, that had new­ly given him the slip, that thereby she might with more fullness and freedome injoy those pleasures she had so long thirsted after. At this time I resolv'd (if I could induce this young wanton to live with me) to leave of trading my selfe either in Roterdam, or Middleborough, or to make use of Aretius lectures any otherwise then to read them to my Schollars. I knew she would save me the labour of cater-wouling at midnight under bulks, or of standing sentinell at the corners of streets, with a white large apron, or of [Page 75] fetching a round to catch night Owles, and so lead them to some by Lane, Church-porch, or some dark entry, where Joan shall seeme to such Buzards, as good as my Lady. But judge you Sister, if they were not bloody minded fellows, to ply me with their pot-guns, though I hung up my white flag of truce, my smock.

But didst thou prevaile on this Cur­tezan to be one of the utensils of thy occupa­tion?

It was no difficult matter for me to doe it. For first, she was one that already had learnt prick-song, and knew what it was for one Jack in the Virgin-h [...]les to go up, and the other (Gill) to goe down. Againe, knowing what a gallant prize she was, I mustred all my wit together to gain her. For nature had imbellisht her with all attractions and perfections imaginable in our Sex: on­ly she wanted some maxims of my policy to amuze and captivate her beholders, a good wit, and a handsome method of subtle dis­course, she naturally was indewed with all. And to speake like one that hath read in Romances, in her voice there was more mu­sick then in Amphions lute, or Orpheus harp. Circe is a meer fable to her transform­ing, not onely the virtuous and precise, but [Page 76] even the most valiant into her adorers. And now to speak like a Poet;

This Gentlewoman had so much wit as to furnish her selfe with good store of money, rings, &c. before she left her husbands house, which I purposed should furnish us with ne­cessaries in reference to the hiring of a hand­some and well built house, and to serve us to live on, till the fame of her beauty and parts should invite such customers as might repay what we had expended. After all things had succeeded as well as we could desire, we wanted yet one thing more, viz. a servant that might likewise serve for a Doxie of the second rank, that might entertain those of an inferiour rank and quality. A beggar-maide hapned to come to our doore for an almes, whome I observ'd to have a very handsome face though overshadowed with dirt, and a well proportion'd body, this Maid I thought to be as fit for my turne as might be. Where­upon [Page 77] I took her in, and new-clothed her, after she had well-wash'd her selfe, and have­ing serv'd me somewhile, I told her in what way she must expect to live, if she was my servant, and with all I told her, if she would consent to it, she should want nothing that was either profitable or pleasant, silk gowns, she should have for the very taking up: and then giving her some documents, I soone fitted her for my trade. Ile tell you a pretty story of a trick she did almost as soon as she came, which did please me the more, as fore­seeing therein her extraordinary petulant and wanton humour: and thus it was: Being at a play with me, there was a Jack-Tumbler (as they call him) which shew'd a great ma­ny Hocus tricks, as those also of activity and agillity of body, which so delighted her as that comming home she was continually talking of what she had seen. Being in bed with me, she began in her sleep to mumble something, and then would tumble up and down: at length she had got her legge over her shoulder, and in striving to reduce it, she fell over the bed on the flore: at which sud­dain noise I awoke, but found my girle missing, neither knew I where to grope for her being it was midnight. Whereupon I lighted a candle, and comming up to looke [Page 78] for her, (good God never so scar'd was I in my life) I found her trust up as round as a foot-ball, looking through her legges, as if her head had been plac'd where her — should have been. Now not knowing what to think of it, I cal'd in some of my neigh­bours, who came in both Male and Female, and seeing her in that posture, some thought she had been possest with the Divell, others this, and some that, but I am sure we were all of us shrewdly afraid to see so many holes open, and she staring over them: at length (I being more truly valiant then the rest, stept forth and assisted her to remove her leg, which soon dispossest her of this Hocus Pocus Divell.

There was laughing enough (I dare warrant) at this fatall accident.

I that there was, and too much in a young Lad that stood by, which his evill sent did too too fowly bewray.

