The Deceitful Spirit discovered, in its secret and mysterious working; and in the Power of God is Judged and Condemned by one that was once ensnared thereby.
DEar Friends, I am constrained, even from the powerful working and sense of Gods Love in me, to write these Lines to you, and to acquaint you with the merciful dealings, and tender Visitations of Gods Love to me: Since I was with you at the Meeting, the Lord hath had mercy on me, even for his Seeds sake, and hath enlightned my understanding, and hath convinced me of the evil for which I stood, and his Light hath clearly shewed me, that that Spirit which had led me to keep on my Hat in the time of Friends being in Prayer, was not the right spirit, but the evil spirit. O dear Friends! how is my strength broken, my confidence spoiled, and all dashed? which that dark spirit had brought forth, and I am weak as water; this is the Lords doing, he hath done it when no man could; he hath had a good regard unto me: I am overcome in the sense of his Love to me, and your labour and love to mewards is made sensible to me. O my Soul praise the Lord, for his goodness hath not failed thee; his mercies endure for ever. O let all the Righteous Seed praise him for ever. This in the sense of the Work of the Lord in me have I written, who through mercy am your little Brother in the Truth,
FRiends, since I wrote the former Lines to you, which was written and delivered to some Friends the first day of the sixth month, 1667, at the Meeting at John Elsons, it hath been laid upon me to write something more, by way of discovering the subtilty of that spirit which led me to the keeping on my Hat in the time of Friends being in Prayer: First, It led my mind out to be looking at others, and got my mind there looking at the backslidings and haltings of others, (of which indeed hath been too much.) Thus this Serpent-like spirit drew my mind out to be looking at the falling and back-sliding of others, that by it he might destroy that simplicity and young birth which the Lord brought forth in me: for while I was looking out, coldness and deadness got over me within; and my mind became darkned, and the pure Life in me clouded, [Page 2] and Meetings unprofitable to me, and I found not the sweet refreshments at Meetings as before, and then the subtilty of this Enemy of Truth was such, that he sought to beget a belief in me, that Friends were grown formal, and that there was not that powerfulness in them of the Ministry as formerly. Thus when this subtile Spirit had darkned my understanding, in that dark understanding he would lead me to judge others to be formal, and without the Power; but whilst I stood gazing at others, the Witness of God arose in me, and bid me, Turn my mind to within; and the Light shewed me that I was but formal my self, and it judged me and troubled me; then the wicked spirit sought to pervert the Righteous Judgement of Truth in me, which judged the bad in me, and subtilly did infuse into my mind, that the putting off the Hat was formal, without the Power, and a customary thing only by most that did it. Thus being under judgment, for my formal appearing in the outward, being deadned within. Now the wicked one got a perswasion in me to keep on my Hat; but the Spirit of the Lord strove in me much, that I was not brought to it presently; yet this dark spirit having gotten some footing in me, the pure which once shone in me, became so vailed and clouded in me, and my mind so full of muddle, that I could not discern the good Spirit from that which wrought in the mystery of iniquity; so that subtile spirit prevailed with me to keep on my Hat in the time of Prayer. But, O what a cross it was to the pure Seed of God in me! (though then I did not so discern it) O what pantings was in my heart, and brest, like as it were an Hammer beating; paleness got over my face, and I sweat with the strivings that was in me, at the time of my standing with my Hat on; and thus for many times was I, insomuch that a questioning arose in me, whether I did wel or no? and sometimes put my Hat off again. In this bewildered state the wicked one, who worketh in the mystery of iniquity, begot a perswasion in me, that it was in the cross to my own will, and that I must stand in the cross, and the like.
