CAptaine Smith what newes is this that's stiring now in Court?

Newes said you, I heare of none to day.

I heard an inkling the last night, which makes me bold to in­quire of you if there were any that's certaine, you would heare it, I hope you are not offended.

Sir you are mistaken in me, I am not so soone offended unlesse it be with those Round-heads I have in custody, when they never leave bawling at me for bread and water, or to have a peeping hole, whereby to have the benefit of our Oxford aire yet Heaven knowes I have been so much used to it, as I have stop­ped my eares with a little hard hear [...]ednesse and let them call til their Soules fly to another World: I thinke I do them a better deed then to releeve them with some small pittance to keep them alive til they have gained their own Liberty. But by this meanes I have gained a divilish many of curses, both of the Fatherlesse and Widdowes. And now I talke of women it brings into my mind some newes I heard last night, which is the worst that ever came to Oxford, (unlesse the bumbasting news which came from Yorke, where we were beaten black and blew) but I will not tell it you unlesse you will sweare damnably you will not report it againe, as from me for tis keept mighty secret as yet it is concerning Mercurius Aulicus that renowned Oxonian (though a blasphe­mous and lying Pamphileteer) certainly you know him, tis he that writ of the Victories, that were obtained against the Round-Heads at Edghill, Lands-downe, and Taghill, Arundell-Castle, Charington-downe and Yorke, I will whisper this in his behalfe [Page 4]That at neither of these pieces we did not lose above one hundred men for their one man. Wherefore I conceive they were very remarkable victories, & be chose the most remarkable day in all the weeke for the studying of his rewes (by reason he could not so aptly studie untruths of no other day then that whereon he should be doing God better service) But alas, poore Aulicus is utterly ruinated, although he had a very significant title of the winged God and Court Messenger, for dispersing lyes with such winged speed through the kingdome; yet for his ambition, in aspi­ring above his reach, he is now with Icarus falne, silenc't by Britanicus, his body seized, and estate and Librarie seque­stred, to be disposed for charitable uses, to the two forrein Princes, Rupert and Maurice, towards the maintenance of our blood-thirstie plundering Religion, to the new Lord Iermyn, the Lo: Cottington and the Lo: Digby, and our va­liant welch and sore oppressed Cornish souldiers, to the end they may stoutly withstand his Maiesties faithful subiects who stand for his Parliament sitting at Westminster, & not endure that our cursed Hierarchie be brought to predesti­nated and deserved shame and ignominie. Prince Ruperts share in this benevolence, shall be payd to his Doctor for the Antidote he gave him to purge his luxurious body, and comfort his drooping spirit on the day of York b ttell, and two of the pamphlets (for him and his brother Maurice) which Aulicus writ in praise of their victories, to carry with them to Venus shrine in Venice, to shew their Ladies of pleasure when they are banished this Kingdome: The very abstracted quintessence of all his Mercuries, to that politique Head & Hisoaniolized Lord Don Diego Cotting­ton, whose c [...]st-downe looks tell us there is some fine Spa­nish trick hatching, to which the whore of Babylon shal be Mother. For the new-made Lord. Iermyn, here is no game [Page 5]for such Cock-Sparrowes in England, he shall have share in the two Crownes on the Frontispiece of Aulicus his Pasquill, to beare his charges till he comes to his old Lod­ging in the Queenes Armes at Paris. To the Lo: Digby (a bird of the same feather) all the seditious scandalous mat­ter that ever Aulicus head-piece hammer'd in the Anvill of his owne Coxcombe; that he, being a great Souldier, may act what the others little Head hath invented: To the valiant Welch, and oppressed Cornish souldlers, all the annuall profits which can be made of his estate and Li­brarie, shall be equally shared among them, to the end they may have some satisfaction, for that Aulicus hath not (according to his wonted course) in his spurious Li­bels made their names infamous (famous I would have said) for the glorious and most renowned Victorie lately obtained against Colonel Browne at Abbington: For which negligence, the Cornish women have Articled a­gainst him, and reckoned, up all his old Scores, arraig­ning him publiquely at their Tribunall at Brazen-Nose, alias Brazen-fac't Hall in Oxford. And truly, I can­not much blame the poore women for so doing, they having beene much abused in this businesse. For first, their Hu [...]bands are drawne from them by faire preten­ces and sugred words, that they shall goe no further then their owne Countrey, and yet have beene drilled to all the places before mentioned: and as for those great Victories they have gained neere their owne Countrey, especially that which our demy-God Greenvile obtained the other day against Plymouth, and yet never a day of Triumph for it, nor ever set forth by Aulicus, to their never-dying honour, and the comfort of their Wives and Children: wherefore they will no longer be thus fool'd (as they have beene) but make Aulicus exemplarie, by [Page 6]bringing him to such condigne punishment, as by the de­finitive sentence and verdict of thiteen Women shall be thought fit, feven of which shall be Cornish women, and the other six shall come from over the Mountaines in Wales, whose 13. husbands were reported by Aulicus (in his lying pamphlets) to be dead and alive 26 times during the siege of Gloster, where we gained another world for almost 2000. of our men we brought thither, and many witnesses are now come against him from severall parts of this Kingdome, namly from Cornwall, Somerset, and Oxford-shire. For that in Cornwall (tis true) we had an extraordinary Victory where we got Ordnance and some Ammunition, (but it was by treachery) which made Aulicus lie lowdly, for that he set forth it was gained with the losse of not above 100. men. Now here comes 200. women into the Court against him that lost their Hu bands in that fight, and demanded accompt of the o­verplus according to their reckoning.

