A Conference Held between the Old Lord Protector And the New Lord General, Truly Reported by Hugh Peters.
London, Printed, 1660.
A Profound Discourse between the old Protector and the new Lord General, truly reported by Hugh Peters.
HOh! hoh! Peters! Its a brave refreshing by my Conscience! Its a great deale cooler here, than where I was just now!
If I may be so bold to aske you, Sir, where have you been I pray?
What? wilt thou be a fool too? th'art knave enough in conscience! Dost not thou know where I have been, ever since my thrice auspicious Day of September. I tell thee, I have been with my Soveraign Lord and Prince Abaddon, Apollyon, Lucifer, Satan, Beelzebub, Senior Don Diabolo, the Illustrious Emperour of Plutonia, in his infernal Dominions and Territories; where I am his Substitute and Grand-Vizier, turmoiling my self with the Cares of his Government; which have put me into such a fervor, and heat, by incessant motion and quotidian agitation, that my native bow died Red is changed into this Tartarian sable complexion. But who would not be in Office, Peters? Believe me, though the trouble of my place be great, yet it is a relaxation to me to consider, how I have out-stripp'd in my Princes favour my fellow-Courtiers, as Cain (the famous fratricide,) the Babylonian Nimrod, the Grecian Andronicus, the Tyrant's of Athens, the Romane Nero, the [Page 2] Apostate Julian, the Turkish Mahomet, the renowned Persecutors, Alexander the sixth, Caesar Borgia, Ravilliac, Guido Faux, my Cosin Harry the eight, my Parrallel Richard the third, and many more such eminent Senators in my Soveraign's Court: Not to mention that ambitious emul [...]tor of my glory, audacious Bradshaw, and others of the like extraction and quality; whose memorable Actions and Exploits will be recorded and rewarded to all eternity, as well as mine. But prethee Peters, where's my Secretary? Will he never come at me, to tell me how the Affaires of my sons Richard and Harry proceed, succeed and prosper? He used to give me devillish Information of all the passages in Europe. Now, prethee, be thou honest for once, and relate to me the condition of my Territories since my secession from hence, and promotion to my present Charge.
Sir, Your son Richard is a simple Foole, your sonne Harry, a stupid Asse; Fleetwood, a sordid base fellow; Disborow, a perfideous Renegado; the rest of your Privie-Councill, a company of Woodcocks, Widgeons, Oules and Buzzards; and your Secretary, such a nimble Mercurie, as he rides Post into any employment for advantage.
The Devil he does?
Nay, Its true enough: I'de thought you had known him well enough, as he knew you: But sir, since you was here, there has been a damnable Alteration in the Government: Your Sons are all turn'd out of Office: Their Protector-ship, Leivtenant-ship, and General-ship, not worth a—! The little Rump, that you thought (and all the world too, I dare sweare) you had devoured at one mouth-full, (I know not by what evill digestion) being evacuated againe, has cast such a savour in your Sons Nostrils, as has quite cast them out of all Power and Authority. That Posterne member has revived it self twice within these nine moneths. Once by the treachery of Fleetwood and his complices: And next by the foolery of Lambert, and the crafty Policie of General Monk. And not onely so, but by the Necessitie of the Times, and the Interposition of the Citie of London, and indeed of most of the Gentry and Commonalty of England, the very seeluded Members are readmitted[Page 3]into the House of Commons; & its fear'd the Lords will shortly have the exercise of their Jurisdiction: And what will the issue be, I pray, but restoring of the Line of King James to the Kingly Power, the redintegation of Monarchy and Hierarchie, and the dissolution of your new Atlantis, and Utopian Common-wealth. And for my part, I am bethinking my self to go over into Holland, with all speed: For there will be no secure abiding here for me, if the Prelates or Presbyters get preheminence.
Come to me, you fearfull Coward, and I will prefer you to be one of my Princes Chaplaines: But is all this, that thou hast told me, true? Me thought, when I came hither first, I found a very strange alteration in this place: No Chimney almost smoaking at White-hall, and nothing but smoak in all the Chimneyes at St. James's, Prethee, who quarters there?
Why? General Monck, Sir.
How a devill came he thither? What, has he left Scotland now I am gone; from whence I could never get him when I was here, with all the subtile pretences and flatteries, to which I was so well accustomed?
Tis true Sir.
Hoh! hoh! Prethee go to him, and use thy wonted Craft and Artifice, deluding and seducing him to come into the Park, and then I'le set upon him in the Devils name, Ile warrant thee.
I will sir,—
Monck! What a Devill aile you?
In the Name of God what art thou? By the Powers of Heaven, I conjure thee to tell me, who thou art?
I am the most Serene and Renowned Oliver, late Lord Protector of England, Scotland and Ireland.
The Devill thou art! What wind brought you to town again: I had thought your Ghostly Father had secured you safe enough from coming to trouble the world any more, if thou beest Cromwell!
Cromwell I am, and this my reverend Confessor and Absolver can sufficiently testifie.
Tis he sir.
What news from Erebus my Lord?
John Bradshaw's well, with my late Attorney General and others of my familiars. But prethee, George, tell me, what winde drave thee from Edenburgh to London?