Hadst thou but carryed about this Girl to show this trick in publick, thou wouldst have had more customers to see it, then those that show a Calfe with two tailes, or a Hogg with eight legges, &c. but the grand question would be, how thou shouldst be rid of them after they had once seen it?

Well to proceed, the fame of these [Page 79] two beauties had so increast our acquaintance, that I repented not of my being Bawd, nei­ther they of their being prostitutes. For com­pute you how great our benefit was, if we made our visitants pay for a pinte of wine instead of a quart. And in short, what ever they sent for out of my house, I would take my tole out of it, before i [...] should come to them: notwithstanding I made them pay soundly for fowling my linnen, as also for candles burnt in their company, nay I would reckon in likewise six pence at least, for every hower I had lost of my naturall rest. Some­times my poor Gulls would admire at their great reckonings, which perhaps they tasted of but one sort of meat serv'd up in severall dishes, I meane pipes of Tobacco. Yet these our immoderate gaines may be in some mea­sure excus'd, if you consider at what a high rate we live, whither we have trading or not: besides the cost we are at for paints, perfumes, gay cloaths, the rent of a stately house, though it may be the furniture costs us little, you know how.

I do so, For I conceive all of our profession, though they use a various method of gaining, yet the way is all one in effect.

Now as I told you, though we had a full trade, yet did I make my two Doxies [Page 80] serve. My Citizens Wife, she was now re­solved to admit of none lesse then a Gentle­man, as thinking it beneath her, since she had forgotten her common epithite, Mistresse, and assumed that which was more honourable, Madam, which she did make all her Lovers beleeve as currant, though she was the Wife but of an ordinary (cornuted) trades-man.

Now thou talkest of cornuting, thou puttest me in minde of most of our Citizens. But prithee tell me why is it that they are said to weare By-Hornes, and not Ʋnicornes.

The reason (as I suppose) may be deduc'd from the posture a Man's Wife lyeth in, when she is cornuting him, viz. her legges display'd, and not from the virile instrument that is the causer of it. You may as well aske the reason why the poor harmlesse Man should weare them on his head, and not the Wife for doing the fact: If you consider the Man as the Womans head, the question is re­solved.

Thou art still a notable wag. But prithee prosecute thy story of this City-Cur­tezan.

According to her title (when she went abroad) was she both attir'd and at­tended; and with very great respect was she observ'd at home, when any of her Lovers [Page 81] was present. Her Man (alias Pimp) stood con­tinually bare before her, and there was none in the house durst say otherwise then (when she wanted any thing) what is your Ladyships pleasure, &c? If any Gentleman demanded to see her, (before admittance) she would be sure to consult with her Glass for the amend­ment of the Errata's of her face. She seldome stood at the window but to intice in some prey, which she could very artificially do by amorous glances, or by lookes, which seen'd as if she languisht for love of the party passing by. Once when she was standing at the win­dow, there hapned to passe by a very spruce Gallant, who observ'd her very much, but seeing that her eye could not prevaile on him, she thought on another trick that should, for dropping her handkercheife out at the win­dow, she aim'd it to fall on his head; where­upon she desir'd of him that favour as to re­serve it till she should come downe, and ease him of his charge. As soone as she appear'd at the doore, he presented it to her with great submission: (she had the better opportunity to act this her plot by his slowe, yet stately pace, for he was much afraid of dirting his silk stockings, and Legge ruffes.) Now after she had courteously thanked him for that fa­vour, she desir'd him to walk in, that there­by [Page 82] she might have occasion to show her fur­ther gratefulnesse, by indeavouring to tran­scend his expectations by his welcome. He was not able to refuse so gracious a favour from so sweet a creature, especially having now his heart conquered by her all-conquer­ing beautious perfection. This first visit was the Mother of many more, so that in a short time, he was her profest lover. Now all his businesse was, how he might contrive a meanes to injoy her, as being reduc'd to such a con­dition by her agreeable and pleasing conver­sation, as nothing could please him with out it, nor reason perswade.