Thus when Gods Witness arose in me, and troubled me, (the which was crost in me) then this Enemy of Truth, who had darkned my understanding, through my giving way to his subtile invasions, got in me a perswasion that the cross was to my own will; so there was a striving in me, against the pure in me, which strove for my good, and I came to keep on my Hat, and thought I did well in so doing; thus having gone from the Light, which gave me a discerning between the good and the evil, I took the evil for the good, there being a thick cloud got over me, and I could keep on my Hat with less trouble and more boldness; then was I perswaded that I was at more peace with God when I could stand in the [...] with less trouble; but the Spirit of the Lord would not leave striving [Page] with me, but pierc't through the Cloud, and judged the deadness, hardness of heart, and unprofitableness; then my peace was broken which the enemy of Truth had begotten in me; for the peace which I had was not durable, neither had I true satisfaction in it, but doubtings and questionings did still arise; then I put it off again, and sometimes put it off, and sometimes on, as that spirit of confusion (being let in) did suggest into my mind: thus being off, my watch, like the fool, with my eyes out of my head, the enemy soon got in and made spoyl of the good. And what did this enemy bring forth but polluted dead things, as I have declared, and stirred up enmity, and strove to beget prejudice in me against Friends? But there was a sweet Love sprang up in my heart still towards Friends, and the Light brought to my remembrance the abounding goodness of God, which flowed forth from the Light through their Vessels, by which I was refreshed often, and strengtned in the inward man, whilst I kept faithful to my measure; the remembrance of which was as a bridle to me, and did likewise restrain me from breaking forth against Friends, when the enemy tempted to it: for when the Lord had stirred up his Servants to seek me, and in the Light found me in my scattered lost state, and reproved me, and exhorted me that I might return; I did not render railings, neither used many words, though I had in my reason comprehended much to plead for the thing aforementioned; but the Power of the Lord stood over me, and fear fell upon me, the Witness being reached in me, from that of God in them, yet many shifting words did break forth to savè that alive which was for death; but when I came to commune with my own heart in stilness, waiting upon the Lord, the Witness which was reached in me break through the cloud, and in its Light made manifest the foundation upon which mine enemy hath builded, and judged the ground, and all the fruit that it had brought forth? Thus was I convinced of my error by the Immortal Light; then joyning to that which convinced me, I was made to see my own weakness and nakedness; then sorrow seized upon me, yet Joy sprang up from the pure Seed in me, and in the sorrow and joy of my heart, was I made to take shame to my self, and to declare to Friends my error, and also the goodness of the Lord to me, and consulted no longer with my own fleshly reason; then the Spirit of the Lord arose in me, which had lain grieved and oppressed in me, and judged the usurping Oppressor down, and in his Light made manifest to me his deceivable wayes, and working with me. And dear Friends, notwithstanding that which I have wrote to you before upon my convincement, it hath further been laid upon me, and I was prest in my Spirit to write what I have here wrote, as the Lord in his Light hath brought to my remembrance; who in mercy and long-suffering [Page] suffering hath begotten me, and hath broken my heart, hath rent the Vail, and raised up the head of the oppressed; he hath pluckt my foot out of the snare, he hath judged the Oppressor. O go on, is the desire of my Soul, in thy Righteous Judgment, O God, till all be destroyed in me, which the enemy hath brought forth; then shall I praise thee from the pure in the heart, for thou art worthy. O Lord God thou hast mercy on me, even for thy Seeds sake, which breathed after thee, and could not be satisfied in any thing but the injoyment of thy living Presence. O Lord, when I was scattered thou soughtest me out, and art bringing me even to thy fold, to feed with thy Lambs again, praises be unto thee; O let the Righteous Praise thee for ever, O Lord God of my Salvation.
The desire of my heart is the good of all, and my end in this my writing, is not to applause or set up the Person of any, but must give the glory to God who is the Fountain of all good, and hath of the riches of his Grace given unto his Servants to be helps one to another, and I have peace in what I did write: Neither have I had any secret reserve or aim at any thing but the honour of Gods Immortal Truth, and the good of such who may be deceived as I have been, or in any other manner, by the subtile enemy, who worketh by divers wayes to deceive; and therefore let them to whom it may come, read it without prejudice, for I can truly say, That I have waited in the pure fear of the Lord for what I should write, and durst not to write any thing but what was Truth: But some may say, I might have forborn to have writ what I have. To such I say, Had not the Power of God laid it upon me I could have forborn. The Woman when she had found the lost Groat, called her Neighbours that they might rejoyce with her.