Sir, a prosperous and auspicious winde, by the Divine Inspiration! to repaire the Breaches you and your Rebellious Family have made; and restore the antient liberty of this Commonwealth to its primitive and regular Constitution; in the bringing in the Sonne of our late gracious and now glorious Soveraign to be King, and Parliaments to their lawfull freedome and Priviledges, without terrour of Interruption or Obstruction; that so both Religion and the civil Government may flourish again in purity, and prosperity, and faction and rebellion, be banish't to the land of Darkness, and confusion, the proper receptacle for factious and trayterous rebells, whereof you were the Captain-general.
How now, George, are you so sawcy? Hast thou veil'd thy Malignancy all this while under thy hood; and now dost thou bare thy face for Kingship; and assert the Interest of Charles Stuart?
It had been well with you, if you had been so conscientious and Religious, Honorable and Loyall, as to have given Caesar his due. Whereas now I perceive and really believe, that you are a most miserable Caytiff, reprobate from heaven, and eternal felicity, and condemned to the portion of the Devill and his angels in utter destruction.
Hold George, I am his Majesties Vice-gerent, and can do what I will in his Dominions. I have promised Peter's a Benefice. And Bradshaw is one of the Commissioners of the great Seale, and the Arch-Bishop of York is another by my promotion. I have Offices for thousands of them, if they have but the luck to come to me. Dorislaus is a Judge in our Admiralty. And I will be so much in Charity with Haselrig, Vain, Jack Lambert, Scot, and Tom Harrison, That they shall all be well provided for. My Sonn Ireton is my only confident. Fleetwood was alwayes a coward, and never had a noble daring spirit, [Page 5] and its no matter for him. But I want Wat Strickland to be Captain of the Guard: And I would do very well for my Privy-Council. My father Rouse is Provost of the Colledge of Aetna. Tom Pride is head Brewer at Acharon; but we are in great want of a Cobler, and therefore I desire thee to send John Hewson to me with all speed. A Goldsmith might get wealth enough with us, better than by the Spanish silver; and therefore dismiss Invisible Jack to me, and I will set him and Franck Allen up together: He might do well to bring his Lievtenant-Colonel along with him, for the Sultana Proserpina has a Web for him, and is in great distresse for a Weaver. Prideaux is the onely favourite of Rhadamanthus. I would very gladly hear of some of Harry Martyn's Jocaries; for though he was against my Protector-ship, yet I love him for his Sales; and he shall never loose by coming hither; for here is Salt enough I'le warrant him. I want my Ape extremly, and therefore give a Commission to Robin Titchburn to come to me presently. I cannot stay any longer to insist upon particulars; And therefore send me all the Committee-men, Excisemen, Informers, &c. who have gotten good estates to bear their charges hither, and they shall loose nothing by their coming. Tis strange I can see nothing in Print! surely, Hils and Feild are laid aside, or else I am sure, I should have had somewhat of News by them, or Nedham, before this time. Prethee George, send those fellows to me; for our Soveraigne is determined to Print his new Translation; with the Confession of our Infernal Creed, and to have an Apologie for his Government, and the Case of his Dominion stated; and therefore my old servants will be (I know) very officious and sedulous in this Employment. They shall not need to fear, that any one will print their Copy: I'le secure them by my Warrant against all the Stationers in his Majesties name, and by his Royal Priviledge; and more then this, they shall print all our Acts and Ordinances without rendring any accompt.
Well! George! Since it is no better: It's well it's no worse: But I tell thee, had I been here still, I would have kept [Page 6] my self in the Saddle, and not have been so Pusillanimous, as my Son: But I cannot blame him, he broke his Thigh by falling from his hunting-horse, and he might very well fear his Neck, when he bestrid such an indomitable Beast, as Englands great-horse. Aúdaces fortuna juvat,and degeneres animos timor arguit.
Had you, sir, the filial fear of God before your eyes, and not the slavish fear of a Tyrant in your heart, you would not have perpetrated so many prodigious enormities, in subverting the true Religion and Liberty of the Church and State of England: What cause had you to take away the lives of sir Henry Slingsby, and the eminent Martyr Dr. Hewet, with others of Noble and generous blood? besides your lawfull Soveraigne?
Oh George! Reprove me not so bitterly. I'm bad enough already; to heare thee mention the name of a God and his fear, and his Saints and Martyrs, brings horror and despaire into my Conscience, and wounds me to the very soule immortally. I can stay no longer with thee: My Charge requires my Attendance: Come Peters, follow me; and so farewell, George: Onely be carefull of fulfilling my Requests, in sending the severall Persons before-mentioned after me with all speed convenient, that they may receive their just Rewards, as well as my self.
Hee's gone, my Lord, And I must follow him; onely give me leave to make a true Narration of this Conference.
The Devill go with him, and thee too, (as I may say!) Thou art a dissembling, Hypocriticall Knave for drawing me into such an Hellish Conference. But the Lord deliver me, and all honest men from such Devillish Principles and Practice. I am resolved to be (by Gods grace) stedfast in the true Protestant Religion, Loyall to my Prince, and faithfull to my Countrie; And then I doubt not of a due Reward from the eternall King of Glory: And so be gone Mr. Peters! And betake your self to your Infernall Prelation and Benefice, as soon as you will.
I thank you Sir, for your noble dismission, and loving well-wishes. I'le follow his Highnesse, as fast as I can.