Yet I must tell you, were I a Man, I should loath a common lip, were it dipt as deep in vermilion as is Aurora's cheekes, whose colour the Sun new dyes every morning: for my part, I wonder at the folly of some Men, that can affect such a one, that affects none, but for their money, and so Tom Tinker may have admittance as well as a Gentleman. Besides what pleasure can a man injoy with such a one, who hath lost the sence of feeling almost in that place, which should be most [Page 83] sensible, and which is worse (by using it so often) it becomes no better then a Jakes, for every rascall to disburthen himself therein.

If you thus interrupt me continually, I shall want time to finish my narration. Now I say as for her part, her minde was busied in something else, viz. how she might make a prey of him; (for knowing him to be wealthy) she was resolved to make him pay deare for sin, if he had a desire to commit it: which he resolv'd to doe, if money would bring it to passe. And it seemes it was that which pre­par'd his way for him: for he no sooner gave her some angels with a promise of more, but she presently subjected her selfe to his plea­sure. It was my hap to be in the roome in which they were to be in action, but I could not choose but smile at a jeast she put upon him: It was thus, just as he had planted his peece to shoot her between wine and water, it seems she had seen some defect, whereupon said she, poope Mr. Gunner your Linstock is too short, and therefore I feare you will hardly give fire without burning your fingers: which he did not much minde, his thoughts being preoccupied about the work. Now you shall heare how fatall that bout was to him; in reference to which you must understand, that there was a boyste­rous Captain which did love her exceedingly; [Page 84] insomuch that I have often heard him say, nay sweare, that he would assuredly be the death of him, that should utter a word in way of love to her. Now it hapned that this Ro­domantado being halfe drunk, came to my house at this very time. Seeing him coming in at my doores, I ran up to give them no­tice there of: our time being short for the hiding of the Gentleman, she made no more adoe, but put him under her farthingale, which was very large. He was no sooner con­vey'd under, but my Captain enters the chamber: His first salutations were a com­pany of oaths and vows, that if any arme should be so bold to clip her naked, but his martiall armes, he would soon consume it with his rage; let him be what he will, (saith he) there's none dare coape with me that was bred and born among the thunder and lightning of cannons, that was continually encountred with bullets, as a Knight of the blade is with drops of raine, or a shower of haile stones. Now just as he was about to imbrace her, he smelt an unsavory sent; whereupon he swore that my girle had — her selfe. But you may be pleas'd to understand that this amorist (lying latent under her coates, & hearing such fatal threat­nings against himselfe) I say feare made him [Page 85] utter that which was his betrayer. This Cap­tain being now not able to indure such an af­front put upon him, took the boldnesse to Kick his Love, thinking by that meanes to remove her, that thereby she might have an oppor­tunity to cleanse her selfe, but in so doing he Kickt his corrival from under her farthin­gale: at first he was much amaz'd, to see her cast her Whelpe in such a manner, but after he had recollected his senses, he began to discharge his wrath on his pittifull and all — corrival in these termes, what's here? an atome; a stink­ing worme, that indeavours to with stand and keep back the shot of my cannons and demi culve­rins. And now when I am come (after I have made a breach) to make my entry with my charging pike, and have you treacherously sur­priz'd her fort. Are not her Bulwarkes, Trenches, Mines, Countermines, Ditches and Waterworkes mine, and must you seek a propriety in them? After he had vented all his fury in this man­ner against him, in words, he thought good likewise that his adversary should feele it, wherfore after he had given him some of that pretious unguent, named unguentum baculinum, he tumbled him down the staires to provide for his future security. After he had rid himself of all inconveniences, as he thought, he came to his Mistresse fully resolv'd at least to try, if [Page 86] he could breake a lance with her: But she was not so minded, as knowing him to be pennilesse, and that seeing there was little benefit to be expected from his company, she desired him to depart, being an unseasonable time of night, which he tooke in such great disdaine, as that he became outragious, in so much that he did cudgel our coates all round. Whereupon I advertis'd the watch (as seeing no better way) who eas'd us of all further trouble with him. By this it is evident, what great care we take of them, that oft times spend their whole estates on us.

