A CHOAK-PEAR FOR THE PARLIAMENT
DROP, Drop ye fruit of perdition, for now ye are ripe for vengeance: Saitmarsh I beleeve dyed a Prophet, for he said God had forsaken your bloody Army; and well observed, ye have thrive accordingly: How many of your gods a horse-back are gone of an Embassie to Pluto since the death of that holy man? Cromwell led the way as if his Nose should have lighted the rest thorow the kingdom of Darknesse, many a hundred have followed after; Black Tom went about twelve thou and into Kent, and came out about eight thousand, what the devil became of the rest? King Cromwel went into Wales nine thousand, and came out — —o, what become of them? King Gowty-legs eight thousand before Colchester, besides some regiments of horse and foot drawn off from other places; a [...]d (setting the Ill-dependants aside that came to him since) not above sive thousand of his eight is left alive; King Tom (as I heard from a holy Sister that newly came from the Leaguer) shot in the guts with a chain bullet, (pray God it be no worse) by the brave one eyed gunner, which hath made many a [Page 4]hundred of the Saints eate bullets and shite sizgiggs, witnesse Shambrook the fire-lock maker in Tower street. The very same man it seems hath taken upon him his cure, and hath performed it with much dexterity, by a Pill or two sent to him by that trusty and fure messenger Mrs Sweet-lips, that seldome miscarries when she goes of errands to the Saints; But Whalley that hump-back'd Leveller, took great pains to little purpose, and levelled a Culvering, and fired it himself at my Lord Gorings Gunner, and (as he thinks) hath killed him, if not, then he is alive: howsoever Whalley did his good will, and deserves five hundred pounds out of Sir Charles Lucas his Estate for his good will, and to be made chief quack over the Independent Drakes, that the pretty Ducks of Reformation may not want treading, nor whole broods of sincear ducklings to increase and multiply the number of the Saints so pittifully powdered of late, by that one eyed Malignant.
And now Weymor Castle hath larnt of her Counen Pembrook-up Poyer, for the Round-besiegers perceiving a Fleet of Ships consisting of about some Forty Sayle to ride upon the Downs, began to betake themselves to their heeles, and run from it; but finding they were bound toward Callis, they furiously returned, and began to shoot like so many feirce Dragons: but they in the Castle, placing dry straw and pitchbarrels and discharged some Grannadoes upon the Castle, they lighted therein, and made such a flame and smother, that the Ronnd-heads began to storm them, thinking the Castle had been a fire; the Garrison and Souldiers skreeking out as if they were frightned; crying, Quarter, quarter, quarter; and stuffed a Suit of the Governors with straw, and flung it over the walls, and presently set the Gates wide open; which the holy Saints perceiving, ran on them with open mouth [Page 5]as if they would have eate both them and the Castle; but the Garrison cunningly ordered themselves very discreetly, received them with whole vollies of shot, and killed at least fourscore upon the place, and made the rest of the Saints flie back with a vengeance; as if they had run for their lives, and bid the devil take the hindmost.
Noble Poyer hath behaved himself with so much gallantry, Successe edging his Sword so sharp, that with its motion it still gains the Victory; hath raised the Seige before Pembrook, and hath sent severall Companies into Glamorganshire and other places, to requite them for their former favours; those that escaped, are meerly spirituall men, for they have no more flesh then will just cover their bones, and no more cloaths then will just cover their flesh, and those cloaths they have are made of Independent slink-skins, otherwise called their own taun'd hides: They marched away as theevishly as they could, and took no more then what ever they could lay their singers on: not one amongst forty of them was able to bear his Arms, not onely for weaknesse, but because they had them not.
Severall parties are upon pursuit of them in Glocester-shire and Shrop-shire, and I make no doubt will quite spoyle their plundering: The women where ever they come are frightned with them, taking them to be Spirits.
Her Couzen Jenken-ap-Rice-ap-John have called over all her Pigg-worthies from her Couzen Glendower to Pruit: and have keep her creat Feast next Saint Taffies Day, and have Common-Prayer said in her creat hall for all her Victories over the persidious Enemy, the ROUND-HEAD.