(But Courtious Reader) what great misse will there be of all the Widdowes and Batchelers that were lost in the fight, (for doubtlesse they were not all married men) for procreation of male Children, to searue the King in this vncivill Civill Warre against his best Subjects.

in Sumerset-sheir and Mendisse we had a great victory there in compelling Colonell Cary to march out of Wels, we did but retreat so fall as we could run, Sir William Waller persuing us nine mile in the reare, yet then Aulicus in his pasquill set forth that we had not lost a­bove 10. men, and now there is come above 60. Maides that lost their best beloveds in that fight, and demanded accompt of their overplus as before mentioned.

In Oxford-shire we gained another great victory a­gainst [Page 7]Sir William Waller with the losse of not above six or seven men: and two horses, as Aulicus set forth in his lying pamphlet at most, and hear's 12 of his own kindred and 20 others, who hearing of his arraignment having lost in that fight their kindred and servants are all come to demand an accompt for the remainer being all gener­ally resolued to witnesse against him, and make exam­plary for his notorious abusing of al their Sex, which have caused them thus to proceed in iudgement against him.

1 For that his lying Libels stuft with nothing but de­ceitfull glozings, have tended to nought else, but to ani­mate and encourage their Husbands, and Friends to per­sist in this unnaturall war; They have therefore senten­ced him as followeth.

1 To stand in the Pillory three Market dayes in Oxford.

2 To have a Writing over his head in great Chara­cters, in these words, Woe be unto you Oxonian Libellers take warning by this President here before you, who hath so long walked in Egyptian darkenesse, til at last hee is brought here to loose his ears in this Wood of shame and reproach.

3 That hee shall beg forgivenesse (with all humility) for his so great and hainous offences against Mercurius Britanicus, & all others that have prosecuted againsthim.

4 That hee shall be utterly disabled from writing in darkenesse, and publishing in the light any more Libel­lous books for one yeere, during which terme he is to be in custody of those thirteen Women, who are to inflict fuch corporall punishment on him, as they in their wo­menly discretion shall thinke fit.

5 That before two moneths expiration he be cut of the simples, and his brains be taken out, washt in white wine, and put in againe.

6 That for every morning during the said time he have one messe of stewd broath made of the interlinings of fower Court Parazites, and the brains of 26. Oxford VVidgins boyled in the water of forgetfulnesse.

7 That hee may never hereafter have so much as one graiue of wit left him in his empty Hogshead (his brains being taken out and washt, as before is ordered) to scandalize those, whom, if he had any grace he is bound to honour.

Alas poore Aulicus, that ever any one man should so misdemean himselfe, as to come under the heavie censure of so many women; were it my case I would chuse rather to be hanged out of the way, then thus bee tormented at the discretion of women, they will plague him shrewdly.

Reader it had been better for him to have followed his old trade to blow the Organ bellows of Christ Col [...]edge) then thus aspyring to be a Court Pleaser, with pharisaicall stratagems, pleasing the itching ears of those who were instrusted with great honts in the Court and field, so to come to great preferment; in stead of which he is come to publick shame and infamy, his study was to publish very dangerous, and pestilent doctrine; and to no other end, then to augment the misunderstanding between the King and his Parliament: when as it is the duty of every faithfull subject to labour to bring them rightly to understand each other, that so there might be an end of this unhappy divisions. Let Au­licus know that is not the last censure he must undergoe (perhaps not in this life) but J am sure there is a day wil come wherein he must tender a strict account for every life that hath been lost. By reason of that encouragement he has given in his seditious Libels for the furtheranse of this unnatural war: there is no way for him to escape further censure, but by disclaiming al his former evil acts, & making publike recanta­tion answerable to the hainousnes of his several, & unparaleld offences, wher­in he hath notoriously abused both King & State, Prince & people, no good men have scaped the lashes of his scurrilous pen, especially for that insolent and audacious expression of his, which I feare ere long will procure him a shamefull, and sudden dispatch of a long errand to another world: Namely, that both the hanourable Houses of Parliament were but a pretended Parlia­ment: but now I hope by that time his 13. moneths dieting be expired, & his body brought down by his aforesaid physick, He will be glad to acknowledge them, what indeed they are, the true, lawfull, and absolute Parliament of this Kingdom: and it is my hearty prayers, that who ever are found guilty of such unheard of insolency, to spurn at the authority & power of this supream and Highest Court, as He hath done, may have the same reward at last, which by the known Laws of the Land is appointed for such capitall offenders: who prefer their base and mercenary ends before the welfare of three Kingdoms.