As for my part, Sister (it's not un­knowne unto you) I count it a peece of wise­dome to put of that garment which will be no longer serviceable unto me; and I thinke it no lesse, to be willing to leave the company of a poore Gentleman for that of a rich one, and so of your niggard or sharke, for that of a noble and free nature, such as are young haires, Marchants men, Knights Errants, &c.

It's very true Sister, according to my judgement, otherwise I had not beene so sedalous in forbiding and keeping of unpro­fitable Hangers on from my house. For I was resolv'd none should therein enter, but he should pay tole before he went out, or offer up something on the altars of Venus that may [Page 87] be profitable to her servants. But as I was tel­ling you, the manner how I rid my self of this captain, so let me tell you I could not do it so absolutely, but that he visited me again: and now seeing that I must of necessity be troub­led with him, I plotted how I might make mine advantage of him. Money I know he had none, as knowing he had lavishly squan­dred it away in our company, wherefore in fair termes I told him that he might frequent our house as often and as freely as even. But with all I told him, it would be very requisite for him to lay a side his jealous humor, and comply with those that should pretend love to his love, helping them to the accomplish­ment of their Lusts, and assist me to make them dearely pay for it. I advis'd him sometimes to officiate as a Pimp, sometimes as a Hector, othertimes as a husband to cloake her vitious actions. I soone perswaded him to yeild to my demands, after I had epitomiz'd to him the various waies of our gaining, and pleasure, of both which I assur'd him be should be partaker with us. I lodg'd him in my house to be ready on all occasions, viz. If any refus'd to pay Reckoning, he might (with his Com-rogue) enforce them to it: if any came in over charg'd with money, he might ease them of their bur­then, &c. Had it not been for his assistance, we [Page 88] had mist of many a gallant prize: to relate all the severall cheats, and trappannings we acted through his meanes, it would be a thing too tedious for you to hear, and to me irksome to relate, as now loathing (as I hope you do) my former courses, for which I shall desire the as­sistance of the Almighty to help me to repent seriously for them. Wherefore I say, for bre­vity sake, I shall onely assert one trick we serv'd a French Gentleman: Which was thus, seeing a country girle I had standing at the doore, he was extreamly in love with her; for though she was borne of poore parentage, yet had she an excelling beauty, which the neat­nesse and gallantnesse of her habit did much augment. At first to ingraciate himselfe into her favour, he did use to send her amorous let­ters, and sometimes verses, accompanied with some token (oft times) of his love. Among the rest a copy as I remember was to this ef­fect; which our Champion seeing, and having drencht his wits in wine, would by all means write an answer to it for our private mirth; and therefore I shall let you participate of some of it in the rehersall of the one with the other;

This was the best entertainment his love­sick verses could receive at our hands; when at any time we receiv'd any such fopperies, we made it our pastime in private to laugh at his folly.

Surely you were not so respectlesse of your future benefit, as to disrespect his pas­sion, by your Daughters not sending his letters an answer some way satisfactory in comply­ing with his affection, or againe to jeere at his poetry in such a manner, as that he should take any notice of it.

O not for my Daughter us'd to ex­toll his verses to him above all she had ever read; to retaine him still under her power; and likewise she would send him letters, which were compos'd of no hing but indear­ing expressions of a tender ,jl bn;kkl;affection to him; she us'd to expresse her fained love to him, not [Page 91] onely by writing, but like wise in speech and in behaviour. One time I remember when he was with her she fell into a swound seem­ingly, meerely because she askt him for some­thing of an indifferent valew which he refus'd to give her; whereupon she presently fell to the ground, first speaking in a lamentable tune, now I see he hath abated his love towards me, for I askt this onely to try his affection. After she seem'd to be some what recovered, thus she exprest her selfe, which I did put into time;

This simple French-man thought what she had said came from the bottom of her heart, (she exprest her selfe so handsomely) and therefore presently granted her desires: and not onely so, but vow'd to be her perpetual servant and lover; but as for her part she re­solv'd he should be no longer so then his mony lasted. There was not a day past where­in he saw us not, to his excessive charge, leav­ing commonly behind him in money (as our fee) as much as he had expended in making [Page 92] merry, which we spent jovially for his sake.