Colchester is for a certain releived with all Provisions; three Ships came in laden with Wheat, Rie, Powder, Bullet, and other Ammunition, so that they can hold out for two months, and longer if need be; The 5 of this instant Sir Charles Lucas issued out with a thousand foot and three hundred horse, and suddenly fell upon their guard at the East bridge, surprized them, killed and routed most of them, very few of them escaping, who run away to their main guard; they took three pieces of Ordnance, three hundred armes, and other good booty, and returned into the town without any losse, onely some two or three of Sir Charles his men were slightly wounded, which made the Saints distast the bullets, who presently cryed out, Poyson, poyson; and said by instinct of the Spirit, they knew that the bullets were rowled in sand, and the gunner was a devil, sent from the whore of Babylon to torment them before their time; and so they betook themselves to the ditches, to murder their tormenting backbiters, which victory they atchieved with the crack of a nayle, the Spanish pikemen doing excellent service, and the fire men by traynes of gunpowder blew up many a thousands of their enemies, so that they had an absolute victory, deserving a day of Thanksgiving at the least, throughout the City and all the separate Congregations in England, who are now mustring with might and main all the forces they can both of horse and foot, and swear by yea and nay, That before they have done; they will not leave a Cavaleer so much as a rag to cover his nakednesse; but if they should be as good as their words, we shall have more Sisters come to our Churches than to Conventicles; for I beleeve there are not more letcherous in fatiable close whores in the christian world than the Shee Ottors of the Separation; but it is in Zeal, and for propogation of the Righteous, and so the more excusable.
And now let me give you of the City a Caveat or two concerning the deterring of the Independents from Listing of horse and foot: Pray what Presbyter is there amongst you so dull and stupid that doth not know, That the Rise of the Independent must be the fall of your selves; therefore it behoves all [Page 7]that hate Schisme, and Blasphemy, to use all possible meanes to suppresse all publick and private Listing of horse and foot, whether under Skippon or any else whatsoever; and those already Listed to disband with all possible speed; who are raised most by Independents and other ill-affected persons, more to over-awe and abuse the City, then to protect it.
Next let us consider how active those Independants are in gathering hands, and promoting Petitions, and using all destructive wayes to hinder a Treaty with the King, doing their utmost (if they could by any means bring their plots to perfection) to murder his Majesty, and cut of his Posterity, destroy Monarchy, and set up Anarchy, and bring this languishing Kingdom to utter confusion: for if they should effect their cursed designs (as God forbid) they would never be at quiet, but still warring and striving who should be the greatest amongst them, and who should have the largest portions, for the Saints are as covetous as the devil, and will have all or none.
How much good would it bring to the Kingdom, if all persons would endeavour a Cessation of Armes in all parts of the Kingdom untill such time the Treaty be ended, and afterwards a totall Disbanding of all Armies whatsoever.
There is a report that four thousand men are landed within seven miles of Colechester, I cannot beleeve it; but yet it may be truth; for the Prince of Wales is at Sea with six thousand foot Souldiers, and yet is as yet uncertain where he intends to Land, some say North wards, others doth beleeve he will land Eastward.
Harry Martin is so pocky hot this weather, that all his hair comes off of his head, and his Coach sarves for no other use but to carry his brace of damnations to the Style-yard, to add feuel to his lust, and he like a Parliament leacher, (for the ease of his bones) ambles after in a Sedan, and in this state he goes to the Lower bawdy House in the forenoone, and to the upper house to bath his lust in the afternoon, and at night to his adulterate bed of foul incontinency.
A Committee chosen by both Houses to consider with a Committee of the Common-Councel of the City (on purpose to prolong time till they have butchered more of his Majesties loyall Subjects) to juggle with the people, and make them beleeve they intend a Personal Treaty with his Majestie on purpose to stave them off, whilst they have hatched their Cockatrice egges in the Army, and then, No more addresses, No more Messages: They are weary it seems of sitting at westminster, and now would adjourn into the Cittie upon condition the City will secure them: I hope my Couzens the Cuckolds will have the wit to secure them, and make them answer to the Law too. But now I think on it, the Round heads are as guilty as any of the jugglers, knaves, fools and mad-men of Westminster, and will agree to any thing they propound, be it never so contrary to reason or sense: But Harry Veine, Ven, and their brethren would have my Couzens make a Paraphrase or Exposition upon certain words and phrases that the Saints understood not before, as where it is said, That they would defend His Majesties Royall Person, and the Parliament during the Treaty, according to their Covenant.
But hence rise the offence, The City would defend his Majesties Person before the Parliament, or would defend the King and not the Parliament, or defend the King after the Treaty, if they should not agree; But the City must engage forsooth to deliver up the Person of the King to them, if they shall not agree; and then to Prison again, to a remore secret place, that Rolf may do his office.