Having not a continuall spring or mine of Coyn, he soon sounded the bottome thereof, which as soon as we perceiv'd, we bethought our selves of a way to excommunicate him, which we did thus by the assistance of our sword-man. In the first place we acquainted him that there was a great Lord in love with his Mistress whether she would or no, and was so perditly affectionate and jealous of her, as that he vow'd the death of that man that he should find in her company. Wherupon we ad­vis'd him to see us seldome, for his own safety sake. He was forc'd to submit himself to our wills, but could not for his life make his own subservient and obedient to reason, but would needs injoy once more with my daughter those pleasures, that are onely proper to sen­suall appetites. We being acquainted of the night he would come, we prepar'd our devices accordingly, he came attir'd in his richest and onely garbe (as I thinke) for to my knowledg he had pawn'd most of what he had before, for our use, or whither he had borrow'd those rich cloaths he wore, (to be the more respect­ed [Page 93] by us) I cannot tell justly; but sure I am, they had another owner before he departed. Being in bed, & whilest he laysolacing him­self with kisses, &c. so in came our Hector who personated the Lord whom we feigned to love my Daughter, and I'le say this for him, he act­ed a man of that quality to the life. Now was Monsieur in a fad quaking fit, not knowing what to do, at length he bethought himselfe to rise and put on his cloaths, and so steale down the stares incognito (for our titular Lord took no notice of any that was in bed, but did often knock up for us, to know where his Mistresse was, and why she came not to him?) But Monsieur was in a far sadder case when he could not find his cloaths, and no wonder, for we had layed them up safe before. He was slipt out of bed, but what with feare, and what with the cold, his teeth did beate alarum in his head, insomuch that it caus'd may Lord to withdraw the curtaines, and by the light of the Candle discovered his Ape­ship, Monsieur Amoreux indeavouring to hide himselfe behinde the hangings, whereat he seem'd to be in a furious rage, damming and sinking him was the onely rhetorick us'd, and then drawing his sword, swore he would be the death, first of this inconstant and lustfull quean, and afterward he should take leasure to torture that Rogue which had thus stain'd [Page 94] his honour; whil'st he was thus swaggering, Monsieur took the opportunity to flye for it, and comming to the staires head (thinking this Antagonist was at his heeles) made but one step from the top to the bottome, and so ran to his lodging in his shirt (which was a long street to it) and at the heeles of him fol­lowed a whole regiment of boys, which left him not till he came to his lodging. What with this disgrace, and what by reason of his poverty, I understood he left Rome, to trye if he could finde better fortune elsewhere. Thus have I faithfully related to you the most memorable passages of my life, and it was for this purpose I came this day unto your house; and withall to tell you my resolution, which is absolutely to abandon all these kind of vi­tious courses I have here related you, which though they seeme to please at first, will as­suredly at last either put an end to his estate or life. As you in part see by this last re­hearsed story of Mounsieur, who being be­guiled by the false charmes of illicite plea­sures, injoyed not the happinesse he had pro­mised his hurtfull thoughts, but was reduced both to Shame and Poverty: who may serve as a patterne to all those that delight in such pernitious and dissolute courses, and thereby may see that they are in the way of hell and [Page 95] damnation, if they doe not speedily step into the path of a righteous and holy life and con­versation. As for my owne part I am hear­tily sorry, that I have thus spent that time which should have beene imployed and dedi­cated to divine worship, in Idlenesse, Wan­tonnesse, Riot, in perverting others, and in destroying my owne soule. Wherefore now I intend to spend the residue of my life in some remote Cell or Hermitage; where my here­tofore bewitching haires shall be my sole nap­kins to wipe those teares of mine eyes with true repentance for my sins, shall extract from thence, my lustfull & deceitfull crimes will I number by my [...]ighs and groanes; and finally, fasting shall be to me instead of my former feasting, and so farewell.

I like this well.